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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:40,252 Doug: Follow the break. Follow the break. 2 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,018 Oh, good Lord, I am gifted. 3 00:00:45,484 --> 00:00:46,384 Hey, hey, hey, come here. Come here. 4 00:00:46,451 --> 00:00:47,417 What? Come here, quick. 5 00:00:47,483 --> 00:00:48,384 Come here. Come over here. What? 6 00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:50,048 Look. 7 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:53,114 It's me bowling. 8 00:00:53,182 --> 00:00:57,481 OK. Glad I swallowed my gum for that. 9 00:00:57,549 --> 00:01:00,146 I had Deke videotape my stroke, you know, 10 00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:02,612 to help me get ready for the tournament this weekend. 11 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,145 You want to watch it with frame advance? 12 00:01:04,211 --> 00:01:06,611 Do I! 13 00:01:06,679 --> 00:01:08,244 OK, ball back... 14 00:01:08,312 --> 00:01:09,677 plant... 15 00:01:09,745 --> 00:01:10,976 release... 16 00:01:11,044 --> 00:01:12,043 follow through. 17 00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:13,076 Whoa! 18 00:01:13,144 --> 00:01:14,442 What? What? 19 00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:17,675 Looks like somebody needs to wear a belt when they bowl. 20 00:01:19,442 --> 00:01:20,507 Oh, you're right. 21 00:01:20,575 --> 00:01:23,105 Little too much alley on display right there. 22 00:01:25,006 --> 00:01:26,440 It's weird. I've never really... 23 00:01:26,506 --> 00:01:29,071 seen myself from that angle before. 24 00:01:29,138 --> 00:01:32,436 Well, I have had the pleasure, so offy. 25 00:01:34,004 --> 00:01:35,537 So what's in the bag? 26 00:01:35,604 --> 00:01:38,268 What's in the bag? Oh, just our future. 27 00:01:38,336 --> 00:01:40,468 Does our future include any sort of chicken? 28 00:01:40,536 --> 00:01:42,700 'Cause I'm very, very hungry. 29 00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:45,500 Sorry. But get this. Mr. Kaplan, as in, 30 00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:48,198 king of the whole friggin' law firm Mr. Kaplan, 31 00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:51,597 is getting ready to make me his new secretary. 32 00:01:51,665 --> 00:01:53,864 Oh, come on. That guy's been dangling that job 33 00:01:53,931 --> 00:01:55,562 in front of you for 2 years. 34 00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:58,663 But he hasn't seen these. 35 00:02:02,129 --> 00:02:04,593 Toy Dog: Please rub my tummy! 36 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,292 I think you would have had a better shot with a hooker. 37 00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:14,692 These are for his son. 38 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,524 He has a 4-year-old from his second marriage. 39 00:02:16,592 --> 00:02:17,558 His wife is out of town, 40 00:02:17,624 --> 00:02:18,990 so he asked me if I would watch his son 41 00:02:19,058 --> 00:02:20,123 in the office for a couple days, 42 00:02:20,191 --> 00:02:22,422 and I said I would be delighted. 43 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:23,955 But you hate kids. 44 00:02:24,023 --> 00:02:25,154 Not this one. 45 00:02:25,222 --> 00:02:26,121 I'm going to ride this little putz 46 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:27,954 all the way to the top. 47 00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:30,387 All right, well, have fun. I'm going to meet the guys 48 00:02:30,455 --> 00:02:31,887 down at the bowling alley to practice. 49 00:02:31,955 --> 00:02:32,852 Bup, bup, bup, bup. What? 50 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,819 Belt. Right-o. 51 00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,982 Hey, you guys catch the Knick game last night? 52 00:02:44,050 --> 00:02:45,416 No. Who won? 53 00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:47,115 Jeez, you believe they let the freakin' Grizzlies 54 00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:48,347 take them to overtime? 55 00:02:48,415 --> 00:02:50,014 Danny: Hello? Who won? 56 00:02:50,081 --> 00:02:51,979 The Knicks. Why didn't you watch? 57 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,846 Ah, I couldn't watch anything last night. 58 00:02:53,913 --> 00:02:56,112 Spence was hooking up his new TiVo. 59 00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:57,446 What's that? 60 00:02:57,513 --> 00:02:59,811 Ah, it's some new fancy digital thing 61 00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:01,810 that records television shows for you. 62 00:03:01,878 --> 00:03:03,677 Except I'm not allowed to touch it. 63 00:03:03,745 --> 00:03:04,976 But I'll tell you something. 64 00:03:05,044 --> 00:03:08,209 If he thinks he's getting near my rice maker ever again, 65 00:03:08,277 --> 00:03:10,541 he's in for a rude surprise. 66 00:03:10,609 --> 00:03:12,974 Mark my words! 67 00:03:13,042 --> 00:03:15,306 All right. 68 00:03:15,374 --> 00:03:18,039 Hey, guys. 69 00:03:18,107 --> 00:03:19,171 All: Hey! Hey, Tanya! What's going on? 70 00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:21,038 Listen, I just wanted to come over to say good-bye. 71 00:03:21,106 --> 00:03:23,770 Today was my last day at the shoe rental counter. 72 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:25,870 Where you off to from here? 73 00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:27,870 Well, I got a job at Payless in Elmhurst. 74 00:03:27,938 --> 00:03:29,169 It's going to be so nice 75 00:03:29,236 --> 00:03:31,069 to work with new shoes for a change. 76 00:03:31,136 --> 00:03:32,236 I hear that. 77 00:03:32,303 --> 00:03:33,335 But don't worry, 78 00:03:33,402 --> 00:03:34,234 you're going to love the new girl. 79 00:03:34,302 --> 00:03:36,168 Her name's Denise. She's very sweet. 80 00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:43,232 All: Yeah. All right. Great. 81 00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:44,498 Well, good luck in the tournament. 82 00:03:44,566 --> 00:03:45,699 I'll see you guys. 83 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,597 All: Take care. See you. Bye-bye, T. 84 00:03:49,298 --> 00:03:50,897 Wow. 85 00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,163 It's like we just went from a Rolls-Royce 86 00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:54,395 to a Ford Fiesta. 87 00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:55,428 From now on, 88 00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:57,327 I'll be renting my shoes over the phone. 89 00:03:59,029 --> 00:04:00,861 That snack-bar waitress with the glass eye 90 00:04:00,928 --> 00:04:02,326 just moved up the charts. 91 00:04:02,394 --> 00:04:03,793 Yeah, 92 00:04:03,861 --> 00:04:04,659 so did the alley boy. 93 00:04:05,793 --> 00:04:07,358 You guys are being idiots, man. 94 00:04:07,426 --> 00:04:09,224 Just give her a break. 95 00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,224 Not until she gives me a break 96 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,424 and starts wearing a paper bag. 97 00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,689 Hey, where are you going? 98 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,922 I'm going over there to talk to her, man. 99 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:19,555 Think how she feels. 100 00:04:19,623 --> 00:04:22,053 Usually there are guys lined up like 3 deep to hit on Tanya. 101 00:04:22,121 --> 00:04:24,620 But now look... nothing, right? 102 00:04:24,688 --> 00:04:25,720 You know what I'm going to do? 103 00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,086 I'm going to go over there and make her day. 104 00:04:30,686 --> 00:04:32,752 Oh, hi. Can I help you? 105 00:04:34,851 --> 00:04:38,082 So you must be this Denise I keep hearing about. 106 00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:40,782 Yeah. 107 00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:42,582 Well, Denise, I'm Doug, and on behalf 108 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:47,414 of the entire Bowl-a-Rama family of bowlers... welcome. 109 00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:48,179 Um... 110 00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,746 Thanks. 111 00:04:49,814 --> 00:04:51,680 Wow. Your eyes are killer. 112 00:04:51,748 --> 00:04:54,078 They're like the exact same color as my ball. 113 00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,507 Hey, shoe question for you. 114 00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,340 Why do they make the half sizes 115 00:05:10,408 --> 00:05:12,305 with the line under the number, you know? 116 00:05:12,374 --> 00:05:14,873 Why not use just the old, like, half symbol, you know? 117 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,104 What's the deal with that? 118 00:05:16,172 --> 00:05:18,837 Um, I... I really don't know. 119 00:05:18,905 --> 00:05:19,971 It's crazy though, isn't it? 120 00:05:20,038 --> 00:05:23,770 Do you want to rent shoes or not? 121 00:05:23,838 --> 00:05:26,402 No, I, uh, I have my own. 122 00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:29,535 Um, OK, well, I'll see you. 123 00:05:29,602 --> 00:05:32,833 Wow. She lit up like a Christmas tree. 124 00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:34,832 Shutty. 125 00:05:43,698 --> 00:05:44,530 Hello, Carrie. 126 00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:48,029 Oh, hi, Mr. Kaplan. And who is this? 127 00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,361 Is this the new lawyer I've been hearing about? 128 00:05:50,429 --> 00:05:53,895 No, no, he's a few years away from that. 129 00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,460 Jordan, this is Carrie. 130 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:57,360 She's going to be your friend for the next few days. 131 00:05:57,428 --> 00:05:59,592 Hi. Hi, Jordan. 132 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,159 We're going to have a lot of fun. 133 00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:02,325 Oh, if we only had some toys. 134 00:06:02,392 --> 00:06:04,991 Uh-oh, you found them. Good work, buddy. 135 00:06:05,059 --> 00:06:07,289 All these toys you bought. My goodness. 136 00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:08,856 Oh, I'm happy to do it. 137 00:06:08,923 --> 00:06:10,590 Is this the kind of stuff he usually likes? 138 00:06:10,658 --> 00:06:12,188 To tell you the truth, I have no idea. 139 00:06:12,256 --> 00:06:15,321 His mother handles the day-to-day stuff. 140 00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:17,454 Anyway, Carrie, thanks a lot. 141 00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:18,686 You're a lifesaver. 142 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,352 My own secretary wanted no part of this. 143 00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:25,085 Just one more reason for me to give old Marge the heave-ho. 144 00:06:25,153 --> 00:06:26,751 Well, that's none of my affair. 145 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,517 All I know is I love kids, 146 00:06:28,585 --> 00:06:30,950 and I could have that desk packed up in 5 minutes. 147 00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:33,483 Well, Jordan, just have fun. 148 00:06:33,551 --> 00:06:35,848 Daddy will come get you at lunchtime. 149 00:06:35,915 --> 00:06:38,648 Do you like Indian food? 150 00:06:38,716 --> 00:06:40,214 We'll figure it out. 151 00:06:40,282 --> 00:06:41,214 See ya. 152 00:06:41,282 --> 00:06:43,680 OK. Bye-bye. 153 00:06:45,813 --> 00:06:48,546 Hey, what you got there? 154 00:06:48,613 --> 00:06:52,311 A train? Choo choo! 155 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:53,210 Choo... 156 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,542 Oh, I... 157 00:06:56,611 --> 00:06:59,108 I didn't mean for you to stop, I... 158 00:06:59,175 --> 00:07:00,374 No, come on, 159 00:07:00,442 --> 00:07:02,075 you got to get the train going to the next station, 160 00:07:02,142 --> 00:07:04,174 or it's going to... whoa. OK. 161 00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,573 I don't think that's the next station, buddy. 162 00:07:06,641 --> 00:07:09,606 Ha ha. No, it's right here by Mr. Teddy Bear. 163 00:07:09,673 --> 00:07:11,805 Choo... whoa. All right. 164 00:07:11,873 --> 00:07:13,537 Um... 165 00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:14,571 Jordan, honey, 166 00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:16,604 you see all these things on the floor here? 167 00:07:16,671 --> 00:07:18,635 Those are your toys. Yeah. 168 00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:20,468 And these 2 things on my body? 169 00:07:20,536 --> 00:07:22,135 Those are not your toys. 170 00:07:22,203 --> 00:07:24,534 No, no, no, no. Ha ha. 171 00:07:24,602 --> 00:07:26,899 Hey, since you like squeezing things, 172 00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:28,700 why don't we play with this stuff, huh? 173 00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:30,233 This is good. 174 00:07:30,301 --> 00:07:32,699 It's fun. You can make it into a ball, 175 00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:34,331 or a snake... 176 00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:35,597 OK. 177 00:07:41,597 --> 00:07:42,862 Coming. 178 00:07:45,762 --> 00:07:47,128 Oh, hey, Holly. 179 00:07:47,196 --> 00:07:48,195 Hey, Spence. 180 00:07:48,261 --> 00:07:49,660 Is my little guy ready for his walk? 181 00:07:49,728 --> 00:07:50,961 Oh, more than ready. 182 00:07:51,027 --> 00:07:52,560 He had some Snausages last night 183 00:07:52,627 --> 00:07:54,492 that did not agree with him. 184 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,091 Been there, done that. 185 00:07:58,159 --> 00:08:00,724 Hey, um, do you want to see my new purchase? 186 00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:02,057 Oh, your Spider-Man suit? 187 00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,323 You modeled it for me last week. 188 00:08:03,391 --> 00:08:04,889 No, no, no, no, no. 189 00:08:04,956 --> 00:08:05,789 It's... it's my TiVo. 190 00:08:05,857 --> 00:08:08,821 See, it's this thing that records TV shows, 191 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,587 but the cool part is, 192 00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:11,954 it's intuitive. 193 00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:14,285 See, once you program in some shows you like, 194 00:08:14,353 --> 00:08:16,453 it gets to know your taste, and then automatically 195 00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:18,385 picks out and records shows for you. 196 00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,719 Wow. See ya. 197 00:08:20,786 --> 00:08:21,951 No, no, no, no. Come here. 198 00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:24,017 Just come sit. 199 00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:25,983 Now, the other day, 200 00:08:26,051 --> 00:08:30,115 I programmed in Sex in the City, Six Feet Under, 201 00:08:30,183 --> 00:08:31,115 a few other favorites. 202 00:08:31,183 --> 00:08:33,682 And now... presto. 203 00:08:33,748 --> 00:08:36,613 A whole list of shows TiVo recorded just for me. 204 00:08:36,681 --> 00:08:38,513 Oh. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. 205 00:08:38,580 --> 00:08:42,412 Never heard of it, but TiVo knows I like it. 206 00:08:42,479 --> 00:08:44,911 Judy Garland: Live at Carnegie Hall. 207 00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:46,544 Uh, OK, I... 208 00:08:46,612 --> 00:08:48,511 Decorating with Style. 209 00:08:48,578 --> 00:08:49,876 I... I... don't know why... 210 00:08:49,944 --> 00:08:52,209 Queer as Folk. 211 00:08:52,277 --> 00:08:56,908 Oh, my God! TiVo thinks I'm gay! 212 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:07,004 All right, boys, it's time to get serious here. 213 00:09:07,073 --> 00:09:09,105 This is our last practice before the big dance. 214 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,538 Tomorrow the world learns 215 00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:12,104 what the men of IPS are made of. 216 00:09:12,171 --> 00:09:13,270 Yeah, let's do it! 217 00:09:13,338 --> 00:09:14,403 Hey, who's our first match against? 218 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:15,402 Uh... 219 00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:17,069 Mail Boxes Etc. 220 00:09:17,136 --> 00:09:19,068 Damn post office wannabes! 221 00:09:20,369 --> 00:09:21,800 Ah, crap. 222 00:09:21,868 --> 00:09:23,200 Anybody got an extra lace? 223 00:09:23,268 --> 00:09:25,765 Uh, no, I don't have one, but, um, 224 00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:28,066 why don't you go get one from your girlfriend? 225 00:09:29,432 --> 00:09:31,464 Yeah, go ahead, make her night. 226 00:09:31,532 --> 00:09:32,698 "Make her night." 227 00:09:32,766 --> 00:09:35,796 That is so great! 228 00:09:35,864 --> 00:09:38,262 Oh, man, you're good! Oh! 229 00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:40,729 Come on, man, look, she did dust you off pretty good. 230 00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:42,629 All right, look, she's new around here, OK? 231 00:09:42,696 --> 00:09:44,160 Maybe she's just nervous in front of the customers. 232 00:09:44,228 --> 00:09:45,960 Sure, that's it. 233 00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:54,825 Hi. 234 00:09:54,892 --> 00:09:56,124 Can I help you? 235 00:09:56,191 --> 00:09:58,790 Yeah, I need a pack of laces. How much? 236 00:09:58,858 --> 00:10:00,190 Um, I'm not sure. 237 00:10:00,257 --> 00:10:02,022 Let me ask my boyfriend. 238 00:10:03,423 --> 00:10:05,188 Trevor! 239 00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:06,420 Yeah? 240 00:10:06,488 --> 00:10:08,187 Um, sorry to bother you, sweetie, 241 00:10:08,254 --> 00:10:10,821 but, um, this guy says he broke a lace. 242 00:10:15,286 --> 00:10:16,584 Broke a shoelace? 243 00:10:17,752 --> 00:10:20,184 Yeah, they break. They're not made of steel. 244 00:10:22,417 --> 00:10:23,483 That's a buck. 245 00:10:24,551 --> 00:10:25,914 Thank you. 246 00:10:28,016 --> 00:10:29,082 Babe, you look hot tonight. 247 00:10:29,149 --> 00:10:30,613 Come on, stop. 248 00:10:30,681 --> 00:10:31,913 We're at work. 249 00:10:37,546 --> 00:10:38,612 Anything else? 250 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,444 No, that's all. Thanks. 251 00:10:48,643 --> 00:10:50,308 Unbelievable. 252 00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:51,541 What happened? 253 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:52,873 She must've thought I was hittin' on her last night, 254 00:10:52,941 --> 00:10:54,374 'cause she made a big show of trotting out her boyfriend 255 00:10:54,442 --> 00:10:57,040 in front of me. "Hey, sweetie, I love you!" 256 00:10:57,108 --> 00:11:01,371 Please help me sell this sweaty, horrible man a shoelace." 257 00:11:01,439 --> 00:11:02,771 Well, who's her boyfriend? 258 00:11:02,839 --> 00:11:04,104 That guy right there. 259 00:11:04,172 --> 00:11:05,771 That guy? 260 00:11:05,838 --> 00:11:08,103 That's her brother! 261 00:11:12,036 --> 00:11:13,334 Her brother? 262 00:11:13,402 --> 00:11:15,301 She had to get her brother to pretend to be her boyfriend? 263 00:11:15,368 --> 00:11:16,801 I'm that much of a sleazeball? 264 00:11:18,768 --> 00:11:19,933 I guess so! 265 00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:21,499 Hey, I was doing her a favor! 266 00:11:21,566 --> 00:11:22,865 It was a mercy flirt! 267 00:11:28,999 --> 00:11:31,430 Carrie: See, Jordan, those are Chinese handcuffs. 268 00:11:31,498 --> 00:11:34,096 Uh-oh! Now your hands are stuck. 269 00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:36,428 It's fun being stuck, isn't it? 270 00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,095 Let's be stuck all day. 271 00:11:39,163 --> 00:11:40,927 But I will read you a little book, 272 00:11:40,995 --> 00:11:42,760 OK, while you are... ohh! 273 00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:43,694 No! No! 274 00:11:43,762 --> 00:11:45,626 What a pair! What?! 275 00:11:45,694 --> 00:11:47,591 The two of you. You look great together. 276 00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:49,091 Oh! How's it going? 277 00:11:49,159 --> 00:11:52,191 Um, well, actually, uh... 278 00:11:54,491 --> 00:11:56,089 It's going great. It really is. 279 00:11:56,156 --> 00:11:57,056 Fantastic. Yeah... 280 00:11:57,190 --> 00:11:59,322 You really are a lifesaver. 281 00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:00,288 You have fun, kiddo. 282 00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:21,348 Hey, sweetie, you wanna grab some dinner? 283 00:12:21,415 --> 00:12:22,514 Anything but Chinese, though, 284 00:12:22,582 --> 00:12:24,847 'cause I had Chinese for lunch. 285 00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,980 Unless you really want Chinese. 286 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,845 Let's get Chinese! 287 00:12:31,913 --> 00:12:33,378 Anybody home? 288 00:12:33,445 --> 00:12:34,945 Uh, I'm not hungry. 289 00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:37,810 What? What's wrong? 290 00:12:37,878 --> 00:12:40,276 Oh, it's this thing with Kaplan's kid. 291 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,608 What's the matter? 292 00:12:41,676 --> 00:12:43,642 You got a little Dennis the Menace on your hands, huh? 293 00:12:43,709 --> 00:12:45,174 What, he put a frog in your desk? 294 00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:47,074 Give you a little hot foot? 295 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,273 He feels me up constantly. 296 00:12:51,141 --> 00:12:52,873 Huh? Yeah. 297 00:12:52,941 --> 00:12:56,571 He grabs my breasts every chance he gets. 298 00:12:56,639 --> 00:12:58,771 Come on, he's a kid! That's what kids do. 299 00:12:58,838 --> 00:13:00,771 And besides, I remember you laughin' pretty hard 300 00:13:00,838 --> 00:13:04,202 when Deacon's baby used my dealie as a speed bag. 301 00:13:04,270 --> 00:13:06,136 Doug, this is totally different! 302 00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:07,835 I mean, this kid... He... he's old enough 303 00:13:07,903 --> 00:13:10,034 to know exactly what he's doing! 304 00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:12,367 I'm being sexually harassed! 305 00:13:12,435 --> 00:13:13,399 You are not. 306 00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:15,733 I am! Think about it. OK? 307 00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:17,000 The kid gropes me, 308 00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:18,265 I can't complain about it, 309 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:19,531 or I won't get my promotion. 310 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,364 That's Sexual Harassment 101. 311 00:13:22,431 --> 00:13:24,364 He's no better than any other sleazeball 312 00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,163 who thinks all women are fair game. 313 00:13:28,730 --> 00:13:31,994 Oh, so you just assume he's a sleazeball. 314 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,194 Yeah, I do. 315 00:13:33,262 --> 00:13:34,593 Really? Did you ever stop to think that maybe 316 00:13:34,661 --> 00:13:36,659 he's just throwing you a mercy flirt? 317 00:13:36,727 --> 00:13:39,593 Huh? Yeah. 318 00:13:41,292 --> 00:13:42,924 Yeah, maybe that he's just feeling you up 319 00:13:42,992 --> 00:13:45,589 as a favor to you? Huh? Yeah. 320 00:13:45,857 --> 00:13:47,823 What?! 321 00:13:47,891 --> 00:13:49,789 Yeah, you women are all the same, 322 00:13:49,857 --> 00:13:50,822 you know that? 323 00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:52,089 You think that every guy's after you 324 00:13:52,157 --> 00:13:55,454 'cause you're so irresistible! 325 00:13:55,522 --> 00:13:56,886 Hey, here's an idea... why don't you get your brother 326 00:13:56,954 --> 00:13:57,920 to pretend to be your boyfriend? 327 00:13:57,988 --> 00:13:59,752 That'll show him! 328 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:00,786 What are you talking... I don't even... 329 00:14:00,853 --> 00:14:01,952 I don't have a brother! 330 00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:03,885 Oh, please! 331 00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:06,351 Doug, what are you sticking up for him for? 332 00:14:06,419 --> 00:14:07,751 I mean, you should be going down to my office 333 00:14:07,819 --> 00:14:09,750 and beatin' the crap out of him! OK... 334 00:14:09,818 --> 00:14:11,517 first of all, I haven't beaten the crap 335 00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:14,516 out of a 4-year-old since I was 8. 336 00:14:16,016 --> 00:14:17,815 And second of all, 337 00:14:17,882 --> 00:14:19,280 I'm with the boy on this one. 338 00:14:19,348 --> 00:14:21,180 Sorry if that's a kick in the cornflakes, 339 00:14:21,248 --> 00:14:23,679 but that's the way it is, sister! 340 00:14:23,747 --> 00:14:24,379 You're crazy! 341 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,446 Oh, here we go, all men are crazy! 342 00:14:26,514 --> 00:14:28,345 No, not all men, just you. 343 00:14:28,413 --> 00:14:29,477 Oh, really? I'm crazy? Well, you know what? 344 00:14:29,545 --> 00:14:31,244 Crazy man go bye-bye. 345 00:14:31,311 --> 00:14:33,010 Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Yeah! 346 00:14:34,611 --> 00:14:36,677 What do you want from Chinese? 347 00:14:44,575 --> 00:14:45,507 Mmm! 348 00:14:45,575 --> 00:14:46,539 Yeah! 349 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,204 Oh, hey, Spence, you're home. 350 00:14:51,272 --> 00:14:52,438 Just now. Um... 351 00:14:52,506 --> 00:14:53,837 do you have a second? 352 00:14:53,905 --> 00:14:55,071 Oh, actually, one of my clients 353 00:14:55,139 --> 00:14:56,903 is getting neutered, and I should be there. 354 00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:58,269 Well, just... Just for a second. 355 00:14:58,337 --> 00:14:59,670 Just sit. For a second. 356 00:14:59,738 --> 00:15:01,669 OK... OK. 357 00:15:01,737 --> 00:15:02,769 Um... 358 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,800 remember, for some reason, 359 00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,167 TiVo thought I was gay? 360 00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:08,067 I mean, how crazy was that? 361 00:15:08,135 --> 00:15:09,134 Phew... 362 00:15:09,268 --> 00:15:10,265 it was crazy. 363 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,165 Yeah, well... 364 00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:13,465 I have a feeling 365 00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:15,931 TiVo won't be making any more dumb mistakes. 366 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:16,964 See, I let it know 367 00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:18,531 what a big sports fan I am. 368 00:15:18,599 --> 00:15:20,730 Oh... Yeah! Had it record my football, 369 00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:21,863 my hoops, 370 00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:23,729 that Nascar race I've been wantin' to see. 371 00:15:23,796 --> 00:15:24,895 So... 372 00:15:24,963 --> 00:15:27,328 let's see what shows TiVo recorded 373 00:15:27,395 --> 00:15:30,027 now that it knows I'm a sports junkie. 374 00:15:31,728 --> 00:15:34,326 Men's Ice Dancing. 375 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:36,458 OK... What... what the... 376 00:15:36,526 --> 00:15:38,991 Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story. 377 00:15:39,058 --> 00:15:40,390 Oh... This is wrong! 378 00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:41,957 No, you said TiVo was intuitive... 379 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,290 No, no! I... I... I'm not gay, OK? 380 00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:46,222 I love women. I've stalked them! 381 00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:48,988 I'll... I'll have sex with you right now if you want! 382 00:15:49,055 --> 00:15:50,654 Um... 383 00:15:50,722 --> 00:15:52,287 I'm good. Listen... 384 00:15:52,354 --> 00:15:53,720 uh, I should go. Hey, um, 385 00:15:53,788 --> 00:15:55,220 good luck with that whole... 386 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,885 not gay thing. I... I... 387 00:15:56,953 --> 00:15:59,352 TiVo's wrong! This is wrong! 388 00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:01,383 Ohh, how dare you label me?! 389 00:16:01,451 --> 00:16:03,617 "Oh, I record shows digitally!" 390 00:16:03,685 --> 00:16:05,616 You're gay! 391 00:16:14,449 --> 00:16:15,948 Yes! 392 00:16:16,015 --> 00:16:17,413 Whoo! 393 00:16:17,481 --> 00:16:19,480 So, how's it goin'? 394 00:16:19,548 --> 00:16:20,780 Not so good. 395 00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,312 What's the matter? 396 00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:24,612 I'm being sexually harassed. 397 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:25,611 Really? 398 00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:27,611 Me, too! Who's harassing you? 399 00:16:27,679 --> 00:16:29,843 A 4-year-old. 400 00:16:29,911 --> 00:16:31,577 You? 401 00:16:31,643 --> 00:16:33,842 TiVo. 402 00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:35,374 P.A.: Attention, tournament bowlers, 403 00:16:35,442 --> 00:16:37,475 please make sure your lineup cards are filled out. 404 00:16:37,541 --> 00:16:38,841 Denise will be coming around 405 00:16:38,909 --> 00:16:40,074 in a few minutes to collect them. 406 00:16:40,142 --> 00:16:41,974 Will you forget about that girl and focus here? 407 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,106 Yeah, yeah. 408 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,438 Yeah! 409 00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:08,132 Got your lineup card? 410 00:17:08,199 --> 00:17:09,398 Oh, yeah, right here. 411 00:17:09,466 --> 00:17:10,565 Mmm. Good luck! 412 00:17:10,632 --> 00:17:11,598 Thanks. 413 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,397 What the hell was that? 414 00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:17,595 Nothing. She was getting our lineup card. 415 00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:18,862 Did you see her trying to avoid me? 416 00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:20,662 I'm surprised she didn't burrow under the alley 417 00:17:20,729 --> 00:17:22,761 like a ferret. 418 00:17:22,828 --> 00:17:24,628 OK, listen to me. 419 00:17:24,762 --> 00:17:26,160 Last year in this tournament, 420 00:17:26,229 --> 00:17:28,093 we lost to Pottery Barn. 421 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,159 We got our asses kicked 422 00:17:29,228 --> 00:17:31,858 by people who sell decorative candles. 423 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:32,958 Now, I need you to play your game 424 00:17:33,026 --> 00:17:34,925 and stop worrying about the damn shoe girl. 425 00:17:35,958 --> 00:17:37,890 You're right. She's just a shoe girl. 426 00:17:37,958 --> 00:17:39,123 I mean, who the hell does she think she is, 427 00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:40,389 copping an attitude with me?! 428 00:17:40,457 --> 00:17:41,922 I mean, if I was goin' after a girl, 429 00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:43,422 I could get somebody much better than her, 430 00:17:43,489 --> 00:17:44,855 much better! 431 00:17:46,488 --> 00:17:48,888 Wait a second, I did. 432 00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,787 And she's here right now. 433 00:17:50,854 --> 00:17:52,852 You know what, I'm gonna go show Denise what's what. 434 00:17:54,852 --> 00:17:57,118 Hey! Hey. 435 00:17:57,186 --> 00:17:58,918 How about a kiss from my lucky charm? 436 00:17:58,986 --> 00:17:59,917 Hmm? All right. 437 00:17:59,985 --> 00:18:02,183 There you go. Good luck. 438 00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:04,349 Come on, now, you can do better than that. 439 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,116 Lay one on me. Just give me 440 00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:06,216 a nice little kiss here, huh? 441 00:18:06,284 --> 00:18:07,582 I don't feel like it, OK? 442 00:18:07,649 --> 00:18:09,480 I've been clawed at by that kid all day. 443 00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,081 All right, well, just give me a little sugar. 444 00:18:11,149 --> 00:18:12,547 I'm really not in the mood. 445 00:18:12,615 --> 00:18:14,046 Can you just let... Get off of me! 446 00:18:14,113 --> 00:18:16,646 What is wro... Give me one little kiss! 447 00:18:16,714 --> 00:18:17,977 Will you please stop? 448 00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:23,843 Stop it! 449 00:18:28,276 --> 00:18:29,608 I'm telling you, this thing 450 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,875 with Jordan is driving me crazy! 451 00:18:31,942 --> 00:18:34,140 Carrie, I know you feel violated, 452 00:18:34,208 --> 00:18:35,207 but hang in there. 453 00:18:35,274 --> 00:18:37,673 In 2 days, he'll be back in preschool. 454 00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:38,905 I can't take 455 00:18:38,973 --> 00:18:40,605 another 2 days of this, all right? 456 00:18:40,673 --> 00:18:42,105 Every time I blink I see a pair 457 00:18:42,173 --> 00:18:45,105 of grubby little hands and a Garanimals shirt. 458 00:18:47,938 --> 00:18:49,370 You know what? 459 00:18:49,438 --> 00:18:50,336 I'm just gonna tell Kaplan 460 00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:51,835 that I can't do it anymore. 461 00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:01,833 Hi, Mr. Kaplan. 462 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,299 Oh, good morning, Carrie. Uh... 463 00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:04,366 can I talk to you for a second 464 00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,631 about my watching Jordan? 465 00:19:05,698 --> 00:19:08,232 Well, actually, I'm glad you brought that up. 466 00:19:08,299 --> 00:19:11,463 Seems the young fellow wants to make a change. 467 00:19:11,531 --> 00:19:13,296 What kind of change? 468 00:19:13,364 --> 00:19:14,562 Well... 469 00:19:14,629 --> 00:19:16,595 to be honest with you, 470 00:19:16,663 --> 00:19:19,228 he's kind of taken a shine to Amanda. 471 00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:28,791 OK. 472 00:19:28,859 --> 00:19:30,124 Thanks for all your help, Carrie. 473 00:19:30,192 --> 00:19:31,124 Sure! 474 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,788 Hey, Jordan. 475 00:19:41,856 --> 00:19:43,987 I heard about your decision. 476 00:19:44,054 --> 00:19:46,720 I guess I understand. 477 00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:48,019 I just hope you tell your father 478 00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,152 that I treated you well. 479 00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:52,451 Although I clearly couldn't be 480 00:19:52,519 --> 00:19:54,551 all that you wanted me to be. 481 00:19:58,817 --> 00:19:59,749 Just so you know, 482 00:19:59,817 --> 00:20:01,382 those are fake. 483 00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:14,478 Sorry, man. I, uh... 484 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,477 I really let the team down. 485 00:20:16,545 --> 00:20:18,544 Yeah. 486 00:20:18,611 --> 00:20:20,043 OK, you didn't have to agree with me. 487 00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:21,976 Well, what the hell am I supposed to say? 488 00:20:22,044 --> 00:20:24,242 You bowled a 94. 489 00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,441 It's all her fault. 490 00:20:29,808 --> 00:20:31,041 Hey, you know what? 491 00:20:31,108 --> 00:20:32,440 I should end this right now! 492 00:20:32,507 --> 00:20:33,939 Just tell her once and for all that I'm not into her, 493 00:20:34,006 --> 00:20:36,306 I was just being nice. What do you think? 494 00:20:36,373 --> 00:20:39,503 Do you understand we got beat by Lamps Plus? 495 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:40,671 Hey! 496 00:20:43,837 --> 00:20:44,870 Hey! 497 00:20:48,269 --> 00:20:49,801 Hold up a sec! 498 00:20:53,634 --> 00:20:55,067 Hey! 499 00:20:59,099 --> 00:21:00,198 Wait up! 500 00:21:05,497 --> 00:21:09,362 Aah! 501 00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:13,861 Oh, God! 502 00:21:13,929 --> 00:21:16,293 Aah! 503 00:21:16,361 --> 00:21:19,127 It was a mercy flirt! 504 00:21:28,791 --> 00:21:31,256 TV Announcer: Tonight on Queer as Folk... 34114

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