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[ Whirring ]
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:07,073
[ Theme music plays ]
3
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:09,275
♪♪
4
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,643
[ Whirring ]
5
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:18,118
♪♪
6
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,086
Man: It's alive!
7
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:29,162
♪♪
8
00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:38,271
♪♪
9
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:39,906
Say, Merlin?
10
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,174
Yes, my boy?
11
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,576
Remember when you turned me
into a boy squirrel
12
00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:45,645
and there was that
annoying girl squirrel
13
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,213
who was bothering me so much?
14
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,615
I believe so, yes.
15
00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:51,351
Remember she was kind of cute
and she really bugged me,
16
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:52,519
and I didn't like it.
17
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:53,820
Hmm, what of her?
18
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,389
Do you want me to turn you
back into a squirrel
19
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:57,991
so you can have sex
with the squirrel?
20
00:00:58,057 --> 00:00:59,159
Is that it, boy?
21
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,160
What?!
22
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:03,196
No, that's -- that's so crazy.
23
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:06,433
You're the one who's getting
all squirrelly now.
24
00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:07,901
You old squirrel brain.
25
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,904
You've -- you've been
sniffing too many potions.
26
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,443
Well, I just thought
of something crazy.
27
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:20,213
Wouldn't it be so crazy
to change her into a human girl
28
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,482
just to see how annoying
she would look, probably?
29
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:25,819
My boy, I could very easily
change her into a girl, but--
30
00:01:25,885 --> 00:01:27,654
Good idea.
That was your idea.
31
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,888
That's a good idea.
32
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:31,658
However, just as you
retained your human brain
33
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when you became a squirrel,
34
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she would retain
her squirrel brain.
35
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,729
Oh.
36
00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:39,933
Oh, okay then.
37
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:43,402
Do it.
38
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,840
Hi, guys!
It's me, Joker!
39
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:49,676
A lot of people have been asking
for a makeup tutorial,
40
00:01:49,741 --> 00:01:51,444
so I'm gonna give it to ya!
41
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:54,013
I prefer the L'Oreal
ruby charcoal lip liner
42
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,648
because the Kylie Lip Kit
43
00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:58,618
smears when Batman
punches me in the face.
44
00:01:58,685 --> 00:01:59,953
Ha ha ha!
45
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:02,956
I'm not a heroin addict,
but I want people to wonder
46
00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:04,424
whether I'm a heroin addict.
47
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:05,892
You understand.
48
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,461
And don't forget to write
your own personal mantra
49
00:02:08,527 --> 00:02:10,163
across your forehead!
50
00:02:10,229 --> 00:02:12,131
Son of a--
51
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:15,034
Is this really necessary?
52
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,669
50% off Monistat?
53
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:18,204
Well, you do know
your you audience.
54
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:20,106
Nobody uses those coupons!
55
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,308
Is this at least recycled?
56
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,177
Um...
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00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,745
Yeah.
58
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,146
[ Sobbing ]
59
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:30,683
Remember, kids, every time
a CVS receipt starts printing,
60
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,918
a tree ugly-cries.
61
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:38,558
I don't think we're
doing this right.
62
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,761
My husband asked me why
I don't go down on him anymore.
63
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:46,199
I told him, because snakes
smell with their tongues.
64
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:49,435
Right, ladies?
Wash your cloacas, guys!
65
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,971
Wash them!
66
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,107
Oh, anyway...
67
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:57,744
What else is going on.
68
00:02:57,810 --> 00:03:00,547
What it says about
America is profound.
69
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:01,881
Well, they're certainly sexual
70
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,850
if one chooses
to view them that way.
71
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,753
It's a masterpiece.
72
00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:09,556
In this piece, you seem
to be exposing
73
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:13,059
the Louisiana Purchase
as unjust.
74
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,160
Am I right?
75
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,296
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
76
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,665
So true, so true.
77
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,201
Meep, meep!
78
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,243
[ Applause ]
79
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,045
He's dead.
80
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,847
Is it too late to bid
on that piece?
81
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,383
Is your person a dumb whore
who's having an affair
82
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:38,851
with her best friend's husband,
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00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:42,322
secretly gave him chlamydia, and
gets guilty yeast infections?
84
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,423
Oh, dear!
85
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:46,926
This game is getting
awfully specific.
86
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,661
I'm not doing a threesome
with you, Screech.
87
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,831
If you want to disappoint
two people, call your parents.
88
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,934
Zack Morris, you might think
you're the only person
89
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:58,004
with super powers,
but you are part of a larger--
90
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,505
Time-out.
91
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,141
Who is this guy, and what the
heck is he doing in my bedroom?
92
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:03,242
I guess I'll find out.
93
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:04,811
Time-in.
universe.
94
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,312
Anything's better than school,
95
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,047
as long as I get
a cool code name.
96
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,382
Like what?
97
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:11,784
My name's Zack Morris,
and I stop time every day.
98
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:16,356
So my code name will be
Morris Day and the Time.
99
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,392
Whoa. Even the laugh track
wasn't crazy about that one.
100
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:22,595
[ Laughter ]
101
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:25,598
Hey, Morris Day and the Time,
a little help.
102
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:26,566
Time-out.
103
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,134
Man, this is bad.
104
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,569
I should have learned
an actual skill
105
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,204
to supplement
my time-out power.
106
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,905
All I know how to do
is break the fourth wall
107
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,774
to monologue about stuff.
108
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,009
[ Laughter ]
109
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,344
At least, I can move
Hawkeye out of harm's way.
110
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:40,346
Perfect.
Time-in.
111
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,049
Don't just stand there,
do somethi--
112
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,717
Time-out.
113
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,753
Oh, boy.
114
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:48,154
Time-in.
There you are.
115
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,188
You weren't in class.
116
00:04:49,255 --> 00:04:51,858
What can I say,
the hero returns.
117
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[ Aww ]
118
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♪♪
119
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,838
Ooh, and there's
the Pound Town Library.
120
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,107
And up ahead, that's
Pound Town Post Office.
121
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,609
And as we crest this hill here,
you're gonna see
122
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:10,810
the University of Pound Town.
123
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,413
Well, this is not
what I thought you meant.
124
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,715
The Cabbage Patch Kids
Feed Me doll
125
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,316
ripped out
my daughter's hair.
126
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:20,586
My little Suzie broke her finger
in that doll's mouth.
127
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:21,921
What's your complaint, sir?
128
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,289
Oh, I don't have a complaint,
129
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:25,457
I just came to see
if I could get...
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00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,460
more of these dolls.
131
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,129
[ Squelching, crowd gasping ]
132
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:35,802
You must choose the cup
that is the Holy Grail.
133
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,904
Hmm.
Uh-uh.
134
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,272
Ah, this!
135
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:41,774
This is the cup of a carpenter.
136
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,843
You have...
137
00:05:43,909 --> 00:05:45,678
chosen.
138
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:48,981
[ Humming ]
139
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,950
[ Chittering ]
Hey, uh, Merlin?
140
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,286
I feel kind of guilty
about this whole thing.
141
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,121
I hope you've learned
your lesson
142
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,657
about turning animals
into women, my boy.
143
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:58,791
Oh, I'm sorry.
144
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,127
I didn't realize
you had company.
145
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,128
Squawk!
Learned your lesson!
146
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,763
Learned your lesson.
147
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,365
My squirrel is pregnant,
BT-Dubs.
148
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:10,103
Gah.
Gerr!
149
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:12,905
Master Wayne, how was
crime-fighting this evening?
150
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:14,407
Did you get the Joker?
151
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:17,009
Oh, I got him!
152
00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:19,779
I'll get the soda water.
153
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:24,250
Be careful not to choke
on your aspirations, director.
154
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,185
[ Laughs evilly ]
155
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:30,089
Oh, Vader, the humor
is strong in you.
156
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,592
Chosen one.
157
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,927
[ Ventilator wheezing ]
158
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:36,662
Give me the plans.
159
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:41,601
Do not force me
to destroy you.
160
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,402
Have a nice trip.
161
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:44,971
See you next fall.
162
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:47,340
Don't get ahead
of yourself.
163
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:48,474
Is this a party?
164
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,343
Then let's raise the roof!
165
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:51,511
Oh!
166
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,113
What is a squirrel's
favorite food.
167
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:54,881
What?!
168
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:56,415
Nuts!
Ow, my nuts!
169
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,217
One, two, button my shoe.
170
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:02,088
Three, four...
171
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,322
hold the door.
172
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,024
Blockade run, eh?
173
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,659
I barely know her.
174
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:09,395
Lord Vader,
did we get the plans?
175
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,864
Oh, right -- the plans.
176
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,803
Maybe I shouldn't have
dicked around so much.
177
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:18,404
Welcome to Fight Club.
178
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:21,607
The first rule of Fight Club
is you do not talk about
179
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Fight Club.
180
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:24,544
Second rule of Fight Club is
181
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,281
you do not talk about
Fight Club.
182
00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:30,983
Ugh.
Yes?
183
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,185
Sorry to interrupt.
184
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,419
I don't know if you realize it,
but you said
185
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:34,821
the same rule twice.
186
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,856
Ugh, yes, I did that on purpose
187
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,491
to make sure the rule
is driven home.
188
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:39,826
Oh, okay, thanks.
189
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,060
I just wanted to make sure
we didn't accidentally
190
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,361
miss out on a rule.
191
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:43,629
Nope, you didn't.
192
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,431
Okay.
193
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:48,734
When we're gathered for our, uh,
let's say a tea party...
194
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,470
Ugh, okay, when you're in
Fight Club,
195
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:53,272
you can talk about Fight Club.
196
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:54,507
Okay, thanks.
197
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:55,508
No, that -- that was --
that was my question.
198
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,443
[ Telephone ringing ]
199
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,045
Fight Club?
No!
200
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,214
But you said!
You are in Fight Club,
201
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:05,751
but whoever's on the phone
is not in Fight Club.
202
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:06,819
Um, uh...
203
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,120
Dah!
204
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:11,324
So rule 8, paragraph 9,
section one,
205
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:12,625
if you're in Fight Club,
206
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,994
opening the door to let someone
in to Fight Club,
207
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,063
you do not talk about
Fight Club
208
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,298
until the door is closed.
We good?
209
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:22,869
Has everybody got this?
210
00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:24,203
[ Shutter clicks ]
No!
211
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:25,404
But I didn't even do anything!
212
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:26,405
You know what, fuck it.
213
00:08:26,472 --> 00:08:28,908
I don't exist anyway.
214
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,778
Boys have a penis
and girls have a vagina.
215
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,982
No, that's not how
it works anymore!
216
00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:41,587
In the dark, dark wood,
there is a dark, dark house.
217
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:44,357
And in that dark, dark house,
218
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:47,326
there is
a dark, dark room.
219
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:50,463
And in that dark, dark room,
220
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:54,033
your parents
are doing it.
221
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,069
[ Moaning, narrator laughing
maniacally ]
222
00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:04,977
And that's how the Titanic
changed my life forever.
223
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,113
Wow, Rose, that's
a beautiful story
224
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:10,149
about how Jack died
and the giant diamond was lost.
225
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,051
It's hard to believe
such a fairy tale
226
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,252
of love even happened.
227
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:14,687
Yes, um...
228
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:17,323
hard to believe.
229
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,458
[ Horn blowing ]
230
00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:23,930
[ Giggling ]
Nobody will look for us in here.
231
00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:25,765
Man: Iceberg -- dead ahead!
232
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:27,466
Huh?
Oh!
233
00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:28,467
Uh-oh!
234
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:29,802
Was that the Heart
of the Ocean?
235
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:32,805
Holy shit.
Jack, it's worth a fortune!
236
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:35,141
Oh! Wait, wait, wait.
I think I feel it.
237
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,742
Uh-oh, Rose!
238
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,911
My hand is stuck in the toilet!
239
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,313
Uh, Jack?
Oh, God.
240
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:42,682
Oh, God, no, no --
no, no, no, no, no!
241
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,050
Oh, God. No.
Help us!
242
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,985
I'm drowning in poop water.
243
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,422
Rose, my hand is trapped
in the toilet.
244
00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:51,958
But you can survive.
245
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,894
Our love will go on even
if only one of us...
246
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,295
Okay, bye.
247
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:57,363
Oh!
248
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,432
Wow.
Whoo.
249
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:01,334
Oh, maybe everything's okay.
250
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,243
This one's for you, Jack.
251
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,112
[ Flatulence, spraying ]
252
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,314
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
253
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,383
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
254
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,618
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
255
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:21,721
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
256
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,856
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
257
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,225
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
258
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,561
Ba-gawk!
Bawk.
259
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:33,866
[ Penny whistle tune ]
260
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:39,071
♪♪
261
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:44,276
♪♪
262
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:46,479
Stupid monkey.
263
00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:53,285
♪♪
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