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1
00:00:36,156 --> 00:00:38,256
I gotta tell ya, Mike, that is
one beautiful country club.
2
00:00:38,324 --> 00:00:40,024
Yeah, I'm glad I could
take you out, man.
3
00:00:40,092 --> 00:00:42,125
Say, you really love your golf.
4
00:00:42,193 --> 00:00:45,692
Well, of all the major sports, it's
the closest to just sitting down.
5
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,626
Seriously, thanks again, man.
6
00:00:48,694 --> 00:00:49,826
Yeah, well, thank you
for watching our place
7
00:00:49,894 --> 00:00:51,295
next week while
we're on vacation.
8
00:00:51,363 --> 00:00:52,394
That's what neighbors are for.
9
00:00:52,462 --> 00:00:54,061
Oh, and by the way,
in case of emergency,
10
00:00:54,129 --> 00:00:56,229
how do I turn on the hot tub?
11
00:00:57,230 --> 00:00:58,764
There's a dial on the
wall, go to town.
12
00:00:58,831 --> 00:01:02,697
Sweet. That resort you guys are
going to sounds pretty awesome.
13
00:01:02,765 --> 00:01:04,466
St. Croix? It's incredible.
14
00:01:04,534 --> 00:01:05,832
I'm gonna play golf
in the morning,
15
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,033
lie on the beach
in the afternoon,
16
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,034
and eat and drink all night.
17
00:01:09,101 --> 00:01:12,034
Yuspa.
18
00:01:12,101 --> 00:01:13,968
Oh, hey, guys. How was golfing?
19
00:01:14,036 --> 00:01:15,102
Fantastic.
20
00:01:15,171 --> 00:01:16,870
And F.Y.I., if I ever leave you,
21
00:01:16,937 --> 00:01:18,404
it'll be for Mike.
22
00:01:19,771 --> 00:01:21,171
You're free to leave
at any point.
23
00:01:24,341 --> 00:01:25,340
Oh, hey, Deb.
24
00:01:25,407 --> 00:01:26,574
Hi. Hey, good, you
guys are back.
25
00:01:26,642 --> 00:01:27,708
What's up?
26
00:01:27,775 --> 00:01:29,173
Honey, I just got off
the phone with Claudia.
27
00:01:29,241 --> 00:01:31,742
Craig has to fly to Chicago
next week for some case.
28
00:01:31,810 --> 00:01:32,908
What about our trip?
29
00:01:32,976 --> 00:01:34,210
They can't go.
30
00:01:34,277 --> 00:01:35,811
I can't believe it!
31
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:38,076
The Ostermans were supposed
to go with us to St. Croix.
32
00:01:38,144 --> 00:01:40,311
Oh, that's too bad.
33
00:01:40,379 --> 00:01:41,479
Listen, would you call the hotel
34
00:01:41,546 --> 00:01:42,545
and change the reservations?
35
00:01:42,613 --> 00:01:44,480
The package we got was for 4.
36
00:01:44,547 --> 00:01:46,046
Oh, right.
37
00:01:51,316 --> 00:01:53,316
Hey, listen, would you
guys have any interest
38
00:01:53,384 --> 00:01:54,551
in coming with us?
39
00:01:54,618 --> 00:01:55,750
Us?
40
00:01:55,817 --> 00:01:57,384
Yeah. Sure!
41
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,418
Are you sure you're
not asking us
42
00:01:58,485 --> 00:01:59,918
'cause we just happen
to be standing here
43
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:01,586
and it's awkward?
44
00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:02,820
No, we would love to have you.
45
00:02:02,887 --> 00:02:04,053
Really? Yes, absolutely.
46
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,487
Are you sure? Yes!
47
00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:07,020
What difference does it make?
48
00:02:07,088 --> 00:02:09,355
We'll have a great time whether
they really want us there or not.
49
00:02:09,423 --> 00:02:10,689
We do.
50
00:02:10,757 --> 00:02:12,222
And, anyway, if this guy
doesn't have a golf buddy,
51
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:13,623
he's gonna drag me along.
52
00:02:13,691 --> 00:02:15,356
Would you guys be
able to get off work?
53
00:02:15,424 --> 00:02:17,691
Well, I do have a lot of
vacation time built up.
54
00:02:17,759 --> 00:02:20,559
And my job can be
done by a monkey.
55
00:02:20,627 --> 00:02:22,693
These are the brochures
for the resort.
56
00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:24,193
They have all the
information, prices,
57
00:02:24,261 --> 00:02:25,994
stuff like that. Look 'em over,
58
00:02:26,061 --> 00:02:28,162
and just let us know.
It'll be a good time.
59
00:02:28,228 --> 00:02:30,362
OK. Well, we'll call
you guys later. OK.
60
00:02:30,430 --> 00:02:32,496
All right. Bye.
61
00:02:32,563 --> 00:02:34,963
Wow! This place is beautiful!
62
00:02:35,031 --> 00:02:36,097
Oh, my God.
63
00:02:36,165 --> 00:02:39,032
Look how long the buffet is.
64
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,900
And there's no
mirror at the end.
65
00:02:40,967 --> 00:02:43,500
I'm hip to that trick.
66
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:45,367
Uh-oh. What?
67
00:02:45,435 --> 00:02:47,568
Look at the room rates.
68
00:02:47,636 --> 00:02:49,869
Wow.
69
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:54,070
Maybe that's in St. Croix money.
70
00:02:54,138 --> 00:02:57,005
You know, croiksies.
71
00:02:57,073 --> 00:02:59,741
Doug, I really don't think
we can afford this.
72
00:02:59,807 --> 00:03:01,507
Come on, we gotta go!
73
00:03:01,575 --> 00:03:03,107
Hey, you remember when Mike
and Debi first moved in?
74
00:03:03,175 --> 00:03:05,008
They thought we were freaks!
75
00:03:05,076 --> 00:03:07,176
Now we're their first choice when
they can't get their real friends!
76
00:03:07,243 --> 00:03:09,609
It's the comeback
story of the year!
77
00:03:09,677 --> 00:03:11,309
I know, and I want to go,
78
00:03:11,377 --> 00:03:12,377
it's just that we've never spent
79
00:03:12,445 --> 00:03:14,211
this much on a vacation before.
80
00:03:14,279 --> 00:03:16,312
So? We deserve it.
81
00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:18,080
All right, we work
our entire lives
82
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:19,846
at pointless, dead-end jobs,
83
00:03:19,914 --> 00:03:23,381
and we come home to TV
and stupid chit-chat.
84
00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:26,782
What do you say?
85
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:30,617
Well, you do have
me re-thinking us.
86
00:03:30,685 --> 00:03:32,084
I don't know.
87
00:03:32,152 --> 00:03:33,284
Come on! Hey!
88
00:03:33,352 --> 00:03:35,352
I will let you ride this turtle.
89
00:03:35,419 --> 00:03:37,252
Or this cabana boy.
90
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:41,154
All right, you know what?
91
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,421
What the hell, let's do it.
92
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,488
I love you.
93
00:03:44,556 --> 00:03:45,989
Hello, kids. Hey.
94
00:03:46,057 --> 00:03:48,723
Whatcha got there?
95
00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:49,891
Oh, just some brochures.
96
00:03:49,959 --> 00:03:51,858
Actually, Dad, it looks
like we're going down
97
00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,825
to the Caribbean next week.
98
00:03:53,893 --> 00:03:58,127
We are? Ooh, I'm so excited.
99
00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,795
Well, I hope you're
excited for us.
100
00:04:00,863 --> 00:04:03,529
I see. Once again,
I humiliate myself
101
00:04:03,596 --> 00:04:06,363
by assuming I'm a
member of this family.
102
00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:07,997
Dad, we would love to take you,
103
00:04:08,065 --> 00:04:09,131
but we're going with
another couple,
104
00:04:09,198 --> 00:04:11,065
Mike and Debi from next door.
105
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:15,833
Darling, your swinging lifestyle
is really none of my business.
106
00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:18,701
Just go on your fancy trip!
107
00:04:18,769 --> 00:04:20,001
Oh, come on, you'll
have fun without us.
108
00:04:20,069 --> 00:04:21,069
You can have Spence over,
109
00:04:21,137 --> 00:04:22,169
and we'll bring you
back something
110
00:04:22,236 --> 00:04:23,635
really nice from St. Croix.
111
00:04:23,703 --> 00:04:24,770
Oh, you really think
I can be bought off
112
00:04:24,837 --> 00:04:26,203
with some island trinket,
113
00:04:26,271 --> 00:04:28,404
a linen summer suit, 42-short?
114
00:04:28,472 --> 00:04:29,805
How insulting!
115
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,374
You almost ready? Taxi's
gonna be here any second.
116
00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:39,742
Yup. I just need to finish
labeling these meals
117
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:41,208
for my dad.
118
00:04:41,276 --> 00:04:42,575
I still think you should've
gotten one of those things
119
00:04:42,643 --> 00:04:43,975
they have for cats, you know,
120
00:04:44,043 --> 00:04:46,811
where the food falls directly
into the bowl when you hit it?
121
00:04:46,879 --> 00:04:49,712
I know he can learn
that, you know.
122
00:04:51,446 --> 00:04:54,414
Kids, sorry to be
the killjoy here,
123
00:04:54,481 --> 00:04:56,080
but I don't think
this is a good time
124
00:04:56,148 --> 00:04:58,081
for you to be going away.
125
00:04:58,149 --> 00:04:59,247
Why not?
126
00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:02,982
There's a very nasty odor
down in the basement.
127
00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:06,551
Yes, and now it's
traveled up here.
128
00:05:08,219 --> 00:05:09,618
Old people smell.
129
00:05:09,686 --> 00:05:12,419
Cutting-edge humor, Douglas.
130
00:05:12,487 --> 00:05:14,387
What kind of odor, Dad?
131
00:05:14,455 --> 00:05:15,620
It's quite noxious.
132
00:05:15,688 --> 00:05:17,954
I've been feeling light-headed
for several days.
133
00:05:18,021 --> 00:05:19,788
He's just making it up 'cause he
knows we're going away without him.
134
00:05:19,856 --> 00:05:21,188
That's not true.
135
00:05:21,256 --> 00:05:23,189
You pulled the same thing when
we were going to Ocean City.
136
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:25,991
I had sweaty palms
and you know it!
137
00:05:28,059 --> 00:05:29,158
Come on, there's the taxi.
138
00:05:29,226 --> 00:05:30,592
All right, honey, could
you just go down
139
00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:33,327
and check it out, please?
140
00:05:33,395 --> 00:05:35,261
Fine.
141
00:05:35,329 --> 00:05:38,294
Come on, Arthur!
142
00:05:39,663 --> 00:05:41,330
OK, I'm smelling nothing.
143
00:05:41,398 --> 00:05:43,197
It's coming from this area.
144
00:05:43,265 --> 00:05:44,732
I tried to get the panel off,
145
00:05:44,799 --> 00:05:47,631
then I got woozy and
had to lie down.
146
00:05:53,301 --> 00:05:55,534
That doesn't smell that bad.
147
00:05:55,602 --> 00:05:56,768
What the hell is that?!
148
00:05:56,836 --> 00:05:59,002
It looks like some type of mold.
149
00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:00,336
Carrie: Hon, what's going on?
150
00:06:00,404 --> 00:06:02,003
Just a sec!
151
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:04,371
Look, I got a taxi up there
152
00:06:04,438 --> 00:06:06,372
waiting to take me to paradise.
153
00:06:06,439 --> 00:06:08,773
Here's how it's gonna go down.
154
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,441
First, we're gonna
close this up,
155
00:06:12,509 --> 00:06:17,576
then we're gonna close this up.
156
00:06:17,643 --> 00:06:19,577
Carrie: Everything
OK down there?
157
00:06:19,644 --> 00:06:21,977
Just fine and dandy!
158
00:06:22,044 --> 00:06:24,677
It's fine! And?
159
00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:25,979
I gave you fine,
160
00:06:26,047 --> 00:06:28,279
but I draw the line at dandy.
161
00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:39,383
Oh, the sky is so beautiful.
162
00:06:39,452 --> 00:06:41,451
Yeah, it's like an oil painting.
163
00:06:41,518 --> 00:06:45,886
Mmm, sea air smells
great, doesn't it, honey?
164
00:06:47,921 --> 00:06:51,154
Somebody around here
has potato chips.
165
00:06:56,190 --> 00:06:57,924
Thanks again for
lunch, you guys,
166
00:06:57,991 --> 00:06:59,223
and for payin' for the cabanas.
167
00:06:59,291 --> 00:07:00,591
Oh, sure.
168
00:07:00,659 --> 00:07:02,725
Tomorrow night, dinner is on us,
169
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:04,292
and I don't want to
hear any arguments.
170
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,626
All right. All right.
171
00:07:05,694 --> 00:07:09,093
I don't think we're hearing any.
172
00:07:09,161 --> 00:07:11,061
I hear they have this dish here,
it's called sizzling lobster.
173
00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:12,195
It's supposed to be incredible.
174
00:07:12,263 --> 00:07:13,963
Oh, well, slap a bib on me
175
00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:17,163
and watch my arteries close up.
176
00:07:17,230 --> 00:07:18,363
Is everything OK here?
177
00:07:18,431 --> 00:07:20,564
Delightful, or as you
French would say,
178
00:07:20,632 --> 00:07:22,165
It's delightful.
179
00:07:22,232 --> 00:07:23,600
You folks look a little hot.
180
00:07:23,668 --> 00:07:24,767
Could I cool you off
181
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:26,266
with a mist of Evian water?
182
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:27,533
Sure!
183
00:07:27,601 --> 00:07:30,168
You do work here, right?
184
00:07:31,335 --> 00:07:33,136
Close your eyes.
185
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,702
Ohh. Oh, yeah. Ohh.
186
00:07:35,770 --> 00:07:39,571
You are very close
to being adopted.
187
00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:41,372
All right, well...
188
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,206
here you go.
189
00:07:43,274 --> 00:07:44,339
Thank you, Mr. Heffernan.
190
00:07:44,406 --> 00:07:45,774
You know what, here's
an extra 5.00.
191
00:07:45,842 --> 00:07:48,407
Soak through the girls'
tops, would you?
192
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,245
Honey, where's my moisturizer?
193
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,845
Doug: What?!
194
00:08:02,913 --> 00:08:05,079
My moisturizer.
195
00:08:05,147 --> 00:08:06,415
I can't hear you.
196
00:08:06,482 --> 00:08:10,415
I'm in the other room
of our 2-room suite!
197
00:08:10,483 --> 00:08:12,549
Doug! Carrie?
198
00:08:12,616 --> 00:08:14,016
Oy.
199
00:08:15,318 --> 00:08:18,285
How great are these robes, huh?
200
00:08:18,352 --> 00:08:20,820
We look like freakin'
polar bears.
201
00:08:20,888 --> 00:08:22,820
Stop! Stop!
202
00:08:32,391 --> 00:08:35,257
You moron! Oy!
203
00:08:39,794 --> 00:08:40,959
For what we're paying,
204
00:08:41,027 --> 00:08:43,060
I'm taking these robes home.
205
00:08:43,128 --> 00:08:45,295
Hey, we said we were
gonna forget about money
206
00:08:45,363 --> 00:08:46,496
and just enjoy this week, right?
207
00:08:46,563 --> 00:08:47,696
You're right, you're
right, you're right.
208
00:08:47,763 --> 00:08:48,896
And that means
treating the minibar
209
00:08:48,964 --> 00:08:50,930
like it's our
refrigerator at home.
210
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,430
Wait, now I want you to
take a picture of me
211
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:55,966
with this $25 disposable camera,
212
00:08:56,033 --> 00:08:57,199
eating this $7.00 Twix.
213
00:08:57,266 --> 00:08:59,499
Come on here, right here.
214
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,033
There you go.
215
00:09:03,235 --> 00:09:05,469
Stop!
216
00:09:05,536 --> 00:09:08,269
Oh, that's probably Mike
about golf tomorrow,
217
00:09:08,336 --> 00:09:10,336
but, you know what, I'm gonna
answer it in the sitting room
218
00:09:10,404 --> 00:09:13,005
'cause this phone, it bores me.
219
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:18,373
Hello?
220
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,906
Douglas, it's Arthur Spooner.
221
00:09:22,376 --> 00:09:25,042
OK, last name's not necessary.
What's up?
222
00:09:25,109 --> 00:09:29,777
I had a Mr. Dick St. John
of Mold Masters over
223
00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:31,678
to look at the situation.
224
00:09:31,746 --> 00:09:33,145
Arthur, I told you
to leave it alone
225
00:09:33,213 --> 00:09:34,511
and just sleep upstairs.
226
00:09:34,579 --> 00:09:36,946
And I quote:
227
00:09:37,014 --> 00:09:39,314
"Large area of interior walls
228
00:09:39,381 --> 00:09:42,482
"infested with
stachybotrys-type growth,
229
00:09:42,550 --> 00:09:46,483
pipes and wiring also affected."
230
00:09:46,551 --> 00:09:49,684
Well, did he say how much it
would cost to clean it up?
231
00:09:49,752 --> 00:09:52,419
And I quote:
232
00:09:52,486 --> 00:09:55,153
"To remove all mold,
233
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:59,421
estimated cost $7,025."
234
00:09:59,489 --> 00:10:01,689
$7,000?
235
00:10:01,756 --> 00:10:03,589
Arthur: I'll await
further instructions.
236
00:10:03,656 --> 00:10:04,889
Good-bye.
237
00:10:10,893 --> 00:10:12,692
Hey, was that Mike? Huh?
238
00:10:12,759 --> 00:10:14,426
Uh, yeah. It was just Mikey.
239
00:10:14,494 --> 00:10:16,826
Hey, Doug. Say "Twix."
240
00:10:16,894 --> 00:10:18,860
Twix.
241
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:28,798
Arthur: All right,
what's the delay?
242
00:10:28,865 --> 00:10:30,398
Sometimes it takes
a little while
243
00:10:30,465 --> 00:10:31,530
to get on the Internet.
244
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:34,366
It's who you know,
same old story.
245
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:35,766
OK, we're online.
246
00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:39,134
All right, now get me
the skinny on mold.
247
00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:42,667
They've got me living in that
petri dish of a basement
248
00:10:42,735 --> 00:10:44,069
for 5 years.
249
00:10:44,137 --> 00:10:45,536
I've gotta know what
it's done to me.
250
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,670
OK, here we go. "Mold helpline."
251
00:10:48,738 --> 00:10:49,771
That's it.
252
00:10:49,838 --> 00:10:51,871
All right, Arthur,
have you suffered
253
00:10:51,939 --> 00:10:53,805
from any of the
following conditions?
254
00:10:53,873 --> 00:10:55,907
Nasal stuffiness? Check.
255
00:10:55,974 --> 00:10:58,174
Shortness of breath? Check.
256
00:10:58,242 --> 00:11:01,675
Loss of urinary control?
257
00:11:01,743 --> 00:11:03,175
Double check.
258
00:11:06,878 --> 00:11:08,111
All right, what else?
259
00:11:08,178 --> 00:11:10,578
Well, there's something here
260
00:11:10,646 --> 00:11:12,679
about how extended
exposure could lead
261
00:11:12,747 --> 00:11:15,615
to diminished mental
capabilities.
262
00:11:15,682 --> 00:11:17,681
Oh, God! I could lose my mind?!
263
00:11:17,749 --> 00:11:19,014
Theoretically, yes.
264
00:11:19,082 --> 00:11:20,815
Spence, promise me this.
265
00:11:20,883 --> 00:11:24,016
If you start seeing even
the slightest indication
266
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,150
of strange behavior on my part,
267
00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:29,451
I want you to kill me.
268
00:11:40,457 --> 00:11:42,022
Doug: Honey?
269
00:11:42,090 --> 00:11:43,057
Carrie: Yeah?
270
00:11:43,191 --> 00:11:44,790
Do you know anything
about a charge
271
00:11:44,857 --> 00:11:48,325
in the gift shop for $13?
272
00:11:48,392 --> 00:11:51,359
Yeah, I bought a pack of gum.
273
00:11:51,427 --> 00:11:53,360
Oh, gum.
274
00:11:53,428 --> 00:11:55,561
OK, as long as it was
something important.
275
00:11:58,930 --> 00:12:00,663
OK, honey, now remember,
276
00:12:00,731 --> 00:12:02,730
we have dinner
reservations at 6:00,
277
00:12:02,797 --> 00:12:05,531
so try to get back
here from golf by 5:00
278
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:07,366
so I can hose you down.
279
00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:08,466
Where are you going?
280
00:12:08,533 --> 00:12:09,567
To the spa.
281
00:12:09,635 --> 00:12:11,734
I booked a 2-hour
massage with Phillipe.
282
00:12:11,801 --> 00:12:13,900
Hold on, uh...
283
00:12:13,968 --> 00:12:17,569
maybe I want to
give you a massage.
284
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:20,070
You do?
285
00:12:20,138 --> 00:12:21,370
Every time I ask you at home,
286
00:12:21,437 --> 00:12:24,037
you say, "What's in it for me?"
287
00:12:24,105 --> 00:12:26,072
I feel romantic down here,
and, you know what,
288
00:12:26,139 --> 00:12:27,772
I'll give you twice as good
a massage as Phillipe.
289
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,773
And I offer additional services.
290
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,241
Yeah, I have Miguel
at 12:30 for that.
291
00:12:34,309 --> 00:12:35,442
Very funny. Come on,
lie on the bed.
292
00:12:35,510 --> 00:12:37,110
This better be good,
though, I'm telling you.
293
00:12:37,177 --> 00:12:39,510
And I should tell you,
my hands are registered
294
00:12:39,577 --> 00:12:41,311
with the department of love.
295
00:12:41,378 --> 00:12:43,944
Sexy fingers division.
296
00:12:44,012 --> 00:12:47,379
All right, there you go.
297
00:12:47,447 --> 00:12:49,513
Mmm. A little harder, hon. OK.
298
00:12:49,581 --> 00:12:51,981
Split the difference!
299
00:12:52,048 --> 00:12:54,349
See? That's better.
300
00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:55,515
Isn't that good? Yeah.
301
00:12:55,583 --> 00:12:57,682
Use the oil, honey.
302
00:12:57,750 --> 00:12:58,816
Hmm? Oil.
303
00:12:58,883 --> 00:13:00,383
Oh.
304
00:13:00,451 --> 00:13:02,618
Oh, there we go.
305
00:13:02,685 --> 00:13:04,119
OK.
306
00:13:10,255 --> 00:13:11,387
What's going on up there?
307
00:13:11,455 --> 00:13:12,888
Nothing, nothing. It's fine.
308
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:18,524
It's fine, fine.
309
00:13:18,592 --> 00:13:21,358
I feel like I'm being marinated.
310
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,292
It's all good. It's all good.
311
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,859
OK, all right! Massage over!
Massage over!
312
00:13:25,927 --> 00:13:27,760
Dismount! Dismount! Dismount!
313
00:13:27,828 --> 00:13:29,728
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
314
00:13:29,794 --> 00:13:31,861
That was very sweet, very sweet.
315
00:13:31,929 --> 00:13:33,829
I think I'm gonna let Phillipe
have a crack at me now.
316
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:34,962
Hold on. You can't go.
317
00:13:35,030 --> 00:13:36,130
Why not?
318
00:13:36,197 --> 00:13:37,796
'Cause we can't
afford a massage!
319
00:13:37,864 --> 00:13:39,097
What are you talking about?
320
00:13:39,165 --> 00:13:41,832
That smell your father smelled?
321
00:13:41,899 --> 00:13:44,999
It was mold, and it's
gonna cost $7,000 to fix.
322
00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:48,268
$7,000?!
323
00:13:48,336 --> 00:13:49,868
But you told me you
went down there
324
00:13:49,936 --> 00:13:51,869
and checked everything
out before we left!
325
00:13:51,937 --> 00:13:52,969
I did.
326
00:13:53,036 --> 00:13:54,202
You said everything was OK!
327
00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:57,104
I may have lied.
328
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,172
You may have, or you did?
329
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,639
I may have did.
330
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:01,839
Doug!
331
00:14:01,905 --> 00:14:03,939
I didn't know it was
gonna cost so much!
332
00:14:04,007 --> 00:14:05,440
OK, well, you know what?
333
00:14:05,508 --> 00:14:08,775
The vacation that we couldn't
afford in the first place is over.
334
00:14:08,842 --> 00:14:09,842
What?
335
00:14:09,909 --> 00:14:11,542
Yeah, that's right.
Start packing, buddy.
336
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:14,876
And throw in a few
of those towels.
337
00:14:14,944 --> 00:14:16,577
But the room... we already
pre-paid for the room.
338
00:14:16,644 --> 00:14:18,178
We can't get that money back.
339
00:14:18,245 --> 00:14:19,045
Oh, right.
340
00:14:19,147 --> 00:14:20,612
And our flights,
it's gonna cost us
341
00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:21,746
more money to change them.
342
00:14:21,812 --> 00:14:22,812
Oh, my God.
343
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,780
Suddenly, I have an
incredible headache.
344
00:14:27,549 --> 00:14:28,582
That's $6.00!
345
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:30,048
Crap!
346
00:14:30,116 --> 00:14:31,616
Crap!
347
00:14:31,683 --> 00:14:34,184
Look, I screwed up, OK?
348
00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:36,585
But the room's already
pre-paid for,
349
00:14:36,653 --> 00:14:39,051
so why don't we just enjoy
the rest of the week,
350
00:14:39,119 --> 00:14:41,119
and, you know, we'll take
care of the mold thing
351
00:14:41,187 --> 00:14:42,986
when we get back.
352
00:14:43,054 --> 00:14:44,954
OK, all right. You're right.
353
00:14:45,022 --> 00:14:46,688
But you know what,
we are not spending
354
00:14:46,756 --> 00:14:48,688
another dime, OK,
more than we have to.
355
00:14:48,756 --> 00:14:49,988
Agreed? Agreed.
356
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,290
Plenty of stuff we can do
357
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,690
that doesn't cost a cent, right?
358
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:56,325
We got a beautiful view
of the ocean right here.
359
00:14:56,393 --> 00:14:59,392
OK, I wish I would've
saw the Jet Skis
360
00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:02,860
before we were poor.
361
00:15:07,797 --> 00:15:10,396
Hello? Oh, hey, Mike.
362
00:15:10,464 --> 00:15:12,030
No, I didn't forget about golf.
363
00:15:12,097 --> 00:15:14,031
Golf? You're not playing golf.
364
00:15:14,098 --> 00:15:15,432
I will see you there.
365
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,065
OK, buddy. Take care.
366
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:18,599
Doug, if I am not
getting my massage,
367
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,567
you're not spending
money on golf.
368
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,075
Fore!
369
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,242
Seriously, sorry I'm late.
370
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:47,642
No problem, Doug.
371
00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,676
Ah, you want to tee
off back there?
372
00:15:49,744 --> 00:15:52,778
I...
373
00:15:52,846 --> 00:15:54,245
You know what, I'm just
gonna hit from here.
374
00:15:54,313 --> 00:15:56,012
I'm fine. This is
perfect, seriously.
375
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,079
All right.
376
00:15:57,147 --> 00:15:59,481
Whoa! Heads up in the
Day Care Center!
377
00:15:59,549 --> 00:16:02,081
Let's play some golf.
378
00:16:10,885 --> 00:16:12,151
Sir?
379
00:16:12,219 --> 00:16:13,319
You, sir!
380
00:16:17,021 --> 00:16:18,254
Sir!
381
00:16:25,823 --> 00:16:28,257
Hey, you guys. Hey, you two.
382
00:16:28,324 --> 00:16:30,024
What's up, you're
not doing a cabana?
383
00:16:30,092 --> 00:16:31,591
We're kind of cabanaed out.
384
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,725
Yeah, my Aunt has one.
We use it a lot.
385
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:37,127
You sure? It's like 110
on the sand there.
386
00:16:37,195 --> 00:16:39,327
It's all right. I like my
skin like I like my cheese:
387
00:16:39,394 --> 00:16:40,961
deep fried.
388
00:16:42,763 --> 00:16:44,462
Ow! What's the matter?
389
00:16:44,530 --> 00:16:47,730
The sand's hot.
390
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,297
And how is everyone doing?
391
00:16:49,365 --> 00:16:50,897
Can I cool you off with a mist?
392
00:16:50,965 --> 00:16:52,932
Sure, Patrick. Go for it.
393
00:16:52,999 --> 00:16:55,700
Mike: Mmm.
394
00:16:55,768 --> 00:16:58,100
Mmm.
395
00:16:58,168 --> 00:16:59,535
Here you go, merci.
396
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:02,436
And now for the Heffernans.
397
00:17:02,503 --> 00:17:03,735
Oh, no! We're good!
398
00:17:03,803 --> 00:17:05,104
Oh, just a little spray.
399
00:17:05,172 --> 00:17:06,304
No, no... Whoa, you missed me!
400
00:17:08,004 --> 00:17:09,904
I'm going to get you, Mr.
Heffernan!
401
00:17:09,972 --> 00:17:11,038
No! Hey, hey!
402
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:15,541
No spray.
403
00:17:21,477 --> 00:17:22,710
Hey, Arthur.
404
00:17:22,777 --> 00:17:24,910
I just dropped by to see if
you wanna catch a movie.
405
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:26,109
Who are you kidding?
406
00:17:26,177 --> 00:17:28,411
You know I couldn't follow it.
407
00:17:31,214 --> 00:17:32,246
What?
408
00:17:32,314 --> 00:17:34,113
I'm losing my mind, remember?
409
00:17:34,181 --> 00:17:37,881
This Family Circus cartoon
might as well be in Greek.
410
00:17:37,949 --> 00:17:40,350
Arthur, you're not
losing your mind.
411
00:17:40,417 --> 00:17:42,050
You're just psyching
yourself out now.
412
00:17:42,117 --> 00:17:45,150
Let's just put that to a test.
How?
413
00:17:45,218 --> 00:17:48,017
I've always been able
to debate any topic
414
00:17:48,085 --> 00:17:51,554
and tear down opposing
arguments with pinpoint logic.
415
00:17:51,621 --> 00:17:53,420
You want me to debate you?
416
00:17:53,488 --> 00:17:55,787
Exactly. We'll pick a topic,
417
00:17:55,854 --> 00:17:57,988
and we'll see if I
can hold my own.
418
00:17:58,056 --> 00:18:00,457
OK, what's the topic?
419
00:18:00,524 --> 00:18:01,790
How about this:
420
00:18:01,857 --> 00:18:05,124
Should the United States
normalize relations with Cuba?
421
00:18:05,191 --> 00:18:06,590
You be pro.
422
00:18:06,658 --> 00:18:08,625
All right. Uh...
423
00:18:08,692 --> 00:18:10,626
the Cold War's been
over for 10 years.
424
00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:12,859
Cuba is no longer a threat,
425
00:18:12,928 --> 00:18:15,761
but instead could be a valuable
ally and trading partner,
426
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,162
so it makes perfect sense
427
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,729
to normalize
relations with Cuba.
428
00:18:19,797 --> 00:18:23,130
You moron, what do you
know about anything?!
429
00:18:23,198 --> 00:18:28,500
You're a frightened little drone
that can't even get a woman!
430
00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:30,467
If you're so keen on
normalizing something,
431
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:32,401
why don't you start
with your face!
432
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,803
I still got it.
433
00:18:43,172 --> 00:18:45,638
Sizzling lobster is served!
434
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:51,108
I love you, honey, but
tonight that is my date.
435
00:18:51,175 --> 00:18:53,774
Hey, you guys! There you are.
436
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:55,442
What do you got in
the bags there?
437
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,175
Oh, since it's our
turn to treat,
438
00:18:57,243 --> 00:18:58,410
we thought we'd do
something special.
439
00:18:58,478 --> 00:19:00,743
Yeah, let's go. All right.
440
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:09,813
More Ramen Noodles, Debi?
441
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,515
Sure. Mike?
442
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,483
Still working on my
cheese and crackers.
443
00:19:14,550 --> 00:19:17,150
Hey, don't you fill
up on the appetizers.
444
00:19:17,217 --> 00:19:19,383
We got a whole
native island feast.
445
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:21,151
We got our pineapple,
446
00:19:21,219 --> 00:19:24,651
we got our... roast pig, huh?
447
00:19:24,719 --> 00:19:28,553
Already pre-sliced and
pre-packaged for our convenience.
448
00:19:28,621 --> 00:19:30,354
And let's kick it off first
449
00:19:30,422 --> 00:19:31,888
with a little shrimp
cocktail, huh?
450
00:19:31,956 --> 00:19:36,490
Whoa! She's blowing again!
451
00:19:36,557 --> 00:19:37,624
OK!
452
00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:39,690
Whoops, there goes
our wine glasses.
453
00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:41,159
You guys sit tight.
454
00:19:41,227 --> 00:19:42,659
Oh, sweetie, I wouldn't
put that there.
455
00:19:42,727 --> 00:19:46,293
The sea gulls have been
pretty aggressive.
456
00:19:46,361 --> 00:19:48,060
What's going on? I want to
go into the restaurant.
457
00:19:48,129 --> 00:19:49,294
Honey, we'll go tomorrow night.
458
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,162
They're obviously having
some kind of money problems.
459
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:52,928
But why didn't...
They told us...
460
00:19:52,996 --> 00:19:54,862
Just be nice, OK?
461
00:19:54,930 --> 00:19:56,663
We may have lost a
couple of napkins,
462
00:19:56,731 --> 00:19:58,631
but in other news,
I can now confirm
463
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,265
that our cabana boy's
definitely gay.
464
00:20:02,399 --> 00:20:03,466
That's true.
465
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:05,400
Mm-mmm.
466
00:20:05,468 --> 00:20:08,568
Looks kind of like the
tide's coming in.
467
00:20:08,636 --> 00:20:09,868
No, no, I checked the chart.
468
00:20:09,936 --> 00:20:11,301
We got at least 12 minutes.
469
00:20:11,369 --> 00:20:14,936
Sizzling lobster is served!
470
00:20:16,339 --> 00:20:18,971
How 'bout you finish those
cheese and crackers, honey?
471
00:20:19,039 --> 00:20:20,771
Yeah, right.
472
00:20:20,839 --> 00:20:24,607
Man: This is the best
thing I've ever tasted!
473
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,674
What are you... What are
you looking at, Mike?
474
00:20:28,742 --> 00:20:31,309
Oh, nothing. I... Nothing.
475
00:20:31,377 --> 00:20:32,576
Nothing.
476
00:20:32,644 --> 00:20:35,178
Seems to me like you're
looking at the lobsters.
477
00:20:35,246 --> 00:20:36,478
No, no, Doug, I...
478
00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:38,278
'Cause tonight we
thought, you know,
479
00:20:38,346 --> 00:20:40,911
we'd have a beautiful picnic
out here on the beach.
480
00:20:40,979 --> 00:20:43,213
Might be more fun than sitting
in a stuffy restaurant,
481
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,781
but if you want lobster,
let's get you some lobster.
482
00:20:45,848 --> 00:20:47,481
It's not like we
can't afford it.
483
00:20:47,549 --> 00:20:48,647
I'm sure you can.
484
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,482
I know we can.
485
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,950
Look, Doug, we're friends,
486
00:20:53,017 --> 00:20:56,684
and, you know, it's OK if
things are a little tight.
487
00:20:56,751 --> 00:20:58,751
Things are tight?
488
00:20:58,819 --> 00:21:00,786
Things aren't tight here.
Things are very loose.
489
00:21:00,853 --> 00:21:02,087
You know, that's
what I'm saying.
490
00:21:02,154 --> 00:21:03,320
What makes you think
they're tight?
491
00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,587
I don't know, I mean,
I'm sitting on a rock
492
00:21:05,654 --> 00:21:07,988
and I'm eating food
from 7-Eleven.
493
00:21:09,590 --> 00:21:12,723
OK, first of all,
it's from an A&P,
494
00:21:12,791 --> 00:21:14,957
so get your facts straight.
495
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:16,992
And second of all,
if you want lobster,
496
00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:18,092
we're gonna get
you some lobster.
497
00:21:18,159 --> 00:21:19,226
Doug! No, no, it's fine.
498
00:21:19,294 --> 00:21:21,327
Excuse me, can I get, uh...
499
00:21:21,395 --> 00:21:23,128
2 sizzling lobsters down
there for my friends?
500
00:21:23,196 --> 00:21:24,927
Actually, these are
our last 2 lobsters.
501
00:21:24,996 --> 00:21:26,328
You know what, I
will take these 2.
502
00:21:26,396 --> 00:21:27,962
Just charge them to
my room, please.
503
00:21:28,030 --> 00:21:29,696
OK? Thank you.
504
00:21:29,764 --> 00:21:31,831
Sizzling!
505
00:21:37,534 --> 00:21:38,999
So, um...
506
00:21:39,067 --> 00:21:41,067
I'm guessing everyone
on their own tomorrow?
507
00:21:47,137 --> 00:21:48,903
This strap is digging
into my shoulder.
508
00:21:48,971 --> 00:21:50,137
You know what, you're
carrying one bag.
509
00:21:50,205 --> 00:21:52,304
I got like 7. Keep walking.
510
00:21:52,371 --> 00:21:54,471
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Heffernan,
you're checking out?
511
00:21:54,539 --> 00:21:55,671
Let me help you with your bags.
512
00:21:55,739 --> 00:21:56,772
Oh, no, we're good.
513
00:21:56,841 --> 00:21:59,440
Oh, I'm going to help you, Mr.
Heffernan!
35574
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