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1
00:00:08,491 --> 00:00:10,191
There's no better feeling
in the world
2
00:00:10,258 --> 00:00:12,711
than a warm pizza box
on your lap.
3
00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:16,047
I know
you love it, baby.
4
00:00:21,904 --> 00:00:22,888
[Creaking]
5
00:00:22,955 --> 00:00:25,223
Don't try to take
a slice out, Doug.
6
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:28,226
You'll just get pizza
on yourself and the car.
7
00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:31,629
Just lookin' at her,
makin' sure she's our girl.
8
00:00:31,714 --> 00:00:34,099
Yup, that's Annie may.
9
00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:36,501
She's purty.
10
00:00:44,093 --> 00:00:45,460
Doug!
It's just pepperoni!
11
00:00:45,527 --> 00:00:47,495
One piece of pepperoni!
12
00:00:52,268 --> 00:00:56,020
I got pizza on myself
and the car.
13
00:00:56,088 --> 00:00:58,657
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
14
00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:01,576
♪ my back is gettin' tight
15
00:01:01,744 --> 00:01:03,477
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
16
00:01:03,545 --> 00:01:06,314
♪ on the queensborough bridgetonight ♪
17
00:01:06,381 --> 00:01:07,765
♪ but I don't care
18
00:01:07,833 --> 00:01:10,451
♪ 'cause all I want to do
19
00:01:11,987 --> 00:01:13,755
♪ is cash my check
20
00:01:13,822 --> 00:01:16,074
♪ and drive righthome to you ♪
21
00:01:17,426 --> 00:01:19,143
♪ 'cause baby,all my life ♪
22
00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:22,013
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
23
00:01:35,627 --> 00:01:36,694
Hey.
Hi, baby.
24
00:01:36,761 --> 00:01:39,396
We--we should keep gum.
25
00:01:39,464 --> 00:01:41,031
We should have,
like, a whole drawer
26
00:01:41,099 --> 00:01:42,732
just dedicated
to gum.
27
00:01:42,751 --> 00:01:45,953
Yeah. Great idea.
Doug heffernan for president.
28
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:48,088
Ok, so, I'm just gonna
jump in the shower,
29
00:01:48,155 --> 00:01:50,090
and then
we'll, uh, swing by the bank
30
00:01:50,157 --> 00:01:51,491
and head over to the d.M.V.
31
00:01:51,559 --> 00:01:53,627
D.M.V? You didn't say anything
about going to the d.M.V.
32
00:01:53,695 --> 00:01:55,896
Yeah. I just found out
my license expires
on my birthday
33
00:01:55,964 --> 00:01:57,430
in like 2 weeks.
34
00:01:57,498 --> 00:01:58,765
The bank and the d.M.V?
35
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,550
I've done nothing
to hurt you.
36
00:02:00,618 --> 00:02:02,869
Oh, come on. You'll keep me
entertained in line
37
00:02:02,938 --> 00:02:05,806
with all that funny crap
you say.
38
00:02:05,873 --> 00:02:07,207
[Door closing]
39
00:02:07,275 --> 00:02:09,009
Douglas, I heard through
the grapevine
40
00:02:09,077 --> 00:02:11,511
that, uh, you kids
were doin' some errands.
41
00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:13,914
Would you mind
dropping these bags off
42
00:02:13,982 --> 00:02:15,515
at goodwill for me?
43
00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,267
Yeah, sure.
44
00:02:17,335 --> 00:02:18,902
I've inflated the value
of everything
45
00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:20,988
I'm donating by 50%.
46
00:02:21,055 --> 00:02:22,372
Take that, Johnny I.R.S.
47
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:23,807
[Mimicking gunshot]
48
00:02:23,874 --> 00:02:25,525
I'm sure the poor
will really appreciate
49
00:02:25,593 --> 00:02:27,411
your used underwear.
50
00:02:27,478 --> 00:02:31,198
I only hope it serves them
as well as it served me.
51
00:02:31,266 --> 00:02:32,349
Hold on a second.
52
00:02:32,417 --> 00:02:33,950
You're donating
some of our stuff.
53
00:02:34,018 --> 00:02:36,520
Oh, Carrie put
some things in there.
54
00:02:36,588 --> 00:02:38,522
Wait a second.
This is the jacket I gave her
55
00:02:38,590 --> 00:02:39,723
on our last anniversary.
56
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:41,742
Let me see.
57
00:02:43,028 --> 00:02:44,561
Yowza,
that's a doozy.
58
00:02:46,164 --> 00:02:47,264
What are you
talking about?
59
00:02:47,332 --> 00:02:48,465
It's a great jacket.
60
00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:50,034
Great if you like
to wear things
61
00:02:50,101 --> 00:02:52,385
that are extremely ugly.
62
00:02:52,454 --> 00:02:53,520
What's up with this?
63
00:02:53,588 --> 00:02:56,022
This is the necklace
I gave her.
64
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:57,340
[Sighs]
65
00:02:57,375 --> 00:02:59,843
It's a nice necklace, ok?
It was very expensive.
66
00:02:59,911 --> 00:03:02,179
Douglas, I hope
I'm not betraying
Carrie's confidence
67
00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:05,015
when I say she told me
she hates every gift
68
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:07,985
you've ever given her.
69
00:03:08,052 --> 00:03:09,786
You don't know
what you're talkin' about.
70
00:03:09,854 --> 00:03:11,654
Oh, don't I?
She may open your gifts
71
00:03:11,722 --> 00:03:13,123
with a smile on her face,
72
00:03:13,191 --> 00:03:15,275
but she's dead
behind the eyes.
73
00:03:21,916 --> 00:03:24,117
Hangin' at the d.M.V.
74
00:03:25,352 --> 00:03:28,088
The dumuv.
75
00:03:29,423 --> 00:03:30,724
I was, uh, wondering,
76
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:33,493
anything special you want
for your birthday this year?
77
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,628
Oh. Uh,
no, not really.
78
00:03:35,697 --> 00:03:37,130
You don't have
to get me anything,
79
00:03:37,198 --> 00:03:38,264
just your love.
80
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,600
That's sweet.
81
00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:41,968
Hey, speaking
of presents,
82
00:03:42,036 --> 00:03:43,937
remember that necklace
I got you last year?
83
00:03:44,005 --> 00:03:45,706
You know, the one
with the--the beads?
84
00:03:45,773 --> 00:03:48,075
How come
you never wear that?
85
00:03:48,142 --> 00:03:49,810
I wear that.
86
00:03:49,877 --> 00:03:51,444
You do?
Yup.
87
00:03:51,512 --> 00:03:53,646
Really? When?
88
00:03:53,715 --> 00:03:55,716
Um, usually
just at work.
89
00:03:55,783 --> 00:03:56,850
(Woman)
Next.
90
00:03:56,918 --> 00:03:57,918
[Clearing throat]
91
00:03:57,985 --> 00:03:59,319
Hi. I'm renewing.
92
00:03:59,386 --> 00:04:00,553
Ok.
93
00:04:00,621 --> 00:04:01,721
Please look
into the machine.
94
00:04:01,789 --> 00:04:03,023
Read the third line
down.
95
00:04:03,091 --> 00:04:05,959
Ok, that's, um...
96
00:04:06,027 --> 00:04:10,914
"Y, e, d,"
97
00:04:10,982 --> 00:04:14,068
"h", and, uh...
98
00:04:14,135 --> 00:04:15,552
Is that a-- is that
a dollar sign?
99
00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:18,455
Are those in there now?
100
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:20,774
Do you wear glasses
or contact lenses
101
00:04:20,841 --> 00:04:22,309
you don't have in
right now?
102
00:04:22,327 --> 00:04:23,310
Um, I have glasses,
103
00:04:23,378 --> 00:04:25,061
but I don't need them
to drive.
104
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,182
I can see fine.
It's "y, e, d, h"...
105
00:04:28,249 --> 00:04:30,817
Dollar sign.
106
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,169
Ok, I'm gonna have
to mark you down
107
00:04:32,237 --> 00:04:34,037
with a "one"
for corrective lenses.
108
00:04:34,172 --> 00:04:36,256
I don't need glasses
to drive, ok?
109
00:04:36,324 --> 00:04:38,225
Not a whole lot
of little tiny eye charts
110
00:04:38,293 --> 00:04:39,526
on the side of the road
there.
111
00:04:39,594 --> 00:04:41,995
I mean, ask my husband.
Am I not a great driver?
112
00:04:44,999 --> 00:04:47,718
You have
your own style.
113
00:04:47,785 --> 00:04:50,304
Excuse me. Come here
for a second. Come here.
114
00:04:50,371 --> 00:04:52,872
What is your problem?
Could you just
back me up here?
115
00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:54,291
Back you up?
116
00:04:54,442 --> 00:04:56,009
They're telling you
you need glasses to drive.
117
00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:58,912
They're the department
of driving.
118
00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:00,313
I'm kind of with them
on this one.
119
00:05:00,381 --> 00:05:01,981
But I already need them
to read.
120
00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:03,983
I don't want to wear them
all the time.
121
00:05:04,051 --> 00:05:06,352
They make me feel old.
Next thing you know,
122
00:05:06,421 --> 00:05:08,455
they'll be hanging on
a chain around my neck.
123
00:05:08,523 --> 00:05:10,791
I'll have the flab thing
goin' on over here.
124
00:05:10,858 --> 00:05:14,644
So you'll feel old,
but pedestrians will live.
125
00:05:16,331 --> 00:05:17,464
Fine.
126
00:05:22,086 --> 00:05:23,320
[Groans]
127
00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,787
[Clicking tongue]
128
00:05:24,855 --> 00:05:26,089
Hello.
129
00:05:27,091 --> 00:05:29,059
Uh. I can't do this.
130
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:32,029
You know what
you should've got?
131
00:05:32,096 --> 00:05:33,463
You should've
got yourself a pair
132
00:05:33,531 --> 00:05:36,299
of those cat-eye contacts
like in the thriller video.
133
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:38,968
Huh?
134
00:05:39,037 --> 00:05:41,505
Could you just
not look at me?
135
00:05:41,572 --> 00:05:44,341
All right.
Could I get to the sink?
136
00:05:44,409 --> 00:05:45,942
You know Deacon's kids?
137
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:48,545
They got that new
wild Berry-flavored
toothpaste.
138
00:05:48,612 --> 00:05:50,580
I tried it.
You know what it is?
139
00:05:50,648 --> 00:05:52,249
It's wild!
140
00:05:53,634 --> 00:05:54,801
Could you
also not speak
141
00:05:54,869 --> 00:05:56,903
and maybe leave?
142
00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:58,304
Yeah, well,
this will cheer you up.
143
00:05:58,372 --> 00:05:59,405
Everybody I invited
144
00:05:59,474 --> 00:06:00,841
is comin'
to your birthday party.
145
00:06:00,908 --> 00:06:03,309
And you're gonna love
your present...
146
00:06:03,377 --> 00:06:05,745
As soon as you tell me
what I should get you.
147
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:07,947
I don't know. I can't focus
on that right now.
148
00:06:08,015 --> 00:06:09,616
Ok, you know what?
I can't--
149
00:06:09,684 --> 00:06:11,618
I can't-- I'm not gonna--
I can't wear these.
150
00:06:11,686 --> 00:06:13,787
I'm just gonna have to go
with my glasses.
151
00:06:13,854 --> 00:06:14,921
[Sighs]
152
00:06:14,989 --> 00:06:16,856
Well, I think you look
adorable in them.
153
00:06:16,924 --> 00:06:18,975
Aw, do you?
154
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,695
Get out of here
before I kick your ass.
155
00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:27,017
(Woody woodpecker)Guess who!
156
00:06:27,084 --> 00:06:31,104
[Woody woodpecker laughing]
157
00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:33,006
Still not gettin' it.
158
00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:36,410
Hey!
159
00:06:36,477 --> 00:06:37,678
Hi.
Guess what?
160
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,680
I finally got you
the greatest birthday present
161
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:40,947
in the entire world.
162
00:06:41,015 --> 00:06:42,349
I know
it's a few days early,
163
00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:45,752
but I give you
the gift of sight.
164
00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:50,490
What?
Open it up, open it up.
165
00:06:52,594 --> 00:06:54,060
Laser eye surgery?
166
00:06:54,128 --> 00:06:56,896
Laser eye surgery!
167
00:06:56,964 --> 00:06:59,566
One and a half minutes
on each eye, and, bam,
you're cured.
168
00:06:59,634 --> 00:07:02,636
No glasses, no contacts.
Just perfect vision.
169
00:07:02,704 --> 00:07:05,472
Yeah, I know a few people
who got this.
170
00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:07,507
And I took care of everything
with your boss.
171
00:07:07,575 --> 00:07:08,842
I got you 4 days off
to recover
172
00:07:08,909 --> 00:07:10,944
even though most people
are good to go the next day.
173
00:07:11,011 --> 00:07:14,548
But definitely by your party,
you're lookin' at 20-20.
174
00:07:16,251 --> 00:07:17,417
So?
175
00:07:17,485 --> 00:07:19,286
Wow. Well, it'd be great
176
00:07:19,354 --> 00:07:21,020
not to have
to wear glasses.
177
00:07:21,088 --> 00:07:22,155
Yeah!
178
00:07:22,223 --> 00:07:24,258
But eye surgery.
179
00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:26,593
[Exclaims]
180
00:07:26,661 --> 00:07:28,194
Isn't that
kind of risky?
181
00:07:28,263 --> 00:07:30,397
Risky? Well, let me
just read you
182
00:07:30,465 --> 00:07:33,233
a list of those people
who were willing
to take that risk.
183
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:36,770
Brad pitt, hmm?
Big-time movie star.
184
00:07:36,837 --> 00:07:40,173
Not too big for lasik,
though, is he?
185
00:07:40,241 --> 00:07:42,676
Former defense secretary
William Cohen.
186
00:07:43,528 --> 00:07:44,995
I'm a huge fan.
187
00:07:47,048 --> 00:07:48,548
Kenny g. Kenny g, Carrie.
188
00:07:48,616 --> 00:07:50,550
You think Kenny g.
Would risk going blind?
189
00:07:50,618 --> 00:07:52,386
His eyes are his living!
190
00:07:52,453 --> 00:07:53,787
He's a musician.
191
00:07:53,854 --> 00:07:55,789
Aren't a lot of them blind?
192
00:07:55,856 --> 00:07:57,174
Come on,
are you gonna do it?
193
00:07:57,241 --> 00:07:58,374
I don't know.
194
00:07:58,442 --> 00:08:01,578
Come on, you gonna do it?
I don't know!
195
00:08:01,645 --> 00:08:03,546
You're not gonna do it,
are you?
196
00:08:03,715 --> 00:08:05,565
It's just--
it's eye surgery.
197
00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:08,502
You know, that's surgery
on your eyes.
198
00:08:10,104 --> 00:08:11,304
[Whispers]
Damn it.
199
00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:13,340
I just-- I really
thought I pulled it off
this time.
200
00:08:13,407 --> 00:08:15,609
What are you
talkin' about?
201
00:08:15,676 --> 00:08:16,843
You reject
all my presents.
202
00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:19,212
What?
That's not true!
203
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,781
Yeah? What about the necklace
I got you last year?
204
00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:23,816
You know,
the one you "wear."
205
00:08:25,085 --> 00:08:26,953
I found it
in the goodwill bag.
206
00:08:27,021 --> 00:08:29,556
Oh. No, no, no, no.
I did wear that.
207
00:08:29,624 --> 00:08:31,858
I wore it so much,
I wore it out.
208
00:08:31,925 --> 00:08:33,393
You know what?
It's fine, you know.
209
00:08:33,461 --> 00:08:34,794
I'll just--
I'll call the doctor
210
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,230
and I'll--I'll cancel
everything, ok?
211
00:08:37,298 --> 00:08:39,366
Honey, it's just that,
you know,
212
00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:41,535
that's a necklace.
This is-- this is surgery.
213
00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,470
I just thought
I'd finally found something
214
00:08:43,538 --> 00:08:45,539
you'd really love
and you--you needed,
215
00:08:45,606 --> 00:08:48,258
and I just thought
it'd be real special,
that's all.
216
00:08:48,326 --> 00:08:50,243
You know what?
It--it is special, honey.
217
00:08:50,311 --> 00:08:52,913
It is special.
I-I'm gonna go for it.
218
00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:54,247
Really?
Yes.
219
00:08:54,315 --> 00:08:55,998
Yes!
220
00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:59,069
Wait till you see
the surprise I get you
for Christmas.
221
00:08:59,136 --> 00:09:00,938
I'm not gonna tell
you what it is,
222
00:09:01,005 --> 00:09:03,440
but you're gonna need
a bigger bra.
223
00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:11,848
I can't believe
I'm actually doing this.
224
00:09:11,916 --> 00:09:14,150
Perfect vision
by your birthday.
225
00:09:14,218 --> 00:09:15,819
It's gonna
be awesome.
226
00:09:17,254 --> 00:09:18,421
Hey, look.
227
00:09:18,489 --> 00:09:20,457
Little baby with glasses.
228
00:09:21,876 --> 00:09:24,244
Wonder if he does
the other baby's taxes.
229
00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:27,413
Carrie heffernan?
230
00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:28,681
That's me.
231
00:09:28,749 --> 00:09:30,383
You can follow me
to the prep room now.
232
00:09:30,451 --> 00:09:33,453
Ok.
Well, this is it.
233
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,855
Hey, listen, uh,
234
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,257
since you're gonna be
seeing clear from now on,
235
00:09:37,325 --> 00:09:39,492
I feel I should warn you.
236
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,228
I'm a little overweight.
237
00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:45,798
Ok, honey, ok. I gotta go.
All right. Bye.
238
00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:46,867
Ok.
239
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:48,801
Hey, Happy Birthday,
baby!
240
00:09:50,037 --> 00:09:52,756
[Alarm clock buzzing]
241
00:10:08,739 --> 00:10:10,190
Doug, wake up.
242
00:10:10,257 --> 00:10:11,457
Hmm? Hmm.
243
00:10:11,525 --> 00:10:13,093
You're totally blurry.
244
00:10:14,161 --> 00:10:15,478
Really?
245
00:10:15,546 --> 00:10:17,163
All right. Well,
it's just the first day.
246
00:10:17,231 --> 00:10:19,449
They said there could be
some side effects.
247
00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:21,801
It's totally normal.
248
00:10:23,387 --> 00:10:26,022
[Alarm clock buzzing]
249
00:10:28,359 --> 00:10:30,277
Still blurry, Doug.
250
00:10:30,328 --> 00:10:31,944
Still normal.
251
00:10:33,297 --> 00:10:35,398
[Alarm clock buzzing]
252
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,167
Normal.
253
00:10:51,797 --> 00:10:54,099
I still can't see, Doug.
254
00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:56,335
It's 2 days
before my birthday,
255
00:10:56,402 --> 00:10:58,337
and I still can't see.
256
00:10:58,404 --> 00:11:00,138
Does it say anything
in the brochure
257
00:11:00,206 --> 00:11:01,673
about how long
it took Kenny g
258
00:11:01,741 --> 00:11:03,341
to see normally?
259
00:11:04,577 --> 00:11:07,212
I think he was just
mentioned the one time.
260
00:11:07,279 --> 00:11:08,880
So it's exactly
the same?
261
00:11:08,948 --> 00:11:10,415
I mean,
give me a status report.
262
00:11:10,482 --> 00:11:11,950
Is everything
still cloudy?
263
00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:15,220
No, no. Today,
everything's doubled,
264
00:11:15,288 --> 00:11:17,806
and all light
looks like hazy starbursts.
265
00:11:19,308 --> 00:11:20,843
I gotta tell you, car,
266
00:11:20,910 --> 00:11:23,195
that sounds
pretty freakin' cool.
267
00:11:27,117 --> 00:11:29,818
Yeah. Being blind is awesome.
268
00:11:29,886 --> 00:11:31,520
I'm just trying
to lighten things up.
269
00:11:31,588 --> 00:11:33,421
The doctor said it may
take some time, huh?
270
00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:34,523
We're still
in that range.
271
00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:35,824
Let's not freak out.
272
00:11:35,892 --> 00:11:37,192
And that toaster's on.
273
00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:39,561
[Sighs]
274
00:11:39,628 --> 00:11:40,862
Douglas.
275
00:11:42,198 --> 00:11:44,800
[Yelling]
Hello, darling,
it's your daddy!
276
00:11:46,235 --> 00:11:48,337
(Carrie)
Hi, dad.
277
00:11:48,404 --> 00:11:50,789
I'm standing
right next to you,
278
00:11:50,856 --> 00:11:53,358
and I'm going to kiss you
good morning.
279
00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:55,343
Don't be startled.
280
00:11:57,597 --> 00:11:58,830
Thank you.
Thank you.
281
00:11:58,898 --> 00:12:00,566
That was lovely.
282
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:01,866
Now I need
some coffee.
283
00:12:01,934 --> 00:12:03,268
You know what?
Here, let me--
284
00:12:03,336 --> 00:12:04,769
don't help her!
285
00:12:06,639 --> 00:12:07,890
If she's gonna survive,
286
00:12:07,957 --> 00:12:10,893
she needs to learn to live
with her disability.
287
00:12:13,329 --> 00:12:15,430
I told you,
she's gonna be fine.
288
00:12:15,498 --> 00:12:17,900
She's blind, damn it!
289
00:12:17,967 --> 00:12:20,435
And you're
gonna make her soft
290
00:12:20,503 --> 00:12:23,071
and get her killed.
291
00:12:23,139 --> 00:12:24,739
Ok, the both of you--
292
00:12:24,807 --> 00:12:26,324
just-- you need
to shut up, ok?
293
00:12:26,392 --> 00:12:28,559
Because you're totally
stressing me out.
294
00:12:28,561 --> 00:12:30,011
I'm gonna call the doctor
to make sure
295
00:12:30,079 --> 00:12:32,414
this is really normal.
Ok, I can't find the phone.
296
00:12:32,482 --> 00:12:33,699
Here, let me get it.
I'll get it.
297
00:12:33,766 --> 00:12:34,900
Don't help her!
298
00:12:34,968 --> 00:12:36,234
Shut off!
299
00:12:42,842 --> 00:12:45,343
Yeah, hi,
this is, uh, Doug heffernan.
300
00:12:45,411 --> 00:12:47,579
Is Dr. whitehorn
available?
301
00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:49,381
Yeah. Sure, I'll hold.
302
00:12:50,416 --> 00:12:51,583
Yeah, hello? Yeah.
303
00:12:51,651 --> 00:12:53,051
Uh, yeah,
my wife was in there
304
00:12:53,119 --> 00:12:55,453
for laser eye surgery
about 5 days ago,
305
00:12:55,522 --> 00:12:57,623
and she's still not seeing
all that well.
306
00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:59,090
Is that normal?
307
00:13:01,093 --> 00:13:02,810
Oh, ok.
308
00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:05,614
Thank you,
thank you very much. Ok.
309
00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:08,550
You're gonna be fine.
It's totally normal.
310
00:13:09,252 --> 00:13:11,203
He said it wasn't normal.
311
00:13:12,855 --> 00:13:14,656
When I told him
it had been 5 days,
312
00:13:14,723 --> 00:13:17,275
he actually said,
"huh!"
313
00:13:20,313 --> 00:13:23,148
You do not
want to hear "huh"
from your eye surgeon.
314
00:13:23,215 --> 00:13:24,716
I know.
315
00:13:24,784 --> 00:13:27,118
He said if she didn't get
better by--by tomorrow,
316
00:13:27,186 --> 00:13:29,855
he'd have to go back
in there and fix it.
317
00:13:29,922 --> 00:13:31,323
[Crowd cheering on t.V.]
318
00:13:31,391 --> 00:13:33,275
Like go back
into her eyes?
319
00:13:34,743 --> 00:13:37,545
Actually, I think they
use the same incision line--
320
00:13:37,613 --> 00:13:38,846
stop, man.
They-- no.
321
00:13:38,914 --> 00:13:40,548
Then they
cut open a flap,
322
00:13:40,616 --> 00:13:42,234
and they slip in
under the cornea--
323
00:13:42,301 --> 00:13:43,668
would you stop it?
324
00:13:43,736 --> 00:13:44,769
It's what they do.
325
00:13:44,837 --> 00:13:45,970
I don't care what they do.
326
00:13:46,038 --> 00:13:48,973
I don't want to hear
about an eye flap. Damn!
327
00:13:50,159 --> 00:13:51,543
Why did I do this?
328
00:13:51,610 --> 00:13:54,212
I told you to get her
the foot massager.
329
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,048
Why didn't you get her
the foot massager?
330
00:13:57,116 --> 00:13:58,917
I thought about it,
but then I was like,
331
00:13:58,984 --> 00:14:01,236
"when is she
really gonna use this?"
332
00:14:01,238 --> 00:14:03,405
So, I decided
to blind her instead.
333
00:14:05,575 --> 00:14:07,526
Hey, you know
who else is blind?
334
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:09,227
This ref!
Am I right?
335
00:14:16,636 --> 00:14:18,202
(Doug)
Birthday party!
336
00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:20,639
B-day part-ay!
337
00:14:20,707 --> 00:14:22,674
[In falsetto]
Part-ay!
338
00:14:22,742 --> 00:14:25,777
Party on down
to birthday town.
339
00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:29,297
I'm a prisoner in my own body.
340
00:14:29,365 --> 00:14:31,867
Come on, let's--let's
get you ready.
Let's paint your face up.
341
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:34,135
You're always happy
when you paint
your face up.
342
00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:36,988
I can't see. How am
I gonna put my makeup on?
343
00:14:37,056 --> 00:14:39,107
Well, hey, that's what
I'm here for, huh?
344
00:14:39,175 --> 00:14:40,508
Let me work my magic.
345
00:14:40,576 --> 00:14:41,776
Come on,
346
00:14:41,844 --> 00:14:44,479
let's stroll out over
to the goop zone.
347
00:14:44,546 --> 00:14:45,713
[Growling]
348
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:48,900
All right, you know,
I'll come to you.
349
00:14:48,968 --> 00:14:51,403
That's fine.
We'll, uh, we'll start
with the lips.
350
00:14:51,471 --> 00:14:53,805
Whoa. Mac.
351
00:14:53,873 --> 00:14:55,641
I'm your
"Mac" daddy.
352
00:15:01,581 --> 00:15:03,448
There we go.
353
00:15:03,516 --> 00:15:05,950
Jeez, I feel--feel
a little bit like
354
00:15:06,018 --> 00:15:07,653
a serial killer.
355
00:15:09,722 --> 00:15:11,657
[In falsetto]
Pretty.
356
00:15:14,143 --> 00:15:16,144
You look so pretty.
357
00:15:17,113 --> 00:15:18,697
Pretty little...
358
00:15:18,764 --> 00:15:21,165
Pretty.
359
00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:22,734
All right, all right.
You know what?
360
00:15:22,802 --> 00:15:23,835
This is insane.
361
00:15:23,902 --> 00:15:25,603
Why am I even
having a party?
362
00:15:25,671 --> 00:15:27,439
I can't friggin' see.
363
00:15:27,506 --> 00:15:29,341
The doctor said
I would be better by today.
364
00:15:29,409 --> 00:15:31,426
How come I'm not better?
365
00:15:32,628 --> 00:15:35,263
Actually,
now that you bring it up,
366
00:15:36,365 --> 00:15:37,699
he did mention
367
00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:39,300
that he might have
get back in there
368
00:15:39,368 --> 00:15:40,736
and do the operation again.
369
00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:41,937
Hold still now.
370
00:15:42,004 --> 00:15:43,772
What?
Another operation?
371
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,557
How come
you didn't say anything?
372
00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:47,091
That was
a worst-case scenario.
373
00:15:47,159 --> 00:15:48,894
Oh, so I'm
a worst-case scenario?
374
00:15:48,961 --> 00:15:51,730
Oh, my-- I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.
375
00:15:51,797 --> 00:15:53,231
Honey, look,
you're gonna be fine.
376
00:15:53,298 --> 00:15:54,733
I'll take you back there
tomorrow,
377
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,467
and they'll take care
of you.
378
00:15:56,536 --> 00:15:57,936
And today,
we got a great party
for you, huh?
379
00:15:58,004 --> 00:15:59,470
It'll take your mind
off of things.
380
00:15:59,539 --> 00:16:00,872
No, it won't.
What do you think?
381
00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:03,291
Halfway through
I'm gonna forget I can't see?
382
00:16:03,359 --> 00:16:04,909
You don't need to see
to enjoy.
383
00:16:04,977 --> 00:16:07,011
You still have
5 other senses.
384
00:16:07,546 --> 00:16:09,831
5 other senses?
385
00:16:09,899 --> 00:16:12,017
There are
only 5 senses total.
386
00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:14,252
No, there are 6.
387
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,653
No, there are 5.
388
00:16:15,721 --> 00:16:17,788
Ok, fine. What about
the movie the sixth sense?
389
00:16:17,856 --> 00:16:19,391
Huh? You think
they were just wrong?
390
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:22,160
An entire film company,
just wrong.
391
00:16:23,829 --> 00:16:25,196
The--the--the point is,
392
00:16:25,264 --> 00:16:27,065
your friends,
they wanna see you.
393
00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:28,933
I mean, they love you.
394
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:31,369
And I--I--I love you.
Come on, now. Come on.
395
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:36,140
Fine.
396
00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:38,359
There you go.
397
00:16:38,427 --> 00:16:41,329
You know,
I think this blindness
398
00:16:41,396 --> 00:16:45,533
actually softens you
a little, you know?
399
00:16:45,601 --> 00:16:47,569
It makes you
more approachable
400
00:16:48,203 --> 00:16:49,737
like marlee matlin.
401
00:16:50,739 --> 00:16:51,840
She's very hot,
402
00:16:51,907 --> 00:16:53,541
but the deaf thing
makes you think,
403
00:16:53,609 --> 00:16:55,593
"mmm, I could get her."
404
00:16:58,264 --> 00:17:02,584
(All)
♪ Happy Birthday,
dear Carrie ♪
405
00:17:03,619 --> 00:17:07,589
♪ Happy Birthday to you
406
00:17:07,657 --> 00:17:08,990
[all cheering]
407
00:17:09,058 --> 00:17:11,025
I'm gonna
set this here.
408
00:17:11,093 --> 00:17:14,929
Whoa, whoa, watch yourself.
Now, that-- that's fire.
409
00:17:14,997 --> 00:17:16,665
All right, honey,
just--just blow now.
410
00:17:16,732 --> 00:17:17,732
Ok.
411
00:17:20,503 --> 00:17:21,969
[All cheering]
412
00:17:22,971 --> 00:17:25,273
Thank you, everyone,
for coming.
413
00:17:25,341 --> 00:17:27,275
I know this is
a little weird.
414
00:17:27,343 --> 00:17:28,876
[All exclaim]
415
00:17:28,944 --> 00:17:31,079
It's great.
416
00:17:31,146 --> 00:17:33,114
Oh, I'll, uh,
I'll serve this up.
417
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:35,450
(Carrie)
Ok, thanks, sweetie.
418
00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:38,786
[Clears throat]
419
00:17:39,822 --> 00:17:40,955
Uh, ahem,
420
00:17:41,023 --> 00:17:42,557
you're Carrie's boss,
right?
421
00:17:42,725 --> 00:17:43,742
I sure am.
422
00:17:43,809 --> 00:17:45,143
I don't want you
cutting her
423
00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:48,412
any slack at work
because she's blind.
424
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,917
Reprimand her just as hard
as you would anyone else.
425
00:17:52,618 --> 00:17:53,852
If necessary,
426
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,287
I will make her life
a living hell.
427
00:17:56,355 --> 00:17:58,557
God bless you.
428
00:17:58,624 --> 00:17:59,991
How about
opening some presents?
429
00:18:00,059 --> 00:18:01,159
(All)
Yeah.
430
00:18:01,226 --> 00:18:02,561
All right,
here we go.
431
00:18:02,628 --> 00:18:04,295
Oh, oh, that one's
from, uh, me.
432
00:18:04,363 --> 00:18:05,497
From Spence.
433
00:18:05,565 --> 00:18:07,131
Oh, thank you.
434
00:18:07,199 --> 00:18:08,399
Ok.
435
00:18:08,935 --> 00:18:10,034
Hey.
436
00:18:10,102 --> 00:18:11,703
(Deacon)
Hey, nice, Spence.
437
00:18:11,771 --> 00:18:12,938
Hey,
what is it?
438
00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:14,238
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
439
00:18:14,306 --> 00:18:15,974
It's a--
it's a beautiful red sweater.
440
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:17,175
Feel that.
Feels nice, huh?
441
00:18:17,242 --> 00:18:18,376
Feel that.
442
00:18:18,444 --> 00:18:20,011
Oh, well, thank you,
Spence.
443
00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:21,913
Oh, I'm
over here now.
444
00:18:21,981 --> 00:18:23,114
Marco!
445
00:18:24,416 --> 00:18:26,451
This one's from me.
446
00:18:26,519 --> 00:18:28,219
From Kim
from the office.
447
00:18:28,287 --> 00:18:29,554
Ok.
Ok.
448
00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:35,627
Oh, wow! It's a beautiful book
of nature photographs.
449
00:18:35,695 --> 00:18:37,362
[All exclaiming]
450
00:18:40,466 --> 00:18:41,466
Sorry.
451
00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:43,201
Ok, you know what?
452
00:18:43,269 --> 00:18:45,470
Everybody just talk
amongst yourselves, ok?
453
00:18:45,537 --> 00:18:47,539
Party like
I can see fine.
454
00:18:47,607 --> 00:18:49,256
[Whispers]
Ok.
455
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,326
I gotta tell you,
Carrie,
456
00:18:52,394 --> 00:18:54,462
I am shocked
at the problems
457
00:18:54,529 --> 00:18:56,263
you're having
with your surgery.
458
00:18:56,331 --> 00:18:57,832
I feel awful.
459
00:18:57,900 --> 00:18:59,634
Oh. Thank you, Mr. pruzan,
but it's not your fault.
460
00:18:59,702 --> 00:19:01,069
Well, I feel
like it is.
461
00:19:01,136 --> 00:19:03,571
I mean, I was the one
who recommended
you to go to Dr. burns.
462
00:19:03,639 --> 00:19:07,092
When he did my eyes,
I was skeet shooting
that afternoon.
463
00:19:07,159 --> 00:19:08,443
I didn't go
to a Dr. burns.
464
00:19:08,511 --> 00:19:09,711
I never heard
of a Dr. burns.
465
00:19:09,779 --> 00:19:11,379
I told Doug
about him
466
00:19:11,447 --> 00:19:13,548
when he called to ask
for your time off.
467
00:19:13,616 --> 00:19:14,816
What happened?
468
00:19:14,884 --> 00:19:17,369
I thought you were
gonna go with my guy.
469
00:19:17,436 --> 00:19:19,571
There are a lot of places.
470
00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:21,339
Where'd you end up going?
471
00:19:22,374 --> 00:19:24,759
We went to, uh...
472
00:19:24,827 --> 00:19:26,378
Vision village.
473
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,582
Doug, can I talk to you
privately for a second?
474
00:19:32,801 --> 00:19:35,636
Pruzan told you
about a great doctor?
475
00:19:35,704 --> 00:19:38,305
Yeah. He told me
about his guy,
476
00:19:38,373 --> 00:19:40,875
but I thought
we should go another way.
477
00:19:40,943 --> 00:19:43,845
Go another way. Hmm.
478
00:19:45,014 --> 00:19:46,731
Watch out, honey!
479
00:19:46,799 --> 00:19:49,167
Could you just
calm down?
480
00:19:49,235 --> 00:19:51,303
Look, the guy he recommended
was in Manhattan.
481
00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:52,870
You go in there,
you're just paying
482
00:19:52,939 --> 00:19:54,239
for the bells
and the whistles.
483
00:19:54,307 --> 00:19:56,041
Mmm-hmm. Is sight
a bell or a whistle?
484
00:19:56,108 --> 00:19:58,509
The place
we went to seemed fine.
485
00:19:58,578 --> 00:19:59,978
They were certified.
486
00:20:00,046 --> 00:20:01,829
I got the
certification inside.
You want to see it?
487
00:20:01,897 --> 00:20:03,615
I'd like to see
a lot of things, hon.
488
00:20:03,682 --> 00:20:06,134
I'm just-- I'm just sayin'
it seemed fine, ok?
489
00:20:06,202 --> 00:20:08,203
I mean, the brochure,
it was beautiful,
490
00:20:08,270 --> 00:20:10,005
and I--I got the coupon
in the mail.
491
00:20:10,072 --> 00:20:11,806
A coupon?
492
00:20:14,226 --> 00:20:16,310
I cannot believe
you used a coupon
for my surgery?
493
00:20:16,379 --> 00:20:17,979
How could you
go to a place
494
00:20:18,046 --> 00:20:19,347
that even
offered a coupon?
495
00:20:19,415 --> 00:20:21,215
How much
did you save, Doug?
496
00:20:21,283 --> 00:20:22,550
I don't want
to say now.
497
00:20:22,618 --> 00:20:24,869
I wanna know
how much you saved.
498
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:28,455
Half off
the second eye.
499
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,126
Half off the second eye.
500
00:20:32,194 --> 00:20:33,394
That's wonderful.
501
00:20:33,462 --> 00:20:34,596
You know what, sweetie?
502
00:20:34,664 --> 00:20:36,364
Next time you want
to give me a gift,
503
00:20:36,432 --> 00:20:37,632
just hand me
a $100 bill,
504
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:38,900
and stay the hell
away from me.
505
00:20:39,101 --> 00:20:40,434
Ok, Carrie, you know,
I get it, ok?
506
00:20:40,502 --> 00:20:41,803
All my gifts suck, ok?
507
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:43,204
Why don't you just throw
your eyeballs
508
00:20:43,271 --> 00:20:44,589
in the goodwill bag?
509
00:20:44,657 --> 00:20:46,691
Oh, I cannot believe
510
00:20:46,759 --> 00:20:49,694
you are still trying
to make me feel guilty
about this.
511
00:20:49,696 --> 00:20:51,246
Yeah, well,
you hurt my feelings!
512
00:20:51,313 --> 00:20:52,080
Well, you blinded me!
513
00:20:52,148 --> 00:20:53,564
So we're even!
514
00:20:56,902 --> 00:20:58,185
(Doug)
Ok, here we go.
515
00:20:58,253 --> 00:21:00,487
Wow. Pruzan's guy
516
00:21:00,555 --> 00:21:01,856
even uses
nicer bandages.
517
00:21:01,924 --> 00:21:03,825
All right.
Could you just
get it off please?
518
00:21:03,892 --> 00:21:05,093
I will. Relax, ok?
519
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,260
Everything's
gonna be fine.
520
00:21:06,328 --> 00:21:07,628
Ok.
521
00:21:07,696 --> 00:21:08,896
[Inaudible]
522
00:21:13,501 --> 00:21:14,902
Here we go.
523
00:21:18,406 --> 00:21:19,506
I can see.
524
00:21:19,574 --> 00:21:21,092
I can see
everything clearly.
525
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,361
Oh, my God,
this is fantastic!
526
00:21:23,428 --> 00:21:24,729
Ok.
527
00:21:27,432 --> 00:21:28,800
Apology accepted.
528
00:21:38,928 --> 00:21:40,595
There's no better feeling
in the world
529
00:21:40,663 --> 00:21:42,229
than a warm bag
of Chinese take-out
530
00:21:42,297 --> 00:21:43,765
on your lap.
531
00:21:43,832 --> 00:21:47,184
I thought there was
no better feeling than pizza.
532
00:21:47,252 --> 00:21:49,303
Now it's Chinese.
533
00:21:50,071 --> 00:21:51,238
Ok.
534
00:22:03,318 --> 00:22:05,787
I got egg roll
on myself and the car.
36753
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