All language subtitles for The King of Queens - S04E09 - Veiled Threat (1080p x265 EDGE2020)-ing

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,943 --> 00:00:13,511 What up, dawg? 2 00:00:13,579 --> 00:00:15,279 I'm finally cleaning this thing out. You know what? 3 00:00:15,347 --> 00:00:17,515 If we're not gonna actually eat the frozen vegetables, 4 00:00:17,583 --> 00:00:18,583 let's stop buying them. 5 00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:20,484 I don't know who we're trying to impress. 6 00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:25,356 Oh, my God! 7 00:00:25,424 --> 00:00:27,559 Look at this! 8 00:00:27,626 --> 00:00:29,861 What do we got, a human head? 9 00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:33,464 No. It's the top of our wedding cake. 10 00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:35,800 I completely forgot about this. 11 00:00:35,867 --> 00:00:37,735 Wow. Hmm. 12 00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:40,204 That's our wedding cake from our wedding, 13 00:00:40,272 --> 00:00:42,039 when we got married. 14 00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:44,675 Oh, yeah. We got milk? 15 00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:46,844 You can't eat this. It's over 6 years old. 16 00:00:46,911 --> 00:00:48,045 It's frozen. 17 00:00:48,113 --> 00:00:49,680 Freezing something doesn't magically 18 00:00:49,748 --> 00:00:51,882 keep it good forever and ever. 19 00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:54,052 I'm pretty sure you're wrong. 20 00:00:54,119 --> 00:00:56,253 Could you believe we got married 6 years ago? 21 00:00:56,321 --> 00:00:58,889 I know, gosh, it's kinda wild, huh? 22 00:00:58,957 --> 00:01:00,090 Yeah. 23 00:01:00,158 --> 00:01:01,693 That was a really great time. 24 00:01:04,396 --> 00:01:05,963 [Vomiting] 25 00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:07,465 [Coughing] 26 00:01:09,868 --> 00:01:12,303 Hon? H-honey? Honey, you ok? 27 00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:13,838 You ok in there? Honey-- 28 00:01:13,905 --> 00:01:15,272 [Carrie vomiting] 29 00:01:17,509 --> 00:01:19,877 Carrie's been in there a while, honey, is she ok? 30 00:01:19,945 --> 00:01:22,012 Oh, yeah, ma. She's just preppin' for the party, 31 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,248 you know, a little rougin', a little waxin'. 32 00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:26,484 It's all good. 33 00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:28,052 May I have your attention? 34 00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:31,489 A toast. 35 00:01:31,557 --> 00:01:33,057 To Doug and Carrie, 36 00:01:33,124 --> 00:01:35,292 may their lives be as grand as their wedding. 37 00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:39,597 Which, incidentally, I am sparing no expense for. 38 00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:41,131 That's what Carrie's late mother 39 00:01:41,199 --> 00:01:43,568 wanted more than anything in the world. 40 00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:45,903 Next to not dying. 41 00:01:47,806 --> 00:01:48,840 Salud! 42 00:01:48,907 --> 00:01:50,641 (All) Salud! 43 00:01:50,709 --> 00:01:53,244 Hey, I'd like to, uh, make a toast, too. 44 00:01:53,311 --> 00:01:55,880 Who the hell are you? 45 00:01:55,947 --> 00:01:57,482 I'm, uh, Danny, Doug's cousin. 46 00:01:57,549 --> 00:01:59,984 All right, but, I'm watchin' you. 47 00:02:00,886 --> 00:02:02,052 [Clears throat] 48 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,655 Doug, I, uh, love you like a brother, 49 00:02:04,723 --> 00:02:06,591 and for months, I've been lookin' for a gift 50 00:02:06,658 --> 00:02:09,427 that finally tells you how I feel about you and... 51 00:02:09,494 --> 00:02:11,395 And I found it. 52 00:02:11,463 --> 00:02:14,164 I'm gonna sing at your wedding ceremony, buddy 53 00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:16,534 [guests applauding] 54 00:02:18,403 --> 00:02:20,504 Wow, singin', huh? 55 00:02:20,572 --> 00:02:22,039 That's--that's nice. 56 00:02:22,107 --> 00:02:25,142 Or if you wanna go another way, music-wise, 57 00:02:25,210 --> 00:02:28,279 we are registered for a cd player at the wiz. 58 00:02:28,347 --> 00:02:30,648 Yeah, but that's so impersonal. 59 00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:33,050 You could engrave it. 60 00:02:33,118 --> 00:02:36,554 Come on, Doug. You can't engrave the human heart. 61 00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:38,222 [Chuckling] 62 00:02:40,158 --> 00:02:41,158 [Sighing] 63 00:02:41,893 --> 00:02:42,926 [Carrie vomiting] 64 00:02:42,994 --> 00:02:44,362 Oh, God. 65 00:02:46,064 --> 00:02:47,965 Ok, I'm gettin' married in 3 days, 66 00:02:48,032 --> 00:02:49,833 and my fiancee can't stop pukin'. 67 00:02:49,901 --> 00:02:51,669 Ooh, she's still at it, huh? 68 00:02:51,737 --> 00:02:53,904 At this rate, she's gonna open her mout and say, "I do," 69 00:02:53,972 --> 00:02:55,706 and rocket a grilled cheese at my head. 70 00:02:55,774 --> 00:02:57,541 Yeah. Well, 71 00:02:57,609 --> 00:02:59,943 that's the price you pay for lettin' a little lady corral you. 72 00:03:00,011 --> 00:03:03,046 Yep. No woman's gonna put a saddle on this bronco. 73 00:03:05,183 --> 00:03:07,918 Thanks for weighin' in, hoss. 74 00:03:07,986 --> 00:03:11,188 Look, man, don't worry about Carrie throwing up, ok? 75 00:03:11,256 --> 00:03:14,191 She's probably just finally coming to grips with the fact that she's 76 00:03:14,259 --> 00:03:16,059 actually marrying you. 77 00:03:16,128 --> 00:03:17,628 [All laughing[] 78 00:03:17,695 --> 00:03:18,996 Shut it. 79 00:03:19,063 --> 00:03:20,931 Hey, hey. 80 00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:23,601 If she does cut and run, don't send her my way, all right? 81 00:03:23,668 --> 00:03:26,370 I travel solamente. 82 00:03:29,507 --> 00:03:31,008 [Banging on door] 83 00:03:31,076 --> 00:03:34,378 (Mrs. heffernan) Carrie, it's your mother-in-law-to-be. 84 00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:35,980 Can I come in? 85 00:03:36,615 --> 00:03:37,748 Sure. 86 00:03:40,818 --> 00:03:42,686 How ya feelin', honey? 87 00:03:42,754 --> 00:03:45,256 I've gotta stop eating Mexican food. 88 00:03:45,323 --> 00:03:46,423 No es bueno. 89 00:03:49,727 --> 00:03:51,762 Come here. 90 00:03:51,829 --> 00:03:54,765 Oh. Thank you. 91 00:03:54,832 --> 00:03:56,400 Oh, that's good. That's good. 92 00:03:56,468 --> 00:03:57,668 Thank you. Thank you. 93 00:03:57,735 --> 00:03:59,503 This isn't from Mexican food. 94 00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:01,105 No? 95 00:04:01,139 --> 00:04:03,975 You know, I went through this exact same thing right before my wedding. 96 00:04:04,042 --> 00:04:05,109 You did? 97 00:04:05,176 --> 00:04:07,711 Oh, yeah. I was a wreck. 98 00:04:07,779 --> 00:04:11,548 I mean, you're planning on spending the rest of your life with this person. 99 00:04:11,616 --> 00:04:14,218 You start wondering, "is he cute enough? 100 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:17,454 Is he funny enough? Will he be a good father?" 101 00:04:17,522 --> 00:04:20,290 Who wouldn't be sick to her stomach? 102 00:04:20,358 --> 00:04:22,326 Well, I totally love Doug. 103 00:04:22,393 --> 00:04:24,862 I mean, I want to marry him. Everything between us is perfect. 104 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:27,131 It's just this pesky vomiting. 105 00:04:29,167 --> 00:04:32,803 Honey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing my mother told me before my wedding, 106 00:04:32,871 --> 00:04:34,939 and it really took all my fears away. 107 00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:36,440 Oh, good, tell me that thing 108 00:04:36,508 --> 00:04:38,175 because we're meeting with the priest tomorrow 109 00:04:38,243 --> 00:04:40,410 and I really want to be in a good place. 110 00:04:40,478 --> 00:04:42,246 Well, at the end of the day, 111 00:04:42,313 --> 00:04:46,484 all the little things that may or may not be perfect really don't matter, 112 00:04:46,551 --> 00:04:49,553 because when it's right, you know it. 113 00:04:49,621 --> 00:04:51,321 You just know it. 114 00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:55,025 [Vomiting] 115 00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:04,234 Hey, you ok? 116 00:05:04,302 --> 00:05:05,736 Oh, sure. 117 00:05:05,804 --> 00:05:07,304 I mean, 'cause you haven't eaten in 3 days. 118 00:05:07,372 --> 00:05:08,672 You're pukin' in church. 119 00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:10,274 I'm fine! I'm fine. 120 00:05:10,341 --> 00:05:11,642 Hey! Father mcandrew! 121 00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:13,310 Doug, good to see you. 122 00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:15,880 Good to see you. Gosh, it's been so long-- whoa. 123 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:17,247 What--what are you, liftin'? 124 00:05:17,315 --> 00:05:18,950 Oh, a little. 125 00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:22,319 Uh, they put a universal in over at the rectory. 126 00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:23,520 Nice guns, padre. 127 00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:24,922 [Laughs] 128 00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:26,523 Uh, this is my fiancee, Carrie. 129 00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:27,725 Hi. Nice to meet you. 130 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:29,460 Well, nice to meet you, too. 131 00:05:29,527 --> 00:05:31,796 You know, I remember Doug when he was just 132 00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:33,730 a chubby little kid at church camp. 133 00:05:33,765 --> 00:05:37,768 And now he's marrying this beautiful girl. 134 00:05:37,835 --> 00:05:39,703 It's somethin' else. 135 00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:42,907 All right, sit. Sit. 136 00:05:42,974 --> 00:05:44,241 Ok. 137 00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:45,642 So, tell me, 138 00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:49,313 have the two of you thought about your vows? 139 00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:50,614 What do you mean? 140 00:05:50,682 --> 00:05:52,750 Well, uh, some people like to write their own, 141 00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:56,153 you know, talk about how they met, somethin' like that. 142 00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:59,289 Um, actually, we--we met in a bar. 143 00:05:59,357 --> 00:06:01,926 Um, it was 144 00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:05,429 jell-o shot night. They had, um, foxy boxing. 145 00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:07,831 It's not a great church story. 146 00:06:09,301 --> 00:06:10,667 Although a delightful evening. 147 00:06:10,735 --> 00:06:12,235 [Laughing] That was funny. 148 00:06:12,303 --> 00:06:14,438 Oh, ok, just think about it, all right? 149 00:06:14,505 --> 00:06:16,406 So, have you brought the marriage license? 150 00:06:16,474 --> 00:06:18,041 Oh. Oh, yeah. I've got it right here. 151 00:06:18,109 --> 00:06:19,109 There you go. 152 00:06:19,177 --> 00:06:20,243 Ok. 153 00:06:20,311 --> 00:06:21,311 [Chuckling] 154 00:06:22,781 --> 00:06:24,147 "Spooner." 155 00:06:24,783 --> 00:06:26,917 Carrie spooner? 156 00:06:26,985 --> 00:06:30,087 We had a Carrie spooner in camp one summer. 157 00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:32,656 What? The same camp Doug went to? 158 00:06:32,724 --> 00:06:35,092 No. We didn't-- we didn't go to the same camp. 159 00:06:35,159 --> 00:06:37,627 You weren't that girl who was always startin' fights 160 00:06:37,695 --> 00:06:40,163 and moonin' truckers on route 9? 161 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,467 Yes! 162 00:06:45,236 --> 00:06:46,504 Camp unity! 163 00:06:46,571 --> 00:06:48,872 I didn't know that that was a church camp. 164 00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:51,676 I guess that's why they didn't ask me back. 165 00:06:51,743 --> 00:06:56,514 You know, I actually remember your last day. 166 00:06:56,581 --> 00:06:58,983 I think you had a run-in with Doug. 167 00:06:59,884 --> 00:07:00,785 Shut up! 168 00:07:00,852 --> 00:07:02,519 You cheated at kickball, Carrie. 169 00:07:02,587 --> 00:07:04,055 Did not! Did, too! 170 00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:05,923 Shut up! No, you shut up. 171 00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:07,457 Stop! No! You! 172 00:07:07,526 --> 00:07:09,159 Get-- ahhh! 173 00:07:09,227 --> 00:07:10,260 Oh! 174 00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:11,395 [Choking] 175 00:07:11,462 --> 00:07:13,130 Oh. You're gross. 176 00:07:17,202 --> 00:07:18,636 That was Doug? 177 00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:20,871 You're telling me I fell on Doug? 178 00:07:20,939 --> 00:07:22,172 Yep. 179 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,041 This is unbelievable! Do you remember this? 180 00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:27,578 Not really, but, I got my armpit hair that summer, 181 00:07:27,646 --> 00:07:29,680 so I was pretty much wrapped up in me. 182 00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:33,050 Do you know what this means? 183 00:07:33,117 --> 00:07:35,486 We met as kids. We met before and didn't even know it. 184 00:07:35,553 --> 00:07:38,989 It's like, we were meant to be or something. 185 00:07:39,057 --> 00:07:41,058 Well, I'm all for that. 186 00:07:41,126 --> 00:07:43,594 So, so, so, so, tell me more about what happened afterwards. 187 00:07:43,661 --> 00:07:44,695 Did we talk? 188 00:07:44,763 --> 00:07:46,630 Mmm, yes. 189 00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:48,732 Some words were exchanged, 190 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,968 and then Doug started to cry. 191 00:07:51,736 --> 00:07:53,537 Oh, my God! 192 00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:57,008 We actually spoke to each other. This is so great! 193 00:08:02,679 --> 00:08:03,746 Morning, all! 194 00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:05,347 (Mr. and Mrs. heffernan) Morning! 195 00:08:05,415 --> 00:08:07,483 I trust you like your juice from concentrate. 196 00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:10,486 Oh. Thank you, Arthur. 197 00:08:10,554 --> 00:08:14,256 I'll just place it here. Enjoy it when you're ready. 198 00:08:14,324 --> 00:08:17,627 You know, I've been thinkin' about this wedding. 199 00:08:17,694 --> 00:08:20,029 I don't want to take all the glory for myself. 200 00:08:20,096 --> 00:08:22,665 You're entitled. You are the father of the bride. 201 00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:24,133 So her mother claimed. 202 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,467 Still, 203 00:08:27,971 --> 00:08:30,673 I'd like to include you both in the process. 204 00:08:30,741 --> 00:08:32,808 Oh, well, thank you. 205 00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:36,612 We should throw a big party for Carrie and Doug every year 206 00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:38,548 and switch off paying. 207 00:08:39,516 --> 00:08:41,851 How about you two pay this year? 208 00:08:45,722 --> 00:08:49,792 Uh, Arthur, do you need some help paying for the wedding? 209 00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:54,564 Well, I must admit, I'm a little short on liquid assets right now. 210 00:08:54,631 --> 00:08:56,265 How much do you need? 211 00:08:56,332 --> 00:08:57,767 All of it. 212 00:09:00,103 --> 00:09:01,270 Hmm. 213 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,106 Well, you know what? 214 00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:07,109 Joe and I would be happy to pay for the wedding. 215 00:09:07,176 --> 00:09:09,311 What just happened here? 216 00:09:10,246 --> 00:09:12,180 I'm not sure about this. 217 00:09:12,248 --> 00:09:14,884 Carrie would be very disappointed in me, 218 00:09:15,585 --> 00:09:17,353 if she knew. 219 00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:19,422 Well, don't worry. Nobody needs to know. 220 00:09:19,489 --> 00:09:22,124 As far as anyone else is concerned, 221 00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:24,693 you are still paying for everything. 222 00:09:25,829 --> 00:09:29,031 I will pay you back with interest! 223 00:09:29,098 --> 00:09:32,935 Actually, interest seems a little over the top. 224 00:09:33,002 --> 00:09:36,071 Anyway, it was a pleasure discussing the Monroe doctrine 225 00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:38,407 with the two of you. Good day. 226 00:09:38,475 --> 00:09:41,043 So how did you meeting go with father mcandrew? 227 00:09:41,110 --> 00:09:42,678 Oh, it was great. He's all pumped up. 228 00:09:42,746 --> 00:09:44,046 He's like the catholic hulk. 229 00:09:44,113 --> 00:09:45,448 [Growling] 230 00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:49,985 He was always interested in physical fitness. 231 00:09:50,053 --> 00:09:51,620 Yeah. Oh, and this is weird, too: 232 00:09:51,688 --> 00:09:54,022 He said he remembered that me and Carrie met when we were kids. 233 00:09:54,090 --> 00:09:55,090 No kidding. 234 00:09:55,158 --> 00:09:56,992 It was the summer of '77. 235 00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:59,361 Apparently we went to church camp together. 236 00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:03,331 Carrie got into a fight with someone and fell on me, and I choked. 237 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,234 It's a whole sweet story. 238 00:10:06,302 --> 00:10:09,170 Wait, wait, wait. That didn't happen to you. That happened to me. 239 00:10:09,238 --> 00:10:10,939 What? Yeah. 240 00:10:11,007 --> 00:10:12,974 Some girl fell on me at camp unity. 241 00:10:13,042 --> 00:10:17,746 I choked, then I cried, then I got a bomb pop. 242 00:10:17,814 --> 00:10:20,116 Nah, nah, nah, nah. Father mcandrew said it was me, 243 00:10:20,183 --> 00:10:21,784 said he remembered yelling heffernan. 244 00:10:21,852 --> 00:10:23,886 My name is heffernan. 245 00:10:23,954 --> 00:10:26,288 Actually, the summer of '77, you weren't at camp unity, Doug. 246 00:10:26,356 --> 00:10:28,023 That was the year you went to fat camp. 247 00:10:28,091 --> 00:10:29,758 Football camp. 248 00:10:33,797 --> 00:10:35,598 [Doug panting] 249 00:10:35,665 --> 00:10:38,767 Hey, coach, when do we play football? 250 00:10:38,835 --> 00:10:40,268 Just keep runnin'. 251 00:10:40,336 --> 00:10:41,503 [Exclaiming] 252 00:10:44,007 --> 00:10:46,208 Yeah. Carrie fell on me, not you. 253 00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:47,409 Hey! 254 00:10:47,476 --> 00:10:49,444 Maybe me and Carrie should be gettin' married, 255 00:10:49,512 --> 00:10:52,047 and you should be singing at our wedding, huh? 256 00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:54,550 That was fat camp? 257 00:10:56,853 --> 00:10:58,621 I wanted to tell you. 258 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:04,827 Hey, amigo. 259 00:11:04,894 --> 00:11:06,361 Hey, man, how's it goin'? 260 00:11:06,429 --> 00:11:09,397 Great! You know, spreadin' my wings, enjoying my freedom. 261 00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:10,666 What brings you here? 262 00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:12,200 Carrie asked me to meet her here. 263 00:11:12,268 --> 00:11:14,937 Oh, well, welcome to the rest of your life, fido. 264 00:11:15,005 --> 00:11:16,171 [Both laughing] 265 00:11:16,239 --> 00:11:17,272 All right. 266 00:11:18,141 --> 00:11:19,174 Hi, sweetie! 267 00:11:19,242 --> 00:11:22,011 Hey, bridesmaids, huh? 268 00:11:22,078 --> 00:11:23,378 Bride's pit crew. 269 00:11:23,446 --> 00:11:25,280 [Imitating drill] 270 00:11:25,348 --> 00:11:27,082 Go. Ok. 271 00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:28,550 You're just in time. I was just about to tell them 272 00:11:28,618 --> 00:11:30,152 "how we met at camp" story. 273 00:11:30,219 --> 00:11:31,854 Oh, you know what? Funny thing about that story-- 274 00:11:31,921 --> 00:11:33,421 no, let me tell it, ok? 275 00:11:33,489 --> 00:11:35,891 So, I'm up in the bleachers, I'm fighting with this skank, 276 00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:38,794 she pushes me, I fall on this boy, and it turns out 277 00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:40,696 this boy is Doug. 278 00:11:40,764 --> 00:11:41,797 [Gasps] 279 00:11:41,865 --> 00:11:42,965 Shut up. 280 00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:45,467 Mmm-hmm. We actually met as kids 281 00:11:45,535 --> 00:11:46,601 and didn't even know it! 282 00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:47,736 Ok, I have chills. 283 00:11:47,804 --> 00:11:48,971 Oh, my God, so do I. 284 00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:51,073 Oh, my God, I don't 'cause it's a dumb story. 285 00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:52,307 Excuse me. 286 00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:55,010 That dumb story got rid of all my wedding jitters. 287 00:11:55,078 --> 00:11:56,945 It was like I was totally freaking out, 288 00:11:57,013 --> 00:12:01,083 we go to the church, and the priest just hands me this, 289 00:12:01,151 --> 00:12:02,818 this sign from God. 290 00:12:02,886 --> 00:12:05,120 Total sign from God. 291 00:12:05,188 --> 00:12:07,355 And you just know. 292 00:12:07,423 --> 00:12:10,292 You just know. Right, sweetie? 293 00:12:11,227 --> 00:12:12,695 You know it. 294 00:12:14,063 --> 00:12:15,264 Apparently, this camp story's 295 00:12:15,331 --> 00:12:17,766 what's keeping Carrie from barfin' at the thought of marryin' me, 296 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:19,101 and--and it's not even true. 297 00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:20,535 Right, right. I see your problem. 298 00:12:20,603 --> 00:12:22,004 Are there any more bugles in there? 299 00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:24,139 Here. So what do I-- what do I do? 300 00:12:24,207 --> 00:12:26,809 I mean, do I tell her the truth, or do I just leave it alone? 301 00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,510 Leave it alone. 302 00:12:28,578 --> 00:12:30,879 Yeah, but if I leave it alone, that's the first lie of our marriage. 303 00:12:30,947 --> 00:12:33,749 I mean, I know there'll be others, 304 00:12:33,817 --> 00:12:36,118 but this just kicks it off so early. 305 00:12:37,386 --> 00:12:38,553 Leave it alone. 306 00:12:38,622 --> 00:12:40,456 [Sighs deeply] 307 00:12:40,523 --> 00:12:42,791 What are you sayin'? That Carrie's so out of my league 308 00:12:42,859 --> 00:12:45,327 that I could only get her to marry me on a lie? 309 00:12:46,128 --> 00:12:48,464 Just leave it alone. 310 00:12:48,531 --> 00:12:49,665 I can't believe you. 311 00:12:49,732 --> 00:12:51,399 Oh, come on, man. It's not a big deal. 312 00:12:51,468 --> 00:12:53,435 I mean, women are just different. 313 00:12:53,503 --> 00:12:56,438 They need to think there's some magic fairy dust sprinkled over everything. 314 00:12:56,506 --> 00:12:57,773 See, all a man needs to know 315 00:12:57,841 --> 00:13:01,076 is that he's getting something "special" on his birthday. 316 00:13:02,244 --> 00:13:04,446 Just leave it alone and let her believe. 317 00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:05,848 I guess. 318 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,516 Wait a second. After you're married, 319 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,284 it's not just on your birthday, is it? 320 00:13:10,419 --> 00:13:11,720 You'll see. 321 00:13:13,857 --> 00:13:15,457 Oh. I gotta roll. 322 00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:18,293 Oh, oh, wait, man. I got your, uh, best-man gift right here. Hold on. 323 00:13:18,361 --> 00:13:19,795 Here you go. 324 00:13:21,497 --> 00:13:22,965 It's a flask. 325 00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:25,000 Ok. 326 00:13:25,869 --> 00:13:27,369 You--you don't like it? 327 00:13:27,436 --> 00:13:29,972 No, it's great. I mean, if I ever develop a serious drinking problem, 328 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,208 I'll, uh... I'll get good use out of this thing. 329 00:13:33,276 --> 00:13:35,778 But they told me it was the classic best-man gift. 330 00:13:35,845 --> 00:13:38,647 If you don't like it, take it up with Manny at the house of pewter. 331 00:13:38,715 --> 00:13:42,818 Look, I love it, ok? Look, I'll see you tomorrow. 332 00:13:42,886 --> 00:13:45,688 (Wedding coordinator) Ok, Mr. spooner, let's review your choices. 333 00:13:45,755 --> 00:13:48,891 Now, the reception will start with a raw-oyster bar 334 00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,126 and an assortment of appetizers. 335 00:13:51,194 --> 00:13:53,395 The main course will be prime rib, 336 00:13:53,462 --> 00:13:56,598 and for dessert we have individual creme brules 337 00:13:56,666 --> 00:13:59,534 served with a raspberry-and-plum reduction. 338 00:13:59,602 --> 00:14:00,702 Wonderful. 339 00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:03,271 I would also like to add a traveling cart 340 00:14:03,339 --> 00:14:06,374 with a selection of rare single-malt scotches. 341 00:14:08,144 --> 00:14:11,412 Ok, but just so you know, that'll be pretty expensive. 342 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,683 This is my daughter's wedding! Money is no object! 343 00:14:15,752 --> 00:14:16,918 Right? 344 00:14:22,656 --> 00:14:24,224 ♪[Wedding music playing] 345 00:14:24,292 --> 00:14:25,793 Hey, how you feelin', eh? 346 00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,761 You feelin' ready? You feelin' good? 347 00:14:27,829 --> 00:14:29,563 I'd feel a lot better if my future wife 348 00:14:29,631 --> 00:14:31,532 didn't need a fake sign from God to marry me. 349 00:14:31,599 --> 00:14:33,934 Come on, man. We already talked about this. 350 00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:36,704 Hey, I know what'll make you smile. Check this out. 351 00:14:42,844 --> 00:14:44,678 Mm-mmm! 352 00:14:45,246 --> 00:14:46,847 Flask-a-licious. 353 00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,418 What are you, drunk? 354 00:14:51,486 --> 00:14:54,154 No. See, I'm cheering you up, telling you how much I like your flask. 355 00:14:54,222 --> 00:14:56,890 Whatever. You're actin' drunk. 356 00:14:56,958 --> 00:14:59,026 Dude, it's snapple. 357 00:14:59,094 --> 00:15:00,828 You know what? I don't like the gift. 358 00:15:00,895 --> 00:15:04,731 The only reason why I still have it is because Manny wouldn't take it back. 359 00:15:05,533 --> 00:15:06,800 Hello, Douglas. 360 00:15:06,868 --> 00:15:08,234 I don't mean to alarm you two, 361 00:15:08,302 --> 00:15:11,538 but, apparently, the doves are a no-show. 362 00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:13,974 Arthur, we canceled the doves. 363 00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:15,141 I don't understand. 364 00:15:15,209 --> 00:15:18,044 Things were getting just a little expensive for us. 365 00:15:18,112 --> 00:15:20,046 But this wedding has to be perfect. 366 00:15:20,114 --> 00:15:21,748 Carrie's mother wanted it that way. 367 00:15:21,816 --> 00:15:23,483 We know. 368 00:15:23,551 --> 00:15:25,652 She's dead, you remember. 369 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:26,520 Yes. 370 00:15:26,587 --> 00:15:29,589 Arthur, we are paying for everything. 371 00:15:29,657 --> 00:15:31,591 Do you understand that? Do you understand 372 00:15:31,659 --> 00:15:33,360 that perhaps it was poor judgment 373 00:15:33,428 --> 00:15:36,029 to get the harpist and the doves 374 00:15:36,097 --> 00:15:38,331 and the t-shirt machine? 375 00:15:38,399 --> 00:15:42,769 I knew it! I knew you would rub this in my face. 376 00:15:42,836 --> 00:15:44,371 How very small. 377 00:15:46,607 --> 00:15:48,341 Your parents are a real piece of work! 378 00:15:48,409 --> 00:15:50,143 Oh, don't blame us! You're the one who-- 379 00:15:50,211 --> 00:15:52,245 Joe! Zip it! 380 00:15:52,313 --> 00:15:54,014 Everybody! Everybody, please, just give me a few minutes alone, ok? 381 00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:55,716 Please. Of course, sweetheart. 382 00:15:55,784 --> 00:15:57,150 Ok. 383 00:15:57,218 --> 00:15:58,685 We'll be waiting for you in the sanctuary. 384 00:15:58,753 --> 00:15:59,787 Ok, mom. Thanks. 385 00:15:59,854 --> 00:16:01,422 Break a leg. Thanks, dad. 386 00:16:01,489 --> 00:16:03,256 Hey, seriously, man, I--I love the flask. 387 00:16:03,324 --> 00:16:04,458 Oh, come on. Bring it in. 388 00:16:04,526 --> 00:16:06,293 All right. 389 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,261 Oh, you smell like vodka. 390 00:16:08,329 --> 00:16:11,264 Yeah, there's a little bit in there, but I-I'm cool. I'm cool. 391 00:16:18,139 --> 00:16:19,506 Oh. 392 00:16:19,574 --> 00:16:20,774 Isn't this my room? 393 00:16:20,842 --> 00:16:22,743 No. It's my room--my room. 394 00:16:22,811 --> 00:16:24,478 Oh! You're not supposed to see me. 395 00:16:24,546 --> 00:16:26,379 No, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 396 00:16:26,448 --> 00:16:28,148 Oh, my God, you... 397 00:16:28,215 --> 00:16:29,549 You look beautiful. 398 00:16:29,617 --> 00:16:31,818 I know. I really do, don't I? 399 00:16:31,886 --> 00:16:33,920 Oh, my God, you're so lucky you're marrying me. 400 00:16:35,122 --> 00:16:36,757 I--I know. 401 00:16:36,824 --> 00:16:38,525 Oh, listen, just to give you a heads-up, 402 00:16:38,593 --> 00:16:40,360 I changed the vows I wrote. 403 00:16:40,428 --> 00:16:42,028 What? Yeah. 404 00:16:42,096 --> 00:16:44,297 I had all this stuff about how much I love you, blah, blah, blah. 405 00:16:44,365 --> 00:16:45,999 But I'm thinkin' I'm gonna go with 406 00:16:46,066 --> 00:16:50,470 the "how we met at camp" story. I wrote it all out. It's money. 407 00:16:50,538 --> 00:16:52,939 I don't know if I'm, uh, lovin' that story for our wedding. 408 00:16:53,007 --> 00:16:54,574 What? Why not? It's a great story. 409 00:16:54,642 --> 00:16:57,511 I don't know. I mean, you're fallin', I'm chokin'. 410 00:16:57,578 --> 00:17:00,480 You know, it's very violent. We got kids out there, car. 411 00:17:00,548 --> 00:17:02,716 I'm just sayin', I think you're better off goin' 412 00:17:02,784 --> 00:17:04,851 with the love-me, blah, blah, blah stuff. 413 00:17:04,919 --> 00:17:06,286 It'd be very touching. 414 00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:08,455 Nah. I'm gonna stick with the camp thing. 415 00:17:08,523 --> 00:17:09,656 [Sighs] 416 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,925 [Stammering] Ok. You can't. 417 00:17:11,992 --> 00:17:14,093 What? Why? W-what's the matter? 418 00:17:14,161 --> 00:17:16,963 It's just I--I don't think you should go changing our marriage vows 419 00:17:17,031 --> 00:17:18,097 'cause of a stupid story. 420 00:17:18,165 --> 00:17:20,233 All right, Doug, stop calling it stupid, ok? 421 00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:22,669 It's fate. It's a sign from God. 422 00:17:23,571 --> 00:17:25,071 ♪[Danny singing] 423 00:17:25,139 --> 00:17:27,607 ♪ You and me been findin' each other ♪ 424 00:17:27,675 --> 00:17:28,509 ♪ for so long 425 00:17:28,576 --> 00:17:31,111 what the hell is that? 426 00:17:31,178 --> 00:17:32,345 ♪ Feel for you 427 00:17:32,413 --> 00:17:34,915 ♪ is more than strong, girl 428 00:17:34,982 --> 00:17:36,983 ♪ take it from me 429 00:17:37,051 --> 00:17:38,384 why is Danny singing? 430 00:17:38,453 --> 00:17:41,388 It's his gift to us. 431 00:17:41,455 --> 00:17:45,225 I just don't understand why you need a-- a sign from God so badly. 432 00:17:45,292 --> 00:17:47,327 Because, Doug, 433 00:17:47,395 --> 00:17:48,862 gettin' married is scary, you know? 434 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,932 You're supposed to just know if it's right. 435 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:56,269 And what better way to know than to have God actually tell you. 436 00:17:56,337 --> 00:17:58,505 What's he doing out there? Andy gibb? 437 00:17:58,573 --> 00:18:00,674 I'm just sayin', I--I don't think we need a sign 438 00:18:00,742 --> 00:18:03,610 to tell us that we're right for each other. 439 00:18:03,678 --> 00:18:04,978 But we have one anyway, right? 440 00:18:05,013 --> 00:18:06,847 We don't! We don't! 441 00:18:07,482 --> 00:18:08,482 What? 442 00:18:09,617 --> 00:18:11,084 It wasn't me, ok? 443 00:18:11,152 --> 00:18:12,619 I was at another camp that summer. 444 00:18:12,687 --> 00:18:15,055 I was at f-f-football camp. 445 00:18:16,391 --> 00:18:18,792 You didn't fall on me. You fell on Danny. 446 00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:21,495 So, look, if you wanna marry me, 447 00:18:21,562 --> 00:18:23,697 you've gotta take a leap of faith. 448 00:18:23,765 --> 00:18:27,434 You know, no meant-to-be's, no destinies, no signs, no nothin'. 449 00:18:27,902 --> 00:18:29,636 It's me. 450 00:18:29,704 --> 00:18:31,237 It's just me. 451 00:18:32,172 --> 00:18:33,807 And isn't that 452 00:18:34,308 --> 00:18:35,942 all you need? 453 00:18:36,678 --> 00:18:38,178 [Vomiting] 454 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:46,586 (Father mcandrew) And now it's time for Doug and Carrie 455 00:18:46,654 --> 00:18:50,223 to share the vows that they've written for each other. 456 00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:52,425 Carrie, we'll begin with you. 457 00:18:53,026 --> 00:18:54,093 Um. 458 00:18:54,161 --> 00:18:56,263 You know what? I--I'll go first. 459 00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:58,598 Ok. We'll begin with Doug. 460 00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:01,834 [Clears throat] 461 00:19:01,902 --> 00:19:05,138 "Carrie, when I sat down to write these vows, 462 00:19:05,205 --> 00:19:10,310 "I was trying to think of how to express exactly what you mean to me. 463 00:19:10,377 --> 00:19:14,047 "And I guess the best way to say it is 464 00:19:14,115 --> 00:19:15,716 "you're seconds. 465 00:19:17,318 --> 00:19:19,720 "Allow me to explain. 466 00:19:21,322 --> 00:19:23,423 "It probably won't come as a surprise to you 467 00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:27,260 "that I, I like to think of my life as a big, long meal. 468 00:19:29,097 --> 00:19:31,364 "All the great things that happened before I met you, 469 00:19:31,432 --> 00:19:35,869 "my family, my friends, Bruce Springsteen, the mets, 470 00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:38,538 "they were my first course. 471 00:19:38,606 --> 00:19:40,641 "But I was, as usual, 472 00:19:41,575 --> 00:19:43,009 "still hungry. 473 00:19:44,378 --> 00:19:46,112 "And then I met you. 474 00:19:46,948 --> 00:19:49,549 "You are my seconds. 475 00:19:49,617 --> 00:19:53,620 "And I know it's hard to believe I'd stop at seconds, 476 00:19:53,688 --> 00:19:57,156 "but you're so great and I love you so much, 477 00:19:57,224 --> 00:20:00,393 I'm finally, totally full." 478 00:20:02,763 --> 00:20:05,164 I guess what I'm trying to say is, 479 00:20:06,266 --> 00:20:08,267 I love you, 480 00:20:08,335 --> 00:20:11,271 and it's good to be with you, 481 00:20:13,641 --> 00:20:15,675 and good luck to you. 482 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,381 Thank you. 483 00:20:21,448 --> 00:20:25,252 And, now, Carrie has some words that she'd like to share. 484 00:20:29,857 --> 00:20:30,857 [Sighs] 485 00:20:32,226 --> 00:20:34,427 I'm an idiot. 486 00:20:34,495 --> 00:20:39,299 For the past couple days I convinced myself that 487 00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:42,936 I needed a sign from God to marry you, 488 00:20:43,004 --> 00:20:45,638 but I don't need that. 489 00:20:45,707 --> 00:20:48,842 My sign is the way you make me laugh. 490 00:20:50,344 --> 00:20:54,781 My sign is the way you make me feel safe. 491 00:20:54,849 --> 00:20:59,820 My sign is the way I fit perfectly into your arm when we're on the couch. 492 00:21:01,422 --> 00:21:05,859 I know you can't be sure of anything in life, 493 00:21:05,927 --> 00:21:09,196 but looking at you now with your puppy-dog eyes and your shiny shoes 494 00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:11,931 that I know you can't wait to get out of, 495 00:21:13,167 --> 00:21:15,535 that we were meant to be together. 496 00:21:17,771 --> 00:21:19,939 [Sniffs] 497 00:21:20,008 --> 00:21:24,544 (Father mcandrew) May Doug and Carrie see long and happy days 498 00:21:24,612 --> 00:21:27,814 and be united forever in the kingdom of your glory. 499 00:21:29,349 --> 00:21:32,285 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 500 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:35,021 You may kiss the bride. 501 00:21:39,126 --> 00:21:41,695 ♪ For so long 502 00:21:41,762 --> 00:21:43,997 ♪ you and me been findin' each other ♪ 503 00:21:44,065 --> 00:21:45,632 ♪ for so long 504 00:21:45,700 --> 00:21:48,802 ♪ and the feelin' that i feel for you ♪ 505 00:21:48,869 --> 00:21:51,571 ♪ is more than strong, girl 506 00:21:51,639 --> 00:21:53,607 ♪ take it from me 507 00:21:53,674 --> 00:21:56,342 ♪ if you give a little more than you're askin' for ♪ 508 00:21:56,410 --> 00:21:58,378 ♪ your love will turn the key ♪ 509 00:21:58,445 --> 00:21:59,612 ♪ darlin' mine 510 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,414 I'm so lonely. 511 00:22:01,482 --> 00:22:03,383 ♪ I would wait forever 512 00:22:05,052 --> 00:22:06,186 all right, here's the play... 513 00:22:06,254 --> 00:22:07,387 I'm hungry. 514 00:22:07,454 --> 00:22:09,256 Shut up. I want everyone to go long. 515 00:22:09,323 --> 00:22:10,857 Ready? Break! 516 00:22:12,193 --> 00:22:14,727 (Coach) 22! 22! Hike! 517 00:22:14,795 --> 00:22:17,097 [Children yelling] 518 00:22:20,334 --> 00:22:21,534 [Sighing] 519 00:22:23,337 --> 00:22:24,604 Keep goin'! 520 00:22:24,671 --> 00:22:26,339 All the way to the lake! 37364

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