Original subtitles

Forbidden.

Uh, my name is James West.

I'm with the government

and I have business with your prince.

Not to approach.

I said, I'm with the government.

Yah.

That will do.

Prince Gregor, I'm Agent West.

I was told that a special agent

had been assigned by your President,

to escort my family to New Petersburg,

and that he was a most capable man.

Then why didn't you tell your men?

I'm glad to see that my information

was correct on both counts.

I welcome you.

Thank you.

Interesting,

a new addition to the royal family.

Shall I, sire?

I can easily pick him off.

At the proper time and place, we will eliminate him.

Tell Princess Lina I wish to see her.

Yes, your grace.

Really, Gregor, dashing about this wild country,

you might have been shot by buffaloes

or trampled by Indians.

Fortunately, auntie,

I was able to escape both perils.

This is Mr. James West.

How do you do?

The Dowager Duchess Sophia of Korovnia.

You are Hungarian.

I can tell the Magyar eyes.

No, I-I'm afraid not, your grace.

Really? You remind me so much

of a Hungarian count I knew as a girl.

Bruno, it was.

Well, no matter.

How desperately I need a knave of spades.

My sister, Lina.

Mr. West is the official escort from his country.

An escort of one?

Your Highness,

I was concerned when you returned late

from your ride. Oh, I am sorry, captain.

Captain Zaboff guards me and my family.

Mr. West has been loaned to us by the United States.

Since we are on a hunting expedition in his country,

his government would want no unpleasant incident

to mar our journey.

You're a talented skirmisher, Mr. West.

Thank you, captain, but I had the advantage.

I'm on home ground.

Dreadful, uncooperative cards.

Are we going to spend another night

in this terrible prairie, Gregor?

No, auntie, we shall break camp at once.

We should reach the house of Petrovsky

before nightfall.

Petrovsky is a Korovnian compatriot,

who emigrated here and became rich and famous

in your land of opportunity.

Captain? I'll tend to your orders.

Do make yourself comfortable, Mr. West.

My niece, Princess Lina, will extend to you

our famous Korovnian hospitality.

Gregor.

Tea, Mr. West?

Yes, thank you.

Tea, Maria.

Tell me, Mr. West,

are we in any danger from the hordes of Red Indians

I've read so much about?

Oh, they've got a lot more to fear from us,

I can assure you.

Ah... Oh.

Clumsy fool.

Yes, aren't we?

I will never get used to the customs

of your country, Mr. West.

I'm beginning to think I'll never understand

the customs of your country.

Y-you're very kind, sir.

And you're very pretty.

It's my pleasure.

American buffalo.

What beautiful beasts.

And what a wonderful addition to our collection of hides.

You dare.

Your Highness, you're in Indian country,

and according to our treaty with the Indian,

only they can hunt the buffalo.

Not even visiting royalty?

No, Your Highness, not even visiting royalty.

Oh, of course. This is America.

Mr. West is right again, captain.

The rules of the house prevail.

Thank you.

One day, Mr. West, you may not be right,

and you'll have to pay a forfeit.

Captain.

Petrovsky's house is up ahead.

Mm...

Yotra Petrovsky, you entertain handsomely.

Old World food and hospitality

in the new land.

This feast alone would be worth the trip

halfway around the world.

I'm humbly honored, Your Highness.

We are all honored.

To our deliverance

from the dreadful perils of the prairie.

And let us all drink to our host.

And to his fine house.

Na zdorovye. ALL: Na zdorovye.

And let us all drink...

to my late,

and beloved husband.

Ivan Ivanovitch.

Killed by that fiend, Balkovitch.

Not only has he torn my heart apart,

but my country as well.

There, there, auntie.

Go ahead,

hate me for spoiling the party.

No, no.

Crying purifies the heart.

Oh, my dear one. Hush.

Linichka.

You are Hungarian. I know.

You will understand.

We had no children.

Ivan Ivanovitch and I

look upon Lina...

and Kreesha as our very own.

Dear Ivan Ivanovitch.

Our country's in chaos.

When the people are united

under the leadership

of his nephew,

his dearest wishes will be fulfilled.

If I may be permitted a toast...

May peace come quickly to Korovnia,

and may Count Balkovitch and his followers

return to the hell they sprang from.

And now, my toast.

To my brother's impending marriage

to the Countess Elaina.

It is too soon to be talking of marriage,

while the rivers of Korovnia still run red.

And now, if an outsider may make a toast.

Outsider? You are one of us, Mr. West.

Thank you. To your American visit.

May it be filled with pleasure.

Maria, you will dance for us.

No, Your Highness, I dare not.

I command you.

Come on, Maria, dance. Yes, dance, come on.

Come on, Nikolai.

Okay, Nikolai, come on.

Stop it.

Stop it.

That is a disgusting display.

Bravo, sister.

Your education in Vienna and Paris

has not been wasted.

You've learned how to make a servant girl cry.

More wine, music.

This is a night for merriment and laughter, isn't it?

Poor Lina,

so young,

so easily shocked,

to discover that her brother...

Prince though he is.

Is a man.

With a man's eye for a shapely wench.

Even my darling Ivan Ivanovitch,

could not resist pinching a servant girl

from time to time.

It was a disgusting, abandoned display.

Forgive me, Your Highness.

Not your dancing,

my sister's outburst.

She has a sharp tongue,

but she would never do anything deliberately

to hurt you.

No, Your Highness,

it was all my fault.

I...

I made a spectacle of myself

in front of everybody.

It was I who commanded you, huh?

Maria,

you dance delectably.

Oh, Your... Your Highness.

Oh, Your Highness.

You know something?

Hm?

I-I don't think that-that horse cares very much

for a crying woman, either.

Oh, Your Highness,

I love you.

Ahh!

Oh... Oh, Gregor.

Oh, Mr. West.

Mr. West, help him.

No, no.

He's all right. He's just stunned.

Kreesha.

Kreesha.

Oh, no, no.

Auntie, thank you to Mr. West,

I'm all right.

Balkovitch's men?

I'm afraid so, captain.

How many were there?

I don't know.

Search the grounds at once.

Oh, thank you.

We are in your debt, sir.

If there is any way I can repay the favor...

You can, and right now.

How, Mr. West?

Who is this Balkovitch,

and why is he trying so desperately

to capture you?

Yes, I think you have earned our confidence.

But let's talk about this in the house, huh?

Kreesha, are you really all right?

You had me frightened. Yes, auntie.

Now, stop clucking.

Howdy, sheriff.

Seem to be quite a few people leaving town around here.

Yep, account of the shootin'.

Oh? Has there been some shooting?

Well, strictly speakin',

it ain't started yet.

You mean you're expecting it?

I'm dead certain of it. C-careful now.

You know, up till now,

this has been a nice, peaceful little settlement.

Full of Russians, you know.

Yes, so I understand.

Look, sheriff, there's a Prince Gregor of Koroff,

visiting royalty, who will be coming to town here soon.

Well, now that's one problem.

That's why folks are all leavin' town.

They don't want to be around when the two get together.

Two parties?

Who's the other?

Oh, fella named Balkovitch,

who don't exactly write love letters

to that prince friend of yours.

He's got quite a group with him.

And I'll give you a piece of advice.

Tell that prince to stay clear of the town.

Prince Gregor happens to be an official guest

of our country, sheriff.

So if you don't mind, the United States government

would appreciate something more substantial than just advice,

like maybe a little help from you.

Well, now, that's the other problem.

I got no deputies,

uh, Mr. Gordon.

And seeing as how this is not a local matter,

I don't see or hear nothin'.

I don't relish getting caught up in an argument

that crossed half a world to light here.

Tell me something, sheriff,

if shooting did happen to break out,

don't you think it just possible

that some local people might get hurt?

Well, now, that's usually the case.

'Course, if you got a victim and you show me the killer,

I'll be happy to use the badge.

Well, it's nice to know that you're really there

when the chips are down.

Well, now, look at it my way,

I'll still be here when both sides are in and out,

and then I can go back to haulin' in drunks

and light-fingered Charlies.

You know, up till now,

a stolen horse was a crime wave.

Always wonderful to find a man

who upholds the high standards

of his office, sheriff.

Well, if it's any consolation to you...

What'd you say your name was?

Gordon.

Well, Mr. Gordon, if it's any consolation to you,

when the other party comes to me,

my answer will be the same.

Well, thank you very, very much, sheriff.

That makes everything just fine.

Uh, what did you say the name of that other party was?

Balkovitch.

Balkovitch.

Oh, I'm sorry about that, sheriff.

Auntie, auntie...

Please stop clucking.

I'm all right.

Now I know that Balkovitch or his men

were our late visitors.

What is it they wanted?

The same thing we want,

the royal icon, the Virgin of Kirovgrad.

Many years ago,

when our people first came to settle here in America,

our bishop brought with him the sacred icon

to bless the settlement of New Petersburg.

The icon is the spiritual symbol of leadership.

Whoever possesses it can reunite Korovnia and rule.

He wants the icon and your throne.

Mm. He is an evil pretender

who will stop at nothing to rule.

Ever since he slaughtered my husband,

there has been nothing but civil war and killings.

Because of him, many of our people have fled.

Only the icon's return can bring peace again.

Now you know, Mr. West.

I know what the icon is

and that it's in New Petersburg,

but as to who has it...

Only I know that,

and I'd rather not reveal it.

Providence forbid, Gregor,

if something should happen to you...

No.

That knowledge imposes a heavy burden.

It's too dangerous for anyone else to share.

Here, with the good wishes of our master Petrovsky.

To warm you on this bitter night.

It is a bitter night.

Hey, vodka for the pure at heart,

and the thirsty.

Yes, but we are on guard duty.

This bottle, see how it fits the hand?

As gracefully shaped as a woman.

Huh? Drink.

Drink, drink.

Drink.

They're like the dead.

These men aren't drunk. They've been drugged.

Mr. West?

Mr. West.

Mr. West?

Mr. West, uh, Balkovitch

and his men are in the house.

I am here under a flag of truce.

What do you want?

What would you say if I told you

I have an offer for you?

I would say, "beware

of murderous tartars bearing gifts."

Korovnia is torn apart.

There could be peace, if we desire it.

Most interesting, Count Balkovitch,

considering your past efforts

at plunging our country into chaos.

But tell me what you propose,

uh, to achieve this peace.

Our houses are both old and honored.

Yes.

So...

why should we fight

when we can unite,

if representatives of both our houses,

should merge into the bonds of matrimony?

You, for instance?

And Princess Lina.

Steady, captain.

So we have a voice of reason among us.

You refuse to negotiate?

Your flag of truce is soiled.

I suggest you leave at once.

Come on.

You've interfered with me and my men

for the last time, Mr. West.

Captain, I'm sure you realize

we're hopelessly outnumbered.

Why invite Balkovitch's attack?

Forgive me, Your Highness.

What do we do now?

We stay here, we're sitting ducks.

I suggest we move on to New Petersburg.

I say we do not.

There's little cover and much chance of an ambush.

We should wait for my men to recover.

More important even than life itself is the icon.

It must be secured.

You frightened me, Artie.

Hello, James.

You got a full moon. It's a great night for werewolves.

Yeah, and Balkovitch.

Oh, I've heard about that gentleman.

Any sign of him yet?

No sign.

Captain, this is my partner, Artemus Gordon.

How do you do? Princess Lina is missing.

I've searched the entire camp.

Oh, I got your note.

Why did you want to meet me out here?

Your temper, princess,

is exceeded only by your beauty.

I am not a man who is easily dissuaded

from his own purpose.

Consider again what it means to Korovnia,

after all these generations,

to arrange an amicable liaison

between our two great families.

I would sooner take the vows with a toad.

You may be noble and self-sacrificial

as far as your own person is concerned,

but when it will cost the life of your regal brother...

If it comes to that, my brother knows how

to die without whimpering.

Oh, yes.

So thought your uncle, the late Grand Duke Ivan Koroff.

I could have succeeded then,

had he not sent the icon to America

before I had him killed.

Do you want to go free?

Do you want to spare the life of your brother?

Then tell me,

where in New Petersburg the icon is.

The icon...

Where is it?

I would sooner die.

Princess, you've only seen my better side

up till now.

That's all she's going to see. Don't move.

All right.

If I must trade the icon for Lina,

then that is what I will do.

Your Highness, that's the worst possible thing you could do.

Count Balkovitch has abducted the princess

for only one reason.

That's to force you to give up the icon

in exchange for her release.

Exactly. Why shouldn't I?

What's to assure you that he won't kill her

after he receives the icon?

Oh...

What can I do?

I think it's important we leave for New Petersburg immediately,

because if he gets his hands on that icon first,

the princess is in real trouble.

He won't even need her then as a hostage.

Prince Gregor, you overruled me

in leaving the safety of Petrovsky's house.

You overrule me again now if you listen to them.

Captain Zaboff,

this is no time for recriminations.

We must leave at once.

Mr. West, when this ugly business is finished,

you and I have much to settle.

Boy, I'd sure love to have a sample

of his handwriting.

Why, Artie?

Here, I found this note

in the clearing where Lina was kidnapped.

In Russian.

Which, as it happens, I can't read.

I can talk it, but I can't read it.

Well, that's not much good

unless you can translate it, is it?

Artie, anyone else know about this note?

Haven't shown it to anybody else.

I want to know what it really says before somebody

tells me something different.

I got a feeling somebody here might have

set the princess up for the kidnap.

We'll find someone in New Petersburg

that can translate that note.

Let's get going, Artie.

Right.

Whoa.

Thank you, captain.

This is not quite the lavish reception I expected.

Well, it's better than the reception

Balkovitch has planned for you.

Listen, I've made arrangements for rooms over at the hotel.

Why don't I go over and see what kind of help I can get...?

Captain, will you escort the women

to their quarters at once?

Excuse me, Mr. West.

There is something I must attend to.

The icon.

Yes.

Good. Then maybe I'll just stick with you.

Huh, prince?

Come along.

Father.

I am Prince Gregor Koroff of Korovnia.

Welcome, Your Highness.

Your visit has been anticipated.

I am pleased.

Shall we get to the point?

The Lord watch between me and thee...

While we are absent,

one from another.

Prince Gregor.

Bishop Kucharyk.

You were a mere boy when I left Korovnia

with the icon and half the medallion.

How I have longed to see the blessed symbol

returned to rightful hands.

It is here.

Excuse me, Father.

Mr. West.

The sacred icon.

Dear Holy Mother,

please, send Princess Lina

back safely to us.

She will. I promise you that.

But when, merciful heaven?

Prince Gregor.

A word with Your Most Serene Royal Highness.

Interested in a trade, Your Highness?

One slightly frayed princess

for an old icon?

And you have until the morning

before this offer is withdrawn.

Igor.

Where is he?

A precious half-hour is almost gone,

and still Mr. West is not back.

He'll be here.

Your Highness, let me go after the princess.

My life's not important.

No, Zaboff.

Your death would not bring my sister back.

Besides, I promised Mr. West

I would wait a half an hour.

Twenty-eight minutes by the watch.

Two minutes to spare.

Well, anyone we know?

Artie, this is one of Balkovitch's men.

I have a feeling when he comes to,

he's gonna tell us who Balkovitch is working with.

It's someone in your group, prince.

That's not possible.

On the contrary, Your Highness, it is.

We'll prove it once this man comes to.

Artie, do you have the key to the storeroom?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Well, let's lock him up, huh?

Fine.

Sorry to upset your plans, duchess.

Just make yourself comfortable, huh?

Na zdorovye.

How soon, count?

Ah, perhaps a few minutes.

We've all prepared? Good.

Someone is coming from the hotel.

My blessings upon you all,

and, uh, I would like to talk with Count Balkovitch,

if you please.

I am Count Balkovitch.

And you?

The humble bearer of an icon.

Ah. The sacred icon.

Even so.

But first,

a promise of forgiveness and mercy

for the prince and his family.

Yes, yes.

The springs of mercy and forgiveness

are deep within me, of course, of course.

Oh, Count Balkovitch,

twice blessed is he

who raises up his enemies from the dust

and binds up his wounds. Yes, yes, yes.

The icon, the icon. And in you,

I see a man generous in spirit,

forgiving as can be.

Indeed, a philosopher of the world,

in a manner of speaking.

It might, perhaps, not be too much to say

that your noble heart...

Now, listen, Father,

I am not a patient man.

I-I would not keep from you...

what you wish.

Artie.

I'll take it from here.

Well. Well done, sheriff.

What made you change your mind?

Oh, I forgot to tell you,

I always go with the hot hand.

Oh, well, if you'd like to fill it out to the royal flush,

the queen card is locked down in the storm cellar.

West, I admit having been a fool.

Accept my apologies.

Accepted, captain.

I must know.

How did you suspect that my Aunt Sophia

was in sympathy with Balkovitch?

Well, the priest translated the note

that lured the princess to the meeting place.

It was addressed to "Linichka,"

which, in Korovnia, I was told,

is a term of familiar endearment

usually used by an older person to a younger.

Well, only royalty could address royalty so familiarly.

Hm.

But why did she do it?

Very simple.

She knew that once Prince Gregor assumed the throne,

she would be driven from power.

Oh...

I must ask one more favor of you gentlemen, huh?

Yes. I would be honored

if you would come to Korovnia and witness my coronation.

Well, of course. By all means.

- It'd be a pleasure. - And his marriage.

Well, congratulations, Your Highness.

Your Highness, you know, there's another American custom.

Oh? What is that? Uh, kissing the bride.

Oh...

After the ceremony.