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1
00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:04,195
"Graduating seniors...
2
00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:06,460
"my time was...
3
00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:08,646
- "a horse without any legs."
-
Do-do-do
4
00:00:08,671 --> 00:00:09,870
Hey. You wanted to see me, boss?
5
00:00:09,972 --> 00:00:11,739
Yes. Yes, I did, Coach Fairbell.
6
00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:13,374
Please, uh, have a seat.
7
00:00:13,476 --> 00:00:15,342
We have to have a pretty
serious discussion here.
8
00:00:15,444 --> 00:00:17,344
You can sit in the... the chair.
9
00:00:17,446 --> 00:00:19,513
- The chair?
- Yeah, that's right.
10
00:00:20,711 --> 00:00:22,311
[Breathes sharply]
11
00:00:22,336 --> 00:00:23,635
Pretty good, right?
12
00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:26,987
What I have to tell you
is actually pretty grim.
13
00:00:27,123 --> 00:00:28,448
- "Grimm"? [Chuckles]
- Yeah.
14
00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:30,589
- That's my favorite show.
- Okay, no, no, no, no.
15
00:00:30,691 --> 00:00:32,358
What I'm saying...
Let me ask you this...
16
00:00:32,460 --> 00:00:33,959
if you had all the time in the world,
17
00:00:34,062 --> 00:00:35,227
what would you even do with it?
18
00:00:35,329 --> 00:00:36,562
Easy... just spend more time
19
00:00:36,664 --> 00:00:38,164
with my girls' JV volleyball team.
20
00:00:38,266 --> 00:00:41,033
Extra practice means...
boop... extra perfect.
21
00:00:41,135 --> 00:00:43,936
Let... let's say that it
was, uh, not here at Smoot.
22
00:00:44,038 --> 00:00:45,938
Let's say it was time away from school.
23
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,150
Then what would you do?
24
00:00:47,175 --> 00:00:48,707
I'd just wait across the
street for school to open,
25
00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:49,875
like I do every day.
26
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:50,923
[Whispering] My God.
27
00:00:50,948 --> 00:00:53,494
Okay, well, I'm not gonna
sugarcoat this, all right?
28
00:00:53,815 --> 00:00:56,015
I had to do next year's budget,
and we got to make some cuts.
29
00:00:56,117 --> 00:00:57,917
That's why you're in charge, Big Dog.
30
00:00:58,019 --> 00:01:00,219
What's got to go? English? Math?
31
00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:01,287
Nobody's gonna miss those.
32
00:01:01,389 --> 00:01:03,889
- Cafeteria? I mean, I'll miss it but...
- Coach Fairbell, it's you.
33
00:01:03,991 --> 00:01:05,157
I'm hinting at the fact
34
00:01:05,259 --> 00:01:07,593
that it is you that I have to cut, okay?
35
00:01:07,695 --> 00:01:09,528
You. All right?
36
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:12,364
Before you say something
heartbreakingly simple,
37
00:01:12,467 --> 00:01:13,699
let me just clarify...
38
00:01:13,801 --> 00:01:16,902
you are being laid off
at the end of this week.
39
00:01:17,004 --> 00:01:19,905
[Sobbing] Aaaaah!
40
00:01:20,541 --> 00:01:22,282
Tammy, code red!
41
00:01:22,307 --> 00:01:24,243
I need some tissues.
I need some tissues.
42
00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:26,011
No! No!
43
00:01:26,114 --> 00:01:27,346
44
00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:29,682
Quit wasting my time
45
00:01:29,784 --> 00:01:32,184
I ain't here for you
46
00:01:32,286 --> 00:01:34,487
I'm just putting in work
47
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:36,707
Till my day is through
48
00:01:36,732 --> 00:01:39,951
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
49
00:01:40,161 --> 00:01:41,160
[Sighs]
50
00:01:41,262 --> 00:01:43,529
Just a couple big sales days, Billy,
51
00:01:43,631 --> 00:01:45,831
and then you're in the black.
52
00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:49,201
And then Tampa has to love you again,
53
00:01:49,303 --> 00:01:52,743
because money fixes everything.
54
00:01:52,768 --> 00:01:54,039
[Sighs]
55
00:01:54,142 --> 00:01:55,941
[Breathes deeply]
56
00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:57,810
Sell to go home.
57
00:01:57,912 --> 00:01:59,078
[Wheels creaking]
58
00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:01,380
[Whistling]
59
00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:02,848
Oho!
60
00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:04,783
Good morning, everyone.
61
00:02:04,886 --> 00:02:06,418
- How are we?
- Hey, Shoemaker.
62
00:02:06,521 --> 00:02:08,287
How was your lengthy
commute this morning?
63
00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,689
Well, I'm not quite sure
what you're referring to.
64
00:02:10,791 --> 00:02:12,525
- Sure, you're not.
- I was just telling everyone
65
00:02:12,627 --> 00:02:16,128
that real-estate mogul and
newly elected mayor Gil Nash
66
00:02:16,230 --> 00:02:18,464
is gonna be Smoot's graduation speaker.
67
00:02:18,566 --> 00:02:20,432
Here? He's speaking here?
68
00:02:20,535 --> 00:02:22,001
I'm so proud.
69
00:02:22,103 --> 00:02:23,335
- Now, now, now...
- I can't believe that
70
00:02:23,437 --> 00:02:25,104
you're letting that
right-wing lunatic speak.
71
00:02:25,206 --> 00:02:27,840
Hey, that's a Libertarian
lunatic, please.
72
00:02:27,942 --> 00:02:30,409
He has done a ton of damage
to women's health issues.
73
00:02:30,511 --> 00:02:34,380
His stupid period taxes
cost me $148 this month.
74
00:02:34,482 --> 00:02:36,448
Abbey, I keep telling you...
if you want a maternity leave,
75
00:02:36,551 --> 00:02:37,983
you have to pay for it somehow.
76
00:02:38,085 --> 00:02:39,718
Fine. I'm not taking this lying down.
77
00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:41,520
Quinn, I am going to
stage the biggest protest
78
00:02:41,622 --> 00:02:43,222
- that you have ever seen.
- Enough!
79
00:02:43,324 --> 00:02:45,090
Do you need to go back
down to your library?
80
00:02:45,193 --> 00:02:46,425
- Fine.
- Fine.
81
00:02:46,527 --> 00:02:48,327
I think it's terrific that
you're gonna be speaking
82
00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,129
at our graduation ceremony.
83
00:02:50,231 --> 00:02:53,432
And, as this year's
Joslyn's graduation rep,
84
00:02:53,534 --> 00:02:55,868
I would love nothing
more than to see you do it
85
00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:57,770
in a professor's tunic.
86
00:02:57,795 --> 00:02:58,848
- Now, please, I...
- No, no, no, no, no.
87
00:02:58,873 --> 00:02:59,972
No, thank you. No, thank you.
88
00:02:59,997 --> 00:03:03,052
We don't have any extra cash
for any cheap swag, so...
89
00:03:03,077 --> 00:03:04,710
Wouldn't be a good
salesman if I didn't try.
90
00:03:04,735 --> 00:03:06,345
I'll see you at the same time tomorrow.
91
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:09,582
You know, Leslie Bronn, I
woke up this morning thinking,
92
00:03:09,684 --> 00:03:10,849
"There's a woman
93
00:03:10,952 --> 00:03:13,319
"who likes to sleep in a
oversized T-shirt and..."
94
00:03:13,421 --> 00:03:14,853
I sleep in the nude. Beat it.
95
00:03:14,956 --> 00:03:15,988
What are you doing here?
96
00:03:16,013 --> 00:03:17,679
Are you, uh, buying a condominium?
97
00:03:17,704 --> 00:03:18,695
'Cause if you are,
98
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,227
Joslyn's has a line of
drapes made from re...
99
00:03:21,329 --> 00:03:23,028
- Whoa!
- I said, "Beat it."
100
00:03:23,130 --> 00:03:26,198
101
00:03:26,223 --> 00:03:27,276
[Hawk screeches]
102
00:03:27,301 --> 00:03:28,567
Hawk!
103
00:03:28,669 --> 00:03:30,035
- Oh, my God. Oh, hawk!
- Hawk!
104
00:03:30,137 --> 00:03:31,203
Hawk! There's a...
105
00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:32,638
- Oh, sorry! I'm sorry!
- Oh, God, I am so sorry.
106
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:34,106
- I was just looking at that...
- I was just looking at this...
107
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:35,708
- ... beautiful red-tailed hawk.
- ... beautiful red-tailed hawk.
108
00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:37,910
- Did I hit your head? Are you...
- Oh, no, I'm sure... it's fine.
109
00:03:38,012 --> 00:03:39,712
- Let me get this for you.
- Yeah.
110
00:03:39,814 --> 00:03:41,814
"Back Streets of
Madrid"? Are you serious?
111
00:03:41,916 --> 00:03:44,009
This was my Bible when I lived in Spain.
112
00:03:44,034 --> 00:03:45,407
- No, no. You lived there. Yes!
- Are you serious?
113
00:03:45,432 --> 00:03:46,896
There's the best little route in this.
114
00:03:46,928 --> 00:03:48,160
- It's from the Prado...
- Yes.
115
00:03:48,185 --> 00:03:49,217
- ... right to the Hard Rock Cafe.
- Hard Rock Cafe.
116
00:03:49,242 --> 00:03:50,522
I know that alley very well.
117
00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:52,113
- Are you serious?
- Well...
118
00:03:52,138 --> 00:03:54,760
- You've been there?
- Yes. I love the sangr?a.
119
00:03:54,785 --> 00:03:55,951
I was there every night.
120
00:03:55,976 --> 00:03:57,275
I was hooked on their
"She's my Cherry Paella."
121
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,075
Oh, I love it... so good!
122
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,141
I'm sorry. I'm Loren.
123
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:03,102
- I, uh, I teach Spanish here. Hi.
- Oh, hey. Wow.
124
00:04:03,204 --> 00:04:04,470
Yeah, sorry. I-I'm glad I found you.
125
00:04:04,572 --> 00:04:07,406
I heard there was, like, actually
a pop-up brewery on the campus.
126
00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:10,009
Apparently, they have,
like, some awesome beers.
127
00:04:10,111 --> 00:04:11,777
- Yeah, they... they did.
- Oh.
128
00:04:11,879 --> 00:04:13,412
Or... should I say... I did,
129
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,314
Until the man [bleep] on my dreams.
130
00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:16,815
- Oh, man.
- I swear to God.
131
00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,237
I hate it when men [bleep] on me.
132
00:04:18,262 --> 00:04:19,585
- Ugh, yeah.
- 100%.
133
00:04:19,687 --> 00:04:21,153
Well, I mean, this being Denver,
134
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,589
there's, like, a couple
breweries around, you know?
135
00:04:23,614 --> 00:04:26,668
So, we can maybe grab a pint or... five?
136
00:04:26,694 --> 00:04:28,260
- Absolutely.
- Yeah?
137
00:04:28,331 --> 00:04:29,631
- I'm buying.
- Let's, yeah.
138
00:04:29,656 --> 00:04:30,635
Have you heard of Eminem?
139
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:31,649
- He's underground.
- You're kidding.
140
00:04:31,674 --> 00:04:32,931
But he's gonna blow up, I swear to God.
141
00:04:32,956 --> 00:04:33,854
- Really?
- Yeah.
142
00:04:33,879 --> 00:04:36,427
Sign a petition to stop Gil
Nash from coming to graduation?
143
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:37,879
[Billy laughs]
144
00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:39,399
Chugga-chugga! Chugga-chugga!
145
00:04:39,424 --> 00:04:41,140
You look like the kind of lady
146
00:04:41,242 --> 00:04:43,275
that likes to sleep in
an oversized T-shirt,
147
00:04:43,377 --> 00:04:44,743
and, lucky for you,
148
00:04:44,845 --> 00:04:47,179
Joslyn's happens to have a dynamite one.
149
00:04:47,281 --> 00:04:49,248
- Let me go ahead and show you.
- Shoemaker, I'm kind of busy.
150
00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:51,653
I'm getting signatures to stop
Gil Nash from coming to Smoot.
151
00:04:51,819 --> 00:04:53,052
If you're busy,
152
00:04:53,154 --> 00:04:55,788
what better way to
organize those filled days
153
00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:59,291
with the Joslyn's "Class of
2017 Hunks of Smoot" calendar?
154
00:04:59,393 --> 00:05:01,360
I'm not interested in
buying anything from someone
155
00:05:01,462 --> 00:05:03,329
who is currently sleeping
in the janitor's closet.
156
00:05:03,431 --> 00:05:04,897
Well, that is not... [Laughs]
157
00:05:04,999 --> 00:05:07,433
I am not residing in the school.
158
00:05:07,535 --> 00:05:09,902
That's cra... Y-y-you're
way out of line.
159
00:05:10,004 --> 00:05:12,438
- Yeah, everybody knows, Shoemaker.
- But...
160
00:05:12,540 --> 00:05:13,772
Hi, guys.
161
00:05:13,874 --> 00:05:16,442
This is my favorite history teacher.
162
00:05:16,544 --> 00:05:18,711
- Okay.
- My favorite librarian.
163
00:05:18,782 --> 00:05:20,213
- Oh, how are we...
- Okay.
164
00:05:20,238 --> 00:05:21,495
... this beautiful morning, huh, guys?
165
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:22,681
- God.
- Are you drunk?
166
00:05:22,783 --> 00:05:24,836
- You broke your slump.
- I did.
167
00:05:24,868 --> 00:05:25,791
- Ha! Yeah.
- [Laughs]
168
00:05:25,886 --> 00:05:27,853
- How do you know that?
- Oh, a guy can always tell.
169
00:05:27,955 --> 00:05:29,722
Plus, he's still full bat.
170
00:05:29,824 --> 00:05:30,989
- Oh, God!
- Excuse me. Oh, God.
171
00:05:31,092 --> 00:05:33,992
I'm sorry. I'm just...
I'm so excited, you know?
172
00:05:34,095 --> 00:05:36,195
Jade is incredible. I-I
honestly think she's the one.
173
00:05:36,554 --> 00:05:38,931
[Both laughing]
174
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,466
But I'm serious. She's smart...
175
00:05:40,568 --> 00:05:41,800
- What?
- Oh, you're serious.
176
00:05:41,902 --> 00:05:43,635
... independent. She's really funny.
177
00:05:43,738 --> 00:05:44,970
Plus, she taught me it's not cool
178
00:05:45,072 --> 00:05:46,438
to refer to women as [bleep].
179
00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:47,573
- Mm.
- Yeah.
180
00:05:47,675 --> 00:05:49,108
- I think I might be woke.
- Speaking of woke,
181
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:51,332
it looks like Fairbell
just rolled out of bed.
182
00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,278
I guess he's not taking
getting fired very well.
183
00:05:53,381 --> 00:05:55,914
Looking good in that
sleeping shirt, Coach.
184
00:05:56,016 --> 00:05:57,983
I'm glad I could put
you in it. [Chuckles]
185
00:05:58,085 --> 00:05:59,985
Oh, you mean
"Soon-to-be-Former Coach."
186
00:06:00,087 --> 00:06:01,353
I know you're down now, man.
187
00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:03,589
I was down once, but look at me now.
188
00:06:03,691 --> 00:06:04,857
I'm on top of the world,
189
00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:06,592
and it's all because
of my new [bleep]...
190
00:06:06,694 --> 00:06:07,826
Ugh! Nope.
191
00:06:07,851 --> 00:06:08,880
... girlfriend.
192
00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:09,919
[Cellphone vibrates]
193
00:06:09,997 --> 00:06:11,530
- Oh, there she is now.
- [Scoffs]
194
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,031
She wants to hang out after school.
195
00:06:13,134 --> 00:06:15,222
Guys, this is getting serious... fast.
196
00:06:15,247 --> 00:06:17,747
Well, if it's getting serious, Loren,
197
00:06:17,850 --> 00:06:19,777
- perhaps you should show....
- Hey, Fairbell.
198
00:06:19,856 --> 00:06:20,821
You should fight this.
199
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,123
How?
200
00:06:22,225 --> 00:06:23,791
Stage a sit-in, hunger strike...
201
00:06:23,893 --> 00:06:26,160
you know, you're a smart guy...
202
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,963
you're Fairbell. You'll figure it out.
203
00:06:29,096 --> 00:06:30,440
Huh.
204
00:06:30,465 --> 00:06:32,066
- Hi...
- I am Fairbell.
205
00:06:33,336 --> 00:06:35,670
This is the best date I've
ever had in my entire life.
206
00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:37,071
I cannot believe I finally met a girl
207
00:06:37,173 --> 00:06:40,174
who's down to watch all seven "Fast
and Furious" films, consecutively.
208
00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:43,177
I mean, are you kidding? I thought
it was so sweet that you cried
209
00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:46,013
when Paul Walker took that
left, and you were just bawling.
210
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,649
I mean, you're just so in
touch with your emotions.
211
00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:50,103
I mean, that's 'cause of you.
212
00:06:50,128 --> 00:06:52,420
I'm not afraid to be myself around you.
213
00:06:52,522 --> 00:06:54,955
And, I was wondering
if you'd be my girlf...
214
00:06:55,058 --> 00:06:56,357
my woman friend.
215
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:59,660
Will you accept this Joslyn's
premium brand key chain
216
00:06:59,762 --> 00:07:00,861
as a token of my love?
217
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,196
[Breathes sharply]
218
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:05,199
Well, I do live my life
one quarter mile at a time.
219
00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:06,367
[Both laugh]
220
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,503
- From "Fast and Furious."
- [Laughs]
221
00:07:09,268 --> 00:07:11,238
No, no.
222
00:07:11,823 --> 00:07:12,840
223
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:13,972
[Chuckles]
224
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,502
Girls, I'd love to work
225
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,371
some of our favorite drills together,
226
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,907
but I'm afraid my hunger
strike has left me too weak.
227
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,475
It's gonna be worth it, though,
228
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:28,512
when the administration sees
how they were wrong to...
229
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,715
Coach, how long has it
been since you last eaten?
230
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,850
I don't even know
anymore. It's all a haze.
231
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,653
Two or maybe even three...
232
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:36,987
hours?
233
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,523
234
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,527
- Quinn, you wanted to see me?
- Yes.
235
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,496
Come in and, uh, shut the door, please.
236
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,798
Look, if this is about
the Gil Nash protest,
237
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,300
I think you need to stop
right there because...
238
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,135
Look, you're not Loren's best friend.
239
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,837
So, I'm just gonna
come out and say it...
240
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:54,371
you probably haven't even noticed that
241
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,073
he has a bit more pep in his step.
242
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:57,641
Yeah. Everyone has noticed.
243
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,044
They were [bleep] each other
in the faculty parking lot.
244
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,346
Don't you mean that he was [bleep] her?
245
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:03,647
- No.
- Wow.
246
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,416
That explains the extra $75 charge.
247
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:06,784
What are you talking about?
248
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:10,076
I... ordered Loren...
249
00:08:10,101 --> 00:08:12,702
a lady of the night.
250
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,892
Uh, Jade is a prostitute?
251
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,460
- Yes. She's a prostitute.
- [Laughing] Oh, my God.
252
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,762
It's not funny, okay?
253
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,230
I did it to help Loren break his streak.
254
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,288
[Laughing] It's funny.
255
00:08:20,313 --> 00:08:22,366
It's not funny,
'cause now they're dating,
256
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:23,634
and she has my credit-card number.
257
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:26,726
Abbey, $300 for a lookout mountain BJer.
258
00:08:26,751 --> 00:08:27,817
[Laughs]
259
00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:29,917
Well, why don't you
just stop paying her?
260
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:32,743
I can't, because then Loren's
gonna find out the truth, okay?
261
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,044
And that is where you come in.
262
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,347
I will allow you to
protest Gil Nash's speech
263
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:40,050
if you can help me break up
Jade and Loren, organically.
264
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,685
I do think it's hilarious
265
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,788
that Loren is dating a prostitute,
266
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,524
but this is my opportunity
to save a woman from sex work.
267
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,660
[Laughing] But Loren is such
a [bleep] in this scenario.
268
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,132
- But...
- Abbey!
269
00:08:52,593 --> 00:08:55,032
Okay, Quinn. I'll do it. You got a deal.
270
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:56,031
Great.
271
00:08:56,056 --> 00:08:58,953
Time for this fox to go on the hunt.
272
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,972
[Cellphone buzzes]
273
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:04,642
What is a Detroit tonsillectomy?!
274
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:05,976
My God, Loren.
275
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:07,611
[Sultry music plays]
276
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,747
Hey. What's up, Loren?
277
00:09:09,772 --> 00:09:11,435
Oh, hey, Abbey. What's up?
278
00:09:11,827 --> 00:09:14,177
- Uh, nothin'.
- Okay.
279
00:09:14,202 --> 00:09:17,298
[Sighs] Whatcha doin'?
280
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,090
Oh, I'm just grading
papers, thinking about Jade.
281
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:23,294
She has really opened you up, sexually.
282
00:09:23,319 --> 00:09:24,551
- Oh, yeah, she has.
- Yeah.
283
00:09:24,576 --> 00:09:26,497
Other day, she had three
fingers inside of me before I...
284
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:28,065
Oh, I know. We all saw
it in the parking lot.
285
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,921
- Um.
- Oh. Right.
286
00:09:29,949 --> 00:09:33,014
Ever since you, uh, broke your streak,
287
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,372
you seem, um, different.
288
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:36,540
I really like it.
289
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:37,708
Yeah, it's 'cause I'm woke now.
290
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,243
[Laughs] Whatever.
291
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,644
[Bleep] Abbey.
292
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:43,647
Whatever... whatever it is, it's, uh...
293
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,282
I think it's hot.
294
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:48,419
Abbey, this mole has definitely
grown over the semester...
295
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,954
- Okay.
- ... and there's a big old hair in it.
296
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,856
Oops. [Laughs]
297
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,124
Yeah, you can keep the pen.
298
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,893
I got, like, so many more of those.
299
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:57,094
Why don't you break up with Jade,
300
00:09:57,196 --> 00:09:59,063
and you and I can, like,
have some fun together?
301
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,598
First of all, I'm flattered, you know?
302
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,200
But, second of all, you are so gross.
303
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:04,568
[Scoffs] You know what? Forget it.
304
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:07,538
I'm... I'm... There's more
than one way to skin a cat.
305
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,673
No, no, no, there's not.
There's just the one way.
306
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,408
Yeah, the guy lies flat on his back,
307
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:14,111
- and then she's in heels and squats.
- Oh, geez.
308
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,480
Well, my hunger strike
may have been ignored,
309
00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:19,216
but now I'll use my body's pure muscle
310
00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:20,584
as an immovable object
311
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,821
to keep you from getting
access to my office.
312
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,289
So, if you want in there to clean it,
313
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:26,724
you're gonna have to run me over.
314
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:27,892
All right.
315
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,093
Ohh!
316
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,194
[Groaning]
317
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,363
Don't mess up the bottom
of my cart, Fairbell.
318
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,798
- Ohh!
- Oh, you're like a little speed bump.
319
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:37,001
Yeah, a speed bump of justice.
320
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:38,202
321
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,104
Look at this graduation tassel.
322
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:44,642
Now, that is 100%
human hair right there.
323
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:45,976
Are there a few bald women
324
00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:47,511
running around Malaysia right now?
325
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:50,514
I'm sure, but they don't
call it "Kuala Lum-rich."
326
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:51,715
[School bell rings]
327
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,218
Okay, well, grab an order
form on your way out.
328
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,819
Take... take one, you...
329
00:10:55,913 --> 00:10:57,258
Hey, Shoemaker.
330
00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:59,723
- [Clattering]
- [Sighs]
331
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,292
Loren, what are you doing?!
332
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,893
I'm sorry. I'm distracted,
333
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,561
I... Hey, when did you know
334
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,630
that Tampa was, like, the one?
335
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,699
Probably during the third trimester
336
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:10,567
when her dad pulled a gun on me.
337
00:11:10,662 --> 00:11:12,153
Yeah. I'm just thinking about
338
00:11:12,178 --> 00:11:13,833
taking it to the next
level with Jade, you know?
339
00:11:13,866 --> 00:11:16,006
- Awesome.
- But I need a good ring.
340
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,608
[Chuckling] You need a ring?
341
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:19,243
Well, y-you do know that
342
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,945
Joslyn's is the number-one
provider of rings
343
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:22,913
in the United States
and territory of Guam?
344
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,548
Yeah, but those are class rings.
345
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:25,749
The classiest.
346
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,117
See, your problem is,
347
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:29,453
right now, y-y-you're
thinking of it as a wedding.
348
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:33,855
Don't. Think of it as a
graduation into marriage.
349
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,793
Mmm. That does check out.
350
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:37,094
[Laughs] Yeah, it does. Get up.
351
00:11:37,119 --> 00:11:38,231
- Okay.
- Real quick,
352
00:11:38,256 --> 00:11:40,323
I'll show you some items
that I'm excited about.
353
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:41,966
354
00:11:41,991 --> 00:11:43,423
- Hello.
- Hi.
355
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:46,016
You must be Loren's girlfriend.
356
00:11:46,041 --> 00:11:48,100
Oh, yeah, I'm Jade. And you are...
357
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,383
Abbey, but it doesn't matter.
358
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,075
- I...
- I love your shirt.
359
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,609
Ugh, Gil Nash. What a prick.
360
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,044
- Yeah, he is, right?
- Yeah.
361
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,880
I heard he's speaking at
your graduation. Gross.
362
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,182
I mean, someone should
take him down a peg.
363
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,084
I am taking him down a peg.
364
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:02,419
Why can't the government keep
its hands out of my vag, right?
365
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:05,055
I know, or at least, pay what
it costs to get in there, right?
366
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,256
[Both laugh]
367
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:07,273
Oh, listen, though,
368
00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:09,094
that's not what I, uh,
came to talk to you about.
369
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:10,037
Okay.
370
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,663
I heard what's happening with
you and Loren, and it's messed up.
371
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:13,964
You need to break up with him.
372
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,499
Why would I do that? [Chuckles]
373
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,901
Because it's the right thing to do.
374
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,404
You know what? He's having
a good time, and so am I.
375
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,051
Yeah, but, I mean, you're a...
376
00:12:23,674 --> 00:12:24,740
prostitute.
377
00:12:24,765 --> 00:12:27,388
Okay. [Chuckles] There it is... typical.
378
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,545
Faux feminist, yeah.
379
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:29,880
- Wait, a faux fem... No!
- Okay.
380
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,482
I mean, telling me
what to do with my body?
381
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,117
That's something Gil
Nash would do, right?
382
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,432
Not a cool chick like you?
383
00:12:35,745 --> 00:12:37,388
Did you... did you just say I was cool?
384
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,523
Yeah, but, you know, what do I know?
385
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,825
I'm just a dirty old prostitute.
386
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,827
No, you're the coolest! No!
387
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,629
Really? Thank you. I appreciate that.
388
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:46,964
- [Both laugh]
- You know what?
389
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:49,333
If you ever want to hang out, talk shop,
390
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,768
here is my business card.
391
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:51,969
It's a punch card, so...
392
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:53,370
[Chuckles]
393
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:56,673
Both: This could be the start
of a beautiful friendship!
394
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,609
Oh, my God! "When Harry Met Sally"
395
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,210
is, like, my favorite movie of all time.
396
00:13:00,329 --> 00:13:01,742
- Me, too.
- [Laughs]
397
00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:02,713
But, if you'll excuse me,
398
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:04,515
I have to go eat Loren's [bleep].
399
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:05,523
- Okay.
- 'Kay.
400
00:13:05,548 --> 00:13:06,947
- Hey, babe.
- Baby.
401
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,289
- No, come on.
- Oh!
402
00:13:08,314 --> 00:13:11,109
- Shake, shake, shake, shake-a, shake-a.
- Okay, yeah, that's fun.
403
00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:13,289
- God, you are perfect.
- You are.
404
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,292
Is that... is that Rick Greene?
405
00:13:15,317 --> 00:13:16,984
Uh. [Chuckles]
406
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,429
Hi, mister.
407
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,197
You've got me confused
with someone else.
408
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,498
- Okay.
- Happens all the time.
409
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,666
[Laughs] Okay.
410
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:23,667
You know Dr. Greene?
411
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:26,236
- Oh, I love those guys.
- "Guys"?
412
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:28,539
413
00:13:31,358 --> 00:13:33,177
We're burned. Loren's onto us.
414
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:34,244
You spoke to the whore?
415
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:35,546
She will blow our cover
416
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,947
in front of the whole
[bleep] damn school.
417
00:13:36,972 --> 00:13:39,181
Great. We've got to move back down to
Brazil until this whole mess cools over.
418
00:13:39,206 --> 00:13:40,556
No, we don't have to
move back down, all right?
419
00:13:40,581 --> 00:13:42,556
We're gonna apologize and get
ahead of this whole damn thing.
420
00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:43,425
Get ahead of the thing?!
421
00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:44,329
We're gonna get ahead of the thing, yes.
422
00:13:44,354 --> 00:13:45,940
- You and the prostitute.
- It's not me and the prostitute!
423
00:13:45,965 --> 00:13:46,784
You and the prostitute, yeah, no.
424
00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:47,720
You're the one with
the [bleep] punch card!
425
00:13:47,745 --> 00:13:48,625
Don't you talk about my punch card!
426
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:50,494
- [Grunting]
- Stop it!
427
00:13:50,519 --> 00:13:51,651
428
00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:54,376
$375 for a rim job?!
429
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:55,966
What is a rim j...
430
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:58,302
actually, that one's
pretty self-explanatory.
431
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,436
Am I interrupting something?
432
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,472
"Am I interrupting something?"
433
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,207
Abbey, what is going on?!
434
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:06,610
I gave you one task, and Loren
is still racking up charges!
435
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,345
About that... I'm out.
436
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:11,081
Jade is actually an incredible person,
437
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,684
and she realizes that
I'm, uh, pretty cool,
438
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,152
and she wants to hang out on the reg.
439
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:18,021
I just hired her as a
prostitute to love Loren.
440
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,690
Like any best friend would, okay?
441
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,892
And, now, she is bankrupting me!
442
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:23,293
Well, I think Jade is great,
443
00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:25,262
and what she does with her
body is her business.
444
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:26,697
Oh, no, it's also my business
445
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,298
because she's now ruining my credit!
446
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,833
- Well, then, just tell Loren.
- Never.
447
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:32,269
He would never forgive me.
I'll figure out another way,
448
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,938
but you will not protest
Gil Nash at the graduation.
449
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,006
- What?
- You broke our deal!
450
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,107
- Fine!
- Fine!
451
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,709
I've got a better idea, anyway!
452
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:39,810
- Great!
- Fine.
453
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:40,621
- Fine.
- Fine!
454
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:41,996
- Fine.
- Fine.
455
00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:44,448
[Chuckling] Well... knock, knock.
456
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,482
Oh, Mr. Shoemaker.
457
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,017
Hope this isn't a bad time.
458
00:14:47,110 --> 00:14:50,100
You could not have picked a
worse time to sell me Joslyn's.
459
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:52,789
And I am sorry about that,
but I wanted to tell you
460
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,791
about some new rings that we have
461
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,529
that just came in with
my favorite stone... jade.
462
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,031
Again, I'm not interested, so...
463
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:02,699
Well, perhaps I could go sell
464
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:06,236
some of these jade pieces to Loren.
465
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:07,738
With those beautiful, hazel eyes...
466
00:15:07,763 --> 00:15:10,369
Quinn, I know that Jade's a prostitute!
467
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,544
Now, unless you outfit this graduation
468
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:14,811
with Joslyn's gear,
469
00:15:14,836 --> 00:15:17,636
I will tell Loren,
and it will crush him!
470
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:20,951
You... wouldn't... dare...
471
00:15:21,053 --> 00:15:23,921
tell... Loren... that...
472
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:29,059
I... hired... a... prostitute.
473
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:30,294
Oh, I would,
474
00:15:30,319 --> 00:15:33,286
Unless you're willing
to turn this graduation
475
00:15:33,311 --> 00:15:36,010
into a rad-duation. Am I right?
476
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:38,852
That's a great name... "rad-duation."
477
00:15:39,608 --> 00:15:41,007
Kyle. Kyle.
478
00:15:41,109 --> 00:15:42,809
Help me find the key. A raccoon took it.
479
00:15:42,911 --> 00:15:44,411
- Kyle!
- Fairbell.
480
00:15:44,513 --> 00:15:46,646
- [Sighs]
- Did you sleep here?
481
00:15:46,748 --> 00:15:47,981
Yes.
482
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,983
I tried everything to save my job.
483
00:15:50,085 --> 00:15:51,484
I didn't eat for three hours,
484
00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:52,786
I laid down on the floor,
485
00:15:52,888 --> 00:15:55,121
I chained myself to this
door, and nothing worked.
486
00:15:55,223 --> 00:15:57,190
Yeah, because all those
things are super lame.
487
00:15:57,292 --> 00:15:58,925
You've got to do something huge.
488
00:15:59,027 --> 00:16:00,160
[Scoffs] Like what?
489
00:16:00,262 --> 00:16:02,462
[Chuckling] Well, let
me just tell you that,
490
00:16:02,564 --> 00:16:04,264
when I get done with Gil Nash,
491
00:16:04,366 --> 00:16:08,568
his period tax is gonna go up in flames.
492
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,270
Up in flames.
493
00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:12,172
Maybe I do know what to do, after all.
494
00:16:12,602 --> 00:16:14,635
Well, if you'll excuse me,
495
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:17,131
- I've got to go find some pig's blood.
- Gasoline.
496
00:16:17,233 --> 00:16:18,165
Ugh! Oh!
497
00:16:18,275 --> 00:16:19,574
- [Thuds]
- Aaah!
498
00:16:19,668 --> 00:16:22,236
["Pomp and Circumstance" plays]
499
00:16:22,338 --> 00:16:23,937
[Laughs]
500
00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:26,240
These kids look really hot, Shoemaker.
501
00:16:26,342 --> 00:16:27,641
The hottest.
502
00:16:27,743 --> 00:16:28,909
That's because they're wearing
503
00:16:29,011 --> 00:16:31,845
the new Joslyn's brand
executive graduation robe.
504
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,448
- It's lined with real gray wolf fur.
- Whoa!
505
00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:35,949
Wolf fur... perfect for summer.
506
00:16:36,051 --> 00:16:38,519
You know, I can sense
your sarcasm, Abbey.
507
00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:41,355
I'm sorry you had to buy
your own crappy robes.
508
00:16:41,457 --> 00:16:42,723
I'm glad we did buy our own robes.
509
00:16:42,825 --> 00:16:44,758
These kids are sweating
like a whore in church.
510
00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:47,060
Or in graduation, am I right?
511
00:16:47,163 --> 00:16:48,595
Quinn came to me, and he said,
512
00:16:48,697 --> 00:16:50,631
"Shoemaker, I want to make this
513
00:16:50,733 --> 00:16:53,367
"the greatest graduation
we've ever had."
514
00:16:53,469 --> 00:16:54,635
Isn't that right, Geoffrey?
515
00:16:54,737 --> 00:16:57,070
[Laughs] It certainly is.
516
00:16:57,173 --> 00:17:00,073
Please help me welcome your friend
517
00:17:00,176 --> 00:17:04,478
and reformed citizen, Geoffrey Quinn!
518
00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:06,180
Hey.
519
00:17:06,282 --> 00:17:07,848
Hello.
520
00:17:07,934 --> 00:17:10,967
Welcome to 2017's...
521
00:17:10,992 --> 00:17:13,795
rad-duation!
522
00:17:13,889 --> 00:17:16,356
[Laughs]
523
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,235
[Young man coughs]
524
00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:20,460
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
525
00:17:20,563 --> 00:17:23,497
the new mayor of Denver, Mr. Gil Nash!
526
00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:25,833
[Cheers and applause]
527
00:17:27,269 --> 00:17:32,005
Ah. Well, uh, I may not
have the, uh, fancy slogans
528
00:17:32,107 --> 00:17:34,474
- the Principal Quinn has...
- [Laughter]
529
00:17:34,577 --> 00:17:36,109
but I think what he's trying to say is
530
00:17:36,212 --> 00:17:38,545
that we are all here to celebrate
531
00:17:38,647 --> 00:17:42,549
the Smoot High graduating class of 2017!
532
00:17:42,651 --> 00:17:45,118
[Cheers and applause]
533
00:17:45,221 --> 00:17:48,889
Now, I'm sure all of
you are looking forward
534
00:17:48,991 --> 00:17:50,858
to the challenges ahead,
535
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,227
but maybe also feeling a little sad
536
00:17:53,329 --> 00:17:54,928
about leaving Smoot behind.
537
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:58,699
I mean, it's mere minutes away
from shopping and nightlife,
538
00:17:58,801 --> 00:18:00,300
with prime green spaces,
539
00:18:00,402 --> 00:18:01,869
and how about those mountain views?
540
00:18:01,971 --> 00:18:06,673
Ooh! Smoot is literally an oasis
541
00:18:06,775 --> 00:18:10,077
smack-dab in the middle
of the Mile High City.
542
00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:11,511
543
00:18:11,536 --> 00:18:13,803
Whether you're an
up-and-coming professional
544
00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:15,694
or new empty nesters,
545
00:18:15,951 --> 00:18:18,719
- Smoot is an amazing community!
- [Breathing heavily]
546
00:18:18,821 --> 00:18:20,587
Till they turn their back on you!
547
00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:21,922
Son, I'm in the middle
of something, here, okay?
548
00:18:22,024 --> 00:18:23,457
Yeah, my gymnasium...
549
00:18:23,559 --> 00:18:26,293
at least, it was until
they took it away from me.
550
00:18:26,395 --> 00:18:27,728
You smell like gasoline?
551
00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:29,062
Oh, you mean protest juice?
552
00:18:29,164 --> 00:18:30,898
No, you... you, li... Oh, God,
you're covered in gasoline.
553
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,099
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
554
00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:33,367
Okay. I'm not gonna take it anymore.
555
00:18:33,469 --> 00:18:34,935
I'm not gonna be ignored.
556
00:18:35,037 --> 00:18:36,770
And these colors don't run.
557
00:18:36,872 --> 00:18:38,405
I'm gonna do exactly
what Abbey told me to
558
00:18:38,507 --> 00:18:40,540
and light myself on fire.
559
00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:42,609
Oh, no, no, no. That's not what I said!
560
00:18:42,711 --> 00:18:44,278
[All gasping]
561
00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:45,512
Fairbell, no, no, no.
562
00:18:45,614 --> 00:18:47,948
This is all for you, Smoot!
563
00:18:48,050 --> 00:18:49,283
[Screaming]
564
00:18:49,385 --> 00:18:51,184
[Screaming]
565
00:18:51,287 --> 00:18:52,586
[Indistinct shouting]
566
00:18:52,688 --> 00:18:54,922
Oh! I didn't know it
was gonna be so hot!
567
00:18:55,024 --> 00:18:56,857
[Screaming]
568
00:18:56,959 --> 00:19:00,327
- Ugh!
- Aah!
569
00:19:00,429 --> 00:19:01,595
- Ohh.
- Ugh.
570
00:19:01,697 --> 00:19:03,497
Nothing ever works out for me!
571
00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:06,266
I can't even stay lit on fire!
572
00:19:08,304 --> 00:19:10,170
Oh, hell.
573
00:19:10,272 --> 00:19:11,471
Woman: Oh!
574
00:19:11,573 --> 00:19:13,140
All this blood is making the kids faint!
575
00:19:13,242 --> 00:19:15,108
- Are they fainting?
- It's not that.
576
00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:16,710
It's these crazy hot robes.
577
00:19:16,812 --> 00:19:18,011
The zippers are defective.
578
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,180
Who sold the kids these... robes?!
579
00:19:20,282 --> 00:19:21,248
- [Indistinct shouting]
- It's Shoemaker!
580
00:19:21,350 --> 00:19:22,382
Kill him.
581
00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:24,584
- Yeah.
- Kill him!
582
00:19:24,687 --> 00:19:25,886
Okay, everybody.
583
00:19:25,988 --> 00:19:27,721
[Chuckling] Cooler heads prevail.
584
00:19:27,823 --> 00:19:31,224
There is a simple explanation for...
585
00:19:31,327 --> 00:19:34,027
No refunds! Not any
refunds! There's no refunds!
586
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,662
Joslyn's...
587
00:19:35,764 --> 00:19:37,127
[Indistinct shouting]
588
00:19:37,152 --> 00:19:38,055
Oh!
589
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:39,533
Is there a doctor in the house?!
590
00:19:39,635 --> 00:19:40,801
No.
591
00:19:40,903 --> 00:19:43,236
There's a doctors in the house.
592
00:19:43,339 --> 00:19:44,705
He's right.
593
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:48,031
We are, and have always
been, two Dr. Greenes.
594
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:51,517
But right here, on this stage right now,
595
00:19:51,747 --> 00:19:53,647
we are revealed!
596
00:19:53,749 --> 00:19:56,416
Revealed!
597
00:19:56,518 --> 00:19:58,051
Who gives a [bleep]?
598
00:19:58,153 --> 00:19:59,920
- That got nothing? Zero.
- Nothing?
599
00:20:00,022 --> 00:20:01,231
That should've gotten
so much more than that.
600
00:20:01,256 --> 00:20:02,079
That should've gotten way more.
601
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:03,123
Hey. Hey, Doublemint.
602
00:20:03,225 --> 00:20:04,691
There's kids dying. Go help 'em.
603
00:20:04,793 --> 00:20:06,184
But you admit that there
should've been more of a reaction?
604
00:20:06,209 --> 00:20:07,121
Yes, fine. Go help.
605
00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:08,546
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
606
00:20:08,571 --> 00:20:09,801
[Indistinct shouting]
607
00:20:09,826 --> 00:20:10,541
Woman: Oh.
608
00:20:10,566 --> 00:20:12,566
Geoffrey Quinn, you're under arrest.
609
00:20:12,668 --> 00:20:14,735
Hey! Get your hands off me, boy!
610
00:20:14,837 --> 00:20:16,970
Vachara, this is Quinn.
611
00:20:17,072 --> 00:20:18,905
Under arrest? What for?
612
00:20:19,008 --> 00:20:20,674
- For soliciting a prostitute.
- [All gasp]
613
00:20:20,776 --> 00:20:23,710
But that wasn't for me...
that was for my best friend.
614
00:20:23,812 --> 00:20:26,213
What? [Scoffs]
615
00:20:26,315 --> 00:20:27,948
Jade, is this true?
616
00:20:28,050 --> 00:20:29,149
Are you a prostitute?
617
00:20:29,251 --> 00:20:30,517
Shut the [bleep] up. [Chuckles]
618
00:20:30,619 --> 00:20:32,519
- I can't believe...
- I'm so sorry, Loren. I-I never...
619
00:20:32,612 --> 00:20:36,122
... that you would do something
so awesome for me, Quinn.
620
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,534
You did this to help
me get through my slump?
621
00:20:37,559 --> 00:20:38,592
Yeah. [Chuckling] Yeah.
622
00:20:38,694 --> 00:20:40,772
- That is best-friend stuff, man.
- Oh!
623
00:20:40,797 --> 00:20:41,741
Thank you.
624
00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:44,241
You saying that... and
that's gonna sustain me...
625
00:20:44,266 --> 00:20:45,432
What do you think?
626
00:20:45,534 --> 00:20:46,633
One to three?
627
00:20:46,735 --> 00:20:48,535
... one to three years
of best friendship.
628
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:49,492
- [Laughs]
- Yeah.
629
00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:50,570
Bring it in here, best friend.
630
00:20:50,672 --> 00:20:52,372
- You got it.
- Come on, let's go.
631
00:20:52,474 --> 00:20:54,374
[Indistinct conversations]
632
00:20:54,476 --> 00:20:58,512
God. My girlfriend is a prostitute.
633
00:20:58,614 --> 00:21:00,013
Yeah. It looks like your girlfriend
634
00:21:00,115 --> 00:21:01,248
- is getting arrested.
- [Handcuffs clicking]
635
00:21:01,350 --> 00:21:02,482
Jade!
636
00:21:02,584 --> 00:21:03,683
Jeff, bring me over.
637
00:21:03,786 --> 00:21:06,219
Jade, it doesn't bother me
that you're a prostitute.
638
00:21:06,321 --> 00:21:08,288
I don't care if you've slept
with every guy in Denver.
639
00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:09,890
I have. [Chuckles]
640
00:21:09,992 --> 00:21:11,591
I don't care about what
you do for a living.
641
00:21:11,693 --> 00:21:13,144
- All I care about is what's right here
- Oh!
642
00:21:13,169 --> 00:21:14,761
- and, also, your heart.
- Oh!
643
00:21:14,863 --> 00:21:16,163
And that's why I'll wait for you.
644
00:21:16,265 --> 00:21:18,098
- I don't care how long...
- Probably only be like 12 hours.
645
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,233
I know Jeff, and I can
suck my way out of anything.
646
00:21:20,335 --> 00:21:21,334
Well, then I guess I only have
647
00:21:21,437 --> 00:21:23,870
one question left for
you, Jade Falcon Kerouac.
648
00:21:23,972 --> 00:21:25,672
Oh, my God. What is it?
649
00:21:25,774 --> 00:21:26,807
[Chuckling] Oh!
650
00:21:26,909 --> 00:21:28,341
Will you marry me?
651
00:21:28,444 --> 00:21:30,343
- [All aww]
- [Gasps]
652
00:21:30,446 --> 00:21:31,344
- Seriously?
- What?
653
00:21:31,447 --> 00:21:33,013
- You're gonna gasp at that?
- Come on.
654
00:21:33,115 --> 00:21:34,815
That's what gets a ga... that's
a soap-opera gimmick, people.
655
00:21:34,917 --> 00:21:36,016
We are twins.
656
00:21:36,041 --> 00:21:36,975
- Secret twins.
- Secret twins.
657
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,381
You got to stop talking
at the same time. Stop it.
658
00:21:38,406 --> 00:21:39,204
Shh!
659
00:21:39,229 --> 00:21:40,261
The whore was about to answer.
660
00:21:40,589 --> 00:21:41,788
Thank you.
661
00:21:41,890 --> 00:21:43,857
So? What do you say?
662
00:21:44,472 --> 00:21:45,692
- Yes, yes.
- Yes?
663
00:21:45,717 --> 00:21:47,394
Yes, I would love to
be Mrs. Loren Payton.
664
00:21:47,496 --> 00:21:48,829
- Really?
- Yes, yes!
665
00:21:48,931 --> 00:21:50,864
[Laughs] Oh. Oh.
666
00:21:50,973 --> 00:21:52,606
667
00:21:52,701 --> 00:21:53,771
- [Chuckles]
- She kissed me on the mouth.
668
00:21:53,796 --> 00:21:55,345
- I did.
- Guys, she kissed me on my mouth.
669
00:21:55,377 --> 00:21:56,811
- Yeah!
- Yes!
670
00:21:56,836 --> 00:21:58,904
I've never seen a whore do that.
671
00:22:00,391 --> 00:22:01,791
Oh, hey, look at that.
672
00:22:01,893 --> 00:22:04,334
Your, uh, cold sore's
coming in nicely, there.
673
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,593
It's chapped lips, dude. It's unrelated.
674
00:22:06,695 --> 00:22:09,262
No, it is not. That
is an aggressive herpe
675
00:22:09,364 --> 00:22:11,198
from that new fianc?e of yours.
676
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:13,481
Fianc?e? I like the sound of that.
677
00:22:13,506 --> 00:22:14,557
[Chuckles]
678
00:22:14,582 --> 00:22:16,169
How'd you get her to quit her job?
679
00:22:16,194 --> 00:22:18,695
Oh, no, I didn't. No,
between our two salaries,
680
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,140
she's the breadwinner in the family.
681
00:22:20,242 --> 00:22:21,408
- Oh.
- Literally, she's working
682
00:22:21,510 --> 00:22:23,176
the Orowheats conference
downtown this weekend.
683
00:22:23,278 --> 00:22:26,305
Oh, wow. Loren, I think that you
might finally have gotten woke.
684
00:22:26,329 --> 00:22:28,296
If my fianc? was getting whack-a-moled
685
00:22:28,391 --> 00:22:29,790
by eight guys in a hotel room,
686
00:22:29,892 --> 00:22:32,093
- I don't think that I could handle it.
- I couldn't.
687
00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:33,308
I guess I never thought of it that way.
688
00:22:33,333 --> 00:22:34,125
Yeah.
689
00:22:34,150 --> 00:22:36,797
Or at all, really, but I'm cool with it.
690
00:22:36,899 --> 00:22:39,367
Yeah. I'm cool... I'm cool with...
691
00:22:39,469 --> 00:22:41,454
Well, you should be,
'cause Jade is awesome.
692
00:22:41,479 --> 00:22:42,937
- Yes.
- She gave me her business card,
693
00:22:43,039 --> 00:22:44,905
said that if I ever
wanted to change careers,
694
00:22:45,008 --> 00:22:46,240
give her a call, huh?
695
00:22:46,342 --> 00:22:47,441
Yeah. You'll stay busy
696
00:22:47,543 --> 00:22:49,143
because there are plenty of sickos
697
00:22:49,245 --> 00:22:51,279
- with ginger fetishes in this world.
- Yes.
698
00:22:51,381 --> 00:22:52,713
Oh, you guys are too sweet.
699
00:22:52,815 --> 00:22:55,516
Yeah. I had a pretty
kickass night myself.
700
00:22:55,618 --> 00:22:58,085
Tampa found out about
my economic windfall,
701
00:22:58,187 --> 00:22:59,720
and she said, "I want you to come home."
702
00:22:59,822 --> 00:23:00,688
- Hey.
- Oh!
703
00:23:00,790 --> 00:23:03,591
Yeah. I'm renting the basement...
704
00:23:03,693 --> 00:23:05,293
for $2,500 a month.
705
00:23:05,395 --> 00:23:06,794
- Wait, $2,500?
- Yeah.
706
00:23:06,896 --> 00:23:09,397
Yeah, that is steep for a none-bedroom,
707
00:23:09,499 --> 00:23:11,065
but I'm 15 feet away
708
00:23:11,167 --> 00:23:13,801
from being part of
my family again, so...
709
00:23:13,903 --> 00:23:16,404
Ohh! I just had the
coolest thing happen to me.
710
00:23:16,506 --> 00:23:18,806
- The mayor just called me.
- No way.
711
00:23:18,908 --> 00:23:20,408
Yes, huh. Yes, huh. And guess what...
712
00:23:20,510 --> 00:23:23,077
He just made me the new principal.
713
00:23:23,179 --> 00:23:24,445
- What?
- Are you serious?
714
00:23:24,547 --> 00:23:27,248
Yeah. Since Quinn got
arrested again, it's me!
715
00:23:27,350 --> 00:23:28,649
I'm the principal!
716
00:23:28,751 --> 00:23:31,018
Yeah, he said he'd never
seen passion like mine before,
717
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,421
and anyone who's
willing to "self-imitate"
718
00:23:33,523 --> 00:23:34,655
in front of everyone
719
00:23:34,757 --> 00:23:36,657
is exactly the kind of stable principal
720
00:23:36,759 --> 00:23:38,059
that Smoot deserves.
721
00:23:38,161 --> 00:23:41,195
No way. In what world are you my boss?
722
00:23:41,297 --> 00:23:43,064
- This one, right now.
- Shut up.
723
00:23:43,166 --> 00:23:45,933
Fairbell, principal. Wow.
724
00:23:46,035 --> 00:23:48,336
Abbey, you ought to protest
Gil Nash over this bull[bleep]
725
00:23:48,438 --> 00:23:51,272
I'm done protesting. If
Fairbell really is principal,
726
00:23:51,374 --> 00:23:55,009
then I'm gonna spend some time on Abbey.
727
00:23:55,111 --> 00:23:57,578
Besides, how bad can a real-estate mogul
728
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,480
turned politician be? [Chuckles]
729
00:23:59,582 --> 00:24:00,948
[Ominous music plays]
730
00:24:01,042 --> 00:24:04,577
Giving the job to that flaming
volleyball coach was genius.
731
00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:05,646
Ha!
732
00:24:05,685 --> 00:24:07,528
I was gonna put lead
in the drinking fountain
733
00:24:07,591 --> 00:24:09,607
but this will ruin the
school so much quicker.
734
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:11,684
Yep. And after Captain Deep[bleep]
735
00:24:11,709 --> 00:24:13,857
runs Smoot into the ground...
736
00:24:14,028 --> 00:24:16,121
- You get your corner unit...
- Ah ah.
737
00:24:16,146 --> 00:24:21,273
... and I get my mixed use condo.
738
00:24:21,891 --> 00:24:25,062
[both laugh ominously]
739
00:24:25,086 --> 00:24:28,656
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
740
00:24:28,706 --> 00:24:33,256
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