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1
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♪♪
2
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:06,011
[ Thunder crashes ]
3
00:00:06,013 --> 00:00:08,012
[ Theme music plays ]
4
00:00:08,014 --> 00:00:12,002
♪♪
5
00:00:12,004 --> 00:00:14,011
[ Whirring ]
6
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:18,009
♪♪
7
00:00:18,011 --> 00:00:20,015
Man: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]
8
00:00:20,017 --> 00:00:27,026
♪♪
9
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:30,004
[ Thunder crashes ]
10
00:00:30,006 --> 00:00:38,006
♪♪
11
00:00:38,008 --> 00:00:39,012
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
12
00:00:39,014 --> 00:00:41,006
[ Dinosaur growling ]
Shh, shh.
13
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:43,024
[ Whispering ] I think
it's a Velociraptor.
14
00:00:43,026 --> 00:00:46,007
No.
It's a Veloci-rapper!
15
00:00:46,009 --> 00:00:48,029
♪ One, two, one, two,
look who's coming through ♪
16
00:00:49,001 --> 00:00:51,006
♪ Veloci-rapper,
so what you want to do? ♪
17
00:00:51,008 --> 00:00:53,020
♪ Oh, snap,
I just seen a little boy ♪
18
00:00:53,022 --> 00:00:56,001
♪ So it's time to attack,
bust a rap, and destroy ♪
19
00:00:56,003 --> 00:00:57,014
♪ You could run,
but I'll follow you ♪
20
00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:58,023
♪ I'll chew you up
and swallow you ♪
21
00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,000
♪ And if there's more people ♪
22
00:01:00,002 --> 00:01:01,005
♪ Then I'm-a eat up all of you ♪
23
00:01:01,007 --> 00:01:02,026
♪ I'm from a park
called Jurassic ♪
24
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:04,008
♪ My rhymes are classic ♪
25
00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:06,011
♪ I'll wrap you with plastic,
douse you with gas ♪
26
00:01:06,013 --> 00:01:08,010
♪ And toss a matchstick ♪
27
00:01:08,012 --> 00:01:10,020
♪ Guarantee once I find you,
you'll be in my submission ♪
28
00:01:10,022 --> 00:01:11,502
♪ And if you think
I'll let you live ♪
29
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,018
♪ Then, boy,
you must be wishing ♪
30
00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:15,006
[ Horn blowing ]
31
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,001
Yeah, Jurassic Park all day!
West side raptor!
32
00:01:17,003 --> 00:01:18,025
Motherfucka World star!
33
00:01:18,027 --> 00:01:20,029
FUCK meteors. We out.
34
00:01:21,001 --> 00:01:23,013
Tim, get up!
You got to wake up!
35
00:01:23,015 --> 00:01:26,000
Dr. Grant, the dinosaur
didn't even touch him.
36
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,005
Ah, the Veloci-rapper
simply shreds
37
00:01:28,007 --> 00:01:30,006
all of its victims
with dope lyrics.
38
00:01:30,008 --> 00:01:31,019
Sorry for your loss, homes.
39
00:01:31,029 --> 00:01:33,018
♪♪
40
00:01:33,020 --> 00:01:36,007
Harry, how can you be
so relaxed?
41
00:01:36,009 --> 00:01:38,022
Snape's potion test is tomorrow!
42
00:01:38,024 --> 00:01:41,017
Oh, because I'm the chosen one.
43
00:01:41,019 --> 00:01:43,006
Nobody said
I'm the "chosen as long
44
00:01:43,008 --> 00:01:46,003
as he gets good grades" one, eh?
45
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:47,125
And the chosen one's friends
46
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,018
should be exempt
from exams, too.
47
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:52,013
Will you be quiet?
48
00:01:52,015 --> 00:01:56,013
I need to be well-rested for
our big potions test tomorrow.
49
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,021
Why don't you just write
the answers
50
00:01:57,023 --> 00:01:59,013
on the back of those cucumbers?
51
00:01:59,015 --> 00:02:03,005
Nobody's doing anything
gay in here, are they?
52
00:02:03,007 --> 00:02:06,004
Because that would be okay
with me.
53
00:02:06,006 --> 00:02:09,009
Oh, Dumbledore.
54
00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:11,012
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
55
00:02:11,014 --> 00:02:14,015
♪ Come on to Hogwarts ♪
56
00:02:14,017 --> 00:02:16,022
♪ Learn a charm that is new ♪
57
00:02:16,024 --> 00:02:20,008
♪ Where the spells are a curse
or a hex or jinx ♪
58
00:02:20,010 --> 00:02:22,018
♪ At Harry's wizardry school ♪
59
00:02:23,013 --> 00:02:24,023
[ Screaming ]
60
00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:28,005
Can anyone play goalie?
61
00:02:28,007 --> 00:02:30,003
[ Grunts ]
62
00:02:30,005 --> 00:02:31,022
You! New guy.
63
00:02:31,024 --> 00:02:32,029
You're up.
64
00:02:33,001 --> 00:02:35,003
[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]
65
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♪♪
66
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:40,001
Yeah, new guy is the balls!
67
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,024
[ Buzzer ]
68
00:02:42,026 --> 00:02:44,015
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
69
00:02:45,022 --> 00:02:48,008
Together: Boo!
70
00:02:49,011 --> 00:02:51,021
[ Crowd cheering ]
71
00:02:52,009 --> 00:02:53,013
[ Cheers and applause ]
72
00:02:53,015 --> 00:02:55,011
Aah!
73
00:02:55,013 --> 00:02:57,002
[ Cheers and applause
continues ]
74
00:02:57,004 --> 00:02:59,003
Crowd: [ Chanting ]
75
00:02:59,005 --> 00:03:01,022
Do it! Do it!
76
00:03:01,024 --> 00:03:03,004
[ Crowd cheers ]
77
00:03:03,006 --> 00:03:06,013
New guy! New guy!
New...
78
00:03:06,029 --> 00:03:09,008
Ah, can anyone play goalie?
79
00:03:10,013 --> 00:03:12,003
[ Whimpers ]
80
00:03:12,005 --> 00:03:14,004
Can you describe the attackers?
81
00:03:14,006 --> 00:03:16,028
Well, they were
these giant humanlike turtles
82
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,006
that were doing
all kinds of karate, and...
83
00:03:19,008 --> 00:03:20,010
I don't know.
84
00:03:20,012 --> 00:03:22,004
Maybe they were teenagers
or something.
85
00:03:22,006 --> 00:03:24,002
They had weapons.
Ninja weapons.
86
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,010
Anything else?
87
00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:27,014
They smelled like pizza,
and they said "Dude" a lot.
88
00:03:27,016 --> 00:03:29,009
Oh, dude, they had this rat
with them.
89
00:03:29,011 --> 00:03:32,003
I don't know if he was their pet
or, like, their master
90
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:35,001
or whatever, but, like,
they had something going on.
91
00:03:35,003 --> 00:03:36,014
I don't know.
I'm just speculating.
92
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,006
Did you get a look
at their faces?
93
00:03:38,008 --> 00:03:39,022
No, Officer.
I didn't see it.
94
00:03:39,024 --> 00:03:42,013
They had these colorful
little masks over their eyes,
95
00:03:42,015 --> 00:03:44,024
so I'm like,
"What do they look like, man?"
96
00:03:44,026 --> 00:03:45,029
I don't even know.
97
00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:48,001
Without the faces, we've
got nothing! [ Groans ]
98
00:03:48,011 --> 00:03:50,022
Come on, Abe.
Show us what's under that hat.
99
00:03:50,024 --> 00:03:52,018
We want to see why it's so tall.
100
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:54,025
I wanted a tall hat.
That's it, honestly.
101
00:03:54,027 --> 00:03:56,017
No one needs a hat that tall.
102
00:03:56,019 --> 00:03:58,005
What are you hiding
under there, freak?!
103
00:03:58,007 --> 00:03:59,012
I'm not hiding anything!
104
00:03:59,014 --> 00:04:00,019
Now, if you'll excuse me.
105
00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:02,006
Not so fast, Abe!
Rip!
106
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,018
[ Stammering ]
107
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:04,018
Aah!
Aah!
108
00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:05,026
[ Guns cock ]
109
00:04:08,008 --> 00:04:11,021
You must not let this
happen again.
110
00:04:11,023 --> 00:04:13,015
Yes, my lord.
111
00:04:13,017 --> 00:04:18,020
♪♪
112
00:04:18,022 --> 00:04:21,019
A girl is ready to join
the game of thrones.
113
00:04:21,021 --> 00:04:23,012
She must choose a face.
114
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That one.
115
00:04:25,025 --> 00:04:29,013
Perhaps a girl would like
a face more like this?
116
00:04:29,015 --> 00:04:31,010
No.
I want that one.
117
00:04:31,012 --> 00:04:32,023
[ Sighs ]
118
00:04:32,025 --> 00:04:37,001
♪♪
119
00:04:37,003 --> 00:04:39,001
[ Beeping ]
120
00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:42,000
♪♪
121
00:04:42,002 --> 00:04:44,011
[ Whirring ]
122
00:04:53,004 --> 00:05:01,010
♪♪
123
00:05:01,012 --> 00:05:03,015
Ugh. No.
Not this one.
124
00:05:03,017 --> 00:05:05,014
A girl wanted
the one next to it!
125
00:05:05,016 --> 00:05:07,011
[ Sighs ]
126
00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:09,006
[ Whirring ]
127
00:05:14,016 --> 00:05:19,021
♪♪
128
00:05:19,023 --> 00:05:21,023
[ Straining ]
129
00:05:23,027 --> 00:05:25,024
[ Grunts ] Come on.
130
00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:32,009
Man really needs to rethink
the design of this place.
131
00:05:33,008 --> 00:05:35,002
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
132
00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:38,013
Gritty: Every mascot
has their own truth.
133
00:05:39,028 --> 00:05:41,021
[ Cheers and applause ]
134
00:05:42,020 --> 00:05:46,010
I just danced my heart out
to "Whoomp! (There It Is)"!
135
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,252
What more do you want from me?!
136
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:49,361
Real mascots
are racist caricatures
137
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:53,026
and animals like Hunter,
not fuzzy blobs like you.
138
00:05:53,028 --> 00:05:57,002
I was the best mascot
in the world at one time.
139
00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:58,020
Now I can't stand the face I see
140
00:05:58,022 --> 00:05:59,062
when I look in the mirror.
141
00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:02,006
They don't care.
No one cares.
142
00:06:02,008 --> 00:06:05,010
I wasn't a perfect purebred
mascot like the others.
143
00:06:05,012 --> 00:06:06,020
Not me.
144
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:08,025
[ Thud ]
145
00:06:08,027 --> 00:06:10,003
Did you just hit me
146
00:06:10,005 --> 00:06:11,022
in the knee with a crowbar?
147
00:06:11,024 --> 00:06:13,022
Couldn't feel anything.
Thick padding.
148
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,022
I, uh...
149
00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:15,028
No!
150
00:06:18,014 --> 00:06:20,011
Ha! Huh!
Why?!
151
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:23,009
[ Crying ] Why?!
152
00:06:24,015 --> 00:06:26,017
You always hated Hunter,
didn't you?
153
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,029
I didn't do it.
154
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:30,014
But we all watched it
on the JumboTron, didn't we?
155
00:06:30,016 --> 00:06:33,011
That could've been anyone!
156
00:06:33,013 --> 00:06:35,028
America, they want
something to love.
157
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,012
You never loved me.
158
00:06:37,014 --> 00:06:38,027
You tortured me into greatness.
159
00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:41,028
That's how I love, stupid!
160
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,015
But they also want a gigantic
orange nightmare creature.
161
00:06:47,013 --> 00:06:48,012
Showtime!
162
00:06:48,014 --> 00:06:50,005
I'm Gritty.
163
00:06:50,007 --> 00:06:51,022
Thank you so much for hiring me
164
00:06:51,024 --> 00:06:53,009
as your assistant, Nostradamus.
165
00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:54,021
What can I do for you?
166
00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:57,017
Please, go to the market and
fetch me some ink for my quill.
167
00:06:57,019 --> 00:06:58,024
Yes, sir.
God damn it!
168
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,001
You're gonna buy brown ink!
169
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,010
I wanted black!
170
00:07:01,012 --> 00:07:02,018
I'm sorry I yelled.
171
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:04,014
I've just got a lot
of prophecies
172
00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:05,027
to write, and I'm stressed.
173
00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:07,005
Sir, I understand.
174
00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:08,023
Why don't you go
to the kitchen and fetch me
175
00:07:08,025 --> 00:07:10,021
some hot, relaxing tea?
176
00:07:10,023 --> 00:07:12,001
As you wish.
Aah!
177
00:07:12,003 --> 00:07:14,017
You're gonna spill it
on my lap and burn my dick.
178
00:07:14,019 --> 00:07:15,018
Oh, my goodness!
179
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,004
I'm so sorry!
It's fine.
180
00:07:17,006 --> 00:07:19,012
I'm just a little sensitive
about my dick.
181
00:07:19,014 --> 00:07:20,022
Understood.
Can I...
182
00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:21,064
You're gonna fuck my wife!
183
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:22,028
Aah! Oh.
184
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,011
What?!
I would never.
185
00:07:24,013 --> 00:07:27,021
Yeah, you will, right there on
that couch and behind that door.
186
00:07:27,023 --> 00:07:28,021
That's where I'll watch.
187
00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:30,001
Wait. You'll watch?
Yeah.
188
00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:31,007
I'll enjoy watching for reasons
189
00:07:31,009 --> 00:07:32,025
I won't understand,
and then, one day,
190
00:07:32,027 --> 00:07:34,014
I'll open the door,
try to join in.
191
00:07:34,016 --> 00:07:36,022
You'll be cool.
She'll get upset, call it off.
192
00:07:36,024 --> 00:07:38,019
Humiliated, I slash both
of your throats
193
00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:41,013
and hang my nude body
above your corpses right here.
194
00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,018
I'm going to leave now.
195
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,004
Wait!
What?
196
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,027
Okay, now go.
Okay, bye.
197
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,019
Aah!
198
00:07:46,021 --> 00:07:50,006
"Buy Apple... stock."
199
00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:53,006
[ Crowd cheering ]
200
00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:55,016
Another great show,
Jonas Brothers.
201
00:07:55,018 --> 00:07:58,017
Let's celebrate with some
light hugging with some girls!
202
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:01,012
But what about our purity rings?
203
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,017
[ Laughter ]
204
00:08:02,019 --> 00:08:04,009
What are purity rings?
High five.
205
00:08:04,011 --> 00:08:06,018
Sexy boys, come with me.
206
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:09,003
Something terrible has happened.
207
00:08:09,005 --> 00:08:10,013
- Ooh, it's kind of dark.
- Whoa!
208
00:08:10,015 --> 00:08:13,003
Boys, the United States
needs your help.
209
00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:14,025
America needs
the Jonas Brothers?
210
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,007
You're not the Jonas Brothers.
211
00:08:16,009 --> 00:08:18,013
You're actually
the Jonas clones.
212
00:08:18,015 --> 00:08:19,022
- Aah!
- Gasp!
213
00:08:19,024 --> 00:08:21,018
Years ago,
the government was alerted
214
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:23,028
to the existence
of a teen heartthrob
215
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,008
who was far too heartthrob-y.
216
00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:27,023
His looks were killer.
217
00:08:27,025 --> 00:08:29,014
His music was boppin'.
218
00:08:29,016 --> 00:08:31,010
And his hair was floppy.
219
00:08:31,012 --> 00:08:33,001
He was called Jonas.
220
00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:35,005
- Like us!
- Quiet!
221
00:08:35,007 --> 00:08:37,028
You are horse shit
compared to him.
222
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,012
He could blow a kiss at a fan,
223
00:08:39,014 --> 00:08:41,027
and their G.D. vagina
would explode!
224
00:08:41,029 --> 00:08:45,015
Their heterosexual fathers
needed to give him a BJ.
225
00:08:45,017 --> 00:08:47,013
And to restore world order,
226
00:08:47,015 --> 00:08:50,023
the government had to step in
and take Jonas captive.
227
00:08:50,025 --> 00:08:52,013
Nooooo!
228
00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:54,010
We experimented on his genes
229
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:56,019
to study the limits
of his allure,
230
00:08:56,021 --> 00:08:59,015
but there were no limits.
231
00:08:59,017 --> 00:09:01,013
We couldn't study Jonas
directly,
232
00:09:01,015 --> 00:09:03,019
so we created clones of him.
233
00:09:03,021 --> 00:09:06,027
We spliced in some frog DNA
to limit his allure.
234
00:09:06,029 --> 00:09:09,005
I had recently watched
"Jurassic Park,"
235
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,016
and that's how you
three were born.
236
00:09:10,018 --> 00:09:12,024
- But we're not clones.
- Oh, no?
237
00:09:12,026 --> 00:09:14,026
Simply this.
And there. Hm.
238
00:09:14,028 --> 00:09:15,028
Aah! Wait!
239
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,000
Which one am I?!
Kevin? Nick? Jack?
240
00:09:18,002 --> 00:09:19,012
There is no Jack Jonas.
241
00:09:19,014 --> 00:09:21,023
Both: There isn't?
I thought I was Jack!
242
00:09:21,025 --> 00:09:23,005
- No!
- Aah!
243
00:09:23,007 --> 00:09:26,001
And the final piece
of evidence. Here.
244
00:09:27,005 --> 00:09:29,023
[ Muffled ] Why tell us now?
And do you have more flies?
245
00:09:29,025 --> 00:09:31,024
Today, Jonas Prime escaped.
246
00:09:31,026 --> 00:09:33,022
We need your help
to track him down.
247
00:09:33,024 --> 00:09:35,001
[ Metal clangs ]
248
00:09:35,003 --> 00:09:36,013
No! He's...
249
00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:37,026
He's still here!
250
00:09:37,028 --> 00:09:40,005
- Ohh!
- Oh!
251
00:09:40,007 --> 00:09:42,007
So... much... allure.
252
00:09:42,009 --> 00:09:44,015
Thanks for tracking down
my clothes for me, fools.
253
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,017
Now leave us.
254
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,017
[ Ting! ]
255
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,023
He winked at us!
256
00:09:47,025 --> 00:09:49,011
I'm blushing!
257
00:09:49,013 --> 00:09:51,018
I'm blushing to death!
258
00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:56,016
Now, my clones, together,
we shall rule the world!
259
00:09:56,018 --> 00:09:58,024
Being a Jonas isn't
about ruling humanity.
260
00:09:58,026 --> 00:10:01,018
It's about loving your fans,
playing great music,
261
00:10:01,020 --> 00:10:03,009
and being told
to wear purity rings
262
00:10:03,011 --> 00:10:05,026
until you get old enough that
it's weird to wear purity rings.
263
00:10:05,028 --> 00:10:06,029
Aw, come on, babe.
264
00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:08,024
You can't resist.
We're the same.
265
00:10:08,026 --> 00:10:10,003
Oh, are we?
266
00:10:10,005 --> 00:10:12,004
Ribbit motherfucker!
267
00:10:12,006 --> 00:10:14,000
[ Frogs croaking ]
268
00:10:14,002 --> 00:10:15,028
What are you doing?
269
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,013
No! S.O.S.! S.O.S.!
270
00:10:17,015 --> 00:10:18,015
[ Whistle! ]
271
00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:19,026
[ Explosion ]
Oh! We did it!
272
00:10:19,028 --> 00:10:21,010
Hooray!
Murder!
273
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:23,027
Now can we lock down
whether I'm Kevin or Nick?
274
00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:25,007
[ Laughter ]
275
00:10:25,009 --> 00:10:26,009
Together: Huh?!
276
00:10:27,007 --> 00:10:28,015
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
277
00:10:28,017 --> 00:10:30,015
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
278
00:10:31,022 --> 00:10:33,000
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
279
00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:34,682
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
280
00:10:35,028 --> 00:10:37,006
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
281
00:10:37,008 --> 00:10:39,006
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
282
00:10:39,008 --> 00:10:41,013
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
283
00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:45,001
[ Gun cocks ]
284
00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:47,024
[ Screaming ]
Yeah!
285
00:10:47,026 --> 00:10:49,015
Motherfucker!
286
00:10:49,017 --> 00:10:52,019
♪♪
287
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,008
Stupid Monkey.
19574
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