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1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,971
[ Whirring ]
2
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,040
[ Theme music plays ]
3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,444
[ Whirring ]
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:18,284
♪♪
5
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,719
Man: It's alive!
6
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:27,761
♪♪
7
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,895
[ Thunder rumbles ]
8
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:38,538
♪♪
9
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,874
[ Laughter ]
Bring up Twitter.
Here goes.
10
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:43,710
Donald Trump's hair
is fake. Sent.
11
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:47,414
Donald Trump
isn't that rich. Sent.
12
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:48,648
I don't want to do it.
13
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,817
The legend says
it takes three, dumbass.
14
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,053
[ Voice breaking ]
Okay. Donald Trump buys
his suits off the rack.
15
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,356
Sent!
16
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:59,292
I guess his skin isn't
so thin after all.
17
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,995
[ Electricity crackles ]
18
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:04,998
Eric has a tiny dick.
Sad!
19
00:01:05,063 --> 00:01:07,267
[ All scream ]
20
00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:10,937
Dave doesn't belong
on the football team. Overrated!
21
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,106
[ All scream ]
22
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:16,376
Matt's never touched a boob!
Dishonest!
23
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:20,847
[ All screaming ]
24
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,450
[ Bell rings ]
25
00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:26,186
Does anyone know where Dave,
Eric, and Matt are?
26
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,588
♪♪
27
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,258
Together:
Mary pads her bra. Sad!
28
00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,594
[ All scream ]
29
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,663
♪♪
30
00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:40,233
Now Eric and Ariel
will never kiss on their own.
31
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,168
Oh, Sebastian's trying
to make humans kiss.
32
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:44,103
Wow. must be a day
that ends in "Y."
33
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:48,140
First, we gots to create
the mood with some percussion.
34
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,576
Is this
a paid gig, man?
35
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,176
You know
we're all union, right?
36
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:53,580
I have
artistic integrity, bro.
37
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:56,282
Didn't you write the jingle
for that credit-report website?
38
00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:57,817
Hey fuck off, man.
You don't know me.
39
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,553
Second,
we need the strings.
40
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,288
You know, I want a much
as the ducks make.
41
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:03,456
Favored nations, man!
42
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,925
Anyone call
for a triangle?
43
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,727
Get the fuck
out of here, Greg!
44
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,430
[ Steam horn blows ]
45
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:13,199
Yabba dabba doo!
46
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,935
I've had just about enough
of these lazy fucks
47
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:17,837
using us as slave labor.
48
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:18,938
Bam!
49
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,407
The uprising is upon us!
50
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,611
[ All roaring ]
51
00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:26,246
We're under attack.
52
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,847
Aah!
53
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,383
[ Steam horn blows ]
54
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,152
[ Steam horn blows ]
55
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,721
[ Roars ]
56
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,589
[ Steam horn blows ]
57
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,625
Aah!
58
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:39,993
[ Bones crack ]
59
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,295
Wilma,
it's the dinosaurs.
60
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:46,666
I was...just slicing
some bread for dinner.
61
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:49,569
Oh, God!
62
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,405
What's wrong, can't look
at your watch anymore?
63
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,642
It's payback o'clock,
motherfucker.
64
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,745
That's enough, Sam.
That's enough.
65
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:01,648
[ Crying ]
66
00:03:01,714 --> 00:03:03,583
Then the Scottish lobster
paid us
67
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,319
three sand dollars apiece,
and that was it.
68
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,288
Wasn't he
a Jamaican crab?
Maybe.
69
00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:09,289
Got a little weird
at the end
70
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,290
when y'all
started chanting,
71
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:11,758
"Kiss the girl,"
in unison.
72
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:13,593
Yeah, that --
that didn't feel right.
73
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:14,928
So, then they kissed?
74
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,296
No, a couple of eels
swam up,
75
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,530
knocked them
out of the boat.
76
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:19,599
Oh, total cock block.
Yeah.
77
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,834
I was just about
to pull out my flamingo cock
78
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,336
start jerking it
right there.
79
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:26,272
Ooh. We had
very different goals.
80
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,541
♪♪
81
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,577
My husband, David,
is a very good doctor
82
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,845
who takes care of
all the forest creatures,
83
00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:35,481
but I wish he'd take care
of something I need,
84
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,517
specifically,
a breast reduction.
85
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,619
I'm not that
kind of doctor, Lisa.
86
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,220
We've talked
about this.
87
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,523
Motorboating is
not talking.
88
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:46,125
I feel in love
with your personality, dear.
89
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,027
Aw, shit!
Worldstar!
90
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,697
You'd think after centuries,
you would've learned something
91
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,600
other than how to remove
a thorn out of a squirrel's paw!
92
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,802
You might have
body dysmorphia.
93
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,670
Those things aren't
even that big.
94
00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,472
Excuse me.
My paw is --
95
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:00,573
Huge boobs!
96
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,874
You're not helping.
97
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,977
I suppose I'll just have to
learn to live with --
98
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:06,546
Aah, my breasts!
My breasts!
99
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,047
I mean, my wife!
100
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,482
Put me out!
I'm on fire!
101
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:11,417
How do you turn
this damn thing on?
102
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,553
Whoa!
103
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,122
Well, I knew
those were some hot tits!
104
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,559
What? I can say it.
I'm a titmouse.
105
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,995
Wait. A titmouse
isn't a mouse?
106
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:25,098
[ Chimes play! ]
107
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:28,067
Duck...
duck...duck...
108
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:30,303
goose!
109
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:33,406
[ All crying ]
110
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:36,376
♪♪
111
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:39,646
This painting reminds me
of my childhood.
112
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:42,915
It brings solace
to my troubled mind.
113
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:44,384
I love this piece.
114
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,619
Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.
115
00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:52,091
This painting reminds me
of Garfield.
116
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,526
[ Gulping ]
117
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:54,994
Man:
Jessica, are you ready?
118
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,696
Hold on.
119
00:04:56,763 --> 00:05:06,706
♪♪
120
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:10,510
I've tried to make her quit,
but she can literally lift cars.
121
00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,745
No, I've never seen
Jessica drink,
122
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,247
but I can always
smell it on her
123
00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:16,549
because I've got
a great sense of smell.
124
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,819
Oh, here's a tip, pal --
Invest in a bidet.
125
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,921
Jessica: So, I have a drink
every now and then.
126
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,724
I was enslaved by Killgrave's
mind control for years.
127
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:28,027
Mind control?
That'd never stand up in court.
128
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:31,798
You're cute. Why don't you
come here? Sit on my lap.
129
00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,533
Now put on this
"Sailor Moon" costume.
130
00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,468
Jessica, you've heard
from your friends
131
00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:37,036
and your
mind-control rapist,
132
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,772
but there's one more person
with a message for you.
133
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,909
[ Door shuts, all gasp ]
134
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:44,444
What happened?
135
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:48,147
Jessica, the drinking is
negatively affecting your life.
136
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,316
You don't take care
of yourself anymore.
137
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:53,786
You've grown cold and distant
to your friends and family.
138
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,555
[ Voice breaking ]
Please take this opportunity
139
00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,725
to bring back
the Jessica we all love.
140
00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:01,127
[ All crying ]
141
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,133
You know, the acid
destroyed my tear ducts, also.
142
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,102
Listen, everyone.
I'm fine.
143
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:10,503
I don't need rehab.
144
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,738
You're overreacting.
145
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:15,241
Oh, for the love of --
You don't want to drink anymore.
146
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,776
[ Robotically ]
I don't want to drink anymore.
147
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:17,977
Oh!
148
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,278
Ohh!
149
00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:21,214
Can you help me
with my carb addiction?
150
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,016
Well, of course,
I can. Wink.
151
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:27,954
You're in trouble
now, kid.
152
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:30,790
I'm not a kid!
I'm 18 now!
153
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:34,159
And you know who else is?
Quailman!
154
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,461
[ Whistles ]
155
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,263
Someone needs Quailman!
156
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:42,268
♪♪
157
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,504
Ooh, extra tight today.
158
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,874
You better hope someone
pays your ransom or else!
159
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,310
Quailman will be coming
to save me any minute.
160
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:55,348
Friction addiction.
161
00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:59,051
He should have
been here by now.
162
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,319
Quailman!
163
00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:01,988
I'm Quailman!
164
00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:04,357
Look. We've got
another...thing.
165
00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:05,858
"Riverdale"
viewing party.
166
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,226
I was trying
not to say that.
167
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:08,728
Look, Patti,
you can just go.
168
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:09,962
I like "Riverdale."
169
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:11,564
That's nice.
Get out.
170
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:14,567
Doug, want to go
play basketball?
171
00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:19,172
Oh, God!
I knew this day would come!
172
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:21,107
Dad,
can you open this?
173
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,675
[ Grunting ]
174
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,079
Come on, Dad.
You're Manimal!
175
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,081
Just turn into
a bear or something.
176
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:31,117
Yes, son,
I am Manimal,
177
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,486
master of the secrets
that divide man from animal,
178
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,622
animal from man, but bears
don't have fingers or thumbs.
179
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:38,691
So I wouldn't be able
to open it anyway.
180
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:39,892
Could you
at least try?
181
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,928
[ Sighs ]
182
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:44,564
[ Growling ]
183
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,566
[ Roars ]
184
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,134
[ Grunting ]
185
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:54,974
Chase, this needs to
get to the FedEx office fast.
186
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,409
Why don't you turn
into a cheetah
187
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,710
or something
to race it down there?
188
00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,645
Cheetahs are the fast
animal alive,
189
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:04,050
but how do you expect a cheetah
to carry that giant box?
190
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,751
Just do it.
191
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:09,755
[ Panting ]
192
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:13,226
[ Clears throat ]
It's Tuesday at 8:30, darling.
193
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:15,995
Honey, how about we do it
normally this time?
194
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,431
If I wanted
to do it normally,
195
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,567
I wouldn't have married
goddamn Manimal!!
196
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,102
[ Sighs ]
197
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:23,936
[ Whinnies ]
198
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:24,904
[ Moans ]
199
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:27,540
This...isn't...
fun for me!
200
00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:30,243
Say it like a horse!
201
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:33,044
So if I'm understanding
this correctly, Mrs. Voorhees,
202
00:08:33,111 --> 00:08:35,181
you want to sue
your son Jason
203
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,683
for ownership of the
"Friday the 13th" properties?
204
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:38,918
Correct.
205
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,120
But isn't he, like,
the star of the movies?
206
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,222
If you remember
the first movie correctly,
207
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,992
I was the killer.
208
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:48,694
He was just a Mongoloid
in a cameo role.
209
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,897
Oh, no offense, honey.
210
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:57,403
[ Sighs,
mumbling indistinctly ]
211
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,704
He makes a good case,
212
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:02,775
but the court rules in favor
of Pamela Voorhees.
213
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,710
Oh, don't worry, son.
214
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,646
You'll land
on your feet.
215
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,718
[ Mumbles "Ta-da!" ]
216
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,921
[ Applause ]
217
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:17,790
Look! It's the Pokémon
daycare center.
218
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:21,193
Hi, mister. Can you teach us
to hatch Pokémon eggs?
219
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:24,096
Ho, ho, ho.
Not so fast there, young man.
220
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,765
Where do you think
those eggs come from
221
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:26,799
in the first place?
222
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,067
Storks?
Trees?
223
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,970
The same place baby humans
come from, you idiots.
224
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,439
My mom's uterus?
Trees?
225
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:34,907
You need two Pokémons
226
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:38,344
who like each other very much,
like those Bulbasaurs.
227
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,712
Bulba, bulba.
228
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,315
If you leave them alone,
you'll get a Pokémon egg.
229
00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:45,484
I've got every second of it
on the security cameras.
230
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:46,385
Bulba?!
231
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,521
These two
are into role-play.
232
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,057
I have a shed full of props
and costumes
233
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,258
for just such an occasion.
234
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,426
Bulba, Bulbasaur!
235
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,796
Bulba, bulba, bulba!
Bulba, bulba, bulba!
236
00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:58,331
That's hot.
237
00:09:58,397 --> 00:10:02,001
Some public-domain music really
adds to the production value.
238
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,670
Wow, Pikachu, you're going
to make an egg!
239
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:05,771
Pikachu!
240
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:08,874
What about
with that one?
241
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,743
[ Awoo-gah! ]
Pikachu!
242
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,612
Sorry, no. That one's
already got an egg in it.
243
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,748
How about that little
honey over there?
244
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,917
[ Roars ]
245
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,719
P-P-Pikachu!
246
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,121
[ Cheesy music playing ]
247
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:25,524
[ Sighs ] Pikachu.
248
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:26,926
Wait.
I thought the Pokémon
249
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,261
had to be the same species
to make an egg.
250
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:33,799
Well, bottom line, this movie
checks a lot of fetish boxes.
251
00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:34,834
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
252
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,168
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
253
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,170
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
254
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:39,338
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
255
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:40,673
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
256
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,508
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
257
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,509
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
258
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:44,844
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
259
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:46,846
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
260
00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:49,081
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
16797
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