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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:14,800 OK, that's it. 2 00:00:14,867 --> 00:00:16,967 I get to pick the next 5 movies. 3 00:00:17,035 --> 00:00:18,968 What? It was great! 4 00:00:19,036 --> 00:00:20,637 Yeah, a kid gets sliced in half 5 00:00:20,705 --> 00:00:22,938 by a surfboard. 6 00:00:23,005 --> 00:00:25,639 There's a feel-good moment. 7 00:00:25,773 --> 00:00:27,607 It was called Slaughter Beach. 8 00:00:27,674 --> 00:00:29,175 What were you expecting? 9 00:00:29,243 --> 00:00:30,909 Come on, you gotta admit 10 00:00:30,977 --> 00:00:33,878 that killer was pretty freakin' scary, huh? 11 00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:35,378 Surf's up. 12 00:00:35,446 --> 00:00:36,879 Don't do that! 13 00:00:36,947 --> 00:00:38,180 Why? Does it freak you out 14 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,014 when I say Surf's up? 15 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,714 Stop it! Stop what? 16 00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:42,815 That voice! 17 00:00:42,883 --> 00:00:46,717 What voice? This is just the way I talk. 18 00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:49,019 Would you like an English muffin? 19 00:00:49,086 --> 00:00:50,653 Come on! I mean it, stop it! 20 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,086 You know these movies give me nightmares. 21 00:00:52,154 --> 00:00:53,689 Here, take the garbage out. 22 00:00:53,756 --> 00:00:55,222 Fine. 23 00:01:05,462 --> 00:01:06,395 Hello? 24 00:01:06,463 --> 00:01:09,130 Doug, Lowering Voice: Surf's up. 25 00:01:14,166 --> 00:01:17,601 It's a shame you had to leave the beach so early. 26 00:01:17,669 --> 00:01:20,303 You were with the boy who played guitar. 27 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:23,237 Well, he don't sing no more. 28 00:01:24,973 --> 00:01:29,040 Carrie? Hello? 29 00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:08,827 All right, toothpaste, razor blades, Kleenex. 30 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:11,562 Do we need anything else? 31 00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:14,598 Yeah, I'm getting this. 32 00:02:14,665 --> 00:02:15,765 A ball? 33 00:02:15,832 --> 00:02:16,933 Yeah, I'm getting a ball. 34 00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,533 All right, put it back. 35 00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,569 I'm not putting it back. 36 00:02:22,637 --> 00:02:24,870 What do you need a ball for? 37 00:02:24,938 --> 00:02:26,238 For bouncing. 38 00:02:26,372 --> 00:02:27,872 All right, come on. Put it back. Stop it. 39 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,039 Put it back! Fine. 40 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,040 If I'm not allowed to get a ball, 41 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,041 then you're not allowed to get... 42 00:02:32,109 --> 00:02:34,175 your tampons. Yeah! 43 00:02:34,243 --> 00:02:35,342 Yeah. 44 00:02:35,409 --> 00:02:38,111 Bye-bye, "Sure and Natural for light days." 45 00:02:38,178 --> 00:02:39,578 All right, give it to me. Don't be an idiot. 46 00:02:39,645 --> 00:02:41,812 All right, let me just pick up our pictures and we can go. 47 00:02:43,381 --> 00:02:45,681 So, it's Saturday night. What are we gonna do? 48 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,916 You wanna go to a movie? 49 00:02:47,984 --> 00:02:49,350 Eh, I don't wanna deal with parking. 50 00:02:49,417 --> 00:02:50,385 You wanna rent? 51 00:02:50,452 --> 00:02:52,018 Then you gotta make the 2 trips... 52 00:02:52,086 --> 00:02:55,353 One to rent and one to return. 53 00:02:55,421 --> 00:02:57,055 It never ends. 54 00:02:58,556 --> 00:03:00,156 Hi. I dropped off some film the other day. 55 00:03:00,224 --> 00:03:01,157 Heffernan? 56 00:03:01,225 --> 00:03:03,725 Let me take a look. 57 00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:06,826 Yeah, here they are, right here. 58 00:03:06,894 --> 00:03:08,760 I can ring the rest of that stuff up for you here, too. 59 00:03:08,828 --> 00:03:10,828 Oh. Great. Thank you. 60 00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:13,096 We don't have to wait in that line up front? No. 61 00:03:13,164 --> 00:03:14,931 I mean, you'd ring us up 62 00:03:14,998 --> 00:03:16,832 even if we weren't getting pictures? 63 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:18,833 Yeah. 64 00:03:18,901 --> 00:03:21,935 That is a hot little secret, my friend. 65 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,136 That everything? 66 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,169 Oh, I just have to pick up 67 00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,404 my dad's heart medicine. I'll be right back. 68 00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:31,574 And I can't get a ball. 69 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:38,177 All right, what do we got here? 70 00:03:38,245 --> 00:03:39,510 You barbecuing. 71 00:03:39,578 --> 00:03:41,879 Our fender when we got hit. 72 00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:43,046 Oh! 73 00:03:43,114 --> 00:03:45,114 This is when you made me take that picture of you 74 00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:46,547 in front of that place, Doug's Diner, 75 00:03:46,615 --> 00:03:49,083 'cause it was kind of like it was your diner. 76 00:03:50,417 --> 00:03:51,985 Oh, yeah. 77 00:03:52,052 --> 00:03:53,886 Doug's Diner. 78 00:03:55,654 --> 00:03:57,221 Oh, look, my cousin Becky. 79 00:03:57,288 --> 00:03:59,022 OK, general rule: If I'm not in it, 80 00:03:59,089 --> 00:04:01,956 don't need to see it. 81 00:04:06,927 --> 00:04:07,927 Hello? 82 00:04:07,994 --> 00:04:10,661 Oh, hey, Dad. 83 00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,196 I don't know, where are you? 84 00:04:13,097 --> 00:04:15,131 I'm right here. 85 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:19,066 Welcome to the future, kids. I am now the proud owner 86 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,967 of a cellular telephone. 87 00:04:21,035 --> 00:04:23,369 Oh. Good for you, Dad. 88 00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:24,969 I was in the mall this evening, 89 00:04:25,037 --> 00:04:27,771 I saw a booth, and I couldn't resist. 90 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,140 This little phone is gonna set me free. 91 00:04:30,206 --> 00:04:32,806 I could have a business meeting from the beach. 92 00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:36,075 Yeah, if you had a business 93 00:04:36,144 --> 00:04:39,643 or a way to get to the beach. 94 00:04:39,711 --> 00:04:40,578 Anyway, if you need to reach me, 95 00:04:40,645 --> 00:04:44,146 my number: 555-LOGS. 96 00:04:44,214 --> 00:04:46,381 Logs? Yes. 97 00:04:46,449 --> 00:04:48,715 It's a phone number and a word. 98 00:04:48,783 --> 00:04:50,116 Marvelous! 99 00:04:54,053 --> 00:04:57,988 I'm guessing they didn't have 555-NUTBAG. 100 00:04:58,055 --> 00:05:01,922 All right, let's see what's in the second packet here. 101 00:05:04,158 --> 00:05:06,225 Wait a minute. What? 102 00:05:06,293 --> 00:05:08,693 I think we got someone else's pictures. 103 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,328 Yeah, it says "Hofferman" here, 104 00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:13,162 not "Heffernan." 105 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,496 We got someone else's pictures? 106 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:15,964 Yeah, I guess so. 107 00:05:16,032 --> 00:05:17,398 Great, let me see 'em. 108 00:05:17,466 --> 00:05:19,266 Doug! 109 00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:21,166 You can't look at somebody else's pictures! 110 00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:22,735 That's wrong! 111 00:05:22,803 --> 00:05:24,803 Oh, is it wrong to look at other people's pictures? 112 00:05:24,937 --> 00:05:26,136 Give! 113 00:05:28,771 --> 00:05:30,071 All right, well, then slow down. 114 00:05:30,139 --> 00:05:32,206 Slow down. 115 00:05:32,273 --> 00:05:34,174 Nice-looking couple. 116 00:05:34,242 --> 00:05:36,608 Mid-thirties, well-dressed. 117 00:05:36,676 --> 00:05:38,842 Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hofferman. 118 00:05:39,911 --> 00:05:42,145 Or maybe Dr. And Mrs. Hofferman. 119 00:05:42,213 --> 00:05:45,147 Or maybe Mr. And Dr. Hofferman. 120 00:05:45,215 --> 00:05:47,482 Yeah, like she's a doctor and he's not. 121 00:05:47,549 --> 00:05:50,082 Like that happens ever. 122 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,683 Oh, look. 123 00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:55,952 They ran that 10k in Corona Park. 124 00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,720 And here they are scuba-diving. 125 00:05:57,787 --> 00:06:00,322 Man, these people really get out, huh? 126 00:06:00,389 --> 00:06:03,123 Here they are hiking. 127 00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:05,624 Geez, this guy is playing guitar 128 00:06:05,691 --> 00:06:08,459 on top of a mountain! 129 00:06:08,527 --> 00:06:10,494 Are you gettin' what I'm gettin'? 130 00:06:10,561 --> 00:06:12,694 Uh, he no-likey girls so much? 131 00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:15,163 No! 132 00:06:15,231 --> 00:06:17,231 These people are amazing! 133 00:06:17,298 --> 00:06:19,032 I mean, look at their pictures compared to ours! 134 00:06:19,099 --> 00:06:20,566 That's not a fair comparison. 135 00:06:20,634 --> 00:06:22,300 They're doctors! 136 00:06:23,635 --> 00:06:25,869 Doug, they run, they... they hike, 137 00:06:25,937 --> 00:06:27,270 they scuba-dive. 138 00:06:27,338 --> 00:06:29,004 I mean, I can't even find one of us here 139 00:06:29,072 --> 00:06:31,005 where we're even standing up! 140 00:06:33,174 --> 00:06:34,774 Come on. Whatever. 141 00:06:34,842 --> 00:06:38,276 No, I'm serious. I mean, we suck! 142 00:06:39,945 --> 00:06:41,711 It is Saturday night, and what have we done? 143 00:06:41,779 --> 00:06:43,912 We went to a drugstore, 144 00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:45,646 and now we're lying around eating pizza, 145 00:06:45,714 --> 00:06:47,481 even too lame to rent a movie. 146 00:06:47,548 --> 00:06:49,882 I mean, we should be out there doing stuff! 147 00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,283 If you'll recall, 148 00:06:51,351 --> 00:06:54,218 I wanted to buy a ball and someone wouldn't let me. 149 00:06:57,887 --> 00:06:58,920 Doug, come on! 150 00:06:58,987 --> 00:07:00,787 I mean, we're letting our lives go by. 151 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:02,456 We should be scuba-diving. 152 00:07:02,524 --> 00:07:03,623 Uh-boy. 153 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,590 Come on, you said you wanted to learn to scuba. 154 00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,558 When?! When we were dating. 155 00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:08,859 Of course I said it when we were dating! 156 00:07:08,926 --> 00:07:12,194 I was trying to make you think I went outside! 157 00:07:13,596 --> 00:07:14,662 All right, well, I still think 158 00:07:14,729 --> 00:07:16,263 we need to live a little bit more. 159 00:07:16,330 --> 00:07:17,397 All because of these people? 160 00:07:17,465 --> 00:07:18,830 Carrie, we don't even know who they are! 161 00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:21,232 They could be ax-murderers! 162 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:24,435 At least that's an activity! 163 00:07:24,502 --> 00:07:26,035 Fine! We'll be ax-murderers. 164 00:07:26,103 --> 00:07:29,570 Can we start with 555-LOGS-ie? 165 00:07:34,173 --> 00:07:36,107 Hey, man. 166 00:07:36,175 --> 00:07:38,241 Carrie's making us go scuba-diving. 167 00:07:38,309 --> 00:07:41,177 You and me? 168 00:07:41,244 --> 00:07:42,944 No, me and her. 169 00:07:43,012 --> 00:07:45,145 She wants us to be more active. 170 00:07:45,213 --> 00:07:47,313 Can you picture me in a wet suit? 171 00:07:48,549 --> 00:07:51,082 Ooh, yeah, I just did, 172 00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:53,551 and it wasn't zipped up. 173 00:07:53,618 --> 00:07:56,952 OK, why wasn't it zipped up? 174 00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,753 I don't know. It just popped into my head unzipped. 175 00:07:58,821 --> 00:08:00,887 I'm no happier about this than you are. 176 00:08:01,956 --> 00:08:03,422 Oh, this is brutal. 177 00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:06,324 I gotta figure out some way to get her off of scuba. 178 00:08:06,392 --> 00:08:07,391 I gotta come up with something 179 00:08:07,459 --> 00:08:08,792 that'll make her think we're being active, 180 00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,760 but in reality is very easy. 181 00:08:10,828 --> 00:08:11,827 You got anything? 182 00:08:11,894 --> 00:08:13,894 What about tennis? 183 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:21,232 OK, uh... archery. 184 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:22,999 Already look enough like Cupid. 185 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,634 Don't need the bow and arrow. 186 00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:27,902 Hold on. 187 00:08:30,104 --> 00:08:31,404 Hello? 188 00:08:31,472 --> 00:08:32,905 Arthur: Deacon, it's Arthur. 189 00:08:32,973 --> 00:08:35,540 I've recently purchased a cellular telephone, 190 00:08:35,608 --> 00:08:36,974 and I wanted to update 191 00:08:37,042 --> 00:08:38,708 my contact information so I could be reached 192 00:08:38,776 --> 00:08:39,809 at any time, day or night. 193 00:08:39,877 --> 00:08:41,643 My new number is 555-LOGS. 194 00:08:41,711 --> 00:08:44,145 I look forward to hearing from you soon. 195 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,913 Who is this again? 196 00:08:51,316 --> 00:08:54,317 Instructor: So, just to get the feel of breathing underwater, 197 00:08:54,384 --> 00:08:56,717 I'm gonna ask you to put your regulator in your mouth, 198 00:08:56,785 --> 00:08:58,485 let the air out of your B.C., 199 00:08:58,553 --> 00:09:00,753 and float gently down to the bottom. 200 00:09:00,821 --> 00:09:03,155 Take a couple of breaths down there, 201 00:09:03,222 --> 00:09:04,989 and then just come right back up. OK? 202 00:09:05,056 --> 00:09:07,056 You three first. 203 00:09:25,835 --> 00:09:27,735 He loves the water. 204 00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:31,270 Hon? 205 00:09:53,784 --> 00:09:56,017 Thank you very much. 206 00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:57,352 Arthur, I hate leaving you here. 207 00:09:57,419 --> 00:09:58,852 Are you sure you don't want to finish our walk? 208 00:09:58,919 --> 00:10:00,619 Absolutely. I've got my caramel coffee, 209 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:01,854 my cell phone, 210 00:10:01,921 --> 00:10:03,254 I'm part of the modern world, 211 00:10:03,322 --> 00:10:04,788 and I'm loving it! 212 00:10:04,856 --> 00:10:07,457 OK, well, I'll see you later. 213 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,624 Have a nice afternoon. If you need to reach me, I'm at... 214 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,293 555-LOGS. Yeah, I know. 215 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,660 Would you like to hear my humorous ring again? 216 00:10:14,728 --> 00:10:16,128 Oh, no, thanks. 217 00:10:16,196 --> 00:10:17,162 Didn't you like it? 218 00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:19,130 It's the theme from the movie Arthur. 219 00:10:19,198 --> 00:10:21,964 Which is funny 'cause you're Arthur. 220 00:10:22,032 --> 00:10:23,632 That's right. Yeah, it's just... 221 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,900 most people don't have the whole song. 222 00:10:25,968 --> 00:10:27,134 Anyway, I gotta go. 223 00:10:27,202 --> 00:10:29,469 I'll see you Tuesday. 224 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,076 Hey. Nothing. 225 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,011 Sitting in Starbucks. 226 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,313 Actually, I already saw that. It's awful. 227 00:10:50,382 --> 00:10:51,981 I got one, too. 228 00:11:00,454 --> 00:11:02,554 Hello? Oh, hey. 229 00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:03,555 Yeah, I was just wondering 230 00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,055 if you wanna get manicures later. 231 00:11:21,465 --> 00:11:23,665 Hi. Um... 232 00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:25,500 do you have anything for when you're scuba-diving 233 00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:29,668 and you panic and you drag a kid under the water, and... 234 00:11:29,736 --> 00:11:32,337 and he bites you? 235 00:11:32,405 --> 00:11:34,004 Uh, I'm not sure. 236 00:11:34,072 --> 00:11:36,506 Anything like "Bite Be Gone" 237 00:11:36,573 --> 00:11:40,274 or "Boy-bite Be Gone"? 238 00:11:41,642 --> 00:11:42,576 You could try this. 239 00:11:42,643 --> 00:11:44,276 Oh, great. Thank you. 240 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:50,013 So you used a child as your flotation device? 241 00:11:50,081 --> 00:11:52,014 Classy move. 242 00:11:52,082 --> 00:11:53,982 This is all Carrie's fault, OK? 243 00:11:54,049 --> 00:11:55,616 And she's not letting go of this, either. 244 00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:57,950 Last night I heard her talking about hang gliding. 245 00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:01,019 Yeah, I'm the guy you want dangling over a little town. 246 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:03,754 Ugh, this is ridiculous. 247 00:12:03,821 --> 00:12:06,321 I mean, we get one roll of strangers' pictures, 248 00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:08,022 and all of a sudden, she wants us to be them. 249 00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:10,758 I'm sure their lives aren't like that all the time. 250 00:12:10,825 --> 00:12:13,125 What do you mean? 251 00:12:13,193 --> 00:12:14,726 I mean, I'm sure if you saw their next roll of pictures, 252 00:12:14,794 --> 00:12:16,528 they'd be watching TV in their underwear 253 00:12:16,596 --> 00:12:17,795 just like the rest of us. 254 00:12:19,663 --> 00:12:20,764 You know what? You're right. 255 00:12:20,831 --> 00:12:22,931 Where you going? 256 00:12:22,999 --> 00:12:25,700 I'm gonna see if the Hoffermans have any more pictures here. 257 00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:27,768 You can't steal these people's pictures again. 258 00:12:27,835 --> 00:12:29,468 Hey, we returned the last pack 259 00:12:29,536 --> 00:12:30,468 and everything worked out fine. 260 00:12:30,536 --> 00:12:32,969 Now, make yourself useful and... 261 00:12:33,037 --> 00:12:34,871 create a distraction. 262 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,072 Fine. 263 00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:40,541 I'll go walk by the watches. 264 00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:45,377 Hi. Uh... 265 00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:48,545 just wanted to check to see if I had any pictures ready. 266 00:12:48,613 --> 00:12:49,413 What's the name? 267 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,946 Uh, it's, uh... 268 00:12:51,014 --> 00:12:52,847 Heoffrmnmm. 269 00:12:52,915 --> 00:12:55,215 What was that? Hoeoffernmn. 270 00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:56,783 I'm sorry. One more time? 271 00:12:58,018 --> 00:13:00,786 Hofferman, OK? I'm Mr. Hofferman. 272 00:13:00,853 --> 00:13:02,820 Might be under Dr. Hofferman. 273 00:13:04,822 --> 00:13:06,789 They're right here. Great, thank you. 274 00:13:08,123 --> 00:13:09,390 Deacon: Hey, you got 'em? 275 00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:12,958 Yup, let's see what the Hoffermans are up to this week. 276 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,960 Whoa. What? 277 00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:18,027 Hoffernipple. 278 00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:30,500 Hey, sweet thang! What's going on? 279 00:13:30,568 --> 00:13:32,102 Well, I'm guessing you're not up 280 00:13:32,169 --> 00:13:33,702 for a second try at scuba, 281 00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,770 so I'm looking into a few hiking trails 282 00:13:35,838 --> 00:13:37,104 I think you can handle. 283 00:13:37,172 --> 00:13:38,437 Great. Bring it on. 284 00:13:38,505 --> 00:13:39,605 Really? 285 00:13:39,607 --> 00:13:42,907 I was expecting you to cry or run at me. 286 00:13:44,009 --> 00:13:45,975 What? No! You know, I've been thinking 287 00:13:46,043 --> 00:13:48,611 about these Hofferman folks, and you're right. 288 00:13:48,678 --> 00:13:51,445 They do know a little something about living life. 289 00:13:53,114 --> 00:13:54,447 Really? 290 00:13:54,514 --> 00:13:56,715 Well, I am glad you feel that way 291 00:13:56,782 --> 00:13:58,015 because I was looking at their pictures again... 292 00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,016 What? 293 00:13:59,084 --> 00:14:00,116 I thought you returned those. 294 00:14:00,184 --> 00:14:01,551 I kept the doubles. 295 00:14:01,618 --> 00:14:04,253 But, look, I didn't see this the first time. 296 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:05,753 They have a dog! 297 00:14:05,821 --> 00:14:07,154 Let's get a dog. 298 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:09,555 Sure, sure, we could get a dog. Yeah? 299 00:14:09,622 --> 00:14:11,723 And here's a few other things we can do. 300 00:14:13,658 --> 00:14:15,059 What's that? 301 00:14:15,127 --> 00:14:17,659 The next set of Hofferman pictures. 302 00:14:17,727 --> 00:14:19,161 Oh, my God, you stole 'em? 303 00:14:19,229 --> 00:14:20,161 Get 'em out! Get 'em out! 304 00:14:20,229 --> 00:14:21,528 OK, all right. 305 00:14:21,596 --> 00:14:23,296 This one here, that's my favorite. 306 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,731 She's making him a waffle. 307 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:30,333 No, she's making him a waffle in lacy lingerie. 308 00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:33,036 So what are you saying? You want me to do this? 309 00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:35,270 This and... 310 00:14:35,337 --> 00:14:36,703 this. 311 00:14:38,973 --> 00:14:40,973 And a little of this... 312 00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:45,575 and assuming we can find the right kind of chair, 313 00:14:45,642 --> 00:14:47,076 this. 314 00:14:49,511 --> 00:14:51,611 Good God! 315 00:14:51,679 --> 00:14:53,512 I'm not doing any of those things! 316 00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:54,914 But Mrs. Hofferman did. 317 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,915 Yeah, well, I'm not a ho. 318 00:14:56,982 --> 00:14:59,182 And I'm not a scuba-diver, 319 00:14:59,250 --> 00:15:01,216 but guess what we did last Saturday, sister? 320 00:15:01,284 --> 00:15:03,418 Yeah. Get some rest. 321 00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:19,994 Yeah, hi. I told you to sell those shares. 322 00:15:20,061 --> 00:15:21,295 I don't want to hold onto them. 323 00:15:23,697 --> 00:15:24,630 You're kidding?! 324 00:15:24,697 --> 00:15:25,764 Hey, Mom. 325 00:15:25,832 --> 00:15:26,998 Yeah, I'm off today. 326 00:15:27,065 --> 00:15:28,298 Actually, the show started. 327 00:15:28,365 --> 00:15:29,298 Girl: Did you download their new song? 328 00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:30,466 You're welcome. 329 00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:32,101 No deal. Can you wait for me? 330 00:15:32,168 --> 00:15:34,769 Aaaaah! 331 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:41,205 All right, you're a dirty batter girl. Gimme the look! 332 00:15:42,674 --> 00:15:45,341 OK, that's angry batter girl. 333 00:15:45,409 --> 00:15:46,641 OK, could you just take the picture, please? 334 00:15:46,709 --> 00:15:48,342 Thank you. OK. 335 00:15:48,409 --> 00:15:50,477 Now, pick up a piece of bacon. 336 00:15:50,544 --> 00:15:52,145 All right. 337 00:15:52,213 --> 00:15:53,912 Slap it! Slap it around! 338 00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:55,446 Doug, come on! 339 00:15:55,513 --> 00:15:56,314 There you go. 340 00:15:56,381 --> 00:15:58,081 All right, food's all cooking. 341 00:15:58,149 --> 00:15:59,249 What's next? 342 00:15:59,317 --> 00:16:01,417 Uh, I'm not really sure. 343 00:16:01,484 --> 00:16:03,318 We can do the sex, then the waffles, 344 00:16:03,385 --> 00:16:06,052 or the waffles, then the sex. What do you think? 345 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,954 I don't know, honey. This is kind of your baby. 346 00:16:08,021 --> 00:16:13,456 OK, then I choose sex, then waffles! 347 00:16:13,524 --> 00:16:16,558 Gotta admit, thought you were gonna go the other way. 348 00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:18,493 I did. All right! 349 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,860 Let's get cracking. OK. 350 00:16:19,927 --> 00:16:21,794 Get in here. All right. 351 00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:33,701 Aah! Bacon grease! 352 00:16:33,768 --> 00:16:34,901 What are you doing?! 353 00:16:34,969 --> 00:16:38,236 I was trying to unplug the waffle iron. 354 00:16:38,304 --> 00:16:39,737 What are you worrying about that now for?! 355 00:16:39,805 --> 00:16:40,872 This is the sex part! 356 00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:42,973 You worry about that during the waffle part! 357 00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:44,640 I am sorry. It's hard to focus 358 00:16:44,708 --> 00:16:47,642 with a piercing whistle in my ear. This... 359 00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:49,376 This whole thing is ridiculous. 360 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:51,711 You know, let's just forget it. Thanks for nothing. 361 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,478 I told you this was a stupid idea. 362 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:56,247 Yeah, well, Mrs. Hofferman didn't think it was so stupid. 363 00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:59,081 You don't see her freaking out over the waffle iron. 364 00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:00,683 Oh, my God. You are not getting on me 365 00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:01,783 about this, are you? 366 00:17:01,850 --> 00:17:04,051 Oh, OK, all right. Who's this? 367 00:17:05,186 --> 00:17:07,319 Uhh! Uhh! I'm gonna die! 368 00:17:07,387 --> 00:17:10,888 I'm in 4 feet of water! 369 00:17:10,955 --> 00:17:12,522 Well, excuse me for not knowing 370 00:17:12,589 --> 00:17:14,323 how to breathe underwater! 371 00:17:14,391 --> 00:17:17,057 I'm not a walrus. Shuttie. 372 00:17:20,995 --> 00:17:23,128 OK, you know what else you don't know how to do? 373 00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:25,863 Keep a room nice. I mean, look at this. 374 00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:28,264 Mr. Hofferman doesn't throw his clothes all over the floor. 375 00:17:28,332 --> 00:17:30,332 No gum wrappers on the dresser. 376 00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:31,632 That's maybe 'cause Mrs. Hofferman 377 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:33,700 lets him go to the Knick game with his buddies. 378 00:17:33,768 --> 00:17:36,668 Well, why wouldn't she when he buys her roses like these? 379 00:17:36,736 --> 00:17:38,570 When was the last time you bought me roses? 380 00:17:38,637 --> 00:17:40,404 Well, maybe I would if you would... 381 00:17:40,471 --> 00:17:43,239 And we're back to the chair thing. 382 00:17:43,306 --> 00:17:45,907 All right, you know what? 383 00:17:45,974 --> 00:17:47,542 Why don't you just find Mrs. Hofferman 384 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,342 and have waffle sex with her? 385 00:17:49,410 --> 00:17:51,043 Why don't you find Mr. Hofferman 386 00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:52,309 and go scuba-diving with him? 387 00:17:52,377 --> 00:17:53,645 I bet you his guitar sounds 388 00:17:53,712 --> 00:17:56,079 even fruitier underwater! 389 00:17:56,147 --> 00:17:58,213 The fruitiest thing I've ever seen underwater 390 00:17:58,281 --> 00:17:59,781 is you, my friend! 391 00:18:04,185 --> 00:18:07,385 Look, what are we doing here? 392 00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:08,953 I don't know. 393 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,355 The Hoffermans... 394 00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:13,222 they're destroying us. 395 00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:15,556 I know. 396 00:18:15,624 --> 00:18:17,557 Look, we gotta stop trying to be the Hoffermans. 397 00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:19,225 I mean, we're the Heffernans. 398 00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,959 It's like the Hoffermans, only slightly worse. 399 00:18:21,027 --> 00:18:22,527 And that's OK. 400 00:18:23,695 --> 00:18:25,795 Exactly. 401 00:18:25,863 --> 00:18:28,397 555-LOGS! 402 00:18:32,233 --> 00:18:33,833 I don't know, part of me really wants 403 00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:35,634 to try out to be on Survivor, 404 00:18:35,702 --> 00:18:37,068 but another part of me is like, 405 00:18:37,136 --> 00:18:39,836 do I really want to expose myself in that way, you know? 406 00:18:39,904 --> 00:18:43,238 Excuse me. 407 00:18:43,306 --> 00:18:45,173 Hello? 408 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,907 Oh, hi, Mrs. Gilgore. 409 00:18:46,975 --> 00:18:48,708 Uh-huh. Sure, sure. 410 00:18:48,775 --> 00:18:49,708 Yeah, hold on for one second. 411 00:18:49,775 --> 00:18:50,709 Cupcake, it's your mommy. 412 00:18:50,776 --> 00:18:51,843 She's on the phone. She misses you 413 00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:53,378 and wants to say hello. 414 00:18:53,445 --> 00:18:55,312 Oh, for God's sake. 415 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,380 How dare you get a cell phone call! 416 00:18:57,447 --> 00:18:59,047 You're a dog, Cupcake! 417 00:18:59,115 --> 00:19:00,382 A dog! 418 00:19:01,782 --> 00:19:03,282 You wipe that smug look off your face 419 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,717 or I'll do it for you. 420 00:19:04,784 --> 00:19:05,917 Arthur, maybe we should just... 421 00:19:05,985 --> 00:19:07,684 Give me that! 422 00:19:07,752 --> 00:19:09,153 Do you understand that there are 423 00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:11,154 human beings out there who need love?! 424 00:19:11,222 --> 00:19:12,821 Think about it. 425 00:19:12,889 --> 00:19:14,889 I curse the day I ever bought this thing. 426 00:19:14,956 --> 00:19:17,891 Uhh! 427 00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,691 Um, that was mine. 428 00:19:24,528 --> 00:19:26,395 So this is how we spend our Saturday nights. 429 00:19:26,463 --> 00:19:27,696 This is great. 430 00:19:27,763 --> 00:19:29,763 We love each other, and we love the drugstore. 431 00:19:29,831 --> 00:19:31,864 Nothing to be ashamed of. 432 00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:35,233 I'm getting a ball this time. 433 00:19:35,301 --> 00:19:36,567 You can't stop me. 434 00:19:40,904 --> 00:19:42,571 Where are you going? 435 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,105 Nowhere. 436 00:19:44,172 --> 00:19:45,472 I just want to see if the Hoffermans 437 00:19:45,539 --> 00:19:47,074 have any more pictures. 438 00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:49,075 Carrie, let it go. 439 00:19:49,142 --> 00:19:50,274 We don't care, remember? 440 00:19:50,342 --> 00:19:52,076 I know, I know. I just... 441 00:19:52,143 --> 00:19:54,310 I just want to see their dog one last time. 442 00:19:54,377 --> 00:19:56,245 Clerk: May I help you? 443 00:19:56,312 --> 00:19:58,080 Yes, I was wondering if our pictures are ready? 444 00:19:58,148 --> 00:19:59,981 The name's Hofferman. 445 00:20:02,150 --> 00:20:03,115 Hi. 446 00:20:03,183 --> 00:20:04,916 Hi. Hello. 447 00:20:06,652 --> 00:20:09,985 Would you look at them? 448 00:20:10,053 --> 00:20:12,621 OK, I admit they're magnificent. 449 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,822 But think of it this way, 450 00:20:14,889 --> 00:20:15,922 they're here in a drugstore 451 00:20:15,989 --> 00:20:17,691 on a Saturday night, too. 452 00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:18,890 They're no better than us. 453 00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:20,092 You're right. You're right. 454 00:20:20,159 --> 00:20:21,326 Anything else? 455 00:20:21,393 --> 00:20:22,426 Yeah, the suntan lotion. 456 00:20:22,494 --> 00:20:23,493 Going somewhere good? 457 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:24,694 Mr. Hofferman: Actually, yes. 458 00:20:24,761 --> 00:20:26,261 We're leaving tomorrow for the Galápagos Islands 459 00:20:26,329 --> 00:20:28,329 to do some research for our book. 460 00:20:28,396 --> 00:20:29,796 Damn it! 461 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:40,103 Why did we have to get their pictures in the first place? 462 00:20:40,171 --> 00:20:41,437 There's gotta be one couple in here 463 00:20:41,504 --> 00:20:43,271 that'll make us seem good. 464 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,307 Aha. 465 00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:49,740 The "Sosdorffs." Yeah. 466 00:20:49,808 --> 00:20:51,276 Let's see what you got. 467 00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:54,810 Wow, nice sailboat. 468 00:20:56,245 --> 00:20:57,512 Come on, help me. 469 00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:05,116 Oh, man, this couple knows Halle Berry! 470 00:21:06,751 --> 00:21:08,952 Dump the bin! Dump the bin! 32111