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1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,971
[ WHIRRING ]
2
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,073
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,544
[ WHIRRING ]
4
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,819
Man: IT'S ALIVE!
5
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,863
[ THUNDER RUMBLES ]
6
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,039
HE WAS
THE BINGO CALLER.
7
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:41,608
B-13.
8
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,176
A VERY UNLUCKY NUMBER.
9
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,345
I BETTER CALL HER.
10
00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:48,181
OUR INVESTIGATOR HAS
A FEW QUESTIONS FOR YOU.
11
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,650
I MUST WARN YOU,
SHE'S A LITTLE UNORTHODOX.
12
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,819
[ SINGS FANFARE ]
13
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,354
♪♪
14
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:55,855
[ BELL DINGS ]
15
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,601
[ GRUNTS ]
16
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:11,438
WHAT'S UP, FUCK NUTS?
17
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:13,907
DAMN, I HAVEN'T SEEN
THIS MUCH WHITE HAIR
18
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:16,776
SINCE STEVE MARTIN
SUCKED LESLIE NIELSEN'S DICK.
19
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:17,944
ALLEGEDLY.
20
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,512
BITCH PUDDING, PLEASE!
21
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:20,914
YOU, RAISIN TWAT.
22
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,582
MY NAME
IS ANABELLE TIMULTI.
23
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,717
YOUR NAME IS GUILTY
AS A MOTHER FUCKER
24
00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:27,654
UNLESS YOU'VE GOT AN ALIBI,
BAR-OF-SOAP-IN-A-SOCK TITS.
25
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,389
I WAS HERE,
PLAYING BINGO.
26
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:32,525
ONE MORE LIE OUT OF THAT
SHIT NOZZLE YOU CALL
A MOUTH,
27
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,328
AND I'LL LEAVE A BOOT PRINT
IN YOUR FRONT BUTT.
28
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:36,795
LEAVE HER ALONE,
YOU!
29
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,664
THE FLOOR RECOGNIZES
THAT FUCK ASS,
30
00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:41,167
SHIT-COVERED SCROTE SUCKER
WITH THE PUSSY-ASS CANE.
31
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:42,735
REGINALD
WAS A GOOD MAN!
32
00:01:42,801 --> 00:01:44,537
WHY WOULD SOMEONE
MURDER HIM?
33
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,706
MAYBE BECAUSE HE WAS
EMPTYING HIS BINGO BALLS
34
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,475
UP YOUR FAT-ASS WIFE'S
CIGAR CUTTER,
35
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:50,243
YOU QUIBBLING BOWL
OF PICKLE DICKS.
36
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,245
WHAT?! [ GASPS ]
WHY, YOU --
37
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,780
GUN!
[ GRUNTS ]
38
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,850
YOU ASSAULTED
A 94-YEAR-OLD MAN.
39
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,251
-HE SASSED ME.
-BITCH PUDDING,
40
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,352
I MAKE IT MY BUSINESS
41
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,621
TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT MAKES PEOPLE TICK.
42
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:04,691
FOR EXAMPLE, WHY WOULD
A HIGHLY-RESPECTED ACTOR
43
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:09,162
PLAY NOT ONE, BUT TWO ROLES
IN A LOW-QUALITY TV SHOW?
44
00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:12,432
WELL, PERHAPS HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW
INVENTED THE MOTORCYCLE
45
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,701
THAT RUNS
ON WATER-SOFTENER PELLETS,
46
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:18,371
AND THAT ACTOR INVESTED HEAVILY
WITHOUT DOING HIS DUE DILIGENCE.
47
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:22,442
UH...
BUT YOUR BEHAVIOR
HAS NO EXPLANATION.
48
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,511
IF YOU DON'T SOLVE THIS CRIME
BY MIDNIGHT,
49
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:27,514
I'M THROWING YOU AWAY
AND LOCKING UP THE KEY.
50
00:02:27,579 --> 00:02:30,316
AND REMEMBER MY MOTTO --
NO SECOND TAKES.
51
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:32,452
DAMN IT, B.P.!
52
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,621
WHY DID YOU CALL ME OUT HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
53
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,122
THE BINGO BALL
THAT KILLED THE VICTIM
54
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,656
DIDN'T MATCH
THE OTHERS AT THE SCENE.
55
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,292
IT WAS MADE
OF A POLYVINYL CHLORIDE
56
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,127
WITH AN ANTIQUATED
FLAT-LAY PLASTICIZER,
57
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:43,897
ONLY USED BY THIS FACTORY,
DIPSHIT.
58
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,098
BUT YOU
DON'T HAVE A WARRANT.
59
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,966
HERE'S MY WARRANT.
[ GRUNTS ]
60
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,903
NOW, LIKE I WAS SAYING,
HERE'S MY WARRANT.
61
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:52,405
[ GUNSHOT ]
OH, DAMN, I'M HIT!
62
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,008
[ SINGS FANFARE ]
63
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:56,409
[ GRUNTING ]
64
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,411
[ GRUNTS ]
65
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:01,514
♪♪
66
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,458
[ SCREAMING ]
67
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,862
[ BUZZES ]
68
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,201
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR
OF THE DEATH PENALTY,
69
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,304
SAY, "EYE."
70
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,772
OOH, THAT'S GROSS.
71
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:31,210
[ THUD ]
72
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:35,515
SO HARD SEEING YOUR FRIENDS
DIE EVERY DAY.
73
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,917
ME, I JUST KEEP ON SURVIVING!
74
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:39,953
Man: OOH, AWESOME --
AN APPLE!
75
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,622
OH, THIS IS IT --
SWEET RELEASE!
76
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,124
DEATH, I WALK WILLINGLY
INTO YOUR ARMS!
77
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:48,561
I CAN'T WAIT TO CORE THAT APPLE
AND STICK MY DICK IN IT!
78
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:49,862
OH!
[ THUD ]
79
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,731
I'M ROD SERLING BANANA.
80
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,433
BE CAREFUL
WHAT YOU WISH FOR.
81
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:55,101
GOOD ADVICE
WHEN YOU ENTER --
82
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,636
OOH, THAT BANANA
LOOKS LIKE
83
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,538
A PERFECT FIT
FOR THE OLD BUTTHOLE!
84
00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,572
OH, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA!
85
00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:00,807
OH...
86
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:01,741
[ THUD ]
87
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:05,211
GENTLEMEN,
I GIVE YOU THE M&M.
88
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:08,081
IT COMES IN YELLOW,
GREEN, RED, AND VIOLET.
89
00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:10,583
BUT WE THINK
THERE SHOULD BE A FIFTH COLOR.
90
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:11,784
ANY SUGGESTIONS?
91
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,486
HOW ABOUT BROWN?
92
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:14,621
LARRY, FOR CHRI--
93
00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:16,822
THERE'S ALREADY CHOCOLATE
INSIDE.
94
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,759
THE POINT IS THAT THERE'S
A BRIGHTLY COLORED CANDY SHELL!
95
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,461
HOW ABOUT BROWN?!
96
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:23,463
ARE YOU
EVEN LISTENING TO ME?
97
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:26,032
BROWN ISN'T FUN.
BROWN ISN'T ATTRACTIVE.
98
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,968
-BROWN?
-LARRY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
99
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:31,337
THE BROWN DYE PEOPLE
HAVE MY KIDS.
100
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,972
THEY HAVE
MY FUCKING KIDS!
101
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:36,075
♪♪
102
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:50,423
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYING ]
103
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,517
EXCUSE ME, SIR,
DOES YOUR DOG NUNCHUCK PEOPLE?
104
00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:18,918
WHAT?
NO!
105
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,487
GOOD DOGGIE!
OW, OW!
106
00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,690
THAT'S NOT MY DOG!
107
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,094
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYING ]
108
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,950
A CELESTIAL AIR
HOVERS OVERHEAD.
109
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,486
WE MUST LEAVE OUR PHYSICAL FORM
110
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:56,522
AND JOIN IT
BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS.
111
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,624
HEY, KOOL-AID!
112
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,259
OH, YEAH!
113
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,761
OH, NO!
OH, PLEASE, NO!
114
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:02,895
NOT ANOTHER CULT!
115
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,098
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOUR LEADER TOLD YOU,
116
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:06,999
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DIE!
117
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:10,369
[ SOBBING ]
IT'S JONESTOWN ALL OVER AGAIN!
118
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:11,904
[ SOBS ]
119
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,006
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYING ]
120
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:40,700
I'M GIVING YOU
THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, CHARLIE.
121
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,702
OH, GOSH!
WHY?
122
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:45,171
YOU HAVE A TRUSTING HEART,
MY CHILD.
123
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,439
JUST SIGN HERE.
124
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:47,907
CHARLES BUCKET,
125
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,276
AS THE LEGAL OWNER
OF THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY,
126
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:53,112
YOU ARE HELD RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE DEATHS AND/OR MAIMING
127
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:55,481
OF AUGUSTUS GLOOP,
VERUCA SALT, MIKE TEEVEE,
128
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,216
AND VIOLET BEAUREGARDE.
129
00:06:57,283 --> 00:07:00,419
YOU'VE WON A GOLDEN TICKET
TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.
130
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,521
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY?
131
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,090
I'LL SEE WILLY WONKA
IN HELL, YOUR HONOR!
132
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,525
NOTED.
[ BANGS GAVEL ]
133
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,961
HMM, MURDERING CHILDREN
WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED,
134
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:10,897
BUT I CAN LIVE
WITH THIS, TOO.
135
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,132
FINGER IN
YOUR SNOZZBERRY, SIR?
136
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,867
[ CRACK! ]
[ GROANS ]
137
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,904
IT FINALLY CAME!
138
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,906
[ STAMMERING ]
139
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:22,341
[ SNIFFLING ]
140
00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:25,044
MOM, I DIDN'T GET
INTO MONSTERS U.
141
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,013
Woman: WELL,
THAT'S WHY YOU APPLIED
142
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,148
TO A SAFETY SCHOOL
IN THE SEWER, HONEY.
143
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:31,584
OH, I DON'T WANT
TO GO TO BROWN.
144
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,422
I'M GONNA DEDICATE MY LIFE
145
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,991
TO STOPPING ALL INJUSTICE
IN THE WORLD.
146
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,460
LIKE WHEN THE WHITE MAN
DECIMATED MY PEOPLE
147
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,296
AS THEY RAPED THE LAND?
-NO.
148
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,166
YEAH, I SO TAP HER
ON THE SHOULDER,
149
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,402
YOU KNOW,
JUST TO GET HER ATTENTION.
UH-HUH, OF COURSE.
150
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:52,171
WELL, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HER FRIENDS COME OUT OF NOWHERE.
151
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,040
THEY START PISSING
ALL OVER US.
152
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:56,375
-YOU DON'T NEED THAT.
-I DON'T NEED THAT.
153
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,277
YOU'RE TOO TALL
TO BE A JOCKEY.
154
00:07:58,344 --> 00:07:59,512
BUT IT'S MY DREAM!
155
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,981
IT'S TIME YOU LEARNED
DREAMS DON'T COME TRUE.
156
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,550
I GUESS MY RACING DREAM
IS DEAD.
157
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:07,486
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
A PUSSY WOULD SAY.
158
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,255
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
KNOW ABOUT IT?
159
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,224
YOU'RE NOT A HORSE,
YOU'RE A UNICORN.
160
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:14,861
A UNICORN'S JUST A HORSE WHO'S
A LITTLE MORE HORNY THAN USUAL.
161
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,229
FORGET
I JUST SAID THAT.
162
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,464
PRETEND I SAID, "HOP ABOARD,
I'M A WILD RIDE!"
163
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,032
FORGET I JUST SAID
THAT ALSO.
164
00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:23,102
PRETEND I SAID, "RIGHT NOW,
I'M THE ONLY HORSE YOU'VE GOT."
165
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,770
THAT SEEMS
PRETTY INNOCUOUS.
166
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,107
YEAH! I'M -- I'M GONNA
ACHIEVE MY DREAM!
167
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,244
HEY! WE'RE SO FAR BEHIND
THE OTHER JOCKEYS!
168
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,578
LIKE HARD, RIPE,
LITTLE APPLES.
169
00:08:33,645 --> 00:08:34,679
UH, WHAT?
170
00:08:34,746 --> 00:08:37,817
YEAH, YOU MENTIONED
JOCKEY BEHINDS.
171
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,085
LAST PLACE?!
172
00:08:39,150 --> 00:08:40,219
THANKS FOR NOTHING!
173
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,020
YOU'RE THE ONE
WITH THE DREAM.
174
00:08:42,087 --> 00:08:44,256
WHAT'S MY INCENTIVE, HMM?
175
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:46,592
UH, FOOD, SHELTER, OATS.
176
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:50,563
WELL, SOMETIMES DREAMS REQUIRE
A LITTLE MORE HARD WORK,
177
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,232
OR PERHAPS DOING THINGS
THAT MIGHT HAUNT YOU
178
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,735
LONG AFTER THE THRILL
OF ACCOMPLISHING YOUR DREAM
179
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,136
HAS SUBSIDED.
180
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,237
[ NICKERS ]
181
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:02,541
ARE YOU SAYING YOU'LL WIN
THE RACE IF I...
182
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,578
GIVE ME THE HUMMER
OF A LIFETIME!
183
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,615
SO YOU FINALLY GAVE UP
ON YOUR DREAMS, HUH?
184
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:10,783
DREAMS ARE GROSS.
185
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,451
HOLY SHIT
186
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:13,986
YOUR HORSE JUST WON!
187
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,923
I GUESS ALL HE NEEDED
WAS A BETTER JOCKEY.
188
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,257
Unicorn: OH, BENTLEY!
189
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,159
YES,
PLAY IT LIKE AN OBOE!
190
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,394
THAT'S RIGHT!
191
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,562
NOW DO "FLIGHT OF THE
BUMBLEBEE."
192
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:26,232
[ NICKERS ]
193
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,068
OH, WHOO, WHOO!
OH, WHOA!
194
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,005
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
195
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,108
♪♪
196
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,749
DANG, SON!
197
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:47,553
IT DON'T MATTER WHO RIDES HIM,
AS LONG AS IT ISN'T YOU!
198
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,221
[ BELL TOLLS ]
199
00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:51,891
I CAN'T BELIEVE
ALL THOSE JOCKEYS ARE DEAD.
200
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,626
YOU THE ONLY ONE
LEFT, SON.
201
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:54,860
HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT!
202
00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:58,197
JUSTIN,IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS,
203
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,932
THEN EVERY JOCKEYIN THE COUNTRY
204
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:03,369
IS DEAD FROM A RARE STRAINOF HORSE THROAT GONORRHEA.
205
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,004
I REALIZEDHOW WRONG I WAS
206
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:07,139
TO BLACKMAIL YOUOVER OUR PARTNERSHIP.
207
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:08,874
KILLING ALLOF YOUR COMPETITION
208
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,310
WAS MY WAYOF PUTTING THINGS RIGHT.
209
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,079
BUT IF I'D GIVEN YOU
THAT HUMMER,
210
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:14,380
I WOULD HAVE DIED, TOO.
211
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,015
IN CASE YOU THINKGIVING ME A HUMMER
212
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,050
WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU, TOO,I WANT TO ASSURE YOU
213
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:21,988
THAT I WOULD HAVE FINISHEDIN YOUR HAIR, LIKE A FRIEND.
214
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,890
GOOD-BYE, PARTNER.
215
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,494
YEAH!
216
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:31,163
WELL, YOU WON
YOUR FIRST RACE.
217
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:32,698
AND JUST IN TIME, TOO.
218
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,568
THE STATE'S SHUTTING DOWN
HORSE RACING INDEFINITELY
219
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:38,537
UNTIL THEY FIGURE OUT
WHAT KILLED THOSE JOCKEYS.
220
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,007
I KNOW WHAT KILLED
THOSE JOCKEYS, DAD.
221
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,976
FRIENDSHIP.
222
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,746
THE COPS THINK MAYBE THOSE
JOCKEYS WERE BLOWING THE HORSES.
223
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:47,913
YEAH, MAYBE THAT, TOO.
224
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,016
[ CLUCKING THEME SONG ]
225
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,994
BA-GOK!
226
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,930
BOK.
227
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,665
[ HORSE WHINNIES ]
228
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,667
[ MONKEY HOOTS ]
229
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,036
[ MONKEY HOOTS ]
230
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