All language subtitles for Web.Therapy.S03E07.HDTV.x264-EVOLVE-eng.EN

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Previously on Web Therapy...

We've been in a long distance relationship

for two years now...

You've never met before?

People started posting questions and comms

about our relationship,

so we figured we would

just start
our own blog together.

It's called LDL411.

It's j--
it's a huge community.

What are we up to now, babe?
Like, 80k?

- 98--98,000.
- Wow.

- I'm so excited.
- Me too.

You know, I just--
I have a few more followers,

and then I also have
some sessions booked.

Same thing for me.

I got, uh, 5,000, 10,000.

I kinda lost track.

We plan to meet next week.

Well, let's see.

That seems a little soon to me.

- I mean--
- Really?

It feels like there are

a lot of issues

that you might want
to sort of explore

before you meet each other.

Well, hello.
You're Nick Jericho.

- Yes.
- Good. I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice.

It's nice to meet you.

You're very handsome.

Oh, thank you.

You're not so bad yourself.

Thank you.
I know.

E-excellent. Yeah.

- Can I call you Nick?
- Sure.

You look like a Nick.

I am a Nick.

Well, you're much prettier
in person.

Or in...this--

what do you call this?

- Live action.
- Live action, yeah.

- You probably just saw the...
- The photo.

- Photograph...
- I did.

Up on the website,

which is an attractive one,

but it's not--

Better with a little cleavage.

I mean--

- Sorry. That was, uh...
- Am I?

- True. Yes.
- Oh, a little bit.

A little bit.

Anyway, um--

What seems to be the issue?

Well, the reason
I'm calling is...

- Yes.
- Um...

According to my wife,

I have some sort of
a gambling problem.

Oh, is it a problem?

That's what you give me?

- What?
- A pair of queens?

Oh, are you playing right now?

No.

You can be playing right now
if you want to be.

- I am.
- Okay, well, good for you.

- Yeah.
- I'm just trying to get--

I'm trying to figure out
what the problem is.

Are you about
to lose your house?

- No--no.
- Okay.

Are your children
about to go hungry

- or have to leave their school?
- No.

Okay, so I...don't know
what the problem is.

Okay, my wife, I...

my wife, I think, is about
to do an intervention.

- Oh.
- You know, where they have

all the people
come into your house

- and embarrass you.
- Over playing games?

Well, y--
that's what I said.

She thinks it's becoming
a problem, which it's not.

It's not.
Do you have a job?

Yes.
Of course I have a job.

- Are you in finance? Just--
- No.

- Oh.
- N-no.

No, I sell
used car parts online.

- Oh.
- Yeah. It's very lucrative.

I don't know if you know
anything about that.

- No. I don't.
- We do--

we do about 6-7 million
a year.

What? Really?

Yeah, there's a lot
of cars in the world.

I don't understand what
your wife is complaining about.

I mean, intervention?
Is this a first wife?

The first wife
had the same issue, yeah.

Oh, so this is a second wife?

- This is the...fifth.
- Okay.

The fifth, yeah.

Oh.
It's hard to get it right.

The fourth one
was probably the best.

- Right.
- What are you gonna do?

Maybe it's time
to change again.

- You're no stranger to divorce.
- Sure.

I'm getting divorced myself
right now.

Oh.
Sorry to hear that.

That's all right.

You know,
it wasn't working out.

He just--he fell in love
with another man.

- So...
- That sucks.

I think there
were problems from the start

that I just didn't see.

Well, you don't have a penis.

No, I don't.

That's good for you.

I really don't have a--
I don't have a penis.

- Well, that's good...
- Right.

- For you.
- I'm--I'm all woman.

- Not good for him.
- Right.

If that's
what he's looking for...

- Right.
- That's what he's looking for.

You know,
what are you gonna--

aw, nice.

You're so easygoing
and delightful

and good-looking,
and you're very witty.

Oh, thanks.

Maybe you should talk to her.

- Anyway, look, so, she said...
- I'd rather not.

If I see a counselor
or therapist

about this "addiction"...

Right.

- Which it's not.
- It's not.

- It's not.
- It's not.

It's not a disease, okay?

It's not--it's not...

I'm trying to think
of a disease.

I didn't wanna say diabetes

'cause I think people
can control that.

Um, what else requires--

doesn't require willpower,
you know?

But it's not like--even
if you were gonna compare it

to a disease, I wouldn't say

heart disease or cancer
or brain disease.

You would say something like,
I don't know, jock itch.

- It's mild.
- Right.

Goes away with a little spray

- and you're done.
- That's right.

- Right?
- Or a winning streak.

Well, that's the thing, see?

I've been on a little bit
of a losing streak.

- Oh.
- What I'm trying to do

is make my money back.

- If I can break even...
- Yeah.

- Right?
- Yeah.

Get all the money back,
then I can stop.

I mean, I'd like to go out
a litt--up a little.

- I agree.
- And some--

you know, she--
she says that

when I am on one
of these losing streaks

I tend to get a little angry.

Why wouldn't you?

Well, wouldn't you be angry

- if you lost a lot of money...
- Yes.

In a very short amount of time?

And it was...
not your fault?

You wouldn't be where you are

if you were very happy
about losing.

Or you took it in stride.

You know, you'd be a communist.

- That's not how it works here.
- No. Good.

People who make
$6-7 million a year

are not happy with losing.

She needs to get with
a different program.

Maybe she needs
a-a 12 step program.

She could take a few steps,
the fat-ass.

Oh.

She can't hear us.
It's okay.

What a wonderful life
you're providing this woman--

this shrew
who only wants to reduce

any amount of happiness
you might have other than her.

That's not really fair,
I don't think.

You work hard,
and the one moment at home

that you would like to enjoy
a little game-playing,

she wants to remove that
altogether.

- That's not fair.
- That's not fair!

You're right.

And I have--I suspect

that your losing streak
is coming off of your fear

or feelings that, you know,
"I'd better be careful

"cause I'm losing now,
and if I keep losing,

then she's
gonna do something."

And you're not being able

to play as you normally would.

Winners play big.

Yes.
Winners play big.

- Winners!
- And are you holding back?

Are you holding back?

- I think you're right.
- Okay.

The losing streak started

when I started
to get conservative.

- Okay.
- When I bet big, I win big.

- Okay.
- When I bet small--

- small people bet small.
- That's right.

And you're a big man.

You're a big man.

All right,
I'll bet big right now.

Watch this.
All right.

Go.

Full house!

- Well, that's very good.
- Yeah, that's--

is that--you gave
yourself a full--

I'm not sure how it works.

No, no, they dealt me
a full--I just won--

- Oh, so that's luck of the--
- $14,000, I just won.

Just now?
$14,000?

Just now, 14,000.

- Wow.
- That's nice.

So try it again.

Look at that.

Okay. Good.

That's $20,000, right there,
I just made.

Oh, that's what you're betting?

- That's $20,000 I just made.
- How much do--

That's--
$20,000 I just made.

Congratulations.

- That's wonderful.
- It is.

Oh, good, well,
you just keep playing then.

- I don't think you have...
- Roll it over. All right.

- A problem at all.
- Here we go.

Yes, roll it over.

Here we go.

Another one.

They're afraid.
They all folded right out.

- Oh.
- Okay.

So did you win anything?

- If they all--
- I did.

Right there,
that puts me up to--

Fold means quit, right?

Wow, that's a--
yes, it does.

That means, right there,

that puts me up--
that's 60.

60 grand right there.

Wow, I'm almost
a good luck charm for you.

Better never let me go.

That's--I--
that's a good idea.

You are my good luck charm.

Well it's a--it's a notion.
Yeah.

I got a great idea.

- Okay, 8:00 tonight.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, 8:00,
there's a big game

on the world series of poker.

- All right?
- Oh.

That's--Google that.

- "World Series of Poker."
- Okay.

It's a--it's a big,
huge event.

- Tournament? Or--
- All right, what I need

you to do because
you're my good luck charm...

- Uh-huh.
- And I like this--

Okay, 8:00,
let's get back on the computer

so you can be with me
when I go here

and I'll make
all my money back,

and then we'll see if I quit.

Then it'll be--then
at least I'll be even.

- That's right.
- I mean, flush. I'm good.

Right. See?

It's your decision
to quit or not,

no one else's.

- You know what else?
- Yeah.

I think it's customary

to give your
good luck charm a tip.

- Do you?
- Well, usually it's 10%.

- Oh.
- So 60,000 would be 6,000.

Uh-huh.
How about 600?

Well, no, because
that would be 1% and--

- I'm--I'm comfortable
with 1%.

- Well, it's sort of like...
- I agree.

No, it's like leaving a penny,

you know,
it's almost an insult.

No, well,
I would beg to differ.

It's $600.

Well, but it's 1%.

But it's 600.

But I think 10% would be fair.

- Hello?
- What?

- Oh, can you not--
- Where'd you go?

What happened?

My connections are all good.

That's strange.

There you are.
You're back again.

Okay, so before
you go away again,

1% at 8:00.

- All right, bye.
- I--

Augie. Hi.

- Listen.
- Hi.

I have to tell you
about something.

I tried to log on to the L--

LDL411 website, and it said
"URL not available."

So then I tried to reach Blair
and I can't reach her.

- But something's going on.
- Yeah. Yeah.

You have to fix it.

Well, we've had
a few sort of changes--

- Little shifts in the, uh...
- Who's that?

- Schedule.
- You have a girl in your room.

I do, I do.

As a matter of fact,
that's--that's Blair.

- She's--
- She's with you!

Could you maybe not
put it near the--

- Who are you skyping with?
- It's--it's--

It's me.
Hi, Blair.

- Hi, how are you?
- Yeah, she said she...

- I'm good.
- Was trying to get in touch

- with you.
- Move over, baby.

- Hi.
- I'm confused.

- How are you?
- Hi.

You got something
I could spit in?

- You--you're--
- Are you done with this?

That's my--you don't
wanna leave the toothbrush.

- That's my coffee too.
- How are you?

- Um, hi.
- Oh, no, what's happening?

- There she is.
- How are you, doctor?

We don't need you anymore.
You know what I mean?

Why are you two together?

- 'Cause she's here.
- I know.

How did that happen?

I just made
an executive decision

we were gonna shut down
the site for a while...

- Yes, I saw.
- And just come here and--

Which was really hard because,
you know, things were really,

- really rolling with--
- Yes.

Right, but then again,
it's a website, it's followers.

And now,
we're just so happy and--

- But it was up to 100,000.
- We're so happy.

We are happy.

We are very, very happy
with the way

- things are changing.
- When did you--

- Blair, when did you arrive?
- I can't remember.

- It feels like--
- It's been eight days.

It's been a long eight days.

It feels like
it just went by so fast.

It's gone by...
at a pace, for sure.

But what about--did you--
what about your job in, um...

Well, I can work from anywhere.

- In Atlanta?
- I mean, you know, I'm just--

I'm an artiste, so, you know,

I just bring
my supplies with me.

- Brings supplies.
- And I tried to do some art

up here and he keeps
erasing my drawings.

- I do.
- Well, that's his work.

- I keep--I keep erasing--
- Right, but now it's our work.

- Huh? Mm.
- That's right.

But I'd rather if you, like,
didn't touch my work.

Okay, well,
let's not have sex right now.

Oh, sex.

- Mm, the sex is great.
- No, no, let's not.

- Let's not.
- We could do that.

There's a negative
in front of it.

Okay, right,
but we could talk about it.

We could tell you
how good it is, right?

You know what?
Okay, you know what?

- Can I--I'm sorry.
- What?

All right, can we
press pause for a second?

- What is it?
- You seem a little manic,

- Blair.
- I just--I fell in love

with this girl that
was just right here,

and now that I see,
there's, like,

a lot of different things
I'm--I'm not used to.

- It's kind of hard--
- Well you don't have to--

we don't have sex like this.

I don't understand
what that has to do with...

- Well, we could!
- Why our sex--

- Well, has it--
- Don't you sass me.

- Well has it been--
- I'm getting mean.

- I'm sorry.
- Do you want me to just leave?

Yes, but okay,
you're getting mean.

No, I don't.
I don't want you to leave.

I don't know what to do.
There's no--

- Okay, children!
- There's gotta be some kind

- of compromise.
- One, two, three.

All right, here, listen.

This--you're supposed
to get mean

because that's what happens.

I-I've been watching
the two of you

when you were in separate
cities, and you were overly,

you know, very sweet
with each other

and trying very hard.

And now this is--
it's at a psychotic level.

Of course it can't work.
You're together every second.

Well, yeah, because, you know,
he just sees everything now.

- I see everything.
- I can't control what he sees,

- and I feel like--
- Because we are imperfect

- and disgusting animals.
- That's very true.

I-I'm filthy.
I'm admittedly disgusting.

- He's very, very disgusting.
- And I feel terrible for her

- that she has to deal with it.
- He doesn't smell good.

And it's just--
I smell terrible.

You're a lucky woman

that you're on
the other side of this.

No, I feel lucky.

But, no,
that is sort of the key

to any happy relationship,

and that is distance.

So--do you have, um--

I don't know how large
your dwelling is.

So I don't know--
do you have other rooms?

- It's tiny.
- It's a studio?

It's tiny.
There's a closet back there.

- There's a--
- Oh, is there room in there?

- For what?
- For clothes?

Just so you can--
so no--so you can

go in there, Augie,
maybe and--you know?

- Just to be somewhere else.
- Oh.

Wait, so we go cram ourselves
in there and--

You want us
to go in the closet?

No, not together.

Blair, you stay out here,

and Augie,
you go somewhere else

and then call in.

No, that's not gonna work,

because I can smell him
and I don't think--

- From a mile away.
- Why don't you trust me?

- And let's try it, okay?
- Okay.

Grab your phone and go in there

and then I'll connect you in.

I just want--
I just want things

to be the way they were.

Yes, it's very sad.

- Get your--
- Two lovely people.

The way your body
is just--it's just--

Okay, let's not--
look at how you're walking.

Like you got something
stuck up there.

I see, yeah.

I just can't do this anymore.

- I--
- Well--oh, here he is.

Okay, let me connect you in.

- Hi.
- There's Augie.

Okay, I'm in the closet.

- This is--this is silly.
- Baby.

- Baby.
- Hey.

It's me-me.

Hi.

Hi.

See...

- there you are.
- I can't believe it.

I mean, it's you.

- And that's you.
- See?

- Wait, wait.
- You've got corners

- and boundaries.
- This is--

- this is great.
- The glow on your face.

- Right?
- Oh, my God.

It's the one thing
I learned from my own marriage.

- Baby, look.
- You know?

- It's that time apart...
- Oh. Mm.

- Mm?
- I love that.

Is what leads to success,

and then you
get back together and it's--

This is so--
this is so magical.

You know?
It's something anyway.

This is what I'm talking about.

- Oh, you're not listening.
- This is what I needed.

- Baby, I miss you so much.
- I miss you too.

Where are you?

- Oh, baby.
- Well.

So you're gonna
put the site back up then?

LDL411 and the link to my site?

You look so good in
the brightness of your phone...

You look so good.
You look so good.

- The glow of the computer.
- Can we talk about--

- Oh, man.
- Just look at it.

I just think you're so hot.

Maybe you can
have the site back up then.

- I'm gonna get some lotion.
- Definitely.

This is so fun!

Oh, my goodness.

Who's the donkey now?

Dr. Wallice, are you okay?

Oh, hi, Jerome.

- Yes, I'm fine.
- Hi.

Oh, I just heard noises

that I've never heard
come from you before.

I got very nervous.

Of course, I'm fine.

I was just
doing some paperwork,

- you know, and--
- Oh.

Well, you were supposed to have
a call, I think with, uh--

- According to my calendar...
- Oh, right.

- Nick Jericho.
- Nick Jericho, yes, yes.

- Yeah.
- That's not happening.

- Oh, okay.
- Right.

And then I heard those noises

and I didn't know
whether to interrupt you,

whether you had company, or--

No, I don't.

- Just...
- Okay.

- Vocalizing.
- All right.

You know, something that
is recommended in therapy.

- Okay. All right.
- All right.

Well, I was working late
as well and wanted...

- Yeah, you are working late.
- Check in with you

to see everything--
well, I'm here,

so if you need me,
you can call on me.

- I'm gonna stay late tonight.
- Puppy feet.

Not gonna head home
at all 'cause...

Okay.

You know, Hayley was supposed

to come home with me tonight

back from New York
and be together again, but...

- Uh-huh.
- She's staying late to work

with a headhunter.

At least that's what she said,

and I'm not sure I believe her.

- Okay, well--
- But lately,

I've been not so sure
I believe her a lot, and I--

I don't know
how I feel about that.

I--you know what?
Actually, I thought

that maybe--
kinda need a friend.

- Oh, well, you know what?
- I thought maybe--

- Marriage is hard work.
- It is.

No, you won't find
a friend there.

Well, I-I see your point.

Look, can I make you
a nice hot cup of coffee?

I'll come upstairs.

Maybe the two of us
can talk about--

Well, I'm busy
with my paperwork.

- Right.
- Ooh.

Right.

You just got komodo dragon-ed,
my friend.

"Friend."

It's good to have a friend.

Yeah, I'm not paying attention

'cause I'm doing my work.

You know, I'm just feeling

like a lot of things
are up in the air

and maybe I just need
a good boo-boo cry.

You know what I mean?

Just sit and think about
how things don't always work out

the way you hope they would,
you know?

- I just feel like--
- Yes! Yes!

Oh, now you eat it!

How about that?
You eat it!

Eat your own junk!

Oh, hello, Nick.

- He--
- It's good to see you.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- You're alive.
- Yes, I'm alive.

That's--that's great.

Oh.

Where were you?

Yes, I was seeing clients
last night

so I wasn't able
to speak with you.

- I'm so sorry.
- You're sorry?

- Yes.
- You're sorry?

Yes. I--

Do you know how much money
I lost last night?

- No.
- My good luck charm

pulls a no-show?

Well, I was seeing clients.

I'm--I'm saving the world.

I don't give a shit about

the mental health of the world.

- Listen...
- One has to have priorities.

We had a date.

So what--
but what happened?

What happened?

Well, after I realized

you weren't gonna show at all,

I got in the game
and I got in late.

Everyone's on a roll,
and there's this new guy there,

"F in Philly."

F in Philly
cleaned everybody out.

He ass-raped
the whole group.

No offense to your husband.

I mean, this one guy
making these rookie mistakes--

like, who--who--who goes all-in
with a pair of sevens? Who?

But--uh, someone
who's bluffing, I guess?

- Obviously, yeah.
- Yes? Yes.

- I would imagine, yeah.
- Okay. Yeah.

I lost $128,000 last night.

- Oh, that's a lot.
- You think?

- Yeah, I do.
- Yeah, that's a lot of money.

Yes.
I--oh, I'm sorry for you.

This F in Philly took my money.

He took everybody's mon--
he cleared everybody out.

What--could I just--
what was your--

what's your handle
or name...De Plume.

My name that I play under?
"DCjunk957."

Oh.

What, you don't like that name?

It's n--you're not--

there's nothing "junk"
about you.

That's all I meant by that.

Well, that's very nice.

Well, it's very true.

I'm sorry you lost so much.

I'll tell you one thing.

If I ever find
this F in Philly,

that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna come to Philly

and I'm gonna fuckin' find
F in fuckin' Philly.

But--well,
you don't know that "Philly"

stands for Philly--
the city Philly.

It could be this guy's name.

Sure, find this guy.

His name might be Phil.

And by the way, how would
you find this guy anyway?

The site is anonymous,
isn't it?

- How would I find the guy?
- From what you said? Yeah.

It is anonymous, yeah, yeah.

I don't know
if I told you that,

but yeah,
it's an anonymous site.

No, you did.
You told me that.

- Are you sure?
- Otherwise, how would I know?

Yeah, I guess I must have.
I don't--I don't remember.

Anyway, I can find him.
I can find anyone.

- I can find you.
- Well, you--

- I can find anyb--
I'm--I'm a computer guy.

- Yes.
- Look at all this equipment.

Are you kidding me?
I can find anybody.

I'm gonna find him
and I'm gonna fuckin' whack him.

Whack him?

You mean, just a smack
in the head or--

what is "whack"?
Whack is--

No, no, no, no, no, no.
Sweetheart, listen.

I'm in the used car parts
business.

What do you think
that stands for?

"U.C.B."
I don't--I don't know--

No, okay, listen.

If we gotta find someone,
we find 'em.

If we gotta get parts,
we get the parts.

- Right.
- If there are people in the car

when we get the part,
they're not in the car anymore

- when we take the car.
- Oh, my.

I mean, I don't wanna
get too specific, but--

Right. No, I don't need
to know the violent details.

The point is, I'm gonna
find this fuck in Philly

and I'm gonna get him.

No, no, no,
you don't need to--no.

You don't need to kill

F in fucking Philly.

No, no,
I'll be with you tonight

as your good luck charm.

You'll win every penny back.

I guarantee he'll be there.

He thought--he thinks
he's a big winner, so--

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Oh, yes.

You're not gonna
stand me up again?

- Are you gonna be there?
- Yes.

'Cause I'll tell you,

ditch me once, shame on me.

Ditch me twice, shame on you.

You're on the list
with F in Philly.

- Okay.
- Yeah, because you know what?

If he comes back to the game
again tonight...

- Mm-hmm.
- I can find him.

- You know what I mean?
- But you--

- I can trace--
I can trace where he's at.

You don't need to find him.

I'll bet you
if his computer's on right now,

- I can find him.
- No, you don't need to--

on right now?
Oh. Ooh.

No, I have
another client coming.

- Hello.
- Hi.

You must be Sylvie Frank.

Yes, I am.

Thank you for taking my call.

Oh, sure.
I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice.

Great.
Um, I just have this sort of,

like, work situation

with this guy named Mike Taylor
who works here.

I've, like,
had my eye on him forever.

And then one day,
he said, after work,

could I come to his office

and help him go over
portfolios or whatever.

And I didn't know,
but I went there and...

- Right.
- He just kinda started

to come on to me,
and I just felt, like,

you know,
this is the kind of guy--

like, I never get
this kind of guy.

Like, I'm always
the best friend

or the, you know,
whatever and--

No, I can see that.

Um...anyway, so I just--

you know,
we started this thing,

and it just, like,
went over several months,

and then he just
started pulling away and...

- Got it.
- I just started driving

by his place,
but just kinda casually.

You know what I mean?

Like, it kind of
is on my way to work,

so it's not so weird,

but I guess
it was too many times

- that he thought--
- How many times did you?

I don't--maybe, like,
I don't know, like, 10

or, like, I don't know, 45.
Something like that.

But were there voices
telling you to do this, or...

do you have hallucinations
or a history of--

- No, no.
- Oh, okay.

No, I'm not, like crazy.

- You know what I mean?
- Well--

- I'm just, like--
- Well.

So, like, then, you know, like,

I'm trying to, like,
kind of find ways to show him

- I'm on his side, so...
- Uh-huh.

I, like--
I went to where he lives

and I kinda, like,
let his dog out.

You know what I mean?

Like, and then
I rescued the dog.

So then I brought
the dog back to him.

So I was like,
"Oh, I got your dog," you know?

And I thought that would be,
like, he'd be so overjoyed

and he'd see, like, I was in his
corner, you know what I mean?

- Right.
- Because I saved his dog...

- Right.
- From getting hit by a car

- basically.
- After you let it out.

Yeah.

I mean,
that was kinda the glitch,

- was he kinda saw me let it out.
- That's a glitch.

But what brought me to today
was we were in the lunch area,

you know, and I basically-,

you know,
I just was kinda freaking out

because he's not
paying attention to me.

So I went up to him and I tried
to talk to him about it,

and then he just kept acting
like he barely even knew my name

or knew who I was and, like,

"Oh, yeah, Sylvi"--you know?

And I--and I just was, like,
getting madder and madder

and kinda pulling on him.

And I was like,
"I know you love me!

I know you love me!"

And I was shaking him--

In front of people
in the lunch room?

I threw his pudding
on him and--

Oh, no, that's not good.

You know, upstairs
heard about it and...

- Oh, no.
- Basically...they--

he just said there
was never anything between us

and pretended
he barely knew me.

So he gets, like,
you know, promoted

and I'm basically demoted.

- They put me into digital.
- What?

Yeah, which is just, like--

And they didn't call you in

to ask you your side
of the story?

Well bas--right, right.

- Well, they--
- You need to sue them.

Well, right, but, like,
what would the lawsuit be?

Sexual harassment.

Well, but he
wasn't really harassing me.

- Or was he?
- He was just sort of denying--

Well, it's inappropriate

to have an affair with someone

at the workplace,
and he's now your superior

so he's now
in position of power.

- Right.
- Was he then your superior?

- No, I was more...
- But he is now?

- Like his superior.
- He's your superior now--

What?
You were his superior?

Well, I was--
more like he took my job.

Like, I was kind of above him,

and now he took--
they put him in my job.

Wow, so he did--
he got your job

and now he's moved on
to someone younger and prettier.

No, I di--I didn't say that.
He's single.

No, you don't need to say that.

I know.
That's how it works.

- I mean...
- Right.

I don't know how old you are,

but you clearly
weren't born yesterday.

- Um...
- May I ask what you do?

Yeah, yeah, I'm
a brand manager basically, so--

Oh, what is that?

It's like, let's say
an aspirin company,

like Bayer or something,
they wanna put their product

on--in a TV show
or on a movie,

and then a character
has a headache,

and they go and they reach
for the aspirin

and you see the brand name,
you see the Bayer,

and then they take the aspirin.

So the company then--

we're pairing them so they--

they would be paying the movie

or the television show
to use their product,

and then we would get
a cut of it, essentially.

Oh, well...

you wanted help--you want
help with your career,

you are on Skype
with the right person.

Oh, good.

- Because--
- But really it's my love life

that really is, like,
you know--I mean career--yeah.

Well, but they're--
they're intertwined.

I know a lot about the subject,

- workplace romances.
- Hmm.

And I went through
a very similar thing.

- Did you?
- But anyway, my point is--

is that, you know, look.

I mean, I'd be a wonderful,
um, sort of, you know,

endorser of products
in the digital area.

Wait a minute,
are you trying to--

you're trying to get me to use
you for product placement?

You may use me.

Yes.
You may use me.

- I will offer that up to you.
- Well--

Oh, let me give you
a good example of something.

Okay, so there's
this drink--

But I was hoping
we could more talk about,

you know, like,
what I'm going through.

I don't have--it's just
my lunch break.

I don't have
a long time to kinda--

And these are supposed
to be three-minute sessions,

but I'm making
an exception for you

because I think
you need the help.

But anyway,
you see this drink--

which is really--
it's very delicious.

- Mm-hmm.
- And it's very cute.

- It's called--it's a mocktail.
- Right.

Because it's
a mojito-flavored drink,

but there's no alcohol in it.

Okay, but let me
just go along with you

and let's say you were doing

this kind of, like,
brand placement.

- Mm-hmm.
- What's your platform?

Like, you don't--we need,
like, millions of followers.

My problem with even
being in digital...

- No, millions--
- Is that there's no traffic.

- Millions is too many.
- Why?

That's too much.

It's too large a requirement.

No, what I'm trying to say

is that, you know, my clients
see me drinking this,

and then, "Oh, what is that?
It looks delicious."

And then I tell them
what it is--

But that's so unethical.

Like, you're supposed
to be helping your clients,

not subliminally
selling them products.

Well, if they're thirsty
and they want a drink--

no, if they're thirsty
and they want a drink,

I'm helping them
quench their thirst.

I'm--it's just they see me

modeling behavior
and so, you know,

they want to copy it
on their road to wellness.

Well, but--how--
how many clients do you have?

Oh, I've got a lot of clients.

And then on
the social network arena,

um, I'm on Twitter,
so all of the--

And how many--how many
followers do you have?

I have, um, over 60.

Well, right,
but, like, you understand

if we did that,
you would then maybe sell

- to 1 out of 60 people, so...
- Yes.

It would be hiring you
to sell one drink.

Yeah, but over time, of course,

it would be more than one drink.
And it's more--

I think I have
a greater influence

- than just 1 out of 60.
- But do--

- so I won't ask
for a lot of money,

but I think it'll be worth--
you find out.

It'll be worth
their while then.

But again, regardless, like,
you have no--no platform...

- No, I understand. Yes.
- Really to sell anything, so.

No, that's not
the right product,

- but there's this hand cream--
- And I'm clearly turning

to you as a therapist
more than a sales associate.

You know,
now I'm getting insulted,

because all of this
is to benefit you,

to be honest with you.

Okay? You're the one
who came with the problem.

You think they're separate.

You think that, these days,

that the personal life
and the work life

are two separate things,
and they're not.

They're completely enmeshed.

So you're saying

if I sell mocktails
or whatever,

then I'll do better at work

and then maybe my personal life
will turn around?

Yes, and selling a mocktail
or this wonderful hand lotion

that--you saw me
putting it on.

Didn't it make you feel like,

"Oh, I wonder if my skin
is dry as well."

- No.
- Ooh, this smells so good

because it's a pl--
you make it yourself

in this mall I go to,
and I put in a little lavender

and some chamomile,
and it's a really lovely--

Right, but that's
not really even a brand.

- You know what I mean? Like--
- Oh, that's true.

It's not.
That's right.

That's just, like, you, kinda.

Then there's any
kind of beauty product,

obviously, that could work,
you know?

'Cause I'm constantly--
you know, there are clients

who are very attracted to me,
or they comment on--

"Oh, I didn't expect you
to be so lovely," or--

But wait, so you
would basically be, like,

taking their projection
of attraction on you

and then using it
for your own personal gain

to sell a product?

Well, if that's the way
you're going to look at it,

then I don't think
I could talk you out of it.

- But in fact--
- Do you actually help anybody?

Yes, I ha--
I'm trying to help you,

but you seem very resistant,

so maybe that was your issue
with the man.

Who are your clients?

Like, does anybody
come back regularly?

Many clients come back
regularly, yes.

But, you know, in terms
of the brand stuff,

you know, I have clients
that are extremely influential.

So, you know, Conan O'Brien
is a client of mine,

- so if he sees me drinking--
- Oh, wow.

Now that would be, like,
a great platform for us.

Getting something onto his show,
that's like--

then you're reaching
tons of people.

- People look up to him.
- Right.

- He can really sell a brand.
- Yes, exactly.

So, you know,
without naming names--

no, I won't name names.

I'll send you a list
of my clients

- so that you can see--
- What?

'Cause some of them
are extremely influential.

Okay. Send.

Wait, this is crazy.
Isn't that unethical?

Is it unethical?

You need help
and I'm trying to help you?

Okay.
That seems unethical.

Well, but--like, would you
then send my name to somebody?

If you don't want me to,
I won't.

Well, I'm sure these people
don't want you to either.

Well, then don't tell anybody.

Oh.

Oh, my God,
I just got this memo.

- It's Mike and--
- Oh, Mike is the guy.

Yeah, but it's
the company newsletter

and he's got his arm
around this girl.

Oh.
Younger, prettier?

I w--I wouldn't say
she was prettier, no.

Younger?

Like, a little bit.

Is she wearing--
is she wearing sleeves?

I gotta go.

Who's this from?

Hi, Fiona.
Hi!

It's me, Chris.

Oh, God, this is so crazy,

after all this time,
reconnecting,

- but I just...
- Don't know you.

- I had to call you and...
- Okay.

I wanted to leave you a message

and I know
it's probably exciting

for you to be seeing me.

If I knew who you were, maybe.

I know I look good.

Knowing you,
you're probably in the tub.

But you don't know me.

So when you do
get a chance to watch this,

I'll probably feel that,
and then I will call you back

and we can video chat
and just reconnect.

Okay.

It was great talking to you.

We didn't...talk.

Okay, it's a crazy person.
I will not be calling back.

- I'm holding a camera...
- You look great.

That is connected
to a metal pole

that is pressing
against my balls.

Well, that part's not out
of the ordinary for you.

And I'm talking--
yeah, exactly.

It is Sunday, after all.

Ooh, now you eat it!
How about that?

You eat it!

Eat your own junk!

You eat it!

How about that?

You eat it!

You eat your junk!

You eat your junk.

Okay, that's exactly right

if Danny can hold it together.

Cut!
Print.

That wasn't as good.
Let's do it again.

- Yeah?
- It's a cut.

We gotta do it--
we're gonna do it one more time.

"That sucked, do it again."

Did you hear me say,

"I don't think
that was very good."

"It wasn't as good.

It wasn't as good.
Let's do it again."

"That was absolute shit.

We should go again."