All language subtitles for Robot Chicken - S00E15 - The Robot Chicken Lots of Holidays but Don’t Worry Christmas is Still in There Too so Pull the Stick out of Your Ass Fox News Special (1080p x265 EDGE2020).eng
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And now back to
"The legend of the guardians:
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00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,606
The owls of ga'hoole"
Christmas special.
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00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,108
Who? Who?
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00:00:08,173 --> 00:00:11,878
[ wings flapping ]
Who is watching this program?
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[ sighs ]
Man, christmas gets all the
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00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:15,648
Animated specials.
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00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:19,152
I wish someone would do one for
The ot holidays.
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00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,121
That would be so cool.
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00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:25,291
[ inhales, yawns ]
So...Cool.
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00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:28,995
[ warble! ]
[ groans ]
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00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,096
Huh?!
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00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:30,997
Aaaaah!
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00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,598
Aah! Aah!
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00:00:32,665 --> 00:00:34,701
He's a maniac! Help!
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00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:35,635
Both: huh?
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00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,837
Oh! What?!
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00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:39,639
[ panting, crying ]
Whoops!
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00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:40,840
Unh!
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00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:42,776
What?
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00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:45,044
Oh, boy.
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00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,813
[ funky, mid-tempo music plays ]
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00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,019
Ow! Your feet! Yeeow!
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00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:54,020
Ow!
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00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,324
Ow! Ow! Oh, my god!
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00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:08,134
[ sneezes ]
Uh -- hey! Ow! Yeow! Yeow!
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00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,170
Uh, that's okay. No, thank you.
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00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,237
No, no, no.
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00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,142
[ chatters ]
What the fuck
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00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,310
Unh! Unh!
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Oh, yeah!
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I think I love you.
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Here goes.
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My new year's resolution is to
Quit drinking!
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3...2...1...
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Happy new year!
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00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,729
All: yay!
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[ twinkle! ]
Whoa! You're baby new year!
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00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:42,101
Did you come here to help me
Ring in 2015?
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00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,136
No, jim.
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I came to talk to you about the
Promise you made.
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Remember -- to give up drinking?
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But I made that resolution 10
Seconds ago.
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It's binding.
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Hyah!
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[ screaming ]
♪ baby new year,
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Resolution enforcer ♪
The chipmunks' christmas
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Album went double-mahogany on
The charts.
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00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:06,292
So we decided to release a
Holiday album for the other
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Holidays.
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♪ theodore
Take a listen.
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[ mid-tempo music plays ]
All: ♪ st. Patrick's day is
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Finally here ♪
♪ time to drink our weight
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00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:25,411
In beer ♪
♪ sipping green ale from a can
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00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:30,149
♪ I think I blew a homeless
Man ♪
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00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:33,418
And what's sure to be a
Halloween classic.
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All: ♪ hello, people,
Trick or treat ♪
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♪ I hope you give us
Something sweet ♪
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♪ give us candy,
That's the plan ♪
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♪ I think I blew a homeless
Man ♪
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Uh, theodore, I think you're
Repeating the lyric from
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St. Patrick's day.
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00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,138
Nope.
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I blew a homeless man on
Halloween also.
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00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:55,742
I was high on candy.
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Okay! Well, there's --
And pcp.
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00:02:58,211 --> 00:03:01,881
There's also a great song
For thanksgiving!
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All: ♪ hooray, it's finally
Turkey day ♪
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♪ we'll drink and laugh
Our cares away ♪
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00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:12,425
♪ eat pies of pumpkin
And pecan ♪
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00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,862
I probably didn't blow a
Homeless man...?
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00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,798
Theodore, this is a safe
Place.
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♪ okay, I definitely blew
A homeless man ♪
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[ bells jingle ]
♪ he sees you
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00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,610
When you're healthy ♪
♪ he knows when you feel sick
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00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,346
[ coughs ]
♪ he knows if you've been
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00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,815
Naughty or nice ♪
♪ that's right, santa can't be
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00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,685
Tricked ♪
All right, let's go over my
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00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,620
Naughty-and-nice list for this
Year.
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00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:43,590
Well, billy marchetti in
Rochester stole a candy bar.
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00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:46,559
Looks like someone is now on
My naughty list.
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00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:49,329
But he did it because his
Family's on welfare and his mom
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00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,930
Traded all the food stamps for
Heroin.
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00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:52,599
Oh.
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00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:53,700
Um...
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00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:55,101
Hmm.
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00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,202
That's a tough one.
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00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,738
♪ he watches when
You're home ♪
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00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:03,176
♪ he knows when you're away
♪ he's also starting to
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00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:07,847
Realize ♪
♪ that life is morally gray
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00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,717
Regina from nome, alaska, got
An "A" on her math quiz.
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00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:13,553
Well, that's cut-and-dried --
A gift for regina.
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00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:15,688
But only because she cheated.
93
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,255
Okay, coal for regina.
94
00:04:17,322 --> 00:04:19,024
Bu-u-u-u-u-u-t...
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00:04:19,091 --> 00:04:21,827
She only cheated on the test
Because she can't read the
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00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:24,263
Blackboard due to the fact she's
Dyslexic.
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00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,264
Aghhh!
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00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,900
♪ he's having an
Existential crisis ♪
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00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:30,303
♪ that smug look's wiped off
Of his face ♪
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00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,838
Guys. Guys, stop.
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00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:32,805
Stop singing.
102
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:34,040
All right? Just -- just stop.
103
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,843
I have a lot of things to think
About.
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00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,811
[ wind whistling ]
Help yourself to some
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00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:45,551
Cookies, sherry.
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00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,953
I made them for the whole
Office.
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00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,655
I told myself I wouldn't.
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00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:51,324
But hey, yolo.
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00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:52,457
Unh!
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♪ baby new year,
Resolution enforcer ♪
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00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,738
Mother, are you watching over
Me, like simba's dad did for
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Him?
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[ echoing ] Here I am, bambi.
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00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,076
Oh, wow! Mom!
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00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,812
D-do you have any sage advice
For me?
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00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,213
Yes, my son.
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00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,383
The rampant deer population is
A real problem.
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00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:18,951
You have to kill yourself.
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00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:21,988
I-I thought you were gonna
Tell me, like, I was the one
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00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,456
True king or something.
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00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,825
No. You're a deer.
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00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,827
Deer are meaningless!
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00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:28,861
Meaningless...
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00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,396
Meaningless.
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00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,532
Oh, I wish I had known her,
Father.
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00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,567
Yes, she was quite wonderful.
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00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,402
Tell me -- what was she like?
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00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:37,537
Unh! Unh! Unh! Yeah!
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00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:40,606
[ dolphin squeals ]
Oh, she was enthusiastic, the
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00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,608
Most beautiful one in her pod.
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00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,310
Oh, that's --
Wait -- pod? What pod?
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00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,379
[ yiddish accent ] Nemo, put
On your yarmulke for your
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Mother.
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00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,214
I don't want to! We're fish!
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00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,048
This is stupid!
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00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:50,316
Put on your yarmulke, nemo!
137
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,151
I'm tired of your shit!
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00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,587
Sh'ma. Fishrael fish adonai...
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00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:57,690
Happy mother's day from all
Of us in the disney family
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00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:59,192
Who've lost our mothers.
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00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:00,793
Mickey, do you miss your
Mama, too?
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00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:01,661
Ha! No!
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00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,896
She ate all my brothers and
Sisters.
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00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,832
Mice are monsters.
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00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:06,999
[ lisping ] Oh, no.
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00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:11,270
It's valentine's day, and I have
Too many dates.
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00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,406
Happy hanukkah, joshua.
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00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,240
Here.
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00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,877
I got you lots of hanukkah gelt.
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00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:21,047
[ hip-hop music plays ]
[ rapping ] ♪ I got so much
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00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,549
Hanukkah gelt ♪
♪ yo, this musta been
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00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,385
How rockefeller felt ♪
♪ chocolate money,
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00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,688
It ain't even funny ♪
♪ keep my wallet in the freezer
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00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:31,224
So that shit don't melt ♪
♪ I walk into the club,
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00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,693
And I make it rain ♪
♪ and now your booty all covered
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00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,596
In a chocolate stain ♪
♪ gelt in my socks,
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00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:38,831
Gelt in the banks ♪
♪ I give gelt to my homies,
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00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:39,999
And they say... ♪
Together: thanks!
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00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,135
♪ I give gelt to the germans,
And they say... ♪
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00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:43,069
Together: danke!
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00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,438
♪ I got more chocolate than
Willy wonka ♪
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00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,507
♪ so much gelt, it'll make you
Sick ♪
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00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:50,176
♪ I got more hot cocoa
Than ice-t's dick ♪
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00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,445
♪ so much chocolate, make ya pop
Ya belt ♪
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00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,180
♪ ya understand me,
Mother fucker ♪
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00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,582
♪ I got so much gelt
[ gasps ] Hey!
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00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,317
This money's made of chocolate.
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00:06:58,384 --> 00:06:59,819
You owe us 3 grand.
169
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:02,121
Oy gevalt!
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00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,323
Happy memorial day, my
Smurfs!
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00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:07,860
This is the day on which we
Honor all the fallen smurfs
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00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,595
Of smurfs past.
173
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:10,696
Myspace smurf.
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00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,698
[ bell tolls ]
Payphone smurf.
175
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,635
[ bell tolls ]
Ohhh, "Talk to the hand" smurf.
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00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:18,471
[ bell tolls ]
Michael dukakis smurf.
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00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:21,240
[ bell tolls ]
I'm sensing a trend here.
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00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,876
All of these smurfs were kind
Of outdated.
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00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:28,047
Yes, it is a sad thing when a
Smurf outlives his usefulness.
180
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,148
I mean, dies.
181
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:31,617
Well, did these smurfs die of
Natural causes?
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00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,786
Well, let me think.
183
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,189
[ twinkle! ]
Hmm.
184
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:37,723
Doesn't look busy enough.
185
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,092
[ gunshot ]
[ gunshot ]
186
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:43,830
Ew! Talk to the han--
[ gunshot ]
187
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:47,066
[ gunshot ]
Yep -- natural causes.
188
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,668
You sure about that?
189
00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:50,636
[ dramatic music plays ]
Handy smurf -- tonight.
190
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,142
He knows too much.
191
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,077
Mrrow.
192
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,713
[ sighs ]
I swore I'd stop spanking it,
193
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,349
But I just can't say no to you,
Marjory.
194
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:04,951
Unh! Unh! Unh!
195
00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:06,886
Broke your resolution, eh?
196
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:10,223
[ choking ]
This makes it so much better!
197
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:11,791
I'm gonna sit this one out.
198
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:15,928
♪ baby new year,
Resolution enforcer ♪
199
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,431
I love spending these nights
Together, baby.
200
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,367
Just me, you, and the desolation
Of nature.
201
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,002
I love you, st. Nick.
202
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:27,006
[ rumbling ]
What the fuck
203
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,474
Santa! Mrs. Claus!
204
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:29,942
It is a true honor to meet you.
205
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,644
I --
Hey, thanks for blocking our
206
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:32,645
View, dumbass!
207
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:33,813
Oh. Sorry.
208
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,648
I didn't know your place was
Here when I threw the crystal.
209
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,183
Good thing I didn't hook it, or
Your house would be in my living
210
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,018
Room.
211
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,620
[ laughs ]
There's a million fucking
212
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,655
Miles of ice up here, and you
Pick 20 feet from our house for
213
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:44,222
This...
214
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,424
Fortress of solitude.
215
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:48,294
You built your fortress of
Solitude next to the only other
216
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,762
House in the entire arctic?!
217
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:51,497
It'll be nice to have a
Neighbor.
218
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,665
Would you like some tea?
219
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:53,766
Another time, ma'am.
220
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:54,400
Duty calls.
221
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:55,534
Up, up, and away!
222
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:56,602
Douche.
223
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,005
Blitzen, have you been chewing
On my boots again?
224
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,506
Oh, god!
225
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,975
[ sighs ]
Son of a bitch.
226
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,143
I had a fun thought.
227
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,945
Why don't you wear a cape
Tonight?
228
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:06,479
What?
229
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,648
With an "S" on it.
230
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,016
You know -- for "Santa."
231
00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,119
[ growls ]
Hello? Homeowners association?
232
00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:16,222
Superman's place is so close
To mine, I can smell it when he
233
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,023
Takes a crap.
234
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,457
Oh. Fine. Whatever.
235
00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:20,660
All right, see if superman
Brings your kid that new
236
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,261
Wheelchair this christmas.
237
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:25,798
The h.O.A. Won't kick him out
Unless I find just cause, huh?
238
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:27,099
Hmm.
239
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:32,638
What kind of weirdo builds an
Entire miniature city in a
240
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:33,205
Bottle?
241
00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:34,674
Ow! Tiny people!
242
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,309
We've got tiny superpeople here!
243
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,176
What the hell?!
244
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,779
Aaaaargh!
245
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,681
Ahhh!
246
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,849
[ techno music plays in
Distance ]
247
00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:45,318
[ groans ] That's it!
248
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,821
[ slurred ] Who the fuck
Are you?
249
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,256
Who the fuck are you?
250
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,924
This party is too goddamn loud!
251
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,326
Where's superman?
252
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:54,927
What the...?
253
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:55,761
Rudolph?
254
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:56,562
Huh?
255
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,598
Naw, man. I'm d.J. Venison.
256
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,533
Betrayal!
257
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:01,567
Hey, everyone.
258
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,970
[ music stops ]
Grandpa says we're being too
259
00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:05,571
Loud.
260
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,273
[ angry murmuring ]
What?!
261
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,508
Which one of you buttholes is
Shooting arrows?!
262
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,843
Yaaaaah!
263
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:11,944
Hello, neighbor!
264
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:13,980
Suck on this ruling,
Tinker bell!
265
00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,448
The h.O.A. Says you're out!
266
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,283
Well, the rules are the
Rules.
267
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,451
Guess I should start packing.
268
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:19,785
[ laughs ] Yeah. You do that.
269
00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:21,253
Don't forget to write.
270
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:25,925
Oh, it's gonna be a good day,
Martha.
271
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:29,729
No more superm--
What the --
272
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,498
Superma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n!
273
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,600
I'm sure santa's out there
Somewhere, martha.
274
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,869
I'll look some more --
Tomorrow.
275
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:37,837
Morning.
276
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:38,738
Mm!
277
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:39,705
Ohhh!
278
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,108
[ warble! ]
Ehhhhh?!
279
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:43,042
Oh, boy.
280
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:43,676
Shh.
281
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,378
Don't speak.
282
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:46,946
Mnnnnnnnnnnh!
283
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,281
[ funky, mid-tempo music plays ]
284
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:06,999
[ dramatic music plays ]
Oh!
285
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,601
[ gasps ]
Friend of yours?
286
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:11,003
[ gasps ]
Ohh!
19699
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