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1
00:00:07,381 --> 00:00:09,706
Oh, Will
You're hot early
2
00:00:09,706 --> 00:00:12,099
I mean, you're here
handsome
3
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:12,895
I'm sorry
4
00:00:12,895 --> 00:00:15,711
Would you like some sex
in your coffee?
5
00:00:17,211 --> 00:00:19,871
You know, you learn
a lot you get here early
6
00:00:19,871 --> 00:00:21,301
For instance, I was happy to
learn that the woman
7
00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:22,450
who vacuums and the guy
8
00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:24,335
who empties the trash
are having an affair
9
00:00:24,335 --> 00:00:27,997
I was not so happy to
learn it was on my desk
10
00:00:29,424 --> 00:00:32,102
Do you want me to confirm
your dinner reservation with Barry?
11
00:00:32,102 --> 00:00:34,635
No, cancel it
12
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,304
Barry and I are over
13
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,823
You can cancel the weekend
in Key West too
14
00:00:38,823 --> 00:00:40,998
I think I'd look a little pathetic
in the pool having a splash fight
15
00:00:40,998 --> 00:00:43,055
with a blowup doll
16
00:00:43,503 --> 00:00:46,246
You know, I love Key West
17
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,605
Yeah, well, pack your bags
I'll bring the bubbly
18
00:00:48,605 --> 00:00:52,606
- Oh, God, I can't breathe!
- No, Connie, I can't--
19
00:00:54,072 --> 00:00:56,093
All right, I'm here
20
00:00:56,093 --> 00:00:56,966
Terrific
21
00:00:56,966 --> 00:01:00,665
Everybody from The Matrix called
They want their coat back
22
00:01:06,429 --> 00:01:09,972
I just wanted to make sure that
you're okay after the whole Barry thing
23
00:01:09,972 --> 00:01:11,019
For the record
I never liked him
24
00:01:11,019 --> 00:01:12,084
- You liked him
- I did
25
00:01:12,084 --> 00:01:13,828
- but he was no good for you
- He was perfect for me
26
00:01:13,828 --> 00:01:15,701
He kinda was
27
00:01:16,152 --> 00:01:19,217
Look, I'm fine
We--we had like, what, two dates?
28
00:01:19,217 --> 00:01:23,218
I spend more time on hold
trying to vote for "American Idol."
29
00:01:25,212 --> 00:01:27,135
I guess you're right
30
00:01:27,135 --> 00:01:31,543
I mean, it's not like you were
planning weekend trips with him
31
00:01:31,543 --> 00:01:35,009
Yeah, that'd be pathetic
32
00:01:36,634 --> 00:01:40,028
Well, just so you know
I'm here for you
33
00:01:40,028 --> 00:01:42,208
Just like you're always here for me
34
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:43,959
What do you need?
35
00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:45,976
I want to borrow
your apartment this afternoon
36
00:01:45,976 --> 00:01:48,536
I'm making a sexy
video to send to Leo
37
00:01:48,536 --> 00:01:50,214
Why do you have to
use my apartment?
38
00:01:50,214 --> 00:01:52,931
I want to be dirty
in a clean place
39
00:01:53,963 --> 00:01:57,234
Well, just make sure you're
clean in your dirty place
40
00:01:59,832 --> 00:02:00,815
Truman
41
00:02:00,815 --> 00:02:04,414
I want you to go help
Short Margaret with her depositions
42
00:02:04,414 --> 00:02:06,372
and Black Margaret
with her appeal
43
00:02:06,372 --> 00:02:10,229
They're in over their heads
especially Short Margaret
44
00:02:10,737 --> 00:02:14,218
Would you do that for me...
Gay Will?
45
00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:18,788
See ya
46
00:02:18,788 --> 00:02:19,800
Who are you?
47
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,364
Oh, I was just leaving
48
00:02:21,364 --> 00:02:22,807
And, uh, by the way
49
00:02:22,807 --> 00:02:24,801
- Barry wasn't really that cute
- He was totally cute
50
00:02:24,801 --> 00:02:25,865
He was
It was a major loss
51
00:02:25,865 --> 00:02:27,406
Stay strong
52
00:02:28,864 --> 00:02:30,759
Sorry about that, Mr. Stein
53
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,196
I was sort of dating someone
and it didn't work out
54
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:37,275
It's no big deal
She's just very protective--
55
00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:41,474
Mr. Stein, what are you doing?
56
00:02:41,474 --> 00:02:43,589
I recognize heartache
57
00:02:43,589 --> 00:02:45,633
My wife just left me
58
00:02:46,039 --> 00:02:48,703
Well, it was 15 years ago, but
59
00:02:48,703 --> 00:02:52,241
I'm reliving it because of
these new meds I'm taking
60
00:02:53,148 --> 00:02:55,496
And if I remember correctly from
our last uncomfortable hug
61
00:02:55,496 --> 00:02:57,563
that's a new shampoo too
62
00:02:58,422 --> 00:03:00,335
Come on
let's go have a drink
63
00:03:00,335 --> 00:03:02,284
Sir, it's 8:00 in the morning
64
00:03:02,284 --> 00:03:04,769
We'll have some eggs too
65
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:28,779
Hi, Leo
It's me, Grace
66
00:03:28,779 --> 00:03:32,267
I thought I would
make you a sexy video
67
00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:36,774
And why am I making this
sexy video in Will's apartment?
68
00:03:36,774 --> 00:03:43,601
Because things could get messy
69
00:03:44,688 --> 00:03:46,422
Emmm
70
00:03:46,422 --> 00:03:50,696
Ew, sour strawberry
sour strawberry
71
00:03:52,394 --> 00:03:54,970
Oh, bad angle
Hi, lover
72
00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:58,526
- What the hell??
- Aah! What--
73
00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:01,996
Jack, what are you doing here?!
74
00:04:01,996 --> 00:04:05,758
I live here
when Will's at work
75
00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:08,023
Well, get out
76
00:04:08,023 --> 00:04:09,515
I'm making a sexy videotape for Leo
77
00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:11,769
and I'm not going to
do it with you in the room
78
00:04:11,769 --> 00:04:14,241
Sweetie, baby
cookie, honey...
79
00:04:14,998 --> 00:04:18,011
What you're sellin'
I ain't buyin'.
80
00:04:23,558 --> 00:04:26,895
Hi, Leo, I'm back
81
00:04:28,122 --> 00:04:34,364
I... love to love you, baby...
82
00:04:34,364 --> 00:04:37,071
Oh....
83
00:04:37,071 --> 00:04:39,550
And cut
84
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:43,342
Eating and singing?
85
00:04:43,342 --> 00:04:48,587
Why don't you just sit on
the toilet and pick at your feet?
86
00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:49,353
Excuse me
87
00:04:49,353 --> 00:04:51,119
I think I know
how to turn a man on
88
00:04:51,119 --> 00:04:53,212
I certainly didn't pass
my driver's test by learning
89
00:04:53,212 --> 00:04:55,428
how to parallel park
90
00:04:56,475 --> 00:04:58,039
Sugar...
91
00:04:59,030 --> 00:05:00,554
You're tryin' a little hard
92
00:05:00,554 --> 00:05:05,094
- I am trying to be sexy
- But you don't have to try
93
00:05:05,094 --> 00:05:09,356
You're naturally sexy
I mean, just like now
94
00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:12,152
- Really?
- Well, not now
95
00:05:12,152 --> 00:05:14,684
You know what the problem is?
You're too self-conscious
96
00:05:14,684 --> 00:05:16,892
You need to come to
my acting class
97
00:05:16,892 --> 00:05:19,080
I've helped a lot of people
lose their inhibitions
98
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,844
and get in touch
with their sexuality
99
00:05:20,844 --> 00:05:24,524
And by theirs
I often mean mine
100
00:05:26,351 --> 00:05:27,437
Forget it
101
00:05:27,437 --> 00:05:29,781
I'm not taking tips from a man
whose most notable credit is
102
00:05:29,781 --> 00:05:32,527
Shakespeare in the Pants
103
00:05:33,175 --> 00:05:35,117
A'ight, suit yourself
104
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,627
But you watch that tape
105
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,938
I think you'll find
yourself a little stiff
106
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,638
And you'll be the only one!
107
00:05:47,969 --> 00:05:50,270
I really liked Barry
Why didn't he like me?
108
00:05:50,270 --> 00:05:52,521
Will, love is mysterious
109
00:05:52,521 --> 00:05:54,968
It's just like my wife
always used to say
110
00:05:54,968 --> 00:06:00,885
"Stein, you're needy, pathetic
and a rotten lover."
111
00:06:01,379 --> 00:06:02,896
That doesn't make
me feel any better
112
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,441
How do you think
it made me feel?
113
00:06:06,341 --> 00:06:10,601
It's just that he's someone
I could really see having a future with
114
00:06:10,601 --> 00:06:12,515
I wanted to come home to
him every day and say
115
00:06:12,515 --> 00:06:14,442
"Hey, honey, what's for dinner?"
116
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:15,589
And he'd say
117
00:06:15,589 --> 00:06:17,688
"I don't feel like cooking
Let's go out."
118
00:06:17,688 --> 00:06:21,525
And I'd say, "We always go out
Put down the scotch and pick up a wisk."
119
00:06:21,525 --> 00:06:24,276
"Why are you crying now?!"
120
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:29,546
It's not sexy
but it's what I grew up with
121
00:06:30,748 --> 00:06:36,529
Now, when you say "he,"
you're talking about a man
122
00:06:38,469 --> 00:06:39,646
Yes
123
00:06:39,646 --> 00:06:43,104
But Barry is a girl
124
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:47,951
No...he's a man
125
00:06:49,298 --> 00:06:52,614
That's why they call you "Gay Will"!
126
00:06:55,387 --> 00:07:00,277
Oh, hey, look who it is
It's Will and Grace
127
00:07:00,277 --> 00:07:02,712
No, no, Karen
Karen, Karen
128
00:07:02,712 --> 00:07:05,384
this is Mr. Stein of
Doucette and Stein / Oh
129
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,987
Mr. Stein, this is Karen Walker
of drunk and delusional
130
00:07:09,598 --> 00:07:11,254
A pleasure to meet you
131
00:07:11,254 --> 00:07:14,574
Smitty, the usual
So what are we celebrating?
132
00:07:14,574 --> 00:07:17,783
Well, I'm afraid you've stumbled on
a bit of a lonely hearts club
133
00:07:17,783 --> 00:07:21,231
Will and I were just swapping
stories about lost loves
134
00:07:21,231 --> 00:07:23,559
Me and my wife
he and his gal / Guy
135
00:07:23,559 --> 00:07:25,464
Guy
136
00:07:25,464 --> 00:07:27,075
Well, deal me in
137
00:07:27,075 --> 00:07:30,518
I've got a lifetime membership
to the losers club. Hm-mm
138
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,922
I've been dumped
by one-ton billionaires
139
00:07:32,922 --> 00:07:36,426
heads of state, and every member
of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
140
00:07:36,426 --> 00:07:38,582
but I'm not naming names
141
00:07:40,758 --> 00:07:42,743
What's so great about
another person, huh?
142
00:07:42,743 --> 00:07:46,737
All they do is manhandle
your boobs and eat all the ham
143
00:07:48,018 --> 00:07:50,925
Yeah, and get hair gel
on your pillow and
144
00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:53,735
rearrange your bedside figurines
145
00:07:54,717 --> 00:07:58,784
And cut your ties in half and
make you call yourself "Nancy."
146
00:08:03,026 --> 00:08:04,513
A toast...
147
00:08:04,513 --> 00:08:06,595
- love stinks
- How sad
148
00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:08,863
Hear
149
00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:13,374
Attention, please!
Attention!
150
00:08:13,374 --> 00:08:16,573
Please take your seats
Class is in session
151
00:08:17,072 --> 00:08:18,874
Thought for the day:
152
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,655
Though the eyes are
the windows to your soul
153
00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:25,210
the zipper is the window
to your underwear
154
00:08:26,752 --> 00:08:28,783
Who is prepared to perform?
155
00:08:28,783 --> 00:08:30,736
- I am
- Ah, Joanne
156
00:08:30,736 --> 00:08:32,909
Always with your hand in the air
157
00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:35,723
One day that hand's gonna
be up in the air on Broadway
158
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:39,979
Perhaps in a musical
perhaps just hailing a cab
159
00:08:41,867 --> 00:08:43,659
All right, what do you got?
160
00:08:44,737 --> 00:08:47,260
I did some preparation for
my audition this afternoon
161
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,992
- I'd like to get some thoughts
- That's what we're here for. And action
162
00:08:52,513 --> 00:08:55,060
Thanks, Imodium
163
00:08:56,127 --> 00:08:57,955
Hm-mm, mm-hmm
hm-mm. All right
164
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,180
Now, are you gonna
wear your hair up or down?
165
00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:02,625
Because you're trying to
reach people with cramps, bloating
166
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,980
and explosive diarrhea
167
00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:07,586
That, to me, says down
168
00:09:10,095 --> 00:09:12,663
- All right, now--
- Hi. I'm--I'm sorry to interrupt
169
00:09:12,663 --> 00:09:14,926
Um, Jack, can I talk to
you just for a sec?
170
00:09:14,926 --> 00:09:16,355
Well, Grace
whatever you have to say
171
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,197
you can say it in front of my class
172
00:09:18,197 --> 00:09:22,087
We expose ourselves to
each other every single day
173
00:09:22,623 --> 00:09:24,118
Ooh, that reminds me
Russell, take off your shirt
174
00:09:24,118 --> 00:09:27,104
and tell your lawyer
to stop calling me
175
00:09:30,276 --> 00:09:33,143
And scene
Nice work
176
00:09:35,694 --> 00:09:39,289
Um, well, Jack
I-I watched the tape
177
00:09:39,289 --> 00:09:43,637
and you were right
I was kind of repulsive
178
00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:45,148
Oh, sweetie...
179
00:09:45,148 --> 00:09:47,186
"Kind of"?
180
00:09:49,575 --> 00:09:51,282
Do you really think
that you could help me?
181
00:09:51,282 --> 00:09:54,799
'Cause I'll do anything
except whatever he did
182
00:09:54,799 --> 00:09:57,435
Sure, come on up here
Come on up here. Come on
183
00:09:57,435 --> 00:09:59,740
Hm-mm, uppity-up
184
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:02,111
Now, we're gonna try
something new today, class
185
00:10:02,111 --> 00:10:04,039
It is called "Improv,"
186
00:10:04,039 --> 00:10:08,301
which is short for improving, okay?
187
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,998
Okay, Grace, are you ready?
188
00:10:10,998 --> 00:10:12,807
Wow, I didn't realize
I was gonna have to do this
189
00:10:12,807 --> 00:10:13,955
in front of so many people
190
00:10:13,955 --> 00:10:17,546
I mean, there's
almost five of you here
191
00:10:18,048 --> 00:10:20,891
Now, whatever I throw at you
you just do it, ok?
192
00:10:20,891 --> 00:10:21,599
Are you ready?
193
00:10:21,599 --> 00:10:22,833
- And you're a cat
- Meow
194
00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:23,738
- But sexy
- Meow
195
00:10:23,738 --> 00:10:24,787
- You're walking in mud
- Meow?!
196
00:10:24,787 --> 00:10:25,808
Not the cat, you
197
00:10:25,808 --> 00:10:29,033
Huh? / All right, forget it
All right, let's--
198
00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:30,496
This isn't working
Let's try something
199
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:34,150
a little more relatable
Okay?
200
00:10:35,497 --> 00:10:38,459
Um...
You're a mailbox
201
00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:41,334
But you're the sexiest
mailbox ever / Ahh...
202
00:10:41,334 --> 00:10:42,400
Who likes to dance...
203
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,298
An Irish jig...
204
00:10:43,298 --> 00:10:45,939
With one leg, on fire
underwater, who's sexy--
205
00:10:45,939 --> 00:10:49,081
- Where'd the cat go?!
- Stop it!
206
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:50,953
I can't do this!
207
00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:55,106
God, I'm so confused
I'm a cat. I'm a mailbox
208
00:10:55,106 --> 00:10:57,373
I'm a cat box
209
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:58,354
Grace, Grace
210
00:10:58,354 --> 00:11:01,139
you've gotta be more patient
I know I can help you through this
211
00:11:01,139 --> 00:11:04,487
When Russell first came to me
he had no grasp of Pinter
212
00:11:04,487 --> 00:11:07,704
Now he grasps
his Pinter every day
213
00:11:10,627 --> 00:11:11,982
Forget it
214
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:14,872
I'll just get Leo tapes from that
season on "Party of Five"
215
00:11:14,872 --> 00:11:19,687
when Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs
grew 15 inches over two episodes
216
00:11:22,469 --> 00:11:25,046
Okay. Welcome to the second
meeting of the loser's club
217
00:11:25,046 --> 00:11:26,834
Let me get you a drink, sir
218
00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:28,433
Maybe I'll get some
snacks while I'm at it
219
00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:31,413
Maybe some mozzarella sticks
and a big pile of peanuts
220
00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:34,918
What the hell, I'm alone, right?
I might as well be fat and shiny
221
00:11:35,608 --> 00:11:39,286
They ain't love handles
if nobody loves ya
222
00:11:40,618 --> 00:11:42,425
- He's nice- Oh
223
00:11:42,425 --> 00:11:46,041
- I love our little club
- Me too
224
00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:48,710
- You know what I'd love more?
- Tell me
225
00:11:48,926 --> 00:11:52,585
You and me making
dirty on a squeaky cot
226
00:11:54,804 --> 00:11:57,174
You read my mind
227
00:11:58,775 --> 00:12:00,337
I just had a great idea
228
00:12:00,337 --> 00:12:02,726
Let's go to the video store and
take all the romantic comedies
229
00:12:02,726 --> 00:12:05,715
and put them in
the science fiction section
230
00:12:07,743 --> 00:12:08,594
To spite
231
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:09,867
To spite
232
00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:11,516
- My tongue is double-jointed
- What?
233
00:12:11,516 --> 00:12:13,966
- To spite
- To spite
234
00:12:18,693 --> 00:12:24,519
I... love to love you, baby
235
00:12:24,519 --> 00:12:25,754
I~~~
236
00:12:25,754 --> 00:12:28,138
Aaaahh!!
237
00:12:32,228 --> 00:12:35,588
- You sick, twisted freak!
- No, no, no, no
238
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:39,319
- Let me explain!
- You videotaped me in the shower?!
239
00:12:39,319 --> 00:12:41,659
- That is such a violation!
- But--
240
00:12:41,659 --> 00:12:43,218
- I don't want to hear it!
- You were sexy!
241
00:12:43,218 --> 00:12:46,005
I'm listening!
242
00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:51,798
I-I-I figured if you didn't know
I was there, you'd be yourself
243
00:12:51,798 --> 00:12:53,209
And you were
244
00:12:53,209 --> 00:12:55,750
Watch the tape
if you don't believe me
245
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:58,856
You were free and uninhibited
246
00:12:59,277 --> 00:13:02,802
Oh, my God
you were there for that part?
247
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:06,639
Don't... Don't worry
I'm going to score that section...
248
00:13:06,639 --> 00:13:07,705
with violins...
249
00:13:07,705 --> 00:13:09,895
and maybe a slide whistle for comedy
250
00:13:15,007 --> 00:13:17,653
That's not what it looked like!
251
00:13:17,653 --> 00:13:20,874
I'm a very thorough soaper
252
00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:31,041
- On the house
- Thank you very much
253
00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:33,105
We just got engaged
254
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,620
You sure you wanna do that?
255
00:13:37,048 --> 00:13:38,918
Yeah, I love him
256
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:42,323
Sure, now
Hell, I love him now
257
00:13:42,323 --> 00:13:44,264
But wait a minute and a half
Let me tell you something
258
00:13:44,264 --> 00:13:47,719
Love is like a
horse-drawn carriage ride
259
00:13:47,719 --> 00:13:50,453
It seems romantic at first
but eventually you realize you're cold
260
00:13:50,453 --> 00:13:54,723
and you're staring at an ass
that craps right in front of you
261
00:13:55,278 --> 00:13:58,231
- Oh, my God, you're horrible!
- Honey--
262
00:13:58,231 --> 00:14:01,152
Come on, you were thinkin' it too
263
00:14:02,204 --> 00:14:03,904
Hey!
264
00:14:03,904 --> 00:14:05,382
Where have you guys been?
You missed it
265
00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:06,979
I think I just broke up
an engagement
266
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:09,382
And they're young too
267
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:13,991
Sorry we're late, Will
Something came up
268
00:14:17,069 --> 00:14:18,695
I don't get it
What's funny?
269
00:14:18,695 --> 00:14:22,397
Well, things that come up
are often funny, Will
270
00:14:22,397 --> 00:14:26,501
especially if they haven't
come up since 1997 / Oh, stop it
271
00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:30,757
272
00:14:30,757 --> 00:14:32,448
Oh, look, look
The engaged guy's flirting with
273
00:14:32,448 --> 00:14:33,966
the cocktail waitress
274
00:14:33,966 --> 00:14:36,449
- Which one is he, hon?
- He's right over there
275
00:14:37,517 --> 00:14:39,549
Oh, look, the fiancee's coming back
276
00:14:39,549 --> 00:14:43,014
I think she threw up
Sweet!
277
00:14:43,637 --> 00:14:46,323
Watch them and tell us
what happens / Okay
278
00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:47,972
Ooh, they're fighting
279
00:14:47,972 --> 00:14:49,939
Oh, my God, I hope she slaps him
280
00:14:50,412 --> 00:14:52,371
Hey, I'm dry
Where's the barkeep?
281
00:14:52,371 --> 00:14:54,216
Sweetie, he's right behind you
282
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,596
Oops! Sorry
I thought it was her
283
00:15:03,596 --> 00:15:06,052
Although it was nice
284
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:09,194
Wait a minute
Are you two--
285
00:15:09,194 --> 00:15:10,414
Honey, that's what happens
286
00:15:10,414 --> 00:15:14,691
when an irresistible force
meets an insane object
287
00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:18,398
But we--
we hate love
288
00:15:18,398 --> 00:15:19,913
That's our club slogan
289
00:15:19,913 --> 00:15:23,684
And it's the theme of our
upcoming Annual Barn Dance.
290
00:15:24,617 --> 00:15:26,763
Well, we were wrong, honey
291
00:15:26,763 --> 00:15:31,787
Love's good, especially the third time
when you cut the oxygen off a little
292
00:15:32,376 --> 00:15:34,580
- That was fantastic
- Mm-hmm
293
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:37,442
I thought you were trying to kill me
294
00:15:38,568 --> 00:15:40,192
Stop this!
295
00:15:40,192 --> 00:15:42,334
This flies in the face of
everything we stand for!
296
00:15:42,334 --> 00:15:44,691
- You have to break up!
- Oh, come on, Gay Will
297
00:15:44,691 --> 00:15:47,625
- Aren't we allowed to be happy?
- No! No, we're not
298
00:15:47,625 --> 00:15:50,424
Love is a crapping horse!
299
00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:57,392
All right, Joanne
let's try it again
300
00:15:57,392 --> 00:16:00,289
And remember, you've been
unjustly accused of adultery
301
00:16:00,289 --> 00:16:02,767
they've taken away your children
and you've just now realized
302
00:16:02,767 --> 00:16:05,437
- you're blind
- Blind, got it...
303
00:16:05,437 --> 00:16:07,394
And action
304
00:16:07,394 --> 00:16:13,181
Today's winning Powerball
numbers are 16, 53, 31, and 7
305
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,955
Okay
All right
306
00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:17,424
I want you to bring it
back to me again tomorrow
307
00:16:17,424 --> 00:16:23,232
But this time do it as
if you're really, really... good
308
00:16:25,637 --> 00:16:26,634
Now--
309
00:16:26,634 --> 00:16:28,526
Ahh!
Don't kill me
310
00:16:28,526 --> 00:16:31,290
Jack, I'm not gonna kill you
but I do need to talk to you
311
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,641
Okay
312
00:16:32,641 --> 00:16:33,881
Class, take five
313
00:16:33,881 --> 00:16:37,748
That's showbiz lingo for
I'll be back whenever I feel like it
314
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:41,374
Let me just say this
315
00:16:41,374 --> 00:16:42,721
One--
316
00:16:42,721 --> 00:16:47,002
what you did to me is
completely unforgivable
317
00:16:47,002 --> 00:16:48,371
And two--
318
00:16:48,371 --> 00:16:51,487
that tape was hot
319
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,195
So we need to
make another one for Leo
320
00:16:54,195 --> 00:16:56,284
'cause I'm keeping this one
321
00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:59,101
So I helped you?
322
00:16:59,431 --> 00:17:00,880
I guess you did
323
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,608
Here's the key to my apartment
324
00:17:02,608 --> 00:17:09,965
I am usually in the tub around 8:00
So don't come then
325
00:17:10,916 --> 00:17:12,630
And next time
I'm not going to shave my legs
326
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:13,977
That part dragged a little
327
00:17:13,977 --> 00:17:15,886
That's the same feedback
I've been getting too--
328
00:17:15,886 --> 00:17:17,509
I mean, you think?
329
00:17:21,278 --> 00:17:27,301
I... love to love you, baby...
330
00:17:27,301 --> 00:17:30,702
You will never believe
who hooked up
331
00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:33,772
Alec Baldwin and Dennis Quaid?
332
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:39,112
I was just thinking
about it in the shower
333
00:17:40,783 --> 00:17:43,203
Karen and Mr. Stein
334
00:17:43,203 --> 00:17:46,993
Can you believe that?
It's like when Drunky met Crazy
335
00:17:48,098 --> 00:17:49,835
I don't know...
It's kind of nice
336
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:53,488
Where are they registered
the Jack Daniels distillery?
337
00:17:54,814 --> 00:17:55,954
It's unnatural
338
00:17:55,954 --> 00:17:57,295
Pairing up never works
339
00:17:57,295 --> 00:17:59,814
When I build my ark, everyone's
gonna get on one by one
340
00:17:59,814 --> 00:18:02,442
Single file, no talking!
341
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:05,132
- Why do you care?
- I don't!
342
00:18:05,132 --> 00:18:08,092
It's just that if--if you're gonna
join a lonely and bitter club
343
00:18:08,092 --> 00:18:10,538
you gotta at least stay bitter
344
00:18:12,054 --> 00:18:15,610
I was wondering
what these buttons were about
345
00:18:17,188 --> 00:18:22,854
- Why are you in this club?
- Because I do care about Barry
346
00:18:22,854 --> 00:18:26,346
And I did plan a trip
for the two of us
347
00:18:26,346 --> 00:18:30,334
I even baked him
a world's best boyfriend cake
348
00:18:30,334 --> 00:18:31,643
Is it in the fridge?
349
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:33,552
I mean--
350
00:18:33,552 --> 00:18:36,010
Oh, Will
351
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,000
- Why didn't you tell me?
- I can't tell you stuff like that
352
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,595
- Why not?
- Because you've got a guy now
353
00:18:44,595 --> 00:18:47,636
You know, before
we were both losers
354
00:18:47,636 --> 00:18:50,852
We'd come home from our dates
and we'd swap our loser stories
355
00:18:50,852 --> 00:18:54,537
Your date would turn out to be gay
Mine would turn out to be straight
356
00:18:54,537 --> 00:18:56,374
We'd laugh about it
and eat some cake
357
00:18:56,374 --> 00:18:58,982
- Really, is it here?
- Focus
358
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,000
But now you got someone
You're a winner
359
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,215
A loser can't tell a winner a story
360
00:19:09,142 --> 00:19:11,765
Oh, sweetie, please
361
00:19:11,765 --> 00:19:17,098
I can be married 100 years
and I will still be a loser
362
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,473
I videotaped myself in the shower
363
00:19:20,473 --> 00:19:22,442
for God's sake
364
00:19:22,442 --> 00:19:24,124
Wow
365
00:19:24,124 --> 00:19:27,212
Is that what it takes to
get you into a shower?
366
00:19:29,943 --> 00:19:31,496
Really...
367
00:19:31,968 --> 00:19:35,188
- you gonna be okay?
- Yeah, I think so
368
00:19:35,532 --> 00:19:37,186
You need me to stay over
for a couple of days?
369
00:19:37,186 --> 00:19:40,075
'Cause I can do it
It'd be no problem at all
370
00:19:40,075 --> 00:19:42,275
Your apartment's a mess
isn't it? / A total pigsty
371
00:19:42,275 --> 00:19:45,109
At this point
it'd just be easier to move
372
00:19:52,281 --> 00:19:53,986
Will...
373
00:19:54,308 --> 00:19:56,471
We have something to tell you
374
00:19:57,011 --> 00:20:01,255
My boyfriend, Mr. Stein
and I have decided to break up
375
00:20:01,803 --> 00:20:02,851
That's right, Will
376
00:20:02,851 --> 00:20:06,385
Romance comes every day
but a little club like ours
377
00:20:06,385 --> 00:20:09,315
that's once in a lifetime
378
00:20:09,591 --> 00:20:14,769
So come on, let's go get a drink
and just spit in love's eye
379
00:20:16,869 --> 00:20:19,254
You just spit in my eye, sir
380
00:20:19,254 --> 00:20:22,437
Well, as long as
it makes you happy
381
00:20:22,695 --> 00:20:24,808
You know what, guys, it's fine
382
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:28,105
Please, go back to doing
whatever it was your meds
383
00:20:28,105 --> 00:20:30,826
led you to believe
you were actually doing
384
00:20:31,567 --> 00:20:33,567
I think they're cute
385
00:20:34,843 --> 00:20:37,198
Who are you?
386
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:41,902
Am I the only one who sees her?
387
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,761
Well, Mr Stein...
388
00:20:50,761 --> 00:20:53,956
Now that we have Will's blessing
how would you like to go back
389
00:20:53,956 --> 00:20:57,534
to my plush suite
at the Palace Hotel?
390
00:20:57,534 --> 00:20:59,023
I don't know
391
00:20:59,023 --> 00:21:02,694
Now that it's not forbidden
it doesn't seem as exciting anymore
392
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,614
You're right
393
00:21:04,614 --> 00:21:07,234
Hey, let's go pick up
another couple
394
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:09,866
Awesome
29368
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