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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,929 --> 00:00:02,145 Previously on "Web Therapy"... 2 00:00:02,180 --> 00:00:03,730 - My name is Jenny Bologna. - Yes. 3 00:00:03,765 --> 00:00:07,233 Uh, I am a fixer, are you aware of what that is? 4 00:00:07,269 --> 00:00:10,937 I'm laying low, I'm trying not to do anything. 5 00:00:10,939 --> 00:00:13,990 We've got meetings with GSN and HGTV. 6 00:00:14,026 --> 00:00:15,909 We're thinking of getting you on love it or list it. 7 00:00:15,944 --> 00:00:18,495 That way, people can see you as a real person, 8 00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:22,082 as opposed to the... the uppity, sort of hoity-toity person 9 00:00:22,117 --> 00:00:24,834 that you portray yourself to be out there in the world. 10 00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:26,920 - Oh, you're from Boston! - Oh, yes. 11 00:00:26,955 --> 00:00:28,588 - Oh, I didn't... - we know who Putsy Hodge is. 12 00:00:28,623 --> 00:00:31,174 This is the woman we all aspired to be when we were growing up 13 00:00:31,209 --> 00:00:32,542 in our little community. 14 00:00:32,594 --> 00:00:34,344 I'm preparing to tamper with the brakes 15 00:00:34,379 --> 00:00:37,847 - on the justice's car tonight. - No, why would you do that? 16 00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:39,632 Because I want to get Kip a seat 17 00:00:39,685 --> 00:00:41,384 on the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania. 18 00:00:41,436 --> 00:00:43,136 You don't know how to do such a thing. 19 00:00:43,138 --> 00:00:45,472 And all I need from you is the password 20 00:00:45,474 --> 00:00:47,140 to Jerome's YouTube account 21 00:00:47,142 --> 00:00:49,142 because that's where the video is 22 00:00:49,144 --> 00:00:53,580 that shows you how to tamper with the justice's brakes. 23 00:00:54,903 --> 00:00:58,719 S04E12 Fiona Fulfilled 24 00:00:58,739 --> 00:01:02,642 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com 25 00:01:23,839 --> 00:01:25,211 - Hi. - Hello, Kip. 26 00:01:25,247 --> 00:01:26,613 - Hi. - Hi. It's good... 27 00:01:26,648 --> 00:01:29,232 I haven't heard from you since, you know, 28 00:01:29,267 --> 00:01:31,568 - my life exploded. - Yeah, the debacle. 29 00:01:31,603 --> 00:01:33,403 Well... 30 00:01:33,438 --> 00:01:34,771 I'm gonna take a little leave of absence. 31 00:01:34,823 --> 00:01:36,272 I got to regroup. I got to rethink. 32 00:01:36,324 --> 00:01:38,158 I've got... just... got to clear my head a little. 33 00:01:38,193 --> 00:01:39,576 So I'm just going to, uh... I'm glad you caught me... 34 00:01:39,611 --> 00:01:41,161 Oh, good. 35 00:01:41,196 --> 00:01:42,612 'Cause I'm on a plane later tonight. 36 00:01:42,664 --> 00:01:44,330 - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm. 37 00:01:44,366 --> 00:01:46,416 All right, just as well, to get out of the way of the melee, 38 00:01:46,451 --> 00:01:47,917 - you know, 'cause I mean... - Yeah, 39 00:01:47,953 --> 00:01:50,754 there's a whole media storm approaching, 40 00:01:50,789 --> 00:01:52,539 because they're all interested in me. 41 00:01:52,541 --> 00:01:54,040 Everyone wants to talk to me now, you know, because... 42 00:01:54,092 --> 00:01:56,092 Well, you know, good for you, not so good for me. 43 00:01:56,128 --> 00:01:58,678 It's not... you seem upset. 44 00:01:58,713 --> 00:02:01,464 Well, I'm... I'm concerned for a lot of reasons, 45 00:02:01,516 --> 00:02:03,049 but, you know, it's, uh... 46 00:02:03,051 --> 00:02:04,717 you know, you have to... you're gonna have 47 00:02:04,719 --> 00:02:06,219 to sort of get your way out of this, 48 00:02:06,271 --> 00:02:08,438 because, you know, you've been exposed, and... 49 00:02:08,473 --> 00:02:11,391 It's not my fault that someone from the NSA 50 00:02:11,443 --> 00:02:14,227 released all of my sessions... to the world. 51 00:02:14,229 --> 00:02:16,112 That's not my fault. 52 00:02:16,148 --> 00:02:18,364 No, I guess you're just a victim of circumstance, really. 53 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,150 - That's exactly right. - Yeah. 54 00:02:20,202 --> 00:02:22,569 I'm a victim of circumstance and a hero of the people. 55 00:02:22,621 --> 00:02:25,238 What I find a little, uh... 56 00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:27,874 odd is that you had no idea this was going on, 57 00:02:27,909 --> 00:02:29,909 because you seem to have your finger on everything, 58 00:02:29,911 --> 00:02:31,578 and you seem to know what's going on... 59 00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:34,747 Oh, yes, I have my finger on the NSA... very good, Kip. 60 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,966 No, that's my mother you're thinking of. 61 00:02:37,002 --> 00:02:39,085 She's more of a Machiavelli than I. 62 00:02:39,137 --> 00:02:42,472 Well, she's furious about a lot of things. 63 00:02:42,507 --> 00:02:45,725 Yes, I know. I've met her. Is that a revelation to you? 64 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,260 Well, she went to a lot of trouble, 65 00:02:47,262 --> 00:02:49,512 getting that vacancy on the State Supreme Court. 66 00:02:49,564 --> 00:02:51,176 You know, you don't just twitch your nose 67 00:02:51,196 --> 00:02:52,649 and someone's car brakes fail. 68 00:02:52,684 --> 00:02:54,767 It takes planning, and she has been planning this 69 00:02:54,769 --> 00:02:57,487 for a long time, and now it's, you know... 70 00:02:57,522 --> 00:02:58,771 - Murder for naught. - For what? 71 00:02:58,824 --> 00:03:00,523 - All right. - Yeah, for what? 72 00:03:00,575 --> 00:03:03,193 I'm... I'm too radioactive to be appointed, and, you know... 73 00:03:03,245 --> 00:03:05,995 and now with this, everything... I just... I just have to get away. 74 00:03:06,031 --> 00:03:07,614 - I have to get away. - All right, fine. 75 00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:09,699 Where are you and April going off to, if I may know? 76 00:03:09,751 --> 00:03:11,701 Oh, no, no, April dumped me. 77 00:03:11,753 --> 00:03:13,253 She just wanted to be the wife 78 00:03:13,288 --> 00:03:15,421 of someone on the State Supreme Court, so... 79 00:03:15,457 --> 00:03:17,123 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Yeah. 80 00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:20,627 Well, you know what? Now it's the right time for 81 00:03:20,679 --> 00:03:23,129 for someone who loves you 82 00:03:23,131 --> 00:03:26,216 and truly appreciates you to step in. 83 00:03:26,268 --> 00:03:29,769 Exactly, so I'm meeting Ben in Montana later tonight. 84 00:03:29,804 --> 00:03:32,472 Well, he knows me. He appreciates me. 85 00:03:32,474 --> 00:03:35,108 He's seen me in the good days, the bad days, 86 00:03:35,143 --> 00:03:37,644 and he's, you know, he's stuck with me, you know. 87 00:03:37,646 --> 00:03:40,111 Right, so... okay, so then you're gay again. 88 00:03:40,131 --> 00:03:41,748 No, it has nothing to do with being gay. 89 00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,800 I mean, Ben's not gay. 90 00:03:43,835 --> 00:03:45,418 He saw some things in prison 91 00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,587 that left a bad taste in his mouth, and he's just... 92 00:03:47,589 --> 00:03:49,555 he's "no gay, no way." 93 00:03:49,591 --> 00:03:51,057 - That's what he told me. - Okay. 94 00:03:51,092 --> 00:03:53,393 His email was sort of funny. [Chuckles] 95 00:03:53,428 --> 00:03:56,763 "No gay, no way," I thought that was sort of witty. 96 00:03:56,815 --> 00:03:58,264 - That is sort of witty. - Yeah. 97 00:03:58,266 --> 00:04:00,066 - That's exactly what it is. - Anyway... 98 00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:03,569 so he twitched his nose, and he's no longer gay. 99 00:04:03,605 --> 00:04:05,104 Sometimes being in prison can have, 100 00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:07,323 you know, some very profound effects on you, 101 00:04:07,359 --> 00:04:08,741 and you can say, "hey, wait a minute. 102 00:04:08,777 --> 00:04:10,193 This isn't what I want." 103 00:04:10,245 --> 00:04:11,995 Right, "I don't want to be raped." 104 00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:13,446 - Yes, okay. - "Oh, wait a minute. 105 00:04:13,498 --> 00:04:15,331 This hurts. I don't want this." 106 00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:18,334 The thing is, you know, I-I'm... I'm gonna be with someone 107 00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:20,370 who knows me inside and out, 108 00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:22,005 who's been with me through the thick and the thin 109 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,590 and up, the down, in and out and... 110 00:04:24,626 --> 00:04:26,793 so we're gonna just go to Montana. 111 00:04:26,795 --> 00:04:28,428 Oh. 112 00:04:28,463 --> 00:04:30,430 That's where I'm flying tonight, 113 00:04:30,465 --> 00:04:32,098 and we're gonna go, you know, explore the terrain and... 114 00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:35,852 with a tent and a tin bath and a sleeping bag and a... 115 00:04:35,887 --> 00:04:37,804 it's a spiritual... 116 00:04:37,806 --> 00:04:39,305 examination, really. 117 00:04:39,357 --> 00:04:41,641 Yes, on Brokeback Mountain? [Chuckles] 118 00:04:41,643 --> 00:04:45,561 - Is that where you're camping? - Ww-where's that? 119 00:04:45,613 --> 00:04:47,897 There was a movie, okay? 120 00:04:47,949 --> 00:04:49,315 - All right, never mind. - Um... 121 00:04:49,317 --> 00:04:52,201 - When are you coming back, then? - I'm not... I'm not sure. 122 00:04:52,237 --> 00:04:53,870 I don't have a return ticket yet. 123 00:04:53,905 --> 00:04:56,706 I'm just... I'm just going one way and then the other. 124 00:04:56,741 --> 00:04:59,542 Okay, well, if that's... so you're indecisive about that. 125 00:04:59,577 --> 00:05:02,795 Have you decided whether we're married or not anymore? 126 00:05:02,831 --> 00:05:03,963 Fiona, of course we're married. 127 00:05:03,998 --> 00:05:05,465 We'll always be married, 128 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:07,216 that's who... we're a couple. 129 00:05:07,252 --> 00:05:08,801 - Right. - We're just not together. 130 00:05:08,837 --> 00:05:10,219 - Right. - So, yeah, so... 131 00:05:10,255 --> 00:05:12,004 - Okay. - We're, you know, we're... 132 00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:14,557 On separate sides of the plate now, but we're together. 133 00:05:14,592 --> 00:05:16,392 - But we're... - Right, just on your side 134 00:05:16,428 --> 00:05:20,646 of the pie pan having your piece 135 00:05:20,682 --> 00:05:22,648 and I'm on the other half, having my piece. 136 00:05:22,684 --> 00:05:24,434 Ben likes a banana split, 137 00:05:24,486 --> 00:05:27,770 so I think it's more like a banana split on our side. 138 00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:30,406 - Okay. - But I-I-I-I just want to say, 139 00:05:30,442 --> 00:05:32,442 Fiona, that I will always love... [Cell phone vibrating] 140 00:05:32,494 --> 00:05:34,610 Oh, look, that's Arianna Huffington. 141 00:05:34,662 --> 00:05:37,413 All right. 142 00:05:37,449 --> 00:05:38,664 Hello? 143 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:40,950 Arianna, this is Fiona. 144 00:05:41,002 --> 00:05:42,702 [Woman speaking indistinctly] 145 00:05:42,704 --> 00:05:44,087 I couldn't... I'm sorry. 146 00:05:44,122 --> 00:05:47,268 I don't understand you with your accent. 147 00:05:49,377 --> 00:05:50,626 I'm still not getting it. 148 00:05:50,678 --> 00:05:54,213 Uh-oh. What are we gonna do? 149 00:05:58,653 --> 00:05:59,886 [Computer ringing] 150 00:05:59,938 --> 00:06:01,387 Jerome? 151 00:06:01,389 --> 00:06:02,889 Oh, Dr. Wallice, thank God you answered. 152 00:06:02,941 --> 00:06:05,057 - Well... - Um... 153 00:06:05,059 --> 00:06:06,692 - I'm going off the grid. - What? 154 00:06:06,728 --> 00:06:08,561 - Yeah. - Why? 155 00:06:08,563 --> 00:06:10,146 Yeah, well, I'm gonna be a fugitive, running from the law. 156 00:06:10,198 --> 00:06:12,148 - Why? - Apparently I'm being arrested 157 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,150 for conspiracy to commit a murder, 158 00:06:14,202 --> 00:06:16,486 because of the Supreme Court judge. 159 00:06:16,538 --> 00:06:18,955 But... but you had nothing to do... that was my mother... 160 00:06:18,990 --> 00:06:20,656 - Yes. - who tampered with his brakes. 161 00:06:20,708 --> 00:06:22,575 Well, it was supposed to be, but at the last minute 162 00:06:22,627 --> 00:06:25,545 her arthritis flared up, and I went instead. 163 00:06:25,580 --> 00:06:27,413 - Oh, Jerome. - You know me... 164 00:06:27,465 --> 00:06:29,081 kind of a good samaritan. 165 00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:31,334 Good samaritan in that you were helping to kill someone? 166 00:06:31,386 --> 00:06:33,586 She had gotten me a matching catsuit, 167 00:06:33,588 --> 00:06:35,004 so what was I supposed to do? 168 00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:36,756 - Say no. - She's been very good to me, 169 00:06:36,808 --> 00:06:38,174 - over the years, and I really... - Okay. 170 00:06:38,226 --> 00:06:40,092 wanted to help her, and so I had downloaded 171 00:06:40,145 --> 00:06:42,979 all those YouTube videos on how to break into that car 172 00:06:43,014 --> 00:06:44,397 and how to tamper with those brakes, 173 00:06:44,432 --> 00:06:47,483 and I put them on my iPad. I had them. 174 00:06:47,519 --> 00:06:49,569 - Okay. - But then I left the iPad 175 00:06:49,604 --> 00:06:51,904 in the car, and I think that's what tipped off the police. 176 00:06:51,940 --> 00:06:53,022 Really? You think that's what did it? 177 00:06:53,074 --> 00:06:54,574 - I think so. - Okay. 178 00:06:54,609 --> 00:06:56,943 Anyway, now Gina is still at the rehab. 179 00:06:56,995 --> 00:06:58,411 - Right. - And they're on lockdown. 180 00:06:58,446 --> 00:06:59,745 I don't know what happened over there. 181 00:06:59,781 --> 00:07:01,030 - Okay. - So little Angus... 182 00:07:01,082 --> 00:07:02,031 - Oh! - What's he to do? 183 00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:03,616 I don't know. 184 00:07:03,618 --> 00:07:05,585 I called the notary, and I hope this is okay, 185 00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:08,120 but you're the closest thing to family that I have. 186 00:07:08,122 --> 00:07:10,122 And what... I don't like children, you know that. 187 00:07:10,124 --> 00:07:12,375 Well, I know, but I bequeathed him to you, 188 00:07:12,427 --> 00:07:13,843 because you're his aunt Fifi. 189 00:07:13,878 --> 00:07:15,344 No, I'm not. That's not my name. 190 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:17,213 - It's... listen... - is that what you wrote? 191 00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:19,465 I typed up everything, all the instructions... 192 00:07:19,517 --> 00:07:21,884 when he gets his nap, when he needs to be changed... 193 00:07:21,936 --> 00:07:23,269 - Oof. - All of his toys... 194 00:07:23,304 --> 00:07:25,972 His food regimen, his exercise regimen. 195 00:07:26,024 --> 00:07:27,890 - I can't do it. - Well, what am I gonna do? 196 00:07:27,942 --> 00:07:30,893 I don't know who else I would trust with Angus and his life 197 00:07:30,945 --> 00:07:33,145 and all that money! 198 00:07:33,198 --> 00:07:35,948 Then I can't let you down, can I? 199 00:07:35,984 --> 00:07:37,650 Oh, Dr. Wallice, thank you so much. 200 00:07:37,702 --> 00:07:40,203 It's my pleasure. But let me ask you something. 201 00:07:40,238 --> 00:07:42,154 - Yes, yes. - So do I... don't I need 202 00:07:42,156 --> 00:07:44,490 to sign something? Is the notary still there? 203 00:07:44,492 --> 00:07:46,542 No, no, I've gotten all the documents signed. 204 00:07:46,578 --> 00:07:48,578 The documents are ready for you to sign as well. 205 00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,162 - And they're there? - And they're here. 206 00:07:50,164 --> 00:07:51,998 Are they in a secret drawer? Where could I find them? 207 00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:53,666 They're on the front table of the house. 208 00:07:53,668 --> 00:07:55,501 - Front table of the house. - Yes, and it's the 209 00:07:55,503 --> 00:07:58,554 "Angus financial trust account," it's called that. 210 00:07:58,590 --> 00:07:59,972 "Angus financial trust account." 211 00:08:00,008 --> 00:08:01,390 "Angus financial trust account," okay? 212 00:08:01,426 --> 00:08:03,009 Okay, and then is there, like... 213 00:08:03,061 --> 00:08:04,560 - Yes, thank you so much. - Another account or cash 214 00:08:04,596 --> 00:08:05,978 somewhere in there? Well, there was cash, 215 00:08:06,014 --> 00:08:07,730 but I took some with me. Should I leave that? 216 00:08:07,765 --> 00:08:09,515 Oh, so I won't have... leave it, because I'll need... 217 00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,150 - I'll leave it for you, okay. - Formula, diapers... 218 00:08:11,185 --> 00:08:13,069 there's also a roll of 500s that I stuck in the 219 00:08:13,104 --> 00:08:15,021 I dream of Jeannie bobblehead that's on my night table. 220 00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:16,522 - So, if you... yeah. - Okay, I'll find that too. 221 00:08:16,574 --> 00:08:18,024 Yeah, okay. [Doorbell rings] 222 00:08:18,076 --> 00:08:19,075 - I've got the money for you. - Great, and... 223 00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:20,943 Oh! That's my uber. 224 00:08:20,995 --> 00:08:22,612 - You called uber? - Well, yeah. 225 00:08:22,664 --> 00:08:24,113 I'm making my escape. I'm gonna be off the grid. 226 00:08:24,165 --> 00:08:25,581 They're gonna get me out of town. 227 00:08:25,617 --> 00:08:27,950 You're escaping with a tracking device? 228 00:08:28,002 --> 00:08:29,785 Oh, I didn't even think of that... I will send him away. 229 00:08:29,837 --> 00:08:31,587 I hate to leave them waiting, 'cause then they... 230 00:08:31,623 --> 00:08:33,005 - you have to pay them anyway. - Okay, that's... 231 00:08:33,041 --> 00:08:34,206 Okay, I'll be right back. 232 00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:36,709 - Not smart. - I'm coming! 233 00:08:38,212 --> 00:08:40,212 - [Sighs] - Coming! 234 00:08:40,214 --> 00:08:42,381 This is why populations go extinct, 235 00:08:42,433 --> 00:08:43,883 - this kind of stup... - Put your hands up! 236 00:08:43,885 --> 00:08:45,051 Oh! Ow, ow! 237 00:08:45,103 --> 00:08:46,552 Sir, you have to stop flailing. 238 00:08:46,554 --> 00:08:48,271 - I will cooperate! - Stop flailing, sir. 239 00:08:48,306 --> 00:08:49,772 Not the taser! [Taser clicking] 240 00:08:49,807 --> 00:08:51,524 - Well, that's... you know. - [Screams] 241 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:53,776 - That stings! - Oh, the documents are there. 242 00:08:53,811 --> 00:08:56,896 I need to get those. And there's cash. 243 00:08:56,898 --> 00:08:59,649 Oh, I wonder if they left the door open. 244 00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:02,151 I'd better get over there before they lock it. 245 00:09:02,203 --> 00:09:04,335 Oh, and the baby's there too. 246 00:09:08,242 --> 00:09:09,742 [Computer beeps] 247 00:09:09,794 --> 00:09:11,961 Oh, do I want to open an email from Jerome? 248 00:09:11,996 --> 00:09:16,666 I don't want to really engage with a jailbird. 249 00:09:17,241 --> 00:09:19,969 Oh. Well, all right. 250 00:09:20,004 --> 00:09:23,306 Look at the link. 251 00:09:23,341 --> 00:09:25,249 Oh. 252 00:09:26,144 --> 00:09:28,928 Oh. - [Blowing nose] 253 00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:31,593 That's stupid. Really? 254 00:09:35,937 --> 00:09:38,020 Oh, God. 255 00:09:40,775 --> 00:09:45,161 Oh, yes, by all means, give them a better look at you. 256 00:09:45,196 --> 00:09:47,947 You really are the stupidest criminal... 257 00:09:47,949 --> 00:09:51,834 I'm sorry. The most stupidest criminal. 258 00:09:56,224 --> 00:09:59,291 - Fiona, hi. - Hi, Gina! 259 00:09:59,327 --> 00:10:02,795 Just checking in on how your first week is going. 260 00:10:02,847 --> 00:10:06,766 - This job is fantastic. - Oh, good. 261 00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:11,187 Oh, I love Angus now that he's not my child anymore... 262 00:10:11,222 --> 00:10:13,055 - Interesting. - That I'm just his nanny. 263 00:10:13,107 --> 00:10:17,360 Oh, no pressure of... responsibility... 264 00:10:17,395 --> 00:10:19,812 It's night and day. He's so much happier. 265 00:10:19,814 --> 00:10:23,199 Isn't it different when you're paid to do a job? 266 00:10:23,234 --> 00:10:25,985 When you're the mother, you're not really paid to do the job. 267 00:10:26,037 --> 00:10:29,739 It's different. It's nothing but burden and responsibility. 268 00:10:29,791 --> 00:10:32,408 But I love this job because all I have to do is keep 269 00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:34,293 - the baby away from you... - Right, basically. 270 00:10:34,328 --> 00:10:36,879 - 'Cause the baby hates you... - Right. 271 00:10:36,914 --> 00:10:38,130 And keep it alive. 272 00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:40,132 - Isn't that great? - Mm-hmm. 273 00:10:40,168 --> 00:10:42,084 Yeah, he seems to be a happy little fella. 274 00:10:42,136 --> 00:10:43,586 And I like him more. 275 00:10:43,638 --> 00:10:45,304 I mean, I used to think he was a total asshole. 276 00:10:45,339 --> 00:10:46,338 - Exactly. - But now... 277 00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:48,174 Oh, and you look very good. 278 00:10:48,176 --> 00:10:50,393 I was a little concerned because... I'm sorry. 279 00:10:50,428 --> 00:10:54,180 I was desperate. I had to yank you out of that rehab facility, 280 00:10:54,232 --> 00:10:57,183 - but you were needed. - Oh, I'm so glad you did. 281 00:10:57,185 --> 00:10:59,935 But it was amazing, and, you know, it's literally... 282 00:10:59,987 --> 00:11:04,774 it's been 3 months, 25 hours, and 15 seconds... 283 00:11:04,826 --> 00:11:06,192 - Oh. - since I had anal. 284 00:11:06,244 --> 00:11:09,829 You're count... wow. 285 00:11:09,864 --> 00:11:11,997 - Pretty good. - That's a... do you get, like, 286 00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:14,283 - a chip or a... - Yeah, um... 287 00:11:14,335 --> 00:11:16,202 - Lollipop for that or... - Yeah, they really... 288 00:11:16,254 --> 00:11:19,255 they gave me this awesome penny. It's so cool. 289 00:11:19,290 --> 00:11:20,756 - Aw. - And it says... 290 00:11:20,792 --> 00:11:23,125 "Keep coming back. It works if you work it." 291 00:11:23,177 --> 00:11:24,877 Okay. "Works if you work it." 292 00:11:24,879 --> 00:11:27,179 So I can work it! I just can't twerk it. 293 00:11:27,215 --> 00:11:28,881 - Right. What... - I can work it. 294 00:11:28,883 --> 00:11:30,516 I just can't twerk it. Is something happening here? 295 00:11:30,551 --> 00:11:33,185 Oh, this is just, you know, it's a tool. 296 00:11:33,221 --> 00:11:36,222 It's just, you know... every time I think about sex, 297 00:11:36,224 --> 00:11:39,191 I'm supposed to do this, and then I won't have sex. 298 00:11:39,227 --> 00:11:40,693 - Oh. - It's great, yeah. 299 00:11:40,728 --> 00:11:43,145 Oh, so you did get something out of that place, 300 00:11:43,197 --> 00:11:46,315 other than the need for antibiotics. 301 00:11:46,367 --> 00:11:48,067 - Oh, good! - I really did. 302 00:11:48,069 --> 00:11:49,235 Oh, that's great. 303 00:11:49,287 --> 00:11:51,153 - I loved it. - Oh, cute. 304 00:11:51,205 --> 00:11:53,239 And all the... look at all the artwork! 305 00:11:53,241 --> 00:11:54,707 - Yeah. - Is that... 306 00:11:54,742 --> 00:11:56,408 he... he couldn't have done that, could he? 307 00:11:56,461 --> 00:11:59,245 Oh, I've had a lot of time to paint, so, you know, 308 00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:02,131 I'm really getting in touch with my inner child... 309 00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:04,800 - Great. - Because I think that's why 310 00:12:04,836 --> 00:12:07,169 I had such problems with sex, because I just wasn't in touch 311 00:12:07,221 --> 00:12:08,838 with my child. 312 00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,423 Interesting. Oh. 313 00:12:11,476 --> 00:12:13,225 - To... to certain people... - Yeah. 314 00:12:13,261 --> 00:12:15,978 - That would be fascinating. - Totally fascinating, yeah. 315 00:12:16,013 --> 00:12:17,813 Great, keep thinking about that. 316 00:12:17,849 --> 00:12:20,065 You know, I'm working on the steps. 317 00:12:20,101 --> 00:12:23,903 I'm having a hard time... I'm on the eighth step, 318 00:12:23,938 --> 00:12:26,355 but I'm getting it confused with the second step. 319 00:12:26,407 --> 00:12:28,407 Oh, I thought you were talking about all the steps 320 00:12:28,442 --> 00:12:31,327 in the house, 'cause this is, I think, the third kitchen 321 00:12:31,362 --> 00:12:33,279 - I've seen. - Yeah, it's... 322 00:12:33,281 --> 00:12:34,864 - it's a lot of kitchens... - Right. 323 00:12:34,916 --> 00:12:36,365 - You know. - I wonder if the people who 324 00:12:36,417 --> 00:12:38,918 lived there before were kosher. I don't know. 325 00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:41,253 - I think they probably were. - You know what that means? 326 00:12:41,289 --> 00:12:42,454 - It's great. - Okay. 327 00:12:42,507 --> 00:12:44,590 - Yeah, kosher. - Does kosher make you 328 00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,459 think of sex? 'Cause that's... you're... 329 00:12:47,461 --> 00:12:50,846 - Jewish men are hot. - Oh, right. 330 00:12:55,219 --> 00:12:57,019 [Computer ringing] 331 00:12:57,054 --> 00:12:58,387 - Oh. - Hi. 332 00:12:58,439 --> 00:13:01,473 - Jenny, thank you. - Brava, brava, brava. 333 00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:04,059 Oh, thank you, yes. I hope I was sympathetic enough. 334 00:13:04,111 --> 00:13:05,611 You know, I tried to... 335 00:13:05,646 --> 00:13:07,897 You're... you are... we're getting there. 336 00:13:07,949 --> 00:13:10,282 - Do everything you say. - We're really getting there. 337 00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:12,985 I really do think that this was a very successful... oh! 338 00:13:13,037 --> 00:13:14,486 There's that kettle that I love. 339 00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,322 Remember I told you how much I loved that kettle. 340 00:13:16,324 --> 00:13:17,990 Yes, it's just a kettle. 341 00:13:17,992 --> 00:13:19,875 We always wanted a kettle when I was growing up, 342 00:13:19,911 --> 00:13:22,294 but we had to boil our water in our hands, so... 343 00:13:22,330 --> 00:13:24,630 - That's... unbelievable. - Anyway, that's my story. 344 00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:27,633 Here's my violin, right? Okay, anyway... 345 00:13:27,668 --> 00:13:29,752 This came with the penthouse, actually. 346 00:13:29,804 --> 00:13:31,170 - It did? - Everything was here, 347 00:13:31,222 --> 00:13:33,255 'cause Austin really took care of me. 348 00:13:33,307 --> 00:13:35,507 So he had... I had everything I needed, all the cookware... 349 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,009 - That's... - that I don't use, 350 00:13:37,061 --> 00:13:38,844 because I don't cook, but... 351 00:13:38,896 --> 00:13:40,512 That's 'cause you have people to do that for you. 352 00:13:40,565 --> 00:13:42,181 [Laughing] 353 00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:43,515 - Right. - Yeah, I do. 354 00:13:43,568 --> 00:13:45,935 So I thought that everything went wonderful. 355 00:13:45,987 --> 00:13:48,604 I thought the photo shoot for we the people was... 356 00:13:48,656 --> 00:13:50,439 - Right. - extraordinary, honestly. 357 00:13:50,491 --> 00:13:52,691 Yes, I was only... I thought that I had... 358 00:13:52,743 --> 00:13:54,994 I was gonna be doing People Magazine. 359 00:13:55,029 --> 00:13:56,579 - Oh! - 'Cause I don't know what 360 00:13:56,614 --> 00:13:58,030 - we the people is. - And be on the cover 361 00:13:58,082 --> 00:14:00,249 with Kim Kardashian and North West, right? 362 00:14:00,284 --> 00:14:02,368 - Well, I don't know. - It's baby steps, okay? 363 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,586 - Okay. - Let's not jump 364 00:14:03,621 --> 00:14:05,421 - into that pool yet. - All right. 365 00:14:05,456 --> 00:14:08,374 So, anyway, I have a few more things that we'll go over, 366 00:14:08,426 --> 00:14:11,043 as they start to come into fruition. 367 00:14:11,095 --> 00:14:15,297 I think that we have lost the game show network piece. 368 00:14:15,349 --> 00:14:17,049 - Oh. - But... 369 00:14:17,101 --> 00:14:21,553 we're looking into other online magazines and other online shows 370 00:14:21,606 --> 00:14:23,105 - that we can find. - Oh, okay. 371 00:14:23,140 --> 00:14:24,640 And then we'll hit for the big ones, 372 00:14:24,692 --> 00:14:26,225 then we'll call up Barbara Walters, you know? 373 00:14:26,277 --> 00:14:29,194 - Right, yes. - So, the TV guide channel 374 00:14:29,230 --> 00:14:31,397 has a wonderful forum for you. 375 00:14:31,449 --> 00:14:33,532 Direct TV, channel 101... 376 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:34,566 - Yeah. - Sometimes you see it, 377 00:14:34,568 --> 00:14:36,235 - and it's just blue? - Right. 378 00:14:36,237 --> 00:14:37,987 But they actually do have programming on there, 379 00:14:38,039 --> 00:14:40,322 from about 3:00 to about 6:00 in the morning. 380 00:14:40,374 --> 00:14:42,541 - Oh, that's wonderful. - We are getting there. 381 00:14:42,576 --> 00:14:46,211 Yeah... no, I think so. I think I really garnered some support. 382 00:14:46,247 --> 00:14:47,913 For sure. 383 00:14:47,965 --> 00:14:50,249 You just need to keep on doing what you've been doing. 384 00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:51,550 Right, yes. 385 00:14:51,585 --> 00:14:54,086 Right, just coming on very downtrodden... 386 00:14:54,088 --> 00:14:55,804 - Right. - and... and sympathetic... 387 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,090 - Yes. - and not talking too much... 388 00:14:58,092 --> 00:14:59,308 and... and not lying. 389 00:14:59,343 --> 00:15:01,093 I think I have another sympathy angle... 390 00:15:01,145 --> 00:15:03,429 - Okay. - 'Cause I had a bag of things 391 00:15:03,431 --> 00:15:06,065 that were... that was stolen. So can we use that? 392 00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,483 I had my pearl-handled hairbrush... 393 00:15:07,518 --> 00:15:08,984 - What? - My toothbrush. 394 00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:11,103 It was sort of like a vanity bag, you know, 395 00:15:11,105 --> 00:15:12,655 - that I... - Oh, oh. 396 00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:15,441 I probably misplaced it, but should we say it was stolen? 397 00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:17,576 Does that help my cause? 398 00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:19,328 So it's not a good idea. 399 00:15:19,363 --> 00:15:21,780 No... yes, we'll get it back. Don't you worry. 400 00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:23,949 - Oh, good. - Anyway, I wanted to talk 401 00:15:24,001 --> 00:15:25,367 to you about something very exciting. 402 00:15:25,419 --> 00:15:27,169 - Okay. - Are you sitting down? 403 00:15:27,204 --> 00:15:30,039 - I'm kidding. I know you are. - I'm just tall, but, yeah. 404 00:15:30,091 --> 00:15:32,841 Anyway, I got a call from Google... 405 00:15:32,877 --> 00:15:37,129 The Google, and they are interested... 406 00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:39,598 - In purchasing web therapy. - Oh, my... 407 00:15:39,633 --> 00:15:42,301 Okay? So this is big news. 408 00:15:42,353 --> 00:15:45,854 Is that... possibly really true? 409 00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:48,140 That's been my dream, maybe you know. 410 00:15:48,142 --> 00:15:50,059 Well, I can't say that it is, and I can't say that it's not, 411 00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:51,143 but you're welcome. 412 00:15:51,195 --> 00:15:54,146 Oh. Apropos to nothing. 413 00:15:54,148 --> 00:15:56,148 - Oh! - Yes! 414 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,983 Isn't that wonderful? [Exhales sharply] 415 00:15:57,985 --> 00:16:01,153 - This is it. - But here's the problem. 416 00:16:01,155 --> 00:16:02,538 Oh. 417 00:16:02,573 --> 00:16:06,408 They need us to get together with your mother 418 00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:10,879 and discuss net therapy, because Google is a little nervous 419 00:16:10,915 --> 00:16:15,417 that she will try to sue, because you... 420 00:16:15,469 --> 00:16:17,586 possibly stole the idea from her, so... 421 00:16:17,638 --> 00:16:19,004 No, and I did not steal the idea. 422 00:16:19,006 --> 00:16:21,390 No, no... I understand that you did not. 423 00:16:21,425 --> 00:16:23,342 I can see why they'd be nervous, because... 424 00:16:23,394 --> 00:16:25,227 Well, they're very nervous, and they're a very big company, 425 00:16:25,262 --> 00:16:26,562 and they have a lot to lose. 426 00:16:26,597 --> 00:16:28,063 So, in order for us to keep this deal, 427 00:16:28,099 --> 00:16:30,766 which will make you millions of dollars, okay? 428 00:16:30,818 --> 00:16:32,351 - Yes, tens of millions, - Well... 429 00:16:32,353 --> 00:16:36,605 - If not more. - Well, a couple, for sure... 430 00:16:36,657 --> 00:16:39,691 Before taxes, but you need to get us all together 431 00:16:39,693 --> 00:16:41,160 in a room. 432 00:16:41,195 --> 00:16:43,445 Um, it's really very important, okay? 433 00:16:43,497 --> 00:16:45,497 Yeah, that's... that's the tricky part, 434 00:16:45,533 --> 00:16:46,915 'cause I don't see that happening. 435 00:16:46,951 --> 00:16:49,118 - Why? - No, you don't understand. 436 00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:51,703 She was a horrible mother my entire life. 437 00:16:51,705 --> 00:16:54,673 Aw. Did she get you the wrong color pony? 438 00:16:54,708 --> 00:16:56,759 No, it was the right color. She had a good eye, 439 00:16:56,794 --> 00:16:59,628 - but, no, the pony bit me. - Aw. 440 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,213 And then my mother said, 441 00:17:01,265 --> 00:17:03,882 "oh, Fiona, why do you keep provoking it?" 442 00:17:03,884 --> 00:17:08,220 Oh, well, try having a pet spider... 443 00:17:08,272 --> 00:17:11,106 not very cuddly and really difficult to ride. 444 00:17:11,142 --> 00:17:13,108 But the truth is, you weren't raised by her, 445 00:17:13,144 --> 00:17:14,810 - so you don't know... - No. 446 00:17:14,862 --> 00:17:17,780 - that she's a nightmare. - No, I was raised by a drunk. 447 00:17:17,815 --> 00:17:20,532 Right, well, I think maybe I would have been better off. 448 00:17:20,568 --> 00:17:22,067 How's that? Because... 449 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:23,652 Okay, I... actually, this has to happen. 450 00:17:23,704 --> 00:17:26,288 I must get in the room with her 451 00:17:26,323 --> 00:17:28,073 so that we can discuss this Google deal, 452 00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:29,992 or else the Google deal will go away. 453 00:17:30,044 --> 00:17:31,627 Are you listening to me, Fiona? 454 00:17:31,662 --> 00:17:33,579 I am listening to you, but I don't think you're... 455 00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:35,247 - Okay, no, you really need... - listening to me. 456 00:17:35,299 --> 00:17:36,965 - Can I just have her number? - She's a nightmare. 457 00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:38,834 May I just have her private number? 458 00:17:38,886 --> 00:17:40,469 - I'd rather not. - Because maybe if I just talk 459 00:17:40,504 --> 00:17:42,421 to her myself... Fiona, you need to understand 460 00:17:42,473 --> 00:17:45,591 the severity of the situation. I must get in a room with her. 461 00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:47,092 No, you can't because... 462 00:17:47,094 --> 00:17:48,677 I must get in a room with your mother! 463 00:17:48,729 --> 00:17:50,429 The minute she knows that it's for me, 464 00:17:50,431 --> 00:17:52,147 - she's not going to help. - Okay, she's not your mother! 465 00:17:52,183 --> 00:17:54,566 - Hmm? - She's not your mother. 466 00:17:54,602 --> 00:17:57,069 Would that it were true, but... 467 00:17:57,104 --> 00:17:59,354 I was born at St. Vincent's. 468 00:17:59,406 --> 00:18:01,406 - Right. - You were born at St. Vincent's 469 00:18:01,442 --> 00:18:04,610 the same day, the same hour, and believe it or not, 470 00:18:04,612 --> 00:18:06,111 - the same year. - Oh. 471 00:18:06,163 --> 00:18:07,496 Now, that night, 472 00:18:07,531 --> 00:18:09,781 apparently the head of the pediatric nursing 473 00:18:09,783 --> 00:18:12,284 was taking a great deal of morphine, 474 00:18:12,286 --> 00:18:15,170 and she was switching babies all over the place. 475 00:18:15,206 --> 00:18:16,622 You're hysterical, 476 00:18:16,674 --> 00:18:18,123 so maybe you don't know what you're saying. 477 00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:19,842 No, no, no, no. Listen to me. 478 00:18:19,877 --> 00:18:22,794 You know that bag of your things? 479 00:18:22,847 --> 00:18:24,296 - The... yes. - Your toothbrush, 480 00:18:24,298 --> 00:18:25,430 - right. - Your hairbrush... 481 00:18:25,466 --> 00:18:26,598 - Yes. - Your band-aid... 482 00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:28,300 - Oh. - Your chewing gum... 483 00:18:28,302 --> 00:18:29,885 Your dress shields, your q-tips... 484 00:18:29,937 --> 00:18:32,688 - Oh, you really looked... - your spanx, your night guard? 485 00:18:32,723 --> 00:18:34,022 - I need that. - Do you recall that 486 00:18:34,058 --> 00:18:36,275 vial of blood I had taken from you? 487 00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:38,193 Right, I wasn't sure why. 488 00:18:38,229 --> 00:18:39,862 I've sent them off to get the DNA 489 00:18:39,897 --> 00:18:41,730 - checked on those. - But don't you also need... 490 00:18:41,782 --> 00:18:43,148 and when that comes back... 491 00:18:43,150 --> 00:18:45,617 My mother... Putsy Hodge's DNA? 492 00:18:45,653 --> 00:18:47,152 I followed her for three weeks. 493 00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:48,987 Man, that woman does not throw anything out. 494 00:18:48,989 --> 00:18:51,657 But finally, she threw out a cup from Starbucks. 495 00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:53,575 - Oh. - Sent it in. 496 00:18:53,627 --> 00:18:56,628 So tomorrow an envelope is going to be arriving at my home 497 00:18:56,664 --> 00:18:58,163 at 10:30 in the morning, 498 00:18:58,165 --> 00:19:01,166 at which point you and your mother and I are going 499 00:19:01,168 --> 00:19:03,886 to be together when I open up that envelope 500 00:19:03,921 --> 00:19:09,341 and find out that I am Putsy Hodge's daughter. 501 00:19:09,343 --> 00:19:11,677 - You're Jenny Hodge. - I'm Jenny Hodge. 502 00:19:11,729 --> 00:19:15,180 And I'm... Fiona Bologna. 503 00:19:19,653 --> 00:19:22,588 - Oh, hello, mother. - Hello, Fiona. 504 00:19:22,623 --> 00:19:25,090 - Thank you for calling in. - It's 10:25. 505 00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:26,925 That's the time I was to call to find out 506 00:19:26,961 --> 00:19:29,411 what was so important about Kip. 507 00:19:29,446 --> 00:19:30,612 Oh, yes, I... 508 00:19:30,664 --> 00:19:32,831 are you wearing a shoe on your head? 509 00:19:32,866 --> 00:19:35,867 Oh, my dear, it's a hat. It's a chapeau. 510 00:19:35,869 --> 00:19:38,587 Oh. A shoe-peau. [Chuckles] 511 00:19:38,622 --> 00:19:40,205 I don't get it. 512 00:19:40,257 --> 00:19:42,207 Well, 'cause instead of chapeau, 513 00:19:42,209 --> 00:19:45,177 because it's a shoe, it's a shoe-pea... 514 00:19:45,212 --> 00:19:47,879 - You see? - I still do not get it. 515 00:19:47,881 --> 00:19:51,300 Okay. Well, I wanted to let you know 516 00:19:51,352 --> 00:19:56,221 that Kip's wife has a very lucrative offer on the table 517 00:19:56,273 --> 00:19:59,224 from Google to purchase web therapy. 518 00:19:59,276 --> 00:20:01,310 - [Chuckles] - [Laughs] 519 00:20:01,362 --> 00:20:03,478 Isn't that wonderful for him? 520 00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:06,565 So, in order for that to happen for him, 521 00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:09,952 I'm going to need you to sign a waiver, 522 00:20:09,987 --> 00:20:12,738 saying that it's okay and that I didn't... 523 00:20:12,740 --> 00:20:14,573 um, steal the idea from you. 524 00:20:14,575 --> 00:20:17,376 I have to... I'll have to think this over, Fiona. 525 00:20:17,411 --> 00:20:20,245 I will have to give it deep and consistent thought. 526 00:20:20,247 --> 00:20:23,048 Mother, I didn't steal net therapy, okay? 527 00:20:23,083 --> 00:20:25,634 I was doing web therapy first, and you... 528 00:20:25,669 --> 00:20:27,970 remember, you asked, "how much do you charge?" 529 00:20:28,005 --> 00:20:30,422 You had Jerome help you set it up, 530 00:20:30,424 --> 00:20:33,342 because he had already helped me with web therapy. 531 00:20:33,394 --> 00:20:34,726 What can I do for you, Fiona? 532 00:20:34,762 --> 00:20:36,845 Tell me what it is that you want from me. 533 00:20:36,897 --> 00:20:39,348 I... well, I did... I told you, I need you to sign a waiver... 534 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,016 I mean, besides the Google business. 535 00:20:41,068 --> 00:20:42,934 But that's all. That's really what I need. 536 00:20:42,987 --> 00:20:45,404 I'm gonna have... you know, I don't know if you've noticed, 537 00:20:45,439 --> 00:20:49,358 but then NSA brouhaha has lessened. 538 00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:51,026 - Yes. - You know, and that's 539 00:20:51,078 --> 00:20:54,363 to the credit of that fixer who's working with me now. 540 00:20:54,415 --> 00:20:58,750 She's the one responsible for quelling the horrible scandal, 541 00:20:58,786 --> 00:21:01,286 you know, encompassing me with the NSA. 542 00:21:01,288 --> 00:21:03,622 And she's helping you to the end of helping Kip? 543 00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:05,674 Well, of course it helps Kip, doesn't it? 544 00:21:05,709 --> 00:21:09,761 If I become, you know... my scandal goes away, 545 00:21:09,797 --> 00:21:12,514 - doesn't that help Kip? - Well, that is... 546 00:21:12,549 --> 00:21:13,765 - that's engaging. - It is. 547 00:21:13,801 --> 00:21:17,519 Her name is, uh... Jenny Bologna. 548 00:21:17,554 --> 00:21:20,722 - Ah, Jenny Bologna. - And, um, there's... 549 00:21:20,774 --> 00:21:24,393 something else to her you should know. 550 00:21:24,445 --> 00:21:26,478 She believes that she's your daughter. 551 00:21:26,530 --> 00:21:27,729 [Laughs] 552 00:21:27,781 --> 00:21:29,147 She believes she's my daughter? 553 00:21:29,149 --> 00:21:32,200 We were switched at birth, which is absurd, 554 00:21:32,236 --> 00:21:34,536 - but let's humor her... - Well, perhaps not. 555 00:21:34,571 --> 00:21:35,954 Perhaps not, Fiona. 556 00:21:35,989 --> 00:21:38,290 Well, perhaps of course it's absurd. 557 00:21:38,325 --> 00:21:40,158 - She's... can't... - I've always felt an uneasiness 558 00:21:40,210 --> 00:21:43,795 in my breast when I held you as a child. 559 00:21:43,831 --> 00:21:47,382 Right, but maybe that's just your... 560 00:21:47,418 --> 00:21:48,667 hard-wiring. 561 00:21:48,669 --> 00:21:50,919 Maybe this is the answer to my prayers. 562 00:21:50,971 --> 00:21:52,838 Well, let's see, all right? 563 00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:56,341 Because she's stolen fluids from both of us, it seems, 564 00:21:56,343 --> 00:22:00,595 and she's run a DNA test. But let's humor her anyway, 565 00:22:00,647 --> 00:22:04,649 because we need her help, right? For Kip and for me. 566 00:22:04,685 --> 00:22:05,934 [Computer rings] 567 00:22:05,986 --> 00:22:08,103 Oh, here she is. I'm gonna add her. 568 00:22:08,155 --> 00:22:10,572 - Hello, Jenny. - Oh, hello, Fiona. 569 00:22:10,607 --> 00:22:12,741 So, as you know, this is Putsy Hodge. 570 00:22:12,776 --> 00:22:14,443 - Yes, I do. - Jenny, Jenny. 571 00:22:14,495 --> 00:22:17,028 - Hi. - Hello, Jenny, hello, Jenny. 572 00:22:17,081 --> 00:22:18,747 - I love you. - So nice to meet you. 573 00:22:18,782 --> 00:22:20,499 - Already? - I can't believe I'm... 574 00:22:20,534 --> 00:22:22,534 I'm looking right... it's like looking into a mirror. 575 00:22:22,536 --> 00:22:25,837 You are just so elegant and so wonderful and so intelligent. 576 00:22:25,873 --> 00:22:29,341 It really is just like looking... right into myself. 577 00:22:29,376 --> 00:22:30,709 - Yes. - Wow! I'm... 578 00:22:30,711 --> 00:22:33,462 It's just like seeing my reflection. 579 00:22:33,514 --> 00:22:34,880 As opposed to a mirror? 580 00:22:34,882 --> 00:22:38,350 All right, should we... should we get on with it? 581 00:22:38,385 --> 00:22:41,520 Oh, do you have the test results? 582 00:22:41,555 --> 00:22:44,222 Oh, there, they were fedexed to her. 583 00:22:44,224 --> 00:22:47,476 - All right, I'm shaking. - I'm so excited. 584 00:22:47,528 --> 00:22:49,861 I've known my whole life. I've known. 585 00:22:49,897 --> 00:22:51,563 I've known. I've known. 586 00:22:51,615 --> 00:22:53,698 "Dear Jenny Bologna..." 587 00:22:53,734 --> 00:22:58,036 [Reading under her breath] 588 00:22:58,071 --> 00:23:01,957 Is it what I think it is? Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. 589 00:23:01,992 --> 00:23:03,909 - "Sample 'a'... - Is it what I think? 590 00:23:03,961 --> 00:23:05,577 "Is a match to sample 'c.' 591 00:23:05,629 --> 00:23:10,715 sample 'b' is not a match to sample 'c.'" 592 00:23:10,751 --> 00:23:13,168 - am I... who am I? - This is... 593 00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:14,836 - Yes, yes! - You're "b"! You're "b"! 594 00:23:14,888 --> 00:23:16,555 I'm "b." I'm not the... 595 00:23:16,590 --> 00:23:18,089 - Thank the heavenly mother. - You're "b," I'm "a"! 596 00:23:18,091 --> 00:23:19,925 - You're "b"! - Could you mail a copy to... 597 00:23:19,977 --> 00:23:21,810 - not... I trust you, but... - Oh, mama. 598 00:23:21,845 --> 00:23:24,429 I've waited my whole life for this moment. 599 00:23:24,481 --> 00:23:25,847 - I mean, I just... - My darling girl. 600 00:23:25,899 --> 00:23:28,767 My darling girl, you can rest easy now. 601 00:23:28,819 --> 00:23:31,019 - You're a Hodge. - I'm free. 602 00:23:31,071 --> 00:23:33,572 Oh, my gosh, I am just absolutely delighted 603 00:23:33,607 --> 00:23:34,823 and over the moon. 604 00:23:34,858 --> 00:23:36,775 You are one of the most engaging young women... 605 00:23:36,827 --> 00:23:38,109 Oh, thank you. 606 00:23:38,162 --> 00:23:39,778 I've had the pleasure of meeting. 607 00:23:39,780 --> 00:23:41,613 You just met. 608 00:23:41,665 --> 00:23:43,498 You know, it's... it's funny, my natural hair color is red. 609 00:23:43,534 --> 00:23:45,750 And I'd prove it to you right now, but I shave that 610 00:23:45,786 --> 00:23:49,454 completely bald down there, but it's the truth. 611 00:23:49,506 --> 00:23:52,290 - Well, I did too. - Oh, Fiona. 612 00:23:52,342 --> 00:23:54,593 But Jenny, Jenny, how did this happen? 613 00:23:54,628 --> 00:23:56,461 Well, from what I can piece together, 614 00:23:56,463 --> 00:23:58,680 apparently you were very rude to one of the nurses there, 615 00:23:58,715 --> 00:24:00,098 and they took away your beautiful baby, 616 00:24:00,133 --> 00:24:01,683 and they gave you an ugly one. 617 00:24:01,718 --> 00:24:03,218 Well, I wasn't such an ugly baby... 618 00:24:03,270 --> 00:24:05,387 Let me tell you, Jenny, what I think happened. 619 00:24:05,439 --> 00:24:07,189 I went the first day when my baby was born. 620 00:24:07,224 --> 00:24:10,942 I picked her up, and it was a feeling of joy, 621 00:24:10,978 --> 00:24:12,861 a feeling of completion. 622 00:24:12,896 --> 00:24:14,779 And then I went to pick her up the next day, 623 00:24:14,815 --> 00:24:16,731 and she looked weird to me. 624 00:24:16,783 --> 00:24:18,950 She looked maniacal, somehow. 625 00:24:18,986 --> 00:24:21,536 And I felt the milk in my bosom drying up. 626 00:24:21,572 --> 00:24:24,990 - And I know now what that was. - Yes, that's exact... 627 00:24:25,042 --> 00:24:27,375 I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, mommy. 628 00:24:27,411 --> 00:24:29,961 I'm saddened for Fiona, aren't you? 629 00:24:29,997 --> 00:24:31,413 - Oh. - But I'm happy for us. 630 00:24:31,465 --> 00:24:33,498 - Very much so. - And, Fiona, this is kind of 631 00:24:33,550 --> 00:24:36,218 - good news for you and me. - Yes? 632 00:24:36,253 --> 00:24:39,504 Well, it explains why I've hated you all these years. 633 00:24:39,556 --> 00:24:42,057 And it's so much better to hate a stranger 634 00:24:42,092 --> 00:24:44,926 than to hate your own daughter, wouldn't you agree, Jenny? 635 00:24:44,978 --> 00:24:48,146 Oh, I... absolutely. I absolutely agree. 636 00:24:48,181 --> 00:24:49,514 But wait. Can I just add... 637 00:24:49,566 --> 00:24:50,982 what about, Jenny, the Google deal, 638 00:24:51,018 --> 00:24:52,400 you know, the multimillion-dollar... 639 00:24:52,436 --> 00:24:54,686 oh, they sent me those papers a week ago. 640 00:24:54,738 --> 00:24:55,937 I've just been sitting on them 641 00:24:55,989 --> 00:24:57,322 - until this moment. - Oh. 642 00:24:57,357 --> 00:24:58,690 I'll send them off to you tomorrow. 643 00:24:58,742 --> 00:24:59,858 Okay. 644 00:24:59,910 --> 00:25:01,826 I cannot wait to see you, my dear. 645 00:25:01,862 --> 00:25:05,196 - Me too. - How will I recognize you? 646 00:25:05,198 --> 00:25:09,200 But... you can... you see me now. 647 00:25:09,202 --> 00:25:12,787 - I won't be much different, but... - Yes. 648 00:25:12,839 --> 00:25:16,458 I might be... wearing my shoe-pea... 649 00:25:16,510 --> 00:25:20,929 [Both laugh] Oh, that's so delightful. 650 00:25:20,964 --> 00:25:25,050 It just came off the top of my head! 651 00:25:25,052 --> 00:25:27,185 I'm so glad that my sense of humor will live on 652 00:25:27,220 --> 00:25:29,104 - in the next generation. - Yes. 653 00:25:29,139 --> 00:25:30,272 All right, see you tomorrow. 654 00:25:30,307 --> 00:25:31,856 I'll pick you up at the airport. 655 00:25:31,892 --> 00:25:32,857 Bye-bye, darling. 656 00:25:32,893 --> 00:25:36,478 - Bye-bye. - Good-bye? 657 00:25:36,530 --> 00:25:40,732 Well, she's really not my mother? 658 00:25:40,734 --> 00:25:43,068 She's really not my mother. 659 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,237 [Giggles] 660 00:25:47,908 --> 00:25:52,127 [Laughing] 661 00:25:52,162 --> 00:25:53,995 [Computer beeps] Oh. 662 00:25:54,047 --> 00:25:57,215 Oh, it's a message from Austen. 663 00:25:57,250 --> 00:26:00,218 Fiona, darling, I'm calling from my Nairobi hotel. 664 00:26:00,253 --> 00:26:03,054 Great news... I was drilling 665 00:26:03,090 --> 00:26:04,472 in my african village, 666 00:26:04,508 --> 00:26:09,227 and we struck oil mixed with diamonds. 667 00:26:09,262 --> 00:26:10,845 - What? - I'm rich again. 668 00:26:10,897 --> 00:26:12,097 I'm coming back to get you. 669 00:26:12,099 --> 00:26:13,598 Please tell me that you still love me. 670 00:26:13,650 --> 00:26:14,933 I love you. 671 00:26:14,935 --> 00:26:16,601 I'll be in Philadelphia tomorrow. 672 00:26:16,603 --> 00:26:19,854 Much love till then, my dearest, dearest Fiona. 673 00:26:19,906 --> 00:26:21,323 - Okay. - [Smooches] 674 00:26:21,358 --> 00:26:23,775 Oh, this day! 675 00:26:23,777 --> 00:26:26,161 [Laughing] 676 00:26:26,196 --> 00:26:28,997 I can practice again too. 677 00:26:29,032 --> 00:26:32,250 Look at all of these piling up that want to see me. 678 00:26:32,285 --> 00:26:35,036 It's been so many weeks. I hope I remember how to do it. 679 00:26:35,088 --> 00:26:36,838 I should practice. 680 00:26:36,873 --> 00:26:39,758 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. How can you help me? 681 00:26:39,793 --> 00:26:41,292 How can I help you? 682 00:26:41,345 --> 00:26:44,095 I should get that down. 683 00:26:44,131 --> 00:26:47,632 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. How can you... 684 00:26:47,768 --> 00:26:50,969 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. What can you do for me? 685 00:26:51,054 --> 00:26:54,472 No... Shoot. 686 00:26:54,558 --> 00:26:56,558 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. 687 00:26:56,643 --> 00:26:58,393 I'm... here for you. 688 00:26:58,478 --> 00:27:01,062 I don't buy it. 689 00:27:01,148 --> 00:27:04,065 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. 690 00:27:04,151 --> 00:27:07,152 How can I help you? 691 00:27:07,237 --> 00:27:10,405 I went to pick up my baby for the first time, 692 00:27:10,457 --> 00:27:13,908 this newborn little toddler... No. 693 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,211 [Laughter] 694 00:27:16,246 --> 00:27:18,580 That's a tough delivery. [Laughter] 695 00:27:22,669 --> 00:27:26,270 I need to sit down with your mother, Putsy. 696 00:27:26,290 --> 00:27:27,004 That's not her name. 697 00:27:27,006 --> 00:27:28,422 - What's her name? - Yeah, that is, Putsy. 698 00:27:28,474 --> 00:27:29,840 - That was it. That was good. - Okay, got it. 699 00:27:29,842 --> 00:27:31,259 All right, here we go, sorry. 700 00:27:31,311 --> 00:27:32,677 There is one caveat. 701 00:27:32,729 --> 00:27:36,847 I-I need to sit down with your mother, Puttsy. 702 00:27:36,849 --> 00:27:38,599 - And we need... - No, it's Putsy. 703 00:27:38,651 --> 00:27:41,352 [Laughing] You said "Puttsy" this time. 704 00:27:45,158 --> 00:27:46,774 Oh, my God, we're doing this now? 705 00:27:46,826 --> 00:27:48,409 Well, I don't know, because I don't think... 706 00:27:48,444 --> 00:27:51,112 I don't think we are. [Laughing] 707 00:27:51,164 --> 00:27:52,697 - Okay. - We don't have to! 708 00:27:52,699 --> 00:27:54,365 - No, we're gonna do it. - What do you want to do? 709 00:27:54,367 --> 00:27:55,783 - I want to go take... - what show do you want to do? 710 00:27:55,835 --> 00:27:57,535 - I want to go lay down. - [Laughs] 711 00:27:57,798 --> 00:28:01,056 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com 55365

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