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1
00:00:37,564 --> 00:00:40,500
God, I love the
smell of hot wings.
2
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,701
I know you do, baby.
3
00:00:41,769 --> 00:00:43,569
Why can't they make an
air freshener like this?
4
00:00:43,638 --> 00:00:45,840
You know, like for the car?
5
00:00:45,907 --> 00:00:49,477
Our car has enough food smells
in it, don't you think?
6
00:00:49,545 --> 00:00:51,180
For milady? Over here.
7
00:00:51,247 --> 00:00:52,348
Whoa!
8
00:00:52,415 --> 00:00:53,783
Thank you. There you go.
9
00:00:53,850 --> 00:00:58,423
And I will just sit
down right here.
10
00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:00,558
Actually, right here.
11
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:05,231
Doug!
12
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:06,232
Well, come on! Let me watch!
13
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,334
I'm here, the Jets are on,
14
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,769
it's fate!
15
00:01:08,837 --> 00:01:10,538
You're here every day,
16
00:01:10,606 --> 00:01:12,808
and the place is owned
by a retired Jet.
17
00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:14,610
It's not that miraculous.
Now up!
18
00:01:14,678 --> 00:01:16,912
Up!
19
00:01:16,979 --> 00:01:19,548
All right.
20
00:01:19,616 --> 00:01:23,187
Go, go.
21
00:01:23,255 --> 00:01:25,623
Ow!
22
00:01:25,691 --> 00:01:28,327
Next time, it's a steak knife.
Now, sit down.
23
00:01:28,395 --> 00:01:29,461
Fine.
24
00:01:29,529 --> 00:01:32,099
You know, you could try and
make conversation with me.
25
00:01:32,166 --> 00:01:34,135
You're right. You're right.
I'm sorry.
26
00:01:37,907 --> 00:01:40,442
Are you trying to see the
reflection of the TV
27
00:01:40,510 --> 00:01:42,878
in my eyes?
28
00:01:42,945 --> 00:01:44,147
That would be crazy.
29
00:01:44,215 --> 00:01:45,983
Fumble!
30
00:01:46,051 --> 00:01:48,018
Doug, come on!
Stay with me here.
31
00:01:48,086 --> 00:01:49,555
Stay with me, honey. Come on.
32
00:01:49,622 --> 00:01:52,257
Please.
33
00:01:52,324 --> 00:01:54,059
I'm trying to enjoy our
last moments of freedom
34
00:01:54,126 --> 00:01:56,429
before your mom comes into town.
35
00:01:56,497 --> 00:01:57,164
Hey, that's no way to
talk about the woman
36
00:01:57,232 --> 00:02:00,534
who brought all this
into the world.
37
00:02:00,602 --> 00:02:02,135
All right, if she brought
all of that into the world,
38
00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:03,706
she would be dead.
39
00:02:05,575 --> 00:02:07,176
Hey, you guys get menus?
40
00:02:07,243 --> 00:02:07,943
Menus? You're adorable.
41
00:02:08,011 --> 00:02:09,812
Take out your pad.
42
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,948
Doug?
43
00:02:12,016 --> 00:02:14,085
Oh, my God. Margy Colletti!
44
00:02:14,153 --> 00:02:15,254
Ohh!
45
00:02:15,322 --> 00:02:17,123
Carrie, this is my high
school girlfriend.
46
00:02:17,190 --> 00:02:18,791
Margy... Margy, this
is my wife Carrie.
47
00:02:18,858 --> 00:02:20,794
Hey, great to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
48
00:02:20,861 --> 00:02:23,064
Awkward! Wife meeting
ex-girlfriend.
49
00:02:23,132 --> 00:02:25,133
Couldn't be more uncomfortable.
50
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,837
Was he this much of an
idiot back in high school?
51
00:02:28,904 --> 00:02:30,673
Oh, sure. He was just
like that, but acne.
52
00:02:30,741 --> 00:02:32,408
Ah, yeah.
53
00:02:32,476 --> 00:02:34,645
So, uh... what are you doing?
54
00:02:34,713 --> 00:02:35,713
I mean, last I heard
you were married
55
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,481
to some doctor in Connecticut.
56
00:02:37,549 --> 00:02:38,850
Yeah, I was till a
couple of months ago.
57
00:02:38,917 --> 00:02:41,653
Now I'm divorced, back
here, waiting tables.
58
00:02:41,721 --> 00:02:44,691
Kind of like
Cinderella in reverse.
59
00:02:44,759 --> 00:02:46,860
Sweetheart, still
waiting on that pie.
60
00:02:46,927 --> 00:02:48,095
Coming.
61
00:02:48,163 --> 00:02:49,764
Hey, by the way, you
must be excited
62
00:02:49,832 --> 00:02:51,466
that your mom's
coming into town.
63
00:02:51,533 --> 00:02:53,569
Yeah, I am. How'd you
know she was coming in?
64
00:02:53,637 --> 00:02:55,337
We keep in touch. Really?
65
00:02:55,405 --> 00:02:57,273
Yeah, yeah. You know,
Christmas cards.
66
00:02:57,341 --> 00:02:58,442
Funny e-mails.
67
00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:00,578
Does she send you guys
the joke of the day?
68
00:03:00,645 --> 00:03:04,749
Uh, no, not since we blocked
her from our computer.
69
00:03:04,816 --> 00:03:06,752
So what can I get ya?
70
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,721
Well, now that I've
heard it out loud,
71
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,523
some kind of pie,
72
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:13,327
and any entrée you think
will go well before it.
73
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,430
How about a bacon cheeseburger?
74
00:03:15,497 --> 00:03:18,067
Welcome home, Margy Colletti.
75
00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:25,108
So? New?
76
00:03:26,343 --> 00:03:28,445
I had my annual review at IPS,
77
00:03:28,513 --> 00:03:31,050
and it turns out your son...
78
00:03:31,117 --> 00:03:32,751
is an average worker.
79
00:03:32,819 --> 00:03:34,319
Yeah.
80
00:03:34,387 --> 00:03:37,090
Good for you, Dougie.
81
00:03:37,158 --> 00:03:40,561
You see what happens when
you roll your sleeves up?
82
00:03:40,628 --> 00:03:43,198
Doug, can I see
you for a second?
83
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:46,770
Oh. Yeah, sure.
84
00:03:46,837 --> 00:03:47,770
What's up?
85
00:03:47,838 --> 00:03:50,474
OK, take this out.
Here are the cookies
86
00:03:50,542 --> 00:03:52,577
and spoons. Go, go, go.
87
00:03:52,645 --> 00:03:54,346
Whoa, settle down.
We're still eating.
88
00:03:54,413 --> 00:03:56,014
Well, eat faster.
89
00:03:56,082 --> 00:03:56,882
Carrie, this is a brunch.
90
00:03:56,950 --> 00:04:00,253
"Brunch" means slow lunch.
91
00:04:00,321 --> 00:04:02,622
Well, then we're
having "funch"...
92
00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:04,459
Fast lunch.
93
00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:06,528
Come on, if we get
done by 12:00,
94
00:04:06,662 --> 00:04:07,996
I can make it to
spinning, all right?
95
00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:09,197
Get mama going!
96
00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:10,566
Come on, I put some
ice cubes in there
97
00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:11,566
so she'll drink it faster.
98
00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:12,602
Go, go!
99
00:04:14,774 --> 00:04:16,573
You're never gonna
believe who that is.
100
00:04:16,641 --> 00:04:18,509
Margy Colletti.
101
00:04:18,577 --> 00:04:19,611
How did you know?
102
00:04:19,679 --> 00:04:20,579
Well, we ran into her yesterday,
103
00:04:20,646 --> 00:04:22,215
and I can see her
through the window.
104
00:04:23,116 --> 00:04:26,087
Oh, fiddlesticks. I was
gonna surprise ya.
105
00:04:26,154 --> 00:04:27,921
Um, you didn't invite
her to eat, did you?
106
00:04:27,989 --> 00:04:29,589
Oh, no. She's just
picking me up.
107
00:04:29,624 --> 00:04:31,325
We're going shopping.
108
00:04:31,393 --> 00:04:33,060
Oh.
109
00:04:33,128 --> 00:04:35,164
Hey! Hi, honey!
110
00:04:35,232 --> 00:04:38,801
Oh, it's so good to see you!
111
00:04:38,869 --> 00:04:41,038
Margy, it's one thing stalking
me in a public place,
112
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:43,608
but this is my home, damn it!
113
00:04:43,675 --> 00:04:45,944
Yeah, good one, Doug.
114
00:04:46,012 --> 00:04:47,345
So, where you guys headed?
115
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,182
Well, I just moved into
the Sunrise Apartments,
116
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,284
and Janet said she'd
help me decorate.
117
00:04:51,352 --> 00:04:53,321
And she's always had
such good taste.
118
00:04:53,388 --> 00:04:54,322
Oh, stop.
119
00:04:54,389 --> 00:04:55,590
You do. I don't.
120
00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:57,659
You do. She does. I don't.
121
00:04:57,726 --> 00:05:00,830
OK. Let's agree to disagree, OK?
122
00:05:00,898 --> 00:05:02,531
Well, I guess I do
have kind of a flair.
123
00:05:02,599 --> 00:05:04,267
OK, let's hit the mall.
124
00:05:04,334 --> 00:05:06,103
I promise I won't have
her back too late.
125
00:05:06,171 --> 00:05:07,105
OK.
126
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:08,606
Bye, kids! Bye.
127
00:05:08,674 --> 00:05:10,208
Oh, Carrie. Brunch
was delightful.
128
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,378
Sorry I had to cut it short.
129
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,784
There you go. Now you can
catch your spinning class.
130
00:05:17,852 --> 00:05:19,486
And don't worry.
Those dirty dishes
131
00:05:19,555 --> 00:05:22,189
will be right there
when you get back.
132
00:05:23,893 --> 00:05:25,061
What's the matter?
133
00:05:25,128 --> 00:05:26,729
Nothing. I just...
134
00:05:26,797 --> 00:05:27,764
Don't you think
it's a little weird
135
00:05:27,831 --> 00:05:28,798
your ex-girlfriend's
coming around
136
00:05:28,866 --> 00:05:29,999
and hanging out with your mom?
137
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:33,804
Here we go again.
138
00:05:34,908 --> 00:05:37,042
I am with you.
139
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,613
I took a vow for God's sakes.
140
00:05:40,681 --> 00:05:43,051
Trust that.
141
00:05:43,118 --> 00:05:45,486
This has nothing to
do with you, Doug.
142
00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:47,389
All right? It's about
Margy and your mom.
143
00:05:47,456 --> 00:05:48,857
I mean, did you hear those two?
144
00:05:48,925 --> 00:05:50,827
"I love you." "No, I love you."
145
00:05:50,895 --> 00:05:53,330
God, I thought they
were gonna make out.
146
00:05:53,398 --> 00:05:56,634
Did you just call
my mom a lesbian?
147
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:59,938
Doug, come on. I'm serious.
I mean,
148
00:06:00,005 --> 00:06:01,073
your mom shouldn't be
running around with Margy.
149
00:06:01,141 --> 00:06:02,275
She should be staying here
150
00:06:02,343 --> 00:06:03,776
and having brunch with us.
151
00:06:03,844 --> 00:06:05,512
Wait a second. You were just trying
to get the hell out of here.
152
00:06:05,579 --> 00:06:06,547
Remember "funch"?
153
00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:09,150
What the hell
happened to funch?!
154
00:06:09,217 --> 00:06:11,786
And another thing, she's
decorating her apartment?
155
00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:13,121
I mean, what... What's...
156
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:15,124
She never showed any
interest in this place.
157
00:06:15,192 --> 00:06:17,526
She made us those curtains,
you threw 'em out.
158
00:06:17,595 --> 00:06:22,033
They had rainbows with
pots of gold on them.
159
00:06:22,101 --> 00:06:23,868
And, anyway, that's
not even the point!
160
00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:25,103
I think it is the point.
161
00:06:25,171 --> 00:06:27,706
The only reason you want mom
is 'cause Margy's got her.
162
00:06:27,774 --> 00:06:29,810
What? No!
163
00:06:29,877 --> 00:06:32,312
No, I love...
164
00:06:32,379 --> 00:06:34,381
I love spending
time with your mom.
165
00:06:35,685 --> 00:06:37,753
And she should love
spending time with me.
166
00:06:37,820 --> 00:06:39,288
Well, I gotta tell you, you
don't exactly throw out
167
00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:42,058
the "hang with me" vibe.
168
00:06:42,126 --> 00:06:43,761
And what is that
supposed to mean?
169
00:06:43,829 --> 00:06:48,600
Just kind of like...
170
00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:51,003
Well, at least I don't
walk around being huge.
171
00:06:53,407 --> 00:06:55,009
What, you just did
the cat thing.
172
00:06:55,076 --> 00:06:56,309
That was just harmless fun.
173
00:06:56,377 --> 00:06:58,378
You're clearly not a cat.
174
00:07:07,589 --> 00:07:10,092
You know, I gotta say I
was little surprised
175
00:07:10,159 --> 00:07:12,728
that you wanted my help
picking out a dress, dear.
176
00:07:12,796 --> 00:07:13,896
Really? Why?
177
00:07:13,964 --> 00:07:16,567
I've always liked
your sense of style.
178
00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:17,601
Really?
179
00:07:17,669 --> 00:07:19,169
Yeah, like look at that
pin you're wearing.
180
00:07:19,236 --> 00:07:20,204
What do you got
there, an elephant?
181
00:07:20,272 --> 00:07:22,074
Oh, yeah. It's for good luck.
182
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:23,107
Ah!
183
00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:24,743
You know what? It's yours.
184
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:25,511
No, no, no. No, no.
185
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:28,014
That's your elephant.
No, no, I couldn't.
186
00:07:28,082 --> 00:07:29,415
I couldn't. I couldn't.
I couldn't, really.
187
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,917
Fine.
188
00:07:30,985 --> 00:07:33,488
♪ I know what I'm getting
someone for Christmas ♪
189
00:07:35,992 --> 00:07:37,560
So, where are we here?
190
00:07:37,628 --> 00:07:39,296
Uh, give me a little
more information
191
00:07:39,363 --> 00:07:41,064
about this function you
need the dress for.
192
00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:43,067
Oh, it's a dinner
at my boss' house.
193
00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:45,537
We won a lawsuit
over clean water.
194
00:07:45,604 --> 00:07:48,040
I'm not sure what side we're on.
195
00:07:48,107 --> 00:07:50,443
Well, you know,
if it's a dinner,
196
00:07:50,477 --> 00:07:53,746
this could be a way to go.
197
00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:56,516
Yes! That is definitely
a way to go.
198
00:07:56,584 --> 00:08:00,088
It is, but how 'bout this?
199
00:08:00,156 --> 00:08:03,259
Are you posing for
Playboy magazine, dear?
200
00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:06,096
No, I am not.
201
00:08:06,164 --> 00:08:08,231
You know, the more
I look around,
202
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,002
the more I realize
this is the one.
203
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:11,903
Well, OK!
204
00:08:11,970 --> 00:08:13,371
If you love it, then I love it.
205
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,840
I love it. Then I love it.
206
00:08:14,908 --> 00:08:15,840
Well, I'm glad I could help.
207
00:08:15,908 --> 00:08:17,210
I'm glad you can help, too.
208
00:08:17,278 --> 00:08:20,014
Let's just go ahead and ring
this bad boy right up, huh?
209
00:08:20,081 --> 00:08:22,082
OK.
210
00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:23,952
Thank you.
211
00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:26,188
So, after this I
think you and I...
212
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,825
Oh, excuse me, dear.
213
00:08:28,893 --> 00:08:30,794
Hello?
214
00:08:30,862 --> 00:08:34,432
Oh, hi, Margy. What's cooking?
215
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,233
Uh-huh.
216
00:08:36,301 --> 00:08:38,570
Carrie and I are
at the Dress Barn.
217
00:08:38,638 --> 00:08:40,105
We're done, right?
218
00:08:40,172 --> 00:08:41,875
Yeah. Yeah!
219
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:43,810
Yeah, we're done. So, I'll
just shoot right down there.
220
00:08:43,878 --> 00:08:45,011
I'll see you in a few.
221
00:08:46,548 --> 00:08:47,915
Doug: What do you want me to do?
222
00:08:47,983 --> 00:08:49,250
I want you to talk
to your mother.
223
00:08:49,318 --> 00:08:51,152
No, no. I'm not
getting involved.
224
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,821
OK, fine. I'll talk to her.
225
00:08:52,889 --> 00:08:54,023
Whoa! What are you gonna say?
226
00:08:54,090 --> 00:08:54,824
I'm gonna tell her
227
00:08:54,892 --> 00:08:56,260
that I don't think
it's appropriate
228
00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:59,096
that she spends so much time
with her son's ex-girlfriend,
229
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,965
that it's disrespectful to me.
230
00:09:01,033 --> 00:09:05,904
Yeah, I can't allow that.
231
00:09:05,972 --> 00:09:07,707
Why not? I want this
out in the open.
232
00:09:07,775 --> 00:09:09,276
I don't know how you handle
problems in your family,
233
00:09:09,343 --> 00:09:10,878
but in my family, we
sweep 'em under the rug,
234
00:09:10,945 --> 00:09:13,447
then we eat. It's
worked for generations.
235
00:09:13,515 --> 00:09:15,083
Tough. I'm talking to her.
236
00:09:15,151 --> 00:09:16,418
Carrie, you can't. I
think it's a bad idea.
237
00:09:16,486 --> 00:09:18,220
Look, my mom will be upset,
238
00:09:18,287 --> 00:09:19,489
and she'll start to cry.
And when she cries,
239
00:09:19,557 --> 00:09:21,157
she doesn't just cry, OK?
She blubbers.
240
00:09:21,225 --> 00:09:22,459
And she'll continue blubbering
241
00:09:22,526 --> 00:09:23,694
until you sweep the problem
242
00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:27,399
back under the rug where all
serious problems belong.
243
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,569
All right, fine.
You talk to Margy.
244
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,973
You want me to sit
down with my ex...
245
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:35,308
Alone...
246
00:09:35,376 --> 00:09:36,878
And talk?
247
00:09:36,946 --> 00:09:38,212
Yeah.
248
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:41,783
Just me and a former lover.
249
00:09:41,851 --> 00:09:43,553
You're not worried about that?
250
00:09:43,621 --> 00:09:45,522
Yeah, I think I'll
roll those dice.
251
00:09:49,295 --> 00:09:50,561
Doug: Hey, Margy.
252
00:09:50,629 --> 00:09:52,431
Hey, Doug! You here
for Finger Fest?
253
00:09:52,499 --> 00:09:54,399
No. No, actually,
I came down here
254
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:57,203
to talk to you about something.
255
00:09:57,271 --> 00:09:59,706
Hey, is Finger Fest
instead of Wing Madness
256
00:09:59,774 --> 00:10:00,741
or in addition to?
257
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,309
Not sure.
258
00:10:02,377 --> 00:10:03,310
I'm just a waitress.
259
00:10:03,378 --> 00:10:05,580
You know, I'm kinda out
of the loop creatively.
260
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:08,384
Keep me posted.
261
00:10:10,822 --> 00:10:11,989
Hey, look.
262
00:10:12,057 --> 00:10:13,357
Didn't we have our first
date in this booth?
263
00:10:13,425 --> 00:10:14,359
Yeah, actually we did.
264
00:10:14,427 --> 00:10:15,660
We came here after we saw
265
00:10:15,727 --> 00:10:17,261
a 4-foot black man
change the face of music
266
00:10:17,329 --> 00:10:19,297
in Purple Rain.
267
00:10:19,365 --> 00:10:21,167
Great movie.
268
00:10:21,234 --> 00:10:23,103
I showed you a pretty sweet
evening that night, huh?
269
00:10:23,171 --> 00:10:24,572
Yeah, you did.
270
00:10:24,639 --> 00:10:26,574
Until you shot your
straw wrapper at me
271
00:10:26,641 --> 00:10:28,510
and scratched my cornea.
272
00:10:28,578 --> 00:10:30,946
I probably should've
known at that point
273
00:10:31,014 --> 00:10:32,382
that we weren't meant to be.
274
00:10:32,449 --> 00:10:35,151
You know when I knew we
weren't meant to be?
275
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:37,321
When you started cheating
on me with Ricky LeDouche.
276
00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:39,090
It's Ricky LeDoux,
277
00:10:39,157 --> 00:10:40,491
and I only got together with him
278
00:10:40,558 --> 00:10:43,095
because it was obvious you
weren't serious about me.
279
00:10:43,162 --> 00:10:44,030
That's not true.
280
00:10:44,098 --> 00:10:46,732
I wrote that song about
you, for God's sakes.
281
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,534
Again with that stupid song.
282
00:10:47,602 --> 00:10:48,802
You told me for 2 years
283
00:10:48,869 --> 00:10:50,104
that you were gonna write it.
284
00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:52,305
I did! Then how come
I never heard it?
285
00:10:52,373 --> 00:10:54,508
Because while I was putting
the finishing touches on it,
286
00:10:54,576 --> 00:10:56,979
you were rolling
around with LeDouche.
287
00:10:57,046 --> 00:10:59,649
LeDoux, it's LeDoux.
And by the way,
288
00:10:59,717 --> 00:11:01,652
that nickname really
hurt his feelings.
289
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,854
LeDouche is sad!
290
00:11:03,922 --> 00:11:04,988
OK.
291
00:11:05,056 --> 00:11:06,457
OK, fine.
292
00:11:06,525 --> 00:11:08,260
Sing me the song you wrote.
293
00:11:08,327 --> 00:11:10,696
I told you I never got a chance
294
00:11:10,765 --> 00:11:12,098
to completely finish it.
295
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:13,100
Yeah, you were pretty good
296
00:11:13,168 --> 00:11:14,668
at not finishing
things, weren't ya?
297
00:11:14,736 --> 00:11:16,470
You never finished
fixing up your car,
298
00:11:16,537 --> 00:11:17,905
you never finished college...
299
00:11:17,973 --> 00:11:19,040
I wrote the song!
300
00:11:19,108 --> 00:11:20,274
Sure you did. I gotta
get back to work.
301
00:11:20,342 --> 00:11:22,411
Margy, I wrote the song, OK?!
302
00:11:22,479 --> 00:11:25,714
Hey, is Finger Fest
instead of Wing Madness?
303
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,526
I thought we were
gonna watch the game.
304
00:11:34,595 --> 00:11:36,196
Where the hell is it?
305
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,965
You know, I'm sitting
here by myself.
306
00:11:38,032 --> 00:11:41,903
Haven't been offered
any refreshments!
307
00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:43,370
I can't right now, OK? I'm
looking for this love song
308
00:11:43,439 --> 00:11:45,273
I wrote to Margy Colletti.
309
00:11:45,341 --> 00:11:46,809
Margy Colletti?
310
00:11:46,877 --> 00:11:49,178
The one whose cornea
you destroyed?
311
00:11:49,246 --> 00:11:51,080
OK, I didn't destroy it.
312
00:11:51,148 --> 00:11:52,717
She had to wear an eye
patch for a semester.
313
00:11:52,784 --> 00:11:53,984
Big whoop.
314
00:11:54,086 --> 00:11:55,888
Hey, would you look in
that box right there?
315
00:11:55,955 --> 00:11:57,122
What do you gotta
look for this now?
316
00:11:57,190 --> 00:11:58,724
Because she doesn't
believe I wrote it, OK?
317
00:11:58,791 --> 00:12:00,059
She was so smug about it, too.
318
00:12:00,127 --> 00:12:01,327
"Oh, you never finish anything."
319
00:12:01,395 --> 00:12:02,562
Yeah.
320
00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:05,032
She's obviously never
eaten with you.
321
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,368
Ha ha ha ha.
322
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,970
Look in there, OK?
Any cassettes?
323
00:12:09,038 --> 00:12:10,306
Yeah, yeah. Let's see.
324
00:12:10,374 --> 00:12:13,042
We got Cheap Trick
Live at Budokan,
325
00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:15,712
1-2-3 Spanish,
326
00:12:15,780 --> 00:12:17,382
and The Margy Song.
327
00:12:17,449 --> 00:12:18,716
That's it. That's it!
328
00:12:18,784 --> 00:12:22,487
Here we go. Sweet
vindica-she-eeone.
329
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,861
Doug, on tape: Check 1, check 2.
330
00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:29,397
OK, here we go.
331
00:12:29,464 --> 00:12:34,169
It's October 12, 1984, and
this is The Margy Song
332
00:12:34,237 --> 00:12:38,107
by Doug "The Boss" Heffernan.
333
00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:42,346
The Margy Song.
334
00:12:45,184 --> 00:12:48,921
Margy Song.
335
00:12:48,989 --> 00:12:52,459
All right, a song for Margy.
336
00:12:54,964 --> 00:12:58,533
♪ Margy girl
337
00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:02,138
♪ My heart's in a... a whirl ♪
338
00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:04,407
Oh, yeah! Margy!
339
00:13:04,475 --> 00:13:05,575
Margy! Margy! Margy! Margy!
340
00:13:05,642 --> 00:13:08,311
Margy! Margy! Margy!
341
00:13:08,379 --> 00:13:11,649
OK, I'm gonna take
a short break.
342
00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:14,053
To be continued.
343
00:13:17,758 --> 00:13:20,495
OK, maybe she was right.
344
00:13:20,563 --> 00:13:22,096
Maybe I didn't finish it.
345
00:13:22,164 --> 00:13:23,565
Crap.
346
00:13:25,602 --> 00:13:27,636
♪ Margy girl
347
00:13:27,704 --> 00:13:31,676
♪ My heart's in a whirl ♪
348
00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:33,510
♪ Tonight
349
00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:36,481
Yeah, it was something
like, uh...
350
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:37,649
Then it was...
351
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,986
♪ Saw you in gym
352
00:13:40,054 --> 00:13:42,222
♪ Lookin' real trim
353
00:13:45,026 --> 00:13:46,394
♪ Tonight
354
00:13:47,863 --> 00:13:48,763
I can't remember it. Damn it!
355
00:13:48,898 --> 00:13:50,066
Why are you even doing this?
356
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,533
Because I don't want to
give her the satisfaction
357
00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:53,369
of thinking I didn't
write the song, OK?
358
00:13:53,436 --> 00:13:54,436
If you're gonna
help me, help me.
359
00:13:54,504 --> 00:13:55,605
If not, get out of here.
360
00:13:55,673 --> 00:13:56,907
All right, fine.
361
00:13:56,974 --> 00:13:59,077
But I think if you're
gonna do this,
362
00:13:59,145 --> 00:14:00,811
we should open up
the box a little.
363
00:14:00,879 --> 00:14:02,515
What do you got?
364
00:14:02,582 --> 00:14:03,950
Well, it's supposed to be
something from the eighties.
365
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:05,485
So why don't we
synth-rock this baby
366
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,520
and see where she takes us?
367
00:14:20,638 --> 00:14:22,106
♪ Margy
368
00:14:22,173 --> 00:14:24,275
♪ Margy, I'm scared of you ♪
369
00:14:24,343 --> 00:14:26,110
♪ M-M-Margy
370
00:14:26,178 --> 00:14:28,581
♪ I'm afraid of you,
afraid of you ♪
371
00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:31,318
♪ M-M-Margy, you thrill me ♪
372
00:14:31,386 --> 00:14:32,419
♪ The dirty things
that you do to me ♪
373
00:14:32,486 --> 00:14:35,423
♪ Margy, you so dirty,
dirty, dirty Margy ♪
374
00:14:35,489 --> 00:14:39,328
OK.
375
00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:40,762
Let's close the box.
376
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:44,600
OK, I've only gotten awards
for karaoke, but whatever.
377
00:14:46,538 --> 00:14:49,140
Hey, Doug. Did you, uh...
Did you talk to Margy?
378
00:14:49,207 --> 00:14:50,308
Yeah.
379
00:14:50,376 --> 00:14:51,977
Yeah, I did. Uh...
380
00:14:52,044 --> 00:14:53,678
And is she gonna stay
away from your mom?
381
00:14:53,746 --> 00:14:54,780
I don't know. I did my best,
382
00:14:54,848 --> 00:14:56,450
but I'm not sure it sunk in.
383
00:14:56,518 --> 00:14:58,718
She's pretty attached.
384
00:14:58,786 --> 00:14:59,887
Really? Mmm.
385
00:14:59,954 --> 00:15:02,023
Unbelievable.
386
00:15:02,091 --> 00:15:03,825
Friggin' Margy just
can't stay away
387
00:15:03,893 --> 00:15:06,461
from her little advice whore.
388
00:15:08,098 --> 00:15:11,134
Did you just call
my mom a whore?
389
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:12,935
I gotta go.
390
00:15:13,003 --> 00:15:13,871
I gotta go to my boss' dinner.
391
00:15:13,939 --> 00:15:15,206
I'll see you guys later.
392
00:15:15,274 --> 00:15:16,375
What are you doing
with the keyboard?
393
00:15:16,442 --> 00:15:18,577
Uh...
394
00:15:18,645 --> 00:15:19,746
Doug's helping me write
a couple of songs
395
00:15:19,813 --> 00:15:21,148
for the IPS follies.
396
00:15:21,215 --> 00:15:24,152
I'm, uh, musical director.
397
00:15:27,856 --> 00:15:31,060
I actually am.
398
00:15:40,103 --> 00:15:42,271
Janet. What are you doing?
399
00:15:42,339 --> 00:15:43,606
Oh, pardon me.
400
00:15:43,673 --> 00:15:46,643
I'm just trying to pick a
color for Margy's bedroom.
401
00:15:46,711 --> 00:15:48,812
Something like this
might be nice.
402
00:15:48,879 --> 00:15:49,780
You mind if she comes
over and takes a look?
403
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,015
All right. You know what?
We gotta talk.
404
00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:52,450
About what, dear?
405
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,486
Janet, I'm your daughter-in-law,
406
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,757
and you're just spending
all this time with Margy.
407
00:15:57,825 --> 00:15:59,360
You know?
408
00:15:59,427 --> 00:16:01,428
I'm just wondering if maybe
you would've been happier
409
00:16:01,496 --> 00:16:03,665
if Doug would've married her.
410
00:16:05,001 --> 00:16:08,070
Oh, my God.
411
00:16:08,137 --> 00:16:10,239
What have I done?
412
00:16:10,307 --> 00:16:13,945
OK. Whoa. OK.
413
00:16:14,012 --> 00:16:16,281
Uh...
414
00:16:16,348 --> 00:16:18,784
No, no, no. It's... it's really...
it's not just you.
415
00:16:18,851 --> 00:16:21,487
You know, I could've
tried harder, you know?
416
00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:22,688
I...
417
00:16:22,756 --> 00:16:24,858
Wow. Doug wasn't kidding.
418
00:16:24,926 --> 00:16:26,259
Here, here. Why don't you...
419
00:16:26,327 --> 00:16:29,930
Here, probably softer
than that fabric swatch.
420
00:16:29,998 --> 00:16:31,534
Thank you.
421
00:16:31,602 --> 00:16:33,436
Oh, Carrie.
422
00:16:33,504 --> 00:16:38,409
I am so, so, so sorry.
423
00:16:38,476 --> 00:16:41,145
I never meant to
make you feel badly.
424
00:16:41,213 --> 00:16:42,948
No, I know you didn't, but...
425
00:16:43,016 --> 00:16:44,283
but you did.
426
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,252
But it's OK! But it's OK now!
427
00:16:46,319 --> 00:16:49,889
It really is OK.
428
00:16:49,957 --> 00:16:52,059
Listen to me, darling.
429
00:16:52,127 --> 00:16:54,596
Margy is a very sweet person,
430
00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:56,098
but make no mistake,
431
00:16:56,165 --> 00:17:00,236
you are my daughter-in-law.
432
00:17:00,304 --> 00:17:02,273
No.
433
00:17:02,341 --> 00:17:04,508
My daughter.
434
00:17:04,576 --> 00:17:06,211
Thank you, Janet.
435
00:17:06,278 --> 00:17:07,278
Mom.
436
00:17:11,685 --> 00:17:13,653
And Margy is just
gonna have to finish
437
00:17:13,722 --> 00:17:15,789
decorating her
apartment without me.
438
00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,424
My time is for you.
439
00:17:17,492 --> 00:17:19,593
Well, thank you, Janet.
That means a lot to me.
440
00:17:19,661 --> 00:17:22,097
All right, I'm gonna get
dressed for that dinner, Mom.
441
00:17:22,165 --> 00:17:24,334
All right, sweetheart.
442
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,576
You're not gonna wear the
dress we bought together?
443
00:17:32,644 --> 00:17:35,447
Oh, no. I was just yanking
this for the dry cleaners.
444
00:17:35,516 --> 00:17:37,517
It's gotta go to
the dry cleaners.
445
00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:39,720
Oh, here it is. I'm
gonna wear this.
446
00:17:41,456 --> 00:17:43,123
Oh, I'll give you some privacy.
447
00:17:43,191 --> 00:17:44,358
OK.
448
00:17:45,796 --> 00:17:47,863
Oy.
449
00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:55,006
Hello?
450
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:59,045
Oh, hi, Margy.
451
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:02,248
No. No, dear, I absolutely
can't come over now.
452
00:18:08,557 --> 00:18:10,458
All right. Fine, fine.
453
00:18:10,527 --> 00:18:12,729
But I can only stay
for 5 minutes.
454
00:18:17,269 --> 00:18:20,639
Hey. Ohh!
455
00:18:20,706 --> 00:18:22,974
You look beautiful.
456
00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:25,476
You're gonna get some
compliments tonight.
457
00:18:25,544 --> 00:18:29,281
Yeah. I'm sure people
will be talking about it.
458
00:18:29,349 --> 00:18:31,518
Hey, you going someplace?
459
00:18:31,586 --> 00:18:32,887
Uh, yes. Uh...
460
00:18:32,954 --> 00:18:36,091
I... I've got to go pick
up some diabetes medicine
461
00:18:36,159 --> 00:18:37,459
for my Uncle Norman.
462
00:18:37,527 --> 00:18:39,227
Right.
463
00:18:39,295 --> 00:18:40,831
So, uh, well, have a
wonderful evening.
464
00:18:40,897 --> 00:18:43,266
Thanks.
465
00:19:04,995 --> 00:19:08,099
Uncle Norman, my ass.
466
00:19:11,203 --> 00:19:12,704
I would definitely
go with the blue.
467
00:19:12,771 --> 00:19:15,407
Now, darling, I really
do have to get going.
468
00:19:15,474 --> 00:19:16,475
Oh, no, just stay a
few more minutes.
469
00:19:16,542 --> 00:19:18,611
You haven't even
touched your wine.
470
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,747
A few minutes, fine.
471
00:19:25,088 --> 00:19:26,021
Carrie?
472
00:19:26,089 --> 00:19:27,356
Oh, my God!
473
00:19:27,424 --> 00:19:29,992
Carrie, it's not what you think.
Oh, no?
474
00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:31,728
She needed me. I'm
just in and out
475
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,364
to help with the couch
and the carpet.
476
00:19:33,432 --> 00:19:35,300
And to polish off a bottle
of chardonnay, I see.
477
00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:38,103
Get your coat. We're going home.
478
00:19:38,170 --> 00:19:40,206
Really, it's not
what you think...
479
00:19:40,274 --> 00:19:41,407
Coat, now, Mom.
480
00:19:41,475 --> 00:19:44,311
Well, can't she just stay to
help me pick out the tiles?
481
00:19:44,378 --> 00:19:45,213
OK, listen to me, sweetheart.
482
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,015
You had a mother-in-law
and you blew it, OK?
483
00:19:47,082 --> 00:19:48,650
This one's mine, so mitts off.
484
00:19:48,717 --> 00:19:50,319
What? What? Hello?
485
00:19:50,386 --> 00:19:52,487
You're through, OK?
You're out of our lives.
486
00:19:52,555 --> 00:19:55,158
Doug: ♪ Margy girl, my
heart's in a whirl ♪
487
00:19:55,226 --> 00:19:59,496
♪ Tonight
488
00:19:59,564 --> 00:20:03,568
♪ I need you bad, oh, Margy ♪
489
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:08,742
♪ I need you so,
oh, Margy girl ♪
490
00:20:08,809 --> 00:20:13,348
♪ Before we met, nothing
in my life was right ♪
491
00:20:13,415 --> 00:20:14,916
OK, you finished it.
492
00:20:14,984 --> 00:20:19,689
♪ But all that
changed with Margy ♪
493
00:20:19,757 --> 00:20:22,792
♪ You've blown away...
Oh, Carrie ♪
494
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,539
Ladies.
495
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:44,187
♪ Margy girl, my heart's
in a whirl tonight ♪
496
00:20:45,322 --> 00:20:49,293
♪ I need you bad, oh, Margy ♪
497
00:20:49,361 --> 00:20:54,600
♪ I need you so,
oh, Margy girl ♪
498
00:20:54,668 --> 00:21:00,774
♪ Before we met, nothing
in my life was right ♪
499
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:04,747
♪ But all that
changed with Margy ♪
500
00:21:04,814 --> 00:21:10,053
♪ You've blown me
away, oh, Margy ♪
501
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:14,960
♪ Remember when we met
between math and Spanish ♪
502
00:21:16,963 --> 00:21:20,900
♪ You were all woman
503
00:21:20,968 --> 00:21:22,535
♪ And what was I?
504
00:21:22,603 --> 00:21:23,938
♪ Well, let me tell
you what I was ♪
505
00:21:24,005 --> 00:21:26,006
♪ I was mannish
506
00:21:26,107 --> 00:21:29,578
♪ You were never lookin' finer ♪
507
00:21:29,645 --> 00:21:33,883
♪ Than the night we
went to Winky's Diner ♪
508
00:21:33,951 --> 00:21:38,422
♪ We had onion rings
that were fried ♪
509
00:21:38,490 --> 00:21:41,726
♪ With love on the side
510
00:21:41,794 --> 00:21:45,698
♪ I knew my single
days were over ♪
511
00:21:45,766 --> 00:21:49,235
♪ Ridin' in your Chevy Nova ♪
512
00:21:49,303 --> 00:21:54,509
♪ Margy, if you ever
said good-bye ♪
513
00:21:54,577 --> 00:21:58,948
♪ I'd just lay down and die ♪
35514
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