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1
00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:08,641
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
2
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,710
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ]
3
00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:19,619
It's alive!
4
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:32,232
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
5
00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:37,504
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]
6
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:38,838
Okay, fred.
7
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:40,173
Time for your colonoscopy.
8
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,509
You may feel a little pressure
When I insert the camera.
9
00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:45,645
Yabba-dabba --
Yaah! Yee!
10
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,213
Now tell me what you see.
11
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,449
Me going back to college.
12
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,384
[ laughing ]
Did you hear that?
13
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:54,220
Get the stork out of my ass!
14
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:57,690
A penis sucked is a penis
Earned...
15
00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:00,994
So which one of you wants to
Earn this dick?
16
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,829
Okay, mr. Franklin, hold that
Pose.
17
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,897
[ zipper unzipping ]
[ cash register dings ]
18
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,866
[ patriotic music plays ]
19
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:11,738
Don't worry, cinderella!
20
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,406
We'll get you to the ball yet.
21
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,475
This is a spell
That works so well.
22
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,510
Flippity floppity flee!
23
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:18,545
Hmm.
24
00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:20,780
Maybe I need to try a new spell.
25
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:26,519
Oh, satan, make me your whore
And send cinderella to the ball!
26
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,154
What the -- stop that!
27
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:29,756
You want to go to the ball,
Dear, right?
28
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,892
Well, yeah, but --
Well, my spell wasn't working,
29
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,627
So I had to go with plan "B."
30
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:39,399
Oh, prince of suffering, free
Your minions from the darkest
31
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:43,603
Crotch of hell and send
Cinderella to the ball!
32
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,940
[ demons screaming ]
33
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,176
[ vomiting ]
34
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,779
[ insect screeching ]
35
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,280
[ sheep bleats ]
36
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:59,085
Oh, and you also need shoes!
37
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,386
No! Please!
38
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,622
Let it stop!
39
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:04,257
Oh, silly me!
40
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:06,793
My wand was turned the wrong
Way. Ha ha!
41
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,828
We didn't need the demons
After all!
42
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:13,099
[ sobbing ]
Flippity floppity flee!
43
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:16,469
Scrooge mcduck is an
International businessman worth
44
00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:19,572
Over 10 million swimming pools
Of gold coins.
45
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:25,278
Now entrepreneurs will fight for
His investment.
46
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:29,048
I'll give you two bathtubs of
Rubies for 25% of the company.
47
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:29,849
I'm sorry.
48
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:31,084
How much money is that?
49
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,185
Guess what, smartass.
50
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,521
My offer is now one gold rock
The size of a goose egg.
51
00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:35,655
Is that more or less?
52
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,724
I'll go in with a toilet full
Of emeralds.
53
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,392
Get off me balls, cuban!
54
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:45,899
Take a good look at what they
Did to your father, children.
55
00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:50,168
Look long and hard so you never
Forget!
56
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:52,338
[ children crying ]
57
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:53,673
Jason! Dinner!
58
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:54,908
In a second, mom!
59
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:56,809
I'm playing
"Rollercoaster tycoon!"
60
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,279
[ mouse clicks ]
61
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:00,880
[ laughs ]
62
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:03,016
Fucking idiots.
63
00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:06,619
We are shocked that such a
Terrible crash could occur here
64
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,788
At "No gaywads allowed" land.
65
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,758
Our park owner is unavailable
For questions, as he is
66
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,928
Currently studying for, and I
Quote, "Some lameballs math
67
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,129
Quiz."
68
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,498
Yes, how do you respond to
Accusations that the park owner
69
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,533
Has been drowning tourists in
The lake?
70
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,734
No comment.
71
00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:24,103
I would just like to point
Out that these hot dogs are very
72
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,371
Good value.
73
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:28,207
We are very proud of the food
Sold at "Haha hot dogs look like
74
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:28,908
Dicks."
75
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,910
What the --
Aaah!
76
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:31,911
Aah!
77
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,913
[ gasping, choking ]
78
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:34,881
Jiro, I am in great debt to
79
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:37,150
You for helping me train for the
Fruit ninja tournament.
80
00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:40,286
The honor is all mine,
Brother.
81
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,925
Aah! Jiro!
82
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,961
Was that a fucking bomb, jiro?!
83
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:49,362
I'm so sorry, brother.
84
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:52,131
Sometimes I confuse my fruit
Basket with my bomb basket.
85
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:52,999
Your bomb basket?!
86
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:53,866
Look, I'm sorry.
87
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,235
Let's just stay focused on the
Training.
88
00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:02,375
Jiro!
89
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:03,610
Three lit bombs?!
90
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:05,778
What the fuck is going on,
Jiro?!
91
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:06,879
Okay, okay.
92
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:08,348
Just don't tell mom.
93
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,583
I'm kind of a wanted japanese
Terrorist.
94
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:11,217
What?!
95
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:12,385
You're a what?!
96
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:16,022
Hey, if my bombs are here,
Where's that extra fruit?
97
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,023
Everyone dies!
98
00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:18,791
[ all gasp ]
Ah, damn it, jiro!
99
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,459
[ all shouting ]
100
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,296
Ha ha!
101
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,298
That's a good-looking pie!
102
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,800
Yah-tah-tah-tah!
103
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,370
You know, maybe that
Jason biggs had a good idea or
104
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,671
Two.
105
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,474
Ohh! That's hot!
106
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:35,808
That's so hot!
107
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:38,745
What's that darn ol'
Purple pie man up to now?
108
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:40,913
Oh, huckleberry pie!
109
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,615
Yes! I'm so deep in you!
110
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,816
Oh!
111
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:47,520
Huckleberry pie, you are
Accused of fraternizing with our
112
00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:49,288
Enemy, the purple pie man.
113
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,523
Aw, that's bullcrap!
114
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:51,724
I know what I heard!
115
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:52,759
Whatever!
116
00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:57,330
Just sentence me so I can get
Back to my fishing.
117
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:59,399
It's getting a little
"Children of the corn" down
118
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,066
There.
119
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,401
Eh.
120
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:04,671
Ugh!
121
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:05,505
Oh, right.
122
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,473
I fucked this one.
123
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,941
Meh.
124
00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:12,111
Okay, marilyn, time for your
Big scene.
125
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,246
Just one more taco.
126
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,547
We're losing the light.
127
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,215
But these tacos are great.
128
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:17,417
No more tacos!
129
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,452
Places, everyone! Places!
130
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,555
"Seven year itch," scene 78,
Take 1.
131
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:23,723
And action!
132
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:27,794
[ farting, grunting ]
Oops.
133
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:28,461
Cut!
134
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,096
What the fuck was that?
135
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:30,897
Tacos.
136
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,298
Do we have time for another
Take?
137
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:33,533
Oh, we just lost the light.
138
00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:34,500
Fuck it.
139
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,235
We'll say it was a passing train
Or something.
140
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:37,570
Let's move on to the next scene.
141
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:40,606
Guys, I definitely shit
Myself.
142
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,748
[ groans ] Unh!
143
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:50,616
Oh, no! Doc!
144
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:51,784
Someone call 911!
145
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,386
Hey, what's up everybody.
146
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,454
I'm little mac.
147
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,757
For 25 years, doc had two
Passions -- training me to
148
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,893
Punch out my opponents and
Eating fried butter.
149
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,696
I'm heartened to see so many of
My former opponents here today.
150
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,431
Life is so fragile.
151
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:09,035
I, great tiger, was diagnosed
With brain cancer last week.
152
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:12,105
Turns out this teleportation gem
Was pumping radiation into my
153
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,173
Brain, and it --
Oh, no. No!
154
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,374
I can't take it anymore!
155
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:16,375
I can't control it!
156
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:17,677
Where is it taking me now?
157
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:20,379
Please! Not detroit again!
158
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,281
I am soda popinski.
159
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:25,618
Doc suffered from type 2
Diabetes, just like me.
160
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:29,021
And let me tell you, I learned
Nothing from this!
161
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,724
I'd rather die than drink
Sugar-free soda!
162
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:35,895
Diet dr. Pepper does not taste
Like regular dr. Pepper!
163
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,463
[ gasping ]
164
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,034
Doc was the one who said,
165
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:44,804
"King hippo, get your stomach
Stapled."
166
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,507
But he never warned me about
Leftover skin!
167
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:50,343
My stomach is basically a
Skirt!
168
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:51,409
Whoa!
169
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:52,678
I did not know doc.
170
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,448
I have filled my pockets with
All the pizza rolls.
171
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:56,816
Now I am leaving.
172
00:06:56,883 --> 00:07:00,219
If you think you can stop me,
You are welcome to try.
173
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,092
The spell is broken!
174
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,594
This was my true form all along.
175
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:10,897
I can't wait to marry you,
Shrek!
176
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:11,731
Marry you?
177
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:12,899
Well, yeah.
178
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:15,768
Since we look the same now,
We'll live happily ever after.
179
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:19,806
Fiona, every morning, I look
At myself in the mirror and I
180
00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:23,709
Wish my mother had the courage
To throw me in the river when I
181
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:24,977
Was born.
182
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:28,514
Then I make my way to the putrid
Swamps, the only place on god's
183
00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,450
Green earth a monster like me
Feels at home.
184
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:34,353
Sometimes children gather to
Scream at me.
185
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,722
"Monster! Animal!" they yell.
186
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:40,726
Then someone screams, "Kill
Yourself!" and it takes a few
187
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:45,097
Seconds to realize the voice is
Coming from my own mouth.
188
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:48,433
By then, I've made my way to the
Old hangin' tree.
189
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:51,270
Before I have time to think
About it, I'm wrapping a vine
190
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,505
Around my own neck.
191
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:56,275
It goes taut, and I pray to the
Gods that, this time, the vine
192
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,577
Will hold.
193
00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:01,547
But, alas, every day, I wake up
In my own filth.
194
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,649
And I lie there, and I cry.
195
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:07,854
I cry because I'll live to see
My face again!
196
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,322
So, no.
197
00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:13,826
Marrying a lass with a face as
Hideous as my own is not on my
198
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,194
To-do list!
199
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:17,530
Have you tried these mini
Cheeseburgers?
200
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,965
Great!
201
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:21,467
Unh!
202
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:25,304
[ cheers and applause ]
[ camera shutter clicks ]
203
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:25,805
Aah!
204
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:26,639
A vampire!
205
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,342
Oh, that sailor's a fucking
Vampire!
206
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:32,745
Aah!
207
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,614
[ all screaming ]
208
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,924
Where is it when I really
Need it?
209
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:45,658
Ugh!
210
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:48,861
Hey, she-ra, I made a
Balloon!
211
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,863
[ choking ]
212
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,298
Ah, birth control is magic.
213
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,834
And I don't just mean I don't
Understand how it works.
214
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:58,504
I mean, on my world it's
Literally created by sorcerers.
215
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:01,140
When you're on the tour bus,
Birth control is whatever's
216
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:01,574
Handy.
217
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:02,842
You improvise.
218
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:05,511
A hardee's cheeseburger wrapper
Tied off with a hair scrunchie,
219
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:08,147
Or, you know, just do anal.
220
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,249
Are any kids gonna see this?
221
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,118
I do not like that answer.
222
00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:15,254
You want to see something really
Unsexy?
223
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,424
These are from the px at cobra
Headquarters.
224
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,092
No, no, no. Wait.
225
00:09:20,159 --> 00:09:22,061
It gets better.
226
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,172
Ugh!
227
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,575
In a village where the
Male-to-female ratio is 99 to 1,
228
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:40,980
Every other text message is a
Dick pic.
229
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,382
Do boys ask for photos of my
Berries?
230
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:44,417
Why, yes!
231
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:47,420
Everyone knows I have very good
Berries.
232
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,755
Yes, like I said, my berries.
233
00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:50,756
Berries.
234
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,292
Are you asking about my tits?!
235
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:55,194
Pussy double entendre.
236
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,896
Pussy double entendre.
237
00:09:56,963 --> 00:10:01,000
Oh, here's a good one -- pussy
Double entendre.
238
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:05,705
Oooh, la la!
239
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,239
Got to love the bad boys.
240
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,241
I hooked up with moss man
Once.
241
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,477
Afterward, my bed smelled like
A hefty bag full of lawn
242
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:14,246
Trimmings that's been sitting in
The sun for two days.
243
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:16,882
Also, his penis was a gnarled
Root.
244
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:17,950
Here's a joke.
245
00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:19,085
This is a good one.
246
00:10:19,151 --> 00:10:22,555
"What's the difference between a
Face and a toilet?"
247
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,557
You know who else doesn't know
The answer?
248
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:25,858
R. Kelly.
249
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:29,128
I gave a blowjob to
Osama bin laden.
250
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:33,165
Ha! The look on your face!
251
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,667
I did, though.
252
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,436
Terrorcon '94.
253
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:39,605
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
254
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:41,741
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
255
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,876
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
256
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,045
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
257
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,180
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
258
00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:50,383
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
259
00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:52,351
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
18023
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