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1
00:00:01,711 --> 00:00:06,349
She just kept pedaling
her dope-ass bike
2
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:10,719
further and further and further away,
3
00:00:10,753 --> 00:00:15,959
deep into the freezing, turgid dawn.
4
00:00:15,992 --> 00:00:17,260
[Chuckles]
5
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:20,363
Fin.
6
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,564
[Sighs]
7
00:00:21,597 --> 00:00:24,567
New York Times Best
Seller list, here I come.
8
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:25,902
[Laughs] Print.
9
00:00:25,935 --> 00:00:27,099
[Laptop dings]
10
00:00:31,006 --> 00:00:32,507
Come on.
11
00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:34,376
Why is it not printing?
12
00:00:36,445 --> 00:00:37,479
Print.
13
00:00:37,512 --> 00:00:39,381
- [Laptop dings]
- It says it's printing.
14
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,049
- [Dramatic music plays]
- Oh, no.
15
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,217
God damn it.
16
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,519
[Door creaks]
17
00:00:47,455 --> 00:00:48,824
God!
18
00:00:48,857 --> 00:00:50,192
[Breathing heavily]
19
00:00:50,225 --> 00:00:51,260
[Thuds]
20
00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,299
"F"!
21
00:01:00,636 --> 00:01:02,672
Hey, what are you...
what are you reading?
22
00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:05,100
Uh, it's this book about
this guy... Brock Ranger.
23
00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:06,861
- Man, what a badass.
- Where did you get that?!
24
00:01:06,886 --> 00:01:08,610
Dude, where did you get that?!
25
00:01:08,643 --> 00:01:10,446
- Ohh!
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey! God...
26
00:01:10,479 --> 00:01:12,348
- Geoffrey:
Swing low
- Quinn! Quinn!
27
00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:13,849
Sweet charioooot
28
00:01:13,883 --> 00:01:16,272
- Quinn, where did that kid come from?
- Oh, no, Mr. Payton,
29
00:01:16,297 --> 00:01:17,428
- I'm not getting him...
- Quinn, where did he come from?
30
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:18,826
No, I'm on the outside now.
31
00:01:18,851 --> 00:01:20,153
I need answers, Quinn, not garbage!
32
00:01:20,178 --> 00:01:21,980
- Where did he come from?!
- He came from the library.
33
00:01:22,005 --> 00:01:23,458
How hard was that?
34
00:01:23,491 --> 00:01:24,526
Come on!
35
00:01:24,559 --> 00:01:26,930
I'm not a snitch. I am... I am a snitch.
36
00:01:26,963 --> 00:01:28,264
37
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:30,600
Quit wasting my time
38
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:33,101
I ain't here for you
39
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,404
I'm just putting in work
40
00:01:35,437 --> 00:01:37,741
Till my day is through
41
00:01:37,781 --> 00:01:40,905
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:43,567
[Dramatic music plays]
43
00:01:52,088 --> 00:01:53,655
What?
44
00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:55,859
[Slow music plays]
45
00:02:00,142 --> 00:02:03,165
- E-everyone's reading my "Turgid"...
- Shhh!
46
00:02:03,199 --> 00:02:05,902
"Brock Ranger turned to his
girlfriend, Jade Phoenix,
47
00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:07,836
- "but Jade didn't turn back."
- No.
48
00:02:07,869 --> 00:02:09,973
"She just kept pedaling
her dope-ass bike
49
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:11,940
"further and further and further away,
50
00:02:11,974 --> 00:02:14,510
- "deep into the freezing, turgid dawn."
- "Deep into the freezing, turgid dawn."
51
00:02:14,542 --> 00:02:15,844
Wow. That is...
52
00:02:15,878 --> 00:02:17,680
- Yeah?
- ... really impressive.
53
00:02:17,712 --> 00:02:18,914
You really think so?
54
00:02:18,948 --> 00:02:20,183
Yeah. It's total garbage,
55
00:02:20,216 --> 00:02:22,451
but it's impressive that
a Smoot student wrote it.
56
00:02:22,485 --> 00:02:23,686
It's not total garbage.
57
00:02:23,718 --> 00:02:26,355
What makes... what makes
you think a student wrote it?
58
00:02:26,389 --> 00:02:27,957
Well, it's either a student
59
00:02:27,990 --> 00:02:29,859
or the world's most stunted adult.
60
00:02:29,891 --> 00:02:31,906
No, it's clearly written
by a high-schooler
61
00:02:31,931 --> 00:02:34,374
with an elementary-schooler's
view of sexuality.
62
00:02:34,399 --> 00:02:35,546
Okay, I think the author
63
00:02:35,571 --> 00:02:38,166
knew a lot more about
sexuality than that, Abbey.
64
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,603
Brock is a metaphor for
the human condition...
65
00:02:40,635 --> 00:02:43,171
[Laughing] Oh, yeah.
66
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:45,341
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
67
00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:46,508
No, but, seriously,
68
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,544
I would love to meet
the kid who wrote this.
69
00:02:48,576 --> 00:02:50,445
It's like a bona fide
literary phenomenon.
70
00:02:50,479 --> 00:02:51,547
Like "On the Road"?
71
00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:53,117
No, like "Goosebumps."
72
00:02:53,142 --> 00:02:54,241
- [Chuckles]
- Yeah.
73
00:02:54,851 --> 00:02:56,284
Like "On the Road."
74
00:02:56,318 --> 00:03:00,056
75
00:03:00,088 --> 00:03:01,223
Enjoy.
76
00:03:01,256 --> 00:03:03,291
Those things are flying
off of the shelves.
77
00:03:03,325 --> 00:03:05,228
- I know. The kids love them.
- It's incredible.
78
00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:07,963
Is this where the filth is
coming from... the library?!
79
00:03:07,997 --> 00:03:09,398
Great. I should have known.
80
00:03:09,432 --> 00:03:11,234
Yeah, these kids are reading.
81
00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:13,035
Oh, is that what you call it... reading?
82
00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:16,139
She don't have pockets
inside of her pants, Trevor!
83
00:03:16,171 --> 00:03:17,539
[Chuckling] Badass.
84
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,041
You know what we're looking at here?
85
00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:21,643
A bona fide literary
phenomenon, like "On the Road"?
86
00:03:21,676 --> 00:03:24,246
No, how about a potential
outbreak of pregnancies?
87
00:03:24,279 --> 00:03:25,975
It's an adventure novel, Cattie.
88
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,443
There's no sex in it.
89
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,604
It's that great period before the sex.
90
00:03:29,629 --> 00:03:32,763
Why don't you shut those
red lips, Mapplethorpe, okay?
91
00:03:32,788 --> 00:03:34,756
We got to do something about this smut.
92
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:37,026
I'm already on thin ice
with the school board
93
00:03:37,058 --> 00:03:39,761
because of that scathing
article during the Quinn trial.
94
00:03:39,795 --> 00:03:42,532
Hey, do you guys have a copy
of that crazy, stupid novel
95
00:03:42,564 --> 00:03:43,899
- that everybody's reading...
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
96
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,225
- "Detergent Dawn" or whatever?
- Yeah, the one everyone's petting
97
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:47,611
- ... each other's bumps over?
- Whoa.
98
00:03:47,635 --> 00:03:49,337
See, that's what I'm
talking about, y'all!
99
00:03:49,371 --> 00:03:51,506
Okay, it's "The Turgid
Dawn," and no one knows
100
00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:53,743
if a kid wrote it... an
adult could have written it.
101
00:03:53,814 --> 00:03:55,249
Probably, an adult wrote it.
102
00:03:55,275 --> 00:03:58,757
Okay, if an adult wrote it,
then how come, on page 34,
103
00:03:58,782 --> 00:04:00,579
when they're talking about young ladies,
104
00:04:00,613 --> 00:04:01,914
Brock says to Hawk, uh,
105
00:04:01,948 --> 00:04:04,016
he don't know where the pee come out.
106
00:04:04,050 --> 00:04:05,452
Okay, Cattie, if you know so much,
107
00:04:05,484 --> 00:04:07,085
where does the pee come out?
108
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,522
My mama said it's indecent to...
109
00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:11,490
I just have to sit down to
do it... that's all I know.
110
00:04:11,523 --> 00:04:12,858
My point exactly.
111
00:04:12,892 --> 00:04:13,960
Well, it don't matter
112
00:04:13,993 --> 00:04:16,708
because when I find out the
student who wrote this filth,
113
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:17,997
there's gonna be hell to pay.
114
00:04:18,030 --> 00:04:19,331
What if a teacher wrote it?
115
00:04:19,364 --> 00:04:20,866
Well, then, I'll fire that pervert.
116
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:24,703
It don't matter, 'cause as of
now, "Detergent Dawn" is banned.
117
00:04:24,736 --> 00:04:26,272
It's "The Turgid Dawn."
118
00:04:26,304 --> 00:04:29,646
We're banning books
now?! I hate it here!
119
00:04:30,977 --> 00:04:34,046
You know, I-I may be just
an old, washed-up mop jockey,
120
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,595
but, uh, tell you what I would do.
121
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:37,549
Would that be, Geoffrey,
minding your own business?
122
00:04:37,583 --> 00:04:38,717
'Cause that's what I suggest.
123
00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:42,489
Yeah, I-I made a mistake,
Warden... Ma'am... Warden.
124
00:04:42,522 --> 00:04:43,823
Dang this school!
125
00:04:43,856 --> 00:04:45,825
Every time I turn
around, it's something.
126
00:04:45,857 --> 00:04:46,956
[Sighs]
127
00:04:46,981 --> 00:04:48,134
Fairbell, come with me.
128
00:04:48,159 --> 00:04:50,295
I have a health-education
matter to discuss.
129
00:04:50,328 --> 00:04:52,031
We're gonna see Doctor...
130
00:04:52,065 --> 00:04:54,367
How are you gonna get yourself
out of this one, Brock?
131
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,902
What makes you think that I wrote this?
132
00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,216
Oh, I don't know. Maybe
it's something like,
133
00:04:58,241 --> 00:05:00,640
"She had a waist like
a Campbell's Soup can
134
00:05:00,672 --> 00:05:03,375
and cans like a
souped-up Neve Campbell."
135
00:05:03,409 --> 00:05:05,078
How long you been sitting on that?
136
00:05:05,111 --> 00:05:07,080
[Sighs] Since "Scream 2."
137
00:05:07,112 --> 00:05:09,014
You got to help me,
Shoemaker. You heard her.
138
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:11,083
If she finds out I wrote
this, she'll fire my ass.
139
00:05:11,116 --> 00:05:12,184
This is garbage.
140
00:05:12,217 --> 00:05:14,420
You're on your own, "Broman Polanski."
141
00:05:14,453 --> 00:05:16,422
This is not garbage... it's literature.
142
00:05:16,455 --> 00:05:17,890
I'll give you 10 bucks for it.
143
00:05:17,924 --> 00:05:19,428
- $20.
- Deal.
144
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,062
[Chuckles]
145
00:05:23,095 --> 00:05:24,997
I don't know what I was just saying.
146
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,999
I think there is a way I can help you.
147
00:05:27,032 --> 00:05:29,768
Why don't you meet me in
my office in a few minutes?
148
00:05:29,801 --> 00:05:32,271
- You mean your classroom?
- My office!
149
00:05:32,304 --> 00:05:35,348
150
00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:37,943
All right. You're gonna want
to ice it and then heat it.
151
00:05:37,977 --> 00:05:39,611
Hey, with a heating pad!
152
00:05:39,645 --> 00:05:42,115
Dr. Greene, what is the
status of the "handemic"?
153
00:05:42,147 --> 00:05:43,683
Well, not gonna lie to you...
154
00:05:43,715 --> 00:05:46,218
this is the worst outbreak
of carpal tunnel I've seen
155
00:05:46,251 --> 00:05:48,454
since Tim Wakefield
picked up the knuckleball.
156
00:05:48,487 --> 00:05:50,189
It's that "Turgid Dawn"...
157
00:05:50,222 --> 00:05:52,424
that thing reads like
a [bleep] user's manual.
158
00:05:52,458 --> 00:05:54,626
We need something
foolproof, y'all, like...
159
00:05:54,659 --> 00:05:56,796
like abstinence education.
160
00:05:56,828 --> 00:06:00,104
Well, I've never seen a problem that
can't be fixed with a well-timed skit.
161
00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:02,268
That's a great idea...
an abstinence skit.
162
00:06:02,301 --> 00:06:03,635
Everybody loves skits.
163
00:06:03,669 --> 00:06:06,272
Ooh, you could get that
thespian, Summer, to help you.
164
00:06:06,304 --> 00:06:07,639
She's a sort of an actress.
165
00:06:07,672 --> 00:06:08,874
Sure.
166
00:06:08,907 --> 00:06:11,467
Hey, Rod, how we coming
with those splints?
167
00:06:11,492 --> 00:06:12,631
[Gags]
168
00:06:12,656 --> 00:06:14,646
[Garbled] I'm sucking as fast as I can.
169
00:06:14,679 --> 00:06:18,050
I'm working on a serious case
of brain freeze right now, okay?
170
00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:20,220
Damn it. I wish there was an easier way
171
00:06:20,253 --> 00:06:21,654
to get Popsicle sticks.
172
00:06:21,686 --> 00:06:24,157
173
00:06:24,190 --> 00:06:25,892
Well, I already told you
174
00:06:25,924 --> 00:06:28,328
we are not entertaining
movie, uh, deals yet,
175
00:06:28,361 --> 00:06:30,396
even if it is the Spielberg brothers.
176
00:06:30,429 --> 00:06:32,298
Oh, I've got to go. [Laughs]
177
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:33,599
- [Chuckling] Hey.
- Hey.
178
00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:34,967
Thanks for coming by.
179
00:06:35,001 --> 00:06:37,169
Uh, bottled water, Hydrox cookie?
180
00:06:37,203 --> 00:06:38,171
No. Gross.
181
00:06:38,203 --> 00:06:40,199
- Why did you call me here, Shoemaker?
- [Scoffs]
182
00:06:40,224 --> 00:06:42,842
I may have been a bit premature
183
00:06:42,874 --> 00:06:44,576
in my assessment of your novel.
184
00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:46,776
Well, that's funny 'cause I remember
you saying that you hated it.
185
00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:47,862
- What?!
- Yeah.
186
00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:49,181
No. No, I'm just...
187
00:06:49,215 --> 00:06:51,818
I'm just hypercritical
of things that I love.
188
00:06:51,850 --> 00:06:53,761
- I mean, ask my son.
- That's true.
189
00:06:53,786 --> 00:06:55,315
- And-and maybe...
- Poor bastard.
190
00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:56,955
I think it's a little immature
191
00:06:56,989 --> 00:06:59,926
that you believe that breasts
are always producing milk,
192
00:06:59,958 --> 00:07:01,260
but who am I to judge, huh?
193
00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:02,428
Okay, I'm not an idiot.
194
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,296
I know that they need a
break every now and then,
195
00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:05,998
but how was Jade supposed to feed Brock
196
00:07:06,032 --> 00:07:07,788
when they were trapped
together in that submarine?
197
00:07:07,813 --> 00:07:09,701
And that's why you're the author
198
00:07:09,734 --> 00:07:11,436
and I'm just a simple businessman.
199
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:14,125
See, I believe you have really tapped
200
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,874
into the Zeitgeist with this thing.
201
00:07:15,907 --> 00:07:17,277
The new bratwurst place downtown?
202
00:07:17,309 --> 00:07:18,544
Dude, did you get reservations?
203
00:07:18,578 --> 00:07:19,779
No. No, no, no. It's impossible.
204
00:07:19,819 --> 00:07:21,412
The line's around the block. No.
205
00:07:21,437 --> 00:07:24,017
I'm talking about the big picture here.
206
00:07:24,049 --> 00:07:27,153
- Movie deals, merchandising.
- I love it.
207
00:07:27,186 --> 00:07:29,343
- Yes. But all that dream...
- Uh-huh.
208
00:07:29,368 --> 00:07:32,858
... that goes... paaah!
That goes away if people...
209
00:07:32,892 --> 00:07:36,796
Abbey... continue to
pirate your hard work.
210
00:07:36,828 --> 00:07:38,248
That's where I come in.
211
00:07:38,273 --> 00:07:41,568
You need me as an anonymous
author to represent you.
212
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,068
I never thought of it that way.
213
00:07:43,102 --> 00:07:45,764
- No, and that's...
- I mean, I guess I'm kind of...
214
00:07:45,789 --> 00:07:48,241
stuck between a "Brock"
and a hard place, aren't I?
215
00:07:48,273 --> 00:07:50,375
[Laughs]
216
00:07:50,409 --> 00:07:51,644
[Chuckling] Right?
217
00:07:51,676 --> 00:07:53,313
That's the name of the
novel. That's the sequel.
218
00:07:53,345 --> 00:07:54,913
Write that down. I want
you to write that down.
219
00:07:54,946 --> 00:07:56,682
No, no. The good ones I
always remember... always.
220
00:07:56,715 --> 00:07:58,717
All right. I'll let
you take your chances.
221
00:07:58,751 --> 00:08:00,919
Which is why I just drafted
up this little thing.
222
00:08:00,953 --> 00:08:03,256
I don't... I don't know if
we need a contract, Shoemaker.
223
00:08:03,289 --> 00:08:04,311
Oh, oh, oh, contract?
224
00:08:04,336 --> 00:08:05,991
[Chuckling] No, no, no, no, no, please.
225
00:08:06,025 --> 00:08:07,912
No, don't think of it as a contract.
226
00:08:07,937 --> 00:08:09,068
Think of this as a...
227
00:08:09,093 --> 00:08:11,764
as an informal agreement between friends
228
00:08:11,796 --> 00:08:14,600
that just happens to
be legally binding, huh?
229
00:08:14,633 --> 00:08:16,268
You know what? Why not?
230
00:08:16,301 --> 00:08:17,604
- [Laughs] Yes!
- Screw it.
231
00:08:17,636 --> 00:08:19,438
- Screw it.
- [Laughs]
232
00:08:19,472 --> 00:08:21,174
Attaboy.
233
00:08:21,206 --> 00:08:23,242
234
00:08:23,276 --> 00:08:25,745
Now, y'all don't pay
me any mind here, okay?
235
00:08:25,777 --> 00:08:27,113
I'm just a kid who wants to hear
236
00:08:27,146 --> 00:08:28,615
about the cool choice of abstinence.
237
00:08:28,647 --> 00:08:30,562
Do B.J.s count?
238
00:08:31,216 --> 00:08:33,119
Joel, if I have to call
your mother one more time,
239
00:08:33,152 --> 00:08:34,280
so help me gosh.
240
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,665
Okay. Class...
241
00:08:35,690 --> 00:08:37,703
I was up all night coming
up with some scenarios
242
00:08:37,728 --> 00:08:40,430
that are gonna help
you guys say N-O to sex
243
00:08:40,455 --> 00:08:44,037
and Y-E-double-S to being cool like me.
244
00:08:44,062 --> 00:08:45,130
[Door opens]
245
00:08:45,163 --> 00:08:46,633
Now, I brought in some help.
246
00:08:46,666 --> 00:08:49,469
Some of you may know Summer
from make-believe class.
247
00:08:49,502 --> 00:08:50,737
The dramatic arts.
248
00:08:50,769 --> 00:08:53,772
Yes, today, I will be
playing Tanya Lafontaine,
249
00:08:53,806 --> 00:08:56,575
a confused, lascivious
15-year-old runaway
250
00:08:56,609 --> 00:08:58,543
with a dangerous past.
251
00:08:58,576 --> 00:09:00,979
- Ooh.
- And I'll be playing... me.
252
00:09:01,013 --> 00:09:02,882
Okay. Let's go ahead and get started.
253
00:09:02,915 --> 00:09:04,550
Let's say you're at the movies.
254
00:09:04,582 --> 00:09:07,653
We're gonna show you just
how easy it is to say no.
255
00:09:07,686 --> 00:09:09,788
Hey, Andy, would you have sex with me?
256
00:09:09,821 --> 00:09:10,822
No.
257
00:09:10,855 --> 00:09:13,225
- It's just that easy.
- It's just that easy.
258
00:09:13,258 --> 00:09:14,994
But what if you're at a party?
259
00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:18,064
I've had too much to drink,
and I'm feeling sexual.
260
00:09:18,096 --> 00:09:20,599
- Would you drive me home?
- No.
261
00:09:20,633 --> 00:09:23,168
Besides, this X-wing
only has room for one.
262
00:09:23,201 --> 00:09:25,837
Wish I could help you,
Tanya. Got to go home.
263
00:09:25,870 --> 00:09:29,074
- [Imitating X-wing's door closing]
- It's...
264
00:09:29,108 --> 00:09:30,977
- it's...
- R2, set a course for Bespen.
265
00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:32,477
Beep, boop, beep, beep, boop!
266
00:09:32,511 --> 00:09:34,293
- [Imitating X-wing's engines roaring]
- it...
267
00:09:34,318 --> 00:09:35,514
[Imitating laser fire]
268
00:09:35,547 --> 00:09:37,517
it's just that easy.
269
00:09:37,550 --> 00:09:40,686
All right, this skit wasn't
the home run I'd hoped it'd be.
270
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,257
Summer, why don't you take
over and make this not suck?
271
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:47,719
It will be my greatest
theatrical challenge.
272
00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:49,528
- Fairbell?
- Sorry, I can't hear you
273
00:09:49,553 --> 00:09:50,680
over all these TIE fighters!
274
00:09:50,705 --> 00:09:52,983
Watch your 6, Blue Leader! I'm hit!
275
00:09:53,008 --> 00:09:54,836
Vrrrrrr! Ohh!
276
00:09:55,935 --> 00:09:57,500
I'm down.
277
00:10:00,037 --> 00:10:02,473
Boy, what a difference a day makes, huh?
278
00:10:02,506 --> 00:10:04,642
Yesterday, this place was hoppin'.
279
00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:06,075
Yeah, I can still hear them
280
00:10:06,109 --> 00:10:08,045
turning the pages of
their favorite book.
281
00:10:08,077 --> 00:10:09,312
- Yeah.
- [Sighs]
282
00:10:09,345 --> 00:10:11,774
A lot's changed around here
since Cattie Goodman, huh?
283
00:10:11,799 --> 00:10:13,316
Even... even you.
284
00:10:13,349 --> 00:10:15,319
What is that supposed to mean?
285
00:10:15,351 --> 00:10:18,118
Nothing, just the old
Abbey that I know...
286
00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:20,734
she would have never
tolerated a book banning.
287
00:10:20,759 --> 00:10:22,806
She would have printed out a
thousand copies of that thing
288
00:10:22,814 --> 00:10:24,548
just to shove them in my little face,
289
00:10:24,573 --> 00:10:26,626
but this is... this is better, you know?
290
00:10:26,651 --> 00:10:28,867
Time passes. People change.
291
00:10:28,892 --> 00:10:30,204
They get older. They get wiser.
292
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:31,634
Wait. Do you think I look older?
293
00:10:31,666 --> 00:10:33,860
Oh, no. That's... I
wasn't saying that at all.
294
00:10:33,885 --> 00:10:35,267
I mean, in the eyes, I would say.
295
00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:36,626
Oh, my God. Quinn, you're right.
296
00:10:36,634 --> 00:10:38,775
God damn it. Screw Cattie! [Chuckling]
297
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,371
Well, that's not what I was getting at,
298
00:10:40,397 --> 00:10:42,099
but, you know, I'm
just the lowly janitor.
299
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:43,294
What do I know?
300
00:10:43,319 --> 00:10:45,550
Which reminds me... I got to
Windex those front windows...
301
00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:46,870
they're not gonna
Windex themselves, Abbey.
302
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:48,746
- [Laughs]
- Okay.
303
00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:50,107
Hey, Quinn...
304
00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:52,509
Yeah, Abbey?
305
00:10:52,541 --> 00:10:55,244
The women's [bleep] is backed up again.
306
00:10:55,277 --> 00:10:57,185
I think Julie did it.
307
00:10:57,435 --> 00:10:59,916
Great. Well, I'll get right on it.
308
00:10:59,949 --> 00:11:02,569
I'm the janitor of the school.
309
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:05,664
310
00:11:05,739 --> 00:11:08,397
- It's just that easy.
- It's just that easy.
311
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,594
Andrew, what do you say we go off script
312
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,329
to spice things up a little bit?
313
00:11:13,363 --> 00:11:15,165
- All right. Sure.
- Follow my lead?
314
00:11:15,198 --> 00:11:16,199
Okay.
315
00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:17,867
- Hi, Andy.
- Hey.
316
00:11:17,901 --> 00:11:20,469
Remember all that hot
sex we had last month?
317
00:11:20,502 --> 00:11:21,771
Uh, we did?
318
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:23,600
Yeah, and I'm late.
319
00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:25,881
- Late for what?
- My period.
320
00:11:25,913 --> 00:11:28,678
I'm pregnant with twins, and I'm
keeping them. I don't care what you say.
321
00:11:28,703 --> 00:11:29,879
[Chuckling] Okay.
322
00:11:29,912 --> 00:11:32,886
So, what did we just learn
about sex? Don't have it.
323
00:11:32,911 --> 00:11:34,629
It's just that...
324
00:11:34,654 --> 00:11:36,052
- ... easy.
- Easy?!
325
00:11:36,085 --> 00:11:37,787
Oh, you just hit it and quit it?
326
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,355
You didn't call me for weeks.
327
00:11:39,388 --> 00:11:41,290
Okay, I think the skit is over.
328
00:11:41,324 --> 00:11:43,627
Oh, it's over because you say it's over,
329
00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,295
because it's inconvenient?
330
00:11:45,328 --> 00:11:47,297
No. Not again.
331
00:11:47,329 --> 00:11:49,165
It's just that easy.
332
00:11:49,199 --> 00:11:50,367
Look at me.
333
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,202
[School bell rings]
334
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:55,671
You look at me right
now! I'm right here.
335
00:11:55,704 --> 00:11:56,806
What was that?
336
00:11:56,839 --> 00:11:58,407
That was called "sexual chemistry."
337
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,675
Don't you feel it?
338
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:02,546
Look, you're, uh, super cool,
and I appreciate the help,
339
00:12:02,571 --> 00:12:04,881
but I'm not looking for
a full-time skit partner
340
00:12:04,914 --> 00:12:06,022
right now, okay?
341
00:12:06,047 --> 00:12:08,819
Just maybe as more of a
friend... hallway friend?
342
00:12:08,852 --> 00:12:10,853
We're meant to be partners for life.
343
00:12:10,887 --> 00:12:13,723
I actually forgot I
have to be somewhere.
344
00:12:13,757 --> 00:12:15,157
[Chuckling] Sorry. Got to go.
345
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:16,660
[Imitating X-wing's door closing]
346
00:12:16,693 --> 00:12:17,593
Kcchhhhm!
347
00:12:17,627 --> 00:12:18,862
348
00:12:18,895 --> 00:12:20,598
There you are.
349
00:12:21,631 --> 00:12:24,668
Halt all artificial dissemination
350
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:28,037
across the entire e pluribus unum.
351
00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:30,441
Are you Abigail Marie Rabinowitz Logan?
352
00:12:30,466 --> 00:12:32,378
You know I am, Williams
Sonoma Shoemaker.
353
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,778
- What do you want?
- You've been served.
354
00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:35,777
What the [bleep]
355
00:12:35,802 --> 00:12:37,714
- Ha!
- Sorry.
356
00:12:38,915 --> 00:12:41,084
"Request to cease and insist."
357
00:12:41,117 --> 00:12:42,951
Wait. Cease and ins...
That's not even a...
358
00:12:42,976 --> 00:12:44,855
Oh, it's from The Law Bros.
359
00:12:44,887 --> 00:12:45,922
That's correct.
360
00:12:45,955 --> 00:12:48,109
You see, the copies of "The Turgid Dawn"
361
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,242
that you're just printing off
362
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,781
and bootlegging all willy und nilly...
363
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:53,054
that stops today.
364
00:12:53,086 --> 00:12:55,570
Any further correspondences
regarding my client
365
00:12:55,595 --> 00:12:58,393
will come through me
ad infinitum, et al!
366
00:12:58,426 --> 00:12:59,927
Your client? Who's your client?
367
00:12:59,961 --> 00:13:02,797
The anonymous author of this.
368
00:13:02,831 --> 00:13:04,166
Well, you're too late,
369
00:13:04,198 --> 00:13:07,735
because the anonymous author
already revealed himself to me.
370
00:13:07,769 --> 00:13:10,172
I hope you mean that he
showed you his genitals.
371
00:13:10,205 --> 00:13:11,773
No, he approached me earlier
372
00:13:11,806 --> 00:13:15,177
and agreed to do an exclusive
"Q and A" with me after school.
373
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:18,352
Dumb asshole son of a bitch!
374
00:13:18,377 --> 00:13:20,589
375
00:13:20,615 --> 00:13:21,721
[Thuds]
376
00:13:21,846 --> 00:13:23,258
377
00:13:23,283 --> 00:13:27,121
It was actually quite simple...
eat, drink, and be merry,
378
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,089
for tomorrow, we die...
379
00:13:29,123 --> 00:13:31,092
because we're tripping billies.
380
00:13:31,124 --> 00:13:33,914
- [School bell rings]
- Also, re-read "Turgid Dawn"
381
00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:35,938
and think of five new things
that you love about it.
382
00:13:35,964 --> 00:13:37,768
[Chuckles]
383
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:39,434
[Smacks lips] Ahh.
384
00:13:39,466 --> 00:13:41,422
Cat's out of the bag, asshole!
385
00:13:41,447 --> 00:13:42,971
- What?
- How much did she pay you?
386
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:45,026
- Nothing. I paid her.
- What?
387
00:13:45,059 --> 00:13:47,284
I mean, technically, I traded for
some medication her mom needed,
388
00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:49,050
but I was in Ju?rez, picking up scrips.
389
00:13:49,076 --> 00:13:50,611
What are you talking about?!
390
00:13:50,644 --> 00:13:51,946
What are you talking about?
391
00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:53,380
I'm talking about you agreeing
392
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:55,115
to do some "Q and A" in the library.
393
00:13:55,148 --> 00:13:57,451
Oh. Wait, no, I didn't
agree to any "Q and A."
394
00:13:57,485 --> 00:13:58,887
Oh, you are so coy, [koi]
395
00:13:58,919 --> 00:14:00,988
I ought to put you in a Japanese pond!
396
00:14:01,022 --> 00:14:03,496
I'm out there, trying
to bring us the money,
397
00:14:03,521 --> 00:14:05,818
and what are you doing... you're
out there, revealing your identity!
398
00:14:05,843 --> 00:14:07,755
I'm serious, Shoemaker.
I didn't do anything.
399
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,965
Someone's out there
taking credit for my work.
400
00:14:09,998 --> 00:14:13,070
Wait. Are you saying that we have
a Carlos Mencia situation here?
401
00:14:13,095 --> 00:14:14,802
Well, it's hardly that funny.
402
00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:16,638
We have an impostor.
403
00:14:16,671 --> 00:14:18,224
I should reveal myself.
404
00:14:18,249 --> 00:14:19,896
Yes. Now's the perfect time.
405
00:14:19,921 --> 00:14:21,675
- Now, that's great.
- I'm tired of this damned anonymity.
406
00:14:21,709 --> 00:14:22,718
- Yes.
- There's no fun in it.
407
00:14:22,743 --> 00:14:24,366
That is a great idea.
408
00:14:24,391 --> 00:14:27,414
And at what temperature shall
we cook the golden goose?!
409
00:14:27,447 --> 00:14:30,304
God damn it, if I don't reveal
myself as the true author,
410
00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:33,893
how am I to be the next Faulkner
or Fitzgerald or Steinbeck?
411
00:14:33,918 --> 00:14:35,923
[Laughs]
412
00:14:35,956 --> 00:14:37,225
Oh, wait. I got to remember
413
00:14:37,258 --> 00:14:39,360
that you're serious when
you say [bleep] like that.
414
00:14:39,394 --> 00:14:42,163
Listen, you need to
stop what you're doing
415
00:14:42,196 --> 00:14:43,598
and let me do my job.
416
00:14:43,630 --> 00:14:45,165
Then do your job!
417
00:14:45,198 --> 00:14:46,834
[Dramatic music plays]
418
00:14:46,868 --> 00:14:48,370
[Cup clatters]
419
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,243
I tell you, sometimes, the abuse is...
420
00:14:52,268 --> 00:14:55,043
not worth the 65% commission.
421
00:14:55,076 --> 00:14:57,278
[Dramatic music plays]
422
00:15:08,413 --> 00:15:10,421
No, thank you. I'm just doing a one.
423
00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:13,261
[Breathes sharply]
424
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,265
If you need it, I'm here.
425
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:19,033
[Humming]
426
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:21,403
[Dramatic music plays]
427
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:28,809
Aaah!
428
00:15:28,842 --> 00:15:30,878
Aaaaah!
429
00:15:30,912 --> 00:15:33,520
All right, if I seem a little
out of it this morning, class,
430
00:15:33,545 --> 00:15:35,222
I was up all night because...
431
00:15:35,247 --> 00:15:36,848
someone kept ringing my doorbell.
432
00:15:36,873 --> 00:15:38,784
And then I'd go
outside, and there was...
433
00:15:38,809 --> 00:15:40,922
little animal skulls on the lawn.
434
00:15:40,955 --> 00:15:44,817
But I thought of some fun stuff
you could do instead of having sex.
435
00:15:44,842 --> 00:15:47,495
Um, you could play, uh, video games
436
00:15:47,528 --> 00:15:49,096
to just try to forget.
437
00:15:49,129 --> 00:15:52,567
Um, you could wash the
sheep's blood off of the steps
438
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,958
- that you thought was real b...
- [Singsong voice] Andrew.
439
00:15:55,044 --> 00:15:57,571
- No. No!
- I'm here.
440
00:15:57,605 --> 00:15:59,507
- [All shout]
- Please, no! No!
441
00:15:59,539 --> 00:16:00,942
You naughty boy.
442
00:16:00,975 --> 00:16:03,677
No, we only had pretend sex one time.
443
00:16:03,711 --> 00:16:06,147
We need a stronger bond, Andrew.
444
00:16:06,179 --> 00:16:07,915
We need a blood bond.
445
00:16:07,948 --> 00:16:09,183
[All scream]
446
00:16:09,216 --> 00:16:12,419
Oh, no, please don't cut
up my skin and live in it.
447
00:16:12,452 --> 00:16:14,088
No! Aaaah!
448
00:16:14,121 --> 00:16:15,122
Aaah!
449
00:16:15,155 --> 00:16:16,193
[All scream]
450
00:16:16,218 --> 00:16:17,192
Aaaah!
451
00:16:17,225 --> 00:16:18,259
Aaah!
452
00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:19,594
Aaah!
453
00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:20,661
And scene!
454
00:16:21,396 --> 00:16:23,732
That's why you should never have sex.
455
00:16:23,757 --> 00:16:25,200
What the hell was that?
456
00:16:25,232 --> 00:16:28,302
I don't know, but I'm
never having sex again.
457
00:16:32,049 --> 00:16:33,564
God damn it!
458
00:16:33,573 --> 00:16:35,683
First, Summer pulls a knife on Fairbell,
459
00:16:35,708 --> 00:16:38,478
and now you're doing exactly
what I told you not to do!
460
00:16:38,511 --> 00:16:39,813
Y'all trying to kill me?
461
00:16:39,846 --> 00:16:42,015
You know, Cattie, I have
tried to make you like me.
462
00:16:42,049 --> 00:16:43,616
I have tried to turn this library
463
00:16:43,650 --> 00:16:45,318
into something that you'd be proud of.
464
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:47,154
But you... you call me a witch.
465
00:16:47,187 --> 00:16:48,945
You make fun of my hair.
466
00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:50,857
You... you put all my
gang friends in prison.
467
00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:53,793
So, yeah, yeah, I'm defying you.
468
00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:56,530
[Chuckles] Well, you better
shut this down, or I will.
469
00:16:56,562 --> 00:16:59,165
Well, then, I'll call that
reporter, Pam, and tell her
470
00:16:59,199 --> 00:17:01,502
her favorite whipping
girl is now banning books.
471
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:04,137
Ohh! Is that how you want
to play this, you dirty bird?
472
00:17:04,171 --> 00:17:05,072
Well, you go ahead.
473
00:17:05,105 --> 00:17:06,674
You have your author unveiling
474
00:17:06,706 --> 00:17:09,809
because, as soon as Cattie Goodman
finds out who wrote this trash,
475
00:17:09,834 --> 00:17:12,379
she's gonna hang him up by
his filthy little fingers
476
00:17:12,404 --> 00:17:14,738
so he can't type anymore.
477
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:18,017
[Chuckles] Oh, yeah,
yeah. Cattie Goodman!
478
00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:20,954
479
00:17:23,022 --> 00:17:24,636
- [Classical music plays]
- Look at this.
480
00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:27,727
This should all be for me...
the cheese and Martinelli's.
481
00:17:27,761 --> 00:17:29,696
And I'm sitting here on
the God damn sideline.
482
00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:32,143
- [Whispering] Keep your voice down!
- [Whispering] Then get me a Martinelli.
483
00:17:32,269 --> 00:17:34,646
You want a Martinelli's, I'll
get you a damn Martinelli's.
484
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,972
- Excuse me.
- Hurry up. Hurry it up.
485
00:17:37,183 --> 00:17:40,779
Thank you for joining us in
our inaugural author series.
486
00:17:40,804 --> 00:17:43,822
I haven't lined up any
other authors, but I'm...
487
00:17:43,847 --> 00:17:46,347
still aggressively
tweeting J.K. Rowling,
488
00:17:46,372 --> 00:17:48,587
so fingers crossed for that,
489
00:17:48,612 --> 00:17:52,495
which is a wonderful segue
to our next matter at hand.
490
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,452
[Chuckles] "Matter at
hand." She is killing it.
491
00:17:55,484 --> 00:17:58,020
It is my supreme honor to introduce
492
00:17:58,054 --> 00:18:00,423
the author of "The Turgid Dawn,"
493
00:18:00,456 --> 00:18:02,870
Joel, um...
494
00:18:03,393 --> 00:18:05,307
I for... I forgot his last name.
495
00:18:05,332 --> 00:18:08,535
You know, I never got his
last name, so just Joel.
496
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,099
[Cheers and applause]
497
00:18:10,124 --> 00:18:11,210
Sit!
498
00:18:11,616 --> 00:18:13,002
Sit down!
499
00:18:13,036 --> 00:18:14,938
[Cheers and applause]
500
00:18:14,971 --> 00:18:17,068
[Chuckles] Your ass is mine, Joel.
501
00:18:17,093 --> 00:18:18,808
What's up, everyone?
502
00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:23,280
So, Joel, you are a sophomore.
503
00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:27,016
You played freshman soccer, but not J.V.
504
00:18:27,049 --> 00:18:29,853
You have a "D" in English,
505
00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:33,490
and yet you are a literary phenom.
506
00:18:33,522 --> 00:18:35,404
[Cheers and applause]
507
00:18:35,429 --> 00:18:38,771
Tell us about your writing process.
508
00:18:38,796 --> 00:18:41,330
Aw, hell, just write what you know.
509
00:18:41,364 --> 00:18:42,699
Oh, yes!
510
00:18:42,731 --> 00:18:44,057
- Oh!
- Ow!
511
00:18:44,598 --> 00:18:46,120
Those panties should be thrown at me.
512
00:18:46,145 --> 00:18:48,448
- And that would be a felony.
- An age-appropriate version.
513
00:18:48,473 --> 00:18:50,532
- You know what I'm talking about.
- Chill out.
514
00:18:50,557 --> 00:18:52,963
If you don't do something
about this right now, I will.
515
00:18:52,988 --> 00:18:54,261
I'll handle it. All right.
516
00:18:54,286 --> 00:18:56,379
First the Martinelli's, now this.
517
00:18:56,413 --> 00:19:00,662
Abbey, real quick, I have
a few Q's for this "A."
518
00:19:00,687 --> 00:19:02,007
Shoemaker, it's not
really the time for...
519
00:19:02,032 --> 00:19:03,358
No, no, no. It'll be fine.
520
00:19:03,383 --> 00:19:07,156
Hello, Mr. Author, if
that is your real name.
521
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,858
I'd like to know, how did you come up
522
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:12,999
with the character of Brock Ranger?
523
00:19:13,296 --> 00:19:14,882
Oh, well, that was easy.
524
00:19:14,907 --> 00:19:17,668
I just looked at myself
and made him a bit taller.
525
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:19,636
[Laughter and applause]
526
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,015
Okay, no. No, no, no.
527
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,216
I have another question
I'd like to ask...
528
00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:29,576
How long did it take you
to write this masterpiece?
529
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:31,248
Oh, just like a weekend.
530
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:32,548
[Bleep]
531
00:19:32,581 --> 00:19:33,883
That's all...
532
00:19:33,916 --> 00:19:35,577
Shoemaker, I don't know
what you're doing, but...
533
00:19:35,602 --> 00:19:36,921
could you please take a seat?
534
00:19:36,946 --> 00:19:39,423
No, no, no, no, no. I
will do the talking here.
535
00:19:39,455 --> 00:19:42,291
- One more question that I...
- This is getting nowhere.
536
00:19:42,325 --> 00:19:45,796
All right, Joel, what does
the word "turgid" mean?
537
00:19:45,828 --> 00:19:47,731
Oh, well, it's, uh... [Chuckles]
538
00:19:47,763 --> 00:19:49,700
- What's that?
- Uh.
539
00:19:49,732 --> 00:19:51,702
It's like badass, right?
540
00:19:51,734 --> 00:19:53,936
Wrong. It's not badass.
541
00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:55,204
And Joel doesn't know that
542
00:19:55,238 --> 00:19:56,940
because Joel didn't write this book.
543
00:19:56,972 --> 00:20:00,049
Oh, and somebody... And neither did you.
544
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,578
- So sit down!
- I will not sit down.
545
00:20:02,612 --> 00:20:05,801
I've been sitting my whole
life, but today, I stand,
546
00:20:05,826 --> 00:20:07,250
for it was I...
547
00:20:07,282 --> 00:20:09,086
I who wrote "The Turgid Dawn."
548
00:20:09,118 --> 00:20:10,119
[All gasp]
549
00:20:10,153 --> 00:20:11,788
You did not! You did?
550
00:20:11,820 --> 00:20:13,255
- Yes, I did.
- Oh!
551
00:20:13,289 --> 00:20:15,725
Cattie: Of course it was
him! Why wouldn't it be?!
552
00:20:15,759 --> 00:20:19,346
This whole damn place is one
giant worst-case scenario!
553
00:20:19,371 --> 00:20:23,099
You got racist mascots!
You got girl gangs!
554
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:26,236
You got boy teachers
dressing up as ladies!
555
00:20:26,269 --> 00:20:29,472
So, of course, one of
Cattie Goodman's faculty
556
00:20:29,506 --> 00:20:31,627
is writing teen smut!
557
00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:33,610
It's not smut, Cattie.
558
00:20:33,643 --> 00:20:35,912
It's the story of my sexuality.
559
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:38,120
Some people aren't ready
to go all the way yet...
560
00:20:38,145 --> 00:20:41,351
sure, occasionally, in a border
town, but that's different.
561
00:20:41,384 --> 00:20:43,319
That's a transaction.
562
00:20:43,353 --> 00:20:45,856
[Voice breaking] But when
it's an actual relationship,
563
00:20:45,888 --> 00:20:47,957
you always wind up
getting your heart broken.
564
00:20:47,991 --> 00:20:52,055
So, yeah, I like to
[bleep]... just [bleep].
565
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,781
Excuse me.
566
00:20:53,806 --> 00:20:57,515
Oh, I'll excuse all of y'all to hell!
567
00:20:57,540 --> 00:21:00,337
Not before you admit that
this is a work of art.
568
00:21:00,369 --> 00:21:01,637
Just ask Shoemaker.
569
00:21:01,671 --> 00:21:02,972
What's that? [Chuckles]
570
00:21:03,006 --> 00:21:05,442
Hey, real quick, could one
of you pull your car around,
571
00:21:05,474 --> 00:21:06,876
and I'll just leap down on...
572
00:21:06,910 --> 00:21:09,867
[Chuckles] You know what?
I-I'll just take my chances.
573
00:21:09,892 --> 00:21:11,027
[Thuds]
574
00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:13,316
Did he just go out
the window? [Chuckles]
575
00:21:13,348 --> 00:21:15,317
Did he just go out
the... did he just go...
576
00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:17,125
Cattie Goodman's got
a pain in her left arm!
577
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,203
- Geoffrey: Oh, Cattie!
- Cattie Goodman's got
578
00:21:18,228 --> 00:21:19,476
- ... a pain in her left arm!
- Cattie!
579
00:21:19,508 --> 00:21:21,164
- Oh. my God.
- Cattie Goodman's got a pain!
580
00:21:21,191 --> 00:21:22,959
- Cattie's got a cramp...
- You're gonna be fine.
581
00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:25,028
- Cattie Goodman!
- You're gonna be fine.
582
00:21:25,060 --> 00:21:27,329
Well, what about him?! He's responsible!
583
00:21:27,363 --> 00:21:29,472
Mr. Payton, follow us to the office.
584
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,792
Take off that scarf and those glasses.
585
00:21:31,817 --> 00:21:35,354
And, Abbey, clean up this
mess and don't be far behind.
586
00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:38,136
- Get 'em! You get 'em!
- We're gonna get 'em.
587
00:21:41,921 --> 00:21:44,758
Thank you, Geoffrey. I
can take it from here.
588
00:21:44,790 --> 00:21:48,394
You see, this requires firm
hands, and I've got the firmest.
589
00:21:48,428 --> 00:21:50,363
[Both laugh]
590
00:21:50,395 --> 00:21:53,032
Well, why not just take a
minute for yourself over here?
591
00:21:53,066 --> 00:21:54,201
Sure.
592
00:21:54,233 --> 00:21:56,569
Maybe let the old janitor
clean up this place.
593
00:21:56,603 --> 00:21:58,270
Yeah. Hey, are you gonna burn
594
00:21:58,304 --> 00:22:00,173
this cursed school to the ground?
595
00:22:00,205 --> 00:22:01,340
[Chuckling] Oh, no.
596
00:22:01,374 --> 00:22:03,374
I'll leave that to
faulty boiler number 6.
597
00:22:03,409 --> 00:22:04,678
[Chuckling] Oh!
598
00:22:04,718 --> 00:22:06,859
Loren, my off...
599
00:22:06,884 --> 00:22:09,381
- Cattie's office, now.
- [Sighs]
600
00:22:09,414 --> 00:22:11,384
And you have really done
it this time, Mister.
601
00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:12,918
And I'm not gonna go soft on you.
602
00:22:12,951 --> 00:22:14,354
You want to know why?
603
00:22:14,386 --> 00:22:16,522
Because prison changes a man!
604
00:22:16,556 --> 00:22:17,591
See?
605
00:22:17,624 --> 00:22:20,360
I got... I got Quinn to handle this.
606
00:22:20,393 --> 00:22:23,459
I fixed him. I fixed
the problems at Smoot.
607
00:22:23,484 --> 00:22:26,031
Cattie Goodman fixed all
the problems at Smoot.
608
00:22:26,065 --> 00:22:27,033
Cattie Goodman!
609
00:22:27,066 --> 00:22:29,970
This is a travesty!
610
00:22:30,002 --> 00:22:32,138
You finished your book! [Laughs]
611
00:22:32,172 --> 00:22:33,507
Quinn, you're not... you're not mad?
612
00:22:33,532 --> 00:22:35,942
No, I'm just mad it took
you so long to get it done.
613
00:22:35,974 --> 00:22:37,543
[Chuckles]
614
00:22:37,576 --> 00:22:38,878
Once I found out it was you,
615
00:22:38,912 --> 00:22:41,047
I just pretended to be mad
to shield you from Cattie.
616
00:22:41,079 --> 00:22:42,581
Cattie Goodman fixed Smoot!
617
00:22:42,615 --> 00:22:44,217
Cattie Goodman fixed Smoot!
618
00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:46,219
Yes, you did, Cattie Goodman.
619
00:22:46,251 --> 00:22:48,721
So I-I guess you're probably gonna...
620
00:22:48,746 --> 00:22:50,715
look for a new school to fix, huh?
621
00:22:50,757 --> 00:22:52,159
Oh, good idea, Tam-Tam.
622
00:22:52,192 --> 00:22:54,394
Get me another feather in my cap.
623
00:22:54,426 --> 00:22:55,561
Call the district,
624
00:22:55,595 --> 00:22:57,718
tell them that Quinn's
ready to take the reins.
625
00:22:57,743 --> 00:22:58,983
Whatever it takes to make it
626
00:22:59,038 --> 00:23:02,693
so I don't have to come back
to this unholy lake of fire!
627
00:23:02,718 --> 00:23:05,605
Now, where are my write-up forms?!
628
00:23:05,637 --> 00:23:09,308
Because I swear to God,
when I finally find them,
629
00:23:09,342 --> 00:23:10,777
you will die!
630
00:23:10,809 --> 00:23:12,578
[Whispering] Now, be honest with me...
631
00:23:12,612 --> 00:23:15,081
- Brock's best friend, Hawk Remington...
- Oh, God.
632
00:23:15,114 --> 00:23:16,583
... is that me?
633
00:23:16,615 --> 00:23:19,619
- Probably. Probably, sure.
- [Chuckles] I knew it was me!
634
00:23:19,652 --> 00:23:24,051
And that scene where you and I tandem
para-glide over that topless beach...
635
00:23:24,076 --> 00:23:26,072
that is just classic Quinn and Loren.
636
00:23:26,097 --> 00:23:27,961
I mean, we've never done that before.
637
00:23:27,993 --> 00:23:30,797
- You take care of yourself, okay?
- Thank you, Tammy. I will.
638
00:23:30,829 --> 00:23:34,433
I swear to God, I am punishing
you so good right now...
639
00:23:34,467 --> 00:23:37,771
because you will never,
ever do this again!
640
00:23:37,804 --> 00:23:39,506
- Tammy, one more thing.
- Yes?
641
00:23:39,538 --> 00:23:42,442
Tam, the third-floor women's
[bleep] is clogged again.
642
00:23:42,474 --> 00:23:44,310
- Mm-hmm.
- And I think it was Julie.
643
00:23:44,352 --> 00:23:45,724
[Laughs]
644
00:23:45,749 --> 00:23:47,354
Julie did it.
645
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,882
Ooh. Crazy-ass bitch.
646
00:23:49,915 --> 00:23:52,284
Now, when can we expect a sequel?
647
00:23:52,317 --> 00:23:53,452
I am outlining.
648
00:23:53,486 --> 00:23:54,721
Quinn told me to come in here,
649
00:23:54,753 --> 00:23:56,655
but did I just see Cattie
drive across the lawn?
650
00:23:56,689 --> 00:23:59,492
Sounds about right.
Quinn's back in charge now.
651
00:23:59,525 --> 00:24:03,697
And that's why you're gonna
have to live in my house with me
652
00:24:03,730 --> 00:24:06,833
to have a positive male role model!
653
00:24:06,865 --> 00:24:08,104
He sounds angry.
654
00:24:08,129 --> 00:24:10,636
Oh, it's all for show. He's
in there, tickling Loren.
655
00:24:10,670 --> 00:24:11,671
- [Laughs]
- Right there.
656
00:24:11,703 --> 00:24:12,739
That's it, right there.
657
00:24:12,771 --> 00:24:14,673
Why don't you go on home?
658
00:24:14,707 --> 00:24:16,509
I'll get you off the hook.
659
00:24:16,541 --> 00:24:17,844
Thank you.
660
00:24:17,869 --> 00:24:19,779
[Sighs]
661
00:24:20,212 --> 00:24:21,848
[Sign clatters]
662
00:24:23,602 --> 00:24:25,125
_
663
00:24:25,188 --> 00:24:28,844
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
664
00:24:28,894 --> 00:24:33,444
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