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1
00:00:06,037 --> 00:00:07,236
Hello?
2
00:00:07,304 --> 00:00:09,305
Oh, hi, Mr. dugan.
3
00:00:09,373 --> 00:00:10,874
Yeah, I have it
on my computer.
4
00:00:10,942 --> 00:00:11,908
I'll go pull it up.
5
00:00:11,976 --> 00:00:12,909
Hold on one second.
6
00:00:12,977 --> 00:00:14,845
Uh, honey?
This is my boss.
7
00:00:14,912 --> 00:00:15,696
Can you
finish folding
8
00:00:15,764 --> 00:00:17,146
the laundry for me?
Thanks.
9
00:01:31,823 --> 00:01:32,839
Oh, my God.
10
00:01:35,492 --> 00:01:37,927
Ok, sure. No problem, Mr. dugan.
11
00:01:37,995 --> 00:01:40,296
Ok, all right.
12
00:01:40,364 --> 00:01:41,598
I'll see you Monday.
13
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,867
Ok, bye-bye.
14
00:01:43,934 --> 00:01:44,868
You done already?
15
00:01:44,935 --> 00:01:46,370
Yeah,
it's what I do.
16
00:02:24,691 --> 00:02:27,643
Memo to all
dugan group employees:
17
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:29,277
As of the first
of November,
18
00:02:29,345 --> 00:02:31,647
all leases must be filed
under the tenants-
19
00:02:31,714 --> 00:02:32,747
darling, I got big news.
20
00:02:32,815 --> 00:02:35,200
Dad, you can't talk
while I'm working.
21
00:02:35,268 --> 00:02:37,336
And yet another one
of my basic human rights
22
00:02:37,404 --> 00:02:38,737
bites the dust.
23
00:02:40,140 --> 00:02:42,041
You just can't talk
while I'm doing this.
24
00:02:42,108 --> 00:02:44,126
Ok, it's this
new software I got.
25
00:02:44,193 --> 00:02:45,878
It types everything
that you say. Here.
26
00:02:45,945 --> 00:02:47,562
Say something.
27
00:02:48,632 --> 00:02:51,533
Testing. 1, 2, 3.
28
00:02:51,601 --> 00:02:53,335
It wrote it.
29
00:02:53,402 --> 00:02:56,105
It wrote,
"it wrote it."
30
00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:57,339
Yes, it did.
31
00:02:57,406 --> 00:02:58,373
It wrote,
"yes, it did."
32
00:02:58,441 --> 00:02:59,374
Ok, easy now.
33
00:02:59,442 --> 00:03:00,475
One more.
34
00:03:00,543 --> 00:03:01,393
Bosoms.
35
00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:02,911
Ok. End program.
Off.
36
00:03:02,979 --> 00:03:06,381
All right, dad. It says
up here on my work memo
37
00:03:06,449 --> 00:03:08,900
that you have
some big news.
38
00:03:08,968 --> 00:03:10,318
Yes, we're putting on
a theater night
39
00:03:10,386 --> 00:03:11,353
at the senior center,
40
00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:12,921
and I was able
to pull some strings
41
00:03:12,989 --> 00:03:16,157
and get you and Douglas
some seats right up front.
42
00:03:16,225 --> 00:03:19,744
Hmm.
43
00:03:19,812 --> 00:03:21,480
You know,
you never went
44
00:03:21,548 --> 00:03:24,249
to any of my plays
when I was a kid.
45
00:03:24,317 --> 00:03:25,534
Well, darling,
I was a little busy
46
00:03:25,601 --> 00:03:26,601
supporting you.
47
00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:30,188
And now I'm a little
busy supporting you.
48
00:03:30,257 --> 00:03:31,490
So, what's
the difference?
49
00:03:31,558 --> 00:03:33,075
The difference is
I have talent,
50
00:03:33,142 --> 00:03:36,244
and shame on you
for making me say it.
51
00:03:37,847 --> 00:03:39,114
Program on.
52
00:03:39,182 --> 00:03:40,616
All employees-
53
00:03:40,684 --> 00:03:42,334
hey, Tony threw
in 6 free garlic knots.
54
00:03:43,136 --> 00:03:46,504
I ate 5 in the car.
55
00:03:46,572 --> 00:03:48,073
I am starving.
56
00:03:48,141 --> 00:03:49,641
Wanna get
the plates?
57
00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:51,926
Plates? No, you eat
right out of the tin.
58
00:03:51,994 --> 00:03:52,927
It's better.
59
00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:54,129
You know, and then
in the home stretch,
60
00:03:54,197 --> 00:03:56,365
you fold it into a funnel,
and you drink the sauce.
61
00:03:56,432 --> 00:03:58,767
It's good.
62
00:04:03,172 --> 00:04:05,106
Is this
all the bags?
63
00:04:05,174 --> 00:04:06,675
Yeah,
what's the matter?
64
00:04:06,709 --> 00:04:08,977
Um, my dinner's
not in here.
65
00:04:09,045 --> 00:04:10,312
What?
66
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,648
Yeah. Look, no eggplant
parm. No salad.
67
00:04:12,716 --> 00:04:14,616
You're kidding me.
68
00:04:14,684 --> 00:04:16,985
That blows.
69
00:04:17,053 --> 00:04:18,870
Yeah, I have
no dinner,
70
00:04:18,938 --> 00:04:21,289
and that does blow,
so...
71
00:04:22,925 --> 00:04:24,859
You want
the last garlic knot?
72
00:04:24,927 --> 00:04:27,846
No. I want you
to get my food.
73
00:04:27,913 --> 00:04:29,681
Fine.
74
00:04:29,748 --> 00:04:30,482
Oh, I'm sorry, Doug.
75
00:04:30,549 --> 00:04:32,367
Forgive me
for having to eat.
76
00:04:32,435 --> 00:04:34,302
I just said I would go.
77
00:04:34,370 --> 00:04:37,005
No, I know, but this
is so typical of you.
78
00:04:37,073 --> 00:04:38,207
What?
79
00:04:38,275 --> 00:04:40,192
You don't give a crap
about anybody but yourself.
80
00:04:40,259 --> 00:04:41,777
Oh, please.
What about last week?
81
00:04:41,845 --> 00:04:42,878
You forgot
my cheesecake
82
00:04:42,945 --> 00:04:44,580
from the
cheesecake factory.
83
00:04:44,647 --> 00:04:46,281
Ok? So why don't you
take a little bus ride
84
00:04:46,349 --> 00:04:49,034
back to shuttytown?
85
00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:52,704
I would, but you
probably ate my ticket.
86
00:04:52,772 --> 00:04:55,473
Ah, that's-
that's funny,
87
00:04:55,541 --> 00:04:56,474
'cause I eat
everything.
88
00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:57,475
Well, you know what,
right now,
89
00:04:57,543 --> 00:04:58,543
I'm eating my dinner.
90
00:04:58,611 --> 00:05:02,414
Yeah, mmm,
and it's so good.
91
00:05:02,482 --> 00:05:04,883
Mmm. Very good.
92
00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:06,318
Oh, yeah?
I love it.
93
00:05:06,386 --> 00:05:07,619
How's it now,
chunky?
94
00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:09,771
Hey, hey!
95
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,208
Piney-fresh, mmm.
96
00:05:13,275 --> 00:05:16,795
Mmm, mmm.
97
00:05:16,862 --> 00:05:17,946
Aah!
98
00:05:21,351 --> 00:05:24,353
You can't stop me.
99
00:05:30,293 --> 00:05:32,878
Hey, I want to talk
to you about last night.
100
00:05:32,945 --> 00:05:34,513
Please, not
the fruit loops.
101
00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:36,080
No.
102
00:05:36,148 --> 00:05:38,466
I'm not mad anymore.
103
00:05:38,534 --> 00:05:40,468
Look at this.
104
00:05:40,536 --> 00:05:42,203
Oh, what is this?
105
00:05:42,271 --> 00:05:44,306
Well,
my computer was on,
106
00:05:44,374 --> 00:05:45,540
and that new program
107
00:05:45,608 --> 00:05:47,643
transcribed
our entire fight,
108
00:05:47,710 --> 00:05:49,444
all 2 hours of it.
109
00:05:49,512 --> 00:05:50,912
Really?
Yeah.
110
00:05:50,980 --> 00:05:53,365
When did I say,
"bosoms"?
111
00:05:53,432 --> 00:05:54,632
No, no, no.
112
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:57,152
The fight starts here,
and I gotta tell ya,
113
00:05:57,220 --> 00:05:58,954
there's some pretty
rough stuff here.
114
00:05:59,021 --> 00:06:00,521
Hmm. Where?
115
00:06:00,589 --> 00:06:03,675
Ah, ok, like-
like here,
116
00:06:03,742 --> 00:06:06,978
where I said, "didn't you
notice the bag was too light?"
117
00:06:07,046 --> 00:06:10,948
And you said,
"you have no friends."
118
00:06:11,016 --> 00:06:13,384
Yeah,
but then you said,
119
00:06:13,452 --> 00:06:14,853
"at least I'm not
a massive failure,"
120
00:06:14,921 --> 00:06:16,788
so you really
answered the bell.
121
00:06:16,856 --> 00:06:17,856
Doug, come on,
122
00:06:17,924 --> 00:06:19,257
this isn't funny.
I mean, look.
123
00:06:19,324 --> 00:06:23,277
Here's where we threaten to
run each over with our cars.
124
00:06:23,345 --> 00:06:24,913
And now we're having
fruit loops together.
125
00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:26,347
It's a storybook ending.
Come here, baby.
126
00:06:26,415 --> 00:06:27,816
No, Doug! Come on!
127
00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:29,884
Come on. You're making a
big deal out of nothing.
128
00:06:29,952 --> 00:06:31,085
It was one bad fight.
129
00:06:31,153 --> 00:06:32,420
No, actually,
it's-
130
00:06:32,571 --> 00:06:35,173
it's like this
all the time now.
131
00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:37,592
I tell you what, leave the
computer on. Let it record us.
132
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:40,228
You'll see that this fight.
- It was a fluke.
133
00:06:40,295 --> 00:06:42,196
No, Doug, if
the computer's on,
134
00:06:42,264 --> 00:06:44,733
then we'll be on
our best behavior.
135
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,768
Carrie is an ass!
136
00:06:46,836 --> 00:06:48,486
Oh, yeah? Well, you can
say whatever you want,
137
00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:49,754
because you are still
an inconsiderate-
138
00:06:49,821 --> 00:06:50,922
yeah,
but you're an ass!
139
00:06:50,989 --> 00:06:51,989
Selfish... you're
an ass! Ass, ass, ass!
140
00:06:52,058 --> 00:06:53,525
Carrie's an ass!
Stupid, stupid!
141
00:06:57,063 --> 00:07:00,165
Ok, all that's missing
is gunfire.
142
00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:03,368
I gotta tell ya,
I'm a little worried
143
00:07:03,436 --> 00:07:04,635
about where
we're headed,
144
00:07:04,703 --> 00:07:05,870
and if we don't do
something about this, I mean,
145
00:07:05,938 --> 00:07:08,606
maybe we can use some professional help.
146
00:07:08,674 --> 00:07:11,309
You mean-
you mean like therapy?
147
00:07:11,377 --> 00:07:14,012
Yeah. We are talking about
saving our marriage here.
148
00:07:14,079 --> 00:07:15,547
I know, it's just-
149
00:07:15,615 --> 00:07:20,802
I don't want to throw money
down a rathole.
150
00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:23,972
Hey, you know our
new neighbor Glenn
151
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,307
who just moved
across the street?
152
00:07:25,374 --> 00:07:27,108
He's a marriage
counselor.
153
00:07:27,176 --> 00:07:29,744
I'm going to take marriage advice
from a guy who jogs in jeans.
154
00:07:29,812 --> 00:07:31,129
No, that's
not Glenn.
155
00:07:31,197 --> 00:07:32,764
I don't get it, man. I walk
up a flight of stairs in jeans,
156
00:07:32,832 --> 00:07:33,765
my legs are all raw.
157
00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:36,567
Ok, let's focus,
let's focus, ok?
158
00:07:36,635 --> 00:07:38,386
What do we do? Do we
ask this guy for help?
159
00:07:38,453 --> 00:07:40,822
I mean, then we
gotta pay him then.
160
00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:43,124
No, no. We'll just invite
him over for, like, you know,
161
00:07:43,192 --> 00:07:44,726
"welcome to the
neighborhood" type thing,
162
00:07:44,793 --> 00:07:47,528
and then we just pick
his brain a little bit.
163
00:07:49,765 --> 00:07:51,733
Ok.
Yeah?
164
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:52,734
Thank you,
honey.
165
00:07:52,801 --> 00:07:54,402
Right.
166
00:07:54,469 --> 00:07:55,403
What do you want
to do for dinner?
167
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,338
Um, you wanna
get take-out?
168
00:07:57,406 --> 00:07:59,440
Hmm. That's
a powder keg.
169
00:08:03,345 --> 00:08:05,730
We'll be doing
a scene from the gin game,
170
00:08:05,798 --> 00:08:07,916
and whoever wins
the part of fonsia
171
00:08:07,983 --> 00:08:10,919
should be prepared for the most
physically and emotionally grueling
172
00:08:10,986 --> 00:08:12,687
8 days of your life.
173
00:08:15,474 --> 00:08:19,744
Now, minna, how married
are you to the oxygen tank?
174
00:08:19,812 --> 00:08:23,481
Well, I really
need it to breathe.
175
00:08:24,584 --> 00:08:28,620
Looks like we
have ourselves a diva.
176
00:08:28,688 --> 00:08:32,807
Arthur, we've been standing
for an awfully long time.
177
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:36,677
Is it possible that we could
take a seat for a moment?
178
00:08:36,745 --> 00:08:40,081
Oh, you know
where they have seats?
179
00:08:40,149 --> 00:08:41,883
At the unemployment office.
180
00:08:41,951 --> 00:08:43,084
Hit the bricks!
181
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:47,939
Arthur, you know,
I played fonsia
182
00:08:48,006 --> 00:08:50,775
at the fresh meadows
community playhouse.
183
00:08:50,876 --> 00:08:52,894
Oh, fresh meadows.
184
00:08:52,962 --> 00:08:55,563
I don't have time to break
you of your bad habits!
185
00:08:55,631 --> 00:08:57,148
Get out!
186
00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:02,937
Now, you do understand,
there may be some tasteful,
187
00:09:03,005 --> 00:09:05,206
but full-frontal nudity.
188
00:09:11,614 --> 00:09:14,331
That's my fonsia.
189
00:09:21,139 --> 00:09:23,241
So, when we saw your
garbage cans knocked over,
190
00:09:23,309 --> 00:09:25,293
we just knew we had
to do something.
191
00:09:25,361 --> 00:09:26,594
Yeah, so I just
rushed over there
192
00:09:26,662 --> 00:09:27,411
and started cleaning up
the trash,
193
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:28,796
and what pops out
of one of the cans?
194
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:30,198
A raccoon.
195
00:09:30,266 --> 00:09:32,066
And this one,
terrified of raccoons.
196
00:09:32,134 --> 00:09:33,368
You know,
it's the people hands,
197
00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:37,455
they freak me out.
They really do.
198
00:09:37,522 --> 00:09:38,974
Well, I'm new
on the block,
199
00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:41,309
and I really appreciate
you looking out for me.
200
00:09:41,377 --> 00:09:42,577
Oh, that's what
neighbors are for,
201
00:09:42,644 --> 00:09:44,762
to help each other out.
For free.
202
00:09:46,148 --> 00:09:48,149
Besides, we were
up anyway having one
203
00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:49,650
of our vicious
marital fights.
204
00:09:49,718 --> 00:09:52,420
Oh, yeah. We've been known to
lace up the heinie-kicking boots.
205
00:09:52,488 --> 00:09:54,755
Heh heh.
206
00:09:54,823 --> 00:09:57,926
Oh, you know, I happen to be a
marriage and family therapist.
207
00:09:57,993 --> 00:09:58,609
Shut up.
208
00:09:58,677 --> 00:10:00,178
No, really.
It's true.
209
00:10:00,246 --> 00:10:01,829
Look, I don't know
what you are,
210
00:10:01,897 --> 00:10:04,949
but you certainly do fill
out a pair of jogging jeans.
211
00:10:05,016 --> 00:10:06,051
It's not him.
212
00:10:06,118 --> 00:10:07,252
Listen,
213
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,487
if you ever need a
little informal advice,
214
00:10:09,554 --> 00:10:10,989
I'd be happy to
help you out-
215
00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:11,789
that'd be great.
Just read over this.
216
00:10:11,857 --> 00:10:13,341
Yeah, when you're
done with that,
217
00:10:13,409 --> 00:10:15,343
there's more over there.
We're gonna put some coffee on.
218
00:10:27,287 --> 00:10:29,288
Pretty bad, huh?
219
00:10:29,356 --> 00:10:30,256
Uh-huh.
220
00:10:33,077 --> 00:10:34,811
But you've
seen worse, right?
221
00:10:34,878 --> 00:10:37,614
Not much worse, no.
222
00:10:37,681 --> 00:10:39,082
Look, look, look.
The thing is,
223
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,484
we don't want to be
like this anymore.
224
00:10:40,551 --> 00:10:41,784
Can you help us?
225
00:10:41,852 --> 00:10:43,102
What you have
to understand is
226
00:10:43,170 --> 00:10:45,605
fighting is a part
of any relationship,
227
00:10:45,673 --> 00:10:47,641
but you must do it
in a healthy way.
228
00:10:47,709 --> 00:10:50,076
Now, I'm gonna give
you some strategies
229
00:10:50,144 --> 00:10:52,011
so you can contain
the conflict,
230
00:10:52,079 --> 00:10:53,547
erect
some firewalls-
231
00:10:53,614 --> 00:10:55,315
erect.
232
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,451
You're right.
He's a -
233
00:10:58,519 --> 00:10:59,452
ok, shut up, idiot.
234
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:00,453
You shut up.
235
00:11:00,521 --> 00:11:01,370
This is good.
236
00:11:01,438 --> 00:11:03,056
Let's-let's
work with this.
237
00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:04,791
Doug, how did it
make you feel
238
00:11:04,858 --> 00:11:07,026
when Carrie just
called you an idiot?
239
00:11:07,094 --> 00:11:08,678
Mad.
240
00:11:08,746 --> 00:11:10,947
Oh...
241
00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:12,882
And sad.
242
00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:15,952
We call words
like that "escalators,"
243
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:18,821
because they take the
conflict to another level.
244
00:11:18,889 --> 00:11:20,640
Oh, like going
on an escalator.
245
00:11:20,708 --> 00:11:22,442
Very good, Doug.
Very good.
246
00:11:22,510 --> 00:11:24,044
Yeah.
247
00:11:24,111 --> 00:11:27,481
Left unchecked, these words
can turn a simple disagreement
248
00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:30,550
into a hurtful, even
a violent encounter,
249
00:11:30,618 --> 00:11:33,520
like you two had
about the ketchup
250
00:11:33,588 --> 00:11:37,023
last Wednesday
and this morning.
251
00:11:37,091 --> 00:11:41,177
She knows I don't
like the upside-down top.
252
00:11:41,245 --> 00:11:42,995
Ok.
253
00:11:43,063 --> 00:11:44,564
Upside-down jelly you
have no problem with,
254
00:11:44,631 --> 00:11:47,300
but ketchup,
you go ballistic.
255
00:11:47,368 --> 00:11:48,834
Ok, 'cause the water
collects at the top,
256
00:11:48,902 --> 00:11:49,936
and the fact that
you don't know that
257
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:54,140
just shows
how stupid you are.
258
00:12:01,165 --> 00:12:04,183
I had a little money,
but with the hospital bills
259
00:12:04,251 --> 00:12:06,352
and trying
to look after myself,
260
00:12:06,420 --> 00:12:09,355
plus I still had that
little house on ash street-
261
00:12:09,423 --> 00:12:11,390
stop! Stop! Stop!
This isn't working.
262
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:14,728
Oh... what's wrong?
263
00:12:14,795 --> 00:12:16,897
Your performance.
It's all surface.
264
00:12:16,964 --> 00:12:18,431
I don't believe
a word of it.
265
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,501
Yeah,
well, I'm trying.
266
00:12:21,569 --> 00:12:24,504
I- I-i just don't know
what you want from me.
267
00:12:24,572 --> 00:12:26,239
I want truth!
268
00:12:26,306 --> 00:12:29,643
Fonsia's in pain, and
you've got to show that.
269
00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:30,543
But how?
270
00:12:30,611 --> 00:12:32,979
We need
a sense memory.
271
00:12:33,046 --> 00:12:34,214
Ok.
272
00:12:34,281 --> 00:12:37,350
Tell me your most painful
childhood experience.
273
00:12:37,418 --> 00:12:39,152
I'd rather not.
274
00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:40,620
If you're not willing
to do the work,
275
00:12:40,688 --> 00:12:44,357
I'll play both parts in a
gender-bending tour de force!
276
00:12:47,361 --> 00:12:53,300
All right,
all right. Um...
277
00:12:53,367 --> 00:12:55,702
It was
my fifth birthday,
278
00:12:55,770 --> 00:13:00,239
and my mother said she
was having a party for me.
279
00:13:00,308 --> 00:13:04,977
So I brought all my
friends home from school,
280
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:07,880
but when we walked
in the door,
281
00:13:07,948 --> 00:13:09,683
there was mother,
282
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:15,121
stinking drunk and
passed out on the couch.
283
00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:17,890
There was no party,
no cake,
284
00:13:17,958 --> 00:13:21,361
oh, I wanted to die!
285
00:13:21,429 --> 00:13:27,867
And I never, never
celebrated my birthday again.
286
00:13:32,839 --> 00:13:35,007
What else you got?
287
00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:45,034
Hey.
Hey.
288
00:13:45,102 --> 00:13:46,452
Did you make
your list?
289
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:47,687
What list?
290
00:13:47,755 --> 00:13:48,738
Of escalator words.
291
00:13:48,805 --> 00:13:50,456
Gotcha!
Got it right here.
292
00:13:50,524 --> 00:13:51,992
All right,
let me get mine.
293
00:13:52,059 --> 00:13:53,426
Ok.
All right.
294
00:13:53,494 --> 00:13:54,660
Let's save us
a marriage.
295
00:13:54,728 --> 00:13:56,029
Yeah.
296
00:13:56,097 --> 00:13:58,899
Hey, where's Glenn
to see that?
297
00:13:58,966 --> 00:14:00,166
Ok, you mind
if I start?
298
00:14:00,234 --> 00:14:01,167
Fire away.
299
00:14:01,235 --> 00:14:02,568
All right.
300
00:14:02,636 --> 00:14:04,170
Now, I know it's the
heat-of-the-moment thing
301
00:14:04,238 --> 00:14:05,538
and you really
don't mean it,
302
00:14:05,606 --> 00:14:08,241
but I'm going to have to
get the ball rolling with...
303
00:14:08,309 --> 00:14:09,909
Slut.
304
00:14:09,976 --> 00:14:11,878
What? I've never
called you slut.
305
00:14:11,945 --> 00:14:13,513
Oh, no?
Ok. Here you go.
306
00:14:13,581 --> 00:14:15,815
I highlighted them
for you.
307
00:14:15,883 --> 00:14:20,319
Here, here, here,
here, and here.
308
00:14:20,387 --> 00:14:21,805
Actually, that one's
supposed to be skank,
309
00:14:21,872 --> 00:14:22,756
but you know what?
They're both gone.
310
00:14:22,823 --> 00:14:24,674
Ok, good.
All right.
311
00:14:24,741 --> 00:14:25,542
All right.
312
00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:26,659
What do you got?
313
00:14:26,761 --> 00:14:28,528
Ok, here's
my first word.
314
00:14:28,596 --> 00:14:29,995
Fat.
315
00:14:31,516 --> 00:14:32,682
Fat.
316
00:14:32,750 --> 00:14:34,267
In all its forms.
Fatty, fat guy,
317
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:35,835
fat sajak.
318
00:14:37,271 --> 00:14:40,172
Wow.
319
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,358
What's the matter?
320
00:14:41,425 --> 00:14:42,541
Nothing. It's just
that you're really
321
00:14:42,609 --> 00:14:46,479
chopping me off
at the knees here.
322
00:14:46,546 --> 00:14:47,613
You know, keep fat,
that's fine,
323
00:14:47,681 --> 00:14:48,781
'cause I can slip a slut
right back in a holster.
324
00:14:48,849 --> 00:14:50,150
All right, all right,
fine, fine. It's gone.
325
00:14:50,217 --> 00:14:52,152
It's gone.
326
00:14:52,219 --> 00:14:53,353
Ok, what else
you got?
327
00:14:53,420 --> 00:14:56,373
All right. Dumb-ass,
dumb-as-ass, grandma.
328
00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:00,627
Package donkey, elasto
pants, beaver teeth.
329
00:15:00,694 --> 00:15:04,464
She-beast, Dracula,
Hitler junior.
330
00:15:04,532 --> 00:15:07,133
Blob, the blob,
blob barker,
331
00:15:07,201 --> 00:15:10,837
blobba the hut,
and rub-a-dub-chub.
332
00:15:10,905 --> 00:15:13,456
Why don't we
just exchange lists?
333
00:15:13,524 --> 00:15:15,641
Oh, ok.
Ok?
334
00:15:15,709 --> 00:15:16,642
I feel really good
about this.
335
00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:18,044
Me, too.
Yeah.
336
00:15:20,181 --> 00:15:21,314
Oh, wow, I
gotta get going.
337
00:15:21,382 --> 00:15:22,782
What?
Where're you going?
338
00:15:22,850 --> 00:15:23,917
I told the guys I'd watch the met game
339
00:15:23,984 --> 00:15:25,084
with them
down at Cooper's.
340
00:15:25,152 --> 00:15:26,369
I already
started dinner.
341
00:15:26,437 --> 00:15:27,720
I left you a message
on your cell phone.
342
00:15:27,955 --> 00:15:29,956
And you know I never check
my cell phone messages.
343
00:15:30,024 --> 00:15:31,140
Well, whose fault
is that?
344
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:33,476
Doug, again.
Already started dinner.
345
00:15:33,544 --> 00:15:35,795
Whoa, are we about to have a fight here?
346
00:15:36,847 --> 00:15:38,230
Yes, I think so.
347
00:15:38,466 --> 00:15:39,683
Ok, now what did
Glenn say if we're-
348
00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:41,417
if we're gonna
have a disagreement,
349
00:15:41,485 --> 00:15:43,853
we're supposed to write
it down on an index card
350
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:45,321
and then pin it
to the board.
351
00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:47,206
That's right,
and then in 24 hours,
352
00:15:47,274 --> 00:15:49,609
if it's still a problem,
we revisit the issue
353
00:15:49,677 --> 00:15:51,177
from a less emotionally
charged place.
354
00:15:51,244 --> 00:15:52,345
There you go.
I got the cards.
355
00:15:52,412 --> 00:15:53,430
I'm gonna
get the pin.
356
00:15:53,497 --> 00:15:54,931
Ok.
357
00:15:54,998 --> 00:15:59,853
Blowing...
Off... dinner.
358
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,187
There we go.
359
00:16:01,254 --> 00:16:03,139
Gimme the pin.
360
00:16:03,206 --> 00:16:05,575
Perfect.
Ok.
361
00:16:05,643 --> 00:16:07,510
There we go.
362
00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:09,279
All right. Good for us, huh?
363
00:16:09,346 --> 00:16:10,880
Yeah.
All right.
364
00:16:10,947 --> 00:16:12,565
I'll see ya.
365
00:16:18,722 --> 00:16:20,123
No, Betty,
it's not you.
366
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:24,744
We need a new play. The gin
game is just not clicking.
367
00:16:24,812 --> 00:16:29,115
I was thinking we try
the elephant man.
368
00:16:29,182 --> 00:16:32,719
How do you feel about working
with a sack over your head?
369
00:16:34,455 --> 00:16:36,589
See, I don't know what
she's so upset about.
370
00:16:36,657 --> 00:16:37,690
As far as
I'm concerned,
371
00:16:37,758 --> 00:16:38,825
your system's
working great.
372
00:16:38,892 --> 00:16:40,393
Yeah, it's working
great for you
373
00:16:40,461 --> 00:16:41,994
because you're doing
all the bad stuff,
374
00:16:42,062 --> 00:16:43,028
you idiot.
375
00:16:43,096 --> 00:16:45,999
Carrie.
376
00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:47,784
Well, I'm sorry, but
it's only been a week
377
00:16:47,852 --> 00:16:48,968
and look
at all of these!
378
00:16:49,036 --> 00:16:50,770
Uh, broke
Carrie's iPod,
379
00:16:50,838 --> 00:16:51,938
drunk at Carrie's
office party,
380
00:16:52,006 --> 00:16:53,439
left Arthur
in bathtub.
381
00:16:53,507 --> 00:16:56,943
This one just says "fire." I
don't even know what that means!
382
00:16:57,011 --> 00:16:58,461
Hey, if she's still
mad about something,
383
00:16:58,529 --> 00:17:00,863
it's her job to bring it
up the next day, not mine.
384
00:17:00,931 --> 00:17:03,683
Yes, but by then, he's
done 5 more stupid things.
385
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:05,318
I can't keep up.
386
00:17:05,386 --> 00:17:07,603
Oh, you've done plenty
of stuff yourself.
387
00:17:07,671 --> 00:17:08,722
Let's see what
you've got here.
388
00:17:08,789 --> 00:17:09,723
Uh, oh,
here we go.
389
00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,424
Here's one right
here, huh?
390
00:17:11,491 --> 00:17:13,442
"Bought wrong frosting."
391
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:14,393
Guilty!
392
00:17:14,461 --> 00:17:15,711
Yeah. I got a grown woman on my hands
393
00:17:15,779 --> 00:17:16,979
who doesn't know the
difference between chocolate
394
00:17:17,047 --> 00:17:20,199
and chocolate fudge!
395
00:17:20,267 --> 00:17:22,218
Well, if you
hated it so much,
396
00:17:22,285 --> 00:17:23,720
why don't you
explain to Glenn
397
00:17:23,787 --> 00:17:25,988
how you cut your
tongue on the can?!
398
00:17:26,056 --> 00:17:27,157
Guys, guys!
399
00:17:27,224 --> 00:17:28,007
She's not
following the rules.
400
00:17:28,075 --> 00:17:29,726
Oh, stop
sucking up to him,
401
00:17:29,794 --> 00:17:31,394
you fudge-eating
moron.
402
00:17:31,461 --> 00:17:32,962
Ooh.
403
00:17:33,030 --> 00:17:35,064
Escalator words. Those
are escalator words.
404
00:17:35,132 --> 00:17:35,898
Is that an
escalator word?
405
00:17:35,966 --> 00:17:38,685
Oh, really, oh, I'm sorry, fat sajak.
406
00:17:38,752 --> 00:17:41,187
You fat, beaver-toothed,
package donkey!
407
00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:44,757
Oh, yeah, well, I got 2 words for you:
408
00:17:44,825 --> 00:17:47,427
Bo and tox!
409
00:17:47,495 --> 00:17:49,395
2.
410
00:17:56,003 --> 00:17:57,504
Hello.
411
00:17:57,571 --> 00:17:59,339
Hi.
412
00:17:59,406 --> 00:18:02,141
Could you give this transcript
back to Doug and Carrie?
413
00:18:02,209 --> 00:18:05,077
I don't want it
in my house anymore.
414
00:18:14,071 --> 00:18:15,921
Oh, who's there?
415
00:18:15,990 --> 00:18:16,922
Othello.
416
00:18:16,991 --> 00:18:18,941
Aye, desdemona.
417
00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:22,611
Oh, will you come
to my bed, my lord?
418
00:18:22,679 --> 00:18:25,281
Have you prayed
tonight, desdemona?
419
00:18:25,349 --> 00:18:26,516
Aye, my lord.
420
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:28,284
It is too late.
421
00:18:28,352 --> 00:18:29,285
Oh.
422
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,773
Oh, great. We're late.
It's already started.
423
00:18:33,841 --> 00:18:35,441
I told you to take
queens boulevard.
424
00:18:35,509 --> 00:18:36,709
I'm a driver, remember?
425
00:18:36,777 --> 00:18:39,278
Yes. I'm reminded every
time I see your paycheck.
426
00:18:48,422 --> 00:18:50,223
A little help.
427
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:51,558
Oh...
428
00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:53,460
She's all right.
429
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:06,739
Ok, next up, we have Arthur
spooner and Betty horowitz
430
00:19:06,807 --> 00:19:09,942
doing a scene entitled
the lovers...
431
00:19:10,010 --> 00:19:12,779
Question mark?
432
00:19:15,149 --> 00:19:18,134
Tony threw in
6 free garlic knots.
433
00:19:18,202 --> 00:19:21,137
I ate 5 in the car.
434
00:19:21,205 --> 00:19:22,588
Is that all the bags?
435
00:19:22,656 --> 00:19:24,640
Yeah. What's the matter?
436
00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:26,109
Well, my dinner's
not here.
437
00:19:26,176 --> 00:19:27,143
What?!
438
00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:29,712
See? No eggplant parm,
no salad.
439
00:19:29,779 --> 00:19:31,814
Are you kidding me?
That blows!
440
00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:33,782
Yeah.
441
00:19:35,502 --> 00:19:37,587
Did we
see this play?
442
00:19:39,890 --> 00:19:41,658
No, stupid, it's
not a play. It's us.
443
00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:43,058
He must have
the transcripts.
444
00:19:43,126 --> 00:19:45,277
You know, it'd be nice
445
00:19:45,345 --> 00:19:50,282
if you gave a crap about someone
besides yourself just once!
446
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:52,518
Oh, please!
How about last week?
447
00:19:52,586 --> 00:19:56,222
You forgot my cheesecake
from the cheesecake factory!
448
00:19:56,289 --> 00:19:59,826
How about you take a little
bus ride back to shuttytown?
449
00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:05,665
Ok, he's going right from
here to the nursing home.
450
00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:09,836
Done, and we're not even gonna take
him to dairy queen like we promised.
451
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:13,105
Hey, don't
punish me.
452
00:20:13,957 --> 00:20:16,675
Well, how does it
taste now, chunky?
453
00:20:16,743 --> 00:20:20,679
Piney-fresh, just like
Christmas dinner!
454
00:20:24,268 --> 00:20:26,536
I can't believe
you sprayed my food.
455
00:20:26,603 --> 00:20:28,704
I can't believe
you ate it.
456
00:20:28,772 --> 00:20:30,990
You liked it?
Well, try this.
457
00:20:31,058 --> 00:20:32,425
Hey! Hey!
458
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,193
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
459
00:20:34,261 --> 00:20:37,413
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Oh, yeah! There!
460
00:20:38,799 --> 00:20:42,535
Look, I'm sorry about
everything, all right?
461
00:20:42,603 --> 00:20:43,869
Me, too.
462
00:20:43,937 --> 00:20:45,605
Oh, yeah?
463
00:20:45,673 --> 00:20:48,825
I wish I had a shovel right
now so I could dig your grave!
464
00:20:48,892 --> 00:20:53,295
Hey, why don't you use the
one you eat ice cream with?
465
00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:56,432
Oh, that's clever.
466
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,217
Here's a thought...
467
00:20:58,285 --> 00:20:59,652
Puhhht!
468
00:21:04,892 --> 00:21:08,495
We have nothing to fear
but fear itself.
469
00:21:11,732 --> 00:21:15,835
It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times.
470
00:21:18,906 --> 00:21:20,206
Bosoms.
471
00:21:21,909 --> 00:21:24,276
Ha!
32434
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