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1
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,970
Well, what have we here?
2
00:00:45,272 --> 00:00:47,173
Robe, curlers.
3
00:00:47,241 --> 00:00:48,576
I'll tell you, slap
on some pimple cream,
4
00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:50,109
I'm takin' the whole day off.
5
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,814
Glass houses, buddy, OK?
6
00:00:53,882 --> 00:00:55,414
Listen, I need you
to take this stuff
7
00:00:55,482 --> 00:00:56,384
down to the dry cleaners today.
8
00:00:56,451 --> 00:00:58,685
Go to the one on Kissena,
don't go to Ritz.
9
00:00:58,753 --> 00:01:00,553
That guy is an obnoxious jerk
10
00:01:00,621 --> 00:01:01,655
and I hate him.
11
00:01:01,723 --> 00:01:04,024
Whoa. Hate is a very
intense feeling to have
12
00:01:04,092 --> 00:01:05,393
for a dry cleaner.
13
00:01:05,460 --> 00:01:07,594
Perhaps you should say,
"I don't fancy him"
14
00:01:07,661 --> 00:01:08,595
or, "He's not my cup of tea."
15
00:01:08,662 --> 00:01:09,629
OK, you know what?
16
00:01:09,697 --> 00:01:11,899
You're doing a lot of
talking for 7 A.M.
17
00:01:13,602 --> 00:01:15,135
Morning, all.
18
00:01:15,203 --> 00:01:16,404
Hey, Dad. What you got there?
19
00:01:16,472 --> 00:01:18,173
Uh, some lovely picture frames.
20
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,009
I, uh, just bought them
to showcase the sketches
21
00:01:21,077 --> 00:01:23,177
I'll be doing in
my new art class.
22
00:01:23,245 --> 00:01:24,646
They already have
pictures in them.
23
00:01:24,714 --> 00:01:25,880
Whose golden retriever is that?
24
00:01:25,948 --> 00:01:27,750
Mine.
25
00:01:27,817 --> 00:01:31,086
And this diploma from
Harvard Business School?
26
00:01:31,154 --> 00:01:32,454
Also mine.
27
00:01:36,458 --> 00:01:38,860
Dad, the new neighbors
are moving in.
28
00:01:38,928 --> 00:01:40,896
That box belongs to them.
29
00:01:40,963 --> 00:01:44,266
He's a Harvard M.B.A. He
can afford new frames!
30
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:46,667
Put it back now.
31
00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:48,637
Fine.
32
00:01:48,705 --> 00:01:50,005
Can I keep this wooden duck?
33
00:01:50,073 --> 00:01:50,872
Go.
34
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,376
I don't know.
35
00:01:54,444 --> 00:01:56,311
New next-door neighbors.
36
00:01:56,379 --> 00:01:57,814
You know what that means, right?
37
00:01:57,882 --> 00:01:59,382
The Sackskys are gone
38
00:01:59,449 --> 00:02:01,584
and the block is
officially freak-free.
39
00:02:01,652 --> 00:02:03,719
Oh, except for
that Goldberg boy.
40
00:02:03,787 --> 00:02:05,255
You know, the one with
the really big eye?
41
00:02:05,321 --> 00:02:08,690
You mean the one with
the really little eye.
42
00:02:10,227 --> 00:02:13,028
Hmm. Well, either way,
he's still kinda freaky.
43
00:02:13,096 --> 00:02:14,297
All right. I'll see you later.
44
00:02:14,365 --> 00:02:15,732
Love you. Bye-bye.
45
00:02:24,841 --> 00:02:26,176
Hey, I told you kids
to stay off the lawn!
46
00:02:26,244 --> 00:02:27,577
Doug: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
47
00:02:27,644 --> 00:02:29,813
Just kiddin' around. Doug Heffernan.
How are ya?
48
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,448
Hey, Mike Haller. How are you?
Good to meet you.
49
00:02:31,516 --> 00:02:33,917
Sweetie, I love the wine
rack by the window!
50
00:02:33,985 --> 00:02:35,219
It's perfect!
51
00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:36,687
Oh, I just stuck it
there for a second.
52
00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:37,956
Happy accident.
53
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:41,726
This is my wife, Debi.
54
00:02:41,793 --> 00:02:44,862
You forgot the dry
cleaning, moron!
55
00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:47,732
And... that's my wife, Carrie.
56
00:02:47,799 --> 00:02:50,367
Car, why don't you come down and
meet the new neighbors, hon?
57
00:02:50,435 --> 00:02:52,403
Hi.
58
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,940
I, um, I usually wear clothes.
59
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:57,275
In fact, here's proof.
60
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,410
Ha ha ha! Hi.
61
00:02:59,478 --> 00:03:00,812
Both: Hi. I'm Carrie.
62
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,013
Debi. Mike Haller.
63
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:03,881
Hi, Mike. So where you
guys moving from?
64
00:03:03,949 --> 00:03:04,949
Oh, Manhattan.
65
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,617
We got tired of paying a
fortune for a shoe box.
66
00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:07,752
Yeah, I'll tell
you what, though,
67
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,888
I am not looking forward
to the new commute.
68
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:10,857
What do you do, Mike?
69
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,357
I'm a stockbroker.
70
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:13,225
Oh. Hey, question for you.
71
00:03:13,292 --> 00:03:14,427
Bear market or bull market,
72
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:15,528
which one's the good one?
73
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,829
'Cause they both sound
pretty damn strong.
74
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,732
Bull. Bull's the good one.
75
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:21,967
You know what? Then they ought
to really change bear to,
76
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,571
like, squirrel or something.
77
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,137
Seriously. Squirrel market.
78
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,608
Ha ha ha ha!
79
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:33,580
He's kidding, he's kidding.
Keep it bear.
80
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,647
So what do you do, Debi?
81
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:37,184
Oh, I was a lawyer, but
ever since I've had Jonah,
82
00:03:37,252 --> 00:03:40,121
I basically stay at home
all day and produce milk.
83
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,822
Good to know in case
we ever run out.
84
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,559
I likes me cookies.
85
00:03:48,163 --> 00:03:49,763
What do you guys do?
86
00:03:49,831 --> 00:03:53,601
I'm with Kaplan,
Hornstein, and Steckler.
87
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:55,869
Oh, that's a great firm.
So you're a lawyer, too?
88
00:03:55,937 --> 00:03:58,038
Uh, legal secretary.
89
00:03:58,106 --> 00:04:00,173
Uh-huh, and Doug,
you're with IPS?
90
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,442
Oh, yeah, truck driver.
91
00:04:01,510 --> 00:04:02,276
Beast of burden right here.
92
00:04:02,344 --> 00:04:03,944
Great. Listen, as soon
as we get settled,
93
00:04:04,012 --> 00:04:05,212
we'll love to have you over.
94
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,016
Yeah, absolutely. OK. All
right, have a good one.
95
00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:09,250
Take care of yourself.
Nice meetin' ya.
96
00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,252
Bye.
97
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,856
Their eyes couldn't be
better proportioned, huh?
98
00:04:18,094 --> 00:04:20,295
Did you have to say
you're a truck driver?
99
00:04:20,363 --> 00:04:21,596
I am a truck driver.
100
00:04:21,664 --> 00:04:26,268
No, you're a courier for
International Parcel Service.
101
00:04:26,302 --> 00:04:29,504
You deliver very important
packages internationally.
102
00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:31,839
I pretty much never
leave Queens.
103
00:04:32,942 --> 00:04:34,409
What is your problem?
104
00:04:34,477 --> 00:04:35,879
I just don't think we
landed that great.
105
00:04:35,947 --> 00:04:38,514
I mean, we're all schleppy and
he's this big stockbroker,
106
00:04:38,581 --> 00:04:40,383
she's making her own milk.
107
00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:44,488
Hey, when she starts makin' her
own soft serve, we'll talk.
108
00:04:44,556 --> 00:04:45,488
See you tonight.
109
00:04:52,797 --> 00:04:54,396
Hello, Spence.
110
00:04:54,464 --> 00:04:55,932
Oh, hey, Arthur.
111
00:04:55,999 --> 00:04:57,734
Riding the subway today, are we?
112
00:04:57,802 --> 00:04:59,335
Yes, I'm taking an art course
113
00:04:59,403 --> 00:05:03,340
and it requires me to use some
pretty unsavory transportation.
114
00:05:03,408 --> 00:05:04,807
You have nothing to worry about.
115
00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:06,710
This is a very safe line.
116
00:05:06,778 --> 00:05:09,948
Said the man behind
the protective glass.
117
00:05:10,015 --> 00:05:11,448
Well, I'm off.
118
00:05:14,119 --> 00:05:15,619
Click me through, please.
119
00:05:20,024 --> 00:05:21,292
I can't do that, Arthur.
120
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,561
You have to buy a
MetroCard or a token.
121
00:05:23,629 --> 00:05:25,629
Ha! That's rich.
122
00:05:25,697 --> 00:05:27,798
Seriously, I gotta move.
Come on.
123
00:05:28,867 --> 00:05:30,634
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
124
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:32,802
Not even for your best friend?
125
00:05:32,870 --> 00:05:34,038
We're not best friends.
126
00:05:34,105 --> 00:05:35,406
Sure we are.
127
00:05:35,473 --> 00:05:37,141
What's my last name?
128
00:05:37,209 --> 00:05:39,110
Smith? Nope.
129
00:05:39,177 --> 00:05:40,512
Cornfeld?
130
00:05:40,580 --> 00:05:42,613
Arthur, it's $1.50.
131
00:05:42,681 --> 00:05:43,948
Buy the freaking token!
132
00:05:44,016 --> 00:05:47,685
Fine! I'll just go without
my medication today.
133
00:05:47,753 --> 00:05:50,889
I'm sure my blood is
thin enough already.
134
00:05:50,957 --> 00:05:53,525
All right, just go.
135
00:05:53,592 --> 00:05:57,128
You're a man of honor, Spence.
136
00:06:03,103 --> 00:06:06,472
By the way, it smells
like urine down here.
137
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,341
Take care of that, will ya?
138
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,045
Hey.
139
00:06:13,113 --> 00:06:14,079
Hey, honey, where you been?
140
00:06:14,146 --> 00:06:15,815
Errands and basketball.
141
00:06:15,882 --> 00:06:17,450
I now have your dry cleaning
142
00:06:17,518 --> 00:06:18,985
and some very sharp chest pains.
143
00:06:19,053 --> 00:06:20,254
Thank you.
144
00:06:21,354 --> 00:06:22,455
Wait a minute.
145
00:06:22,522 --> 00:06:24,523
You took this to Ritz?
146
00:06:24,591 --> 00:06:26,158
Hang on a second. I had
lunch at Cooper's.
147
00:06:26,225 --> 00:06:27,327
Ritz is right next door.
148
00:06:27,395 --> 00:06:30,029
I told you the guy
was rude to me.
149
00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:30,897
Maybe he's got a crush on you
150
00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:33,700
and that's just his way.
151
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:35,101
Oh, and look at this.
152
00:06:35,168 --> 00:06:37,870
They didn't even get the stain
out of my green blouse.
153
00:06:37,938 --> 00:06:40,040
Let me see.
154
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,976
They attached a note, huh?
Lookit.
155
00:06:42,044 --> 00:06:44,713
"We tried and tried, but
we couldn't get it out."
156
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,349
Yeah. "We tried and tried."
157
00:06:48,417 --> 00:06:49,383
That's twice that we know of.
158
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,885
This isn't funny.
159
00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,220
All right, come on, it's
dry cleaning. Relax.
160
00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:54,921
Don't tell me to relax.
161
00:06:54,989 --> 00:06:56,525
All right, how does
settle down work for you?
162
00:06:56,592 --> 00:06:59,528
You know what? Let me
tell you something, OK?
163
00:06:59,595 --> 00:07:01,295
Great. OK. Thanks a lot!
164
00:07:01,363 --> 00:07:03,164
I just stepped on my pants!
165
00:07:03,231 --> 00:07:06,234
It's not just the
dry cleaning, Doug.
166
00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:09,437
It's everything. This
happens all the time.
167
00:07:09,504 --> 00:07:11,173
What are you talkin' about?
168
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,274
I ask you to do something,
you completely ignore me.
169
00:07:13,343 --> 00:07:15,945
I mean, I would never be
that inconsiderate to you.
170
00:07:18,614 --> 00:07:20,015
What does that mean?
171
00:07:20,082 --> 00:07:20,983
Carrie, you spend half your life
172
00:07:21,051 --> 00:07:22,382
criticizing everything I do.
173
00:07:22,450 --> 00:07:24,018
That is not true!
174
00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:25,954
I bring home takeout,
the food sucks.
175
00:07:26,023 --> 00:07:27,791
I buy toilet paper,
it's not soft enough.
176
00:07:27,859 --> 00:07:29,758
Oh, when have you
bought toilet paper?
177
00:07:29,826 --> 00:07:32,795
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
178
00:07:32,863 --> 00:07:35,464
I bought great toilet paper
and did I get thanked for it?
179
00:07:35,532 --> 00:07:36,565
No. All I got was,
180
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:38,100
"Oh, it's not quilted.
I hate it.
181
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:40,369
It's the worst thing that's
ever happened to me!"
182
00:07:40,437 --> 00:07:42,138
This is so typical.
183
00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:44,706
It's like that time I
asked you to please,
184
00:07:44,774 --> 00:07:47,544
please send in the
fridge warranty.
185
00:07:47,610 --> 00:07:49,980
Oh, here we go with the
fridge warranty again!
186
00:07:50,048 --> 00:07:52,682
You don't forget anything.
You're like a freakin' elephant.
187
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,384
Oh, yeah. Out of the two
of us, I'm the elephant.
188
00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,719
You just call me an elephant?
189
00:07:56,787 --> 00:07:58,155
You just called me one!
190
00:07:58,223 --> 00:07:59,757
I called you an elephant
for good memory.
191
00:07:59,824 --> 00:08:02,627
You called me an
elephant for fatness!
192
00:08:02,895 --> 00:08:06,630
Speaking of which, this
should be fun to clean up,
193
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,698
but, oh, wait a minute,
you won't because I will
194
00:08:08,766 --> 00:08:10,299
because I always do
because I'm the only one
195
00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:11,936
who ever cleans up
anything in this house!
196
00:08:12,004 --> 00:08:13,770
If this house is
too much for you,
197
00:08:13,838 --> 00:08:15,673
then I'll sell it! I'll
sell it right now!
198
00:08:15,974 --> 00:08:17,108
I love this house!
199
00:08:17,175 --> 00:08:18,876
I'll freakin' burn
it to the ground
200
00:08:18,943 --> 00:08:20,612
before I let you sell it!
201
00:08:23,347 --> 00:08:24,449
Debi: Bless you.
202
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,217
Mike: Thanks.
203
00:08:32,492 --> 00:08:34,092
Oh, my God.
204
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,292
Oh, my God!
205
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,128
What? What did I do now?
206
00:08:37,196 --> 00:08:39,497
The window was open
this whole time.
207
00:08:39,565 --> 00:08:40,665
So what?
208
00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:43,268
So Mike and Debi
must have heard us.
209
00:08:43,336 --> 00:08:45,035
Who? The new neighbors!
210
00:08:45,103 --> 00:08:47,171
We already made a crappy
first impression.
211
00:08:47,239 --> 00:08:49,440
Now they're gonna think
we fight all the time.
212
00:08:49,508 --> 00:08:51,777
We do fight all the time.
213
00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:53,212
No, we don't.
214
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,015
OK.
215
00:08:55,081 --> 00:08:56,282
Doug, we do not
fight all the time.
216
00:08:56,349 --> 00:08:59,351
We are a loving couple that
love each other very much.
217
00:08:59,419 --> 00:09:00,587
We just called each
other elephants
218
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,388
and you threatened to
burn the house down.
219
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:03,956
Banter.
220
00:09:05,926 --> 00:09:07,260
What do you care if
they heard, anyway?
221
00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:09,061
Because they don't
know it's banter.
222
00:09:09,129 --> 00:09:11,398
They don't know that's just
our way of airing things out
223
00:09:11,465 --> 00:09:12,766
and we'll make love later.
224
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:15,200
We will?
225
00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:17,337
No, I'm tired.
226
00:09:18,972 --> 00:09:20,274
I don't want to
fight anymore, huh?
227
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:22,744
I mean, who cares what the
neighbors think about us, huh?
228
00:09:22,811 --> 00:09:24,479
You should care what
we think about us.
229
00:09:24,546 --> 00:09:26,980
Come on, I love you.
230
00:09:27,048 --> 00:09:29,082
Hmm? Hmm.
231
00:09:34,355 --> 00:09:36,423
I love you, too, honey!
232
00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,136
What are you doin'?
233
00:09:49,204 --> 00:09:51,772
Waiting for Mike and
Debi to come over
234
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:52,773
to return our mail.
235
00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:54,476
They should be here any minute.
236
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:55,810
What?
237
00:09:55,877 --> 00:09:58,612
Yep. I put a piece of
our mail in their slot.
238
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,981
That way, they have to
come over to return it
239
00:10:01,049 --> 00:10:04,185
and we'll get a chance to chat and
show them what we're really like.
240
00:10:04,253 --> 00:10:06,053
Or...
241
00:10:06,521 --> 00:10:08,456
we could capture them,
lock 'em in our attic
242
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:11,426
till they realize how
delightful we are.
243
00:10:11,494 --> 00:10:12,827
Doug, I'm sorry,
244
00:10:12,895 --> 00:10:15,763
but I just can't stand the fact
the we're living next door
245
00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:18,299
to nice, successful people
who think we're losers.
246
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,134
Uh! OK, come on, honey.
Here they come.
247
00:10:20,201 --> 00:10:21,270
Come on, come on, come on!
248
00:10:21,337 --> 00:10:23,204
Tuck in, tuck in, tuck in.
There ya go.
249
00:10:26,276 --> 00:10:28,009
Bad idea. Tug back out, baby.
Tug back out.
250
00:10:28,077 --> 00:10:30,345
All right, look! All right!
251
00:10:44,461 --> 00:10:46,361
Hi, Spence.
252
00:10:46,429 --> 00:10:48,831
Arthur, I did it as a favor
for you the other day,
253
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:51,101
but I can't let you
on for free again.
254
00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:51,967
I see.
255
00:10:52,103 --> 00:10:53,904
Well, I suppose
if I have to pay,
256
00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:56,107
then I shall pay. All right.
257
00:10:56,175 --> 00:10:59,108
No, it's not all right,
you little weasel.
258
00:10:59,176 --> 00:11:01,012
You let me in this turnstile
259
00:11:01,079 --> 00:11:02,411
or I'll pull you
through this slot
260
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,748
and ride you down those
stairs like a toboggan.
261
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,018
Look in my eyes.
262
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,487
Do I look like I'm kidding?
263
00:11:11,689 --> 00:11:13,689
Do I?
264
00:11:26,271 --> 00:11:28,038
What is this, jazz?
265
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:29,941
Yes, when Mike and
Debi get here,
266
00:11:30,009 --> 00:11:32,910
I want to show them that
we are nice, normal people
267
00:11:32,977 --> 00:11:35,280
with a certain sense of style.
268
00:11:35,347 --> 00:11:39,551
And we couldn't get that
done with Kiss Alive 2?
269
00:11:39,619 --> 00:11:41,219
No.
270
00:11:41,287 --> 00:11:44,022
So, uh, how'd you rope
'em into this, anyway?
271
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:45,756
I didn't have to rope 'em in.
272
00:11:45,823 --> 00:11:48,126
I just gave them a choice
of 10 different nights
273
00:11:48,194 --> 00:11:49,862
we were available and
they picked this one.
274
00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:53,031
Oh, OK, honey, that's them.
275
00:11:53,099 --> 00:11:54,866
Now remember, you're
funny and I'm charming
276
00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:56,769
and we love being together.
OK, come on.
277
00:11:56,837 --> 00:11:58,304
Hey... wait.
278
00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:04,876
Hi, you guys,
279
00:12:04,944 --> 00:12:06,679
we are so glad to see you!
280
00:12:06,746 --> 00:12:10,716
Lady and fella in the doorway!
281
00:12:11,751 --> 00:12:14,386
Don't be shy. Come on.
Come on in.
282
00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:16,721
It's really, uh, nice
of you to have us over.
283
00:12:16,789 --> 00:12:18,658
Yeah, thanks. This is for you.
284
00:12:18,725 --> 00:12:20,693
Scotch. Hope you like it.
285
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,497
Like it? He loves it. Big
scotch guy right here.
286
00:12:24,565 --> 00:12:27,666
Oh, scotch is great. Love
the drink, love the tape.
287
00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:33,406
OK, you guys sit
right on the couch.
288
00:12:33,474 --> 00:12:34,408
There's some hors d'oeuvres.
289
00:12:34,475 --> 00:12:36,342
Honey, you sit right
there in that chair,
290
00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:38,812
and I will sit on your lap.
291
00:12:40,715 --> 00:12:43,517
My big, sexy elephant.
292
00:12:48,757 --> 00:12:51,258
This is nice.
293
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,935
These, um, little
quiches are so good.
294
00:13:01,003 --> 00:13:02,738
Oh, I had the deli make 'em up.
295
00:13:02,806 --> 00:13:04,640
The one around the corner?
296
00:13:05,008 --> 00:13:06,707
Is the guy behind the
counter there kind of...
297
00:13:06,775 --> 00:13:07,641
perverted? Yes.
298
00:13:07,709 --> 00:13:08,810
Oh, my God.
299
00:13:08,877 --> 00:13:10,212
I thought I was the only
one who thought so.
300
00:13:10,279 --> 00:13:11,812
Oh, no, no, no. The
guy's a skeevo.
301
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,283
Who, Ralphie? Yeah, Ralphie.
302
00:13:14,351 --> 00:13:16,017
He's always asking if I
want to see his sausage.
303
00:13:16,085 --> 00:13:17,154
I mean, it's not even clever.
304
00:13:17,221 --> 00:13:18,787
Oh, and I'm sorry. I do
not want to see a guy
305
00:13:18,855 --> 00:13:21,657
behind a deli counter
wearing shorts that short.
306
00:13:21,726 --> 00:13:22,658
Yeah, or shorts at all.
307
00:13:22,726 --> 00:13:24,159
Yes, thank you.
308
00:13:24,228 --> 00:13:25,294
Yet they keep going back.
309
00:13:25,362 --> 00:13:27,463
Am I right, sir? Yes, they do.
310
00:13:27,531 --> 00:13:30,434
Well, here's to finding
a new delicatessen.
311
00:13:30,501 --> 00:13:31,334
Ah.
312
00:13:33,971 --> 00:13:36,906
Carrie: Oh, you know there's
another deli 2 blocks down?
313
00:13:36,973 --> 00:13:38,407
It's right behind
that shoe store.
314
00:13:47,216 --> 00:13:48,318
Oh!
315
00:13:50,588 --> 00:13:52,054
Hello, Spence.
316
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,224
What do you want?
317
00:13:53,292 --> 00:13:56,594
I think you know what I want.
318
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,706
No! You know what?
319
00:14:09,774 --> 00:14:12,108
I'm not letting you on for
free anymore, Arthur.
320
00:14:12,177 --> 00:14:13,676
My whole life, everyone thinks
321
00:14:13,744 --> 00:14:14,779
they can just push me around...
322
00:14:14,847 --> 00:14:17,715
You, Larry Saccaricci
in the eighth grade,
323
00:14:17,783 --> 00:14:19,283
my fruit guy.
324
00:14:19,351 --> 00:14:20,418
Well, let me tell you something,
325
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,253
I'm putting a stop to
it right here and now.
326
00:14:22,321 --> 00:14:24,255
I'm not takin' any
more bruised plums
327
00:14:24,324 --> 00:14:27,591
and I'm not letting you
ride my subway for free!
328
00:14:29,862 --> 00:14:31,897
My name is Spence Olchin.
329
00:14:31,964 --> 00:14:35,067
I sell tokens.
330
00:14:36,969 --> 00:14:41,206
Well, I didn't mean to put you
in an uncomfortable position.
331
00:14:42,975 --> 00:14:44,810
Thank you for saying that.
332
00:14:44,878 --> 00:14:46,845
What's that over there?
333
00:14:46,912 --> 00:14:47,913
Where?
334
00:14:51,952 --> 00:14:54,721
So long, douche!
335
00:15:00,626 --> 00:15:04,796
So he thinks his name is Howard and Doug has
to answer because it's his boss, right?
336
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:06,497
So every time I call his work,
337
00:15:06,566 --> 00:15:08,200
I have to ask for Howard.
338
00:15:08,267 --> 00:15:10,768
That's so funny.
339
00:15:10,836 --> 00:15:14,473
Hey, Howard, let me top you off.
340
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:15,640
Oh, uh, OK.
341
00:15:15,708 --> 00:15:16,642
That's plenty, that's plenty.
342
00:15:16,709 --> 00:15:18,376
I'm gonna go in the kitchen
343
00:15:18,444 --> 00:15:19,779
and see if there's any more
of those mini quiches.
344
00:15:19,846 --> 00:15:20,779
I'll be right back.
345
00:15:20,846 --> 00:15:21,781
Your nails are great.
346
00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:23,582
Is there a good nail
place around here?
347
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:24,483
Carrie: Oh, yeah, thank you.
348
00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:26,586
Um, don't go to the place
around the corner.
349
00:15:26,653 --> 00:15:28,287
The girl's very rude.
I hate her.
350
00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:29,488
Debi: OK. Where should I go?
351
00:15:29,556 --> 00:15:31,622
Go to Tina's, but
there's 4 Tina's,
352
00:15:31,690 --> 00:15:34,060
so go to the one on Hillside Avenue.
That's the best.
353
00:15:34,128 --> 00:15:35,461
Debi: OK. Carrie: Yeah.
354
00:15:35,528 --> 00:15:39,166
Hey, here we go. All righty.
355
00:15:39,232 --> 00:15:41,367
Doug, you didn't have to ditch the
scotch if you didn't like it.
356
00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:44,437
I mean, it's not like I
made it or anything.
357
00:15:46,107 --> 00:15:47,373
I drank it.
358
00:15:48,742 --> 00:15:51,244
No, I saw you pour
it down the sink.
359
00:15:51,312 --> 00:15:53,814
Ha ha ha ha. No. I drank it.
360
00:15:56,050 --> 00:15:57,784
The... The pass-through
was a little open.
361
00:15:57,853 --> 00:15:59,086
I drank it.
362
00:16:00,188 --> 00:16:01,288
OK.
363
00:16:01,357 --> 00:16:03,023
It was good. I liked it.
364
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:06,193
Great.
365
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:09,896
Take care and, hey, thanks
again for that scotch.
366
00:16:09,964 --> 00:16:11,899
I may polish that
baby off tonight.
367
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,901
Whoo!
368
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:16,670
All right. I, uh...
369
00:16:16,738 --> 00:16:17,972
Shut up!
370
00:16:18,039 --> 00:16:19,807
I'm gonna make sure
371
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,043
all the windows are closed
372
00:16:21,111 --> 00:16:22,410
and when I do,
373
00:16:22,478 --> 00:16:24,278
you are dead!
374
00:16:30,018 --> 00:16:31,019
Look, I didn't...
375
00:16:31,086 --> 00:16:33,788
Shut up!
376
00:16:35,524 --> 00:16:36,992
I didn't do anything.
377
00:16:37,060 --> 00:16:39,193
Oh, no? No? You didn't pour
the scotch down the sink,
378
00:16:39,261 --> 00:16:42,364
lie about it, and then stick to
the lie even after he caught you?
379
00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:46,301
Yes, I did that.
380
00:16:46,369 --> 00:16:48,102
It's just our luck
381
00:16:48,169 --> 00:16:50,206
they bring over the
one thing on earth
382
00:16:50,273 --> 00:16:52,741
you're not willing to
throw down your gullet.
383
00:17:01,851 --> 00:17:02,785
Uh-uh.
384
00:17:07,424 --> 00:17:08,391
This is all your fault.
385
00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:09,525
You can stop whispering.
386
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:10,626
All the windows are closed.
387
00:17:10,693 --> 00:17:12,028
OK. This is all your fault, OK?
388
00:17:12,096 --> 00:17:13,563
You had to invite 'em over here
389
00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:14,963
to prove how
sophisticated we are
390
00:17:15,031 --> 00:17:17,766
with our jazz playing and
our scotch drinking.
391
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:21,438
I just wanted to show them that
we are a happy, loving couple.
392
00:17:21,506 --> 00:17:23,706
Well, you should have known
we couldn't handle that!
393
00:17:23,774 --> 00:17:25,676
Oy, what these people must think
394
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,410
when they look at us.
395
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:30,914
Oh, my God.
396
00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:33,719
Do you see what's happened here?
397
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,120
We're the new
neighborhood freaks.
398
00:17:36,187 --> 00:17:37,888
No, we're not.
399
00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:38,824
Yes, we are.
400
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,290
When the Sackskys moved,
401
00:17:40,357 --> 00:17:44,261
they left a freak void
and we filled it.
402
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:46,596
What about little-eyed Goldberg?
403
00:17:46,664 --> 00:17:48,532
It's big-eyed
Goldberg and so what?
404
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,935
His features are a little off.
405
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:51,435
That's exotic.
406
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:53,371
I'd kill for a big
eye right now.
407
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:56,207
We're the freaks, Doug,
not the Goldberg boy.
408
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:58,344
We're the freaks!
409
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:02,013
Oh, spank me hard!
410
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,954
You gotta let it go. It's over.
411
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,589
I want to, but I can't.
412
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:12,758
Yes, you can.
413
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:16,061
This isn't the Carrie I know.
414
00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:18,430
The Carrie I know doesn't
care what other people think.
415
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,366
She gets up every morning,
416
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:22,368
she gets dressed, she
walks out the front door,
417
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:26,238
and she gives the
world the finger.
418
00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:31,110
I miss that Carrie.
419
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:35,548
You're right. You are so right.
420
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:38,619
I mean, who the hell do
they think they are?
421
00:18:38,686 --> 00:18:41,254
"We're Mike and Debi. We're
tall and we drink scotch."
422
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,922
There you go!
423
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,525
I mean, we don't need them.
We got each other.
424
00:18:44,592 --> 00:18:45,959
You and me, babe.
425
00:18:46,027 --> 00:18:49,696
You know what? I
hate their guts.
426
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,366
Welcome back.
427
00:18:57,606 --> 00:18:58,673
Car?
428
00:18:58,740 --> 00:18:59,873
You home?
429
00:18:59,941 --> 00:19:02,476
Car?
430
00:19:02,543 --> 00:19:04,677
Debi: You didn't have to
buy us new scotch, Carrie.
431
00:19:04,745 --> 00:19:05,712
Really, take it back.
432
00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:07,081
Carrie: No, I want
you to have it.
433
00:19:07,148 --> 00:19:09,350
I mean, I don't know
what Doug was thinking.
434
00:19:09,418 --> 00:19:12,855
I mean, he's not a bad
guy, but he lies.
435
00:19:12,922 --> 00:19:15,390
Actually, that's what we fight
about most of the time:
436
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:17,225
his lying.
437
00:19:17,293 --> 00:19:19,559
I hear you!
438
00:19:26,268 --> 00:19:27,535
What the hell are you doing?
439
00:19:27,602 --> 00:19:28,537
Shh! Shh! Shh!
440
00:19:28,604 --> 00:19:29,571
Just relax, OK?
441
00:19:29,639 --> 00:19:31,672
Oh, now I'm supposed to relax?
442
00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:33,541
What happened about
last night, huh?
443
00:19:33,609 --> 00:19:35,277
Whatever happened to not carin'
what these people think?
444
00:19:35,344 --> 00:19:38,048
Look, Doug, I'm sorry.
I was wrong, OK?
445
00:19:38,115 --> 00:19:40,182
I mean, they're sitting over
there with their Harvard degrees
446
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:43,985
and their fancy babies and all
I've got that I'm proud of is us
447
00:19:44,054 --> 00:19:46,489
and... and I wanted
them to know it.
448
00:19:46,557 --> 00:19:48,223
Us?
449
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:49,425
I heard you in there.
450
00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:51,527
You totally sold me out!
451
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,131
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
452
00:19:56,199 --> 00:19:59,436
Honey, we gotta kiss or they're gonna
think something is wrong. Come on.
453
00:19:59,504 --> 00:20:01,003
Something is wrong!
454
00:20:01,071 --> 00:20:02,305
Stop it!
455
00:20:02,373 --> 00:20:04,807
Look, whether you like it
or not, we are who we are.
456
00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:07,478
OK, I drive a truck,
we hate scotch,
457
00:20:07,545 --> 00:20:09,579
we fight like cats and dogs.
Deal with it.
458
00:20:09,614 --> 00:20:10,913
I don't want to deal with it.
459
00:20:10,982 --> 00:20:12,482
You don't want to deal with it?
Oh, OK.
460
00:20:12,549 --> 00:20:13,550
You know what? You're right.
461
00:20:13,617 --> 00:20:15,151
I don't hate scotch.
462
00:20:15,218 --> 00:20:17,455
I love it. Oh, that's right.
463
00:20:17,522 --> 00:20:19,690
I love... mmm.
464
00:20:19,756 --> 00:20:22,726
Stop. They're gonna think you're crazy!
Stop it!
465
00:20:22,794 --> 00:20:24,761
Oh, what am I,
embarrassing you, huh?
466
00:20:24,829 --> 00:20:26,664
How about this for crazy, huh?
467
00:20:26,732 --> 00:20:27,831
Want some?
468
00:20:27,899 --> 00:20:29,600
You want some?
469
00:20:33,773 --> 00:20:35,773
Excuse me. Carrie Heffernan?
470
00:20:35,841 --> 00:20:37,742
Uh, yes?
471
00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:39,243
What's going on?
472
00:20:39,311 --> 00:20:40,944
Your father's been
jumping turnstiles
473
00:20:41,012 --> 00:20:42,147
the last couple of days.
474
00:20:42,215 --> 00:20:43,415
Don't say anything, darling.
475
00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:45,250
They got nothin' on me.
476
00:20:45,318 --> 00:20:46,384
You know why he
jumped the turnstile?
477
00:20:46,452 --> 00:20:48,019
The whole damn family's crazy.
478
00:20:48,087 --> 00:20:49,386
Sir, have you been drinking?
479
00:20:49,454 --> 00:20:50,723
I haven't been drinkin'.
480
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:51,956
Sir, you have an open
bottle of scotch
481
00:20:52,024 --> 00:20:53,625
and you reek of alcohol.
482
00:20:53,694 --> 00:20:54,926
And that's all her fault!
483
00:20:54,994 --> 00:20:56,829
Don't you yell at her,
you shirtless bastard.
484
00:20:56,896 --> 00:20:58,729
Shut up! You shut up!
485
00:20:58,797 --> 00:20:59,898
Make me, Grandpa!
486
00:20:59,965 --> 00:21:01,433
All right, let's dance!
487
00:21:06,172 --> 00:21:08,907
You have a place you can
stay tonight, ma'am?
488
00:21:08,975 --> 00:21:10,810
The neighbors, maybe?
489
00:21:15,081 --> 00:21:16,583
No.
490
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,733
You turned me in.
491
00:21:34,369 --> 00:21:37,136
You're a bigger man
than I thought.
492
00:21:37,205 --> 00:21:39,040
Just did what I had to do.
493
00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:43,176
I respect that.
494
00:21:43,244 --> 00:21:45,478
I'll take one token, please.
495
00:21:45,546 --> 00:21:47,782
You got it.
496
00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:48,982
And, uh...
497
00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:50,683
this is for you.
498
00:21:54,623 --> 00:21:57,124
In your face!
34986
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