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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,383
2
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:11,633
(iPhone unlock sound)
3
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(iPhone lock sound, puts phone down)
4
00:00:16,673 --> 00:00:19,027
You were right
5
00:00:19,093 --> 00:00:20,125
(whispers): Jimmy.
6
00:00:21,685 --> 00:00:23,220
Hey, buddy.
7
00:00:23,538 --> 00:00:25,161
You okay?
8
00:00:26,848 --> 00:00:28,000
Good morning.
9
00:00:28,035 --> 00:00:29,348
About what?
10
00:00:29,383 --> 00:00:32,938
God! Absolutely blotto last night.
11
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,268
(chuckles)
12
00:00:34,303 --> 00:00:36,614
You... You don't remember what I told you?
13
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No.
14
00:00:37,517 --> 00:00:39,659
But tell me again.
15
00:00:40,365 --> 00:00:41,545
Okay, seriously, dude.
16
00:00:41,597 --> 00:00:43,463
I think you might have a drinking problem.
17
00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:46,148
Like, you need to go to
church basements and shit.
18
00:00:46,183 --> 00:00:48,498
Oh, my God. Okay, um...
19
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:50,638
(inhales)
20
00:00:51,359 --> 00:00:54,848
I am... so sorry, but, uh...
21
00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,577
Sweetheart, your dad died.
22
00:01:01,983 --> 00:01:03,285
What?
23
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,560
Papa?
24
00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:06,586
Oh, my God.
25
00:01:06,621 --> 00:01:09,074
I know. Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
26
00:01:09,109 --> 00:01:12,827
I... I don't know what to say.
27
00:01:25,216 --> 00:01:26,966
28
00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:39,737
(exhales)
29
00:01:40,513 --> 00:01:42,396
Do you want to talk about it?
30
00:01:45,133 --> 00:01:45,931
Ha!
31
00:01:45,966 --> 00:01:48,077
I was kidding. I totally remembered.
32
00:01:48,112 --> 00:01:49,340
Wait... what?
33
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:50,177
You knew?
34
00:01:50,212 --> 00:01:51,887
Yeah. You told me last night.
35
00:01:51,922 --> 00:01:52,983
You're not getting that one back.
36
00:01:53,018 --> 00:01:55,586
- I stole one, dummy.
- ?Jimmy!
37
00:01:55,621 --> 00:01:58,797
- You do not need to steal blow jobs.
- Yeah, but
38
00:01:58,832 --> 00:02:01,261
you know how amazing free food tastes.
39
00:02:01,296 --> 00:02:02,571
(urinating)
40
00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:03,823
- (toilet flushes)
- Seriously, are you okay?
41
00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:06,493
Your dad died. That's a big deal.
42
00:02:06,582 --> 00:02:08,417
Yes, I am absolutely fine.
43
00:02:08,485 --> 00:02:10,900
I feel... nothing about it.
44
00:02:10,935 --> 00:02:12,219
- Really?
- Yeah.
45
00:02:13,529 --> 00:02:14,638
Great!
46
00:02:14,673 --> 00:02:16,892
Oh. Phew! Thank God that's over.
47
00:02:16,927 --> 00:02:20,881
Huh? Hey, do you want to do, uh,
one of those Korean gel masks?
48
00:02:20,944 --> 00:02:23,931
- Not really.
- I got a snail one.
49
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:27,332
It's supposed to be extra goopy.
50
00:02:27,429 --> 00:02:28,242
Huh.
51
00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:36,264
I'm gonna leave you anyway
52
00:02:36,299 --> 00:02:38,659
I'm gonna leave you anyway
53
00:02:38,715 --> 00:02:40,689
Gonna leave you anyway.
54
00:02:40,724 --> 00:02:45,862
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
55
00:02:49,925 --> 00:02:54,507
I made my special heart pancakes,
56
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,013
because we love you, Jimmy.
57
00:02:56,048 --> 00:02:58,938
- We really do.
- What kind of jank-ass hearts are these?
58
00:02:58,973 --> 00:03:00,478
That one looks like a butt.
59
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,665
Sorry. It was... it was
kind of a rough night.
60
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,867
Uh, but later this afternoon,
I'm finally gonna have
61
00:03:04,902 --> 00:03:07,110
my consultation with the
chief of staff at the VA.
62
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:09,359
Yeah, chiefs'll do that sometimes.
63
00:03:09,394 --> 00:03:12,974
Hey, can I get some sticky sauce
for these pan-butts or what?
64
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:15,991
Do you know, I actually just read
something interesting about PTSD?
65
00:03:16,026 --> 00:03:18,280
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, it turns out in World War I,
66
00:03:18,346 --> 00:03:21,437
the official term for
"PTSD" was "cowardice,"
67
00:03:21,472 --> 00:03:23,549
- and you were shot for it.
- That is interesting.
68
00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:25,441
LINDSAY: How are you holding up, Jimmy?
69
00:03:25,476 --> 00:03:26,710
My guinea pig died.
70
00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:29,174
I couldn't jack off for, like, half a day.
71
00:03:29,235 --> 00:03:31,049
I'm telling you guys... false alarm.
72
00:03:31,088 --> 00:03:32,332
He truly doesn't give a shit.
73
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,632
Look, when a relationship
74
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:37,801
has been virtually
non-existent for 33 years,
75
00:03:37,872 --> 00:03:40,481
we're not talking about
a major tectonic shift.
76
00:03:40,516 --> 00:03:41,779
Nothing has changed.
77
00:03:41,814 --> 00:03:46,672
I still have exactly zero off-track
bettors with IBS in my daily life.
78
00:03:46,707 --> 00:03:48,342
I almost wish I knew more dead people.
79
00:03:48,416 --> 00:03:50,668
I think funerals are hella sexy.
80
00:03:51,559 --> 00:03:53,185
All right, everybody
out. I have work to do.
81
00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:55,053
Wait!
82
00:03:55,241 --> 00:03:58,208
Jimmy's dad died, and he doesn't care.
83
00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:01,888
- Yes?
- I'm going to have a baby.
84
00:04:01,927 --> 00:04:04,546
JIMMY: What's happening? Is
Lindsay processing thought?
85
00:04:04,581 --> 00:04:07,635
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- And when I'm old,
86
00:04:07,865 --> 00:04:12,460
my kid will have a feeling about me dying.
87
00:04:12,495 --> 00:04:14,563
(whispering): Oh, my God, she's doing it.
88
00:04:14,598 --> 00:04:16,427
I want my kids to be sad when I die.
89
00:04:16,512 --> 00:04:19,295
- Yes?
- So I need to be
90
00:04:19,330 --> 00:04:21,265
a good... a good...
91
00:04:21,317 --> 00:04:23,423
- This is really happening.
- a good...
92
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,189
(sighs)
93
00:04:26,205 --> 00:04:26,805
...dad.
94
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,897
- Aah! It almost had it.
- Oh.
95
00:04:29,944 --> 00:04:32,034
I should probably sign
up for one of those stupid
96
00:04:32,069 --> 00:04:34,057
classes Becca's always yammering about.
97
00:04:34,092 --> 00:04:35,560
Edgar? Edgar?
98
00:04:35,614 --> 00:04:36,493
Uh, yeah. What's up?
99
00:04:36,528 --> 00:04:38,397
Big writing day ahead
of me. I need you to get
100
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:42,060
all my usual writing snacks
from the British specialty store.
101
00:04:42,095 --> 00:04:43,392
Shrimp-flavored crisps,
102
00:04:43,427 --> 00:04:45,605
Wallenger's choco-knockers,
tartar biscuits,
103
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:46,899
and then all your standard candies...
104
00:04:46,947 --> 00:04:49,218
lemingtons, fluffingtons, rum Christophers,
105
00:04:49,253 --> 00:04:51,098
salted licorice knib knobs.
106
00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:52,574
I'm not mad, Felix.
107
00:04:52,609 --> 00:04:54,835
No, and when you constantly
accuse me of being mad,
108
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:57,768
you deny my right of actually
being goddamn mad at you.
109
00:04:57,803 --> 00:04:59,678
No, I'm not "therapizing" you, all right?
110
00:04:59,713 --> 00:05:00,995
Stop saying that.
111
00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:02,427
Holy shit.
112
00:05:03,755 --> 00:05:05,311
I-I'll call you later.
113
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,439
What's up? Give me a
cigarette. Who was that?
114
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,535
What that your shitty
boyfriend with his cargo shorts?
115
00:05:09,582 --> 00:05:10,856
None of your business.
116
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:13,025
(grunts)
117
00:05:14,224 --> 00:05:15,442
What's going on?
118
00:05:15,477 --> 00:05:19,585
So, I told Jimmy his dad died,
like you told me to, and he said
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00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,304
that he feels nothing,
and then he stole a beej,
120
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:24,323
which is a pretty good heckle, actually.
121
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,560
- Is there a question?
- Nope.
122
00:05:26,595 --> 00:05:29,688
I just wanted you to
know that you were wrong.
123
00:05:29,723 --> 00:05:31,877
You were wrong.
124
00:05:32,044 --> 00:05:34,740
Jimmy can say he's fine all he wants,
125
00:05:34,819 --> 00:05:37,405
but sooner or later, his
dad's death is gonna hit him,
126
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,067
and when it does, you're
gonna have to be there for him.
127
00:05:40,102 --> 00:05:42,538
When? We're going on a rad cruise.
128
00:05:43,893 --> 00:05:46,642
Are you saying this could
come out on the rad cruise?
129
00:05:46,677 --> 00:05:49,662
Sure. Yes, it could
happen on the rad cruise.
130
00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,150
(clears throat) What's the rad cruise?
131
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,801
No, I don't want to know.
I mean, I do want to...
132
00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:57,025
- Never mind.
- So you're telling me
133
00:05:57,084 --> 00:06:00,448
I need to help him get it all out now,
134
00:06:00,483 --> 00:06:01,839
just pop it like a pimple.
135
00:06:01,874 --> 00:06:04,342
- No, that is not how humans work.
- Yeah, I get it.
136
00:06:04,377 --> 00:06:07,867
Get him to cry, boo-hoo, there,
there, we'll be done by Wheel.
137
00:06:09,606 --> 00:06:11,939
Of Fortune. Seven years in school? Really?
138
00:06:11,991 --> 00:06:15,353
Gretchen, Jimmy has got to go
through his grieving process.
139
00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:16,255
All right?
140
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:19,130
It's not gonna happen
on your exact schedule.
141
00:06:19,165 --> 00:06:21,474
Eh. I think I'm gonna do it my way.
142
00:06:21,509 --> 00:06:22,964
Thanks for nothing.
143
00:06:23,477 --> 00:06:23,973
(clears throat)
144
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:26,740
(whispers): Your boyfriend... sucks.
145
00:06:26,775 --> 00:06:28,992
Sucks.
146
00:06:30,662 --> 00:06:34,078
Simon's sisters and Kitty
sprawled on the carpet,
147
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:37,527
watching Top of the Pops,
their bums in the air.
148
00:06:37,562 --> 00:06:39,808
From his perch on the coach, Simon noted
149
00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:43,678
that while Cynthia and Patsy
had gotten quite porcine,
150
00:06:43,741 --> 00:06:47,494
Kitty's bottom had an
almost otherworldly lift,
151
00:06:47,529 --> 00:06:49,586
as if in the process of being raptured
152
00:06:49,621 --> 00:06:53,458
for being too perfect to
dwell any longer on Earth.
153
00:06:53,779 --> 00:06:55,939
(yells in frustration)
154
00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:58,393
Goddamn it!
155
00:06:58,428 --> 00:06:59,450
What's wrong with me?
156
00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:01,153
It's been hours,
157
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,626
and I still haven't
perfected the bum metaphor.
158
00:07:03,661 --> 00:07:05,703
- My fingers hurt.
- My dad died.
159
00:07:05,761 --> 00:07:07,999
- At least you know where he is.
- Edgar, I need sustenance.
160
00:07:08,034 --> 00:07:08,816
Where are my snacks?
161
00:07:08,851 --> 00:07:12,176
Uh, sorry, Jimmy. There was some
police activity near the store.
162
00:07:12,211 --> 00:07:13,506
That's my last food!
163
00:07:13,541 --> 00:07:14,776
I've been thinking about it all day,
164
00:07:14,811 --> 00:07:17,876
and you really need to cry,
Jimmy. My therapist says
165
00:07:17,911 --> 00:07:20,019
- it's very...
- Gretchen the sheer breadth
166
00:07:20,054 --> 00:07:23,456
of my labyrinthian abstruse
psychological composition
167
00:07:23,491 --> 00:07:26,058
cannot possibly be second-handedly grasped
168
00:07:26,093 --> 00:07:29,393
by some Long Beach
Community College graduate
169
00:07:29,428 --> 00:07:32,959
who deals with the...
tragically maladroit all day.
170
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:33,592
No offense.
171
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:36,031
None taken, because I
do not know that word.
172
00:07:36,066 --> 00:07:37,350
Just give me the afternoon.
173
00:07:37,385 --> 00:07:38,786
We'll do some super-sad shit,
174
00:07:38,821 --> 00:07:42,580
you'll poop out some tears
and we'll be home by Wheel.
175
00:07:42,615 --> 00:07:44,549
BOTH: ...of Fortune.
176
00:07:48,853 --> 00:07:51,769
It won't work. I feel nothing!
177
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,352
But fine. Let's go.
178
00:07:53,437 --> 00:07:55,220
Work day's already a disaster.
179
00:07:55,306 --> 00:07:56,762
I don't know why I'm suddenly blocked.
180
00:07:56,797 --> 00:08:00,499
I'm rewriting the same
paragraph over and over.
181
00:08:00,534 --> 00:08:01,262
Hey,
182
00:08:01,316 --> 00:08:03,256
Killswitch, while I'm out,
183
00:08:03,309 --> 00:08:05,620
copy edit the chapter where
Simon watches Kitty bathe
184
00:08:05,655 --> 00:08:07,066
after the trip-hop concert.
185
00:08:07,101 --> 00:08:08,582
Oh, and for the love of God,
186
00:08:08,617 --> 00:08:11,754
finally learn how to spell
"anilingus," will you?!
187
00:08:13,263 --> 00:08:14,950
You never say "thank you."
188
00:08:14,985 --> 00:08:17,735
That's what the money's for!
189
00:08:27,790 --> 00:08:30,551
I'm so glad we're gonna
learn how to be a family.
190
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,526
Family.
191
00:08:31,561 --> 00:08:33,113
But we're already a family.
192
00:08:33,148 --> 00:08:36,506
You can't just have two
people in a family, Paul.
193
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:38,755
Name one family that's two people.
194
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,131
Gilmore Girls.
195
00:08:40,166 --> 00:08:42,781
We have to learn how to be good parents,
196
00:08:42,885 --> 00:08:46,460
so that when we're old,
they'll take good care of us.
197
00:08:46,495 --> 00:08:48,552
Plus, you're so accident-prone.
198
00:08:48,587 --> 00:08:50,560
You turned into my knife,
and it's taken, like,
199
00:08:50,606 --> 00:08:52,951
forever for your skin
to grow back together.
200
00:08:52,986 --> 00:08:54,494
You mean heal?
201
00:08:54,556 --> 00:08:56,361
Dogs heel, Paul.
202
00:08:56,396 --> 00:08:58,382
Men get strong.
203
00:08:59,301 --> 00:09:01,831
- Nerds!
- Oh, my God.
204
00:09:01,866 --> 00:09:03,155
I still can't believe you're keeping it.
205
00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:05,235
(laughing): Oh, Rebecca,
206
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,985
- you josher. (laughing)
- (chuckling)
207
00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:10,656
Such a bummer about the timing though.
208
00:09:10,691 --> 00:09:12,242
By the time it comes flopping out,
209
00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:14,447
our entire family's gonna be so babied out,
210
00:09:14,482 --> 00:09:17,646
your poor little lump's
not gonna get any attention.
211
00:09:17,681 --> 00:09:20,405
You're just mad I didn't
get all fat like you.
212
00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:22,418
You're barely pregnant.
213
00:09:22,504 --> 00:09:24,985
Yo, dingus, help me
gaffle some of these brews.
214
00:09:25,048 --> 00:09:27,240
Becca's being a cooze and
doesn't want me to drink
215
00:09:27,311 --> 00:09:29,593
so I actually pay attention.
216
00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:32,312
Anyway, pretend like you
got to go drop a dook,
217
00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:34,112
grab, like, four of them dummies,
218
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:37,125
leave 'em in the toilet
tank for me, Godfather-style.
219
00:09:37,164 --> 00:09:41,098
Nothing gets this pimp through a
dumb baby class like toilet beer.
220
00:09:41,161 --> 00:09:43,274
Hello, mommies and daddies.
221
00:09:43,309 --> 00:09:45,803
So, last week we covered
birth plans and how
222
00:09:45,838 --> 00:09:47,860
pretty much everyone poops during labor.
223
00:09:47,897 --> 00:09:50,855
So today we're gonna practice
some real-life skills.
224
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,596
Everybody come and grab
a baby doll. Come on.
225
00:09:53,631 --> 00:09:57,672
Snuggle wuggle
226
00:09:57,707 --> 00:10:01,061
Snuggle wuggle, snuggle
wuggle, snuggle wuggle
227
00:10:01,096 --> 00:10:03,142
Snuggle wuggle
228
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:06,046
Emotions are dangerous,
Gretchen. Think about it,
229
00:10:06,081 --> 00:10:08,120
the most emotional movie characters
230
00:10:08,155 --> 00:10:11,287
always die. Kane from Citizen Kane.
231
00:10:11,322 --> 00:10:12,680
The wife from Up.
232
00:10:12,743 --> 00:10:16,151
Table-dancing destitute on
the bottom deck of the Titanic.
233
00:10:16,186 --> 00:10:18,411
And the ones who survive in movies:
234
00:10:18,446 --> 00:10:20,850
RoboCop, Terminator,
235
00:10:20,928 --> 00:10:23,207
- Chappie.
- Those are all robots.
236
00:10:23,242 --> 00:10:24,864
Yeah, exactly. No emotions.
237
00:10:24,950 --> 00:10:27,784
Just cold circuitry and
a thirst for revenge.
238
00:10:27,819 --> 00:10:31,322
I don't really know why you guys
insist on sitting in the backseat.
239
00:10:31,357 --> 00:10:32,747
I'm not an Uber.
240
00:10:32,782 --> 00:10:34,311
Yeah, damn right you're not.
241
00:10:34,346 --> 00:10:35,811
- (keys clacking)
- What's that?
242
00:10:35,846 --> 00:10:36,904
His rating.
243
00:10:36,939 --> 00:10:37,994
(chime)
244
00:10:39,076 --> 00:10:41,130
- (grunts)
- One star.
245
00:10:42,356 --> 00:10:43,166
(sighs)
246
00:10:43,848 --> 00:10:46,336
Oh, almost forgot. Give us your car booze.
247
00:10:46,371 --> 00:10:48,772
Guys, I really have to
get to my VA appointment.
248
00:10:48,807 --> 00:10:50,850
- (whimpers)
- (groans) Fine.
249
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,696
But when you're done
with your stupid thing,
250
00:10:52,731 --> 00:10:54,713
you're giving us a ride home.
251
00:10:54,748 --> 00:10:56,626
(starts engine)
252
00:11:00,018 --> 00:11:02,069
Come on. A little wah-wah,
253
00:11:02,104 --> 00:11:04,462
death is sad, and then you're done.
254
00:11:04,512 --> 00:11:06,092
Pretend one of these is your dad's grave.
255
00:11:06,127 --> 00:11:08,399
Yeah, the problem is
death doesn't bother me.
256
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,906
I'm not upset by the inevitable.
257
00:11:10,955 --> 00:11:12,803
It's like being upset by the weather
258
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,274
or by an Irishman proving untrustworthy.
259
00:11:15,337 --> 00:11:17,556
(gasps) Look.
260
00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:19,445
Real live dead person.
261
00:11:19,517 --> 00:11:21,627
Come on. Maybe it'll stir something up.
262
00:11:21,662 --> 00:11:25,008
MINISTER: ...with so many
questions and so few answers.
263
00:11:25,723 --> 00:11:26,542
(quietly): Hi. Sorry.
264
00:11:26,577 --> 00:11:27,529
But it would be a mistake to think of today
265
00:11:27,564 --> 00:11:28,982
- as a sad day.
- (crying)
266
00:11:29,017 --> 00:11:31,225
Charlotte, if you would
please step forward.
267
00:11:35,907 --> 00:11:37,600
Our Father, who art in heaven...
268
00:11:37,635 --> 00:11:40,556
Jimmy, am I... Jimmy, am I crazy
269
00:11:40,642 --> 00:11:44,372
or is this funeral hella sexy?
270
00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,558
I don't know where that fetish came from,
271
00:11:46,593 --> 00:11:48,798
but it is absolutely...
272
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:53,336
MINISTER: ...lead us not into temptation...
273
00:11:53,419 --> 00:11:55,502
Oh, my God, you're right.
274
00:11:55,537 --> 00:11:58,005
It's like the funeral from November Rain.
275
00:11:58,075 --> 00:12:00,293
276
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:03,113
(both moaning)
277
00:12:03,148 --> 00:12:06,293
Wait! Make sure to pull
out. I can't get pregnant.
278
00:12:06,328 --> 00:12:07,884
Your dad might be
floating around right now,
279
00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:10,165
looking for a body to reincarnate.
280
00:12:11,045 --> 00:12:12,161
Good call.
281
00:12:12,307 --> 00:12:13,806
- (panting)
- (moaning)
282
00:12:13,841 --> 00:12:16,465
(birds chirping, panting
and moaning continue)
283
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,667
284
00:12:25,064 --> 00:12:27,770
Um... too hard.
285
00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:30,273
Berlin, Berlin
286
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:34,363
-
She shines like a mirror ball
- (speaking indistinctly)
287
00:12:34,398 --> 00:12:37,297
A hot day, prot?g?
288
00:12:37,332 --> 00:12:38,484
(speaks indistinctly)
289
00:12:38,519 --> 00:12:42,604
She swings herself
around the pole slow
290
00:12:42,639 --> 00:12:46,233
She slips out of a prom dress
291
00:12:46,268 --> 00:12:50,500
And all the ladies wanna be her
292
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:54,395
And all the grown men wanna cry
293
00:12:54,471 --> 00:12:59,096
But then I only wanna kiss you
294
00:12:59,131 --> 00:13:01,938
Just once, maybe
295
00:13:02,007 --> 00:13:05,225
Twice
296
00:13:05,372 --> 00:13:09,544
And I could show you the town
297
00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:13,702
If I knew where to begin
298
00:13:13,737 --> 00:13:17,750
And I could show you out
299
00:13:17,785 --> 00:13:19,716
If I wasn't on my way in
300
00:13:19,786 --> 00:13:21,902
- Oh! Yes!
- (baby cries, others cheering)
301
00:13:21,937 --> 00:13:24,077
But Berlin, she ain't
the kind of woman...
302
00:13:24,162 --> 00:13:26,227
It's not real!
303
00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:28,276
It's not a real baby!
304
00:13:28,358 --> 00:13:29,627
Thank you.
305
00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:32,168
Okay, we got a little
distracted at that last place.
306
00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:35,004
But this is it: living fathers
307
00:13:35,056 --> 00:13:37,264
with their kids. That is some straight-up
308
00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:39,961
"Cat's in the Cradle"
shit right there. Plus,
309
00:13:40,015 --> 00:13:41,344
look at my dope maze.
310
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:44,294
Usually, I'm a master of all art forms...
311
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:47,956
writing, music, quips,
mixed media collage...
312
00:13:47,991 --> 00:13:51,598
but, for some reason,
I am creatively blocked.
313
00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,789
A sun wearing sunglasses.
314
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,473
Doesn't even make sense.
315
00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:59,510
He's too bright for his own eyes?
316
00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:02,518
It's because you need to cry it out.
317
00:14:02,553 --> 00:14:04,645
Maybe you're right.
318
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:05,618
MAN: Jesus Christ.
319
00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:08,210
I don't even know what
to do with you anymore!
320
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,505
And... jackpot.
321
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:13,813
Go. Follow him.
322
00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:15,619
Maybe he'll rage-kick a garbage can,
323
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:17,707
remind you of your dad. Go.
324
00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:19,023
All right. (clears throat)
325
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:21,141
I will give it a go.
326
00:14:22,573 --> 00:14:23,739
(bell jingles)
327
00:14:24,118 --> 00:14:26,919
Hey. What you workin' on, buddy?
328
00:14:32,373 --> 00:14:34,077
Parenting, right?
329
00:14:34,112 --> 00:14:35,218
I don't know what to do, man.
330
00:14:35,253 --> 00:14:36,365
Mm.
331
00:14:36,881 --> 00:14:39,666
It's hard to communicate with them, yeah?
332
00:14:39,729 --> 00:14:41,591
Like you don't even
recognize yourself in them.
333
00:14:41,626 --> 00:14:42,849
I don't.
334
00:14:42,896 --> 00:14:46,316
You're frustrated because
he's a little clumsy,
335
00:14:46,351 --> 00:14:48,701
a little too artsy-fartsy,
336
00:14:48,736 --> 00:14:52,086
because he broke a blood vessel
in his eye crying at My Girl.
337
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:54,558
What? No.
338
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:56,213
He's legitimately a bad person.
339
00:14:56,268 --> 00:14:58,764
Like, my son is an awful human being.
340
00:14:58,826 --> 00:15:00,703
- What?
- He set up a bunch of Facebook accounts
341
00:15:00,776 --> 00:15:02,457
to cyberbully me.
342
00:15:02,492 --> 00:15:05,224
Hey, this bitch is bothering me.
343
00:15:05,283 --> 00:15:07,151
You trying to hit on my dad, twink?
344
00:15:07,186 --> 00:15:09,191
Jimmy, turns out this kid sucks.
345
00:15:09,272 --> 00:15:10,984
You suck! What kind of adults go
346
00:15:11,048 --> 00:15:13,504
to a paint-your-own-pottery
place anyway?
347
00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:15,023
Nasty-ass pedophiles.
348
00:15:15,101 --> 00:15:18,906
- (laughs)
- Oh, shit! (chuckles)
349
00:15:18,991 --> 00:15:20,947
- Don't go...
- Shut up, Greg.
350
00:15:21,029 --> 00:15:22,521
I wish you would call me Dad.
351
00:15:22,556 --> 00:15:24,840
Well, I wish you'd suck my dick.
352
00:15:26,808 --> 00:15:28,808
Oh, hey, emotion check.
353
00:15:30,311 --> 00:15:32,848
Actually, I think I
felt something that time.
354
00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:35,338
Really?! Jimmy!
355
00:15:35,373 --> 00:15:37,246
We're thawing your cold, dead heart.
356
00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:39,679
Hurry up! We got one more
stop on the sadness tour.
357
00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:41,726
Okay. Let me call an Edgar.
358
00:15:41,784 --> 00:15:43,131
(sighs)
359
00:15:43,189 --> 00:15:45,291
(line ringing)
360
00:15:45,354 --> 00:15:46,679
We're ready to go.
361
00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:49,180
And I sincerely hope
you've got our car booze.
362
00:15:49,242 --> 00:15:51,927
Sorry, Jimmy, I can't
come. My car broke down.
363
00:15:51,962 --> 00:15:53,236
Oh, well, that's not a surprise.
364
00:15:53,271 --> 00:15:56,979
Piece of shit with no
auxiliary plug or car booze!
365
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,590
_
366
00:16:07,703 --> 00:16:08,772
All right.
367
00:16:12,853 --> 00:16:15,580
Great job. Here's a Sophie giraffe
368
00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:18,526
- for winning the skills section.
- (gasps)
369
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:19,690
(chuckles)
370
00:16:19,725 --> 00:16:22,939
- Oh. No, that's...
- (squeaking)
371
00:16:22,974 --> 00:16:23,593
Okay.
372
00:16:23,628 --> 00:16:25,602
(gasps) I won a prize.
373
00:16:25,637 --> 00:16:27,431
You're such a natural mommy.
374
00:16:27,466 --> 00:16:29,772
One of the dads just
told me the neatest thing:
375
00:16:29,807 --> 00:16:31,381
babies are programmed
376
00:16:31,416 --> 00:16:33,427
to look like the father when they're born.
377
00:16:33,462 --> 00:16:34,820
Won't that be so adorable?
378
00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:37,659
A tiny little me suckling at your bosom?
379
00:16:37,694 --> 00:16:41,669
Wah, wah. (suckling sounds)
380
00:16:42,364 --> 00:16:44,415
Linds... (clears throat)
381
00:16:44,615 --> 00:16:48,015
that was actually quite... impressive.
382
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:51,545
I can't believe I'm actually
saying this, but I think...
383
00:16:51,812 --> 00:16:54,166
you were born to be a mom.
384
00:16:54,201 --> 00:16:55,038
Thanks, Bec.
385
00:16:55,073 --> 00:16:56,476
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- VERNON: Uh-oh!
386
00:16:56,511 --> 00:16:59,096
There's something's wrong
with my big ol' honkers!
387
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,882
Ah! No leche!
388
00:17:01,968 --> 00:17:04,849
- Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
- Oh. This poor dear.
389
00:17:04,884 --> 00:17:06,570
He is so delirious from working
390
00:17:06,623 --> 00:17:07,979
- so many double shifts.
- Ooh...
391
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,207
Paul, will you drive us home?
392
00:17:09,242 --> 00:17:11,792
Of course. See you at home, Mama?
393
00:17:11,827 --> 00:17:12,992
Sure, Pap...
394
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:15,292
Paul.
395
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:18,980
Um, hi, what is this?
396
00:17:19,015 --> 00:17:21,035
What do I look like, some baby lady?
397
00:17:21,070 --> 00:17:24,876
I'm sorry. M-My wife, she's
stuck at work... shocker.
398
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:27,222
She gave me this shopping list, and,
399
00:17:27,293 --> 00:17:29,480
man, I have no idea what I'm doing.
400
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:31,713
Oh. Okay.
401
00:17:32,471 --> 00:17:33,581
Mm.
402
00:17:33,810 --> 00:17:35,942
Looks like you're gonna need
a Miracle Blanket, a Woombie,
403
00:17:36,023 --> 00:17:38,419
- a Boppy... really great neck support...
- Yeah...
404
00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:41,449
and, of course, Zipadee-Zip.
405
00:17:41,484 --> 00:17:43,513
It'll be quicker if I just do it.
406
00:17:43,548 --> 00:17:45,881
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
407
00:17:46,725 --> 00:17:48,211
JIMMY: Well, Gretchen, you did it.
408
00:17:48,286 --> 00:17:51,763
I can't think of a place more
gloomy, more soul-crushing,
409
00:17:51,798 --> 00:17:55,488
more quintessentially England.
410
00:17:55,523 --> 00:17:58,732
(bad British accent): Yeah, I thought
you might want a wee English breakfast.
411
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,534
- Excuse me?
- Don't be a berk.
412
00:18:00,569 --> 00:18:04,018
You know what I'm talkin'
about, Shitty Jimmy.
413
00:18:04,053 --> 00:18:05,539
Are you being Ronny?
414
00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:06,914
(American accent):
Today's been all abstract.
415
00:18:06,949 --> 00:18:08,487
It's time to personalize it.
416
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:11,004
I even boned up on some
British slang online.
417
00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:13,551
(British accent): Blarmy!
Knob jockeys getting married?!
418
00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:16,021
Next thing you know, some ringburner's
419
00:18:16,056 --> 00:18:17,788
gonna want to shag and marry his dachshund!
420
00:18:17,823 --> 00:18:19,289
(shuddering): Oh.
421
00:18:19,381 --> 00:18:21,798
Almost felt something
again. Get more personal.
422
00:18:21,861 --> 00:18:24,107
Uh, talk about my ceramic pony collection
423
00:18:24,142 --> 00:18:26,112
or the time Fiona caught
me kissing a magazine cover
424
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,237
of Boy George because
I thought he was a girl.
425
00:18:28,272 --> 00:18:31,213
Look at 'at pasty skin.
426
00:18:31,248 --> 00:18:33,593
Them soft girl hands.
427
00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:38,312
The poofy scrote never worked an
honest day in his whole miserable,
428
00:18:38,347 --> 00:18:39,476
sodding life.
429
00:18:39,513 --> 00:18:43,092
Now, you listen to me, you fat, grey void.
430
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,302
Writing is hard! It is actual work.
431
00:18:46,337 --> 00:18:49,957
It's a noble, nay,
spiritual endeavor that taxes
432
00:18:49,992 --> 00:18:52,555
both the brain... Oh, my God.
433
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:55,306
This wretched idea of yours
might actually be working.
434
00:18:55,388 --> 00:18:58,260
- The feeling? It's back.
- Yeah, it's coming.
435
00:18:58,363 --> 00:19:01,866
Oh, my God. Here it comes.
436
00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:06,626
(farting)
437
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:09,996
That was the feeling? A fart?
438
00:19:10,031 --> 00:19:13,066
Mm. Apparently. Well, I told you,
439
00:19:13,101 --> 00:19:14,651
I'm very evolved.
440
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,050
Stupid therapist.
441
00:19:17,085 --> 00:19:18,634
I'm warning you, this better be it.
442
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,035
If you lose your shit on the cruise
443
00:19:20,108 --> 00:19:22,173
and ruin my time with Cotton Candy Raccoon,
444
00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:24,005
Bubble Gecko, or Sneezy Panda,
445
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,309
I... Well, she died in a
plane crash. But never mind.
446
00:19:30,489 --> 00:19:32,895
How do you even mess up toast?
447
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,133
(sputtering)
448
00:19:37,033 --> 00:19:38,904
Thanks so much for helping.
449
00:19:39,708 --> 00:19:42,521
Jesus, I'm already this overwhelmed.
450
00:19:42,576 --> 00:19:44,390
I don't even have a baby yet.
451
00:19:44,425 --> 00:19:46,502
How are you this good at it already?
452
00:19:46,537 --> 00:19:49,054
I have no idea. (chuckles)
453
00:19:49,089 --> 00:19:52,079
So now what? I'm just
stuck doing this baby shit
454
00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:53,938
for the rest of my life?
455
00:19:53,973 --> 00:19:57,941
What if there are other things I'm
meant to be and I never find out?
456
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:02,429
- Like a phlebologist or a dinosaur?
- (chuckles)
457
00:20:02,491 --> 00:20:05,011
Once my ex and I split,
458
00:20:05,046 --> 00:20:07,484
I figured that was it.
459
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:09,787
I was never gonna be a dad.
460
00:20:09,826 --> 00:20:13,096
Then I meet this cute Asian
chick at the Kubrick exhibit
461
00:20:13,185 --> 00:20:15,755
at LACMA and suddenly she's knocked up
462
00:20:16,545 --> 00:20:21,366
and I get this second chance at 42.
463
00:20:21,422 --> 00:20:23,551
So you believe in second chances?
464
00:20:23,620 --> 00:20:24,874
I didn't.
465
00:20:25,769 --> 00:20:27,716
But I guess I do now.
466
00:20:29,839 --> 00:20:31,354
(chuckles)
467
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:39,363
Oh, Jesus. What the hell are
you doing? Are you insane?
468
00:20:39,398 --> 00:20:42,806
I just told you, I'm on my second chance!
469
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:46,172
- I just thought...
- Oh, my God! What is wrong with you?!
470
00:20:46,207 --> 00:20:47,328
- Why would you even do that?
- Shh.
471
00:20:47,363 --> 00:20:48,360
- I talked to your husband!
- Okay.
472
00:20:48,395 --> 00:20:49,439
- He was so nice.
- Fine.
473
00:20:49,494 --> 00:20:51,568
We're going kayaking together sometime!
474
00:20:51,603 --> 00:20:54,425
- Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
- This isn't a singles bar where you just pick up guys!
475
00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:56,924
- You're having a baby, you weirdo!
- Shut up, shut up,
476
00:20:56,959 --> 00:20:57,770
shut up.
477
00:20:57,810 --> 00:20:58,681
Shut up.
478
00:20:58,747 --> 00:21:01,135
- (squeaking)
- Shut up.
479
00:21:04,526 --> 00:21:06,960
- (whimpering)
- (squeaks)
480
00:21:07,046 --> 00:21:09,872
(door opens, closes)
481
00:21:14,066 --> 00:21:17,205
(door opens, closes)
482
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,383
(Gretchen gasps)
483
00:21:18,434 --> 00:21:20,162
I got your snacks.
484
00:21:22,827 --> 00:21:23,775
It's too late.
485
00:21:23,810 --> 00:21:26,087
I've already lost an entire day's writing.
486
00:21:26,122 --> 00:21:28,122
(inhales) Sorry, literature.
487
00:21:31,316 --> 00:21:35,371
Mmm, rum Christophers; they're so
disgusting, I can't stop eating them.
488
00:21:39,585 --> 00:21:42,112
Hey! How was your thing today?
489
00:21:42,146 --> 00:21:43,063
Fine.
490
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:45,509
Do you want to talk about it?
491
00:21:45,564 --> 00:21:46,404
(quietly): No.
492
00:21:46,457 --> 00:21:48,371
Yes! Two for two.
493
00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:51,059
(footsteps departing rapidly)
494
00:22:14,784 --> 00:22:16,292
(sighs)
495
00:22:19,709 --> 00:22:21,943
Well, Dad, here we are.
496
00:22:23,084 --> 00:22:24,998
The final test.
497
00:22:27,566 --> 00:22:29,213
(exhales)
498
00:22:29,364 --> 00:22:32,255
(sighs)
499
00:22:32,289 --> 00:22:34,289
(breathes deeply)
500
00:22:37,616 --> 00:22:40,046
501
00:22:44,348 --> 00:22:45,095
(crying)
502
00:22:50,731 --> 00:22:52,549
That's it.
503
00:22:52,616 --> 00:22:54,356
Get it out.
504
00:22:55,455 --> 00:22:57,885
Let all the sadness out.
505
00:22:58,466 --> 00:23:00,152
Whoa! I thought you were crying!
506
00:23:00,202 --> 00:23:02,310
No. It's amazing.
507
00:23:02,344 --> 00:23:04,398
I was smelling the jacket that Dad left
508
00:23:04,464 --> 00:23:06,464
and it smelled exactly like him.
509
00:23:06,499 --> 00:23:10,111
Just cigarettes, ale,
beans, occupational failure.
510
00:23:10,154 --> 00:23:13,585
And in a rush, that feeling that
we'd been searching for all day
511
00:23:13,643 --> 00:23:15,860
just came flying out. And, Gretchen,
512
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:17,812
it wasn't sadness.
513
00:23:17,846 --> 00:23:19,846
It was happiness.
514
00:23:20,420 --> 00:23:21,715
I'm free.
515
00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:24,499
I am finally free!
516
00:23:24,534 --> 00:23:27,099
And I'm finally unstuck creatively.
517
00:23:27,134 --> 00:23:29,074
I found, all right, the perfect metaphor
518
00:23:29,128 --> 00:23:31,722
for the heft of Kitty's adolescent bottom.
519
00:23:31,779 --> 00:23:34,289
I'll tell you later. It's-it's too sexy.
520
00:23:34,323 --> 00:23:35,662
(sighs deeply)
521
00:23:35,697 --> 00:23:36,849
Do you want to go, uh, binge-watch
522
00:23:36,884 --> 00:23:38,937
that six-part series
on the Susan Smith case?
523
00:23:38,972 --> 00:23:39,921
Yeah. Just a sec.
524
00:23:39,955 --> 00:23:42,408
Now that my parental
nightmare is finally over,
525
00:23:42,443 --> 00:23:45,218
I'm gonna get rid of everything that smacks
526
00:23:45,253 --> 00:23:47,253
of Ronny Overly.
527
00:23:47,287 --> 00:23:52,203
May he rest in relative peace for
someone of his arterial calcification.
528
00:23:52,857 --> 00:23:53,646
(drawer closes)
529
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,680
(cloth hanger clattering)
530
00:23:55,758 --> 00:23:56,256
(drawer closes)
531
00:23:56,291 --> 00:23:59,071
- (sighs)
-
I wouldn't feel so uncertain
532
00:24:00,421 --> 00:24:04,190
I wouldn't feel so uncertain
533
00:24:04,727 --> 00:24:05,336
(drawer creaks open)
534
00:24:05,370 --> 00:24:08,609
That when your body hit the earth
535
00:24:10,147 --> 00:24:14,015
It opened up and swallowed you
536
00:24:15,398 --> 00:24:18,300
She kept you safe
in her heart's center
537
00:24:18,350 --> 00:24:22,900
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