All language subtitles for The King of Queens - S06E20 - Foe Pa (1080p x265 EDGE2020)-ing

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,393 --> 00:00:15,261 Where is the remote? 2 00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:19,365 Hey, remote! Come here, boy. 3 00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:21,400 No remote. Carrie! 4 00:00:21,468 --> 00:00:24,170 Where'd you put the remote?! 5 00:00:25,940 --> 00:00:27,874 Ah, here you are, you little scamp. 6 00:00:27,942 --> 00:00:30,744 Ahh. Yeah. 7 00:00:33,380 --> 00:00:35,381 Oh, no, no, no, no! 8 00:01:45,084 --> 00:01:47,569 Scratch just above my left buttock. 9 00:01:50,890 --> 00:01:52,291 Couple things- 10 00:01:52,358 --> 00:01:54,092 uh, you didn't say please, 11 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,328 and I'd rather die. 12 00:01:56,395 --> 00:01:57,662 Damn it, 13 00:01:57,730 --> 00:02:00,081 this rash is torture, and it's in a spot 14 00:02:00,149 --> 00:02:02,183 I just can't reach. 15 00:02:04,270 --> 00:02:06,104 Hey, hey, come on. Don't use that. 16 00:02:06,172 --> 00:02:07,556 I have to. It's the only utensil 17 00:02:07,623 --> 00:02:09,958 that feels remotely like human fingers. 18 00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:13,378 So... you've tried them all? 19 00:02:13,446 --> 00:02:16,264 At various times over the years, yes. 20 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,565 Ok, sorry to keep bugging you, 21 00:02:33,633 --> 00:02:35,350 but what do you think of this outfit for my interview? 22 00:02:35,418 --> 00:02:36,751 Do we have a winner? 23 00:02:36,819 --> 00:02:38,704 It's nice, it's nice. But how about an outfit 24 00:02:38,771 --> 00:02:41,106 that shows off a little more... 25 00:02:41,173 --> 00:02:43,408 Boobage? 26 00:02:43,476 --> 00:02:44,626 Doug, come on. I want to get this job 27 00:02:44,694 --> 00:02:46,295 on my qualifications. And I'll tell you, 28 00:02:46,362 --> 00:02:49,164 I have a really good feeling about this one. 29 00:02:49,232 --> 00:02:51,099 You know, the head of the dugan group 30 00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:52,784 legal department called me personally 31 00:02:52,851 --> 00:02:53,785 to confirm the interview. 32 00:02:53,852 --> 00:02:55,520 He went on and on about my resume, 33 00:02:55,588 --> 00:02:57,489 my letters of recommendation. 34 00:02:57,557 --> 00:02:59,491 I mean, he practically gave me the job 35 00:02:59,559 --> 00:03:00,758 on the phone. 36 00:03:00,826 --> 00:03:02,794 Yeah, but just to be safe... 37 00:03:06,148 --> 00:03:07,449 Darling, my friend Mickey just gave me the name 38 00:03:07,517 --> 00:03:09,418 of his dermatologist in stamford, Connecticut. 39 00:03:09,486 --> 00:03:11,653 Please take me there immediately. 40 00:03:11,721 --> 00:03:12,821 Dad, that couldn't be less possible. 41 00:03:12,889 --> 00:03:15,057 I have a job interview in 2 hours. 42 00:03:15,124 --> 00:03:16,858 I understand. 43 00:03:16,926 --> 00:03:20,112 Douglas, let's roll. 44 00:03:20,179 --> 00:03:21,313 I can't. I got the cable guy coming. 45 00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,465 If I miss him this time, I gotta wait another month. 46 00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:24,583 But my haunches are on fire. 47 00:03:24,650 --> 00:03:26,351 Does that mean nothing to you? 48 00:03:26,419 --> 00:03:28,971 All right, you know what, dad, 49 00:03:29,038 --> 00:03:31,106 Dr. mandelbaum's office is on the way to my interview. 50 00:03:31,173 --> 00:03:32,757 If you're that uncomfortable, I will drop you off 51 00:03:32,825 --> 00:03:35,143 and pick you up when I am done, ok? 52 00:03:35,211 --> 00:03:35,961 Why, so he can just give me some more 53 00:03:36,028 --> 00:03:38,480 of his overpriced ointment? No dice! 54 00:03:38,548 --> 00:03:41,449 I want to see Mickey's dermatologist. Mickey swears by him! 55 00:03:41,517 --> 00:03:43,085 Mickey has more spots on his face 56 00:03:43,153 --> 00:03:45,320 than a cheetah, ok? 57 00:03:45,388 --> 00:03:46,788 It's mandelbaum or nobody. 58 00:03:46,856 --> 00:03:48,723 Now you've got 5 minutes to get dressed. 59 00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:50,075 Fine. 60 00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:57,666 Ms. heffernan? Yes. 61 00:03:57,734 --> 00:03:58,834 Mr. hecht is just finishing up a call 62 00:03:58,902 --> 00:03:59,902 in the conference room. 63 00:03:59,969 --> 00:04:01,904 He'll be ready for you in a few moments. 64 00:04:01,971 --> 00:04:04,506 Ok. Thank you. 65 00:04:06,910 --> 00:04:09,277 I have never been so angry! 66 00:04:09,345 --> 00:04:11,062 Shh! Dad, what are you doing here? 67 00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:12,731 I told you to wait for me at mandelbaum's. 68 00:04:12,799 --> 00:04:14,032 I couldn't very well wait in the office 69 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,468 of a man I'm now suing, could I? What?! 70 00:04:16,536 --> 00:04:18,820 That charlatan took one little peek at my rash 71 00:04:18,888 --> 00:04:20,422 and told me to keep using the ointment. 72 00:04:20,489 --> 00:04:22,457 I grabbed my file out of his hands, 73 00:04:22,525 --> 00:04:23,458 kicked over his cactus, 74 00:04:23,526 --> 00:04:25,226 and ran like the dickens! 75 00:04:25,294 --> 00:04:25,994 Shh! 76 00:04:26,062 --> 00:04:27,829 Ms. heffernan? He's ready. 77 00:04:27,897 --> 00:04:28,964 Oh, ok. Thank you. 78 00:04:29,032 --> 00:04:30,832 Young lady, which of your lawyers 79 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,701 specializes in dermatology scams? 80 00:04:32,769 --> 00:04:34,269 Ha ha ha ha. He's kidding. 81 00:04:34,337 --> 00:04:37,605 Come on. Yeah. 82 00:04:37,673 --> 00:04:38,590 Now, you listen to me, you. 83 00:04:38,658 --> 00:04:40,459 Until my interview is over, you will sit there 84 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,728 and speak and make eye contact with no one. 85 00:04:42,795 --> 00:04:44,245 But I- no one! 86 00:04:44,313 --> 00:04:47,099 Now sit down. Sit. 87 00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:48,833 And stay. 88 00:04:52,255 --> 00:04:54,489 One of the differences between the way we operate 89 00:04:54,557 --> 00:04:55,824 and what you might have been used to is that, 90 00:04:55,891 --> 00:04:58,593 since this a real estate development firm, 91 00:04:58,661 --> 00:04:59,728 the lawyers aren't running the show, 92 00:04:59,795 --> 00:05:00,895 unfortunately. 93 00:05:00,963 --> 00:05:02,263 Right, right. 94 00:05:02,331 --> 00:05:04,599 We could be going in one direction on a project, 95 00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:06,201 and then the development guys pull something 96 00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:08,036 and we have to do a 180 overnight. 97 00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:11,006 Well, actually, what I consider one of my strengths 98 00:05:11,073 --> 00:05:13,058 as an assistant is I keep my own 99 00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:15,761 cross-referenced files on all the... 100 00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:19,848 Cases my boss is working on, 101 00:05:19,916 --> 00:05:24,553 so if things change suddenly, I can, uh... 102 00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:26,588 You can what? 103 00:05:26,656 --> 00:05:27,572 Uh... 104 00:05:29,542 --> 00:05:31,142 So, often you might be called on 105 00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:32,844 to assist one of our senior attorneys 106 00:05:32,912 --> 00:05:35,681 at city hearings, negotiations, and so forth. 107 00:05:35,748 --> 00:05:37,799 Oh, well, that's very exciting news, because at my old firm 108 00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:39,901 there was really never an opportunity to- 109 00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:48,543 and I don't have any children, so if I'm required 110 00:05:48,611 --> 00:05:50,445 to stay late or go out of town, 111 00:05:50,513 --> 00:05:52,280 that doesn't really present a- 112 00:05:53,299 --> 00:05:54,682 a problem- 113 00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:57,035 in-in the sense that I would give 114 00:05:57,103 --> 00:05:58,820 my total focus to- 115 00:05:58,888 --> 00:06:02,190 just one second. I'll be right back. 116 00:06:03,793 --> 00:06:06,077 Excuse me. 117 00:06:06,145 --> 00:06:07,579 What are you doing? 118 00:06:07,647 --> 00:06:09,248 I told you not to talk to anybody. 119 00:06:09,315 --> 00:06:11,249 He asked me if I was being helped. 120 00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:13,050 Damn it, I have a lawsuit to file! 121 00:06:13,118 --> 00:06:15,787 Shh! Dad, these are real estate lawyers, ok? 122 00:06:15,854 --> 00:06:17,422 They don't represent lunatics 123 00:06:17,490 --> 00:06:18,956 who want to sue their dermatologist! 124 00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,826 They all moonlight. Grow up. Good sir- 125 00:06:20,893 --> 00:06:22,511 no, dad, come here. Give me the file. 126 00:06:22,578 --> 00:06:23,978 Just stop and knock it off. 127 00:06:24,047 --> 00:06:25,147 Give it- no! No! 128 00:06:25,214 --> 00:06:26,881 What are you doing?! 129 00:06:30,602 --> 00:06:32,571 One more sec. 130 00:06:37,793 --> 00:06:40,328 It's funny. You know, I mean, 131 00:06:40,396 --> 00:06:42,530 ever since it went out, I... 132 00:06:42,598 --> 00:06:44,933 Keep walking by and grabbing for that remote 133 00:06:45,001 --> 00:06:47,635 and flicking it on and... 134 00:06:47,703 --> 00:06:49,921 That static comes up. 135 00:06:49,989 --> 00:06:51,657 I keep doing it over and over again, 136 00:06:51,724 --> 00:06:53,558 you know, 'cause I forget. 137 00:06:53,626 --> 00:06:56,328 That's the thing with something like this. 138 00:06:56,396 --> 00:07:00,065 You just forget. 139 00:07:00,132 --> 00:07:01,900 I've had it with him, Doug! I've just had it! 140 00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:04,369 What happened? 141 00:07:04,437 --> 00:07:05,637 I had the job. I could feel it. 142 00:07:05,705 --> 00:07:08,006 All I had to do was get through the interview 143 00:07:08,073 --> 00:07:10,008 without acting like a mental patient. 144 00:07:10,075 --> 00:07:12,043 Well, guess who took care of that for me?! 145 00:07:12,111 --> 00:07:13,278 Oh, please. I didn't come near 146 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,546 her precious interview. 147 00:07:14,613 --> 00:07:16,682 I was conducting a private conversation, 148 00:07:16,749 --> 00:07:18,449 and she interrupted me! 149 00:07:18,517 --> 00:07:21,202 He showed a stranger his ass. 150 00:07:21,270 --> 00:07:23,605 The top of my ass! 151 00:07:23,672 --> 00:07:25,107 Should I come back another time? 152 00:07:25,174 --> 00:07:26,024 No, no, no, no, no, no. 153 00:07:26,091 --> 00:07:27,442 This is just playful banter. 154 00:07:27,509 --> 00:07:28,944 So what happened with his ass? 155 00:07:29,011 --> 00:07:30,778 It doesn't matter, ok? 156 00:07:30,846 --> 00:07:32,079 The point is I had a shot 157 00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:33,381 at something good in my life, 158 00:07:33,449 --> 00:07:37,118 and once again my father stomped it into dust! 159 00:07:37,185 --> 00:07:38,636 And here come the melodramatics! 160 00:07:38,704 --> 00:07:39,770 You know what? 161 00:07:39,838 --> 00:07:41,422 Go to hell. 162 00:07:41,490 --> 00:07:44,759 Sure, everything is my fault! 163 00:07:44,827 --> 00:07:45,894 Were it not for me, you'd be married 164 00:07:45,962 --> 00:07:49,597 to the prince of Monaco and living in his castle! 165 00:07:49,665 --> 00:07:52,050 Maybe I really should leave. 166 00:07:52,117 --> 00:07:54,669 No, no, no. Look, it's over. It's all over. 167 00:07:54,737 --> 00:07:55,937 You know, let me tell you something. 168 00:07:56,005 --> 00:07:57,538 Crap. 169 00:07:57,606 --> 00:08:00,041 I didn't want to marry the prince of Monaco. 170 00:08:00,109 --> 00:08:01,610 I did want to win that junior spelling bee. 171 00:08:01,677 --> 00:08:02,910 You remember that, huh? 172 00:08:02,978 --> 00:08:03,911 Indeed I do. 173 00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:05,146 Really? 'Cause I would have won that 174 00:08:05,214 --> 00:08:06,547 had you not shouted out 175 00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,299 how to spell the word vestibule 176 00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:10,251 while I was thinking of it! 177 00:08:10,319 --> 00:08:11,002 I had to shout. 178 00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:14,022 You kept ignoring my hand signals! 179 00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:16,524 You know what else I wanted? I wanted to perform 180 00:08:16,592 --> 00:08:19,393 in the seventh grade performance of swan lake, 181 00:08:19,461 --> 00:08:22,447 not be yanked out of the auditorium in my leotard 182 00:08:22,515 --> 00:08:23,848 because they didn't want to give you 183 00:08:23,916 --> 00:08:26,618 "v.I.P. Seating." 184 00:08:26,685 --> 00:08:28,386 The other swans' parents were in the front row. 185 00:08:28,454 --> 00:08:29,921 Should I have ignored that? 186 00:08:29,988 --> 00:08:32,039 Yes, yeah, yeah, you should have ignored that because- 187 00:08:32,107 --> 00:08:34,776 now I know this is a hard concept for you to understand- 188 00:08:34,844 --> 00:08:37,712 that night wasn't about you. 189 00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:39,747 Oh, this is stupid. It's just ancient history. 190 00:08:39,816 --> 00:08:43,068 Oh, ok, you want to talk about today, then? 191 00:08:43,136 --> 00:08:45,303 I would've liked to have gotten that secretary job, 192 00:08:45,371 --> 00:08:47,088 but you know what I would've liked more? 193 00:08:47,156 --> 00:08:50,375 Not having to grovel for a secretary job at all. 194 00:08:50,443 --> 00:08:52,076 But that would have meant me going to college, 195 00:08:52,144 --> 00:08:53,678 and I didn't go to college, did I? 196 00:08:53,746 --> 00:08:56,314 No. I became a checker at waldbaum's. 197 00:08:56,382 --> 00:08:59,417 Why, because somebody said I would be abandoning him. 198 00:08:59,485 --> 00:09:00,585 Your mother had just died! 199 00:09:00,652 --> 00:09:02,253 My life was in upheaval! 200 00:09:02,321 --> 00:09:05,323 So was mine. News flash, ok? 201 00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:06,390 You were never there for me, dad. 202 00:09:06,459 --> 00:09:08,726 You never-you never are, you never were. 203 00:09:08,794 --> 00:09:10,728 And you know what, when I was sitting there 204 00:09:10,796 --> 00:09:12,029 trying to hold that interview together 205 00:09:12,097 --> 00:09:13,230 and I was looking through that glass, 206 00:09:13,298 --> 00:09:14,231 do you know what I saw? 207 00:09:14,299 --> 00:09:16,734 What I've been seeing my whole life: 208 00:09:16,802 --> 00:09:18,069 A lousy father. 209 00:09:18,136 --> 00:09:20,288 A selfish, overbearing, 210 00:09:20,356 --> 00:09:21,957 lousy father! 211 00:09:28,547 --> 00:09:31,816 Did I offer you a soda yet? 212 00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:33,535 I gotta go. 213 00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:42,110 I don't know what to say. 214 00:09:42,178 --> 00:09:45,380 Nothing you can say, nothing you can do. 215 00:09:45,447 --> 00:09:46,848 Unless you can go back in time 216 00:09:46,916 --> 00:09:48,516 and fix everything. 217 00:10:05,033 --> 00:10:06,200 Hello? 218 00:10:08,003 --> 00:10:09,336 Oh. Uh-huh. 219 00:10:10,839 --> 00:10:13,575 Ok. Thank you. 220 00:10:16,344 --> 00:10:18,680 I got the job. 221 00:10:18,747 --> 00:10:21,166 Um... 222 00:10:21,233 --> 00:10:24,268 Yay? 223 00:10:31,325 --> 00:10:33,026 Hey, any sign of my dad? 224 00:10:33,094 --> 00:10:34,761 Nope. I thought I saw him 225 00:10:34,828 --> 00:10:35,995 in the park, but it turned out 226 00:10:36,063 --> 00:10:38,064 to be just a weird-shaped kid. 227 00:10:38,132 --> 00:10:40,233 Ohh. Why couldn't that stupid phone call 228 00:10:40,301 --> 00:10:42,335 have come 5 minutes earlier? 229 00:10:42,403 --> 00:10:44,838 Then I never would've gone off on him like that. 230 00:10:44,906 --> 00:10:46,907 How bad was it? 231 00:10:46,975 --> 00:10:49,543 It wasn't that bad. It really wasn't. 232 00:10:49,610 --> 00:10:50,793 Doug, don't lie to me. How bad was it? 233 00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,529 It was the worst thing I ever saw. 234 00:10:52,597 --> 00:10:54,130 And I once saw a guy chase his glass eye 235 00:10:54,198 --> 00:10:57,767 down a flight of subway stairs. 236 00:10:57,835 --> 00:11:01,021 Oh, this is awful! 237 00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:02,022 Look, it's gonna be all right. 238 00:11:02,089 --> 00:11:03,723 No, it's not gonna be all right, Doug. 239 00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:05,992 I mean, there are things in life 240 00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:07,560 you just don't say out loud, and I said 'em. 241 00:11:07,628 --> 00:11:10,597 I called the man a lousy father. 242 00:11:10,665 --> 00:11:12,298 I did say that, right? 243 00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:13,133 Twice. 244 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,485 The second time, you kind of spit on him. 245 00:11:17,388 --> 00:11:18,388 Hey, what's up? 246 00:11:18,455 --> 00:11:20,123 Your dad's at my place. 247 00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:21,742 Oh, good. How is he? 248 00:11:21,809 --> 00:11:22,509 Well, he seems pretty upset. 249 00:11:22,576 --> 00:11:23,727 He said he's not coming home 250 00:11:23,795 --> 00:11:26,863 until he figures out a way to go back in time, 251 00:11:26,931 --> 00:11:28,164 which has me a little worried, 252 00:11:28,233 --> 00:11:30,900 'cause I'm having people over tonight. 253 00:11:30,968 --> 00:11:33,186 Don't worry. I'll take care of it. 254 00:11:33,253 --> 00:11:34,788 Go talk to him, honey. 255 00:11:34,856 --> 00:11:36,790 Me? 256 00:11:36,858 --> 00:11:38,525 Yeah, please. I wouldn't even know 257 00:11:38,593 --> 00:11:40,193 what to say to him right now. 258 00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:40,994 You just tell him you got the job 259 00:11:41,062 --> 00:11:42,412 and everything'll be fine. 260 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,147 Doug, I don't think the job news will offset 261 00:11:44,215 --> 00:11:46,149 the "I hate you" news. 262 00:11:46,217 --> 00:11:48,251 I got nothing to say to him. 263 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,087 Yeah, but someone's gonna talk to him, right? 264 00:11:51,155 --> 00:11:53,457 'Cause I have a lot of jell-o shots to make. 265 00:11:55,943 --> 00:11:56,876 Fine. All right, fine. 266 00:11:56,944 --> 00:11:58,011 I will do it. 267 00:11:58,078 --> 00:11:59,529 Thank you, honey. I love you. 268 00:11:59,597 --> 00:12:02,132 All right, I'm gonna go take a walk and clear my head. 269 00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:03,700 Ok. I have no TV, 270 00:12:03,768 --> 00:12:04,935 and now I'm about to beg Arthur 271 00:12:05,002 --> 00:12:06,269 to come back home. 272 00:12:06,337 --> 00:12:07,370 You know what, you'd better drive. 273 00:12:07,438 --> 00:12:09,489 I might take us off a bridge. 274 00:12:20,184 --> 00:12:22,853 Hey, Arthur. I'm back. 275 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,187 I brought Doug. 276 00:12:24,255 --> 00:12:26,723 Howdy. 277 00:12:26,791 --> 00:12:28,691 So, this is my place. 278 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,293 Wow. Very nice. 279 00:12:30,361 --> 00:12:32,462 Very, very nice. 280 00:12:32,529 --> 00:12:33,913 Good view of the expressway. 281 00:12:35,383 --> 00:12:38,051 Great view, actually. 282 00:12:38,118 --> 00:12:39,619 Yeah, and after a while, the traffic noise 283 00:12:39,687 --> 00:12:41,421 starts to sound like the ocean. 284 00:12:41,489 --> 00:12:43,623 Wow, another plus right there. 285 00:12:44,692 --> 00:12:45,858 Oh. 286 00:12:45,926 --> 00:12:49,212 So, Arthur, how's it going? 287 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,581 How's, uh- how's your rash? 288 00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:52,666 Much better. 289 00:12:52,817 --> 00:12:56,419 Turns out mandelbaum's ointment works after all. 290 00:12:56,487 --> 00:12:58,071 Good. That's good. 291 00:12:58,139 --> 00:12:59,555 Now if there were only some sort of ointment 292 00:12:59,624 --> 00:13:01,791 for failing as a parent. 293 00:13:01,859 --> 00:13:04,477 I don't know if you failed as a parent. 294 00:13:04,545 --> 00:13:07,414 You got, like, a c-minus maybe. 295 00:13:07,481 --> 00:13:08,681 Which, in my house, was good enough 296 00:13:08,749 --> 00:13:11,051 to earn you a trip to carvel. 297 00:13:11,119 --> 00:13:12,185 Anyway, you know what, I think you should come home, 298 00:13:12,252 --> 00:13:13,486 sit down with Carrie, you talk this out. 299 00:13:13,554 --> 00:13:14,588 Damn it, Douglas, 300 00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:16,823 talking won't fix what I've done to her. 301 00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:18,524 The lost friends, the broken dreams, 302 00:13:18,593 --> 00:13:20,226 that job today. You heard her, 303 00:13:20,294 --> 00:13:22,328 I can't fix it unless I go back in time. 304 00:13:22,396 --> 00:13:24,164 And unless you're incredibly wealthy, 305 00:13:24,232 --> 00:13:26,499 that's impossible. 306 00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:28,401 I know, but you gotta come home. 307 00:13:28,469 --> 00:13:29,769 I will not come home again! 308 00:13:29,837 --> 00:13:32,806 This is my home now! 309 00:13:32,873 --> 00:13:34,624 No, no, no, no. He cannot live here. 310 00:13:34,692 --> 00:13:37,594 I already am not supposed to have the cat. 311 00:13:37,662 --> 00:13:39,962 All right, you know what, I think I got an idea here, ok? 312 00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:40,863 Hey, Arthur, you know what, 313 00:13:40,931 --> 00:13:42,315 I think I may have figured a way 314 00:13:42,382 --> 00:13:43,617 you can go back in time 315 00:13:43,684 --> 00:13:45,652 and actually fix what happened today. 316 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,253 How? 317 00:13:47,321 --> 00:13:48,822 Just call the guy down at the dugan group 318 00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:51,557 and apologize for messing up Carrie's interview. 319 00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:52,826 And, you know, maybe he'll change his mind 320 00:13:52,894 --> 00:13:54,360 and hire her after all. 321 00:13:54,428 --> 00:13:55,728 You really think that will work? 322 00:13:55,997 --> 00:13:56,730 You never know unless you try. 323 00:13:56,798 --> 00:13:58,248 Ok, we'll give you some privacy. 324 00:13:58,316 --> 00:13:59,299 Yeah, ok? 325 00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:00,667 What's this man's name again? 326 00:14:00,735 --> 00:14:03,437 Uh, it's, uh... Lance. 327 00:14:03,504 --> 00:14:05,973 Uh... bossington. 328 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,074 Got it! 329 00:14:09,894 --> 00:14:14,030 Yes, may I speak with Lance bossington, please? 330 00:14:14,098 --> 00:14:15,882 Mr. bossington? 331 00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:17,617 Please hold the line, sir. 332 00:14:20,037 --> 00:14:22,005 Bossington here. 333 00:14:22,072 --> 00:14:24,641 Yes, I do remember you, Mr. spooner. 334 00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,142 As I recall, you and your daughter 335 00:14:26,210 --> 00:14:28,211 made quite a ruckus here. 336 00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:29,646 Mm-hmm. 337 00:14:29,714 --> 00:14:32,198 So, what happened today was entirely my fault, sir. 338 00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:35,935 I truly wish you would reconsider your decision. 339 00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:37,336 You will? 340 00:14:37,404 --> 00:14:38,354 Of course I will. 341 00:14:38,422 --> 00:14:42,358 You're a very persuasive man, Mr. spooner. 342 00:14:42,426 --> 00:14:43,577 Why, it's almost as if you've gone back in time 343 00:14:43,644 --> 00:14:47,714 and made things right. Remarkable! 344 00:14:47,782 --> 00:14:50,066 Shut your trap out here! 345 00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:51,367 Uh, look... 346 00:14:51,435 --> 00:14:53,786 I've got to run into a big real estate meeting now. 347 00:14:53,854 --> 00:14:57,624 I'm trading in 4 houses for a hotel. 348 00:14:57,691 --> 00:14:58,724 Good-bye. 349 00:14:58,792 --> 00:15:00,143 Nice. 350 00:15:02,212 --> 00:15:04,431 Any luck? It worked! 351 00:15:04,498 --> 00:15:06,466 Wow. Carrie's gonna be happy to hear that, huh? 352 00:15:06,534 --> 00:15:07,834 Good job, Artie. 353 00:15:07,901 --> 00:15:10,704 It actually is possible to fix the past. 354 00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:11,837 You proved that. Didn't he? 355 00:15:11,905 --> 00:15:14,106 Mm-hmm. Here's your jacket. 356 00:15:14,175 --> 00:15:15,875 Oh, no. I can't go home yet. 357 00:15:15,943 --> 00:15:17,760 I've got many more calls to make, 358 00:15:17,828 --> 00:15:19,962 many more wrongs to right. 359 00:15:20,030 --> 00:15:21,881 Arthur, you got Carrie the job. That's enough! 360 00:15:21,949 --> 00:15:23,116 It's not enough. I won't leave 361 00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:24,450 until I've fixed everything. 362 00:15:24,519 --> 00:15:27,320 Because now I know I can! 363 00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,040 Ok. 364 00:15:31,108 --> 00:15:32,975 Now, each of the numbers we gave to Arthur 365 00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:34,977 corresponds to one of these cell phones. 366 00:15:35,045 --> 00:15:37,681 Like, when this one rings, for example, 367 00:15:37,748 --> 00:15:38,815 Arthur's gonna think he's calling the woman 368 00:15:38,883 --> 00:15:41,017 who was Carrie's elementary school principal, 369 00:15:41,085 --> 00:15:43,552 but, in fact, it'll actually be you. 370 00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:44,754 Ok, now, like when this one rings here, 371 00:15:44,822 --> 00:15:45,755 he thinks he's gonna be calling. 372 00:15:45,823 --> 00:15:47,290 Carrie's high school boyfriend. 373 00:15:47,358 --> 00:15:49,542 That'll be me. And so on. 374 00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:51,361 So, I'll be all the women, 375 00:15:51,429 --> 00:15:53,263 and you'll be all the men? 376 00:15:53,331 --> 00:15:56,966 I think that's best. 377 00:15:58,352 --> 00:16:01,321 You're up. Ok, make me proud, 378 00:16:01,389 --> 00:16:03,589 miss hanratty. 379 00:16:03,657 --> 00:16:04,974 So what you're saying is, 380 00:16:05,042 --> 00:16:08,795 that Carrie actually knew how to spell vestibule. 381 00:16:08,862 --> 00:16:11,331 Yes, she spelled it for me on a regular basis. 382 00:16:11,399 --> 00:16:12,799 If I hadn't shouted it out, 383 00:16:12,866 --> 00:16:14,567 she would have won for sure. 384 00:16:14,635 --> 00:16:16,869 Well, in that case, I should go back into the records 385 00:16:16,938 --> 00:16:19,472 and make her the winner, shouldn't I? 386 00:16:19,540 --> 00:16:21,741 That would be marvelous! 387 00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:23,810 Of course I forgive you. 388 00:16:23,877 --> 00:16:25,078 In fact, the next time 389 00:16:25,146 --> 00:16:27,347 we do the seventh grade production of swan lake, 390 00:16:27,415 --> 00:16:30,650 I know who our special guest ballerina's gonna be. 391 00:16:30,717 --> 00:16:33,420 Carrie spooner! 392 00:16:35,722 --> 00:16:37,257 Sure, Mr. s., 393 00:16:37,325 --> 00:16:39,225 I accept your apology. 394 00:16:39,293 --> 00:16:41,294 Carrie is once again my favorite girlfriend 395 00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:43,095 from all of high school. 396 00:16:43,163 --> 00:16:45,298 You're a prince, Peter. 397 00:16:45,366 --> 00:16:47,283 You've actually made me feel quite foolish 398 00:16:47,351 --> 00:16:49,819 for cutting short your romance with my daughter. 399 00:16:49,887 --> 00:16:53,089 Well, I'm sure she did pretty well for herself. 400 00:16:53,157 --> 00:16:55,675 Oh, yes, she's married to a very nice fellow. 401 00:16:55,743 --> 00:16:58,278 Though, frankly, he is a bit of a simpleton. 402 00:16:58,346 --> 00:17:00,113 And I get the distinct impression 403 00:17:00,181 --> 00:17:01,248 that in the bedroom, 404 00:17:01,315 --> 00:17:04,451 he's skittish, clumsy, and tentative. 405 00:17:04,519 --> 00:17:06,653 Top that off with his atrocious health habits, 406 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,255 and it's quite a mess over there. 407 00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:09,656 Hang in there, Peter. 408 00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:11,658 You may just get another chance! 409 00:17:13,427 --> 00:17:15,278 How'd that go? 410 00:17:15,346 --> 00:17:17,580 It was good. It's fine, fine. 411 00:17:17,648 --> 00:17:19,315 All right, Mr. spooners. 412 00:17:19,383 --> 00:17:20,750 I appreciate you coming clean 413 00:17:20,817 --> 00:17:22,118 on that 11th item. 414 00:17:22,186 --> 00:17:25,355 Carrie's welcome back in my express line whenevers. 415 00:17:27,358 --> 00:17:30,260 A little racist, but did the trick. 416 00:17:30,327 --> 00:17:31,744 Ok, we got one more here. Uh, let's see. 417 00:17:31,812 --> 00:17:34,847 Ok, Martin syznick. 418 00:17:34,915 --> 00:17:35,865 Hey, listen, since the last one is a man, 419 00:17:36,017 --> 00:17:36,949 do you mind if I take off 420 00:17:37,018 --> 00:17:38,251 and get ready for my party? 421 00:17:38,319 --> 00:17:39,585 You know what, you go ahead. I'll handle the call, 422 00:17:39,653 --> 00:17:40,753 then I'll come pick up Arthur. 423 00:17:40,821 --> 00:17:44,190 Great, great. I'll leave him on the stoop! 424 00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:49,595 Hello? 425 00:17:49,663 --> 00:17:52,932 Yes, sir. I'm trying to reach a Marilyn syznick. 426 00:17:54,101 --> 00:17:55,768 Marilyn? 427 00:17:55,836 --> 00:17:57,636 Oh, my God. It does say Marilyn. 428 00:18:01,392 --> 00:18:03,459 Yes, my sister Marilyn just got out of the shower. 429 00:18:03,527 --> 00:18:05,261 Please hold a second. 430 00:18:08,031 --> 00:18:09,299 Hey, look, I need your help, all right? 431 00:18:09,366 --> 00:18:10,433 It's your father. 432 00:18:10,501 --> 00:18:11,651 Oh, good, ok. 433 00:18:11,752 --> 00:18:13,370 Tell him to go to hell. 434 00:18:13,437 --> 00:18:14,787 What? 435 00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:16,105 I was out walking, and it just hit me. 436 00:18:16,173 --> 00:18:17,774 He did it again. He screwed up, 437 00:18:17,841 --> 00:18:19,376 and now I'm the one feeling guilty? 438 00:18:19,443 --> 00:18:20,477 Well, enough. I don't give a crap 439 00:18:20,544 --> 00:18:22,312 if he comes back or not. 440 00:18:24,315 --> 00:18:26,849 Could you just hold on one more second, please? 441 00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:28,734 Why are you talking like that? 442 00:18:28,802 --> 00:18:30,169 Here's the deal, ok? 443 00:18:30,237 --> 00:18:32,471 He refuses to come home here until he can undo 444 00:18:32,539 --> 00:18:34,007 all the bad stuff he did to you. 445 00:18:34,075 --> 00:18:35,057 So what's he's doing, he's calling 446 00:18:35,125 --> 00:18:36,726 all the people he offended to apologize, 447 00:18:36,794 --> 00:18:37,527 or at least he thinks he is. 448 00:18:37,594 --> 00:18:38,778 He's actually talking to me and holly 449 00:18:38,846 --> 00:18:40,980 pretending to be them. 450 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,233 What? 451 00:18:44,301 --> 00:18:46,670 Look, this is the last call, and it's been working. 452 00:18:46,737 --> 00:18:48,371 Just pretend to be Marilyn syznick, 453 00:18:48,439 --> 00:18:50,523 accept his apology, and this'll all be over. 454 00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:51,958 No, I don't want to talk to him. 455 00:18:52,026 --> 00:18:53,392 One more second. 456 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,962 She's just slipping into her robe. 457 00:18:56,030 --> 00:18:57,096 Come on, do it. Just do it. 458 00:18:57,164 --> 00:18:58,798 Just do it! 459 00:18:58,866 --> 00:19:01,801 Disguise your voice. 460 00:19:01,869 --> 00:19:05,171 Hello? 461 00:19:05,239 --> 00:19:07,807 Is this Marilyn syznick? 462 00:19:07,874 --> 00:19:09,175 Uh-huh. 463 00:19:09,243 --> 00:19:11,277 It's Arthur spooner calling. 464 00:19:11,344 --> 00:19:14,047 Years ago, my daughter was in your brownie troop. 465 00:19:14,114 --> 00:19:15,848 That is, until I angrily accused you 466 00:19:15,916 --> 00:19:17,183 of favoring the Polish children 467 00:19:17,251 --> 00:19:18,717 in the assignment of merit badges. 468 00:19:18,785 --> 00:19:19,718 Do you recall? 469 00:19:19,786 --> 00:19:21,187 Mm-hmm. 470 00:19:21,255 --> 00:19:23,490 Anyway, I'm calling to apologize 471 00:19:23,557 --> 00:19:25,024 and ask if you'd be kind enough 472 00:19:25,092 --> 00:19:26,993 to send along any patches or certificates 473 00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:28,928 she may have lost on my account. 474 00:19:28,996 --> 00:19:32,799 Oh, yes. Well, that's fine, yes. 475 00:19:32,866 --> 00:19:35,435 Oh, thank you so much. 476 00:19:35,503 --> 00:19:37,671 I know this must seem strange to you, 477 00:19:37,738 --> 00:19:39,372 given that Carrie's a grown woman now, 478 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:43,343 but in my heart she'll always be my little baby. 479 00:19:43,411 --> 00:19:44,577 Why, I can still remember 480 00:19:44,645 --> 00:19:46,078 when she was not even a year old 481 00:19:46,146 --> 00:19:49,115 and came down with a terrible case of the croup. 482 00:19:49,183 --> 00:19:51,751 The only think that eased her coughing fits 483 00:19:51,819 --> 00:19:53,219 was when I walked with her in my arms 484 00:19:53,287 --> 00:19:55,689 through the cold night air. 485 00:19:55,756 --> 00:19:58,024 I must've walked 10 Miles with her 486 00:19:58,091 --> 00:20:01,060 every night for a week. 487 00:20:01,128 --> 00:20:03,697 Wow. 488 00:20:03,764 --> 00:20:06,265 Oh, I would've walked 1,000 Miles if I had to. 489 00:20:06,334 --> 00:20:08,401 It's ironic. I tried so hard 490 00:20:08,469 --> 00:20:09,769 to protect that beautiful child, 491 00:20:09,837 --> 00:20:12,706 and today I find out that it was me 492 00:20:12,773 --> 00:20:15,342 who hurt her most of all. 493 00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:18,545 It rips my heart out. 494 00:20:18,612 --> 00:20:19,713 The worst part is 495 00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:21,914 I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. 496 00:20:28,322 --> 00:20:30,156 She will. 497 00:20:30,224 --> 00:20:33,426 You're very kind to say that, Marilyn. 498 00:20:33,494 --> 00:20:36,095 And, if I'm remembering correctly, 499 00:20:36,163 --> 00:20:40,433 you're also quite well-endowed upstairs. 500 00:20:40,501 --> 00:20:42,101 Can I buy you dinner? 501 00:20:42,169 --> 00:20:43,336 Eww. No! 502 00:20:43,404 --> 00:20:46,606 Oh, come on, don't be coy. 503 00:20:46,674 --> 00:20:48,140 The way you'd undo a button 504 00:20:48,208 --> 00:20:49,942 on your troop leader's vest when I came in, 505 00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:51,978 you don't think I noticed that? 506 00:20:52,045 --> 00:20:55,047 What? Get over yourself! 507 00:20:55,115 --> 00:20:56,232 Tease. 508 00:21:07,478 --> 00:21:08,944 Hey. 509 00:21:09,012 --> 00:21:10,646 Oh, hi. 510 00:21:10,714 --> 00:21:12,415 How you doing? 511 00:21:14,384 --> 00:21:15,785 I guess I'm still a little sad. 512 00:21:15,852 --> 00:21:17,920 This whole thing with my dad, you know? 513 00:21:17,988 --> 00:21:19,305 Why? It's over. 514 00:21:19,373 --> 00:21:21,241 He's back. Everything's fine. 515 00:21:21,308 --> 00:21:22,558 I know. It's just that, 516 00:21:22,626 --> 00:21:24,627 when something like this happens 517 00:21:24,695 --> 00:21:25,829 and you're forced to bring up 518 00:21:25,896 --> 00:21:28,764 all those dark and buried feelings, 519 00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:32,702 it just leaves you kind of empty inside, you know? 520 00:21:38,025 --> 00:21:40,877 Ooh! The bachelorette. 36666

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