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1
00:00:08,307 --> 00:00:11,374
[ Theme music playing ]
2
00:00:11,409 --> 00:00:13,178
[ Laughs ]
3
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:15,147
[ Lever clicks ]
4
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:23,848
♪
5
00:00:23,883 --> 00:00:26,257
It's alive!
6
00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:28,292
[ Robot chicken clucking ]
7
00:00:28,327 --> 00:00:34,056
♪
8
00:00:34,091 --> 00:00:36,168
[ Laughing evilly ]
9
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:42,867
♪
10
00:00:43,507 --> 00:00:45,375
Oh, my God.
We're gonna die!
11
00:00:45,410 --> 00:00:47,707
I didn't want to do this
in the first place!
12
00:00:47,742 --> 00:00:49,115
We're gonna die.
13
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,644
Oh, no,
it's happening!
14
00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:52,316
- Ah!
- Oh, phew.
15
00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:53,746
- Whew!
- Wow, I saw my life flash before my eyes.
16
00:00:53,781 --> 00:00:55,286
- We really avoided --
- That was terrible.
17
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,123
Ah, I thought that
- was gonna be so much worse.
18
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,124
[ Goose honks ]
19
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,422
- Aww, look at the goose!
- That's so cute.
20
00:00:59,457 --> 00:01:00,885
- So cute, look at that goose.
- Oh, that's so cool.
21
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:07,727
I heard she took
a two-foot shit.
22
00:01:07,762 --> 00:01:08,893
For real?
23
00:01:08,928 --> 00:01:10,466
♪
24
00:01:11,095 --> 00:01:13,139
Finally,
home after a long day
25
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:16,406
of being the first president
of the United States.
26
00:01:16,441 --> 00:01:18,034
[ Giggles ]
- Who are you?!
27
00:01:18,069 --> 00:01:19,706
I'm George Washington Barbie.
28
00:01:19,741 --> 00:01:21,037
This is my life.
29
00:01:21,072 --> 00:01:23,908
Are you saying you want to
kill me and then pose as me,
30
00:01:23,943 --> 00:01:25,074
George Washington,
31
00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:27,615
a man who is 6'3",
has wooden teeth,
32
00:01:27,650 --> 00:01:30,618
and is the President
of the United States?
33
00:01:30,653 --> 00:01:32,587
I cannot tell a lie.
34
00:01:32,622 --> 00:01:33,852
[ Gunshot ]
- Ah!
35
00:01:33,887 --> 00:01:35,491
Now to complete
my look.
36
00:01:35,526 --> 00:01:37,592
[ Grunting ]
37
00:01:37,627 --> 00:01:40,265
♪
38
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,761
Hmm.
39
00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:43,169
Ahhh!
40
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,402
[ Crying ]
41
00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:47,965
♪
42
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,737
Mm, perfect!
43
00:01:50,772 --> 00:01:52,068
Hello, Mr. Washington.
44
00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:53,179
You shrunk, Sir.
45
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,511
Hi, John Adams.
[ Chuckles ] Cute wig.
46
00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:57,348
I am so sorry,
- I don't want to ask this,
47
00:01:57,383 --> 00:02:00,109
but aren't you
supposed to be a guy?
48
00:02:00,144 --> 00:02:01,715
I am.
49
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:03,288
Well, the teeth
are accurate.
50
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,883
And check this out.
51
00:02:04,918 --> 00:02:07,259
Does this look like
a girl part to you?
52
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,458
I don't know if you know this, sir,
53
00:02:08,493 --> 00:02:10,328
but your penis
has termites.
54
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,890
[ Screams ]
55
00:02:11,925 --> 00:02:13,496
Ahh!
56
00:02:13,531 --> 00:02:17,434
I declare the White House
a dream house.
57
00:02:17,469 --> 00:02:18,633
[ Applause ]
58
00:02:18,668 --> 00:02:20,965
Man: George Washington Barbie
never told a lie,
59
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,033
except for the lie
that she was George Washington,
60
00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:25,607
although she was
George Washington Barbie.
61
00:02:25,642 --> 00:02:26,608
The end.
62
00:02:26,643 --> 00:02:31,041
♪
63
00:02:31,076 --> 00:02:34,616
Oh, man.
- You have insurance, right?
64
00:02:34,651 --> 00:02:35,419
Nope.
65
00:02:35,454 --> 00:02:37,355
Oh, man.
66
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:40,985
Oh, boy, "Empire Strikes Back"
is my favorite movie.
67
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:43,823
"Luke, I am your father."
68
00:02:43,858 --> 00:02:47,189
Darth Vader:
No, I am your father.
69
00:02:47,224 --> 00:02:49,565
[ Stammers ]
That's not the line.
70
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,194
Young nerd,
- Darth Vader never said "Luke"
71
00:02:52,229 --> 00:02:53,239
in that famous line.
72
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:56,198
[ Gasps ]
- The ghost of Nelson Mandela.
73
00:02:56,233 --> 00:02:59,135
You're experiencing
the Mandela effect.
74
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,412
It's named for
- a collective false memory.
75
00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:03,447
Like when people
- remember me dying in prison
76
00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:06,780
in the '80s when I actually died
at home in 2013.
77
00:03:06,815 --> 00:03:08,144
Oh, like
"The Berenstain Bears"
78
00:03:08,179 --> 00:03:10,014
actually being
"The Berenstein Bears."
79
00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:11,686
It's actually
the other way around.
80
00:03:11,721 --> 00:03:13,622
Or is it?
81
00:03:13,657 --> 00:03:14,755
Agree to disagree.
82
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,988
Well, we need
to fix "Star Wars."
83
00:03:17,023 --> 00:03:19,122
If only there was a way to go
back in time.
84
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,762
There is.
Take my hand.
85
00:03:21,797 --> 00:03:24,226
Your hand
is a time machine?
86
00:03:24,261 --> 00:03:25,271
Pretty cool, right?
87
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,735
Suck a "D,"
Bill and Ted.
88
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,605
[ Gasps ]
The original script.
89
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,069
I'll fix the line
- so it's the way I remember it.
90
00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:35,171
[ Mumbles ]
- But there's more!
91
00:03:35,206 --> 00:03:36,810
Remember
when Forrest Gump said,
92
00:03:36,845 --> 00:03:39,450
"Life is like a box
of chocolates"?
93
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:40,748
He actually said...
94
00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:45,390
Mama always said life was like
a box of chocolates.
95
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,953
We got to correct this.
96
00:03:47,988 --> 00:03:49,856
Excuse me, Mr. Hanks,
the studio said
97
00:03:49,891 --> 00:03:50,923
you got to change
that line.
98
00:03:50,958 --> 00:03:52,397
[ Whispering ]
99
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,794
For legal reasons.
100
00:03:53,829 --> 00:03:54,663
Thanks so much.
101
00:03:54,698 --> 00:03:55,928
Fucking bean counters.
102
00:03:55,963 --> 00:03:57,699
Always stepping
on my art.
103
00:03:57,734 --> 00:03:59,503
Okay, back to one.
104
00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:01,868
Remember Curious George
the monkey?
105
00:04:01,903 --> 00:04:05,575
Well, did you know
- he never actually had a tail?
106
00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:07,137
Excuse me, H.A. Rey,
no big deal,
107
00:04:07,172 --> 00:04:08,204
just emergency services.
108
00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:10,206
Here, I'll take that.
109
00:04:10,241 --> 00:04:13,583
Oh, I knew this monkey
was missing something.
110
00:04:13,618 --> 00:04:15,178
Now let's go back
to current times
111
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,884
to enjoy the fruits
of our labor.
112
00:04:17,919 --> 00:04:19,556
Darth Vader: No, Luke,
113
00:04:19,591 --> 00:04:23,494
I am a closer relative
than you think.
114
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,562
Oh, no, my penmanship.
115
00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,333
I made it worse.
- It's okay.
116
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,093
Turn on "Forrest Gump."
117
00:04:29,128 --> 00:04:31,403
Life is a box.
118
00:04:34,265 --> 00:04:35,704
Oh, no.
119
00:04:35,739 --> 00:04:38,036
Well, at least Curious George
doesn't have to say anything.
120
00:04:38,071 --> 00:04:40,940
Turn on PBS.
121
00:04:40,975 --> 00:04:43,074
Not what I pictured,
but I like it.
122
00:04:43,109 --> 00:04:44,713
A big monkey wiener?
123
00:04:44,748 --> 00:04:47,309
I bet everyone
- will be curious about that.
124
00:04:47,344 --> 00:04:49,278
[ Both laugh ]
125
00:04:51,656 --> 00:04:53,656
Oh, mm.
Oh, baby.
126
00:04:53,691 --> 00:04:55,119
Unh. Oh, baby.
127
00:04:55,154 --> 00:04:56,362
Do I have to leave
this thing on?
128
00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:59,662
Yeah, you spin that web.
129
00:04:59,697 --> 00:05:01,257
[ Grunts ]
130
00:05:01,292 --> 00:05:02,533
Mmm.
- [ Laughs ]
131
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:04,227
Want a cereal
that tastes great
132
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,701
and helps release
pent-up rage?
133
00:05:05,736 --> 00:05:06,768
Yeah!
134
00:05:06,803 --> 00:05:08,770
Time to give breakfast
what it deserves.
135
00:05:08,805 --> 00:05:10,376
Z-oh-diacs --
the nutritious
136
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,839
whole-grain cereal
with the excitement
137
00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:13,544
of a late '60s
killing spree!
138
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:15,711
Toasted oats
in the same fun shapes
139
00:05:15,746 --> 00:05:17,207
as my cryptograms.
140
00:05:17,242 --> 00:05:19,979
And the back of every box
has a cypher puzzle.
141
00:05:20,014 --> 00:05:22,421
Wow.
- Delicious and entertaining?
142
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,620
Who are you?
143
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:25,853
[ Laughs ]
Nobody knows,
144
00:05:25,888 --> 00:05:28,284
which is why we've mixed in
multi-colored marshmallows
145
00:05:28,319 --> 00:05:31,320
that look like the suspects
people thought I might be.
146
00:05:31,355 --> 00:05:32,893
The police detective,
the librarian,
147
00:05:32,928 --> 00:05:34,059
the Navy veteran.
148
00:05:34,094 --> 00:05:36,061
They even got the guy
with a deathbed confession.
149
00:05:36,096 --> 00:05:38,294
He's -- ha -- delicious!
150
00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:39,229
And also not guilty.
151
00:05:39,264 --> 00:05:40,439
Murder-licious!
152
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,606
I hope
they never find you.
153
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:44,069
It's been 50 years.
154
00:05:44,104 --> 00:05:46,104
I'd say you've got
nothing to worry about,
155
00:05:46,139 --> 00:05:47,809
except the safety
of your parents.
156
00:05:47,844 --> 00:05:49,679
- [ Screams ]
- Z-oh-diacs --
157
00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:51,681
Unsolvably delicious.
158
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:57,214
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
159
00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:59,524
♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
160
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:01,625
♪ And on that farm,
he had the only chickens ♪
161
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:03,187
♪ Left in the galaxy ♪
162
00:06:03,222 --> 00:06:05,464
♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
163
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,861
♪ With a snap-snap here ♪
164
00:06:06,896 --> 00:06:08,258
♪ And a snap-snap there ♪
165
00:06:08,293 --> 00:06:09,501
♪ Here a snap, there a snap ♪
166
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,733
♪ Everywhere a snap-snap ♪
167
00:06:10,768 --> 00:06:12,834
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
168
00:06:12,869 --> 00:06:16,772
♪ T-H-A-N-O ♪
169
00:06:16,807 --> 00:06:17,740
Oh.
170
00:06:17,775 --> 00:06:18,741
Oh, shit.
171
00:06:18,776 --> 00:06:21,370
[ Siren wailing ]
172
00:06:21,405 --> 00:06:23,911
[ Cheering ]
173
00:06:26,377 --> 00:06:29,048
[ Crowd booing ]
174
00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:33,085
♪
175
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:37,562
[ All shouting indistinctly ]
176
00:06:38,895 --> 00:06:40,829
Whoa, this ain't Denny's.
177
00:06:40,864 --> 00:06:43,161
It's a cool dance.
You guys a cult?
178
00:06:43,196 --> 00:06:44,767
I was in a cult once.
They kicked me out
179
00:06:44,802 --> 00:06:47,363
for siphoning gas
from the cult leader's Camaro.
180
00:06:47,398 --> 00:06:48,705
[ All shout indistinctly ]
181
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,476
Hey, you ever siphon gas?
182
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:53,743
It's a real easy way
to accidentally drink gas.
183
00:06:53,778 --> 00:06:55,547
All: No! No way!
184
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,779
Oh, invisible kids.
185
00:06:56,814 --> 00:06:58,781
Is it cool if I hit
my vape in here?
186
00:06:58,816 --> 00:07:00,442
All: No, no!
187
00:07:00,477 --> 00:07:02,411
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
188
00:07:02,446 --> 00:07:04,281
I'd leave,
but I'm not real sure
189
00:07:04,316 --> 00:07:05,887
how I got here
in the first place,
190
00:07:05,922 --> 00:07:07,185
and the last thing
I remember,
191
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,594
I was sniffing a shit ton
of airplane glue.
192
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:10,859
No way, get out!
193
00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:14,764
Okay, that pokey, stabby
feeling feels real familiar.
194
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,799
That's definitely
a NARCAN injection.
195
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,262
Yeah.
Guess they're calling me home.
196
00:07:18,297 --> 00:07:19,802
Arrivederci.
197
00:07:21,135 --> 00:07:22,167
[ Cheering ]
198
00:07:22,202 --> 00:07:23,740
♪
199
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,368
But why bats,
Master Bruce?
200
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,545
Bruce:
They scare me, Alfred.
201
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,306
I want my enemies
- to experience that fear.
202
00:07:29,341 --> 00:07:31,011
Let's take a look
at this baby.
203
00:07:32,146 --> 00:07:34,586
[ Screams ]
- I look like a giant bat!
204
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,950
Get me out of this thing!
205
00:07:35,985 --> 00:07:38,018
[ Screaming ] Get it off,
get it off, get it off!
206
00:07:38,053 --> 00:07:39,987
Get it off! It's on my arm!
It's on my face!
207
00:07:40,022 --> 00:07:41,989
Ahh! Fuck!
The bats are on me!
208
00:07:42,024 --> 00:07:44,794
[ Screaming ]
209
00:07:44,829 --> 00:07:45,927
I hate bats!
210
00:07:45,962 --> 00:07:47,533
Oh! [ Screams ]
211
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,326
I am a bat!
The bat is on me!
212
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:51,537
[ Screams ]
It's all over me!
213
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,736
Get me out of this thing!
214
00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:54,034
[ Screams ]
215
00:07:54,069 --> 00:07:56,608
I'm inside the bat!
216
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,269
[ Gasps ] Cookies?
217
00:07:58,304 --> 00:08:01,140
Yes, me accept.
218
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:03,043
Me click yes cookies.
219
00:08:03,078 --> 00:08:04,308
Where cookies?
220
00:08:04,343 --> 00:08:05,716
Ahhh! Cookies!
221
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:08,983
Cookies! No cookies?
What is real?
222
00:08:09,018 --> 00:08:10,820
Me trust nothing.
223
00:08:10,855 --> 00:08:13,988
Welcome to Domino's.
Can I interest you in a pizza?
224
00:08:14,023 --> 00:08:15,759
Everyone
on the fucking ground.
225
00:08:15,794 --> 00:08:17,222
It's the Noid.
- What?
226
00:08:17,257 --> 00:08:20,599
The Domino's mascot
from 1986 to 1995.
227
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,458
He's the physical manifestation
of everything
228
00:08:22,493 --> 00:08:24,031
that can go wrong
when ordering a pizza.
229
00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:27,397
Nearly a decade of service
to the Domino's Corporation,
230
00:08:27,432 --> 00:08:28,838
and how did they repay me?
231
00:08:28,873 --> 00:08:30,708
By kicking me
to the curb!
232
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:32,501
What went wrong,
Mr. Noid?
233
00:08:32,536 --> 00:08:35,746
In 1996, a man
with the last name Noid
234
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:38,947
took a Domino's hostage,
believing the Noid was created
235
00:08:38,982 --> 00:08:39,882
to mock him.
236
00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:41,719
His demands --
free pizza,
237
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:45,184
a white limo, and the end of the
Noid in Domino's advertising.
238
00:08:45,219 --> 00:08:47,890
And those spineless suits
caved to him.
239
00:08:47,925 --> 00:08:49,155
Wait, is this shit real?
240
00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:50,794
Yeah.
- Check the Wikipedia page.
241
00:08:50,829 --> 00:08:53,863
Point is, now I'm the one
with the gun,
242
00:08:53,898 --> 00:08:56,701
and I demand that Domino's
bring back the Noid.
243
00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:58,901
[ Siren wails ]
Man: Come on out
with your hands up.
244
00:08:58,936 --> 00:09:02,333
Not unless Domino's brings back
the Noid.
245
00:09:02,368 --> 00:09:05,743
Uh, oh, okay.
Sure, we can do that.
246
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:08,944
Shit.
The Noid is back, baby!
247
00:09:08,979 --> 00:09:11,012
[ Gunfire ]
248
00:09:11,047 --> 00:09:13,311
[ Tires squeal, siren wails ]
249
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:17,722
Can I get garlic knots
with those meat lover pizzas?
250
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:20,824
Yodels, Ho Hos, Doodles,
251
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:23,552
Ding Dongs, Ring Dings,
King Dons, Ring Kings,
252
00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:25,026
Ring Dongs,
Ding Ring Dongs,
253
00:09:25,061 --> 00:09:25,994
Ding Dang Doodle Dogs.
254
00:09:26,029 --> 00:09:28,260
Dad!
Mom's doing it again.
255
00:09:28,295 --> 00:09:30,196
Triple Dipple Ding Dong
Dipple Dongs.
256
00:09:30,231 --> 00:09:33,562
[ Indistinct conversations ]
257
00:09:33,597 --> 00:09:35,773
Oh hey, so that's season 11.
258
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,775
Thanks to the musical guests, Yaboobas.
259
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,876
Also, thanks
to the Zodiac Killer...
Not guilty.
260
00:09:39,911 --> 00:09:41,746
...the ghost of Nelson Mandela,
and of course,
261
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,605
both slices
of American cheese.
262
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,112
Oh,
and Tom Hanks' brother, Jim.
263
00:09:45,147 --> 00:09:46,179
Thanks, Jim!
Yeah.
264
00:09:46,214 --> 00:09:47,950
See you next year
if we don't get canceled.
265
00:09:47,985 --> 00:09:50,854
Good night, everybody!
266
00:09:50,889 --> 00:09:54,759
I cannot wait to not see your
fucking face for six months.
267
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:56,486
Fuck you, fuck face.
268
00:09:56,521 --> 00:09:59,390
Thanks for cutting my sketch
at the last minute, assholes.
269
00:09:59,425 --> 00:10:01,590
I wasn't even in this episode.
[ Chuckles ]
270
00:10:01,625 --> 00:10:03,702
That Noid sketch went over
like a brick balloon, huh?
271
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,330
[ Laughs ] Go back
and vote for Brexit,
272
00:10:05,365 --> 00:10:06,331
you fucking idiot.
273
00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:07,464
Your opinion means
nothing to me.
274
00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:08,971
The Zodiac Killer
just escaped
275
00:10:09,006 --> 00:10:10,170
with the whole
party sub.
276
00:10:10,205 --> 00:10:12,073
You know, on "Suits,"
we had a full taco bar
277
00:10:12,108 --> 00:10:13,877
seven days a week.
278
00:10:13,912 --> 00:10:15,340
I fucking love "Suits."
279
00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:17,210
- Yeah.
- Taco bar.
280
00:10:17,245 --> 00:10:19,883
[ Both shouting ]
281
00:10:19,918 --> 00:10:22,886
I've had just about enough
of your bullshit.
282
00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:25,757
I will punch a hole
through my own fucking face
283
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,617
if these goddamn credits
don't end right the fuck n--
284
00:10:30,225 --> 00:10:37,901
♪
285
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,466
21, engage
the doom cannon.
286
00:10:42,501 --> 00:10:45,139
Dude, we got canceled.
Forget it. It's over.
287
00:10:45,174 --> 00:10:46,943
Come on,
think of the fans, Doc.
288
00:10:46,978 --> 00:10:48,274
Yeah,
that's what I'm doing.
289
00:10:48,309 --> 00:10:51,750
They deserve better
this creepy Pinocchio bullshit.
290
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,477
Don't break the puppet, dude.
291
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:55,083
We could sell it
on eBay.
20039
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