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1
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:40,252
Doug: Follow the break.
Follow the break.
2
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,018
Oh, good Lord, I am gifted.
3
00:00:45,484 --> 00:00:46,384
Hey, hey, hey, come here.
Come here.
4
00:00:46,451 --> 00:00:47,417
What? Come here, quick.
5
00:00:47,483 --> 00:00:48,384
Come here. Come over here. What?
6
00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:50,048
Look.
7
00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:53,114
It's me bowling.
8
00:00:53,182 --> 00:00:57,481
OK. Glad I swallowed
my gum for that.
9
00:00:57,549 --> 00:01:00,146
I had Deke videotape
my stroke, you know,
10
00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:02,612
to help me get ready for the
tournament this weekend.
11
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,145
You want to watch it
with frame advance?
12
00:01:04,211 --> 00:01:06,611
Do I!
13
00:01:06,679 --> 00:01:08,244
OK, ball back...
14
00:01:08,312 --> 00:01:09,677
plant...
15
00:01:09,745 --> 00:01:10,976
release...
16
00:01:11,044 --> 00:01:12,043
follow through.
17
00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:13,076
Whoa!
18
00:01:13,144 --> 00:01:14,442
What? What?
19
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:17,675
Looks like somebody needs to
wear a belt when they bowl.
20
00:01:19,442 --> 00:01:20,507
Oh, you're right.
21
00:01:20,575 --> 00:01:23,105
Little too much alley
on display right there.
22
00:01:25,006 --> 00:01:26,440
It's weird. I've never really...
23
00:01:26,506 --> 00:01:29,071
seen myself from
that angle before.
24
00:01:29,138 --> 00:01:32,436
Well, I have had the
pleasure, so offy.
25
00:01:34,004 --> 00:01:35,537
So what's in the bag?
26
00:01:35,604 --> 00:01:38,268
What's in the bag?
Oh, just our future.
27
00:01:38,336 --> 00:01:40,468
Does our future include
any sort of chicken?
28
00:01:40,536 --> 00:01:42,700
'Cause I'm very, very hungry.
29
00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:45,500
Sorry. But get this.
Mr. Kaplan, as in,
30
00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:48,198
king of the whole friggin'
law firm Mr. Kaplan,
31
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:51,597
is getting ready to make
me his new secretary.
32
00:01:51,665 --> 00:01:53,864
Oh, come on. That guy's
been dangling that job
33
00:01:53,931 --> 00:01:55,562
in front of you for 2 years.
34
00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:58,663
But he hasn't seen these.
35
00:02:02,129 --> 00:02:04,593
Toy Dog: Please rub my tummy!
36
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,292
I think you would have had a
better shot with a hooker.
37
00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:14,692
These are for his son.
38
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,524
He has a 4-year-old from
his second marriage.
39
00:02:16,592 --> 00:02:17,558
His wife is out of town,
40
00:02:17,624 --> 00:02:18,990
so he asked me if I
would watch his son
41
00:02:19,058 --> 00:02:20,123
in the office for a couple days,
42
00:02:20,191 --> 00:02:22,422
and I said I would be delighted.
43
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:23,955
But you hate kids.
44
00:02:24,023 --> 00:02:25,154
Not this one.
45
00:02:25,222 --> 00:02:26,121
I'm going to ride
this little putz
46
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:27,954
all the way to the top.
47
00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:30,387
All right, well, have fun.
I'm going to meet the guys
48
00:02:30,455 --> 00:02:31,887
down at the bowling
alley to practice.
49
00:02:31,955 --> 00:02:32,852
Bup, bup, bup, bup. What?
50
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,819
Belt. Right-o.
51
00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,982
Hey, you guys catch the
Knick game last night?
52
00:02:44,050 --> 00:02:45,416
No. Who won?
53
00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:47,115
Jeez, you believe they let
the freakin' Grizzlies
54
00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:48,347
take them to overtime?
55
00:02:48,415 --> 00:02:50,014
Danny: Hello? Who won?
56
00:02:50,081 --> 00:02:51,979
The Knicks. Why
didn't you watch?
57
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,846
Ah, I couldn't watch
anything last night.
58
00:02:53,913 --> 00:02:56,112
Spence was hooking
up his new TiVo.
59
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:57,446
What's that?
60
00:02:57,513 --> 00:02:59,811
Ah, it's some new
fancy digital thing
61
00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:01,810
that records television
shows for you.
62
00:03:01,878 --> 00:03:03,677
Except I'm not
allowed to touch it.
63
00:03:03,745 --> 00:03:04,976
But I'll tell you something.
64
00:03:05,044 --> 00:03:08,209
If he thinks he's getting near
my rice maker ever again,
65
00:03:08,277 --> 00:03:10,541
he's in for a rude surprise.
66
00:03:10,609 --> 00:03:12,974
Mark my words!
67
00:03:13,042 --> 00:03:15,306
All right.
68
00:03:15,374 --> 00:03:18,039
Hey, guys.
69
00:03:18,107 --> 00:03:19,171
All: Hey! Hey, Tanya!
What's going on?
70
00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:21,038
Listen, I just wanted to
come over to say good-bye.
71
00:03:21,106 --> 00:03:23,770
Today was my last day at
the shoe rental counter.
72
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:25,870
Where you off to from here?
73
00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:27,870
Well, I got a job at
Payless in Elmhurst.
74
00:03:27,938 --> 00:03:29,169
It's going to be so nice
75
00:03:29,236 --> 00:03:31,069
to work with new
shoes for a change.
76
00:03:31,136 --> 00:03:32,236
I hear that.
77
00:03:32,303 --> 00:03:33,335
But don't worry,
78
00:03:33,402 --> 00:03:34,234
you're going to
love the new girl.
79
00:03:34,302 --> 00:03:36,168
Her name's Denise.
She's very sweet.
80
00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:43,232
All: Yeah. All right. Great.
81
00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:44,498
Well, good luck in
the tournament.
82
00:03:44,566 --> 00:03:45,699
I'll see you guys.
83
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,597
All: Take care. See you.
Bye-bye, T.
84
00:03:49,298 --> 00:03:50,897
Wow.
85
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,163
It's like we just went
from a Rolls-Royce
86
00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:54,395
to a Ford Fiesta.
87
00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:55,428
From now on,
88
00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:57,327
I'll be renting my
shoes over the phone.
89
00:03:59,029 --> 00:04:00,861
That snack-bar waitress
with the glass eye
90
00:04:00,928 --> 00:04:02,326
just moved up the charts.
91
00:04:02,394 --> 00:04:03,793
Yeah,
92
00:04:03,861 --> 00:04:04,659
so did the alley boy.
93
00:04:05,793 --> 00:04:07,358
You guys are being idiots, man.
94
00:04:07,426 --> 00:04:09,224
Just give her a break.
95
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,224
Not until she gives me a break
96
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,424
and starts wearing a paper bag.
97
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,689
Hey, where are you going?
98
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,922
I'm going over there
to talk to her, man.
99
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:19,555
Think how she feels.
100
00:04:19,623 --> 00:04:22,053
Usually there are guys lined up
like 3 deep to hit on Tanya.
101
00:04:22,121 --> 00:04:24,620
But now look... nothing, right?
102
00:04:24,688 --> 00:04:25,720
You know what I'm going to do?
103
00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,086
I'm going to go over
there and make her day.
104
00:04:30,686 --> 00:04:32,752
Oh, hi. Can I help you?
105
00:04:34,851 --> 00:04:38,082
So you must be this Denise
I keep hearing about.
106
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:40,782
Yeah.
107
00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:42,582
Well, Denise, I'm
Doug, and on behalf
108
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:47,414
of the entire Bowl-a-Rama
family of bowlers... welcome.
109
00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:48,179
Um...
110
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,746
Thanks.
111
00:04:49,814 --> 00:04:51,680
Wow. Your eyes are killer.
112
00:04:51,748 --> 00:04:54,078
They're like the exact
same color as my ball.
113
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,507
Hey, shoe question for you.
114
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,340
Why do they make the half sizes
115
00:05:10,408 --> 00:05:12,305
with the line under
the number, you know?
116
00:05:12,374 --> 00:05:14,873
Why not use just the old,
like, half symbol, you know?
117
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,104
What's the deal with that?
118
00:05:16,172 --> 00:05:18,837
Um, I... I really don't know.
119
00:05:18,905 --> 00:05:19,971
It's crazy though, isn't it?
120
00:05:20,038 --> 00:05:23,770
Do you want to
rent shoes or not?
121
00:05:23,838 --> 00:05:26,402
No, I, uh, I have my own.
122
00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:29,535
Um, OK, well, I'll see you.
123
00:05:29,602 --> 00:05:32,833
Wow. She lit up like
a Christmas tree.
124
00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:34,832
Shutty.
125
00:05:43,698 --> 00:05:44,530
Hello, Carrie.
126
00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:48,029
Oh, hi, Mr. Kaplan.
And who is this?
127
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,361
Is this the new lawyer
I've been hearing about?
128
00:05:50,429 --> 00:05:53,895
No, no, he's a few
years away from that.
129
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,460
Jordan, this is Carrie.
130
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:57,360
She's going to be your friend
for the next few days.
131
00:05:57,428 --> 00:05:59,592
Hi. Hi, Jordan.
132
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,159
We're going to
have a lot of fun.
133
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:02,325
Oh, if we only had some toys.
134
00:06:02,392 --> 00:06:04,991
Uh-oh, you found them.
Good work, buddy.
135
00:06:05,059 --> 00:06:07,289
All these toys you bought.
My goodness.
136
00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:08,856
Oh, I'm happy to do it.
137
00:06:08,923 --> 00:06:10,590
Is this the kind of
stuff he usually likes?
138
00:06:10,658 --> 00:06:12,188
To tell you the truth,
I have no idea.
139
00:06:12,256 --> 00:06:15,321
His mother handles the
day-to-day stuff.
140
00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:17,454
Anyway, Carrie, thanks a lot.
141
00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:18,686
You're a lifesaver.
142
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,352
My own secretary wanted
no part of this.
143
00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:25,085
Just one more reason for me to
give old Marge the heave-ho.
144
00:06:25,153 --> 00:06:26,751
Well, that's none of my affair.
145
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,517
All I know is I love kids,
146
00:06:28,585 --> 00:06:30,950
and I could have that desk
packed up in 5 minutes.
147
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:33,483
Well, Jordan, just have fun.
148
00:06:33,551 --> 00:06:35,848
Daddy will come get
you at lunchtime.
149
00:06:35,915 --> 00:06:38,648
Do you like Indian food?
150
00:06:38,716 --> 00:06:40,214
We'll figure it out.
151
00:06:40,282 --> 00:06:41,214
See ya.
152
00:06:41,282 --> 00:06:43,680
OK. Bye-bye.
153
00:06:45,813 --> 00:06:48,546
Hey, what you got there?
154
00:06:48,613 --> 00:06:52,311
A train? Choo choo!
155
00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:53,210
Choo...
156
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,542
Oh, I...
157
00:06:56,611 --> 00:06:59,108
I didn't mean for
you to stop, I...
158
00:06:59,175 --> 00:07:00,374
No, come on,
159
00:07:00,442 --> 00:07:02,075
you got to get the train
going to the next station,
160
00:07:02,142 --> 00:07:04,174
or it's going to... whoa. OK.
161
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,573
I don't think that's the
next station, buddy.
162
00:07:06,641 --> 00:07:09,606
Ha ha. No, it's right here by Mr.
Teddy Bear.
163
00:07:09,673 --> 00:07:11,805
Choo... whoa. All right.
164
00:07:11,873 --> 00:07:13,537
Um...
165
00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:14,571
Jordan, honey,
166
00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:16,604
you see all these things
on the floor here?
167
00:07:16,671 --> 00:07:18,635
Those are your toys. Yeah.
168
00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:20,468
And these 2 things on my body?
169
00:07:20,536 --> 00:07:22,135
Those are not your toys.
170
00:07:22,203 --> 00:07:24,534
No, no, no, no. Ha ha.
171
00:07:24,602 --> 00:07:26,899
Hey, since you like
squeezing things,
172
00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:28,700
why don't we play
with this stuff, huh?
173
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:30,233
This is good.
174
00:07:30,301 --> 00:07:32,699
It's fun. You can
make it into a ball,
175
00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:34,331
or a snake...
176
00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:35,597
OK.
177
00:07:41,597 --> 00:07:42,862
Coming.
178
00:07:45,762 --> 00:07:47,128
Oh, hey, Holly.
179
00:07:47,196 --> 00:07:48,195
Hey, Spence.
180
00:07:48,261 --> 00:07:49,660
Is my little guy
ready for his walk?
181
00:07:49,728 --> 00:07:50,961
Oh, more than ready.
182
00:07:51,027 --> 00:07:52,560
He had some Snausages last night
183
00:07:52,627 --> 00:07:54,492
that did not agree with him.
184
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,091
Been there, done that.
185
00:07:58,159 --> 00:08:00,724
Hey, um, do you want to
see my new purchase?
186
00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:02,057
Oh, your Spider-Man suit?
187
00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,323
You modeled it for me last week.
188
00:08:03,391 --> 00:08:04,889
No, no, no, no, no.
189
00:08:04,956 --> 00:08:05,789
It's... it's my TiVo.
190
00:08:05,857 --> 00:08:08,821
See, it's this thing
that records TV shows,
191
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,587
but the cool part is,
192
00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:11,954
it's intuitive.
193
00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:14,285
See, once you program
in some shows you like,
194
00:08:14,353 --> 00:08:16,453
it gets to know your taste,
and then automatically
195
00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:18,385
picks out and records
shows for you.
196
00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,719
Wow. See ya.
197
00:08:20,786 --> 00:08:21,951
No, no, no, no. Come here.
198
00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:24,017
Just come sit.
199
00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:25,983
Now, the other day,
200
00:08:26,051 --> 00:08:30,115
I programmed in Sex in the
City, Six Feet Under,
201
00:08:30,183 --> 00:08:31,115
a few other favorites.
202
00:08:31,183 --> 00:08:33,682
And now... presto.
203
00:08:33,748 --> 00:08:36,613
A whole list of shows TiVo
recorded just for me.
204
00:08:36,681 --> 00:08:38,513
Oh. Priscilla, Queen
of the Desert.
205
00:08:38,580 --> 00:08:42,412
Never heard of it, but
TiVo knows I like it.
206
00:08:42,479 --> 00:08:44,911
Judy Garland: Live
at Carnegie Hall.
207
00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:46,544
Uh, OK, I...
208
00:08:46,612 --> 00:08:48,511
Decorating with Style.
209
00:08:48,578 --> 00:08:49,876
I... I... don't know why...
210
00:08:49,944 --> 00:08:52,209
Queer as Folk.
211
00:08:52,277 --> 00:08:56,908
Oh, my God! TiVo thinks I'm gay!
212
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:07,004
All right, boys, it's
time to get serious here.
213
00:09:07,073 --> 00:09:09,105
This is our last practice
before the big dance.
214
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,538
Tomorrow the world learns
215
00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:12,104
what the men of IPS are made of.
216
00:09:12,171 --> 00:09:13,270
Yeah, let's do it!
217
00:09:13,338 --> 00:09:14,403
Hey, who's our first
match against?
218
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:15,402
Uh...
219
00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:17,069
Mail Boxes Etc.
220
00:09:17,136 --> 00:09:19,068
Damn post office wannabes!
221
00:09:20,369 --> 00:09:21,800
Ah, crap.
222
00:09:21,868 --> 00:09:23,200
Anybody got an extra lace?
223
00:09:23,268 --> 00:09:25,765
Uh, no, I don't
have one, but, um,
224
00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:28,066
why don't you go get one
from your girlfriend?
225
00:09:29,432 --> 00:09:31,464
Yeah, go ahead, make her night.
226
00:09:31,532 --> 00:09:32,698
"Make her night."
227
00:09:32,766 --> 00:09:35,796
That is so great!
228
00:09:35,864 --> 00:09:38,262
Oh, man, you're good! Oh!
229
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:40,729
Come on, man, look, she did
dust you off pretty good.
230
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:42,629
All right, look, she's
new around here, OK?
231
00:09:42,696 --> 00:09:44,160
Maybe she's just nervous
in front of the customers.
232
00:09:44,228 --> 00:09:45,960
Sure, that's it.
233
00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:54,825
Hi.
234
00:09:54,892 --> 00:09:56,124
Can I help you?
235
00:09:56,191 --> 00:09:58,790
Yeah, I need a pack of laces.
How much?
236
00:09:58,858 --> 00:10:00,190
Um, I'm not sure.
237
00:10:00,257 --> 00:10:02,022
Let me ask my boyfriend.
238
00:10:03,423 --> 00:10:05,188
Trevor!
239
00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:06,420
Yeah?
240
00:10:06,488 --> 00:10:08,187
Um, sorry to bother
you, sweetie,
241
00:10:08,254 --> 00:10:10,821
but, um, this guy
says he broke a lace.
242
00:10:15,286 --> 00:10:16,584
Broke a shoelace?
243
00:10:17,752 --> 00:10:20,184
Yeah, they break. They're
not made of steel.
244
00:10:22,417 --> 00:10:23,483
That's a buck.
245
00:10:24,551 --> 00:10:25,914
Thank you.
246
00:10:28,016 --> 00:10:29,082
Babe, you look hot tonight.
247
00:10:29,149 --> 00:10:30,613
Come on, stop.
248
00:10:30,681 --> 00:10:31,913
We're at work.
249
00:10:37,546 --> 00:10:38,612
Anything else?
250
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,444
No, that's all. Thanks.
251
00:10:48,643 --> 00:10:50,308
Unbelievable.
252
00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:51,541
What happened?
253
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:52,873
She must've thought I was
hittin' on her last night,
254
00:10:52,941 --> 00:10:54,374
'cause she made a big show of
trotting out her boyfriend
255
00:10:54,442 --> 00:10:57,040
in front of me. "Hey,
sweetie, I love you!"
256
00:10:57,108 --> 00:11:01,371
Please help me sell this sweaty,
horrible man a shoelace."
257
00:11:01,439 --> 00:11:02,771
Well, who's her boyfriend?
258
00:11:02,839 --> 00:11:04,104
That guy right there.
259
00:11:04,172 --> 00:11:05,771
That guy?
260
00:11:05,838 --> 00:11:08,103
That's her brother!
261
00:11:12,036 --> 00:11:13,334
Her brother?
262
00:11:13,402 --> 00:11:15,301
She had to get her brother to
pretend to be her boyfriend?
263
00:11:15,368 --> 00:11:16,801
I'm that much of a sleazeball?
264
00:11:18,768 --> 00:11:19,933
I guess so!
265
00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:21,499
Hey, I was doing her a favor!
266
00:11:21,566 --> 00:11:22,865
It was a mercy flirt!
267
00:11:28,999 --> 00:11:31,430
Carrie: See, Jordan, those
are Chinese handcuffs.
268
00:11:31,498 --> 00:11:34,096
Uh-oh! Now your hands are stuck.
269
00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:36,428
It's fun being stuck, isn't it?
270
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,095
Let's be stuck all day.
271
00:11:39,163 --> 00:11:40,927
But I will read you
a little book,
272
00:11:40,995 --> 00:11:42,760
OK, while you are... ohh!
273
00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:43,694
No! No!
274
00:11:43,762 --> 00:11:45,626
What a pair! What?!
275
00:11:45,694 --> 00:11:47,591
The two of you. You
look great together.
276
00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:49,091
Oh! How's it going?
277
00:11:49,159 --> 00:11:52,191
Um, well, actually, uh...
278
00:11:54,491 --> 00:11:56,089
It's going great. It really is.
279
00:11:56,156 --> 00:11:57,056
Fantastic. Yeah...
280
00:11:57,190 --> 00:11:59,322
You really are a lifesaver.
281
00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:00,288
You have fun, kiddo.
282
00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:21,348
Hey, sweetie, you wanna
grab some dinner?
283
00:12:21,415 --> 00:12:22,514
Anything but Chinese, though,
284
00:12:22,582 --> 00:12:24,847
'cause I had Chinese for lunch.
285
00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,980
Unless you really want Chinese.
286
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,845
Let's get Chinese!
287
00:12:31,913 --> 00:12:33,378
Anybody home?
288
00:12:33,445 --> 00:12:34,945
Uh, I'm not hungry.
289
00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:37,810
What? What's wrong?
290
00:12:37,878 --> 00:12:40,276
Oh, it's this thing
with Kaplan's kid.
291
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,608
What's the matter?
292
00:12:41,676 --> 00:12:43,642
You got a little Dennis the
Menace on your hands, huh?
293
00:12:43,709 --> 00:12:45,174
What, he put a
frog in your desk?
294
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:47,074
Give you a little hot foot?
295
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,273
He feels me up constantly.
296
00:12:51,141 --> 00:12:52,873
Huh? Yeah.
297
00:12:52,941 --> 00:12:56,571
He grabs my breasts
every chance he gets.
298
00:12:56,639 --> 00:12:58,771
Come on, he's a kid!
That's what kids do.
299
00:12:58,838 --> 00:13:00,771
And besides, I remember
you laughin' pretty hard
300
00:13:00,838 --> 00:13:04,202
when Deacon's baby used
my dealie as a speed bag.
301
00:13:04,270 --> 00:13:06,136
Doug, this is totally different!
302
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:07,835
I mean, this kid... He...
he's old enough
303
00:13:07,903 --> 00:13:10,034
to know exactly what he's doing!
304
00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:12,367
I'm being sexually harassed!
305
00:13:12,435 --> 00:13:13,399
You are not.
306
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:15,733
I am! Think about it. OK?
307
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:17,000
The kid gropes me,
308
00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:18,265
I can't complain about it,
309
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:19,531
or I won't get my promotion.
310
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,364
That's Sexual Harassment 101.
311
00:13:22,431 --> 00:13:24,364
He's no better than
any other sleazeball
312
00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,163
who thinks all women
are fair game.
313
00:13:28,730 --> 00:13:31,994
Oh, so you just assume
he's a sleazeball.
314
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,194
Yeah, I do.
315
00:13:33,262 --> 00:13:34,593
Really? Did you ever
stop to think that maybe
316
00:13:34,661 --> 00:13:36,659
he's just throwing
you a mercy flirt?
317
00:13:36,727 --> 00:13:39,593
Huh? Yeah.
318
00:13:41,292 --> 00:13:42,924
Yeah, maybe that he's
just feeling you up
319
00:13:42,992 --> 00:13:45,589
as a favor to you? Huh? Yeah.
320
00:13:45,857 --> 00:13:47,823
What?!
321
00:13:47,891 --> 00:13:49,789
Yeah, you women
are all the same,
322
00:13:49,857 --> 00:13:50,822
you know that?
323
00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:52,089
You think that every
guy's after you
324
00:13:52,157 --> 00:13:55,454
'cause you're so irresistible!
325
00:13:55,522 --> 00:13:56,886
Hey, here's an idea... why
don't you get your brother
326
00:13:56,954 --> 00:13:57,920
to pretend to be your boyfriend?
327
00:13:57,988 --> 00:13:59,752
That'll show him!
328
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:00,786
What are you talking...
I don't even...
329
00:14:00,853 --> 00:14:01,952
I don't have a brother!
330
00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:03,885
Oh, please!
331
00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:06,351
Doug, what are you
sticking up for him for?
332
00:14:06,419 --> 00:14:07,751
I mean, you should be
going down to my office
333
00:14:07,819 --> 00:14:09,750
and beatin' the crap out of him!
OK...
334
00:14:09,818 --> 00:14:11,517
first of all, I haven't
beaten the crap
335
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:14,516
out of a 4-year-old
since I was 8.
336
00:14:16,016 --> 00:14:17,815
And second of all,
337
00:14:17,882 --> 00:14:19,280
I'm with the boy on this one.
338
00:14:19,348 --> 00:14:21,180
Sorry if that's a kick
in the cornflakes,
339
00:14:21,248 --> 00:14:23,679
but that's the way
it is, sister!
340
00:14:23,747 --> 00:14:24,379
You're crazy!
341
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,446
Oh, here we go, all
men are crazy!
342
00:14:26,514 --> 00:14:28,345
No, not all men, just you.
343
00:14:28,413 --> 00:14:29,477
Oh, really? I'm crazy?
Well, you know what?
344
00:14:29,545 --> 00:14:31,244
Crazy man go bye-bye.
345
00:14:31,311 --> 00:14:33,010
Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Yeah!
346
00:14:34,611 --> 00:14:36,677
What do you want from Chinese?
347
00:14:44,575 --> 00:14:45,507
Mmm!
348
00:14:45,575 --> 00:14:46,539
Yeah!
349
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,204
Oh, hey, Spence, you're home.
350
00:14:51,272 --> 00:14:52,438
Just now. Um...
351
00:14:52,506 --> 00:14:53,837
do you have a second?
352
00:14:53,905 --> 00:14:55,071
Oh, actually, one of my clients
353
00:14:55,139 --> 00:14:56,903
is getting neutered,
and I should be there.
354
00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:58,269
Well, just... Just for a second.
355
00:14:58,337 --> 00:14:59,670
Just sit. For a second.
356
00:14:59,738 --> 00:15:01,669
OK... OK.
357
00:15:01,737 --> 00:15:02,769
Um...
358
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,800
remember, for some reason,
359
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,167
TiVo thought I was gay?
360
00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:08,067
I mean, how crazy was that?
361
00:15:08,135 --> 00:15:09,134
Phew...
362
00:15:09,268 --> 00:15:10,265
it was crazy.
363
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,165
Yeah, well...
364
00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:13,465
I have a feeling
365
00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:15,931
TiVo won't be making any
more dumb mistakes.
366
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:16,964
See, I let it know
367
00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:18,531
what a big sports fan I am.
368
00:15:18,599 --> 00:15:20,730
Oh... Yeah! Had it
record my football,
369
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:21,863
my hoops,
370
00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:23,729
that Nascar race I've
been wantin' to see.
371
00:15:23,796 --> 00:15:24,895
So...
372
00:15:24,963 --> 00:15:27,328
let's see what shows
TiVo recorded
373
00:15:27,395 --> 00:15:30,027
now that it knows I'm
a sports junkie.
374
00:15:31,728 --> 00:15:34,326
Men's Ice Dancing.
375
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:36,458
OK... What... what the...
376
00:15:36,526 --> 00:15:38,991
Breaking the Surface: The
Greg Louganis Story.
377
00:15:39,058 --> 00:15:40,390
Oh... This is wrong!
378
00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:41,957
No, you said TiVo
was intuitive...
379
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,290
No, no! I... I...
I'm not gay, OK?
380
00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:46,222
I love women. I've stalked them!
381
00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:48,988
I'll... I'll have sex with
you right now if you want!
382
00:15:49,055 --> 00:15:50,654
Um...
383
00:15:50,722 --> 00:15:52,287
I'm good. Listen...
384
00:15:52,354 --> 00:15:53,720
uh, I should go. Hey, um,
385
00:15:53,788 --> 00:15:55,220
good luck with that whole...
386
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,885
not gay thing. I... I...
387
00:15:56,953 --> 00:15:59,352
TiVo's wrong! This is wrong!
388
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:01,383
Ohh, how dare you label me?!
389
00:16:01,451 --> 00:16:03,617
"Oh, I record shows digitally!"
390
00:16:03,685 --> 00:16:05,616
You're gay!
391
00:16:14,449 --> 00:16:15,948
Yes!
392
00:16:16,015 --> 00:16:17,413
Whoo!
393
00:16:17,481 --> 00:16:19,480
So, how's it goin'?
394
00:16:19,548 --> 00:16:20,780
Not so good.
395
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,312
What's the matter?
396
00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:24,612
I'm being sexually harassed.
397
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:25,611
Really?
398
00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:27,611
Me, too! Who's harassing you?
399
00:16:27,679 --> 00:16:29,843
A 4-year-old.
400
00:16:29,911 --> 00:16:31,577
You?
401
00:16:31,643 --> 00:16:33,842
TiVo.
402
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:35,374
P.A.: Attention,
tournament bowlers,
403
00:16:35,442 --> 00:16:37,475
please make sure your lineup
cards are filled out.
404
00:16:37,541 --> 00:16:38,841
Denise will be coming around
405
00:16:38,909 --> 00:16:40,074
in a few minutes
to collect them.
406
00:16:40,142 --> 00:16:41,974
Will you forget about
that girl and focus here?
407
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,106
Yeah, yeah.
408
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,438
Yeah!
409
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:08,132
Got your lineup card?
410
00:17:08,199 --> 00:17:09,398
Oh, yeah, right here.
411
00:17:09,466 --> 00:17:10,565
Mmm. Good luck!
412
00:17:10,632 --> 00:17:11,598
Thanks.
413
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,397
What the hell was that?
414
00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:17,595
Nothing. She was getting
our lineup card.
415
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:18,862
Did you see her
trying to avoid me?
416
00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:20,662
I'm surprised she didn't
burrow under the alley
417
00:17:20,729 --> 00:17:22,761
like a ferret.
418
00:17:22,828 --> 00:17:24,628
OK, listen to me.
419
00:17:24,762 --> 00:17:26,160
Last year in this tournament,
420
00:17:26,229 --> 00:17:28,093
we lost to Pottery Barn.
421
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,159
We got our asses kicked
422
00:17:29,228 --> 00:17:31,858
by people who sell
decorative candles.
423
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:32,958
Now, I need you
to play your game
424
00:17:33,026 --> 00:17:34,925
and stop worrying about
the damn shoe girl.
425
00:17:35,958 --> 00:17:37,890
You're right. She's
just a shoe girl.
426
00:17:37,958 --> 00:17:39,123
I mean, who the hell
does she think she is,
427
00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:40,389
copping an attitude with me?!
428
00:17:40,457 --> 00:17:41,922
I mean, if I was
goin' after a girl,
429
00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:43,422
I could get somebody
much better than her,
430
00:17:43,489 --> 00:17:44,855
much better!
431
00:17:46,488 --> 00:17:48,888
Wait a second, I did.
432
00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,787
And she's here right now.
433
00:17:50,854 --> 00:17:52,852
You know what, I'm gonna go
show Denise what's what.
434
00:17:54,852 --> 00:17:57,118
Hey! Hey.
435
00:17:57,186 --> 00:17:58,918
How about a kiss
from my lucky charm?
436
00:17:58,986 --> 00:17:59,917
Hmm? All right.
437
00:17:59,985 --> 00:18:02,183
There you go. Good luck.
438
00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:04,349
Come on, now, you can
do better than that.
439
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,116
Lay one on me. Just give me
440
00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:06,216
a nice little kiss here, huh?
441
00:18:06,284 --> 00:18:07,582
I don't feel like it, OK?
442
00:18:07,649 --> 00:18:09,480
I've been clawed at
by that kid all day.
443
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,081
All right, well, just
give me a little sugar.
444
00:18:11,149 --> 00:18:12,547
I'm really not in the mood.
445
00:18:12,615 --> 00:18:14,046
Can you just let...
Get off of me!
446
00:18:14,113 --> 00:18:16,646
What is wro... Give
me one little kiss!
447
00:18:16,714 --> 00:18:17,977
Will you please stop?
448
00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:23,843
Stop it!
449
00:18:28,276 --> 00:18:29,608
I'm telling you, this thing
450
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,875
with Jordan is driving me crazy!
451
00:18:31,942 --> 00:18:34,140
Carrie, I know you
feel violated,
452
00:18:34,208 --> 00:18:35,207
but hang in there.
453
00:18:35,274 --> 00:18:37,673
In 2 days, he'll be
back in preschool.
454
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:38,905
I can't take
455
00:18:38,973 --> 00:18:40,605
another 2 days of
this, all right?
456
00:18:40,673 --> 00:18:42,105
Every time I blink I see a pair
457
00:18:42,173 --> 00:18:45,105
of grubby little hands
and a Garanimals shirt.
458
00:18:47,938 --> 00:18:49,370
You know what?
459
00:18:49,438 --> 00:18:50,336
I'm just gonna tell Kaplan
460
00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:51,835
that I can't do it anymore.
461
00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:01,833
Hi, Mr. Kaplan.
462
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,299
Oh, good morning, Carrie. Uh...
463
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:04,366
can I talk to you for a second
464
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,631
about my watching Jordan?
465
00:19:05,698 --> 00:19:08,232
Well, actually, I'm glad
you brought that up.
466
00:19:08,299 --> 00:19:11,463
Seems the young fellow
wants to make a change.
467
00:19:11,531 --> 00:19:13,296
What kind of change?
468
00:19:13,364 --> 00:19:14,562
Well...
469
00:19:14,629 --> 00:19:16,595
to be honest with you,
470
00:19:16,663 --> 00:19:19,228
he's kind of taken
a shine to Amanda.
471
00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:28,791
OK.
472
00:19:28,859 --> 00:19:30,124
Thanks for all
your help, Carrie.
473
00:19:30,192 --> 00:19:31,124
Sure!
474
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,788
Hey, Jordan.
475
00:19:41,856 --> 00:19:43,987
I heard about your decision.
476
00:19:44,054 --> 00:19:46,720
I guess I understand.
477
00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:48,019
I just hope you tell your father
478
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,152
that I treated you well.
479
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:52,451
Although I clearly couldn't be
480
00:19:52,519 --> 00:19:54,551
all that you wanted me to be.
481
00:19:58,817 --> 00:19:59,749
Just so you know,
482
00:19:59,817 --> 00:20:01,382
those are fake.
483
00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:14,478
Sorry, man. I, uh...
484
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,477
I really let the team down.
485
00:20:16,545 --> 00:20:18,544
Yeah.
486
00:20:18,611 --> 00:20:20,043
OK, you didn't have
to agree with me.
487
00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:21,976
Well, what the hell
am I supposed to say?
488
00:20:22,044 --> 00:20:24,242
You bowled a 94.
489
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,441
It's all her fault.
490
00:20:29,808 --> 00:20:31,041
Hey, you know what?
491
00:20:31,108 --> 00:20:32,440
I should end this right now!
492
00:20:32,507 --> 00:20:33,939
Just tell her once and for
all that I'm not into her,
493
00:20:34,006 --> 00:20:36,306
I was just being nice.
What do you think?
494
00:20:36,373 --> 00:20:39,503
Do you understand we got
beat by Lamps Plus?
495
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:40,671
Hey!
496
00:20:43,837 --> 00:20:44,870
Hey!
497
00:20:48,269 --> 00:20:49,801
Hold up a sec!
498
00:20:53,634 --> 00:20:55,067
Hey!
499
00:20:59,099 --> 00:21:00,198
Wait up!
500
00:21:05,497 --> 00:21:09,362
Aah!
501
00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:13,861
Oh, God!
502
00:21:13,929 --> 00:21:16,293
Aah!
503
00:21:16,361 --> 00:21:19,127
It was a mercy flirt!
504
00:21:28,791 --> 00:21:31,256
TV Announcer: Tonight
on Queer as Folk...
34114
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