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1
00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:03,878
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,145
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
3
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:22,480
Thanks for coming
on such short notice, Mr. Pig.
4
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,316
(STUTTERING) There's no group
of students that the
right teacher can't engage
5
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,194
in the wonders of edu...
(STAMMERING) Learning.
6
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:32,157
There's no group
of students, we just
got one student.
7
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,367
Once I open this door,
8
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:37,620
there's no going back.
9
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,789
He's been held back, a lot.
10
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:40,915
(SHAVER WHIRRING)
11
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,711
(STAMMERING) Don't worry,
I won't let you down.
12
00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,045
-(DOOR SLAMS)
-(YELPS)
13
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,299
(STAMMERING)
Good morning, student.
14
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,718
I will be your
substitute teacher
for the day.
15
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,803
And my name is Mr. Pig.
16
00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:57,432
Hmm. Uh,
"Mr. Pig is lame"?
(CHUCKLES)
17
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,017
Oh, I... I'm afraid
you're mistaken.
18
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,352
You know, my legs
are quite spry
and healthy.
19
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:04,522
Sheesh. This guy
doesn't even know when
I'm making fun of him.
20
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:07,317
Okay. We'll start with
some American history.
21
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,152
What United States President
22
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,945
delivered the Gettysburg Address?
23
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,530
I don't know. (CHOMPS)
24
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,324
But I know who
delivered this pizza.
25
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,159
And... And no food
in the classroom.
26
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,578
Clearly, you're forgetting
about the first amendment.
27
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,206
The right to free cheese!
(CHOMPS AND GULPS)
28
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,375
Just take out your books
and turn to the page 26.
29
00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,419
Uh, I don't have page 26.
30
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,380
- Eh, why not?
- Because I ate it.
31
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,176
(CONTINUES CHOMPING
AND GULPING)
32
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,719
Stop eating your book!
33
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,805
Here, take my book.
34
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:40,141
Now, what do you
see there on page 26?
35
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,144
I see nothing
because I lost your book!
36
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,022
Oh, fine.
Take this one.
37
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:49,192
Now, be careful
with it because it's
the last one I have.
38
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,402
- Ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
- Daffy?
39
00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:52,987
I lost your book again.
40
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,614
What!
41
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:58,701
Oh, there they are.
They must've
gone to recess.
42
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,538
I'm gonna show you
how to make
an electromagnet.
43
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,915
You wrap a wire
around the metal rod,
44
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:07,252
then attach the battery
to the wire.
45
00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,128
-(ROD BUZZING)
-(CLINKS)
46
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,381
A-ha! Science!
47
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,843
That's it? You'll
never make science
popular that way.
48
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,719
You have to give 'em a show!
49
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,806
You use these trash cans
and some jumper cables.
50
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,724
You know, that's
very inventive, Daffy.
51
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,601
Where did you find
the jumper cables?
52
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,311
From your car.
53
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,730
- Huh?
-(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
54
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:34,737
Huh? (GROANS)
55
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,740
Here comes the bust
of Rutherford B. Hayes.
56
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,492
PORKY: Ouch!
Thank you, Mr. President.
57
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,995
- Look out
for the filing cabinet!
- PORKY: Oh, no!
58
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:45,498
Oh, no!
An entire box of thumbtacks.
59
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,167
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
60
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,793
(PORKY GROANS)
61
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,587
I believe that
should be everything.
62
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,006
(WHOOSHES)
63
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,883
Oh, look, your car.
64
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,635
Okay, time for some Alge...
65
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,637
(STUTTERING)
Time for some math.
66
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,015
- If 5
- A plus two equals 22,
67
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,808
what is the value of "A"?
68
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,144
I have no idea.
69
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,271
Here, let me give you
some scratch paper.
70
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,190
Great! 'Cause I've got
an itch right here.
71
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,443
(MOANS IN RELIEF)
That hits the spot.
72
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:17,155
You work out
the equation on the paper
until you solve it.
73
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,449
Ooh! So,
it's like a mystery?
74
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,827
All right, Equation!
Where were you on
the night of January 26th?
75
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,788
I've got an eraser
and I'm not afraid
to use it.
76
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:26,956
Knock it off!
77
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,249
Let me show you
how you do it.
78
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,293
If five times four
equals 20,
79
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,045
which means
"A" equals four.
80
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,130
Four? This is a fore.
81
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,715
(YELLING) Fore!
82
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,967
(SQUEALING)
83
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,469
That's it.
84
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,429
(STAMMERING) That duck
is gonna learn something,
85
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:44,933
if it's the last thing I do.
86
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,856
- How many golf balls
did you hit at me?
- Ten.
87
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,442
- And how many did
you start with?
- Sixteen.
88
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:57,987
- So, how many golf balls
do you have left?
- Six.
89
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,572
I believe that's the answer!
90
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,366
I got the right answer?
91
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,326
That's never happened before!
92
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,370
Let's see if you can
do it again. Here.
93
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:07,997
Wet this paper
and throw it
at the ceiling.
94
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,459
(SLURPING)
Chuck! Chuck!
95
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,462
Now, launch
these spitballs
at the chalkboard.
96
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:15,546
(CHOMPS)
97
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,635
- How many wads of paper
are on the ceiling?
- Seven.
98
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,680
- And how many did you
launch at the board?
- Thirty.
99
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,933
- What's 30 plus seven?
- Thirty seven.
100
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,394
Look at the addition!
101
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:33,648
Now, read this copy
of Hamlet and I'll
let you eat the book.
102
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,900
Done. (GULPS)
And done.
103
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,611
What is the most
famous speech
in Hamlet?
104
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,655
"To be or not to be,
105
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,198
"that is the question."
106
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,951
Now, we're gonna
launch a vinegar-rocket.
107
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:47,996
Step one, fill bottles
with vinegar, our acid.
108
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:54,293
Step two, drop in
baking soda, our base.
109
00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:57,005
Step three!
110
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,048
Stand back
and watch the show!
111
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,300
-(PORKY SQUEALS)
-(DAFFY EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY)
112
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:04,053
So, Daffy, why are these
bottles exploding?
113
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:08,141
Because carbon dioxide gas
is released by the combination
of the acid and the base.
114
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,351
So, basically,
the bottle passes gas.
115
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,354
PORKY: And you
pass my little class!
116
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,233
What is going on here?
117
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:20,403
Can you believe
this ducky graduated?
He is a total success.
118
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,071
He graduated?
119
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,157
Everyone, we don't
have to deal
with him anymore.
120
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:28,244
Thank goodness, our long
national nightmare
is finally over.
121
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:29,912
(SNIFFS) He graduated.
122
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,289
Congrats, Daffy.
123
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,249
And since you're
the only student
in my class,
124
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,585
you are the
vale-duck-torian.
125
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,420
Some people
go back to school...
126
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,214
And some go
"quack" to school.
127
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,677
Crystal balls, tarot cards,
128
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,304
I see the future.
129
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,514
Viktor the Psychic!
130
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,599
(ALL CHEERING)
131
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:53,186
ALL: Oh, Viktor!
You're amazing!
132
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,897
- These guys are so phony.
- Whatever.
133
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,816
Viktor the Psychic
can see into your future,
134
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,945
read your aura,
and communicate with
those from the great beyond!
135
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,447
For a small fee, of course.
136
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,699
Who would be
gullible enough
to believe the--
137
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,534
ALL: Me! Me! Me!
138
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,536
You, sir! I am sensing
139
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:14,415
that there is someone
in your past here
with you tonight.
140
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,793
It is your grandmother
141
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,128
and she's with us now.
142
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,881
Yeah, she's sitting
right next to me.
143
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,634
Wow.
144
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,470
I'm sensing great pain
in your future.
145
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,972
Actually, I feel pretty good.
146
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,349
(SCREAMS) Ow!
147
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:33,184
Wow, you were right.
148
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:35,728
-(ALL CHEERING)
- Oh, come on!
149
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,981
Now, who wants me
to take a look-see
into their future?
150
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,358
Oh, me! Oh, me!
Me, me, me!
151
00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,276
Have a seat,
Mr. Squirrel.
152
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,989
Watch and wonder
as I gaze into your future
with my crystal ball.
153
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,366
Hmm. (GASPS)
154
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,993
Soggy-stroodle.
Your future is sad
155
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,788
- because in the
not-so-distant future...
- Huh?
156
00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:56,666
You will lose
all your money!
157
00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:58,167
I am Viktor Psychic!
158
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,379
-(ALL CHEERING)
- ALL: Oh, Viktor!
We love you.
159
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,548
Okay, I've seen enough.
160
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,509
You're taking
advantage of all
these innocent patriots.
161
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,677
You're a fraud.
162
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,220
(DRAMATICALLY) Oh, I'm sensing
163
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,806
that you will not be
with us for very long.
164
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,891
Eh, what are you
talkin' about?
165
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,518
(SCREAMS AND GROANS)
166
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:18,229
- Of course you know this--
- This means war?
167
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:21,524
I knew you were
going to say that
'cause I'm a psychic!
168
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:24,569
(READING)
169
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,654
Now, I need a victim...
170
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,781
(NERVOUSLY)
Uh, I mean, volunteer
171
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:33,035
for a reading of
the invisible energy field
that surrounds us all.
172
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,871
An aura reading.
173
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,248
BUGS: Did someone
say aura reading?
174
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:39,375
(WHOOSHES AND POOFS)
175
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:42,920
- Who are you?
- It is I, Bugsito the Psychic.
176
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,715
I've never heard of
Bugsito the Psychic.
177
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:49,135
I'm such
an amazing psychic
that in my presence,
178
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,804
even a non-psychic
can see auras.
179
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,098
CROWD: Ooh!
180
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:57,602
Ah, yes. Your aura
is very bright.
181
00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,229
Suddenly, I feel very warm.
182
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,815
Yes, it has
a little red in it.
183
00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:05,651
(VIKTOR SCREAMS)
184
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,865
Now, your aura
is black and blue.
185
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:13,409
The Bugsito is amazing!
186
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:17,622
Argh! Friends, maybe our guest
can help your see auras,
187
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,917
but only I can read palms
and tell your future.
188
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,211
Then why don't you
read my palm?
189
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:26,672
I am not scared
to read another
psychic's palm.
190
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,091
- BUGS: Here you go, Doc.
- Okay.
191
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,261
I see that you're
sort of furry...
192
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,472
(SNIFFS) Very smelly
193
00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:36,599
and you need
a manicure. Hmm?
194
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,267
-(GROWLING)
-(VIKTOR GROANS)
195
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:43,147
I, Bugsito, will read
your future using
only these cards.
196
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:46,776
Not so fast! I am
the one who reads
the tarot cards.
197
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:51,656
I don't use tarot cards,
I use greeting cards.
198
00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:54,784
"Sorry for your loss"?
I didn't lose anything.
199
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,577
(CHUCKLING)
Yes, you did.
200
00:08:56,661 --> 00:09:00,039
-(SQUEALS)
- You just lost your dignity.
201
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,457
Read this one.
202
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:04,919
"Get well soon"?
But I feel fine.
203
00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,088
-(GROWLS)
- VIKTOR: Beaver skeever!
204
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:09,674
(READING)
205
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,758
(QUIVERING IN FEAR)
206
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,301
Sorry for the interruptions.
207
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:17,223
Now, we can begin
the spookiest
part of the show
208
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:21,269
where we can make contact
with the other side!
209
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,812
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
210
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,021
(ALL GASPING)
211
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,483
Spirits, I beseech thee
212
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:31,779
to speak of secrets
left untold
from the other side!
213
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:35,658
BUGS: (SPOOKILY)
Yes! I have many
secrets to tell!
214
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:39,412
Many dark secrets
about you, Viktor!
215
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:40,746
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
216
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,665
(NERVOUSLY)
What do you know?
217
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:46,502
I know that your wear
extra-extra small
tighty-whities.
218
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,587
It's true.
219
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,507
BUGS: And I know you
swindled that poor squirrel
out of all his money
220
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,218
by pretending
to see the future.
221
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,554
(SOBBING) It's true!
I am a swindler.
222
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,306
A phony, a fraud!
223
00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,849
(BAWLING)
224
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,893
-(ALL EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)
- I'm not Viktor the Psychic,
225
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:06,522
I'm just Viktor,
the lying person.
226
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:09,859
-(ALL JEERING)
-(VIKTOR GROANS)
227
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,527
We're not mad!
228
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,446
Just deeply disappointed.
229
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:17,700
BUGS: Now, make amends
for this great evil
thou hast done.
230
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:22,455
I'll do whatever your say,
most merciful spirit.
231
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,665
-(SCREECHES)
- What the...
232
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,710
-(VIKTOR SNARLING)
-(SQUIRREL SCREECHES)
233
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:31,172
Uh, ignore the rabbit
behind the curtain.
234
00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:32,715
(VIKTOR SCREAMS)
235
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,009
-(ALL JEERING)
- VIKTOR: Can't see
where I'm going.
236
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,845
- Whoa!
-(SNARLING)
237
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,349
(GROANING)
238
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:44,268
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
I am Johnny Grambus
239
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,895
and I own this TV station.
240
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,438
In light of tonight's events,
241
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:50,566
I have decided to cancel
this fraud's TV show.
242
00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:54,070
But, tune in tomorrow
for my replacement show,
243
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:57,073
Bear on a Ball.
It's sure to be a hit.
244
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,657
-(VIKTOR GROANS)
- Told ya'.
245
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:02,036
How did a psychic
not see that coming?
(CHUCKLING)
246
00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:05,331
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
18296
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