All language subtitles for Til Death s04e06 Action.eng

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Ironically in Stockholm.

Yeah. Yeah. I was recruited for my
demolition skills, but I stayed for the sex.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah. There was this guy
named helmut there

Who could pound a 10-penny
nail into a diamond

And he didn't need a hammer
if you know what I mean.

I think I do.

Till one day, he was out
back working the hot mop up

On the roof
of the operations barn

And somebody put a 22mm parabellum
slug through his left temple,

And, you know, I tell ya.
It just stopped being fun.

You are kinda kooky there,
aren't you, Ms. Duffy?

Little bit.

Your husband had a lot
to do with that.

He made me kinda wacky.

So... Can I have
the day off tomorrow?

Oh, yeah! Sure. Sure.

I'm in this
for the long haul.

Okay. Thanks.

You know, your husband is very
lucky to have you in his life.

In fact,
you're the best thing in it.

Thank you.

Hey, have you ever
kissed a girl?

Think about it.
Think about it.

Get back to me.

Hey. There's my lady.

Shall I get you your fuzzy
slippers and perhaps some bon bons?

I just sat down.
I unloaded the dishwasher.

My gosh.
You must be exhausted.

Maybe I can get madam
an ass-pillow.

Stop it.

Listen I just read this great review
of new philly-style italian restaurant.

Oh yeah.
What's it called?

"Spaghettaboutit."

Spaghettaboutit?
Sounds classy.

Maybe we can
check it out.

Great. Hey, how about after
the baseball game tomorrow?

Oh, honey that reminds me. I know this
is awful but I can't go to the game.

What? We bought those tickets
6 months ago!

That's our game.

I know it is, honey.

But principal dimbulb,
the evil one,

Has scheduled a parent/
teacher conference

With me and the new
exchange student.

Yeah. I had to go in there
today to ask her for a sick day!

That woman is...Crazy.

And I think
she wants to kiss me.

Pick one.

Stop! I want to go to the game.

Honey, I would love to. But
this exchange student is a mess.

He's terrified
by electricity.

We turned the lights on in the
classroom, he shrieked and ran out.

Apparently he thought
the sun had fallen.

Oh my God!

I told him to get a hold
of himself.

They should have spent more
time assimilating him.

Where's he from?

North dakota.

Anyway, honey, I can't go
to the game. I'm sorry.

It's our annual
Mets-Phillies game.

I know it is. I was going to
paint up my face and everything.

You're just gonna have
to go without me.

Why don't you get one of
your friends to tag along?

No. That's no fun.

I guess we'll just have
to wait till next year.

Sorry, honey.
I can't help it.

What are we going to do
with the tickets?

Oh, I don't know. I was thinking
of maybe giving them to dimbulb

As a peace offering.

Maybe they'll give her a paper-cut
and she'll bleed to death.

See, I made lemonade.

Good morning my lovely.

I woke up with a toothache.

I just made an appointment
with the dentist.

Oh, I'm sorry!
Isn't that ironic.

Yesterday you called in sick
and today you are sick.

You shouldn't feel bad.
You can't make the game anyway.

I guess everything
happens for a reason.

Shalom, amigos!

Then explain him.

So, you still insane, Doug? You still
think that we're all living in a sitcom?

Yeah. Why else would I enter
a room and say "shalom amigos"?

In fact, I predict that at some
point in the next 20 minutes

a random black guy is going to pass
by and say, "white people crazy".

Which, I'd like to point
out, is a weary trope.

So, how many drugs did you do
down there in south america?

They weren't drugs.
They were frogs.

And you didn't "do" 'em.
You lick 'em.

So, kiss a frog,
get a prince.

Lick a frog,
you get a putz.

Speaking of licking frogs,
anyone want some breakfast?

I'll have some.

No. No. No.
We don't have time.

Gotta get to that protest.

I see. And what glorious, enjoyable
thing are you protesting this week?

Well, there's this beautiful
tree over on elmwood street

That the city wants
to chop down,

and we're going
to stop them.

That's right. We're going to occupy
that tree. And we're going to save it.

Good for you.
That always works.

Good morning, Mr. Stark.

I brought you
some homemade cookies.

Why?

Even monsters deserve a treat
now and then.

Plus, I didn't want
to see them go to waste.

Me and the cats are all
on a diet.

The Michigan police aren't
looking for a skinny girl.

Hey, listen,
are you a baseball fan?

No. No!

Thanks to you, I lead
an entirely joyless existence.

But hopefully someday,
you will, too.

Because you have destroyed yet
another innocent life, Mr. Stark.

What did I do now?

Well, I understand that you gave
some advice to our exchange student?

I just told him to get
a hold of himself.

Well, he did.
In front of the librarian.

Now he's in jail and Mrs.
Easterbrook is in shock.

And having been in both, I can tell
you neither one is a lot of laughs.

Well, look!
I'm sorry to hear that.

But what does that have
to do with me?

I forgot.
It's all about you, isn't it?

Your parent-teacher conference
has been canceled.

Oh, well, that's a shame.

Indeed.

By the way, why did you ask me
if I was a baseball fan?

I was just wondering if we possibly
had a mutual point of interest.

Really?

Are you interested
in untraceable, exotic poisons?

No.

Good to know.

Hey, I can still
make the game.

By the way, Joy, you have
never looked lovelier.

What's that?
Would I like a beer?

Well, I would love one.
Thank you.

Let's be quiet now.
The game's about to start.

I got it! I got it!
Careful, kids!

I got it!

First pitch of the game.
I got it! Look at that.

Hey, babe!

Hey, you.
How are you?

I've got a surprise for you.

You know how badly we wanted
to go to the game?

Well, I recorded it
so we can watch it together.

Well, honey,
you know what?

I heard the score
in the car on the radio.

So there's... My God,
do you look dashing tonight.

You know what I'd like to do?

I'm going to take you out to dinner to the
place you were talking about spaghettaboutit.

No. No. No!
I didn't hear the score.

And look, I made hot dogs so it
would feel like we were right there.

Watch this. Peanuts!
Get your peanuts!

Wow. That was very authentic,
actually.

But you know, I'm bushed.
Let's go to bed!

Eddie. Eddie, it's 5:00.

You're being ridiculous. Come on.
We're going to watch this game.

You know I hate to miss
the first pitch.

First pitch?

So, here it comes.

Wow, that was unexpected.

What's gotten into you?

Just a little burst of love.

But it's over now,
so we can watch the game.

I missed the first pitch.

Yeah. And I know. And I bet
it was a good one, too.

Well, let's just see.

That's what I love about tivo.

- What?
- Rewind.

Oh, for God's sake!

Stop it!

What?

Is that you?

What? I...

That is you, Eddie!

That is not me! If anything that is
that is a less handsome version of me...

- It's weird!
- You went to that game!

No, I didn't. How could
I have gone to the game

if I'm sitting here with you right
now watching me catch a foul ball?

What is that in your pocket?

Nothing.
I'm just glad to see ya.

Do you really think
that I'm that stupid?

I'm hoping.

Start talking, pal.

All right. Well the thing at the
school was canceled. All right?

And I knew you were unavailable
because you were at the dentist.

So, I went to the game.
And I caught this.

Isn't this great?

No.

No. It is not great.

It is not great at all.

Did you even think about calling
me to see if I was available?

But I knew you weren't
available.

Well how did you know,
if you didn't double-check?

Double check? What are
you, the airlines now?

I gotta call you to reconfirm
so I don't get bumped?

You are not going to get bumped
for a very long time.

Come on! It's...

Beautiful, isn't it?

It's fantastic.

I feel like I could
touch the sky.

I feel like an eagle.

How's it going?

Great, rainbow.

Hey, listen, can you stick
around for a little bit?

I need to go
to the anarchists' meeting.

Those people get crazy if
you're not there right on time.

Well, then you'd better
get a move on.

The last thing we need are
more pissed off anarchists.

Peace out.

Peace out.
Peace out.

It's really
getting chilly.

Oh yeah! Good point.

There you go, big girl.

What about me?

You should've brought
a sweater.

You know...
You know what, Doug?

I think I'm gonna go home
and get one.

Okay.

Man, white people crazy!

Did anyone see that?

Am I the only one
who saw that?

Hey, how you doing?

Shut it.

Okay. Listen! Joy, I think you
would've done the same exact thing.

I absolutely would not
have done the same thing.

I never would have gone
to that game without you.

You just don't want
to be with me.

I sure don't wanna be
with you right now.

You didn't even ask me
how the dentist was!

All right, listen. I know this
isn't going to sound genuine, but...

How was the dentist?

Awful.

Look, honey...

Don't "honey" me.

Okay. Not a problem.

Joy, I think you're missing
the big picture here.

Really, Eddie? Tell me,
what is the big picture?

Picture is I caught a foul ball,
which is a big thing in a guy's life.

And I think you should be
happy for me.

You know what,
maybe you're right.

Maybe we have had enough
togetherness.

I'm going to start doing
things on my own, too.

Like what?

Today, I'm going to go
shopping.

Then I'm going to take
myself to a movie.

There's this new one about 3
women who get stuck in an elevator

And they talk about love, birth
and their period for 21/2 hours.

It's called
3 chicks in a box.

Sure hate to miss that.

Well, you're gonna.

You know what, honey?

This might not necessarily be
such a bad idea.

We have to look at ourselves like
we're 2 trees living next to each other.

But our branches
our intertwined.

But we're still separate units.

Maybe is we move even further
apart, we might thrive even more.

Okay. I think you're
a little off here and there

About trees being able to move,

But, hey,
I like what I'm hearing.

We'll see.

Hey. There you are.
Come on. Let's go.

We gotta get to the tree.

Screw the tree.

I was freezing cold yesterday and you
gave your precious ecuadorian shawl

To that hunk of wood?

She was cold.

Okay.

Let's just get it all out
on the table, shall we?

Number 1...

If you care more about plants
than you do about me,

Then you can go sleep with one.

Number 2, stop all the craziness
about being in a sitcom.

The form is dead. Try to find one that
works that doesn't have charlie sheen in it.

Nowadays it's all reality shows
and fat people falling into mud.

And, finally, you gotta
get your priorities straight.

I need to be number 1, Doug.

Because if I'm not number one,

You're going to be sitting
in a big pile of number 2.

All right, all right.
I'm sorry.

Sometimes I get carried away
with stuff.

In this case,
I was looking at the tree

You're my forest, ally.

I'm not sure I like that
analogy, but I'll take it.

I love you.

I love you, too.

All right. That's lunch.

We're gonna go to the tree.
And we'll be back in an hour.

Okay?

Hey, how was the movie?

Spectacular! Unbelievable!

The special effects were
off the chain.

Off the chain?

Yeah. There was this geek sitting
behind me who kept saying that.

Then he would snort laugh.

Funny.

There were special
effects in a chick movie?

No. No! That movie
wasn't playing.

So, I went to see
this other one.

It was about robots coming from
the future to kill clive owen.

Robots from the future?

You went to see terminator 5.
I wanted to see that movie!

Yeah. I know.

You know what wasn't
in that movie?

No foul balls.

Okay. And there it is!
The fog lifts.

A little tit for tat, Joy?

I have no idea what you are
talking about, Eddie.

You know exactly
what I'm talking about.

This is just payback
for the ball game.

No. I am merely celebrating
our separate-but-equalness.

Burns, doesn't it?

Like the clap
on the 4th of July.

Come on. You want to do things
on your own,

Go ahead. Be my guest.

By the way,
it also applies to sex.

Sex alone?

I've been handling
that job for years.

Ya heard me.

What happened?

Shelly passed
during the night.

That's terrible.
Who's shelly?

The tree.

The city sent their jack-booted
thugs to murder her

Under the cover of darkest
night, didn't they?

The city didn't do this.

Some idiot wrapped shelly in an Ecuadorian
hemp shawl, and she got jinky mites.

You know what jinky
mites are, Doug?

No.

They're a voracious, tiny
South American arbivore.

Every tree in this
neighborhood is going to die.

Perhaps every tree
in Philadelphia.

Maybe even the entire
eastern seaboard.

Whoever did this
is a monster.

Yeah.

Oh, my God!

Doug, that was your...

Greatest fear.

That this noble tree
would fall to disease.

I can't look at her like this.

Ally, let us go mourn
in private.

There's no coffee.

Yeah. I only made one cup.

Thought maybe you'd want
your own independent coffee.

You didn't leave me an egg?

Lay one.

Okay. So, we're gonna be doing
everything for ourselves?

Is that the little dance we're going
be doing for the next day or 2, Joy?

Seems to be.

Fine. Fine.

Okay. Look, this is stupid, honey.

And we're not stupid people.
Come on.

Eddie, you hurt my feelings
the other day.

I wanted to go to that game, and
I didn't want you to go without me.

I mean, maybe that sounds petty
to you, but that is the way it is.

We go to the one game
a year. That's our game.

You're right.
And I'm sorry. Really.

Sorry for going
to that movie, too.

I know this is the part where we're
supposed to kiss and make up...

But still annoyed.

Okay, Joy, I don't want you
to be annoyed.

Because left untreated, annoyance
because irritable spouse syndrome.

And nobody needs that.

Come on,
I want to make it right.

Tell me,
what's really bothering you?

You know what's really bothering me?
It's that you weren't honest with me.

That's worse than
the whole game thing.

You're right. And you know what?

I'm telling you right now it
will not happen again.

Promise?

Cross my heart.

And hope to die?

Can't take it that far.

All right, so we'll both
try a little harder?

Deal.

So, we're back to doing
things together? Reunited?

Reunited,
and it feels so good.

Reunited and we're
understood, yeah,

there's one
perfect thing,

and sugar,
this one is it

we both are so excited,

'cause we're
reunited, hey, hey!

Hey, honey!
What are you doing?

How would you like
to grab some lunch?

Oh, you already ate?

All right, well, I just wanted
to run it by you.

I don't want a repeat
of our little problem.

We're a team, now, baby.

All right. Oh, I'll just
probably... I don't know...

Maybe just do a drive through,
you know, grab a burger.

Yeah! Okay. Well,
enjoy your pedicure.

Love you.

Reunited 'cause it
feels so good.

Reunited and
it's understood,

there's one perfect
thing, and sugar,

this one is it

we both are so excited

'cause we're reunited,
hey, hey!

You're crazy.

We like to sing.

Typical sitcom ballpark.

10 seats.
The lighting's all wrong.

And I've seen that kid
in a macaroni commercial.

But I'm the crazy one.

See you at lunch then, okay.

Oh, okay! Well, you betcha,
'cause it's hoagie day today!

Hoagies.

Listen, I know this isn't
going to sound genuine, but...

Genuine?

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