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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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2x05 - Rumspringa
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- This is your fault.
- I told you I'm sorry.
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What happened, honey?
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This jackass turned the back
of my Corolla into an accordion.
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What's your name? Keselowski?
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These immigrants can't drive.
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- I'm from Detroit.
- What do they know about cars?
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I-I'm sorry.
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00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,633
- Are you Brad Keselowski?
- Yeah.
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- The NASCAR champion?
- That's me.
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Honey, you got into a car accident
with Brad Keselowski?
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I don't care who he is.
He can't drive for shit.
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Actually, he can.
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He drives the number 2
Miller Lite Ford Fusion
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in the sprint cup series for Penske.
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He also writes the cutest
tweets when he's racing.
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That's not easy to do
at 200 mile an hour.
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00:00:42,067 --> 00:00:45,067
Hey, listen, Brad, I'm
really sorry my mom hit you.
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Yeah, it's a thrill to meet you, Brad.
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And once again, I'm sorry about my wife.
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She's never been good behind the wheel.
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I didn't hit him!
He hit me!
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00:00:53,067 --> 00:00:54,467
So, you're asking us to believe
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00:00:54,502 --> 00:00:56,300
that the NASCAR champion
got in an accident
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with a lady of asian persuasion,
and she was not at fault?
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Good luck proving that in court.
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Really, guys, I'm a terrible driver.
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This is my eighth accident this year,
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and my insurance premiums
are through the roof.
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Is there any way we can just settle
this in cash like real Americans?
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I'm gonna need a new rear
quarter panel. That's $450.
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00:01:15,733 --> 00:01:18,467
A new bumper ... $275.
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Matching paint ... that's
about 18 hours of labor
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at $95 an hour, which brings it to ...
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- $2,629.80.
- You're right.
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The asian woman's a good driver
and the NASCAR guy can do math.
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This is a good day to die.
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- Again, ma'am, I'm really sorry.
- No, it's okay.
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But you better come to the bank with me.
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I want to make sure this clears.
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He's a NASCAR champion.
It's gonna clear.
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He looks too skinny to trust.
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- Okay. Let's go.
- Hey, ma'am, really quick ...
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Can you teach me how parallel park?
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Oh, that's easy.
You just bounce between the cars.
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Oh, so you do it that way, too?
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ MY-SUBS.com ~
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Susan. A package came for you.
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00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:27,000
Oh, good. I was waiting for this.
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00:02:27,033 --> 00:02:28,367
So, what'd you buy?
51
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:32,500
Another book on how to
be a below-average mother?
52
00:02:32,533 --> 00:02:35,500
No. For your information,
I bought some toothpaste.
53
00:02:35,533 --> 00:02:38,900
What kind of idiot buys
toothpaste through the mail?
54
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:41,400
I buy everything this way.
It's cheaper on the internet.
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The only problem for you
is you need a credit card.
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00:02:43,968 --> 00:02:45,367
Oh, then forget it.
57
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,900
Credit cards are a
one-way ticket to debt.
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00:02:47,933 --> 00:02:51,233
They're for stupid Americans
to buy stuff they can't afford,
59
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and that's why I don't
have a credit card,
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and that's why America
is China's little bitch.
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Good day, sir.
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Is this Sullivan & Son ...
the place of sin and lager?
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say
this is your first time in a bar.
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I'm in the big city for my Rumspringa.
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What's a Rumspringa?
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00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:15,900
It's how Amish youth test
our commitment to our faith.
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At a certain age, we leave our community
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to learn about the modern world ...
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you know, drinking, drugs, sex.
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Have a seat.
The professor's in.
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Yep. Those who can't do, teach.
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Look at your beautiful ebony skin!
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I'm sorry. You're just the
first black man I've ever seen.
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Someone's lived a charmed life.
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You know, I've always been a fan
of the Rumspringa thing.
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I think before you settle down,
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everybody should cut loose
and sow their wild oats.
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I myself had my own Rumspringa.
It started in 1978, and...
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I'm still on it.
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00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:05,367
You must be Carol Walsh.
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00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,100
- I am.
- I'm Ruth.
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Years ago, you helped my father,
Jedediah, through his Rumspringa.
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Jedediah.
Oh, I remember him.
84
00:04:17,433 --> 00:04:20,367
My father told me to
come here and find you.
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You were so good in helping
him through his Rumspringa.
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He thought you might be
willing to help me through mine.
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Oh, I'd love to.
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Oh, this is gonna be fun.
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Oh, I have a list here of
everything I want to accomplish.
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00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:36,933
- What's that one?
- Oh, use a curse word in public.
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00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:38,933
Oh, we can knock that out right now.
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- Go for it.
- Here?
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Of course, honey. It's a bar.
This is the perfect place.
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Shit!
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Fantastic.
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All right, moving on.
What else you got here?
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00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:54,767
Uh, use electricity,
go to a shopping mall,
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00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,767
have sexual intercourse.
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00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:59,726
Okay, let's take that last one
and move it to the top.
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00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,167
I'm down with this Rumspringa thing.
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00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,733
I never got to sow my damn wild oats.
102
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:07,400
I married my wife right
out of high school.
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00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:10,933
- So, Roy, was your wife your first?
- Technically, yes,
104
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:13,167
but in high school, I was
the heavy-petting king.
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00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,867
I can't believe you've
only been with one woman.
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00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:18,233
Why is that so weird?
107
00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:20,267
Because you test drove
at least nine cars
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but settled on your first vagina.
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Yeah, but it was a good deal.
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It gets great mileage, great interior.
I know one thing for sure ...
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I'm the original owner.
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Look what I found.
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This picture was taken in
this very bar in June of 1982
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when your father was on his Rumspringa.
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- Is that you?
- Yes.
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Well, it was 30 years ago.
I was a young girl then.
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00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:56,167
Is that Hank in the
"Frankie says relax" T-shirt?
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00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:00,700
Not a fan of the music,
but you could not deny the beat.
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Which one is my father?
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00:06:02,367 --> 00:06:05,067
Oh, that's him.
His face is obscured.
121
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- What's he doing?
- It's called motorboating.
122
00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:10,000
Mom, am I in that picture?
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00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:13,267
No, honey. You weren't born yet.
You were born...
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00:06:13,302 --> 00:06:15,767
nine months after
this picture was taken.
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00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,267
C-could that guy be my dad?
126
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,833
Oh, honey, it's so hard to pinpoint.
127
00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:25,000
We're talking June of 1982.
That's an entire month.
128
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:28,267
But the guy in that
picture could be my dad.
129
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:30,033
I've always wanted to
know who my father was.
130
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:32,233
Yeah, I know, honey. We've
been over this a million times.
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00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,867
It's really hard to pinpoint.
We'll never know for sure.
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00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:38,700
O-oh, and you do look
a lot like my father.
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00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:41,267
- I do?
- Oh, he's tall like you.
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00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:45,700
- He has the same color eyes.
- Well, if Jedediah is your father,
135
00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:47,933
- then Ruth could be your ...
- Girlfriend.
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Sister.
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00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:57,333
I don't know. Their family
plays by diffent rules.
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00:06:58,933 --> 00:07:02,567
Wow, sister?
I have a sister?
139
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,533
Did you hear that, Steve? I have
a little sister, just like you.
140
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,900
I have someone to take care of and
someone who can take care of me.
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00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:09,667
I've always wanted to be a part of that.
142
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:11,667
I think you're getting
ahead of yourself.
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00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,233
No, I'm not, mom.
Ruth is my sister. I feel it.
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Come here, baby sis.
You got a big brother now.
145
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:20,067
Hey, Ruth.
Check this out.
146
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,933
I push this button, and
a magic square lights up.
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00:07:22,968 --> 00:07:25,167
It's like I'm a wizard or something.
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00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:28,267
Come here.
Follow the light to my truck.
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00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:30,667
Hey, come on.
150
00:07:30,733 --> 00:07:32,033
Ruth is my sister.
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But, Owen, I'm on my Rumspringa.
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Yeah, well, that's cancelled.
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Attention, everyone ...
this is my new sister, Ruth,
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and she's totally off-limits.
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00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:44,966
Owen, Hankie says relax.
156
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,600
Check out what I did for you, mom.
157
00:07:53,667 --> 00:07:55,100
What is this?
158
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:58,533
- It's a credit card.
- Oh! Take it back.
159
00:07:58,567 --> 00:08:00,567
You know I don't believe in those.
160
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,433
Mom, this is how you buy things online.
161
00:08:02,468 --> 00:08:04,000
It's where all the bargains are.
162
00:08:04,033 --> 00:08:06,567
Don't you want to save...
big money?
163
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:12,933
Let me see that.
Well, it is shiny.
164
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:18,367
And pretty.
I like the mountain background.
165
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,333
Oh! Hologram eagle.
166
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,000
See? It's not so bad.
167
00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:24,767
Look at this site.
168
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,833
Look how cheap everything is.
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00:08:27,867 --> 00:08:32,433
Ohh.
Those are good prices.
170
00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:34,433
And I can buy all that with this?
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00:08:34,468 --> 00:08:38,600
- Mm-hmm. Plus free shipping.
- Shut the front door.
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00:08:38,635 --> 00:08:44,667
Okay.
Look who's buying toothpaste...
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00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,900
- at 87 cents a tube?
- Told you.
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00:08:47,933 --> 00:08:50,367
Ohh.
Ohh.
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00:08:50,433 --> 00:08:54,600
"People who bought toothpaste
also bought volumizing shampoo."
176
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:55,933
Mom, you don't need that.
177
00:08:55,968 --> 00:09:00,100
Well, maybe I do.
I like volume.
178
00:09:00,135 --> 00:09:01,933
Ha! Add to cart.
179
00:09:03,733 --> 00:09:06,933
- Thank you, Susan.
- I love you, too, mom.
180
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,000
Easy, easy!
181
00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:16,000
This is the biggest pizza
you can buy in Pittsburgh.
182
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:19,600
42 beautiful slices of pizza
with everything on it but vegetables.
183
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:23,767
They call it the widow maker.
184
00:09:23,833 --> 00:09:25,933
You know, Roy, when your
pizza's bigger than the table,
185
00:09:25,968 --> 00:09:27,700
it means your pizza's too big.
186
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:30,367
- What's going on with you?
- Well, it occurred to me.
187
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,900
I may have only been with one woman,
188
00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:34,333
but that's no reason why
I can't sow some wild oats.
189
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,000
I'm on my Roy-springa, baby.
190
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:39,833
And for the duration
of this Roy-springa,
191
00:09:39,867 --> 00:09:43,867
I'm gonna eat, watch, and download
any damn thing I want.
192
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,767
Look, my wife called eight minutes ago,
193
00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:49,500
and I still haven't called her back.
194
00:09:49,533 --> 00:09:52,000
Roy-springa, bitch!
195
00:09:55,567 --> 00:09:56,767
Oh, my god.
196
00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:59,767
- Look at the hottie with your mommy.
- That's my sister.
197
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,567
I'd appreciate it if you kept
a civil tongue in your head.
198
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,933
You know, if you told me my sister
looked hot, I'd be cool with it.
199
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,933
- You don't have a sister.
- Yes, I do.
200
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,933
That dude with the
mustache is your sister?
201
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,667
Look what I found
underneath this wool dress,
202
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,433
and all it took was a trip to the mall.
203
00:10:16,468 --> 00:10:19,533
Ruth?
You look beautiful.
204
00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:22,767
Aww, thank you, Steve.
But it was all Carol.
205
00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:26,267
She's a wonderful Rumspringa guide...
206
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:27,533
although I haven't been able
207
00:10:27,567 --> 00:10:29,367
to do much of my list because of Owen.
208
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,733
I know he's been very protective,
but you got to understand,
209
00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:33,267
It's always just been him and Carol.
210
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,733
And now that he's found you,
211
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:37,367
He's got a lot of
big-brothering to catch up on.
212
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,033
You're a very good friend to him...
213
00:10:39,067 --> 00:10:42,333
and a sweet man.
Steve...
214
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:44,833
I'd like to give you my bird.
215
00:10:44,867 --> 00:10:48,000
Wow.
Well, it's beautiful. Thank you, Ruth.
216
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:49,600
I'm gonna put this on my shelf.
217
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:53,367
Oh, no. You don't understand.
When a girl from my community
218
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,400
gives a man her carved wooden bird,
219
00:10:55,433 --> 00:10:58,100
it means she wants him to
dance in her magic garden.
220
00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:05,533
- When you say magic garden ...
- It's another way of saying lady patch.
221
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,733
Look, Ruth, I-I'm sorry.
222
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:13,833
You're ... you're a sweet girl,
but I ... I can't take your bird.
223
00:11:13,867 --> 00:11:16,267
But I don't understand.
224
00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:19,333
Owen, please tell Steve to take my bird.
225
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,767
Take her bird, Steve.
Don't be rude.
226
00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:26,867
You don't get it, Owen.
227
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:29,933
I've selected your best friend,
Steve, to be my first sex partner.
228
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,767
Ruth, will you excuse us for a minute?
229
00:11:34,802 --> 00:11:36,433
Before you freak, I said no.
230
00:11:36,533 --> 00:11:38,400
- You're damn right you did.
- Well, don't get mad at me.
231
00:11:38,433 --> 00:11:41,333
It's her cultural tradition.
It's something on her list.
232
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,667
You're right. This is so hard.
233
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,333
I mean, it seems like just yesterday
234
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,600
she was this innocent girl in a bonnet.
235
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:51,332
- It was yesterday.
- Doesn't feel like it, Steve.
236
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:53,933
You know, my whole life, I was
hoping to have a brother or sister,
237
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,367
and these past couple days
have been the best of my life.
238
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:57,700
I just want to protect her.
239
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:59,367
You might want to start with that.
240
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,667
Hey, you!
241
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,933
Get away from my hot virgin sister!
242
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:08,267
Why couldn't you just have a
mustache like Ahmed's sister?
243
00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:14,917
I think it's cool that as a young woman,
244
00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:16,517
Ruth is putting herself
in the driver's seat,
245
00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:17,983
making a deliberate choice.
246
00:12:18,017 --> 00:12:19,950
- Good for her.
- I agree.
247
00:12:19,983 --> 00:12:22,417
And you know who her first choice was?
248
00:12:23,183 --> 00:12:24,783
The Steve man.
249
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:27,650
Really? The Steve man?
250
00:12:27,683 --> 00:12:30,917
- Yeah. Had to break her heart.
- You know what?
251
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:33,817
I can see why she wanted the Steve man,
252
00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:37,083
'cause you're sensitive and considerate,
253
00:12:37,117 --> 00:12:38,783
and you wouldn't overwhelm her
254
00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:42,017
because you're probably not that good.
255
00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,617
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that,
256
00:12:44,650 --> 00:12:47,017
but for the record, I've
gotten thank-you cards.
257
00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:50,750
Oh, I'm sure that they were brief,
just like the experience.
258
00:12:50,783 --> 00:12:54,450
But honestly, Ruth's
way is so much better
259
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,917
than waiting for it to happen randomly,
260
00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:58,750
like at a party or a club or...
261
00:12:58,783 --> 00:13:00,983
a debate-team mixer.
262
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:04,213
A-a debate-team mixer?
That's where you lost it?
263
00:13:04,247 --> 00:13:07,980
He made a very good argument.
He refuted all my rebuttals.
264
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,613
Can I get a beer, please, Steve?
265
00:13:10,647 --> 00:13:11,913
You know, I was thinking,
266
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:13,080
when Ruth goes back to Amish country,
267
00:13:13,113 --> 00:13:14,780
maybe I should go with her.
268
00:13:14,813 --> 00:13:17,880
I could see myself on a
farm, living the simple life,
269
00:13:17,913 --> 00:13:20,213
embracing the Amish
culture of love and peace.
270
00:13:20,247 --> 00:13:22,647
Excuse me. I have to
go kick that guy's ass!
271
00:13:24,613 --> 00:13:26,113
That is enough, Owen.
272
00:13:26,147 --> 00:13:28,813
I do not need another
big brother in my life.
273
00:13:28,913 --> 00:13:32,113
From this moment on, leave me alone.
274
00:13:32,147 --> 00:13:34,247
Baby, I'll be home when I'm home.
275
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:38,580
Roy, will you be my chocolate mustang?
276
00:13:38,613 --> 00:13:41,713
Who's that? No, I-it's
somebody at the bar.
277
00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:43,147
You know what?
278
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:46,213
A lot of ladies think of
me as a chocolate mustang.
279
00:13:47,613 --> 00:13:48,880
You know, I don't
have to listen to this!
280
00:13:48,947 --> 00:13:50,980
I'm on my Roy-springa!
281
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,780
Mike drop.
282
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:03,297
Thanks, Danny. Am I going
to see you later,
283
00:14:03,363 --> 00:14:05,563
or is Stan working the late shift?
284
00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:08,363
What the hell is in all these boxes?
285
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:09,797
Stuff we need.
286
00:14:09,863 --> 00:14:14,297
Two boxes of motor oil,
talking robot vacuum,
287
00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:18,963
and glow-in-the-dark
doggy staircase.
288
00:14:18,998 --> 00:14:21,463
- We don't even have a dog.
- We will tomorrow.
289
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,797
I bought a champion labradoodle.
290
00:14:25,863 --> 00:14:28,297
Now I have 50,000 airline miles,
291
00:14:28,397 --> 00:14:31,363
and there are three Tuesdays in 2019
292
00:14:31,397 --> 00:14:34,297
when I can fly to Denver.
293
00:14:34,363 --> 00:14:36,297
Honey, we can't afford all this.
294
00:14:36,363 --> 00:14:41,463
Yes, we can.
We can afford anything.
295
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:45,897
- Mom, you're out of control.
- No, wait! Don't!
296
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:48,463
Susan.
297
00:14:48,498 --> 00:14:51,063
Seriously, I get it.
298
00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:54,530
I probably went a little overboard.
299
00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:56,797
But I'm fine now.
300
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:02,297
I know this is gonna hurt,
but it has to be done.
301
00:15:02,332 --> 00:15:05,797
Have I told you how
much you are so pretty?
302
00:15:08,097 --> 00:15:10,363
You're so beautiful.
And we'll go shopping,
303
00:15:10,397 --> 00:15:12,263
and we'll buy you wonderful outfits,
304
00:15:12,297 --> 00:15:14,863
and then we'll have lunch and a spa day,
305
00:15:14,897 --> 00:15:17,130
and just a mom and
her pretty little girl.
306
00:15:17,197 --> 00:15:19,097
Now give me the card.
307
00:15:20,130 --> 00:15:23,430
- No.
- Give me the card, you bitch!
308
00:15:26,930 --> 00:15:28,863
You're like a drug
addict with this card.
309
00:15:28,897 --> 00:15:30,430
Look at yourself. What do you see?
310
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,930
I see a woman who
needs six-month supply
311
00:15:32,963 --> 00:15:36,197
of Cindy Crawford face cream.
312
00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:37,763
Look again.
313
00:15:37,797 --> 00:15:39,963
Look at the eyes. They're not happy.
314
00:15:39,998 --> 00:15:42,430
All this stuff you bought,
we don't need any of it.
315
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:46,363
All you did was build
a mountain of debt.
316
00:15:47,963 --> 00:15:51,897
Oh, my god.
You're right.
317
00:15:51,963 --> 00:15:54,963
I've hit rock bottom.
318
00:15:54,998 --> 00:15:58,797
I'm the lowest of the lows.
319
00:15:59,897 --> 00:16:01,563
I'm American.
320
00:16:05,897 --> 00:16:10,263
- So, how's your Roy-springa coming?
- It's officially over.
321
00:16:10,297 --> 00:16:13,097
- So, was your wife pissed?
- You know what? She wasn't.
322
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,930
Those Amish kind of got it figured out.
323
00:16:14,963 --> 00:16:16,963
Sometimes, you got to change
it up a little, break the rules.
324
00:16:16,998 --> 00:16:19,630
Because of what I did, she
and I are in a better place.
325
00:16:19,697 --> 00:16:21,897
It's a lot more balanced now ... equal.
326
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:24,397
She knows I'm a force
to be reckoned with.
327
00:16:27,442 --> 00:16:30,100
J-just two minutes,
baby. I'm leaving now.
328
00:16:34,697 --> 00:16:37,397
I'm, uh, looking for an Owen Walsh.
329
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:40,863
- Uh, hey, Owen.
- I'm Owen.
330
00:16:40,897 --> 00:16:43,963
Uh, I received your message.
I'm told my daughter's in trouble.
331
00:16:43,998 --> 00:16:46,263
That, she is... dad.
332
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:49,930
Father? What are you doing here?
333
00:16:49,963 --> 00:16:52,797
I called dad.
Actually, I called the feed store,
334
00:16:52,832 --> 00:16:55,397
and they ran down and got him.
335
00:16:55,430 --> 00:16:57,930
Why does he keep calling me dad?
336
00:16:57,963 --> 00:17:00,797
'Cause we figured it out.
I'm your son.
337
00:17:00,863 --> 00:17:03,063
30 years ago, when you
and my mom knocked it out,
338
00:17:03,097 --> 00:17:05,730
nine months later, I came along.
339
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,197
Bring it in, Lincoln.
340
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,097
Father, this is Carol.
341
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:14,130
This is who you had
your Rumspringa with.
342
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:18,130
I'm sorry, I ...
I-I-I don't remember you.
343
00:17:18,165 --> 00:17:21,263
Look, I-I suppose it's
time I told you the truth.
344
00:17:21,297 --> 00:17:25,797
When I was a young man, I
never went on a Rumspringa.
345
00:17:25,832 --> 00:17:27,697
I was too timid.
346
00:17:27,763 --> 00:17:30,963
But then I got married and
you children came along,
347
00:17:31,063 --> 00:17:34,363
and, well, when your mother
passed, it ... it was too late.
348
00:17:34,397 --> 00:17:37,963
Uh, you were the Rumspringa
guide for my brother, Jebediah.
349
00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:41,197
Jebediah with a "b."
350
00:17:41,263 --> 00:17:45,263
- So he's not my dad?
- I'm afraid not, sweetie.
351
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:46,963
And Ruth isn't my sister.
352
00:17:46,998 --> 00:17:50,097
I just really thought she was.
353
00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:53,130
I-I just really thought I
had someone to look out for
354
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,130
and someone to look out for me.
355
00:17:55,197 --> 00:17:57,130
Man, you've always had that.
356
00:17:57,197 --> 00:18:00,063
You, me, Ahmed, Roy.
357
00:18:00,097 --> 00:18:02,197
We've always been there for each other.
358
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,730
And we always will.
359
00:18:03,763 --> 00:18:05,730
And, hey, if it makes
you feel any better,
360
00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:07,197
you can always borrow my sister.
361
00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:11,130
She'll make you feel
like the pretty one.
362
00:18:11,165 --> 00:18:13,030
Hey, Ruth, I'm sorry.
363
00:18:13,063 --> 00:18:15,197
I guess I ruined your
Rumspringa for nothing.
364
00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:18,797
Oh, it's okay, Owen.
I know it was because you cared.
365
00:18:18,863 --> 00:18:21,797
For two wonderful days, I was a
big brother and you were my sister.
366
00:18:21,863 --> 00:18:23,930
And even though we're not related,
367
00:18:23,963 --> 00:18:25,597
you'll always be special to me.
368
00:18:27,063 --> 00:18:29,863
So, what are you doing later?
369
00:18:32,063 --> 00:18:36,463
Jedediah, is there any age limit
to this Rumspringa concept?
370
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,863
Uh, not that I recall.
371
00:18:38,897 --> 00:18:42,130
So, pretty much, you can do it
at any time, at ... at any age?
372
00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:48,130
Why don't you take your
friends out for an ice cream?
373
00:18:53,730 --> 00:18:55,996
Honey, look at all these bills.
374
00:18:55,997 --> 00:18:58,263
How are we gonna pay for all this?
375
00:18:58,297 --> 00:19:02,297
Well, we'll just have to make
the minimum payment until we die.
376
00:19:04,297 --> 00:19:06,630
Susan, can you talk to your mother?
377
00:19:06,697 --> 00:19:09,397
I've got to walk the labradoodle.
378
00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:13,230
Mom. What are you gonna do?
379
00:19:13,297 --> 00:19:17,363
I'm going to have to do something
I never thought I would do.
380
00:19:17,397 --> 00:19:20,297
I'm going to have to dip into my stash.
381
00:19:20,332 --> 00:19:22,463
I knew you had a stash.
382
00:19:22,498 --> 00:19:26,130
All my life,
I worked every day of the week.
383
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:30,130
Your father and I, we
never took a vacation.
384
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:33,730
I scrimped, I saved, we did without.
385
00:19:33,763 --> 00:19:38,563
But it was worth it because
savings give you security.
386
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,797
And here's mine.
387
00:19:40,863 --> 00:19:43,463
Oh, my god. Is that solid gold?
388
00:19:45,797 --> 00:19:49,563
It's plaster ...
a decoy to fool thieves.
389
00:19:49,597 --> 00:19:52,697
I knew if they broke in here
and held a gun to my head
390
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:56,130
and told your father, "give us
your money or your wife dies,"
391
00:19:56,165 --> 00:19:57,797
he'd give them the money...
392
00:19:57,832 --> 00:20:01,463
instead of letting them
shoot me in the head,
393
00:20:01,563 --> 00:20:05,630
as I gave him explicit
instructions to do.
394
00:20:05,665 --> 00:20:08,430
I know you don't trust banks,
so where's all your money?
395
00:20:08,463 --> 00:20:10,563
I wear it.
396
00:20:10,597 --> 00:20:14,563
These are my nest-egg
buttons. Pure gold.
397
00:20:14,597 --> 00:20:18,297
I also have a couple of track suits
with platinum zippers.
398
00:20:18,363 --> 00:20:21,597
And upstairs in the
freezers in the ice trays ...
399
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:24,563
conflict diamonds.
400
00:20:24,597 --> 00:20:28,931
Why are you telling me this?
Are you gonna kill me?
401
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:36,297
I tell you because you help me
when I was crazy with the credit card,
402
00:20:36,363 --> 00:20:38,797
and because you are my daughter.
403
00:20:41,697 --> 00:20:45,530
You deserve to know.
404
00:20:45,563 --> 00:20:48,263
That means a lot to me, mom.
405
00:20:48,297 --> 00:20:50,297
I want you to know something.
406
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,197
If thieves do break into the house
and put a gun to your head,
407
00:20:53,230 --> 00:20:55,685
I would definitely let them shoot you.
408
00:20:57,481 --> 00:21:00,463
My beautiful baby!
409
00:21:02,049 --> 00:21:05,064
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