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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,754 Previously on Resident Alien... 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,214 This city is an assault on my senses. 3 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,050 Who the hell is Galvan/Powell Group? 4 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,469 You have no idea who you are dealing with. 5 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:14,139 Constellation Ursa Major. That is where we will find Goliath. 6 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,725 People already think Patience is a murder town. 7 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,644 You want them to think it's an alien town, too? 8 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,812 Jessup is trying to build a five-star resort. 9 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,564 Who says it's gotta be Jessup? 10 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:25,567 That Grady property up on the ridge is begging to be developed. 11 00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:26,693 You think you're pregnant? 12 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:28,862 When you're ready, it'll be there. 13 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,531 Dr. Smallwood... He's trying to fire you. 14 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,241 And now we officially have no doctor. 15 00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,076 Dr. Vanderspeigle is our only real candidate. 16 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,244 He has a birthday coming up. 17 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,413 The alien we went to see was dead. 18 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,499 Goliath held out for as long as he could. 19 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,167 But it gave birth to an egg... No! 20 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,086 And now it's in Harry's bag. 21 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,088 Do you even know when it will hatch? 22 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,548 Surprise! 23 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,866 So, where is this alien ball, 24 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:18,036 and how do I know that video wasn't a fake? 25 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,371 You're gonna have to trust me. 26 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,040 Last time I saw you, I was going to have you killed. 27 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,877 Seems like trusting you is moving backwards. 28 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,256 I want to see it. 29 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,438 What do you want? 30 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:49,318 I give you the ball, I get my life back. 31 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:52,487 Honorable discharge, full pension. 32 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,239 Nobody trying to... 33 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,600 Get out of my house. 34 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,603 Happy Birthday, Dr. Vanderspeigle. 35 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,396 Glad to have you back in Patience. 36 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,899 Wow, Harry. It's a surprise party. 37 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,984 That's right. Honoring the birthday 38 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,320 of one of our town's most esteemed residents, 39 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,529 Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle. 40 00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,782 Here's to another trip around the Sun, Dr. V. 41 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,117 By the way, the breaking and entering was Ben's idea. 42 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:42,496 Now, now. No breaking, just entering. The door was unlocked. 43 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,915 Yeah, after you climbed through the window and unlocked it. 44 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,209 Out of respect for our wonderful friend. 45 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,211 Nay, our partner, really, 46 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:53,298 who deserves to be celebrated for, if nothing else, his kindness. 47 00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:56,468 You are all trespassing and should be in prison. 48 00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,638 He's joking. No, he's not. 49 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,224 Thanks for the heads-up. I wasn't invited. I'm just hungry. 50 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,517 Here, let me grab this for you. 51 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,143 No! I can put that away! 52 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:07,604 Oh, no way. No worrying about luggage for you. 53 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,982 Whoa, close call there. 54 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,193 All right, let's get the festivities started. 55 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:16,405 I do not like having people at my house uninvited. 56 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,573 Well, now you know how Earth felt when you got here. 57 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,911 Okay, I'll get rid of everyone. Just take that thing downstairs. 58 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,621 Only half of it is "thing." 59 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,957 The other half is alien. 60 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:30,877 Sure. 61 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,089 Oh, Dr. Vanderspeigle, how was your trip? 62 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,007 I heard you went to a medical conference in New York. 63 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:38,176 Yes, I went to an art party. 64 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,429 And took illegal drugs. 65 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,265 You know, I went to an art party once. 66 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,059 Well, it wasn't an art party. I guess you could call that art... 67 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,520 Do you have a pet spider? Because it's in your hair. 68 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:49,938 What? Yeah. 69 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,106 Oh! 70 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,400 No, no, no! No. Yes. 71 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,527 Where is it? It is gone now. 72 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,320 What? 73 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,699 Mmm-mmm. Nope. 74 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,750 So, when you gonna ask Dr. V to be the town doctor, Ben? 75 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,461 I don't know what you're talking about. 76 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,213 Come on, man. This is what this is all about. You're wooing him. 77 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:18,008 Look. Word of advice -- get him drunk before you ask him. 78 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,342 It'll help smooth the woo. 79 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,179 I'm just showing appreciation. There's no woo. 80 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,807 Hey, Ben. Thanks for pulling all this together. 81 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,811 Um, Harry's not really feeling very well, 82 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,563 so maybe we could do this another night. 83 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,647 Uh, can't. 84 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,859 It's a special night for Harry, and if he's not feeling well, 85 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:39,154 then, by golly, we will nurse him back to health together as a town. 86 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,280 We're staying. 87 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,240 Woo. 88 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,869 Ben, that's very... Excuse me. 89 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,457 Okay. If an alien baby kills you, it's not my fault. 90 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:57,172 I do not understand why humans celebrate their births. 91 00:04:57,255 --> 00:05:00,801 Everyone who is alive has been born. It is not special. 92 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:04,387 A birthday party is just a participation trophy. 93 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,684 It's my grandmother's secret deviled egg recipe. 94 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,854 I snuck into her desk and stole it when I was 10. 95 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,689 She's hated me ever since. 96 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,650 Mmm. Well, these are insane. 97 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,152 I mean, it's horrible to lose your grandmother, but worth it. 98 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,280 Last Christmas, she said she hopes she dies soon, 99 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:25,200 so she can haunt me and steal my soul. 100 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,701 She holds a grudge. 101 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:30,497 Mmm, not for me. I'm not a fan of yolk mixtures 102 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:33,124 or having my soul taken by an angry ghost. 103 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,209 Just try one. 104 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,211 I would, but I said no. 105 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,510 Fine, yeah. I'll have a bite. 106 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:49,391 Oh, my God. 107 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,602 Mmm. It's a delicate farm in my mouth. 108 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,104 Mmm! 109 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,064 No. You doubted them. 110 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,024 I didn't doubt it. You don't deserve a second one. 111 00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:01,194 No, I do. The second one is even better somehow. 112 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:05,031 It's like I can taste the farmer's wife calling her family in for supper, 113 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,158 mmm, "Comin', Mama." 114 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,786 Mmm. 115 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,329 "I'm comin'." 116 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,082 But I wanna taste farm supper... 117 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:17,752 What did you do with it? 118 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:20,213 It is in the bunker. It is safe. 119 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,923 Glad the alien in the cellar is safe. 120 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,342 Harry, what if it hatches down there? 121 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:29,222 Mmm, Alien babies have a big appetite 122 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,892 for high-calorie junky food. 123 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,101 Uh-huh. 124 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,437 There's nothing more junky than a human. 125 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,772 We are in danger. 126 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:39,941 We have to get everyone out of here. 127 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,568 Make yourself look sick. 128 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,778 That's good. Yes. Good. 129 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,448 I have not done anything yet. 130 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,825 Oh. Sorry. 131 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,620 It's good, though. 132 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,206 There he is! 133 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:59,252 For he's a jolly good fellow 134 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,880 For he's a jolly good fellow 135 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:05,467 For he's a jolly good fellow 136 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,470 Which nobody can deny 137 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,596 All right. 138 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,139 You think I am a good fellow? 139 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:12,974 And jolly. 140 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,726 And so sick... Sick. Mmm. 141 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:18,229 Sick of being alone, maybe. 142 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,815 It's your birthday. It is your special day. 143 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,484 All this, it's for you. 144 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,153 Plus, cake. If, uh, Jay ever shows up with it. 145 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,780 What? Can it be pie? 146 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,114 No. Pie it is. 147 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,741 I feel better. You can stay. 148 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:30,825 Harry. 149 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,744 You sure, Doc? You still look kind of pale. 150 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,496 It is my Dutch skin. 151 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,832 You hear that everyone? Our good cheer has cured him. 152 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,542 I'm gonna get that pie for you. 153 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,921 Great. I have enough eggs to last all night, but we may need more ice, 154 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:44,798 because if they don't stay chilled, they go south fast. 155 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,842 I got you, Deputy. You got ice down in that meat freezer of yours, right? 156 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,344 Do not go down there. 157 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:50,679 The floor's cracked. 158 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:56,476 And if you step on it, you'll break your mama's back. Here. 159 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,523 What'd he say about my mama? 160 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,442 Today is all about celebrating 161 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:08,113 the birth of a man I murdered and threw in the frozen lake. 162 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,699 Ice seems appropriate. 163 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,159 Sulfur. 164 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:25,964 Hello? 165 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,351 Wow, soda. 166 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,770 You handling heavy machinery later? 167 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,940 Right, you were out of town. We haven't talked. I stopped drinking. 168 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,025 Really? Mmm-hmm. 169 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,401 Since when? One o'clock. 170 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,194 Last night? This afternoon. 171 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,863 You gotta start somewhere. 172 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,365 You know, been eating healthy, getting back in shape. 173 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,117 Oh, I even started going to the gym again. 174 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,368 Wow, I love that. 175 00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:56,578 Feels pretty good. 176 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,123 Hey, still waiting on an invite to come here tonight. 177 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,584 Email not a thing anymore? 178 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,085 Open wide. 179 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:05,837 Hey, hon. Hi. 180 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,547 You having fun? Yeah. 181 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,884 Um, are they gonna do anything about that sulfur smell? 182 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:11,968 I'm gonna barf. 183 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,970 I don't smell anything. 184 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,307 Hey, uh, remember when you were pregnant, 185 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,476 and you had that sense of smell like a superhero? 186 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,436 Hope you're not pregnant. 187 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:22,562 Could you imagine? 188 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,689 Yeah, right? 189 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,442 I'm gonna get some sweet gherkins. You want anything? 190 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,526 Oh, sure don't. 191 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,446 Sure don't. 192 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,907 This is a problem. 193 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,243 Even at birth, my alien kind is very strong and agile. 194 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,412 That thing could be anywhere by now. 195 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,999 If it were a fully human baby, it would be much easier. 196 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,667 Human infants are the only mammal 197 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,961 whose main attribute is helplessly flopping. 198 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,173 Need some help with that ice down there, Doc? 199 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,299 No. 200 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,426 I am good at ice-carrying. 201 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,606 You sure? I'll come down and help. 202 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:10,193 No! No. I want to carry it myself. 203 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,529 The ice feels good on my nipples. 204 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,325 Thanks, Doc. Damn, you smell like sulfur. 205 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,702 What, you have an outhouse party down there? 206 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,621 No. It is not sulfur. 207 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,331 What are you, crazy? 208 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:27,085 It is the deputy's eggs. They are stinky. 209 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,294 Well, that makes sense. 210 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,046 Yeah, those things are delicious but deadly. 211 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,715 You gotta stop at two, or it's like eating a butt gun. 212 00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:36,594 I would not fire a gun made out of butts. 213 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,600 The mayonnaise is homemade, and I mix the yolks by hand. 214 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,812 And I don't use canola oil like most people. 215 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,941 The key is olive oil. It really brings out the eggy flavor. 216 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,109 Hmm. 217 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:52,277 Yum. 218 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,155 Excuse me. Just one second. Okay. Okay. 219 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,671 And I'm sorry for all I've taken 220 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,799 And I'm sorry for all I've let loose 221 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:20,638 I wanna be true 222 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,475 I wanna be forgiven 223 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:29,981 For givin' up 224 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:33,693 On everything I knew 225 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,614 I wanna be true 226 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,450 I'm serious. If you're wearing nurse scrubs and you're running, 227 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,828 stores will pretty much let you take anything for free. Uh-huh. 228 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,414 Yeah. Of course. 229 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:48,958 No, seriously, anything. 230 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,295 Okay, so, I marked all the military installations 231 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,380 where they could be holding the alien ball. 232 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:57,592 I circled the underground ones nobody knows about. 233 00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,136 Ben's throwing a surprise birthday party for Dr. V, 234 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,389 but he's just doing that to trick him into being town doctor again. 235 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:04,974 It's this big secret. 236 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,060 Yeah. I told everyone. 237 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,270 Town doctor? 238 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,105 What happened to Dr. Ethan? 239 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,233 He left town the night the Men in Black were here. 240 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,901 You mean, the night you told the Men in Black 241 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,153 - Dr. Ethan was the alien? - Yeah, that night. 242 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,280 Guess Dr. Ethan just didn't like it here. 243 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,575 Is your brain in your butt? 244 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,077 I hope not. 245 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,745 Don't you realize what happened? 246 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,331 The Men in Black took Dr. Ethan. 247 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,333 As soon as they figure out he's human, 248 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,418 they'll know the alien is still in Patience 249 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:33,836 and come back looking for him. 250 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,631 We have to go to that party and warn ASTA. 251 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,633 How? We have a babysitter. 252 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,679 We'll get her to fall asleep. 253 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,763 I know what to do. 254 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,141 Same way my Aunt Azadeh conks out when she visits. 255 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,936 Sleeping pills? No. 256 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,690 Calm-voiced nature videos. 257 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,735 What you gonna do with all them pickles? 258 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:01,823 Ah, those are not pickles. Those are sweet gherkins, or, uh, cornichons. 259 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,409 Did you just correct me on how to say a pickle? 260 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,369 No. I'm just saying. 261 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,122 I'm gonna get some punch. 262 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,292 How's the punch? It fell. 263 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,376 What? 264 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,628 What? 265 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:19,674 What? 266 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,509 What? 267 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,721 Oh, no. 268 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:26,764 I didn't... 269 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,401 It's pretty, huh? 270 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,237 Yeah, it's amazing. 271 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,949 I used to spend a lot of time here when you were dating Harry. 272 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:48,661 Oh, I wouldn't call it dating. It was really more of a drive by. 273 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,707 So, any exciting news? 274 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,543 No, I haven't taken the test yet. 275 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:01,841 If I take the test and it's positive, then I'm pregnant. 276 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,260 Yeah, that's not how it works. 277 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,391 You know, I was just talking to Harry about New York. 278 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:14,395 All I could think about was how exciting it would be to live there, you know? 279 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,939 The art shows, the theater, all of it. 280 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,734 Why can't that be my life? 281 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,903 I don't know. Why can't it? 282 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,448 Because I'm stuck here, pushing out babies like a stray dog. 283 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:27,617 The ones with all the nipples? 284 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,620 So many nipples. Huge, huge nipples. 285 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,373 You adopt one, it turns over. Nipples! 286 00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,464 Come on. 287 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,508 Let's go pee on a stick. 288 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,386 Hold your breath. Liv just brought out a new tray of eggs. 289 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,351 The size of the bull elk's antlers 290 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:56,562 depends on how much sunlight the elk gets. 291 00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:02,068 Here, this elk basks in the warm rays of the midday sun. 292 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:07,407 A full-sized male's antlers can grow up to an inch per day 293 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,075 during the summer months. 294 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:12,078 They're typically fully grown by mid-August. 295 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,163 If he is able to... 296 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,165 Hey! Where are you going? 297 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,458 Bike ride? Taking out the garbage! 298 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,460 Just come home before your parents get back. 299 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,088 No drugs! 300 00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,050 She's a horrible babysitter. Yeah. 301 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,189 Whoa. 302 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,201 What the hell? 303 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,253 - Harry? - No, just me. 304 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,213 Just me in here peeing. Sorry. 305 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,009 God, I can't hold the stick. My hand's shaking too much. 306 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,427 Okay, give it to me. I'll hold it. 307 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,511 - You sure? - Yeah. 308 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,555 Okay, it's in position. Go. 309 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,558 And you just pissed on my hand. 310 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,280 There you are. What are you doing? 311 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,618 I am enjoying my birthday candy. 312 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:36,996 Have you checked on the egg? 313 00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:38,539 'Cause if there's any chance that it will hatch, 314 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,500 we have to get everyone out of this party right now. 315 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:43,002 The party cannot end. There is pie coming. 316 00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,004 Do not worry. The baby will not hatch. 317 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,090 It is definitely still inside of its shell. 318 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,345 Nowhere else. 319 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,430 Okay. It's still a party, though, 320 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,767 so you can't just hide in the bedroom, or people will be suspicious. 321 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,312 Come talk to someone, and don't be weird. 322 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:03,856 Here we go. 323 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,735 I will talk to Dan because he has food. 324 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,113 And that is not weird. 325 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:14,617 Hi, Dan. 326 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,914 Here is some money for my meal, 327 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:24,794 and I'll also take a side of fries at the table. 328 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,101 Really sorry about that. 329 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,812 Oh, don't worry. I've been peed on before. 330 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,898 I have too. I kind of like it. 331 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:49,235 I was talking about a frog I picked up when I was a kid. 332 00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:50,945 Yeah, frogs. Me too. 333 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,241 Oh, time's up. 334 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,498 Shit. 335 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,131 Congratulations. 336 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,009 You gonna tell Ben the good news? 337 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,052 Not until I'm convinced it's good news. 338 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,015 Why? If you get overwhelmed, 339 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,226 just think back on a time when life was simple, 340 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,854 and you were just a woman pissing on another woman. 341 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,024 You got this, Hawthorne. 342 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,280 Please darlin' 343 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:38,409 Take mercy on my broken heart, yeah 344 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,870 And take my soul if you want what's left of it 345 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,288 You're not gonna believe it. 346 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,374 Eugena Plunkett came in, saying she saw a UFO 347 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,335 a couple of months ago in Patience. 348 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:51,339 Can you imagine? That seems crazy. 349 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:54,133 Remember that camping trip when we were kids, 350 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:57,219 when Ben saw something and he ran, 351 00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:00,306 and everyone followed him, and I stayed back by the fire? 352 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,641 Yeah, I think so. 353 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,768 But he didn't see anything, right? 354 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:05,936 No. No. 355 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,313 Yeah. 356 00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:08,773 No. 357 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,107 But I did. 358 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:13,486 Really? What? 359 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,405 A UFO. 360 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:20,576 A real-life UFO. 361 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,664 Don't you wanna believe that we're not alone, 362 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,917 like, that there's something bigger than us out there? 363 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,587 Sure, um, but not in Patience. 364 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,673 I mean, we just barely got a pizza place. 365 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,800 I am sure there are not aliens here. 366 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,427 You're probably right. 367 00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:42,765 It's just fun to think about sometimes. 368 00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:44,225 Hello. Hey. 369 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,935 Jay's here. 370 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,853 Finally. Okay. 371 00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,563 Pretend like you're talking to me, would you? 372 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:50,690 I am talking to you. 373 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:55,069 Right. Oh God. I just get so nervous when she's around. 374 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,529 I've been giving her space, you know? 375 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,406 But it just feels like it's been forever, 376 00:19:58,489 --> 00:19:59,949 and her 18th birthday is in two days. 377 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,784 Am I talking fast? I'm talking fast. Mmm-hmm. 378 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,911 She's driving now. 379 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,705 Yeah, she's our best customer. 380 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,957 We've given her, like, six tickets. 381 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,500 Oh. Oh. 382 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,294 I'm so sorry. Breathe. 383 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,130 Okay. 384 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,756 Yeah. She's coming. 385 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,466 She's on her way. Don't pass out. 386 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,387 Hi. Hey, how are you? 387 00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,098 How are you? I'm good. 388 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:29,103 Um, so, my birthday's coming up, which you know. 389 00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,522 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was there. 390 00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,984 Yeah, so, look, I was wondering 391 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:39,029 if you might want to do something that day. 392 00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:41,198 Just, um, you and me. 393 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:43,909 Really? 394 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:47,496 Yeah, you know, just, like, lunch or something. 395 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,582 It's no big deal. Just hang out. 396 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,876 Uh, I would love that. 397 00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:55,212 Okay. Um, great. 398 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:56,964 Pick me up at the diner at 1 :00? 399 00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,425 Maybe we can check out that new Mexican place? 400 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,093 I can't wait. 401 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,179 Okay, um... 402 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,431 I'm gonna go... 403 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:08,601 I'm gonna go eat as much food as I can before Mr. Hawthorne kicks me out. 404 00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:09,810 Sure. Cool. 405 00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:37,296 Hey, are you okay? 406 00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:38,964 Yeah, I'm great. 407 00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:42,009 I just need to pee. 408 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,232 Let me in. I know you're upset. 409 00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:06,867 I'm fine. Just sneezed. 410 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,828 Um, have you seen Harry? 411 00:22:08,911 --> 00:22:11,580 Don't be too self-conscious. I had a bunch of them eggs, too. 412 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,499 You get in line. I'ma be a while. 413 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,626 Don't stand by the door neither, all right? 414 00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:17,837 You're the one that said not to be self-conscious. 415 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,213 Get away from the damn door! 416 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:20,714 I still see your feet! All right. 417 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:29,557 Looking for something? 418 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,559 I wanted to heat up pie. 419 00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:34,103 The baby hatched, and you knew it! 420 00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:36,939 What? This is news to me. 421 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:39,608 How did you not tell me this sooner? 422 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,360 Stop it. I saw it in the bathroom! 423 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,529 And it has teeth. 424 00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:45,781 What kind of baby has teeth? 425 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,491 An alien baby. 426 00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:51,537 They're very good at ripping things or people. 427 00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:54,874 Everyone, we have to leave the house! 428 00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:58,878 No. No, no. I saw it run outside. 429 00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:02,298 Everyone, we need to stay inside the house! 430 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,801 Harry. We should keep everyone together. 431 00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:09,471 Outside is not safe. Come on. 432 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:19,106 Now, any cop that's ever been a cop in D.C. is there, right? 433 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:22,526 That's just the way it is at Kelly's when a cop retires. 434 00:23:23,277 --> 00:23:26,363 So, the next thing you know, we hear all these people screaming, right? 435 00:23:26,447 --> 00:23:28,616 We don't know what's going on. Did a fight break out, you know? 436 00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:33,537 Who knows? And I look, and parting the sea of bodies is a goat. 437 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:36,832 What? Jesse had snuck a goat into the bar 438 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,083 and just let it loose. 439 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,503 See, now that was Jesse! 440 00:23:42,963 --> 00:23:44,214 Good to see you laughing. 441 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,384 Hey, Dad, can I talk to you for a second? Okay. 442 00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:49,553 And this other time... 443 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,390 The alien baby hatched. It's loose! 444 00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:54,642 Is that a bad thing? 445 00:23:54,725 --> 00:23:55,768 It's not a good thing. 446 00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:58,395 Keep everyone together, and don't let anyone outside, okay? 447 00:23:58,479 --> 00:23:59,605 Harry's really worried. 448 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:02,691 He doesn't look worried. Huh? 449 00:24:04,068 --> 00:24:06,737 I do not like this gift. 450 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,739 Didn't I, uh, give you that last Christmas? 451 00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:12,117 Well, maybe if someone had invited me, I'd have time to shop. 452 00:24:12,201 --> 00:24:13,577 Plus, it smells like doodoo, baby. 453 00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:19,249 Harry, can I ask you a quick question about the pie? 454 00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:21,377 The Mayor gives cheap gifts. 455 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,420 Aw, actually, he worked pretty hard on that. 456 00:24:23,504 --> 00:24:27,633 Not cheap. It happens to be beeswax, nature's gold. 457 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:29,426 Isn't gold nature's gold? 458 00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:30,928 Not to Ben. 459 00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:34,014 What if it's outside? Then maybe we should stay here. 460 00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:37,267 And if we're going to stay here, we should open presents. 461 00:24:37,351 --> 00:24:39,269 ASTA! ASTA! Yeah, do not go outside. 462 00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:40,437 ASTA! 463 00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:42,356 We should stay inside while we can't go outside. 464 00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:43,607 - Come on! - Come on! 465 00:24:43,691 --> 00:24:44,692 Harry... 466 00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,444 Let's go to the other window. Yeah. 467 00:24:55,786 --> 00:24:57,496 Cool, a raccoon! 468 00:24:58,163 --> 00:24:59,581 Aw, look at the cute little... 469 00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:04,211 What the... 470 00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:11,301 Do you know what this means? 471 00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:13,804 Raccoon bones don't taste good? 472 00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,557 Harry is breeding alien babies. 473 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,853 How long do I have to keep everybody here for? 474 00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:22,730 I mean, is it safe outside? 475 00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:25,065 Did the "humalien" thing run away? 476 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:29,653 I do not know what the alien will do. It is a hybrid. 477 00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:33,073 The alien part of it will want to come back when it is hungry. 478 00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:34,533 It will know there is food here. 479 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,493 You mean us, right? 480 00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:38,620 No, of course not. 481 00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:41,832 It will want to eat the egg sack that it was born in. 482 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,167 Okay. 483 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:44,501 Then us. 484 00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:49,173 Jesus! I'll go downstairs and look for it, 485 00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:51,800 and maybe snack on the sack. 486 00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:52,968 Ew. 487 00:25:53,093 --> 00:25:54,511 I need something savory. 488 00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:58,515 You know, about it maybe eating us thing... 489 00:25:58,599 --> 00:26:00,309 You got bullets for those guns? 490 00:26:01,602 --> 00:26:02,770 They're all loaded. 491 00:26:02,853 --> 00:26:05,105 The real me was rednecky. 492 00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:11,987 Hey Dan. Uh... 493 00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:13,989 I've been carrying around 494 00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:16,450 some of Jesse's ashes with me for a while now, right? 495 00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,619 I'm thinking maybe it's time to let him go. 496 00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:21,205 You know, spread his ashes. I love that idea. 497 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,166 I think you'll be happier not carrying that weight around. 498 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,293 Yeah. We used to fish together a lot. 499 00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:29,379 So I thought about doing it here, on the lake. 500 00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:31,965 You know, maybe we have a little memorial for him. 501 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:33,675 I'd love for you to be a part of it. 502 00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:34,843 I'd be honored. 503 00:26:35,552 --> 00:26:36,845 Anytime. Great. 504 00:26:37,304 --> 00:26:38,305 All right, let's go. 505 00:26:38,764 --> 00:26:40,557 Uh, not now. 506 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,643 Why not? 507 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:46,647 Too windy. Not good ash-spreading weather. 508 00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:48,774 Well, you the expert, right? 509 00:26:49,650 --> 00:26:50,901 I'ma get me some food. 510 00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:01,161 Hey! Dr. V! 511 00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:02,955 Just thought I'd say hi. 512 00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:05,457 Wow, great work space. 513 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:08,085 You, uh, build birdhouses down here? 514 00:27:08,502 --> 00:27:11,004 You're a tinkerer? You like to tinker? 515 00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:12,714 Yes. 516 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:17,594 Sometimes it makes me shiver because of the warm urine leaving my body. 517 00:27:17,678 --> 00:27:19,096 Oh, no, that's, uh... 518 00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:23,058 Anyway, hey, um... 519 00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:26,687 Wanted to talk to you about something. 520 00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:30,774 Unfortunately, Dr. Smallwood has decided to retire, 521 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:34,528 and we have found ourselves, once again, without a town doctor. 522 00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:37,573 And, yes, I can see by the concern on your face 523 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,033 that you understand what a difficult position this puts me in. 524 00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:41,577 But you know what's even better? 525 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:46,290 Is you returning as our town doctor. What do you think? 526 00:27:46,373 --> 00:27:47,416 I will consider it. 527 00:27:49,209 --> 00:27:50,752 What the heck was that? 528 00:27:51,712 --> 00:27:53,589 It was an Earth animal. 529 00:27:56,633 --> 00:27:58,427 It's a sick raccoon. 530 00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,971 We should probably go away. 531 00:28:01,638 --> 00:28:02,723 Don't get close to it. 532 00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:05,475 Yep. Well, say no more. That's my cue. 533 00:28:05,559 --> 00:28:07,644 Uh, I'll go warn the others. 534 00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:12,149 Hello? 535 00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:14,359 Oh, hi. 536 00:28:14,735 --> 00:28:16,320 Really? That's amazing. 537 00:28:27,831 --> 00:28:29,666 You know, if those raccoons do have rabies, 538 00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:31,126 we should find them and take them somewhere. 539 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:32,961 Shit, I ain't messing with no damn rabies. 540 00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:35,214 You know, 100% of people who have rabies go insane, 541 00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:37,799 but only 20% of insane people have rabies? 542 00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:39,885 That's an Internet fact. Mmm. 543 00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:43,096 This stuff's pretty good. 544 00:28:43,972 --> 00:28:45,557 It's spicier than I remember. 545 00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:49,686 It's tangy. You know? 546 00:28:49,770 --> 00:28:51,313 I'll have some of that. Yeah. 547 00:28:53,190 --> 00:28:55,943 Well, looks like New York's out of the picture. 548 00:28:56,026 --> 00:28:57,986 What? Why? 549 00:28:58,070 --> 00:29:01,406 Ben just got a call from some company that wants to put a resort here. 550 00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:03,158 Says he's gonna be mayor for decades. 551 00:29:03,242 --> 00:29:04,993 Nobody's putting a resort here. 552 00:29:05,619 --> 00:29:07,454 What are you talking about? I don't know. 553 00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:10,123 He says he took pictures of the Grady land to sell them on the idea, 554 00:29:10,207 --> 00:29:11,208 and now they wanna do it. 555 00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:14,795 What? He said he was using those pictures for the town website. 556 00:29:16,505 --> 00:29:17,547 What? 557 00:29:17,631 --> 00:29:18,632 Excuse me. 558 00:29:21,718 --> 00:29:23,929 Hey, didn't realize you were still here. 559 00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:25,806 Yeah, just thought I'd grab something to eat. 560 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:27,349 That was like an hour ago. 561 00:29:27,975 --> 00:29:29,768 I guess I've been eating for an hour. 562 00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:35,107 Didn't realize I hired jughead to deliver the cake. 563 00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:37,401 Hey, what are you two talking about? 564 00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:39,611 Oh, I was just catching up with D'Arcy 565 00:29:39,695 --> 00:29:41,655 about the pictures that you took for the resort. 566 00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:43,365 You know, the ones that you lied to me about, 567 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,117 that you said were for the "town website." 568 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,078 Well, I plan on using those pictures for the town website as well, 569 00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:49,288 so, not a lie. 570 00:29:49,371 --> 00:29:50,831 Hey, uh, should I order more food? 571 00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:52,833 'Cause Jay is going through it like a lawnmower. 572 00:29:52,916 --> 00:29:54,835 Nope, you totally lied to me. 573 00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:57,879 I mean, Jesus. We spent the whole day rock climbing, ATV-ing, 574 00:29:57,963 --> 00:30:00,632 what, so you could just bring in a resort and destroy the town? 575 00:30:00,716 --> 00:30:02,009 You went rock climbing? 576 00:30:02,592 --> 00:30:04,052 A little bit. Small rock. 577 00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:07,639 So, when I got home from my mom's, and I said, "What have you been doing?" 578 00:30:07,723 --> 00:30:09,266 And you said, "Nothing," 579 00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:11,768 was "nothing" rock climbing with D'Arcy? 580 00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:13,437 Uh, you know, I mean... 581 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,106 Isn't "nothing" kind of like a catchall expression? 582 00:30:16,189 --> 00:30:17,691 It really could mean lots of different things. 583 00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:19,067 No. It means nothing. 584 00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:21,653 You know, what you and D'Arcy did, it wasn't nothing. 585 00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:23,905 It was something, and for some reason, 586 00:30:23,989 --> 00:30:25,949 you just didn't tell me about it. 587 00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:27,534 I just didn't think it was a big deal. 588 00:30:27,617 --> 00:30:28,994 Oh, shit. Uh, look. 589 00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:31,038 I hate to insert myself here, 590 00:30:31,121 --> 00:30:33,123 but it looks like Ben could use a little help, 591 00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:36,084 so, just know D'Arcy kissed Ben, not the other way around. 592 00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:38,003 He's a completely innocent bystander. 593 00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:40,130 You kissed Ben? 594 00:30:47,554 --> 00:30:51,183 What a fun development. You two kissed each other. 595 00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:53,185 I told you to tell her about the kiss. 596 00:30:53,935 --> 00:30:55,187 You know, this is on me. 597 00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:57,689 I was drunk, and in a really horrible place. 598 00:30:58,065 --> 00:30:59,441 I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. 599 00:30:59,524 --> 00:31:00,942 It's not Ben's fault. Well put. 600 00:31:01,026 --> 00:31:03,195 If it wasn't your fault, then why wouldn't you just tell me about it? 601 00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:04,905 I mean, then again, why would you? 602 00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:07,949 'Cause I'm only just now hearing about you putting a stupid resort in town. 603 00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:10,827 What resort? You can't put a resort in Patience. 604 00:31:10,911 --> 00:31:12,871 See? I didn't tell anybody. 605 00:31:13,330 --> 00:31:15,582 Is this the resort you were talking about that Ben wanted? 606 00:31:15,665 --> 00:31:17,959 Yeah. I think it's a bad idea, so does my mom. 607 00:31:18,043 --> 00:31:19,878 I told Mike, thought he could keep a secret. 608 00:31:19,961 --> 00:31:22,798 You can't keep secrets from somebody who buys your bear claws every morning. 609 00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:25,133 It took two bear claws to find out about the kiss. 610 00:31:25,217 --> 00:31:27,219 Why is everyone listening to this? 611 00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:29,721 'Cause you're having a public fight, and we have ears. 612 00:31:29,805 --> 00:31:32,432 I'm not having a fight. I am explaining to my wife 613 00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:35,227 why I didn't tell her about hanging out with D'Arcy a couple nights ago. 614 00:31:35,310 --> 00:31:37,687 So, you hung out at night, too? Okay, now it's a fight. 615 00:31:37,771 --> 00:31:38,897 I'm not fighting. 616 00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:41,733 I don't care if he hangs out with D'Arcy. They're friends. 617 00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:45,487 I just don't know why you wouldn't just tell me about this. 618 00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:49,032 After we left the Grady land, D'Arcy came back to the house. 619 00:31:49,116 --> 00:31:53,161 She found some weed that she had hid in Max's closet, and we smoked it. 620 00:31:53,245 --> 00:31:55,580 Wait, you hid pot in my son's closet? 621 00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:58,583 Yeah, but I hid it back in high school when I was banging your husband. 622 00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:01,086 Thought it was time for a hard joke. 623 00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:02,170 No. No? 624 00:32:02,254 --> 00:32:05,590 Look, this is ridiculous. Nothing happened. She fell asleep. 625 00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:07,926 I tucked her into Max's bed. End of story. 626 00:32:08,009 --> 00:32:09,136 Wait, you slept over? 627 00:32:09,219 --> 00:32:11,513 It appears the story has a few more chapters. 628 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:14,391 Wait, you smoked 15-year-old weed? I did. It was not good. 629 00:32:14,474 --> 00:32:17,602 Ben? Yes, D'Arcy slept over in Max's bed, 630 00:32:17,686 --> 00:32:20,939 and I am telling you now because I have nothing to hide. 631 00:32:21,022 --> 00:32:22,607 So, where were you when I came home the next morning? 632 00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,276 Ben told me to hide. I snuck out the window. 633 00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:27,279 I made a gesture. You took it to mean "hide." 634 00:32:27,362 --> 00:32:29,239 I also stole one of your kid's candy bars. I'm sorry. 635 00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:31,700 I can't believe this. You were hiding in my house? 636 00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:35,120 We hung out after that. You couldn't just tell me all of this? 637 00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:37,497 This whole thing was fake. 638 00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:40,292 I really thought you were my friend. 639 00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:41,960 No, I am your friend. 640 00:32:42,711 --> 00:32:44,212 She apologized for kissing Ben. 641 00:32:44,296 --> 00:32:46,548 I don't care about that, okay? 642 00:32:46,631 --> 00:32:48,467 It's a stupid kiss. Who cares? 643 00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:50,635 D'Arcy was drunk and sad. Big surprise. 644 00:32:50,719 --> 00:32:52,304 You know, if you didn't freak out so hard 645 00:32:52,387 --> 00:32:53,889 about your husband hanging a sign on the wall, 646 00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:55,432 maybe he'd tell you more shit. 647 00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:57,559 Oh, oh. Okay, that makes sense. 648 00:32:57,642 --> 00:32:59,436 You're our new interior designer. 649 00:32:59,519 --> 00:33:01,980 Spend your time moving a coffee table across the room with Ben, 650 00:33:02,063 --> 00:33:05,233 because finding a single guy who's real and available is too scary. 651 00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:07,152 Well, maybe you should learn to talk to Ben about your feelings 652 00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:09,154 instead of stuffing them inside a 90-mile vertical treadmill run. 653 00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:10,530 So, is this what you do? 654 00:33:10,614 --> 00:33:12,073 You insert your drama into other people's lives 655 00:33:12,157 --> 00:33:13,575 'cause you can't deal with your own? 656 00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:15,410 No, I'm dealing with mine just fine, all right? 657 00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:16,995 I'm working out. I'm in shape. 658 00:33:17,078 --> 00:33:19,581 I look great. I quit drinking for four hours... 659 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:20,790 You lied to me. 660 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,502 You know what? No. I deserved it, 661 00:33:23,585 --> 00:33:25,003 because I have been lying for years. 662 00:33:25,086 --> 00:33:26,796 You wanna know the truth? I hate it here. 663 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,132 I hate Patience, I hate my life, 664 00:33:29,216 --> 00:33:32,135 and I hate that I really thought you were my friend. 665 00:33:32,219 --> 00:33:34,763 And I'm glad that I pissed on your hand when I took that pregnancy test! 666 00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:35,931 What? 667 00:33:37,224 --> 00:33:38,266 I'm pregnant. 668 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,355 Congratulations! 669 00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:49,194 Well, well, well, who's keeping secrets now? 670 00:33:50,737 --> 00:33:52,864 Not really the road you wanna be driving down right now. 671 00:33:52,948 --> 00:33:54,407 Couldn't agree more. Okay. 672 00:33:54,491 --> 00:33:55,825 Can you believe this shit? 673 00:33:55,909 --> 00:33:59,454 She actually thinks I'm afraid of being with a single man who's real. 674 00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:01,289 That's ridiculous. 675 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:02,541 Pretty much dead on. 676 00:34:02,624 --> 00:34:04,376 You are also really needy. 677 00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:06,628 Perfect. Side with the man. 678 00:34:06,711 --> 00:34:08,338 These guys! Am I right, Liv? 679 00:34:08,421 --> 00:34:10,632 I'm not afraid of being in a real relationship. 680 00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:14,261 What? Oh, coming! 681 00:34:15,262 --> 00:34:17,514 Uh, oh, hey, hey. Where are you going? 682 00:34:17,597 --> 00:34:19,057 Shit, unless you got another fight planned, 683 00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:20,642 I'm pretty sure that was the highlight of the night. 684 00:34:20,725 --> 00:34:27,232 No, no. Um, you can't leave yet because we still have cake! 685 00:34:27,315 --> 00:34:29,401 Whoo. 686 00:34:37,367 --> 00:34:38,410 I'm sorry. 687 00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:42,664 I'm really sorry. 688 00:34:43,832 --> 00:34:46,459 I should've told you about the D'Arcy stuff. 689 00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:54,593 I figure you're probably, at this point, well aware, but, um, 690 00:34:55,552 --> 00:34:57,345 you're married to a dipshit. 691 00:35:04,185 --> 00:35:06,438 I'm sorry. I should've told you about the... 692 00:35:07,897 --> 00:35:08,898 You know... 693 00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:11,610 Why didn't you tell me? 694 00:35:11,693 --> 00:35:13,612 I don't know. I don't know. 695 00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:16,072 I was 696 00:35:16,906 --> 00:35:21,536 scared, and we don't really talk anymore. 697 00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:25,498 Anytime anything remotely uncomfortable comes up, 698 00:35:26,583 --> 00:35:30,378 we just have sex instead of talking about what's really going on. 699 00:35:30,462 --> 00:35:31,463 Okay, okay. 700 00:35:32,047 --> 00:35:34,466 Let's talk. Right now. 701 00:35:35,925 --> 00:35:37,218 We're gonna have a baby. 702 00:35:38,803 --> 00:35:39,971 Yeah. 703 00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:43,642 That's 704 00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:46,061 a lot. 705 00:35:48,229 --> 00:35:49,606 It's a lot, a lot. 706 00:35:51,775 --> 00:35:52,859 Mmm. 707 00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:05,497 Happy birthday, dear Harry 708 00:36:06,081 --> 00:36:11,753 Happy birthday to you 709 00:36:16,132 --> 00:36:18,510 You can go ahead and blow out the candles. 710 00:36:18,593 --> 00:36:19,594 No. 711 00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:22,639 I do not like cake. 712 00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:25,433 Well, if you don't blow out the candles, your wish won't come true. 713 00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:26,726 I'll help you out, Harry. 714 00:36:28,228 --> 00:36:29,646 Oh. 715 00:36:31,106 --> 00:36:33,483 And someone's having sex in the bathroom. 716 00:36:37,404 --> 00:36:38,738 Do not be concerned. 717 00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:42,367 These old houses... You can't beat them, but join them. 718 00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:45,662 Everybody just sit tight, okay? Nobody leave. 719 00:36:45,745 --> 00:36:47,872 Dad, can you help me go downstairs, check the breaker? 720 00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:48,957 You bet. 721 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,667 Raccoons probably chewed through the wires. 722 00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,085 Yeah, you know, I got this call once. 723 00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:54,129 It was a woodchuck that got into a fuse box. 724 00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:55,880 Fried the poor little guy medium rare. 725 00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:57,465 Do you know what the crazy part is? 726 00:36:57,549 --> 00:37:00,593 You know what it smelled like? Caesar salad. Mmm. 727 00:37:00,802 --> 00:37:02,303 Delicious. 728 00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:07,058 Do not worry about the raccoon. I'm going outside to set a trap. 729 00:37:07,142 --> 00:37:09,144 Oh, I don't think raccoons eat pies. 730 00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,563 No. Harrys do. 731 00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:13,106 You can have garbage cake. 732 00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:16,735 Who keeps loaded rifles in their house? 733 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,988 We're protecting ourselves from an outer space egg baby. 734 00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:21,781 That's the question you're asking, Dad? 735 00:37:22,782 --> 00:37:23,992 Hey, did you steal fruit? 736 00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:26,828 I stole all the apples. 737 00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,538 - I need to be punished. - How about this? 738 00:37:28,621 --> 00:37:29,956 Jesus. 739 00:37:30,039 --> 00:37:32,751 I'm sorry, Mr. Biggins, I didn't mean any disrespect. 740 00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:34,669 You in the right business. 741 00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:37,547 Baby. 742 00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:39,883 Little baby. 743 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:44,345 Baby? 744 00:37:44,763 --> 00:37:45,764 Come here. 745 00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:04,574 What are you doing here? 746 00:38:04,657 --> 00:38:06,367 We came to warn you about the Men in Black. 747 00:38:06,451 --> 00:38:08,244 They took Dr. Ethan. What? 748 00:38:08,328 --> 00:38:11,164 In the spring, Max told them he was the alien. 749 00:38:11,247 --> 00:38:12,791 Hey, you don't speak for me. 750 00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:14,542 Yeah, what she said is right. 751 00:38:14,626 --> 00:38:18,546 Anyway, once they realize he's a human, they're gonna come back for Harry. 752 00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:22,550 Plus, there's an alien baby killing animals outside, just FYI. 753 00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:25,720 Yup. I know about that. Um, thank you for telling me. 754 00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:28,848 Can you please sneak them home and make sure they don't get eaten? 755 00:38:28,932 --> 00:38:30,058 I'll take care of them. 756 00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:33,228 But it looks like you're not gonna have any lights for a while longer. 757 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,981 Okay. What are you guys even doing here? Don't you have a babysitter? 758 00:38:37,565 --> 00:38:38,566 It's Ellen. 759 00:38:39,108 --> 00:38:41,277 Say no more. Okay, get home safe. 760 00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:49,953 I think this is a really weird party. 761 00:38:51,621 --> 00:38:53,039 Good cake, though. Yeah. 762 00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:56,876 Am I a bad person if I like seeing other couples fight? 763 00:38:58,378 --> 00:38:59,754 You're a horrible person. 764 00:39:16,896 --> 00:39:18,439 Honey, what's wrong? 765 00:39:18,523 --> 00:39:19,732 Something happened to me. 766 00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:24,529 There's alien activity here, in Patience. I know it. 767 00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:26,114 What are you gonna do? 768 00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:28,199 The only thing I can do. 769 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,453 I'm gonna call the alien tracker and tell him to come to Patience 770 00:39:32,537 --> 00:39:34,163 and find himself an alien. 771 00:39:34,247 --> 00:39:35,665 Sorry about that, guys! 772 00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:38,126 Raccoon definitely knocked out the power. 773 00:39:38,626 --> 00:39:41,379 Until we figure this out, I think we should just stay put. 774 00:39:41,462 --> 00:39:43,339 Better tell D'Arcy. She just left. 775 00:39:44,048 --> 00:39:45,049 Damn it. 776 00:39:51,681 --> 00:39:52,682 Hey! 777 00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:55,101 Hey. Oh. 778 00:39:55,184 --> 00:39:56,185 Nice rifle. 779 00:39:56,769 --> 00:39:58,730 You headed out to scare up some vittles? 780 00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:01,608 Didn't you hear? There's a rabid raccoon on the loose. 781 00:40:01,691 --> 00:40:03,610 Good. Maybe it'll bite me. 782 00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:06,738 If I start foaming at the mouth, don't shoot me. 783 00:40:06,821 --> 00:40:08,448 Just let me suffer. 784 00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:12,160 Don't listen to anything she says. It's not true. 785 00:40:14,871 --> 00:40:15,955 Yeah, it is, though. 786 00:40:17,999 --> 00:40:21,002 Do you know what my very first thought was when I met Elliot? 787 00:40:21,836 --> 00:40:23,463 "Nice ass"? Yes. 788 00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:26,341 Yeah. Do you know what my second thought was? 789 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:31,012 "How long till I mess this up?" 790 00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:35,516 What the shit is wrong with me? 791 00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:38,811 Okay. 792 00:40:39,854 --> 00:40:41,314 So, un-mess it. 793 00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:43,691 Call him. Yeah, right. 794 00:40:44,067 --> 00:40:46,194 Call him now. I have a gun. 795 00:40:49,155 --> 00:40:50,365 I'm not calling him. 796 00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:51,532 Okay, I'll do it. No. 797 00:40:51,616 --> 00:40:53,242 No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, no, I'll just do it. 798 00:40:53,326 --> 00:40:54,869 You won't do that 'cause... I'll do it. 799 00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:56,955 I'll text him! Okay, I'll text him! I'll text him. 800 00:40:57,497 --> 00:40:58,498 Okay. 801 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,169 What do I even say? 802 00:41:03,753 --> 00:41:05,713 Uh... How about, "Hi"? 803 00:41:07,006 --> 00:41:08,758 That's kind of brilliant. Yeah. 804 00:41:11,052 --> 00:41:12,136 Okay, it's sent. 805 00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:15,848 Ugh, now I just have to be nauseous for two weeks waiting to see if he... 806 00:41:15,932 --> 00:41:16,933 Oh, my God. 807 00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:20,144 Hey! "Hi!" 808 00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:21,437 You're a goddamn genius. 809 00:41:23,189 --> 00:41:24,899 Hi. Hi. It's simple. It works. 810 00:41:24,983 --> 00:41:25,984 Yes. Hi. 811 00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:28,027 Okay, are you gonna write back? No. I mean... 812 00:41:28,111 --> 00:41:29,904 In a couple days. What am I, desperate? 813 00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:34,575 Baby, this is for you. 814 00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:36,119 Mmm. 815 00:41:38,705 --> 00:41:39,872 Come and get it! 816 00:42:07,483 --> 00:42:08,484 Hello, Harry. 817 00:42:09,027 --> 00:42:10,028 I'm Goliath. 818 00:42:10,611 --> 00:42:11,779 Goliath. 819 00:42:11,863 --> 00:42:15,366 Why are you inside a hybrid alien baby? 820 00:42:16,659 --> 00:42:17,660 Clever, right? 821 00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,496 I needed to send you a message, 822 00:42:21,330 --> 00:42:23,166 and this is a big one. 823 00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:27,295 First, you need to know that our people are not coming to kill everyone. 824 00:42:27,378 --> 00:42:28,838 Why are they not coming? 825 00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:30,465 Because it's too dangerous. 826 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:33,009 There's an alien race that's planning to take over the Earth. 827 00:42:33,092 --> 00:42:34,302 They're here, Harry. 828 00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:35,803 What alien race? 829 00:42:35,887 --> 00:42:37,638 You must be careful. They are... 830 00:42:48,107 --> 00:42:49,108 No... 831 00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:54,155 You should've just stayed in Colorado and done your job. 832 00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,865 You shot me. 833 00:42:55,948 --> 00:42:58,743 Yeah, like you shot two of my guys in New York. 834 00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:01,412 I should have never made you kill Sam Hodges. 835 00:43:02,705 --> 00:43:04,749 I should have just taken care of it myself. 836 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:13,841 ASTA. 837 00:43:30,566 --> 00:43:31,567 Holy shit. 838 00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:35,780 Harry. 839 00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:39,242 A mile and a half on a bus takes a long time 840 00:43:39,325 --> 00:43:40,785 The odor of old prison food 841 00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:44,038 Takes a long time to pass you by 842 00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:52,547 Day upon day, this wandering gets you down 843 00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:55,508 Nobody gives you a chance or a dollar 844 00:43:55,591 --> 00:43:57,718 In this old town 59415

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