All language subtitles for The King of Queens - S04E03 - Mean Streak (1080p x265 EDGE2020)-ing

♪ My eyes
are gettin' weary ♪

♪ my back is gettin' tight

♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪

♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪

♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪

♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪

♪ 'cause, baby, all my life

♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪

Hey, big man. How was work?

What's this?

My company newsletter.

I.P. Yes.

You might want to give it
a little gander.

Oh, honey,
do I have to read it now?

Usually I like to draw a bath
and light some candles first.

Right here. Read.

"Queens driver closes in
on record." You?

Read!

"For over 18 years,

"driver iggy stenkowski,
now retired,

"has held what many considered
to be an unbreakable record:

"An astounding 951

consecutive delivery days
without incident."

No breakages, late deliveries,
or customer complaints.

Ah! Ok.

"But apparently, one man is
unintimidated by this record.

"Queens driver Doug hef...

"Fernan...

"Has currently 946
straight incident-free days,

"and is due to surpass
iggy's record

on the 18th of this month."

Wow!

So? Still think
I'm a miserable failure?

Not as much now.

Congratulations, honey.
That is great.

What are you-- no!
What are you doing?

You don't kiss a guy
goin' for a record.

You'll jinx me.

I'm sorry.

Jeez, Louise!

Would you've kissed
mark mcgwire

before he broke his record?

Then or any other time.

So, what do you get
if you break the record,

a pile of money?

They bronze your shorts?

You laugh,
but it just so happens

that I get a plaque
on the wall

right where iggy's is now.

Oh, yeah? Where's that?

On the wall next to
the lockers. You've seen it.
No, I haven't.

You have.

It's between the soda machine
and the forklift safety tips.

Oh!

It really draws your eye,
doesn't it?

Hi.

Good evening, all.

Hi! Hi, holly. Hi, dad.
How was your walk?

Splendid.

So, I see she's got you
off-leash now, Arthur, huh?

Douglas, this young lady

may be a professional
dogwalker,

but she does not walk me.

She's simply my friend
and companion.

Sorry.

Can I have my $10 now?

Yeah.

Oh, Arthur, could we change

our Thursday walk to Fridays
from now on?

Because scooter
really needs Thursdays.

Sure. Scooter's a good egg.
Happy to work around him.

Great. So I will see you
Friday at 2:00. Ok. Bye, guys.

Bye.
See ya.

Bye, holly.

Bye, ranger.

Cocoa, stay off that paw.

Dad, I'm ordering in tonight.

Do you wanna nap
until the food comes?

Actually,
I was hoping you and I

might get in a game or 2
of scrabble.

The tournament
at the seniors' center

starts next week, you know.

I told you I am not playing
in that tournament with you.

You said you'd think it over.

No. My exact words were,
"not even at gunpoint."

I'm shocked at your reaction
to this, darling.

When you were a teenager,

we had such fun
in those tournaments.

Fun? It was hell.
It was heaven.

Hell!
Heaven!

No, it wasn't!

Dad, it was like every word
on the scrabble board

would remind you
of some ridiculous story.

Then I'd lose my temper,
we'd have a huge fight,

and we wouldn't talk for days.

It's called bonding.

I'm not playing.

Fine. Then I'll just
head downstairs till dinner.

I could use a good cry.

[Door shutting]

Read it one more time.

Oy.

Hey, Doug.
Doing a little piece

on your streak
for the I.P.S. Website.

You got a minute?
Yeah, sure.

So, you're 3 days away
from breaking iggy's record.

You feeling ok?

[Sighing]

Well, the truth is,

I'm not really thinking about
the record.

You know, I'm just taking it
one package at a time.

You see, it's not--
it's not about me.

It's really about what's best
for the company, the team.

There is no "I" in I.P.S.
Um...

Actually, there is,
right in the beginning.

Clean that up for me,
would you, Tim?

Yeah. You got it.

[Clearing throat]
The thing about records is
they come and they--

got all I need. Thanks.

Ok.

Lenny, do me a favor and
toss me a packet of sugar?

Me? Nah. I'm not
the perfect delivery man,

you are, heffernan.
I might damage it.

Better get your own sugar.

Yeah. And you might wanna give
sweet 'n' low a shot.

Pretty happy with yourself,
huh?

Uh, uh, no. Not--
n-not really.

I never even heard of you
till yesterday.

Really? We're 3 lockers apart.

Come on, Duke.
Let's get a beer.

What the hell's up
with these guys?

I don't know.

The old-timers, man.
They think they own the place.

Yeah, I guess.
Catch you later.

Hey, don't worry about
those guys, heffernan.

They're probably just upset
because

they used to drive with iggy.

You know, back in the day
when this place

could barely keep its doors
open from one day to the next.

Maybe they're just remembering

how a guy like iggy
used to have to scrounge

for spare parts
in the junkyard

in order
to keep his truck moving

when it wanted to roll over
and die.

Maybe they're-- maybe they're

remembering the look
on people's faces

when they'd open up
their front doors

see one of our drivers in
their strange little shorts,

and they'd say,
"you're not the mailman."

And a guy like iggy
would muster up a smile,

even though he'd been working
a 12-hour shift in a blizzard.

Or maybe they remember that
sadistic little midget

that used to run this joint.

And how he was ready to fire
a young driver named

Patrick O'Boyle.

Just because he double-parked
in front of an e.r.

And how iggy just marched
right into that office,

and he said, "you give
that kid another chance."

Maybe they're just remembering
that that's the kind of guy

that iggy was.

Maybe that's why
they're upset, Doug.

[Door opening and closing]

Typist. 18 points.

Oh, good one. Ok, my turn.

Funny story. Did you know

I once worked as a typist
for mayor Abe beame?

No.

Hey, guys.

Hi!

What's going on,
a little scrabble action?

Yeah. Your dad asked me to
play in a tournament with him.

Can you believe it?

Gee! Well, that's great!

Good for you!

Yeah. I was so touched.

I mean, the last time
I played a board game,

it was candyland,
and I sucked at it.

Which is weird
because I love candy.

Well, whatever. Whatever.

The point is you're
together playing. God bless.

We're in the middle of a game.
Do you mind?

Sorry.

Anyway, back to my story.

Mayor beame was a tiny man,

and part of my job involved
lifting him up

so he could
look out the window.

Hey, deac'. Grabbing lunch?

Uh, yeah. I'm heading over
to Charlie's.

Why, you wanna come?

No. I'm taking my time
with these babies.

Right.
Hey, do me a favor.

Bring me back a cheese steak
with, uh, extra green peppers.

I'm not doing that, man.

Why not?

Because Charlie
gets an attitude

when you ask for extra stuff.

I don't wanna get on his
bad side over your sandwich.

But you always ask him
for no onions.

Yeah. No onions. You see,
that's onions he gets to keep.

Extra peppers are peppers he
loses. Don't you know math?

Fine. All right.
Well, help me out

so I can go with you,
all right? Right there.

Fine. Here.

Gee, guy. Are you nuts, man?

I got a streak going.

Oh, right. You have
a streak going, don't you?

Just like I had a streak going
when you tossed me

that package of crystalware
on December 17, 1998.

What?

That's right. See, I had
681 days, no incidents...

Then, bam! Back to zero!

Oh, my God! You--you
caught that box, remember?

Then you slipped
in a grease puddle.

Yeah, I slipped because
I was startled by the toss.

You winged that thing
at my head, brother.

It was a gentle lob!
And besides,

you wouldn't have gotten
the record anyway

'cause you've had
at least 10 incidents.

Yeah, because
once the streak ended,

it was hard for me
to care in the same way.

Something died in me that day,
man.

You know what?
I'm outta here, man.

Aw, deac', I...
Come on, deac'. Come back.

Hey, Doug. One more quest
for the website.

Would you leave me alone?
I don't feel like talking
to the media right now.

Radio.

10 points.

Oh! Good one! Ok. My turn.

[Breathing deeply]

Can I help you?

Oh, no. I'm just here
to pick up my father.

I-I'll just wait here.
Thank you.

Know why I chose the word
"radio"?

True story.

You're looking at the 42nd
infantry's top radioman

during the battle
of the bulge.

I didn't start out
in communications, mind you,

but the commander
of the 42nd noticed

I was very good
with tiny knobs...

That's when I learned that
making personal calls

in the heat of battle
can cost lives.

[Laughing]

Oh, what a funny story.
I love this guy.

And I came up with the word
"fix" for 26 points.

Bravo! Bravo!

Thank you. Thank you.

I have to go to the little
girls' room. Excuse me.

Oh, hi, Carrie!

Oh, my gosh.
Is it 4:00 already?

It feels like
we just started playing.

Yep, it's 4:00. You're free.

Listen, don't forget
to, uh, write down

all the hours
you've been doing this

so we know
how much to pay you.

Pay me? No.

Yeah.
I mean, are you kidding me?

I should be paying you double.

I used to play scrabble
with the guy.

I know it can be brutal.

You know what I'm saying.

Carrie, I could never
accept money for this.

I mean,
I love playing with your dad.

Really?

Yeah! He's so sweet
and--and funny...

And just--just
a joy to be with.

Really?

And at no point
have you wanted

to put a letter opener
through your eye?

No. No.
But I'll watch out for that.

Excuse me.

Oh, it's coming.

Roger maris.

You named your hand
Roger maris?

No. Hair.
My hair's falling out.

Just like his did when
he was chasing after the babe.

Well, whatever you do,
don't go spraying.

It's the stress, Carrie.

From the stupid streak.

The old guys, they hate me now

'cause I might break iggy's
record. You believe that?

And--and Deacon, 3 years ago,
I lobbed him a package,

and all of a sudden, I'm
stealing the record from him.

I'll tell ya,
I--I am losing it.

You know, I can't sleep.
I--I can't eat.

Well, I can eat,
but not as fast.

I don't know, maybe I should

just break a package
on purpose

and be done with all this.

Are you even listening to me?

Yeah. Yeah,
y-y-you can eat fast.

I'm talking about my streak.

Well, I'm sorry, Doug.

I have my mind
on my own problem right now,

which--which, no offense,
is a little more important.

What is it?

Holly is not charging us

to play scrabble with
my father because, get this,

she enjoys it.

That's more important?

Yes! She enjoys his stories

and his jokes and--and him!

She enjoys him!

After all these years,

I thought my dad was the
problem in our relationship,

but now I'm wondering,
is it me?

Is he a great guy
to be around,

and I just don't get it?

You know what?
That's a problem,

but not a huge problem.
I have a huge problem.

Not huge.

I'm going
for a delivery record

that I don't even know
if I want.

I may not love my father!

So? You and your father
are both gonna die someday.

There'll be no record
of either of you.

That plaque near
the soda machine is forever!

Ok. How 'bout this?

You listen to me
for 5 minutes,

and I will listen to you
for 5 minutes, ok?

All right. Ok. Fine.

All right,
here's the question.

[Sighing]

Am I a bad daughter?

Should I be more patient
and tolerant of my father?

I mean, because I try,
but he always...

You're not listening to me,
are you?

Sorry. I drifted off.
Can we do me first?

I can focus better on you
if I know I'm already done.

No! No! If we do you first,

then you won't have any reason
to listen to me.

Yeah, well, we've arrived at
quite a stalemate, haven't we?

Yes, we have,
which is really stupid,

because my problem
is more important anyway!

You know what?
You are a bad daughter.

Your father is awesome!

Really? Well, iggy was
10 times the driver you are.

[Sighing]

Why do we do this
to each other?

I don't know.

Oh! Good! Holly.

Hi, Carrie. Your dad
just went down for a nap.

He and ranger
were chasing each other

around the park all afternoon.

Great. Um,
do you-- do you have a sec?

Oh, sure.

Here. Sit. Sit.
Ok.

You fellas are welcome to sit,
too.

That's what you dogs do.

You sit. You sit.
That's what you do. You sit.

So what's up?

Yeah, um, it's about the
scrabble tournament tomorrow.

You, uh...
There's one more day, right?

Yeah. The--the final round
is tomorrow. Oh!

Oh! Listen, um,
it's been so nice of you

to play with my dad in that.

Really, so nice.
But I-I-I've been thinking.

I don't want to impose on you
anymore,

so I'll just play with my dad
tomorrow.

Oh, Carrie, no, no, no, no.
It's fine, really.

I don't mind.
I'll keep playing.

Oh, listen to you.

You are so great.

But no, I'll do it.
It's all right.

Oh, no. It's so easy for me.

I mean, I really love
spending time with Arthur.

Hello? Daughter.
Can't get enough of the guy.

Oh, no, it's just--
ok, it's just...

You said that playing scrabble
with him was brutal. I was...

What are you getting at, hol',
that I don't love my father?

Oh, no. You misunderstood me.
I--I was--

oh, ok. So now
I don't have the ability

to understand or to love.
Wow! Ok.

No! Carrie, that's not--

listen, listen.

I'm his daughter, ok?
And I--I love him,

so I'm just gonna play in
the tournament with him, ok?

So thank you. Have a nice day.
And I love him.

[Panting]

[Doorbell ringing]

(Lenny)
I'm not the perfect driver
you are, heffernan.

(Duke)
Pretty happy with yourself,
huh?

(Manager)
That's the kind of guy
iggy was.

(Deacon)
I had 681 days, no incidents.

(Waitress)
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out
of the honey-baked ham.

Oh! My Christmas ornaments
have arrived!

Young man, are you all right?

[Gasping]

Wait. What...

What was I thinking?

This isn't about me
and my stupid record,

it's about you.

You!

Florence merriweather.

You're the reason
we do all this.

You know, I'm gonna break
that damn record tomorrow,

and I'm gonna do it for you!

This is yours.
Just need you to sign now.

Hey! Hey.

Hello? Anybody up there?

Yeah.

I.P.S. Got a package you.

So?

Well,
they just painted the stairs.

Could you meet me
at the front entrance?

Nah. That's way round on the
other side of the building.

Just toss it up to me.

It's fluorescent light bulbs.

Well, they ain't mine.

Just toss it up.

I--I--I really
don't want to do that.

Listen, douche,
are you gonna toss it up,

or am I gonna have to
call your supervisor?

[Sighing]

That was the day I decided
I would never wear another...

Ascot.

[Laughing]
Yeah.

Great story, dad.

Thank you.

This guy is something,
huh, my pop?

Love him.
I am lovin' me some pop.

Ok. Here's my word.

Pus.

11 points.

Pus, huh. Good word.

Ok.

[Clearing throat]

My turn.

Pus.

Pus.

Pus.

Pus.

Funny story about pus.

Shut up!

Thanks for a great tournament.

Yeah? Well, same to you, pal.

So,
we playing again next year?

I'll be there.

Wonder where heffernan is.

I don't know. He should've
clocked in by now.

[Stamping]

No incidents.

Sandwich truck.

Hey, what's up?
What's going on?

New soda machine.
Old one broke.