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1
00:00:34,461 --> 00:00:37,561
So, guys, tell Uncle Doug
what you did in school today.
2
00:00:37,629 --> 00:00:40,464
What'd you... did you
write in cursive?
3
00:00:40,531 --> 00:00:43,664
Did you climb the ropes? Eat some paste?
What went down?
4
00:00:45,566 --> 00:00:47,600
I wrote a book about
Thanksgiving.
5
00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:50,268
You did? Can I see?
6
00:00:50,336 --> 00:00:54,270
Oh, wow. Hey, nice
use of macaroni.
7
00:00:54,338 --> 00:00:56,505
Oh, and pictures, too.
8
00:00:56,572 --> 00:00:57,671
What's this?
9
00:00:57,739 --> 00:01:01,041
That's the Pilgrims
killing a turkey.
10
00:01:02,642 --> 00:01:06,209
Huh. Little graphic.
11
00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:09,478
You might want to ease
up on the red crayon
12
00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:12,546
Come in.
13
00:01:13,648 --> 00:01:15,314
Hey, guy. Hey.
14
00:01:15,382 --> 00:01:16,682
Thanks for picking up my kids.
15
00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:17,948
Your kids? Was that today?
16
00:01:18,016 --> 00:01:19,016
What?!
17
00:01:19,084 --> 00:01:20,784
I'm kidding. In
the kitchen, bud.
18
00:01:20,851 --> 00:01:22,117
Don't do that, man.
19
00:01:22,185 --> 00:01:24,152
All right. Calm down.
Dinner's on the way.
20
00:01:24,219 --> 00:01:25,419
Carrie's picking up
a bucket of KFC.
21
00:01:25,487 --> 00:01:26,553
S'all good!
22
00:01:26,621 --> 00:01:28,087
Sorry. I'm dying here.
23
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,721
O'Boyle stuck me
on the 8:00 shift.
24
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,522
He knows I got my kids all week.
25
00:01:31,590 --> 00:01:32,623
Did you talk to him about it?
26
00:01:32,691 --> 00:01:34,791
Yeah. He suggested I
ship them somewhere.
27
00:01:34,858 --> 00:01:37,692
Then at least they could
be in the truck with me.
28
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:38,793
Hi, Dad. Hey.
29
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,160
Hey, what's up, little men?
30
00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:42,561
Hey, guys. Oh!
31
00:01:42,629 --> 00:01:46,062
OK, chicken in the house.
32
00:01:46,130 --> 00:01:47,330
Oh, what the...
33
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:48,798
Where the hells's the bucket?
34
00:01:48,865 --> 00:01:50,365
What?
35
00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:52,466
I didn't go to KFC. I
went to that new place,
36
00:01:52,534 --> 00:01:55,066
the Fresh 'N Healthy
Chicken Cafe.
37
00:01:55,134 --> 00:01:58,035
Fresh 'N Healthy Chicken Cafe?
38
00:01:58,103 --> 00:01:59,102
Yeah.
39
00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:00,671
What's wrong with that?
40
00:02:00,738 --> 00:02:05,172
A: fresh. B: healthy. C: cafe.
41
00:02:05,239 --> 00:02:06,239
OK, you know what?
42
00:02:06,308 --> 00:02:07,507
Let's take some of this passion
43
00:02:07,574 --> 00:02:09,608
and cure a disease or something.
44
00:02:09,676 --> 00:02:11,275
Here. Let me give you
some money for the food.
45
00:02:11,343 --> 00:02:13,042
No, no, no, no. Don't
you pay her for this.
46
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:14,344
Don't you reward her.
47
00:02:14,412 --> 00:02:16,578
Come on, guys.
48
00:02:16,646 --> 00:02:18,045
Deacon, you and the boys
are still coming over
49
00:02:18,113 --> 00:02:19,112
for Thanksgiving dinner, right?
50
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,146
Yep, we are all over it. OK.
51
00:02:21,214 --> 00:02:23,114
I'll tell you who's all
over Thanksgiving.
52
00:02:23,182 --> 00:02:24,215
Major here.
53
00:02:24,283 --> 00:02:25,716
He wrote a book about
it and everything.
54
00:02:25,784 --> 00:02:27,016
Did you, Major?
55
00:02:27,083 --> 00:02:28,351
You want to read
it to everybody?
56
00:02:28,419 --> 00:02:29,551
No.
57
00:02:29,619 --> 00:02:30,552
You want me to read it for you?
58
00:02:30,619 --> 00:02:32,520
OK. OK!
59
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:36,921
Thanksgiving by Major Palmer.
60
00:02:36,988 --> 00:02:38,089
"I like Thanksgiving.
61
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:40,323
"You get to have turkey,
and potatoes, and gravy,
62
00:02:40,391 --> 00:02:43,925
and pumpin pie..."
63
00:02:43,992 --> 00:02:45,992
I think he means "pumpkin pie."
64
00:02:46,061 --> 00:02:47,293
Thanks.
65
00:02:47,361 --> 00:02:50,095
"We used to have Thanksgiving
with my mommy and daddy,
66
00:02:50,163 --> 00:02:53,096
"but then they yelled
and got di-borced.
67
00:02:53,163 --> 00:02:55,064
"Now we don't have a family,
68
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:59,466
so we're having Thanksgiving
with some white people."
69
00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,568
Hey, that's us.
70
00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:10,704
I can't even give my kids a
decent family Thanksgiving.
71
00:03:10,772 --> 00:03:13,606
I'm a horrible, horrible father.
72
00:03:13,674 --> 00:03:14,973
I've never felt worse.
73
00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:18,075
Does this mean you're
not gonna dry or...
74
00:03:21,511 --> 00:03:23,811
I should be having
Thanksgiving over at my place,
75
00:03:23,879 --> 00:03:24,945
bring all my relatives in.
76
00:03:25,013 --> 00:03:26,379
That's what a good
father would do.
77
00:03:26,446 --> 00:03:27,513
So do it. How?
78
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:28,579
I can't even find someone
79
00:03:28,647 --> 00:03:29,781
to pick up my kids from school.
80
00:03:29,848 --> 00:03:32,249
How am I gonna pull off a
whole big Thanksgiving?
81
00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:33,316
I need a wife.
82
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:49,758
What are you looking at?
83
00:03:49,826 --> 00:03:51,692
You.
84
00:03:53,861 --> 00:03:55,394
Now, look, I'm gonna throw
something out here.
85
00:03:55,462 --> 00:03:56,927
Now, don't shoot it
down right away.
86
00:03:56,995 --> 00:03:59,696
Just let it wash over you.
87
00:03:59,764 --> 00:04:01,497
OK.
88
00:04:01,565 --> 00:04:03,898
I'm thinking of loaning
you out to Deacon.
89
00:04:07,434 --> 00:04:08,500
What?
90
00:04:08,568 --> 00:04:09,834
He's real upset.
91
00:04:09,902 --> 00:04:11,702
He decided he wants to have
92
00:04:11,770 --> 00:04:12,835
a big Thanksgiving at his place,
93
00:04:12,903 --> 00:04:15,303
but he's crazy with work
and the kids and...
94
00:04:15,371 --> 00:04:17,037
Look, bottom line is...
95
00:04:17,106 --> 00:04:18,205
he needs a wife,
96
00:04:18,272 --> 00:04:19,873
so I thought I'd loan
you to him, you know,
97
00:04:19,941 --> 00:04:22,506
like I lent him my drill.
98
00:04:22,575 --> 00:04:26,342
OK, couple of things.
99
00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:30,578
First of all, I am
not a power tool,
100
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:34,446
and second, if I ever do
become someone else's wife,
101
00:04:34,514 --> 00:04:36,280
it ain't gonna be
another truck driver.
102
00:04:38,282 --> 00:04:39,616
Come on, Deacon's desperate.
103
00:04:39,684 --> 00:04:41,017
It would just be for the week.
104
00:04:41,084 --> 00:04:42,851
You gotta just pick the
kids up, make 'em dinner,
105
00:04:42,919 --> 00:04:44,652
and then help him get
Thanksgiving organized.
106
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:45,885
I don't know.
107
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,186
It's the spirit of Thanksgiving.
108
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:49,320
For God sakes, the Pilgrims,
109
00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:51,422
they gave their wives
to the Indians.
110
00:04:51,489 --> 00:04:52,956
That's not what happened.
111
00:04:53,057 --> 00:04:55,290
Well, they gave out maize.
I know that.
112
00:04:55,358 --> 00:04:57,691
Do you even know what maize is?
113
00:04:57,758 --> 00:05:00,492
Some kind of food
that was amazing. Oy.
114
00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:03,094
Come on, Carrie. You
told me yourself.
115
00:05:03,162 --> 00:05:04,461
You got an easy work week.
116
00:05:04,528 --> 00:05:06,295
Your dad's out of town.
117
00:05:06,363 --> 00:05:07,430
Come on.
118
00:05:09,864 --> 00:05:10,897
All right.
119
00:05:10,966 --> 00:05:12,265
I'll do it.
120
00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:14,499
I'll be your best friend's wife.
121
00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:16,801
Sweet.
122
00:05:20,771 --> 00:05:21,903
No, Uncle Fred.
123
00:05:21,971 --> 00:05:23,338
I can't pick you
up at the airport,
124
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,471
'cause I have to
pick up Nana Letty
125
00:05:24,539 --> 00:05:26,272
from the nursing home.
126
00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:28,039
Just take the shuttle
from the airport.
127
00:05:28,107 --> 00:05:30,073
It'll drop you off right here.
128
00:05:30,141 --> 00:05:31,708
No, the shuttle.
129
00:05:31,776 --> 00:05:32,875
When you get off the plane,
130
00:05:32,943 --> 00:05:35,610
just look for the sign.
131
00:05:35,678 --> 00:05:38,044
The sign'll say, "shuttle."
132
00:05:39,479 --> 00:05:40,879
Hang on a sec.
133
00:05:44,616 --> 00:05:46,916
Someone requested a
mail-order bride?
134
00:05:46,983 --> 00:05:47,982
Yeah.
135
00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:49,517
Come on in.
136
00:05:49,584 --> 00:05:50,851
Look, thanks so much for coming.
137
00:05:50,919 --> 00:05:51,951
You are saving my life.
138
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,385
Now, are you sure
you're up for this?
139
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,687
I gotta be honest with ya, Deac.
140
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:55,787
I think we should
have done this swap
141
00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:57,387
a long time ago.
142
00:06:01,191 --> 00:06:02,624
All right, honey, where
do you want me to start?
143
00:06:02,692 --> 00:06:04,024
You want me to make some dinner?
144
00:06:04,091 --> 00:06:05,192
Chase you around
with a rolling pin?
145
00:06:05,259 --> 00:06:06,559
What do you like?
146
00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,927
Well, uh, I'm actually
making some travel plans,
147
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:09,993
trying to get my family in,
148
00:06:10,061 --> 00:06:11,261
so dinner would be great.
149
00:06:11,328 --> 00:06:12,328
I picked up some ground beef.
150
00:06:12,396 --> 00:06:13,395
The kids love meat loaf.
151
00:06:13,463 --> 00:06:15,363
One loaf of meat
coming right up.
152
00:06:18,232 --> 00:06:19,464
Wow, this looks great.
153
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,366
Thank you.
154
00:06:20,434 --> 00:06:21,433
I'll get it.
155
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,500
I'll get it.
156
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:26,636
Hello.
157
00:06:26,704 --> 00:06:27,703
Deacon: Hey, man.
158
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:28,770
What are you doing here?
159
00:06:28,838 --> 00:06:29,837
I just thought I'd drop off
160
00:06:29,904 --> 00:06:30,938
a little housewarming gift,
161
00:06:31,005 --> 00:06:34,105
get the new couple off
on the right foot.
162
00:06:34,173 --> 00:06:35,506
A fern.
163
00:06:35,574 --> 00:06:39,042
Yeah, they sell everything
at gas stations now.
164
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:40,109
Hey, you wanna stay for dinner?
165
00:06:40,176 --> 00:06:41,442
On your first night together?
166
00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:42,510
Yeah, I'm sure you want
167
00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:45,978
the loser best friend
hanging around.
168
00:06:46,046 --> 00:06:47,778
Actually, I'm gonna
go catch a movie.
169
00:06:47,846 --> 00:06:49,279
Oh... Oh, that
thing is dripping.
170
00:06:49,347 --> 00:06:50,414
Let me throw a plate under this.
171
00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:51,714
Oh, OK.
172
00:06:51,781 --> 00:06:53,882
So, everything going OK?
173
00:06:53,949 --> 00:06:54,982
Yeah, it's great.
174
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,150
You know, I know I
fought you on this one,
175
00:06:56,218 --> 00:06:58,151
but I... I really
feel good, you know?
176
00:06:58,219 --> 00:06:59,318
I really feel like
I'm helping him.
177
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:00,619
You are. You're doing
a really good thing.
178
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:01,685
I'm very, very proud of you.
179
00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:02,887
Now...
180
00:07:02,953 --> 00:07:04,054
if I'm gonna make a
movie and a strip club,
181
00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:05,587
I gotta scoot. All right.
182
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:06,722
Bye, baby.
183
00:07:08,357 --> 00:07:09,756
All right, come on, you guys.
Dig in.
184
00:07:09,824 --> 00:07:11,557
All right, what do you
guys say to Carrie?
185
00:07:11,625 --> 00:07:13,392
Thank you, Carrie.
Thanks, Carrie.
186
00:07:13,459 --> 00:07:14,726
You're welcome.
187
00:07:20,797 --> 00:07:21,930
Thanks, Car.
188
00:07:32,768 --> 00:07:35,302
Are you making
Thanksgiving dinner?
189
00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:37,603
No, honey. Thanksgiving
isn't till Thursday.
190
00:07:37,671 --> 00:07:39,171
I'm just making a
regular dinner.
191
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,306
Were there any black Pilgrims?
192
00:07:46,142 --> 00:07:47,841
Black Pilgrims, no.
193
00:07:47,909 --> 00:07:49,509
I don't think there were.
194
00:07:49,576 --> 00:07:50,609
Why not?
195
00:07:50,677 --> 00:07:53,077
Well, because the
Pilgrims were all white.
196
00:07:53,145 --> 00:07:56,046
They came to America from
England on the Mayflower.
197
00:07:56,114 --> 00:07:58,513
Then how did the black
people get here?
198
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,017
Would you like a cupcake?
199
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,784
Yeah! Yeah!
200
00:08:11,321 --> 00:08:12,753
Hey, Maj.
201
00:08:12,821 --> 00:08:13,821
What are you eating there?
202
00:08:13,889 --> 00:08:15,688
Carrie gave me a cupcake.
203
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,556
Oh, OK.
204
00:08:18,824 --> 00:08:20,324
Hey. Hey.
205
00:08:20,392 --> 00:08:22,225
Listen, I picked up the turkey.
206
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:23,659
There was only one big one left.
207
00:08:23,727 --> 00:08:24,893
I had to throw a few elbows,
208
00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:26,260
but I got it.
209
00:08:26,328 --> 00:08:27,395
Great.
210
00:08:27,462 --> 00:08:29,262
Uh, look, I just saw
Major eating a cupcake.
211
00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:30,396
Has he had dinner yet?
212
00:08:30,463 --> 00:08:31,897
Oh, no.
213
00:08:31,965 --> 00:08:34,032
Yeah, he was yammering
on about something.
214
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:36,132
You know, throw one of those
in their mouth and...
215
00:08:37,401 --> 00:08:38,733
Yeah.
216
00:08:38,801 --> 00:08:42,468
It's just I kind of have a no
dessert before dinner thing,
217
00:08:42,536 --> 00:08:43,636
but, you know, it's cool.
218
00:08:43,703 --> 00:08:45,537
No, you know what?
It is not cool.
219
00:08:45,604 --> 00:08:46,770
I'm sorry.
220
00:08:46,838 --> 00:08:47,838
I'll be right back.
221
00:08:56,743 --> 00:08:57,776
Damn!
222
00:09:00,778 --> 00:09:02,511
OK.
223
00:09:02,579 --> 00:09:04,646
I got the cupcake back from him.
224
00:09:04,713 --> 00:09:06,547
Great, thanks.
Everything's cool.
225
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,748
Yeah, the thing is
226
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,715
I had to give him
something to get it back,
227
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,583
so I sort of promised he
could stay up late tonight
228
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:12,984
and watch The Sopranos...
229
00:09:14,485 --> 00:09:16,752
and I think a couple of people
are getting whacked tonight,
230
00:09:16,787 --> 00:09:19,087
so you may have to have a
sit-down with him afterwards.
231
00:09:25,391 --> 00:09:26,791
So Kaplan comes down
232
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,525
to say who gets to work
on the Fennerman case,
233
00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:29,593
and guess who he picks.
234
00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:31,594
Not me. Gina.
235
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:33,660
She is so sickening.
236
00:09:33,728 --> 00:09:36,795
"Oh, I would love to make
extra copies for you."
237
00:09:36,863 --> 00:09:38,696
"Oh, I would love to pick out
238
00:09:38,764 --> 00:09:41,465
your wife's birthday
present for you."
239
00:09:41,533 --> 00:09:42,665
You know what I would love?
240
00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:47,800
I would love to beat her
with a toner cartridge.
241
00:09:47,868 --> 00:09:49,102
What are you doing over there?
242
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:50,235
Uh, just trying to figure out
243
00:09:50,303 --> 00:09:51,336
when my family's coming in,
244
00:09:51,404 --> 00:09:52,470
you know, who's staying where.
245
00:09:52,538 --> 00:09:56,638
Oh, and the way she dresses.
246
00:09:56,706 --> 00:09:57,772
I mean, it's not
like I have to wear
247
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,141
a push-up bra to
justify my paycheck.
248
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,275
You know, I'm good at what I do.
249
00:10:01,343 --> 00:10:02,942
Mmm, yeah. You done with that?
250
00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:04,376
Uh, with the glass? Not yet.
251
00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:05,776
I'll take it in there
when I'm done.
252
00:10:05,844 --> 00:10:07,944
Oh, great, so should I hold off
on running the dishwasher?
253
00:10:08,012 --> 00:10:09,146
Yeah, just a couple of minutes.
OK.
254
00:10:19,684 --> 00:10:22,385
Carrie: Like today.
255
00:10:22,453 --> 00:10:23,818
Guess what she was wearing.
256
00:10:23,886 --> 00:10:24,886
Take a guess.
257
00:10:24,954 --> 00:10:27,720
Um, something inappropriate?
258
00:10:27,788 --> 00:10:29,654
Not if you're on the
Dukes of Hazzard.
259
00:10:31,891 --> 00:10:33,290
Capital "H", capital "O",
260
00:10:33,358 --> 00:10:34,391
you know what I'm saying?
261
00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,158
Right.
262
00:10:36,226 --> 00:10:37,525
How ya doing on that
glass there, buddy?
263
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:38,893
Uh, you know what? Here.
264
00:10:40,995 --> 00:10:42,194
All done... You know what?
265
00:10:42,263 --> 00:10:43,562
Actually, why don't I throw
this in the dishwasher?
266
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:44,896
I'm sure you probably
gotta get going.
267
00:10:44,964 --> 00:10:46,029
It's almost 9:00.
268
00:10:46,097 --> 00:10:47,164
No, what are you talking about?
269
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:48,431
I have a lot of stuff
to do around here.
270
00:10:48,499 --> 00:10:49,531
Oh, you've done enough.
271
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:51,399
Get out of here.
272
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:52,467
No.
273
00:10:52,534 --> 00:10:54,801
It's no problem, really.
274
00:10:56,770 --> 00:10:58,836
You mind if I step out
for a few minutes?
275
00:10:58,904 --> 00:11:00,137
No. That's why I'm here.
276
00:11:00,205 --> 00:11:01,371
All right, uh,
277
00:11:01,438 --> 00:11:02,571
catch ya later.
278
00:11:02,639 --> 00:11:03,638
OK.
279
00:11:09,342 --> 00:11:10,809
Welcome back to live coverage
280
00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:14,944
of the Queens Indoor
Golf Classic,
281
00:11:15,011 --> 00:11:17,278
brought to you by...
282
00:11:17,346 --> 00:11:22,515
Frito Lay.
283
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:25,916
Put a little crunch
back into your life.
284
00:11:25,984 --> 00:11:28,718
Heffernan just had a beautiful
up-and-down into the hamper.
285
00:11:28,785 --> 00:11:30,452
He's set himself up for
the win with this shot.
286
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,220
He's just gotta get
it up over the couch
287
00:11:34,288 --> 00:11:35,654
and into the cup on the landing
288
00:11:35,722 --> 00:11:37,021
for the win.
289
00:11:52,565 --> 00:11:53,564
Hey, man.
290
00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:54,631
What's up?
291
00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:55,832
Not much. What are you up to?
292
00:11:55,899 --> 00:11:57,532
Just a little indoor golf,
293
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:58,933
a little stuffed pizza,
294
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,935
and at 9:00 on ESPN,
295
00:12:02,002 --> 00:12:03,001
the National Spelling Bee.
296
00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:04,135
There's an Indian
kid with a lisp
297
00:12:04,203 --> 00:12:05,837
who is kicking ass.
298
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,475
You got the life here, man.
299
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:18,409
It do not suck.
300
00:12:18,477 --> 00:12:19,576
So, how's the wife?
301
00:12:22,711 --> 00:12:24,811
Oh, trouble in paradise?
302
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:28,381
She's driving me crazy.
303
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,514
Yeah, well, you should
have thought of that
304
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,115
before you slapped the
ring on her finger.
305
00:12:33,384 --> 00:12:35,017
I'm serious.
306
00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:37,352
What's the problem?
307
00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:39,286
Well, first of all,
she's really not...
308
00:12:39,354 --> 00:12:40,753
She's not great with kids.
309
00:12:40,821 --> 00:12:41,821
That's not her fault.
310
00:12:41,888 --> 00:12:42,954
We don't have any kids.
311
00:12:43,022 --> 00:12:44,455
She hasn't had a chance
to get good with them.
312
00:12:44,523 --> 00:12:47,457
OK, but she has had
the chance to cook.
313
00:12:49,659 --> 00:12:50,692
You don't like her cooking?
314
00:12:50,759 --> 00:12:51,892
Do you?
315
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,827
Exhibit "A".
316
00:12:56,995 --> 00:12:58,129
Huh?
317
00:13:00,064 --> 00:13:02,198
She can whip up some
pretty good stuff.
318
00:13:02,266 --> 00:13:03,265
What'd she make for you?
319
00:13:03,332 --> 00:13:04,398
Meat loaf.
320
00:13:09,068 --> 00:13:10,968
And the way she goes on and on
321
00:13:11,036 --> 00:13:12,569
about all the people
she hates at work,
322
00:13:12,637 --> 00:13:13,637
which, as far as I can tell,
323
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:14,870
is everyone.
324
00:13:14,938 --> 00:13:15,971
All right, she does not do that.
325
00:13:16,039 --> 00:13:17,138
Guy, last week,
326
00:13:17,206 --> 00:13:18,606
you told me you were
slicing a bagel,
327
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:20,273
and she was babbling
on about her boss,
328
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,341
and it was so brutal
329
00:13:21,408 --> 00:13:22,574
that you actually
cut into your hand
330
00:13:22,642 --> 00:13:24,642
just to make her stop.
331
00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:27,009
Look, all right,
332
00:13:27,077 --> 00:13:28,077
I'm lending you my wife, man.
333
00:13:28,144 --> 00:13:29,144
Not a lot of guys would do that,
334
00:13:29,212 --> 00:13:30,311
and, you know, she's
trying her best.
335
00:13:30,379 --> 00:13:31,546
So instead of complaining,
336
00:13:31,614 --> 00:13:32,879
maybe you should
start appreciating.
337
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,282
Hello?
338
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,849
Oh, hey, Car.
339
00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:40,116
I'm not here.
340
00:13:56,091 --> 00:13:57,125
Hey.
341
00:13:57,192 --> 00:13:58,292
Oh, hey.
342
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,226
What's... what's...
What's going on?
343
00:14:00,294 --> 00:14:03,462
Well, I was making a
sweet potato casserole,
344
00:14:03,529 --> 00:14:06,229
but I ran out of
marshmallows, so...
345
00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:11,465
I'm picking out some
of the Lucky Charms.
346
00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:12,699
They're a little crunchy,
347
00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:14,966
but I bet ya they're gonna
be magically delicious.
348
00:14:17,736 --> 00:14:18,735
Great.
349
00:14:20,170 --> 00:14:21,237
Excuse me. Yeah.
350
00:14:27,174 --> 00:14:28,207
Hey, Bud.
351
00:14:28,274 --> 00:14:29,807
Everything OK down there?
352
00:14:29,874 --> 00:14:32,742
I think Carrie gave
me Major's underwear.
353
00:14:33,743 --> 00:14:34,743
Go change.
354
00:14:34,811 --> 00:14:35,876
Thank you.
355
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,380
Hi. Hey, Holly.
356
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:42,480
What are you doing here?
357
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,615
I walk a dog in
your building now,
358
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:44,815
so I thought I'd stop by.
359
00:14:44,882 --> 00:14:45,981
Listen, I heard
that you're hosting
360
00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:47,049
Thanksgiving for your kids,
361
00:14:47,117 --> 00:14:49,184
and I just think
that is so sweet.
362
00:14:49,252 --> 00:14:50,451
I made you this.
363
00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:01,656
There's someone else.
364
00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:05,459
What are you talking about?
365
00:15:05,526 --> 00:15:07,926
Holly. I want Holly.
366
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,161
What?!
367
00:15:09,229 --> 00:15:11,062
I didn't look for
this to happen.
368
00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:12,028
I didn't plan for it,
369
00:15:12,096 --> 00:15:13,129
but she came to my door
370
00:15:13,197 --> 00:15:15,230
with the best apple
pie I've ever tasted,
371
00:15:15,298 --> 00:15:16,797
and she's great with my kids,
372
00:15:16,865 --> 00:15:18,598
and she's quiet.
373
00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:20,900
But yo...
374
00:15:20,934 --> 00:15:23,401
But you just can't dump Carrie.
375
00:15:23,435 --> 00:15:24,468
She loves being with you.
376
00:15:24,536 --> 00:15:26,168
I've never seen her happier.
377
00:15:27,903 --> 00:15:29,870
I got my whole family coming in.
378
00:15:29,938 --> 00:15:31,272
I got my kids counting on me
379
00:15:31,339 --> 00:15:32,439
for a perfect Thanksgiving.
380
00:15:32,506 --> 00:15:33,805
I can't give 'em sweet potatoes
381
00:15:33,873 --> 00:15:35,274
with Lucky Charms in 'em.
382
00:15:35,341 --> 00:15:38,108
Oh, my God! That sounds great!
383
00:15:38,176 --> 00:15:39,742
It's over, player.
384
00:15:39,809 --> 00:15:40,809
Amazing.
385
00:15:40,877 --> 00:15:41,909
Amazing.
386
00:15:41,977 --> 00:15:43,011
OK.
387
00:15:43,078 --> 00:15:45,411
Fine, whatever.
388
00:15:45,479 --> 00:15:48,313
I guess I'll tell her
tonight after dinner
389
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,381
or maybe before dinner.
390
00:15:51,616 --> 00:15:52,616
You know what?
391
00:15:52,683 --> 00:15:55,183
This whole thing was my idea.
392
00:15:55,251 --> 00:15:57,118
I'll tell her. I just...
393
00:15:57,185 --> 00:15:59,285
Gotta figure out a way
to let her down easy.
394
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:01,820
OK.
395
00:16:01,888 --> 00:16:02,954
Thanks.
396
00:16:05,289 --> 00:16:06,356
Couldn't you just stay with her
397
00:16:06,523 --> 00:16:07,923
through the holidays?
398
00:16:15,694 --> 00:16:17,326
Yeah, just a table for 2.
399
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:18,461
Sure, I'll hold.
400
00:16:20,330 --> 00:16:21,329
Hey, babe.
401
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,397
Hey.
402
00:16:22,464 --> 00:16:24,031
Turkey day tomorrow. Uh-huh.
403
00:16:24,098 --> 00:16:25,431
You wanna discuss what
pants you're gonna wear?
404
00:16:25,499 --> 00:16:28,299
Because the last 3 years,
you've chosen poorly.
405
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,434
Great, thank you. OK,
I will see you then.
406
00:16:32,536 --> 00:16:34,835
Pack your bags. What?
407
00:16:34,903 --> 00:16:36,669
Where have you
always wanted to go?
408
00:16:36,737 --> 00:16:38,670
Spain?
409
00:16:40,373 --> 00:16:43,440
How about the Spain of America?
410
00:16:43,508 --> 00:16:45,508
Massachusetts.
411
00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:48,575
You know that place in Stockbridge
you're always talking about?
412
00:16:48,643 --> 00:16:49,643
The Red Lion Inn?
413
00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:50,743
Well, tomorrow night,
414
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,445
we're gonna have a
gourmet meal there
415
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,246
followed by a beautiful stay
416
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,380
in a standard room.
417
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,847
What are you talking
about tomorrow night?
418
00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:00,048
It's Thanksgiving.
419
00:17:00,116 --> 00:17:01,382
I have to help Deacon out.
420
00:17:01,449 --> 00:17:02,715
You already made him
plenty of stuff.
421
00:17:02,783 --> 00:17:04,150
He's well on his way.
422
00:17:04,218 --> 00:17:06,684
When's the last time we had a
romantic Thanksgiving together,
423
00:17:06,752 --> 00:17:07,952
just the two of us?
424
00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:09,152
You know what they say.
425
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:10,819
Thanksgiving is for lovers.
426
00:17:13,155 --> 00:17:14,356
What's going on here?
427
00:17:14,422 --> 00:17:15,455
Nothing. I just...
428
00:17:15,523 --> 00:17:17,290
wanna spend Thanksgiving
alone with my wife.
429
00:17:17,358 --> 00:17:19,024
Is that so crazy?
430
00:17:19,092 --> 00:17:20,824
Wait a minute.
431
00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:22,659
Are you jealous of all the time
432
00:17:22,727 --> 00:17:24,326
I've been spending with Deacon?
433
00:17:24,394 --> 00:17:27,261
Uh, yeah.
434
00:17:29,197 --> 00:17:32,697
But you were the one who loaned
me out to him in the first place.
435
00:17:32,765 --> 00:17:34,731
I mean, you practically
dragged me over there.
436
00:17:34,799 --> 00:17:35,966
You gave us a fern.
437
00:17:36,034 --> 00:17:39,501
And I was dying inside.
438
00:17:39,568 --> 00:17:40,634
You know what?
439
00:17:40,702 --> 00:17:42,502
I can't believe how
selfish you're being.
440
00:17:42,569 --> 00:17:45,136
I can't back out on Deacon now.
441
00:17:45,204 --> 00:17:46,203
He needs me.
442
00:17:50,841 --> 00:17:52,941
Doesn't need you, really.
443
00:18:00,445 --> 00:18:01,479
Hey, man.
444
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:02,779
Carrie. She's parking.
445
00:18:02,846 --> 00:18:04,180
Ran up here. Has turkey.
446
00:18:04,247 --> 00:18:05,314
I tried to stop her. I couldn't.
447
00:18:05,382 --> 00:18:06,881
Has turkey!
448
00:18:08,383 --> 00:18:09,816
OK, slow down.
449
00:18:09,884 --> 00:18:11,050
What's going on?
450
00:18:11,117 --> 00:18:14,084
I tried to get her off
this thing all night.
451
00:18:14,152 --> 00:18:15,419
I tried to tell her
I was jealous.
452
00:18:15,487 --> 00:18:17,019
I... I... I tried to take
her to Massachusetts.
453
00:18:17,087 --> 00:18:18,420
She just won't give you up.
454
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,421
She still thinks we're
on for tonight?
455
00:18:20,489 --> 00:18:21,489
Yeah.
456
00:18:21,557 --> 00:18:22,589
I can't believe you.
457
00:18:22,657 --> 00:18:23,657
This is important to me.
458
00:18:23,724 --> 00:18:24,890
It's important to my kids.
459
00:18:24,957 --> 00:18:26,090
Oh, enough of your
kids already, OK?
460
00:18:26,158 --> 00:18:28,158
We get it. You reproduce.
461
00:18:29,294 --> 00:18:30,426
Y-Y-Y-You're killing me here.
462
00:18:30,494 --> 00:18:32,527
I've got Holly in the
kitchen basting a turkey.
463
00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:34,461
Yeah, well, I got Carrie
coming up with another turkey.
464
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:35,629
So what are we gonna do?
I don't know!
465
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,163
We got 2 broads with 2 birds!
466
00:18:39,299 --> 00:18:40,598
Hey, Doug.
467
00:18:40,666 --> 00:18:41,732
Hi.
468
00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:42,799
Hey, guys.
469
00:18:42,866 --> 00:18:44,500
Hey. Hey.
470
00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:46,867
Holly.
471
00:18:47,968 --> 00:18:49,102
What are you doing?
472
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,369
I don't know.
473
00:18:50,437 --> 00:18:51,936
Deacon, what's going on?
474
00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:52,971
I don't know. Doug?
475
00:18:53,039 --> 00:18:55,038
I don't know. Carrie?
476
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,074
Deacon asked me to help
out with Thanksgiving.
477
00:18:59,142 --> 00:19:03,742
No, Deacon asked me to help
out with Thanksgiving.
478
00:19:09,913 --> 00:19:13,081
Actually, I never
asked you, Carrie.
479
00:19:13,149 --> 00:19:14,881
Doug offered, and I accepted,
480
00:19:14,949 --> 00:19:16,349
and you were great.
481
00:19:16,417 --> 00:19:18,983
It's just that Holly might be a
slightly, slightly better cook,
482
00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:20,418
so I asked her to step in.
483
00:19:20,485 --> 00:19:22,152
So you just stuck me
in at the last minute
484
00:19:22,219 --> 00:19:24,253
when you realized you didn't
like Carrie's cooking?
485
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:28,488
And you just let me walk in
here like a friggin' idiot?
486
00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:31,756
And... And now, Carrie,
who I work for, hates me?
487
00:19:31,823 --> 00:19:33,823
Ladies, ladies, ladies!
488
00:19:33,891 --> 00:19:36,125
We can eat both dinners.
489
00:19:36,193 --> 00:19:38,260
Like the Pilgrims
and the Indians,
490
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:41,894
we'll meet and trade
beads for land
491
00:19:41,962 --> 00:19:43,762
or... or... or something.
492
00:19:43,829 --> 00:19:46,764
No, no, I'm leaving. Excuse me.
493
00:19:46,831 --> 00:19:48,365
But I'll tell you
guys one thing.
494
00:19:48,433 --> 00:19:49,865
The Johnson Beagles
are about to have
495
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:51,533
the best dinner of their lives.
496
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,502
Well, that's cleared up.
497
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,803
Let me just tell
you something, OK?
498
00:19:58,871 --> 00:20:00,838
I just spent my entire week
499
00:20:00,906 --> 00:20:02,405
taking care of your kids,
500
00:20:02,472 --> 00:20:03,738
cooking your meals,
501
00:20:03,807 --> 00:20:06,307
sharing stories with
you about my job,
502
00:20:06,374 --> 00:20:07,874
but it's over for you, buddy,
503
00:20:07,942 --> 00:20:09,075
'cause I have a man,
504
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:10,343
and he likes my cooking,
505
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,576
and he likes my stories,
506
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,210
and he's gonna hear all of 'em
507
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,845
on the way up to Massachusetts.
508
00:20:14,912 --> 00:20:15,711
Come on, baby.
509
00:20:20,982 --> 00:20:21,981
Yeah.
510
00:20:44,627 --> 00:20:46,527
Hi. Can I help you?
511
00:20:46,594 --> 00:20:49,128
Table for 14, please.
512
00:20:55,198 --> 00:20:57,866
So, Kaplan comes
down and gives Renee
513
00:20:57,934 --> 00:20:59,800
a stack of papers to file,
514
00:20:59,868 --> 00:21:01,334
and you know she's gonna
fall flat on her face
515
00:21:01,401 --> 00:21:02,702
because she's like,
516
00:21:02,769 --> 00:21:07,137
"uh, which letter comes first?
R or W?"
517
00:21:07,205 --> 00:21:08,504
And I can't say anything
518
00:21:08,572 --> 00:21:10,005
because I'm gonna look bitchy,
519
00:21:10,073 --> 00:21:11,873
but who's gonna have
to redo everything
520
00:21:11,941 --> 00:21:13,207
after she's done with it?
521
00:21:13,274 --> 00:21:14,774
Hello.
522
00:21:14,842 --> 00:21:16,575
So, while she's at lunch,
523
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,909
I refile everything
the right way,
524
00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:20,344
and she comes back
525
00:21:20,412 --> 00:21:21,478
and catches me doing it.
526
00:21:21,545 --> 00:21:23,545
Now things are so
awkward between us,
527
00:21:23,613 --> 00:21:24,879
I don't really know
what to say to her,
528
00:21:24,946 --> 00:21:27,314
but the truth is... Oh, God!
529
00:21:27,382 --> 00:21:28,481
Oh, my God.
530
00:21:28,549 --> 00:21:30,416
I tripped, and I hit the door.
531
00:21:30,484 --> 00:21:31,582
Are you all right?
532
00:21:31,584 --> 00:21:32,650
I killed my funny bone.
533
00:21:32,717 --> 00:21:34,584
I better go downstairs, put
some ice on it... Aah!
534
00:21:34,652 --> 00:21:36,684
OK, baby. Yeah.
35930
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