All language subtitles for Abbott.Elementary.S03E11.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL.Hi

Oh, hey, Melissa. Hey,
Barbara. I'm baaaack.

We're all back, kid.
It's a Thursday.

Well, yeah, but I'm back back.

Yeah, but wasn't your
first day back last week?

No, it's today.

Welcome back, Janine.

Well, thank you, Mr. Morton.

You know, for someone
fresh off maternity leave,

you look great. I
did not have a baby.

I was working at
the school district.

Sure. [ P.A. system beeps ]

Ava: I have an exciting
announcement, Abbott.

Today is the long-anticipated
return of one of our faves

cinnamon buns in the cafeteria.

[ Children cheering ]
Cinnamon is da winnah, mon!

[ Clears throat ] Good
morning, everyone.

Students: Good
morning. Hey, Alex.

I'm happy you're
back, Miss Teagues.

Thank you.

Let's get started.

[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]

♪♪

Oh, great job, Esme.
Way to carry that one.

We're gonna do great
things this year, guys.

It's almost May.

I've officially been back
teaching for 45 minutes.

We've already played the
States game on the big map,

done a math worksheet,

and one of the students threw up

from eating too
many cinnamon buns.

I can't believe I was
ever not doing this.

[ Knock on door ]

Hello! I missed that knock.

It's good to have you back.

Uh, those are nice. The
kids get those for you?

Oh, no. Those are from my
friends at the district.

Ah. Oh, um, do you still have
those glitter glue sticks

I lent your class
back in September?

Yes. Those were for me,
not my class. One second.

Okay.

I hid them in a
secret compartment.

[ Whispering ] It
was a shoe box.

- Ah. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Mmm. Yum.

I missed this coffee so much.

Really? I think it's
bleaching my gums.

Oh, hush!

I got to finish this
before book club.

Oh, I have books. Can I join?

No, you cannot join.
Admission is closed.

Besides, the first
meeting is tonight.

[ Chuckles ] Well, who's in
this exclusive book club?

Me, Barb, Ava, Ms. Inez,
Mr. Johnson, Mr. Morton.

Morton?!

Barbara: Book club
was Ava's idea.

She's become a voracious reader.

And Ms. Inez told her
that she might enjoy,

you know, discussing
them with others.

And I love literature
and community.

Even if she did name it AARB.

Ava And Her Reading Bitches
going off tonight in the gym.

This bitch is ready.

I should be that bitch.

Plus, I ordered Danny Wok's
and Morton's paying for it.

That's a rotating
schedule, right?

[ Laughs ] Sure.
Anyway, I am hype.

It will be a most
erudite discussion.

Melissa: Yeah, I
flew through it.

Even though it did kind of
give arsonists a bad name.

Oh, please. Shh! I'm not done.

You didn't finish your homework?

Proud of you, girl.

Janine: Well, what's the book?

"Parable of the Sower"
by Octavia Butler.

Oh, I've read that!

What an intense,
sad, introspect...

We do not need this feminist
novel mansplained to us.

Well, then why does Morton
get to be in the club?

Because he's trying
to better understand

the female perspective

while he goes through
his trial separation.

So, there.

Yo, yo! Greggo my Eggo.

Tonight I'm getting
dinner with this paramedic

I've been seeing, Avi. Okay.

And he's got this
super-chill coworker.

He thought, oh, it might be fun

if we made it, like,
a double-dateski.

He asked if I had
a straight friend,

and I was like, "I've
got the best one ever."

You in? Um, you know...

I am getting a little
tired of these apps.

Why do you need apps
when you've got J-date?

Or, no, sorry.

Yeah, let's do it.

It's probably time
to shake it up.

My last date kept using

the wrong spelling of
"there" in every single text.

You'd think she'd get it
right even by accident.

Uh, anyway, I'll
see you T-H-E-R-E.

Heck, yeah! Oh.

You okay? Sorry, Quinn.

- Very good.
- I did.

All rise!

Or don't.

This book club is
now in session.

Since this is my
first nerd hang,

Roz, what do we do?

Well, we can start
with everyone saying

whether they liked the book.

I loved it.

It was so refreshing
to have a protagonist

that actually put her
faith first in decisions.

Yeah, and I love novels
about societal collapse.

A world without laws?

Don't threaten me with a
good time. [ Chuckles ]

Well, I think we can all agree

that some of the feminist
rhetoric was a bit over the top.

Well, actually,
couple's counseling

is going pretty poorly. Why?

Okay, back on topic.

Uh, let's imagine in a
post-apocalyptic society

like this one, what skills
would you bring to the table?

For instance, if pushed,

I could strangle someone to
death with my bare hands.

Pfft. Well, I have
a family history

of doing what needs to be done.

I can fish and throw a plunger
60 yards if it comes to that.

My strength is my
faith and my voice...

♪ To heal the sca-a-a-red ♪

Amen.

I'm funny, and I know science.

You are not funny,

and you know the periodic
table and plate tectonics,

not how to filter
water. [ Chuckles ]

Honestly, I'm pretty
shaky on plate tectonics.

Mm.

Uh, what about you, Ava?

I'd be leader, of course.

You wouldn't be my
leader. [ Chuckles ]

Why not? I've been prepping

for environmental catastrophe
since I was 10 years old.

I have a year's worth
of fresh water hidden

in this very

in a building that
I know someplace.

Mm. Well, thank
you very much, Ava,

but I think that my faith-based
governance would thrive

in the end times.

[ Scoffs ] Yeah, right.

Barb, you know I love you. Um...

Just that you're
a spiritual woman,

and there are a couple
of stone tablets

that might get in the way

of the [clears throat]
tough decisions

that you have to make
in the apocalypse.

So I think I better go it alone.

Well... Can you dig a hole?

Can you dig two holes?

Yeah, Barb. How many
holes can you dig?

Blood was spraying everywhere.
I was literally soaked.

That is disgusting.

[ Laughs ] It was
totally disgusting.

And so I-I applied the
tourniquet and, um...

And he looks up, and he
says, "Did I look cool?"

And those were the last
words he ever said.

I know.

No, I'm just kidding. I was
just kidding. Are you serious?

Yeah, no, he was fine, yeah. I-I really
believed you right there for a second.

We brought him to
the ER. He was fine.

Probably. We don't
usually do follow-ups.

Okay. What is the most blood
that you have ever seen?

Trust me, I can handle it.

"Gory" is literally in my name.

Okay, you're weird,
which is perfect

'cause so is Olivia. [ Laughs ]

So, we are looking at
like a 45-minute wait.

Gregory, keep your ringer on.

I gave your number
to the restaurant.

Oh, should we get a
drink here while we wait?

They have darts.

Oh, Jacob's banned from the
darts here, speaking of blood.

Oh. How am I supposed
to get better

if they won't let me practice?

Gregory: It's just a liability.

[ Music playing,
loud conversations ]

This place is packed.

Does anyone see a
max-occupancy sign?

Avi.

You're right. We're
off the clock.

I'll grab the first round.

Is that Janine?

Jacob: Oh, my Godot, it is.

She looks amazing.

Is she on a date?

With Manny?

And now, Janine is
back working at Abbott.

Avi, you remember Janine.

She punted the CPR dummy.

Exactly. Let's go say hi.

No, no, no, no. I
don't think we should.

Um, no one wants to be on a
date around their coworkers.

Well, Avi and I coworkers
and we're on dates.

Same for you and Jacob.

Yeah, and I-I'm not so
sure that it's a date.

Janine would have told me.

Well, that's exactly why
we shouldn't go over there.

I mean, she clearly
wants her privacy.

Why are you so sure
she's on a date?

Look at what she's wearing.

Yeah, that's a freak'um dress.

She's on a date.
God, and he's cute.

See, Jacob? It's
a freak'um dress.

And he's cute.

♪ Every day ♪

Not gonna get involved in all
of it. How are we gonna flow

if no one's listening
to each other?

That's the problem.
All I'm saying is

at some point, cannibalism
becomes a caloric necessity.

I-It feels like we all
had different takeaways.

Which is okay!

No, it's not. It's disgusting.

The message of the book
was actually quite simple.

His messages usually are.

Oh, yeah, if you agree
that the message is

human beings should rarely,
if ever, trust each other.

And avoid California. Mm!

Ava: I see why y'all didn't
want me to be in charge.

You obviously lack
reading-comprehension skills,

which explains a lot about this
school in general, actually.

I-I-I have to say,

usually reading discussions
expand the mind.

But this seems to have only
reinforced your existing

and troubling viewpoints.

I'd rather die than
change my mind.

It's the American way.

Perhaps one-on-one conversations

would be more fruitful.

Factions, you say?

Well, small discussion
groups. [ Chuckles ]

Fine by me. Melissa
and Mr. Johnson,

your shared nihilism seems
compatible, and... Mm-hmm.

Roz, your ability to see
the best in everyone means

that you'll thrive
under my leadership.

And, Barbara,

you think that
religion is the answer,

which makes you the only
person that will take Morton.

Okay, come on, Mr. J.

I wanna hear more about your
philosophy on booby trapping.

Nothing beats a
good old-fashioned

pit of sharpened sticks.

[ Music playing ]

Greg. [ Clears throat ] Greg.

Yeah. Did you...
Did you hear that?

Yes. [ Chuckles ]
That was hilarious.

Oh. That I'm the oldest of four?

Well, yeah, it was
the way you said it.

I got to me.

Oh, then you're gonna love this.

I'm an only child. [ Chuckles ]

Oh, you're a tough
nut to crack, Gregory.

I was actually triplets,

but I absorbed my
siblings in the womb,

and so my mom named me...

Are you, um... you
feeling okay, buddy?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Okay.

He's really just gonna
go sit next to her, okay.

Well, you did say
they're on a date.

Yeah. I mean, of course, and,
like, it... it doesn't...

Who cares? You know
what I'm saying?

But, like, they must
be dating for a while.

And it's weird that she
wouldn't tell us, you know?

You know what? He
must have been the one

who sent those flowers
that were on her desk.

Of course. Look at his beard.

What does his beard have
to do with anything?

That's a date beard.

What is a date beard?

I-I'm just saying he grows a
really nice beard, you know?

And that's... that's
the kind of beard

that you want to
be on a date with.

Like, for example, Olivia. Hmm?

You would be so much
more attracted to me

if I had that beard, right?

Oh, that's not
really... Definitely.

Right.

I identified with the
character's hyper-empathy.

You know, you talk a
lot for a librarian.

I can barely hear what
others are plotting.

And I don't even think it's
even about the hentai anymore.

Why don't I go and
get us some water?

And, uh, no need to
pause while I'm gone.

Heads up... we got a missionary
coming our way from Bible-town.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

I'm just grabbing some
water for our group.

You're grabbing?

We don't take kindly to
thieves around these parts.

Maybe you should try
praying for some water.

M-Maybe we should all
come back together as a...

I got the water!
Hey, what'd she do?

Good distraction.

Not what I was going for at all.

I know. You're lucky
I'm such a brave leader.

Now check me for wounds.

I got Danny Wok's
for... Phoebe Morton?

Oh, that's me.

It's my wife's credit card, and
boy, does she love to remind me.

[ Chuckles ] Well, looks like

the Good Lord
delivered once again.

[ Laughs ]

Is that "Parable of the Sower"?

I read that book.

Well, how would you like
to join an alliance of

independent barbarians scouring
the wasteland for resources?

Hmm. Absolutely.

I've been trying to
get fired all week.

Barbara: Let's see
what's in the bag.

Oh!

[ Music playing,
indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

Olivia, I'm sorry.

I've been distracted,
and that's rude.

But have you ever
bumped into somebody

that you just didn't
expect to see?

Actually, yeah.

Uh, I responded to a call
at my piano teacher's...

Is that... Is that
Tariq and Erika?

Is she on double
date with her ex?

So you just know everyone
at this bar, then?

Jacob, is Tariq dating Erika?

I think he's still
dating Nick's mom.

Uh, hello. Can I be
a part of this convo?

Um, yes, I'm sorry. So sorry.

You were saying
something about, uh,

your piano teacher
and a call, right?

[ Chuckles ] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, I'm going up the stairs,
and I'm looking around,

and I realize the guy
looks so familiar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey... Janine.

Gregory?

And is that Manny?

Manny: Come on. That's
crazy. How are you?

I'm good, bro. How are
you doing, Gregory Eddie?

I'm...

Good. I'm gonna...
Be right back.

No. No. I'll be right back.

[ Whispers indistinctly ]

What's up? Gregory
Eddie, what's up, man?

Yeah, yeah. It's
good to see you.

Hey, Gregory. What's
up? Are you... Hey.

Are you on a double
date with Jacob?

Yeah. Yeah, me and Jake are
on a... on a double date.

I dunno know about
y'all, though.

Did you just call
him Jake? I'm sorry.

I did. I did. Yeah.
I did. Oh. Okay.

But how we doing here?
H-How's... How's the date going?

Yo, Talent Manager. What's up?

Hey, uh, remember that
time you screamed,

and then everybody
looked at you?

Yeah. You're a wild
card, dude. [ Laughs ]

Pretty normal card. [ Chuckles ]

That girl you're with is cute.

Who? O-Olivia? Oh,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's cool. She's great.

She's, um, a hero,
actually. She's an EMT. Oh.

Nice. But isn't it crazy
that we're all here

at Rubensteins tonight just
dating it up, everybody?

You here. You here.
I'm here. We all here.

We dating. Erika: Well...

Uh, no, not me. My
lady's at the house.

She taking in a
Redbox right now,

a.k.a. a case of
Merlot. Mm. Right.

I'm here on official
PTA president business,

meeting with Manny on
the district's tab.

No, no, no. The district's
not paying for these drinks.

Oh, well, someone with the last
name District bought these.

[ Laughs ]

Wait. I know you didn't think
I was on a date with Tariq?

Oh, so only the people on the
right side of the booth are dating?

No, Greg, none of
us are on dates.

Nobody here is on a date, so...

Oh, but you all are
dressed so well.

We do look good.
I'll give you that.

Erika and I are going out to
the hookah bar after this, so...

Ah, okay. So why are
you here with Manny?

We were just tying up some
loose ends at the district

really quickly... Right, right.

and Rubensteins
is the only place

you can take your
laptop out after 5:00.

Hey-oh. Oh, okay.

I'm don't see a laptop, but, uh,

you got up and you moved
to the other side, so...

Oh, you have been
here a while. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Well, Manny was just
showing me a text thread

between him and the
superintendent. Mm.

He keeps responding to all my
texts with Nelson Mandela GIFs,

and I think it's fascinating.

Fascinating. So fascinating.

I want to know so
much about that.

But then you popped
that mint and...

Because we were
eating garlic bread,

and I didn't want to be
bothering Miss Teagues. Yeah.

So, it's actually pretty
delicious, if you want some.

But your beard.

Crumbs are inevitable, man.

Damn, Gregory! Any
more questions?

Rubensteins going
off on a Thursday!

What's up, Brunchy Bunchers?!

[ Laughter ] Oh!

Together: Eat it up!

Jake, um, so nobody
here is on a date.

None of them are dating.

Which is what you were
trying to tell me,

and I should have
listened. Right, right.

Oh, oh, the, um...

We gotta... The...
Yep. Yeah. Okay.

Our, uh, table
next door is ready.

Um, but this was really great.
We should do this again.

Do what exactly? All
right. Have a good night.

Uh, all right, well,
now that that's done,

Manny, what is the difference
between a BCC and a CC?

And if somebody BCCs
me, who can CC that?

Are you ready to go? I am.

Okay. Let's...

Y'all just marinate
on that, okay?

Ava, you can't scarf
those wings all yourself.

You're supposed to share.

Mm-hmm. And why did
you give her the food?

Well, she told me
she'd give me a raise.

And you bought that?

Oh, so now I'm only supposed to
believe women some of the time?

Ooh. It is this behavior

why we would never let
you lead us in a crisis.

Nobody lets me do anything.

Yet, here I am, doing things.

That's why I'm a leader.

Now, who will bend the
knee and kiss the wing?

What... Have some self-respect!
What is wrong with you, son?

Ava, we are not your
TikTok followers.

We are all alphas.
Well, most of us.

What? I'm an alpha. Woof-woof.

You know, I shouldn't
have trusted my food

to any of yo use anyway.
I'm gonna order my own.

We closed a half hour ago.

Wh... Why are you still here?

Because we closed
a half hour ago.

He's an integral part of
my splinter community.

All right, all right. This
has gotten really weird.

I can't believe
it's 8:00 already.

I was supposed to pick
my kids up at 7:00.

I've been thinking
of "Grapes of Wrath."

I ain't read this.

This is not how book
clubs are supposed to go.

We were supposed to
be creating community

around the shared
love of literature.

And instead, we
just picked sides

and refused to see each
other's point of view.

Hmm. You know something?

I'm starting to see Ms. Inez's
point of view very clearly.

I'm leaving.

Yeah, and for the first time
tonight, Barb, I'm with ya.

Come on.

[ Slow clapping ]

Well, well, well.

At least you all can recognize

that I'm the only
one tough enough

and smart enough to
lead in the end times.

[ Chuckles ] Followers
always give up.

Now, follow the other
losers outta here.

Oh, do you feel that, Barb?

Oh, I sure do.

Yeah, that feels just
like I got a second wind.

Oh, with such rich text,

I could talk about
this book forever.

Fine by me. This
is your simulation.

I'm just living in it.

Hmm.

Now, where were we?

All right, our
tab's all closed up.

Perfect, because
our table is ready.

Well, it was ready
30 minutes ago,

and I think they gave it away.

But that means we
missed the rush,

so we can just go put our
names back on the list.

Actually, I-I don't know if
your friend is on a date,

but you're not.

I have to go.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Um, look, I'm sorry.

Maybe I can still see
you around some time?

Maybe.

If you're in, like,
a serious accident.

[ Door opens ]

Hey, um, sorry tonight
got a little weird.

Oh, no. This is the best
date I've ever been on.

Your friend is so messy.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

[ Whistling ]

Oh, no. Hell no. What
are y'all doing here?

Ooh, ooh! Why does it stink?

W-Where am I? What day is it?

It's Friday, which means you
are all cleaning this up.

The kids will be in here soon.

Okay, fine, but before we go,
I think we can all agree...

That I am the leader

that will best protect
us during the end times.

We agree on nothing!

Hold up. "Parable of the Sower"?

Uh-huh. Well, you
missed the point.

The protagonist... she does not
want to rule over her followers.

She wants them to see the
counter intuitive truth

that the only path to actual
survival is diversity.

But I'm not here to talk about.

Afrofuturist
speculative fiction.

I'm here to heat
up cinnamon buns.

Now, get the hell out.

Okay. All right.

All right. My back.

Y'all just gonna
leave all this trash?

Gregory, Gregory, Gregory.

You sneaky little...

Hey, guys! Gregory: Hey!

Crazy running into
you last night.

Three tipsy teachers
tearing up the town.

Say that three times fast.

Three tipsy teachers
towning up... Dang it.

Almost.

You and Erika have a good time?

I did. I did.

And let me tell you what,
there is no pre-game

like closing out your old
district e-mail account.

[ Laughs ]

By the way, it is so
funny that you thought

Manny and I were on a date.

Yeah, it was hilarious.

So, so funny. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, well, anyway,

I've got to go
clean off my desk.

The old flowers from the
district have wilted.

But, um, could I grab
some from your garden?

Yeah. Please.

Okay. Thanks.

Mm-hmm. [ Door opens ]

[ Door closes ]

I know. Do you know?

I know.

So, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

[ Chuckles ]

Fix your face. Sorry.

Janine: Morning.

Barbara and Melissa: Morning.

Oh, Gregory. A jade
roller is usually

made out of jade
and is a roller.

Oh, this.

I'm just touching
up my new beard.

Me and Jacob decided to grow
'em out over spring break.

Oh, yes.

Yep. That is a...
That's a beard.

Melissa: If you were in
my second-grade class,

you'd have the
eighth-best beard.

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, Gregory, is
this beard in the room

with us right now?

All right, look, y'all, growing
a beard is not a sprint.

Mm-hmm. It's a marathon.

Yeah, but you can finish
a marathon, sweetheart.

Freeway got the hood
on smash! Oh, no.

Gregory, what the hell?

I thought we were
doing this together.

I forgot.

Delicious.

Captions by VITAC...