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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:11,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:12,374 --> 00:00:15,567
'Til Death is filmed in front
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:15,735 --> 00:00:17,865
I got it. I got it. I got
it. I got it. Move, honey.
4
00:00:17,932 --> 00:00:19,861
I got it. I got it.
5
00:00:19,928 --> 00:00:21,698
I got it. I got it.
6
00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:24,128
I got it. I got it.
I got it.
7
00:00:24,195 --> 00:00:25,826
I got it. I got it.
I got it.
8
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,493
- I got it. I got it.
I got it. - Okay, sure.
9
00:00:29,561 --> 00:00:31,127
I got it. I got it.
I got it.
10
00:00:31,195 --> 00:00:32,661
That was yours,
honey!
11
00:00:32,729 --> 00:00:34,960
How was that mine?
12
00:00:35,028 --> 00:00:36,194
Ok. Look. All right.
13
00:00:36,262 --> 00:00:37,295
You know what? If I have
to explain the game to you,
14
00:00:37,362 --> 00:00:40,362
maybe we shouldn't
play together. Good set.
15
00:00:41,497 --> 00:00:43,463
It's ok. You'll
get us next time.
16
00:00:43,531 --> 00:00:44,930
You guys wanna play
another set?
17
00:00:44,998 --> 00:00:46,997
Or do you not have
another 6 minutes?
18
00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,064
You beat
us quickly. Yeah.
19
00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:50,964
That's fresh stuff.
20
00:00:51,032 --> 00:00:51,965
Hey, seriously.
21
00:00:52,032 --> 00:00:52,965
No, this is one of
the toughest matches
22
00:00:53,033 --> 00:00:54,166
we've played
in a long time.
23
00:00:54,233 --> 00:00:55,166
- Really?
- Yeah.
24
00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:56,166
Although,
25
00:00:56,234 --> 00:00:57,366
we usually play
my grandparents.
26
00:00:57,434 --> 00:00:59,501
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
27
00:00:59,568 --> 00:01:00,668
Not about
the grandparents,
28
00:01:00,735 --> 00:01:02,169
but about
you being tough.
29
00:01:03,203 --> 00:01:04,403
Hey, here's an idea.
30
00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:05,770
Why don't you guys
play another one
31
00:01:05,837 --> 00:01:08,204
and we'll go replenish our
electrolytes with a smoothie.
32
00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:10,872
And by "smoothie,"
I mean "beer".
33
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,173
And by "beer",
I mean "vodka".
34
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,174
What do you say, Eddie?
35
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,541
You know what?
36
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,709
I think I'm
gonna call it a day.
37
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:18,010
You know, my whole left side
is, like, burning.
38
00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:19,143
- What?
- Yeah.
39
00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:20,644
It's just... it's like,
40
00:01:20,711 --> 00:01:23,679
when I raise my arm above
my elbow, it just... just irr...
41
00:01:23,746 --> 00:01:24,613
This area here.
42
00:01:24,681 --> 00:01:26,047
Well, look, Simona,
you're a doctor,
43
00:01:26,115 --> 00:01:27,414
there isn't anything
on this side of my body
44
00:01:27,482 --> 00:01:28,815
I should be worried about,
is there?
45
00:01:28,882 --> 00:01:31,716
Only heart,
lungs, and kidney.
46
00:01:31,784 --> 00:01:35,018
And on this one, a cute
little tattoo of a bunny.
47
00:01:35,086 --> 00:01:38,520
I was a wild man
in college.
48
00:01:38,588 --> 00:01:40,988
But seriously, how
long have you had this?
49
00:01:41,056 --> 00:01:42,322
Oh, about 15 years,
50
00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:44,657
but I've only been afraid
for 6 months.
51
00:01:44,724 --> 00:01:46,058
Afraid?
52
00:01:46,125 --> 00:01:47,825
Babe, why didn't you
tell me about this?
53
00:01:47,893 --> 00:01:50,727
Because saying it
out loud makes it real.
54
00:01:50,795 --> 00:01:51,861
Do you have
a doctor?
55
00:01:51,929 --> 00:01:52,862
What do you mean?
56
00:01:52,929 --> 00:01:53,862
You know, someone
you can call
57
00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:55,230
if something
goes wrong.
58
00:01:55,298 --> 00:01:57,031
Get a checkup
every now and again.
59
00:01:57,099 --> 00:01:59,399
That sounds
kind of pricey.
60
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:00,633
Ed, you don't
have a doctor?
61
00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:02,234
Stephen, come on,
tough guys like us,
62
00:02:02,302 --> 00:02:04,302
we don't need doctors,
right?
63
00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:05,503
Well, I'm married
to a doctor,
64
00:02:05,571 --> 00:02:07,037
and I get checkups
every night.
65
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:08,938
I bet you do!
66
00:02:09,006 --> 00:02:10,706
You're playing doctor
with the doctor.
67
00:02:10,774 --> 00:02:14,642
A little turn your head
to the left and cough.
68
00:02:14,709 --> 00:02:17,177
Actually,
I'm a diabetic.
69
00:02:17,245 --> 00:02:19,112
She keeps an eye
on my blood sugar.
70
00:02:19,179 --> 00:02:21,780
I'm sorry.
71
00:02:21,847 --> 00:02:22,947
I'm kidding,
I'm kidding.
72
00:02:23,015 --> 00:02:24,181
I'm the picture
of health.
73
00:02:24,249 --> 00:02:28,284
But seriously, I do
get checkups. I do.
74
00:02:28,352 --> 00:02:30,319
Eddie, maybe you should
have it looked at.
75
00:02:30,387 --> 00:02:31,520
Honey, look, you know
my schedule.
76
00:02:31,587 --> 00:02:33,888
When do I have time
to meet with a doctor?
77
00:02:33,955 --> 00:02:35,555
You're a teacher.
You're free every day
78
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,023
from 2:30 to midnight.
79
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,825
You can come by
my office anytime.
80
00:02:39,892 --> 00:02:41,093
It's no big deal.
I'll squeeze you in.
81
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,427
All right, I'll do that,
82
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,694
and then I'll return
the favor.
83
00:02:43,762 --> 00:02:44,795
Come by my office anytime,
84
00:02:44,862 --> 00:02:46,563
and I'll give you
a pop quiz.
85
00:02:48,899 --> 00:02:49,898
I'm a teacher.
86
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:53,367
Oh, that's funny!
87
00:02:53,435 --> 00:02:55,802
But seriously, do yourself
a favor, get it checked out.
88
00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:58,871
I mean, you're wheezing
more than my 15-year-old pug.
89
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,144
Okay, so what should I do
about my doctor's appointment
90
00:03:07,211 --> 00:03:08,578
with Simona tomorrow.
91
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,846
Should I just call
and cancel,
92
00:03:10,914 --> 00:03:13,715
or just fake
my own death?
93
00:03:13,783 --> 00:03:17,451
Eddie, your entire body
is in pain all the time.
94
00:03:17,519 --> 00:03:19,052
You don't exercise,
95
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,186
you eat like crap.
96
00:03:20,254 --> 00:03:21,053
Why would you cancel?
97
00:03:21,521 --> 00:03:24,256
I'm a man.
She's a woman.
98
00:03:24,324 --> 00:03:25,490
We're gonna be alone.
99
00:03:25,558 --> 00:03:29,393
I'm gonna be in a very
revealing paper gown.
100
00:03:29,461 --> 00:03:32,228
She's gonna see stuff.
101
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,463
What do you think
she's gonna do,
102
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:36,098
climb up on the table
and start riding you?
103
00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:39,000
I've seen it in
many adult films.
104
00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:41,735
Those things are
based on something.
105
00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:44,771
You know what,
as a woman,
106
00:03:44,838 --> 00:03:46,472
I am offended by
your attitude about this.
107
00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:49,141
She is a professional
she's good at her job.
108
00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:50,208
You're going.
109
00:03:50,276 --> 00:03:52,176
But she's a friend.
110
00:03:52,244 --> 00:03:54,344
What if my buddy lou
told you to strip down
111
00:03:54,412 --> 00:03:57,046
and get on a...
On a cold, hard table?
112
00:03:57,114 --> 00:03:59,748
Lou? Lou sells
car stereos.
113
00:03:59,816 --> 00:04:01,650
I wouldn't feel great.
114
00:04:01,717 --> 00:04:03,650
You could do
a lot worse than Lou.
115
00:04:03,718 --> 00:04:05,752
Yeah, I think I might have.
116
00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:08,955
Come on, just...
honey, go see Simona, ok?
117
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:12,422
It's gonna be totally weird.
She's gonna see me naked.
118
00:04:12,432 --> 00:04:15,185
Then she's gonna see me
again the next day.
119
00:04:15,253 --> 00:04:17,083
I see you naked
and see you the next day.
120
00:04:17,151 --> 00:04:18,914
I bounce back.
121
00:04:30,768 --> 00:04:32,066
3 times in a row.
122
00:04:32,134 --> 00:04:34,729
That really is
your blood pressure.
123
00:04:34,797 --> 00:04:37,992
Oh, oh, F.Y.I., I didn't
overfill my urine sample.
124
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,824
A lot of that's
just foam.
125
00:04:39,891 --> 00:04:41,588
That head'll go down.
126
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:44,387
Doctor's going to be
right with you, all right?
127
00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:45,486
Male nurse,
female doctor.
128
00:04:45,554 --> 00:04:47,551
It's like Star Trek
in here.
129
00:04:48,317 --> 00:04:49,849
Yeah, listen,
for future reference,
130
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,346
you could have left
your underpants on.
131
00:04:58,972 --> 00:05:00,037
Hey, Eddie!
132
00:05:00,105 --> 00:05:01,003
Hey!
133
00:05:01,070 --> 00:05:02,469
So, how should
we play it?
134
00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,632
Should we act like we don't
know each other and shake hands,
135
00:05:04,699 --> 00:05:06,398
or do the polite
kiss on the kiss?
136
00:05:06,466 --> 00:05:08,561
Let's go with
the very professional
137
00:05:08,629 --> 00:05:10,659
doctor-patient fist bump.
138
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:11,792
Hey, I like that.
139
00:05:11,859 --> 00:05:13,590
That says "I know
my doctor socially,
140
00:05:13,657 --> 00:05:16,987
yet I won't feel awkward
when I see her later."
141
00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:18,219
Just so you know,
142
00:05:18,287 --> 00:05:21,417
anything that happens in here
is between you and me.
143
00:05:21,485 --> 00:05:25,944
And my 927 myspace friends.
144
00:05:27,445 --> 00:05:29,476
Let's start with some...
145
00:05:29,541 --> 00:05:31,274
Let's start with
some family history.
146
00:05:31,341 --> 00:05:33,439
Ok, well, my grandmother
was a dancer.
147
00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:35,702
And my grandfather,
on his deathbed,
148
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:39,631
actually told my dad that
he wasn't his real father.
149
00:05:39,699 --> 00:05:42,461
Wow. Ok. Uh,
I was actually talking
150
00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:44,593
about your family's
medical history.
151
00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:46,026
Heart disease, stroke.
152
00:05:46,093 --> 00:05:47,425
You know, let's just
cut right to it
153
00:05:47,491 --> 00:05:48,522
and check all the boxes.
154
00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:51,221
We're a mess.
155
00:05:51,289 --> 00:05:53,286
All right.
Do you smoke?
156
00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:54,418
No, I do not.
157
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:58,114
But I do eat a skosh
of fried food.
158
00:05:58,181 --> 00:06:00,112
What do you mean
by "skosh"?
159
00:06:00,179 --> 00:06:01,609
Well, when I'm ordering
fast food,
160
00:06:01,677 --> 00:06:05,340
I lie, and I tell them that
I'm buying it for my firehouse.
161
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,404
You know, it's ok
to do that,
162
00:06:08,472 --> 00:06:10,402
as long as you don't
do it too often.
163
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,634
It's all right
to treat yourself.
164
00:06:12,701 --> 00:06:15,230
You work hard.
165
00:06:15,298 --> 00:06:16,363
Well, you know,
you're right.
166
00:06:16,430 --> 00:06:18,328
I do work hard,
actually.
167
00:06:18,395 --> 00:06:20,159
And thanks for not
yelling at me.
168
00:06:20,227 --> 00:06:21,325
Why would I yell
at you?
169
00:06:21,392 --> 00:06:23,189
Well, because Joy
yells at me
170
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,388
and says that I'm stupid
for eating fried food.
171
00:06:25,455 --> 00:06:27,319
Well, it's not about
being stupid.
172
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,752
The body craves
fatty foods.
173
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,450
It's built into
our genes.
174
00:06:30,517 --> 00:06:33,047
I told her that,
and she threw a phone at me.
175
00:06:33,114 --> 00:06:34,046
Take a deep breath.
176
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,310
I'm going to throw something
a little different at you.
177
00:06:37,378 --> 00:06:39,141
Do you eat a lot
of fish?
178
00:06:39,209 --> 00:06:41,406
Uh, you know,
I really don't.
179
00:06:41,474 --> 00:06:44,303
Well, one time I accidentally
swallowed a starfish
180
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:46,035
at the beach one summer,
but...
181
00:06:46,102 --> 00:06:48,965
Well, to be honest,
I took a bite of it.
182
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,130
I thought it was a cookie.
183
00:06:51,198 --> 00:06:52,262
You...
184
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:55,693
Eddie, you've got to
take care of yourself,
185
00:06:55,761 --> 00:06:57,591
because a lot of
people love you,
186
00:06:57,659 --> 00:07:00,121
and we want you
to be around.
187
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,686
Well, thanks, Simona.
188
00:07:03,753 --> 00:07:06,116
Now, I'm just gonna
listen to your heart.
189
00:07:08,281 --> 00:07:11,111
I think you already have.
190
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,645
Hey.
191
00:07:18,713 --> 00:07:21,177
What is that
God-awful smell?
192
00:07:21,245 --> 00:07:24,211
That is the smell of hope
and lightly-battered cod.
193
00:07:24,279 --> 00:07:25,678
You're eating fish?
194
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,145
Well, Simona says that
fish is the anytime snack.
195
00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:31,046
And Simona also says that I
have to start eating healthier.
196
00:07:31,113 --> 00:07:34,245
Wow, I've been tell you that
for the last 20 years.
197
00:07:34,313 --> 00:07:35,746
Have you?
198
00:07:36,313 --> 00:07:39,846
Anyway, I'm really happy
I went to see her.
199
00:07:40,013 --> 00:07:41,313
So that worked out?
200
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:44,615
She was able to resist
all that in a paper robe?
201
00:07:44,683 --> 00:07:45,916
It was fantastic.
202
00:07:45,983 --> 00:07:47,784
I'm going to go get another
checkup and see her again.
203
00:07:47,852 --> 00:07:50,519
I'm just glad to see you're
embracing a healthier diet.
204
00:07:50,587 --> 00:07:52,420
You know what, Simona
doesn't call it a diet.
205
00:07:52,488 --> 00:07:54,688
She calls it
a "live-it".
206
00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:59,425
Simona also gave me the
copy of Men's Health Magazine
207
00:07:59,493 --> 00:08:00,492
from the waiting room.
208
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,360
And guess who is on
the fast track
209
00:08:02,428 --> 00:08:04,161
to rock-hard abs?
210
00:08:04,229 --> 00:08:05,663
Let me guess. You are?
211
00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:07,263
Did 4 sit-ups today.
212
00:08:07,331 --> 00:08:08,331
In a row?
213
00:08:08,399 --> 00:08:09,598
2 sets of 2.
214
00:08:09,666 --> 00:08:11,199
But you know what
Simona said to me?
215
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:13,201
She said that if you
don't feel the burn,
216
00:08:13,268 --> 00:08:14,368
you're not
doing it right.
217
00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:16,970
I'm feeling the burn.
Go ahead, touch it. Go!
218
00:08:17,037 --> 00:08:20,039
Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good.
219
00:08:20,106 --> 00:08:22,674
What did she say
about the pain in your side?
220
00:08:22,742 --> 00:08:24,942
Well, Simona thinks that
that could possibly be gas.
221
00:08:25,010 --> 00:08:26,777
And then she also said
it could be some tension
222
00:08:26,844 --> 00:08:29,145
I'm feeling
at home maybe.
223
00:08:29,212 --> 00:08:31,280
What, is she suggesting
that I'm the problem?
224
00:08:31,347 --> 00:08:33,448
No, Simona didn't
specifically mention you,
225
00:08:33,515 --> 00:08:34,615
but when I brought up
your name,
226
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:36,483
She got a little quiet.
227
00:08:36,551 --> 00:08:39,051
Anyway, I'm gonna
hit the hay.
228
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,619
It's 4:00, Eddie.
229
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,120
Yeah, I know,
but Simona says
230
00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:43,554
that if you nap
just 20 minutes a day,
231
00:08:43,622 --> 00:08:45,322
you'll sleep better
at night.
232
00:08:45,389 --> 00:08:48,557
Oh, gonna grab a banana
and level out my potassium.
233
00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:50,358
Forgot to say
"Simona says".
234
00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:51,525
Ha ha ha, good one!
235
00:08:51,593 --> 00:08:53,227
But she did say it, though.
236
00:08:59,098 --> 00:09:01,132
You guys ready to order?
237
00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:03,367
Actually, we're in a hurry.
Could we just have our check?
238
00:09:04,435 --> 00:09:05,668
Kidding.
239
00:09:05,736 --> 00:09:06,802
Why don't you order for me?
240
00:09:06,870 --> 00:09:08,870
Yeah, you know,
order for me, too.
241
00:09:08,938 --> 00:09:12,305
Okay, I will have
the scallop salad
242
00:09:12,373 --> 00:09:13,573
with the dressing
on the side,
243
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,474
and no tortilla chips
for me.
244
00:09:15,542 --> 00:09:17,075
Nix-say on the chip-say.
245
00:09:17,143 --> 00:09:21,645
And he will have the
stuffed sole and spinach.
246
00:09:21,713 --> 00:09:23,246
I'm a soul man.
247
00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:24,380
And let's ee.
Mr. Healthy over here
248
00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:25,915
will have
the vegetable fajitas
249
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,550
with whole wheat tortillas.
250
00:09:27,618 --> 00:09:29,919
Whole wheat.
Keep the trains moving.
251
00:09:30,855 --> 00:09:32,289
And for you, ma'am?
252
00:09:32,356 --> 00:09:36,228
Guess I'm just the fat
ass who wants a burrito.
253
00:09:36,295 --> 00:09:37,264
Chicken or steak?
254
00:09:37,332 --> 00:09:39,136
Yes.
255
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:42,340
Oh, and another
one of these.
256
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:45,113
Eddie, I got to tell you, I am really
impressed with that you're doing here.
257
00:09:45,181 --> 00:09:46,882
Good for you.
Good for you.
258
00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:50,118
Pretty soon you're going to
be in as good of shape as I am.
259
00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:53,254
Kidding. You'll never
look as good as me.
260
00:09:53,322 --> 00:09:56,190
But you'll get close.
You will get close.
261
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,494
Yes, Simona's
working her magic
262
00:09:59,561 --> 00:10:00,995
on the two of
you guys, huh?
263
00:10:01,063 --> 00:10:03,365
Well, I have to say, at
first I was a little reluctant
264
00:10:03,432 --> 00:10:05,702
about having Simona
as my physician
265
00:10:05,769 --> 00:10:07,638
because, you know,
we're all friends,
266
00:10:07,706 --> 00:10:11,074
but, thank goodness
my beautiful wife Joy,
267
00:10:11,142 --> 00:10:12,976
if she hadn't nagged me
all night,
268
00:10:13,044 --> 00:10:14,644
I never would have gone.
269
00:10:14,712 --> 00:10:16,312
Thanks, Eddie.
I appreciate it.
270
00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:17,814
To Simona!
271
00:10:17,882 --> 00:10:19,316
To Simona!
272
00:10:19,383 --> 00:10:21,084
That's nice.
273
00:10:21,151 --> 00:10:23,052
Oh, 3 waters
with lemon.
274
00:10:23,119 --> 00:10:25,220
Tonight's going to
get crazy.
275
00:10:25,287 --> 00:10:28,589
So, Joy, how's
the travel agency?
276
00:10:28,656 --> 00:10:31,090
I remember you said you were
working on some big project.
277
00:10:31,158 --> 00:10:34,060
Oh, thanks
for asking, Simona.
278
00:10:34,128 --> 00:10:35,329
Yeah, I just...
279
00:10:35,397 --> 00:10:37,232
Well, I brought in this
pretty big corporate client.
280
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:38,365
Oh, my God,
he's choking.
281
00:10:38,433 --> 00:10:40,000
Is there a doctor in here?
282
00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:41,935
Yes, there sure is.
My doctor.
283
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:43,336
Go get 'em, champ.
284
00:10:43,404 --> 00:10:46,005
Scoot over, Joy.
Let her get by.
285
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,808
Your wife is incredible.
286
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:50,742
I mean.
287
00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:52,009
That's nothing.
288
00:10:52,077 --> 00:10:53,144
Last week
she reattached
289
00:10:53,211 --> 00:10:55,078
A child's pinky
at Flannagan's.
290
00:10:55,146 --> 00:10:58,214
Yeah. She's good.
291
00:11:10,677 --> 00:11:12,177
What's up, Joy?
292
00:11:12,245 --> 00:11:14,413
Hey.
293
00:11:19,118 --> 00:11:21,051
What are you doing
with my snacks?
294
00:11:21,119 --> 00:11:22,085
Eddie told me to come by
295
00:11:22,153 --> 00:11:24,421
and take away
all your junk food.
296
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,990
Get your hands off
my food!
297
00:11:28,057 --> 00:11:30,525
You know what,
he told me you'd say that.
298
00:11:30,593 --> 00:11:32,093
He told me to ignore you.
299
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,895
Hey, my candy cakes.
300
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,329
What is the nutritional value
of candy cakes?
301
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,330
You know what,
I don't even care.
302
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,031
I'm just gonna
take them anyway.
303
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:42,267
Fine, I don't care
either.
304
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,735
You ok?
305
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:47,371
Come on, what's wrong?
Talk to Kenny.
306
00:11:47,439 --> 00:11:49,173
I don't want
to talk about it.
307
00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:56,146
No talky, no cakey.
308
00:11:58,049 --> 00:12:01,117
We have this friend,
Simona.
309
00:12:01,185 --> 00:12:02,218
She's a doctor,
310
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,153
And I've been bugging
Eddie to go see her
311
00:12:04,221 --> 00:12:05,454
for a checkup.
312
00:12:05,522 --> 00:12:07,456
And?
313
00:12:14,696 --> 00:12:17,164
All of the sudden,
Eddie's all gaga over her.
314
00:12:17,232 --> 00:12:18,832
That's crazy. I mean,
what does this woman have
315
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:20,000
that you don't have?
316
00:12:20,068 --> 00:12:22,769
Well, like I said,
she's a doctor,
317
00:12:22,837 --> 00:12:24,404
and I'm a travel agent.
318
00:12:24,472 --> 00:12:26,005
You're a travel agent?
319
00:12:26,073 --> 00:12:27,173
Yeah.
320
00:12:27,241 --> 00:12:28,808
They still have those?
321
00:12:28,876 --> 00:12:30,977
Yes, Kenny,
they still have those.
322
00:12:31,044 --> 00:12:32,178
Really?
323
00:12:32,245 --> 00:12:34,180
I'd just think people
just get on the computer...
324
00:12:34,247 --> 00:12:35,848
Okay, it's not
a great job.
325
00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:37,349
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
326
00:12:37,416 --> 00:12:38,450
What else she got?
327
00:12:38,518 --> 00:12:41,586
Well, she's blonde.
328
00:12:41,653 --> 00:12:44,387
She's got this cute
little southern accent.
329
00:12:44,455 --> 00:12:46,124
Oh, I like that!
330
00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:49,659
What, the blonde
or the accent?
331
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,060
Both.
332
00:12:51,127 --> 00:12:52,728
If I had to rank them,
though, I'd probably go with...
333
00:12:52,796 --> 00:12:53,729
I do not care.
334
00:12:53,796 --> 00:12:55,630
Sorry, sorry.
Ok, ok, ok.
335
00:12:55,698 --> 00:12:58,465
The accent, though.
336
00:12:58,533 --> 00:13:02,034
She's sweet,
and she's compassionate.
337
00:13:02,102 --> 00:13:04,135
And from what I can
tell, it's not an act.
338
00:13:04,203 --> 00:13:07,170
She kind of annoyingly
means it.
339
00:13:07,238 --> 00:13:08,272
How's the face?
340
00:13:08,339 --> 00:13:09,373
Tell me about the face.
341
00:13:09,441 --> 00:13:11,641
I don't know.
She's adorable.
342
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:15,511
I'm gonna take myself in
and get me a checkup.
343
00:13:16,513 --> 00:13:17,479
Why, what's wrong
with you?
344
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,714
I'm coming down with
a bad case of
345
00:13:18,781 --> 00:13:21,015
"this chick sounds hot".
346
00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:27,888
Sorry I'm late.
347
00:13:27,956 --> 00:13:29,223
I just had to stop
by the hospital.
348
00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:30,623
Oh, is everything ok?
349
00:13:30,691 --> 00:13:31,691
There was some accident
350
00:13:31,759 --> 00:13:32,825
and they were short staffed
in the E.R.,
351
00:13:32,893 --> 00:13:34,493
so they called me in.
352
00:13:35,061 --> 00:13:36,061
I'm a little
light-headed
353
00:13:36,129 --> 00:13:37,863
'cause I gave some
of my own blood.
354
00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:39,966
Thank God I'm
a universal donor.
355
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:42,802
That's great.
356
00:13:43,669 --> 00:13:47,073
Son of a bitch.
Even her blood is perfect.
357
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:48,440
I'll just be a minute.
358
00:13:48,508 --> 00:13:50,109
I'm gonna change
into my outfit.
359
00:13:51,511 --> 00:13:53,212
She cannot be
this perfect.
360
00:13:53,279 --> 00:13:58,278
There's got to be a flaw
under there somewhere.
361
00:13:58,346 --> 00:14:02,975
Whoa, milky white skin.
Perfect breasts.
362
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,510
Round, high buttock.
363
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,110
Dammit, Joy,
snap out of it.
364
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,379
What, you're falling
for her, too?
365
00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:14,185
Joy, are you okay?
Is there something wrong?
366
00:14:14,252 --> 00:14:17,654
No, everything's
perfect.
367
00:14:19,891 --> 00:14:21,291
Oh, yeah, that's it.
Right there.
368
00:14:21,358 --> 00:14:22,758
Make it burn.
369
00:14:22,826 --> 00:14:24,693
You like that?
That right there, huh?
370
00:14:24,761 --> 00:14:25,694
I do.
371
00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:26,796
- Yeah, make you happy?
- I do.
372
00:14:26,863 --> 00:14:28,665
Oh, yeah!
373
00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:29,699
You guys need
to stretch?
374
00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:31,567
Actually, I stretched
in the car.
375
00:14:31,635 --> 00:14:33,869
Yeah, and I'm on some pretty
serious muscle relaxers,
376
00:14:33,937 --> 00:14:35,604
so I'm good to go.
377
00:14:35,672 --> 00:14:36,739
I'm telling you, Eddie.
378
00:14:36,806 --> 00:14:38,306
This little lady's
got magic hands.
379
00:14:38,373 --> 00:14:39,306
Do yourself a favor,
380
00:14:39,373 --> 00:14:41,174
get under her.
381
00:14:41,241 --> 00:14:42,174
You want me to help?
382
00:14:42,242 --> 00:14:43,208
Absolutely.
383
00:14:43,276 --> 00:14:46,144
Ah, he's good!
We can just play.
384
00:14:46,212 --> 00:14:47,713
Hey, Eddie, you want to
mix it up? Switch partners?
385
00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:48,880
Yes, please.
386
00:14:48,947 --> 00:14:49,947
I mean,
if you want to.
387
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,583
I think it's a great idea.
388
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:53,951
Come on, honey, a little
hustle. We're playing.
389
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:56,453
Ok, I'm going.
390
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,255
Hey, Stephen!
391
00:14:58,322 --> 00:15:00,256
- Let me ask you a question.
- Yeah.
392
00:15:00,324 --> 00:15:01,424
I know that,
Simona is like
393
00:15:01,491 --> 00:15:03,759
this perfect doctor
and everything,
394
00:15:03,827 --> 00:15:07,094
but at home, she's...
She's a normal wife, right?
395
00:15:07,162 --> 00:15:08,729
What do you mean?
396
00:15:08,797 --> 00:15:10,430
You know,
she nags you a lot,
397
00:15:10,498 --> 00:15:13,733
blames you for her failures,
with hold sex.
398
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:15,101
Well, actually, no.
399
00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:17,403
She's very supportive emotionally
400
00:15:17,470 --> 00:15:19,104
and attentive
physically.
401
00:15:19,172 --> 00:15:21,139
But everything's
not perfect, right?
402
00:15:21,207 --> 00:15:22,774
No. I mean,
sometimes I miss her
403
00:15:22,841 --> 00:15:24,608
when she goes and does
doctors without borders,
404
00:15:24,676 --> 00:15:27,911
but, you know, she always
comes back a better lady for it.
405
00:15:27,979 --> 00:15:31,348
So, nothing?
No flaws at all?
406
00:15:31,416 --> 00:15:34,985
Well, I guess sometimes I
feel she has too many orgasms.
407
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:36,886
Hey!
408
00:15:36,954 --> 00:15:39,088
Oh! Oh, my God,
I'm so sorry.
409
00:15:39,156 --> 00:15:40,623
No, no, that was not
your fault, Simona.
410
00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,458
She just stopped playing.
411
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:48,780
Boy, that Simona
is some player, huh?
412
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,716
It's amazing
how much strength
413
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,518
that tiny body
can generate.
414
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,589
We love the tiny body.
415
00:15:56,657 --> 00:15:59,192
Do you know that she got a
swimming scholarship to Stanford?
416
00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:00,760
Where did you go again?
417
00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:03,363
Delaware water gap
community college.
418
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,664
Right, right, right.
I should have remembered that
419
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,132
Because our exterminator
went there.
420
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,768
You know, Simona has a great
way to get rid of an ant problem.
421
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,036
Ok, enough about Simona!
422
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,304
Okay, we get it.
423
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,706
She's a brilliant,
benevolent,
424
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,907
multi-orgasmic
wonder woman.
425
00:16:18,276 --> 00:16:19,810
Honey, where is
this coming from?
426
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:22,045
Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you sound?
427
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:24,414
"Simona says this,
Simona says that.
428
00:16:24,481 --> 00:16:27,482
Simona poops gold out
of her super tight butt."
429
00:16:29,416 --> 00:16:31,482
I don't think she does.
430
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:33,448
Listen, honey,
431
00:16:33,516 --> 00:16:36,717
you know I'm not
attracted to her.
432
00:16:36,785 --> 00:16:38,352
You're not?
I am.
433
00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:39,786
I mean,
you're just annoying.
434
00:16:39,854 --> 00:16:41,688
I've been telling you
for like 15 years
435
00:16:41,756 --> 00:16:43,089
to take better care
of yourself,
436
00:16:43,157 --> 00:16:44,457
and it's called nagging.
437
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:45,959
Simona says it one time,
438
00:16:46,026 --> 00:16:47,827
and you become
like Bruce Jenner.
439
00:16:48,895 --> 00:16:51,764
Real current reference.
Well done.
440
00:16:51,832 --> 00:16:52,999
Who's the new guy?
441
00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:54,434
Matthew Phelps.
442
00:16:54,501 --> 00:16:55,868
Matthew Phelps, whatever.
443
00:16:55,936 --> 00:16:58,471
It's just that why don't you
listen to me when I say it?
444
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,440
Why can't I be
your hero?
445
00:17:00,507 --> 00:17:02,275
Well, maybe Simona has
a better bedside manner.
446
00:17:02,343 --> 00:17:05,378
You know, it's not what you
say, it's how you say it.
447
00:17:05,446 --> 00:17:09,682
You are 6'8" of stupid.
448
00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,584
And sometimes
what you say.
449
00:17:13,087 --> 00:17:15,388
Simona told me I should
take better care of myself
450
00:17:15,456 --> 00:17:17,724
Because there are people that
love me and want me around.
451
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:20,059
I mean, when did you say
something like that to me?
452
00:17:20,127 --> 00:17:21,061
Oh, give me a break!
453
00:17:21,128 --> 00:17:23,363
We've been married
a long freakin' time.
454
00:17:23,431 --> 00:17:27,934
I'm just saying it's sometimes
nice to hear that out loud.
455
00:17:28,002 --> 00:17:29,402
Michael Phelps!
That was it.
456
00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:32,205
It was bothering me.
Michael Phelps.
457
00:17:32,273 --> 00:17:33,973
I say nice things to you.
458
00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:35,942
Simona told you
to eat less fried food,
459
00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:37,944
and then she probably said
exactly the same thing
460
00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:40,480
to the next winded slob
who walked through the door.
461
00:17:40,547 --> 00:17:42,682
How dare you!
462
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:44,984
You think that
she cares about you?
463
00:17:45,052 --> 00:17:46,185
It this do you know
what this is?
464
00:17:46,253 --> 00:17:47,386
This is just like
the time
465
00:17:47,454 --> 00:17:49,455
that you got an autograph
from raquel welch
466
00:17:49,523 --> 00:17:51,023
at that bookstore, and you
thought she winked at you.
467
00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,224
She was winking at me.
468
00:17:52,292 --> 00:17:53,392
Her false eyelash
fell off.
469
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:55,995
That's how hard
she was winking.
470
00:17:56,062 --> 00:17:58,030
I've got news for you,
Eddie.
471
00:17:58,098 --> 00:18:01,367
Your doctor is paid a lot
of money to care about you.
472
00:18:01,434 --> 00:18:02,835
And at the end
of her work day,
473
00:18:02,902 --> 00:18:04,269
she stops caring.
474
00:18:04,337 --> 00:18:08,540
And she drives home in a car
that costs more than this house.
475
00:18:10,275 --> 00:18:13,277
Well, I could tell you that
there is a woman out there
476
00:18:13,345 --> 00:18:15,480
who knows me
inside and out.
477
00:18:15,548 --> 00:18:18,149
And she is concerned
about my well-being.
478
00:18:18,217 --> 00:18:22,053
And that woman's name
is Dr. Simona...
479
00:18:22,121 --> 00:18:24,689
Bradford.
Bed... Bedford.
480
00:18:24,756 --> 00:18:25,990
Red... Redford.
481
00:18:26,057 --> 00:18:27,525
It's Thompson.
482
00:18:27,592 --> 00:18:29,560
I knew that.
483
00:18:29,628 --> 00:18:31,128
It's Redford.
484
00:18:32,063 --> 00:18:34,398
Well, I knew
it wasn't Thompson.
485
00:18:39,370 --> 00:18:41,104
So you've got to
cut down on those sweets.
486
00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:43,606
You've got to take
care of yourself,
487
00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:45,175
Because a lot of people
love you,
488
00:18:45,242 --> 00:18:48,244
And we want you around.
489
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:50,680
Son of a bitch!
490
00:18:50,748 --> 00:18:54,150
I thought she just
wanted me around.
491
00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:59,454
Well, turns out
you were right.
492
00:18:59,521 --> 00:19:01,189
Simona wants everyone
to be alive,
493
00:19:01,256 --> 00:19:03,291
not just me.
494
00:19:04,495 --> 00:19:06,430
Sorry I got so crazy.
495
00:19:06,498 --> 00:19:07,498
No, it was my fault, too.
496
00:19:07,566 --> 00:19:10,201
I just...
Got all insecure.
497
00:19:10,268 --> 00:19:12,436
No, no! I should appreciate
you looking out for me.
498
00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:16,173
It's just your voice
gets sometimes grating.
499
00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:18,842
Oh, I shouldn't have
said grating right there.
500
00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:22,212
But my point is,
I'm sorry.
501
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,714
No, babe, you were right.
502
00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:28,050
I guess I could say things
a little nicer sometimes.
503
00:19:28,118 --> 00:19:29,853
Yeah. Anyway,
the point is,
504
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,456
I cancelled my appointment
for tomorrow.
505
00:19:32,524 --> 00:19:34,225
I know.
Simona called.
506
00:19:34,293 --> 00:19:35,560
She called?
507
00:19:35,627 --> 00:19:37,561
What did she say?
508
00:19:37,629 --> 00:19:38,896
I think she said...
509
00:19:38,963 --> 00:19:40,564
No, no, no,
don't "think", honey.
510
00:19:40,632 --> 00:19:43,401
She called. What
did she say exactly?
511
00:19:43,468 --> 00:19:45,770
You said "hello",
and she said?
512
00:19:45,837 --> 00:19:47,538
She's charging you
for the no-show.
513
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,341
All right. She's only
charging me 'cause she cares.
514
00:19:55,043 --> 00:19:56,844
She's got it bad.
515
00:20:04,351 --> 00:20:05,552
Hey.
516
00:20:07,354 --> 00:20:11,556
Joy, Joy, Joy. I have
your blood work here,
517
00:20:11,624 --> 00:20:15,160
and... You're pregnant.
518
00:20:15,228 --> 00:20:18,564
No, I'm kidding!
519
00:20:18,631 --> 00:20:20,999
I thought we could do that
because we're friends.
520
00:20:22,568 --> 00:20:23,868
You got me there.
521
00:20:23,936 --> 00:20:27,073
Thought I was going to have
to stop drinking for 9 months.
522
00:20:27,141 --> 00:20:29,811
Simona, I don't need to
be stroked like Eddie does.
523
00:20:29,879 --> 00:20:31,915
You can give it
to me straight.
524
00:20:31,984 --> 00:20:33,718
All right, well,
here it is.
525
00:20:33,786 --> 00:20:35,553
You're in perfect health.
526
00:20:35,621 --> 00:20:37,589
What's your secret?
527
00:20:37,656 --> 00:20:38,589
My secret?
528
00:20:38,657 --> 00:20:40,224
Yeah, we're like
the same age.
529
00:20:40,292 --> 00:20:42,827
Tell me how I can look
so vital and young.
530
00:20:42,895 --> 00:20:45,963
Oh, well, I credit
lack of exercise,
531
00:20:46,031 --> 00:20:47,198
no sun screen,
532
00:20:47,265 --> 00:20:49,200
and a minimum of 40 hours
of television a week.
533
00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:52,837
Well, it works.
Don't change a thing.
534
00:20:52,904 --> 00:20:55,573
Ah, Simona,
you are good.
535
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,375
But any doctor
can give compliments.
536
00:20:57,442 --> 00:20:59,143
Here's the true test.
537
00:20:59,211 --> 00:21:02,346
What are the chances of me hitting
you up for some sleeping pills?
538
00:21:02,414 --> 00:21:04,782
Are you having
trouble sleeping?
539
00:21:04,849 --> 00:21:07,318
Yes.
540
00:21:10,889 --> 00:21:12,990
Do you want
the time release
541
00:21:13,057 --> 00:21:15,626
Or the big whammy
right out of the box?
542
00:21:15,693 --> 00:21:19,763
Oh, I love you
like oxygen.
543
00:21:22,266 --> 00:21:25,068
"I am not
a drug dealer."
544
00:21:28,405 --> 00:21:29,840
I get that.
545
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:35,000
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www.addic7ed.com
546
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:39,600
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