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1
00:00:18,034 --> 00:00:19,899
It's alive!
2
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,518
I- I don't... I don't know
what's going on.
3
00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:42,080
This never really happens to me.
4
00:00:42,158 --> 00:00:44,683
Not having a penis never
happens to you?
5
00:00:44,761 --> 00:00:47,491
Bartender, give me a Scotch,
a backup Scotch, and a boiler Scotch.
6
00:00:47,563 --> 00:00:50,259
That's a shot of Scotch floating
in a bigger glass of Scotch.
7
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:52,028
Now, Scotch me,
Scotch face.
8
00:00:52,101 --> 00:00:53,659
Wow, are you Scottish?
9
00:00:53,736 --> 00:00:55,931
I am U.S. Senator
Ted Kennedy.
10
00:00:56,005 --> 00:00:59,566
I'm Jenna Jameson,
the world's most famous porn star.
11
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:00,574
What's wrong?
12
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,440
Celebrities in politics.
13
00:01:02,512 --> 00:01:04,912
Schwarzenegger, Ventura,
Franken.
14
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,040
Soon, bloated, repulsive
politicians like me
15
00:01:07,116 --> 00:01:08,947
won't find
work anymore.
16
00:01:09,018 --> 00:01:12,579
Hey, celebrities take work
away from honest porn stars, too...
17
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,385
Paris Hilton,
Pam Anderson, Screech.
18
00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:16,823
What the hell's a Screech?
19
00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:17,882
Aw, screw it, Jenna.
20
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,450
If my family's taught me
anything,
21
00:01:19,529 --> 00:01:22,623
it's that there's only one good
way to get rid of somebody.
22
00:01:22,699 --> 00:01:24,462
Crash their plane into the
ocean?
23
00:01:24,534 --> 00:01:25,660
No, the other way.
24
00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:26,702
Drive off a bridge?
25
00:01:26,769 --> 00:01:29,101
No,
I'm talking about...
26
00:01:31,307 --> 00:01:32,569
Yah!
27
00:01:32,642 --> 00:01:35,440
Paris, get that cock out of
your mouth.
28
00:01:35,511 --> 00:01:36,978
That's my job.
29
00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:44,115
Remember when I said I'd kill
you last?
30
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,052
No, I don't recall that...
31
00:01:46,122 --> 00:01:48,818
Oh, you are doing a line
from my movie.
32
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:49,721
I lied.
33
00:01:49,792 --> 00:01:51,225
I know how it goes.
34
00:01:51,294 --> 00:01:53,125
Aah!
35
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,424
You suck!
36
00:01:54,497 --> 00:01:55,794
Sayonara, Scotch.
37
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:56,695
Screech.
38
00:01:56,766 --> 00:01:57,630
Whatever.
39
00:02:00,236 --> 00:02:02,227
Aah!
40
00:02:06,809 --> 00:02:08,367
Holy schnikes!
41
00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:10,679
Hello?
42
00:02:10,747 --> 00:02:12,214
Seth, honey, are you at the
Oscars?
43
00:02:12,281 --> 00:02:13,873
No, mom, I'm watching them at
home.
44
00:02:13,950 --> 00:02:15,212
Why aren't you at the Oscars?
45
00:02:15,284 --> 00:02:16,751
'Cause, mom, I wasn't
nominated.
46
00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:18,912
When are you going to start
doing prestige pictures?
47
00:02:18,988 --> 00:02:20,319
I do work I'm proud of.
48
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:23,120
Apparently, a little fellow
named Oscar thinks differently.
49
00:02:23,192 --> 00:02:24,181
God damn it!
50
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:28,026
This is the greatest day of
my life!
51
00:02:30,466 --> 00:02:32,331
Oh, baby.
52
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,467
Micro Machines Man here to
tell you about the genuine,
53
00:02:40,543 --> 00:02:42,602
original, marvelously majestic
micro machines collection.
54
00:02:42,678 --> 00:02:45,010
Make these cars zoom and vroom,
veer and sneer, jump and bump.
55
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,208
Micro Machines Man used to own a
1965 mustang convertible,
56
00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:48,944
but his wicked witchifing wife took it
and everything he owned
57
00:02:49,018 --> 00:02:50,815
in a divorce proceeding that
left yours truly emasculated,
58
00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:52,218
devoid of testicles,
59
00:02:52,288 --> 00:02:54,415
nothing but an empty scrotum
swinging between his legs,
60
00:02:54,490 --> 00:02:55,787
like a portentous pendulum
tick-tock ticking
61
00:02:55,858 --> 00:02:57,655
away the remains of
yesterday's youth and vigor.
62
00:02:57,727 --> 00:03:00,161
Yes, the sea cow from the black hole
married Micro Machines Man not
63
00:03:00,229 --> 00:03:01,628
for the promise of eternal
tongue tickling,
64
00:03:01,697 --> 00:03:03,562
but for an amorphous amore only
a succubus
65
00:03:03,633 --> 00:03:05,658
could inflict on a balding
butthead with poor prospects.
66
00:03:05,735 --> 00:03:07,066
I'll never see my kids again.
67
00:03:07,136 --> 00:03:09,127
Tonight's the night when a rigid
Remington rifle barrel
68
00:03:09,205 --> 00:03:10,934
gets frenetically fellated and
brain matter
69
00:03:11,007 --> 00:03:12,838
goes splatter and the big
blanket of darkness
70
00:03:12,909 --> 00:03:14,399
gives cold comfort to a broken
bastard.
71
00:03:14,477 --> 00:03:17,742
For a product you can't take with
you to the grave, by Galoob.
72
00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:19,111
Be careful, daddy.
73
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:28,252
Aah!
74
00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:47,639
Draw.
75
00:03:52,081 --> 00:03:54,572
Ow!
76
00:03:57,854 --> 00:03:59,185
No!
77
00:03:59,255 --> 00:04:00,381
I did it, princess!
78
00:04:00,456 --> 00:04:02,583
I've been through hell and back
to save you.
79
00:04:02,658 --> 00:04:03,750
Oh, thank goodness.
80
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:04,986
Ganon was such a beast.
81
00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:06,426
I was a little bit badass.
82
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:08,964
Yeah, I killed thousands of
Octoroks and retrieved
83
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:11,022
the Triforce of wisdom,
just for you.
84
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:14,536
I truly appreciate it.
85
00:04:14,604 --> 00:04:15,764
Truly.
86
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:18,466
Yeah, yeah, a good fantasy
adventure it was,
87
00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:20,634
with a wonderful fairy-tale
ending.
88
00:04:20,710 --> 00:04:22,337
Eh-heh.
89
00:04:22,411 --> 00:04:24,606
Look, kid, I know where you're
going with this,
90
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,308
and you have to realize that I
barely know you.
91
00:04:27,383 --> 00:04:28,714
But I'm the one who...
92
00:04:28,784 --> 00:04:30,718
I've been rescued before.
93
00:04:30,786 --> 00:04:32,845
It's part of being a princess.
94
00:04:32,922 --> 00:04:34,082
Yeah, but...
95
00:04:34,156 --> 00:04:36,351
Of course, the first time I
was ever rescued,
96
00:04:36,425 --> 00:04:39,292
I fucked that guy's brains out.
97
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:40,294
Hoo!
98
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,888
Ha!
99
00:04:42,965 --> 00:04:45,399
But you're like the
eighth-something.
100
00:04:45,468 --> 00:04:46,526
I've lost track.
101
00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:48,160
But it's my first time.
102
00:04:48,237 --> 00:04:50,000
I mean, in more ways than one.
103
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:53,303
Look, some cherries you get
to pop, some you don't.
104
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:56,311
How long did this rescue take
you, 20, 30 hours?
105
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,778
It took me 50 hours.
106
00:04:57,847 --> 00:04:59,644
50?
Wow, you suck.
107
00:04:59,715 --> 00:05:02,650
Oh, look, I only have eight
rupees.
108
00:05:02,718 --> 00:05:04,481
Take it for your time.
109
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,543
Take it, thanks.
110
00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:06,747
A grateful kingdom.
111
00:05:06,822 --> 00:05:08,312
I'm out.
112
00:05:10,426 --> 00:05:13,452
Then I will save you,
my princess.
113
00:05:13,529 --> 00:05:16,896
And now watch me escape from
this straitjacket.
114
00:05:21,337 --> 00:05:22,167
Success!
115
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,865
I told you I'd do it!
116
00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:26,338
Why are you clapping?
117
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,809
A violent schizophrenic rapist
with touches of dementia
118
00:05:28,878 --> 00:05:31,369
and the strength of eight men
just escaped.
119
00:05:31,447 --> 00:05:33,039
Yeah, he escaped from his
straitjacket.
120
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,104
Really?
121
00:05:34,183 --> 00:05:35,650
I would have loved to have
seen that.
122
00:05:35,718 --> 00:05:36,707
Aah!
123
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,147
Now smile.
124
00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:40,813
Perfect, yes.
125
00:05:54,837 --> 00:05:55,826
That stopped him.
126
00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:57,634
Yeah, but, man,
a spike strip?
127
00:05:57,707 --> 00:06:00,039
I mean, couldn't we have tried a
warning first?
128
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,043
Yeah, we could have,
but we didn't.
129
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,876
Actually, I prefer
African-American lagoon,
130
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:08,473
thank you very much.
131
00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:10,314
Once again, good trumps evil,
132
00:06:10,386 --> 00:06:12,980
and General Spidrax's plan has
been thwarted.
133
00:06:13,055 --> 00:06:14,750
But I'm sure Spidrax will be
134
00:06:14,824 --> 00:06:17,759
spinning a new web of deceit
before long, Dargon.
135
00:06:18,828 --> 00:06:20,318
Spidrax, spinning web.
136
00:06:20,396 --> 00:06:24,230
I see what you did there, Zak,
and I like it.
137
00:06:25,735 --> 00:06:28,795
Dragonflyer, you ignorant bitch,
heed my telepathic commands.
138
00:06:28,871 --> 00:06:29,997
You use telepathy?
139
00:06:30,072 --> 00:06:32,063
I always just kick mine
in the ribs.
140
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,837
Wait, we're being pulled into
a tractor beam.
141
00:06:34,910 --> 00:06:37,208
It must be Spidrax weaving a
new web.
142
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,406
The time for spider puns is
past.
143
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,471
Prepare to fight.
144
00:06:40,549 --> 00:06:43,248
Aah!
145
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:44,445
Oh, goodness.
146
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,078
That was a big one.
147
00:06:48,624 --> 00:06:51,616
Make sure your bindles are
stowed properly.
148
00:06:51,694 --> 00:06:56,825
Please direct your attention to
the exits here and here.
149
00:06:56,899 --> 00:06:59,834
The meal today will be a
warmed-up can of beans,
150
00:06:59,902 --> 00:07:03,599
and the in-flight movie will be
crazy John acting out scenes
151
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:04,935
from "Forrest Gump. "
152
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:07,441
But you ain't got no legs,
Lieutenant Dan!
153
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,444
Enjoy your flight,
154
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:12,208
and thank you for flying
homeless airlines.
155
00:07:13,482 --> 00:07:14,744
Aah!
156
00:07:14,817 --> 00:07:16,512
And that's how I'm gonna get
home to Alaska.
157
00:07:16,585 --> 00:07:19,019
I'm the President
of jelly beans!
158
00:07:19,088 --> 00:07:20,555
Turn your head and cough.
159
00:07:20,623 --> 00:07:22,887
Ah, just as I suspected.
160
00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:25,825
You let a stranger grab
your balls.
161
00:07:27,463 --> 00:07:30,626
All right, I'm gonna
disconnect your air machine.
162
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,463
Then you're gonna go to sleep.
163
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:36,596
And then'll give you a shot,
and you'll stay asleep.
164
00:07:43,612 --> 00:07:48,447
"Mo chuisle" means
"my darling," "my blood. "
165
00:08:03,799 --> 00:08:05,926
For picture quality that puts
cable to rest,
166
00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:07,593
you've got to
pick Direct TV.
167
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,424
Boss, this is taking forever.
168
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:37,432
Keep chopping,
you drain clog.
169
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,992
Once we harvest the energy of
the oldest tree in Eternia,
170
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:44,471
we can destroy Castle Grayskull
once and for all!
171
00:08:44,540 --> 00:08:48,237
You know, Skeletor,
based on our track record,
172
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,607
this probably won't work.
173
00:08:49,678 --> 00:08:52,647
Uh, life's a journey,
not a destination.
174
00:08:52,715 --> 00:08:54,239
Not so fast, Skeletor.
175
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:57,183
Trees are some of our most
precious resources.
176
00:08:57,253 --> 00:08:59,187
Uh...
177
00:08:59,255 --> 00:09:00,813
Who are you talking to?
178
00:09:00,923 --> 00:09:01,912
Your face.
179
00:09:01,991 --> 00:09:02,821
Ow!
180
00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:04,189
You know what they say...
181
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:06,820
a bird in the hand is worth two
in the bush.
182
00:09:06,896 --> 00:09:07,726
Stop it.
183
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,321
What, you gonna cry now?
184
00:09:09,398 --> 00:09:11,127
You gonna cry like a big baby?
185
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,566
I don't even have tear ducts,
you jerk.
186
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,035
You know what you need?
187
00:09:15,104 --> 00:09:17,436
A good skull fucking.
188
00:09:17,506 --> 00:09:18,495
What?
189
00:09:18,574 --> 00:09:19,438
Uh!
190
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:20,770
What the...
191
00:09:20,843 --> 00:09:23,175
Oh, crap!
Oh, crap!
192
00:09:23,245 --> 00:09:24,837
Beast Man, what did you do?
193
00:09:24,914 --> 00:09:25,972
I don't know.
194
00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:28,812
I mean, I thought he would block
it or something.
195
00:09:28,884 --> 00:09:30,078
I mean, he's He-man.
196
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,746
This is the first murder in
Eternian history.
197
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,689
If the king finds out, it's the
guillotine for us all.
198
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:37,123
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
199
00:09:37,193 --> 00:09:39,889
Oh, we're up shit's creek
without a paddle, man.
200
00:09:39,962 --> 00:09:41,156
♪ He-man ♪
201
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,822
Okay, read that back to me.
202
00:09:42,898 --> 00:09:45,332
"Being He-man sucked more
than you think.
203
00:09:45,401 --> 00:09:47,426
Falling backwards onto
an ax now,
204
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,994
the way I always talked
about doing.
205
00:09:50,072 --> 00:09:51,562
Love,
He-man. "
206
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,834
Foolproof!
207
00:09:52,908 --> 00:09:55,468
Let's get the hell out of
here.
208
00:09:55,544 --> 00:09:56,943
Oh, no.
209
00:09:57,012 --> 00:10:01,881
I must tell King Randor and the
Sorceress this terrible news.
210
00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:03,646
♪ He-man ♪
211
00:10:06,989 --> 00:10:08,547
Oh, we're so dead.
212
00:10:08,624 --> 00:10:10,990
Oh, we're so dead, we're so
dead, we're so dead,
213
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:11,924
we're so screwed.
214
00:10:11,994 --> 00:10:13,518
I'm turning over a new leaf.
215
00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:16,963
From this point forward,
I'm no longer Evil-lyn.
216
00:10:17,032 --> 00:10:19,296
You may call
me Good-lyn.
217
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:20,426
Heh.
218
00:10:20,502 --> 00:10:22,231
You know, I always thought your
name was Evelyn.
219
00:10:22,304 --> 00:10:23,328
It's weird.
220
00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:25,168
All this time,
it's been Evil-lyn?
221
00:10:25,241 --> 00:10:26,538
Pretty clever, right?
222
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:27,439
No.
223
00:10:28,744 --> 00:10:31,907
Oh, game over,
man, game over.
224
00:10:31,981 --> 00:10:33,676
Why is that door locked?
225
00:10:33,749 --> 00:10:36,081
I've got to take a dump.
226
00:10:36,151 --> 00:10:38,381
Holy fucking shit.
227
00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:40,581
All:
Aah!
228
00:10:40,656 --> 00:10:43,682
I have the power!
229
00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:47,357
I have crapped my pants!
230
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:48,896
♪ He-man ♪
231
00:10:48,964 --> 00:10:53,458
Orko, oh, thank goodness you
found He-man's sword of power.
232
00:10:53,535 --> 00:10:55,765
We can use it to bring him back
to life.
233
00:10:55,838 --> 00:10:59,274
He-man would be back and I'd
be regular Orko again?
234
00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:00,569
Absolutely.
235
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:03,942
Yeah, but then that happened.
236
00:11:08,050 --> 00:11:10,382
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
237
00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:12,511
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
238
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,647
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
239
00:11:14,723 --> 00:11:16,816
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
240
00:11:16,892 --> 00:11:18,951
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
241
00:11:19,028 --> 00:11:21,155
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
242
00:11:21,230 --> 00:11:23,221
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
15950
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