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Captain's log, stardate 2027.1.
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Dear Cindy, I am being held prisoner
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on a barren asteroid by
the evil klingon emperor.
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Oh, will you stop complaining?
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It's only for six weeks.
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Well, I cannot tell you how I regret
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letting you bring that camera.
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It's gonna be a good
experience for you, Paul.
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You'll thank me for it some day.
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I'm gonna thank him?
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For this?
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What kind of life is this?
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Being dragged around the world
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looking for pot fragments and aliens?
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Well, what can you do?
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Cindy, I debuted my act
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last week in the workman's mess.
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It went over really good.
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Considering that they
don't speak english, but,
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you know, they're not very hip down here.
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I don't know, they didn't even know
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who Bullwinkle was.
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Well, what are you gonna do?
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Next time I'll pass out cliff notes.
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Paul.
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Quit trying.
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You're not going to L.A.
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to become a comic, and...
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Dad, come on.
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No you're not, Paul.
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First of all,
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you're not funny.
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Second of all, you don't
know what L.A.'s like.
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It's, it's like New
Jersey with earthquakes.
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Hmm.
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Come on, let's go.
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The early bird catches the worm.
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Oh, is breakfast ready?
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Doctor, doctor!
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We found someone to translate the stone!
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Oh, great, Ramon!
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Isn't that exciting, Paul?
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Yeah, I'm psyched, really.
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What did he say?
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He must be chewing many Coca leaf, gato.
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He say it reads: "Beware of viracocha,
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"the fire of the gods will bring justice,
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"from now until the end of time."
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Yeah, you should ask him how many
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times he's seen the curse of the mummy.
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He sure about that, Ramon?
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Oh, he seems very sure, doctor.
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Nothing about space travelers?
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No, nothing like that.
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Okay, Paul.
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It's time for a little
archaeological field work.
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Well, you know, dad, I was never
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really good at field trips in school, so,
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Paul.
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Dad, I'll just wait...
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Come on, come on.
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Paul, look at this, it's incredible!
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I've got chills!
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That's because it's cold, dad.
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This is pneumonia weather.
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I wanna go home now.
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Shh!
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Oh, look!
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Look at the stone work.
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It's incredible how the
stones fit together.
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I have a theory, shared by many,
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that aliens cut these stones with lasers.
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What, what is it?
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Some anorectic spaniard, dad.
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What's that?
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Oh!
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Oh, look at this.
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This is inti, the sun god
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of the chimanacos.
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Look, ma, no cavities!
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Oh, this is amazing.
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You go, you go look over there.
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Go on!
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Oh, look at this.
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This is unbelievable.
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It's solid gold!
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It's incredible that the spaniards
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didn't cut this off.
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What's the matter?
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If that's some south American
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cockroach, dad, bigger
than a cocker spaniel,
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I'm outta here!
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Shh.
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Take it easy, Paul.
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I'll have a look.
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There's nothing here.
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Over here, dad.
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What?
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Come here.
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I was right!
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It's an alien.
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Dad, you don't know
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that he's an alien.
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Maybe an illegal alien.
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He's just learned Spanish
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'cause he's been here so long.
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I mean, what else could he be?
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A Nazi genetic experiment.
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Py, pyramid?
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Definitely an alien.
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Uh, go get something for me to put him in.
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You're gonna be of big help to me, amigo.
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You're gonna prove my
theory that machu picchu
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was a control tower for alien spaceships.
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Let the skeptics laugh,
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I have my living extra-terrestrial
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proof to back me up.
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Right, amigo?
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Amigo!
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Amigo.
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Hiya, Pablo.
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Dad, the only thing I could
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find was my duffel bag.
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I hope he doesn't mind
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living with my underwear.
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Calculated risk.
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Here, hold this.
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Now, let's see.
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Chocolate, dad?
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You know he might get zits.
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Oh, milk duds!
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Ramon?
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I better get a sample of this.
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What do you think it is?
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I don't know, but it glows in the dark.
136
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Looks like toxic waste.
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Dad, he's digging into the bag.
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Aahh,
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good, good.
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Ramon!
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Ramon!
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Si, doctor?
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Two things, Ramon.
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We need transportation into Lima,
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and bribe the workers to keep quiet.
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It's not necessary, doctor.
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How come?
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They all ran away screaming.
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I'm with them, dad.
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Paul.
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Yeah, whatever.
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Gracias.
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Taste good?
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Oh, looks like we have
a litterbug alien, dad.
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Not funny.
156
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Milkybar!
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United Airlines,
flight 284 from Dallas,
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now arriving in gate 7.
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Milk duds.
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Shh!
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Take my wife, please.
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Will you shut up?
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He's been hanging around you too much.
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He thinks he's a comedian.
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Gentlemen, kindly
step aside and disrobe.
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Hey, Cindy!
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Will passenger
William Oliver please
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report to the information counter.
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Oh, I missed you.
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Oh, I have something for you.
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Your very own Peruvian baseball cap.
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I think she's very good for him.
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Good.
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A pointed hat.
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I've never had a pointed hat before.
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Oh, this tape's for you, too.
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I didn't have a chance to send it.
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How are the giants doing?
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Are they still in first place?
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How did the series with the Dodgers go?
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Simon.
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Simon, you're not gonna believe it.
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They won, they won!
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Won in a suicide squeeze!
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Wow, who, what?
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Shh!
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No, that's okay.
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I'll get the luggage myself.
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Chili Davis.
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Yeah?
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Chili Davis was on third,
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and broke for the plate
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and Brandon laid down a perfect bunt.
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And Chili did a hook slide round the tab
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for the go ahead run.
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Cindy, what about my sports rundown?
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Battle network stars?
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Yup.
199
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,699
Webster lost to St.
Elswhere in the final round
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00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,999
of greco-Roman wrestling.
201
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:38,899
Split decision.
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The tie always goes
to the dramatic series.
203
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There's no respect for sitcoms anymore.
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Hey, that's the sports world for you.
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Now I'm down a thousand big ones
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for uncle Cecil.
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I told you I don't want you betting
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with that crook.
209
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,899
Hey, what's in there?
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Paul, did you bring me back
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a little baby llama?
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Aw, take him out.
213
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No, no, no, he's fine in here.
214
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:01,799
I put a sock in there
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00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:02,699
for him to play with.
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00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,099
Dad, he's not a puppy.
217
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:05,499
Oh, not a puppy, huh?
218
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:06,799
What is it, an anteater?
219
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,599
No, you're not even warm.
220
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,199
A ground sloth.
221
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,499
Is it marsupial?
222
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,299
No, I didn't check for a pouch.
223
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A Bolivian wombat.
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Shoot.
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00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,210
Damn.
226
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,090
Violation!
227
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And it's Cindy.
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This is gonna be a great day!
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00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,299
Hi, everybody.
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00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,699
How was the trip, doc?
231
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,099
Find any alien beings?
232
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,499
No, no, no, Eddie.
233
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,070
Not this time.
234
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,599
I downshifted to 35 by the time
235
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,999
I hit the sign, sport.
236
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,799
Did I say you were speeding, missy?
237
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,799
And that's deputy sport to you.
238
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,899
I had you at 12dbs over acceptable
239
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:40,899
noise limits when your car backfired.
240
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:43,399
Look, I downshifted
to keep from speeding!
241
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,399
I've warned you to
get that tune-up before.
242
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,799
So maybe now you'll start
243
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,199
obeying the environmental standards
244
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that make Sweetwater such
a nice place to live,
245
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,910
and raise kids.
246
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,399
Get a real job.
247
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:03,080
Get that tune-up, noise criminal.
248
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:07,999
If she wasn't so cute,
249
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,580
I'd mace her.
250
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,199
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
251
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,210
Shhh.
252
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,499
That's all right, bud.
253
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,299
That's all right.
254
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,799
Now you're home.
255
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:34,699
Okay, okay.
256
00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:36,099
I think,
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00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,499
he got a little car sick.
258
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,510
Shhh.
259
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:39,699
Okay.
260
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,690
Okay, okay, okay.
261
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,999
What do you mean,
you're a vegetarian now?
262
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,099
Ah, just like I told you, Paul.
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00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:55,899
Well, technically, I'm
a cold-blooded veggie.
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00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:56,699
I just don't like to eat
265
00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:58,399
warm-blooded animals, that's all.
266
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Come on up.
267
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:01,399
So what does that leave,
268
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,599
snakes and salamanders?
269
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,399
You know, I don't
see what the big deal is.
270
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,699
I mean, I still eat seafood, you know.
271
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:10,099
You know, I am not at
all happy about this.
272
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:11,299
Hey, fella, you ever watched TV?
273
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,720
TV!
274
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,099
Hi, I'm Cecil Watterman.
275
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,799
You know, there must be over 60 brands
276
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,399
of wine cooler on the market now.
277
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,899
But there's only one original:
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00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:25,199
'Cecil's all natural wine cooler',
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00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,499
made out of wholesome California products.
280
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:33,399
'Cecil's', it's the real, real thing!
281
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,899
Uncle Cecil, what a goof.
282
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,199
What a goof!
283
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:42,190
I got him some treats.
284
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,799
You want snacks?
285
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,399
Snacks.
286
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,599
Oh, he's so cute.
287
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,299
Can't we take him out of the bag now?
288
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:52,399
No, no, no, no!
289
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,299
Leave him in there.
290
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,299
I don't want anybody
finding out about him.
291
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,310
Yeah.
292
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,199
Dad thinks he's an alien.
293
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,199
Yeah, your dad thought
the osmonds were aliens.
294
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:06,099
Well that hasn't been disproved yet.
295
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,399
You know, I haven't seen
anybody eat so much junk
296
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,099
since that time you got drunk.
297
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,199
Remember, and you ate that bar of hash?
298
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:18,499
Yeah, and you thought it
was a chunky.
299
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:19,499
That's it!
300
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:20,999
He's a munchie.
301
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,399
We gotta get the guy a name.
302
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,299
Like, um, Arnold ziffel.
303
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:26,199
The pig on green acres?
304
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,210
Yeah.
305
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,299
See, he likes it.
306
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:32,010
Oh, no.
307
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,699
Okay, here's the number of the hotel
308
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,599
I'll be staying at tonight.
309
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:36,899
I'm heading over to the university
310
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,599
to catch Dr. crowder's lecture.
311
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,399
"Incan hieroglyphics: Art
form, or cosmic joke?"
312
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,699
Are you gonna tell him about Arnold?
313
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:44,499
Who?
314
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,399
Arnold.
315
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,399
Arnold!
316
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,199
Oh, our little friend in the bag, huh?
317
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,399
Of course I'm gonna tell him about Arnold.
318
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,999
Let him to see for himself.
319
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,299
Draw his own conclusions.
320
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:53,299
You know, he has hinted
321
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,299
that he believes in alien visitations.
322
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:56,199
It's here in his book,
323
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,299
conquistador's journal.
324
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,699
If he backs up my theory,
325
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:00,499
I'll be able to get
326
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,299
a publisher for my book.
327
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:05,399
Our money worries will be over.
328
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,399
I hope.
329
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,899
Cool, dad.
330
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:09,199
Well, I'm glad you support me in this,
331
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,899
Paul, because I need your help.
332
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,199
You must not let Arnold out
333
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,499
of your sight until I get back.
334
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:15,799
Aw, dad, it's our first day back,
335
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:16,699
and you want me to stay at home
336
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,799
and babysit some alien?
337
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,299
Okay, I'll tell you what I'll do.
338
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,599
You're a betting man, right?
339
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,199
I'll make you a wager:
340
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,499
I'll bet you that you can't
341
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,999
look after Arnold for one day.
342
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,499
If you win, we'll discuss this budding
343
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:32,799
comedy career of yours in L.A.
344
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,699
Oh, that's some bet.
345
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,799
Now, what happens if I lose?
346
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,799
You stay here, you
go to community college
347
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,199
and you become something reputable.
348
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,999
You really go for the throat, dad.
349
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,299
You must keep him safe, and hidden.
350
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,599
Nobody must find out about him.
351
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,610
Okay?
352
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:51,640
I'm depending on you, Paul.
353
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:55,299
Arnold!
354
00:14:55,300 --> 00:15:00,270
There goes our bowling night.
355
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,799
Oh lord, what did I
ever do in my past life
356
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,699
to make that goddamn egg split in two?
357
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,899
Welcome home, brother Simon.
358
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,199
Uh, you said you were gonna sell me
359
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,099
your half of the land
360
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:20,999
when you got back.
361
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,599
Well, here I am.
362
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,099
And, uh, here are the
papers for you to sign.
363
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:30,399
I'm sorry, Cecil, but
uh, I've changed my mind.
364
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,399
I got this deal pending.
365
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,699
It looks like it could be real big.
366
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:39,099
Uh, don't mean to
inconvenience you, but, uh,
367
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:42,299
I could make a lot of money on this thing.
368
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:43,899
I don't think I'd be hard
up for money anymore,
369
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,699
so I couldn't consider, uh,
370
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:46,599
signing those papers.
371
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,460
Excuse me.
372
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,799
So you wanna play hardball, huh?
373
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,799
Okay, brother, let's party.
374
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,999
On channel 3 you get all
the really weird stuff.
375
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,799
And on 24 you get all the
old, really good movies.
376
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,099
Now, this is how you turn it on.
377
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,999
Why don't you try?
378
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,299
- Turn it on.
- Okay.
379
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:14,499
You know there is
one brand of snack food
380
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,599
that's not like all the rest.
381
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,099
Calsnax, the all natural snack food.
382
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:23,199
Maybe not the biggest,
but I think the best.
383
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,299
A plain honest American product.
384
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:30,699
And what do kids think about it?
385
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:31,799
Can I have another mesquite flavored
386
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:32,899
beef jerky, uncle Cecil?
387
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:33,770
Yep.
388
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:34,899
Here you go, son.
389
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:36,899
I love space chewy sticks.
390
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,899
And you get a cazumat trading cards free!
391
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,299
Trade you major yevyir shenkov
392
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,899
for commander Boris fatsky.
393
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:43,699
Deal.
394
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:46,399
Yeah, kids love 'em and you will too.
395
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,499
Calsnax, the all natural
snack for a new generation.
396
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:53,799
It's my baby, you're my sweet fish.
397
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,799
Come one sweetheart, come on, dinner time.
398
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:57,899
Hey, pop.
399
00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:58,799
What do you want, dude?
400
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,599
And I ain't your pop.
401
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,399
Okay, let's stand on formalities then.
402
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,299
Hey stepdad, could you maybe front me
403
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:08,399
500 bucks for the weekend?
404
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,299
5007?
405
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:13,399
What are you on something?
406
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,199
Quit kicking that thing.
407
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,599
I'm practicing for a
hackeysack tournament later.
408
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,199
I don't see what the big deal is
409
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,499
hackey sack?
410
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:24,099
Oh yeah, that's the sport you hippies play
411
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,699
while you're doing drugs.
412
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:28,099
Hey, like don't let
your lifestyle judgements
413
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:30,250
on me, man.
414
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,999
You are a bum.
415
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,099
You ain't working.
416
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,599
You ain't at school, you ain't married,
417
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:38,499
you're a bum.
418
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,299
Now you want 500 dollars.
419
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,299
Now, are you on something?
420
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,199
Grass, coke?
421
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,999
Smack, crack?
422
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,399
You're a bum.
423
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,899
Some comeback, sweety.
424
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:56,440
Incredibly bad energy, man.
425
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,199
You know, I don't see
what the big deal is.
426
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,099
I mean I still eat seafood, you know.
427
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,250
Cindy.
428
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,699
Everybody knows that
relationships are based
429
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:13,099
on liking the same restaurant.
430
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,799
Now where does that leave us?
431
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,599
Eight salt fish and chips?
432
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,199
Bob's big boy new england COD dinner?
433
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,899
Or maybe the filet-o-fish at McDonalds?
434
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:23,999
No, filet-o-fish is out.
435
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,699
They deep fry them in beef fat.
436
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:39,770
Ugh!
437
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,999
Oh, like not cool pop.
438
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,299
That's an english import dead LP, man.
439
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:50,699
Well I don't care if
it's Burl Ives, man.
440
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,499
Got a little job for you, scum.
441
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:53,499
Forget it, pop.
442
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,199
I'm not endangering my Karma
443
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,199
by associating with you.
444
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,799
Oh, that's too bad, dude.
445
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,199
'Cause, either you help me,
446
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,599
or you're gonna go back
447
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,899
to that, uh, teepee of yours in Utah.
448
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,799
Now, why, you want money,
449
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,799
and I got the job.
450
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,699
Now, are you in?
451
00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:15,299
Oh man, what choice do I got?
452
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,699
Either be a cog in the wheel,
453
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:21,550
or starve like a dog.
454
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,599
Here, my babies.
455
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,799
Come on, it's chow time.
456
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,399
Come on, petey.
457
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,799
Come on, Woody.
458
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:39,599
Come on, boys!
459
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:40,599
Chow, chow.
460
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,599
Chow now.
461
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,899
I know something that he'd like.
462
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:44,999
Arnold?
463
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,700
Arnold.
464
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:54,390
Chicks, Arnold.
465
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:01,499
You know, Paul.
466
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:05,099
Uhm, Arnold's amusing himself
467
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:07,099
with miss July.
468
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:08,899
And you and I haven't seen
469
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:14,099
each other in a very long time.
470
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:16,499
Are you asking me to
471
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,199
shirk my responsibilities
472
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,499
for some sleazy
473
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,399
teenage sex?
474
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,250
Absolutely.
475
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,410
Okay.
476
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:27,510
Okay.
477
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,799
Home of the valley's best steaks
478
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,399
and crunchiest tater tots,
479
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,699
featuring the mile-long,
480
00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:38,899
700-item salad bar.
481
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:40,199
This steak is so tender,
482
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,699
it doesn't even taste like meat.
483
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:46,820
I just love those tater tots.
484
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:49,199
Yup, for beef so tender
485
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,699
it melts in your mouth,
486
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:51,999
it's western beef land.
487
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,299
Four convenient valley locations.
488
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:57,160
Thank you.
489
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,099
Will you watch what you're doing?
490
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,599
Take off that stupid hat!
491
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:03,799
Man, the guy on the wild kingdom
492
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,299
always wears a hat like this, man.
493
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,099
Man, you act like you've never
494
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:13,070
seen the wild kingdom before.
495
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:24,890
It's nice to have you home.
496
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:44,599
Paul, not so rough.
497
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:48,099
I haven't done anything yet.
498
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,299
Oh, gross, felt up by a furball.
499
00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:52,699
Arnold, go downstairs and watch TV!
500
00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:53,570
Now!
501
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:29,700
Sorry, man.
502
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,300
Snacks!
503
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,999
When I say "now", you break
504
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,799
for the living room and cut him off.
505
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,800
Break what?
506
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:56,199
Uh-oh.
507
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,099
Now.
508
00:22:58,100 --> 00:22:58,899
Now what?
509
00:22:58,900 --> 00:23:00,340
Now go!
510
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,090
Gotcha!
511
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:13,810
Damn!
512
00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:18,610
It's all your fault!
513
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,899
But there's more than one way
514
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,620
to skin a cat.
515
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,199
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
516
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,399
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
517
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,399
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
518
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,099
Man, are you sure that thing's a cat?
519
00:23:44,100 --> 00:23:44,899
Shut up!
520
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:49,450
And open that garbage bag.
521
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:55,880
Oh, man.
522
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,299
Oh wow, man.
523
00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:58,999
Just like capturing a snow leopard
524
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,399
on the wild kingdom, man.
525
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:04,099
Come on, let's get out of here.
526
00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:05,699
Hey, you wanna play doctor?
527
00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:06,710
What?
528
00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:14,599
Did you hear something?
529
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,399
It's probably just Arnold
530
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,199
raiding the refrigerator.
531
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,630
Hit me again.
532
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,220
Hi, goof.
533
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,799
You guys know each other, huh?
534
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,799
Don't get wise, punk.
535
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:36,999
Well, it's been real, pop,
536
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,099
but I gotta get goin'.
537
00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:38,899
Oh, no you don't.
538
00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:40,399
You ain't finished yet.
539
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,199
You're gonna help me out
540
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,199
with this creature.
541
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:42,999
But I've got
542
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:43,899
things to do, man.
543
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:44,799
I'm going to the Berkeley
544
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,299
tie dye and hacky sack festival.
545
00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:49,160
Now, dude,
546
00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:50,999
haven't I always treated you
547
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,599
like you was my own stepson?
548
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:54,699
But I am your stepson.
549
00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:55,899
I know, and I always treated you
550
00:24:55,900 --> 00:24:57,499
like you was, didn't I?
551
00:24:57,500 --> 00:24:58,899
Yeah, you always treated me
552
00:24:58,900 --> 00:25:00,199
like a stepchild.
553
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,070
Yes.
554
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,999
Well, you guard him with your life,
555
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,899
or you won't have one!
556
00:25:04,900 --> 00:25:07,099
You threatenin' me, pop?
557
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:07,970
Yes.
558
00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:11,110
Okay.
559
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:12,899
I'm going to the bus station now
560
00:25:12,900 --> 00:25:14,099
to pick up your mother.
561
00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:17,380
Now you watch him.
562
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,010
Scum.
563
00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:33,399
Where are you?
564
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,699
I'm over here
565
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:35,899
behind the watermelon!
566
00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:36,999
That's not a watermelon!
567
00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:48,799
Hey, cut it out,
568
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,399
you furry wimp!
569
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,999
It took my mom 4000 books
570
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,980
of green stamps to get that.
571
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,750
Cut it out.
572
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:17,299
I said, cut it out!
573
00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:20,360
Take that.
574
00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:28,830
Oh!
575
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,699
Oh, man, my dead records!
576
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:57,400
You are history, pal!
577
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,299
You're not laughing
578
00:27:54,300 --> 00:27:58,140
anymore, are you, pal?
579
00:27:58,900 --> 00:27:59,770
Agh!
580
00:28:34,300 --> 00:28:36,590
Got you now!
581
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,999
Sure missed ya.
582
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:49,499
Did you?
583
00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:51,399
The bed got awful cold at night.
584
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:52,830
Cecil!
585
00:29:54,100 --> 00:29:57,199
You sweet thing, you.
586
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,999
Oh! How's my baby dude doin'?
587
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,199
Oh, fine. Fine.
588
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,060
Just fine.
589
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:04,399
One thing I'll never know, though, honey,
590
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:05,699
is why you agreed to
591
00:30:05,700 --> 00:30:08,199
adopt that worthless kid
592
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:08,999
when you left that little
593
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,199
con cousin of yours.
594
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,599
I don't know.
595
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,799
I guess I just felt sorry for him,
596
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:19,630
'cause he was so ugly and stupid.
597
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,499
Hey, what's happenin', man?
598
00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:33,899
Hostile little bastard.
599
00:30:33,900 --> 00:30:38,440
Incredibly bad energy, man.
600
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,320
Oh, yeah.
601
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,699
Rudy, how you feelin', man?
602
00:30:43,700 --> 00:30:46,399
Leo, what'd I have to drink last night?
603
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:47,799
I feel sick.
604
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:49,799
Hey. Hey, Rudy.
605
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,199
Where are we?
606
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:52,499
Look at this kitchen!
607
00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:55,199
You ever see such an ugly kitchen? Ugh!
608
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,499
Eh, let's go.
609
00:30:56,500 --> 00:30:58,080
Come on!
610
00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:11,699
Crank it all the way up, man!
611
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:17,199
What are you doing?
612
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,210
What?
613
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,699
What, this is where I always look
614
00:31:19,700 --> 00:31:20,899
for when I lose my keys.
615
00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:22,899
Then why don't you just
rip the carpet up too?
616
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:24,799
Where could he have gone?
617
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:25,699
To the store for a pack of cigarettes
618
00:31:25,700 --> 00:31:27,399
and a case of house snacks.
619
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,199
Jokes I don't need.
620
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,699
This is horrible.
621
00:31:30,700 --> 00:31:32,399
This is worse than the
time you almost married
622
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,999
the Joe Montana impersonator in Hawaii.
623
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,099
Oh, why do you have to
keep bringing that up?
624
00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:40,699
Arnold, come home!
625
00:31:40,700 --> 00:31:42,299
You know, it serves you right.
626
00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:43,299
It serves you right for
627
00:31:43,300 --> 00:31:44,499
letting him read that magazine.
628
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:46,099
You act like I had him freebasing
629
00:31:46,100 --> 00:31:47,499
at the playboy mansion or something.
630
00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:49,099
You just didn't have
any time, that's all.
631
00:31:49,100 --> 00:31:50,399
You know, I can't believe
632
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:51,699
your lack of faith in me.
633
00:31:51,700 --> 00:31:52,999
You never used to be this way.
634
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,399
I never said lovin' was easy.
635
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,599
good shooting, man!
636
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,399
You got it!
637
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,599
Bullseye!
638
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:05,899
Where'd those guys come from?
639
00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:08,760
I don't know.
640
00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:18,599
Wait right here.
641
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:19,699
I'm gonna go around.
642
00:32:19,700 --> 00:32:21,199
You keep 'em occupied.
643
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,199
Okay?
644
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:23,210
Okay.
645
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:28,040
Hey, fellas!
646
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:34,699
Look at that.
647
00:32:34,700 --> 00:32:36,499
Shake that thing, baby.
648
00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:37,299
Must be jelly, cause
649
00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:39,999
jam don't shake like that!
650
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:40,999
Paul, hurry up.
651
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:41,899
They're drooling.
652
00:32:41,900 --> 00:32:45,180
Take it all off!
653
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,520
Good job.
654
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,099
We got 'em.
655
00:32:52,100 --> 00:32:52,899
How come you've never
656
00:32:52,900 --> 00:32:53,799
danced like that for me?
657
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:56,799
Wow, my eardrums!
658
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,199
Man, this stuff stinks!
659
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,099
What's so funny?
660
00:33:01,100 --> 00:33:01,899
Come on waste 'em, man.
661
00:33:01,900 --> 00:33:02,699
Blow 'em away!
662
00:33:02,700 --> 00:33:03,699
Come on!
663
00:33:03,700 --> 00:33:06,199
Yeah, show 'em.
664
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,299
No, Arnold, come on now.
665
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:09,299
Give me the... give me the gun.
666
00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:10,399
Don't listen to him.
667
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:11,499
Get him in the kneecaps, come on!
668
00:33:11,500 --> 00:33:12,499
Give me the gun.
669
00:33:12,500 --> 00:33:13,299
No way, Jose.
670
00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:14,199
I'm getting pissed off.
671
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:15,199
Back off, man!
672
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,999
Jeez, what an attitude.
673
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,000
Okay, pull!
674
00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:26,730
They're gone.
675
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:37,440
Come on, we gotta get them.
676
00:33:45,500 --> 00:33:48,490
Great shots, man!
677
00:33:53,900 --> 00:33:55,799
Step on it!
678
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:56,999
I can't push any harder.
679
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:01,280
Hey, let me do it, huh?
680
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:02,299
I didn't know you could
681
00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:06,499
drive like Starsky and Hutch.
682
00:34:06,500 --> 00:34:07,599
Hey, watch the smoke, man.
683
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:08,599
You're gonna give me cancer.
684
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:09,999
Buzz off.
685
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,299
Check out the scenery, dudes.
686
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:16,990
Next month, we go to New Jersey!
687
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:23,499
Go ahead.
688
00:34:23,500 --> 00:34:25,699
Make for the county line.
689
00:34:25,700 --> 00:34:29,299
And I'll blow your tires out!
690
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,220
Déja vu.
691
00:34:55,700 --> 00:34:57,499
You think just 'cause my dad's away
692
00:34:57,500 --> 00:34:59,199
at the riot control convention,
693
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,099
that's your cue to
694
00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:01,999
run wild in the streets?
695
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:06,399
Uh, Eddie, you're not
gonna believe this, but uh,
696
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,999
Cindy's dad is in the CIA.
697
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,199
And we're on a mission
of national security.
698
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,799
That ugly, yellow car
is full of ruskie spies
699
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,799
with stolen secrets
from the silicon valley.
700
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:18,599
Really?
701
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:19,610
Yeah.
702
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:20,899
Need some help?
703
00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:22,799
Come on, let me help!
704
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,199
I was an eagle scout, you know.
705
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:31,899
Okay, but this is
classified information.
706
00:35:31,900 --> 00:35:34,299
We have reason to believe
707
00:35:34,300 --> 00:35:35,099
that they are planning
708
00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:37,599
to blow up golf land,
709
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:38,599
and discredit the American
710
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,499
way of life.
711
00:35:40,500 --> 00:35:41,510
Okay.
712
00:35:43,700 --> 00:35:45,980
Thanks, Paul.
713
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,799
How did you know my dad
714
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,799
His decoder ring gave him away.
715
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,299
What are you readin'?
716
00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:02,699
Oh, this is the latest issue
717
00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:04,899
of insult celebrities.
718
00:36:04,900 --> 00:36:05,799
There is a interview
719
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,899
with ozzy Osbourne.
720
00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:09,799
"How today's dating is rough
721
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,199
on sensitive guys."
722
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:12,999
I don't know why
723
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,199
you read trash like that.
724
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,899
It's educational, honey.
725
00:36:16,900 --> 00:36:19,199
Look, here's your astroscope.
726
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:20,199
Oh, my ass.
727
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:21,999
Let's see, cancer,
728
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,299
"you have little patience"
729
00:36:23,300 --> 00:36:25,799
"with the eccentricity of neighbors."
730
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:30,799
"Home is where your heart is.”
731
00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:43,799
All right!
732
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:52,399
Check out that poon freak, man.
733
00:37:02,900 --> 00:37:06,170
- Come on!
- Yeah!
734
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:29,410
Lady.
735
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,099
Ain't gonna take that from
736
00:37:44,100 --> 00:37:48,080
no American motors car.
737
00:37:51,300 --> 00:37:53,799
Head for the hills, mama.
738
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,199
Crazy punks!
739
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,799
Let them have guns!
740
00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:04,500
You idiots!
741
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,180
Like it?
742
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:08,699
Let's go, man.
743
00:38:08,700 --> 00:38:10,399
You're gonna pay for this, you
744
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,799
furry little wimps!
745
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,299
Guess we showed her.
746
00:38:14,300 --> 00:38:17,799
He-hey, we the munchies!
747
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:19,099
Which way did they go?
748
00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:24,510
They went that a-way, get 'em!
749
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,299
Did you get a big haul
from purity chemical
750
00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:44,799
this week, hon?
751
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,699
Over 2,000 barrels.
752
00:38:46,700 --> 00:38:48,099
I'm running out of space.
753
00:38:48,100 --> 00:38:49,999
The caves under the factory
are getting filled up.
754
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,899
I'm gonna have to get
my hands on more land.
755
00:38:52,900 --> 00:38:54,999
Oh you're such a go-getter, Cecil.
756
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,099
Now honey I just happened to know
757
00:38:57,100 --> 00:39:00,499
that toxic waste is America's
greatest natural resource.
758
00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:02,599
And it's completely untapped.
759
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:03,899
You see, the difference between America
760
00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:06,499
and the rest of the world
is we know about recycling.
761
00:39:06,500 --> 00:39:08,799
You mean like squishing
up aluminum cans?
762
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,999
No honey, more than that.
763
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,199
I'm taking about way more than that.
764
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,799
Let me give you an example.
765
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:14,699
Okay.
766
00:39:14,700 --> 00:39:17,799
There is no difference
between toxic waste
767
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:18,799
and beef jerky.
768
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:19,599
Oh, get out.
769
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:20,499
No I mean it.
770
00:39:20,500 --> 00:39:21,399
No.
771
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,399
Purity meats pays me to haul away
772
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:24,399
their floor scraps.
773
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:26,899
I take it, I press it
into jerky and sell it.
774
00:39:26,900 --> 00:39:28,199
Same thing with toxic waste.
775
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:29,899
Company just pays me to haul it away,
776
00:39:29,900 --> 00:39:32,799
I treat it with my
secret neutralizing sauce
777
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,599
and then I make it into
my calsnax products.
778
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:37,199
Twin killing, making money on it twice.
779
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,899
You're the American success story.
780
00:39:39,900 --> 00:39:44,299
Couldn't do it without you, sweet meat.
781
00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:46,799
Can't wait to get you home.
782
00:39:51,700 --> 00:39:52,850
Ooh!
783
00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:56,299
Watch those short stops.
784
00:39:56,300 --> 00:39:58,599
You'll squish my 'do.
785
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,310
Well, what the?
786
00:40:06,900 --> 00:40:08,899
What a mess!
787
00:40:08,900 --> 00:40:13,160
Conchita will be furious!
788
00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:25,899
Oh no, my genuine plastic Eros!
789
00:40:25,900 --> 00:40:27,050
Elvis!
790
00:40:29,900 --> 00:40:32,299
Dude!
791
00:40:32,300 --> 00:40:33,030
Oh!
792
00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:36,099
Is, is he dead?
793
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:38,950
Sure looks it.
794
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,810
Oh my god!
795
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:46,699
Oh my god!
796
00:40:46,700 --> 00:40:47,710
Look!
797
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,899
No one kills my tropical fish and lives!
798
00:40:50,900 --> 00:40:52,599
What's happened here?!
799
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:53,899
Your son blew it again,
800
00:40:53,900 --> 00:40:55,299
that's what's happened!
801
00:40:55,300 --> 00:40:56,299
I figured out a way to
802
00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:57,799
force Simon to sell me his land,
803
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:58,999
but he blew it!
804
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,199
He let the creature get away!
805
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:01,699
What creature?
806
00:41:01,700 --> 00:41:02,599
I dunno, some bad thing
807
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,299
Simon found in Peru.
808
00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:06,799
We gotta get big Ed back up here, pronto!
809
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,099
Let's get Eddie, Eddie!
810
00:41:08,100 --> 00:41:10,199
We saw his car at golf land.
811
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,399
Oh, hell, he's dumber than his old man.
812
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,599
But, I guess we're stuck with him
813
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:17,199
until big Ed gets back.
814
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:18,699
Clearview, please.
815
00:41:18,700 --> 00:41:20,799
Number of the easy 8 motel.
816
00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:31,420
Hey, hey!
817
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,499
What are you doing?
818
00:41:51,100 --> 00:41:53,099
You deadhead fucking surfer!
819
00:41:53,100 --> 00:41:54,110
Okay.
820
00:42:18,300 --> 00:42:21,440
What is going on?
821
00:42:24,700 --> 00:42:25,999
Which way'd they go?
822
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:27,720
That way!
823
00:42:31,700 --> 00:42:32,899
When will they see it?
824
00:42:32,900 --> 00:42:34,199
When will they know that it's
825
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,999
the evil, red tide of communism
826
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,399
that's destroying the American fiber,
827
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,599
eroding the American way
of life as we know it?
828
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:45,899
Those Soviet scums make me wanna barf!
829
00:42:45,900 --> 00:42:48,599
You guys must think you're pretty funny!
830
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,599
Sending me off to guard
golf land, huh, wise guy?
831
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:52,999
Those ruskie spies must have
832
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,099
a high-level informant in the CIA.
833
00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:56,299
But we really need your help
834
00:42:56,300 --> 00:42:58,099
to get a line on dude's car.
835
00:42:58,100 --> 00:42:58,899
I mean, can't you put out,
836
00:42:58,900 --> 00:42:59,799
like, a dragnet or something?
837
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,299
That's an apb, Kojak.
838
00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:04,199
An all points bulletin is reserved
839
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,899
for bonafide high priority
police emergencies
840
00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:08,299
and then only by a directive
841
00:43:08,300 --> 00:43:09,599
of a commanding officer.
842
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:11,399
You guys must not realize
that you're dealing
843
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:12,899
with a very sharp lawman.
844
00:43:12,900 --> 00:43:15,599
I know there are no slimy Soviet spies
845
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,999
in that ugly yellow car.
846
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:19,299
You're covering up for dude
847
00:43:19,300 --> 00:43:21,899
and his worthless deadhead pals.
848
00:43:21,900 --> 00:43:30,000
Hah, I told you we
couldn't fool Eddie, Paul.
849
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:34,950
Eddie!
850
00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:36,799
Eddie, what are you doing
851
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,599
to stop the impending disaster?
852
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,099
With all due respect, Mr. Watterman,
853
00:43:42,100 --> 00:43:43,499
might I remind you
854
00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:45,599
that I am the police officer,
855
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,099
and you are the civilian.
856
00:43:49,100 --> 00:43:49,999
I don't intend to let
857
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,799
red man anarchy rule the day
858
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,399
just 'cause my dad's away.
859
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,499
What impending disaster?
860
00:43:56,500 --> 00:43:59,399
The disaster that wrecked my condo,
861
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,399
ate my tropical fish,
862
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,399
and killed dude macintosh.
863
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:04,899
My beloved stepson!
864
00:44:04,900 --> 00:44:06,999
There's been a murder?
865
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:07,899
My first murder!
866
00:44:07,900 --> 00:44:08,699
What a great day!
867
00:44:08,700 --> 00:44:11,599
I'm on the case!
868
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:12,699
Where am I going?
869
00:44:12,700 --> 00:44:16,680
My place, you lunkhead!
870
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,199
This is all your fault.
871
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,699
If you wouldn't have kidnapped Arnold,
872
00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:21,999
none of this would have happened.
873
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:22,899
Yeah, now there's four of them,
874
00:44:22,900 --> 00:44:24,199
and they're all mad as hell.
875
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:25,899
I don't know what you're talking about.
876
00:44:25,900 --> 00:44:26,799
The point is, we gotta
877
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,299
track this thing down, pronto!
878
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:30,399
Now are you and your bimbo
879
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:31,899
in this with me, or what?
880
00:44:31,900 --> 00:44:32,999
Who are you calling bimbo,
881
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,099
you polyester cowboy?
882
00:44:35,100 --> 00:44:39,199
Who are you calling
polyester cowboy, you,
883
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:42,599
cheap dime store floozy?
884
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:43,399
If I wasn't such a lady,
885
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:44,899
I would pop you one.
886
00:44:44,900 --> 00:44:46,799
We'll find Arnold for ourselves, Cecil.
887
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,699
Oh, just what I expected
from today's youth.
888
00:44:49,700 --> 00:44:52,599
There ain't a real American among ya!
889
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:54,299
And it's the fourth of July, too.
890
00:44:54,300 --> 00:44:55,999
Cecil, if you're such a patriot,
891
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,499
how come your space chewy sticks
892
00:44:57,500 --> 00:44:58,699
are the official snack food
893
00:44:58,700 --> 00:45:00,399
of the Russian commienauts, huh?
894
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:01,899
Because you gotta bribe those bums
895
00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:04,099
at NASA to get an endorsement.
896
00:45:04,100 --> 00:45:06,999
With the commies, you just
cut them in for a percentage.
897
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:08,399
But I ain't got time standing 'round here
898
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,699
talkin' snack food economics to you two.
899
00:45:10,700 --> 00:45:11,499
Come on, melvis, let's roll!
900
00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:15,350
We gotta meet big Ed.
901
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:17,799
I want your chromosomes checked
902
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:21,360
before we have kids.
903
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:31,940
I'm coming to get you!
904
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,499
Whoa, would you look
at those beautiful babes?
905
00:45:38,500 --> 00:45:43,499
I'm going down for a closer look.
906
00:45:43,500 --> 00:45:48,330
Oh, catch those beach balls!
907
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,399
I only dated him to get to Whitney.
908
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:58,080
Who is merely the richest guy in town.
909
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:02,960
Bitchin' dudes!
910
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,199
Hey, isn't that dude's
old ugly, yellow car?
911
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:09,070
Who?
912
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:09,899
You know, that burnout,
913
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,599
Santa Cruz deadhead?
914
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,199
He hangs with, uh, Denise.
915
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:14,799
The loadie chick?
916
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:16,299
Oh, Denise, whose sister's
917
00:46:16,300 --> 00:46:18,799
the salad bar manager
at western beef land.
918
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:22,360
Yeah, you know dude.
919
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:28,099
What are those things?
920
00:46:28,100 --> 00:46:33,080
Dude's pals from Santa Cruz?
921
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:35,199
A piranha!
922
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,900
See you later, Terry.
923
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:44,199
That's my favorite
bathing suit, you creep!
924
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:45,199
Hiya, sweetheart!
925
00:46:46,700 --> 00:46:47,499
Oh, no!
926
00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:48,230
Oh!
927
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,199
See you around, Amy!
928
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,499
Wait, what's your sign?
929
00:46:53,500 --> 00:46:55,930
Come to papa!
930
00:47:01,100 --> 00:47:05,240
It's okay.
It's okay.
931
00:47:13,100 --> 00:47:19,780
Hey, let's get out of here.
932
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,199
Okay, come on, Arnold.
933
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,599
Come on, I'd recognize
those beady eyes anywhere.
934
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,199
Thanks for the help, Amy.
935
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,499
You're the one to talk.
936
00:47:29,500 --> 00:47:30,799
Besides, I'm not missing cheerleading
937
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:32,199
camp because of you.
938
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,060
Come on.
939
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,599
He must have gotten away down the pipes.
940
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,099
Well, now he could be anywhere.
941
00:47:44,100 --> 00:47:45,499
What were those things?
942
00:47:45,500 --> 00:47:50,750
Uh, tourists from, from Nevada.
943
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:02,499
Buddy Holly Johnson,
944
00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:04,899
quit lightin' them firecrackers!
945
00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:05,899
Don't want you to become
946
00:48:05,900 --> 00:48:11,000
another holiday statistic, now.
947
00:48:13,700 --> 00:48:14,699
Hey, bro, I smell ice cream.
948
00:48:14,700 --> 00:48:16,990
Where is it?
949
00:48:31,100 --> 00:48:33,299
Buddy Holly, you're too quiet.
950
00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:36,870
What are you up to?
951
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:42,430
Buddy Holly, just answer me!
952
00:48:44,300 --> 00:48:45,399
What are you...
953
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:46,410
Aahh!
954
00:48:47,100 --> 00:48:50,199
Wow, god, what are they?
955
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,799
Get back here.
956
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,899
All right, everybody inside, inside.
957
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,630
Idiot!
958
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:05,999
Quick, into the cooler.
959
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,399
Hey, look out!
960
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,680
Get outta the way!
961
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:12,199
How long does it take
962
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,920
to fix a tire?
963
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:38,950
Would've helped if you'd had a Jack.
964
00:49:51,500 --> 00:49:52,999
I don't know, I can't decide.
965
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:56,799
What should I get, vanilla or chocolate?
966
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:57,899
I'm going for mocha chip.
967
00:49:57,900 --> 00:49:59,900
Stay there.
968
00:50:00,100 --> 00:50:00,899
Get back.
969
00:50:00,900 --> 00:50:04,610
Get back in the car.
970
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:18,880
Looters, huh?
971
00:50:31,900 --> 00:50:36,030
Hey, guys, wait for me!
972
00:50:36,300 --> 00:50:40,799
Who's gonna clean this mess up?
973
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:41,799
Oh, Bob!
974
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:42,799
I'm fine.
975
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:43,950
Huh?
976
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:44,999
I'm fine, thanks.
977
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:46,099
I'm fine.
978
00:50:46,100 --> 00:50:48,099
Oh, by the way, I'm Marge.
979
00:50:48,100 --> 00:50:49,299
And this is Bob.
980
00:50:49,300 --> 00:50:51,999
And this is little buddy Holly.
981
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,899
Next time I wanna try rum raisin.
982
00:50:54,900 --> 00:50:57,499
We'll be at the hospital soon.
983
00:50:57,500 --> 00:50:59,699
What were those things?
984
00:50:59,700 --> 00:51:00,499
Aliens, mom!
985
00:51:00,500 --> 00:51:02,299
I already told ya.
986
00:51:02,300 --> 00:51:03,299
Adults are talking.
987
00:51:03,300 --> 00:51:04,699
Forget the hospital.
988
00:51:04,700 --> 00:51:07,399
It's not too bad.
989
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:10,699
Bob was mauled by a
grizzly in yellowstone once.
990
00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:12,699
Well, I hope it wasn't yogi.
991
00:51:12,700 --> 00:51:14,299
I've had worse.
992
00:51:14,300 --> 00:51:19,399
I was mauled by a grizzly
in yellowstone once.
993
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:20,399
So you folks from around here?
994
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:24,099
Elco, Nevada, originally.
995
00:51:24,100 --> 00:51:25,199
Well say is it really true
996
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,299
that the sun sets green in
the nuclear testing zone
997
00:51:27,300 --> 00:51:30,599
and that your milk go sour
while you're drinking it?
998
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,399
Anti nuke propaganda.
999
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:33,410
Okay.
1000
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:35,399
Okay, the milk's true.
1001
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:41,599
But the sunsets are only
really green on blast days.
1002
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:42,610
Baby.
1003
00:51:56,300 --> 00:51:58,399
Here' I'll get the seat for you.
1004
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,250
Watch your cone.
1005
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:06,840
Thanks for the lift.
1006
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:08,099
Are you gonna be okay, can I help you?
1007
00:52:08,100 --> 00:52:12,899
No, no, we've done this before.
1008
00:52:12,900 --> 00:52:14,999
Honey, what do you want this time,
1009
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:18,270
stitches or clamps?
1010
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:20,399
Let's go back to my house
1011
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:21,699
and check Dr. crowder's book.
1012
00:52:21,700 --> 00:52:23,999
'Cause I don't know where
to look for them anymore.
1013
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:25,010
Okay.
1014
00:52:29,700 --> 00:52:37,940
Can't you guys
move it out any faster?
1015
00:52:40,500 --> 00:52:44,299
I'm sorry, little dead dude.
1016
00:52:44,300 --> 00:52:46,099
I'll never forget the
first time I saw him.
1017
00:52:46,100 --> 00:52:47,599
He was eleven, and I said to myself:
1018
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:49,499
"That boy looks like a chicken."
1019
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:50,899
And now he's gone.
1020
00:52:50,900 --> 00:52:52,399
That's all right,
darlin', please, come on.
1021
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:53,199
Daddy'll give you a massage.
1022
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,199
Poor thing, I mean, he always
1023
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,499
made a mess, but he meant well.
1024
00:52:57,500 --> 00:52:58,699
Didn't he, honey?
1025
00:52:58,700 --> 00:52:59,699
Yes, darlin'.
1026
00:52:59,700 --> 00:53:02,199
We'll all
be in heaven some day.
1027
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:06,199
There's nowhere to go and nothing to do.
1028
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:07,599
Let's go break some windows
1029
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:08,899
at the junior high.
1030
00:53:08,900 --> 00:53:12,199
I'm up for some vandalism, dude.
1031
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:13,780
You see?
1032
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:16,099
That's what happens when American youth
1033
00:53:16,100 --> 00:53:18,899
doesn't have the proper
recreational facilities.
1034
00:53:18,900 --> 00:53:20,799
When they don't have a video arcade
1035
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,899
they can go into to develop the necessary
1036
00:53:22,900 --> 00:53:24,799
hand eye coordination that's so vital
1037
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,299
in the computer age.
1038
00:53:26,300 --> 00:53:28,099
When they don't have the calsnax emporium
1039
00:53:28,100 --> 00:53:30,099
to go into where they can
get good, wholesome food
1040
00:53:30,100 --> 00:53:31,899
so they can grow up to be big and strong.
1041
00:53:31,900 --> 00:53:32,699
And why?
1042
00:53:32,700 --> 00:53:35,499
Those special interest
groups oppose the solar mall
1043
00:53:35,500 --> 00:53:37,799
for their own selfish reasons.
1044
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,899
Hi, I'm Cecil Watterman and I wanna build
1045
00:53:40,900 --> 00:53:43,299
that solar mall for the
people of Sweetwater.
1046
00:53:43,300 --> 00:53:45,799
So folk, yes on proposition 61.
1047
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,799
Say yes, we want the mall.
1048
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,099
For our kids.
1049
00:53:51,100 --> 00:53:52,299
Thanks for your support.
1050
00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:53,299
Paid for by the
1051
00:53:53,300 --> 00:53:56,599
better tomorrow through malls committee.
1052
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,599
Oh boy, that Cecil.
1053
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,499
What a sleaze.
1054
00:54:00,500 --> 00:54:02,599
It's surprising he's not in Washington.
1055
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,499
He wouldn't go for the pay cut.
1056
00:54:04,500 --> 00:54:05,999
You know, I think I've got something here.
1057
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,440
You do?
1058
00:54:08,500 --> 00:54:09,599
You know, it is really such a turn-on
1059
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:11,599
when you take charge and everything.
1060
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:12,399
Really?
1061
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:13,299
Uh-huh.
1062
00:54:13,300 --> 00:54:14,099
If I would've know that,
1063
00:54:14,100 --> 00:54:17,199
I would've taken a Dale
carnegie course years ago.
1064
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:18,799
You know, it says here
that there are legends
1065
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:19,899
that the high priests were able
1066
00:54:19,900 --> 00:54:22,199
to bring inanimate objects to life.
1067
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:26,199
They used, and I quote:
"The fire of the gods."
1068
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:27,599
"Once brought to life, the objects
1069
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:29,499
"then supposedly had regenerative powers,
1070
00:54:29,500 --> 00:54:31,899
"which made them unable to be destroyed."
1071
00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:32,910
Hm.
1072
00:54:34,300 --> 00:54:37,199
What do you think
"fire of the gods" means?
1073
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:38,399
I don't know.
1074
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,799
But you can probably rule out microwaves.
1075
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:43,099
Regenerative powers.
1076
00:54:43,100 --> 00:54:44,399
That's how come there's four of them.
1077
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:45,199
It's like with the worm.
1078
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:46,799
You have one worm.
1079
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:48,399
You cut it in half, you have two worms.
1080
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:49,699
We've gotta warn
everybody not to cut them.
1081
00:54:49,700 --> 00:54:50,999
Otherwise, we're gonna
have hundreds of munchies
1082
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:53,699
running around Sweetwater
stealing junk food.
1083
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:09,999
This little piggy had roast beef.
1084
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,899
No, stop it.
1085
00:56:11,900 --> 00:56:13,499
This little piggy had none.
1086
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:14,499
And this little piggy
1087
00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:15,599
was a bad little piggy,
1088
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:17,499
then wee-wee-wee'd all the way home!
1089
00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:18,399
Stop it.
1090
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:19,799
Oh, honey,
1091
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:21,099
if only I'd been a better stepmother.
1092
00:56:21,100 --> 00:56:22,799
Oh darling, you were a wonderful mother.
1093
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,599
You want a bite?
1094
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:26,799
No, honey, I don't want.
1095
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:27,599
I just want want another bite of you.
1096
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:29,399
I love you so much.
1097
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:31,099
Maybe I'll have a pink one.
1098
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:35,260
All right!
1099
00:56:35,500 --> 00:56:36,699
Where's the insurrection?
1100
00:56:36,700 --> 00:56:37,799
It's big Ed!
1101
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:38,999
Thank the lord.
1102
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,799
That door's made out
of redwood, you jackass!
1103
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,099
Well, the place is destroyed.
1104
00:56:43,100 --> 00:56:44,999
What do you need the door for?
1105
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,699
Oh, big Ed, we missed you!
1106
00:56:47,700 --> 00:56:50,699
Where'd you get the riot gear?
1107
00:56:50,700 --> 00:56:51,499
You like it?
1108
00:56:51,500 --> 00:56:52,599
T borrowed it from some buddies of mine
1109
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:54,099
on the tactical assault squad.
1110
00:56:54,100 --> 00:56:56,099
Uh, darlin', why don't
you go get us a cool drink?
1111
00:56:56,100 --> 00:56:56,999
Would you mind, sweetheart?
1112
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:57,899
Eddie, give her a hand.
1113
00:56:57,900 --> 00:56:59,499
She's deeply bereaved.
1114
00:56:59,500 --> 00:57:02,699
Go on, darlin', thank you.
1115
00:57:02,700 --> 00:57:03,570
Wha?
1116
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:05,999
We've got a full-blown
crisis on our hands!
1117
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:06,899
Hm, Eddie couldn't handle it, huh?
1118
00:57:06,900 --> 00:57:08,699
You know he graduated in the
1119
00:57:08,700 --> 00:57:10,399
top 70% of deputy school?
1120
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:11,999
You know, boss, I was having
1121
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:13,299
a great time at this convention.
1122
00:57:13,300 --> 00:57:15,399
I got this riot gun here, and I got...
1123
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:16,499
Would you just forget that!
1124
00:57:16,500 --> 00:57:18,099
Now listen!
1125
00:57:18,100 --> 00:57:20,499
If those creatures get
into the underground caves,
1126
00:57:20,500 --> 00:57:22,399
people are gonna find out
that I have been storing
1127
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,399
barrels of toxic waste under the town.
1128
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:30,950
Now, if I go down, you come with me!
1129
00:57:31,700 --> 00:57:33,099
A real meeting of the minds, huh?
1130
00:57:33,100 --> 00:57:33,999
Cecil, I found some more
1131
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:35,799
stuff out about those creatures.
1132
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:36,599
--t don't wanna hear it.
1133
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:37,599
I'll take care of those hostile
1134
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,099
little bastards in my own way.
1135
00:57:39,100 --> 00:57:40,099
But Cecil, you gotta listen...
1136
00:57:40,100 --> 00:57:41,199
Oh, honey, it's almost 9 o'clock!
1137
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:42,999
We've got to get over to golf land
1138
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,999
for those ribbon cutting ceremonies.
1139
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:45,899
Oh, heaven's sakes, I haven't even
1140
00:57:45,900 --> 00:57:46,899
memorized all of my speech yet!
1141
00:57:46,900 --> 00:57:48,399
Cecil, you gotta listen to me.
1142
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:49,699
I need your help.
Ladies and gentlemen,
1143
00:57:49,700 --> 00:57:50,699
I'm not sure what to do!
1144
00:57:50,700 --> 00:57:52,099
From the beginning of recorded time,
1145
00:57:52,100 --> 00:57:57,920
man has always searched for green.
1146
00:58:29,300 --> 00:58:32,599
Throughout history,
civilization has advanced
1147
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:35,199
for the good of all men,
1148
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,999
when a few great men
1149
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,699
have had bold, new visions,
1150
00:58:40,700 --> 00:58:43,399
and the courage to carry them out.
1151
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:44,410
Yeah!
1152
00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:46,899
But behind every great man,
1153
00:58:46,900 --> 00:58:51,299
there is a loving and dedicated woman
1154
00:58:51,300 --> 00:58:56,560
who fills his days and nights,
1155
00:58:56,900 --> 00:59:00,399
with a love that is so profound,
1156
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,699
so deep that it urges him on
1157
00:59:03,700 --> 00:59:07,499
to fulfill even his wildest dreams.
1158
00:59:07,500 --> 00:59:10,199
Caesar had his Cleopatra,
1159
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:13,199
Napoleon had his joséphine,
1160
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:16,599
and Sonny had his Cher.
1161
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:18,899
But luckiest of all:
1162
00:59:18,900 --> 00:59:22,399
I've had my melvis.
1163
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:31,699
You know, they laughed at me
1164
00:59:31,700 --> 00:59:33,699
when I said I would build the world's
1165
00:59:33,700 --> 00:59:37,099
first 36-hole miniature golf course.
1166
00:59:37,100 --> 00:59:39,599
But I didn't listen to other people.
1167
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:41,999
I followed my dream.
1168
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,199
And with this fine lady's help,
1169
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:45,799
I have brought this valley
1170
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:49,599
36 holes of miniature golf.
1171
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:52,099
I officially now declare
1172
00:59:52,100 --> 00:59:56,599
melvis' miniature golf
land officially open!
1173
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:57,890
Yessir!
1174
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:10,499
Go on, get out there and putt, putt.
1175
01:00:10,500 --> 01:00:13,399
Putt your little hearts away.
1176
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:14,299
It's on the house today, folks.
1177
01:00:14,300 --> 01:00:16,199
On the house.
1178
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,399
Okay, last 10!
1179
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:19,199
Loser's buyin' pizza.
1180
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,299
Hope you brought your money this time.
1181
01:00:22,300 --> 01:00:23,699
Wait till the guys see this!
1182
01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:24,570
Ohh!
1183
01:00:25,300 --> 01:00:26,799
Hey, look at
the dudes over there!
1184
01:00:26,800 --> 01:00:27,799
You're cheating!
1185
01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:28,999
I didn't cheat!
1186
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:30,099
Come on, do it again.
1187
01:00:30,100 --> 01:00:31,699
Come on, come on.
1188
01:00:31,700 --> 01:00:32,710
Whoa!
1189
01:00:33,100 --> 01:00:34,390
Whoops.
1190
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:36,970
Ready to lose?
1191
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:15,499
Oh, gross!
1192
01:01:15,500 --> 01:01:18,070
What was that?
1193
01:01:19,100 --> 01:01:22,100
It's them, here.
1194
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,899
It's them, they're here.
1195
01:01:25,900 --> 01:01:27,199
It's them, dad!
1196
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:28,399
Shh, buddy, I'll make par
1197
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:29,799
if I get this one.
1198
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:31,599
But dad, you don't understand!
1199
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:32,899
It's them!
1200
01:01:32,900 --> 01:01:33,799
Dad, they're here!
1201
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:34,899
Shh!
1202
01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:35,899
Dad!
1203
01:01:35,900 --> 01:01:37,050
Shh!
1204
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:40,399
Look!
1205
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:41,199
Dad, look!
1206
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:42,099
Look, daddy!
1207
01:01:42,900 --> 01:01:44,299
Oh, dad, look!
1208
01:02:02,300 --> 01:02:05,099
I guess it's just
not my day, huh, Marge?
1209
01:02:05,100 --> 01:02:06,299
Is it bad, Bob?
1210
01:02:06,300 --> 01:02:07,099
No, no, honey.
1211
01:02:07,100 --> 01:02:08,799
The mace took my mind
1212
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:11,230
off the pain.
1213
01:02:20,100 --> 01:02:22,099
Give me that.
1214
01:02:22,100 --> 01:02:25,199
Somebody's gonna hear us.
1215
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:26,399
Shut up.
1216
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:27,270
Agh!
1217
01:02:27,500 --> 01:02:30,699
Get it off me, get it off me!
1218
01:02:30,700 --> 01:02:32,420
Hurry up!
1219
01:02:34,700 --> 01:02:36,199
I didn't bring any money!
1220
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:43,460
And you ask if me if I brought my money?
1221
01:02:46,300 --> 01:02:47,599
Well what's the problem?
1222
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:50,099
We were getting some
calsnax out of the machine
1223
01:02:50,100 --> 01:02:51,299
when this thing attacked Dennis.
1224
01:02:51,300 --> 01:02:52,899
Huh, well.
1225
01:02:52,900 --> 01:02:54,699
Eddie, Eddie!
1226
01:02:54,700 --> 01:02:55,999
Yes sir!
1227
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:57,399
Eddie, take care of him, huh.
1228
01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:59,099
Yes sir, that I will do sir
1229
01:02:59,100 --> 01:03:01,899
for under state code 32-22025,
1230
01:03:01,900 --> 01:03:03,799
a deputized law officer like myself
1231
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:05,099
will make sure these youths receive
1232
01:03:05,100 --> 01:03:06,799
proper and adequate medical care.
1233
01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:08,199
Unless we're talking
about the new abridged law
1234
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:09,299
which doesn't say anything about that.
1235
01:03:09,300 --> 01:03:10,799
Actually, matter of fact,
1236
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:11,999
I can probably do anything
I want with them really.
1237
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:13,599
Take light, take them down.
1238
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:14,499
Eddie!
1239
01:03:14,500 --> 01:03:15,699
Just take care of them, huh.
1240
01:03:15,700 --> 01:03:16,799
Just get them out of here.
1241
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:19,099
Move, move, move!
1242
01:03:22,100 --> 01:03:23,099
You know maybe I should drive, Bob.
1243
01:03:23,100 --> 01:03:24,399
I could use the practice.
1244
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:25,410
Okay.
1245
01:03:33,100 --> 01:03:33,830
Hi.
1246
01:03:33,900 --> 01:03:34,630
Hi.
1247
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:37,599
Oh, the 27th hole, the pagoda.
1248
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:39,099
Watch it.
1249
01:03:39,100 --> 01:03:40,670
Thanks.
1250
01:03:43,700 --> 01:03:44,599
Hey, we're making a run to the clinic
1251
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:46,099
over at Harmony falls.
1252
01:03:46,100 --> 01:03:47,599
You need a lift?
1253
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:49,040
Get in.
1254
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:57,899
It wasn't my fault, dad, honest.
1255
01:03:57,900 --> 01:04:00,699
Well, son, I think you've
done a pretty fair job
1256
01:04:00,700 --> 01:04:01,899
of maintaining order here.
1257
01:04:01,900 --> 01:04:04,890
Gee, thanks, dad!
1258
01:04:05,700 --> 01:04:06,430
Ed!
1259
01:04:06,700 --> 01:04:09,270
Get over here!
1260
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:12,999
Well, do something, you dumb motherf...
1261
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:13,999
Cecil!
1262
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:15,599
Don't you say the f word!
1263
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:17,699
There's a lady present!
1264
01:04:17,700 --> 01:04:19,099
Just don't stand there!
1265
01:04:19,100 --> 01:04:20,299
Plug 'em!
1266
01:04:20,300 --> 01:04:21,899
Code blue, dad!
1267
01:04:21,900 --> 01:04:22,699
Right, son!
1268
01:04:22,700 --> 01:04:24,099
Cover my rear!
1269
01:04:24,100 --> 01:04:25,999
All right, let me do a
little beat on them now!
1270
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:27,860
All right!
1271
01:04:32,100 --> 01:04:33,099
You can't kill 'em with guns.
1272
01:04:33,100 --> 01:04:34,899
Yeah, and how do you know that?
1273
01:04:34,900 --> 01:04:35,899
Because I read this book
1274
01:04:35,900 --> 01:04:38,499
called the conquistador's journal.
1275
01:04:38,500 --> 01:04:40,299
Look, these things regenerate.
1276
01:04:40,300 --> 01:04:42,099
You can't kill "em!
1277
01:04:42,100 --> 01:04:44,299
If you cut 'em up, there's
just gonna be more of them.
1278
01:04:44,300 --> 01:04:46,199
I don't believe that crap!
1279
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:48,199
Do you, melvis?
1280
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:49,210
Well,
1281
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:51,499
I don't know.
1282
01:04:53,100 --> 01:04:55,240
Hiya, toots.
1283
01:04:55,700 --> 01:04:57,699
Hold this, son.
1284
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:03,599
Good shootin', Ed.
1285
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:05,799
I knew you had it in you, big Ed.
1286
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:06,899
Oh, thanks, melvis.
1287
01:05:06,900 --> 01:05:09,900
It's party time.
1288
01:05:10,100 --> 01:05:11,599
Those ugly little things are wearing
1289
01:05:11,600 --> 01:05:13,599
all of dude's stuff!
1290
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,299
Denise tie dyed that scarf
for my baby's birthday!
1291
01:05:17,300 --> 01:05:18,899
Take it easy, honey.
1292
01:05:18,900 --> 01:05:22,750
I'll fix their wagon!
1293
01:05:22,900 --> 01:05:23,699
Give me your helmet, Ed.
1294
01:05:23,700 --> 01:05:24,599
I can't, it's a loaner.
1295
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:28,499
I said, give me your helmet!
1296
01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:29,399
Honey, give me them scissors.
1297
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:30,699
Are you crazy?
1298
01:05:30,700 --> 01:05:31,699
You're gonna cut 'em up
and make more of them!
1299
01:05:31,700 --> 01:05:34,840
Get outta my way!
1300
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:36,199
Hey, honkey.
1301
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:38,599
Yeah, gotcha, sucker!
1302
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,199
Bullseye, man, bullseye!
1303
01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:41,799
Yeah, got him.
1304
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:43,660
Good shot!
1305
01:05:44,100 --> 01:05:48,199
He doesn't know what he's doing.
1306
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:51,750
Thank you.
1307
01:05:52,900 --> 01:05:56,699
Well, I guess that shows
you what you don't know.
1308
01:05:56,700 --> 01:05:59,830
Well, not exactly.
1309
01:06:01,100 --> 01:06:02,820
Say what?
1310
01:06:08,100 --> 01:06:09,799
Cecil, I told you not to cut them up!
1311
01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:10,699
Now there are seven of them!
1312
01:06:10,700 --> 01:06:11,799
No, get out of my sight!
1313
01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:13,199
Ed, arrest him, and take
his floozy with him!
1314
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:14,099
Geronimo.
1315
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:16,299
Don't matter where you cuff them to,
1316
01:06:16,300 --> 01:06:17,399
just put them in the big house!
1317
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:19,399
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
1318
01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:20,299
Hey, come here.
1319
01:06:20,300 --> 01:06:22,799
Yeah, come on!
1320
01:06:22,800 --> 01:06:24,399
Were does this drain pipe lead to?
1321
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:26,699
Uh, the Watterman wash.
1322
01:06:26,700 --> 01:06:27,999
We gotta get to the factory
1323
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:28,799
before they get into
1324
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:31,299
the underground storage areas.
1325
01:06:31,300 --> 01:06:33,699
Can I have my helmet back?
1326
01:06:33,700 --> 01:06:36,899
Is your head gettin' cold?
1327
01:06:36,900 --> 01:06:38,900
Hey, Eddie,
1328
01:06:40,700 --> 01:06:41,499
you're not really gonna
1329
01:06:41,500 --> 01:06:44,299
take us to the big house, are you?
1330
01:06:44,300 --> 01:06:45,450
Where?
1331
01:06:45,500 --> 01:06:46,699
Oh, oh, jail?
1332
01:06:46,700 --> 01:06:48,799
Yeah, I am.
1333
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:49,599
A good lawman
1334
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:51,399
always follows orders.
1335
01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:52,299
No, no, no,
1336
01:06:52,300 --> 01:06:53,099
a really good lawman
1337
01:06:53,100 --> 01:06:54,099
thinks on his feet
1338
01:06:54,100 --> 01:06:55,099
and make snap decisions
1339
01:06:55,100 --> 01:06:58,599
whenever unforeseen
circumstances should arise.
1340
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:01,399
I'm not listening to you!
1341
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:03,099
Y'all, already lied to me
1342
01:07:03,100 --> 01:07:07,360
about those ruskie spies.
1343
01:07:08,500 --> 01:07:10,499
Come on, Eddie.
1344
01:07:10,500 --> 01:07:12,199
Don't you wanna be a big hero,
1345
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:16,099
get all the glory when
you capture those things?
1346
01:07:16,100 --> 01:07:18,240
Well, maybe.
1347
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:20,099
Look for Cher, man.
1348
01:07:20,100 --> 01:07:21,499
I think she did a movie once.
1349
01:07:21,500 --> 01:07:22,999
I wanna see naked women!
1350
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:26,560
Maybe she was naked?
1351
01:07:26,700 --> 01:07:28,099
I-I-I don't know why you wanna
1352
01:07:28,100 --> 01:07:30,199
go back to golf land.
1353
01:07:30,200 --> 01:07:33,299
Oh, scene of the crime, clues,
1354
01:07:33,300 --> 01:07:36,499
all that macho cop stuff.
1355
01:07:36,500 --> 01:07:38,199
You know.
1356
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:39,899
Yeah, I know.
1357
01:07:39,900 --> 01:07:42,699
I'm the lawman, remember?
1358
01:07:42,700 --> 01:07:43,710
Yeah.
1359
01:07:52,900 --> 01:07:54,399
Couldn't we stop at pizza land?
1360
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:56,099
Sure could go for a couple
of slices right now.
1361
01:07:56,100 --> 01:07:57,499
Yeah, I'm hungry.
1362
01:07:57,500 --> 01:07:59,499
They don't serve meals
on the bus, you know.
1363
01:07:59,500 --> 01:08:01,299
I've told you, we can't!
1364
01:08:01,300 --> 01:08:03,299
We've got to get to the factory!
1365
01:08:03,300 --> 01:08:05,799
Just get a couple of takeout slices!
1366
01:08:05,800 --> 01:08:07,799
Pizza gives me gas.
1367
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:18,199
Whoa!
1368
01:08:18,200 --> 01:08:20,299
A 430 double stroke Z in progress!
1369
01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:21,499
What's that?
1370
01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:22,399
Ah, these punk vandals
1371
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:23,999
from the junior high!
1372
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:27,999
Eddie? I just love
all the macho cop stuff!
1373
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:31,299
Under state stature 35.C,
1374
01:08:31,300 --> 01:08:32,799
civilians may be duly deputized
1375
01:08:32,800 --> 01:08:34,899
in times of natural
emergency and/or stress.
1376
01:08:34,900 --> 01:08:37,760
You're the one!
1377
01:08:44,100 --> 01:08:48,999
Aw, nothing but
stupid educational films, man.
1378
01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:52,199
I want more naked women!
1379
01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:05,499
That's it!
1380
01:09:05,500 --> 01:09:07,490
Electricity.
1381
01:09:09,300 --> 01:09:12,099
"The fire of the gods."
1382
01:09:12,100 --> 01:09:13,899
It's just like he said in the journal.
1383
01:09:13,900 --> 01:09:14,699
Let's split, man.
1384
01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:15,699
There goes Arnold!
1385
01:09:15,700 --> 01:09:17,499
Come on, later.
1386
01:09:19,700 --> 01:09:21,560
Come on.
1387
01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:23,399
I hate western beef land.
1388
01:09:23,400 --> 01:09:24,699
Besides, the enquirer says that
1389
01:09:24,700 --> 01:09:26,199
red meat clogs your plumbin'.
1390
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:28,199
They got the best salad
bar in the state, big Ed.
1391
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:29,399
Well, now you're talkin'.
1392
01:09:29,400 --> 01:09:30,699
Salad will set you free!
1393
01:09:30,700 --> 01:09:32,699
All right, all right, all right!
1394
01:09:32,700 --> 01:09:33,799
We'll go through the drive-through
1395
01:09:33,800 --> 01:09:38,399
at burger land, and that's it, okay?
1396
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:40,599
Burgers give me indigestion.
1397
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:42,399
Well, that's 'cause
they clog your plumbin...
1398
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:44,120
Oh, lord.
1399
01:09:50,700 --> 01:09:52,199
God, it's cold down here.
1400
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:56,190
It reminds me of Peru.
1401
01:09:58,300 --> 01:10:02,399
I wonder why this place is all lit up.
1402
01:10:02,400 --> 01:10:03,399
I'm sure Mr. Watterman's got
1403
01:10:03,400 --> 01:10:05,699
a perfectly reasonable explanation.
1404
01:10:05,700 --> 01:10:08,499
Probably a perfectly sleazy one.
1405
01:10:08,500 --> 01:10:11,099
He is my role model, you know.
1406
01:10:11,100 --> 01:10:12,499
Yeah, he would be.
1407
01:10:12,500 --> 01:10:13,510
Look.
1408
01:10:18,700 --> 01:10:25,380
They must have gone this way, come on.
1409
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:55,499
A little help.
1410
01:10:55,500 --> 01:10:56,510
Help!
1411
01:10:57,700 --> 01:10:58,710
Help!
1412
01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:16,510
It's okay.
1413
01:11:17,500 --> 01:11:19,930
Move 'em out.
1414
01:11:20,200 --> 01:11:22,770
You okay, bud?
1415
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:32,850
Which one, Paul?
1416
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:33,799
You guys go down here,
1417
01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:34,799
and I'll try down here.
1418
01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:36,799
We'll meet back here in five minutes.
1419
01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:37,899
All right.
1420
01:11:37,900 --> 01:11:40,699
Let's synchronize our watches.
1421
01:11:40,700 --> 01:11:42,099
I've got 10:57.
1422
01:11:42,100 --> 01:11:43,499
Check.
1423
01:11:43,500 --> 01:11:44,930
Check!
1424
01:11:55,900 --> 01:11:59,199
Okay, so maybe I panicked a
little bit out there, huh?
1425
01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:01,499
There was only one of them.
1426
01:12:01,500 --> 01:12:02,399
But what if there had been, let's say
1427
01:12:02,400 --> 01:12:03,699
a hundred of them?
1428
01:12:03,700 --> 01:12:05,099
And they're tearing the
flesh off your bones
1429
01:12:05,100 --> 01:12:05,999
and you're screaming...
1430
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:08,299
Eddie, shut up!
1431
01:12:22,400 --> 01:12:25,599
You little twerps ain't finished yet?
1432
01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:27,199
Geez, how am I ever
gonna be regional manager
1433
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:30,799
with employees like you, huh?
1434
01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:32,199
Come on!
1435
01:12:32,200 --> 01:12:37,460
Snap it up, short-stops, okay?
1436
01:12:40,900 --> 01:12:41,699
It's guys like butcher
1437
01:12:41,700 --> 01:12:44,999
that give burger land managers a bad name.
1438
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:45,999
Forget him.
1439
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:48,699
He's got socialization problems.
1440
01:12:48,700 --> 01:12:50,499
And bad skin.
1441
01:12:50,500 --> 01:12:52,199
This is Cecil Watterman.
1442
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:53,399
Ordering.
1443
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:54,999
Oh, wait, I don't want the Patty,
1444
01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:57,299
I just want a bun with, uhm,
1445
01:12:57,300 --> 01:12:58,399
with lettuce and tomato.
1446
01:12:58,400 --> 01:12:59,699
And I'd just like a fruit bowl, please.
1447
01:12:59,700 --> 01:13:00,699
No, you don't want a fruit bowl,
1448
01:13:00,700 --> 01:13:02,399
'cause strawberries give you hives.
1449
01:13:02,400 --> 01:13:03,199
Well, I thought pineapples...
1450
01:13:03,200 --> 01:13:03,999
No, I...
1451
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:05,899
That's it!
1452
01:13:05,900 --> 01:13:07,099
Give me three double melvis burgers,
1453
01:13:07,100 --> 01:13:09,299
three large fries, and three solar shakes.
1454
01:13:09,300 --> 01:13:11,399
Do you copy?
1455
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:12,299
I said, do you copy?
1456
01:13:13,400 --> 01:13:14,199
Three double melvis burgers,
1457
01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:15,799
three large fries, and three solar shakes.
1458
01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:17,599
Do you get it?
1459
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:18,499
Sounds like he's got a broken
1460
01:13:18,500 --> 01:13:20,199
squawk box or somethin'.
1461
01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:21,999
This is Cecil Watterman.
1462
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,799
And I'm ordering!
1463
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:25,099
Three double melvis burgers,
1464
01:13:25,100 --> 01:13:26,899
three large fries, and three solar shakes,
1465
01:13:26,900 --> 01:13:28,599
do you copy?
1466
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:32,300
And a pickled pickle.
1467
01:13:44,100 --> 01:13:46,390
Where is it?
1468
01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:47,950
Hello?
1469
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:49,799
Hey, it's slow tonight.
1470
01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,230
Butcher?
1471
01:13:51,300 --> 01:13:54,599
I thought you said this
night manager was going places.
1472
01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:55,699
He's going, all right.
1473
01:13:55,700 --> 01:13:57,599
He's gonna find himself another job!
1474
01:13:57,600 --> 01:13:59,899
Butcher, where are you?
1475
01:13:59,900 --> 01:14:01,599
Butcher, you here?
1476
01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:03,399
We didn't get our melvis burgers.
1477
01:14:03,400 --> 01:14:04,699
I don't like these games now, butcher.
1478
01:14:04,700 --> 01:14:07,199
This is Cecil Watterman!
1479
01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:08,199
What's happening?
1480
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:09,799
Hit them lights, Ed.
1481
01:14:09,800 --> 01:14:11,499
Ed,
you better have a coat,
1482
01:14:11,500 --> 01:14:13,780
just kidding.
1483
01:14:20,900 --> 01:14:25,730
Let's split, man.
1484
01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:28,699
They're in the caves now, for sure!
1485
01:14:28,700 --> 01:14:32,799
We gotta get to the factory!
1486
01:14:32,800 --> 01:14:37,220
We didn't get our order.
1487
01:14:49,300 --> 01:14:51,199
You know, Cindy, Paul is a really
1488
01:14:51,200 --> 01:14:54,899
cool dude and everything, but, uh,
1489
01:14:54,900 --> 01:14:55,899
he's not exactly what you would call
1490
01:14:55,900 --> 01:14:56,999
a go-getter kind of guy.
1491
01:14:57,000 --> 01:14:58,799
You know what I'm saying?
1492
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:01,499
What are you talking about, Eddie?
1493
01:15:01,500 --> 01:15:02,799
Well, it just seems
to me that an incredibly
1494
01:15:02,800 --> 01:15:04,299
happening chick like yourself
1495
01:15:04,300 --> 01:15:07,599
would go out with a
guy with a real future.
1496
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:10,450
Like who, Eddie?
1497
01:15:10,700 --> 01:15:12,199
I'm going back to deputy school
1498
01:15:12,200 --> 01:15:15,999
to be recertified as a
special weapons expert.
1499
01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:17,699
Then I figure I'll probably retire from my
1500
01:15:17,700 --> 01:15:22,299
wild and totally hot bachelor life, and,
1501
01:15:22,300 --> 01:15:23,199
settle down and buy myself
1502
01:15:23,200 --> 01:15:26,499
a little place near video land.
1503
01:15:26,500 --> 01:15:30,899
Eddie, I'd rather become
a nun and join a convent.
1504
01:15:30,900 --> 01:15:37,720
I got no problems with my wife working.
1505
01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:48,699
Let me help you out, melvis.
1506
01:15:48,700 --> 01:15:51,199
Oh, I think I feel dizzy.
1507
01:15:51,200 --> 01:15:52,099
What's the matter?
1508
01:15:52,100 --> 01:15:54,199
I'm starving!
1509
01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:55,399
If we don't get some
food in this woman soon
1510
01:15:55,400 --> 01:15:56,799
I won't be held responsible!
1511
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:58,399
Come on, you two.
1512
01:15:58,400 --> 01:16:00,260
So hungry!
1513
01:16:00,600 --> 01:16:02,180
Come on!
1514
01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:13,570
What was that?
1515
01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:17,950
Eddie?
1516
01:16:18,100 --> 01:16:19,250
Eddie?
1517
01:16:19,500 --> 01:16:21,399
Eddie, speak to me.
1518
01:16:21,400 --> 01:16:23,999
Eddie, Eddie, if you wake up right now,
1519
01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:27,430
I'll be your wife.
1520
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:30,599
Well, we'll get engaged.
1521
01:16:30,600 --> 01:16:36,599
Um, what I mean is we'll go steady.
1522
01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:41,870
Uh, look Eddie, we'll go out.
1523
01:16:42,400 --> 01:16:43,410
Once.
1524
01:16:45,700 --> 01:16:47,980
Maybe coffee.
1525
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:05,399
Hey, honey bun!
1526
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:08,199
How about a kiss?
1527
01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:12,999
Hey, don't run away.
1528
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:17,840
We're gonna treat you nice.
1529
01:17:24,100 --> 01:17:24,999
I don't wanna point any fingers,
1530
01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:26,899
but if we'd stopped at that salad bar,
1531
01:17:26,900 --> 01:17:27,799
we would have gotten those
1532
01:17:27,800 --> 01:17:29,399
to-go styrofoam containers.
1533
01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:31,099
It would have taken five,
1534
01:17:31,100 --> 01:17:33,799
many ten minutes at most.
1535
01:17:33,800 --> 01:17:34,799
Here.
1536
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:36,699
Have some cheese squeeze.
1537
01:17:36,700 --> 01:17:37,699
-Ew!
1538
01:17:37,700 --> 01:17:41,399
Cheese squeeze makes my eyeballs itch!
1539
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:45,520
Hm.
1540
01:17:45,700 --> 01:17:48,299
You get a four-carbon
rush doing this straight.
1541
01:17:48,300 --> 01:17:51,599
Hey, boss, you got some crackers?
1542
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:54,199
Well, we gotta look on the bright side.
1543
01:17:54,200 --> 01:18:00,160
I read fasting improves your Karma.
1544
01:18:00,500 --> 01:18:05,199
Do you think Sushiland delivers?
1545
01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:06,699
You okay, Eddie?
1546
01:18:06,700 --> 01:18:10,099
Put me in the game, coach.
1547
01:18:10,100 --> 01:18:14,930
Next play, Eddie, next play.
1548
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:23,140
Cecil, let me in!
1549
01:18:27,300 --> 01:18:29,699
Hey, honey,
what's your hurry?
1550
01:18:29,700 --> 01:18:30,699
My heart is palpatatin'.
1551
01:18:30,700 --> 01:18:32,299
They almost got in here.
1552
01:18:32,300 --> 01:18:33,799
It's all right.
1553
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:34,799
Hey, come back here!
1554
01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:37,090
Wait for me!
1555
01:18:37,900 --> 01:18:39,900
Later, man.
1556
01:18:42,300 --> 01:18:47,130
Shopping hours are now over.
1557
01:18:51,400 --> 01:18:53,099
I have closet-phobia!
1558
01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:54,799
Oh no, me too!
1559
01:18:54,800 --> 01:18:55,999
Now don't panic, sweetheart.
1560
01:18:56,000 --> 01:18:56,799
Daddy's here.
1561
01:18:56,800 --> 01:18:57,699
Now don't be scared.
1562
01:18:57,700 --> 01:19:00,299
Here, here, take my hand.
1563
01:19:00,300 --> 01:19:02,299
There, is that better?
1564
01:19:02,300 --> 01:19:03,399
Yeah, thanks, boss.
1565
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:07,380
Get outta here!
1566
01:19:43,800 --> 01:19:44,799
Oh, great.
1567
01:19:44,800 --> 01:19:45,599
Oh, now what?
1568
01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:47,999
What do we do now?
1569
01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:49,599
Ah, let's find something to eat.
1570
01:19:49,600 --> 01:19:51,180
Come on!
1571
01:20:26,400 --> 01:20:27,899
I am coming.
1572
01:20:27,900 --> 01:20:31,599
Arnold's going to come to see you.
1573
01:20:31,600 --> 01:20:33,600
Ma chérie?
1574
01:20:34,400 --> 01:20:37,540
Here I am coming!
1575
01:20:37,600 --> 01:20:39,600
Ma chérie.
1576
01:20:48,600 --> 01:20:50,320
Hit it!
1577
01:21:08,900 --> 01:21:14,300
Oh my god, they're multiplying.
1578
01:21:55,200 --> 01:21:56,770
Gotcha!
1579
01:22:02,000 --> 01:22:04,560
Bonjour, Cindy.
1580
01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:07,899
Come to me, my little peach blossom.
1581
01:22:07,900 --> 01:22:09,199
My sweet little darling.
1582
01:22:09,200 --> 01:22:13,799
My little soufflé chocolat.
1583
01:23:22,900 --> 01:23:24,190
Paul!
1584
01:23:29,200 --> 01:23:30,899
Are you okay?
1585
01:23:30,900 --> 01:23:32,599
Yeah, I'm fine.
1586
01:23:32,600 --> 01:23:33,999
What about you?
1587
01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:35,099
I'm okay.
1588
01:23:35,100 --> 01:23:36,499
I was so scared.
1589
01:24:21,500 --> 01:24:22,999
Should we take it back to Simon?
1590
01:24:23,000 --> 01:24:25,299
I gotta bring him something.
1591
01:24:25,300 --> 01:24:29,010
He's counting on me.
1592
01:24:29,600 --> 01:24:30,399
Wait a minute.
1593
01:24:30,400 --> 01:24:34,520
Think I found something.
1594
01:24:34,900 --> 01:24:36,599
It was on the panel all the time.
1595
01:24:36,600 --> 01:24:38,199
It was right here all the time!
1596
01:24:39,600 --> 01:24:41,299
Can you imagine, honey?
1597
01:24:41,300 --> 01:24:42,099
It was here.
1598
01:24:42,100 --> 01:24:42,899
We were looking all over the place,
1599
01:24:42,900 --> 01:24:44,199
and it was right here.
1600
01:24:44,200 --> 01:24:45,999
Boy, I'll be darned.
1601
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:46,999
Hallelujah.
1602
01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:48,299
Yeah, praise the lord.
1603
01:24:48,300 --> 01:24:49,399
Are you all right, darling?
1604
01:24:49,400 --> 01:24:50,840
Mm-hmm!
1605
01:24:57,900 --> 01:24:58,999
Who's there?
1606
01:24:59,000 --> 01:24:59,799
Dad.
1607
01:24:59,800 --> 01:25:01,599
Dad who?
1608
01:25:01,600 --> 01:25:02,750
Daddy?
1609
01:25:04,100 --> 01:25:05,099
Hey, Eddie.
1610
01:25:05,100 --> 01:25:05,899
Yes, sir!
1611
01:25:05,900 --> 01:25:07,099
It's Cecil Watterman.
1612
01:25:07,100 --> 01:25:07,899
How are you doing, sir?
1613
01:25:07,900 --> 01:25:10,399
I want you to
hit that emergency switch.
1614
01:25:10,400 --> 01:25:11,199
You mean this red button
1615
01:25:11,200 --> 01:25:12,399
right here on the side, sir?
1616
01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:16,699
No, no, no, on the other side.
1617
01:25:16,700 --> 01:25:18,699
There's nothing over here,
1618
01:25:18,700 --> 01:25:20,499
Mr. Watterman.
1619
01:25:20,500 --> 01:25:26,750
On the side side, you idiot!
1620
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:30,799
Good work.
1621
01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:31,699
Way to go, son.
1622
01:25:31,700 --> 01:25:32,999
Thanks, dad.
1623
01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:34,999
What happened to them monsters?
1624
01:25:35,000 --> 01:25:36,299
Smashed to smithereens,
1625
01:25:36,300 --> 01:25:37,399
no thanks to you.
1626
01:25:37,400 --> 01:25:40,820
Here, look at this.
1627
01:25:42,100 --> 01:25:47,070
Asbestos for tater tot mix?
1628
01:25:47,600 --> 01:25:50,699
Agent orange for
mandarin/orange wine cooler?
1629
01:25:50,700 --> 01:25:52,799
Well, I guess it's been a long night
1630
01:25:52,800 --> 01:25:53,799
for all of us, you probably wanna...
1631
01:25:53,800 --> 01:25:55,599
Cecil, you scum!
1632
01:25:55,600 --> 01:25:57,599
Calsnax are made with toxic waste!
1633
01:25:57,600 --> 01:25:59,399
But it's harmless, Paul.
1634
01:25:59,400 --> 01:26:00,999
Can't hurt anybody.
1635
01:26:01,000 --> 01:26:02,199
I've treated it all with my
1636
01:26:02,200 --> 01:26:04,399
secret neutralizing mix.
1637
01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:05,399
Of course, I wouldn't want it
1638
01:26:05,400 --> 01:26:06,399
to get around, you know,
1639
01:26:06,400 --> 01:26:08,499
trade secrets and everything.
1640
01:26:08,500 --> 01:26:10,899
You know, Paul, I've been thinking.
1641
01:26:10,900 --> 01:26:11,699
You know, I could use a smart fella
1642
01:26:11,700 --> 01:26:13,699
like you around the factory.
1643
01:26:13,700 --> 01:26:15,699
Put you in charge of the endangered
1644
01:26:15,700 --> 01:26:17,799
species sponge cake division.
1645
01:26:17,800 --> 01:26:20,499
What's your answer, nephew?
1646
01:26:20,500 --> 01:26:21,299
Just this.
1647
01:26:26,200 --> 01:26:28,699
Oh, sweetheart!
1648
01:26:28,700 --> 01:26:29,599
Oh, honey.
1649
01:26:29,600 --> 01:26:31,699
I want him arrested for assault, Ed!
1650
01:26:31,700 --> 01:26:33,499
All right, darling.
1651
01:26:33,500 --> 01:26:34,799
What are you doing?
1652
01:26:34,800 --> 01:26:35,599
What?
1653
01:26:35,600 --> 01:26:36,499
You work for me!
1654
01:26:36,500 --> 01:26:37,299
Not no more.
1655
01:26:37,300 --> 01:26:40,599
You never did tell me
about poison in the food.
1656
01:26:40,600 --> 01:26:41,799
You can't arrest me!
1657
01:26:41,800 --> 01:26:43,999
I've seen those movies
about what happens to
1658
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:46,499
nice girls like me in prison.
1659
01:26:46,500 --> 01:26:48,599
Hey, you're already on
your way to the big house
1660
01:26:48,600 --> 01:26:52,899
so why don't you just
put a sock in it, toots!
1661
01:26:52,900 --> 01:26:58,299
Look what happened to Linda Blair!
1662
01:26:58,300 --> 01:27:01,199
Eddie, can you give
us a ride to my house?
1663
01:27:01,200 --> 01:27:05,180
No problem, good buddy!
1664
01:27:07,800 --> 01:27:08,999
I'll give you that recommendation
1665
01:27:09,000 --> 01:27:10,699
to deputy school if you want.
1666
01:27:10,700 --> 01:27:14,199
My name carries a lot
of weight around there.
1667
01:27:14,200 --> 01:27:17,599
I finished highest in parking enforcement.
1668
01:27:17,600 --> 01:27:19,199
Well, I might take you up on that.
1669
01:27:19,200 --> 01:27:21,699
Looks like I'm gonna be
around here for a while, so,
1670
01:27:21,700 --> 01:27:23,499
see you later, Eddie.
1671
01:27:23,500 --> 01:27:25,500
Bye, Eddie.
1672
01:27:27,400 --> 01:27:28,399
What happened to Arnold?
1673
01:27:28,400 --> 01:27:29,799
Aw, dad, you're never gonna believe...
1674
01:27:29,800 --> 01:27:31,499
It was all Cecil's fault.
1675
01:27:31,500 --> 01:27:32,299
Simon!
1676
01:27:32,300 --> 01:27:34,599
I've never seen one this well preserved.
1677
01:27:34,600 --> 01:27:36,999
You didn't have to hand
me that line about aliens.
1678
01:27:37,000 --> 01:27:38,699
I would've come anyway.
1679
01:27:38,700 --> 01:27:41,399
This Dr. crowder from
the archaeology institute.
1680
01:27:41,400 --> 01:27:43,299
This is my son, Paul,
and his friend, Cindy.
1681
01:27:43,300 --> 01:27:44,199
Pleased to meet you.
1682
01:27:44,200 --> 01:27:45,399
May I?
1683
01:27:45,400 --> 01:27:46,690
Sure.
1684
01:27:50,500 --> 01:27:51,930
Amazing.
1685
01:27:52,100 --> 01:27:58,899
I can offer you $25,000 for this statue.
1686
01:27:58,900 --> 01:28:00,499
It's yours.
1687
01:28:00,500 --> 01:28:01,999
What an addition this is going to make
1688
01:28:02,000 --> 01:28:04,299
to the university's
natural history museum.
1689
01:28:04,300 --> 01:28:06,599
Some will say I've paid
too much, of course.
1690
01:28:06,600 --> 01:28:08,099
But for something like this?
1691
01:28:08,100 --> 01:28:09,799
Unbelievable.
1692
01:28:09,800 --> 01:28:11,799
Well, I guess I've lost the bet.
1693
01:28:11,800 --> 01:28:14,399
I'll go tomorrow and enroll
in community college, and,
1694
01:28:14,400 --> 01:28:15,270
dad?
1695
01:28:15,900 --> 01:28:16,999
Oh, son!
1696
01:28:17,000 --> 01:28:18,199
I forgot to tell you.
1697
01:28:18,200 --> 01:28:21,199
Do you remember that sample
that I took at the temple?
1698
01:28:21,200 --> 01:28:22,210
Yeah.
1699
01:28:22,300 --> 01:28:23,099
Well, I had it analyzed.
1700
01:28:23,100 --> 01:28:24,199
And it's some sort of toxic waste.
1701
01:28:24,200 --> 01:28:25,399
But there are no elements in it
1702
01:28:25,400 --> 01:28:26,699
that are known on earth!
1703
01:28:26,700 --> 01:28:28,499
So you mean, machu picchu is really...
1704
01:28:28,500 --> 01:28:31,899
An alien toxic waste dump!
1705
01:28:31,900 --> 01:28:33,699
I've got my new bestseller.
1706
01:28:33,700 --> 01:28:38,399
Machu picchu: Toxic
waste dump of the gods.
1707
01:28:39,700 --> 01:28:42,599
Hey, you could probably
use that in your act, huh?
1708
01:28:42,600 --> 01:28:43,999
You mean I don't have to go to college?
1709
01:28:44,000 --> 01:28:45,440
Oh, no.
1710
01:28:46,600 --> 01:28:49,499
A good mind is a terrible thing to waste.
1711
01:28:49,500 --> 01:28:50,399
Not funny, dad.
1712
01:28:50,400 --> 01:28:51,199
Not funny.
1713
01:28:57,600 --> 01:29:00,499
So, how do you feel about L.A.?
1714
01:29:00,500 --> 01:29:09,710
Mm, it's like New Jersey,
with earthquakes.
1715
01:29:14,700 --> 01:29:17,540
Amigo!
1716
01:31:58,800 --> 01:32:01,199
Come on, Tina, that's enough.
104611
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