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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,054 --> 00:00:09,357 Is that Dan rather's real hair? 2 00:00:09,425 --> 00:00:11,476 Because it looks great. 3 00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,244 [T.V. Playing] 4 00:00:13,312 --> 00:00:14,645 Doug? Hmm? 5 00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:18,349 [Yawning] 6 00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:21,352 [Sighing] 7 00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:23,821 I'm wiped. I am going up. 8 00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:24,989 Ok. Good night. 9 00:00:25,057 --> 00:00:27,225 Ow! You shocked me. 10 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:28,693 Ok, I've been shocked before. 11 00:00:28,761 --> 00:00:30,061 It doesn't hurt that much. 12 00:00:30,129 --> 00:00:31,529 Take her down a notch. 13 00:00:32,331 --> 00:00:33,565 [Groaning] 14 00:00:49,565 --> 00:00:50,798 Ow! 15 00:00:50,866 --> 00:00:52,767 What a bastard! Why'd you do that? 16 00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:53,968 I don't know. For kicks. 17 00:00:54,036 --> 00:00:55,403 Oh, all right. It's on. 18 00:00:55,471 --> 00:00:57,205 Oh, yeah? You wanna bring it? Come on. 19 00:00:57,273 --> 00:00:58,906 You got nothin'. I got big feet. 20 00:00:58,974 --> 00:01:00,341 What's up? What's up? 21 00:01:00,409 --> 00:01:01,676 Yeah, yeah. 22 00:01:01,743 --> 00:01:04,045 [Both mimicking kung fu grunting] 23 00:01:06,949 --> 00:01:08,716 Oh yeah, come on, come on. 24 00:01:08,784 --> 00:01:10,318 Come on, come on, come on. 25 00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:12,420 [Both] Yow! 26 00:01:15,324 --> 00:01:17,742 Good night. Good night. 27 00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:20,228 ♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪ 28 00:01:20,296 --> 00:01:23,314 ♪ my back is gettin' tight 29 00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:25,499 ♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ 30 00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:28,452 ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ 31 00:01:28,470 --> 00:01:33,591 ♪ but I don't care, 'cause all I want to do ♪ 32 00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:37,295 ♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ 33 00:01:39,381 --> 00:01:41,032 ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life 34 00:01:41,099 --> 00:01:44,068 ♪ I will be drivin' home to you ♪ 35 00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:53,042 (Carrie) Thanks for dinner, kel'. 36 00:01:53,110 --> 00:01:54,410 (Deacon) Yeah, it was great, baby. 37 00:01:54,478 --> 00:01:56,095 Here, I'll help you, sweetie. 38 00:01:56,163 --> 00:01:58,097 So, Kirby. 39 00:01:58,165 --> 00:01:59,899 Word on the street is that you're havin' 40 00:01:59,967 --> 00:02:00,967 a birthday next week. 41 00:02:01,035 --> 00:02:03,036 How old you gonna be? What? 40? 41? 42 00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:04,104 6. 43 00:02:04,172 --> 00:02:05,438 6? Wow! 44 00:02:05,506 --> 00:02:07,273 You know what else I heard on the street? 45 00:02:07,341 --> 00:02:08,942 That Carrie and I might be gettin' you 46 00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:10,376 the best birthday gift ever. 47 00:02:10,444 --> 00:02:11,495 What is it? 48 00:02:11,562 --> 00:02:14,431 Ah, I could tell you, but then I gotta kill you. 49 00:02:14,499 --> 00:02:15,882 You're gonna kill me? 50 00:02:18,018 --> 00:02:19,085 No, no, no. 51 00:02:19,153 --> 00:02:21,954 No, it was just a joke, Kirby. It was a joke. 52 00:02:22,022 --> 00:02:23,923 Look--look, Spence will be here any minute. 53 00:02:23,991 --> 00:02:25,559 Why don't you go get some toys ready 54 00:02:25,626 --> 00:02:27,227 for you guys to play with tonight, ok? 55 00:02:27,295 --> 00:02:28,695 Ok. All right. 56 00:02:28,762 --> 00:02:29,862 I'm not gonna kill you. 57 00:02:29,930 --> 00:02:31,565 Would you leave it alone? I will. 58 00:02:31,632 --> 00:02:32,899 I'm just not gonna kill him, 59 00:02:32,966 --> 00:02:34,100 and I want him to know it. 60 00:02:34,168 --> 00:02:35,669 Hey, you guys, um, 61 00:02:35,736 --> 00:02:37,304 Kelly and I were thinking, 62 00:02:37,371 --> 00:02:38,971 instead of going to the movies 63 00:02:39,039 --> 00:02:40,207 like we always do, 64 00:02:40,274 --> 00:02:43,076 how about we go salsa dancing? 65 00:02:48,482 --> 00:02:50,467 What' re you tryin' to prove? 66 00:02:50,535 --> 00:02:51,635 I told you, Kelly! 67 00:02:51,702 --> 00:02:53,169 [Doorbell ringing] 68 00:02:53,237 --> 00:02:55,538 Let's get goin'. Spence is here. 69 00:02:57,174 --> 00:02:58,508 Hello. Hey. 70 00:02:58,575 --> 00:03:00,476 The baby-sitter's on the clock! 71 00:03:00,544 --> 00:03:01,878 Ka-kung! 72 00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:03,847 The spencinator's here! 73 00:03:03,914 --> 00:03:05,248 (Spence) Oh, there he is! 74 00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,751 Ok, now that the spencinator has come to our rescue, 75 00:03:07,818 --> 00:03:08,918 let's get going. 76 00:03:08,986 --> 00:03:10,020 Bye, Kirby. Be good. 77 00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:11,087 Hey, car', drive with me 78 00:03:11,155 --> 00:03:12,288 so we can keep talking. 79 00:03:12,356 --> 00:03:13,389 Ok. Bye, you guys. 80 00:03:13,457 --> 00:03:15,091 He's your babysitter? 81 00:03:15,159 --> 00:03:16,893 You couldn't get a hot 16-year-old girl, 82 00:03:16,961 --> 00:03:18,028 like normal people? 83 00:03:18,095 --> 00:03:19,729 No. 84 00:03:19,797 --> 00:03:21,531 Spence and Kirby really like each other. 85 00:03:21,598 --> 00:03:23,066 Oh, really? That's great. 86 00:03:23,134 --> 00:03:24,433 2 words: Nanny cam. 87 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,660 They still behind us? 88 00:03:33,728 --> 00:03:35,061 Yep. 89 00:03:36,514 --> 00:03:39,516 Our wives have very different-sized heads. 90 00:03:40,951 --> 00:03:43,453 Carrie, a little small. 91 00:03:43,521 --> 00:03:45,422 Kelly, a little big. 92 00:03:46,457 --> 00:03:48,491 But they pull it off. 93 00:03:48,559 --> 00:03:50,560 See, now, if they switched heads, see, 94 00:03:50,627 --> 00:03:51,894 that wouldn't work at all. 95 00:03:51,962 --> 00:03:53,129 Yeah. 96 00:03:54,398 --> 00:03:56,566 But if they did switch heads, 97 00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:59,102 who would you go home with? 98 00:04:01,004 --> 00:04:03,106 I think you go with the head. 99 00:04:03,174 --> 00:04:04,207 Hmm. 100 00:04:04,275 --> 00:04:05,275 Yeah. 101 00:04:08,412 --> 00:04:09,979 Oh, hey, you know what's comin' up? 102 00:04:10,047 --> 00:04:12,348 That strip club. The coconut tiger. 103 00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:13,516 Oh, yeah? 104 00:04:13,584 --> 00:04:15,351 Yeah, it's actually kind of near my route, 105 00:04:15,419 --> 00:04:17,487 so every afternoon, I go a little out of my way 106 00:04:17,555 --> 00:04:18,555 to drive by. 107 00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:19,922 See, when the door is open, 108 00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,708 you can catch a little somethin'-somethin'. 109 00:04:21,775 --> 00:04:23,843 Huh. Informative. 110 00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:28,147 Oh, and there it is. 111 00:04:28,215 --> 00:04:29,549 The door is open. 112 00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:30,851 Mmm-hmm. 113 00:04:31,835 --> 00:04:33,236 Whoa. Huh? 114 00:04:33,304 --> 00:04:34,637 [Crashing] 115 00:04:35,322 --> 00:04:36,856 What the hell? 116 00:04:42,429 --> 00:04:43,930 Hit best friend's car. 117 00:04:43,998 --> 00:04:45,398 Can't look right at them. 118 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:47,633 Everybody ok? 119 00:04:47,702 --> 00:04:48,935 Yeah, we're fine. 120 00:04:49,003 --> 00:04:50,770 Nice going, Doug. What happened? 121 00:04:50,838 --> 00:04:52,638 Sorry. It's just I was, uh... 122 00:04:53,674 --> 00:04:55,608 I was, uh, reaching for a fig Newton, 123 00:04:55,676 --> 00:04:57,643 and I took my eyes off the road for a second, 124 00:04:57,712 --> 00:04:59,278 a fig Newton? That's all. 125 00:04:59,346 --> 00:05:01,981 You had half a cheesecake at Deacon and Kelly's 126 00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:03,416 not 15 minutes ago. 127 00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:05,852 Yeah. 15 minutes ago. 128 00:05:07,088 --> 00:05:08,387 It's not so bad. 129 00:05:08,455 --> 00:05:10,423 It's just a busted taillight and a little dent. 130 00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:11,657 Yeah, you know what? 131 00:05:11,726 --> 00:05:12,726 And our car looks fine. 132 00:05:12,793 --> 00:05:14,194 Don't worry, guys. 133 00:05:14,261 --> 00:05:15,528 We'll pay for the damage. Yeah, totally. 134 00:05:15,596 --> 00:05:17,563 It's no biggie. It's cool. 135 00:05:17,631 --> 00:05:20,199 [Winding camera] 136 00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:21,851 What you got there, kel'? What is that? 137 00:05:21,919 --> 00:05:23,053 A camera? 138 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,206 Oh, this? My dad always said to take a... 139 00:05:26,274 --> 00:05:28,208 You know, whenever there is an accident. 140 00:05:28,276 --> 00:05:29,776 Wow, that came up pretty fast. 141 00:05:29,843 --> 00:05:31,111 What, you got that thing 142 00:05:31,178 --> 00:05:33,380 strapped to your leg, or something? 143 00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:35,282 Hey, while--while the camera's out, um, 144 00:05:35,349 --> 00:05:36,950 how about one with me and Doug? 145 00:05:37,018 --> 00:05:39,419 Ok. Here, uh, whoops. 146 00:05:39,486 --> 00:05:40,803 That's hilarious. 147 00:05:40,871 --> 00:05:41,837 Yeah. 148 00:05:41,905 --> 00:05:43,439 [All chuckling] 149 00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,244 Well, if we still want to make that movie, 150 00:05:48,312 --> 00:05:49,846 we should-- we should just get going. 151 00:05:49,913 --> 00:05:51,348 Yeah. I hate it when we're late. 152 00:05:51,415 --> 00:05:53,183 You don't want to be late to the movies. 153 00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,385 You're late, you never get to your seat on time. 154 00:05:55,453 --> 00:05:58,154 There's a guy in front of you, he's wearing a hat, and... 155 00:05:58,222 --> 00:05:59,739 Pfft. I'm tired. 156 00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:07,163 Oh. Oh. 157 00:06:07,231 --> 00:06:10,200 No one's ever beaten the spencinator, 158 00:06:11,068 --> 00:06:12,902 and they still haven't. Ha! 159 00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:15,005 Spencinator, are you 160 00:06:15,072 --> 00:06:16,906 the strongest man in the world? 161 00:06:16,974 --> 00:06:19,709 Well, the world's a pretty big place, 162 00:06:19,776 --> 00:06:21,378 but maybe. 163 00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:22,612 I'm hungry. 164 00:06:22,679 --> 00:06:24,214 What do you want to eat, little man? 165 00:06:24,281 --> 00:06:25,681 Peanut butter and jelly. 166 00:06:25,749 --> 00:06:26,983 Oh, well, ok, I'm sorry. 167 00:06:27,051 --> 00:06:29,452 I can't make that because I'm allergic to peanuts, 168 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,553 but, uh, how about 169 00:06:30,621 --> 00:06:32,355 a nice grilled cheese sandwich instead? 170 00:06:32,423 --> 00:06:33,956 What's allergic? 171 00:06:34,025 --> 00:06:35,591 Aller-allergic? 172 00:06:35,659 --> 00:06:36,959 Well, uh, that means that 173 00:06:37,028 --> 00:06:40,430 if--if I so much as touch a peanut, or peanut butter, 174 00:06:40,498 --> 00:06:43,033 or anything that even has little bits of peanuts in it, 175 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,701 my body says, "I don't like this." 176 00:06:45,769 --> 00:06:48,071 And then my throat gets really small. 177 00:06:48,139 --> 00:06:49,472 My head gets really big. 178 00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:51,341 Let me see. 179 00:06:51,409 --> 00:06:53,510 Well, that's not gonna happen, pal. 180 00:06:53,577 --> 00:06:54,911 But what's the verdict 181 00:06:54,978 --> 00:06:56,546 on that grilled cheese sandwich, huh? 182 00:06:56,613 --> 00:06:57,613 Yay or nay? 183 00:06:57,681 --> 00:06:58,948 You're scared of peanuts. 184 00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:01,651 Ok, I'm not scared of peanuts, I'm just allergic. 185 00:07:01,718 --> 00:07:04,587 You're scared of peanuts. You're scared of peanuts. No, I'm not. 186 00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,988 You're scared of peanuts. 187 00:07:06,057 --> 00:07:07,190 Ok, stop it. 188 00:07:12,496 --> 00:07:14,530 Ahh. Whew. 189 00:07:14,598 --> 00:07:16,365 How great is a booth? 190 00:07:16,433 --> 00:07:19,034 I mean, tables are fine, but a booth 191 00:07:19,103 --> 00:07:21,471 is like a vacation for your ass. 192 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:27,510 So, this is nice. 193 00:07:27,578 --> 00:07:29,912 2 nights in one week with you guys. 194 00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:31,880 Yeah, and tonight, we didn't even ram you. 195 00:07:31,948 --> 00:07:33,116 [All laughing] 196 00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:35,118 Well, there's always the drive home. 197 00:07:37,187 --> 00:07:39,122 You know, speaking of ramming us, 198 00:07:39,189 --> 00:07:41,324 uh, we brought the quote for the work on the car 199 00:07:41,391 --> 00:07:43,092 so you can give it to your insurance guy. 200 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,893 Oh, good, good, although we weren't gonna 201 00:07:44,961 --> 00:07:46,128 go through our insurance. 202 00:07:46,196 --> 00:07:47,146 Oh, really? 203 00:07:47,214 --> 00:07:48,631 No, I have so many violations, 204 00:07:48,699 --> 00:07:50,633 if we make another claim, they might drop us. 205 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:51,934 But the good news is, 206 00:07:52,002 --> 00:07:54,503 now we have a free pop at a stranger's car. 207 00:07:54,571 --> 00:07:55,772 Hi, road rage. 208 00:07:55,839 --> 00:07:57,339 Welcome back, old friend. 209 00:07:57,407 --> 00:07:58,540 [All laughing] 210 00:07:59,777 --> 00:08:00,910 Wow. 211 00:08:00,978 --> 00:08:02,979 What can I get for you folks? 212 00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:06,482 You happen to have $1,181 I could borrow? 213 00:08:06,549 --> 00:08:07,917 Sweet mama. 214 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:10,987 We're gonna need a few minutes. 215 00:08:11,054 --> 00:08:12,388 Sure. 216 00:08:12,455 --> 00:08:15,724 Look, I know it's a little more than we thought, but, um, 217 00:08:15,793 --> 00:08:17,860 it turns out the bumper was pretty screwed up, 218 00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:19,662 an-and underneath, near the axle, see, 219 00:08:19,729 --> 00:08:21,097 there was this other thing. 220 00:08:21,165 --> 00:08:22,965 It's all right there, see? Signed by Rory. 221 00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:25,168 So, you got this quote from the dealership, huh? 222 00:08:25,235 --> 00:08:26,635 Uh, yeah. Mmm-hmm. 223 00:08:26,703 --> 00:08:29,038 Just so you know, they always charge more at the dealership. 224 00:08:29,106 --> 00:08:30,773 You know, you're paying for the frills, 225 00:08:30,841 --> 00:08:32,574 the coffee and the doughnuts and whatnot. 226 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:33,676 It's like, you know what? 227 00:08:33,743 --> 00:08:35,344 I'll bring my own coffee, thank you. 228 00:08:35,412 --> 00:08:37,780 Just don't charge me up the wazoo. Exactly. Exactly. 229 00:08:37,848 --> 00:08:39,182 But, you know, whatever. 230 00:08:39,249 --> 00:08:41,150 Well, it's just that we've used them before, 231 00:08:41,218 --> 00:08:42,885 and they do really good work, you know? 232 00:08:42,953 --> 00:08:44,854 Uh, you know who else does a really good job 233 00:08:44,922 --> 00:08:46,422 is our guy over at I.P.S., Eddie, 234 00:08:46,489 --> 00:08:48,524 and I bet you he'd charge, like, half of this. 235 00:08:48,591 --> 00:08:49,926 Yeah. 236 00:08:49,993 --> 00:08:52,328 The--the thing is, the dealership is authorized. 237 00:08:52,395 --> 00:08:53,896 Oh, no, it's cool. It's cool. 238 00:08:53,964 --> 00:08:55,431 I mean, we do drive on Eddie's work 239 00:08:55,498 --> 00:08:56,532 every day of our lives, 240 00:08:56,599 --> 00:08:58,201 but, you know, if he's not authorized, 241 00:08:58,268 --> 00:09:00,002 he's not authorized. 242 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:01,603 Whatever that means. 243 00:09:03,357 --> 00:09:06,192 Yeah, but, the thing is, uh, our kids ride in that car, 244 00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:08,661 so we really want the work done right. 245 00:09:08,729 --> 00:09:10,463 Yeah, the kids, right. 246 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:13,099 That's some precious cargo right there. 247 00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:16,502 Well, you could always go through insurance. 248 00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:18,437 Like we said, no can do. 249 00:09:18,505 --> 00:09:19,672 Right. 250 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,307 Right. 251 00:09:21,374 --> 00:09:22,875 So, uh, Eddie, nothin'? 252 00:09:22,943 --> 00:09:24,844 Oh, no. No. 253 00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,095 No. 254 00:09:26,162 --> 00:09:27,463 It's all good. It's all good. 255 00:09:27,531 --> 00:09:28,831 Yeah. Yeah. You know what? 256 00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:31,200 We'll just, uh, we'll just write a check. 257 00:09:31,935 --> 00:09:33,035 Old checky. 258 00:09:35,272 --> 00:09:36,572 [Groaning] 259 00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:42,144 [Squeaking] 260 00:09:45,616 --> 00:09:46,949 [Sighing] 261 00:09:47,017 --> 00:09:48,518 [Clicking tongue] 262 00:09:51,121 --> 00:09:52,922 [Doug and Deacon chuckling] 263 00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:58,311 [Clearing throat] 264 00:10:01,782 --> 00:10:03,082 R-r-rip. 265 00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:05,518 [All laughing] 266 00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:08,487 Oh, you went for the dolphins on your check. 267 00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:09,622 Oh. 268 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:10,857 What? 269 00:10:10,925 --> 00:10:13,359 W-well, actually, it's $1,181. 270 00:10:13,427 --> 00:10:14,427 What'd I write? 271 00:10:14,494 --> 00:10:15,594 Oh, you wrote $1,118. 272 00:10:15,662 --> 00:10:17,212 But you know what? I-it's no big deal. 273 00:10:17,281 --> 00:10:19,014 No, no, no, no. That's fine, you know. 274 00:10:19,082 --> 00:10:20,383 We'll just write out another check. 275 00:10:20,451 --> 00:10:21,767 No problem. It's cool. It's cool. 276 00:10:21,835 --> 00:10:23,369 [Clearing throat] 277 00:10:29,442 --> 00:10:30,442 Hmm. 278 00:10:36,349 --> 00:10:38,250 Think I'm getting onion rings. 279 00:10:49,478 --> 00:10:51,445 Well, that was a creepy little dinner 280 00:10:51,513 --> 00:10:53,514 we had with our "best friends." 281 00:10:53,582 --> 00:10:55,250 You really learn something about people 282 00:10:55,317 --> 00:10:57,752 when you plow into their car. 283 00:10:57,820 --> 00:11:00,771 They had to go to the dealership. 284 00:11:00,839 --> 00:11:03,040 [Mimicking kelly] "Our kids ride in that car." 285 00:11:03,108 --> 00:11:05,376 Like all of a sudden she's "mother of the year." 286 00:11:05,444 --> 00:11:08,246 Meanwhile, she leaves her kids with Spence. Ok. 287 00:11:08,314 --> 00:11:09,947 And she left 'em with us once. 288 00:11:10,015 --> 00:11:12,917 You know, it's like, "hello, social services." 289 00:11:12,984 --> 00:11:14,219 And another thing, 290 00:11:14,286 --> 00:11:16,187 we give 'em a $1,200 check, 291 00:11:16,255 --> 00:11:17,422 and when the bill comes, 292 00:11:17,489 --> 00:11:20,091 Deacon, who had a soup, and a Margarita, 293 00:11:20,158 --> 00:11:21,926 and the sizzling entree, 294 00:11:21,993 --> 00:11:24,696 says, "hey, let's split it." 295 00:11:24,763 --> 00:11:25,796 Split it? 296 00:11:25,864 --> 00:11:27,064 Total gyp! 297 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,601 Here's the deal, honey. 298 00:11:29,668 --> 00:11:31,369 You know, the next time we go out with them, 299 00:11:31,437 --> 00:11:32,803 I am removing all your limits. 300 00:11:32,871 --> 00:11:34,505 You eat until they have to cut you out 301 00:11:34,573 --> 00:11:36,140 of the restaurant. 302 00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:38,309 Start fittin' me for a piano box. 303 00:11:39,745 --> 00:11:41,512 This is so typical. 304 00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:44,282 You remember, a few weeks ago I lent Kelly that scarf? 305 00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:46,984 She never gave it back. 306 00:11:47,052 --> 00:11:49,254 I mean, it was ugly, but still-- 307 00:11:49,321 --> 00:11:51,789 whoa, wait a second. Didn't I give you that scarf? 308 00:11:53,992 --> 00:11:55,860 This isn't about me. 309 00:11:59,982 --> 00:12:01,282 What is up with those 2? 310 00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:02,717 It's unbelievable. 311 00:12:02,785 --> 00:12:04,786 We do them a favor by not going through insurance, 312 00:12:04,853 --> 00:12:07,221 and they make it out like we're the bad guys, here? 313 00:12:07,289 --> 00:12:09,523 And did you see that look on his face when I said: 314 00:12:09,591 --> 00:12:10,892 "Let's split the bill"? 315 00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:12,359 Like we haven't been on the losing end 316 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:14,461 of that one for 7 years. 317 00:12:14,529 --> 00:12:16,830 And look at this check. Dolphins? 318 00:12:16,898 --> 00:12:18,932 Like she gives 2 craps about nature. 319 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,968 Yeah, well, those dolphins are about to swim 320 00:12:21,036 --> 00:12:22,670 right into our a.T.M. Machine. 321 00:12:22,737 --> 00:12:24,772 That's right. Give it up. 322 00:12:27,609 --> 00:12:30,011 (Spence) Kirby, I'm not gonna go through this again 323 00:12:30,013 --> 00:12:31,245 with you tonight. 324 00:12:31,846 --> 00:12:33,814 Oh, ok. 325 00:12:33,882 --> 00:12:35,583 Kirby, it's time to brush your teeth 326 00:12:35,651 --> 00:12:36,750 and go to bed. 327 00:12:36,818 --> 00:12:39,187 No. I'm eating peanuts, and you can't stop me. 328 00:12:39,254 --> 00:12:40,288 Ok, come on. 329 00:12:40,355 --> 00:12:41,556 No. 330 00:12:41,623 --> 00:12:44,392 Kirby, hey! That's not-- Kirby, that's not funny. 331 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,994 Kirby, there's peanut dust in the air now, all right? 332 00:12:47,062 --> 00:12:48,496 Kirb--Kirby, stop. 333 00:12:48,564 --> 00:12:51,365 Kirby, the spencinator commands you stop. 334 00:12:51,433 --> 00:12:54,168 You're not the spencinator, you're the scaredinator. 335 00:12:54,236 --> 00:12:56,237 The scare-- oh, there is so no such thing. 336 00:12:56,305 --> 00:12:57,905 Is too. Is not. 337 00:12:57,972 --> 00:12:58,856 Scaredinator. 338 00:12:58,923 --> 00:12:59,923 I'm not the scaredinator. 339 00:12:59,992 --> 00:13:01,658 Eat a peanut. 340 00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:06,830 I can't. 341 00:13:06,898 --> 00:13:08,332 Then you're not the spencinator, 342 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,202 and I don't want you to come here anymore. 343 00:13:11,769 --> 00:13:13,104 All right. 344 00:13:14,973 --> 00:13:16,273 [Sighing] 345 00:13:16,941 --> 00:13:18,609 Kirby, 346 00:13:20,012 --> 00:13:22,313 I'm gonna level with you, ok? 347 00:13:24,699 --> 00:13:26,267 I live a small life. 348 00:13:27,069 --> 00:13:28,719 I work in the subway. 349 00:13:28,787 --> 00:13:31,239 I've been held up at 17 gunpoint times, 350 00:13:32,691 --> 00:13:34,792 and--and twice with a finger. 351 00:13:37,445 --> 00:13:38,879 Ok, I don't have a lot of friends, 352 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,681 and the ones that I do have, 353 00:13:40,749 --> 00:13:44,168 make sport of my many deficiencies. 354 00:13:44,236 --> 00:13:49,140 Most prominently, my unusually wide hips. 355 00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:52,393 So, when you started thinking that I was a superhero, 356 00:13:52,461 --> 00:13:54,963 you know, it--it meant a lot to me. 357 00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:56,998 And--and I just... 358 00:13:57,065 --> 00:13:58,699 What I'm trying to say is, 359 00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:00,668 I need to be the spencinator 360 00:14:00,736 --> 00:14:03,537 as badly as you need me to be the spencinator. 361 00:14:03,605 --> 00:14:05,305 So, let's not let a little thing 362 00:14:05,373 --> 00:14:07,341 like a peanut, ruin that, huh? 363 00:14:07,408 --> 00:14:08,843 You with me, kiddo? 364 00:14:10,812 --> 00:14:12,347 Scaredinator. 365 00:14:22,274 --> 00:14:24,007 Hey, baby. 366 00:14:24,075 --> 00:14:25,476 I'm running a little late, here. 367 00:14:25,544 --> 00:14:27,878 Oh, and f.Y.I., I used your toothbrush by mistake. 368 00:14:27,946 --> 00:14:30,047 Ooh. 369 00:14:30,115 --> 00:14:32,116 Who you oohing about? We're married. 370 00:14:32,184 --> 00:14:33,351 Then why'd you say anything? 371 00:14:33,418 --> 00:14:35,937 You must have thought you did something wrong. 372 00:14:36,004 --> 00:14:38,172 No. I just thought you had a right to know. 373 00:14:38,239 --> 00:14:40,524 So sorry my mouth repulses you. 374 00:14:42,844 --> 00:14:44,995 Well, it does. 375 00:14:45,063 --> 00:14:46,881 You want some breakfast, or something? 376 00:14:46,949 --> 00:14:48,765 You know what, I'm just gonna grab a pop-tart 377 00:14:48,833 --> 00:14:49,866 and eat it in the car. 378 00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:51,302 Ah! Ah! No, no, no. 379 00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:53,471 Last time you ate in the car, you cost us $1,200. 380 00:14:53,539 --> 00:14:56,273 Also known as half our bank account. 381 00:14:56,341 --> 00:14:58,242 Remember your little fig Newton? 382 00:14:58,310 --> 00:14:59,477 Oh, yeah. 383 00:14:59,545 --> 00:15:01,011 Yeah, I got news for you, Jackson. 384 00:15:01,079 --> 00:15:03,815 You are banned from eating in any car, ever, for life. 385 00:15:03,882 --> 00:15:05,700 Ok, you know what? You can't ban me. 386 00:15:05,767 --> 00:15:07,501 I'll just grab another one and that's-- 387 00:15:07,569 --> 00:15:09,437 all right, give--give me the pop-tart. 388 00:15:10,205 --> 00:15:11,806 No. I'm serious, Doug. 389 00:15:11,873 --> 00:15:13,641 You're done. That's it. 390 00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:21,215 Ok. Here's the thing. 391 00:15:21,282 --> 00:15:24,418 I wasn't actually reaching for a fig Newton 392 00:15:24,486 --> 00:15:26,454 when we had the accident. 393 00:15:26,521 --> 00:15:28,823 I was-- I was trying to get a look at a strip club, 394 00:15:28,890 --> 00:15:32,143 so let's not blame an innocent fig Newton. 395 00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:35,212 A strip club? What can you possibly see from the street? 396 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,882 It just so happens that I saw a nipple, ok? 397 00:15:40,152 --> 00:15:42,253 Actually, it--it might have been a light switch 398 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,487 or a thing on a guy's neck, 399 00:15:43,554 --> 00:15:47,024 but I'd like to think it was a nipple. 400 00:15:47,092 --> 00:15:51,028 So you smashed our car and mortgaged our future 401 00:15:51,096 --> 00:15:52,496 just to see a light switch 402 00:15:52,563 --> 00:15:54,464 that kind of looked like a nipple? 403 00:15:54,532 --> 00:15:56,533 Deacon told me to look, so I looked, ok? 404 00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:57,668 Wait. Wait a minute. 405 00:15:57,735 --> 00:15:59,336 Deacon--Deacon told you to look? 406 00:15:59,404 --> 00:16:00,204 Pretty much, yeah. 407 00:16:00,272 --> 00:16:02,106 Well, that's an interesting little tidbit. 408 00:16:02,174 --> 00:16:03,907 How come you didn't tell me that before? 409 00:16:03,976 --> 00:16:05,826 'Cause I didn't want a pop-tart before. 410 00:16:09,064 --> 00:16:10,831 What difference does it make anyway? 411 00:16:10,899 --> 00:16:12,049 It makes a big difference. 412 00:16:12,117 --> 00:16:14,218 It means the accident wasn't all your fault. 413 00:16:14,286 --> 00:16:15,486 Carrie, I was still driving. 414 00:16:15,554 --> 00:16:17,288 Are you familiar with the law, Doug? 415 00:16:17,356 --> 00:16:19,390 Only what I've learned from judge mills Lane. 416 00:16:19,457 --> 00:16:21,225 Well, I happen to be a secretary 417 00:16:21,293 --> 00:16:22,759 at a major law firm, 418 00:16:22,827 --> 00:16:24,428 and d'you know what that means? 419 00:16:24,496 --> 00:16:26,763 Deacon made you look, so he's at fault, too. 420 00:16:26,831 --> 00:16:28,232 It's called chain of causation, 421 00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,734 and it is a legal fact. 422 00:16:30,802 --> 00:16:32,420 Chain of causation. 423 00:16:32,487 --> 00:16:33,787 Huh. 424 00:16:33,789 --> 00:16:34,971 So do you think it's fair 425 00:16:35,039 --> 00:16:36,657 that we pay for the whole thing? 426 00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:38,909 No, I do not, and I will talk to my friend Deacon 427 00:16:38,977 --> 00:16:40,478 when I get to work. 428 00:16:40,545 --> 00:16:43,347 Now give me the pop-tart before I eat my own hand. 429 00:16:49,337 --> 00:16:50,404 Hey, man. 430 00:16:50,471 --> 00:16:52,006 Hey. I-I'm a little short here. 431 00:16:52,073 --> 00:16:53,440 You got a quarter on you? 432 00:16:58,379 --> 00:16:59,446 Thanks. 433 00:16:59,514 --> 00:17:00,881 So did you get the car fixed yet? 434 00:17:00,949 --> 00:17:02,783 Uh, it's in the shop right now. 435 00:17:02,851 --> 00:17:05,252 Ah, great. Great. 436 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,172 I know, it's crazy, that accident. 437 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:09,773 [In Spanish accent] El accidente. 438 00:17:11,309 --> 00:17:13,310 Crazy how the whole thing happened. Isn't it? 439 00:17:13,378 --> 00:17:14,578 I guess. 440 00:17:14,646 --> 00:17:15,979 I mean, there I am driving along, 441 00:17:16,048 --> 00:17:17,781 eyes on the road, hands 10 and 2, you know, 442 00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:19,783 you tell me to look over at that strip club, 443 00:17:19,851 --> 00:17:21,785 so I look over, and... 444 00:17:21,853 --> 00:17:23,454 Actually, 445 00:17:23,522 --> 00:17:26,457 it's almost like because you told me to look over, 446 00:17:26,525 --> 00:17:28,692 you're kind of partially to blame here. 447 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,761 That's kind of nutty, huh? 448 00:17:30,828 --> 00:17:33,264 I'm not partially to blame. I never told you to look. 449 00:17:33,331 --> 00:17:34,998 Well, you yelled, "whoa." 450 00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:36,500 Whoa is the same as "hey, look," 451 00:17:36,568 --> 00:17:39,036 especially when it comes to boobies. 452 00:17:39,104 --> 00:17:41,072 I didn't yell, "whoa." I said it to myself. 453 00:17:41,139 --> 00:17:42,873 Nah. No, you said it like, "whoa!" 454 00:17:42,941 --> 00:17:44,775 It wasn't "whoa!" It was more like: 455 00:17:44,842 --> 00:17:46,910 Whoa. 456 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:48,879 Whatever. The point is the whoa was clearly 457 00:17:48,947 --> 00:17:50,013 to attract my attention. 458 00:17:50,082 --> 00:17:51,515 You're out of your mind, man. 459 00:17:51,583 --> 00:17:53,584 Maybe, but you know what it sounds like to me? 460 00:17:53,651 --> 00:17:57,121 It sounds like a textbook case of chain of causation. 461 00:17:59,191 --> 00:18:01,058 Chain of causation. 462 00:18:01,126 --> 00:18:03,094 What is that, a legal term, Doug? 463 00:18:03,161 --> 00:18:04,595 That's what it is, yeah. 464 00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:06,763 What does it mean? 465 00:18:06,831 --> 00:18:08,031 Well, what it means, 466 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,068 is that you're the link in the chain 467 00:18:11,136 --> 00:18:13,737 that caused me to take my eyes off the road. 468 00:18:13,805 --> 00:18:16,273 Chain of causation. 469 00:18:16,841 --> 00:18:18,109 Right. 470 00:18:18,176 --> 00:18:20,111 So what are you gonna do? Sue me? 471 00:18:20,178 --> 00:18:21,845 Well, I don't think it'll come to that. 472 00:18:21,913 --> 00:18:22,980 Good. 473 00:18:23,047 --> 00:18:24,815 Because... 474 00:18:24,882 --> 00:18:28,719 I don't, uh, think you would want Kelly to find out 475 00:18:28,786 --> 00:18:30,687 that you go out of your way every day 476 00:18:30,755 --> 00:18:33,224 to drive by and look inside a strip club. 477 00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:35,226 [Chuckling] 478 00:18:35,293 --> 00:18:37,328 You know my marriage is still a little shaky, 479 00:18:37,395 --> 00:18:38,596 and you would mess with that 480 00:18:38,663 --> 00:18:40,231 just to collect a few dollars 481 00:18:40,298 --> 00:18:41,999 for an accident that you caused? 482 00:18:42,066 --> 00:18:43,667 Is that what you want to do, Doug? 483 00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:45,769 Is that how much you want to hurt me? 484 00:18:47,839 --> 00:18:48,905 No. 485 00:18:51,242 --> 00:18:52,276 Hey, honey. 486 00:18:52,343 --> 00:18:54,728 Hey, so how'd it go with Deacon? 487 00:18:54,796 --> 00:18:56,079 I tried. I got nothin'. 488 00:18:56,147 --> 00:18:58,582 Well, did--did you bring up the chain of causation? 489 00:18:58,650 --> 00:19:00,017 Yeah. He didn't go for it. 490 00:19:00,084 --> 00:19:01,752 Huh. 491 00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:04,054 Actually, I, um, I talked to one of the lawyers 492 00:19:04,122 --> 00:19:05,122 at work today, 493 00:19:05,189 --> 00:19:06,857 and it turns out that I, uh, 494 00:19:06,925 --> 00:19:08,458 I got it pretty wrong. Mmm. 495 00:19:09,677 --> 00:19:11,345 Ok, well, we tried. 496 00:19:11,413 --> 00:19:13,480 Damn it. 497 00:19:13,548 --> 00:19:17,051 You know what I bet you they're doin' right now? 498 00:19:17,118 --> 00:19:19,286 They're sittin' there 499 00:19:19,354 --> 00:19:21,255 with their fixed car and safe kids, 500 00:19:21,323 --> 00:19:23,757 wearing my scarf, just laughing at us. 501 00:19:26,093 --> 00:19:28,846 Well, their little party's about to end. 502 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,584 [Doorbell rings] 503 00:19:33,652 --> 00:19:36,053 Hi. Remember that scarf I lent you? 504 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,155 I'm gonna need it back. Thanks. 505 00:19:40,458 --> 00:19:42,760 Oh, I--I meant to give that to you. 506 00:19:42,827 --> 00:19:43,861 Ok. 507 00:19:45,263 --> 00:19:47,364 Here. I had it dry-cleaned. 508 00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:50,734 Oh, did you? 509 00:19:50,802 --> 00:19:52,670 That was very sweet. Thank you. 510 00:19:55,791 --> 00:19:56,941 Ok, Kirby. 511 00:19:57,008 --> 00:19:58,108 What's Kirby-ish? 512 00:19:58,176 --> 00:20:00,444 I'm Kirby. I'm turnin' 6. What do I want? 513 00:20:00,511 --> 00:20:01,946 Here. Get him this. He'll love it. 514 00:20:02,013 --> 00:20:03,280 Ok. That's a pricing gun. 515 00:20:03,347 --> 00:20:04,748 Well, honey, I don't know. 516 00:20:04,816 --> 00:20:06,884 Just pick something. I want to get out of here. 517 00:20:06,952 --> 00:20:08,586 Well, we gotta get him something nice. 518 00:20:08,653 --> 00:20:10,287 I told him we'd get him something nice. 519 00:20:10,354 --> 00:20:11,354 Well, I'm sorry. 520 00:20:11,422 --> 00:20:12,823 It's hard to pick out a great gift 521 00:20:12,891 --> 00:20:14,658 for a kid whose parents bitch-slapped you 522 00:20:14,726 --> 00:20:16,393 out of everything you have in checking. 523 00:20:16,461 --> 00:20:18,696 Well, we probably shouldn't take it out on Kirby. 524 00:20:18,763 --> 00:20:20,080 He didn't do anything to us. 525 00:20:20,147 --> 00:20:21,615 He's their evil spawn. 526 00:20:21,683 --> 00:20:23,801 Ok. 527 00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:25,903 You-you're lookin' a lot like this right now. 528 00:20:25,971 --> 00:20:27,537 That's what I'm gettin' from you, ok? 529 00:20:27,606 --> 00:20:28,973 I'm gettin' this. 530 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,141 Ok? 531 00:20:31,209 --> 00:20:33,543 All right, look, the point is we--we hit their car. 532 00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:35,245 All right, and we paid for the damage. 533 00:20:35,313 --> 00:20:36,547 That's all that really happened. 534 00:20:36,615 --> 00:20:40,634 No. She also dry-cleaned my scarf against my will. 535 00:20:42,269 --> 00:20:43,804 Look. 536 00:20:43,872 --> 00:20:46,106 I have tickets to the knick game this Saturday, 537 00:20:46,173 --> 00:20:48,775 and I really want to go with Deacon. 538 00:20:48,843 --> 00:20:50,176 Actually, Deacon has the tickets. 539 00:20:50,244 --> 00:20:51,879 I just want to go. 540 00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:53,847 The point is, I--I just want to be friends 541 00:20:53,915 --> 00:20:55,582 with them again, don't you? 542 00:20:55,650 --> 00:20:57,518 Yeah, I do. I just-- I just-- 543 00:20:57,585 --> 00:20:59,452 can't get past this. 544 00:20:59,521 --> 00:21:02,122 I-I-it's like losing all your money in Atlantic city. 545 00:21:02,189 --> 00:21:03,456 You know it's not their fault, 546 00:21:03,525 --> 00:21:05,392 but you still want to burn the place down. 547 00:21:05,459 --> 00:21:07,828 Shh. We're not gonna burn anybody down. 548 00:21:09,514 --> 00:21:10,814 Fine. 549 00:21:10,881 --> 00:21:12,683 I'll let it go. 550 00:21:13,401 --> 00:21:14,868 Or not. 551 00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,871 Look what we have here. 552 00:21:30,168 --> 00:21:32,269 I'm glad this whole accident thing 553 00:21:32,337 --> 00:21:33,637 is behind us! 554 00:21:33,705 --> 00:21:35,306 ♪[Kirby continues playing drums] 555 00:21:35,373 --> 00:21:37,140 Love you guys! 556 00:21:37,525 --> 00:21:38,876 What? 557 00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:41,161 Nothin'! 558 00:21:47,468 --> 00:21:49,069 (Operator) 911 operator. What's your emergency? 559 00:21:49,137 --> 00:21:50,971 (Kirby) My babysitter is sick. 560 00:21:51,038 --> 00:21:52,106 His face is big. 561 00:21:52,173 --> 00:21:53,507 He ate a peanut. 562 00:21:53,575 --> 00:21:55,425 (Operator) Okay, honey. Is he breathing? 563 00:21:55,493 --> 00:21:57,094 (Kirby) He's scared of peanuts. 564 00:21:57,161 --> 00:21:58,345 (Operator) I'm sorry. 565 00:21:58,413 --> 00:21:59,914 Did you say, "he's scared of peanuts"? 566 00:21:59,931 --> 00:22:01,398 (Spence) I am not! 567 00:22:01,465 --> 00:22:02,966 (Operator) Can you tell me your address? 568 00:22:03,034 --> 00:22:04,151 (Kirby) I'm almost six. 39238