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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,007 --> 00:00:06,002 ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,004 --> 00:00:08,004 [ Chuckles ] 3 00:00:13,001 --> 00:00:17,024 ♪♪ 4 00:00:17,026 --> 00:00:19,026 Man: It's alive! 5 00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:27,019 ♪♪ 6 00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:28,023 [ Thunder rumbles ] 7 00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:37,026 ♪♪ 8 00:00:38,008 --> 00:00:39,013 You can count on me sir. 9 00:00:39,015 --> 00:00:42,005 If you have any mice, I'll clear them out. 10 00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:43,017 ♪ Ooh-rah, ooh-rah ♪ 11 00:00:43,019 --> 00:00:45,001 ♪ Ooh-rah, ooh-rah, ooh-rah ♪ 12 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,025 [ Screaming ] 13 00:00:46,027 --> 00:00:47,024 ♪ Ooh-rah ♪ 14 00:00:47,026 --> 00:00:50,008 Uhhhhh... 15 00:00:50,010 --> 00:00:51,022 Uh, all right. 16 00:00:51,024 --> 00:00:53,025 [ Screams ] 17 00:00:53,027 --> 00:00:55,007 You're all clear! 18 00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:57,011 Now I shall teach you to defeat a boggart, 19 00:00:57,013 --> 00:01:00,017 which takes the form of your deepest, darkest fear. 20 00:01:00,019 --> 00:01:02,021 Neville, why don't you go first? 21 00:01:02,023 --> 00:01:06,015 ♪♪ 22 00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:08,016 Oh, curious. It turned into you. 23 00:01:08,018 --> 00:01:09,024 I wonder why. 24 00:01:09,026 --> 00:01:11,012 I have a small penis! 25 00:01:11,014 --> 00:01:13,007 That's not... that's not true! 26 00:01:13,009 --> 00:01:15,003 Fine! I'll prove it. Zip! 27 00:01:15,005 --> 00:01:17,009 Okay. That's enough. Why don't we try someone else? 28 00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,012 Weasley? 29 00:01:18,014 --> 00:01:19,023 Oh, uh... uh, I don't want to. 30 00:01:19,025 --> 00:01:22,001 Come on. Come on. Come on. 31 00:01:22,003 --> 00:01:24,026 Ah. A spider. That's much more typical. 32 00:01:24,028 --> 00:01:27,000 Ron has a small penis! 33 00:01:27,002 --> 00:01:29,007 [ Chuckling ] What? No, I do not. 34 00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:30,023 Oh, yes, you do. 35 00:01:30,025 --> 00:01:32,007 It's like, ooh... 36 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,008 Okay. You know what? 37 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,019 Why don't we try a girl this time? 38 00:01:34,021 --> 00:01:35,024 Hermione. 39 00:01:35,026 --> 00:01:37,028 No, no, no, no. Please, don't make me. 40 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:42,001 [ Gasps ] 41 00:01:42,003 --> 00:01:43,007 What? 42 00:01:43,009 --> 00:01:45,007 I'm what Hermione thinks a penis looks like. 43 00:01:45,009 --> 00:01:47,007 [ Chuckles ] She's terrified of me. 44 00:01:47,009 --> 00:01:47,029 [ Hisses ] 45 00:01:48,001 --> 00:01:49,013 What would I do with it? 46 00:01:49,015 --> 00:01:51,020 Shake it? Stir it? 47 00:01:51,022 --> 00:01:52,027 [ Sobbing ] 48 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:55,023 We really need to start a health class or something. 49 00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:58,013 ♪♪ 50 00:01:58,015 --> 00:02:02,004 Announcer: No need to ask him which water tastes best. 51 00:02:02,006 --> 00:02:05,024 Evian... The official water of the CIA. 52 00:02:05,026 --> 00:02:07,024 Actually, I really loved "Hamilton." 53 00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:10,000 It was no "Cats," but sure. 54 00:02:10,002 --> 00:02:12,010 - Give me your money! - Aah! 55 00:02:12,012 --> 00:02:14,020 Billy Blanks says you got to squat and punch. 56 00:02:14,022 --> 00:02:17,007 Squat and punch and work it. Work it. 57 00:02:17,009 --> 00:02:18,020 Squat. Punch! 58 00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:19,020 - Ow! - Punch! 59 00:02:19,022 --> 00:02:20,029 I'm destroyed. 60 00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:23,026 Whoa! You know karate! 61 00:02:23,028 --> 00:02:25,011 Oh! That was Tae Bo! 62 00:02:25,013 --> 00:02:27,007 Billy Blanks taught me in '97. 63 00:02:27,009 --> 00:02:30,009 I just panicked, and it... it came back to me! 64 00:02:30,011 --> 00:02:31,017 Your money or your life! 65 00:02:31,019 --> 00:02:32,025 I've got this. 66 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:35,012 Squat and kick. Work it. 67 00:02:35,014 --> 00:02:36,094 - Work it. - Squat and kick! 68 00:02:37,001 --> 00:02:38,013 Oh. Ow! 69 00:02:38,015 --> 00:02:40,018 Kick! 70 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:42,009 Are you checking your pulse? 71 00:02:42,011 --> 00:02:44,020 Yeah, well, Billy was big on cooling down. 72 00:02:44,022 --> 00:02:47,015 - Surprise! - Steve, do something! 73 00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:48,021 I don't know any more moves! 74 00:02:48,023 --> 00:02:51,001 - Maybe I can help you! - Oh, shit. 75 00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:51,026 - Billy Blanks! - Billy Blanks! 76 00:02:51,028 --> 00:02:53,024 Let's work this out together. 77 00:02:53,026 --> 00:02:55,008 Billy and Steve: Squat and kick 78 00:02:55,010 --> 00:02:57,010 and squat and punch and work it! 79 00:02:57,012 --> 00:02:58,019 - Kick! - And work it! 80 00:02:58,021 --> 00:03:00,000 Punch! 81 00:03:00,002 --> 00:03:01,005 Thanks for your help, Billy! 82 00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:02,028 It is the Tae Bo way. 83 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,016 Let us give you a ride home. 84 00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,006 Ah, no need. I live in this alley. 85 00:03:06,008 --> 00:03:08,008 Oh. 86 00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:10,015 Give me the baker's dozen. 87 00:03:10,017 --> 00:03:13,024 Yeah! Glaze me! Glaze me! 88 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,022 Here comes the money shot! 89 00:03:15,024 --> 00:03:17,003 Oh, yeah! 90 00:03:17,005 --> 00:03:19,010 [ Gargling ] 91 00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:21,010 You're ruining baking. 92 00:03:21,012 --> 00:03:23,010 [ Sniffing ] 93 00:03:23,012 --> 00:03:24,029 Free cocaine! 94 00:03:25,001 --> 00:03:26,026 Oh, being a lab mouse rules! 95 00:03:26,028 --> 00:03:28,010 Ugh. 96 00:03:28,012 --> 00:03:30,023 How come they get drugs and I get a fuckin' ear on my back? 97 00:03:30,025 --> 00:03:32,016 Let me switch cages. 98 00:03:32,018 --> 00:03:35,020 Man: Let's modify their environment. 99 00:03:35,022 --> 00:03:36,019 [ Both laugh ] 100 00:03:36,021 --> 00:03:37,028 Hey, let's have sex. 101 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,015 Keep it down! I can hear you! 102 00:03:40,017 --> 00:03:41,028 I want to switch cages. 103 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,022 Man: Now let's pierce the ear. 104 00:03:43,024 --> 00:03:45,018 Wait. Why the fuck would you... 105 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,018 Oh, God! What the fuck is this?! 106 00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:49,022 Eh, cool earring, bro! 107 00:03:49,024 --> 00:03:52,001 You should come party in our cage! 108 00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:53,016 [ Both groaning ] 109 00:03:53,018 --> 00:03:55,007 Oh. On... on... on second thought, this... this... 110 00:03:55,009 --> 00:03:56,025 this cage is kind of nice. 111 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:59,006 I can work with this. No big deal at all. 112 00:03:59,008 --> 00:04:01,018 Son, Old Yeller has got rabies. 113 00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:04,010 He's got to be put down. 114 00:04:04,012 --> 00:04:05,023 I... I'll do it. 115 00:04:05,025 --> 00:04:07,005 [ Sniffles ] 116 00:04:07,007 --> 00:04:07,029 [ Sobs ] 117 00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:10,010 [ Blam! ] 118 00:04:10,012 --> 00:04:12,002 Well done, Son. I know that was hard. 119 00:04:12,004 --> 00:04:14,003 That was awesome! 120 00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:15,021 [ Blam! Blam! Blam! ] 121 00:04:15,023 --> 00:04:20,000 Yeah! 122 00:04:20,002 --> 00:04:22,017 Yeah. [ Grunting ] 123 00:04:22,019 --> 00:04:24,015 Now I'm Old Yeller! 124 00:04:24,017 --> 00:04:26,015 Bark, bark, bark! Woof, woof, woof! 125 00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:28,000 Grawr-awr-awr! 126 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:30,014 Whuh-oh. Looks like our son has rabies. 127 00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:32,022 Give me that gun. I'll do it. 128 00:04:32,024 --> 00:04:34,011 Good evening. 129 00:04:34,013 --> 00:04:36,022 After losing my legs mountain climbing, 130 00:04:36,024 --> 00:04:39,000 I used my background in biotechnology 131 00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:41,023 to create fully functioning bionic legs. 132 00:04:41,025 --> 00:04:43,012 - Oh, wow, robo-legs. - Wow, robo-legs! 133 00:04:43,014 --> 00:04:44,026 That's right. With this remote, 134 00:04:44,028 --> 00:04:48,002 I can control where I walk and how fast I walk. 135 00:04:48,004 --> 00:04:49,021 Dad! This sucks! 136 00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:50,025 I want to leave. 137 00:04:50,027 --> 00:04:52,027 Billy, I told you to go wait in the car. 138 00:04:52,029 --> 00:04:54,004 You don't control me! 139 00:04:54,006 --> 00:04:55,014 I control you! 140 00:04:55,016 --> 00:04:56,026 Billy. Billy, put... Billy. 141 00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:58,009 Put it down, Billy. 142 00:04:58,011 --> 00:04:59,023 Aah! Aaaaaaah! 143 00:04:59,025 --> 00:05:01,020 Aah! Billy. Put it down, Billy. 144 00:05:01,022 --> 00:05:04,002 [ Laughter ] My son, ladies and gentlemen. 145 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,007 [ Laughs ] 146 00:05:06,009 --> 00:05:07,021 Oh, watch out for the wall. 147 00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:09,027 Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. 148 00:05:09,029 --> 00:05:11,029 - Is that Mall Madness? - Yeah. 149 00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:15,022 Let's shop until we drop! 150 00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:17,016 Announcer: The classic board game is back 151 00:05:17,018 --> 00:05:20,025 and all-new for your generation. 152 00:05:20,027 --> 00:05:22,027 Is this what malls are like? 153 00:05:22,029 --> 00:05:24,004 I don't know. 154 00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:26,011 I've never gone further than the Cheesecake Factory. 155 00:05:26,013 --> 00:05:28,017 Mall Madness is just like a real mall 156 00:05:28,019 --> 00:05:29,029 with real announcements! 157 00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:33,016 Active shooter in the building. This is not a drill. 158 00:05:33,018 --> 00:05:35,024 - Whoa! - It's just like school! 159 00:05:35,026 --> 00:05:38,004 We really will shop till we drop! 160 00:05:38,006 --> 00:05:39,013 [ Laughs ] 161 00:05:39,015 --> 00:05:41,017 Announcer: The new Mall Madness, only available online. 162 00:05:41,019 --> 00:05:44,004 [ Hawk crying, wind whistling ] 163 00:05:44,006 --> 00:05:46,013 So I tell the TSA agent, 164 00:05:46,015 --> 00:05:47,014 "If you really need to search inside, 165 00:05:47,016 --> 00:05:49,016 hey, be my guest." 166 00:05:49,018 --> 00:05:50,021 [ Laughter ] 167 00:05:50,023 --> 00:05:52,001 Eggs Benedict for the Holy Grail. 168 00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:53,022 Denver omelet for the Ark of the Covenant, 169 00:05:53,024 --> 00:05:56,022 and chocolate chip pancakes for the Sankara Stones. 170 00:05:56,024 --> 00:05:59,010 My diet starts tomorrow. 171 00:05:59,012 --> 00:06:02,028 We really should do a regular MacGuffin bruncheon. 172 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,006 [ Chuckles ] 173 00:06:04,008 --> 00:06:05,004 Guys! 174 00:06:05,006 --> 00:06:06,027 Fancy seeing you all here. 175 00:06:06,029 --> 00:06:09,026 I guess I must have missed the invite. 176 00:06:09,028 --> 00:06:11,003 [ Chuckles ] 177 00:06:11,005 --> 00:06:12,007 I'll take care of this. 178 00:06:12,009 --> 00:06:14,014 Calm down. We can make it through breakfast. 179 00:06:15,016 --> 00:06:17,015 Man: Not so fast, criminals. 180 00:06:17,017 --> 00:06:20,016 You've met your match with Ant-Man. 181 00:06:20,018 --> 00:06:22,021 And the Wasp! 182 00:06:22,023 --> 00:06:24,019 And Scabies! 183 00:06:24,021 --> 00:06:26,015 What is a scabies bug doing here? 184 00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:28,008 Well, I got scabies a few weeks back, 185 00:06:28,010 --> 00:06:30,022 and when I was shrunk, I really connected with them. 186 00:06:30,024 --> 00:06:32,003 Aw, you are so cute! 187 00:06:32,005 --> 00:06:34,003 I thought he could help us fight crime. 188 00:06:34,005 --> 00:06:36,026 Scabies! Yack! Yack! Yack! Yack! Yack! Yack! 189 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,012 [ Groaning ] 190 00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:40,004 Ugh. I feel itchy. 191 00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:42,000 I'm going to go get checked. 192 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,025 I checked her out, and she's fine! 193 00:06:44,027 --> 00:06:46,011 ♪♪ 194 00:06:46,013 --> 00:06:47,018 Scabies! 195 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,000 Sue Ann! 196 00:06:49,002 --> 00:06:50,008 I think your grandmother 197 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,019 left a toy on the porch for you. 198 00:06:51,021 --> 00:06:53,006 Oh, boy, a Ponzi! 199 00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:55,013 Its eyes change color based on its mood. 200 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,021 Teal means happy. Yellow is hungry. 201 00:06:57,023 --> 00:06:59,026 Honestly, that's kind of creepy. 202 00:06:59,028 --> 00:07:02,010 What's red for? 203 00:07:02,012 --> 00:07:04,002 Aah! Oh, my God. 204 00:07:04,004 --> 00:07:06,026 I am Ponzi, destroyer of worlds, 205 00:07:06,028 --> 00:07:08,013 flayer of field mice! 206 00:07:08,015 --> 00:07:10,020 Surrender your body, and your progeny lives. 207 00:07:10,022 --> 00:07:13,024 I don't negotiate with terrorists! 208 00:07:13,026 --> 00:07:14,025 Bang! Bang, bang! 209 00:07:14,027 --> 00:07:16,007 Very well. 210 00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:19,016 We have other ways of procuring a body. 211 00:07:19,018 --> 00:07:20,020 No! Aah! 212 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:21,024 [ Ponzis laughing maniacally ] 213 00:07:21,026 --> 00:07:23,028 Ahh. 214 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,018 Sorry I am tardy, 215 00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:28,014 but I have brought complimentary playthings 216 00:07:28,016 --> 00:07:30,010 for all of your family. Cool. 217 00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:33,002 Now, let us discuss Earth's nuclear codes! 218 00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:35,044 Phil, you have a cat sticking out of your ass again. 219 00:07:36,026 --> 00:07:38,029 Half-breed brother. 220 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:41,026 How dare you come to Atlantis... 221 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,016 Aah! 222 00:07:43,018 --> 00:07:45,001 ...and challenge me. 223 00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:46,020 Hey, hold up. Did you just pee? 224 00:07:46,022 --> 00:07:47,017 Yes! 225 00:07:47,019 --> 00:07:49,014 You couldn't wait to use a toilet? 226 00:07:49,016 --> 00:07:50,018 A what? 227 00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:51,015 Well, hold on. 228 00:07:51,017 --> 00:07:53,025 You all just pee wherever? 229 00:07:55,028 --> 00:07:57,022 Yes! It's the ocean! 230 00:07:57,024 --> 00:07:59,015 It's disgusting is what it is. 231 00:07:59,017 --> 00:08:01,020 How dare you judge Atlantis, 232 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,020 the most advanced civilization on... 233 00:08:03,022 --> 00:08:06,008 Okay. Whose poop is this? 234 00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:07,015 Hey. Hey, there, kid. 235 00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:09,003 How you doing? 236 00:08:09,005 --> 00:08:10,027 [ Sobbing ] 237 00:08:10,029 --> 00:08:13,000 I know. I know, but killing your dad, 238 00:08:13,002 --> 00:08:14,021 Dracula, was kind of the whole point 239 00:08:14,023 --> 00:08:17,018 of what we're doing though, right? 240 00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:18,028 Daddy! 241 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,019 Oh, come on. Come on. 242 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:23,012 Half-vampire, half-humans don't sob like that. 243 00:08:23,014 --> 00:08:24,020 Let's be a big boy. 244 00:08:24,022 --> 00:08:30,010 Look, Sypha made you a cake. 245 00:08:30,012 --> 00:08:32,010 It's sugar free and vegan. 246 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,012 [ Sobbing ] 247 00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:36,014 You cooked a vampire a vegan-sugar-free cake 248 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,027 to try to cheer him up?! 249 00:08:37,029 --> 00:08:38,025 So? So what? 250 00:08:38,027 --> 00:08:39,016 Get out! 251 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,008 Get out of here! 252 00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:42,024 Fuck off! Leave the cake, and get out! 253 00:08:42,026 --> 00:08:45,012 Try and do something nice. 254 00:08:45,014 --> 00:08:48,013 You're going to get through this. 255 00:08:48,015 --> 00:08:51,016 Oh, goddamn, this cake is the worst. 256 00:08:51,018 --> 00:08:53,022 We're going to get through this together! 257 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,006 Fuck you! 258 00:08:56,008 --> 00:08:57,026 - Fuck this cake! - Fuck this cake! 259 00:08:57,028 --> 00:08:59,014 [ Cheers and applause ] 260 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:01,006 ♪♪ 261 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:04,022 He's so hot! 262 00:09:04,024 --> 00:09:06,029 [ Farting, liquid sloshes ] 263 00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:09,002 Aah! 264 00:09:09,004 --> 00:09:14,005 [ Farting continues ] 265 00:09:14,007 --> 00:09:16,014 ♪♪ 266 00:09:18,026 --> 00:09:21,022 Alexa, play some elevator jazz, please. 267 00:09:21,024 --> 00:09:22,027 Alexa: Okay, Mike. 268 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,024 I found a smooth jazz playlist 269 00:09:24,026 --> 00:09:26,014 in your Amazon Music account. [ Smooth jazz plays ] 270 00:09:26,016 --> 00:09:28,004 - Mm-hmm. - Ahh. 271 00:09:28,006 --> 00:09:30,005 That music is so nice. 272 00:09:30,007 --> 00:09:32,025 It almost makes me forget we're out of milk. 273 00:09:32,027 --> 00:09:34,002 [ Cellphones chime ] 274 00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:35,013 Huh. That's weird. 275 00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:38,008 I just got an offer to buy some milk from Amazon Fresh. 276 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,011 So did I. 277 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:42,020 Are you listening to us all the time? 278 00:09:42,022 --> 00:09:45,027 [ Whirring softly ] 279 00:09:45,029 --> 00:09:47,013 No. 280 00:09:47,015 --> 00:09:51,007 ♪♪ 281 00:09:51,009 --> 00:09:54,020 Organic milk, instant delivery with Amazon Fresh. 282 00:09:54,022 --> 00:09:57,028 - Subscribe now. - Stop telling us to buy stuff! 283 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,004 "Stuff Magazine" is available for subscription 284 00:10:00,006 --> 00:10:02,029 or single issue purchase. 285 00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:05,004 Yeah! For freedom! 286 00:10:05,006 --> 00:10:06,022 Whoa-oh! 287 00:10:06,024 --> 00:10:10,003 American flags, now with free 2-day shipping. 288 00:10:10,005 --> 00:10:14,029 Aah! 289 00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:20,018 Customers also bought clothes, boots, and a motorcycle. 290 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,021 [ Sobbing ] Okay. You win. 291 00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:26,016 Add milk to shopping cart and checkout. 292 00:10:26,018 --> 00:10:29,009 This is pretty convenient actually. 293 00:10:29,011 --> 00:10:31,003 Mm-hmm. Yeah. It actually is. 294 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,019 [ Smooth jazz plays ] 295 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:48,004 ♪♪ 19426

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