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[ Whirring ]
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,040
[ Theme music plays ]
3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,444
[ Whirring ]
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:18,084
♪♪
5
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,719
Man: It's alive!
6
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:27,761
♪♪
7
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,895
[ Thunder rumbles ]
8
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:38,104
♪♪
9
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:40,373
It's hard to find
a great-tasting breakfast
10
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,142
that won't raise
my cholesterol.
11
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:45,545
Did somebody ask
for a tasty breakfast?!
12
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:46,513
Wow!
Ohh!
13
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,948
Nothing beats the taste
of oats and honey!
14
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,083
It's gr-r-r-r-r-eat!
15
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,017
What the fuck?!
Aah!
16
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,086
No! No! Oh, my God, no!
17
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,221
This can't be happening!
18
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,657
It'll be okay, bee.
You'll be okay.
19
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,859
Yeah, yeah.
I'll be okay.
20
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:01,060
I'll just...
[ Groans ]
21
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,596
[ Groans, screams ]
[ Riiiiiiiiip! ]
22
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:05,932
Whoa! Ohh!
Ohh!
23
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:06,866
Oh, man!
24
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:09,102
It's so cold.
25
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,505
Oh, my heart --
I can feel it slowing down.
26
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,909
Oh. Oh, it stopped.
I'm -- I'm so scared.
27
00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:17,410
[ Both crying ]
28
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:18,912
Honey Nut Cheerios has oats
29
00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,480
that'll help lower
cholesterol --
30
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,582
part of this
nutritious breakfast.
31
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,417
♪♪
32
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,586
Mmm! Mmm!
33
00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:27,821
Ohh.
Ohh.
34
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:28,888
Sorry, babe.
35
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:30,390
Damn. That is creepy.
36
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,991
The way our neighbor's ex-wife
spies on us every day?
37
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:36,196
[ Gulping ]
38
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:39,499
No. I mean, that --
that freakin' thing!
39
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,967
[ British accent ]
Don't mind me.
40
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:42,001
[ Whistle toots ]
Ah-la-la-la-la!
41
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:43,636
Ha ha ha ha!
42
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:46,739
Adam can't defeat Count Marzo,
but He-Man can.
43
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:51,344
And maybe He-Man can --
can do it himself this time?
44
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,880
Oh, Cringer,
always so afraid.
45
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,983
By the power of Grayskull!
46
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,952
I never consented to this.
47
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,154
I'm literally pissing myself!
48
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,956
Is this what you wanted?
Is it?!
49
00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:05,291
I have the power!
50
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,026
And I have no power!
51
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:08,961
What kind of hero forces
his best friend
52
00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:11,030
into violent adventures
without permission?!
53
00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,532
[ Splurt! ]
Oh, great.
54
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:15,301
Now I'm shitting myself
in addition to the piss.
55
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:18,238
Ha ha!
[ Crying ] No!
56
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:22,341
[ Sobs ] Oh, don't point
that sword at me! No!
57
00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:25,078
[ Warble! Twinkle! Zap! ]
58
00:02:25,144 --> 00:02:26,145
Feeling better,
Battle Cat?
59
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:29,115
Yes, of course I do!
I'm Battle Cat now!
60
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,985
I'm standing in a pool
of piss, shit, and vomit,
61
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,920
but otherwise great.
62
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,256
♪ On the Magic School Bus
63
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,025
[ Children cheering ]
64
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:40,426
Today we're going
to be learning
65
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,897
about the geology of mountains!
66
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,599
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
67
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,034
[ Children screaming ]
68
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,903
Goin' down!
69
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,037
Oh, my God!
70
00:02:51,103 --> 00:02:53,406
[ Screaming continues ]
71
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,008
Aaaaaah!
72
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:58,278
A mountain! Ohh!
73
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,946
Stay calm, children.
74
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,916
This...is...
a learning experience.
75
00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:06,085
I knew I should have stayed
home today and cut myself.
76
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:07,620
We're stuck in the mountains!
77
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,422
What are we gonna do,
you dried-up hippie?!
78
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:12,025
There's only one thing
we can do --
79
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:12,859
cannibalism!
80
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,460
There's only one thing
we can do --
81
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,363
Whoever picks the shortest
straw will get eaten.
82
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:20,400
Eat this, you psycho!
Don't be silly, Ralphie.
83
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,735
Your penis wouldn't feed a fly.
84
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:26,940
In fact, the buttocks
are the most nutritious.
85
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,442
Thanks for the tip.
86
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:33,980
[ All munching ]
87
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,449
Miss Frizzle takes
just like chicken!
88
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:40,186
I just remembered --
we all brought food!
89
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:44,123
Ew! Bologna?!
90
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:47,360
Now, that's what I call
eating ass.
91
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,996
And that sucker was flying
all over the place.
92
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,430
Now, stop me if
you've heard this.
93
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:52,599
I will, 'cause I've heard
94
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,634
every one of your quidditch
stories, Harry.
95
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,869
It was zigging around.
Oh, those things can move, man!
96
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,238
And I was the best seeker
ever to play the game.
97
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,841
Bartender,
Accio another round!
98
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,042
[ Whoosh! Splash! ]
99
00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:05,812
Jesus! That's enough butterbeer
for one night, all right?
100
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,548
Oh, my God, Ginny.
I didn't realize you were here.
101
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,784
Didn't realize I was having
a beer with my wife, Ginny.
102
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,052
Come on, Harry.
103
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:16,122
I love your new
snakeskin jacket, Ginny.
104
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,091
Agh! Hogwarts!
105
00:04:18,156 --> 00:04:19,659
Best years of my life, man.
106
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,793
Now my freakin' kid's there,
having all the fun,
107
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:23,630
while I get stuck
with the tuition bill.
108
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,131
Do you know what, mate?
I'm done.
109
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,466
This conversation died
110
00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:28,668
at exactly 19 minutes
past 9:00 tonight.
111
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,103
Oh, you don't like
talking to me?
112
00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:31,704
Well, good luck
finding another wizard
113
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,407
who can speak parseltongue.
[ Hissing ]
114
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:37,877
I can talk to other snakes,
you fucking narcissist.
115
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,212
Me, too!
116
00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:40,580
I'm gonna go find
the other snakes
117
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,415
and tell them what
a butthole you are.
118
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,082
All the snakes gonna know
119
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,385
you're the biggest
butthole of all!
120
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,286
Dude, you are in
no condition to fly.
121
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,023
Oh, is that you, Mum?
Oh, no, it can't be my mum.
122
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:51,924
My mum is dead!
123
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,593
Heigh-ho, Firebolt!
124
00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:56,129
[ Crashing, thudding ]
Aaaah! Ugh! Ugh! Aaah!
125
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,698
Man: Iceberg, dead ahead!
126
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,199
♪♪
127
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:01,200
Hard astern!
128
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,268
This is the end, lads.
129
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:03,803
Save the women and children.
130
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,571
Belay that order, captain.
131
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:06,839
Who dares?!
132
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:10,443
There's only one order that
matters here -- ride or die!
133
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:16,349
♪♪
134
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,084
Jesus fucking Christ!
135
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,019
[ Squeak! Pop! Pop! ]
136
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,755
Oh, it's all about family.
137
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,191
♪♪
138
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,960
Mr. Toretto,
you've saved the Titanic.
139
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,195
My work here is done.
140
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,302
Uh, no, thank you.
141
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,503
Oh, being naughty is the best!
[ Laughs ]
142
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:41,074
We are the bad kids!
143
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:42,775
♪♪
144
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,177
Ew! Are you in costume,
145
00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,478
or do you really look
like that?
146
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:46,846
I have been sent to help
147
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,849
especially rude
and naughty children.
148
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:54,120
I am Nanny McPhee.
Now get down from there.
149
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,022
[ Twinkle! Pop! ]
150
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,824
Nanny McPhee, your wart!
151
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:01,728
The more you behave,
the prettier I become.
152
00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:04,097
Is that right?
153
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,867
♪ Penis, vagina,
penis, vagina ♪
154
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:11,170
♪ Penis, vagina,
penis in your vagina ♪
155
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:13,406
♪ Penis, vagina,
penis, vagina ♪
156
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,108
♪ Penis
157
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:16,743
Ooh. Perhaps we took it
too far.
158
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:20,079
No, ugly people are worthless.
She said it herself.
159
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:23,549
That would be a terrible
message, say, in a movie.
160
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:27,253
Doc, it hurts when I bend
my arm like this.
161
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,155
Then don't bend
your arm like that.
162
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,324
Oh, excellent diagnosis!
Ha ha ha ha!
163
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:34,093
♪♪
164
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:37,096
Mr. President, they've reached
the bin Laden compound.
165
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,298
Send in SEAL Team 5.
166
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,299
♪♪
167
00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:41,367
Oh, oh! Aah!
168
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:42,668
♪♪
169
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,971
Ohh! Hah! Ohh! Hah!
170
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,439
What is happening?
171
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:47,774
Ohh! Hah! Ohh! Hah!
172
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,042
Ho! Ahhhh. Ho! Ahhhh.
173
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:56,749
Okay. I have no idea
what's going on right now.
174
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,384
Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha!
Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha!
175
00:06:58,451 --> 00:06:59,786
Someone remind me
what they're doing.
176
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:01,420
It's an act of faith
made physical
177
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:02,655
through the beauty of dance.
178
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,991
Okay, fuck it.
Initiate plan "B."
179
00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:07,193
[ Zoom! ]
180
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,861
I'm ready
to make a comeback.
181
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,030
Great, Jem! Great!
Very exciting.
182
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,499
And how many Instagram
followers do you have?
183
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:14,667
What's Instagram?
184
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,769
Okay, get the hell
out of my office.
185
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,438
There are children
here somewhere.
186
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,207
I can smell them.
187
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,209
Come out, my kiddie-winkies.
188
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,045
Come out, come out for candy!
189
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,714
Hello! Little children!
190
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,584
Is there a child in here
somewhere? Hmm?
191
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,386
Hello. I'm Chris Hansen.
192
00:07:33,452 --> 00:07:35,321
God damn it! Ugh!
193
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,991
Okay, I've seen the show.
I'll take a seat.
194
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:42,562
It says here your given
legal name is Child Catcher.
195
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:45,331
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I don't have sex with children.
196
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,667
I want to make that
absolutely clear!
197
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:51,304
I use them as slave labor
in underground mines.
198
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,506
That's no so bad, is it?
199
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:56,275
Okay. You're free to go.
200
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,409
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
201
00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,312
I know what this means.
202
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:00,947
[ Laughs ] Oh, yes!
203
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:02,915
Indeed, as soon as you
exit the front door,
204
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,483
you will be tackled
and arrested.
205
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,086
Oh, brother,
what a show!
206
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,222
[ Laughing ]
207
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,224
[ Laughing ] Yeah! Yeah!
208
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:12,825
[ Bones crack ]
Ohh! Ohh! Ugh!
209
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,660
Ohh! Oww!
210
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:17,496
[ Wham! ]
Ugh! [ Whimpers ]
211
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,831
We've searched far and wide
212
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,701
to find the most eligible
bachelor on earth.
213
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:26,138
This season, 25 women will
compete to win the hand of...
214
00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:27,406
James Bond.
215
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:28,474
James Bond.
216
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:32,144
To me, a beautiful woman
is like a beautiful flower.
217
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:35,548
I can't wait to fertilize it.
218
00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,549
He seems a little retro to me.
219
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:39,051
I bet he smells like my dad.
220
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:40,086
But that's cool.
221
00:08:40,152 --> 00:08:42,388
Guys who smell like my dad
and take my car away
222
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,757
and fuck my mom
are my weakness.
223
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:45,892
Romaine:
Yeah, a spray-tan date
224
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:47,293
just sounded
like the perfect way
225
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,828
for James and I to bond.
226
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:49,662
[ Laughs ]
227
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,797
I just made that up.
I did, really.
228
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,165
[ Laughs ]
Turn to camera and smile.
229
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:57,036
I prefer to get my tans
the old-fashioned way --
230
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,639
from the glowing
cancer ball in the sky.
231
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:03,075
But I must say, this shade
looks fantastic on me.
232
00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:04,443
Romaine, come see!
233
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:07,046
So sorry, Mr. Bond,
but there was an accident,
234
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,447
and Romaine's spray-tan
235
00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:09,715
went on a little too thick.
236
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:12,418
Oh, that's so tragic...
237
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,086
yet sexy.
238
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:16,555
At the moment of death,
her bowels released.
239
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:19,492
Like I said, sexy.
240
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:20,760
♪♪
241
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:22,595
You're eating
a bowl of red meat,
242
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,964
and your chopsticks
are lit cigars!
243
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:25,932
It's an art.
244
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,768
Ow! Shit!
Burned my fucking face!
245
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,636
I'm not crazy about
the way you eat.
246
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,172
Oh, well, I'm not crazy about
the name Sienna Johnson.
247
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,175
My girls usually have
more playful names.
248
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,344
How'd you feel
if I called you
249
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,912
"Sienna Thingyoulike"?
Please don't.
250
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,149
How about "Wanda Handjob"?
No, thank you.
251
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,418
Platter O'Labia.
252
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,554
Yeah!
Point break, bitches!
253
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:50,690
James and the contestants
went on many dates
254
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,525
and attended
the boom guy's funeral.
255
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:55,194
Now it's time
for the rose ceremony.
256
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,597
Chris, beautiful women
are like snowflakes --
257
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:00,933
completely interchangeable.
258
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,770
So I guess I'll give this rose
to the babe with the hoots --
259
00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:07,106
Bendover Von Assex.
260
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,040
Yeah, it's Amy,
261
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,508
and you already gave me
a gift, James --
262
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,776
chlamydia.
263
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,980
You gave her chlamydia?
You gave me chlamydia!
264
00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,014
I got chlamydia!
265
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:18,784
You gave her chlamydia?
You gave me chlamydia!
266
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,219
[ Crickets chirping ]
267
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,421
It burns really bad, huh?
268
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:23,456
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
269
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:24,790
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
270
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,792
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
271
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,160
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
272
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:29,495
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
273
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,330
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
274
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,331
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
275
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:33,332
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
276
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:37,870
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
17821
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