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1
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:09,109
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
2
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,111
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ]
3
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,019
It's alive!
4
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:32,564
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
5
00:00:32,631 --> 00:00:42,208
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]
6
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:46,246
Are you telling me it's a
World without cars?
7
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:52,152
Cars are banned thanks to
Obama.
8
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,687
[ tires squeal ]
...From award-winning
9
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:57,490
Visionary director justin lin...
10
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,659
[ grunts ]
...And the worst screenwriter
11
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:00,927
In the history of movies...
12
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:01,895
Oh!
13
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,665
[ bicycle bell dings ]
It's on.
14
00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:16,209
That would be a good line to put
At the end of a trailer.
15
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:17,377
Yeah, clearly.
16
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:18,711
For sure.
17
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:30,223
Polly, are you ready to get
Rid of your accessories?
18
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:34,160
Because that's what they are --
Accessories, not love.
19
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:35,862
Y-yes.
20
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:41,701
Oh, I don't know if you and a
Camera crew are gonna be able to
21
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,303
Cure me in a single afternoon.
22
00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:45,638
It's a freak show either way,
Polly.
23
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,140
Oh. [ chuckles ]
24
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,384
[ sighing ] Oh, well, that
Was sex.
25
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,021
[ exhales sharply ]
I feel so close to you.
26
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:04,424
I want you to know the truth
About me.
27
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,025
I'm not only jem.
28
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,026
I'm also...
29
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,429
[ twinkle! ]
...Jerrica benton.
30
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,297
Uh...That's great.
31
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:14,767
How about switching back over to
Jem?
32
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:17,237
Thanks. Not big on jerrica.
33
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,942
No! Wilson!
34
00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:24,844
[ sobs ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
35
00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:34,153
Don't try to move.
36
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,188
You're still very weak.
37
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,991
Tell me -- who are you?
38
00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:40,393
[ buoy rings ]
Oh. You've lost your memory.
39
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,628
Wait! Wait, my friend!
40
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:43,096
We can help you!
41
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,367
Hey, you bum!
42
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,168
No loitering in the park.
43
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,337
Come on. Let's see some I.D.
44
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:54,173
Stand down, or I'll use force!
45
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,742
Ow!
46
00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:58,845
All units -- we have a fleeing
Suspect who's just attacked an
47
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,413
Officer.
48
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,115
Aah! Oh! Don't hurt me!
49
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:04,250
I'll take you wherever you need
To go!
50
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:07,487
[ engine turns over ]
Why are the police after you?
51
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,455
[ sirens wail ]
Oh, you're right.
52
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:10,323
I do talk too much.
53
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,959
[ tires squeal ]
I can't lose them.
54
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,161
Take the wheel!
55
00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:17,329
[ water splashes ]
Stop!
56
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,699
Ah! They're getting away!
57
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,634
You did it. You're amazing.
58
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,102
Oh fuck you cops!
59
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:24,637
I've never felt so alive.
60
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:28,808
[ grunts ]
This is my brother's place, but
61
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,210
He's on vacation right now.
62
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,646
[ screams ]
Save us!
63
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,616
[ grunts ]
I got it. I got it!
64
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:37,984
Oh, get it off me!
65
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:38,885
Get it off me!
66
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,153
Stay back! Stay back!
67
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,120
Stay back!
68
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:44,190
[ screams ]
Look out!
69
00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,492
Everyone thought you were
Dead.
70
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,895
I love you, but I have a family
Now.
71
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:49,429
Ow!
72
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,197
[ grunts ]
Wilson!
73
00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,166
I thought I'd lost you forever!
74
00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,635
Did you just hit me in the
Face?
75
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,203
I am calling the cops!
76
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,371
Ow.
77
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,573
[ distorted ] No witnesses.
78
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,009
No witnesses.
79
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,413
[ gasps ]
[ wind blows ]
80
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,184
[ "Benny hill" music plays ]
[ metal clanks ]
81
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:14,020
Aah! My dog!
82
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,622
Perseus!
83
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:18,625
Hey!
84
00:04:18,690 --> 00:04:28,635
[ screams ]
[ screams ]
85
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:30,169
Make us proud, sabib.
86
00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:31,204
I will!
87
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,405
Guys! Guys!
88
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:36,009
The western dogs [spits] They're
Pulling their military bases
89
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,110
From our soil!
90
00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:37,944
We won!
91
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,946
We did it! We did it!
92
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,114
That is a close one!
93
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,116
Oh, yeah. Sorry, sabib.
94
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,485
There's no way to remove the
Vest.
95
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:46,686
What?
96
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:49,288
Hey guys, you're all coming
To my super bowl party, right?
97
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,223
Oh, yeah!
98
00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:52,291
Hey, what kind of chips
Should I bring?
99
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:55,228
Cool ranch or --
Ooh, sorry, sabib, my wife
100
00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:57,830
Kind of doesn't want your
Suicide vest around the kids.
101
00:04:57,897 --> 00:04:58,998
But...That's not fair!
102
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,234
I was prepared to martyr myself
For the good of us all!
103
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,402
So, my wife's a bitch?
104
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:03,636
Is that what you're saying?
105
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:04,637
No! I-I...
106
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:10,076
[ sighs ]
Bro, your wife is a bitch.
107
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,477
"Avengers 2" is sold out.
108
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:14,747
Plenty of tickets left for the
Movie where kevin james gets
109
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,149
Pregnant, though.
110
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:19,519
[ sighs ]
My water's breaking!
111
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:22,121
[ water splashe ]
It is in your power to end
112
00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:23,523
This.
113
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,658
We'll do it together.
114
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,801
Ladies and gentlemen, the
Greatest super-weapon ever
115
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:35,334
Created!
116
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,103
I give you astro boy!
117
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,305
[ crowd gasps ]
You know what would have made
118
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:41,007
A greater super-weapon?
119
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,343
A full-grown man robot with a
Fucking shirt, you sick son of a
120
00:05:44,409 --> 00:05:45,111
Bitch!
121
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,846
Shall I show him my cannon,
Sir?
122
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,848
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
123
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:53,352
[ doorbell rings ]
"I am required by law to
124
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:59,125
Notify you that I am a
Registered s-sex offender."
125
00:05:59,192 --> 00:05:59,959
Hi, there.
126
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,561
May I help you with anything
Today?
127
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:02,762
Yeah.
128
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:06,232
I'm looking for a lotion that'll
Really soften up human skin.
129
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,001
Well, our signature series
Uses sea-kelp extract.
130
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:09,936
Here! Try it out!
131
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:11,304
Oh, that is nice.
132
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,172
Um, is there a gift with
Purchase?
133
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,775
If you buy the whole set, it
Comes in this cute basket!
134
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,076
I do need a basket.
135
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,078
Put the lotion in the basket.
136
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,146
I'm taking the set.
137
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,114
Excellent!
138
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,750
And your total is $635.
139
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:25,318
Yikes. That is pricy.
140
00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:27,286
Well, you pay for quality.
141
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:31,023
I guess you can't put a price
On beautiful human skin.
142
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,493
[ both laugh ]
True.
143
00:06:33,558 --> 00:06:35,128
No! Please, mister!
144
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:36,262
Let me go!
145
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,499
It puts the moisturizer,
Refining serum and body buffer
146
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,368
On its skin, or else it gets the
Hose again.
147
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,303
Oh -- wow! Crème de la mer?
148
00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:46,305
This stuff's insanely expensive.
149
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:49,876
You're telling me, but
Obviously, people are willing to
150
00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:50,343
Pay.
151
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:51,444
Guilty as charged.
152
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:54,814
[ both laugh ]
Seriously, put the fucking
153
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,115
Lotion on your skin.
154
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:57,116
Who is she?
155
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,618
What does she want?
156
00:06:58,683 --> 00:06:59,786
Ooh! Oh, dear.
157
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:00,753
Oh, my!
158
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:03,122
It's -- it's $10 each or $100
For all at once.
159
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,958
Well, that sounds perfectly
Reasonable.
160
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:08,561
Mr. Gargamel, how do you
Plead to the charges of
161
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:12,064
Kidnapping, murder, and
Consumption of 182 smurfs?
162
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,266
Guilty, your honor.
163
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:14,634
They were delicious.
164
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:18,104
Then you are hereby sentenced
To 50 years for racially
165
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,405
Motivated hate crimes.
166
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:20,773
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
167
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,041
I'm not racist!
168
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,678
All I was trying to do was round
Up every last smurf on earth and
169
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,313
Eradicate their entire species.
170
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:30,650
You just gave the textbook
Definition of genocide.
171
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,084
Whoops.
172
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,587
So, me and hitler, then.
173
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:35,688
Hmm.
174
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,524
Why would a contractor need
Glow-in-the-dark paint?
175
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:41,527
I wonder if this has to do with
The glowing ghost?
176
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:44,163
[ sighs ]
I put my parents $100,000 in
177
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,599
Debt for that criminal science
Degree.
178
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,034
I need to rethink my life.
179
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,101
Zoinks!
180
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:50,536
[ gasps ]
Shaggy!
181
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:51,838
Oh!
182
00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,974
Oh, my glasses.
183
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,542
Oh! Jinkies!
184
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:59,045
G-g-g-glowing ghost!
185
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,112
Ohh!
186
00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:00,646
Velma!
187
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:01,480
Oh, my god.
188
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,749
[ gags ]
Oh, I just puked right in my
189
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:04,917
Fucking mask!
190
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,986
Velma faces 12 to 18 months
Of physical therapy with no
191
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,187
Insurance.
192
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:10,289
While she's on that fun journey,
We need someone to fill her
193
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:11,457
Role.
194
00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:13,960
Like, dude, me and scoob
Already put an ad on craigslist.
195
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:15,394
Reah! Raigs-rist!
196
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,930
[ laughs ]
Like, here she is now!
197
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,300
[ engine revs ]
[ tires screech ]
198
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,069
I am lisbeth salander.
199
00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:26,606
I know we need a team nerd,
But do they always have to be
200
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:27,940
Such boner killers?
201
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,643
♪ ba-da-da, ba ♪
Hey, lisbeth!
202
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:32,010
I really like your, uh...
203
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,847
[ thinking ] Hair, eyebrows,
Makeup, piercings, tattoos,
204
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:38,851
Outfit, hygiene, manners, smile,
Accent...
205
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:41,854
Hey, fred, turn up the radio.
206
00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:44,256
The owner of this amusement
Park says a ghost is scaring
207
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,290
Away all his customers.
208
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,926
My plan is we split up.
209
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,027
You are incompetent.
210
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:48,861
Huh?
211
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,196
The owner of this park is
Bankrupt.
212
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,797
These are his financial records.
213
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,033
Don't implicate me in
Whatever you're doing.
214
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,335
Lots of honest people file
Chapter 11, lisbeth.
215
00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:58,170
Here are his personal
E-mails.
216
00:08:58,237 --> 00:09:00,006
He has $50,000 in gambling
Debts.
217
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:02,208
Well, gambling is a
Deplorable vice.
218
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:05,111
Here are receipts for a ghost
Costume, a one-way ticket to
219
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:07,580
Brazil, and 12 drums of
Acetone -- the most common arson
220
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:08,814
Accelerant.
221
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,083
He is planning to burn the park
For the insurance money, blame
222
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,386
It on a ghost, and flee the
Country.
223
00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:15,221
[ blink! ]
I say we split up.
224
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,156
[ moans ]
Look out!
225
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:17,556
Zoinks!
226
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:18,724
Ruh-roh!
227
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,160
That is phillip w. Anderson,
The president and c.E.O. Of
228
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,797
This --
Like, run!
229
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,065
You wear too much purple.
230
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,667
I know! It matches my eyes.
231
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,069
The only humans with
Naturally purple eyes are
232
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:30,770
Albinos.
233
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,138
Fine! They're contacts.
234
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:33,005
God!
235
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,240
You think you know everything,
Huh?
236
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,508
You think you're so cool.
237
00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:39,178
You know, you're not the only
One with a bad-ass tattoo.
238
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,114
I think a tumbleweed just
Blew through my vagina.
239
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:43,516
I know! It sucks!
240
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:44,517
Fred sucks!
241
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:47,119
I have the worst boyfriend in
The world!
242
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:49,588
Maybe you could try
Handcuffing him to your bed.
243
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,790
Oh, I guess that could spice
Things up.
244
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:52,959
Yes!
245
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:56,696
And then sodomize him with a
Stainless-steel revenge dildo!
246
00:09:56,762 --> 00:10:00,166
[ both grunting ]
Oh!
247
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:02,935
So that how these girls play.
248
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,537
[ zip! ]
Ohh.
249
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:07,873
This whole park smells like
Sex all of a sudden, and I get
250
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,009
Stuck with a four-legged tang
Repellant.
251
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,177
Rang re-rellent?
252
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:13,179
Ray-re rit's rhe roul ratch.
253
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:16,816
Did you just diss the soul
Patch?
254
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:18,117
Rit's rhe rhost!
255
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,385
Like, zoinks!
256
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,822
[ laughs ]
[ grunts ]
257
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:23,723
Look!
258
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,359
It was the amusement park owner
After all!
259
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:27,526
Imbecile.
260
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:30,663
We actually solved the
Mystery without velma.
261
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:34,800
And without a tacked-on car
Chase and explosion, unlike "The
262
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,002
Girl with the dragon tattoo."
263
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:36,836
Ohh!
264
00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:39,305
Thanks for the critique, guys.
265
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,174
All: stieg larsson, author of
"The girl with the dragon
266
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:43,376
Tattoo"?!
267
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:45,745
Maybe I would have done a
Second draft if I hadn't died of
268
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,046
A fucking heart attack!
269
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:48,080
Like, hey, old dude.
270
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,682
Did you lose a contact lens?
271
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,717
I just took a hammer to the
Skull.
272
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:53,652
I think my fucking retina flew
Off.
273
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:58,324
[ all laugh ]
Rooby-rooby-roo!
274
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,526
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
275
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,828
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
276
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:05,031
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
277
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,133
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
278
00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,135
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
279
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:11,137
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
280
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:13,873
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
19243
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