Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,087 --> 00:00:01,687
[epic music over TV]
2
00:00:02,869 --> 00:00:05,651
Damn! Wha... so he's dead, right?
3
00:00:05,676 --> 00:00:07,376
No, he's the lead. He can't be dead.
4
00:00:07,378 --> 00:00:09,121
- [sighs]
- Right?
5
00:00:09,146 --> 00:00:10,855
[sighs]
6
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,591
_
7
00:00:12,616 --> 00:00:14,249
[soft laughter]
8
00:00:14,585 --> 00:00:16,351
Hey, I thought you wanted to, you know,
9
00:00:16,376 --> 00:00:17,806
Netflix and chill tonight.
10
00:00:17,831 --> 00:00:19,547
Ye... babe.
11
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,683
You know that means sex, right?
12
00:00:21,708 --> 00:00:22,673
[laughs]
13
00:00:22,921 --> 00:00:24,727
- We shouldn't tonight.
- What?
14
00:00:25,039 --> 00:00:26,138
Why not?
15
00:00:26,163 --> 00:00:28,075
I just don't think it's a good idea.
16
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:30,034
- [sighs]
- Period.
17
00:00:30,451 --> 00:00:31,853
Oh.
18
00:00:31,878 --> 00:00:33,745
Wa... It's not a problem.
19
00:00:33,770 --> 00:00:35,948
You know, I have a designated towel
20
00:00:35,973 --> 00:00:37,787
for these occasions.
21
00:00:37,812 --> 00:00:39,393
It has, like,
a really busy pattern on it, so...
22
00:00:39,418 --> 00:00:40,850
- Hey, hey.
- What?
23
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,840
Just give me a couple days, okay?
24
00:00:42,865 --> 00:00:44,982
[exhales] Yeah.
25
00:00:45,007 --> 00:00:46,328
I get it.
26
00:00:47,010 --> 00:00:48,209
It's like a...
27
00:00:48,234 --> 00:00:50,978
generational thing, you know?
28
00:00:51,003 --> 00:00:54,237
[upbeat pop music builds]
29
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:57,565
30
00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:00,299
[upbeat pop music]
31
00:01:00,324 --> 00:01:03,935
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
32
00:01:04,243 --> 00:01:06,450
You know, maybe it is
a generational thing.
33
00:01:06,475 --> 00:01:08,805
David was just always so weird about it.
34
00:01:08,830 --> 00:01:10,591
Oh, I bet he'd send you into the woods
35
00:01:10,616 --> 00:01:11,922
until the end of your moon.
36
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,403
You've never had period sex?
37
00:01:13,428 --> 00:01:15,161
Not on purpose. Have you?
38
00:01:15,186 --> 00:01:17,265
Well, if you're a lesbian,
you have to go with the flow,
39
00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:18,964
otherwise you're celibate
for half the month.
40
00:01:18,989 --> 00:01:20,070
Oh, I never thought about that.
41
00:01:20,095 --> 00:01:21,219
And you don't even want to see
42
00:01:21,244 --> 00:01:22,367
when I sync up with a girlfriend.
43
00:01:22,392 --> 00:01:24,168
My bed looks like a crime scene.
44
00:01:24,194 --> 00:01:25,095
Thanks for the warning.
45
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,666
Hey, we've finally
synced up, haven't we?
46
00:01:26,691 --> 00:01:28,378
Yeah! Happy day two.
47
00:01:28,402 --> 00:01:31,139
[upbeat rock music]
48
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:35,728
49
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:37,764
[jewels clatter]
50
00:01:40,719 --> 00:01:42,573
[knocking]
51
00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:45,528
[drill whirring, hammering]
52
00:01:45,553 --> 00:01:46,456
Wha...
53
00:01:48,156 --> 00:01:49,504
[drill whirring]
54
00:01:49,529 --> 00:01:52,599
[whirring continues]
55
00:01:55,929 --> 00:01:57,739
What the hell is going on in here?
56
00:01:57,764 --> 00:01:58,677
Sorry.
57
00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,727
No, you're not.
58
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,619
City ordinances clearly state
59
00:02:01,644 --> 00:02:03,942
you cannot begin
construction before 8:00 a.m.
60
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:06,318
It is 7:53, and it sounds
like a drone strike in here.
61
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,005
So tell me why I shouldn't
call the co-op president
62
00:02:08,030 --> 00:02:08,960
right this very second.
63
00:02:08,985 --> 00:02:10,836
Honey, unless you woke up
64
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:12,157
spackled and pressed like that,
65
00:02:12,182 --> 00:02:14,110
you've been at work for a while too.
66
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:15,167
"Spackled"?
67
00:02:15,192 --> 00:02:16,089
No, it looks good.
68
00:02:16,257 --> 00:02:17,457
I won't tell on you.
69
00:02:17,482 --> 00:02:19,626
Listen, we got a deadline to hit.
70
00:02:19,651 --> 00:02:21,519
The guys got here early,
so I had them get started.
71
00:02:21,544 --> 00:02:22,846
Well, have them get stopped
72
00:02:22,871 --> 00:02:24,024
until 8:00 a.m.
73
00:02:24,050 --> 00:02:26,451
[electric guitar music]
74
00:02:26,608 --> 00:02:29,393
Guys. Cut the noise.
75
00:02:32,562 --> 00:02:36,368
76
00:02:41,803 --> 00:02:43,366
- What you looking for?
- [sighs]
77
00:02:43,391 --> 00:02:46,237
Well, I was looking for my assistant,
78
00:02:46,262 --> 00:02:47,762
but now I'm looking for a sweetener
79
00:02:47,787 --> 00:02:48,652
that won't give me cancer.
80
00:02:48,677 --> 00:02:49,637
Oh, I'm sorry.
81
00:02:49,662 --> 00:02:51,266
I stopped at the tailor on my way in
82
00:02:51,291 --> 00:02:52,893
to check on your gown for the opera.
83
00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:56,686
Oh, and Feliciano is all set
to do your hair that night.
84
00:02:56,711 --> 00:02:58,497
Do I need to do anything for your date?
85
00:02:58,523 --> 00:02:59,555
Do you know who you're bringing yet?
86
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,059
Still TBD, Liza.
87
00:03:01,084 --> 00:03:02,818
Diana. I was looking for you.
88
00:03:02,843 --> 00:03:03,660
Oh?
89
00:03:03,685 --> 00:03:06,301
Bryce is going to sit
in on this morning's
90
00:03:06,326 --> 00:03:07,786
- staff meeting.
- Oh.
91
00:03:07,811 --> 00:03:09,277
We just need to indulge him a little.
92
00:03:09,302 --> 00:03:10,846
Listen to his ideas.
93
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:12,656
Keep an open mind.
94
00:03:12,681 --> 00:03:14,177
Of course.
95
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:17,346
[playful music]
96
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:19,359
97
00:03:22,426 --> 00:03:25,703
"P is for Pigeon,"
our lead title this season,
98
00:03:25,728 --> 00:03:28,224
is just weeks away from launching.
99
00:03:28,271 --> 00:03:32,040
It is the story of the
world's last passenger pigeon
100
00:03:32,065 --> 00:03:34,872
and a powerful meditation on the...
101
00:03:34,897 --> 00:03:37,462
extinction of the American middle class.
102
00:03:37,487 --> 00:03:39,091
How are the preorders so far?
103
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,958
Slightly lower than we'd hoped,
104
00:03:40,983 --> 00:03:42,881
but 5,000 should put us on the
"Times" Best Seller list,
105
00:03:42,906 --> 00:03:44,547
and that is definitely within reach.
106
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:47,329
I have put a call in
to the Audubon Society
107
00:03:47,354 --> 00:03:49,864
for a bird-watching and
reading doubleheader
108
00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:51,221
at The Cloisters.
109
00:03:51,246 --> 00:03:53,667
Got it. Can Millennial discuss their IP?
110
00:03:53,814 --> 00:03:55,846
We are planning a college tour
111
00:03:55,871 --> 00:03:57,024
for "The Deciding Decade."
112
00:03:57,049 --> 00:03:57,844
And?
113
00:03:57,869 --> 00:04:00,588
And, uh, we really want to
find the next Warsan Shire.
114
00:04:00,868 --> 00:04:02,480
Nobody's breaking poets right now,
115
00:04:02,505 --> 00:04:04,558
except Beyonc?. Dead end.
116
00:04:05,497 --> 00:04:06,703
There.
117
00:04:06,728 --> 00:04:08,082
Your next authors.
118
00:04:08,106 --> 00:04:09,606
What's up? I'm Kray.
119
00:04:09,631 --> 00:04:11,070
And I'm Tay.
120
00:04:11,094 --> 00:04:13,289
- And we're...
- Both: The Stoopid Girls!
121
00:04:13,314 --> 00:04:15,121
[babbling]
122
00:04:15,146 --> 00:04:16,234
- Tay.
- Hey?
123
00:04:16,259 --> 00:04:17,686
Are you wearing an adult diaper?
124
00:04:17,711 --> 00:04:20,164
Uhh... yeah, I am!
125
00:04:20,189 --> 00:04:21,437
Wait, so are you.
126
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:22,862
Oh, my God!
127
00:04:23,113 --> 00:04:26,058
Both: Chonie chug challenge!
128
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:28,150
First one to leak through their Depends
129
00:04:28,175 --> 00:04:29,808
is the winner.
130
00:04:29,833 --> 00:04:31,620
- Chugs.
- Chugs, mm-mm.
131
00:04:31,645 --> 00:04:33,453
Okay, here I go.
132
00:04:33,986 --> 00:04:35,588
[strains]
133
00:04:35,969 --> 00:04:37,768
There's another 14 minutes of this?
134
00:04:37,793 --> 00:04:39,104
I can scrub through to the end
135
00:04:39,129 --> 00:04:40,161
if you want to see who wins.
136
00:04:40,186 --> 00:04:41,783
I'm not sure this is
137
00:04:41,808 --> 00:04:43,418
on brand for us.
138
00:04:43,443 --> 00:04:45,262
Great books come from great ideas.
139
00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:47,314
We shouldn't be precious
about the source.
140
00:04:47,339 --> 00:04:49,212
And what ideas do these girls in...
141
00:04:49,237 --> 00:04:50,772
diapers have?
142
00:04:50,797 --> 00:04:52,833
They have 5 million subscribers.
143
00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:55,264
If even 1/100 of a percent
of them buys the book,
144
00:04:55,289 --> 00:04:56,696
they're on the "Times" Best Seller list.
145
00:04:56,721 --> 00:04:58,059
Right?
146
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,247
That is their manager's contact.
147
00:05:01,557 --> 00:05:03,473
I hate talking on the
phone. What's wrong?
148
00:05:03,498 --> 00:05:05,956
Comment below if you've ever puked.
149
00:05:05,981 --> 00:05:08,210
[belching]
150
00:05:08,235 --> 00:05:09,534
[car horn honks]
151
00:05:09,687 --> 00:05:12,009
Could The Stoopid Girls
really write a book?
152
00:05:12,034 --> 00:05:13,550
I mean, would they even want to?
153
00:05:13,575 --> 00:05:15,954
To make that much money being stupid,
154
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,149
you have to be at least a
little bit smart, right?
155
00:05:18,174 --> 00:05:20,007
Yes, exactly, and if
they're thirsty enough
156
00:05:20,032 --> 00:05:22,098
to make 187 videos this year,
they'll be down
157
00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:23,647
for any platform that
feeds them more attention.
158
00:05:23,672 --> 00:05:25,954
Snap 'em now while they're
still just Internet famous.
159
00:05:25,979 --> 00:05:27,485
Oh, we emailed their manager.
160
00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:28,923
We just haven't heard back yet.
161
00:05:28,948 --> 00:05:30,822
Oh, they're probably just
busy prepping for VidPop.
162
00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:32,143
- VidPop?
- Mm-hmm.
163
00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:33,167
It's a YouTuber convention
164
00:05:33,192 --> 00:05:34,656
at the Javits Center this week.
165
00:05:34,681 --> 00:05:36,080
There's a YouTuber convention?
166
00:05:36,105 --> 00:05:37,675
No, there are dozens of them,
167
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,233
and they're insanely popular.
168
00:05:39,258 --> 00:05:41,474
I had to promise the firstborn
I'm never having to get
169
00:05:41,499 --> 00:05:42,929
Hector and Dorff to be
the official jockstrap
170
00:05:42,954 --> 00:05:44,544
of the VidPop gift bags.
171
00:05:44,569 --> 00:05:46,074
Ugh. I'll get you passes.
172
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,152
Great.
173
00:05:47,177 --> 00:05:49,190
[coaster buzzing]
174
00:05:49,215 --> 00:05:51,343
[sighs] Did we have to come
175
00:05:51,368 --> 00:05:53,030
this close to Beth Israel to meet Max?
176
00:05:53,055 --> 00:05:54,685
And did we have to come here?
177
00:05:54,710 --> 00:05:56,213
I told you, with a doctor,
you got to take it
178
00:05:56,238 --> 00:05:57,737
whenever and however you can get it.
179
00:05:57,762 --> 00:05:58,888
You know, whether it's sex
180
00:05:58,913 --> 00:06:00,977
or a tequila-lime chicken finger.
181
00:06:01,002 --> 00:06:02,600
We've hooked up in the on-call room
182
00:06:02,624 --> 00:06:03,590
three times this week.
183
00:06:03,615 --> 00:06:04,492
Lucky you.
184
00:06:04,517 --> 00:06:06,117
So anytime,
185
00:06:06,142 --> 00:06:07,468
anywhere?
186
00:06:07,493 --> 00:06:08,588
What if you're...
187
00:06:08,613 --> 00:06:10,295
you know...
188
00:06:10,529 --> 00:06:12,607
[quietly] having your period?
189
00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:14,826
[laughs] Why'd you whisper that?
190
00:06:14,851 --> 00:06:15,828
I don't know... I'm just a...
191
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,799
I'm just asking a follow-up question,
never mind.
192
00:06:17,824 --> 00:06:19,428
No, no, no. It hasn't come up yet.
193
00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:21,082
But the only thing I
don't do on my period
194
00:06:21,107 --> 00:06:22,307
is a yoga inversion.
195
00:06:22,331 --> 00:06:23,889
So everything else is on the table?
196
00:06:23,915 --> 00:06:26,619
Wait, is Josh anti-period sex?
197
00:06:26,644 --> 00:06:28,548
No, that's offensive.
198
00:06:28,573 --> 00:06:29,967
I thought he was so woke.
199
00:06:29,992 --> 00:06:31,063
No, he is.
200
00:06:31,087 --> 00:06:32,479
He... wait, what's woke?
201
00:06:32,504 --> 00:06:34,016
Enlightened, i.e., he's not
202
00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:35,314
terrified of the female body.
203
00:06:35,339 --> 00:06:37,266
Oh, ah, you know what?
There's Max; let's ask him.
204
00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,743
- No, no-no-no-no-no-no.
- [mocking noises]
205
00:06:39,822 --> 00:06:41,183
- Hey.
- Hi.
206
00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:42,495
Hey, uh, Max, this is my friend Liza.
207
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,200
- And you remember Kelsey.
- Hey, again.
208
00:06:44,225 --> 00:06:45,454
- Nice to meet you, Liza.
- Hey.
209
00:06:45,479 --> 00:06:46,691
Um, honey, quick question.
210
00:06:46,717 --> 00:06:48,068
You're cool with period sex right?
211
00:06:48,092 --> 00:06:49,316
[laughs] Yeah.
212
00:06:49,341 --> 00:06:50,571
I knew it.
213
00:06:50,596 --> 00:06:52,397
- [buzzing]
- Oh, shit, it's me.
214
00:06:52,422 --> 00:06:54,169
[groans] I got to get back.
215
00:06:54,194 --> 00:06:56,032
My attending's letting
me do the episiotomy
216
00:06:56,057 --> 00:06:58,245
on a tiny woman having
a huge baby, so...
217
00:06:58,270 --> 00:06:59,944
- Bye.
- Bye.
218
00:07:00,722 --> 00:07:03,324
So? What do you guys think?
219
00:07:03,349 --> 00:07:04,658
Oh.
220
00:07:04,683 --> 00:07:06,586
- He seems really nice.
- Yeah.
221
00:07:06,612 --> 00:07:08,296
He... uh, he was super cute.
222
00:07:09,014 --> 00:07:10,208
Nice handshake.
223
00:07:10,336 --> 00:07:11,782
You know, it says a lot.
224
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:12,776
It does, it does.
225
00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:14,315
Oh, I'm so glad you guys get him.
226
00:07:15,061 --> 00:07:17,224
[playful musical flourish]
227
00:07:17,249 --> 00:07:19,249
[thudding]
228
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:24,501
[clanging and thudding]
229
00:07:25,888 --> 00:07:28,480
- [tools banging loudly]
- God damn it!
230
00:07:28,783 --> 00:07:31,265
You are at least 45 minutes
231
00:07:31,290 --> 00:07:33,172
past the legal cutoff
time to be working.
232
00:07:33,197 --> 00:07:34,463
It's not even that late.
233
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,940
I read 15 books a week for work.
234
00:07:36,965 --> 00:07:38,570
That is impossible to do with you
235
00:07:38,594 --> 00:07:40,566
jackhammering away over here.
236
00:07:40,591 --> 00:07:42,165
Do you even know what a jackhammer is?
237
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:44,215
- I'm gonna call the board.
- All right, slow down.
238
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,846
No, I don't need to slow down.
239
00:07:45,871 --> 00:07:47,576
What I need is peace.
240
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,437
What I need is privacy.
241
00:07:49,463 --> 00:07:50,325
- What I...
- Honey.
242
00:07:50,349 --> 00:07:51,617
What you need
243
00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:53,172
is to get fucked.
244
00:07:53,197 --> 00:07:54,791
[metal clanging]
245
00:07:54,815 --> 00:07:55,826
[upbeat sultry music]
246
00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:59,110
[moaning]
247
00:07:59,949 --> 00:08:01,687
Go, go, that way, that way.
248
00:08:01,712 --> 00:08:04,231
[moaning]
249
00:08:06,057 --> 00:08:09,058
[upbeat pop music]
250
00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:16,021
251
00:08:18,522 --> 00:08:21,130
Okay, I have never
felt so old in my life.
252
00:08:21,155 --> 00:08:22,321
Ah... me neither.
253
00:08:22,346 --> 00:08:24,405
Okay, The Stoopid Girls
are on in an hour.
254
00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:26,864
Ugh, but maybe somebody else
has a book you could sell?
255
00:08:26,889 --> 00:08:29,290
Oh, God, I hope not.
256
00:08:29,315 --> 00:08:30,440
[chuckles]
257
00:08:30,465 --> 00:08:32,147
- All right, come on, let's go.
- Yeah.
258
00:08:32,172 --> 00:08:34,605
[electronic pop music]
259
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:37,602
260
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:39,474
Hey, guys!
261
00:08:39,499 --> 00:08:41,010
My name is Soy Random
262
00:08:41,035 --> 00:08:42,079
because I'm...
263
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:44,656
- All: Soy random!
- Yeah!
264
00:08:44,681 --> 00:08:47,679
I've been eating way too
many gluten-free cupcakes
265
00:08:47,704 --> 00:08:50,256
so I made this exercise
bike to mix them up
266
00:08:50,281 --> 00:08:52,347
so I don't feel bad
about eating all of them!
267
00:08:52,372 --> 00:08:53,544
[laughter]
268
00:08:53,569 --> 00:08:55,658
Oh, my God, she's Soy Random.
269
00:08:55,683 --> 00:08:57,690
[upbeat music]
270
00:08:57,963 --> 00:09:00,250
All right, anything can be hacked.
271
00:09:00,275 --> 00:09:03,239
If you just use your brain, okay?
272
00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:04,172
Anything.
273
00:09:04,197 --> 00:09:05,483
I couldn't get a date
274
00:09:05,508 --> 00:09:06,947
until I figured out how to hack
275
00:09:06,972 --> 00:09:09,565
the vagina! Am I right?
276
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:10,623
- [chuckles]
- Ladies,
277
00:09:10,648 --> 00:09:12,898
watch at your own risk.
278
00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:14,666
- Uh!
- [gasps]
279
00:09:14,918 --> 00:09:17,199
[indistinct chatter]
280
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,994
281
00:09:19,019 --> 00:09:20,954
Hey, y'all.
282
00:09:20,979 --> 00:09:23,639
- We're the...
- Both: Stoopid Girls!
283
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,080
[screaming]
284
00:09:26,105 --> 00:09:27,485
- Ew.
- Gross.
285
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:29,095
Who wants to poke
286
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,772
the Dare Bear?
287
00:09:30,797 --> 00:09:32,023
Crowd: Me! Me!
288
00:09:32,048 --> 00:09:33,234
Oh?
289
00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:35,092
Hey, look at this.
290
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:38,306
Noob1993 dares me to wax off
291
00:09:38,331 --> 00:09:40,682
- one of my eyebrows.
- [laughs]
292
00:09:40,707 --> 00:09:42,960
- That's so stupid!
- So stupid!
293
00:09:42,985 --> 00:09:46,176
- Oh, yeah.
- Do me up, Tay!
294
00:09:46,201 --> 00:09:47,766
Waxing it on.
295
00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:49,219
Wax it on.
296
00:09:49,244 --> 00:09:50,963
Wax it off.
297
00:09:50,988 --> 00:09:52,560
[both groaning]
298
00:09:52,585 --> 00:09:53,684
Should I do it?
299
00:09:53,709 --> 00:09:54,666
Come on!
300
00:09:54,691 --> 00:09:55,684
Three.
301
00:09:56,148 --> 00:09:57,548
Two.
302
00:09:57,573 --> 00:09:58,867
All: One!
303
00:09:58,892 --> 00:10:01,041
[crowd groans]
304
00:10:01,066 --> 00:10:03,013
- Yeah!
- [screaming]
305
00:10:03,038 --> 00:10:05,740
- [grunting]
- That was so stupid!
306
00:10:05,765 --> 00:10:08,551
[grunting]
307
00:10:08,848 --> 00:10:11,194
They're gonna save the
publishing industry?
308
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:12,986
Ah... Ah...
309
00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:15,024
[upbeat music]
310
00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:16,590
- [catcalling]
- Oh, yeah!
311
00:10:16,765 --> 00:10:19,368
I wonder if Bryce would
be into a lifehacker book,
312
00:10:19,393 --> 00:10:20,357
but, like,
313
00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:21,795
like a sexy one?
314
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:22,701
I don't think you should let
315
00:10:22,726 --> 00:10:24,973
anyone who calls themselves a lifehacker
316
00:10:24,998 --> 00:10:26,493
anywhere near your coin purse.
317
00:10:26,518 --> 00:10:28,052
Oh, ooh. Guys, we're up, we're up.
318
00:10:28,077 --> 00:10:30,207
- Come on, move it along.
- Yeah, go, go. Go, go, go.
319
00:10:30,233 --> 00:10:31,497
Hey, dummies.
320
00:10:31,522 --> 00:10:32,924
Hi. I'm Liza,
321
00:10:32,949 --> 00:10:34,371
- and this is Kelsey...
- Hey.
322
00:10:34,396 --> 00:10:35,934
And we're from Millennial Print.
323
00:10:35,959 --> 00:10:38,369
We'd love to talk to
you about doing a book.
324
00:10:38,394 --> 00:10:39,571
- Really?
- But...
325
00:10:39,596 --> 00:10:42,360
how can I write a book if I
never learned how to read?
326
00:10:42,385 --> 00:10:43,957
Wait, where'd you say
you guys were from?
327
00:10:43,982 --> 00:10:47,310
Millennial, it's a imprint
with Empirical Publishing.
328
00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:49,964
Bah! Big words hurt my brain stub.
329
00:10:49,989 --> 00:10:52,023
- Picture time!
- Whoo!
330
00:10:52,048 --> 00:10:53,433
- Whoo!
- Oh.
331
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:55,124
- Ha-ha.
- Yay. Okay.
332
00:10:55,149 --> 00:10:56,791
- Oh.
- All right, let's go.
333
00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:57,542
Uh, do you think you can
334
00:10:57,567 --> 00:10:59,583
center the jockstrap on your...
on your chin?
335
00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:01,609
But then I'm gonna get teabagged
336
00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:04,138
by this big nasty thing.
337
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,955
Yep... no, just so they
can read it on Instagram.
338
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:08,710
Dude, it's, like,
three grand for social media posts.
339
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:09,883
My manager will kill me.
340
00:11:09,908 --> 00:11:11,082
Okay, I'm just gonna sneak one.
341
00:11:11,107 --> 00:11:12,862
- Go, take her off.
- Real quick, I'm sneaking one.
342
00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:14,819
- Buh-bye.
- Okay. Bye.
343
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,057
[exhales]
344
00:11:19,082 --> 00:11:20,335
Uh, excuse me?
345
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,784
Uh, you're from Millennial Print, right?
346
00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:24,878
You're... Tay?
347
00:11:24,903 --> 00:11:26,401
Uh, Taylor.
348
00:11:26,839 --> 00:11:29,048
Nice to actually meet you.
349
00:11:29,073 --> 00:11:30,249
Um, look,
350
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,812
I don't know if you would
be into this at all,
351
00:11:32,837 --> 00:11:35,784
but I actually have a novel that
I started when I was at Iowa,
352
00:11:35,809 --> 00:11:36,831
and I just, like, never did...
353
00:11:36,856 --> 00:11:38,255
You went to the Writers' Workshop?
354
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,467
Yeah.
355
00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:42,672
Yeah, um, this whole
Stoopid Girls thing was
356
00:11:42,697 --> 00:11:44,169
supposed to be, like, a goof.
357
00:11:44,194 --> 00:11:47,430
Wow, this is... not
what I was expecting.
358
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,095
I'm so grateful for it,
359
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,037
but I just... I feel
kind of boxed in now.
360
00:11:51,099 --> 00:11:53,732
And my manager says that
dense historical fiction
361
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:55,916
isn't trending, so for now, I'm stuck
362
00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:56,969
acting like a drunk child
363
00:11:56,993 --> 00:11:59,372
while I pay off the
rest of my student debt.
364
00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:01,400
You know what? Um...
365
00:12:01,425 --> 00:12:04,533
Send me a few chapters of your novel.
366
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,511
I would love to read it.
367
00:12:06,536 --> 00:12:08,213
Oh, my God.
368
00:12:08,239 --> 00:12:09,718
Really?
369
00:12:10,587 --> 00:12:13,310
Thank you so much.
That would mean so much to me.
370
00:12:13,335 --> 00:12:15,326
You have no...
371
00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:18,735
Now slowly back away.
372
00:12:18,858 --> 00:12:21,635
[playful music]
373
00:12:22,038 --> 00:12:24,139
Just... just trust me.
374
00:12:24,164 --> 00:12:27,810
375
00:12:27,835 --> 00:12:30,168
[screaming]
376
00:12:30,193 --> 00:12:32,301
Selfie? Hello.
377
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,525
378
00:12:36,659 --> 00:12:39,361
It's a historical novel about Theodora,
379
00:12:39,386 --> 00:12:41,513
the empress who went
from prostitute to power
380
00:12:41,537 --> 00:12:42,629
during the Byzantine era.
381
00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:44,298
Oh, I think I know a
drag queen by that name.
382
00:12:44,323 --> 00:12:45,215
- [laughs]
- Very funny.
383
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,636
She's so cute when she
nerds out over books,
384
00:12:47,661 --> 00:12:48,816
- isn't she?
- No.
385
00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:50,377
This is about more than a book.
386
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:51,929
I mean, if this hits,
387
00:12:51,954 --> 00:12:54,265
she could finally be who she really is
388
00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:55,923
and stop pretending every day.
389
00:12:55,948 --> 00:12:57,516
Oh. Hmm.
390
00:12:57,541 --> 00:12:59,167
[both laugh]
391
00:12:59,192 --> 00:13:01,930
Are you going home or
you wanna... [tsks]
392
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,166
- Ugh... I just... I think...
- Oh, all right.
393
00:13:04,191 --> 00:13:05,278
No, it's good, it's good.
394
00:13:05,303 --> 00:13:06,990
I got a full sleeve tattoo
to do in the morning,
395
00:13:07,016 --> 00:13:08,467
so I'm gonna go home and sketch.
396
00:13:08,492 --> 00:13:09,885
Okay.
397
00:13:10,268 --> 00:13:11,487
Good night.
398
00:13:11,512 --> 00:13:12,970
- Good night, ladies.
- Bye.
399
00:13:12,995 --> 00:13:14,107
Good night.
400
00:13:14,132 --> 00:13:17,281
- Girl.
- Ugh, I know.
401
00:13:18,052 --> 00:13:19,336
Am I a prude?
402
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:20,736
Uh, a little bit.
403
00:13:20,761 --> 00:13:22,480
But, you know, sooner or later,
404
00:13:22,505 --> 00:13:24,531
your desire to get laid is gonna trump
405
00:13:24,556 --> 00:13:26,626
your desire for your awkward modesty.
406
00:13:26,651 --> 00:13:28,091
And you're just gonna go for it.
407
00:13:28,116 --> 00:13:29,274
Yeah?
408
00:13:29,454 --> 00:13:30,720
Probably.
409
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,842
Now, come on. It's our heavy flow day.
410
00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:34,759
I want to get home before
we get mauled by a bear.
411
00:13:34,784 --> 00:13:35,763
Ha!
412
00:13:35,788 --> 00:13:37,598
[tool clanking]
413
00:13:37,939 --> 00:13:39,385
Excuse me.
414
00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:40,156
[drill whirring]
415
00:13:40,181 --> 00:13:41,661
It is after 7:00 p.m.
416
00:13:41,686 --> 00:13:43,619
And you know the rules.
417
00:13:43,644 --> 00:13:45,811
You're not gonna get off
418
00:13:45,836 --> 00:13:48,352
- so easily this time.
- [tools clanking]
419
00:13:48,377 --> 00:13:51,156
So put down your big tool
420
00:13:51,181 --> 00:13:53,710
and stop all that...
421
00:13:53,978 --> 00:13:55,517
pounding.
422
00:13:55,542 --> 00:13:57,341
You done?
423
00:13:57,366 --> 00:13:59,101
You're liable to
424
00:13:59,126 --> 00:14:01,264
flood the basement?
425
00:14:01,289 --> 00:14:02,704
I don't... know... if that...
426
00:14:02,729 --> 00:14:05,089
I'm fabulous, I'm major
427
00:14:05,432 --> 00:14:07,958
All you other girls in danger
428
00:14:07,983 --> 00:14:10,384
I'm fabulous, I'm major
429
00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:12,898
- I know.
- Good morning, ladies.
430
00:14:12,923 --> 00:14:13,860
Hi.
431
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,398
She's smiling.
432
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,318
With both rows of teeth.
433
00:14:18,813 --> 00:14:20,819
[phone ringing]
434
00:14:20,844 --> 00:14:22,106
Oh, no, thank you.
435
00:14:22,131 --> 00:14:24,365
I had one when I came in. Here.
436
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:26,290
Is there a problem
with the opera tickets?
437
00:14:26,315 --> 00:14:28,114
No. I want you to have them.
438
00:14:28,139 --> 00:14:29,704
Take your boyfriend or...
439
00:14:29,921 --> 00:14:32,151
whatever it is you're doing now,
I can't keep track.
440
00:14:32,176 --> 00:14:33,175
Enjoy the opera.
441
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,232
But your dress?
442
00:14:34,257 --> 00:14:35,465
And Feliciano...
443
00:14:35,490 --> 00:14:36,534
I already called him.
444
00:14:36,559 --> 00:14:37,964
I'm busy tonight. There's some
445
00:14:37,989 --> 00:14:39,856
construction in my building I need to
446
00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,977
stay on top of.
447
00:14:42,002 --> 00:14:43,766
- Well, I'd be happy to...
- No, Liza!
448
00:14:43,791 --> 00:14:46,480
This is something I need
to supervise personally.
449
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:49,518
Enjoy the opera.
450
00:14:49,543 --> 00:14:52,115
[playful music]
451
00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:54,509
452
00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:58,148
Bryce will be here in a minute.
453
00:14:58,173 --> 00:14:59,472
Oh, cool.
454
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,032
- Oh.
- Uh, I'm in the wrong room.
455
00:15:02,057 --> 00:15:04,342
No, no, no. This is Tay... lor.
456
00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:06,096
Uh, you might recognize her
457
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,866
as one half of The Stoopid Girls.
458
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,314
I thought I cancelled that
when I read the chapter.
459
00:15:10,339 --> 00:15:12,729
I'm... I'm supposed to be
on a VR meeting with Venmo.
460
00:15:12,754 --> 00:15:14,557
I'm acquiring Venmo. Don't tell anyone.
461
00:15:14,582 --> 00:15:17,504
Wait, Br... Bryce, why...
why would you cancel the meeting?
462
00:15:17,529 --> 00:15:18,924
The chapter was great.
463
00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:20,188
Great disappointment.
464
00:15:20,213 --> 00:15:22,627
Who wants to read historical
fiction from a Stoopid Girl?
465
00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:24,085
Feminist historical fiction.
466
00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:26,187
I love feminist historical fiction.
467
00:15:26,212 --> 00:15:27,567
Ask Doris Kearns Goodwin.
468
00:15:27,592 --> 00:15:29,402
I have her number. She's
a huge fan of mine.
469
00:15:29,427 --> 00:15:32,419
But she can't do
"smell my finger" like she can.
470
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:36,903
Are you okay?
471
00:15:36,927 --> 00:15:38,228
Kray and I are starting the
472
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:40,754
human pencushion
challenge in an hour, so
473
00:15:40,779 --> 00:15:42,345
I may as well get started.
474
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:44,468
See, now, that's stupid.
That's your brand.
475
00:15:44,493 --> 00:15:45,799
Maybe we can do something with that.
476
00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:48,620
It's for digital, and
MTV already bought it.
477
00:15:48,645 --> 00:15:51,490
Oh, my meeting is at Venmo.
478
00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:53,219
Don't tell anyone.
479
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,896
I am so sorry. Excuse me.
480
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:58,940
[hip-hop instrumental music]
481
00:15:58,965 --> 00:16:01,914
482
00:16:02,517 --> 00:16:03,935
That was very rude.
483
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,041
You tried to game the system.
484
00:16:05,066 --> 00:16:06,345
Clever. I'll give you that.
485
00:16:06,370 --> 00:16:08,148
You wanted a YouTube author.
486
00:16:08,173 --> 00:16:09,439
Liza, relax.
487
00:16:09,464 --> 00:16:11,318
You're an asset, okay? Your job is safe.
488
00:16:11,343 --> 00:16:12,474
Why wouldn't it be?
489
00:16:12,499 --> 00:16:13,852
Because I'm recommending we cut staff
490
00:16:13,877 --> 00:16:15,741
by 45% next quarter.
491
00:16:16,165 --> 00:16:17,898
Not you, just the old people.
492
00:16:17,923 --> 00:16:19,086
Like Diana.
493
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:20,193
Empirical has to change.
494
00:16:20,218 --> 00:16:21,676
Uh, can you?
495
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,700
Your nostrils are flaring.
496
00:16:23,725 --> 00:16:25,917
I... I should have softened that.
497
00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:26,974
Spectrum.
498
00:16:26,999 --> 00:16:29,894
499
00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:36,898
[elegant orchestral music]
500
00:16:36,923 --> 00:16:39,316
- Babe, am I underdressed?
- [chuckles]
501
00:16:39,864 --> 00:16:41,148
People are wearing capes.
502
00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:43,688
- That's 'cause she's a vampire.
- Ah.
503
00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:45,622
[laughs] Is it free?
504
00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:46,888
Yeah, it's a benefit.
505
00:16:46,913 --> 00:16:48,355
Everything's free.
506
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,005
Thanks. Cheers, babe.
507
00:16:50,029 --> 00:16:52,394
[glasses clink]
508
00:16:52,458 --> 00:16:54,250
They all go to the same plastic surgeon?
509
00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:57,013
'Cause they all look exactly the same.
510
00:16:57,529 --> 00:16:59,081
Inbreeding.
511
00:16:59,106 --> 00:17:01,383
The 1% likes to keep
the bloodlines closed.
512
00:17:01,408 --> 00:17:02,448
Ah.
513
00:17:02,473 --> 00:17:04,729
514
00:17:05,013 --> 00:17:06,605
Wait, isn't that your boss?
515
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:09,353
Yeah, should we go say hi?
516
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:10,552
Uh, no. No-no-no.
517
00:17:10,577 --> 00:17:11,974
Uh, he's on a date.
518
00:17:11,999 --> 00:17:14,468
Huh. Good for him.
519
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:15,499
She's hot.
520
00:17:15,525 --> 00:17:17,544
Actually, I'm gonna go use the restroom.
521
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,312
- I'll meet you inside.
- All right.
522
00:17:19,337 --> 00:17:20,801
[sultry pop music]
523
00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:24,719
Call me up, baby,
call me up, call me up
524
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,463
525
00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:27,427
Excuse me?
526
00:17:27,842 --> 00:17:29,714
Uh, where is the, uh,
527
00:17:29,739 --> 00:17:31,547
plumber?
528
00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:32,906
Who, Enzo?
529
00:17:32,932 --> 00:17:35,962
He's already moved on to the
next jobsite in Westchester.
530
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:36,929
What? [whirring]
531
00:17:36,954 --> 00:17:38,498
Pipe's been laid, ma'am.
532
00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:41,285
[whirring continues]
533
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:44,296
534
00:17:51,627 --> 00:17:52,826
[yelps]
535
00:17:52,851 --> 00:17:56,680
536
00:17:59,683 --> 00:18:01,282
[wrench clangs]
537
00:18:01,307 --> 00:18:02,773
538
00:18:02,798 --> 00:18:04,307
Yeah
539
00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,224
[sprightly orchestral music]
540
00:18:06,249 --> 00:18:07,379
Liza.
541
00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:09,755
Charles, hi.
542
00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:11,525
- Hi.
- Wow, um.
543
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,366
I... I didn't know you
were gonna be here.
544
00:18:13,391 --> 00:18:15,136
This is such a surprise.
545
00:18:15,237 --> 00:18:17,170
Diana gave me tickets.
546
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,354
How wonderful.
547
00:18:19,379 --> 00:18:21,161
Do you need a hand with that?
548
00:18:21,186 --> 00:18:22,791
Yes, I do...
549
00:18:22,816 --> 00:18:24,539
Do you mind?
550
00:18:25,182 --> 00:18:29,444
551
00:18:31,807 --> 00:18:34,480
[zipper buzzing]
552
00:18:34,505 --> 00:18:37,926
553
00:18:38,853 --> 00:18:40,253
Charles.
554
00:18:40,636 --> 00:18:42,792
Radha. This is, uh,
555
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,908
a colleague of mine. Liza Miller.
556
00:18:44,933 --> 00:18:46,633
Ah, it's lovely to meet you.
557
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:47,638
Oh, you too.
558
00:18:47,663 --> 00:18:49,733
And what do you do at Empirical?
559
00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:51,132
Oh, I'm just an assistant.
560
00:18:51,157 --> 00:18:52,522
She's being modest.
561
00:18:52,546 --> 00:18:54,838
Liza's co-running our
Millennial imprint.
562
00:18:54,863 --> 00:18:57,812
How did it go today with
those Internet stars?
563
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,114
The Stoopid Girls.
564
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,515
A favor to our new investor,
565
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,707
a young guy in tech.
566
00:19:03,732 --> 00:19:05,964
And Liza's imprint is the
567
00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:09,311
shiny penny that keeps him
interested in Empirical.
568
00:19:09,336 --> 00:19:10,712
That's me.
569
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:12,253
Shiny penny.
570
00:19:12,278 --> 00:19:13,805
Actually,
I wanted to talk to you about something
571
00:19:13,830 --> 00:19:15,615
- that Bryce said today...
- Liza.
572
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:16,676
Hi.
573
00:19:16,702 --> 00:19:19,443
Figured I'd hit the bar before we go in.
574
00:19:19,566 --> 00:19:21,145
Josh, you remember Charles.
575
00:19:21,170 --> 00:19:22,447
Yeah, nice to see you again.
576
00:19:22,472 --> 00:19:23,509
You too.
577
00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:25,529
- Uh, this is Radha.
- Pleasure.
578
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:26,593
Hi. [bell chiming]
579
00:19:26,617 --> 00:19:28,715
Oh, we should take our seats.
580
00:19:28,891 --> 00:19:30,223
Have fun tonight.
581
00:19:30,248 --> 00:19:31,450
Both: You too.
582
00:19:31,475 --> 00:19:32,791
Please.
583
00:19:33,237 --> 00:19:37,680
Try to keep your arms up
584
00:19:38,108 --> 00:19:42,089
Watch the ceiling light up
585
00:19:44,405 --> 00:19:46,682
[lively opera music]
586
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:50,715
[man singing operatically]
587
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:53,031
[sighs] That was fun.
588
00:19:53,056 --> 00:19:54,687
Never again, though, right?
589
00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:56,898
[chuckles]
590
00:19:57,839 --> 00:20:01,267
[singing operatically]
591
00:20:01,292 --> 00:20:03,330
592
00:20:03,391 --> 00:20:04,657
Man.
593
00:20:04,682 --> 00:20:07,030
Good thing I already ordered a Lyft.
594
00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:09,274
Denang will be here in 11 minutes.
595
00:20:09,299 --> 00:20:11,470
- Come on, this will be faster.
- What?
596
00:20:11,496 --> 00:20:12,859
Okay.
597
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:17,124
[singing operatically]
598
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:23,551
599
00:20:29,857 --> 00:20:31,718
We can go to the opera
600
00:20:31,743 --> 00:20:33,733
whenever you want.
601
00:20:33,758 --> 00:20:36,892
[opera music flourishes]
602
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:44,149
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
603
00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:48,749
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