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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Hey! Stop!
3
00:00:17,566 --> 00:00:18,607
It's an emergency!
4
00:00:18,608 --> 00:00:21,110
What are you doing?
5
00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,445
It's not safe!
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00:00:30,787 --> 00:00:32,330
Under the seat.
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Thank you.
8
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Not the time to invite any crow's feet.
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Yeah.
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God, look at this.
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Jack Danby's reps have him
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schmoozing with the head of comedy
13
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and the CEO of the whole conglomerate.
14
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:55,520
You know what? Don't worry,
15
00:00:55,603 --> 00:00:57,188
'cause Kayla and I are all over it, OK?
16
00:00:57,272 --> 00:00:58,670
We're working really hard to
connect with Winnie Landell.
17
00:00:58,671 --> 00:01:01,359
Oh, yeah, she looks
like she's all over it.
18
00:01:02,485 --> 00:01:04,988
Winnie's schedule is
packed, and every comedy rep
19
00:01:05,071 --> 00:01:06,906
is trying to sit down with her,
so it's been a little tricky.
20
00:01:06,990 --> 00:01:09,200
Tricky for you.
21
00:01:09,284 --> 00:01:11,286
You need to get a
meeting with Winnie ASAP.
22
00:01:11,369 --> 00:01:12,996
I promise you we will, OK?
23
00:01:13,079 --> 00:01:14,282
And when we do, I already
have a great angle, OK?
24
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:16,641
I've practiced this. They probably
want someone diverse, right?
25
00:01:16,642 --> 00:01:20,879
Well, guess what. Old is diverse, huh?
26
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Yeah. We'll shatter the glass hip.
27
00:01:24,173 --> 00:01:27,093
No, I didn't mean that.
28
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:28,636
Oh, man.
29
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,013
Is there any way I can
get out of this thing?
30
00:01:30,096 --> 00:01:32,849
Cohosting the Macy's Day Parade is...
31
00:01:32,932 --> 00:01:34,767
it's so daytime. It's not
gonna help with these guys.
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Well, we're 45 minutes from
landing to tape the promo,
33
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so I think it's a
little late to pull out.
34
00:01:40,523 --> 00:01:41,774
Is there any other meaningful press
35
00:01:41,858 --> 00:01:43,526
I can do while I'm in New York?
36
00:01:43,610 --> 00:01:45,236
You know, I could probably
get you on "Talk Stoop."
37
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,696
"Talk Soup"?
38
00:01:46,779 --> 00:01:49,616
No, "Talk Stoop" with Cat
Greenleaf. It's on Taxi TV.
39
00:01:49,699 --> 00:01:50,992
You sit on a stoop and... talk.
40
00:01:51,075 --> 00:01:53,786
- Oh, my God.
- You know what?
41
00:01:53,870 --> 00:01:55,580
You also have a standing
offer at "The Chew."
42
00:01:55,663 --> 00:01:56,831
- "The Jew"?
- "The Chew," like teeth.
43
00:01:56,915 --> 00:01:59,125
Oh, yeah. No, I know.
44
00:01:59,208 --> 00:02:00,475
You need to come up with better ideas.
45
00:02:00,476 --> 00:02:02,462
And speak from your diaphragm.
46
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Will do.
47
00:02:04,047 --> 00:02:07,383
People, this is what we're up against,
48
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,135
a Harvard boy with connections.
49
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Sitting on a stoop can't compete
50
00:02:11,054 --> 00:02:12,555
with a guy who just hosted
51
00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:13,898
the White House Correspondents' Dinner.
52
00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:16,730
OK, why don't you just
put out a press release
53
00:02:16,731 --> 00:02:18,443
saying that you want
late night so that way,
54
00:02:18,444 --> 00:02:21,081
- you're in the conversation?
- Oh, God, no.
55
00:02:21,564 --> 00:02:24,484
A woman can't just come
out and say what she wants.
56
00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:25,985
No, that looks...
57
00:02:26,069 --> 00:02:27,153
- Thirsty.
- Mm-hmm.
58
00:02:27,236 --> 00:02:29,030
No, it's got to seem
like it's their idea.
59
00:02:29,113 --> 00:02:31,532
OK, fine. Do what you want.
60
00:02:31,616 --> 00:02:33,993
I'll just be quiet and
keep eating these cookies.
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00:02:35,536 --> 00:02:37,497
Those are dog biscuits.
62
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I'm aware. They're delicious...
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and grain-free.
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00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:43,400
The chef told me. I was
like, are you fucking serious?
65
00:02:52,018 --> 00:02:55,104
So Deborah and I agreed
that while I'm with her,
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00:02:55,188 --> 00:02:56,272
I should also spend time
working on my own stuff.
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00:02:56,355 --> 00:02:58,858
You absolutely should;
I would love to get
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00:02:58,941 --> 00:03:00,777
- a feature out of you.
- You and me both.
69
00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,737
So I was wondering if
you knew of any, like,
70
00:03:02,820 --> 00:03:05,656
open writing assignments that
you think would be good for me.
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00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:06,949
Yes, I have coverage
from Kayla, actually...
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00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:08,326
Whoo!
73
00:03:08,409 --> 00:03:09,786
That I think might be interesting.
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00:03:09,869 --> 00:03:11,829
- OK, great.
- Literally every studio
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00:03:11,913 --> 00:03:14,874
wants a procedural based on "Operation."
76
00:03:14,957 --> 00:03:16,584
Remember that game?
77
00:03:16,667 --> 00:03:18,461
OK, what else you got?
78
00:03:18,544 --> 00:03:20,296
OK, so they've done
some market research,
79
00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:22,173
and they've found that Gen
Z thinks the animated spoon
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00:03:22,256 --> 00:03:24,509
from "Beauty and the Beast" is hot
81
00:03:24,592 --> 00:03:26,469
and apparently can "get it."
82
00:03:26,552 --> 00:03:29,472
So they want something that
focuses on his love life,
83
00:03:29,555 --> 00:03:33,059
like a spin-off focusing on
the animated spoon's love life.
84
00:03:33,142 --> 00:03:34,435
Love life.
85
00:03:34,519 --> 00:03:36,145
- Um, all right.
- OK.
86
00:03:36,229 --> 00:03:40,733
- Give me another one.
- No spoon. OK.
87
00:03:40,817 --> 00:03:42,235
Oh. I got it. I found it.
88
00:03:42,318 --> 00:03:44,195
This one is good for you.
89
00:03:44,278 --> 00:03:46,823
They're doing a bisexual Gumby.
90
00:03:46,906 --> 00:03:48,199
He bends both ways.
91
00:03:48,282 --> 00:03:51,327
- You're bisexual.
- Yeah, so that might be perfect for you.
92
00:03:51,410 --> 00:03:54,539
- The working title: "Gum-Bi."
- OK, you know what?
93
00:03:54,622 --> 00:03:56,124
I think I'm just gonna try
to write an idea of my own.
94
00:03:56,207 --> 00:03:59,043
Original is really harder to sell.
95
00:03:59,127 --> 00:04:00,503
Honestly, nobody wants it.
96
00:04:00,586 --> 00:04:03,422
But Roku is open, and
they have two buckets
97
00:04:03,506 --> 00:04:04,700
they're looking to fill right now,
98
00:04:04,701 --> 00:04:06,884
noisy concepts and Black joy.
99
00:04:06,968 --> 00:04:08,761
I think you should focus
on noisy concepts, though,
100
00:04:08,845 --> 00:04:10,480
since you are not Black... no offense.
101
00:04:10,481 --> 00:04:11,823
You're not.
102
00:04:12,306 --> 00:04:13,850
Oh, OK.
103
00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:15,643
I missed one.
104
00:04:15,726 --> 00:04:17,100
They want to do something
with "Sleeping Beauty,"
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00:04:17,101 --> 00:04:19,897
but apparently, this
time, it's consensual.
106
00:04:19,981 --> 00:04:20,981
And if someone could ask
Hoda where she got her scarf,
107
00:04:20,982 --> 00:04:23,067
I would just love it.
108
00:04:23,151 --> 00:04:24,151
Sure.
109
00:04:24,193 --> 00:04:25,570
Deborah Vance.
110
00:04:25,653 --> 00:04:26,863
Oh, my gosh, Henry Weeks!
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How have you been?
112
00:04:30,324 --> 00:04:31,784
I haven't seen you since...
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00:04:31,868 --> 00:04:33,744
- Jerry Lewis Telethon.
- That's it.
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00:04:33,828 --> 00:04:37,790
This is so wild. Two weeks
ago, I recorded an NPR segment
115
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where I had to pick something
from pop culture that I loved,
116
00:04:41,627 --> 00:04:43,754
and I talked about your special.
117
00:04:43,838 --> 00:04:44,838
- You did?
- Are you kidding?
118
00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:46,549
It was the best special
of the last ten years,
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00:04:46,632 --> 00:04:50,303
which kills me because I
released one three years ago.
120
00:04:51,804 --> 00:04:54,223
Wow, that... wow, thank you.
121
00:04:54,307 --> 00:04:57,642
- That means a lot coming from you.
- I'm serious.
122
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You took a lifetime of issues,
123
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,230
and you turned it into a work of genius.
124
00:05:01,314 --> 00:05:04,400
Actually, are you still in Vegas?
125
00:05:04,483 --> 00:05:06,319
- Yeah.
- Oh, this is fabulous.
126
00:05:06,402 --> 00:05:09,113
'Cause every few years,
Terry, Cliff Calhoun, and I...
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00:05:09,197 --> 00:05:10,239
Oh, let me guess...
128
00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:12,742
gamble, golf, drugs, women?
129
00:05:12,825 --> 00:05:13,891
No, even better.
130
00:05:13,892 --> 00:05:16,037
We get colonoscopies together.
131
00:05:17,413 --> 00:05:18,915
I knew something was going in a hole.
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00:05:18,998 --> 00:05:20,791
We rent a house in Vegas.
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00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:23,211
We play cards, clear out our GI tract.
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00:05:23,294 --> 00:05:24,462
Next day, we get the colonoscopies.
135
00:05:24,545 --> 00:05:28,633
And then we celebrate
with a Vegas night out.
136
00:05:28,716 --> 00:05:31,469
And whoever has the cleanest
bill of health buys dinner.
137
00:05:31,552 --> 00:05:34,222
Well, that sounds like a blast.
138
00:05:34,305 --> 00:05:35,473
It is.
139
00:05:35,556 --> 00:05:36,933
And we're doing it this weekend.
140
00:05:37,016 --> 00:05:40,102
So if you're due, you should come.
141
00:05:40,186 --> 00:05:41,312
I'd love to.
142
00:05:41,395 --> 00:05:43,564
I've been so busy, I'm overdue.
143
00:05:43,648 --> 00:05:44,899
Oh, well, that's great. That's great.
144
00:05:44,982 --> 00:05:46,275
I will text you all the details.
145
00:05:46,359 --> 00:05:48,527
OK. Can I bring something?
146
00:05:48,611 --> 00:05:50,446
Air freshener.
147
00:05:50,529 --> 00:05:51,700
I guess men can be funny.
148
00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:53,532
OK, see you soon.
149
00:05:57,161 --> 00:05:59,372
Just do it harder, or
don't do it at all, Jimmy.
150
00:06:04,377 --> 00:06:06,921
Hi. I got a delivery for Ruby.
151
00:06:07,004 --> 00:06:08,464
It says hand off in person.
152
00:06:08,547 --> 00:06:10,758
Oh, well, I'm... sorry, I'm not there.
153
00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,093
It's my girlfriend's house.
154
00:06:12,176 --> 00:06:13,678
I mean, it's my house too.
155
00:06:13,761 --> 00:06:16,138
We're sort of taking space right now
156
00:06:16,222 --> 00:06:18,057
to evaluate things.
157
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:20,810
Hey, is that order
for one person or two?
158
00:06:20,893 --> 00:06:22,395
I'm just gonna leave it at the door.
159
00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:23,980
No, no, just tell me if there's beef.
160
00:06:24,063 --> 00:06:25,063
She doesn't eat beef.
161
00:06:25,064 --> 00:06:26,482
Beef is a smoking gun!
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00:06:26,565 --> 00:06:28,276
Sir!
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00:06:28,359 --> 00:06:30,278
Hey, are you OK?
164
00:06:30,361 --> 00:06:31,737
Yeah. Why?
165
00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:32,947
You just yelled, "Beef
is a smoking gun."
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00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,490
Oh, that.
167
00:06:34,573 --> 00:06:36,075
I think I'm extra
sensitive because Ruby's
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00:06:36,158 --> 00:06:37,451
having this going-away party on Friday.
169
00:06:37,535 --> 00:06:39,053
Do you think I should
drive four hours to LA
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00:06:39,054 --> 00:06:40,900
to say goodbye even though
she didn't invite me?
171
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,332
- I should, right?
- No.
172
00:06:42,515 --> 00:06:44,667
Whew. Your mind.
173
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,335
But if you're looking for a distraction,
174
00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:47,545
you could come to bar
trivia Friday night.
175
00:06:47,628 --> 00:06:50,381
You do bar trivia? OK,
extracurriculars, very healthy.
176
00:06:50,464 --> 00:06:53,009
Well, it is a team that my mom
177
00:06:53,092 --> 00:06:54,468
and ex-boyfriend started without me.
178
00:06:54,552 --> 00:06:56,053
They only asked me to
join when they realized
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00:06:56,137 --> 00:06:57,400
they needed someone
who knew state capitals.
180
00:06:57,401 --> 00:07:00,016
- Sorry.
- Hello, my gorgeous team.
181
00:07:00,099 --> 00:07:01,475
What's going on?
182
00:07:01,559 --> 00:07:02,810
They slash the capital gains tax?
183
00:07:06,272 --> 00:07:08,357
No. I'm getting a colonoscopy.
184
00:07:08,441 --> 00:07:09,657
- Ah.
- Hmm.
185
00:07:09,658 --> 00:07:11,777
But you just... you just had one.
186
00:07:11,861 --> 00:07:14,280
I know, but this is a group thing.
187
00:07:14,363 --> 00:07:15,573
- Well, OK.
- Exciting.
188
00:07:15,656 --> 00:07:16,739
- Oh, all right.
- Whoa!
189
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,743
- OK!
- Shake it!
190
00:07:18,826 --> 00:07:20,077
Shake that thing!
191
00:07:22,955 --> 00:07:24,373
Honestly, this was a great idea.
192
00:07:24,457 --> 00:07:26,125
I cannot wait to hit.
193
00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,002
I've been so stressed out
with all this Deborah stuff.
194
00:07:28,085 --> 00:07:29,628
Yeah, I had no idea
they had courts here.
195
00:07:29,712 --> 00:07:30,973
Yeah, they don't have tennis courts.
196
00:07:30,974 --> 00:07:32,173
They have pickleball courts.
197
00:07:32,256 --> 00:07:33,799
Wait, pickleball?
198
00:07:33,883 --> 00:07:35,885
Yeah, it's like tiny tennis.
199
00:07:35,968 --> 00:07:37,300
I know what pickleball
is, but I thought we were
200
00:07:37,301 --> 00:07:39,597
playing tennis; that's why I agreed.
201
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,557
- OK, don't be mad at me.
- Oh, God.
202
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:43,225
But this is our general
with Winnie Landell.
203
00:07:43,309 --> 00:07:45,519
What? Kayla, what the hell?
204
00:07:45,603 --> 00:07:46,937
I thought you were
scheduling that for next week.
205
00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:48,731
I'm sorry, man.
206
00:07:48,814 --> 00:07:50,900
I can't be perfect, OK? I
tried to get us the meeting.
207
00:07:50,983 --> 00:07:51,983
Her next opening's not
for, like, eight months.
208
00:07:52,026 --> 00:07:54,528
But her second assistant
Avi, who I made out with
209
00:07:54,612 --> 00:07:56,405
seven years ago... really bad kisser...
210
00:07:56,489 --> 00:07:57,740
said she's obsessed with pickleball
211
00:07:57,823 --> 00:08:00,534
and she has a standing
reservation on this court.
212
00:08:00,618 --> 00:08:02,370
So you're welcome.
213
00:08:02,453 --> 00:08:03,871
Kayla, what do you expect me to do here?
214
00:08:03,954 --> 00:08:05,081
You want me to just
walk up to her randomly,
215
00:08:05,164 --> 00:08:07,958
wearing mesh shorts, and pitch
Deborah to host late night?
216
00:08:08,042 --> 00:08:09,585
No, I want you to get
into a game with her,
217
00:08:09,668 --> 00:08:11,754
you know, impress her with your skills.
218
00:08:11,837 --> 00:08:13,381
Maybe you earn her respect,
219
00:08:13,464 --> 00:08:15,508
and then you seal the
fucking deal, baby!
220
00:08:15,591 --> 00:08:17,259
OK, shh, we're at an
expensive country club.
221
00:08:17,343 --> 00:08:18,761
It's not illegal to yell.
222
00:08:18,844 --> 00:08:19,901
I don't know how to play pickleball.
223
00:08:19,902 --> 00:08:22,973
And this plan is insanity, girl.
224
00:08:23,057 --> 00:08:24,090
You're an amazing tennis guy.
225
00:08:24,091 --> 00:08:25,434
You could probably pick up any sport.
226
00:08:25,518 --> 00:08:26,936
- You could probably bowl.
- What...
227
00:08:27,019 --> 00:08:28,229
Come on.
228
00:08:28,312 --> 00:08:29,480
I got us these cute little paddles.
229
00:08:29,563 --> 00:08:32,108
It's kind of kinky.
Come on, stretch me out.
230
00:08:32,191 --> 00:08:34,944
My God.
231
00:08:40,032 --> 00:08:41,032
Let's see.
232
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:43,911
That, that...
233
00:08:45,204 --> 00:08:46,789
Hi.
234
00:08:46,872 --> 00:08:48,582
While you're gone, I will
be turning the heat up to 68
235
00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:50,150
'cause I've started shivering so hard,
236
00:08:50,151 --> 00:08:51,377
my arm hair is getting thicker.
237
00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:53,838
I need the thermostat passcode.
238
00:08:53,921 --> 00:08:55,923
No, no, a room should
be the same temperature
239
00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:57,466
as a white wine fridge.
240
00:08:57,550 --> 00:08:59,301
Keeps your metabolism on its toes.
241
00:08:59,385 --> 00:09:01,637
So what do you think, this or this?
242
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,265
I mean, which is better for
a colonoscopy prep party?
243
00:09:04,348 --> 00:09:07,810
I don't know. Is it
too sparkly? I just...
244
00:09:07,893 --> 00:09:09,437
I don't know, maybe... I'll just...
245
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,021
should go with what I have on.
246
00:09:11,105 --> 00:09:13,858
I'm so shocked that you care this much.
247
00:09:13,941 --> 00:09:15,151
Oh, you don't understand.
248
00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:16,986
I've always idolized them.
249
00:09:17,069 --> 00:09:20,656
When I was first starting in
stand-up, they were the guys.
250
00:09:20,739 --> 00:09:23,492
- OK, but weren't you, like, the girl?
- Oh, no, no.
251
00:09:23,576 --> 00:09:27,329
I mean, I could fill seats, you know,
252
00:09:27,413 --> 00:09:29,373
but they thought it was
because of my sitcom, you know,
253
00:09:29,457 --> 00:09:32,668
or the fire.
254
00:09:32,752 --> 00:09:37,798
I was never seen as
legit by guys like them.
255
00:09:37,882 --> 00:09:39,758
And now they want you to
clean out your colon with them.
256
00:09:39,842 --> 00:09:41,177
Dreams really do come true.
257
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:42,344
I know!
258
00:09:42,428 --> 00:09:46,599
Isn't it fantastic?
259
00:09:46,682 --> 00:09:49,018
Can I just get a blanket?
260
00:09:55,608 --> 00:09:57,526
Yeah. Yeah, well, she can go...
261
00:09:57,610 --> 00:10:00,863
they can go to hell for all I care.
262
00:10:00,946 --> 00:10:02,198
OK, bye-bye.
263
00:10:02,281 --> 00:10:03,281
Hey, hey, hey. This is our court.
264
00:10:03,282 --> 00:10:05,868
Oh, Johnny?
265
00:10:05,951 --> 00:10:07,870
Jimmy LuSaque, Jr. We met at JFL.
266
00:10:07,953 --> 00:10:09,288
You told me you had sex with my dad.
267
00:10:09,371 --> 00:10:10,956
Oh, right. This is our court.
268
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,917
Oh, I must have accidentally booked this
269
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,710
for Tuesday instead of Thursday.
270
00:10:14,793 --> 00:10:15,878
This always happens... you
put a T down in the calendar,
271
00:10:15,961 --> 00:10:18,589
and you're like, was that
for Tuesday or Thursday?
272
00:10:18,672 --> 00:10:21,258
- Does that ever happen to you?
- No.
273
00:10:21,342 --> 00:10:23,135
Honestly, I have the same
problem with trying to r...
274
00:10:23,219 --> 00:10:24,803
Damn it, this sucks, 'cause, you know,
275
00:10:24,887 --> 00:10:27,264
Jimmy here was gonna
help me with my technique.
276
00:10:27,348 --> 00:10:29,725
He's really amazing.
He's really, really good.
277
00:10:29,808 --> 00:10:31,393
Really? You don't really
have a pickleball body.
278
00:10:31,477 --> 00:10:33,729
He's got a pickleball body.
279
00:10:33,812 --> 00:10:35,189
It's in his bones.
280
00:10:35,272 --> 00:10:36,857
He's a tennis star.
281
00:10:36,941 --> 00:10:38,943
You know, my dad hired him
to give me lessons one summer,
282
00:10:39,026 --> 00:10:41,403
and it's probably one of the
best memories of my childhood.
283
00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:42,800
- It was?
- Mm-hmm.
284
00:10:42,801 --> 00:10:46,242
- You're that good?
- Yeah, he played tennis at Brown.
285
00:10:46,325 --> 00:10:47,535
I did.
286
00:10:47,618 --> 00:10:49,161
Well, maybe we should play doubles.
287
00:10:49,245 --> 00:10:50,300
I love a little competition,
288
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,748
but I hate people who waste my time.
289
00:10:52,831 --> 00:10:54,792
Peter Thiel? Like
playing with Helen Keller
290
00:10:54,875 --> 00:10:56,585
without the star power.
291
00:10:56,669 --> 00:10:58,150
Wow, well, I'm certainly
better than that.
292
00:10:58,151 --> 00:10:59,880
She was blind, deaf, and mute.
293
00:10:59,964 --> 00:11:01,423
Jimmy.
294
00:11:01,507 --> 00:11:02,925
By the way, I'm Beth.
I work with Winnie.
295
00:11:03,008 --> 00:11:04,927
We play for money. What do you say?
296
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:06,095
Grand a game?
297
00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:07,471
- Holy hell, OK.
- Wow.
298
00:11:07,555 --> 00:11:08,931
- Sure, yeah, absolutely.
- Great.
299
00:11:09,014 --> 00:11:10,140
It's just money, and we got it.
300
00:11:10,224 --> 00:11:11,600
Sure thing. I like it.
301
00:11:11,684 --> 00:11:12,810
That sounds good to me.
302
00:11:12,893 --> 00:11:14,770
Google the rules. Google the rules.
303
00:11:22,528 --> 00:11:24,989
- Hey.
- This is Ava.
304
00:11:25,072 --> 00:11:26,657
- Hey, nice to meet you guys.
- Hey.
305
00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:27,866
- Hi.
- Hey!
306
00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:29,952
Thank God you got us a white.
307
00:11:30,035 --> 00:11:32,788
What? Oh, yeah. I'm
a white person, yeah.
308
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:34,999
We got a strong team, but
we have some blind spots.
309
00:11:35,082 --> 00:11:36,625
- Mm-hmm.
- Last week, we lost
310
00:11:36,709 --> 00:11:38,627
on a question about natural wine.
311
00:11:38,711 --> 00:11:40,671
Oh, I love natural wine.
312
00:11:40,754 --> 00:11:42,673
Oh, I love natural wine.
313
00:11:42,756 --> 00:11:44,758
We gon' mop the floor
with these motherfuckers.
314
00:11:56,895 --> 00:11:58,439
- Ho-ho!
- Henry!
315
00:11:58,522 --> 00:12:00,357
Well, if it isn't our
very own "It Girl."
316
00:12:00,441 --> 00:12:01,441
Oh, I like that.
317
00:12:01,442 --> 00:12:04,653
Ah, Terry, Cliff, hi!
318
00:12:04,737 --> 00:12:06,280
Aw, good to see you, Deb.
319
00:12:06,363 --> 00:12:07,698
- Oh, my God, you too.
- You look fantastic.
320
00:12:07,781 --> 00:12:09,617
Thank you.
321
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,285
Now, are you ready for
my famous laxa-tini?
322
00:12:11,368 --> 00:12:12,995
- Oh, boy.
- You might be used to vodka,
323
00:12:13,078 --> 00:12:16,415
but tonight you're getting
magnesium sulfate straight up.
324
00:12:16,498 --> 00:12:18,792
Shaken, not stirred, I hope.
325
00:12:18,876 --> 00:12:21,003
May I take your bag,
Miss Special of the Year?
326
00:12:21,004 --> 00:12:22,045
- Oh, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
327
00:12:22,046 --> 00:12:24,590
Her bag, my jokes...
you take everything.
328
00:12:24,673 --> 00:12:26,634
All right, let it go, Cliff.
329
00:12:26,717 --> 00:12:28,636
There are six bathrooms.
330
00:12:28,719 --> 00:12:30,471
But if you can't make it,
331
00:12:30,554 --> 00:12:34,016
there's a really ugly vase
on the kitchen counter.
332
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:35,517
No, it's deep.
333
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:37,895
- It'll work.
- Oh, my.
334
00:12:42,358 --> 00:12:44,360
Mine.
335
00:12:46,445 --> 00:12:48,864
Beth.
336
00:12:48,947 --> 00:12:50,699
Mine!
337
00:12:53,744 --> 00:12:55,287
Mine!
338
00:12:55,371 --> 00:12:57,373
- Oh, my God.
- Boom goes the dynamite.
339
00:12:57,456 --> 00:12:59,208
- How's my ass taste?
- That's...
340
00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:00,668
$10 grand, you beta fuck.
341
00:13:00,751 --> 00:13:02,211
I'm sorry. I get very competitive.
342
00:13:02,294 --> 00:13:03,379
But it is $10 grand.
343
00:13:03,462 --> 00:13:04,755
We have to go.
344
00:13:04,838 --> 00:13:07,132
We don't have that kind of money.
345
00:13:09,802 --> 00:13:11,887
Double or nothing?
346
00:13:11,970 --> 00:13:13,681
Oh, look who grew some foreskin.
347
00:13:13,764 --> 00:13:16,350
I like it. Let's go.
348
00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:20,145
Oh, my God, help us all.
349
00:13:24,650 --> 00:13:26,026
Hello!
350
00:13:26,110 --> 00:13:28,362
- Wh...
- Oh, shit. Ray?
351
00:13:28,445 --> 00:13:29,822
Oh, my God.
352
00:13:29,905 --> 00:13:31,198
Dude!
353
00:13:31,281 --> 00:13:33,575
King of the Palmetto front desk.
354
00:13:33,659 --> 00:13:34,868
What's up, my man?
355
00:13:34,952 --> 00:13:36,370
How are you?
356
00:13:36,453 --> 00:13:38,080
So you're back in Vegas?
357
00:13:38,163 --> 00:13:40,040
Just for a little. I live in LA.
358
00:13:40,124 --> 00:13:42,918
I'm on hiatus from working on
that show "On The Contrary."
359
00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:45,629
Oh, yeah. That show used to be funny.
360
00:13:45,713 --> 00:13:47,464
Thanks.
361
00:13:47,548 --> 00:13:48,590
Are you here for trivia?
362
00:13:48,674 --> 00:13:50,092
Am I here for trivia?
363
00:13:50,175 --> 00:13:51,700
Yeah, I'm a legend around these parts.
364
00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:53,470
My team Quiz Khalifa was disbanded
365
00:13:53,554 --> 00:13:54,972
'cause we won too much,
366
00:13:55,055 --> 00:13:57,349
so now I'm with O'trivia Newton-John.
367
00:13:57,433 --> 00:13:58,684
Oh, that's cool.
368
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:00,519
Yeah, it's my first time.
369
00:14:00,602 --> 00:14:02,062
My friend Marcus invited me.
370
00:14:02,146 --> 00:14:03,147
Wait, you're here with SWA?
371
00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:04,773
SWA?
372
00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:07,484
Yeah, Sisters with Answers.
373
00:14:07,568 --> 00:14:09,319
I hate them. We hate them.
374
00:14:09,403 --> 00:14:10,779
Marcus, are you wearing
an Apple Watch, dude?
375
00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:13,615
Raymond, it is on airplane mode.
376
00:14:13,699 --> 00:14:14,783
OK, you know the rules, though:
377
00:14:14,867 --> 00:14:16,910
no smartwatches, no smartphones.
378
00:14:16,994 --> 00:14:18,203
You know, you can rattle off
379
00:14:18,287 --> 00:14:19,287
about the rules all you want to.
380
00:14:19,329 --> 00:14:21,957
You still don't know the
capital of South Dakota.
381
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,293
- Bismarck?
- Is it?
382
00:14:24,376 --> 00:14:25,961
It i...
383
00:14:26,044 --> 00:14:27,421
oh, fuck, that's North Dakota.
384
00:14:27,504 --> 00:14:30,174
- Shit.
- Jesus Christ.
385
00:14:30,257 --> 00:14:32,843
- All right, see you on the ice.
- Hello!
386
00:14:32,926 --> 00:14:35,429
You know, I work in
customer service too,
387
00:14:35,512 --> 00:14:36,972
and this is dog shit.
388
00:14:37,055 --> 00:14:38,265
You did not!
389
00:14:38,348 --> 00:14:39,808
- I did.
- No, you did not!
390
00:14:39,892 --> 00:14:40,916
- Did it backwards.
- Backwards!
391
00:14:43,061 --> 00:14:44,396
- Oh!
- Oh!
392
00:14:45,856 --> 00:14:46,857
Oh, boy.
393
00:14:46,940 --> 00:14:49,318
You are gonna hate this.
394
00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:56,909
To talking shit and to making it too.
395
00:14:56,992 --> 00:14:59,369
Down one hatch and out another.
396
00:14:59,453 --> 00:15:01,371
Ugh.
397
00:15:02,998 --> 00:15:05,751
Oh, God!
398
00:15:05,834 --> 00:15:09,004
I can't believe you
did 40 dates last year.
399
00:15:09,087 --> 00:15:11,965
I got to give you a lot of
credit. I couldn't do that now.
400
00:15:12,049 --> 00:15:13,884
Oh, don't sell yourself short, Terry.
401
00:15:13,967 --> 00:15:16,219
You couldn't sell out that many
venues when you were young either.
402
00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:18,597
All right, all right.
403
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,975
Had I known that you
were going to roast Terry,
404
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:23,310
I would have invited you years ago.
405
00:15:26,104 --> 00:15:27,523
Deborah, I saw you on late night.
406
00:15:27,606 --> 00:15:29,149
You were fantastic.
407
00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:30,818
Oh, thanks.
408
00:15:30,901 --> 00:15:31,901
Yeah, I heard that Danby kid's
409
00:15:31,944 --> 00:15:34,780
probably gonna be the next host.
410
00:15:34,863 --> 00:15:38,033
I don't get him. I mean, how old is he?
411
00:15:38,116 --> 00:15:40,202
I mean, not even 40, lucky fuck.
412
00:15:40,285 --> 00:15:42,871
He's fine, but he never would
have made it back in the day.
413
00:15:42,955 --> 00:15:45,707
- Mm-mm, mm-mm.
- No, no.
414
00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:47,292
Eh, he's not that good.
415
00:15:47,376 --> 00:15:48,669
If they wanted to hire somebody unfunny,
416
00:15:48,752 --> 00:15:49,752
they could hire him.
417
00:15:49,795 --> 00:15:51,004
Hey, hey, hey!
418
00:15:51,088 --> 00:15:52,422
I was just nice to you.
419
00:15:52,506 --> 00:15:53,841
OK, OK. You have to pay the price.
420
00:15:53,924 --> 00:15:54,990
- No, no, no, no!
- Come on. Come on.
421
00:15:54,991 --> 00:15:57,135
- Ah, God!
- Ah!
422
00:15:57,219 --> 00:15:58,387
Oh, my God.
423
00:15:58,388 --> 00:15:59,403
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
424
00:15:59,404 --> 00:16:03,141
The answer to question
number five is Kylie Minogue.
425
00:16:03,225 --> 00:16:05,561
Yes, baby!
426
00:16:05,644 --> 00:16:06,979
Question six was Juneau, Alaska.
427
00:16:07,062 --> 00:16:08,605
Killing it! Killing it.
428
00:16:08,689 --> 00:16:10,315
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yes.
429
00:16:10,399 --> 00:16:14,236
And the answer to question
seven was the film "Frances Ha."
430
00:16:14,319 --> 00:16:15,904
- Yes!
- Good girl.
431
00:16:15,988 --> 00:16:18,240
I'm a Baumbach-head, dude.
432
00:16:18,323 --> 00:16:19,405
Know his whole oeuvre.
433
00:16:19,406 --> 00:16:23,495
The leaders are still Sisters
with Answers with 30 points...
434
00:16:23,579 --> 00:16:24,913
That's right.
435
00:16:24,997 --> 00:16:27,082
Followed by O'trivia Newton-John
436
00:16:27,165 --> 00:16:29,167
- with 29 points...
- Fuck you, bitch.
437
00:16:30,836 --> 00:16:33,171
And the Corn Cob Boys with 25 points.
438
00:16:33,255 --> 00:16:35,382
So round five is gonna
be a sports round.
439
00:16:35,465 --> 00:16:36,466
Wait, violation. Phone violation.
440
00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:39,261
Ava Daniels on SWA, she's
using her phone to cheat.
441
00:16:39,344 --> 00:16:40,762
- No.
- OK, OK, she's new.
442
00:16:40,846 --> 00:16:42,306
No, she was warned.
443
00:16:42,307 --> 00:16:43,347
- I warned her.
- OK, everybody calm down.
444
00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:45,434
All right, so, SWA,
you were on your phone.
445
00:16:45,517 --> 00:16:46,560
That's gonna be a five-point penalty.
446
00:16:46,643 --> 00:16:48,061
- Oh!
- I'm sorry.
447
00:16:48,145 --> 00:16:49,730
I'm still connected to the Ring cam
448
00:16:49,813 --> 00:16:51,607
at my girlfriend's house,
and she's having a party.
449
00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:52,690
People keep buzzing the door.
I'm just letting them in.
450
00:16:52,691 --> 00:16:54,484
- Girl.
- Ava?
451
00:16:54,568 --> 00:16:56,695
Oh, shit.
452
00:16:56,778 --> 00:16:58,447
- Hi.
- Wow.
453
00:16:58,530 --> 00:17:00,449
- Are you kidding me?
- OK, I'm going outside.
454
00:17:00,532 --> 00:17:02,576
Jesus.
455
00:17:06,121 --> 00:17:07,789
What the fuck, Ava?
456
00:17:07,873 --> 00:17:08,873
Why are you letting
people into my house?
457
00:17:08,874 --> 00:17:11,710
It kept buzzing on my phone.
458
00:17:11,793 --> 00:17:13,128
And I could say that you not creating
459
00:17:13,211 --> 00:17:14,630
a party protocol that didn't involve
460
00:17:14,713 --> 00:17:15,923
the Ring cam is disrespectful to me.
461
00:17:16,006 --> 00:17:17,758
Have you been spying on me
462
00:17:17,841 --> 00:17:20,469
through our camera?
463
00:17:20,552 --> 00:17:24,097
No, I have been here living
my life, having a phone.
464
00:17:24,181 --> 00:17:25,900
And occasionally did
I check to make sure
465
00:17:25,901 --> 00:17:29,144
you didn't leave the palo santo
burning? Yes, it's possible.
466
00:17:29,228 --> 00:17:30,729
Oh, my God.
467
00:17:30,812 --> 00:17:32,731
OK. Jesus, I'm sorry.
468
00:17:32,814 --> 00:17:34,566
I'll delete it, but it's
just gonna be annoying
469
00:17:34,650 --> 00:17:36,318
to re-log in when I get home.
470
00:17:38,445 --> 00:17:41,990
I don't think you're
gonna be re-logging in.
471
00:17:42,074 --> 00:17:43,992
What do you mean I'm not gonna re-log in
472
00:17:44,076 --> 00:17:45,577
to our doorbell app?
473
00:17:45,661 --> 00:17:47,663
I just think this space has felt...
474
00:17:47,746 --> 00:17:49,831
really right for me.
475
00:17:49,915 --> 00:17:52,751
And I'm just not sure...
476
00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:54,795
I'm sure. I'm very sure.
477
00:17:54,878 --> 00:17:56,254
I want to be with you.
478
00:17:57,238 --> 00:17:58,799
Then be with me.
479
00:17:59,482 --> 00:18:02,260
Come to Iceland.
480
00:18:02,344 --> 00:18:04,346
I...
481
00:18:04,429 --> 00:18:05,847
We're just... it's...
482
00:18:05,848 --> 00:18:06,864
There's my answer.
483
00:18:08,809 --> 00:18:11,645
I think this is over.
484
00:18:11,728 --> 00:18:13,522
No. Ruby...
485
00:18:13,605 --> 00:18:15,565
Bye, Ava.
486
00:18:25,617 --> 00:18:28,036
Great shot.
487
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,496
Don't say that.
488
00:18:29,579 --> 00:18:30,872
Why would you say that?
489
00:18:34,459 --> 00:18:36,545
- Oh.
- You got to come up on those.
490
00:18:36,628 --> 00:18:38,255
- I beg your pardon?
- You got to come up on those.
491
00:18:38,338 --> 00:18:39,339
Oh, my God.
492
00:18:39,423 --> 00:18:41,675
Mine!
493
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:43,135
Yes!
494
00:18:43,218 --> 00:18:44,310
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
495
00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:45,846
You got to come up on those.
496
00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:47,305
There we go. Boom!
497
00:18:47,389 --> 00:18:49,057
Oh, Jesus. Ow.
498
00:18:49,141 --> 00:18:52,019
Oh, you didn't like that, huh?
499
00:18:52,102 --> 00:18:53,854
Match point for you guys.
500
00:18:53,937 --> 00:18:55,272
We know, Beth.
501
00:18:55,355 --> 00:18:57,399
Jesus fuck!
502
00:18:57,482 --> 00:18:58,650
This is exactly why I divorced your ass.
503
00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:01,403
I know. God.
504
00:19:09,995 --> 00:19:12,039
Hey, what's going on? You OK?
505
00:19:12,122 --> 00:19:13,350
Jimmy, I feel like I'm really scared.
506
00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:15,042
My back's, like, tensing up.
507
00:19:15,125 --> 00:19:16,501
You know I'm the weakest link.
508
00:19:16,585 --> 00:19:17,700
I feel like I'm gonna mess this up.
509
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:18,867
Hey, you got a great serve.
510
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:20,100
All you have to do is
get it over the net.
511
00:19:20,101 --> 00:19:21,400
And if it comes to you, dink it.
512
00:19:21,401 --> 00:19:23,258
OK. Dink it.
513
00:19:23,341 --> 00:19:25,052
Dink it, and I'll take
care of the rest, OK?
514
00:19:25,135 --> 00:19:27,554
- OK.
- All right, you got this.
515
00:19:27,637 --> 00:19:29,765
- OK.
- OK.
516
00:19:29,848 --> 00:19:32,768
Thanks.
517
00:19:42,944 --> 00:19:44,738
Beth.
518
00:19:46,031 --> 00:19:48,283
- Nice dink!
- Mine!
519
00:19:51,036 --> 00:19:52,245
- Yeah!
- Yes!
520
00:19:52,329 --> 00:19:53,955
- How's my ass taste?
- Whoo!
521
00:19:54,039 --> 00:19:55,916
Motherfucker!
522
00:19:55,999 --> 00:19:57,626
- Yes! We won nothing.
- That was amazing.
523
00:19:57,709 --> 00:19:59,544
God, what is wrong with you?
524
00:19:59,628 --> 00:20:00,796
- Good game.
- Ugh.
525
00:20:00,879 --> 00:20:01,922
That is the best match we've had
526
00:20:02,005 --> 00:20:03,298
in months, right, Beth?
527
00:20:03,381 --> 00:20:05,634
- I guess.
- You're good, LuSaque.
528
00:20:05,635 --> 00:20:06,700
You're at Latitude, right?
529
00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:08,845
I actually left to start my own firm.
530
00:20:08,929 --> 00:20:11,389
- Deborah Vance came with us.
- Ah, she's funny.
531
00:20:11,473 --> 00:20:13,433
Good for you. She's having a moment.
532
00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:15,310
Yeah, a moment I think you
could be taking advantage of.
533
00:20:15,393 --> 00:20:16,978
I know you need a new host for 11:30,
534
00:20:17,062 --> 00:20:18,355
and she'd be amazing.
535
00:20:18,438 --> 00:20:20,023
- She rocks.
- I mean, she's funny
536
00:20:20,107 --> 00:20:21,108
but old-school in the perfect way.
537
00:20:21,191 --> 00:20:23,651
- She can talk to anybody and...
- Hey, you don't have to sell me on Deborah.
538
00:20:23,652 --> 00:20:24,820
I love her. I loved her guest spot.
539
00:20:24,903 --> 00:20:27,155
But I need someone with...
540
00:20:27,239 --> 00:20:28,990
how can I put this... staying power.
541
00:20:29,074 --> 00:20:30,659
You said yourself in your
interview in "Variety"...
542
00:20:30,742 --> 00:20:31,952
I read it, loved it...
543
00:20:32,035 --> 00:20:33,035
that late night's on the decline
544
00:20:33,078 --> 00:20:34,704
and you need to shake it up.
545
00:20:34,788 --> 00:20:36,206
Well, Deborah's a really noisy choice.
546
00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:37,791
She's certainly unexpected.
547
00:20:37,874 --> 00:20:38,959
But a 70-year-old woman is a tough sell.
548
00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:41,503
Well, not to your audience.
549
00:20:41,586 --> 00:20:42,586
I mean, the majority of
people watching are over 30.
550
00:20:42,629 --> 00:20:45,340
You put someone like Jack
Danby behind that desk,
551
00:20:45,423 --> 00:20:46,730
kids aren't getting
off TikTok to watch him.
552
00:20:46,731 --> 00:20:48,552
My mom doesn't know who he is.
553
00:20:48,635 --> 00:20:50,387
But Deborah sold 4 million
physical DVDs last year.
554
00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:52,431
I mean, she's the queen
of people who can't
555
00:20:52,432 --> 00:20:53,949
figure out their internet.
556
00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:55,517
With her, you keep
the audience you have.
557
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,436
Plus, you're doing something
that's never been done before.
558
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,147
Jimmy, it's a good pitch,
559
00:21:00,230 --> 00:21:01,815
but I just don't think she's it.
560
00:21:01,898 --> 00:21:03,150
But I'm gonna think about it.
561
00:21:03,233 --> 00:21:04,401
You want to play tomorrow morning?
562
00:21:04,484 --> 00:21:06,820
- Like, in ten hours?
- Yeah.
563
00:21:06,903 --> 00:21:09,281
- See you there, sister.
- You reserve. See you at 7:00.
564
00:21:09,364 --> 00:21:10,824
Bye.
565
00:21:10,907 --> 00:21:13,201
We can't reserve a court
if we're nonmembers.
566
00:21:13,285 --> 00:21:15,036
Ugh, how much does it cost to join?
567
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:16,204
$20 grand a year apiece.
568
00:21:16,288 --> 00:21:18,858
It'd be less if we were married.
569
00:21:19,541 --> 00:21:22,878
- How much less?
- OK, I hear you loud and clear.
570
00:21:22,961 --> 00:21:24,337
- No, I just want to know...
- No, no.
571
00:21:24,421 --> 00:21:25,431
It's something you want to consider.
572
00:21:25,432 --> 00:21:26,630
- That's fine.
- We have to join now
573
00:21:26,631 --> 00:21:28,049
- is my consideration.
- OK, yeah.
574
00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:29,551
Let's talk about it.
575
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:30,719
This is the last question.
576
00:21:30,802 --> 00:21:32,179
We could win this.
577
00:21:32,262 --> 00:21:35,724
Which Ventura, California, swing
band are known for their song
578
00:21:35,807 --> 00:21:38,018
"You, Me, and the Bottle Make Three"?
579
00:21:40,478 --> 00:21:43,148
The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies.
580
00:21:46,067 --> 00:21:48,570
Are you OK?
581
00:21:48,653 --> 00:21:50,614
No.
582
00:21:50,697 --> 00:21:52,365
And the answer to the final question
583
00:21:52,449 --> 00:21:55,952
is Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, singular.
584
00:21:56,036 --> 00:21:58,580
Big Bad Voodoo Daddies
will not be accepted.
585
00:21:58,663 --> 00:22:00,373
Yes!
586
00:22:00,457 --> 00:22:01,958
And that means the winner
is O'trivia Newton-John.
587
00:22:04,502 --> 00:22:06,922
That's good, Sisters
with Not Enough Answers.
588
00:22:07,005 --> 00:22:08,715
It's OK. It's just bar trivia.
589
00:22:08,798 --> 00:22:11,468
I'm so stupid.
590
00:22:11,551 --> 00:22:14,930
- It's OK. Here.
- Here, drink.
591
00:22:15,013 --> 00:22:16,932
Do they have food here? both: No.
592
00:22:19,559 --> 00:22:21,811
Yes, I fly to Miami next week.
593
00:22:21,895 --> 00:22:26,315
You know, the one thing I do love
about getting old: boarding early.
594
00:22:26,316 --> 00:22:28,151
Oh, yeah, yeah.
595
00:22:28,235 --> 00:22:29,277
In the time it takes for them to say,
596
00:22:29,361 --> 00:22:31,238
"Does anyone need any assistance?"
597
00:22:31,321 --> 00:22:34,199
I can go from Usain
Bolt to Stephen Hawking.
598
00:22:36,534 --> 00:22:38,328
Oh, shame on all of
you, flying commercial
599
00:22:38,411 --> 00:22:40,956
when you have the means to fly private.
600
00:22:41,039 --> 00:22:43,166
OK, get this.
601
00:22:43,250 --> 00:22:45,585
We're having Thanksgiving
at my daughter's this year.
602
00:22:45,669 --> 00:22:48,463
And last night, she called
me to give me a heads-up
603
00:22:48,546 --> 00:22:52,467
that my 15-year-old
granddaughter is bisexual now.
604
00:22:52,550 --> 00:22:54,135
- Oh, no.
- Come on.
605
00:22:54,219 --> 00:22:55,845
Do they even know what
boys and girls are?
606
00:22:55,929 --> 00:22:58,640
She showed me a picture
of her boyfriend.
607
00:22:58,723 --> 00:23:00,225
I thought it was my second wife.
608
00:23:00,308 --> 00:23:02,143
You know, I hate that shit.
609
00:23:02,227 --> 00:23:04,521
Then they got the pansexual.
610
00:23:04,604 --> 00:23:06,982
What, they fuck skillets?
611
00:23:07,065 --> 00:23:09,192
- Pick a team. Pick a team.
- Yes. Yes.
612
00:23:10,735 --> 00:23:12,988
Well, I mean, there are an elite few
613
00:23:13,071 --> 00:23:15,532
who are attracted to both genders
614
00:23:15,615 --> 00:23:17,325
or all genders.
615
00:23:17,409 --> 00:23:19,035
- All genders?
- All 15?
616
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:20,328
Wait, wait, wait.
617
00:23:20,412 --> 00:23:21,955
- A-L-L?
- Are you doing a bit?
618
00:23:22,038 --> 00:23:24,207
No, no.
619
00:23:24,291 --> 00:23:27,127
I'm just saying you...
620
00:23:27,210 --> 00:23:30,255
you can't say that all
bisexuals are faking it.
621
00:23:30,338 --> 00:23:32,090
Oh, come on, Deb, we all
know most of the girls
622
00:23:32,173 --> 00:23:34,884
are doing it these days 'cause
they want a little attention.
623
00:23:34,968 --> 00:23:36,344
OK.
624
00:23:36,428 --> 00:23:39,556
Is this a bit?
625
00:23:39,639 --> 00:23:41,975
No.
626
00:23:42,058 --> 00:23:43,059
You know, for comedians, you're all...
627
00:23:43,143 --> 00:23:45,020
a little out of touch.
628
00:23:45,103 --> 00:23:46,146
Uno.
629
00:23:46,229 --> 00:23:47,689
Excuse me. Nature calls.
630
00:24:07,459 --> 00:24:09,711
So Deborah swings both ways, huh?
631
00:24:09,794 --> 00:24:11,129
Between funny and unfunny.
632
00:24:13,298 --> 00:24:14,716
Maybe she is one of those people.
633
00:24:14,799 --> 00:24:16,551
Yeah, what a buzzkill.
634
00:24:16,634 --> 00:24:19,262
Thanks for inviting
the PC police, Henry.
635
00:24:19,346 --> 00:24:21,765
It's gonna be hard to do a colonoscopy
636
00:24:21,848 --> 00:24:23,224
with that stick up her ass.
637
00:24:26,936 --> 00:24:29,022
Shh, shh, shh.
638
00:25:00,011 --> 00:25:01,554
Don't even think about
taking that to your room.
639
00:25:01,638 --> 00:25:04,099
Eat it over the sink
like you normally do.
640
00:25:04,182 --> 00:25:05,182
I'm depressed, and I
don't want to talk to you,
641
00:25:05,183 --> 00:25:07,227
so I'm leaving.
642
00:25:07,310 --> 00:25:08,310
Well, too bad.
643
00:25:08,353 --> 00:25:09,353
I'm not talking to you either.
644
00:25:09,354 --> 00:25:11,439
You ruined my poop party!
645
00:25:11,523 --> 00:25:13,608
What? What did I do?
646
00:25:13,691 --> 00:25:15,485
Also, why are you housing
cheese like a fucking mouse?
647
00:25:15,568 --> 00:25:18,571
- It's binding!
- Not for me!
648
00:25:18,655 --> 00:25:20,907
You know, I finally get
in good with those guys,
649
00:25:20,990 --> 00:25:22,283
and I can't enjoy it because of you.
650
00:25:22,367 --> 00:25:25,286
You got in my head.
651
00:25:25,370 --> 00:25:27,956
They said some crap about bisexuals,
652
00:25:28,039 --> 00:25:29,056
and I couldn't let it go.
653
00:25:29,057 --> 00:25:31,501
I don't understand. So you defended me?
654
00:25:31,584 --> 00:25:32,961
Not you.
655
00:25:33,044 --> 00:25:34,629
Other bisexuals.
656
00:25:34,712 --> 00:25:37,674
Alan Cumming and Malcolm X.
657
00:25:37,757 --> 00:25:39,215
You know, I had to say something,
658
00:25:39,216 --> 00:25:40,969
and then it got really uncomfortable,
659
00:25:41,052 --> 00:25:42,262
and I didn't want to stay.
660
00:25:42,345 --> 00:25:43,972
And it's all because of you!
661
00:25:44,055 --> 00:25:47,350
Well, sorry I changed
your mind about bisexuals.
662
00:25:47,434 --> 00:25:49,978
I mean, before you, I
was perfectly content
663
00:25:50,061 --> 00:25:52,480
being a gorgeous Vegas
comic, doing my thing,
664
00:25:52,564 --> 00:25:53,731
making tons of money.
665
00:25:53,815 --> 00:25:55,400
And then you come along,
666
00:25:55,483 --> 00:25:57,068
and you make me want more for myself.
667
00:25:57,152 --> 00:25:58,194
And it's just fucking annoying!
668
00:25:58,278 --> 00:26:01,156
OK, so you're mad at me for
pushing you to be better?
669
00:26:01,239 --> 00:26:03,283
Yes. No.
670
00:26:03,366 --> 00:26:05,160
I don't know. I don't know.
671
00:26:05,243 --> 00:26:06,578
It's just, a few years
ago, I could not have dreamt
672
00:26:06,661 --> 00:26:09,080
that I would walk out of a party
673
00:26:09,164 --> 00:26:12,459
where Henry Weeks was
saying how great I was,
674
00:26:12,542 --> 00:26:15,003
and that's what I did tonight.
675
00:26:15,086 --> 00:26:16,244
And I'm just mad at you!
676
00:26:16,245 --> 00:26:18,339
Well, I'm mad at you.
Where are you going?
677
00:26:18,423 --> 00:26:19,424
Ugh.
678
00:26:19,507 --> 00:26:21,009
The bathroom!
679
00:26:21,092 --> 00:26:22,886
Are you... is there
a bathroom right there?
680
00:26:22,969 --> 00:26:24,071
I've been walking
681
00:26:24,072 --> 00:26:27,432
all the way to the east
wing this whole time.
682
00:26:27,515 --> 00:26:29,851
Oh, my God.
683
00:26:29,934 --> 00:26:32,812
You know, I'm sorry you
had to leave a party.
684
00:26:32,896 --> 00:26:35,440
But I just lost a relationship
with someone I love
685
00:26:35,523 --> 00:26:36,983
to be here.
686
00:26:37,066 --> 00:26:39,068
And I'm gonna lose
all our mutual friends.
687
00:26:39,152 --> 00:26:41,321
And our facialist is
for sure gonna choose her
688
00:26:41,404 --> 00:26:44,324
'cause she said Ruby's face
was "less work" on a text
689
00:26:44,407 --> 00:26:48,119
that I saw over her shoulder.
690
00:26:48,203 --> 00:26:51,122
And that sucks.
691
00:26:51,206 --> 00:26:53,124
And it's all because I came back here.
692
00:26:55,335 --> 00:26:56,544
Well, you didn't have to come back!
693
00:26:56,628 --> 00:26:59,214
Yes, I did.
694
00:26:59,297 --> 00:27:01,007
Because I wanted to.
695
00:27:01,090 --> 00:27:04,052
I wanted to be here with
you 'cause you're in my head.
696
00:27:05,970 --> 00:27:08,473
Yeah, well, I'm sorry, I guess.
697
00:27:08,556 --> 00:27:10,225
I don't know what to tell you.
698
00:27:10,308 --> 00:27:12,477
I don't know either.
699
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:13,853
All I know is, we better get this thing,
700
00:27:13,937 --> 00:27:15,897
'cause it comes at great personal cost
701
00:27:15,980 --> 00:27:18,233
to repair the trauma
of your pilot not going
702
00:27:18,316 --> 00:27:20,235
during the Carter administration.
703
00:27:20,318 --> 00:27:21,736
That's not why I want it.
704
00:27:21,819 --> 00:27:24,739
I've wanted it since I was a kid.
705
00:27:24,822 --> 00:27:25,865
You have?
706
00:27:25,949 --> 00:27:27,534
Yes.
707
00:27:27,617 --> 00:27:29,786
Well, cool your parents
let you stay up that late.
708
00:27:29,869 --> 00:27:31,621
My mom wouldn't let
me watch "Ren & Stimpy"
709
00:27:31,704 --> 00:27:33,414
'cause of all the close-ups of zits.
710
00:27:33,498 --> 00:27:34,874
Yeah, well,
711
00:27:34,958 --> 00:27:38,336
you know, my house
wasn't real big on rules.
712
00:27:39,504 --> 00:27:42,840
My dad was a drinker.
713
00:27:42,924 --> 00:27:44,926
The later it got, the worse it got.
714
00:27:47,303 --> 00:27:48,763
Except when Johnny Carson came on.
715
00:27:50,890 --> 00:27:53,268
He was funny enough
that he'd distract him,
716
00:27:53,351 --> 00:27:55,311
and he'd laugh.
717
00:27:56,938 --> 00:27:59,440
And we'd all laugh.
718
00:27:59,524 --> 00:28:02,694
It was...
719
00:28:02,777 --> 00:28:06,197
I don't know, it was nice.
720
00:28:10,118 --> 00:28:12,120
So all I ever wanted was to,
721
00:28:12,203 --> 00:28:14,664
you know, live in that hour.
722
00:28:17,875 --> 00:28:19,711
You never talk about your parents.
723
00:28:19,794 --> 00:28:21,004
Well, it makes you sound old
724
00:28:21,087 --> 00:28:24,299
when you say your parents are dead.
725
00:28:24,382 --> 00:28:26,968
Why don't you just come
out and say why you want it?
726
00:28:27,051 --> 00:28:28,720
I think if people knew how
personal this is for you,
727
00:28:28,803 --> 00:28:31,598
that would be really compelling.
728
00:28:31,681 --> 00:28:33,510
Oh, God, no, I can't even say I want it,
729
00:28:33,511 --> 00:28:35,143
let alone all that other stuff.
730
00:28:35,226 --> 00:28:38,980
OK, sure, but I think
you can say what you want.
731
00:28:39,063 --> 00:28:40,189
You've never played by the rules.
732
00:28:40,273 --> 00:28:42,650
And I don't think you have
the luxury of playing this safe
733
00:28:42,734 --> 00:28:44,777
'cause you're not the safe choice.
734
00:28:44,861 --> 00:28:45,862
Can't risk it.
735
00:28:45,945 --> 00:28:46,946
You're all about risk.
736
00:28:47,030 --> 00:28:51,534
You self-financed your
special and sold it on QVC.
737
00:28:51,618 --> 00:28:53,870
That was before.
738
00:28:53,953 --> 00:28:57,081
I've got all these eyes on me now.
739
00:28:57,165 --> 00:29:00,877
I'm finally respected, respectable.
740
00:29:02,629 --> 00:29:06,800
If I say I want it
and then I don't get it
741
00:29:07,001 --> 00:29:08,533
for the second time,
742
00:29:11,429 --> 00:29:13,181
then I'll be a joke again.
743
00:29:14,766 --> 00:29:18,811
And that would just be too much.
744
00:29:18,895 --> 00:29:20,521
Would it?
745
00:29:20,605 --> 00:29:22,398
I mean, who are you worried
about being a joke to?
746
00:29:22,482 --> 00:29:27,111
The guys whose respect you wanted
most of all, you just rejected.
747
00:29:27,195 --> 00:29:30,198
Deborah, your superpower
is that you're shameless.
748
00:29:30,281 --> 00:29:32,200
And having shame about the thing
749
00:29:32,283 --> 00:29:34,369
you want most in the world
750
00:29:34,452 --> 00:29:35,662
isn't you.
751
00:29:36,829 --> 00:29:41,334
You think that's a terrible idea.
752
00:29:41,417 --> 00:29:44,961
No, the cheese isn't working.
753
00:29:51,636 --> 00:29:52,862
All right, well, next up
754
00:29:52,863 --> 00:29:54,931
is the Sulfur Springs
High School marching band.
755
00:29:55,014 --> 00:29:57,975
Careful, kids, those
New York City potholes
756
00:29:58,059 --> 00:30:00,269
can be a doozy.
757
00:30:00,353 --> 00:30:01,396
Well, not to steal their thunder, Mario,
758
00:30:01,479 --> 00:30:04,232
but can I make an announcement
here on live television?
759
00:30:04,315 --> 00:30:05,817
Thanks.
760
00:30:05,900 --> 00:30:10,321
America, I am ready to be the
next woman on network late night.
761
00:30:10,405 --> 00:30:11,906
That's right.
762
00:30:11,989 --> 00:30:14,575
I want to be the next
host of "The Late Show."
763
00:30:14,659 --> 00:30:16,744
I may be a woman and I
may be a natural blonde,
764
00:30:16,828 --> 00:30:19,580
but I am the best person for the job.
765
00:30:19,664 --> 00:30:20,957
I'm funny. I'm vivacious.
766
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,501
And I'm the only person who can get away
767
00:30:23,584 --> 00:30:25,753
with asking a man, "Cut or uncut?"
768
00:30:25,837 --> 00:30:27,755
Mario?
769
00:30:27,839 --> 00:30:29,090
Uncut.
770
00:30:29,173 --> 00:30:31,050
Thought so.
771
00:30:31,134 --> 00:30:32,225
OK.
772
00:30:32,226 --> 00:30:34,387
And how about that cymbal section?
773
00:30:36,139 --> 00:30:37,849
Yeah, why don't we take
a quick commercial break?
774
00:30:39,984 --> 00:30:41,811
- Did you see this?
- What?
775
00:30:41,894 --> 00:30:43,813
Deborah Vance went rogue on live TV
776
00:30:43,896 --> 00:30:45,807
and announced she's
gunning to be the next woman
777
00:30:45,808 --> 00:30:47,484
in network late night.
778
00:30:47,485 --> 00:30:48,525
- That was bold of her.
- I loved it.
779
00:30:48,526 --> 00:30:49,694
Good for her.
780
00:30:49,777 --> 00:30:51,946
I don't like her for it. Come on.
781
00:30:52,029 --> 00:30:53,239
Joy, you got to get over the beef.
782
00:30:53,322 --> 00:30:54,580
- Never.
- Oh, my God.
783
00:30:54,581 --> 00:30:55,992
- Joy.
- What?
784
00:30:56,075 --> 00:30:57,785
You're unbelievable.
785
00:30:57,869 --> 00:30:58,995
Well, like it or not,
she's on the campaign trail.
786
00:30:59,078 --> 00:31:02,582
So watch out, America.
She's coming for you.
787
00:31:06,002 --> 00:31:08,713
Temps will fall across
Indianapolis late tonight.
788
00:31:08,796 --> 00:31:10,465
Speaking of late
night, wouldn't you like
789
00:31:10,548 --> 00:31:12,550
a charming gal like me
on your TV set every night
790
00:31:12,633 --> 00:31:14,051
to keep you warm and toasty?
791
00:31:14,135 --> 00:31:17,013
Oh, a Deborah burger is
very interesting to us.
792
00:31:17,096 --> 00:31:19,640
Yo, can I get a Deborah's
Dunkin' Midnight Roast?
793
00:31:19,724 --> 00:31:22,477
Welcome to Las Vegas, baby.
794
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,854
Remember, what happens here stays here,
795
00:31:24,937 --> 00:31:26,522
unless it's crabs.
796
00:31:26,606 --> 00:31:27,982
Fuck yes.
797
00:31:28,065 --> 00:31:30,526
Deb's in. Whoo! Rock and roll!
798
00:31:34,071 --> 00:31:36,657
In 20 feet, you will be
arriving at your destination.
799
00:31:36,741 --> 00:31:38,159
What a dump!
800
00:31:38,242 --> 00:31:41,077
Rinka turkey nurbler da
woo-hoo with a chum-cha!*
801
00:31:41,078 --> 00:31:43,372
Ooh be gah!
802
00:31:43,456 --> 00:31:45,833
I have been bugging
my manager for years.
803
00:31:45,917 --> 00:31:47,627
The only thing I've
wanted more than late night
804
00:31:47,710 --> 00:31:49,796
is to be on "Talk Stoop."
805
00:31:49,879 --> 00:31:51,672
Right, Cara?
806
00:32:06,771 --> 00:32:08,648
OK, hold on.
807
00:32:08,731 --> 00:32:09,941
You got to hear this.
808
00:32:10,024 --> 00:32:11,526
Hi, it's Winnie.
809
00:32:11,609 --> 00:32:12,985
So this morning, I walked in on my son
810
00:32:13,069 --> 00:32:15,571
doing a Deborah Vance makeup tutorial.
811
00:32:15,655 --> 00:32:17,532
She might have wider
appeal than I thought.
812
00:32:17,615 --> 00:32:19,700
We should talk. Call me back.
813
00:32:19,784 --> 00:32:21,035
OK!
814
00:32:21,118 --> 00:32:22,870
Yay! Oh, my God!
815
00:32:22,954 --> 00:32:25,665
God, of course her kid was the key.
816
00:32:25,748 --> 00:32:27,834
Executives love listening to their kids.
817
00:32:27,917 --> 00:32:29,710
I was actually at the sleepover
818
00:32:29,794 --> 00:32:31,295
where we decided that Tobey Maguire
819
00:32:31,379 --> 00:32:32,755
would be the next Spider-Man.
820
00:32:33,965 --> 00:32:35,466
Oh, my God!
821
00:32:35,550 --> 00:32:37,760
This is huge.
822
00:32:39,512 --> 00:32:41,889
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
58807
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