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1
00:00:02,648 --> 00:00:04,970
So you kissed, and then what happened?
2
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:07,483
Then she showed me her bronze medal.
3
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,167
She did? Why?
4
00:00:09,246 --> 00:00:12,267
Because she was understandably proud of it.
5
00:00:12,314 --> 00:00:15,222
She... she was proud of her bronze medal?
6
00:00:15,257 --> 00:00:17,315
It's quite beautiful, close up.
7
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,587
- What?
- Why would a person
8
00:00:19,622 --> 00:00:21,925
just show someone their butthole?
9
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,204
What? No!
10
00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:24,861
A real bronze medal.
11
00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:25,744
- Oh!
- Why would you think
12
00:00:25,779 --> 00:00:27,711
I meant a butthole?
13
00:00:27,746 --> 00:00:29,866
Well, you said "bronze medal."
14
00:00:29,901 --> 00:00:31,986
I mean, it is the third best hole.
15
00:00:32,304 --> 00:00:33,988
- Brownish.
- (laughs)
16
00:00:34,109 --> 00:00:35,733
So, you're feeling, um...
17
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:37,008
Human.
18
00:00:37,043 --> 00:00:38,651
- A little human.
- Huh.
19
00:00:38,686 --> 00:00:40,016
So, next time you feel,
20
00:00:40,051 --> 00:00:42,680
you know, "it" coming on, maybe you
21
00:00:42,715 --> 00:00:45,399
- should try switching your meds?
- Meds?
22
00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:46,784
You're not on anti-depressants?
23
00:00:46,818 --> 00:00:48,348
Shit, no. I don't want to lose my edge.
24
00:00:48,383 --> 00:00:49,806
What?
25
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:50,769
So you're-you're telling me
26
00:00:50,804 --> 00:00:52,667
you could have just taken a pill
27
00:00:52,702 --> 00:00:54,922
this whole time and you didn't?
28
00:00:54,957 --> 00:00:56,072
Nope.
29
00:00:56,259 --> 00:00:57,495
Wow!
30
00:00:57,530 --> 00:00:58,698
Well...
31
00:00:59,756 --> 00:01:00,349
Wow!
32
00:01:00,384 --> 00:01:02,448
We just proved I don't need medication.
33
00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:05,543
- (door opens, closes)
- You actually can fix me!
34
00:01:05,578 --> 00:01:07,705
My bad.
35
00:01:08,077 --> 00:01:08,885
(Lindsay gasps)
36
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,093
You're upright!
37
00:01:10,128 --> 00:01:11,685
Why do you have two burgers?
38
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,173
One's for my baby.
39
00:01:13,208 --> 00:01:14,116
New Tinder rando?
40
00:01:14,151 --> 00:01:15,913
No, the baby in my pussy.
41
00:01:15,946 --> 00:01:18,549
- Bye.
- Jesus Christ, Lindser!
42
00:01:18,584 --> 00:01:20,208
Are you serious?
43
00:01:20,439 --> 00:01:22,058
That microwave thing actually worked?
44
00:01:22,093 --> 00:01:24,717
Guess so. I just heated
it up like a baked potato.
45
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,728
So, you and me, abobo and
then Marie Callender's?
46
00:01:27,763 --> 00:01:29,883
Sure. You know what's funny?
47
00:01:29,918 --> 00:01:31,123
Two weeks ago,
48
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,630
I would have trapped Paul
49
00:01:32,665 --> 00:01:34,610
and torpedoed his gross relationship
50
00:01:34,645 --> 00:01:36,837
with Crunchy Princess Limp Hair.
51
00:01:36,872 --> 00:01:38,230
But I think I've matured.
52
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:39,776
Amy was right.
53
00:01:39,811 --> 00:01:42,572
I had a perfect man and I let him go.
54
00:01:42,607 --> 00:01:44,578
Linds, you never liked Paul.
55
00:01:44,613 --> 00:01:46,373
You only referred to him as dork,
56
00:01:46,408 --> 00:01:49,148
Lumpy Hubby, Paul Nye the Science Homo...
57
00:01:49,183 --> 00:01:51,141
Do you think he's going to be
at Becca's baby shower later?
58
00:01:51,176 --> 00:01:52,042
You going to tell him?
59
00:01:52,077 --> 00:01:53,117
No.
60
00:01:53,151 --> 00:01:54,808
I'm moving on.
61
00:01:55,264 --> 00:01:58,317
So, who's this basic ho
62
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,475
Jimmy hooked up with?
63
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:00,511
Oh, it doesn't matter.
64
00:02:00,546 --> 00:02:01,511
Huh. If I were you,
65
00:02:01,546 --> 00:02:02,601
I would totally want to see
66
00:02:02,636 --> 00:02:06,225
what brand of slizz I was up against.
67
00:02:13,205 --> 00:02:16,301
I'm gonna leave you anyway
68
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:18,769
I'm gonna leave you anyway
69
00:02:18,843 --> 00:02:21,469
Gonna leave you anyway.
70
00:02:21,504 --> 00:02:25,972
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
71
00:02:26,007 --> 00:02:28,177
(indistinct chatter)
72
00:02:32,109 --> 00:02:33,345
(cheers)
73
00:02:36,946 --> 00:02:38,148
Oh!
74
00:02:40,564 --> 00:02:42,835
75
00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:47,149
(laughter)
76
00:02:53,511 --> 00:02:54,354
Uh-uh-uh.
77
00:02:54,389 --> 00:02:57,143
You are not serving your
stale, mail-order popcorn.
78
00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,502
Babe, people love fancy
popcorn, it's a proven fact.
79
00:03:00,564 --> 00:03:02,472
All right. As long as there's
no trash juice this time.
80
00:03:02,507 --> 00:03:04,011
'Course not. I promised.
81
00:03:04,046 --> 00:03:05,589
All right.
82
00:03:09,683 --> 00:03:11,939
Becca, you dummy.
83
00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:16,226
There's Jimmy's car.
84
00:03:16,374 --> 00:03:17,132
You'll feel better
85
00:03:17,167 --> 00:03:18,696
after you tell him.
86
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:20,697
You know, maybe-maybe
I'll still drive over
87
00:03:20,732 --> 00:03:22,207
every morning to cook him breakfast
88
00:03:22,242 --> 00:03:24,464
until he eventually
discovers I've moved out,
89
00:03:24,499 --> 00:03:25,998
and by then, he'll see
90
00:03:26,033 --> 00:03:28,322
it won't have to change
anything between us.
91
00:03:28,357 --> 00:03:30,096
Things need to change between you, Edgar.
92
00:03:30,131 --> 00:03:31,096
You're always saying that.
93
00:03:31,131 --> 00:03:33,423
Well, I always say I didn't
know it was a school, too.
94
00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:34,977
Look, I want you to feel proud
95
00:03:35,012 --> 00:03:36,394
that you're going to be living with me.
96
00:03:36,429 --> 00:03:37,721
You're right.
97
00:03:37,756 --> 00:03:38,298
I'll tell him.
98
00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:40,687
Thank you.
99
00:03:40,722 --> 00:03:41,837
Wait, about that school...
100
00:03:41,872 --> 00:03:42,514
Oh, kidding.
101
00:03:42,549 --> 00:03:44,953
I totally didn't know.
102
00:03:46,534 --> 00:03:48,518
You're goddamn pregnant?
103
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,764
I'm not keeping it.
104
00:03:50,905 --> 00:03:52,073
Well, I should hope not.
105
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:53,528
And I'm gonna be a good sister.
106
00:03:53,563 --> 00:03:54,917
I'm not drinking.
107
00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:55,983
I'm gonna make sure everyone knows
108
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,372
this is your day.
109
00:03:57,407 --> 00:04:01,012
I even brought lemons
this time, like you asked.
110
00:04:02,406 --> 00:04:03,220
Uh...
111
00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:04,749
Please don't tell Paul.
112
00:04:04,782 --> 00:04:06,318
Of course not.
113
00:04:07,255 --> 00:04:09,875
What a disaster.
114
00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:14,927
I can have one.
115
00:04:19,489 --> 00:04:21,872
The popcorn is trash juice.
116
00:04:21,907 --> 00:04:24,702
Pass it on.
117
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:27,432
I need to tell you something.
118
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,732
Gretchen has never taken meds!
119
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:31,367
Really? After all that?
120
00:04:31,402 --> 00:04:32,591
Exactly.
121
00:04:32,626 --> 00:04:34,865
And then she said she
doesn't ever need to now,
122
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,398
because she has me to fix her.
123
00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,483
Between her, you, Killian,
124
00:04:39,518 --> 00:04:42,033
I have to be the emotional
bedrock for everyone.
125
00:04:42,068 --> 00:04:43,819
When's it my turn to be taken care of?
126
00:04:43,854 --> 00:04:44,750
You know what?
127
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:45,948
Today.
128
00:04:45,983 --> 00:04:47,266
Today's my turn.
129
00:04:47,301 --> 00:04:50,731
I'm going to get absolutely snozzelled.
130
00:04:50,793 --> 00:04:52,114
EDGAR: Well, this is
leading towards something
131
00:04:52,149 --> 00:04:53,582
dangerously misguided.
132
00:04:53,617 --> 00:04:56,591
We'll see how she likes
taking care of me for a change.
133
00:04:56,626 --> 00:05:00,391
You probably don't want to
get to "Level Two Jimmy drunk"
134
00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:02,185
around all these people.
135
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:04,823
Or maybe I do.
136
00:05:06,311 --> 00:05:07,814
(sighs)
137
00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:19,030
(talking quietly)
138
00:05:34,837 --> 00:05:36,639
NINA: It's on the house...
139
00:05:37,383 --> 00:05:38,986
Gretchen.
140
00:05:42,049 --> 00:05:44,167
For what it's worth, Jimmy
and I aren't talking right now.
141
00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:45,509
You know nothing really happened.
142
00:05:45,544 --> 00:05:47,821
Eh, we had problems already.
143
00:05:47,856 --> 00:05:49,446
I'm sorry anyway.
144
00:05:49,481 --> 00:05:50,927
Relationships are tough.
145
00:05:50,962 --> 00:05:53,194
He's just such a child!
146
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:56,188
The other day, he bought
an $80 toy helicopter
147
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,451
which he broke immediately.
148
00:05:57,486 --> 00:05:59,192
Do you know what he talked to
me about for an hour straight?
149
00:05:59,227 --> 00:06:00,727
- Tree houses?
- Yes!
150
00:06:00,762 --> 00:06:01,933
A full hour!
151
00:06:01,968 --> 00:06:04,770
- Yeah, you got off easy.
- (laughs)
152
00:06:06,418 --> 00:06:07,959
Let's grab a table.
153
00:06:09,492 --> 00:06:12,151
You're articulate, brilliant, courageous,
154
00:06:12,186 --> 00:06:16,333
dexterous, enthralling, foxy...
155
00:06:16,427 --> 00:06:17,886
G... galvanizing.
156
00:06:17,921 --> 00:06:19,327
Oh, I love it!
157
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,494
You're articulate, brilliant, courageous,
158
00:06:21,529 --> 00:06:25,033
dexterous, enthralling,
foxy, galvanizing...
159
00:06:25,072 --> 00:06:27,564
and... horny.
160
00:06:27,626 --> 00:06:29,047
- Amy!
- (giggles)
161
00:06:29,082 --> 00:06:30,692
I have to go to the little girls' room.
162
00:06:30,727 --> 00:06:31,662
Save my seat?
163
00:06:31,697 --> 00:06:33,345
Always.
164
00:06:36,247 --> 00:06:37,509
Whew!
165
00:06:38,521 --> 00:06:39,804
Mm.
166
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:43,468
Just know I'm not really mad
at you for ditching Lindsay.
167
00:06:43,609 --> 00:06:44,841
I mean, you...
168
00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:47,212
you dodged a bullet with that.
169
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,282
And by bullet,
170
00:06:48,317 --> 00:06:52,258
I mean... it's way smaller
than a bullet right now,
171
00:06:52,293 --> 00:06:53,488
but probably just as dumb.
172
00:06:53,523 --> 00:06:55,866
Unless it got your genes.
173
00:06:55,901 --> 00:06:56,672
What?
174
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,286
Oh, dang it.
175
00:06:58,321 --> 00:06:59,721
I guess you figured it out.
176
00:06:59,756 --> 00:07:01,247
My sister impregnated herself
177
00:07:01,282 --> 00:07:02,372
by heating a condom
178
00:07:02,407 --> 00:07:04,731
full of your sperm in a microwave.
179
00:07:05,053 --> 00:07:07,155
You know, that's scientifically impossible
180
00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:09,333
in ten different ways.
181
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:10,534
Of course.
182
00:07:10,569 --> 00:07:12,307
That's my point.
183
00:07:12,416 --> 00:07:13,457
Knowing her, she probably seduced
184
00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:14,871
the drive-thru guy at Del Taco
185
00:07:14,906 --> 00:07:16,242
and is just saying it's yours.
186
00:07:16,277 --> 00:07:18,279
Well, yes.
187
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,377
There's literally no way we...
188
00:07:22,474 --> 00:07:23,609
Wait.
189
00:07:28,266 --> 00:07:29,434
Oh...
190
00:07:33,634 --> 00:07:35,703
Oh, my God.
191
00:07:38,628 --> 00:07:39,630
Mm!
192
00:07:40,046 --> 00:07:41,598
I can have one.
193
00:07:41,719 --> 00:07:42,623
(laughs)
194
00:07:42,658 --> 00:07:45,896
195
00:07:59,337 --> 00:08:00,672
Mmm.
196
00:08:01,252 --> 00:08:02,921
Fruity.
197
00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:07,330
I seriously thought I was going crazy,
198
00:08:07,365 --> 00:08:08,994
I was texting and texting,
199
00:08:09,029 --> 00:08:12,036
and then I saw him lying in the bushes.
200
00:08:12,071 --> 00:08:13,953
One time, Jimmy spilled a bowl of cereal
201
00:08:13,988 --> 00:08:16,391
when Edgar wasn't home,
so he hid under his bed
202
00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:18,738
for two hours, until I
finally cleaned it up.
203
00:08:18,773 --> 00:08:20,231
And you date him.
204
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,036
Willingly.
205
00:08:22,091 --> 00:08:24,386
The heart is a dumb dumb.
206
00:08:24,451 --> 00:08:26,621
The dumbest dumb of them all.
207
00:08:27,732 --> 00:08:29,965
You're so pretty. (laughs)
208
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:33,382
I can see why Jimmy almost
went to the cabin with you.
209
00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:36,598
There's something so captivating about you.
210
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,020
What is it?
211
00:08:38,055 --> 00:08:39,491
Uh... I don't know.
212
00:08:39,598 --> 00:08:41,978
(laughs)
213
00:08:42,013 --> 00:08:45,512
How can you be athletic and funny?
214
00:08:45,547 --> 00:08:46,069
Gotta find out.
215
00:08:46,104 --> 00:08:48,730
- What are you doing?
- What? What are you doing?
216
00:08:48,765 --> 00:08:50,368
What is wrong with you?
217
00:08:50,403 --> 00:08:52,041
I'm not scared, if that's
what you're worried about.
218
00:08:52,076 --> 00:08:53,029
Get out of my bar!
219
00:08:53,064 --> 00:08:54,617
Come on, just kiss me.
220
00:08:54,652 --> 00:08:56,578
You kissed my boyfriend.
221
00:08:56,922 --> 00:08:58,315
Kiss me!
222
00:08:58,433 --> 00:08:59,491
Kiss me!
223
00:08:59,587 --> 00:09:01,002
You kiss me, girl!
224
00:09:01,037 --> 00:09:02,054
- Kiss me!
- Stop!
225
00:09:02,089 --> 00:09:03,398
What is wrong with you guys?
226
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,686
- I am a real person!
- Are you?
227
00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:07,910
You're a skier who owns a bar.
228
00:09:07,945 --> 00:09:08,708
You don't think that sounds
229
00:09:08,743 --> 00:09:10,644
just a little bit like some male fantasy?
230
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:11,912
Come on, just kiss my mouth.
231
00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:13,389
- Kiss it!
- This might be a mistake,
232
00:09:13,424 --> 00:09:13,932
'cause you could have
233
00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:15,289
- crazy-person strength,
- Ow.
234
00:09:15,324 --> 00:09:15,830
- but if you don't
- Ow.
235
00:09:15,865 --> 00:09:17,127
get the hell out of my bar,
236
00:09:17,162 --> 00:09:19,355
I'm going to have to kick your ass.
237
00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:20,668
God, that was so hot.
238
00:09:20,703 --> 00:09:23,219
Can you believe the
sexual tension between us?
239
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:36,021
(stomach gurgles)
240
00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:38,225
(doorknob rattles)
241
00:09:38,288 --> 00:09:40,159
It's occupied.
242
00:09:40,194 --> 00:09:41,922
Occupied!
243
00:09:42,305 --> 00:09:43,364
Vernon, what the heck?
244
00:09:43,398 --> 00:09:44,360
I'm using the toilet!
245
00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:46,385
I need cash. My cards are maxed.
246
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,408
I wrote a bum check
247
00:09:47,443 --> 00:09:49,170
for my latest malpractice insurance.
248
00:09:49,252 --> 00:09:50,932
Man, I better not mess up any surgeries!
249
00:09:50,967 --> 00:09:53,846
I just gave you $15,000.
250
00:09:53,881 --> 00:09:55,477
You're the one who gave
money to a money pig.
251
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:56,189
That's on you.
252
00:09:56,224 --> 00:09:57,876
This isn't a good time.
253
00:09:57,927 --> 00:10:00,423
I just received some highly enervating news
254
00:10:00,458 --> 00:10:01,880
that has my bowels in a state.
255
00:10:01,915 --> 00:10:03,309
You don't know enervating, Paul!
256
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:04,707
Come talk to me about enervating
257
00:10:04,742 --> 00:10:06,522
when you got a goddamn baby on the way
258
00:10:06,557 --> 00:10:08,354
that's gonna cost at least a half millie
259
00:10:08,389 --> 00:10:09,421
in its stupid life.
260
00:10:09,456 --> 00:10:11,052
Just give me that money, turkey-dick!
261
00:10:11,087 --> 00:10:12,505
You shut the hell up,
262
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,372
- Vernon!
- Goddamn it.
263
00:10:14,407 --> 00:10:16,103
- Get the hell out of this bathroom
- Where is it?!
264
00:10:16,138 --> 00:10:19,141
or I will destroy you and
everything that you love!
265
00:10:19,176 --> 00:10:20,612
- I will smother you
- Ow.
266
00:10:20,647 --> 00:10:23,179
in your sleep, so help me God!
267
00:10:23,214 --> 00:10:25,191
I hate you! Give me that money, nerd!
268
00:10:25,226 --> 00:10:27,883
Get out, get out, get out!
269
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:28,904
Ah! Stop it!
270
00:10:28,939 --> 00:10:30,722
- Get out!
- God!
271
00:10:30,757 --> 00:10:33,663
- You are such an asshole.
- Get out!
272
00:10:33,698 --> 00:10:36,216
I wish you were dead!
273
00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:39,551
(loud farting sounds, splashing)
274
00:10:39,586 --> 00:10:41,951
(indistinct chatter, laughter)
275
00:10:41,986 --> 00:10:43,258
Where's Gretchen?
276
00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:45,445
Jimmy, I'm moving out.
277
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,447
I'm so sorry, but the time has come
278
00:10:47,482 --> 00:10:48,987
for me to strike out on my own, and I...
279
00:10:49,022 --> 00:10:52,181
Ooh, you have to get a
place with a pool. Or a gym.
280
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:53,858
Ac-Actually, we already have a place.
281
00:10:53,893 --> 00:10:54,584
We?
282
00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:56,025
- Me and Dorothy.
- What?
283
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:58,363
You've only known her
for about an hour, man.
284
00:10:58,398 --> 00:11:01,452
Who else do you know who moved
in with someone way too soon?
285
00:11:01,487 --> 00:11:02,822
Hmm?
286
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:05,718
Me!
287
00:11:05,823 --> 00:11:08,244
I got saddled with a lemon.
288
00:11:08,279 --> 00:11:08,984
Guess what I spent
289
00:11:09,019 --> 00:11:11,119
all afternoon doing Wednesday?
290
00:11:11,152 --> 00:11:13,620
I sat in a pillow fort
291
00:11:13,655 --> 00:11:15,292
while she wept.
292
00:11:15,327 --> 00:11:16,318
So boring.
293
00:11:16,353 --> 00:11:17,661
Wait, Wednesday?
294
00:11:17,696 --> 00:11:19,028
That's why you missed my show?
295
00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,261
And no one can see you have a lemon.
296
00:11:21,295 --> 00:11:22,495
You pull up to the valet
297
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:24,910
and people are like, "Ooh, nice car,"
298
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:27,758
but they can't see all the
work it needs on the interior.
299
00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:28,865
And then...
300
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,691
you find out there was a factory recall
301
00:11:30,726 --> 00:11:33,845
and that they could've fixed it themselves?
302
00:11:34,745 --> 00:11:35,962
Oh, no.
303
00:11:35,997 --> 00:11:37,811
Level Two Jimmy drunk:
304
00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:39,513
Angry Jimmy.
305
00:11:39,547 --> 00:11:41,690
Okay, just slow down
306
00:11:41,725 --> 00:11:44,236
before you get yourself to Level Three.
307
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:46,496
Whose idea was this?
308
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:47,536
Mine.
309
00:11:47,571 --> 00:11:49,147
And when did you have it?
310
00:11:49,182 --> 00:11:53,196
When she took me to go see an
apartment that she couldn't...
311
00:11:53,231 --> 00:11:56,385
quite afford on her own.
312
00:12:04,186 --> 00:12:06,540
Play your favorite song
313
00:12:06,671 --> 00:12:08,961
-
Get your arm ready
- (gasps)
314
00:12:09,082 --> 00:12:11,470
Take two deep breaths...
315
00:12:22,934 --> 00:12:25,133
You're scaring me.
316
00:12:31,629 --> 00:12:33,653
Have you seen the rest of the house?
317
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:35,035
Yikes.
318
00:12:35,069 --> 00:12:36,730
It is literally the exact opposite
319
00:12:36,782 --> 00:12:38,370
of how we should decorate our place.
320
00:12:38,417 --> 00:12:41,459
There's a framed poster
of G. Love & Special Sauce.
321
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,160
I shit you not.
322
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:43,967
I can't move in with you.
323
00:12:44,002 --> 00:12:45,604
What? Why?
324
00:12:47,189 --> 00:12:51,691
Turns out, Jimmy missed the
show for a really good reason,
325
00:12:51,726 --> 00:12:54,289
and-and-and I...
I just got angry,
326
00:12:54,324 --> 00:12:55,680
and I made this rash decision, and...
327
00:12:55,715 --> 00:12:58,251
Okay, honey, listen to me.
328
00:12:58,286 --> 00:13:01,395
This is your chance to
start your life over.
329
00:13:01,428 --> 00:13:03,530
With me.
330
00:13:03,774 --> 00:13:04,469
You're ready.
331
00:13:04,504 --> 00:13:08,132
No, but I'm not ready
for what you want from me.
332
00:13:08,217 --> 00:13:11,560
You tell me that I am, but I'm not.
333
00:13:12,238 --> 00:13:14,091
Maybe in a few years.
334
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,323
(laughs)
335
00:13:15,358 --> 00:13:16,994
I don't have a few years.
336
00:13:17,121 --> 00:13:19,686
I spent four years too goddamn
long in that comedy house
337
00:13:19,721 --> 00:13:21,950
'cause I thought we were going somewhere.
338
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,686
I don't have any more time to waste.
339
00:13:24,789 --> 00:13:26,713
I'm sorry.
340
00:13:30,856 --> 00:13:33,628
I can't believe this.
341
00:13:34,519 --> 00:13:36,755
Goddamn you, Edgar.
342
00:13:48,749 --> 00:13:50,855
Okay, uh, everyone, hello.
343
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:54,316
Hi, everybody, gather round, please.
344
00:13:54,855 --> 00:13:57,677
Well, the moment of truth has arrived.
345
00:13:57,710 --> 00:14:00,153
In just a minute, we are gonna
be cutting into that cake,
346
00:14:00,188 --> 00:14:01,434
and depending on its color,
347
00:14:01,469 --> 00:14:02,622
finding out if we're gonna raising
348
00:14:02,657 --> 00:14:06,405
a-a precious little
baby girl or a macho boy.
349
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,825
(laughing): Isn't that fun?
350
00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:10,888
- We want to...
- Hello.
351
00:14:10,923 --> 00:14:11,855
Sorry.
352
00:14:11,890 --> 00:14:14,427
I'd just like to say a few words.
353
00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:16,004
Okay, now is not really the time.
354
00:14:16,039 --> 00:14:17,687
It's cool, Bec... It's all love.
355
00:14:17,722 --> 00:14:19,081
Oh, my God, Level Three.
356
00:14:19,116 --> 00:14:20,379
JIMMY: No, it's not, Becca.
357
00:14:20,414 --> 00:14:21,577
Happy Jimmy.
358
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:25,125
Becca, y-you... are so special.
359
00:14:25,175 --> 00:14:26,445
No, I'm serious.
360
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:27,773
You take in my words.
361
00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:30,255
You accept how special you are.
362
00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:31,908
You are a treasure.
363
00:14:31,943 --> 00:14:33,191
- BECCA: Okay. (chuckles uncomfortably)
- JIMMY: Come here.
364
00:14:33,226 --> 00:14:35,174
- Come here, I'm gonna hug on you.
- Okay.
365
00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:37,647
- (sighs)
- (partygoers gasp)
366
00:14:37,682 --> 00:14:38,934
Look at this woman...
367
00:14:38,969 --> 00:14:42,371
- she's like a lioness on the savannah,
- (chuckles)
368
00:14:42,455 --> 00:14:45,292
just preparing to expel her...
369
00:14:45,325 --> 00:14:47,795
It must have been my pre-ejaculate.
370
00:14:47,916 --> 00:14:49,075
Goddamn, Becca.
371
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:52,037
Since we broke up, I started life-logging.
372
00:14:52,072 --> 00:14:53,632
I record everything.
373
00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:57,960
My conversations, bowel movements, fitness.
374
00:14:59,089 --> 00:15:01,504
My life in searchable data.
375
00:15:01,539 --> 00:15:02,705
And according to my records,
376
00:15:02,740 --> 00:15:07,039
we did have unprotected vaginal
intercourse for 37 seconds
377
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,095
before I donned a sheath.
378
00:15:09,130 --> 00:15:13,089
Though the odds of conception
from pre-ejaculate are narrow,
379
00:15:13,124 --> 00:15:16,002
as you know, I do have a heavy seminal load
380
00:15:16,037 --> 00:15:19,259
of high viscosity and opacity.
381
00:15:19,662 --> 00:15:22,095
Oh, what happened to your face?
382
00:15:22,128 --> 00:15:24,729
Amy was signing so fast with her left hand,
383
00:15:24,764 --> 00:15:26,173
I didn't see the right hook coming.
384
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:28,472
- She hit you?
- And more.
385
00:15:28,507 --> 00:15:31,383
- Why?
- 'Cause I broke up with her.
386
00:15:31,813 --> 00:15:34,259
Do you remember when I told
you the definition of love
387
00:15:34,294 --> 00:15:37,302
was putting someone else's
needs above your own,
388
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,127
and you said, "Ew"?
389
00:15:39,162 --> 00:15:40,455
Ew.
390
00:15:40,758 --> 00:15:41,636
I mean, yes.
391
00:15:41,671 --> 00:15:43,249
Tonight, you put me first
392
00:15:43,284 --> 00:15:46,355
when you decided not to
trap me with your pregnancy.
393
00:15:46,390 --> 00:15:47,505
I quit on you.
394
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:49,657
I was a hypocrite.
395
00:15:49,724 --> 00:15:51,886
So, Lindsay...
396
00:15:51,949 --> 00:15:53,793
let's have baby.
397
00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:57,110
I don't know, Paul.
398
00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:59,470
I was really unhappy.
399
00:15:59,505 --> 00:16:02,334
(Jimmy continues his speech indistinctly)
400
00:16:02,369 --> 00:16:04,633
Think about it, okay?
401
00:16:07,368 --> 00:16:10,096
It's just so sad, you know?
402
00:16:10,278 --> 00:16:11,979
Level Four.
403
00:16:13,169 --> 00:16:14,780
I've only heard about this.
404
00:16:14,815 --> 00:16:17,017
Edgar.
405
00:16:17,079 --> 00:16:20,020
My confidant.
406
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:24,023
A Grumio to my Petruchio.
407
00:16:24,091 --> 00:16:28,041
The sweetest man I've ever known.
408
00:16:28,076 --> 00:16:33,479
It's so beautiful that you
and Dorothy found each other.
409
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,380
But I just... I just broke up with her.
410
00:16:35,415 --> 00:16:37,597
(sighs) Why'd you do that?
411
00:16:37,632 --> 00:16:39,089
You told me to.
412
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,314
But Dorothy's amazing.
413
00:16:41,349 --> 00:16:43,139
You said she manipulated me.
414
00:16:43,174 --> 00:16:45,278
So what?
415
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,908
Go!
416
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:50,839
Hey, I know it's clich?,
417
00:16:50,874 --> 00:16:54,618
but, really, what-what if
there were no possessions?
418
00:16:54,653 --> 00:16:56,634
Can you imagine that?
419
00:16:56,669 --> 00:17:00,139
Uh, do you guys know
my girlfriend, Gretchen?
420
00:17:00,174 --> 00:17:01,850
She's supposed to be here.
421
00:17:01,885 --> 00:17:04,590
She got sad for a long time.
422
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:06,417
That was hard.
423
00:17:06,452 --> 00:17:08,875
I'm used to being the complicated one.
424
00:17:08,910 --> 00:17:10,471
Like, with-with Becca.
425
00:17:10,503 --> 00:17:13,907
Becca's, uh, like a Monday crossword.
426
00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:15,275
Gretchen...
427
00:17:15,429 --> 00:17:18,570
(spits scoffingly) Sunday.
428
00:17:18,711 --> 00:17:20,348
Takes-takes all day,
429
00:17:20,383 --> 00:17:23,617
but it's rewarding as hell.
430
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,847
Gretchen!
431
00:17:26,919 --> 00:17:30,291
You had a little too much
to drink, didn't you, buddy?
432
00:17:30,323 --> 00:17:31,420
(microphone feedback echoes)
433
00:17:31,455 --> 00:17:34,084
Gretchen, what the hell am I doing up here?
434
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,288
Aw, I know.
435
00:17:37,282 --> 00:17:41,379
Y-You... have to help me,
436
00:17:41,414 --> 00:17:43,216
'cause my turn.
437
00:17:43,251 --> 00:17:45,421
It is, Jimmy.
438
00:17:45,701 --> 00:17:50,755
(laughing): Okay, oh,
I'm so sorry, everybody.
439
00:17:50,912 --> 00:17:52,011
Vernon.
440
00:17:52,082 --> 00:17:54,341
My father was a petty man.
441
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,136
Demeaning.
442
00:17:56,171 --> 00:17:58,229
Stingy.
443
00:17:58,473 --> 00:18:00,501
I think that's why I'm
so scared to be a father.
444
00:18:00,536 --> 00:18:02,898
Vernon, put down that mic right now.
445
00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:05,717
No, I have been silent too long!
446
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,427
I became a doctor...
447
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:09,692
because I was born dead,
448
00:18:09,793 --> 00:18:11,018
but do you guys have any idea...
449
00:18:11,053 --> 00:18:12,655
You never came.
450
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:14,943
I tried to kiss Nina, and
she kicked me out of her bar.
451
00:18:14,978 --> 00:18:16,613
What?
452
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,671
But you're so hot.
453
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,641
I'm so hot.
454
00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:22,065
Did you wear your booby shirt?
455
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,871
Of course I wore my booby shirt.
456
00:18:23,906 --> 00:18:26,208
Anyway, I can see what you like about her.
457
00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:27,407
She's hella foxy.
458
00:18:27,493 --> 00:18:29,115
She a'ight.
459
00:18:29,966 --> 00:18:31,624
Ooh.
460
00:18:31,659 --> 00:18:33,511
VERNON: I have a problem, you guys.
461
00:18:33,588 --> 00:18:36,877
I gave control of my finances
to a woman I don't know.
462
00:18:36,912 --> 00:18:38,605
There's nothing sexual about it.
463
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,062
Fine, I jack off to it sometimes,
464
00:18:40,097 --> 00:18:40,637
but that's not what it's about.
465
00:18:40,672 --> 00:18:42,408
- (shouts)
- (microphone feedback echoes)
466
00:18:42,443 --> 00:18:45,631
I regret being born dead,
467
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,668
and I regret not being
ready to be a father,
468
00:18:48,702 --> 00:18:51,659
and I regret going to
see The Babadook.
469
00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:53,841
It was so scary, you guys.
470
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:57,155
But mostly I regret hurting my wife.
471
00:18:57,190 --> 00:19:00,510
I regret, but I am not ashamed anymore.
472
00:19:00,545 --> 00:19:02,416
I am not ashamed.
473
00:19:02,448 --> 00:19:03,939
But I reiterate...
474
00:19:03,994 --> 00:19:06,263
do not see The Babadook.
475
00:19:06,298 --> 00:19:07,422
Whatever you do!
476
00:19:07,457 --> 00:19:09,657
- (microphone feedback echoes)
- (shouts)
477
00:19:23,558 --> 00:19:25,862
478
00:19:33,725 --> 00:19:36,890
Look at this face
479
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:40,599
I know the years are showing
480
00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:44,066
Look at this life
481
00:19:44,287 --> 00:19:48,139
I still don't know where it's going
482
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,775
I don't know much
483
00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:57,789
But I know I love you
484
00:19:58,199 --> 00:20:00,433
- (scoffs)
-
And that may be
485
00:20:00,514 --> 00:20:05,605
All I need to know
486
00:20:07,204 --> 00:20:10,041
Look at these eyes
487
00:20:10,112 --> 00:20:13,496
They've never seen what mattered
488
00:20:14,108 --> 00:20:17,062
Look at these dreams
489
00:20:17,185 --> 00:20:21,369
So beat and... and so battered
490
00:20:21,415 --> 00:20:24,626
I don't know much
491
00:20:25,071 --> 00:20:30,411
BOTH:
But I know I love you
492
00:20:31,543 --> 00:20:33,667
And that may be
493
00:20:33,702 --> 00:20:37,989
All I need to know
494
00:20:40,262 --> 00:20:43,034
So many questions
495
00:20:43,069 --> 00:20:46,997
Still left unanswered
496
00:20:47,032 --> 00:20:52,205
So much I've never broken through
497
00:20:55,245 --> 00:20:57,851
LINDSAY (faintly):
And
when I feel you near me...
498
00:20:57,886 --> 00:21:00,186
Listen, no, I'm not ready to live with you,
499
00:21:00,221 --> 00:21:02,186
but does that mean we have to break up?
500
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:05,173
Because when two people
connect like I think we do,
501
00:21:05,208 --> 00:21:08,451
I refuse to believe that
things have to just end.
502
00:21:08,486 --> 00:21:09,411
That's madness.
503
00:21:09,446 --> 00:21:12,507
I-I refuse to believe that
life has to be like that.
504
00:21:12,542 --> 00:21:14,246
I simply refuse.
505
00:21:14,281 --> 00:21:17,732
Life has to make more sense than that.
506
00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:19,538
Dude, we just got in a little fight.
507
00:21:19,573 --> 00:21:22,666
And now I'm taking the bus
home to show you how mad I am.
508
00:21:22,733 --> 00:21:25,178
- You're supposed to come after me.
- Oh.
509
00:21:25,213 --> 00:21:27,329
You thought we broke up?
510
00:21:27,817 --> 00:21:29,738
People don't behave like that, dummy.
511
00:21:29,773 --> 00:21:31,208
(chuckles)
512
00:21:33,150 --> 00:21:35,214
Want to go get some food,
513
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,284
help me figure out how
to get my deposit back?
514
00:21:37,319 --> 00:21:40,126
Yes. Yes, I do.
515
00:21:54,501 --> 00:21:57,454
BOTH:
I don't know much
516
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:02,610
But I know I love you
517
00:22:04,881 --> 00:22:06,816
That may be
518
00:22:06,851 --> 00:22:12,023
All I need to know
519
00:22:18,858 --> 00:22:20,563
How much money?
520
00:22:20,598 --> 00:22:22,426
So much.
521
00:22:22,784 --> 00:22:24,628
Mmm.
522
00:22:25,966 --> 00:22:28,227
And that may be
523
00:22:28,309 --> 00:22:31,251
All there is
524
00:22:31,286 --> 00:22:37,572
To know...
525
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:43,974
Whoa-whoa,
ah-ah.
526
00:22:46,961 --> 00:22:49,096
(groans)
527
00:22:53,648 --> 00:22:54,253
Good?
528
00:22:54,342 --> 00:22:56,076
Yeah.
529
00:23:00,967 --> 00:23:03,899
Even though it's gray today
530
00:23:04,025 --> 00:23:07,404
I can feel you
531
00:23:07,466 --> 00:23:11,018
Near... me... dear...
532
00:23:11,053 --> 00:23:13,127
I got a new hobby.
533
00:23:13,162 --> 00:23:14,345
What is it?
534
00:23:14,380 --> 00:23:16,926
Ah...
535
00:23:16,961 --> 00:23:20,302
Then we both arrive
536
00:23:20,337 --> 00:23:23,969
At the same time
537
00:23:24,066 --> 00:23:26,302
Again
538
00:23:28,005 --> 00:23:30,294
Ah...
539
00:23:30,499 --> 00:23:33,857
Then we're both alive
540
00:23:33,892 --> 00:23:37,223
At the same time
541
00:23:37,487 --> 00:23:39,774
Again.
542
00:23:39,941 --> 00:23:42,245
(groans)
543
00:23:52,567 --> 00:23:55,014
I'm gonna talk to someone about it.
544
00:23:55,215 --> 00:23:58,133
A doctor someone.
545
00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:01,402
Maybe see about some medication.
546
00:24:02,311 --> 00:24:04,914
It's always been just me, you know?
547
00:24:05,415 --> 00:24:07,521
Now it's not anymore.
548
00:24:09,265 --> 00:24:10,767
Thank you.
549
00:24:16,005 --> 00:24:17,270
You know,
550
00:24:17,305 --> 00:24:21,189
after I cleaned the fries off
your face and put you to bed,
551
00:24:21,224 --> 00:24:23,585
you said something to
me that was pretty dark.
552
00:24:23,643 --> 00:24:26,234
(groans) Don't tell me.
553
00:24:27,751 --> 00:24:29,920
Okay, I won't.
554
00:24:32,765 --> 00:24:34,534
I love you, too.
555
00:24:35,536 --> 00:24:38,806
556
00:24:48,426 --> 00:24:53,426
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
557
00:24:53,476 --> 00:24:59,050
This is all I ever need
558
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:07,006
The air is all I want to breathe
559
00:25:07,056 --> 00:25:11,606
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37293
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