All language subtitles for The Middleman (2008) S01E02 The Accidental Occidental Conception

Previously on
The Middleman:

Oh, this weird
temp agency called.

The Jolly Fats Wehawkin
Temp Agency?

Don't you want to fight evil?

- Monsters? Robots? Aliens?
- Yeah, why not?

I heard when comic book evil
strikes you cover it up.

I'm just the middleman.

You and I should,
you know, be just friends.

You're breaking up with me
for a class project?

How does that make you feel?

Ow!

Wow, Dub-Dub, that's...

A painting of a gun-toting,

genetically enhanced
super-genius gangster guerilla.

And tomorrow
I'm starting on a new one.

I already have a sketch
and a layout and everything.

It's a Succubus fashion model.

Which is just like a regular fashion
model except with pointy teeth

and red eyes and a thirst
for the innocent young men.

Well, you're in
such a good mood.

And you're being so productive.

Yeah, well, my days of painter's
block are way behind me.

I actually have a job
I'm excited about.

You're excited about working
for a temp agency?

Well, it's
a special temp agency.

And I'm painting like a fiend.

Maybe I should just
come back later.

- Why?
- It's about Ben.

Ah, my poser ex-boyfriend?

- Did he call to apologize again?
- No.

- Sent more flowers?
- No.

Another giant teddy bear
with a note of apology?

It doesn't matter, 'cause I'm keeping him
on a leash till I give him the brush off.

It's gonna be epic.

Ben put your break-up
on the Internet.

You know, I could have
just sworn you just said,

"Ben put your break-up
on the Internet. "

That's 'cause Ben put
your break-up on the Internet.

Maybe that's why he videotaped
it in the first place.

No, he said
it was for a class project.

Is that why
you're holding the computer?

No, no, no,
this was just, uh, a...

I just think that you and I
should, you know,be just friends.

You're breaking up with me
for a class project?

How does that make you feel?

Wait, we were dating for a year.
You said the "L" word that one time.

I was drunk.

It hurts? Tell the camera.

- I am the victim here.
- How could he?

My dad is a lawyer.

Look, I'm sure
that it's nothing.

I'm sure that the bulk email he
sent out to promote his website...

Bulk email? How many hits
does this thing have already?

OK, it just went live yesterday.

- So...
- 750,000 hits?

Since yesterday?

I'm sure that's just, um...

...from linking it to a couple
of social networking sites

and a few of the better-known
video sharing web pages

and some of the more popular
ex-girlfriend revenge video sites.

Ex-girlfriend
revenge video sites?

You OK, Dub-Dub?

Yeah, great.

Wake up, Dubbie.

Wake up, Dubbie.

Dubbie, this is a priority
message please acknowledge.

Dubbie?

- Yeah.
- Time to meet me at the rendezvous point. ASAP.

- Double ASAP.
- What time is it?

Time to meet at the rendezvous
point. Now get out of bed.

What rendezvous point?

That's it,
one foot in front of another.

Run. Your future as a Middleman
hangs in the balance.

It might help my future if
you told me where I was going.

The Rendezvous Point, Dubbie.
Counting on you.

What rendezvous point?

Now, people undergoing emotional
crises are prone to denial.

We all do it, but it
doesn't make it right.

Hey now! I was watching that.

What did you put my laptop?

Why are you watching that
self-help blowhard,

and C: What are you doing up
at 6:00 AM?

Your laptop
is where you left it.

That pompous self-help blowhard

is a totally perspicacious
observer of the human condition,

and C:
I'm having a de-Benefication.

Ben stomped all over your heart with cleats
and you still have all his stuff laying around.

Dr. Gil says that when someone
goes through a breakup,

to cleanse the space
of all the other person's things

so you can experience all your
grief in a single burst.

I have way too much self-respect
to worship daytime TV gods.

Besides, I have to find
the rendezvous point.

I've been through four messy breakups with
you since freshman year of art school,

and this isn't the Wendy Watson
I know and love.

Well-adjusted
and focused on work?

Wallowing in denial.

I know you, Dub-Dub.

If you don't shout-shout-let-it-all-out,
this thing with Ben's gonna eat you up alive.

Maybe if I assign numerical values to each
of the letters in the words "Rendezvous Point"

and run them through
Google maps...

You stayed in bed
after Tommy dumped you

then spent the entire next week watching Italian
zombie movies until all hours of the night.

You dated Tommy
half as long as Ben.

Tommy Tam did not dump me.
I dumped Tommy Tam.

Cervelli! Cervelli!
Devono mangiare cervelli!

"Brains, brains,
must eat brains?"

You know where I picked up that
handy Italian zombie phrase?

I have to focus and find
the Rendezvous Point.

What Rendezvous Point?

Where in Carmen Sandiego
is Kamchatka?

In Russia between the Pacific
Ocean and the Sea of Okhotsk.

You're being evasive.

And you're being
a total drama vampire.

Forget about Ben, OK?
He's gone.

Forgotten. Relegated to the corner
of my brain near oblivion,

which is exactly where my job is going to
end up if I don't find this Rendezvous Point.

You know, there's a Rendezvous
Point diner out by Lyon Estates.

- No way it's that easy.
- Their tofu scramble is a poem.

Don't wear that.
It's Ben's sweater!

"Meet me at
the Rendezvous Point?"

It's a valuable exercise
in mental flexibility.

I guess it took you five minutes
to be waylaid by Lacey

before you figured out
the location.

Then 15 minutes
to get here from your loft.

You timed me? What for?

For today.
Consider it a pop quiz day.

You will be tested on logic, deduction,
interpretation, general field knowledge,

- and most importantly...
- Hygiene?

- Teamwork.
- Pop quiz day?

Darn tootin'.

So how'd I do?

Nice jammies.

Oh, my God, it's you!

Yeah, work is going fine,
Mother.

And life...

Well, that's something we're just
gonna have to talk about another day.

Yes, it has to do with Ben.

No, we're still broken up.

It's just because...

You didn't see that video
on the Internet, did you?

No, no, no, there's no video.

Ben and I are over.

I'm well-adjusted
and focused on work.

That's who I am.

I'm a motivated worker
with a smile on my face.

Hey, it's my boss. I've got to go.
Please do not go on YouTube today, OK?

Or ever. Please.

Trouble at home?

Nope. Everything's A-OK.

Trouble with your coffeehouse
poser of an ex-boyfriend?

So, today is pop quiz day, huh?

It's a grand tradition
for Middlemen in training.

I know you and I have been
through Hell and back together.

I thought Hell and
the Underworld were different.

It is specifically for that reason
pop quiz day is such a necessity.

- It's a training day.
- Training?

I flew to the Yucatan
in the Middle Jet.

And at the time you didn't even know we
had a Middle Jet. That's the problem.

As a new recruit
you were thrust into action

without a chance to learn the
infrastructure of the organization.

Our recent adventures have driven it
home that you could be the next Middleman.

Shouldn't it be "Middleperson,"
or "Middlewoman?"

We did have a Middleboy once.

What does that make me,
"The Middlegirl?"

You could be the next me
at any given time.

That means you better know who we are
and what we do from the inside out.

Really? I think
I have it pretty much down.

Then, uh, pop quiz:
What is that door right there?

Uh, that is the wooden sword
armory thing.

That is the Middleman dojo, where Sensei
Ping, of the Clan of the Pointed Stick,

the only man alive who knows
the Wu-Han Thumb of Death,

will be training you
to become a lethal man-killer.

Lethal man-killer?

I like the sound of that.

This building has over ten
levels with hundreds of rooms,

each dedicated to the different aspects
of the fight against evil and injustice.

And pop quiz!

Yeah, OK.

What is this device?

Uh... it's the thingy
you point at things with.

This is the BTRS Scanner.

- And BTRS stands for...?
- Beyond the Realm of Science.

- As in, this machine scans for things that are...
- Beyond the realm of science?

Wow. Handy.

See? Pop quiz day has already
yielded some rewards.

And over here we have...

Ah, yes, the changing room.
The first room Middlemen see every day.

This is where we keep our Middleclothes
and other assorted Middlegear.

OK. I have a pop quiz. Does everything
around here have a middle name?

Like my Middlewatch?
My Middlekeys? My Middleboots?

Your Middlebelt, too.

So who pays for all this stuff?

Good question. I don't know.
I never see any bills. I'm just...

- The Middleman.
- ... The Middleman.

You'd think whoever springs for this
stuff could have varied it a little...

I mean, even GI Joe
had a spacesuit.

It's not all about the wardrobe,
Dubbie. Take a moment.

Breathe it in.

- You know what that smell is?
- Dust?

History. This is the place where
Middlemen and their Middle...

...associates through the ages
have relaxed,let their guard down

and built esprit de corps
by sharing amusing stories

and discussing
death-defying events.

Are you kidding? You really expect that
to happen here? While we're dressing?

It's not just training for your
physical abilities and your mind.

It's training for our
partnership, team building.

Here we have
The Interrogation Room.

I like it.
It's got that CSI vibe.

This is where you're going
to take your next test.

This is the Interrodroid 3000,

a training android designed
to simulate interrogation situations.

This 3K has been programmed
to behave like a mad bomber

who has placed a device
in the city.

Your assignment is to get him
to confess the location.

Aww, he's a cute little guy.

He is the most
dangerous thing imaginable.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah.
Fate of the world. I get it.

I will be monitoring your test
using a live video feed.

Good luck.

She plant weed
on the suspect yet?

Shh. Test in progress.

We have a red ball.

A rich lady disappeared into thin
air at a posh shopping district.

If you ask me, one less rich wench
in the world might not be so tragic.

That rich wench, as you call her,
probably has a family who loves her.

So did Charlie Manson.

Anyway, they want you
investigating this yesterday.

You gotta send the trainee home
and get to work.

I don't need to send her home.

Even in the face
of an emotional breakup

with a sexually
ambiguous boyfriend,

Wendy Watson found the
Rendezvous Point. She's ready.

That zoot-sucking degenerate you hired
for a sidekick is an emotional landmine.

You don't watch your step, you're
gonna wind up covered in gore.

Wendy Watson has already shown
calm in the face of adversity.

She's gonna do great things.

Bomb's at the Twin Pines Mall.

Were you saying something?

So did I ace it,
or did I ace it?

There's acing it, and there's what you did.
Kind of like shooting a cow with a Howitzer.

I would never shoot a cow.

Have you considered
that maybe you took out

some of your personal emotions
on that poor little guy?

That "little guy"
put a bomb in my city.

don't get on my case
for Jack Bauering the thing.

You gave in to blind rage and destroyed
a valuable piece of training equipment.

Violence is always
the Middleman's last resort.

What did you want,
for me to wine him and dine him?

You gave me an objective
and I handled it.

A certain amount of empathy
is part of being a Middleman.

If you have something you need
to get off your chest...

I got a pop quiz for you.

Don't you think the Middlemobile
is a total gas guzzler?

The Middlemobile has its own
onboard biodiesel refinery.

I feed it organic garbage,
it runs clean for days.

That may be the most interesting
thing you've said all day.

Doctor Emmett Brown
of the Hill Valley Institute.

My associate and I are here to examine
the strange phenomena reported here.

Really? So what do you think
made the lady disappear?

Either spontaneous human
combustion or a pocket nuclear bomb.

Either way, I suggest you step
back by approximately 659 meters

in order to avoid
lethal exposure.

Let's go.

So, what do you think
it was really?

Either spontaneous human combustion
or a pocket nuclear weapon.

So running 659 meters from
here isn't such a bad idea.

Or maybe it was
none of the above.

There's a preponderance of
hypermobility particles around the site

and that can only mean
one thing.

What?

Teleportation.

Her name was Isabel Schon.
Lived with her brother and sister

in a swanky house over
on Eastwood Ravine Drive.

It's going to take the cops at
least two days to I.D. the body.

That puts us on the cutting edge
of this investigation.

I did all the work, credit hog.

Why do people feel the need
to do this to themselves?

She was a total
plastic surgery victim.

Just you wait, peach fuzz, until
gravity gets the best of you.

Isabel's headless body was teleported
back to the exact same spot it was found.

Why?

- Ida, run a search on the HEYDAR.
- What is the HEYDAR?

The High Energy Yield Data
Accumulation Resource.

In technical terms, it's a global
analysis and information-gathering device

capable of performing
on-board evidence analysis

as well as intelligence searches
across all data platforms.

And in non-technical terms?

It's a big silver ball that
gives us answers to things.

I'm on it.

So if Ida's searching on the
HEYDAR, what are we gonna do?

We talk to the victim's family.

Us? Isn't that a priest's job?

You just have to hang back
and trust me on this one..

Wow. Look at this place.

I can see how she could afford
all that plastic surgery.

Definitely a relation.

I'm Chaplain Buford Tannen. This
is my novice, Sister Clara Clayton.

We're from Metro.
May we have a word? Inside?

The house is a mess.

Understood.

We're sorry to have to tell you this,
but your sister Isabel has passed on.

What? She's dead?

Yes. She was the victim of
a terrible attack this morning.

She's dead? Our Isabel?

Oh God, no. No!

I'm sorry to break down like this in front of
you, but this is the most horrible thing ever.

No!

Dean, what's going on? I heard you
crying from inside the house and...

Our Isabel has been taken
from us, Doris.

Oh, God, why?

No! Why?

She was the victim
of an unfortunate attack.

No. Not another one!

Excuse me, ma'am, I have to ask, what
did you mean by that, "Not another one?"

She didn't mean anything.
Please, leave us right now.

We need some time alone.

As I say, leave us. Thank you.

- I did that search on the HEYDAR.
- The silver answer ball?

The one hard-wired straight into
my mechanical brain, peanut.

There's been similar crimes
n the last six months.

Several mysterious
disappearances,

and in more than one case,the
reappearance of the victim minus a head.

Wait a minute. So you're telling me there's been
some teleporting decapitator at work out there

for a while and it hasn't
made the news?

That's Middleman 101, Dubbie.

Most of what's really going on
seldom makes the news.

But I think that Isabel Schon's
family knows more about it.

That's why they gave us
the bum's rush.

And look at this. All the victims
share the same plastic surgeon.

Is his name Dr. Frankenstein?

Dr. Roland Newleaf.

Oh, this is totally
open and shut.

You think he's behind this? Kind of
a rash judgment on your training day?

Are you being objective, or letting
negative feelings about well-coiffed men

cloud your deductive reasoning?

I think I'm stating
the mega-obvious.

Hey. There's a couple of hippies
in the reception area.

Those are just my friends.

Yo, Wendy Watson.

What are you doing here?

We're just innocently
stopping by.

- Really?
- No.

I'd rather be home
working on my concept album.

Noser can't express it, but he's as worried
about you and your inevitable breakdown as I am.

I am?

We both think
you are on the verge

of a cathartic release
of emotion.

Me, because I know you
better than anyone,

and Noser 'cause he saw
the video on the Internet.

Guys. I work here.
This is my workplace.

Could you please
act appropriately?

- When did I ever do that?
- I'm trying to work here!

I don't know how you could do
that. This is one depressing place.

Perfect for a collapse. Yup, it'll
happen right here. I can feel it.

We brought you Dr. Gil's DVD
to get you through.

And Ben's PSP, which I wouldn't
mind having if you...

Noser's trying to express in his
emotionally stunted masculine way,

you could play it if it would
help. You could put it under water.

I don't wanna drown Ben's PSP.

- It would be a way for you to drown Ben.
- Metaphorically speaking.

- If he did drown...
- Metaphorically speaking.

...you'd be sad,
and it's OK to cry.

Guys. I'm glad he's gone.
Not dead. Gone.

Why can't anyone believe that?

We're here for you
when the dam bursts.

They're nudists, I tell you.

Just by looking at them.

Look,
I got these flowers.

Let's go to your cubicle
or office and put them in water.

where they'll probably die rapidly
in this depressing environment.

- Cubicle?
- Yeah, don't you have a desk somewhere?

Yeah, sure. It's upstairs.

- But it's being cleaned.
- Your desk? All day?

Yep, and all night, too.

- Hi.
- Hello, Lacey.

- Hello, Mr. Noser.
- Yo, Wendy's Boss.

These are beautiful flowers.

I will personally
place them in a vase

with a nutrient solution
that will keep them alive,

but there is a temp-employment related
emergency that requires Wendy's attention.

Yeah. Exactly.

Good lord,
I don't know what's worse,

getting dumped on videotape
by Ben

or having everyone in my life remind
me about it every second of the day.

You have good friends.
They care.

OK. Are we gonna arrest
Dr. Newleaf

or is pop quiz day gonna be all
about shrinking Wendy's head?

We're not going to arrest him,
we're going to talk to him.

Talk? He kills his patients.

Rash conclusions
are for amateurs.

Or people under
emotional distress.

Holy crap on a stick.
Is that thing real?

Yes. It's a gift Carl Faberg� was
about to present to Tsar Nicholas,

before a Middleman
spirited him out of Russia

to work on the lens system for
the great steam laser of 1917.

- What are you gonna do with it?
- It's training day.

Why don't you tell me
what I'm going to do with it?

I'll tell you
what you could do with it.

- Will it be rated G?
- Doubt it.

Let's skip it then.

Eyes open, Dubbie.

I'm gonna have to do some fancy
lying to get in to see Dr. Newleaf.

Why don't we just ask
for an appointment?

He's booked up
through the rest of the year.

Pop quiz, Dubbie.

Wow.

So this is where
all our fake i. d.'s come from.

Is my name on all of them?

Wendy Watson, FBI!

Not today.

Improvisation is
the key to the job.

I pick the identity,
you run with it.

It's training day.

We don't get many visitors from
the Fish and Wildlife Commission.

Yeah, me and Agent Strickland here are
looking into off-label use of Botox on fish.

Botox on fish?
What are you talking about?

Yeah, it's a real problem because the
fish are getting all strange and weird.

But that's secondary
to why we're here.

- May we have a word in private?
- Sure.

- Do I need a lawyer?
- I assure you, this is just a preliminary visit.

Maybe.

We believe Isabel Schon
was murdered.

What's that got to do
with fish and wildlife?

She disappeared and was found in
the middle of a shopping district.

Our jurisdiction is broad
on certain matters.

I want my lawyer.

Maybe you should have a look
at this instead.

- It's so beautiful.
- It's more than that, isn't it?

Yes, it's more than
just beautiful, it's glorious.

You can't resist it, can you?
You want it? Take it.

Go on,
no use pretending anymore.

Carl Faberg�'s gonna be pissed.

All right, Dr. Newleaf, if that
is your name, we want some answers.

- We've been revealed!
Intruder alert!

Dak mok! Pik tok!

- Dak mok pik tok!
- Dak mok pik tok!

- Dak mok pik tok!
- Dak mok pik tok!

- Let me handle this.
- My gun's not working!

I turned it off with this. You
can't be trusted with live ordinance.

What?

What part of "let me
handle this" didn't you get?

Dek pak, tik tok, nik wok.

- Gok mak?
- Nik nok.

Oh! Well, why didn't you
say so in the first place?

- I just want to talk.
- We will talk with you.

But she has offended my people
by drawing a gun.

- You heard the man.
- And miss this?

- You've offended them.
- I'll apologize.

- In time. Maybe.
- Who are these people?

Manicoids, alien exiles
on our planet.

Wealthy neighborhoods on Earth
are the only places in the galaxy

where their looks allow them
to move freely.

Masquerading as rich humans
who've had plastic surgery

also lets them indulge their fetish
for dining on precious stones.

Now, you need to go outside.

Again, my apologies.

Ah, you know how rash
and impetuous women can be.

Hey, Lacey.

Right now's not
a really good time.

I'm trying really hard. I'm just
not having a great day, you know?

- But I'm trying...
- Oh, no.

You went back on the Web,
didn't you?

Back on the Web?

Oh, hey, you know,
I gotta go.

Lacey, what could possibly
be on the Web?

The break-up was the only thing
Ben ever filmed between us.

I mean, as far as I know, right?

Yeah, it's just I know you've
been working for this temp agency

and spending a lot of time
at your desk and on the Web.

I know you read that
movie gossip site a lot,

so I thought you'd need me 'cause
you've heard about Ben's new deal.

- Ben's new deal?
- Yeah.

But it's nothing.
It's a blip.

- If you need to cry...
- Do you have the webpage in front of you?

Yeah.

Then just read it to me.

"The Weinstock Company
announced today

that they have paid a record sum
to Ben Stanley

to write and direct a feature length
version of his viral break-up film,

which has become an overnight
sensation on the Internet. "

I've come to warn you. Somebody is
using dangerous teleportation technology

to kidnap and kill your people.

We are aware of the attacks and are
doing our best to contain the situation.

You may be next. The killer is targeting the
brightest and the best of the Manicoid community.

I'm here to offer my help.

We can take care of ourselves.

We are survivors.
We don't need any help.

Then there's just a few quotes from the
Weinstock brothers about how talented Ben is,

how confident
they feel in his abilities.

And "inspired
by real-life events

the film will be a delightfully
awkward and realistic comedy,

a cross between Super Bad
and Woody Allen,

detailing in gruesome detail the break-up
of a sensitive and likable film student

from his cold and emotionally
distant artist girlfriend. "

It's just more things about
how much they're paying.

I'm not cold and distant.

That's right, Dubbie.
Let it all out.

Dr. Gil says when you're in
the middle of an emotional...

I'm not gonna do that!

I'm not gonna let him
do that to me.

Ben doesn't deserve my tears
and he's not gonna get them!

You know,
I'm stronger than that.

I'm not gonna let anyone
walk all over me.

Oh, my boss is here,
I gotta go.

Please take this.
It's a very valuable piece.

Call it a token of peace and
trans-species understanding.

Just don't eat it.

Rash and impetuous.

I can't believe you put
training wheels on my gun!

What happened to team building
and establishing trust?

Lord love a duck, Dubbie,
what would you have done?

First you maim a 'droid,
then you try to OK Corral

a bunch of friendly
extraterrestrials who need our help.

Your profile says after a break-up you're
prone to excessive fetishistic mourning

followed by further serial
monogamy, not abject denial

punctuated by
bursts of violence.

Your response to this break-up is
becoming a liability for both of us.

We're a team. If one part of the team
breaks down, the other needs to know.

If there's a reason for this
behavioral anomaly, you need to tell me.

I have a psych profile?

How did you get this?

That was a good one. You peaked there
with crayons and had a learning curve

- when you went to watercolors.
- I was eight.

Where do you get off
invading my privacy like this?

It's part of the job.
Of being a team.

It's not my fault the world hit the
pipe before punching in this morning.

I may seem like
an old-fashioned man.

But I assure you, I would not judge you harshly
if you had a moment of emotional catharsis.

I'll show you a moment
of emotional catharsis.

Your psych profile is wrong!

Yo, Wendy Watson.

- Hey Noser.
- What was today?

Today was gonna be the day.

What kind of day?

I think they were going
to throw it back to me.

- And did they?
- Boy, did they ever.

Anita, the way you spend money may be an
issue in the break-up of your relationship,

but it's not the issue, and if your
boyfriend chooses to use that against you,

then he's being
emotionally dishonest.

You know I can't turn
someone away in emotional pain.

See, 'cause crying
is a natural thing.

Crying is what people do
under strain.

There's nothing
to be ashamed of.

Sorry Lacey.

That's right. Look at her,
people. Crying is good.

Get it out, people.
It's good to cry.

Dubbie! Dubbie!

Please acknowledge.

This is a priority message.
Please acknowledge.

Dr. Newleaf has been abducted.

Get dressed and be downstairs
in five. This is not a test.

- You sure you want me on this?
- I'd be a cruddy teacher if I didn't.

- Hey Dub-Dub, I heard a ruckus. -
It's something important. I gotta go.

It's like o-dark thirty
in the morning.

Look, I just...
I got a call. OK? I gotta go.

Wendy, no!
Revenge sex is not the answer.

Dr. Newleaf vanished
about an hour ago.

I'm tracking him by the
Middlewatch I gave him as a gift.

The Middlewatch?
Like the one you gave me?

You mean as long as he's wearing that
watch you can track his movements?

That means you've been tracking
everything I do, day and night?

Whoa there, Cochise. Understand
this. Being a Middleman

means doing the impossible
on a regular basis,

and you can't do the impossible
if you're working without a net.

That watch is the most important
tool in The Middleman arsenal

because as long as
you have the watch, you know

that no matter
how bad the situation,

I will always have your back.
Always.

We've reached
Dr. Newleaf's signal.

No more pop quizzes, Dubbie.
You ready for active duty?

A broadcast studio. Makes
all the sense in the world.

Whoever is abducting the Manicoids is
using the station's high-powered dishes

to beam
his teleportation signal.

With this gear, he can beam people from
anywhere and to anywhere in the world.

- Great.
- Got your dad's lucky lighter?

Unless you stole it again.

There must be a secret door.

There's always air flow no matter
how tightly the door is fitted.

The things
I learn on this job.

Glad you're learning.

Wow. Lacey would have
a vegan stroke if she saw this.

They may call themselves hunters, but to
me, they're just serial killers of animals.

Oh!

Great hearts of palm!
That is grotesque!

What kind of a man hunts down
defenseless aliens like this?

- A vengeful man.
- Doctor Gil?

- The noted TV personality?
- What a revelation!

No autographs today.
My hands are full.

I play down my hunting nowadays.

My audience don't like to think
of Dr. Gil killing Bambi.

Diseased maniac. The Manicoids will not be
merciful when they discover what you have done.

Who's gonna tell them?
You? I don't see that.

- What have you done with Dr. Newleaf?
- Don't worry about Dr. Newleaf.

I've already teleported him away
to my private hunting preserve,

but I saw a little dangle
on his arm and took it away.

Figured it to be
a tracking device.

Now, I'm gonna just assume
y'all ain't from the FCC.

I don't understand. Why would
anyone hunt Manicoids?

When I was a boy, my daddy and me were driving
when the first Manicoid ship came to Earth.

Being a Southern gentleman, my
daddy broke out his trusty 12-gauge

and he fired upon that sucker.

But the flaming debris from that
crashing vessel crushed my daddy to death.

I was able to salvage
part of the ship.

Just so happened to contain
the teleportation device.

So you spent the rest of
your life plotting revenge?

Yup, accruing wealth and power through
my work as a television psychotherapist

was merely a means to the end of
hunting down Manicoids for sport.

So that's all this is? The
Most Dangerous Game with aliens?

- Really?
- Yep. That's the long and short of it.

All of which leads me to the part of the
story where I say goodbye and you die.

Wendy! No!

Teleportation system offline.

- Teleportation system offline.
- Oh, phooey.

- Dr. Newleaf?
- Don't shoot! Please!

For God's sake,
I'm not gonna shoot you.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm still in one piece.

I might've twisted my ankle. But we
can't stay here long. We must keep going.

You know what? No.

I'm not getting whacked
in the back by some TV shrink.

That's just not right. I've got my
gun, it's as good as his, if not better.

Are you crazy?
He killed six of my people!

Maybe I am crazy, but I'm going to
confront that bloated ego-driven psychopath

and take him out for good.

I hate him so much
I might mount him.

You'll what?

Never mind.

Yippee-kay-yay!

No way! No way!

You and your
training wheels!

Oh, screw it. Just shoot me. Put my head
up on the wall if that's what you want.

At this point, anything's
better than the day I'm having!

This is the worst week
of my life.

Do you have any idea what it's like, when you
just want to do well, get along in the world,

and everyone just thinks they
know exactly what's best for you?

- I might have an idea about that.
- No, you don't.

Ben was a tool, a total rich,
entitled mondo-dismo

and everyone thinks I should be
crying over him.

Honey, it's good to cry.
Cry to Doctor Gil.

I can't turn away
someone in emotional pain.

I loved Ben. That was...
That was my ex's name, Ben.

- Yeah, I got that.
- He was so sweet when we met.

He used to take me to see all these
Eastern European art films from the 60's.

You know, the kind where all the men
had gnarly facial hair and bad teeth.

So I asked, "Ben why do you keep taking
me to these movies full of ugly people?"

He said he lost his last
girlfriend to a Serbian actor

and he didn't want that
to ever happen again.

I mean, yeah he was insecure,
but he was mine,

you know,

and I loved him for loving me.

And I thought everything
was going fine until he left.

Just like Tommy Tam.

And Steve, and Rodney.

And...

And who else?
Come on, let it all out.

My dad.

I reckoned.

He disappeared when I was 14.

Just poof, like every other man
I've ever cared about.

All they ever do is leave.

Well, I can guarantee you that for the rest
of your short life I will not go away.

Sorry I'm late.

- You weren't late.
- Gok dok! Gok dok!

I knew that as long as I had
this watch, you'd have my back.

All I had to do was stall.

Teamwork, right?

You're a pistol, Dubbie.

You're gonna do great things.

Let's move with purpose.
We have a spaceship to catch.

Hey, by the way, any chance
you could turn my gun back on?

- Yo, Wendy Watson.
- Hey, Noser.

- I'm thinking of a place.
- What kind of place?

A place where no one
would dare to go.

Is that place Xanadu, Noser?

Yeah and it's like a dream.

Oh. You're home.

Yup.

I hope you don't expect me to break
out the ice cream or the candy bars

and spend quality time talking over
your dearly departed boyfriend

while listening to female rock,because
I'm out of the break-up counseling racket.

- Thank God.
- Yep.

It's just business as usual
here in Casa De Lacey and Wendy...

and we're just two well-adjusted
people focusing on our work.

- Outstanding.
- Good.

Wouldn't want you thinking
I'm some kind of drama vampire.

Never. Although,
I have a strange craving

to watch
Island of the Flesh-Eaters.

Lucio Fulci's 1979 masterpiece
of undead horror?

OK, so we can watch it,

as long as you promise not talk
about Ben 'cause I need my space.

Deal.

I don't think Dr. Gil
would approve of this therapy.

Oh, I don't think we'll be
hearing much from Dr. Gil anymore.

America is in shock today with the news that
Doctor Gil, the noted television personality,

has been trampled and subsequently,
eaten by a rhino during a hunting trip.

The news has sent shockwaves
through Doctor Gil's fan community,

many of whom are reeling that the sensitive
psychologist they had come to know and love

is, in fact, a ruthless
hunter of animals.