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1
00:00:02,424 --> 00:00:13,954
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
Exclusive for http://UKsubtitles.ru
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00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,573
Match point - llsa and Jackson.
3
00:01:14,773 --> 00:01:17,654
As previously agreed,
the winners are awarded the right
4
00:01:17,857 --> 00:01:20,701
to subject the losers
to one dare of their choice,
5
00:01:20,898 --> 00:01:23,909
to be redeemed at any time.
6
00:01:24,107 --> 00:01:26,738
Don't screw this up.
7
00:01:44,523 --> 00:01:45,614
I apologise.
8
00:01:52,315 --> 00:01:55,574
Hey, llsa, did you listen to
that record I gave you?
9
00:01:57,607 --> 00:01:59,112
Sort of?
10
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,407
- You don't like music?
- Hey, llsa...
11
00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:07,991
Here's your Remigio Matina album.
12
00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:10,987
It really opened my mind
to easy listening.
13
00:02:13,690 --> 00:02:15,195
- Everybody sit down!
- Greetings, Colonel.
14
00:02:15,398 --> 00:02:17,567
I said sit down!
15
00:02:17,773 --> 00:02:20,618
Now, you know I don't like
to use the sit-down gun,
16
00:02:20,815 --> 00:02:23,778
but this morning we just don't
have time for mucking about.
17
00:02:23,982 --> 00:02:26,198
Major Allied cities
have come under attack from...
18
00:02:26,398 --> 00:02:28,236
Nazi monst...
19
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:32,734
Close... your... mouth.
20
00:02:34,357 --> 00:02:36,028
Nazi monsters.
21
00:02:36,232 --> 00:02:37,737
No conventional weapons
can stop them.
22
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,701
And Allied command
was almost ready to surrender
23
00:02:40,898 --> 00:02:43,316
until they received a telegram
from this man.
24
00:02:43,523 --> 00:02:47,233
He calls himself Gibraltar, and claims
to be from the lost city of Atlantis.
25
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,735
This might sound crazy, but the
Atlanteans have developed a weapon
26
00:02:50,940 --> 00:02:52,492
that can stop the Nazi monsters.
27
00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:56,364
All they need is some of our
refined uranium to power it.
28
00:02:56,565 --> 00:02:59,410
Your mission is to take the uranium
to Atlantis,
29
00:02:59,607 --> 00:03:01,989
use this weapon to destroy
the Nazi monsters,
30
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:05,366
and for the love of God,
damn well kill Hitler.
31
00:03:08,565 --> 00:03:11,362
There's something I don't like about
this whole caper.
32
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:16,283
This is an opportunity to learn from
an alternative civilisation, Claire.
33
00:03:16,482 --> 00:03:19,196
Mankind has been searching for
Atlantis for hundreds of years.
34
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,283
I see your meaning, Claire.
35
00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:23,319
What if there is no Atlantis?
36
00:03:23,523 --> 00:03:25,526
And this Gibraltar character
is full of...
37
00:03:25,732 --> 00:03:26,739
Crab!
38
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,488
- Precisely.
- No, look at that crab!
39
00:03:29,690 --> 00:03:33,033
Bet you could fry that up
and live off leftovers for a year.
40
00:03:33,232 --> 00:03:35,365
I think I just found
your dare, guys.
41
00:03:36,315 --> 00:03:38,697
Don't be a child, Jackson,
we're on a mission.
42
00:03:38,898 --> 00:03:42,241
Hey, betting on a table ball match
is an unbreakable bond...
43
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,531
Right, Pierre?
44
00:03:43,732 --> 00:03:47,690
- It is the sport of kings.
- You want us to go into the water?
45
00:03:47,898 --> 00:03:51,656
What's the matter, Tucker?
Chicken?
46
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,657
Nice one, Kilroy!
47
00:03:55,857 --> 00:04:00,075
I'll get your crab, if it means we can go
on without any more juvenile interruptions.
48
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:02,241
- Aw, man!
- Except from Kilroy.
49
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,278
Radical!
50
00:04:13,273 --> 00:04:15,193
My God, a shark!
51
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,695
We have to help her!
52
00:04:20,898 --> 00:04:22,736
Give it here!
53
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:37,950
llsa, can't you shoot it
with something?
54
00:04:39,523 --> 00:04:40,696
Hurry!
55
00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:53,108
Where else was I supposed
to put the munchies?
56
00:04:53,315 --> 00:04:54,655
Dr Snack's Jumbo Crunch.
57
00:04:54,857 --> 00:04:56,492
I'm afraid they're delicious,
my friends.
58
00:05:19,815 --> 00:05:21,404
Atlantis!
59
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:24,946
Claire...
60
00:05:36,190 --> 00:05:39,284
Greetings, ambassadors.
Welcome to Atlantis.
61
00:05:39,482 --> 00:05:42,611
Now, let us indulge
in a refreshing beverage.
62
00:05:42,815 --> 00:05:44,783
- It's all my fault.
- Pardon?
63
00:05:44,982 --> 00:05:48,691
Er... We ran into some difficulty
on the way here, Captain.
64
00:05:48,898 --> 00:05:51,115
We lost two of our team.
65
00:05:51,315 --> 00:05:53,069
He's not taking it very well.
66
00:05:53,273 --> 00:05:56,200
- It's all my damn fault.
- How tragic indeed.
67
00:05:56,398 --> 00:06:00,321
But these are the perils of the sea.
You do have the uranium?
68
00:06:01,732 --> 00:06:05,110
Superb. We can begin
the final alterations to the weapon!
69
00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:08,361
- No!
- What is the meaning of this?
70
00:06:10,565 --> 00:06:12,449
- Take it easy.
- Nobody's getting it!
71
00:06:12,648 --> 00:06:15,363
I killed her!
I killed her...
72
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,779
And now the world's not worth
living in without her.
73
00:06:20,690 --> 00:06:23,273
Without this case,
the whole world is going to burn
74
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:24,987
and I'm going to let it!
75
00:06:32,898 --> 00:06:35,364
Hush now, land-walker.
76
00:06:35,982 --> 00:06:39,525
Let this potion
ease the pain in your heart.
77
00:06:42,982 --> 00:06:46,821
- Apologies, Captain...
- The pain of loss is a cruel serpent.
78
00:06:47,023 --> 00:06:50,982
It will take my technicians
several hours to ready the device.
79
00:06:51,190 --> 00:06:54,319
In the meantime,
I think you should get some rest.
80
00:06:54,523 --> 00:06:56,775
A quick siesta
would sharpen my senses.
81
00:06:56,982 --> 00:07:00,442
- Way ahead of ya, buddy.
- You're the best, Kilroy.
82
00:07:10,690 --> 00:07:12,444
- Tucker...
- I have to save you.
83
00:07:12,648 --> 00:07:14,154
Tucker!
84
00:07:14,773 --> 00:07:16,279
Claire!
85
00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:19,030
- You're alive!
- Why didn't you save me, Tucker?
86
00:07:19,232 --> 00:07:22,408
- I...
- You were afraid.
87
00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:26,115
- And now it's too late!
- No! No!
88
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,445
Hey...
89
00:07:44,148 --> 00:07:47,278
You know, you're much more
attractive than Claire.
90
00:07:53,732 --> 00:07:55,782
I guess this is goodbye.
91
00:08:10,273 --> 00:08:14,280
Hey, Pierre... Pierre!
Wake up, Pierre.
92
00:08:14,482 --> 00:08:18,191
Can I take batteries
from your remote for my video game?
93
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:20,448
You're the best, Kilroy!
94
00:08:22,065 --> 00:08:25,443
How was your rest?
Do you feel any better, Tucker?
95
00:08:25,648 --> 00:08:27,651
- She's here.
- Oh, no.
96
00:08:27,857 --> 00:08:29,990
She's here. She's alive!
97
00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:31,779
- Who's here?
- Claire!
98
00:08:31,982 --> 00:08:34,115
- I spoke with her.
- You are having visions.
99
00:08:34,315 --> 00:08:37,693
This can happen when not accustomed
to high pressures under the ocean.
100
00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:39,984
Did anyone else have any visions?
101
00:08:40,565 --> 00:08:44,820
I had some, but it's probably
from smoking all this Thai stick.
102
00:08:45,815 --> 00:08:47,984
She wasn't a damn vision!
She was real!
103
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:49,779
I'm going to find her.
104
00:08:51,982 --> 00:08:55,241
- It's for his own good.
- You have the deep-sea madness.
105
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:59,197
- You'll have to sleep it off.
- I'm not crazy!
106
00:09:03,315 --> 00:09:06,491
Come, the preparations are complete.
107
00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:10,699
This fighting machine was developed
by our scientists
108
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:14,110
over the last century
as the ultimate self-defence weapon.
109
00:09:14,315 --> 00:09:19,565
Now that it is complete, we should
be able to defeat the Nazi monsters.
110
00:09:19,773 --> 00:09:22,736
This is indeed
an impressive device, Gibraltar.
111
00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:25,701
llsa, is this not a wonderment?
112
00:09:27,398 --> 00:09:28,950
llsa?
113
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:35,612
Hey!
114
00:09:37,690 --> 00:09:42,158
Hello, do you think I could get
some more of this lobster bisque?
115
00:09:55,857 --> 00:09:57,658
Where are they keeping her?
116
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:01,654
Your German is very good.
117
00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:13,031
Tucker...
118
00:10:14,232 --> 00:10:17,775
- Hurry up, we don't have much time.
- Wait!
119
00:10:21,857 --> 00:10:22,899
Jackson?
120
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:43,442
My friend!
What is the meaning of this?
121
00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:55,409
My Fuehrer, it is now truly
the ultimate fighting machine.
122
00:11:04,065 --> 00:11:07,159
Jackson! Claire!
You are alive!
123
00:11:09,273 --> 00:11:10,281
Where are we?
124
00:11:10,482 --> 00:11:13,160
You knew where you were
when you lured me here.
125
00:11:13,357 --> 00:11:15,609
- What are you talking about?
- What's going on, Adolf?
126
00:11:15,815 --> 00:11:18,695
What did you do to Claire?
Brainwash her?
127
00:11:18,898 --> 00:11:21,613
- Is she working for you now?
- Nobody's done anything to me.
128
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,975
You cloned us!
129
00:11:58,258 --> 00:12:00,143
They are my children.
130
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,476
So that vision I had...
131
00:12:14,175 --> 00:12:15,764
You heartless dog of a man.
132
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:19,309
You're tearing the world apart with your
damn monsters. What more do you want?
133
00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:14,429
- Not so fast, Hitlerino.
- I knew you would save us, Kilroy!
134
00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:16,352
De nada, compadre.
135
00:13:19,092 --> 00:13:22,303
Noooooo!
136
00:13:48,817 --> 00:13:50,867
We need to get the last two clones!
137
00:13:55,025 --> 00:13:56,530
How do you feel, my friend?
138
00:13:56,733 --> 00:14:00,324
Hook me up with a Mac and some fries
and I'll be like new.
139
00:14:00,525 --> 00:14:03,405
- That's the spirit.
- I'm gonna fuckin' die, man!
140
00:14:03,608 --> 00:14:05,694
No, it will be all right, my friend.
141
00:14:06,317 --> 00:14:11,152
Nine parts vodka, four parts
grape flavoured fruit drink,
142
00:14:11,358 --> 00:14:14,452
freeze overnight,
serve in plastic...
143
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:17,744
the perfect Beyond Chunderdome.
144
00:14:30,358 --> 00:14:32,113
Shoot her, Tucker.
No, shoot her, Tucker!
145
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:37,946
Shut up! All of you.
146
00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:41,077
- This is a quite a conundrum.
- Can't we just tie them up?
147
00:14:41,275 --> 00:14:43,574
We don't have time for prisoners.
148
00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,695
- What's my middle name?
- Felix!
149
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,318
What's my mortal fear?
Water!
150
00:14:48,525 --> 00:14:51,286
Well, it seems Gibraltar has copied
their memories perfectly.
151
00:14:51,483 --> 00:14:54,778
- Then it's impossible.
- Not entirely, my friends.
152
00:14:54,983 --> 00:14:57,235
Whilst you can copy
the information in someone's brain,
153
00:14:57,442 --> 00:14:59,527
you cannot copy their emotions.
154
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,618
This is how
we'll find the imposters.
155
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,203
I see.
156
00:15:33,525 --> 00:15:35,160
That was beautiful.
157
00:15:36,025 --> 00:15:37,993
I wrote that for you, Claire.
158
00:15:39,442 --> 00:15:41,243
Thanks for the lessons, Pierre.
159
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:46,822
Russians don't have emotions.
So the test is no good on her, my friend.
160
00:15:47,025 --> 00:15:48,826
The cloned llsa will say whatever...
161
00:15:49,025 --> 00:15:51,443
she thinks I wanna hear
to stay alive.
162
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,783
But the real llsa...
163
00:15:53,983 --> 00:15:56,484
I don't know what she wants
164
00:15:56,692 --> 00:15:58,944
and I don't think
she'll ever really know.
165
00:16:00,483 --> 00:16:02,321
So...
Why shouldn't I kill you?
166
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,154
Too easy.
167
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,279
So, what was your answer?
168
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,320
Cinque... Cinque!
169
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,577
Cinque!
170
00:17:41,983 --> 00:17:42,991
Cinque!
171
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,609
Cinque!
172
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,161
Cinque!
173
00:19:41,358 --> 00:19:43,741
Oh, no...
We killed Hitler's clone!
174
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,786
What happened?
175
00:20:23,775 --> 00:20:25,410
Can we fix it?
176
00:20:45,817 --> 00:20:47,985
I fear it is too late, my friends.
177
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:14,526
Tucker!
178
00:21:24,775 --> 00:21:26,410
Wake up, Tucker!
179
00:21:26,608 --> 00:21:27,734
Tucker!
180
00:21:28,775 --> 00:21:30,280
Not now!
181
00:21:31,525 --> 00:21:32,817
Tucker...
182
00:21:33,858 --> 00:21:35,198
Tucker?
183
00:21:43,567 --> 00:21:46,150
Right then, are we back in business?
184
00:22:47,942 --> 00:22:49,447
Ladies and gentlemen...
185
00:22:49,650 --> 00:22:53,443
I know you're all here just
for the drinks, so I'll be brief.
186
00:22:54,358 --> 00:22:55,568
Only joking.
187
00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:59,153
Except for Marco Pranzo,
he is just here for the drinks.
188
00:23:01,567 --> 00:23:03,072
We're all here today
189
00:23:03,275 --> 00:23:06,369
to honour the five finest soldiers
I've had the under my command.
190
00:23:06,567 --> 00:23:07,574
I salute you.
191
00:23:07,775 --> 00:23:10,785
And now I have the honour
of handing over the formalities
192
00:23:10,983 --> 00:23:15,653
to the President of the World,
Signor Massimiliano Importante.
193
00:23:16,775 --> 00:23:19,572
Cinque, cinque, cinque, cinque.
Ciao.
194
00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:22,157
Buona sera.
195
00:23:36,067 --> 00:23:38,650
Looks like we need to get
some copies cut!
196
00:23:41,567 --> 00:23:42,989
There's only one.
197
00:23:43,192 --> 00:23:44,946
And now we dance.
198
00:24:25,025 --> 00:24:27,359
Are you sick of striking out?
199
00:24:27,567 --> 00:24:31,490
Moreno pre-lit matches are lit
at the factory for your convenience.
200
00:24:31,692 --> 00:24:35,282
Moreno pre-lit matches...
keeping you alight.
201
00:25:23,733 --> 00:25:26,863
- What do you want?
- I want to speak to the manager.
202
00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:29,117
The manager does not want
to see you.
15388
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