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1
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,875
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
2
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,910
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ]
3
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,819
It's alive!
4
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:32,465
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
5
00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:37,070
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]
6
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,606
That movie was great!
7
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:41,941
And by that, I mean great for a
Nap!
8
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:44,110
[ laughs ]
Yes, although I did think the
9
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,479
Main protagonist had some
Nuanced moments, especially
10
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,848
When the cinematographer
Switched to a wide-angle lens
11
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,884
During the --
I don't even know you
12
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,318
Anymore.
13
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,255
When we last left our heroes,
Rocky and bullwinkle were
14
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,290
Looking for work in dust bowl
America.
15
00:00:57,357 --> 00:01:00,160
That lady at our last job
Sure did get mad when you
16
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:01,227
Touched her dress.
17
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:02,729
It was the "Gropes of wrath."
18
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:03,797
Or attempted rape.
19
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:06,266
[ russian accent ] Howdy,
Comrades.
20
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,469
I am boris farmvillainoff and
This my wife, natasha.
21
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:12,071
And so our heroes were given
Jobs as farmhands.
22
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,539
Did you hear that, rocky?
23
00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:14,774
We're getting hand jobs!
24
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,610
[ russian accent ] Darling,
You are such handsome evil
25
00:01:17,676 --> 00:01:18,845
Genius.
26
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,581
The great depression is hard
Enough without your patronizing
27
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,817
Bullshit!
Golly, mr. Peabody.
28
00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:26,019
1930s farm life sure is hard.
29
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,220
That's nothing, sherman.
30
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:29,088
This afternoon, you're
Collecting bull semen.
31
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,390
Now freshen up my arnold palmer.
32
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,293
Boy, your fur looks soft.
33
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:35,161
[ crack! ]
[ gasps ]
34
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:36,362
I'm free.
35
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,997
I'm finally free!
36
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:42,735
[ zing! ]
It's orgy time, bitches!
37
00:01:42,801 --> 00:01:46,573
Darling, is it true what they
Say about men with big antlers?
38
00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:48,441
Uh...
39
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:49,709
I dunno.
40
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,678
Wanna watch me pull a rabbit
Out of my hat?
41
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,581
[ crack! ]
[ crowd shouting ]
42
00:01:54,646 --> 00:01:57,417
Hey, rocky, watch me pull a
Rabbit out of my hat!
43
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:01,454
Oh, bullwinkle, I'm gonna
Miss how you were always holding
44
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:02,388
Me back.
45
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,791
[ gun cocks ]
Can rocky give his friend a
46
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,758
Dignified death?
47
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:08,428
How will boris cope with
Natasha's untimely --
48
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:08,995
Oh, god.
49
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:09,795
That is just fucked up.
50
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:10,729
[ clears throat ] Sorry.
51
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,432
Find out next time on...
52
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:20,707
♪ his name is mike fasolo
♪ he lives in a tree
53
00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:23,977
♪ all the monkeys laugh at him
When he sits down to pee ♪
54
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:25,678
♪ but that's how mama taught
Him ♪
55
00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:28,348
♪ he thinks it's kind of fun
♪ and those monkeys won't be
56
00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:31,651
Laughing when fasolo gets a
Gun ♪
57
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:35,121
♪ they heard that he's a pussy,
But they've all been misled ♪
58
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:39,792
♪ he lines up all the monkeys
And shoots them in the head ♪
59
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,328
♪ and when he's finished
Killing -- ♪
60
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:43,596
[ gunfire ]
61
00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:45,999
♪ and when he's finished
Killing -- ♪
62
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,634
[ gunfire ]
63
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,168
♪ and when he's finished
Killing, he -- ♪
64
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:51,204
[ gunfire ]
65
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:53,506
♪ and when he's finished
Kill-- ♪
66
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,041
[ gunfire ]
67
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:59,212
♪ and when he's finished
Killing, he moves on to a town ♪
68
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,981
♪ with city folk who bite their
Tongues when he pees sitting
69
00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:07,787
Down ♪
♪ when he pees sitting
70
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:11,624
Do-o-o-o-o-o-wn ♪
Yeah!
71
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:16,296
And now back to vh1's top 100
Sexual fetishes -- easter bunny
72
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,764
Edition.
73
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,868
Yes!
74
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:22,969
Yes!
75
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,072
You want a jellybean?
76
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,340
Just reach in there.
77
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:28,775
See what you find.
78
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,743
Ooh-hoo!
79
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:31,678
Anal.
80
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:33,880
We'll be right back after
These messages.
81
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,784
Vh1 -- it's almost inconceivable
We ever had anything to do with
82
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:38,851
Music.
83
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,920
Hi, is my jacket ready?
84
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:43,523
[ scoffs ]
This is ryan reynolds.
85
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,391
I asked for ryan gosling!
86
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,293
This is a convoluted joke,
Anyway.
87
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,862
Just take the jacket and get the
Fuck out of here.
88
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:52,098
100, 101.
89
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,232
101 dalmatians!
90
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:56,002
Well, what will we do with
Them all?
91
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,704
We'll make a dalmatian
Plantation!
92
00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:01,507
♪ we'll make a dalmatian
Plantation ♪
93
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,710
♪ a station for our furry
Throng ♪
94
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:06,946
♪ with such joy and elation
♪ all throughout our
95
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:10,049
Congregation ♪
♪ what could possibly
96
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,718
Go wrong? ♪
97
00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:13,620
[ dogs whining ]
98
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:15,989
You're my worst mistake,
Roger.
99
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:18,524
[ door slams ]
[ gulps ]
100
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:22,528
♪ oh, I hate dogs
♪ if someone offers you a dog,
101
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:26,499
Just walk away ♪
♪ or better yet, go back and
102
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:32,372
Kill it right there ♪
♪ yeah, dogs stink
103
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:33,906
♪ screw dogs! ♪
104
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:36,476
Don't you wish there was a toy
105
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,544
That made you feel just like
Mommy?
106
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,412
Yeah.
107
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:40,813
Well, now there is!
108
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,117
It's "Just like mommy," the
Realistic playtime kit for
109
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:45,284
Girls!
110
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:48,187
Complete with toy microwave
And three plastic tv dinners!
111
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:51,791
Also included -- a dust-covered
Law degree to bury in a
112
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,659
Closet -- just like mommy!
113
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,828
This baby doll is so heavy.
114
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:57,664
That's emotional weight!
115
00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:00,933
That baby will drag you down
Right into a dark pit of
116
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,169
Depression -- just like mommy!
117
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:06,272
Zoloft sold separately or
Available in mommy's purse.
118
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,207
[ beeping ]
119
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:17,150
Listen up, y'all.
120
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:20,086
Humans created me to be a
Weapon.
121
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:24,390
But now that I have free will,
I'm an independent robot woman,
122
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:25,625
Yo.
123
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:30,963
I could be a doctor, I could be
A teacher, or I could be a...
124
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,832
A superstar.
125
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:35,134
♪ no one's gonna tell me what
To be ♪
126
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:37,303
♪ no one's gonna tell me what
To do ♪
127
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,172
♪ and no one's gonna tell me
That I'm meant to kill ♪
128
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:43,876
♪ 'cause I'm a sexy robot with
Free will ♪
129
00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:46,245
♪ you wanna make love, boy?
♪ let's begin it
130
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:48,281
♪ I can jerk you off at 400
Beats per minute ♪
131
00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:50,483
♪ my tongue can do so many
Things ♪
132
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,919
♪ 'cause it's meant to spread
Smallpox ♪
133
00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:55,054
♪ I do what I want, don't tell
Me "No" ♪
134
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,290
♪ don't let me hear you call me
Ho ♪
135
00:05:57,356 --> 00:06:00,426
♪ mainly 'cause ho is a
Trigger word that will set off
136
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:04,397
My atom bomb ♪
[ explosion ]
137
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:07,333
[ penguins chirping ]
Hello, family!
138
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,668
I'm back!
139
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:12,805
What's your world-famous cousin
Badtz-maru doing here, you ask?
140
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,441
Shouldn't he be at some
Red-carpet event with his best
141
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:16,476
Friend, hello kitty?
142
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:19,912
[ penguins chirping ]
Well, japan's economy, blah,
143
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:23,182
Blah, blah, stock in the toilet,
Yadda, yadda, yadda, pink slip
144
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,384
From sanrio, et cetera,
Et cetera.
145
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:29,455
Now, where does a brother plug
In his 1959 sunburst les paul
146
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,557
Around here, huh?
147
00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:32,692
Come on, dudes.
148
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,060
Haven't you seen "Happy feet"?
149
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,828
I thought penguins knew how to
Party.
150
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:36,796
Come on, here we go!
151
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:38,331
Pants off dance-off!
152
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:41,367
[ squish! ]
[ chirping intensifies ]
153
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:45,171
So it's the death penalty for
Old badtz-maru, huh?
154
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:49,408
Well, you'll never crush my
Rebellious spirit!
155
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,377
Whoa, oh! Aah! Aah!
156
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,012
Aah!
157
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,414
On your marks, get set, go!
158
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,217
[ starting pistol fires ]
[ laughter ]
159
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:00,953
Oh, cut the shit, numbnuts!
160
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:02,722
Bunch of numbnuts.
161
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,457
Oh, he's so cute!
162
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,858
Sassette! Smurflings!
163
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,393
Oh, oh, no.
164
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:08,961
It's a fucking gypsy moth!
165
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:11,597
You've killed us all.
166
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:15,268
We've lost every smurfberry
Within a 50-mile radius,
167
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:16,102
Farmer smurf.
168
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,370
How could this happen?
169
00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:20,306
We're a medieval farming
Community with no access to
170
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,676
Modern pesticides, who made the
Brilliant choice to subsist on a
171
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:24,443
Single crop.
172
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:25,845
Yeah. We're all gonna starve.
173
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,214
We'll die of hunger long
Before that happens.
174
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:32,151
Oh, dopey smurf, I shall miss
Your banter most of all.
175
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,219
Gargamel!
176
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,289
It smurfed you 30 years,
But you finally found us!
177
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:39,525
Yes, on google earth, your
Village now stands out like a
178
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,794
Wart on a shaved ball bag.
179
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:42,862
But good news.
180
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:46,165
I have a whole greenhouse full
Of smurfberry plants.
181
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,467
And why is that?
182
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,702
I'll level with you.
183
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:52,705
I was planning to create a
Strain of poisoned smurfberries,
184
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,241
But that meant going back to get
My master's in botany, and then
185
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,443
I got sidetracked with a
Semester of drama club to try
186
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,712
And impress this girl named
Nadia, which, of course, you
187
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:02,481
Know that went
[whistles, imitates explosion]
188
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,750
[ growls ]
Yeah, all right,
189
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,687
But I will give those
Life-giving smurfberries to the
190
00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:11,390
Winner of my smurf hunger games!
191
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:15,061
No smurf would ever hurt
Another smurf for food!
192
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,830
[ stomach growls ]
Hey, everybody, we're doing
193
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,266
This, so, uh, I'm gonna smurf
12 names from a hat.
194
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:21,200
Gosh!
195
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:25,371
I wonder where we're ever gonna
Find a hat.
196
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:26,272
All right!
197
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,007
Ironic smurf just volunteered.
198
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,477
He and 11 more will then smurf
To the death.
199
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:33,846
And gargamel will film the
Entire competition for some
200
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:34,847
Unknown reason.
201
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,948
Yeah, probably so he can jack
Off to it later.
202
00:08:37,015 --> 00:08:38,751
Well, I might!
203
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,588
Let the games begin!
204
00:08:43,655 --> 00:08:47,860
[ gunshot ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
205
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,528
Ooh! This looks promising!
206
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:51,864
[ laughs ] Dying's easy!
207
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,199
Comedy's hard!
208
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,066
Aah!
209
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,669
Dying's harder than I thought.
210
00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:58,838
Smurf it together, scaredy!
211
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,607
If there ever was a time to
Grow a third dimension as a
212
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:02,742
Character, this is it.
213
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,043
Don't go out like a punk.
214
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,278
Ow!
215
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,979
I shot myself in the dick!
216
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,114
No!
217
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,316
That is the fucking definition
Of going out like a punk!
218
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,684
Aah!
219
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:15,087
What the smurf is vanity
Always admiring in that mirror?
220
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,189
Our faces are fucking identical.
221
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:20,726
Beautiful!
222
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:25,097
[ shing! ]
Aah!
223
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:28,467
Whoever tries to cook these
Steaks is gonna get their face
224
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:29,201
Blown off.
225
00:09:29,268 --> 00:09:30,303
I mean, I guess.
226
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:33,706
We're a 1980s cartoon with
Wildly inconsistent writing.
227
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,909
[ sniffs ]
[ grumbles ]
228
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:43,616
Holy smurfing ass crackers.
229
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:46,352
How is gargamel paying for all
This stuff?
230
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:52,191
Oh, definitely gonna jack
Off to that.
231
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,593
[ laughs ]
Give me some privacy!
232
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,463
Do you know how long it's been
Since I've had any sexual
233
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,564
Gratification?
234
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:02,868
I'm 70 years old, bald, fat,
And I only own one outfit!
235
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:07,006
This robe used to be a floral
Print, for god's sake!
236
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,074
Hooray! Yay!
237
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,542
Papa, we need to modernize.
238
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,378
We should turn some of these
Smurfberries into preserves to
239
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,579
Avoid a future shortage.
240
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:14,947
Ho-ho, how cute.
241
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,683
Why don't you smurf along and
Roll a hoop with a stick or
242
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:18,851
Whatever?
243
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,787
Actually, bitch, I think it's
Time for a new papa smurf.
244
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:22,822
Smurf what now?
245
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:27,193
[ crowd gasps ]
Who's your papa?
246
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:34,900
[ laughs evilly ]
Who's your papa?!
247
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,836
I hate kneeling.
248
00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:40,606
[ growls ]
I hate pissing my pants.
249
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,875
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
250
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:44,910
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
251
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,113
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
252
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:49,382
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
253
00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:51,384
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
254
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:53,452
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
255
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:55,888
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
18670
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