All language subtitles for Web.Therapy.S03E10.HDTV.x264-ASAP-eng.EN

Previously on Web Therapy...

- Gina's refusing to divorce me.
- What?

I can't divorce her.
The publicity would be so terrible.

It was also my first time
with a woman.

Yeah, as it turns out, I had
lost my virginity to Gina.

That's all.
That's all you need to know. Okay?

We are voluntarily
taking a tour of prisons

because I am going
to agree to a lesser charge

of making bad financial decisions...

with money that is not my own.

You...
When did you write a book?

You know about my new book
about senior abuse.

What would you know
about senior abuse?

Oh, I know far too much.

3.10 - No Place Like Home
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

- Oh, hello, Austen.
- Hello, Fiona.

Good to see you.

You too.

You're not married anymore!

That's right.

She agreed to give me
a divorce.

Ooh, how on earth
did you accomplish that?

It was like a miracle.

Well, you know,
we came back here

because it's gonna take
four months

for all the work to be done
on the New York apartment.

And she...went back
to her old ways,

if you know what I mean.

- Basically...
- Well, which ones?

Copulating through my entire staff.

- Oh, no!
- Mm-hmm.

It caused a lot of bother
in the village.

- A few marriages broke up, and...
- Oh.

She had sex
with about 72 people.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

- Including the gay ones.
- Oh.

So what I did was

I replaced all the male staff
with female ones.

Three days later, boom.

She'd packed her bags,
taken Angus, and was gone.

Oh! She couldn't even wait
the four months...

- No.
- ...in order to move in?

No. The woman's an animal,
a sexual animal.

It's a signed, sealed,
delivered divorce.

- Yes.
- Congratulations.

Congratulations to you too,
Fiona,

because you know
what that means, don't you?

What?

This.

- Fiona Wallice...
- Oh.

- ...woman of my dreams...
- Oh.

...will you do me the great honor

of becoming my wife?

Oh, Austen.

Well, let me think.

Do I want to make
all your dreams come true?

- Please?
- Hmm.

Do I want to be Lady Clarke

and mistress of the castle?

Pretty please?

Okay.

Yes, my darling, yes!
Of course.

Thank you.
Thank you, Fiona.

- I'm so happy.
- Me too.

It's so beautiful and so...

timely.

I think so.
And I'll get another ring.

Mm-hmm.

Don't have to wear these anymore.

It's a new start.
It's a new life...

a very new life, in fact,
because, you know,

this whole situation with Gina

and the progeny issue of Angus

and the terrible,
terrible error I made

in ever getting together
with Gina

has made me reassess things,

look at my life
in a whole different way.

Listen, if you... if... if you're
planning on getting a vasectomy,

I will support you entirely.

Fiona, you're so funny.

No, it's something much
more spiritual than a vasectomy.

- Oh.
- Much more...

- internal even...
- Oh.

...than a vasectomy.

It's about the way
I'm going to change my life.

- Oh.
- I had an epiphany.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I've realized that for years,

I've been obsessed
with money and power

and being the biggest mogul
I could possibly be.

And that's not me.

Right, you've made it.

What I really want
is to give all that back,

- to give it all away, in fact.
- What?

And to live a pure
and simple life with you...

- in Africa.
- Wh... wai...

I'm actually opening a foundation

for penniless orphans,
just like Oprah.

I'm like a white,
male Scottish Oprah.

Oh.

So you'll just send money
over to Africa?

All the money's gone.

All the money's gone.
I've signed all the paperwork.

Where... Gone?
Gone where? Where can it go?

Well, to the foundation.

I made a few bequests
to Kitute and Philomena

and a couple of other people.

But other than that, I'm broke.

And it feels great, Fiona.
It feels great.

And we are going to live
on the grounds

in a lovely little mud hut
they're going to make for us.

It's a whole new
beautiful start

to everything, Fiona,
and you and I are gonna do it.

- We're going to live that dream.
- Oh.

I could just see you now,

with your little grinder
grinding some corn away and...

- Me?
- Cooking a pig on the fire...

- Oh.
- Swatting the mosquitoes away.

Not my strong suit, I'm afraid.

And we'll be looking
at the stars,

seeing the wildebeests
running past the orphans.

Oh, it's not protected?

It's in the middle of nowhere,
Fiona.

It's in a national park.

But there aren't fences
for about 300 miles.

Oh, it's like
a permanent safari.

Just imagine lying
on your back...

- Oh, I've done that.
- Looking up at the stars...

- Drinking from a gourd.
- Yes.

Have you ever drunk from a gourd?

No, of course I haven't.
No, no.

- It's an amazing experience.
- All right, but let's just say

if we don't like...
we'll leave the door open.

If we don't like it
after a day or two,

then we move back, and...

It's too late.

I've signed everything.
It's gone. It's done.

In the foundation, though,
how much is left?

I mean, how much do you have
left anyway that you can spend?

It's all going to the foundation.

The castle's sold.
Everything's sold.

Oh, that reminds me.

I have some very interesting news
about little Angus's real father.

So you... There's no money.
You have no money at all.

- Nothing, zilch.
- Zero.

I'm down on my uppers.
I'm flat broke.

But I've never been richer
in my life, Fiona.

- What?
- I'm rich.

I'm sorry. I can't...
I... uh-oh.

- I'm rich.
- We have a problem.

I can't hear you.

Really?
Oh, I can hear you perfectly.

I heard "eeh oh ver eeh."

- Oh, no.
- Are you sure?

It's a bad connec...

Oh, no! You're breaking up.
It's breaking up.

I'll send you an email
with the details for the flight.

- I can't hear you.
- Of course we're going economy...

- Oh, well. It's breaking up!
- What?

- We're breaking up.
- We're breaking up?

Oh, we're breaking up.

- Yes, Jerome, what is it?
- Oh, you're there.

- You are there.
- Of course I'm here.

I went up the stairs,
and I was knocking on the door,

knocking on the door, and...

Yeah, I know. I was here.
I wasn't letting you in.

So was the "go away, go away,"
was that from you?

- Yes, of course it was from me.
- Oh, I didn't think...

- I simply didn't want to answer.
- Okay, right.

Because I didn't want to see you.
I'm reading over my divorce papers.

- So that's what I'm doing.
- Ah, gotcha.

Well, I've got some great news...

I think, that might...

- It's gonna brighten your day.
- Oh, really?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

As it turns out...

Gina's baby is mine.

I'm the biological father of Angus.

How does that brighten my day?
I'd like to know.

Exactly how?

When I told you to just drop it
and leave it alone.

And instead, you did the exact...
Okay, yes.

All right, fine, Dr. Wallice.
I'll do that.

Which to you means,
I'm gonna pursue it further.

I know.

I know you knew how much
I wanted to be a dad.

And so I sent away
for a DNA test,

and we found out
that it's a full match.

And by full, I mean,
you know, not partial.

Yes, because partial
is an impossibility.

- Exactly.
- Oh, my God.

I'm finally a dad.

That's not good news
for me, though,

'cause now you have a child

that you have to raise...
and support somehow.

That's right,
but not "somehow."

I mean, I have to tell you.

You can forget about that raise
that I asked for.

I am fine with the $425 a week
that you pay me because...

Austen decided to clean house
and give away all of his money.

The last check he wrote
was to little Angus...

For $20 million.

He...
Austen gave you $20 million?

We're rich!
He gave Angus.

But we, as those
who are gonna raise him,

are going to be able to experience

what that is like,
for him to be raised

in the manner
to which he's become accustomed.

What's... Amniotic fluid
and mocktails, I suppose?

Well, no,
but we are all gonna raise him,

and Austen wanted to...

Who's "we all are gonna raise him"?

I'm not going to raise that child.

When Hayley heard
about the baby

and heard
about the $20 million,

she suddenly,
for no reason at all,

said, "I love you."

Oh, for no reason at all,

not even 20 million reasons
that you could think of?

Well, that's sweet.
Thank you, Dr. Wallice.

But no, I mean, we...

I always knew she was
my only love and my first love,

and we're gonna stay together.

We're all gonna raise the baby.

And not only that,
are you ready for this?

We bought the house next door.

- No, what? Who... what?
- Yeah.

- What house next door?
- The house next door.

- The house...
- No, no, no.

- No one's bought that house...
- Yeah.

Because there was
a crime committed there...

So no one wants to live in it.

Well, the house
that we bought...

it was in foreclosure.

We bought it from the bank,

and the pool and the guesthouse

and the tennis courts
and the jacuzzi...

all ours.

Okay, well, let's just think
about this carefully, all right?

- Okay.
- It's a very big house.

I know.

Very big for two adults
and a baby.

Well, three.

It's me and Hayley and Gina.

Gina's already living there.

Oh, my God!

The jacuzzi jets are "amazeballs."

They're so powerful.

- Hi, girlfriend!
- Hi, Gina.

We're gonna be
one big happy family.

- Yes! Like Sister Wives.
- No. That's not...

We should build, like, a bridge
between the two houses maybe...

- Oh, no.
- Yes!

Slumber parties, girlfriend,
every night.

No, that's impractical.

The baby could get hurt
on the bridge...

- Oh.
- So you don't want to do that.

You know.
Where is the baby?

Where is the baby?

Shit.
That's my 20 million.

- She's gonna be a good mom.
- Mm?

She'll get there.

- Hello, Kip.
- Hi.

I'm just calling to see
if you got the divorce papers.

Oh, yes, I did.
I have them right here, so...

What's with all the boxes?

Oh.

Well, you know, I'm just...

I thought I'd move
into the New York penthouse

to just sort of start over.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

So you're really ready
to leave the house?

Well, I just thought I...

You know, there's kind of no point
in me being here.

- You know, but I'll miss it.
- Yeah.

You know, there are a lot
of memories here.

Yeah, some good.

Well, a lot of them are good.

Yeah, not... very few.

You know, we built a home.
We did that.

Well, you know,
it was a good house.

And, uh, now it's a new period
in our lives

- for both of us.
- That's right.

Since Ben's been in prison,

I've, uh, been out
in the field a little bit.

Oh.

And every woman I've dated
is just a worse version of you.

Oh. That's...

- Yeah.
- Why would you be dating women?

Well, you know, the gay thing...

You know, I just wanted
to rebrand the G.O.P.

as gay friendly.

You know, I thought
that would be advantageous,

and, uh, you know,
I'm recycling, learning Spanish.

Mm-hmm.
How progressive of you.

Frankly, the gay thing
was the easiest of the three.

Oh.
So fluid with your sexuality.

You know, so far,
you are the pick of the litter.

Oh.

That's a really lovely thing
to say.

Yeah.

I didn't know you were
interested in women at all.

I mean, as I looked over
our marital history,

I mean, I...

I thought maybe in the beginning
you were interested.

You seemed to be.

But then... I don't know.
You just...

- It seems, well, he's gay, so...
- Well, that's a... you know, I...

I mean, let's put it this way.
It was a phase, a long phase.

- A long phase?
- Yeah. Years.

- Ben, Trent Bonner...
- You know...

- The tennis guy.
- I don't need...

- Someone...
- I don't need the names.

I don't need the names.

I've got the memories.

And frankly, it was something

that I just feel
like I've gone through,

and I'm reentering
the true self, me.

You know, I've done
a lot of soul searching,

meditating, and, uh...

you know, I just feel like,
okay.

Done.
Over, finished.

- Wow.
- By the way, how's Austen?

Oh, well, that's over.

- Really?
- Yes.

You mean over over,
or just maybe over?

No, completely over.
It's absolutely over.

He's left the...

world.

- Oh, sorry to hear that.
- He's not dead.

He just... he's living
in Africa somewhere,

in a remote village, so...

Really? That's a switch.

- He's dropped out, yeah.
- Yeah. Well...

- Given away all of his money.
- Really?

- Did you get some?
- No.

Oh.

Well, I guess
you could call Austen, uh...

a phase for Fiona.

Yes, I guess so.
Sure.

And Ben was, uh,
a phase for Kip.

Yeah.

It was, uh... you know,

I'm not gonna say
I didn't enjoy it.

Um, but, uh...

Well, you can't,
'cause there's footage

that demonstrates
that you enjoyed it very much.

Well, that's, uh...
yeah, why bring that up?

- Right.
- It's in the past.

No, you're right.
I'm not being kind.

I'm really not.
Listen, Kip...

I really just want you
to be happy.

- So...
- Well, thank you.

If you still want me to,
I will sign this.

In fact, I'll sign it
in front of you,

the divorce papers.

Before you do that, listen,

I'm coming to Philadelphia
on Thursday.

- Here? You are?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna try to rekindle
my law practice.

Oh!

Oh, really? Well, that sounds
like an expensive endeavor.

Yeah. Don't you worry your
pretty little head about that.

Okay, I won't.

So you're going to return
to Philadelphia.

I'm not sure,
but I miss Philly.

I miss a lot of things in Philly.

I'm sure a lot of things
in Philly miss you too.

Anyway, um, dinner maybe?

Oh, that would be lovely.
We can sign them together...

If you haven't
signed yours already.

Have you?

Uh, you know, it's weird.

I got the papers
in front of me,

- and, uh... right here.
- Mm-hmm.

And I go to sign them,
pick up my pen, and I think...

I just don't have the impulse
to sign them... it's weird.

That's what I think.

- I don't think it's necessary.
- I don't either.

- Okay.
- Shall we rip them up?

Yeah.

Oh, it's heavy.

Mine's very thick because...
Yeah.

Well, he had some extra clauses.

Yeah, Ben had a lot
of extra clauses.

- Hello, mother.
- Yes, hello.

Where are you now?

I should say...

Well, hello, Fiona.

- Are you...
- I'm at Ben's ranch...

As I'm sure you can tell.
It's a lovely place too.

And, oh, I've made friends
with some of the cows.

- It's really fun.
- Oh.

You know,
I must make a cow puppet.

I have a desire now
to make a cow puppet.

- That sounds fun for you.
- Maybe a horse puppet.

I don't have a horse puppet.

Is that what you called
to tell me?

Uh, yes.

Well, I wanted to tell you
that I'm moving to Philadelphia.

Oh, what?

And Kip has invited me
to stay with you.

Oh, no, no.
That won't work at all.

You could live with Shevaun.

She has an apartment in Boston.

No, no, I must live with you.
I'm going to relaunch

Kip's public-service identity
and image.

But, you see, if that happens,

then you and I
will be living together.

That's too much.

Seeing each other every day,
oh, no.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- No, no, no.

I could not love anything more

- than seeing you every day.
- Oh.

And the guest room
is right there in the hou...

It's in the same house.

- Well, yes, of course it is.
- That can't possibly work.

Because there'll be many,
many things to discuss and plan

and chart
and make graphs about.

No, no,
that can't possibly work.

And I'm a very good graph maker.

No, but I don't think
it's a good idea.

We're trying to rebuild
our marriage.

- Oh, good.
- So, you know...

so he decided to do it.
Well, I'm glad.

That's something
I can cross off my list.

- Off your list?
- Yes, indeed.

I counseled Kip on the issue,

and what we're trying to do

is I'm going to relaunch
his political career.

I'm going to bankroll
the entire thing,

and my ultimate goal for him
is Supreme Court Justice.

- I will see to it.
- Well...

And, um, I'm going to guide him
every step of the way.

You know,
I was fairly, uh, instrumental

in the seating
of both Elena Kagan

and Sonia Sotomayor.

And if truth be known,

Justice Ginsberg
was one of my proteges too.

Really, those three?

Well, that's something
I never knew...

Well, there's a lot
you don't know.

You know, your father and I
were swingers...

back in the day.

Because I don't need
to know everything.

And we meet a lot of politicians

and judiciary executives
when you're swinging.

That's what they generally do
themselves.

And so we became
very, very close

to many congressmen,
many senators.

And I still have them
in my back pocket.

Oh.

And I think an appointment to the bench
will be forthcoming for my Kip.

That's a wonderful plan
for Kip.

There are many issues
I'm going to bring to the court to argue.

You are going to bring issues
to the court?

- Yes, indeed.
- Okay.

I can have a law degree
by then,

and I'm very interested
in ending declawing of cats.

That's something
I want stopped.

Well, if something needs to go

to the highest court
of the land,

I would say
the abolition of the declawing...

If you were a person with empathy

for other creatures...
sentient beings...

you would understand
what it means.

Yes. No, you're right.
And you're always right, okay?

And if you're not right,
then you get your way anyway.

Hold that thought.

Did Austen call, by any chance?

- Yes, Austen did call me.
- Uh-huh, and...?

He called to tell me
that he's dropping out.

He's giving away
all of his money,

and he's dropping out.

So he's not part
of my life anymore,

and he won't be able to back Kip
on your...

you know, your newest quest.

You know,
I thought he would do it.

I persuaded him,

and I was pretty sure
I'd been effective.

So he did, he's giving his money
to charity.

That was your idea?

He's just going through a phase.

He will come out
on the other side

a more spiritual
and uplifted individual.

- With no money.
- Yes!

Because why do nuns
and why does the Pope

take a vow of poverty?

I don't know.
I can't tell you why.

Because that
is the easiest pathway...

to the Supreme Being.

Yes. Okay.

And you are always grasping
and grubbing for cash.

Not grasping and grubbing,

but simply asking
for remuneration.

A handout.
A handout!

That's all you ever think of
is a handout.

Not a handout.
Not a handout.

But some support
from a family member.

My dear, I've tried so hard
to convey to you a message,

an inspiration to aspiration.

You have
so little "aspirative" grace.

No. You know what?
I've had it.

No. You're not moving
into my house.

You're not backing Kip.

You're not publishing
this book even.

I'll do whatever I have to

to make sure that none
of this happens.

You know what?
I'm the writer.

I'm the one
who wrote two books, not you!

You're not the writer!

Oh, Fiona.

My darling, I had no idea
you were suffering so deeply.

My goodness, I can see

that all that is standing
between me and my plans

is your pathetic need
to be a published writer.

My goodness,
the green worm of envy

must be eating you up.

Oh, there's nothing
that I can't help you with.

I'm your mother.
I think I can fix all this.

You really must trust me.

What do you say?
Give me a shot?

Garreth Pinke.
Hello.

Morning, Fiona.

Hello!
It's so nice to see you.

We've never met.

No, every time
I've been in New York,

you've been too busy
or had to cancel.

- So... but I understand.
- Very busy.

- Yeah.
- Life's a crunch.

It's good to see you in person.

- I have to... putting a...
- Is it working?

Face to the... the...
Yes.

Oh, yes, this...
Have you not done Skype before?

No. No, terrified
that I'd start a fire.

Oh.

I don't know
how that would happen.

Um, but this is how I conduct
my sessions, you know.

- Oh.
- Whatever works for you.

- It works beautifully.
- Mm-hmm.

So, yeah.
Oh, it's nice to meet you.

That's wonderful.
I'm just on my way to New York.

I'm getting ready to do
the Today Show.

No, no, that's...
I'm glad I got you.

Uh, Today Show's
not gonna happen.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah, they didn't want you.

So I'm sorry.

You know, I just say it.
It comes up like gas.

And it comes out,
so I just say...

Right, no, I don't want to be

one of those
pampered celebrities

and you can't tell them
that you're...

I can... I'm strong.
I can handle it.

Okay.
Well, why?

You know, Putsy's been doing
so many things.

And, um,
we looked at it, and...

they were on the fence
a little bit,

and the fence had,
like, barbed wire on it.

- Uh-huh.
- And they said, "Ooh, no!

- We don't want her."
- Oh.

But that's because of the way
I'm portrayed.

I mean, I think
what we really need to do,

which would be
really intriguing,

is you have us both on,

and you can get the other side
of the story.

You know?

Listen.
Intriguing doesn't sell.

No one gives a shit
about intriguing.

Oh.

We need to just get her
out there

and just sell the book.

She's a compelling woman.
You're on the cover.

You're listed as coauthor.

So, you know,
just cut your losses

and just, you know,
have a good day.

Well, okay,
so what else can I do?

If I come to New York, you can
put me on a different show?

- Happy to do that.
- Okay.

There is one thing
you could do.

Yes, okay.

Ann Curry...

has a friend

who has...
It's not really a show show,

but it's...
it's not an aftershow.

It's, like, on after the aftershow,

if that makes sense.

You know how you go
to the wedding

and they say
to the select people,

- "Stay for the after-party"?
- Right.

- Right?
- After the...

This is not that.

This is after after
the after-party.

And people see it,

and it'd be good practice for you.

And... and... and...

So what is it, more of, like, a...
having coffee with someone?

Is it recorded?
Is it broadcast anywhere or...

It's on the...
It's a web thing.

Web thing's not a real show.

- It'd be okay.
- Right.

I just said a thing
that I'm so excited about...

because I just landed
a two-parter with Charlie Rose.

Oh, I love Charlie Rose!
I would love... I'm so excited.

- Not for you.
- Oh.

No. Putsy.

And we're doing it
in the penthouse.

- So it's gonna look fabulous.
- In my penthouse?

Where Putsy lives,
in Putsy's penthouse.

- It looks fantastic.
- No, no, that's my penthouse.

It's Putsy's penthouse.
That's where she lives.

But it really is mine.

When I go there and I open
a door, do I see you? No.

She lives there.
Her shoes are there.

Her clothes are there.

So, when I go there,
she's there, not you.

Right.

And so Charlie's coming there,
which is a...

it is such a coup,
'cause usually he likes to do it

- around that big, oak table...
- Right.

With not even a plate
or a dish.

He doesn't offer anybody
anything...

- Right.
- Even a little thing for mints.

So I said, "You know what?
I don't want to see that."

Who wants to see
golden oak now?

- That's, like, so 1973.
- Yeah, yeah.

What's gonna be
in the background...

a brick wall and
Peter, Paul and Mary singing?

- Right.
- You know? So...

I can be there.
It's my home too.

So that's perfect.

It's a perfect setting for
the mother-daughter interview.

I think
that's how you should pitch it.

- No, just her, just her.
- All right.

Well, you'll introduce
the idea,

and then just let me know.
I can be there.

- Yeah, I'll let you know.
- All right, that's good.

But any other shows...

that I could do.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, just a sec.

Hello?

Hi!

Yeah.
No, I think that'd be great.

Fantastic.

Yes.

Okay, Steve.

Yeah, I could meet you
in what, five, six minutes?

I'll be down...
You'll be... Oh, great.

You have a car.
Fabulous! It's cold out.

- Okay, bye.
- But we're talking.

- I don't know.
- I'm sorry.

You said five minutes.

I don't know
if you'll make it, so...

You know,
'cause there's a lot to discuss.

I mean,
I want to know what the...

I know, but it is
the Russian Tea Room.

- Oh, is that still open?
- Mm-hmm.

Redone, and it's fabulous.

Just what the plan is for me...

you know, what's my...
what's the plan?

The plan is basically no plan.

I think we're doing well.

It's gonna...
People are excited,

and frankly, after seeing
all the footage of the campaign,

it's best to just keep you
away from things,

because you know what, Fiona?

The camera doesn't like you.

And more than that,
people don't like you.

- It's... You're harsh.
- People... what?

See that? That voice?
It's like...

- Yes.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.

- My voice?
- Yes!

It's like a badger
in my ear, going...

gnawing at me.

It's like...
it's not pleasant.

My voice is unple...
It's mellifluous, my voice.

- Oh, I'm...
- I've been told.

Ooh, I'm sweating.
I'm sweating.

So I... those are things... maybe
you should go to, like, a class,

and we'll get you...

maybe we can get you someone
who would work with you,

you know, like somebody
who could help you...

tone it down.

Tone it down.
All right.

So you're saying it's better
if I come off like this.

Well, I don't know.
I mean, I've...

First of all, how can I be
not telegenic?

My whole career is based on me
in front of a camera.

You know,
and there's not... a few clients

who have fallen madly
in love with me...

many, many clients.

Sorry. Just sorry.

- I'm a little sensitive maybe.
- Maybe.

But it just... it's...
What's that word?

Shrill.

- Shrill is my mother...
- Mm.

Because she's the one
who is shrill.

She's the nightmare.
She's the one.

She bulldozed this whole thing
just to keep me quiet.

I could have shut
this book down, you know,

because none of those stories
are true.

- It should really be in fiction.
- Okay.

You're the book's publicist,
and I'm the coauthor, am I not?

Mm...There's a...
Right before "not" is you.

You didn't really do
much work on it, really.

It was a gift from mom.

However, I am a coauthor.

Uh, yes.
On... yeah, on the cover...

"Coauthor."
But we know.

Yeah, and I didn't get
to approve.

I didn't get to approve...

- Oh, don't you? It's fabulous.
- ...that cover.

- I think it looks fabulous.
- But I never hit her.

I mean, I don't...

You know, when we took
those pictures,

you know, she kept trying
to bump me,

and so I was trying to...

I was merely trying
to swat her hand away.

But I think it's great energy.

I think it's great energy,

and that's why, you know,
we all loved it.

Here, she's thinking about you

and what a miserable child
you were,

and you're going,
"That's not true."

So I think...

it sort of leave us
in a place of, um,

"Did she? Didn't she?"

Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.
Who's who...

No, my mother
is the real nightmare, okay?

Because you don't know
the half of her.

But you need to really know
how horrible she is

if you're going to represent
our story.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know, I mean, she...

You know, she really was
in a hospital, all right?

She's a raving lunatic...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...my mother, all right?

- Mm-hmm.
- She was in a hospital.

She murdered her roommate,
possibly,

and she begged me to please
take away her power of attorney

so that she wouldn't have rights
so that she could appear insane

and then get off
the murder charges.

And, you know, she put herself
in cornrows and a teardrop...

here, for people
who have murdered people.

Mm-hmm.

You know, and then was
stealing drugs from people

and smoking pot.

She had a bong.

Well, it's sounding
a little paranoid to me.

I'm not paranoid!
I know she's out to get me.

And also,
you're just running down

the woman that I love

and the woman I'm going
to marry next week.

Who?

- Putsy.
- No.

- Yes.
- What?

- Yes.
- You're marrying...

She's marrying you?

Yes, in the apartment
next week.

In my home?

This is the first
I'm hearing of it.

I'm sorry
if that's upsetting to you,

and we'll talk about this as we
get to spend any time together.

You don't have to call me dad.
You can call me Garreth.

Okay.

You're a little old
to be calling me dad.

And Putsy and I
have talked about it,

and the first thing
we're going to do

is shut Web Therapy down.

You can't shut me down.

- How would you ever do that?
- I have friends.

And I've got the ear
of somebody

at a certain magazine
that we'll call Time

that is looking into doing
a story on Web Therapy

and how it manipulates people
and how it hurts people

and how it's not really good
for people...

On my web therapy
or Web Therapy?

...and how it may damage people,

and basically it's a sham.

So, listen,
think about the dad thing.

Okay?

Sorry about New York,
but got to go. Bye.

You had left your sweater
on top of the back of the sofa,

and there was a sink
in the dish, and...

There was a sink...

A sink in the dish? Really?

Yeah, there was a sink
in the dish...

Which is... normally,
the dish is in the sink.

But there was a sink
in the dish...

which felt wrong to me.

Okay, well, stop dropping acid.

That's my helpful hint to you.

- Shall we try it again?
- No.

Yeah!

I know. We'll just do
without this scene.

We'll just keep going.

I've spent years grasp...

I thought a tooth fell out.

The victrola hasn't been dusted.

You know...

some of the horses
weren't stabled last night.

The town crier came by
with a message for you,

and you seemed to...

You left an apple pie
on the sill for a day.

I don't know what's going on
with you.

All right.

There was
a half-finished cave drawing.

There was half a big bang.

Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com