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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,319
Fa! Fa! How much did that cost? 300.
2
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:05,639
Nice. Is that yours?
3
00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,919
Yeah. Got it on eBay. 75. Gigantic.
4
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,759
Looking at your knives?
All right, Colin.
5
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,959
I've got a nice one.
Wow, it's a Ghurkha.
6
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,159
It's a vintage.
Look at the notches on that.
7
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,079
Seen some action, this one has.
8
00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:19,039
Right, are we ready to go?
Oh, he's not here yet, is he?
9
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,479
Er, who do you mean?
10
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,439
I told that prick to make sure
he was here at eight sharp.
11
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,759
Should I give Ray Purchase a call?
Good idea.
12
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,279
Bingo!
13
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,519
Been trying to pick this pencil up
in my mouth for the last 15 minutes.
14
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,719
Are we good to go?
15
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,399
Hi, Steven. This is
Clem H. Fandango. Can you hear me?
16
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,400
Yeah, I can... Whoa. Did you
just say Clem H. Fandango?
17
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,599
So you've added an H to your name?
18
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,359
You don't think you were enough
of a prat already?
19
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,799
It was Equity's idea.
They told me to change my name
20
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,800
as there's another actor already
apparently called Clem Fandango.
21
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,799
Yeah but you're not an actor.
22
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:58,800
Sorry, Steven, we're gonna have to
get this done quickly. Colin needs to edit everything by midday.
23
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,879
You all right, buddy? I'm Colin
Skittles from Swing Out Spritzer.
24
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,880
Now there's a certain way
we'd like you to perform the VO.
25
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,720
If you like, buddy, I can
run through it first as a guide.
26
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,959
Well, go on then. Brill.
27
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:23,479
Hey, guys!
Don't lose your cool this summer.
28
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,480
Be as cool as ice and enjoy
a tall glass of Tawny Owl Ice Tea.
29
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:32,440
Ter-wit! Ter-woo! Ter-wit! Ter-woo!
30
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:41,959
Hey, guys!
31
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,959
Don't lose your cool this summer.
32
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:47,960
Be as cool as ice and enjoy a tall
glass of Tawny Owl Ice Tea.
33
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,800
Ter-wit! Ter-woo! Ter-wit! Ter-woo!
34
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,880
All right, buddy?
35
00:01:57,321 --> 00:02:23,735
36
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,799
Brigadoon. Really?
37
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,439
I can't remember
the last musical I saw.
38
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,319
Cats? Cats! Yes. On Drury Lane.
39
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:35,320
And if I recall I was so drunk I collapsed
in my seat whilst sitting down.
40
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,080
Well, at least you didn't get up and
join in like Michael Barrymore used to!
41
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:42,880
He did, didn't he?
42
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,560
Talking of theatres, if I were you, I'd avoid
going past the Garrick for a week or two.
43
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,639
Is Ray Purchase
dropping his slacks again?
44
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,079
No, they're putting on a production
of The Graduate.
45
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,839
That, erm, ex of yours
is playing the lead.
46
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,319
Who? Maggie Philbin?
47
00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,399
Lorna Wynde.
48
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,519
Lorna Wynde?
49
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:03,799
Lorna Wynde.
50
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,800
I always thought she was quite pretty
in that over-the-top American way.
51
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,879
You did that awful daytime soap
together in LA.
52
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,279
She had that thing,
do you remember, on close-ups?
53
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:19,280
She went all cross-eyed whenever her
face came within three feet of a camera.
54
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,759
Really affected
her career in television.
55
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,239
That's why she's doing theatre
these days.
56
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,079
Lorna Wynde. Please, Jane.
57
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,119
Lorna Wynde!
58
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,799
She promised to move back to London with
you but she didn't show up at the airport.
59
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,239
You were so heartbroken
you couldn't speak for three weeks.
60
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,679
You were in a terrible state.
61
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,799
You cried so hard
you followed through in Oddbins.
62
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:43,800
All right, Jane! Please!
Please stop saying...
63
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,839
Lorna Wynde.
Stop saying Lorna Wynde.
64
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,199
Lorna Wynde. Yes!
65
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,519
More importantly, where are we going
for lunch? We'll have to get a wriggle on.
66
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,519
I'm off to Scotland to visit
Tilda Swinton.
67
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:54,639
Ha! Tilda.
68
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,479
Mad as a bag of monkeys
but tremendous fun.
69
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,239
I'm sorry, Jane,
I've suddenly lost my appetite.
70
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,240
I'd rather go home
if it's all the same with you.
71
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:10,080
Careful, Toast.
72
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:14,279
The second Jane said she was back
in town, I felt physically sick.
73
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,879
Like I was right there,
back at the airport.
74
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,599
Right.
The anguish pulls hard on one, Ed.
75
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,319
Like an anchor made of white gold.
76
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,519
Mm. My stomach feels like lead.
77
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,159
I've not eaten all day.
78
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:30,160
Not even been able to go to the toilet,
which as you know is very unlike me.
79
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,439
Thanks for the sympathetic ear.
80
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,440
Does a chap good to unload,
as it were.
81
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,839
Sorry, I wasn't listening.
82
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,359
What the hell's with the knives?
83
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:47,359
Jane was waving one of those around
earlier and those clowns in the studio.
84
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,360
Oh, everyone has knives these days.
Ever since those Tottenham riots.
85
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,439
People need to protect themselves
and their property.
86
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,439
I haven't got one.
Maybe you should get one.
87
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,999
Oh, by the way, Toast, I need to
talk to you about something.
88
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,279
We're going to have a guest
staying here.
89
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:05,119
Who? Peter Powell?
No, my niece, Honeysuckle.
90
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,439
She hasn't been herself lately.
Her mum reckons she's got a gluten allergy.
91
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,439
Anyway, she's come down to London
to visit a homeopath.
92
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,279
She's going to need somewhere
to stay.
93
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:17,280
What the hell is a homeopath?
Someone who specialises in alternative medicine.
94
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,359
Ooh! What, like, a witch doctor?
95
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,519
Yeah, I'm pretty sceptical myself
about this whole homeopathy lark.
96
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,799
She's tried everything else
and it hasn't worked.
97
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,039
Anyway, she's going to need to sleep
in your bedroom.
98
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,759
Well, where the hell am I gonna go?
99
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,559
Well, presumably on the sofa here.
100
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,560
Is there a sofa here? Yeah.
101
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:39,879
There she is.
102
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,159
Sorry, Toast.
103
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,999
Just showing Honeysuckle her room.
104
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,599
Steven Toast, my niece Honeysuckle.
105
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:51,119
Hello. Fuck off and die!
106
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,880
I beg your pardon?
107
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,719
Apologies, Toast. It's the allergy.
108
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,839
Honeysuckle suffered a very negative
reaction to something.
109
00:05:58,840 --> 00:05:59,959
I'm so sorry, Mr Toast.
110
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,960
Like my uncle said, I haven't been
feeling myself lately.
111
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:16,399
Oi! Agh!
112
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,239
There's no fucking toilet paper
in the bathroom!
113
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,240
There's... there's some kitchen roll
under the sink.
114
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,600
Argh!
115
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,839
Ah, going somewhere, Toast? Yeah.
116
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,319
I'm gonna move out for a few days,
Ed. Yes, maybe best.
117
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,879
Honeysuckle's a bit of a handful.
118
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,919
The sooner we get her sorted out
with this homeopathy the better. Yes.
119
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,359
Where are you going?
120
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,199
Francis Bacon has a spare room.
He owes me a few favours.
121
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:49,200
Francis Bacon? I thought he was
dead. Why does everyone say that?
122
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,080
Oh God!
123
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,119
Toast? Is that you?
124
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,959
Lorna. Oh, Toast.
125
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,960
I recognised the streak in your hair
from across the way.
126
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,599
That streak. Didn't you fall out of
a tree? Yeah, I fell out of a tree.
127
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,039
I knew I'd see you again.
128
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,799
Wait, are you crying?
Crying? Me? Nah.
129
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,559
Toast, I owe you an explanation.
130
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,199
No, you don't.
Can't even remember what happened.
131
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,959
We both know that's not true,
Steven.
132
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,319
I bounced back and was fine
within a couple of hours.
133
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:42,159
If you don't mind,
I'm late for a luncheon.
134
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,839
Oh, Toast, you always
were a lousy poker player.
135
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,160
Coffee? My treat?
136
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,560
It is a nice day.
We could get some ice cream.
137
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,719
Yes!
138
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,159
Do you have any cigarettes?
139
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:03,319
You always did
like a cigarette after ice cream.
140
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:07,320
I don't have any but somebody left
a pipe in the drawer, next to the Bible.
141
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,479
Is that your knife? Yeah.
142
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,439
Everybody told me to bring one
if I was coming to London because of the Tottenham siege?
143
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,799
Tottenham riots.
144
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,479
You know,
I never thought I'd see you again.
145
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,479
I was in a real bad place.
146
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,480
You ripped me in half, woman.
In bloody half!
147
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,559
I was in a dreadful state.
148
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,799
I know, I heard.
149
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,719
Apparently you cried so hard
you followed through in Oddbins.
150
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:38,720
Yes, I did.
151
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,319
Shall we? For old times' sake?
152
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,600
What? You know.
153
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,399
Abraham Lincoln. Forgotten you'd
mastered him. You do him so well.
154
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,879
Do Bruce Forsyth.
155
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,880
Bruce is easy. You've just gotta get
the chin right.
156
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,119
Oh, this is so much fun!
Let me take a selfie.
157
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:11,120
A what?
A picture of us back together.
158
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,479
I'm really sorry
I ran out on you, Steven Toast.
159
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,319
I wanna make it up.
Leave it, Lorna.
160
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,599
Your backside's writing cheques
your mouth just cannot cash.
161
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,599
You must have been real upset to
have followed through in Oddbins.
162
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,599
Didn't I read
they were facing liquidation?
163
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,680
They weren't the only ones!
164
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,079
At least you haven't lost your sense
of humour.
165
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:35,080
Lorna, you're once, twice, three
times a lady.
166
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,519
And I've only ever said that
to six other people before.
167
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,719
You sound like your character
from our show.
168
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,679
I watched an episode of that
the other day. Really?
169
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,159
How did it look? Damn good.
170
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,759
Look, Principal, I don't think
I can goddamn do this any more.
171
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:56,760
There's only so many times I can watch you
throw a flush while I end up with a deuce.
172
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,759
I'm sure I don't know what you mean,
Professor.
173
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:03,119
Christ to hell. I mean I'm sick of
being just another British stud you figure
174
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,120
you can take off the shelf whenever
there's an itch that needs a-scratchin'.
175
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,839
I'm sorry?
Spare me the Girl Guide routine.
176
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,079
You're just using me
to make your husband jealous.
177
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,080
Keep going, Professor.
I love it when you're angry.
178
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,639
I'm goddamn serious.
179
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,079
Don't treat me
like a major league sonofabitch!
180
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,679
Go ahead, do it. Would it make you
feel more like a man?
181
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,679
Yes! Get out! Oh, I'm leaving.
182
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:34,399
But I'll be back in the morning
for my share of the business
183
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:38,400
and the baby!
184
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,679
Sometimes it's hard
to let go of the past.
185
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:45,439
I'm off to see Francis Bacon.
186
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,959
Isn't he dead?
Why does everyone say that?
187
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,920
Honey,
you can always stay here with me.
188
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,039
My God, she is fucking beautiful,
189
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,719
but I know
we can never get back together.
190
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,999
If I don't leave now,
I'll never leave.
191
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,639
I'd better say that out loud.
192
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,799
If I don't leave now,
I'll never leave. Bye!
193
00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:25,757
You'll need a decent suit, Anton. Not turning up
to my opening with George from Asda on my arm.
194
00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:29,512
We'll go to Turnball's
off St James's. My treat.
195
00:11:29,513 --> 00:11:33,511
Ah, and I've ordered us
a nice bottle of bubbly.
196
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,129
Yes. Yes, I'm raising a glass now.
197
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:38,250
To us!
198
00:11:40,691 --> 00:11:42,790
Come up, dear, it's open!
199
00:11:42,861 --> 00:11:46,861
Now there's somebody at the door.
We're no longer alone, Anton.
200
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:52,940
Toast! How are you? I was just
ordering some printer ink cartridges.
201
00:11:53,501 --> 00:11:56,019
I'll call you back.
202
00:11:56,020 --> 00:12:00,020
You look very depressed, Toast.
Where have you been, the Old Kent Road?
203
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:04,099
I'm sorry, Bacon, I need somewhere
to stay for a day or two.
204
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:08,100
Something happen between you and
Ed? He's an odd fish, isn't he?
205
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:10,379
I see you've been painting
your father again.
206
00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:13,779
Oh yes. Rarrgh!
207
00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:17,139
I'm in a quandary. Lorna's back.
208
00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:20,299
The American with the dickey eye.
Only when she does close-ups.
209
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:23,019
I remember
the mess she made of you last time.
210
00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:25,739
Didn't you cry so hard
you shat yourself in your room?
211
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:27,459
No, I shut myself in my room.
212
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:30,979
I shat myself in Oddbins.
Oh yes, that's right.
213
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:34,379
Didn't I just read
they're facing liquidation?
214
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:36,220
They weren't the only ones.
215
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:40,419
I'd stick to drama, Toast.
216
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:44,099
But you did love her, didn't you?
217
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:46,579
I did. I still do.
218
00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:48,979
Oh.
219
00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:52,980
I don't mean to impose, Bacon, but I
really don't have anywhere else to go.
220
00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:02,300
From a tramp to a king,
come winter or spring
221
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:06,300
The song that you sing
remains the same tune
222
00:13:06,580 --> 00:13:10,580
It'll pass untold
when love takes hold
223
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:12,379
Like a weight made of gold
224
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,779
And it pulls so hard
225
00:13:14,780 --> 00:13:18,019
Weighed down
226
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:22,020
I'm weighed down
227
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:26,260
Weighed down
228
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:30,300
I'm weighed down
229
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:03,179
What are you doing here
with an old queen like me, Toast?
230
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:05,419
Go to Lorna.
231
00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:07,699
Love is the greatest gift we share.
232
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:10,299
No, you're right, Bacon.
233
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:14,300
Thanks, old friend!
234
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,660
And what you looking at?
235
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:38,299
I'm not certain
that this is a gluten allergy.
236
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,459
I'm gonna
give Alan the homeopath a ring.
237
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,819
What?
238
00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:44,619
Hello, Alan?
239
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:48,620
Jackie Paper.
You free for a home visit?
240
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:53,860
Lorna!
241
00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:06,779
Oh! Oh my gosh!
242
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,499
Oh, Toast.
243
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,819
Oh my God!
244
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:14,820
Oh! Oh my gosh!
245
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:18,019
That was definitely the best sex
I've ever had without getting an erection.
246
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:20,699
What's that all about?
It's cos I'm so in love with you.
247
00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:24,700
I can only ever normally achieve an erection
with people I have zero respect for.
248
00:15:27,740 --> 00:15:30,539
There he is! There he is.
249
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:33,899
Hey, I'm gonna go round to Ed's and
pick up the rest of my belongings
250
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,219
but I'll be straight back.
251
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,379
Perfect. Oh, there's one thing,
though, Toast, before you go.
252
00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:42,299
I'm not even sure if it's worth
mentioning but er... it may be relevant.
253
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:46,259
What is it? I'm married.
254
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:49,619
You're married? Yeah, although my
husband pays me so little attention,
255
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:52,539
he may have actually forgotten
about it so...
256
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:56,540
You're married to someone else?
I think you should meet him and explain the situation.
257
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:59,379
It would be
so much better coming from you.
258
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:01,979
Tell him that my marriage to him
is over.
259
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:04,939
He's recording in London at the
moment. You could go to his studio.
260
00:16:04,940 --> 00:16:07,779
He's not one of those chaps with
his bare backside hanging out,
261
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,899
carrying industrial tape and drugs,
is he?
262
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:13,900
No, he's not a fucking... He's not a
roadie, Toast. He's a rock musician.
263
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,579
Come on, honey,
this could be our second chance.
264
00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:19,259
You know what? You're right.
265
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:22,019
I don't care that you're married
to someone else. It's you I love.
266
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:25,699
And after years of being dealt
the deuce,
267
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:29,700
I finally feel like
I'm holding a flush.
268
00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:38,059
Oh! Ed?
269
00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:41,059
I'm down here! Under the table! What
the hell are you doing down there?
270
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,539
Hiding from Honeysuckle.
271
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:45,779
I just came to say goodbye, Ed.
I'm moving in with Lorna.
272
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:47,739
Oh, don't leave me! I have to.
273
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:51,699
I need to move on. I know it's the
right thing to do. I...
274
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:54,819
What's wrong, Toast?
Nothing. No, I er...
275
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:58,820
Argh!
276
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:04,059
Oh my God!
277
00:17:04,060 --> 00:17:06,219
Come on, Principal,
we don't have much time.
278
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:08,060
Our flight to Hawaii
leaves in an hour.
279
00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:10,819
You said you hated your husband.
280
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:14,659
That you wanted him dead
and that you love me.
281
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:17,059
You do love me, don't you?
282
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:19,740
Don't tell me
I've got this badly wrong?
283
00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:24,419
I'll bring the car out front.
284
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:27,939
See you in a minute.
285
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:31,940
No!
286
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:36,899
You're not having second thoughts
about you and Lorna, are you?
287
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,859
Course not.
What the hell's with the knives?
288
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:41,099
It's part of my father's collection.
Do you want one?
289
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,059
Why not?
Everyone else seems to have one.
290
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:44,860
I hope that homeopath
gets here soon!
291
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:07,539
Stop, stop, guys.
292
00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:11,540
It's too loud. Something's been on
my mind for the last few days.
293
00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:13,339
What is it, Josh?
294
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:17,340
I think we should scrap these
electric instruments and just play wooden ones.
295
00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:22,979
We're about to begin an arena tour.
How are they gonna hear us?
296
00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:26,099
I wanna cancel those venues
and just play churches.
297
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,419
What the fuck?
298
00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:31,020
You know, I'm getting just a little
sick of the amount of bad language
299
00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:34,060
and the unprotected sex
that I see on these arena tours.
300
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:37,419
I'm serious. You think I'm kidding?
301
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,419
I dare you to test me.
302
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:42,660
I will strangle you with the hands
that the good Lord gave me.
303
00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:54,780
What the hell is that?
304
00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:59,819
OK, Lorna. I'm gonna go in there,
sort the rock man out once and for all
305
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:03,820
and then we can start
our new life together.
306
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:09,500
Good luck.
307
00:19:11,340 --> 00:19:14,459
Isn't that beautiful?
308
00:19:14,460 --> 00:19:17,059
Which one of you cocksuckers
is Lorna Wynde's husband?
309
00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:19,459
That'd be me. Yeah?
310
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:20,819
Well, she's in love with me
311
00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:22,939
and she's leaving you
and your marriage is over.
312
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:25,899
So you'd better deal with that
like a man and step aside.
313
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,179
What did you just say?
314
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:31,779
What, are you fucking deaf?
315
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:34,379
Whoa! Argh!
Oh shit, his nose has come off!
316
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:36,419
Oh! It's all right, I've got it.
317
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:40,379
Argh! I've got it.
Oh God! His beautiful nose!
318
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,659
Yeah, his nose is fine.
He just walked into the blade.
319
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:44,659
No, no, no!
320
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,459
Lorna, we need to go.
321
00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:48,659
I arranged for us
to look at a flat at 5.30.
322
00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:50,619
Look what you've done!
I didn't do anything!
323
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,379
Like I said,
he walked into the blade!
324
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:56,380
Oh, darling!
I'm sorry I've been neglecting you.
325
00:19:56,580 --> 00:20:00,579
I wanna renew our marriage vows
and I wanna live a holy life.
326
00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:01,939
And I'm sorry too, honey.
327
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,859
I sent you those selfies of me
and Toast to make you jealous.
328
00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:07,419
Just so you pay me
a little more attention.
329
00:20:07,420 --> 00:20:09,779
It's you I love, not him.
330
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:13,780
No way him.
He's a fucking loser asshole!
331
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:16,979
What a fool I've been.
332
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:19,419
She's obviously
still in love with the rock man.
333
00:20:19,420 --> 00:20:22,779
All this to make him jealous. Just
like that two-bit soap we were in.
334
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:26,659
I thought I'd been dealt a flush but
I've ended up with another deuce.
335
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,219
I'd better say that out loud.
336
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:31,539
I thought I'd been dealt a flush but
I've ended up with another deuce.
337
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:33,859
Can somebody call an ambulance?
338
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,459
Oh God!
339
00:20:36,460 --> 00:20:40,460
What shall I do about the flat?
340
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,819
Ed, is that you? I'm coming in!
341
00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:50,179
Don't, Toast! Please don't come in!
342
00:20:50,180 --> 00:20:53,819
I'm coming in.
343
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,819
What the hell are you two up to, Ed?
344
00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:59,299
Hey, cocksucker.
Wanna see something cool?
345
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,420
What?
346
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,659
Dear God!
347
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:11,660
The good news is that Alan
the homeopath is on his way.
348
00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:16,340
Is the girl in there? Is that you,
Alan? Of course it's me!
349
00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:20,460
Raarrggh!
350
00:21:21,420 --> 00:21:23,659
What are you gonna do, Alan?
351
00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:25,259
What am I gonna do?
352
00:21:25,260 --> 00:21:29,260
I'm a fuckin' homeopath, aren't I?
I'm gonna do it the natural way.
353
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:38,099
Fuck...
354
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:42,100
off!
355
00:21:42,180 --> 00:21:43,939
That should do it.
356
00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:46,819
Well, I must say,
I'm very impressed.
357
00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:49,019
This homeopathy lark
seems to have done the trick.
358
00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:52,619
I don't know much about it
but there's clearly a marked improvement.
359
00:21:52,620 --> 00:21:56,259
You see, a lot of people, they look
down their nose at homeopathy.
360
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:59,299
They think it's a scam
361
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:03,300
but that's because they don't know
what the fuck they're talking about.
362
00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:05,179
Well, it's clearly very effective
363
00:22:05,180 --> 00:22:08,299
and not the complete bullshit
I'd assumed.
364
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:11,700
Ah, so everything back to normal.
365
00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:15,700
So, Toast, how did the confrontation
with Lorna's husband go?
366
00:22:17,220 --> 00:22:21,220
Turns out Lorna was using me
just to make her husband jealous.
367
00:22:21,460 --> 00:22:24,300
She's still very much in love
with the rock man.
368
00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:26,019
We won't be moving in together.
369
00:22:26,020 --> 00:22:28,859
Ah, shame.
370
00:22:28,860 --> 00:22:32,860
Then there was an altercation
and his nose got cut off.
371
00:22:34,660 --> 00:22:37,080
Are you all right, son?
372
00:22:37,128 --> 00:22:38,367
He'll be fine.
373
00:22:38,368 --> 00:22:42,071
As I said,
everything back to normal.
374
00:22:46,113 --> 00:23:12,404
375
00:23:12,454 --> 00:23:17,004
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