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1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,600
What's the key to being a great dad?
2
00:00:07,168 --> 00:00:10,236
That's a tough one.
3
00:00:10,304 --> 00:00:15,241
Giving them the freedom to be
whatever they want to be...
Right, exactly, and --
4
00:00:15,309 --> 00:00:16,576
...Wha pilot, a president...
Me
5
00:00:16,644 --> 00:00:18,378
And for us,
what we're gonna --
6
00:00:18,445 --> 00:00:21,214
...Of a company
or of a country.
7
00:00:23,617 --> 00:00:25,318
Patience.
8
00:00:25,386 --> 00:00:28,288
Well, be their buddy.
9
00:00:28,355 --> 00:00:29,856
That's your answer?
10
00:00:29,924 --> 00:00:31,824
And stay in school.
No.
11
00:00:31,892 --> 00:00:33,126
And don't do drugs.
No!
12
00:00:33,194 --> 00:00:34,494
Just give me the answer.
13
00:00:34,562 --> 00:00:35,795
Oh, god.
14
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,467
Still thinking.
15
00:00:58,919 --> 00:01:00,453
Hey.
Hey.
16
00:01:00,521 --> 00:01:01,454
Hi.
17
00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:02,655
Oh, okay.
18
00:01:02,723 --> 00:01:04,257
Hi, um...
19
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,159
This is my husband,
phil.
Hi.
20
00:01:06,227 --> 00:01:08,728
And that's my son, luke,
right there.
21
00:01:08,796 --> 00:01:10,029
This is...
Desiree.
22
00:01:10,097 --> 00:01:11,598
Desiree -- right.
Sorry.
23
00:01:11,665 --> 00:01:14,133
Desiree just moved in
down the block.
24
00:01:14,201 --> 00:01:15,468
Fun. Where?
314.
25
00:01:15,536 --> 00:01:17,470
Oh,
the two-bedroom cottage
26
00:01:17,538 --> 00:01:19,405
With the indoor/outdoor
family room.
27
00:01:19,473 --> 00:01:21,074
Very good.
How did you --
28
00:01:21,141 --> 00:01:22,575
Bet you're loving
that steam shower.
29
00:01:22,643 --> 00:01:24,577
Phil, that's creepy.
Oh, sorry.
30
00:01:24,645 --> 00:01:26,879
[ laughs ]
I'm a real-estate mogul.
31
00:01:26,947 --> 00:01:29,249
What?! No, I am
a real-estate agent.
32
00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:30,817
Um, we caravanned
that house.
33
00:01:30,884 --> 00:01:31,985
Great, uh, deck.
34
00:01:32,052 --> 00:01:33,119
Thanks.
35
00:01:33,187 --> 00:01:35,388
I'm just there
till my divorce is final.
36
00:01:35,456 --> 00:01:37,724
Now, who is coconuts enough
to dorce you?
37
00:01:37,791 --> 00:01:40,193
We got to go,
but we'll see yoaround.
38
00:01:40,261 --> 00:01:42,462
Well, we'll have to
have you over sometime.
39
00:01:42,529 --> 00:01:44,197
I'd love it.
All right.
40
00:01:44,265 --> 00:01:46,165
Bye.
Bye.
41
00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:47,166
She's awesome.
42
00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:48,768
No, we are never
having her over.
43
00:01:48,836 --> 00:01:51,638
I heard she already slept
with two dads from the school.
44
00:01:51,705 --> 00:01:52,805
What?
Mm-hmm.
45
00:01:52,873 --> 00:01:54,907
That's...Horrible.
46
00:01:55,675 --> 00:01:56,976
Luke: Dad!
Watch out.
47
00:01:57,043 --> 00:01:58,744
Oh,
watch it, buddy.
48
00:01:58,812 --> 00:01:59,912
Grandma.
49
00:01:59,980 --> 00:02:01,046
I'm sorry.
50
00:02:01,114 --> 00:02:02,815
That still looks like
a girl's bike.
51
00:02:02,882 --> 00:02:04,583
Well, we'll add
more black tape.
52
00:02:04,651 --> 00:02:08,253
Phil: My son has been riding
his sister's old bike.
53
00:02:08,321 --> 00:02:09,655
Until he's
responsible enough
54
00:02:09,723 --> 00:02:11,123
To take care
of his own bike.
55
00:02:11,191 --> 00:02:12,992
Look, he spilled a soda
on my computer.
56
00:02:13,059 --> 00:02:16,061
He ruined our digital
camera taking pictures
of himself underwater.
57
00:02:16,129 --> 00:02:17,296
It's a girl's bike.
58
00:02:17,364 --> 00:02:18,897
I'm all for teaching him
a lesson,
59
00:02:18,965 --> 00:02:21,100
But I worry about
the ridicule he might get
60
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:22,935
From some
loudmouth bully.
61
00:02:23,003 --> 00:02:24,136
[ horn honks ]
62
00:02:24,204 --> 00:02:25,637
[ laughing ] hey.
63
00:02:25,705 --> 00:02:27,106
Nice bike, sally.
64
00:02:27,173 --> 00:02:28,507
Dad!
65
00:02:28,575 --> 00:02:30,709
Come on. He looks like
little bo peep on that thing.
66
00:02:30,777 --> 00:02:33,278
Actually, not for long.
He's getting a new
bike this afternoon.
67
00:02:33,346 --> 00:02:34,246
I am?
Mm-hmm.
68
00:02:34,314 --> 00:02:35,514
He is?
69
00:02:35,582 --> 00:02:38,217
Phil: Sometimes a man's
gotta put his foot down
70
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:40,085
And do what a man's gotta do.
71
00:02:40,153 --> 00:02:41,987
And if the old lady
don't like it...
72
00:02:42,055 --> 00:02:43,622
Honey?
73
00:02:46,126 --> 00:02:48,494
...That's too damn bad.
74
00:02:48,561 --> 00:02:51,263
Mitchell: Yes!
Who's excited, huh?
75
00:02:51,331 --> 00:02:53,899
Cam, come on. Hurry up.
We're gonna be late.
76
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:56,635
It's a toddler play class,
not a flight to cabo.
77
00:02:56,703 --> 00:02:58,871
We're gonna be judged enough
as the only gay parents there.
78
00:02:58,938 --> 00:03:00,339
I don't want to be
the late ones, too.
79
00:03:00,407 --> 00:03:03,108
Wow.
Paisley and pink.
80
00:03:03,176 --> 00:03:05,310
Was there something wrong
with the fishnet tank top?
81
00:03:05,378 --> 00:03:07,312
Obviously not --
I'm wearing it underneath.
82
00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:08,914
Kidding.
Just chill, please.
83
00:03:08,982 --> 00:03:11,216
I'm sorry. I just want to make
a good first impression.
84
00:03:11,284 --> 00:03:13,552
You mean you want to fit in
and not terrify the villagers?
85
00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:16,488
No, hey, come on.
Today is about lily, all right?
86
00:03:16,556 --> 00:03:18,791
We -- her future best friend
might be in that class,
87
00:03:18,858 --> 00:03:21,193
And I don't want to rub anyone
the wrong way.
88
00:03:21,261 --> 00:03:24,363
Can you please just...
Change your shirt?
89
00:03:24,431 --> 00:03:25,831
Fine.
You know what?
90
00:03:25,899 --> 00:03:27,299
I'll just go put on a pair
of khakis, maybe a polo shirt,
91
00:03:27,367 --> 00:03:28,333
And everybody will think
92
00:03:28,401 --> 00:03:30,002
We're a couple
straight golfing buddies
93
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:32,204
Who just decided
to have a kid together.
94
00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:35,808
Hey, I called
that place in napa
95
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:38,110
And got us upgraded
to a villa with a hot tub,
96
00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:40,079
So pack whatever you wear
in a hot tub.
97
00:03:40,146 --> 00:03:41,914
Mwah!
98
00:03:41,981 --> 00:03:44,783
I usually wear nothing
when I'm in a hot tub.
99
00:03:44,851 --> 00:03:48,120
And my college roommate's wife
just had to get a new hip.
100
00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:49,888
[ laughing ] sucker.
101
00:03:49,956 --> 00:03:52,991
Manny's father is
taking him for a couple
of days to disneyland,
102
00:03:53,059 --> 00:03:55,160
So we're gonna go...
To the wine country!
103
00:03:55,228 --> 00:03:57,663
We're gonna drink some wine,
eat some good food.
104
00:03:57,730 --> 00:04:00,566
You know, we would do something
like this a lot more often
105
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,434
If it sn't for,
you know, manny.
106
00:04:02,502 --> 00:04:04,470
It's good.
He keeps us grounded.
107
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,238
Yeah.
108
00:04:06,306 --> 00:04:08,740
Like fog at airport.
109
00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:10,442
Limo gets here at 4:00.
110
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:12,244
This morning, I thought
I'd go over to the club,
hit a few balls.
111
00:04:12,312 --> 00:04:14,980
No! What about the fan
in manny's room?
112
00:04:15,048 --> 00:04:16,181
Oh, yeah.
113
00:04:16,249 --> 00:04:17,282
Call a guy.
114
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:19,852
No! You're supposed to
do it with him.
115
00:04:19,919 --> 00:04:22,654
It's important that
we teach him how to
do things for himself.
116
00:04:22,722 --> 00:04:25,491
In my culture, men take great
pride in doing physicalabor.
117
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:29,027
I know. That's why I hire
people from your culture.
118
00:04:29,095 --> 00:04:30,362
[ laughs ]
119
00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:32,297
You're snny!
120
00:04:32,365 --> 00:04:34,366
I'm gonna share that one
with my next husband
121
00:04:34,434 --> 00:04:36,869
When we're spending
all your money.
122
00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:41,439
Dad, this is
the coolest bike ever.
123
00:04:41,507 --> 00:04:42,540
Awesome.
124
00:04:42,608 --> 00:04:44,676
So, listen, buddy.
125
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,477
Certain members
of this family
126
00:04:46,545 --> 00:04:49,013
Don't think you can take care
of this bad boy.
127
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,015
U mean mom?
Your words, not mine.
128
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:54,852
Look, uh,
your mom and I are a team,
129
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,689
And she -- we feel
like this is a chance
130
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,191
For you to show
some responsibility.
131
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,293
Don't make us
look like jerks here.
132
00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:03,494
I won't.
133
00:05:03,562 --> 00:05:05,630
Okay.
One more rule.
134
00:05:05,698 --> 00:05:06,698
What?
135
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,534
Have, like,
three buttloads of fun.
136
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:10,601
Thanks, dad.
137
00:05:19,745 --> 00:05:20,979
So, let's do this.
138
00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:22,847
Okay, but I need to be done
by 3:00.
139
00:05:22,915 --> 00:05:24,916
That's when
my dad's picking me up.
140
00:05:24,984 --> 00:05:26,284
Hey, if we're not done
by 3:00,
141
00:05:26,352 --> 00:05:27,986
I'm gonna tie a noose
on this thing.
142
00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:29,821
Gloria: In colombia,
there's a saying --
143
00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:33,524
If you have two stubborn burros
that don't like each other,
144
00:05:33,592 --> 00:05:35,893
You tie them to the same cart.
145
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,696
The ceiling fan is the cart.
146
00:05:38,764 --> 00:05:40,832
My dad's takg me
on space mountain.
147
00:05:40,899 --> 00:05:43,835
It's supposed to be
really fast, but he's
not scared of anything.
148
00:05:43,902 --> 00:05:46,304
He d't even wear a seat belt
when he drives.
149
00:05:46,372 --> 00:05:47,805
Wow.
How about that?
150
00:05:47,873 --> 00:05:49,273
He killed a bear once.
151
00:05:49,341 --> 00:05:52,477
Really? Was the bear sitting
in the passenger seat?
152
00:05:52,544 --> 00:05:55,013
Read me the instructions.
153
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,280
"safety tips.
154
00:05:56,348 --> 00:05:58,483
Warning. To reduce the risk
of electrical shock --"
155
00:05:58,550 --> 00:05:59,984
We can skip that.
156
00:06:01,787 --> 00:06:03,454
Uh, "failure
to heed these warnings
157
00:06:03,522 --> 00:06:05,256
Can lead to serious injury
or death --"
158
00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,392
You know, you worry too much.
You know that.
159
00:06:07,459 --> 00:06:09,127
Nobody's gonna get
shocked.
160
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,795
One time, my dad was struck
by lightning.
161
00:06:10,863 --> 00:06:12,964
That's why he can drink
as much as he wants.
162
00:06:13,732 --> 00:06:17,167
Jay: Manny thinks
his dad is like superman.
163
00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:19,136
The truth?
He's a total flake.
164
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:21,638
In fact, the only way
he's like superman
165
00:06:21,706 --> 00:06:24,708
Is that they both landed
in this country illegally.
166
00:06:24,776 --> 00:06:27,077
[ music playing ]
167
00:06:27,145 --> 00:06:28,879
Mitchell: I can't believe
I'm so nervous.
168
00:06:28,947 --> 00:06:31,081
They're gonna love us.
Let's just be ourselves.
169
00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:33,550
Or a slightly toned-down version
of ourselves.
170
00:06:33,618 --> 00:06:34,618
[ scoffs ]
171
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:35,719
I j-- I just don't
want this
172
00:06:35,787 --> 00:06:37,121
To become an episode
of "the cam show."
173
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,022
Oh, my gosh,
people love "the cam show."
yes, I know.
174
00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:40,491
You watch "the cam show."
I do watch it.
175
00:06:40,558 --> 00:06:41,725
It's appointment viewing.
Okay.
176
00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:43,093
Hi!
Hi!
177
00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:44,328
Are you here
for toddler time?
178
00:06:44,395 --> 00:06:45,596
Yes, I-I'm mitchell,
179
00:06:45,663 --> 00:06:48,031
This is cameron,
and this here is lily.
180
00:06:48,099 --> 00:06:49,933
Oh, well, welcome.
181
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:52,836
We're all over here
taking turns blowing bubbles.
182
00:06:52,904 --> 00:06:56,607
Oh, well,
how nice for...
183
00:06:56,674 --> 00:06:58,142
The babies.
184
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:01,745
Mm-hmm.
[ chuckles ]
185
00:07:01,813 --> 00:07:03,847
This is gonna be
really difficult.
186
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,261
Phil: 10 minutes
after making a promise to me,
187
00:07:17,328 --> 00:07:18,729
He leaves his bike unlocked.
188
00:07:18,797 --> 00:07:21,465
All I can hear
is claire's voice in my head --
189
00:07:21,533 --> 00:07:23,267
[ high-pitched ]
"he's not responsible.
190
00:07:23,334 --> 00:07:26,236
You never should have
given him a bike."
191
00:07:26,304 --> 00:07:29,239
[ normal voice ] I know.
I do a pretty good claire.
192
00:07:29,307 --> 00:07:32,209
So I decided
to teach him a lesson
193
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:35,445
And let him think
his bike was stolen.
194
00:07:35,513 --> 00:07:36,947
Now, I know
that sounds kind of rough,
195
00:07:37,015 --> 00:07:39,883
But sometimes it's a dad's job
to be the tough guy.
196
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,852
Excuse me.
Thank you.
197
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,520
On your left.
My left, your right.
198
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:50,432
Everyone, we have a new family
joining us today.
199
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:54,869
I'm, uh, I'm mitchell,
and I am a lawyer.
200
00:07:54,936 --> 00:07:57,505
I-I'm cameron,
and I'm currently not working,
201
00:07:57,572 --> 00:08:00,241
Which gives me more time
to grill
202
00:08:00,308 --> 00:08:02,443
And shoot baskets
and --
203
00:08:02,511 --> 00:08:04,311
And this is lily.
204
00:08:04,379 --> 00:08:06,747
Okay, we're gonna start
with the hello dance,
205
00:08:06,815 --> 00:08:09,417
And then we're gonna move on
to blocks and finger painting,
206
00:08:09,484 --> 00:08:11,652
And then we're gonna do
our family dance.
207
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,788
All right,
who wants to start us off?
208
00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:16,290
Dance us in, p.J.!
209
00:08:16,358 --> 00:08:18,426
[ music playing ]
210
00:08:21,396 --> 00:08:22,563
She's adorable.
211
00:08:22,631 --> 00:08:23,764
Oh, thank you.
212
00:08:23,832 --> 00:08:24,865
7 months?
213
00:08:24,933 --> 00:08:26,233
Uh, 8.
214
00:08:26,301 --> 00:08:29,203
Oh! Is she grabbing
or scooting yet?
215
00:08:29,271 --> 00:08:30,304
Y-yes, absolutely.
216
00:08:30,372 --> 00:08:32,239
I mean,
when she's not grabbing,
217
00:08:32,307 --> 00:08:34,508
She is -- she is scootin'.
[ chuckles ]
218
00:08:34,576 --> 00:08:36,777
Danielle:
Dance us in, tyler!
219
00:08:36,845 --> 00:08:38,446
[ gasps ]
are you ready?
220
00:08:38,513 --> 00:08:39,580
Okay, here we go!
221
00:08:39,648 --> 00:08:41,115
Whoo!
222
00:08:41,183 --> 00:08:42,216
Whee!
223
00:08:42,284 --> 00:08:44,852
Cam, lily is not
grabbing or scooting yet.
224
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,189
Well, she's not doing it yet,
but she will eventually.
225
00:08:48,256 --> 00:08:50,891
No, a lot of these other kids,
they're...
226
00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:51,926
They're grabbing.
227
00:08:51,993 --> 00:08:53,160
I-I just...
228
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:55,362
Here, lily, look at the --
look at the block, huh?
229
00:08:55,430 --> 00:08:56,797
Grab the block, lily.
Grab the "h."
230
00:08:56,865 --> 00:08:59,133
Dance us in, lily!
231
00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:00,968
Okay, I got this.
Cam, just --
232
00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:02,736
Yes, I know --
tamp down my natural gifts
233
00:09:02,804 --> 00:09:04,071
And dance
like a straight guy.
234
00:09:04,139 --> 00:09:05,339
No slapping
your own butt.
235
00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:07,141
But that's
how I make my horsey go.
236
00:09:07,209 --> 00:09:08,175
[ coos ]
237
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,310
[ grunts ]
238
00:09:19,354 --> 00:09:20,688
Thank you.
239
00:09:22,724 --> 00:09:24,792
That was very good.
240
00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:26,460
I feel dirty.
241
00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:30,931
Oh, hey.
242
00:09:30,999 --> 00:09:32,299
Hey! Hi!
243
00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:33,400
Hi.
244
00:09:33,468 --> 00:09:35,402
Hi, uh, this is
really embarrassing,
245
00:09:35,470 --> 00:09:37,771
But I locked myself
out of my house.
246
00:09:37,839 --> 00:09:40,674
Oh, tsh! I do it all the time.
Don't be embarrassed.
247
00:09:40,742 --> 00:09:42,209
[ chuckles ]
248
00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:44,578
I was -- I was hoping
you could help me.
249
00:09:44,646 --> 00:09:46,714
There's a window open,
but I can't reach it.
250
00:09:46,781 --> 00:09:48,215
Would you mind?
251
00:09:52,554 --> 00:09:53,954
Yeah, sure.
Great. Yeah..
252
00:09:54,022 --> 00:09:55,823
Of course. [ chuckles ]
you know what they say --
253
00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:59,326
Every time god closes a door,
he opens a window.
254
00:09:59,394 --> 00:10:02,196
Or I guess ithis case,
every time he locks you out.
255
00:10:02,264 --> 00:10:03,731
Okay,
what do we got here?
256
00:10:03,798 --> 00:10:06,734
I mean, am I attracted to her?
Yes.
257
00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:09,136
Would I ever act on it?
No. No way.
258
00:10:09,204 --> 00:10:12,473
Not while my wife
is still alive.
259
00:10:12,541 --> 00:10:14,608
Are you sure I can't get you
something to drink?
260
00:10:14,676 --> 00:10:16,877
Yeah, no, I'm -- I'm fine,
really.
261
00:10:16,945 --> 00:10:19,313
If I knew a man was gonna climb
into my bedroom window,
262
00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:20,814
I would have
cleaned up a bit.
263
00:10:20,882 --> 00:10:22,082
Are you kidding me?
264
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,151
It smelled great in there,
like lotions and oils.
265
00:10:24,219 --> 00:10:28,122
For...Dry skin and, you know,
calloused hands.
266
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:29,723
Yeah.
It's a candle.
267
00:10:29,791 --> 00:10:30,791
Uh-oh.
268
00:10:30,859 --> 00:10:32,826
What's wrong?
269
00:10:32,894 --> 00:10:34,161
The bike's gone.
270
00:10:34,229 --> 00:10:36,297
Oh, no.
Can I help you find it?
271
00:10:36,364 --> 00:10:38,332
That's all right.
Thank you.
272
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,367
Okay.
Thank you!
273
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:44,605
So, to teach him a lesson,
I took his bike,
274
00:10:44,673 --> 00:10:47,107
And then -- crazy thing --
I put it down for one minute,
275
00:10:47,175 --> 00:10:49,343
And someone swiped it
from me.
276
00:10:49,411 --> 00:10:51,812
Maybe that was your dad
teaching you a lesson.
277
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,314
[ chuckles ]
278
00:10:53,381 --> 00:10:55,316
Zinger!
279
00:10:55,383 --> 00:10:56,550
So...
280
00:10:56,618 --> 00:11:00,387
Any chance I could get
a break on this one?
281
00:11:00,455 --> 00:11:02,423
I can throw in a bell.
Deal.
282
00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:04,124
For $5.
No, sir.
283
00:11:04,192 --> 00:11:05,859
So, you want to go for
the insurance this time,
284
00:11:05,927 --> 00:11:07,228
Or is it still
for suckers?
285
00:11:07,295 --> 00:11:08,996
Ha ha!
286
00:11:09,064 --> 00:11:10,931
Got me again.
287
00:11:10,999 --> 00:11:13,601
Well played, milord.
288
00:11:13,668 --> 00:11:15,303
I will take some insurance.
Thank you.
289
00:11:16,671 --> 00:11:18,605
Gloria:
What's going on in there?
290
00:11:18,673 --> 00:11:19,940
Manny:
That's not step 4.
291
00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:20,841
Don't worry about it.
292
00:11:20,909 --> 00:11:22,543
Well, it says
right here that --
293
00:11:22,611 --> 00:11:23,978
That's
worrying about it.
294
00:11:24,045 --> 00:11:26,280
I thought you guys
might need a drink.
295
00:11:26,348 --> 00:11:27,982
Oh,
you have no idea.
296
00:11:28,049 --> 00:11:31,518
Manny, mi amor, I have to go
get some stuff for our trip.
297
00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:33,821
Ay, but have some fun
with your father, okay?
298
00:11:33,888 --> 00:11:36,156
And I'll see you Monday.
Mwah!
299
00:11:36,224 --> 00:11:40,094
Makes me so happy to see
my two boys working together.
300
00:11:40,161 --> 00:11:42,329
Jay shocked himself
twice.
Okay, manny.
301
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,464
Well, I warned him.
302
00:11:43,531 --> 00:11:44,165
Yep,
he's been a big help.
303
00:11:45,533 --> 00:11:48,468
Look at you two
with your private jokes already.
304
00:11:48,536 --> 00:11:50,671
You're a regular
salazar and el oso.
305
00:11:50,738 --> 00:11:51,872
[ chuckles ]
306
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:54,675
It's a very big comedy team
in colombia.
307
00:11:54,742 --> 00:11:56,777
El oso is always
hitting salazar in the head
308
00:11:56,844 --> 00:11:58,312
Headder and things,
309
00:11:58,379 --> 00:12:00,681
And sometimes they wear dresses.
[ chuckles ]
310
00:12:00,748 --> 00:12:04,351
They make you laugh,
but they also make you think.
311
00:12:06,354 --> 00:12:08,422
"you blew it.
You made me look bad."
312
00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:11,091
No, "you made
your mother and I look bad.
313
00:12:11,159 --> 00:12:12,159
We are a team."
314
00:12:12,226 --> 00:12:13,794
Luke, you in there?
315
00:12:13,861 --> 00:12:15,228
Luke: Hey, dad.
316
00:12:15,296 --> 00:12:16,263
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
317
00:12:16,331 --> 00:12:17,664
[ video game beeping ]
318
00:12:17,732 --> 00:12:19,866
That was, uh, that was
pretty fun today, huh,
319
00:12:19,934 --> 00:12:21,034
Gettin' a new bike?
320
00:12:21,102 --> 00:12:22,302
Yeah, it was awesome.
321
00:12:22,370 --> 00:12:24,137
So, uh, what happened
after I took off?
322
00:12:24,205 --> 00:12:26,073
Anything you want to
share with me?
323
00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:27,441
Not really.
324
00:12:27,508 --> 00:12:29,242
So if I went out
to the garage
325
00:12:29,310 --> 00:12:31,511
To take a picture
for the scrapbook,
326
00:12:31,579 --> 00:12:33,046
There'd be no surprises?
327
00:12:34,349 --> 00:12:36,083
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean it.
328
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,351
I just made a mistake.
329
00:12:37,418 --> 00:12:39,386
Yeah, a big mistake!
330
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:41,455
You're making me look
really bad here.
331
00:12:41,522 --> 00:12:43,457
I told mom
you were ready for this.
332
00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:44,591
It's just a scratch, dad.
333
00:12:44,659 --> 00:12:46,259
That's not the point,
luke -- what?
334
00:12:46,327 --> 00:12:48,528
I scratched it
on my way into the driveway.
335
00:12:48,596 --> 00:12:49,930
I'm sorry.
336
00:12:49,998 --> 00:12:52,499
So...It's not stolen?
337
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:54,935
No. Why?
338
00:12:55,003 --> 00:12:58,038
That's good, 'cause...
339
00:12:58,106 --> 00:13:00,340
There are bad people out there
who would steal a bike.
340
00:13:00,408 --> 00:13:02,142
Those are thieves.
341
00:13:02,210 --> 00:13:05,012
You sit there and think
about the scratch part.
That's not good, either.
342
00:13:05,079 --> 00:13:06,346
[ crack ]
gonna fix that step.
343
00:13:06,414 --> 00:13:08,281
So don't scratch anything
while I'm gone.
344
00:13:08,349 --> 00:13:09,850
Unless it itches --
that's different.
345
00:13:09,917 --> 00:13:14,421
The good news is,
luke has his bike.
346
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,056
More good news --
347
00:13:16,124 --> 00:13:18,325
I taught some random kid
a valuable lesson
348
00:13:18,393 --> 00:13:19,860
By stealing his bike.
349
00:13:19,927 --> 00:13:22,429
Best news --
claire knows nothing.
350
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:25,499
So, I figure
I'll just dump the new bike
351
00:13:25,566 --> 00:13:27,200
Where I stole the first bike.
352
00:13:27,268 --> 00:13:29,436
That way,
random kid gets his back,
353
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:32,205
And this new bike doesn't rais
a lot of embarrassing questions,
354
00:13:32,273 --> 00:13:33,407
Like why I had it
355
00:13:33,474 --> 00:13:36,243
Or who boosted who
through a bedroom window.
356
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:37,812
So, everybods happy.
357
00:13:39,848 --> 00:13:41,649
Uh-oh.
358
00:13:41,716 --> 00:13:43,183
Oh, son of a --
359
00:13:43,251 --> 00:13:45,219
You gave me
the wrong screwdriver.
360
00:13:45,287 --> 00:13:47,254
Maybe you're
just using it wrong.
361
00:13:47,322 --> 00:13:48,856
My dad's great with tools.
362
00:13:48,923 --> 00:13:50,991
He can get the wheels off a car
in less than a minute.
363
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:53,193
Just get me to wine country.
Just get me to wine --
364
00:13:53,261 --> 00:13:54,194
Ooh. Oh!
365
00:13:54,262 --> 00:13:55,429
Aah!
Sorry.
366
00:13:55,497 --> 00:13:56,964
I think
my arm is broken.
367
00:13:57,032 --> 00:13:58,332
Relax.
It's not broken.
368
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,401
How do you know?
You don't know anything!
369
00:14:00,468 --> 00:14:02,102
You have no concern
for safety.
370
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,038
Because it didn't hit you
that hard.
371
00:14:04,105 --> 00:14:06,440
Why don't you just say it?
You don't want me around.
372
00:14:06,508 --> 00:14:07,841
You know what?
Right now, I don't.
373
00:14:07,909 --> 00:14:09,743
I don't want to be
with you, either.
374
00:14:09,811 --> 00:14:11,078
I'm gonna go wait
for my dad.
375
00:14:11,146 --> 00:14:12,980
[ mockingly ] oh, but --
but if you leave,
376
00:14:13,048 --> 00:14:14,515
How will I ever finish?
377
00:14:14,582 --> 00:14:17,751
You know what?
I wish you never married my mom.
378
00:14:17,819 --> 00:14:19,053
I hate living here.
379
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,521
You think
I like this arrangement?
380
00:14:20,588 --> 00:14:23,891
I got a two-seater
parked in the driveway.
381
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,741
[ laughs ] I mean,
I don't understand.
382
00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:33,810
Why are you trying to sneak
around and hide things from me?
383
00:14:33,878 --> 00:14:35,178
I actually think
it's pretty funny.
384
00:14:35,246 --> 00:14:36,346
You do?
385
00:14:36,413 --> 00:14:37,780
I do, yes.
386
00:14:37,848 --> 00:14:40,283
I mean, you steal a bike
from some poor kid
387
00:14:40,351 --> 00:14:42,819
And then the bike
gets stolen from you --
388
00:14:42,887 --> 00:14:43,987
That's hilarious.
389
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:46,256
[ laughs ]
classic me, right?
390
00:14:46,323 --> 00:14:48,992
Yeah! So, where were you
when it got stolen?
391
00:14:49,059 --> 00:14:50,527
Oh,
I was getting some gas.
392
00:14:50,594 --> 00:14:51,828
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
393
00:14:51,896 --> 00:14:53,963
You don't stand near the car
when you get gas?
394
00:14:54,031 --> 00:14:55,698
Yep, but, uh,
I went inside
395
00:14:55,766 --> 00:14:57,167
To get a soda
because I was thirsty,
396
00:14:57,234 --> 00:14:59,269
And if I had a sod
I wouldn't be thirsty anymore,
397
00:14:59,336 --> 00:15:01,471
So I bought one, and then
I drank it all right there,
398
00:15:01,539 --> 00:15:02,906
Which is why
I don't have the can.
399
00:15:02,973 --> 00:15:04,140
Well, honey, please,
400
00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:07,143
Let's try to remember that
I'm your wife, not your mom,
401
00:15:07,211 --> 00:15:10,446
So in the future, you don't need
to hide things from me, okay?
402
00:15:10,114 --> 00:15:12,048
Okay.
Okay.
403
00:15:12,116 --> 00:15:15,051
Ohh! Oh, yeah!
404
00:15:15,119 --> 00:15:16,419
You get back here, you!
405
00:15:16,487 --> 00:15:17,988
Claire:
What are you doing, phil?
406
00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:19,256
I just love you
so darn much!
407
00:15:19,323 --> 00:15:20,924
I know, I love you, too,
but that hurts.
408
00:15:20,992 --> 00:15:22,359
Let's get you inside.
409
00:15:22,426 --> 00:15:23,393
It is a hot one.
Hi!
410
00:15:23,461 --> 00:15:24,795
I know.
That's hurting a lot.
411
00:15:24,862 --> 00:15:26,396
This is a hot one.
Hello! Hi, there!
412
00:15:26,464 --> 00:15:27,998
Oh, hi!
Hi, again.
413
00:15:28,065 --> 00:15:30,200
I, uh,
found your bike.
414
00:15:30,268 --> 00:15:31,401
Uh...
415
00:15:31,469 --> 00:15:33,970
Oh, good! You -- the --
at the gas station?
416
00:15:34,038 --> 00:15:35,438
No, at my house.
417
00:15:35,506 --> 00:15:37,641
One of my neighbors saw it
and put it in my garage
418
00:15:37,708 --> 00:15:39,876
When you were
in my bedroom, so...
419
00:15:43,247 --> 00:15:45,182
Classic me?
420
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:49,084
Come on, honey,
grab the block.
421
00:15:49,152 --> 00:15:50,853
See, like did.
You got to do that.
422
00:15:50,921 --> 00:15:52,021
You got to grab it like him.
423
00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:54,757
So, you seen
any m-movies lately?
424
00:15:54,825 --> 00:15:56,091
Uh, yeah.
425
00:15:56,159 --> 00:16:00,162
You know, my husband and I
just rented, uh, "mamma mia,"
426
00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:01,797
Which I liked, but...
427
00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:04,366
I don't know that meryl streep
was the right choice.
428
00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:06,468
What did you think?
429
00:16:06,536 --> 00:16:08,838
Cameron:
Excuse me --
430
00:16:08,905 --> 00:16:11,874
Meryl streep could play batman
and be the right choice.
431
00:16:11,942 --> 00:16:13,375
She's perfection,
432
00:16:13,443 --> 00:16:16,478
Whether she's divorcing kramer,
whether she's wearing prada.
433
00:16:16,546 --> 00:16:19,281
Don't even get me started
on "sophie's choice."
434
00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:21,750
I get emotional
thinking about it.
435
00:16:23,587 --> 00:16:25,821
She couldn't forgive herself.
436
00:16:29,192 --> 00:16:30,459
[ whimpers ]
437
00:16:30,527 --> 00:16:32,895
I guess she was okay.
438
00:16:32,963 --> 00:16:34,563
Really? Ugh.
439
00:16:34,631 --> 00:16:36,298
Ugh, ugh, ugh.
440
00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:37,733
Mitchell:
Grab the block, sweetheart.
441
00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:39,068
You're not even interested
in it.
442
00:16:39,135 --> 00:16:40,336
Danielle:
Is henry stacking?
443
00:16:40,403 --> 00:16:42,471
Good job, henry!
444
00:16:42,539 --> 00:16:44,039
Good job!
445
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,479
¶ q, r, s ¶
446
00:16:50,547 --> 00:16:52,147
¶ t, u, v ¶
447
00:16:52,215 --> 00:16:55,985
¶ w, x, y, and z ¶
448
00:16:56,052 --> 00:16:58,387
¶ now I know my... ¶
449
00:16:58,455 --> 00:17:00,189
Whoa, lily!
450
00:17:00,257 --> 00:17:02,291
Oh, not so high!
451
00:17:02,359 --> 00:17:02,726
Oh!
452
00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:05,128
That is a big moment
for her.
453
00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:07,130
Yeah.
Would you like
a videotape?
454
00:17:07,198 --> 00:17:08,732
Uh, you know, I don't --
I don't know
455
00:17:08,799 --> 00:17:10,834
If I can actually get her
to do it again, so...
456
00:17:10,902 --> 00:17:13,970
Well, we tape
all of our classes.
457
00:17:14,038 --> 00:17:15,438
We don't like parents
bringing cameras in.
458
00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:16,806
It takes them
out of the moment.
459
00:17:16,874 --> 00:17:18,074
I'll get you a copy
after class.
460
00:17:18,142 --> 00:17:20,477
That's super. Yeah.
Thank you.
461
00:17:22,113 --> 00:17:23,179
Mitchell:
Cam. Cam, let's go.
462
00:17:23,247 --> 00:17:24,814
I-I don't know
what's happened to me,
463
00:17:24,882 --> 00:17:26,950
But I just stole a baby's
intellectual property.
464
00:17:27,018 --> 00:17:28,885
What?
You'll see it tonight
on the news.
465
00:17:28,953 --> 00:17:30,153
Let's just go.
466
00:17:30,221 --> 00:17:31,955
Danielle:
Oh, look who's here --
467
00:17:32,023 --> 00:17:33,990
Anton and scott!
468
00:17:34,058 --> 00:17:35,158
Hi! Sorry we're late!
469
00:17:35,226 --> 00:17:36,459
Scott:
Don't look at me --
470
00:17:36,527 --> 00:17:38,295
The eye candy here
can't leave the house
471
00:17:38,362 --> 00:17:40,630
Without spending 20 minutes
in front of the mirror.
472
00:17:40,698 --> 00:17:41,564
[ laughter ]
473
00:17:41,632 --> 00:17:43,233
Are you kidding me?
474
00:17:43,301 --> 00:17:44,634
I am so sorry.
475
00:17:44,702 --> 00:17:45,735
Look at those queens.
476
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,370
I would have killed
with this crowd,
477
00:17:47,438 --> 00:17:49,072
But you had to
clip my wings,
478
00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:50,907
Which you used to be
the wind beneath.
479
00:17:50,975 --> 00:17:52,242
I know. I'm sorry.
480
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:53,977
This class has turned me
into a complete monster.
481
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,078
I'm -- I just --
482
00:17:55,146 --> 00:17:56,579
I'll make it up to you.
Let's just go.
483
00:17:56,647 --> 00:17:59,549
Okay, it's time
for parents dance!
484
00:17:59,617 --> 00:18:02,285
Everybody dance
for your baby!
485
00:18:02,353 --> 00:18:04,521
[ dance music plays ]
486
00:18:05,856 --> 00:18:07,457
You want to do it,
don't you?
487
00:18:07,525 --> 00:18:09,225
I do.
488
00:18:09,293 --> 00:18:11,094
I want to dance
for my baby.
489
00:18:11,162 --> 00:18:13,096
[ sighs ] all right,
go on, get in there.
490
00:18:13,164 --> 00:18:14,097
You sure?
491
00:18:14,165 --> 00:18:16,666
Make that horsey move.
Go ahead.
492
00:18:21,539 --> 00:18:23,540
[ all cheering ]
493
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:38,355
Oh,
I think I hurt myself.
494
00:18:52,235 --> 00:18:54,570
[ telephone rings ]
495
00:18:56,139 --> 00:18:57,072
[ beep ]
496
00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:58,307
Hello.
497
00:18:58,375 --> 00:18:59,975
Hey, javier.
498
00:19:00,043 --> 00:19:02,978
Manny's waiting for you outside.
499
00:19:03,046 --> 00:19:04,546
What?
500
00:19:04,614 --> 00:19:07,216
Why not?
501
00:19:07,284 --> 00:19:09,752
Hold that thought.
502
00:19:09,819 --> 00:19:13,722
His son's sitting on a curb,
waiting to go to disneyland,
503
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:17,060
And superman can't drag himself
away from a craps table.
504
00:19:18,028 --> 00:19:20,162
And I'm the jerk.
505
00:19:22,165 --> 00:19:24,767
Say, listen...
506
00:19:24,835 --> 00:19:27,069
I, uh...
507
00:19:27,137 --> 00:19:29,271
Sorry, but I got
some bad news.
508
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:30,439
What?
509
00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:32,908
Your dad
couldn't make it.
510
00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:34,243
Why not?
511
00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:35,644
The plane was full,
512
00:19:35,712 --> 00:19:38,380
And this old lady
needed to get home,
513
00:19:38,448 --> 00:19:40,082
So he gave up his seat.
514
00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:41,650
You're making that up,
aren't you?
515
00:19:41,718 --> 00:19:42,651
No.
516
00:19:42,719 --> 00:19:44,120
He just didn't
want to come.
517
00:19:44,187 --> 00:19:46,222
Are you kidding me?
He was very upset.
518
00:19:46,289 --> 00:19:49,425
He was dying to see you.
519
00:19:49,493 --> 00:19:52,428
In fact,
look what he sent.
520
00:19:52,496 --> 00:19:53,596
A limo?
521
00:19:53,663 --> 00:19:54,864
Yeah!
522
00:19:54,931 --> 00:19:57,767
He wanted me and your mom
to take you to disneyland.
523
00:19:57,834 --> 00:19:59,635
I told you
he was an awesome dad.
524
00:19:59,703 --> 00:20:01,704
Yeah, he's a prince.
525
00:20:01,772 --> 00:20:03,172
Let me see...
526
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:07,109
Okay, the key to being
a good dad?
527
00:20:07,177 --> 00:20:10,079
Look, sometimes things work out
just the way you want.
528
00:20:10,147 --> 00:20:10,447
Race you to the end.
529
00:20:10,515 --> 00:20:13,216
That is not a good idea...
For you.
530
00:20:15,086 --> 00:20:16,853
Sometimes they don't.
531
00:20:16,921 --> 00:20:18,755
You got to hang in there...
532
00:20:18,823 --> 00:20:22,025
Because when all is said
and done...
533
00:20:24,061 --> 00:20:27,330
...90% of being a dad --
534
00:20:27,398 --> 00:20:30,467
Just showing up.
535
00:20:41,712 --> 00:20:43,480
Hey!
That's my bike!
536
00:20:43,548 --> 00:20:47,050
Oh.
I don't, uh...
537
00:20:47,118 --> 00:20:48,351
Well...
538
00:20:50,388 --> 00:20:51,503
I was giving it back!
539
00:20:56,991 --> 00:20:58,925
[ voice breaking ]
she couldn't forgive herself.
540
00:20:58,993 --> 00:21:01,661
And...
541
00:21:01,729 --> 00:21:03,163
She had to choose.
542
00:21:03,231 --> 00:21:05,765
And I think
because now I have --
543
00:21:05,833 --> 00:21:07,601
We have -- we have l--
544
00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:08,935
We have lily,
545
00:21:09,003 --> 00:21:13,373
It's so hard to imagine
being put in that position.
546
00:21:13,441 --> 00:21:15,842
If I had to choose
lily or mitchell,
547
00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,577
I mean, I would choose l--
548
00:21:17,645 --> 00:21:21,248
I don't know!
I just -- I don't know!
549
00:21:23,584 --> 00:21:25,518
I don't know!
38655
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