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1
00:00:10,474 --> 00:00:15,328
Ok, all basted and ready
for the home stretch.
2
00:00:25,974 --> 00:00:27,557
Why didn't you
just open the oven
3
00:00:27,625 --> 00:00:28,892
before you picked up
the Turkey?
4
00:00:30,561 --> 00:00:32,345
Ok, you know what?
Now that you're here,
5
00:00:32,413 --> 00:00:33,814
why don't you
open the oven.
6
00:00:33,881 --> 00:00:36,266
Before I dump hot Turkey
juice all over your privates?!
7
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:39,152
I do believe someone's
flirtin' with me.
8
00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:41,254
Ok. Thank you.
9
00:00:41,322 --> 00:00:43,790
All right.
Well, that's it.
10
00:00:43,858 --> 00:00:45,492
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
11
00:00:45,559 --> 00:00:48,195
those yams are not
gonna candy themselves.
12
00:00:48,262 --> 00:00:49,529
Wow, this is amazing.
13
00:00:49,596 --> 00:00:50,596
You're cookin' a meal,
14
00:00:50,665 --> 00:00:52,699
and there's no
smoke alarms goin' off,
15
00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:55,535
no dogs howlin'
in the alley.
16
00:00:55,602 --> 00:00:58,337
I know! I'm just
as surprised as you are!
17
00:00:58,405 --> 00:01:00,423
Can you believe that I'm
actually gonna pull off
18
00:01:00,491 --> 00:01:03,092
a home-cooked Thanksgiving
dinner for 10 people?
19
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,846
I mean, that beats
my previous record by...
20
00:01:05,913 --> 00:01:07,681
10!
21
00:01:08,983 --> 00:01:10,316
Oh, gravy's done.
22
00:01:10,384 --> 00:01:11,635
Oh, sweet!
23
00:01:11,702 --> 00:01:12,769
Off, off, off!
24
00:01:12,837 --> 00:01:14,938
Sorry. I heard a bell.
I'm like a fighter that way.
25
00:01:15,006 --> 00:01:16,907
So what can I have?
26
00:01:16,975 --> 00:01:18,709
You can eat anything
over here, all right?
27
00:01:18,776 --> 00:01:20,343
Just get something
out of the refrigerator.
28
00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:22,628
So any word
from your dad upstate?
29
00:01:22,696 --> 00:01:25,431
Yes, um... apparently he had
a fight with his cousin-in-law,
30
00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:27,867
and they have to eat
Thanksgiving dinner in shifts.
31
00:01:27,935 --> 00:01:29,803
It's gonna be weird
32
00:01:29,870 --> 00:01:32,471
having our Thanksgiving
without him, right?
33
00:01:32,539 --> 00:01:33,623
Yeah, I'm really
gonna miss the sight
34
00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:36,226
of a 10-course meal gettin'
caught in the man's mustache.
35
00:01:37,345 --> 00:01:38,961
Ah, leftover pizza,
36
00:01:39,029 --> 00:01:42,064
just under
the 5-day limit.
37
00:01:43,635 --> 00:01:45,769
Wait, whoa. What
are you doing? No.
38
00:01:45,837 --> 00:01:46,803
Gonna reheat pizza.
39
00:01:46,871 --> 00:01:48,838
The broccoli
is cooking in there.
40
00:01:48,906 --> 00:01:51,123
So? Can't I grab a ride
for 30 seconds?
41
00:01:51,191 --> 00:01:53,894
No! Then the broccoli's
gonna taste like pepperoni!
42
00:01:53,961 --> 00:01:55,862
And a parade will
be thrown in your honor.
43
00:01:55,929 --> 00:01:59,632
Ok, here's what I need
you to do:
44
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:01,300
First, leave.
45
00:02:01,369 --> 00:02:02,502
Second,
set the table.
46
00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:03,803
You think
you can manage that?
47
00:02:03,871 --> 00:02:05,171
What's this?
48
00:02:05,239 --> 00:02:06,205
The silver place
settings
49
00:02:06,273 --> 00:02:07,807
your parents gave us
for our wedding.
50
00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:08,758
Why is it in this?
51
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,610
Am I taking them
on vacation?
52
00:02:10,677 --> 00:02:11,845
You're killing me here.
53
00:02:11,913 --> 00:02:13,046
Please, just go.
54
00:02:13,113 --> 00:02:14,614
I'm gonna go get some
sodas out of the garage.
55
00:02:23,541 --> 00:02:24,691
Oh, wow.
56
00:02:27,895 --> 00:02:29,429
I'm eatin'
with this one.
57
00:02:38,606 --> 00:02:39,772
Hello.
58
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,125
Finally, somebody home.
Hey, sorry to bother you.
59
00:02:42,193 --> 00:02:43,910
Any way I could
use your phone?
60
00:02:43,978 --> 00:02:46,129
Uh... what's up?
61
00:02:46,197 --> 00:02:47,764
My car died a couple
blocks from here.
62
00:02:47,832 --> 00:02:49,265
Engine seized up.
63
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,067
That's rough. I mean,
I'm not much of a car guy,
64
00:02:51,135 --> 00:02:53,620
but I know when I seize up,
I not feel so good.
65
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,624
Sure, come on in.
Thanks, man.
66
00:02:57,691 --> 00:02:58,808
It's gettin'
cold out there.
67
00:02:58,876 --> 00:03:00,510
I picked the wrong day
to lose my chapstick.
68
00:03:00,577 --> 00:03:02,112
Oh, been there.
69
00:03:02,179 --> 00:03:03,179
That's why I keep mine
70
00:03:03,247 --> 00:03:04,747
in the little pocket
above the big pocket.
71
00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:05,815
That's for chapstick.
72
00:03:05,883 --> 00:03:07,317
A lot of people
don't know that.
73
00:03:07,385 --> 00:03:08,918
Phone's right there.
74
00:03:08,986 --> 00:03:10,320
Thanks.
75
00:03:16,994 --> 00:03:18,594
Whoa! Hello.
76
00:03:18,662 --> 00:03:19,729
And you are?
77
00:03:19,796 --> 00:03:21,697
That guy said
I could use the phone.
78
00:03:21,765 --> 00:03:23,400
Oh, ok.
79
00:03:28,171 --> 00:03:30,557
Doug? What is a man
with an eye patch
80
00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:31,875
doing in our kitchen?
81
00:03:31,943 --> 00:03:33,110
His car broke down.
82
00:03:33,177 --> 00:03:35,411
And you just
let him in here?
83
00:03:35,479 --> 00:03:36,179
Yeah, he was stranded.
84
00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:37,264
What do you expect me
to do?
85
00:03:37,331 --> 00:03:38,631
Have you ever
met this man before?
86
00:03:38,699 --> 00:03:39,933
No.
87
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:41,935
And have you seen this "car"
that supposedly broke down?
88
00:03:42,003 --> 00:03:42,936
No.
89
00:03:43,004 --> 00:03:44,604
Could you offer me
any assurance
90
00:03:44,672 --> 00:03:46,006
that we're
not about to die?
91
00:03:46,073 --> 00:03:48,975
Will you relax?
It's fine.
92
00:03:49,043 --> 00:03:51,227
I let people in here
all the time.
93
00:03:51,295 --> 00:03:54,080
Oh! Ok,
that's a relief.
94
00:03:54,148 --> 00:03:56,266
Excuse me, what's
your address here?
95
00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:58,034
Oh, it's 3121 aberdeen.
96
00:03:58,102 --> 00:03:59,269
Thanks.
97
00:03:59,336 --> 00:04:00,236
Ow!
98
00:04:02,306 --> 00:04:05,041
You don't just give
a stranger our address.
99
00:04:05,109 --> 00:04:06,642
It's on the door!
100
00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:09,745
It's not like I gave him
my pin number.
101
00:04:09,813 --> 00:04:12,882
Actually, I do use that
as my pin number.
102
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:16,218
You know what?
Just get rid of him, ok?
103
00:04:21,142 --> 00:04:23,493
Ok, my buddy's
coming to pick me up.
104
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,644
Uh, there's a diner
on the corner.
105
00:04:24,712 --> 00:04:26,379
Why don't you wait for
your buddy over there, ok?
106
00:04:26,446 --> 00:04:27,464
It's closed.
107
00:04:27,531 --> 00:04:29,198
Everything around here's
closed.
108
00:04:29,266 --> 00:04:30,100
You mind
if I wait here?
109
00:04:30,251 --> 00:04:32,068
Sure.
110
00:04:32,136 --> 00:04:35,438
I mean, outside,
if you don't mind.
111
00:04:35,506 --> 00:04:37,123
Ok.
112
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:38,858
Inside would be fine
normally,
113
00:04:38,926 --> 00:04:40,426
but we're gettin' ready
for company,
114
00:04:40,494 --> 00:04:41,628
and we're gonna be
vacuuming.
115
00:04:41,695 --> 00:04:42,829
It's gonna be
real noisy in here.
116
00:04:42,897 --> 00:04:44,363
I think you'll like it
better out here.
117
00:04:44,431 --> 00:04:46,699
So just make yourself
comfortable,
118
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:47,883
although I'd avoid
that chair
119
00:04:47,951 --> 00:04:50,720
unless you like getting poked
by something cold and rusty.
120
00:04:52,556 --> 00:04:53,523
Right.
121
00:04:53,591 --> 00:04:55,625
So how long
till your buddy gets here?
122
00:04:55,692 --> 00:04:57,309
Uh, well, he's coming
from Baltimore,
123
00:04:57,377 --> 00:04:58,811
so I guess
about 4 hours.
124
00:05:02,716 --> 00:05:04,384
Ok, then.
125
00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:13,543
Ok, here she is!
Happy Thanksgiving!
126
00:05:17,865 --> 00:05:18,931
Yoo-hoo!
127
00:05:18,999 --> 00:05:21,467
Hello! Hi!
128
00:05:24,688 --> 00:05:25,622
Right.
129
00:05:25,689 --> 00:05:26,823
Well, I got mine.
130
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,858
What are the rest
of you havin'?
131
00:05:30,144 --> 00:05:31,844
All right, let me carve
this bad boy up.
132
00:05:31,913 --> 00:05:33,846
Ok, in the meantime,
everybody serve yourselves.
133
00:05:33,915 --> 00:05:35,248
I got
some stuffing...
134
00:05:35,316 --> 00:05:36,649
All right.
135
00:05:36,717 --> 00:05:38,818
And some
sweet potatoes.
136
00:05:38,886 --> 00:05:39,819
You got that?
137
00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:42,289
And some fresh
green beans.
138
00:05:42,356 --> 00:05:45,091
Son of an ass!
139
00:05:45,159 --> 00:05:46,842
Obviously
not a bean guy.
140
00:05:46,910 --> 00:05:49,412
No, he's watching the
football game on his little TV.
141
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,115
The man has
a serious gambling problem.
142
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,353
Well, as long as he's
having a good time.
143
00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:58,905
Ok, everybody, in the
meantime, here you go.
144
00:05:58,973 --> 00:06:00,840
Come on. Scoop and pass.
Scoop and pass!
145
00:06:00,908 --> 00:06:03,143
Let's go. Move it along.
146
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,985
Wow,
he looks cold.
147
00:06:12,052 --> 00:06:14,320
They say it's gonna
get below 30 tonight,
148
00:06:14,387 --> 00:06:16,288
not counting windchill.
149
00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:19,008
Is that man
going to freeze, daddy?
150
00:06:19,076 --> 00:06:20,243
I don't know, son.
151
00:06:23,147 --> 00:06:25,982
No! Don't worry.
152
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,416
I noticed
when he came inside,
153
00:06:27,484 --> 00:06:29,685
he had a whole thermal thing
underneath his clothes.
154
00:06:29,754 --> 00:06:32,255
He's actually warmer out there
than we are in here.
155
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,508
Carve.
156
00:06:35,576 --> 00:06:36,826
Ok, so enough about him.
157
00:06:36,894 --> 00:06:39,061
Let's enjoy each other's
company, shall we?
158
00:06:39,129 --> 00:06:41,331
Yeah. Hey, let's
change the subject.
159
00:06:41,399 --> 00:06:44,534
Um, anyone seen the new
wim wenders film?
160
00:06:47,388 --> 00:06:49,605
Well, it's better than
talking about that guy.
161
00:06:49,673 --> 00:06:51,824
Man, he give me
the creeps.
162
00:06:51,892 --> 00:06:53,959
Really? I kind of think
he's cute.
163
00:06:54,028 --> 00:06:55,361
What?!
164
00:06:55,429 --> 00:06:58,114
Yeah, when I came in, I saw
that he has a nice smile,
165
00:06:58,181 --> 00:07:00,416
and his eye
is so blue.
166
00:07:02,385 --> 00:07:05,221
Hey, anyone see the
Thanksgiving parade this morning?
167
00:07:05,289 --> 00:07:06,556
See that rockette?
168
00:07:06,624 --> 00:07:08,891
She took a nosedive right
off the side of the float.
169
00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:10,393
So funny.
170
00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:11,161
I didn't see it.
171
00:07:11,228 --> 00:07:12,345
I couldn't
stop laughing.
172
00:07:24,441 --> 00:07:26,609
Hey, try the stuffing.
No raisins.
173
00:07:28,612 --> 00:07:29,579
What?
174
00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:31,213
Fix this.
Fix what?
175
00:07:31,281 --> 00:07:32,598
Ok, in case you
haven't noticed, idiot,
176
00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:35,000
everybody's obsessed with
your porch pal out there.
177
00:07:35,068 --> 00:07:36,835
Nobody's eating.
It's completely awkward.
178
00:07:36,903 --> 00:07:38,004
What do you want me
to do?
179
00:07:38,072 --> 00:07:39,005
The guy's waiting
for his buddy to pick him up,
180
00:07:39,073 --> 00:07:40,473
he's got
nowhere else to go.
181
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:43,243
The only other option is
to let him wait inside here.
182
00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:46,112
Inside? Are you really
that stupid?
183
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:48,347
Stupid with kindness.
184
00:07:48,415 --> 00:07:50,750
Doug, please, just
close the curtains then.
185
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,568
I'm not doing that.
It's rude.
186
00:07:52,636 --> 00:07:53,986
Rude? Ok, I'm sorry.
187
00:07:54,054 --> 00:07:55,888
I guess I'm not up to speed
on the rules of etiquette
188
00:07:55,956 --> 00:07:58,924
involving
one-eyed porch psychos.
189
00:08:00,428 --> 00:08:02,178
Now, look,
I worked my ass off
190
00:08:02,246 --> 00:08:03,446
to make a nice
Thanksgiving meal,
191
00:08:03,513 --> 00:08:05,114
and I want people
to enjoy it,
192
00:08:05,182 --> 00:08:06,515
so you're gonna
march in there,
193
00:08:06,583 --> 00:08:07,800
you're gonna
close the curtains,
194
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:08,968
and then you're gonna
make a funny joke
195
00:08:09,036 --> 00:08:10,136
to get everybody in
a good mood again, ok?
196
00:08:10,204 --> 00:08:11,370
Now go!
197
00:08:11,438 --> 00:08:13,239
Fine, but for the record,
198
00:08:13,307 --> 00:08:15,275
you're way scarier
than patchy.
199
00:08:17,795 --> 00:08:19,178
Hey, how's it goin'?
200
00:08:19,246 --> 00:08:20,313
It's just a little bright
in here.
201
00:08:20,381 --> 00:08:22,615
Gonna close the curtains.
202
00:08:24,434 --> 00:08:25,718
Here we go.
203
00:08:25,786 --> 00:08:27,220
All right.
204
00:08:27,288 --> 00:08:28,955
Ok, that's good.
205
00:08:29,023 --> 00:08:32,425
Ahem,
here we are.
206
00:08:32,493 --> 00:08:34,093
Might as well
get this one, too.
207
00:08:34,161 --> 00:08:35,562
Sure.
208
00:08:35,629 --> 00:08:38,297
All right! Who wants
some Turkey now?
209
00:08:38,365 --> 00:08:40,199
Show of drumsticks,
huh?
210
00:08:50,259 --> 00:08:52,160
Everything is so delicious, Carrie.
211
00:08:52,228 --> 00:08:53,294
It's so good.
212
00:08:53,362 --> 00:08:55,646
Yeah, and free.
213
00:08:56,566 --> 00:08:58,366
Yes, but tipping
is appreciated.
214
00:08:58,434 --> 00:08:59,901
Pass me the broccoli,
please.
215
00:09:06,826 --> 00:09:10,295
What a wonderfully awkward
Thanksgiving you've created.
216
00:09:10,363 --> 00:09:13,698
Major! Major, get back to the table!
217
00:09:13,765 --> 00:09:14,932
Please do something
about your son.
218
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,401
He just wants to look
at the freak outside.
219
00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:17,702
We all do.
220
00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:20,371
Just get him
back here.
221
00:09:20,439 --> 00:09:22,440
Major, you heard
your mother.
222
00:09:22,508 --> 00:09:23,341
Major!
223
00:09:23,408 --> 00:09:25,910
I just wanted to see
if the pirate is dead.
224
00:09:25,978 --> 00:09:27,662
He's not a pirate,
and he's not dead.
225
00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:29,330
Is he?
226
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,435
Ok, who's ready for a second
round of stuffing? Lou?
227
00:09:34,503 --> 00:09:36,253
Look, it's not my place
to say this,
228
00:09:36,322 --> 00:09:37,955
but have you considered
letting that man
229
00:09:38,023 --> 00:09:39,957
wait inside the house?
230
00:09:40,025 --> 00:09:41,259
Inside the house.
231
00:09:41,327 --> 00:09:44,162
Huh. What a kind
and generous thought.
232
00:09:45,481 --> 00:09:48,449
We don't think
it's a good idea, Lou.
233
00:09:48,517 --> 00:09:49,500
Why not?
234
00:09:49,568 --> 00:09:50,935
Well, because we've
never met this man before.
235
00:09:51,002 --> 00:09:52,570
For all we know, he
could be an ax murderer.
236
00:09:52,638 --> 00:09:54,572
Who needs
another roll?
237
00:09:54,639 --> 00:09:56,741
I will take one,
238
00:09:56,808 --> 00:09:57,842
and I'll tell you
something.
239
00:09:57,910 --> 00:09:59,177
I agree with you,
sister.
240
00:09:59,245 --> 00:10:00,328
You work
in the subway,
241
00:10:00,396 --> 00:10:01,563
you see
a lot of sickos,
242
00:10:01,630 --> 00:10:05,200
and this guy has my
spidey-sense tingling.
243
00:10:05,267 --> 00:10:06,968
Really?
244
00:10:07,035 --> 00:10:09,804
He doesn't seem
like a sicko at all to me,
245
00:10:09,871 --> 00:10:11,706
and I've known
my share of sickos.
246
00:10:11,774 --> 00:10:14,108
I still keep in touch
with some of them.
247
00:10:14,176 --> 00:10:17,478
Well, holly, you make
a persuasive case. You do.
248
00:10:17,546 --> 00:10:20,248
Um, but we're still
not gonna let him in.
249
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:22,834
Oh! You fumblin' bitch!
250
00:10:22,902 --> 00:10:24,769
Sorry.
251
00:10:24,837 --> 00:10:26,370
Happy Thanksgiving.
252
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:28,990
Listen, car,
for what it's worth,
253
00:10:29,057 --> 00:10:30,624
I wouldn't let a
raggedy-looking stranger
254
00:10:30,692 --> 00:10:32,160
in my house
on Thanksgiving.
255
00:10:32,227 --> 00:10:34,228
Thank you. See?
It's not just me.
256
00:10:34,296 --> 00:10:36,063
Lou and holly,
they agree with me.
257
00:10:36,131 --> 00:10:37,265
Deac, what about you?
258
00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:38,966
I mean, you'd be ok
letting this guy in, right?
259
00:10:39,034 --> 00:10:40,451
Well, if he was
a brother I would,
260
00:10:40,519 --> 00:10:42,753
but not this dude.
261
00:10:42,821 --> 00:10:44,972
Isn't that
just a form of racism?
262
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,056
Look, I'm just looking
at the facts.
263
00:10:46,124 --> 00:10:47,525
Black dude
might steal your wallet,
264
00:10:47,592 --> 00:10:49,027
but the psychos
who chop up families?
265
00:10:49,094 --> 00:10:51,162
All white boys.
266
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:53,731
Honkies! Yes!
267
00:10:53,799 --> 00:10:55,400
All right,
the bottom line here is,
268
00:10:55,468 --> 00:10:56,834
I assume the best
about people,
269
00:10:56,902 --> 00:10:58,236
you assume the worst.
270
00:10:58,304 --> 00:11:00,838
You build walls,
I build Bridges.
271
00:11:02,608 --> 00:11:04,709
You couldn't build
a TV stand.
272
00:11:04,776 --> 00:11:06,944
The instructions
were in Japanese.
273
00:11:07,012 --> 00:11:09,864
Face it, Doug, you're
way off on this one.
274
00:11:09,932 --> 00:11:11,449
I mean, did you
get a look at this guy?
275
00:11:11,517 --> 00:11:14,118
I mean, the way he's
dressed and the eye patch?
276
00:11:14,185 --> 00:11:16,304
What the hell does his eye
patch have to do with anything?
277
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,907
Maybe a missile was headed
for an elementary school,
278
00:11:18,974 --> 00:11:20,742
and he threw his eye
in the way!
279
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:23,211
It was like, zzz! "Aah!"
280
00:11:23,278 --> 00:11:24,478
Man's a hero.
281
00:11:24,546 --> 00:11:26,831
I'm just saying a normal
guy who loses an eye,
282
00:11:26,898 --> 00:11:28,232
he doesn't go
with a patch.
283
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,368
I mean, a glass eye,
maybe,
284
00:11:30,436 --> 00:11:32,403
or a pair
of dark ray-bans.
285
00:11:32,471 --> 00:11:34,372
I mean, you don't see
ray Charles walking around
286
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,140
wearing an eye patch,
do you?
287
00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:38,143
Actually, he would
need 2 eye patches.
288
00:11:39,878 --> 00:11:41,929
That's a bad look
right there.
289
00:11:41,997 --> 00:11:43,380
Think about who wears
an eye patch-
290
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:44,381
captain hook,
291
00:11:44,449 --> 00:11:46,650
the villain from
the James Bond movie-
292
00:11:46,718 --> 00:11:48,119
all bad guys.
293
00:11:48,187 --> 00:11:49,854
What about bazooka Joe?
294
00:11:49,921 --> 00:11:51,589
Bazooka Joe.
Couldn't be nicer.
295
00:11:51,657 --> 00:11:52,857
Please! Have you read
those comics?
296
00:11:52,924 --> 00:11:54,225
He's very sarcastic.
297
00:11:54,293 --> 00:11:56,044
All right,
come on, you guys.
298
00:11:56,111 --> 00:11:58,413
This has nothing to do
with the guy's eye patch.
299
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,147
Ok, maybe he is a nice guy
300
00:12:00,215 --> 00:12:02,366
who got a missile
in the eye, all right?
301
00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:04,068
But maybe he's not!
302
00:12:04,136 --> 00:12:07,171
And if there's a 1% chance that
he could be a demented killer,
303
00:12:07,239 --> 00:12:09,306
why should we take the risk?
304
00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:11,008
The guy is freezing
out there, all right?
305
00:12:11,076 --> 00:12:12,476
You want the headline
in the post to read tomorrow,
306
00:12:12,544 --> 00:12:15,646
"man dies on porch of
happy Thanksgiving dinner"?
307
00:12:15,714 --> 00:12:17,298
How about this
for a headline?
308
00:12:17,366 --> 00:12:19,567
"10 people carved in
Thanksgiving massacre."
309
00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:21,870
I mean,
it writes itself!
310
00:12:26,024 --> 00:12:27,291
Oh, God, do you
think he heard us?
311
00:12:27,359 --> 00:12:31,479
Even so, how would he know
we were talking about him?
312
00:12:31,546 --> 00:12:34,482
Maybe the fact that we said
"eye patch" about 600 times.
313
00:12:37,936 --> 00:12:39,270
What are you-
what are you doing?!
314
00:12:39,338 --> 00:12:40,605
I'm gonna see
what he wants, ok?
315
00:12:40,673 --> 00:12:42,139
It's a little late
to pretend we're not home.
316
00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:43,874
All right, well, keep
the chain on the door.
317
00:12:43,942 --> 00:12:46,244
Yeah, cause' no one can
get through one of these.
318
00:12:47,979 --> 00:12:49,046
Yeah?
319
00:12:49,114 --> 00:12:51,015
Hey, uh, any chance
I could use your bathroom?
320
00:12:51,083 --> 00:12:52,383
Oh, yeah, sure,
no problem.
321
00:12:52,451 --> 00:12:54,135
One second, please.
I'm in my bra.
322
00:12:56,004 --> 00:12:58,406
Ok, this is
where I draw the line, ok?
323
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,706
I'm not gonna insult
the man's dignity
324
00:12:59,774 --> 00:13:01,708
by making him take a pee
in our bushes!
325
00:13:01,776 --> 00:13:03,577
Why not? You do.
326
00:13:03,645 --> 00:13:05,463
Not in the front!
327
00:13:05,531 --> 00:13:07,098
I'm lettin' him in.
328
00:13:07,166 --> 00:13:07,865
Ok, but wait a minute.
329
00:13:07,933 --> 00:13:10,384
You follow him
upstairs,
330
00:13:10,452 --> 00:13:11,452
he goes to the bathroom,
331
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,387
and then he's right back
outside, ok?
332
00:13:13,455 --> 00:13:15,856
All right, everybody,
keep eating, look normal.
333
00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:16,924
Hey, man,
come on in.
334
00:13:17,076 --> 00:13:18,142
Sorry about that.
335
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:19,477
Hey, you got a nice
little setup there, huh?
336
00:13:19,545 --> 00:13:22,846
Just sittin' there, watchin'
the pretty girls walk by?
337
00:13:22,914 --> 00:13:24,298
It's at the top
of the stairs.
338
00:13:24,366 --> 00:13:25,466
Great.
339
00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:27,702
What are you, blind?!
340
00:13:29,972 --> 00:13:32,573
Uh... football referee's...
341
00:13:32,641 --> 00:13:33,974
Blind.
342
00:13:34,042 --> 00:13:35,476
I like your coat.
343
00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:39,763
I like your pants.
I'm holly. Hi!
344
00:13:39,831 --> 00:13:40,564
Hi.
345
00:13:43,802 --> 00:13:45,303
Ok. Go. Go!
346
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:46,570
Deac, you go, too.
Check on him.
347
00:13:46,638 --> 00:13:47,771
Ok, ok.
348
00:13:52,311 --> 00:13:53,411
What's he doin'?
349
00:13:55,147 --> 00:13:56,180
Number one.
350
00:14:01,086 --> 00:14:03,020
Jeez, what'd he have,
a big gulp?
351
00:14:04,589 --> 00:14:07,091
Now he's washin' his hands.
How many psycho killers you know
352
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:08,492
wash their hands
after they pee?
353
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,526
Couldn't tell you.
354
00:14:09,594 --> 00:14:10,761
He's comin'.
355
00:14:10,829 --> 00:14:12,363
Uh, there. How's that?
356
00:14:12,431 --> 00:14:13,531
Is that any better?
357
00:14:13,598 --> 00:14:14,765
Uh, up a little
on the left.
358
00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:16,134
All right,
there you go.
359
00:14:16,201 --> 00:14:17,334
Now, stop worryin'
about our pictures
360
00:14:17,402 --> 00:14:18,569
and enjoy
your dinner already.
361
00:14:18,637 --> 00:14:20,204
Well, now I can.
362
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,481
Well,
thanks a lot.
363
00:14:30,549 --> 00:14:32,149
Sorry to disturb
your dinner.
364
00:14:32,217 --> 00:14:33,868
What? No,
no, no, no.
365
00:14:36,121 --> 00:14:37,688
Hey, mister. Mister.
366
00:14:37,755 --> 00:14:39,056
Major?
Why do you
367
00:14:39,124 --> 00:14:41,875
have to be outside?
Are you a pirate?
368
00:14:41,943 --> 00:14:44,545
Yes. Yes,
I am a pirate.
369
00:14:44,613 --> 00:14:47,515
I just came ashore for a
few days to fix my ship.
370
00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:49,217
Can you fix
my game boy?
371
00:14:49,284 --> 00:14:51,786
Major, leave the man alone. He's...
372
00:14:51,853 --> 00:14:53,087
Busy.
373
00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:55,673
Let me see.
374
00:14:56,909 --> 00:14:58,409
Oh, you might
just need to poke
375
00:14:58,476 --> 00:15:01,312
the little reset button
with somethin' sharp.
376
00:15:01,379 --> 00:15:02,079
Ca-
377
00:15:07,752 --> 00:15:09,687
there you go.
Good as new.
378
00:15:09,754 --> 00:15:10,855
Thanks.
379
00:15:15,844 --> 00:15:18,028
Ok. Well, I guess
I'll go back out there.
380
00:15:25,103 --> 00:15:26,904
All right, this
is ridiculous.
381
00:15:26,971 --> 00:15:28,906
The guy's
obviously harmless.
382
00:15:28,973 --> 00:15:30,541
You don't
know that.
383
00:15:30,609 --> 00:15:32,760
He just fixed a child's game boy
and washed his hands after making.
384
00:15:32,828 --> 00:15:34,562
How much proof
do we need?!
385
00:15:34,630 --> 00:15:36,613
Hey, no amount of proof
is gonna change my gut
386
00:15:36,681 --> 00:15:38,715
tellin' me
this guy isn't right.
387
00:15:38,783 --> 00:15:39,700
Oh, will you
knock it off?
388
00:15:39,768 --> 00:15:41,068
It's not this guy
you're scared of.
389
00:15:41,136 --> 00:15:42,236
It's the whole world!
390
00:15:42,303 --> 00:15:44,538
That's why the subway's
a perfect job for you.
391
00:15:44,606 --> 00:15:46,173
You can hide in your
little glass booth all day.
392
00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:47,608
Do they even need
you, by the way,
393
00:15:47,676 --> 00:15:49,376
with the whole
Metro card thing?
394
00:15:49,444 --> 00:15:51,929
Shut up.
Shut up!
395
00:15:53,932 --> 00:15:55,366
What are you
doin'?
396
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:56,467
You know what? If we're
not letting him in here,
397
00:15:56,535 --> 00:15:57,668
I'm goin'
out there.
398
00:15:57,736 --> 00:15:59,053
That's what happened
399
00:15:59,121 --> 00:16:00,087
on the first Thanksgiving. The pilgrims
400
00:16:00,239 --> 00:16:01,706
didn't know the
Indians, but they decided
401
00:16:01,773 --> 00:16:04,007
to trust them
and bring them food.
402
00:16:04,075 --> 00:16:07,394
Yes, and then
the Indians scalped them.
403
00:16:07,462 --> 00:16:10,681
I think you both have
the story pretty wrong.
404
00:16:10,748 --> 00:16:11,982
You know what?
The point is,
405
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:13,718
sometimes you gotta
do the right thing,
406
00:16:13,785 --> 00:16:15,986
and that's exactly what I'm doin'
- the right thing.
407
00:16:16,054 --> 00:16:18,322
And I don't care if
I have to do it alone!
408
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:21,425
Deac, could you, uh, help
me with the door handles?
409
00:16:24,396 --> 00:16:25,362
Thank you!
410
00:16:26,831 --> 00:16:28,332
Do you want to just grab my jacket? Oh.
411
00:16:29,734 --> 00:16:30,667
Yeah.
412
00:16:30,735 --> 00:16:32,169
Thank you!
413
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:37,392
You know what?
I agree with Doug.
414
00:16:37,459 --> 00:16:39,660
I mean, it really is
the right thing to do,
415
00:16:39,728 --> 00:16:43,864
and I think when you
have a chance to do...
416
00:16:43,932 --> 00:16:46,200
To do the right thing,
you should do it. You know?
417
00:16:46,268 --> 00:16:47,668
'Cause at the end
of the day,
418
00:16:47,736 --> 00:16:49,253
the, uh...
The right thing...
419
00:16:50,555 --> 00:16:52,256
Is right. Ok.
420
00:16:54,159 --> 00:16:55,092
I'm just gonna...
421
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,228
Take this wine
with me, too.
422
00:16:57,295 --> 00:16:59,046
We wanna go,
too, mama!
423
00:16:59,081 --> 00:17:01,365
Yeah! We wanna eat
with the pirate!
424
00:17:01,433 --> 00:17:02,666
No.
Absolutely not.
425
00:17:02,734 --> 00:17:04,368
Dad, can we?
426
00:17:04,436 --> 00:17:07,371
Um... look,
maybe it's all right.
427
00:17:07,439 --> 00:17:09,039
That man could be dangerous!
428
00:17:09,107 --> 00:17:11,208
I know, but they're
just gonna keep nagging.
429
00:17:14,112 --> 00:17:15,913
Deacon, that's not
a good enough reason.
430
00:17:15,981 --> 00:17:17,481
You know, maybe we should
take them out there. Ok?
431
00:17:17,549 --> 00:17:19,550
I mean, look, do you want 'em to
grow up to be afraid of the world?
432
00:17:19,617 --> 00:17:21,452
They could end up
like... like...
433
00:17:21,519 --> 00:17:22,719
Uhh...
434
00:17:26,308 --> 00:17:27,608
Ok, coats
and mittens.
435
00:17:27,676 --> 00:17:29,377
Yay!
Yay!
436
00:17:29,444 --> 00:17:31,078
All right. But if you guys go outside,
437
00:17:31,145 --> 00:17:34,298
you can say good-bye to
desserts. I'm serious.
438
00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,168
They're right.
439
00:17:39,604 --> 00:17:41,038
All of them. I...
440
00:17:41,105 --> 00:17:43,207
I am afraid
of the world.
441
00:17:43,274 --> 00:17:46,510
I sit behind my
bulletproof glass every day,
442
00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:50,180
all day, and...
My only thought is...
443
00:17:50,248 --> 00:17:53,016
God, I hope the glass
really is bulletproof.
444
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,889
Well, I'm through
living in fear!
445
00:17:58,956 --> 00:18:00,658
I'm going out there, damn it!
446
00:18:03,895 --> 00:18:05,896
You're... coming,
too, right, Lou?
447
00:18:07,899 --> 00:18:09,317
I have to follow
my heart.
448
00:18:09,384 --> 00:18:11,718
Yeah. Follow your
friggin' heart, Lou.
449
00:18:14,072 --> 00:18:17,040
Oh, come on, baby!
Go! Go, go, go!
450
00:18:17,108 --> 00:18:19,760
No one to beat
but the kicker! Go!
451
00:18:19,828 --> 00:18:20,895
Oh, my God!
452
00:18:20,963 --> 00:18:23,497
How do you get tackled
by a guy from Sweden?!
453
00:18:28,236 --> 00:18:30,270
Ohhh! God!
454
00:18:33,175 --> 00:18:34,175
Where is everybody?
455
00:18:35,944 --> 00:18:37,594
Ahh, don't worry about
them. It's just you and me,
456
00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:39,396
Danny boy. What do you need? Stuffing?
457
00:18:39,464 --> 00:18:41,065
Uh... broccoli?
458
00:18:41,132 --> 00:18:43,034
Nah. Just lost a fortune.
459
00:18:43,101 --> 00:18:44,902
Need some air.
460
00:19:03,503 --> 00:19:05,037
I can't
believe that.
461
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:07,957
Live and learn, huh? Yeah.
462
00:19:08,025 --> 00:19:10,492
Uh, I... I haven't
seen 'em for years.
463
00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:11,561
Um... hi.
464
00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:17,266
I just wanted to tell
you, Mr. stranger...
465
00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:19,068
That I was the,
uh, the main person
466
00:19:19,136 --> 00:19:21,170
who didn't want you
to come in tonight.
467
00:19:22,606 --> 00:19:25,875
I guess I've just never
been a... a trusting person.
468
00:19:25,943 --> 00:19:28,795
I'm one of those
few people who, um...
469
00:19:28,862 --> 00:19:31,430
Actually uses
the atm rearview mirror.
470
00:19:33,233 --> 00:19:34,333
Anyway...
471
00:19:34,401 --> 00:19:36,685
In the true spirit
of Thanksgiving,
472
00:19:36,753 --> 00:19:38,955
I'd like to invite you
inside with us.
473
00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:42,158
For the rest of our
dinner, if you'd like.
474
00:19:43,927 --> 00:19:46,362
Well, I... I don't,
uh... know what to say.
475
00:19:46,429 --> 00:19:49,198
I mean... before
any of you came out,
476
00:19:49,266 --> 00:19:51,400
I was thinkin' about
how nice you people were...
477
00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:54,971
Just to let a perfect stranger
use your phone and your bathroom
478
00:19:55,038 --> 00:19:56,873
and to wait out here
on your porch?
479
00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:59,475
I certainly never
expected any of this.
480
00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:03,045
I
- I'd just love to make a toast to you...
481
00:20:03,113 --> 00:20:04,646
A Thanksgiving toast.
482
00:20:04,714 --> 00:20:05,615
That'd be great.
483
00:20:05,766 --> 00:20:07,100
Absolutely.
Yeah.
484
00:20:07,167 --> 00:20:09,468
Whoops. There's my
buddy's car right now,
485
00:20:09,536 --> 00:20:11,003
stoppin' at
that traffic light.
486
00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:12,788
I recognize
the bad paint job.
487
00:20:14,090 --> 00:20:15,458
Uh, we got
a long drive,
488
00:20:15,525 --> 00:20:17,259
so if I could just use
your bathroom one more time,
489
00:20:17,327 --> 00:20:18,760
then I'll make my toast
and be on my way?
490
00:20:18,828 --> 00:20:20,429
Oh. Absolutely.
Sure.
491
00:20:20,497 --> 00:20:22,231
I'll get the wine
poured in the meantime.
492
00:20:22,299 --> 00:20:23,599
Can I have some wine?
493
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,701
Sure you can...
In about 14 years.
494
00:20:30,907 --> 00:20:33,126
See? Turns out
he's a great guy.
495
00:20:33,193 --> 00:20:35,962
And you want to hear
the kicker? Jets fan. Oh.
496
00:20:36,029 --> 00:20:38,196
Hey, holly, did you get his number yet?
497
00:20:38,264 --> 00:20:39,932
Uh, no, not yet, but
when he comes back out,
498
00:20:39,999 --> 00:20:42,602
if you all could just talk
amongst yourselves... ohhh...
499
00:20:42,669 --> 00:20:44,069
You bad girl.
500
00:20:44,137 --> 00:20:46,071
All I can say...
This has
501
00:20:46,139 --> 00:20:48,124
turned out to be one of
the nicest thanksgivings
502
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:49,358
I've ever had.
503
00:20:49,425 --> 00:20:50,742
Ohhh...
Ohhh...
504
00:20:52,095 --> 00:20:53,428
Hey, here comes
his friend.
505
00:20:53,496 --> 00:20:54,529
The guy
caught a break.
506
00:20:54,597 --> 00:20:55,931
There's a parking space right in front.
507
00:21:13,783 --> 00:21:15,084
Crap!
508
00:21:17,554 --> 00:21:19,722
He got our silverware, our stereo,
509
00:21:19,789 --> 00:21:22,208
her purse, her purse,
and his little TV.
510
00:21:23,476 --> 00:21:25,544
Told you he wouldn't kill us.
511
00:21:31,084 --> 00:21:33,519
I will wait for you.
I promise.
512
00:21:33,586 --> 00:21:36,372
But in the meantime,
um...
513
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,141
Can I get my purse back?
36246
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