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1
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:04,377
Will, psst
2
00:00:04,377 --> 00:00:05,791
What does this word mean?
3
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:07,525
Marmaduke
4
00:00:08,536 --> 00:00:11,227
It's not a word
it's a cartoon dog
5
00:00:11,227 --> 00:00:13,263
Okay...
Use it in a sentence
6
00:00:13,675 --> 00:00:15,901
Marmaduke, you're an idiot
7
00:00:17,362 --> 00:00:19,171
Well, I've been using it wrong
8
00:00:20,766 --> 00:00:22,086
Karen, what's wrong?
9
00:00:22,086 --> 00:00:24,184
You've hardly touched your muffin
10
00:00:24,184 --> 00:00:25,838
Oh, honey, c'mon
11
00:00:25,838 --> 00:00:27,234
Since Stan and I split
12
00:00:27,234 --> 00:00:30,526
I've done nothing but
touch my muffin
13
00:00:33,142 --> 00:00:35,167
Ugh, now I don't even want it
14
00:00:39,324 --> 00:00:40,720
I don't know what it is
15
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,106
Everywhere I go, I see Stan
16
00:00:43,622 --> 00:00:46,451
In the thick ankles of a bakery clerk
17
00:00:46,758 --> 00:00:50,093
In the sagging breasts of a bus driver
18
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,873
Even in the eyes of a fat baby
19
00:00:55,194 --> 00:00:56,407
Wow, Karen...
20
00:00:57,103 --> 00:01:00,082
He was a really fat man, wasn't he?
21
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,842
He sure was, Jackie
22
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,417
Well, Karen, maybe our
little girls' night tomorrow
23
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,105
will help you take your mind off it
24
00:01:08,105 --> 00:01:10,167
- You're gonna have a girls'--
- No
25
00:01:11,686 --> 00:01:13,457
Wait, are you sure
that's tomorrow night?
26
00:01:13,457 --> 00:01:15,380
Lemme check my book
27
00:01:15,380 --> 00:01:18,859
I've got a cute little doodle of me
hanging from a rafter
28
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:23,343
Yeah, that's it
29
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,069
Girls' night
30
00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:27,546
It's my last chance to
hang with my girlfriends
31
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:30,729
before Leo gets
back on Saturday
32
00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:34,332
'Cause once he's home
33
00:01:34,332 --> 00:01:36,718
I ain't talkin' to you bitches
34
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,232
Well...
You know what, Joan?
35
00:01:49,383 --> 00:01:51,730
That sounds swell
count me in
36
00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:54,245
Hey, I'll even bring
some of my old 45s
37
00:01:54,708 --> 00:01:57,016
Ooh, and maybe my new .38
38
00:01:58,251 --> 00:01:59,490
Okay
39
00:01:59,490 --> 00:02:00,184
Oh, oh. Will
40
00:02:00,184 --> 00:02:01,809
I forgot my wallet
41
00:02:01,809 --> 00:02:03,417
Can you get this?
I'll get the next five
42
00:02:03,417 --> 00:02:06,829
Yeah. Then we'll be
all caught up
43
00:02:07,173 --> 00:02:09,538
C'mon, Jack, we should probably go too
I'll walk you
44
00:02:09,538 --> 00:02:11,683
That's okay
I went before I left
45
00:02:14,852 --> 00:02:15,764
Well, that's good
46
00:02:15,764 --> 00:02:18,318
'cause I left the plastic bag at home
47
00:02:18,318 --> 00:02:20,416
Your job!
You have a job
48
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:21,603
It's time to go to work
49
00:02:21,603 --> 00:02:23,011
Again?
50
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,523
I just worked, like
last Tuesday
51
00:02:28,468 --> 00:02:31,042
Jack, you charge your
acting students money
52
00:02:31,042 --> 00:02:35,001
You have an obligation to show up
and make them regret that
53
00:02:35,549 --> 00:02:36,814
That's true
54
00:02:37,213 --> 00:02:42,859
You know, when you see people in the
movies with jobs, it just seems so fabulous
55
00:02:43,615 --> 00:02:45,820
But in real life
you're not properly lit
56
00:02:45,820 --> 00:02:47,919
and there's no soundtrack
57
00:02:49,876 --> 00:02:52,067
Ah-da-da-da-da
I get this one
58
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,309
You realize that's my wallet
59
00:02:53,309 --> 00:02:54,657
Yeah, I got it
60
00:02:56,924 --> 00:02:59,488
Okay, people, who left
their dog tied up with
61
00:02:59,488 --> 00:03:02,859
no food, no water, and
a Willie Nelson bandana?
62
00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:08,828
Well, like, whoever you are
you don't deserve a dog
63
00:03:08,828 --> 00:03:10,371
That's why I let him go
64
00:03:14,554 --> 00:03:17,475
The things you've gotta do
to get a seat in this dump
65
00:03:18,774 --> 00:03:20,920
Oh, my god, do you know
who that is?
66
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:22,783
That's my old babysitter
67
00:03:24,464 --> 00:03:26,100
- Sissy?!
- What-y?
68
00:03:27,139 --> 00:03:29,162
It's me
Jack McFarland
69
00:03:29,162 --> 00:03:31,706
- No way
- Way!
70
00:03:31,706 --> 00:03:33,641
- For real?
- Real!
71
00:03:33,641 --> 00:03:35,117
Get out of town!
72
00:03:35,117 --> 00:03:37,849
- Town!
- Ah!
73
00:03:38,869 --> 00:03:42,539
Well, I think I can leave you
two to your Mensa meeting
74
00:03:43,366 --> 00:03:46,143
The last time I saw you
you were nine years old
75
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:50,367
and you made us watch Auntie Mame
over and over again
76
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,956
You did come out, didn't you?
77
00:03:53,069 --> 00:03:54,863
Uh, like the next week
78
00:03:56,129 --> 00:03:58,891
So, um, like, you always
seemed like one of those people
79
00:03:58,891 --> 00:04:03,137
who had the brains and the looks
to do anything they put their mind to
80
00:04:03,137 --> 00:04:05,858
What, what amazing things
have you been doing?
81
00:04:05,858 --> 00:04:07,862
Still babysitting
82
00:04:08,632 --> 00:04:10,560
But now I have
my braces off
83
00:04:13,017 --> 00:04:13,881
Wow
84
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,740
That is so Marmaduke
85
00:04:35,422 --> 00:04:37,356
Anyway after highschool
I realized
86
00:04:37,356 --> 00:04:39,813
I had babysat for everyone
in the neighborhood
87
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,895
And it was like, you know
"Enough! I need a change."
88
00:04:42,895 --> 00:04:45,223
So, I got a Eurail pass
89
00:04:45,223 --> 00:04:47,532
and I babysat my way
through Europe
90
00:04:49,818 --> 00:04:53,109
Wow, Sissy, you've lived
a glamorous life
91
00:04:54,724 --> 00:04:57,244
- Knock on wood
- Yeah
92
00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:00,842
Mm, these are delicious
What are they?
93
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,845
They are Mint Milanos
94
00:05:04,607 --> 00:05:07,906
Still with the expensive taste, I see
95
00:05:09,257 --> 00:05:10,492
So, do you have a boyfriend?
96
00:05:10,492 --> 00:05:11,914
What about that guy
from the couch?
97
00:05:11,914 --> 00:05:13,432
Do you still see him?
98
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:17,541
- You mean Randall?
- Yeah
99
00:05:17,541 --> 00:05:20,392
Yeah, we had an on again
off again thing for years
100
00:05:20,392 --> 00:05:22,099
You know, it was on
and then it was off
101
00:05:22,099 --> 00:05:24,588
and then he got married
and it was on again
102
00:05:25,347 --> 00:05:27,774
- More tea?
- Please
103
00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:31,743
God, look at you
You are so grown up
104
00:05:32,529 --> 00:05:34,965
Did you ever dream
that one day
105
00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:38,289
you would be sitting in your
own apartment, drinking tea?
106
00:05:41,877 --> 00:05:43,293
You know what, Sissy?
107
00:05:43,293 --> 00:05:44,582
I did
108
00:05:45,969 --> 00:05:47,055
But not with you
109
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:47,970
and not with tea
110
00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:50,050
and definitely not in
my own apartment
111
00:05:51,783 --> 00:05:54,179
Oh, you know what?
I better scooteroo
112
00:05:54,446 --> 00:05:56,123
I'm between jobs
113
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,003
And I really should use
my downtime
114
00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:00,047
I'm way behind on
my friendship bracelets
115
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,582
Wait, Sissy
116
00:06:02,582 --> 00:06:04,243
Do you have to go?
117
00:06:04,243 --> 00:06:06,983
Well, I thought you said that you
were teaching a class tonight
118
00:06:06,983 --> 00:06:08,624
Yeah, but I don't wanna
119
00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:11,808
Work's no fun
120
00:06:12,155 --> 00:06:14,826
I wanna stay here and
lay with you, like we used to
121
00:06:16,714 --> 00:06:20,452
I remember
that sour puss
122
00:06:20,801 --> 00:06:23,555
I also remember
the only thing
123
00:06:23,555 --> 00:06:27,136
that could turn that
frown upside down
124
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:31,756
A visit from Mr. Tickle-Wickle
125
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,340
Uh-uh, uh-uh!
126
00:06:43,997 --> 00:06:45,811
Now that's fun, okay?
127
00:06:47,706 --> 00:06:51,725
Jack? Where's Jack?
128
00:06:52,183 --> 00:06:53,967
Mm, that's funny
129
00:06:54,695 --> 00:06:56,780
He was here a minute ago
130
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,240
I'm pretty sure he's not
131
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:06,119
under that pile of cushions
that wasn't here before
132
00:07:08,619 --> 00:07:13,484
Hmm, I think I'm just gonna
lay down and relax
133
00:07:13,484 --> 00:07:18,529
on this soft pile of cushions
that wasn't here before
134
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:22,255
No! No!
135
00:07:22,255 --> 00:07:25,388
- Sissy, I was under there
- What?!
136
00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:27,746
Yeah. C'mon
do it again
137
00:07:28,008 --> 00:07:30,498
Sorry, mister
I really gotta go
138
00:07:30,498 --> 00:07:33,054
Besides, it is way
past your bedtime
139
00:07:33,431 --> 00:07:35,471
Well, can you come back
again tomorrow?
140
00:07:35,471 --> 00:07:37,967
No, Sis has gotta find
her next job
141
00:07:41,273 --> 00:07:42,304
Wait a minute
142
00:07:44,052 --> 00:07:45,833
What if this was your next job?
143
00:07:47,173 --> 00:07:49,201
What if you were
my babysitter again?
144
00:07:51,092 --> 00:07:53,218
- I don't know, Jack
- I could pay you!
145
00:07:53,536 --> 00:07:54,625
Okay
146
00:07:58,141 --> 00:08:01,187
I am so excited you guys
are finally meeting
147
00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:03,716
Julie, this is Ellen
148
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,092
She lives in New Jersey
We went to college together
149
00:08:06,092 --> 00:08:07,512
Back then, I slept
with her husband
150
00:08:07,512 --> 00:08:08,884
we worked through it
151
00:08:10,883 --> 00:08:12,552
Ellen, this is Julie
152
00:08:12,552 --> 00:08:14,719
She's a masseuse
she lives next door
153
00:08:14,719 --> 00:08:16,317
She touched me
inappropriately once
154
00:08:16,317 --> 00:08:17,741
we worked through it
155
00:08:19,668 --> 00:08:21,824
- I'll get drinks
- All right
156
00:08:21,824 --> 00:08:24,367
So, Julie, are you married?
157
00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:25,576
Yeah
158
00:08:25,576 --> 00:08:26,511
He's an actor
159
00:08:26,511 --> 00:08:28,036
Huh, well, "actor."
160
00:08:28,036 --> 00:08:29,767
He did four student films last year
161
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:32,018
and played Aladdin at the mall
162
00:08:34,705 --> 00:08:36,062
What's yours do?
163
00:08:36,387 --> 00:08:38,847
Cleans his ears
with his car keys
164
00:08:39,598 --> 00:08:41,726
And he's an accountant
165
00:08:41,726 --> 00:08:43,671
Yeah, I led with the
interesting one
166
00:08:45,904 --> 00:08:47,915
I'm glad you guys
are getting along
167
00:08:47,915 --> 00:08:51,341
I was a little worried, 'cause you
both have such weird personalities
168
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,182
Good weird
169
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:57,170
You kidding me?
She's great
170
00:08:57,170 --> 00:09:00,520
I like woman who's not afraid to talk like
a bowery boy and look like a mushroom
171
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:01,685
Here's to ya
172
00:09:04,593 --> 00:09:05,877
Thanks
173
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,935
And I like a woman who's not afraid
to have a glass of wine
174
00:09:07,935 --> 00:09:09,579
when she's pregnant
175
00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:13,760
I already had the baby
176
00:09:18,232 --> 00:09:19,842
This is just fat
177
00:09:21,664 --> 00:09:23,849
Heh. But, um
thank you
178
00:09:25,628 --> 00:09:26,275
Okay, bitches
179
00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:28,629
let's get this lady love-in started
180
00:09:30,949 --> 00:09:32,244
Who's up first?
181
00:09:32,892 --> 00:09:33,933
Ooh, a preggie
182
00:09:33,933 --> 00:09:35,668
Never done that before
183
00:09:40,145 --> 00:09:41,324
And, yum
184
00:09:41,324 --> 00:09:43,657
A hottie grows
in Brooklyn
185
00:09:44,563 --> 00:09:47,741
Karen, it's not that
kind of girls' night
186
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,853
She's harmless, really
187
00:09:50,853 --> 00:09:51,796
But just for fun
188
00:09:51,796 --> 00:09:53,881
lock the door when
you got to the bathroom
189
00:09:54,813 --> 00:09:56,421
Oh, relax, Grace
190
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,159
I know how to do this
191
00:09:58,159 --> 00:09:59,165
I've been in a sweat lodge
192
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,895
with Candi Bergen
and Penny Marshall
193
00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:07,927
Well, not a sweat lodge
so much as Penny's Aerostar
194
00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:12,369
So what are we
drinkin' about?
195
00:10:12,776 --> 00:10:14,178
Oh, the usual
196
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:17,152
Rob's boring, and
it's his fault I'm fat
197
00:10:17,875 --> 00:10:19,906
At least he works
198
00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:21,305
The only thing my
husband did last year is
199
00:10:21,305 --> 00:10:24,239
add "Southern accent"
to his resume
200
00:10:26,723 --> 00:10:29,178
Oh, you wanna play this game?
201
00:10:29,178 --> 00:10:32,198
My half-ton husband
spent 13 months in prison
202
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,065
met some hussy in the cafeteria
203
00:10:34,065 --> 00:10:35,368
Now they're shacked up
at my mansion
204
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,674
sharing the bed we used to
make rabid love in
205
00:10:42,505 --> 00:10:45,310
If you're playing "whose
husband is worse" with Karen
206
00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:46,259
don't play for money
207
00:10:46,259 --> 00:10:49,159
She's still collecting
from Linda Hussein
208
00:10:52,549 --> 00:10:53,836
C'mon, Grace
209
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,027
Tell us
210
00:10:55,027 --> 00:10:56,416
What bugs you about Leo?
211
00:10:56,416 --> 00:10:57,448
Nothing, he's perfect
212
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,894
Pbblt! C'mon
give us somethin'!
213
00:11:01,232 --> 00:11:02,499
Likes to wear your lipstick to bed
214
00:11:02,499 --> 00:11:05,069
cries in the shower
likes to kiss...
215
00:11:08,497 --> 00:11:11,122
I'm sorry
It's great
216
00:11:11,122 --> 00:11:13,489
Married four months
and still no problems
217
00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:16,056
Unless you consider
constant lovin' a problem
218
00:11:16,056 --> 00:11:17,246
- Ugh
- Oh, this is gross
219
00:11:17,246 --> 00:11:18,436
Get her!
220
00:11:20,545 --> 00:11:22,011
Whoo! That's Leo
221
00:11:22,011 --> 00:11:24,640
This is the time he calls
to say he loves me
222
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,302
My husband calls the
same time every day too
223
00:11:27,661 --> 00:11:29,973
Maybe one of these days
I'll pick up
224
00:11:32,041 --> 00:11:33,376
I'm sorry I'm late
225
00:11:35,057 --> 00:11:36,560
Did I miss girls' night?
226
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:39,414
Honey, you missed "girls' night"
by about a hundred years
227
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,883
Shut your hole
you drunken doughnut
228
00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:52,334
Oh, my mood stabilizer party mix
229
00:11:52,334 --> 00:11:54,455
Uppers, downers
and candy corn
230
00:11:55,871 --> 00:11:57,124
And don't tell my doctor
231
00:11:57,124 --> 00:11:58,932
he's trying to get me off sugar
232
00:12:01,747 --> 00:12:03,251
Everything okay, Grace?
233
00:12:03,653 --> 00:12:04,607
Um, no
234
00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:06,510
That was Leo
235
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:10,311
Uh, he's not coming back
for another five weeks
236
00:12:10,311 --> 00:12:12,137
Why? What happened?
237
00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:13,959
Um, I don't know
238
00:12:14,662 --> 00:12:18,077
Uh, one of the doctors
there ate some bad pork
239
00:12:18,359 --> 00:12:21,455
or was eaten by a wild pig...
240
00:12:22,638 --> 00:12:25,535
Um, all I know is that he--
241
00:12:25,535 --> 00:12:27,855
He volunteered to stay longer
242
00:12:30,781 --> 00:12:32,204
Here, honey
have some party mix
243
00:12:32,204 --> 00:12:34,108
You'll feel better
244
00:12:35,223 --> 00:12:35,990
Or worse
245
00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:39,070
That's what I love about
party mix, you never know
246
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:48,616
C'mon, Jack!
247
00:12:48,616 --> 00:12:51,463
The movie starts in half an hour
I don't wanna miss the previews
248
00:12:51,463 --> 00:12:53,076
Then I'll never know what books
have been made into movies
249
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,391
that are now available on video
250
00:12:56,721 --> 00:12:58,867
We're gonna need to
use our indoor voice
251
00:13:00,218 --> 00:13:02,231
I just put Jack down for his nap
252
00:13:02,231 --> 00:13:06,080
and I don't need you out here yelling
like the wild man from Borneo
253
00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:08,376
Yeah...
254
00:13:08,376 --> 00:13:10,518
We're, like, 40
255
00:13:13,454 --> 00:13:16,917
So, do you think you could stop
talking to me like I'm a cub scout?
256
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,326
Look, Jack was a little
overactive today
257
00:13:20,326 --> 00:13:23,228
He ate two bowls of Fruit Loops
and twirled himself to tears
258
00:13:27,113 --> 00:13:27,650
Interesting
259
00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:30,728
Could you tell the fruit
to get his loop out here?
260
00:13:33,602 --> 00:13:35,110
We're going to the movies
261
00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:37,015
Oh? What movie?
262
00:13:37,015 --> 00:13:38,342
The new Vin Diesel thing
263
00:13:38,342 --> 00:13:39,775
I don't think so
264
00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:43,171
I hear it's violent, with
a strong homoerotic subtext
265
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,374
Uh, dur
266
00:13:48,808 --> 00:13:50,888
Why do you think
we're going?
267
00:13:50,888 --> 00:13:54,411
Sissy?! My blanky
fell off the bed!
268
00:13:54,854 --> 00:13:56,845
I gotta go. Bye
269
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:02,142
So, it's another month
270
00:14:03,236 --> 00:14:05,299
I mean, if anything
it's good news
271
00:14:05,299 --> 00:14:09,948
'Cause now, I have another few weeks
to do these dishes in the sink
272
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:15,077
I think there's peanut butter
in the bottom of this glass
273
00:14:16,452 --> 00:14:18,217
So what'd you tell him, Grace?
274
00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:19,766
I told him it was fine
275
00:14:21,114 --> 00:14:23,870
What else was I gonna say?
He's a million miles away
276
00:14:24,356 --> 00:14:25,638
- You did the right thing
- I did, right?
277
00:14:25,638 --> 00:14:26,762
Yes
278
00:14:27,155 --> 00:14:29,169
You know, since we
had our second baby
279
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:32,756
I've been wanting to take a fork
and just stab Rob in the balls with it
280
00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:39,262
But I'm not about to bother
Rob with that at the office
281
00:14:41,206 --> 00:14:43,082
Julie, do you think
I did the right thing?
282
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,028
Yeah
283
00:14:44,028 --> 00:14:45,528
You never tell guys
what you're feeling
284
00:14:45,528 --> 00:14:48,466
Let them figure it out on
their own that you hate them
285
00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:51,133
Thanks
286
00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:57,416
Rosario?
287
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,616
Yeah, dress slutty
shut up
288
00:15:01,616 --> 00:15:03,374
That's my motto
289
00:15:07,048 --> 00:15:08,939
Great. Okay
290
00:15:08,939 --> 00:15:10,749
Thank you
Guess that settles that
291
00:15:10,749 --> 00:15:12,705
So, girls' night
292
00:15:12,705 --> 00:15:15,748
Anyone with a uterus drinks free!
293
00:15:16,656 --> 00:15:18,101
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
294
00:15:18,101 --> 00:15:19,473
Hold on there, red
295
00:15:19,473 --> 00:15:22,798
Don't you wanna hear
what I have to say about this?
296
00:15:25,296 --> 00:15:26,649
Well, Karen....
297
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:28,948
Yes?
298
00:15:30,385 --> 00:15:32,086
Come on
299
00:15:33,545 --> 00:15:34,577
What?
300
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:39,112
Well, you're...
you
301
00:15:42,292 --> 00:15:43,626
And?
302
00:15:44,672 --> 00:15:49,649
And... Come on
303
00:15:53,055 --> 00:15:54,554
- I see
- Karen--
304
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,056
No, no, no
That's all right
305
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,702
Honey, I understand
306
00:15:57,702 --> 00:15:59,571
You think that just because
my marriage failed
307
00:15:59,571 --> 00:16:01,293
that I have nothing to offer
308
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,239
You have things to offer
309
00:16:03,891 --> 00:16:08,997
You would be the first person
I'd call, if I wanted...
310
00:16:08,997 --> 00:16:11,751
to hurt an orphan's feelings
311
00:16:15,796 --> 00:16:20,606
Well, I know more about marriage
than any of these girls ever will
312
00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:22,214
And if you wanted my opinion
313
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:24,908
I would tell you to grow a set
pick up the phone
314
00:16:24,908 --> 00:16:27,074
and call that no-good
do-good husband of yours
315
00:16:27,074 --> 00:16:29,021
and tell him how you feel
316
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:30,863
That you're sitting here, home alone, pissed off
317
00:16:30,863 --> 00:16:34,231
while he's out there giving
free boob jobs to hyenas!
318
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:41,303
But you don't care what I think
so I'm outta here!
319
00:16:43,334 --> 00:16:44,879
And I'm taking this with me
320
00:16:46,122 --> 00:16:48,110
I'm certainly not leaving
$3,000 worth of snacks
321
00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:49,783
where I'm not appreciated
322
00:16:55,316 --> 00:16:57,177
Yes, the files just arrived
323
00:16:57,177 --> 00:17:00,415
But, Mr. Stein, there is no way
I can get all this done by Monday
324
00:17:01,096 --> 00:17:03,103
I do too have a life
325
00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:06,033
I-- In fact, I've got plans
with my friend Jack tonight
326
00:17:06,033 --> 00:17:07,764
But he's napping
at the moment, so--
327
00:17:07,764 --> 00:17:08,977
Hello?
328
00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:12,181
Hey
329
00:17:12,543 --> 00:17:14,147
I thought we were
going to the movies
330
00:17:14,606 --> 00:17:16,600
I was looking forward to
going to see Vin Diesel
331
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,757
I heard he's got a
new facial expression
332
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,087
I came to get you
333
00:17:22,087 --> 00:17:25,699
But that crazy lady with the
rockin' body sent me away
334
00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:28,670
Jack, what are you
doing with her?
335
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,509
She is in my employ
336
00:17:33,575 --> 00:17:35,102
I am a very busy man
337
00:17:35,102 --> 00:17:36,861
and I need a staff
338
00:17:38,262 --> 00:17:40,323
What exactly is her position?
339
00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:45,908
She's my, uh... She
helps me with my, um...
340
00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:47,314
You know, she sometimes
she sometimes--
341
00:17:47,314 --> 00:17:49,945
- She's your babysitter, isn't she?
- Yes! She's my babysitter
342
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,560
So what if she is?
There's nothing wrong with that
343
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:54,675
What does she do?
344
00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:56,033
Feed you, change you
345
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,910
pat you on the back to burp you?
346
00:17:58,651 --> 00:18:00,754
Only when Mr. Gas Bubble's shy
347
00:18:02,838 --> 00:18:04,790
Oh, my god, I was joking!
348
00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:06,858
This is the creepiest thing
I've ever heard
349
00:18:06,858 --> 00:18:09,353
Well, that's what babysitters do
350
00:18:09,353 --> 00:18:10,974
For babies!
351
00:18:12,894 --> 00:18:14,558
What are you implying, Will?
352
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,512
That there's something odd
about my relationship with Sissy?
353
00:18:21,073 --> 00:18:22,945
Uh...dur
354
00:18:23,213 --> 00:18:24,632
You're an adult, Jack
355
00:18:26,716 --> 00:18:28,896
Well, I don't wanna be
an adult anymore!
356
00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:30,537
It's very hard!
357
00:18:33,326 --> 00:18:34,322
Sissy--
358
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:35,641
Sissy takes care of me
359
00:18:35,641 --> 00:18:37,092
She makes me feel good
360
00:18:37,548 --> 00:18:39,393
She cuts the crusts off
my sammiches
361
00:18:41,256 --> 00:18:43,149
Jack, you're a grown man
362
00:18:43,149 --> 00:18:45,783
A grown man does not
need a babysitter
363
00:18:46,281 --> 00:18:49,564
How dare you call me
a grown man!
364
00:18:58,786 --> 00:18:59,964
What is she doing
365
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,825
just walking out?
366
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,657
Gettin' all mad at me
367
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:05,220
What does she expect?
368
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:06,811
I should ask her for advice?
369
00:19:06,811 --> 00:19:08,469
I mean, the woman once
had a spirited debate
370
00:19:08,469 --> 00:19:11,693
about the death penalty
with a can of cashews
371
00:19:12,994 --> 00:19:16,166
And somehow
they swayed her
372
00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:20,483
Here, you go ahead
Yeah
373
00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:23,071
I filled up on the
cucumber sliver
374
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:26,397
Okay, fine, look
375
00:19:26,397 --> 00:19:27,975
Karen is my friend
376
00:19:28,795 --> 00:19:30,068
And I love her
377
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:31,852
But I mean
let's face it
378
00:19:31,852 --> 00:19:35,222
There are certain things that
you just don't go to Karen for
379
00:19:35,222 --> 00:19:37,178
Like, let's say...
380
00:19:37,178 --> 00:19:39,988
any situation that you might
encounter on Earth
381
00:19:41,435 --> 00:19:42,176
- Right?
- Right
382
00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:44,477
- Right
- Well...
383
00:19:44,956 --> 00:19:45,959
What?
384
00:19:45,959 --> 00:19:48,934
One time I dropped
a Kit-Kat on the ground
385
00:19:48,934 --> 00:19:51,310
And when I bent over
to pick it up
386
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:54,872
Miss Karen gave me
a swift kick in the tuchus
387
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:59,218
But she was right
I didn't need it
388
00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:03,731
Well, Karen helped me once too
389
00:20:03,731 --> 00:20:04,722
Rob and I were fighting
390
00:20:04,722 --> 00:20:08,127
And she gave me the number of a guy
to whack him over the head with a pipe
391
00:20:10,401 --> 00:20:11,892
I didn't call him
392
00:20:11,892 --> 00:20:15,878
But I keep the number in my purse
and that makes me smile
393
00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:19,122
I hardly know her
394
00:20:19,490 --> 00:20:21,894
But I was really bumming before
she gave me this blue pill
395
00:20:21,894 --> 00:20:24,162
Lemme tell ya
I'm flying now
396
00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:27,874
This party rocks
397
00:20:34,021 --> 00:20:36,657
I'm sorry, was my attempt to
draft a 1 billion-dollar
398
00:20:36,657 --> 00:20:39,472
corporate merger keeping
"wittle Jackie" awake?
399
00:20:40,942 --> 00:20:42,831
You know, you shouldn't
make that face
400
00:20:42,831 --> 00:20:44,513
It might freeze that way
401
00:20:47,276 --> 00:20:48,531
Look, William
402
00:20:48,531 --> 00:20:51,932
I don't want to be the cause of
any tension between you and Jack
403
00:20:51,932 --> 00:20:54,632
Do you think maybe I could come in
and we could talk about it?
404
00:20:54,998 --> 00:20:56,889
I'm incredibly busy
I don't see how that's possible
405
00:20:56,889 --> 00:21:00,133
- I make killer s'mores
- I'll preheat the oven
406
00:21:04,238 --> 00:21:06,568
No, Leo, I'm not asking you
to come home
407
00:21:06,568 --> 00:21:09,684
I just want you to understand
that I'm upset
408
00:21:09,684 --> 00:21:12,639
That these, these decisions affect me too
409
00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:14,787
and I want us to make
them together
410
00:21:14,787 --> 00:21:16,367
All right?
411
00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:17,637
Good
412
00:21:18,951 --> 00:21:20,460
I love me too
413
00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:23,904
Bye, baby
414
00:21:26,097 --> 00:21:27,338
Nice
415
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:29,695
Hey, you came back
416
00:21:30,078 --> 00:21:34,005
Well... I got all the way home
and realized...
417
00:21:34,356 --> 00:21:35,974
I forgot my maid
418
00:21:38,563 --> 00:21:41,216
I usually keep an extra
under the mat, but...
419
00:21:43,437 --> 00:21:44,523
You were right
420
00:21:46,206 --> 00:21:48,141
It was better to tell him
421
00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:50,946
Well, I'm glad
422
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:56,449
Honey, why didn't you ask me
for my advice in the first place?
423
00:21:57,666 --> 00:21:59,002
I don't know
424
00:22:00,083 --> 00:22:01,824
Partly because, well...
425
00:22:04,015 --> 00:22:05,902
you talk to cashews
426
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,678
And I guess...
427
00:22:11,592 --> 00:22:16,649
because I was afraid that you might
tell me what I already knew
428
00:22:16,649 --> 00:22:18,793
I mean, of course
I should be honest
429
00:22:18,793 --> 00:22:22,014
It's just that our marriage is
so new
430
00:22:22,357 --> 00:22:24,190
I don't know how much conflict
it can take, you know?
431
00:22:24,190 --> 00:22:27,586
I mean, we've spent more time apart
than we have together
432
00:22:31,549 --> 00:22:33,032
So how'd it go?
433
00:22:33,768 --> 00:22:36,572
Well, I could tell Leo felt bad
434
00:22:37,438 --> 00:22:39,051
That felt good
435
00:22:42,015 --> 00:22:43,970
You should let me
help you more, honey
436
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:46,923
I know a few things
and I care about you
437
00:22:46,923 --> 00:22:48,198
Hmm?
438
00:22:48,652 --> 00:22:50,079
Now let's get back in there
439
00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:52,017
C'mon, we got a room
full of lovely ladies
440
00:22:52,595 --> 00:22:55,417
Let's put on some music
and get those tops off
441
00:22:57,933 --> 00:23:00,539
You do know that it's not
that kind of girls' night?
442
00:23:01,039 --> 00:23:02,432
We'll see
443
00:23:07,479 --> 00:23:09,267
God, I love s'mores
444
00:23:09,267 --> 00:23:11,273
Why don't you marry 'em?
445
00:23:11,821 --> 00:23:13,235
Don't make me laugh
446
00:23:13,235 --> 00:23:14,746
No time to laugh
447
00:23:14,746 --> 00:23:16,535
Look at all this law stuff
448
00:23:16,912 --> 00:23:19,033
No way I'm ever gonna get finished
449
00:23:19,033 --> 00:23:21,657
Well, you know, that's
one way of looking at it
450
00:23:21,657 --> 00:23:23,303
But there is another way
451
00:23:23,982 --> 00:23:28,949
Inch by inch
foot by foot
452
00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:33,090
it won't take long
with the homework song
453
00:23:33,090 --> 00:23:34,267
Huh?
454
00:23:35,478 --> 00:23:39,649
You do one task
that's all we ask
455
00:23:39,649 --> 00:23:44,685
you do one more
and you get another s'more--
456
00:23:45,616 --> 00:23:49,012
Well, when you say it like that
it does seem totally doable
457
00:23:49,579 --> 00:23:50,665
Now, c'mon
458
00:23:51,034 --> 00:23:52,465
- You try
- Oh, I don't know
459
00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:53,723
Come on
460
00:23:56,037 --> 00:23:57,700
Case by case
461
00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:59,445
tort by tort
462
00:23:59,445 --> 00:24:01,011
sign and stamp
463
00:24:01,011 --> 00:24:02,986
Hey, I finished one report
464
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:05,213
Foot by foot
465
00:24:05,213 --> 00:24:06,853
mile by mile
466
00:24:06,853 --> 00:24:10,247
perhaps I should try
the McKendrick file
467
00:24:12,225 --> 00:24:13,272
Well, well, well
468
00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:17,115
So grown men don't
need babysitters, huh?
469
00:24:18,493 --> 00:24:20,065
She's not my babysitter
470
00:24:20,065 --> 00:24:23,716
She's just singing me a little song
to help me with my casework
471
00:24:23,716 --> 00:24:25,462
We learned that in law school
472
00:24:26,832 --> 00:24:28,762
Oh, would you just admit it?
473
00:24:28,762 --> 00:24:30,817
It feels good to be taken care of
474
00:24:31,299 --> 00:24:32,876
Nice work, Sissy
475
00:24:32,876 --> 00:24:34,902
Hey, it was your plan
smarty-pants
476
00:24:36,566 --> 00:24:37,861
Wait-- You two set me up?
477
00:24:37,861 --> 00:24:38,762
Mm-hmm
478
00:24:38,762 --> 00:24:39,968
And it was easy
479
00:24:39,968 --> 00:24:41,287
You're a whore
for a s'more
480
00:24:44,578 --> 00:24:46,979
Hey, there is no comparison between
what happened here
481
00:24:46,979 --> 00:24:49,251
and the sick relationship
you two have
482
00:24:49,251 --> 00:24:50,616
And blow...
483
00:24:52,664 --> 00:24:53,815
Thank you
484
00:24:56,570 --> 00:24:59,313
The difference is
I don't need it
485
00:24:59,313 --> 00:25:00,373
- What are you saying?
- I believe you heard me
486
00:25:00,373 --> 00:25:01,642
- What's your point?
- I think you got it
487
00:25:01,642 --> 00:25:03,968
- What are you implying?
- What I said outright
488
00:25:04,594 --> 00:25:06,398
You're a Sissy-holic
489
00:25:07,637 --> 00:25:08,781
All right, all right
490
00:25:09,902 --> 00:25:13,251
So what if, what if I am
hooked on my babysitter?
491
00:25:14,084 --> 00:25:15,939
It's a hard-candy
world out there
492
00:25:15,939 --> 00:25:17,935
and sometimes this fella
needs a little break
493
00:25:18,420 --> 00:25:19,728
- Yeah
- Yeah
494
00:25:20,127 --> 00:25:21,760
So if I have to pay someone
$4 or $5 an hour
495
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,216
to help me get through it
then it's worth it
496
00:25:24,216 --> 00:25:28,577
- Actually, Jack, I make $40 an hour
- Good-bye, Sissy
497
00:25:31,656 --> 00:25:33,339
- I don't need you anymore
- What are you saying?
498
00:25:33,339 --> 00:25:34,577
- I believe you heard me
- What's your point?
499
00:25:34,577 --> 00:25:36,142
- I think you got it
- What are you implying?
500
00:25:36,142 --> 00:25:38,906
- Will, what am I implying?
- Out, get out!
501
00:25:38,906 --> 00:25:41,786
What, do I have to spell it in macaroni
and spray paint it gold?
502
00:25:45,054 --> 00:25:47,115
Sis... I think he's right
503
00:25:47,115 --> 00:25:49,654
I think I maybe need to
outgrow you
504
00:25:50,899 --> 00:25:51,996
Damn it
505
00:25:53,297 --> 00:25:55,820
Why does everyone
outgrow me?
506
00:25:57,990 --> 00:25:59,152
I mean...
507
00:26:00,062 --> 00:26:04,097
I know being a babysitter
is all flashy
508
00:26:04,097 --> 00:26:05,825
and ooh-la-la
509
00:26:08,445 --> 00:26:10,753
But you don't know the
heartbreak behind it
510
00:26:11,785 --> 00:26:13,032
The kids grow up
511
00:26:13,032 --> 00:26:15,131
and I never see 'em again
512
00:26:15,715 --> 00:26:18,235
You know, but then
I ran into you
513
00:26:18,235 --> 00:26:22,272
And I thought maybe there are
some things that don't change
514
00:26:22,905 --> 00:26:26,690
Well, Sissy, we can still
hang out and be friends
515
00:26:26,690 --> 00:26:28,372
and spend time together
516
00:26:28,372 --> 00:26:29,861
I mean, you don't have to
charge me
517
00:26:29,861 --> 00:26:31,284
Yeah, I do
518
00:26:32,083 --> 00:26:33,316
I need the money
519
00:26:33,316 --> 00:26:35,642
I'm into Casual Corner
for, like, 12 grand
520
00:26:39,096 --> 00:26:40,116
I understand
521
00:26:40,805 --> 00:26:42,438
It's been fun and...
522
00:26:42,438 --> 00:26:44,354
I guess it had to
end sometime
523
00:26:55,596 --> 00:26:59,008
I'd like to propose a little
toast-ess to the hostess
524
00:26:59,628 --> 00:27:01,575
Here's to our little girl
525
00:27:03,290 --> 00:27:04,672
You're kind
526
00:27:05,053 --> 00:27:06,947
You buy clothes from stores that
527
00:27:06,947 --> 00:27:09,539
otherwise would never
be able to sell them
528
00:27:11,669 --> 00:27:14,460
But you know what I think
speaks gallons about you?
529
00:27:14,872 --> 00:27:16,969
The quality of the
women you attract
530
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:19,292
Honey, look around you
Look around. Huh?
531
00:27:19,990 --> 00:27:22,056
Perky little pregnant Ellen
532
00:27:25,248 --> 00:27:28,100
Juicy Julie with her jolly jugs
533
00:27:31,164 --> 00:27:32,720
My maid
534
00:27:34,921 --> 00:27:39,150
And me, your best gal pal
and ultimate fantasy lay
535
00:27:42,679 --> 00:27:46,334
And we're all here
because of you, honey
536
00:27:46,334 --> 00:27:47,887
Grace Adler
537
00:27:49,582 --> 00:27:50,954
Oh, god
538
00:27:52,933 --> 00:27:55,295
You know my name
37942
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