All language subtitles for The King of Queens - S04E01 - Walk, Man (1080p x265 EDGE2020)-ing

[Telephone ringing]

Oh, great.

[Panting]

[Continues ringing]

Oh. Ok.

[Exhales]

Cake.

Yeah?

[Panting]

Who is this?

Hey, bud.
That was my dog Allen.

[Motherese]
He just wanted to say hello.

[Grunting]

Here,
it's for you, Arthur.

A. Spooner speaking.

[Panting]

Lillian?

♪ My eyes
are gettin' weary ♪

♪ my back is gettin' tight

♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪

♪ on the queensborough bridge
tonight ♪

♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I wanna do ♪

♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪

♪ 'cause, baby, all my life

♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪

What's goin' on?

Usually in the morning
you're a little like,

"go away."

I know, but I just
feel good today.

I think that I am

maybe ready to start
trying to have a baby.

What?

Yeah. Well,
the miscarriage was, like,

4 months ago already.

And the doctor said
it would be safe, right?

So I--I guess I just woke up
this morning feeling ready.

Are you?

Not now, not now, stupid.

You sure?

No. I meant tonight
or something.

Oh?

I'll have you knocked up
and on the subway

in, like, 10 minutes.

Come on.
We'll make a night of it.

We'll go to
fiorello's for dinner,

get in the mood.

Food and sex, those
are your favorites, right?

Yeah. In--in that order, too.

I'm glad
you're feeling ready, Carrie.

Me, too.

Good morning.
Ok.

Dad, what's
with the pajamas?

How come
you're not dressed?

Darling, if you can think
of a reason why
I should get dressed,

I'd be delighted
to know what it is.

I got nothin'.

Well, come on.
At least walk down
to the senior center

and play chess
with Mickey.

I'm afraid that's
out of the question.

He moved to yonkers
to live with his daughter.

Oh, I'm sorry, dad.

He was your last real friend
around here, wasn't he?

Yeah. Afraid so.

Gonna miss that crazy lug,

that silly laugh of his.

The way his teeth would
come part of the way out.

And that's gin.
Ok. See you tonight.

Mmm-hmm.
8 o'clock, fiorello's?

Actually,
I'm heading out, too.

Oh, ok.
See you later, Arthur.

Yeah, have a good day, dad.

Yeah.

You have a good day, too.

I'll mind the store.

So you've been
wined and dined,

all that,

you, uh,
you good to go?

I am ready to get back
on the horse.

Or, in this case,

have the horse
get back on you.

Give it your
best shot, Eddie.

All right, break it up.

We got big doings in here.

What's goin' on,
dad?

Come on in. Hurry,

on the double,
chop-chop.

Ta-da!

What are you ta-daing
about? W-w-what is that?

El backo,

the new board game
you ordered for me

on the interstate.

Internet, dad.

So, shall I set up in here
or in the...

Or in the living room?

Uh, dad, it's really late.
What are you still doing up?

I napped for 6 hours.
I'm bursting with energy.

Come on,
one quick game.

No, forget it, Arthur.
Not tonight.

Yeah, maybe another time,
dad. Good night.

Oh, that's just dandy,
isn't it?

I've been alone in
this house since 8 a.m.,

and all I ask is
for a few moments

of human interaction
when you come home,

but apparently,

that's more
than you can spare.

Good night.

[Door slamming]

Ready to head up?
Come on.

7, 8, 9, and 10.

Back to start.

I have to go back
to start again?

You landed on El backo.

Now get goin', missy. Mush!

[Chuckling]

(Arthur)
8, 9, 10.

I've landed on the alamo,

which at the moment
you're defending, Douglas.

So?

Don't kill the messenger,
but I'm afraid

you're out
of the game!

Well,
that was fun, daddy.

All right, well,
rematch next month.

Don't try
to duck us.

Hey, wait! Wait, wait.
What?

Douglas is out,

only Douglas.

[T.V. Playing]

I won.

[Sighs]

Oh, good work.
All right, so, uh,

can we get this
sex thing goin' now?

It's late,

so don't expect
the sports package.

Yeah.

Ok, get ready.

This is gonna be hot.
Come on, baby.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

What? W-what is it?

Nothin'. I just got a peso
from the game in my pocket.

In your pocket.
Did you cheat?

Well, I'm here now, aren't I?

You know what, honey?
Honey?

Would you mind

if--if we didn't
do this tonight?

3 hours as the El backo banker
has pretty much

shut me down for the night.

Oh, come on,
keep the bank open,

one more
angry customer.

Honey, look,
if it was just sex,

I would push through, ok?

But we're trying
to make a baby.

I want it to be
special and wonderful

and--and right.

You wanna sneak one
in, in the morning?

No, I don't wanna
sneak one in.

Our--our kid
is gonna ask me one day

how he or she
came to be,

and I don't wanna say,

"well, your dad
had at me

while I was brushin'
my teeth."

We need to set aside
you know, special time,

without distractions.

Without my father

clawing at us
for attention.

When the hell is
that ever gonna happen?

Ever since Mickey moved,

your dad spends
all day napping.

By the time
we come home,

he's cocked and loaded.

I know. I--I hate this.

What are we gonna do?

Hey, why don't
we hire a nurse

to come by
during the day,

spend time with him?

You know how expensive
a private nurse is?

Maybe your insurance
from work will cover it.

No. They'll only cover it
if he's disabled.

So I'll disable him.

Ah, maybe we're--we're just
not meant to have a baby.

Or actually,

maybe we are meant to have
a baby.

And my dad is our baby.

The only difference
is we don't change him,

yet.

So, sex-wise,

I'm definitely on
my own tonight, or...

(Deacon)
Yo, Spence!

Sandwiches.

Hey, who wants
a little side salad?

Show of hands.

Ok, more for me.

Oh, this thing
with Arthur

is driving me nuts.

Mmm. It's rough, huh?

It's brutal.
I'll have to drive him
out to the woods

if I'm ever gonna get
any more schnick schnack.

[Key jingling]

Yo, Spence.
Someone's here.

Oh.

Fellas, prepare
to meet the new lady

in my life.

W-what? You--you got
a girlfriend?

Dog Walker

but things are brewing.

Hey, holly.

Oh, hey. I didn't know
you were home.

Oh, yeah.
I just rolled in
a few minutes ago

and grabbed
somethin' to eat.

Oh, yeah. Ok, no!
Cupcake, no. Cupcake, no!

Sit!

...a few minutes ago
from work.

So, uh, how was
my little Allen's walk today?

Oh, it was great.
It's weird, though.

Both the male
and female dogs

like to hump him.

Kind of like you, Spence.

It's a-- it's a couple
of blue-collar guys

I hang out with.

You know,
just keepin' it real.

Uh, you know,
I was wonderin' some night

if maybe you're free--

[cupcake whining]

Cupcake, cupcake!
Sit! Sit! Sit!

Listen, you know,

I better get
this one home.

He just had a long day.
Oh, ok.

I will see you Thursday,
Allen.

Mmm, I love you.

I love you, Allen.
I miss you.

I'll see you soon.

Oh, hey. Yeah, um,
it's thur-- Thursday it is.

Yeah, she's way
into you.

So, uh, when did
you hire a dog Walker
anyway?

Uh, about a week ago.

Allen was going crazy

being cooped up
while I was at work,

and now he's
so tired out from the walk,

he just sleeps straight
through until morning.

Hey.

[Moaning]

Come on, sweetie.
I'm tryin' to work here.

I was thinkin'
maybe you'd knock off.

I was thinkin' maybe
you and I head upstairs.

I think my boys
are in the mood

for a little egg hunt.

I can't.
My dad's home,

and I promised him

that El backo grudge match
at high noon.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
too much about that.

Arthur!

What's going on?

You just sit back, relax,
and enjoy the show.

Yes, Douglas.

[Doorbell ringing]
Come here,

there's someone
who wants to meet you.

Hey, holly.
Hello.

Arthur, this is, uh, holly.
She's a friend of Spence's.

How do you do?

Uh, holly's writing a paper
on world war ii,

and she wanted
to speak to someone
who was there.

Right?

Right. Yes,
yes, I--I do.

Well, uh, are you interested
in the real story

or just the patriotic crap
they want you to believe?

Um, the first one.
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, a fellow skeptic.

Well, let me just take
my kettle off the stove,

and we'll get to it.

Ok, Spence says
you get 10 bucks a day, right?

What?
No, it's fine. It's fine.

Hi. Listen, can we talk
about something for a second?

Here is $30 advance
for the first week,

and you'll come by
every Tuesday, Thursday,
and Saturday.

And, if you could,
do me a favor,

really wear him out.

What?
No, it's fine. It's fine.

Ok, so are we all set here?
Well, I-it's just--

w-what's the matter?

I--I just don't usually
do this with people.

Hey, look,
you do it with dogs,

you can do it
with people.

It's fine.

I'm all set.
Shall we talk in here

or in the kitchen?

Would--would you like to
go for a walk?

A walk? Fabulous idea.

See you later, kids.

All right. Well, you guys
have a good time.

What is she doing
to my father for $10?

She's walkin' him.
She's a dog Walker.

A d-dog Walker?

A dog Walker?

Yeah.
You hired a dog Walker

to walk my father?

I thought
you'd be happy.

My--my father
is not a dog.

I know he's not a dog.
He's a human being

who needs walking

and who possibly
has fleas.

You are talking

like this is
a normal thing to do.

I know it seems weird,

but think about it.
This solves all our problems.

I mean, he--
he's out getting exercise

and getting companionship.

I mean,
it's like we hired a nurse

without all
the book learnin's.

And take a look around.

He's gone.

He's gone.

The entire war effort,

every dollar
spent and every life lost

was orchestrated

by the international
can goods industry.

That's a fact.

Yeah,
I think I heard that.

(Man)
Oh, hey, holly.

Day off, today?

Um, not exactly.

[Sighs]

Holly, hello.
Good to see you.

Hi, Arthur.
Ready to go for a walk?

You bet.

Hey.

Douglas,
see you in 2 hours.

Holly and I are off
for a walk.

Wow. Are you?
That's so nice.

Here you go.

How's everything
goin' with him?

Oh, it's great.
It was a little
weird at first,

but I gotta say,

Arthur is such
a pleasure to walk.

I think he and ranger
are my favorites.

(Arthur)
Holly, are you comin'?

I'm comin'. Bye.

All right. Bye-bye.

Carrie!

Hey, Carrie. He's gone.

He's gone.

Great. Bye.

Whoa, whoa, hey,
where you goin'?

Spinning class.

Your father's
out gettin' walked.

I know, that's why
I'm going now.

Last time he was out,
you went to
the book club thing.

Yes, and I asked you
to come with me to that.

But you said
you didn't feel like
putting shoes on.

What's all this
going out stuff anyway?

I thought
you wanted to have a baby.

I do, and we've tried.

It's just that
I'm not ovulating
this week.

You aren't,
or you won't?

Yeah, Doug. You caught me.
I'm holding my eggs in.

Can I get to spinning now?

If I'm late,
all the good bikes
will be taken.

What--what?

You spin on bikes?

Yeah. What'd you think,
we just stand on the floor

and just spin around?

As a matter of fact,
I did, yeah. Ok?

Look, the point is,

I paid for this
no-Arthur time, ok?

I don't think you
should be cashin' in
on it for other things.

Doug, I finally
have some free time

and I am just trying
to enjoy it.

I mean,
I'm--I'm reading again.

I'm exercising.

I don't read
or exercise.

Where does
that leave me?

Here. Have a party.

I paid for the time!

Oh, hey, Spence.
Sorry, I'm late.

I ran long with Arthur.

What a shock.

Oh, did Allen make
on the rug again?

Yeah. Yeah.

It kind of forms a pattern
from the other day.

It looks like Florida

if Florida
were made out of urine.

Hey, Spence, can I talk
to you about something?

Yeah, what?

Well, it's just that
I've been tryin' to walk,
you know,

Allen and Arthur
on the same day,

and it just hasn't
really been working out

and--and I feel like
I need to make a choice.

And you're choosing Arthur.

Well, it's a lot of things.

I mean, uh, he lives closer
to my house.

Uh, he's a person.

He's also
an unwitting pawn

in--in Doug and Carrie's
sick little charade.

Yeah. Anyway, um,

here's a number
of another dog Walker.

Chuck.

Yeah. He's great.

He's really cute, too.
I don't know if you're gay,

but if you are,
he is super.

Bye, Allen.

Hey. How was spinning?

Great. I feel happy,
healthy, and more alive.

How was sitting
on the couch rotting?

I'll let you know
when I'm done.

Hey, dad,
how was your walk with holly?

Not so good.

I got a little problem
on my hands.

What?

I think I may have
to tell her not to
come by here any more.

What? Why?

Because she's falling for me,
that's why.

Holly? No, no. Dad, no.

Of course, she is.
Why else would she
insist on seeing me

every single Tuesday,
Thursday, and Saturday?

She's obsessed.

She's working on that paper.

It's that paper.

Oh, please, there's no paper.

Of course,
there's the paper.

There is no paper.

Her questions about the war
are ludicrous.

The other day,

she actually asked me
who won.

She's learning.

Oh, how did I let
things get so far?

I'm 50 years older
than that girl.

It could never work out

or could it?

I'm so confused.

Ok, dad, look,
I--I don't know
what's going on,

but I don't think
you should
do anything hasty

like--like tell her
not to come by here any more.

Definitely don't do that.

Oh, I don't know
about that, car.

You know, maybe
he should end it with her.

I don't think

this arrangement's
doing anyone any good here.

What is going on?

Why are you telling him
to end this?

Well, maybe if
this whole deal
were working out

more the way
I hoped it would,

my advice would be
a little different.

Fine.
What do you want?

You can keep the spinning,
but lose the book club

and replace it

with more sex and t.V.
With me.

Ok, but I'm spinning
Tuesday and Saturday,

and for the sex thing
to work out,

there are a few pair
of underwear

I'm gonna need you
to get rid of.

Done.

Now, was
that so hard? Hmm?

Ok. All right.

What are we gonna
tell my dad to get him back
on board with this?

I just want you
to know, holly,

that I'm honored
that you regard me

as the father
you never had.

But I have a father.

They told me
you'd say that.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Spence.

Hi, Spence.
W-what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just,
uh, walking my dog myself.

So, you 2 have struck up
quite a friendship,

haven't you?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It's a bit odd,
though, isn't it?

It's just a bit odd.

Spence, don't.

I'm a father figure
to this girl,

that's all.

Oh, I see.

And I suppose
she needs a father figure

at exactly 2 P.M.

Every Tuesday,
Thursday, and Saturday,

right here in this park.
Is that it?

What are you driving at, son?

Oh, for... Arthur,

don't you see
what's going on?

I mean, for God's sakes,
look around you.

[Dogs barking]

I still don't know
what your point is.

What are you, blind?

This is a dog park.

She's been walking you
for money.

She's a pro.

Arthur,
can I explain?

No!

No!
Arthur.

Arthur!

(Man)
Rascal!

Arthur!
Rascal!

Arthur!
Rascal!

Dad, you're late.
Dinner's on the table.

Why's my food here?

What do you mean?

Why isn't it there?

That's where
you want me to eat.

Isn't it?

Isn't it?

[Door slams]

[Sighs]

Well, we had
a nice ride.

How long do you think
he'll stay mad at us?

3,4 hours.

Oh, I can spin.

[Dogs barking]

Hi, Arthur.

Hello.
You're looking well.

So are you.

Listen, I'm--I'm really sorry
about everything.

Oh, no need to apologize,
my dear.

We all have to
make a living, I suppose,

not me personally,
but most people.

I--I--I swear that it wasn't
just about the money.

I mean, I really enjoyed
talking with you,

learning about buzz bombs
and trench foot.

Trench foot, yes.

The scourge
of the European battlefield.

That was quite a time.

Hey, listen, um,

would you wanna
take a walk with me?

Are you throwing me
a freebie?

Of course.

Then I'd like that.