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1
00:00:20,375 --> 00:00:23,042
Another chip of the Taj Mahal.
2
00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:26,332
You could have killed me with that.
3
00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,916
So, you've been dead
for the last five years.
4
00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,257
Oh charming, very.
5
00:00:30,258 --> 00:00:31,575
Ever since we've been
married you've been.
6
00:00:31,576 --> 00:00:34,666
- Yes?
- Lying in state!
7
00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,999
Very good, darling, very
good, no that's splendid.
8
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,249
No, come on, tell me more, tell me more.
9
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,832
Darling, don't stop now.
10
00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:46,582
We might as well talk about something
11
00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:49,042
as you pack your battle dress.
12
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:54,291
Anyway, I always think that the last part
13
00:00:54,292 --> 00:00:57,082
of your performance is the
best, you know the climax
14
00:00:57,083 --> 00:00:59,499
brings out all the hidden dirt.
15
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:03,166
There she goes, off in
search of golden boy.
16
00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:05,082
At least it'll be nice
to nice to meet someone
17
00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:08,041
who treats me, Oh treats me.
18
00:01:08,042 --> 00:01:10,957
Like a woman, that's it, right.
19
00:01:10,958 --> 00:01:13,749
Who says the art of good
conversation is dead?
20
00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:16,332
When my wife can come out
with great original phrases
21
00:01:16,333 --> 00:01:20,291
like someone who treats me
like a woman, like a woman.
22
00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:21,500
Have you got your razor?
23
00:01:25,667 --> 00:01:28,124
Oh, forgive, what were we saying?
24
00:01:28,125 --> 00:01:30,416
No, honestly what you must
think of me at a time like this.
25
00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:32,207
I mean, it's quite a moment, isn't it?
26
00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:37,208
It's what they call the
crunch, the c-r-u-n-c-h
27
00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:38,500
and there was none.
28
00:01:38,501 --> 00:01:41,582
It seems rather sad doesn't it?
29
00:01:41,583 --> 00:01:43,874
I mean, we had something
that was rare in this world,
30
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,374
my darling, we had something that was-
31
00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:46,375
Rotten!
32
00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:48,999
She has done it again.
33
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,541
You have won a major
prize in the word game.
34
00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:55,916
But there is a brave new
life ahead, is there not.
35
00:01:55,917 --> 00:01:59,874
Aha, yes, tonight among the
fat guts and the money bags,
36
00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:02,332
there is an heir of cautious optimism.
37
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:05,082
Oh brother, they'll
treat you like a woman,
38
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,874
they will all be out there
in you know, waiting.
39
00:02:06,875 --> 00:02:11,875
# Take my pants for the
night is so romantic #
40
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:17,082
Ladies and gentlemen, can I
have your attention please.
41
00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,624
Tonight as you know, marks the
first international release
42
00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:21,792
of the fastest drawers in the west.
43
00:05:24,708 --> 00:05:28,042
Yes, Scillia, how are you, good holiday?
44
00:05:30,375 --> 00:05:34,958
What, Oh god, I am sorry, Scillia.
45
00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:37,708
Honestly.
46
00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:42,583
Well, of course, I always knew a bit.
47
00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:48,082
Oh, couldn't agree with you
more, easily the best thing.
48
00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:50,249
Look, why don't we have a little lunch on,
49
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,417
tonight, you're joking.
50
00:05:54,625 --> 00:05:56,707
No, no, I didn't mean it like.
51
00:05:56,708 --> 00:06:00,375
Look, could you speak up a
bit there is all that singing.
52
00:06:01,417 --> 00:06:02,875
Oh, is he.
53
00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:05,917
Well, it is a bit.
54
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:13,750
All right, Well it'll take about,
55
00:06:14,292 --> 00:06:15,917
well, as soon as I can.
56
00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:18,625
See you.
57
00:06:25,208 --> 00:06:26,208
Oh damn it.
58
00:06:34,542 --> 00:06:36,874
Who was that then, Carey Grant?
59
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,707
John is coming to collect me.
60
00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:41,999
John, now that is
quite a switch, isn't it?
61
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,291
Well, we mustn't keep him waiting must we?
62
00:06:44,292 --> 00:06:46,874
What's he got that I couldn't have had
63
00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:48,624
for another 150 guineas a turn.
64
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,357
Oh by the way, my darling.
65
00:06:51,358 --> 00:06:52,582
I know what you're going to say.
66
00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:53,583
Do you, what?
67
00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:55,499
Am I gonna to appear in that lousy show
68
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,957
of yours tomorrow night?
69
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,099
- That's right, darling.
- No.
70
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:02,207
Well, you do what you damn well like,
71
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:03,874
I mean after tonight, you're on your own.
72
00:07:03,875 --> 00:07:04,916
You wanna bet.
73
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,999
When you do not turn up,
74
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,041
you'll be finished, of
course, professionally.
75
00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:10,916
We have something in common after all.
76
00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:14,541
As director of the programme,
I shall make my own excuses.
77
00:07:14,542 --> 00:07:17,916
As an excuse for a director,
78
00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,041
you should be an expert at that.
79
00:07:20,042 --> 00:07:23,624
Putting on that crap every Sunday.
80
00:07:23,625 --> 00:07:25,582
Oh, thank you, they'll sue, of course.
81
00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,124
Of course.
82
00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:28,582
Look it's breach of contract, darling,
83
00:07:28,583 --> 00:07:29,916
it could cost you a fortune,
84
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,916
now that will make a very nasty
hole in Granny's nest egg.
85
00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:34,332
Granny's nest egg.
86
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,291
You signed a contract, darling.
87
00:07:37,292 --> 00:07:42,292
So did you, I thee worship, big deal.
88
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,082
I seem to remember there
was something about obedience,
89
00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,374
now come on, pull yourself
together, Scillia.
90
00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:49,542
- Lewis.
- Hmm?
91
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,250
Have another drink.
92
00:07:57,417 --> 00:07:59,416
So the next time we
meet will be in court.
93
00:07:59,417 --> 00:08:03,749
Fancying bother to me, Paris,
94
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:06,291
I shall ask for 48 other
of fences to be taken
95
00:08:06,292 --> 00:08:07,874
into consideration.
96
00:08:07,875 --> 00:08:10,208
Lewis, here's your jacket.
97
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,957
Hard luck,
darling, try the High Street,
98
00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:43,125
you get a much nicer class of person.
99
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:00,750
Uh, uh.
100
00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:11,291
Now you stay here and I'll
step back and lock the car.
101
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,083
Excuse me.
102
00:10:20,417 --> 00:10:21,417
Excuse me!
103
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:25,542
Oh.
104
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,000
Oh, John, is it all a mess?
105
00:10:32,042 --> 00:10:33,832
Well, it's not Claridge's is it?
106
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,332
No, I don't mean
this, I mean everything.
107
00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:39,333
Oh, come on, can't get
mourning in this time of night.
108
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:42,166
It is a bit dark.
109
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:44,542
Yeah, Bob's gone on an Andy.
110
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,041
Oh, can you manage?
111
00:10:48,042 --> 00:10:50,750
I know these stairs
only too well, my darling.
112
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,833
- I have an idea.
- What?
113
00:11:09,917 --> 00:11:11,791
Harry's room upstairs.
114
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:12,750
He's away on a course.
115
00:11:12,751 --> 00:11:15,167
You could easily slip in
there for a day or two.
116
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:18,582
Will it be all right?
117
00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:19,583
Oh yes.
118
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,666
Don't have sheets and things.
119
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:26,025
Oh, Oh well, it doesn't matter.
120
00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:32,999
Oh, would you like to stay here and me-
121
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,332
No, no, no, it's all right,
122
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:36,833
if anybody's going up,
it's me, come on, up we go.
123
00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:51,291
Oh, oh, I could bother
with all that business
124
00:11:51,292 --> 00:11:52,957
until tonight.
125
00:11:52,958 --> 00:11:54,624
A bit late.
126
00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:56,832
Yeah, got a key?
127
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,657
Well, I don't think
there's a lock on the door.
128
00:11:58,658 --> 00:12:00,041
Oh.
129
00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:02,625
A roof over your head though.
130
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:11,000
Oh, Oh, John, you are sweet.
131
00:12:13,292 --> 00:12:16,082
If you would just go down
and bring that other case up.
132
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:21,083
I'll be all right.
133
00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:25,375
Well.
134
00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:28,874
No, no, really, John, I will.
135
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:29,958
I'll be okay.
136
00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:36,792
I'll be okay.
137
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:06,832
Does he ever have a bath?
138
00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:08,333
Yes, over there.
139
00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:50,292
It's all right, it's dead.
140
00:14:08,542 --> 00:14:10,416
What a bloody awful place.
141
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,624
Oh I know.
142
00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:14,082
I'm sorry.
143
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:15,582
Look, I'll stay up here tonight.
144
00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:18,500
No you won't, I will, it'll
do me good or something.
145
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:24,624
Well, I'll phone Lewis in the morning
146
00:14:24,625 --> 00:14:29,625
and tell him you got a
fabulous penthouse somewhere,
147
00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:32,124
how about that?
148
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,457
Oh, yes, John do that.
149
00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:36,666
Feel a bit better now?
150
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,875
Yes, I do actually.
151
00:14:39,042 --> 00:14:40,750
I couldn't go any further tonight.
152
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:44,166
See you in the morning.
153
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:45,292
Yes, all right, then.
154
00:14:46,167 --> 00:14:47,167
- John?
- Mm?
155
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,207
Thanks very much, very much.
156
00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:54,082
Don't thank me, what for?
157
00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:56,708
Well, everything.
158
00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:06,066
Oh anytime, anyhow, anyway,
come down when you get up.
159
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,000
Yes, all right, I will.
160
00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:08,166
- Sure you're warm enough?
- Yes.
161
00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:09,283
- You want a bottle?
- Of what?
162
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,083
- Hot water bottle.
- No.
163
00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:15,042
Night night.
164
00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:17,292
Night night.
165
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:23,833
John, night night!
166
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:26,417
Good night.
167
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,625
Oh no.
168
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:12,167
Ah, darn it.
169
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,333
Yes, who's that?
170
00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:25,082
Lewis, well, it's damn
late to ring, Lewis,
171
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:26,083
it's almost two.
172
00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:28,499
Yes, well, I mean, damn it man you know.
173
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,541
There's somebody in!
174
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:10,375
Hey!
175
00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:48,208
Oh damn.
176
00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:20,749
Of course I'm not taking sides,
177
00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:23,499
and what do you expect this time of night?
178
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:27,250
Of course, she's all right,
I'll tell you about it tomorrow.
179
00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:30,167
I tell you she's all right.
180
00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:34,208
Yes, yes, Lewis.
181
00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:40,583
Sure, she always was one
for falling on her feet.
182
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:48,000
Aye Lewis, Lewis, listen,
why don't we all go to bed.
183
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,833
That's crude, Lewis, you
know exactly what I mean.
184
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,167
I have no intention of doing that.
185
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,083
Well, call me then if you like.
186
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,208
Okay, I'll see you.
187
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:39,750
Scillia.
188
00:19:40,833 --> 00:19:43,041
John, John, the
door slammed on my coat,
189
00:19:43,042 --> 00:19:45,583
I was trying to get out and I'm stuck.
190
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,416
Put another penny in.
191
00:19:50,417 --> 00:19:51,417
But I only had the one.
192
00:19:51,418 --> 00:19:55,582
Well, I'll go back and get one.
193
00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:57,707
Honestly, Scillia, this is the last straw.
194
00:19:57,708 --> 00:20:00,875
Hurry up, John,
it's horrible down here.
195
00:20:21,083 --> 00:20:23,000
Oh John, you were ages.
196
00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:25,124
How did you
get into that position.
197
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:25,958
You must be joking,
198
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,957
you don't think I'm doing
this for fun do you?
199
00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:29,457
I do wonder about you.
200
00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:31,041
Have you got the penny?
201
00:20:31,042 --> 00:20:32,624
- Yes.
- Well, put it in.
202
00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:36,416
All right here goes.
203
00:20:36,417 --> 00:20:38,917
- Now concentrate.
- Concentrate.
204
00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:46,667
I'm frozen to death,
let's get you back to bed.
205
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:54,375
Oi, you two.
206
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,916
Hooray, applause, applause, applause
207
00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:15,707
and what, that's all
right, sir I'll tell him.
208
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:19,458
All right, I'll tell him, okay, bye.
209
00:21:20,708 --> 00:21:24,833
That was very good indeed,
that was tres yono darling.
210
00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:28,749
Yes, but you make a movement
211
00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:31,958
other end of table.
212
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:37,207
- Other end of, yes?
- Yes, yes.
213
00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:42,208
No, look, this end table
bad, a bad medicine.
214
00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:49,125
This end table good, yes.
215
00:21:51,917 --> 00:21:54,667
It's okay, darling, just moving
the sticks over.
216
00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:58,083
- Yes, yes.
- Yes.
217
00:22:09,292 --> 00:22:11,417
Hold it, hold it.
218
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:14,916
But you'll have to come down, darling,
219
00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:17,166
he doesn't understand a word.
220
00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:20,291
He no savvy, right.
221
00:22:20,292 --> 00:22:23,875
Okay relax everyone, Lewis
is coming down on the floor.
222
00:22:34,083 --> 00:22:35,083
What's the trouble?
223
00:22:35,084 --> 00:22:37,166
He doesn't understand a
word, I've tried other language
224
00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:38,974
and I've tried to tell him,
I've tried showing him,
225
00:22:38,975 --> 00:22:40,916
I mean, look at him
grinning away like an idiot.
226
00:22:40,917 --> 00:22:44,124
I can't understand why they
don't teach him English-
227
00:22:44,125 --> 00:22:46,499
Well, that's very good,
I'm very pleased.
228
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:47,500
There's one or two.
229
00:22:50,458 --> 00:22:54,332
Oh yes, yes, forget about
the table, forget the table.
230
00:22:54,333 --> 00:22:55,167
Yes.
231
00:22:55,168 --> 00:22:56,957
- Yes, we'll use the club.
- Yes.
232
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,125
- The throw up.
- Yes.
233
00:23:03,292 --> 00:23:04,125
Good.
234
00:23:04,126 --> 00:23:05,374
You wait here.
235
00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:07,374
Just do the throw up for me will you?
236
00:23:07,375 --> 00:23:12,375
Just do the throw up for me will you love?
237
00:23:15,250 --> 00:23:16,917
- Throw up, it.
- Up.
238
00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:22,417
- Ah.
- No, I,
239
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,667
tell him to throw it up, will you?
240
00:23:36,958 --> 00:23:37,958
' UP, you.
241
00:23:39,583 --> 00:23:41,332
Ah.
242
00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:42,333
UP yeah.
243
00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:02,749
I thought I'd seen it all last week
244
00:24:02,750 --> 00:24:04,917
when we had an alsatian
on a trampoline.
245
00:24:09,458 --> 00:24:12,416
Where do they come from, I
mean, where do they find them?
246
00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:15,166
Lew, Lew, darling, we must
get on, we're late already,
247
00:24:15,167 --> 00:24:16,457
now what about Scillia, is she here,
248
00:24:16,458 --> 00:24:18,416
she was called at 9:30, you know?
249
00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:19,624
Forget about her.
250
00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:22,332
Forget, look is she coming or isn't she?
251
00:24:22,333 --> 00:24:25,083
She's gonna be a little late.
252
00:24:26,208 --> 00:24:28,207
Oh what a pickle it all is.
253
00:24:28,208 --> 00:24:32,624
Try that number will you?
254
00:24:32,625 --> 00:24:33,625
Keep ringing it.
255
00:24:34,417 --> 00:24:35,417
Scillia?
256
00:24:38,292 --> 00:24:40,832
Right now, then who else have we got?
257
00:24:40,833 --> 00:24:42,332
What was that old queen casting captured
258
00:24:42,333 --> 00:24:44,166
for 25 guineas last week?
259
00:24:44,167 --> 00:24:45,749
It's slipped my mind,
gone, it's gone, it's gone,
260
00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:49,082
I can't remember a thing,
not a bloody thing.
261
00:24:49,083 --> 00:24:53,999
Oh no, oh that does it, that does it.
262
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,333
Elijah, I'd forgotten about him.
263
00:24:57,625 --> 00:24:59,832
Well, I think what Sunday
mornings used to mean to me
264
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:00,667
when I was a kid.
265
00:25:00,668 --> 00:25:03,249
Two way family favourites,
when I think what I used to do,
266
00:25:03,250 --> 00:25:04,792
10 o'clock on a Sunday morning.
267
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,208
Somebody get me a chair!
268
00:25:23,333 --> 00:25:24,667
Did you sleep at all?
269
00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:31,667
- A bit, I took a pill.
- Any good.
270
00:25:32,958 --> 00:25:36,957
- Not bad.
- What colour was it?
271
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:41,958
It was white with a blue
bit around the middle.
272
00:25:42,458 --> 00:25:44,000
Oh, I had some of those.
273
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:48,124
Didn't you find you were a
bit tired the next morning?
274
00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:52,624
Yes, then I'd take a green
and white one to wake me up.
275
00:25:52,625 --> 00:25:55,082
Honestly, Scillia,
you are well-equipped.
276
00:25:55,083 --> 00:25:56,499
I'm not, that's why I have to keep
277
00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:58,166
taking them all the time.
278
00:25:58,167 --> 00:26:00,750
Things will change for
the better now, you'll see.
279
00:26:08,250 --> 00:26:11,083
- What time was he called?
- 10 a.m.
280
00:26:13,292 --> 00:26:17,832
10 past 11, marvellous,
isn't it, bloody marvellous.
281
00:26:17,833 --> 00:26:19,917
The car left the hotel half an hour ago.
282
00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:27,125
Well, well, well.
283
00:26:34,792 --> 00:26:37,249
Can't be far away.
284
00:26:43,292 --> 00:26:44,292
He's here.
285
00:26:48,833 --> 00:26:53,833
# Hey bodiddley hey
bodiddley hey bodiddley #
286
00:27:00,167 --> 00:27:05,166
# Hey bodiddley Oh b0 b0 diddley #
287
00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:09,333
# BO b0 diddley b0 b0 did did ley #
288
00:27:11,083 --> 00:27:12,582
There he is my old darling, Lewis.
289
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:15,082
A big kiss for Lewis
McKinsey, how are you today.
290
00:27:15,083 --> 00:27:16,416
Morning Eli.
291
00:27:16,417 --> 00:27:20,291
And there's me darling
duchess, how are you today, love'?
292
00:27:20,292 --> 00:27:21,874
You managed to leave from Santos then?
293
00:27:21,875 --> 00:27:25,749
Yeah, yeah, hey didley.
294
00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:28,917
Oh lovely, right.
295
00:27:42,792 --> 00:27:43,792
Get off.
296
00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:48,792
Shall we do the number?
297
00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,916
Okay, Eli, darling,
look, we must press on,
298
00:27:53,917 --> 00:27:56,249
try and get it in before lunch, okay?
299
00:27:56,250 --> 00:27:57,250
Yeah, Lew, yeah.
300
00:27:58,708 --> 00:28:02,582
# Yeah Lew yeah #
301
00:28:02,583 --> 00:28:05,541
# Yeah Le-Lew yeah #
302
00:28:05,542 --> 00:28:09,208
# Hallelu-yeah hallelu-yeah #
303
00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:14,291
This isn't the number
he's gonna do is it?
304
00:28:14,292 --> 00:28:15,292
NO-
305
00:28:16,583 --> 00:28:20,207
# Yeah Lew yeah
hallelu-yeah yeah Lew yeah #
306
00:28:20,208 --> 00:28:25,124
# Hallelu-Yeah hallelujah hallelujah #
307
00:28:25,125 --> 00:28:29,624
Shall we do our number.
308
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:32,291
Can we have the Elijah
number on play back please.
309
00:28:32,292 --> 00:28:33,582
Lew, I've got the greatest idea.
310
00:28:33,583 --> 00:28:35,124
I've got the greatest idea ever, Lew.
311
00:28:35,125 --> 00:28:36,000
Shall we do the number?
312
00:28:36,001 --> 00:28:38,319
Now, Lew listen to me I'm gonna
let you in right on the ground,
313
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:39,516
so I've got the greatest idea.
314
00:28:39,517 --> 00:28:40,417
What?
315
00:28:40,418 --> 00:28:41,957
Life-sized puppets.
316
00:28:41,958 --> 00:28:44,832
Very funny.
317
00:28:44,833 --> 00:28:46,291
They're life-sized puppets, Lew,
318
00:28:46,292 --> 00:28:48,172
introducing late night
celebrities, it could be...
319
00:28:48,173 --> 00:28:50,008
Yeah, it could be the
greatest thing ever, Lew,
320
00:28:50,009 --> 00:28:51,042
it could be on the moon.
321
00:28:51,043 --> 00:28:52,749
Could get them all dressed up in plastic
322
00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:54,416
and oh boy, it could be fantastic, Lew.
323
00:28:54,417 --> 00:28:56,656
I'll tell you something, man,
if you get a show like that going,
324
00:28:56,657 --> 00:28:58,291
you could forget all about your ordeals,
right?
325
00:28:58,292 --> 00:29:00,849
Yeah, you could have those old dears
falling right off of their seats.
326
00:29:00,850 --> 00:29:03,624
Let's do the number.
327
00:29:03,625 --> 00:29:05,332
You're not listening to me, Lew.
328
00:29:05,333 --> 00:29:06,333
It's the greatest thing ever.
329
00:29:06,334 --> 00:29:08,916
Get their names, Kinky and Querky,
330
00:29:08,917 --> 00:29:10,457
oh it's compulsive, isn't it?
331
00:29:10,458 --> 00:29:11,292
It's sick.
332
00:29:11,293 --> 00:29:12,666
Yeah, I knew you'd like it.
333
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:14,999
Should I put a record on
334
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,999
or is it too early for you?
335
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,124
Please yourself.
336
00:29:18,125 --> 00:29:19,374
Anything you fancy?
337
00:29:19,375 --> 00:29:22,457
Is there a record of
just distant gun fire'?
338
00:29:22,458 --> 00:29:27,458
Oh John, you're so sweet
to me and I'm such a drag.
339
00:29:29,958 --> 00:29:31,791
- Oh nonsense.
- Oh yes, I am.
340
00:29:31,792 --> 00:29:34,791
Do you wanna talk about it?
341
00:29:34,792 --> 00:29:38,624
What was the row about?
342
00:29:38,625 --> 00:29:41,707
I don't know, it just sort of blew up,
343
00:29:41,708 --> 00:29:45,499
Oh it's been coming on for ages.
344
00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:49,791
He kind of absorbed me like a sponge
345
00:29:49,792 --> 00:29:53,707
in that house of ours, ours.
346
00:29:53,708 --> 00:29:55,791
Do you know if I bought anything
for it, he used to hide it.
347
00:29:55,792 --> 00:29:59,832
You're bored aren't you?
348
00:29:59,833 --> 00:30:02,457
- No.
- Oh yes you are.
349
00:30:02,458 --> 00:30:04,499
No, just trying to help.
350
00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:08,374
Do you want some more coffee?
351
00:30:08,375 --> 00:30:09,917
Yeah, go on, be a devil.
352
00:30:17,375 --> 00:30:19,666
- Scillia?
- What?
353
00:30:19,667 --> 00:30:21,916
How much money have you got?
354
00:30:21,917 --> 00:30:23,999
What do you mean, on me?
355
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,124
No, love, put in the bank?
356
00:30:26,125 --> 00:30:27,166
Well, a bit, why?
357
00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:30,333
There's a place here, sounds
quite nice in the paper.
358
00:30:31,708 --> 00:30:33,082
A mace?
359
00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:36,458
- Flat.
- Oh.
360
00:30:39,708 --> 00:30:40,583
Where is it?
361
00:30:40,584 --> 00:30:42,625
It says fashionable Hammersmith.
362
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:44,957
I don't fancy it.
363
00:30:44,958 --> 00:30:46,082
I haven't read it out yet.
364
00:30:46,083 --> 00:30:47,291
I still don't fancy it.
365
00:30:47,292 --> 00:30:52,292
I do not fancy it one tiny little bit.
366
00:30:53,708 --> 00:30:56,332
We could go and see it, what fun.
367
00:30:56,333 --> 00:30:59,249
I wanna do something
wild and irresponsible
368
00:30:59,250 --> 00:31:01,666
and preposterous, if I do anything at all!
369
00:31:01,667 --> 00:31:02,667
Like what?
370
00:31:02,668 --> 00:31:04,749
Well, I don't know but not Hammersmith.
371
00:31:04,750 --> 00:31:07,082
Lewis' mother comes from Hammersmith!
372
00:31:07,083 --> 00:31:08,917
- Does she?
- Yes, she does!
373
00:31:13,125 --> 00:31:16,416
When I was a little girl,
I always wanted to be
374
00:31:16,417 --> 00:31:17,791
a lighthouse keeper.
375
00:31:17,792 --> 00:31:19,416
Do they have women lighthouse keepers?
376
00:31:19,417 --> 00:31:21,582
Oh, god, no Scillia, they probably
377
00:31:21,583 --> 00:31:24,541
do in Japan or somewhere like that.
378
00:31:24,542 --> 00:31:27,082
Maybe you should build a
lighthouse, an ivory tower.
379
00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:32,083
You're just as bad as Lewis,
you're all sending me up.
380
00:31:32,208 --> 00:31:33,125
Well.
381
00:31:33,126 --> 00:31:34,749
Oh what I want to do is something
382
00:31:34,750 --> 00:31:37,832
that is sort of a
declaration of independence.
383
00:31:37,833 --> 00:31:39,624
I think you're pushing it.
384
00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,667
So do I.
385
00:31:43,125 --> 00:31:46,832
But John, you know me, I could never live
386
00:31:46,833 --> 00:31:49,166
in one of those great modern blocks.
387
00:31:49,167 --> 00:31:51,166
- You're better off.
- I'd die.
388
00:31:51,167 --> 00:31:53,541
I'd rather live in a field.
389
00:31:53,542 --> 00:31:54,707
- I believe you would.
- I would.
390
00:31:54,708 --> 00:31:56,291
- I believe you would.
- I would!
391
00:31:56,292 --> 00:31:58,166
Scillia, once and for
all, I don't know anyone
392
00:31:58,167 --> 00:32:00,391
who likes her own governess
more than you,
393
00:32:00,392 --> 00:32:01,832
you and your bathroom for instance.
394
00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:03,791
Oh, it'd have to be a
field with a bathroom in it.
395
00:32:03,792 --> 00:32:05,499
Spend all your time
living in the bathroom.
396
00:32:05,500 --> 00:32:08,249
Actually, a bathroom
is the only thing I miss
397
00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:09,416
about that house.
398
00:32:09,417 --> 00:32:12,000
- Are you hungry?
- No, are you?
399
00:32:15,250 --> 00:32:16,250
NO-
400
00:32:17,583 --> 00:32:19,417
Should we eat tonight?
401
00:32:20,667 --> 00:32:25,124
Oh, yes, if you've got
nothing more important on.
402
00:32:25,125 --> 00:32:28,667
I could always open a tin of something.
403
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,833
No, I think definitely go
to a club and cheer you up.
404
00:32:38,375 --> 00:32:39,291
Shall I answer it?
405
00:32:39,292 --> 00:32:40,208
If you do, I'm not in.
406
00:32:43,333 --> 00:32:44,999
Do you think she'll
be all right up there?
407
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,374
She always insists on the biggest set.
408
00:32:48,375 --> 00:32:52,541
Who's that rather twanky-
409
00:32:52,542 --> 00:32:54,582
- Elijah Stark.
- Who?
410
00:32:54,583 --> 00:32:56,207
Our star.
411
00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:57,958
We couldn't get Sinatra every week.
412
00:32:58,792 --> 00:33:01,082
Eli, Eli!
413
00:33:01,083 --> 00:33:02,583
Just a minute.
414
00:33:04,792 --> 00:33:06,916
There's somebody I want
you to meet, come on.
415
00:33:09,042 --> 00:33:10,624
I don't think you've met Elijah,
416
00:33:10,625 --> 00:33:11,999
Elijah, this is Saul Alexander,
417
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,124
head of Light Entertainment.
418
00:33:13,125 --> 00:33:16,082
Oh, give us a chance, give us a chance
419
00:33:16,083 --> 00:33:17,832
that's all I want Saul just a chance.
420
00:33:17,833 --> 00:33:21,291
Good evening.
421
00:33:21,292 --> 00:33:23,282
I hope you find well Saul,
he's a genius you know,
422
00:33:23,283 --> 00:33:24,416
a genius.
423
00:33:24,417 --> 00:33:26,541
I think you'll find he
receives adequate recompense.
424
00:33:26,542 --> 00:33:29,333
Hey, you don't make any
money then, hey, hey, hey.
425
00:33:31,042 --> 00:33:32,416
I think you should go,
Saul, it would be best.
426
00:33:32,417 --> 00:33:34,249
Yes, I don't think I'll
stay for the transmission.
427
00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:35,607
Have you heard my single, sir,
428
00:33:35,608 --> 00:33:37,041
what did you think of my single, hey?
429
00:33:37,042 --> 00:33:38,791
Very good, good sound.
430
00:33:38,792 --> 00:33:42,832
Yeah, it's number four in the charts
431
00:33:42,833 --> 00:33:44,249
but it's still climbing.
432
00:33:48,875 --> 00:33:50,541
Do you think he's going to be all right?
433
00:33:50,542 --> 00:33:51,707
Don't worry it's his pills working.
434
00:33:51,708 --> 00:33:53,257
Have you told old
Saul about our puppets?
435
00:33:53,258 --> 00:33:55,124
No, not yet.
436
00:33:55,125 --> 00:33:56,332
PUPPETS, What puppets.
437
00:33:56,333 --> 00:33:58,041
I mentioned it to the
BBC but they reckoned
438
00:33:58,042 --> 00:33:59,791
it was much more your line of country.
439
00:33:59,792 --> 00:34:01,999
Nah.
440
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,666
Yeah, got a great
idea for a puppet show,
441
00:34:03,667 --> 00:34:05,582
it's fantastic, it's
life size puppet show.
442
00:34:05,583 --> 00:34:06,583
- Lewis.
- Scillia?
443
00:34:08,042 --> 00:34:09,466
Nothing, I phoned around everywhere
444
00:34:09,467 --> 00:34:11,791
but we've had it, there's no
one that'
step in this late.
445
00:34:11,792 --> 00:34:15,791
What are we left with then?
446
00:34:15,792 --> 00:34:19,291
Some old dear in his
60's who can hardly stand
447
00:34:19,292 --> 00:34:20,332
let along sing.
448
00:34:20,333 --> 00:34:22,207
A balancing act from god knows where
449
00:34:22,208 --> 00:34:24,457
and a sex maniac on top of the bill.
450
00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:26,874
It has a certain old
world charm about it.
451
00:34:26,875 --> 00:34:30,666
What exactly happened between
you and Scillia last night?
452
00:34:30,667 --> 00:34:32,291
Did you forget your key or something?
453
00:34:32,292 --> 00:34:33,624
It matters damn all what happened,
454
00:34:33,625 --> 00:34:35,416
she's booked to appear.
455
00:34:35,417 --> 00:34:36,957
She doesn't need the money.
456
00:34:36,958 --> 00:34:38,374
She will soon.
457
00:34:38,375 --> 00:34:40,666
Oh, look, you better phone
transmachine control,
458
00:34:40,667 --> 00:34:42,083
tell them we're going to under-run.
459
00:34:42,084 --> 00:34:44,000
I already have at lunchtime.
460
00:34:47,417 --> 00:34:48,458
I'm off to the pub.
461
00:34:51,875 --> 00:34:56,082
# Let's take a chance on something #
462
00:34:56,083 --> 00:34:59,749
# Something strange and new #
463
00:34:59,750 --> 00:35:02,916
# The game of love is a gamble #
464
00:35:02,917 --> 00:35:06,374
# But I'll chance a game with you #
465
00:35:06,375 --> 00:35:11,375
# For I'm aware this love
affair may be ruined collapse #
466
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:19,000
# Who knows perhaps it will but still #
467
00:35:22,333 --> 00:35:26,457
# Let's leave the straight and narrow #
468
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:30,291
# Taking a chance instead #
469
00:35:30,292 --> 00:35:32,999
# Let's run for nowhere #
470
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:37,999
# Why don't we go where
angels fear to tread #
471
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:43,000
# So if I phrase a few cliches
about our new romance #
472
00:35:49,583 --> 00:35:54,583
# But give but give me just a chance #
473
00:35:58,250 --> 00:36:02,207
# Let's take a chance on something #
474
00:36:02,208 --> 00:36:05,457
# Something strange and new #
475
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:09,041
# The game of love is a gamble #
476
00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:13,082
# But I'll chance a game with you #
477
00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:18,083
# But I'm aware this love affair
may very well collapse #
478
00:36:20,667 --> 00:36:25,667
# Who knows perhaps it will but still #
479
00:36:28,125 --> 00:36:32,666
# Let's leave the straight and narrow #
480
00:36:32,667 --> 00:36:36,624
# Taking a chance instead #
481
00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:40,374
# Let's head for nowhere
why don't go where #
482
00:36:40,375 --> 00:36:44,541
# Angels fear to tread #
483
00:36:44,542 --> 00:36:49,542
# So if I phrase a few cliches
about our new romance #
484
00:36:51,917 --> 00:36:56,500
# Forgive me but give me just a chance #
485
00:37:18,708 --> 00:37:19,958
- Better?
- Yes.
486
00:37:21,167 --> 00:37:23,791
- There she is.
- Oh my god that's him again.
487
00:37:23,792 --> 00:37:26,082
Now keep calm, let him have a scene.
488
00:37:26,083 --> 00:37:27,832
They're bound to throw him out.
489
00:37:27,833 --> 00:37:29,917
You mean, pour him out.
490
00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:35,666
Where the hell have you
been all day, may I ask?
491
00:37:35,667 --> 00:37:36,832
Avoiding you.
492
00:37:36,833 --> 00:37:39,249
I thought I'd find
you here slumming around
493
00:37:39,250 --> 00:37:40,457
with pretty boy.
494
00:37:40,458 --> 00:37:43,582
Now Lewis, watch it.
495
00:37:43,583 --> 00:37:45,832
Don't touch me, John, I'm terrified,
496
00:37:45,833 --> 00:37:47,632
I know you're a kind of
a street gold medalist.
497
00:37:47,633 --> 00:37:51,457
I do think personal freshness
is so important, don't you?
498
00:37:51,458 --> 00:37:52,916
It's a raid.
499
00:37:52,917 --> 00:37:54,999
Has this man been annoying you, madame?
500
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,707
For the last five years.
501
00:37:56,708 --> 00:37:58,791
What a dull bitch you are.
502
00:37:58,792 --> 00:38:00,957
Would you mind leaving the club, sir?
503
00:38:00,958 --> 00:38:02,832
Certainly inspector, only too happy
504
00:38:02,833 --> 00:38:04,374
to help the police in any way I can.
505
00:38:04,375 --> 00:38:05,457
Get out.
506
00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:08,332
You think she'd had done
the show, I mean wouldn't you.
507
00:38:08,333 --> 00:38:09,167
Yeah.
508
00:38:09,168 --> 00:38:11,749
What an understanding fellow you are.
509
00:38:11,750 --> 00:38:14,583
If I faint, leave the money on the grill.
510
00:38:27,667 --> 00:38:30,541
Well, that was a charming
little performance, I must say.
511
00:38:30,542 --> 00:38:33,875
I say, he's obviously
drinking like a fish.
512
00:38:42,458 --> 00:38:44,042
I'll never go back to him now.
513
00:38:46,083 --> 00:38:47,542
God to think I was weakening.
514
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:53,583
Oh, no, no, never, never, never, ever.
515
00:38:56,583 --> 00:39:01,249
I was just thinking about
the rest of my things.
516
00:39:01,250 --> 00:39:02,249
What things?
517
00:39:02,250 --> 00:39:03,249
My clothes and stuff.
518
00:39:03,250 --> 00:39:04,583
You mean, there's more
than we had last night?
519
00:39:04,584 --> 00:39:05,624
Oh, masses.
520
00:39:05,625 --> 00:39:07,374
Well, I'm rather tied up
this week, otherwise I'd-
521
00:39:07,375 --> 00:39:11,499
Oh don't worry, I'll go down
there myself tomorrow.
522
00:39:11,500 --> 00:39:13,957
There's all sorts of bits and pieces,
523
00:39:13,958 --> 00:39:16,083
my transistor radio,
he's not getting that.
524
00:39:19,250 --> 00:39:23,750
Oh, I suppose everything
happens for the best.
525
00:39:29,333 --> 00:39:31,166
I'll have a bath while I'm there.
526
00:39:31,167 --> 00:39:33,393
Why don't you borrow the car, it's
only 20 minutes down the M4.
527
00:39:33,417 --> 00:39:35,166
Oh, yes, thank you.
528
00:39:35,167 --> 00:39:38,749
- Suppose he turns up.
- No, he won't do that,
529
00:39:38,750 --> 00:39:39,833
he works on Mondays.
530
00:39:41,958 --> 00:39:45,458
You staying on here a bit?
531
00:39:47,958 --> 00:39:52,291
Well, two or three more
nights, if that's all right.
532
00:39:52,292 --> 00:39:54,333
I suppose Harry won't mind.
533
00:39:59,542 --> 00:40:02,082
I'll ask around at work, see
if anyone knows of a flat.
534
00:40:02,083 --> 00:40:03,874
I must make a list.
535
00:40:03,875 --> 00:40:08,875
There's my radio, it's in the
bathroom, my Polaroid camera,
536
00:40:12,583 --> 00:40:15,333
oh, the Kenwood mixer,
that's in the bathroom too.
537
00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:30,541
- Lewis.
- Lancet.
538
00:41:30,542 --> 00:41:32,792
Oh Lewis, it's fantastic.
539
00:41:33,625 --> 00:41:35,791
- Oh, you like it?
- Mmm.
540
00:41:35,792 --> 00:41:38,291
Come, let me take your coat, shall I?
541
00:41:38,292 --> 00:41:40,332
Thank you.
542
00:41:40,333 --> 00:41:41,791
Oh, it's beautiful.
543
00:41:41,792 --> 00:41:42,875
Good, good.
544
00:41:43,750 --> 00:41:46,957
Well, now then a little drink
I think, don't you?
545
00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:48,841
A lovely little drink to
do you the world of good,
546
00:41:48,842 --> 00:41:51,207
you know, that cold of
yours, it'll build you up.
547
00:41:53,292 --> 00:41:54,332
Some of this, yes?
548
00:41:54,333 --> 00:41:56,749
Oh, just a tiny one Lewis,
I had a couple at the club.
549
00:41:56,750 --> 00:41:57,833
- Five.
- Five.
550
00:41:58,792 --> 00:41:59,832
Who's counting.
551
00:41:59,833 --> 00:42:01,499
Come here, let me have a look at you.
552
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:04,791
You know it's inconceivable
that I haven't seen you before.
553
00:42:04,792 --> 00:42:07,999
I've been doing the children's
programmes in Birmingham
554
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,407
I expect that's why.
555
00:42:09,408 --> 00:42:10,542
We'll soon put a stop to that.
556
00:42:10,543 --> 00:42:12,374
I've signed for another 13.
557
00:42:12,375 --> 00:42:13,957
Oh don't worry about
that darling, I'll fix it,
558
00:42:13,958 --> 00:42:15,207
I want you to leave it to me.
559
00:42:15,208 --> 00:42:17,792
You've got to get into the habit
of leaving everything to me.
560
00:42:17,793 --> 00:42:18,750
You must trust me.
561
00:42:18,751 --> 00:42:20,499
- What about me?
- Just trust me.
562
00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:24,791
You don't live in Birmingham, do you?
563
00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:26,416
No, Fulham.
564
00:42:26,417 --> 00:42:27,874
Well, there you are, you see, I mean,
565
00:42:27,875 --> 00:42:28,916
if you're in my show,
566
00:42:28,917 --> 00:42:31,124
you won't have that nasty
whole journey all the time.
567
00:42:31,125 --> 00:42:32,499
- But you mean.
- I mean.
568
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:35,124
Oh good, what do I have to do?
569
00:42:35,125 --> 00:42:38,833
Oh, I'll think of something.
570
00:42:40,042 --> 00:42:42,124
You know, my dear I've
always thought of myself
571
00:42:42,125 --> 00:42:44,249
as something of a creative man.
572
00:42:44,250 --> 00:42:45,332
But you are, Lewis.
573
00:42:45,333 --> 00:42:48,249
Ah, now, seeing you there
with the light falling
574
00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:51,667
on your delicate head,
a lovely sensuous mouth,
575
00:42:52,625 --> 00:42:54,375
makes me think of a great painting.
576
00:42:55,292 --> 00:43:00,292
A Goya, perhaps, a Velasquez, or a Renoir.
577
00:43:00,417 --> 00:43:02,541
Did you bring the
cigarettes in from the car?
578
00:43:02,542 --> 00:43:03,616
Hmm?
579
00:43:03,617 --> 00:43:05,166
Cigarettes, did you bring them in?
580
00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:08,082
Oh, no, no, you don't want a cigarette.
581
00:43:08,083 --> 00:43:09,083
No, I was just...
582
00:43:10,083 --> 00:43:10,917
I would like one please.
583
00:43:10,918 --> 00:43:11,749
What?
584
00:43:11,750 --> 00:43:12,582
I would like one.
585
00:43:12,583 --> 00:43:13,883
No, don't, no, no, no, it's
all right, it's all, right,
586
00:43:13,884 --> 00:43:14,916
I'll get them.
587
00:43:14,917 --> 00:43:16,417
Oh, it's okay.
588
00:43:16,917 --> 00:43:20,374
Don't, you stay here,
help yourself to a drink,
589
00:43:20,375 --> 00:43:23,417
and there's some records
on there, I'll be a sec.
590
00:43:33,125 --> 00:43:35,125
Hello, darling, you must be a new one.
591
00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:38,500
He's a remarkable man, isn't he?
592
00:43:39,500 --> 00:43:41,832
You must be a very
sweet child to be taking
593
00:43:41,833 --> 00:43:43,042
such an interest in him.
594
00:43:44,125 --> 00:43:48,124
Borrowed time, it's such a
sinister phrase I always thing,
595
00:43:48,125 --> 00:43:51,249
but not to worry, we've
always made it a family rule,
596
00:43:51,250 --> 00:43:52,999
that one of us should be here with him
597
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:57,125
so, if you need me, just call.
598
00:43:59,833 --> 00:44:03,124
The specialist has done
a remarkable job, really.
599
00:44:03,125 --> 00:44:06,542
Those rubber tubes and
little bits of wire.
600
00:44:08,792 --> 00:44:13,583
You'd think he was a healthy
man instead of a living corpse.
601
00:44:14,958 --> 00:44:15,958
Here they are.
602
00:44:15,959 --> 00:44:18,791
No, I, no.
603
00:44:18,792 --> 00:44:20,124
- Don't you want?
- No thank you.
604
00:44:20,125 --> 00:44:21,125
Ah, you.
605
00:44:24,292 --> 00:44:25,707
Just a minute.
606
00:44:25,708 --> 00:44:26,875
Wait a minute.
607
00:44:59,708 --> 00:45:01,457
What a fantastic place,
however did you find it'?
608
00:45:01,458 --> 00:45:03,249
Oh, I've been coming
here on and off for ages.
609
00:45:03,250 --> 00:45:05,374
Not many people know about it.
610
00:45:05,375 --> 00:45:06,999
Yes, I can see that.
611
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,833
What's that?
612
00:45:10,750 --> 00:45:12,291
Schnapps-
613
00:45:12,292 --> 00:45:15,208
Gin and tonic please.
614
00:45:17,333 --> 00:45:19,458
Oh, what a day.
615
00:45:20,833 --> 00:45:23,833
Well, how was the bath and everything?
616
00:45:26,250 --> 00:45:28,916
I've done something awful.
617
00:45:28,917 --> 00:45:30,207
Is the car all right, you haven't-
618
00:45:30,208 --> 00:45:31,999
No, of course not.
619
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:36,457
- I saw Lewis.
- Oh that's it,
620
00:45:36,458 --> 00:45:37,707
had another row.
621
00:45:37,708 --> 00:45:39,374
He didn't see me.
622
00:45:39,375 --> 00:45:42,666
He had a woman with him,
he brought a woman home.
623
00:45:42,667 --> 00:45:44,832
A bit swift.
624
00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:46,207
I saw them.
625
00:45:46,208 --> 00:45:47,333
What, actually?
626
00:45:47,542 --> 00:45:49,958
No, no, not actually.
627
00:45:50,333 --> 00:45:52,000
What was she like?
628
00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:56,125
Very unpleasant for you.
629
00:45:56,417 --> 00:45:57,916
They didn't see me, I got away.
630
00:45:57,917 --> 00:45:59,916
I thought it was going
to be something much worse.
631
00:45:59,917 --> 00:46:01,124
Well, I haven't finished yet.
632
00:46:01,125 --> 00:46:02,499
- There's more?
- Yes.
633
00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:03,624
- And?
- Well, you see,
634
00:46:03,625 --> 00:46:05,332
I was in such a state
when I rushed away, that-
635
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:08,457
Scillia, is the car all right?
636
00:46:08,458 --> 00:46:09,916
John, forget about the wretched car.
637
00:46:09,917 --> 00:46:14,375
I bought a piece of land.
638
00:46:15,542 --> 00:46:20,249
- Oh my god, how much?
- About an acre.
639
00:46:20,250 --> 00:46:22,624
- How much?
- That's the deposit.
640
00:46:22,625 --> 00:46:27,625
John, you haven't said anything.
641
00:46:27,667 --> 00:46:29,999
- Thinking.
- Don't be angry.
642
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,999
I'm not angry, not my money.
643
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,166
We'll sell it again, I suppose.
644
00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:37,791
What are you going to do with it?
645
00:46:37,792 --> 00:46:39,582
I'm going to build.
646
00:46:39,583 --> 00:46:42,541
I'm going to find an
architect who'd do it.
647
00:46:42,542 --> 00:46:44,957
It's got outline building
permission the man said.
648
00:46:44,958 --> 00:46:46,666
It was a sweet little man.
649
00:46:46,667 --> 00:46:48,166
Where was I?
650
00:46:48,167 --> 00:46:49,691
He said it with a bit of
luck, I could be moving in
651
00:46:49,692 --> 00:46:50,666
in three months time.
652
00:46:50,667 --> 00:46:51,749
- Into what?
- Into a-
653
00:46:51,750 --> 00:46:54,291
- A place.
- Yeah.
654
00:46:54,292 --> 00:46:55,566
Costs thousands.
655
00:46:55,567 --> 00:46:57,491
Not a big place, John,
don't be difficult, darling.
656
00:46:57,492 --> 00:47:00,757
Listen you know lots of
architects and clever people
657
00:47:00,758 --> 00:47:02,541
like that, there must
be someone who can help.
658
00:47:02,542 --> 00:47:04,166
I know a man called Lebetay, he might.
659
00:47:04,167 --> 00:47:05,666
Is he any good?
660
00:47:05,667 --> 00:47:08,124
- Well, he's a psychiatrist.
- Think.
661
00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:12,416
Well, if you had thousands
662
00:47:12,417 --> 00:47:13,874
and you wanted to start at the top,
663
00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:15,999
you can try old Fisher over there.
664
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,374
What does she think she's good on?
665
00:47:18,375 --> 00:47:21,041
Well, I don't know
about her but that is Fisher,
666
00:47:21,042 --> 00:47:24,332
one of the great pre-war
eccentrics, equestrian, swordsman,
667
00:47:24,333 --> 00:47:26,166
racing driver, architect.
668
00:47:26,167 --> 00:47:27,291
You're making it up.
669
00:47:27,292 --> 00:47:29,374
I'm not. The waiter was his batman,
he told me.
670
00:47:29,375 --> 00:47:30,791
Did you say architect?
671
00:47:30,792 --> 00:47:32,457
Oh, I wasn't being serious.
672
00:47:32,458 --> 00:47:35,416
I think we're quite his
speed, he's very big time.
673
00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:37,624
He might design something for me.
674
00:47:37,625 --> 00:47:39,082
You're joking.
675
00:47:39,083 --> 00:47:40,124
Mr. Fisher.
676
00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:41,458
- Graft.
- Graft.
677
00:47:42,458 --> 00:47:43,458
- Von.
- Von.
678
00:47:46,125 --> 00:47:49,707
Fisher?
679
00:47:49,708 --> 00:47:53,666
Graff Von Fisher, I would like
680
00:47:53,667 --> 00:47:56,041
to consult you professionally, of course,
681
00:47:56,042 --> 00:47:58,249
I need your advice.
682
00:47:58,250 --> 00:48:00,207
So.
683
00:48:00,208 --> 00:48:03,082
I would like to make
an appointment with you.
684
00:48:03,083 --> 00:48:06,791
I'd like to consult you about my land.
685
00:48:06,792 --> 00:48:08,707
Your land, ze fatherland?
686
00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:12,542
Oh no, not a land,
not that sort of land.
687
00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:15,167
It's more of a plot.
688
00:48:16,125 --> 00:48:19,749
Plot, plot, was that man here.
689
00:48:19,750 --> 00:48:24,457
My dear, I've quite enough
of plots, quite enough.
690
00:48:24,458 --> 00:48:26,999
Show this gentlemen our papers.
691
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,457
Oh, please let me talk to you.
692
00:48:28,458 --> 00:48:31,708
He will see at 11:25 tomorrow.
693
00:49:03,042 --> 00:49:04,958
Lovely show, darling.
694
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,000
Shut up.
695
00:49:14,792 --> 00:49:16,416
Has it been around yet?
696
00:49:16,417 --> 00:49:18,875
What, coffee? Quarter
to 12, you're joking.
697
00:49:22,958 --> 00:49:26,375
Be a dear, will you,
try and find me some.
698
00:49:31,167 --> 00:49:32,874
I used to make my other secretary.
699
00:49:32,875 --> 00:49:34,832
We all know that, darling,
what we often wondered
700
00:49:34,833 --> 00:49:36,832
was who had custody of the child.
701
00:49:36,833 --> 00:49:38,624
You mustn't believe
every letter you see pinned
702
00:49:38,625 --> 00:49:40,041
on the staff notice board.
703
00:49:40,042 --> 00:49:44,332
Why can't we have an electric kettle
704
00:49:44,333 --> 00:49:45,875
like they do at the BBC?
705
00:49:50,125 --> 00:49:55,125
Do I have to look at you doing that?
706
00:49:57,917 --> 00:50:00,708
Lewis McKenzie's office, who's calling?
707
00:50:01,958 --> 00:50:03,208
Jane Fishton.
708
00:50:04,542 --> 00:50:06,166
Sorry, he's just popped
out, can I take a message?
709
00:50:06,167 --> 00:50:09,082
We're not casting at the moment
710
00:50:09,083 --> 00:50:10,999
but if you care to send in a photograph.
711
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,208
Very well, I'll tell him.
712
00:50:20,917 --> 00:50:22,708
Get me some coffee, please.
713
00:50:23,750 --> 00:50:24,832
- What like this?
- Put a patch
714
00:50:24,833 --> 00:50:26,207
over the other eye.
715
00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:27,208
Oh god.
716
00:50:28,292 --> 00:50:30,041
Oh, I wish I was dead.
717
00:50:30,042 --> 00:50:32,582
Looks like another early
night for mister show business.
718
00:50:32,583 --> 00:50:36,041
Tell me something, why
is it every woman I know
719
00:50:36,042 --> 00:50:37,707
is a horrible, twisted bitch?
720
00:50:37,708 --> 00:50:39,749
Luck, darling.
721
00:50:39,750 --> 00:50:42,582
If you can't beat them, join them,
722
00:50:42,583 --> 00:50:44,291
I think I'll have the operation.
723
00:50:44,292 --> 00:50:46,082
You could have fooled
me, I thought you'd had.
724
00:50:46,083 --> 00:50:47,749
Lewis McKenzie's office.
725
00:50:47,750 --> 00:50:49,707
I'm afraid Mr. McKenzie's in a meeting.
726
00:50:49,708 --> 00:50:54,708
Onto where, Malta, well I'll
tell Lewis you called, goodbye.
727
00:50:56,542 --> 00:51:00,250
Malta, per so.
728
00:51:02,625 --> 00:51:06,749
Darling, now that we have
the main masses sketched in,
729
00:51:06,750 --> 00:51:08,999
could you do the more delicate
brush work in the loo.
730
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:10,000
It's like sitting opposite
731
00:51:10,001 --> 00:51:12,332
a bloody sign writer eight hours a day.
732
00:51:12,333 --> 00:51:15,082
- Five most.
- Five then.
733
00:51:15,083 --> 00:51:17,999
Perhaps you won't
have to too much longer.
734
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:21,166
Tell me you're going, who
are you going to work for next?
735
00:51:21,167 --> 00:51:25,499
Holloway, the Military Police?
736
00:51:25,500 --> 00:51:28,916
You're not in the club, are
you, oh not that, not you.
737
00:51:28,917 --> 00:51:32,291
Don't worry darling,
not another blood test.
738
00:51:32,292 --> 00:51:35,124
I don't think you've got much left anyway.
739
00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:37,874
Saul Alexander was in looking for you,
740
00:51:37,875 --> 00:51:40,957
wants you phone him as
soon as you come in.
741
00:51:40,958 --> 00:51:44,374
Well, thank you.
742
00:51:44,375 --> 00:51:46,041
You've taken your time giving me
743
00:51:46,042 --> 00:51:48,374
that bit of news, haven't you?
744
00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:50,500
That's loyalty and devotion, that is.
745
00:51:52,958 --> 00:51:54,082
What does he want?
746
00:51:54,083 --> 00:51:57,791
He's just seen a recording
of your last night's show.
747
00:51:57,792 --> 00:51:58,792
"And?"
748
00:52:02,543 --> 00:52:04,791
And he says, geeze.
749
00:52:04,792 --> 00:52:06,249
Lewis McKenzie's office.
750
00:52:06,250 --> 00:52:09,207
- Lewis.
- Ah, Saul,
751
00:52:09,208 --> 00:52:10,957
I was just coming up to see you.
752
00:52:10,958 --> 00:52:13,124
Yes, yes, I hear you played back the show.
753
00:52:13,125 --> 00:52:15,291
We'll talk about that upstairs.
754
00:52:15,292 --> 00:52:17,166
You coming?
755
00:52:17,167 --> 00:52:20,082
Yes, you go on, I'll catch you up there.
756
00:52:20,083 --> 00:52:23,000
Just got to...
757
00:52:32,417 --> 00:52:34,241
And somehow I think we're
going to have to forego
758
00:52:34,242 --> 00:52:35,707
our usual lunchtime orgy.
759
00:52:35,708 --> 00:52:37,207
Looks like it, sweetie.
760
00:52:37,208 --> 00:52:40,208
If anybody calls I'll tell them
you'll be back drunk about three
761
00:52:40,417 --> 00:52:42,792
for the daily ceremony
of the laying on of hands.
762
00:53:51,875 --> 00:53:54,666
He'll never do it, even if he does it,
763
00:53:54,667 --> 00:53:56,417
it'll cost thousands.
764
00:53:59,208 --> 00:54:00,499
Enter.
765
00:55:12,500 --> 00:55:13,916
- You wish to build?
- Hmm?
766
00:55:13,917 --> 00:55:15,792
- You wish to build!
- Yes!
767
00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:36,917
- Where is the site?
- Just here sir.
768
00:55:38,083 --> 00:55:39,292
Marked it across.
769
00:56:01,375 --> 00:56:02,375
I'll say.
770
00:56:05,667 --> 00:56:06,917
Look, there's my field.
771
00:56:20,042 --> 00:56:22,917
So much for the site, now
for the working drawings.
772
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:26,958
Here I will build, but what, but what?
773
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,041
Ask him about the money.
774
00:56:32,042 --> 00:56:33,541
- Your husband?
- No, a friend.
775
00:56:33,542 --> 00:56:38,499
A friend, ah, but we build for two, yes?
776
00:56:38,500 --> 00:56:41,207
You're like two little
birds in the blue, yes?
777
00:56:50,375 --> 00:56:52,791
No, for one, I live alone.
778
00:56:52,792 --> 00:56:55,041
I thought, you live alone?
779
00:56:55,042 --> 00:56:56,416
I do.
780
00:56:56,417 --> 00:57:00,500
But for you I will build,
for you I will build.
781
00:57:26,833 --> 00:57:29,333
Smoke out again, smoke go out.
782
00:57:34,417 --> 00:57:36,792
With a bath, a nice bath.
783
00:57:37,750 --> 00:57:38,750
Bath.
784
00:57:38,751 --> 00:57:41,207
- And somewhere to cook.
- Kitchen.
785
00:57:41,208 --> 00:57:43,207
And somewhere to hang up my clothes.
786
00:57:44,708 --> 00:57:47,707
A place to entertain with a bath.
787
00:57:47,708 --> 00:57:49,599
- Entertain with a bath.
- Yes, a nice bath.
788
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:54,000
Yeah, yeah.
789
00:57:54,208 --> 00:57:58,042
Windows, windows, windows,
towel rail, towel rail.
790
00:58:01,667 --> 00:58:04,417
Floors, floors, round floors out.
791
00:58:13,042 --> 00:58:17,042
# Here here the round is grand. #
792
00:58:22,500 --> 00:58:24,041
- Pardon?
- You happy?
793
00:58:24,042 --> 00:58:29,041
Graft, darling, it's marvellous.
794
00:58:38,458 --> 00:58:43,458
Now, I survey it, the drawings
will be ready in two days.
795
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,500
Yes, very natural.
796
01:02:06,375 --> 01:02:07,583
Get us our drink, Lewis.
797
01:02:11,542 --> 01:02:13,542
Yes, of course, I'll do anything I can.
798
01:02:15,250 --> 01:02:18,500
Hastings, very wise.
799
01:02:20,042 --> 01:02:21,792
Have her legs swollen up again this time?
800
01:02:22,292 --> 01:02:23,292
Oh that's good.
801
01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:27,166
I'll be with you in a minute, Lewis.
802
01:02:27,167 --> 01:02:29,207
How right you are, Mother.
803
01:02:29,208 --> 01:02:31,499
No, no, it's all right, nothing important.
804
01:02:31,500 --> 01:02:35,417
And Mrs. Earl, no I can't
talk about that now.
805
01:02:38,042 --> 01:02:39,083
That'
be the day.
806
01:02:40,167 --> 01:02:43,625
Yes, all right, hello to Flo, bye-bye.
807
01:02:47,833 --> 01:02:48,833
Smoke?
808
01:02:49,542 --> 01:02:54,083
No, thank you Saul.
809
01:03:10,083 --> 01:03:13,999
It says here she then fell
from the stool, is that right?
810
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:15,666
More or less, yeah.
811
01:03:15,667 --> 01:03:17,416
JB's gonna see
this, I'm afraid, Lewis.
812
01:03:17,417 --> 01:03:21,042
If you insist on booking these old dears
who've been on the trot for years,
813
01:03:21,043 --> 01:03:23,624
I mean, what else do you expect?
814
01:03:23,625 --> 01:03:26,083
It's a wonder they don't
fall down more often.
815
01:03:27,042 --> 01:03:29,166
She is a great favourite of JB's
816
01:03:29,167 --> 01:03:31,041
and you know she goes
down like a bomb up north.
817
01:03:31,042 --> 01:03:33,957
Best place for the poor old thing.
818
01:03:33,958 --> 01:03:35,957
She's a very great entertainer.
819
01:03:35,958 --> 01:03:37,707
- She's cheap.
- That's not the point.
820
01:03:37,708 --> 01:03:39,541
Well, what is the point then?
821
01:03:39,542 --> 01:03:44,542
Why else do you keep lumbering
me with these old tots
822
01:03:45,042 --> 01:03:47,250
from the provinces?
823
01:03:49,333 --> 01:03:50,624
Every time casting makes a booking,
824
01:03:50,625 --> 01:03:52,916
I have to check with
the obituary columns.
825
01:03:52,917 --> 01:03:55,791
Now, Lewis, I've managed
to talk JB into giving you
826
01:03:55,792 --> 01:03:57,124
another chance, now it wasn't easy.
827
01:03:57,125 --> 01:04:00,832
Oh, don't tell me, let
me guess, now what delights
828
01:04:00,833 --> 01:04:02,874
are in store for me now?
829
01:04:02,875 --> 01:04:05,749
Or is it gonna be one of those
lovely outside broadcast surprises?
830
01:04:05,750 --> 01:04:07,957
We're gonna do a brand
new series of spectaculars,
831
01:04:07,958 --> 01:04:10,624
what do you think about that?
832
01:04:10,625 --> 01:04:12,416
It's all right, I suppose.
833
01:04:12,417 --> 01:04:13,957
Now, Lewis, this is difficult for me,
834
01:04:13,958 --> 01:04:15,541
but as head of Light Entertainment,
835
01:04:15,542 --> 01:04:16,791
in this company I like to feel
836
01:04:16,792 --> 01:04:21,791
that we have established a
sort of style of our own.
837
01:04:21,792 --> 01:04:22,874
Nevermind.
838
01:04:22,875 --> 01:04:24,499
You won the award, didn't you?
839
01:04:24,500 --> 01:04:26,999
Two years ago.
840
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:28,916
Now these new shows will
be something different.
841
01:04:28,917 --> 01:04:31,207
Now I've made a few notes here,
you'll see what I'm driving at.
842
01:04:31,208 --> 01:04:33,249
Now each show will have a big start,
843
01:04:33,250 --> 01:04:35,249
we'll build each show around a big name.
844
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:36,624
Who, for instance?
845
01:04:36,625 --> 01:04:38,207
Well, I mean someone big.
846
01:04:38,208 --> 01:04:41,291
Okay, if you've got the money.
847
01:04:41,292 --> 01:04:43,107
We've got the money,
Lewis, we've got the money,
848
01:04:43,108 --> 01:04:44,124
don't worry about that.
849
01:04:44,125 --> 01:04:45,716
Well, you kept it a secret
from me all this time.
850
01:04:45,717 --> 01:04:48,791
These new shows will
be different, lavish,
851
01:04:48,792 --> 01:04:51,207
like "Covergirl" all over again.
852
01:04:51,208 --> 01:04:55,249
We'll start each show on film
with a star artist arriving
853
01:04:55,250 --> 01:04:57,124
at the studio.
854
01:04:57,125 --> 01:04:59,041
In a Rolls, I suppose.
855
01:04:59,042 --> 01:05:03,207
Marvellous idea, Rolls, yes, yes.
856
01:05:03,208 --> 01:05:06,207
That's the old Lewis McKenzie
magic working, Rolls.
857
01:05:06,208 --> 01:05:09,207
We'll win that award
yet, you wait and see.
858
01:05:09,208 --> 01:05:13,416
- We.
- Yes, now Lewis,
859
01:05:13,417 --> 01:05:14,624
don't take this the wrong way
860
01:05:14,625 --> 01:05:17,707
but it was catch and go up
there with JB this morning,
861
01:05:17,708 --> 01:05:19,291
he wanted you to go now.
862
01:05:19,292 --> 01:05:22,457
It was only by suggesting that I sit in
863
01:05:22,458 --> 01:05:25,583
on this show with you,
that you're still here.
864
01:05:30,833 --> 01:05:32,566
It won't work, Saul.
865
01:05:32,567 --> 01:05:35,207
Now, don't be like that, Lewis,
wait until you hear some of these ideas.
866
01:05:35,208 --> 01:05:37,832
Now the finale, a wartime medley.
867
01:05:37,833 --> 01:05:40,916
- Wartime.
- Yes,
868
01:05:40,917 --> 01:05:43,874
all the old songs, "Old 504,
"When the Lights Go on Again,".
869
01:05:43,875 --> 01:05:45,332
"The White Cliffs of Dover."
870
01:05:45,333 --> 01:05:47,499
"Hang Out your Washing
on the Siegfried Line."
871
01:05:47,500 --> 01:05:49,624
Marvellous idea, "Hang Out your Washing"
872
01:05:49,625 --> 01:05:51,374
on the Siegfried Line,"
yes, yes, I can see
873
01:05:51,375 --> 01:05:53,499
it all search lights in the background,
874
01:05:53,500 --> 01:05:54,957
washing hanging on the barbed wire,
875
01:05:54,958 --> 01:05:57,416
sound of marching men, yes, yes.
876
01:05:57,417 --> 01:05:59,291
This will knock them for six at mantra.
877
01:05:59,292 --> 01:06:00,541
You can say that again.
878
01:06:00,542 --> 01:06:04,832
Have you tried Lilly Marlena?
879
01:06:04,833 --> 01:06:06,416
Is she free'?
880
01:06:06,417 --> 01:06:08,541
She'd do it for me.
881
01:06:08,542 --> 01:06:11,708
She's free, she'd do it for anybody.
882
01:06:51,792 --> 01:06:55,417
- Good afternoon, ma'am.
- Good afternoon.
883
01:06:56,792 --> 01:06:58,249
If you would be so kind.
884
01:06:58,250 --> 01:06:59,250
Oh yes.
885
01:07:01,750 --> 01:07:03,750
Thank you, madam,
most kind of you.
886
01:07:08,083 --> 01:07:10,291
You do not appear to actually
have an appointment, madam.
887
01:07:10,292 --> 01:07:11,541
Oh I didn't
know you had to have...
888
01:07:11,542 --> 01:07:12,458
Oh, nevermind, nevermind.
889
01:07:12,459 --> 01:07:15,291
As it so happens, I can fit you in.
890
01:07:15,292 --> 01:07:19,291
We're showing a mixed collection
down here at the moment.
891
01:07:19,292 --> 01:07:21,082
In the spring as you
as you doubtless know,
892
01:07:21,083 --> 01:07:23,207
we start the series of one man shows.
893
01:07:23,208 --> 01:07:28,208
I'm sure you will find something
to amuse you, nevertheless.
894
01:07:28,292 --> 01:07:29,292
Really?
895
01:07:32,500 --> 01:07:37,500
A lifetime of trouble-free
drainage, delicious isn't it?
896
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:42,249
A symphony in enamel,
cast-iron, of course.
897
01:07:42,250 --> 01:07:43,250
Just a moment.
898
01:08:02,917 --> 01:08:05,041
- This is the one.
- How right you are, madame.
899
01:08:05,042 --> 01:08:09,917
Full suite, of course.
900
01:08:30,208 --> 01:08:32,332
Now, camera three picks him up
901
01:08:32,333 --> 01:08:33,416
at the top of the stairs,
902
01:08:33,417 --> 01:08:35,957
we go down with him and as he turns,
903
01:08:35,958 --> 01:08:40,958
we mix to camera two
and as he walks forward,
904
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:44,666
we pull back and camera-
905
01:08:45,708 --> 01:08:46,708
Oh no!
906
01:08:46,709 --> 01:08:47,749
I am so clumsy, I am sorry.
907
01:08:47,750 --> 01:08:49,957
Oh, you poor thing,
you sure you're not burnt?
908
01:08:49,958 --> 01:08:52,083
Just a little bit on my hand,
fortunately the coffees never hot.
909
01:08:52,084 --> 01:08:54,582
Well, it's a good thing
more than a little went on me.
910
01:08:54,583 --> 01:08:58,541
On my model and my trousers.
911
01:08:58,542 --> 01:09:00,207
I said I was sorry, Lewis.
912
01:09:00,208 --> 01:09:04,332
Just look at these
trousers, they're soaking.
913
01:09:04,333 --> 01:09:06,542
These have just come
back from the cleaners.
914
01:09:07,458 --> 01:09:08,999
Would you mind leaving the room?
915
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:10,749
I have seen it all before.
916
01:09:10,750 --> 01:09:12,750
Oh, thank you miss world.
917
01:09:13,875 --> 01:09:16,582
What can I say, Lewis,
I'll tell you what,
918
01:09:16,583 --> 01:09:19,082
charge it on the petty
cash, put it onto the show,
919
01:09:19,083 --> 01:09:20,457
unofficially, on me.
920
01:09:20,458 --> 01:09:24,082
Already done it, just sign
it and I might just catch her
921
01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:25,499
before she closes.
922
01:09:25,500 --> 01:09:29,791
Next time try and spill
some on his sweater,
923
01:09:29,792 --> 01:09:32,250
he's been wearing it for
the past three weeks.
924
01:09:36,583 --> 01:09:38,082
What a curious woman.
925
01:09:38,083 --> 01:09:39,832
- Oh, same old trouble.
- What?
926
01:09:39,833 --> 01:09:41,208
Not getting enough of it.
927
01:09:44,500 --> 01:09:45,833
Isn't she?
928
01:09:47,333 --> 01:09:48,999
She fancies you, you know.
929
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:50,375
Oh, Oh, come now.
930
01:09:51,667 --> 01:09:52,917
It stands out a mile.
931
01:09:54,917 --> 01:09:55,917
Really?
932
01:10:01,333 --> 01:10:04,666
How are things between
yourself and Heather?
933
01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:05,957
Who the hell is Heather?
934
01:10:05,958 --> 01:10:06,958
Your wife, Heather.
935
01:10:08,042 --> 01:10:09,707
Oh, Scillia, you mean, Scillia.
936
01:10:09,708 --> 01:10:11,791
Scillia, yes, Scillia.
937
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:14,208
Nonexistence, I think that's the word.
938
01:10:17,042 --> 01:10:20,125
Oh, stupid isn't it, bloody stupid.
939
01:10:23,333 --> 01:10:26,125
Absolutely stupid.
940
01:10:27,125 --> 01:10:28,707
You fancy a drink over the road.
941
01:10:28,708 --> 01:10:31,874
Yes, uh, no, you go
on, I'll catch you up,
942
01:10:31,875 --> 01:10:34,332
I'll just make a couple of quick calls.
943
01:10:34,333 --> 01:10:35,541
I'll wait for you if you'd like.
944
01:10:35,542 --> 01:10:37,625
No, you go on.
945
01:10:42,083 --> 01:10:46,042
Well, don't do anything
I wouldn't do, as they say.
946
01:10:52,250 --> 01:10:55,041
Here you are, seven pounds.
947
01:10:55,042 --> 01:10:58,082
Face is familiar, I
can't recall a marriage.
948
01:10:58,083 --> 01:11:00,041
Stupid, isn't it?
949
01:11:00,042 --> 01:11:02,124
If you don't phone her,
then, for Christ's sake, I will.
950
01:11:02,125 --> 01:11:03,333
One day.
951
01:11:04,292 --> 01:11:07,250
- Is he still?
- Still.
952
01:11:11,458 --> 01:11:13,791
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
953
01:11:13,792 --> 01:11:15,208
Hello.
954
01:11:19,208 --> 01:11:20,957
Well, why don't
you come and stay with us?
955
01:11:20,958 --> 01:11:23,041
Oh, that's very sweet of you
956
01:11:23,042 --> 01:11:25,499
but I think we'll be moving a few weeks.
957
01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:27,499
Are you sure, we have lots of room.
958
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:29,207
No, no, I think I'll stick it out.
959
01:11:29,208 --> 01:11:33,041
What do you do about you and Lewis,
960
01:11:33,042 --> 01:11:34,916
when did it all happen?
961
01:11:34,917 --> 01:11:36,541
Two months ago.
962
01:11:36,542 --> 01:11:38,999
And you've been living
above John ever since?
963
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:40,000
Yes.
964
01:11:40,833 --> 01:11:44,500
- What's the frat like?
- So, so.
965
01:11:45,625 --> 01:11:50,124
- Any news of Lewis?
- No.
966
01:11:50,125 --> 01:11:55,083
- Any talk of a divorce yet?
- No.
967
01:11:56,458 --> 01:11:58,749
Perhaps, he's having you followed.
968
01:11:58,750 --> 01:11:59,832
Well, that would be a thankless task,
969
01:11:59,833 --> 01:12:01,291
I've gone right off it.
970
01:12:01,292 --> 01:12:03,749
Oh, darling, it seems a terrible waste.
971
01:12:03,750 --> 01:12:07,458
- Yes.
- What about Lewis?
972
01:12:10,917 --> 01:12:13,042
Your guess is as good as mine.
973
01:12:14,833 --> 01:12:17,624
- Do you ever hear?
- Hazel saw him
974
01:12:17,625 --> 01:12:19,041
walking down High Street the other day
975
01:12:19,042 --> 01:12:21,707
and she said he looked very ill.
976
01:12:21,708 --> 01:12:23,332
He was very pale and drawn.
977
01:12:23,333 --> 01:12:26,207
Well, darling,
Hazel sees everybody like that.
978
01:12:26,208 --> 01:12:27,208
Yep.
979
01:12:28,708 --> 01:12:32,000
Of course, he always
did drink, quite a lot.
980
01:12:33,667 --> 01:12:35,207
Do you think so?
981
01:12:35,208 --> 01:12:39,374
John says he needs complete rest.
982
01:12:39,375 --> 01:12:40,749
- Who does, John?
- No, Lewis.
983
01:12:40,750 --> 01:12:43,583
He'd phoned him up a couple
of times at the office
984
01:12:45,500 --> 01:12:47,166
but he wasn't there.
985
01:12:47,167 --> 01:12:48,916
Well, darling if he's not there,
986
01:12:48,917 --> 01:12:50,582
where could he be?
987
01:12:50,583 --> 01:12:53,582
- In the clinic.
- What clinic?
988
01:12:53,583 --> 01:12:58,583
You know, in
a curious sort of way,
989
01:12:58,750 --> 01:13:00,667
he was quite dependent on me.
990
01:13:01,792 --> 01:13:05,625
Yes, darling,
in a curious sort of way,
991
01:13:06,708 --> 01:13:07,791
I suppose he was.
992
01:13:07,792 --> 01:13:10,124
Oh, dear, Carol, you're so understanding.
993
01:13:10,125 --> 01:13:13,499
Ah, but then of course you've
been through it yourself,
994
01:13:13,500 --> 01:13:14,667
so many times.
995
01:13:16,542 --> 01:13:21,375
# Last night ain't that
just like a woman #
996
01:13:26,667 --> 01:13:31,667
# I'll never figure what
makes them act this way #
997
01:13:34,583 --> 01:13:39,583
# Yet my love for them
grows much bigger everyday #
998
01:13:43,458 --> 01:13:47,332
# I know I'll have to share #
999
01:13:47,333 --> 01:13:51,749
# With all those other guys #
1000
01:13:51,750 --> 01:13:55,749
# There isn't one who's fair #
1001
01:13:55,750 --> 01:14:00,707
# Although it seems unwise #
1002
01:14:00,708 --> 01:14:03,749
# She's got me where she wants me #
1003
01:14:03,750 --> 01:14:07,832
# With one look of those eyes #
1004
01:14:07,833 --> 01:14:11,750
# Ain't that just like a woman #
1005
01:14:17,750 --> 01:14:19,666
You're the last person
I expected to see here.
1006
01:14:19,667 --> 01:14:20,667
Yes.
1007
01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:25,832
I'm sorry about all that.
1008
01:14:25,833 --> 01:14:29,292
- What will you have, scotch?
- I'm all right, tomato juice.
1009
01:14:30,583 --> 01:14:34,958
- Oh, well, how's everything?
- Fine.
1010
01:14:40,750 --> 01:14:42,500
- You?
- Very 900d.
1011
01:14:45,417 --> 01:14:47,499
You seem to be doing
very well, nice deficit?
1012
01:14:47,500 --> 01:14:48,500
Yeah, not bad.
1013
01:14:53,167 --> 01:14:56,750
- Is?
- No, not tonight.
1014
01:14:58,417 --> 01:15:00,582
Just thought I'd ask.
1015
01:15:00,583 --> 01:15:04,749
- Of course.
- How is she?
1016
01:15:04,750 --> 01:15:07,207
Oh splendid, I see
her on and off you know.
1017
01:15:07,208 --> 01:15:08,958
Yes, quite.
1018
01:15:13,542 --> 01:15:17,332
She has got in-
Oh no, nothing like that.
1019
01:15:17,333 --> 01:15:18,333
- No.
- No.
1020
01:15:26,917 --> 01:15:28,166
- If I were too, you think?
- Probably.
1021
01:15:28,167 --> 01:15:33,167
- You think?
- Yes.
1022
01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:40,624
Shall I ask her down one night?
1023
01:15:40,625 --> 01:15:43,957
Down, Oh no, hell not here.
1024
01:15:43,958 --> 01:15:45,541
Dinner, then break the ice?
1025
01:15:45,542 --> 01:15:47,582
Well, I'd prefer to
hide behind the crowd.
1026
01:15:47,583 --> 01:15:49,499
Well, how about a nice
little party, your place?
1027
01:15:49,500 --> 01:15:50,333
' My Mace.
1028
01:15:50,334 --> 01:15:52,457
What a very good idea, I
haven't been to a good mixer
1029
01:15:52,458 --> 01:15:53,874
for weeks.
1030
01:15:53,875 --> 01:15:54,708
- Your place.
- My place?
1031
01:15:54,709 --> 01:15:55,957
Much better, Oh, I hate my place.
1032
01:15:55,958 --> 01:15:57,082
I just had the floor done.
1033
01:15:57,083 --> 01:15:58,957
Well, we must all be
very careful, mustn't we?
1034
01:15:58,958 --> 01:16:01,874
Yes, we damn well must, no raiders.
1035
01:16:01,875 --> 01:16:03,707
Now not a word to Scillia
and it's all on me, all right?
1036
01:16:03,708 --> 01:16:06,416
I wouldn't dream of it, split it then.
1037
01:16:06,417 --> 01:16:08,082
- Saturday it is then.
- Saturday.
1038
01:16:08,083 --> 01:16:10,403
Okay, if I bring Saul and
Ellen, you like them don't you?
1039
01:16:13,292 --> 01:16:14,542
Passionately.
1040
01:16:17,500 --> 01:16:20,499
Oh...
1041
01:19:06,625 --> 01:19:08,707
You know, he's fifteen and a half
he dresses in overalls,
1042
01:19:08,708 --> 01:19:10,291
and he sings folk songs
about all the women
1043
01:19:10,292 --> 01:19:12,332
he's been to bed with.
1044
01:19:12,333 --> 01:19:13,333
Well, he must have something.
1045
01:19:13,334 --> 01:19:14,458
Very good at miming.
1046
01:19:15,792 --> 01:19:18,792
Oh well, that's what it is, you see.
1047
01:19:28,417 --> 01:19:30,124
He went into the Congo
to look for this tribe
1048
01:19:30,125 --> 01:19:33,457
and when he come back ripe with disease,
1049
01:19:33,458 --> 01:19:36,417
he found they were all living
in one house up Ladbroke Grove.
1050
01:19:36,458 --> 01:19:39,458
So, he chucked a tin of Kit-E-Kat
on the bed and said to the girls father.
1051
01:19:43,000 --> 01:19:44,416
She should have tried to bribe somebody
1052
01:19:44,417 --> 01:19:46,041
in the college of cardinals.
1053
01:19:46,042 --> 01:19:47,791
Oh no, she got a special
compensation from the pope.
1054
01:19:47,792 --> 01:19:52,792
- Dispensation.
- No, compensation,
1055
01:19:53,292 --> 01:19:55,542
she had a cheque through the post.
1056
01:19:56,375 --> 01:19:59,707
Do you, um, do much swimming in the nude?
1057
01:19:59,708 --> 01:20:01,124
All the time darling.
1058
01:20:01,125 --> 01:20:02,833
Yeah, where?
1059
01:20:03,625 --> 01:20:04,692
Streatham Baths.
1060
01:20:04,693 --> 01:20:07,332
Have you been hanging around
divorce courts recently?
1061
01:20:07,333 --> 01:20:09,166
Oh yes, you know it was so much hurried
1062
01:20:09,167 --> 01:20:10,874
than when we got married.
1063
01:20:10,875 --> 01:20:13,374
While we waited, Mark fell to his knees.
1064
01:20:13,375 --> 01:20:15,749
Oh how is he, is he still
working as a railway farmer?
1065
01:20:15,750 --> 01:20:19,124
Yes, worries me a bit sometimes.
1066
01:20:19,125 --> 01:20:22,124
A waste of the double first.
1067
01:20:22,125 --> 01:20:26,041
Yes, you see they're
going around to diesels.
1068
01:20:26,042 --> 01:20:28,625
She was like a dying flame.
1069
01:20:29,500 --> 01:20:30,707
I go down big all over the country,
1070
01:20:30,708 --> 01:20:33,374
I could have done some great
jobs, great gigs, I've done,
1071
01:20:33,375 --> 01:20:35,666
I've been down the south
coast, I've done Walton-on-the-Naze
1072
01:20:35,667 --> 01:20:37,375
I've done Frinton, I done Roehampton.
1073
01:20:53,833 --> 01:20:55,433
Do you know what happened with Gloria?
1074
01:20:56,042 --> 01:20:58,417
Was she that girl who crashed
her Mini as Ascot?
1075
01:20:58,500 --> 01:21:00,041
Forget all about that mate,
listen to this.
1076
01:21:00,042 --> 01:21:02,875
It's a fab RnB song, I wrote it meself.
Right count me in.
1077
01:21:03,292 --> 01:21:05,292
One, two, three.
1078
01:21:06,250 --> 01:21:09,957
# I've got love for you baby #
1079
01:21:09,958 --> 01:21:14,332
# I've got love for you yeah #
1080
01:21:14,333 --> 01:21:15,791
Oh it's lovely.
1081
01:21:35,167 --> 01:21:37,291
Oh no, I had to be,
1082
01:21:37,292 --> 01:21:38,874
and you still don't have a following
1083
01:21:38,875 --> 01:21:40,541
- like the Beatles?
- Of course they have.
1084
01:21:40,542 --> 01:21:41,792
- Who?
- Hitler.
1085
01:21:49,125 --> 01:21:50,875
- John, John.
- Lewis.
1086
01:21:52,250 --> 01:21:53,749
- Hello.
- How are you?
1087
01:21:53,750 --> 01:21:54,750
No worse.
1088
01:22:14,375 --> 01:22:16,292
My god, I look awful.
1089
01:22:48,542 --> 01:22:50,542
Isn't it great, hello.
1090
01:22:54,917 --> 01:22:56,083
What are you doing?
1091
01:22:56,708 --> 01:22:57,749
Little... take it off.
1092
01:22:57,750 --> 01:22:58,583
- No, stop it.
- Come on.
1093
01:22:58,584 --> 01:22:59,791
Oh come on, be a sport.
1094
01:22:59,792 --> 01:23:00,625
- Take it off.
- Oh stop it!
1095
01:23:00,626 --> 01:23:04,292
Listen, my husband's downstairs!
1096
01:23:06,375 --> 01:23:08,000
Oh, you are all the same.
1097
01:23:13,292 --> 01:23:14,542
Oh, was that?
1098
01:23:16,458 --> 01:23:18,416
- No, when?
- What?
1099
01:23:18,417 --> 01:23:23,417
Oh sorry, excuse me.
1100
01:23:25,542 --> 01:23:27,582
Come on.
1101
01:23:27,583 --> 01:23:30,291
There, stop it!
1102
01:23:30,292 --> 01:23:31,707
Stop it, stop it!
1103
01:23:31,708 --> 01:23:32,708
Lewis.
1104
01:23:33,417 --> 01:23:35,417
Look, that is my wife!
1105
01:23:37,875 --> 01:23:39,125
Lewis, Lewis.
1106
01:23:55,542 --> 01:23:57,332
Hey, hey, come off him, come off him!
1107
01:23:57,333 --> 01:23:58,667
Leave him alone.
1108
01:23:59,667 --> 01:24:00,667
Kill him-
1109
01:24:04,583 --> 01:24:06,250
Lewis, be careful.
1110
01:24:12,125 --> 01:24:13,125
Oh darling!
1111
01:24:21,542 --> 01:24:22,542
Oh, Lewis.
1112
01:24:23,958 --> 01:24:24,958
Oh, Lewis.
1113
01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:30,207
- Lewis.
- Hmm?
1114
01:24:30,208 --> 01:24:31,208
Zip me Up-
1115
01:24:37,250 --> 01:24:38,333
- Come on.
- Go.
1116
01:24:47,500 --> 01:24:48,582
Lewis!
1117
01:24:48,583 --> 01:24:51,917
- We're going home.
- No, I don't think so.
1118
01:24:56,375 --> 01:24:58,125
You must be joking.
1119
01:27:58,375 --> 01:28:03,375
# I know I'll have to share
with all those other guys #
1120
01:28:06,917 --> 01:28:11,917
# There isn't one who's fairer #
1121
01:28:11,958 --> 01:28:16,541
# And although it seems unwise #
1122
01:28:16,542 --> 01:28:20,832
# She's got me where she wants #
1123
01:28:20,833 --> 01:28:25,249
# With one look at those eyes #
1124
01:28:25,250 --> 01:28:29,167
# Ain't that just like a woman #
76350
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